N0PONY

by TheFVguy

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Cheerilee, Adventure, Slice of Life, Flash Sentry, Death, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 13663

Every musician who dies young has a story to tell. Unfortunately for Flash Sentry, it began after his "death" and meeting two aliens. His life became more bizarre after that.

Everyone knows the Rainbooms and their marvelous adventures, but few recognize the happenings in the background.

Especially, those involved with Flash Sentry. Despite believing to be remarkably unremarkable, a god had different plans for him.

One night, Flash met two aliens, one with feline anger issues and another with stupid secrets of the cosmos, whose crash landing ultimately killed him. His life became stranger after that, as the absurd and abstract leaked into his world—it fell upon him and these two weirdos to plug those leaks. Every musician who dies young has a story to tell and it was time for Flash to tell his.

Even if his fate was to remain in the background while everything kept stabbing him with one catastrophe after another. A story that might never be told. Truly an average experience for a nobody like him.

Published 2025-01-29 09:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-02-12 00:44:36 UTC

EPISODE 1

To the students who roam the school halls alone.

To the people unhappy in their skin.

To the dreamers who desire love and fantasy.

To the huggers of clothes in closets, pretending they were real humans.

To those who would bleed to escape reality. Desiring fantasy

I give you….

Beyond the magical fields of Equestria, lay a world empty of magic and hated by many gods. Within that realm, a legendary concert was once held.

The archangel's wings spread as he levitated from the stage, rain pouring down onto his universe. The roaring crowd cheered and chanted “PURPLE HAZE! PURPLE HAZE!” loud enough to rattle the stars in the night sky. Every drum pound was an earthquake and every shout rivaled a dragon’s cry, but his performance was unlike any other, for every guitar play felt like a Big Bang with a new world birthed from every strike. The moon smiled brightly at the music makers below them, captivated by the coming of a new world born from their rebellious orchestra.

1979’s Boomstock could only be described as biblical in nature and performance—a cultural milestone in music fanaticism that remains unmatched today.

In the middle of the sea of people was a blue-haired boy resting on his father's shoulders. Mesmerized by the Purple Haze’s angelic reputation, he tried to catch the legend’s attention by waving his arms.

As the legend’s guitar pick reached for the heavens, everyone silently stared at his newly bloomed wings. This was when his name was cemented in history. The moment he became a legend.

On August 15, 1979, a lightning bolt stabbed Purple Haze's heart and died from cardiac arrest at the age of 27.

The sound of a guitar riff woke a tired 15-year-old boy, followed by a robotic voice. “HEY-HEY-HEY! WAKE UP! TODAY IS September 15, 2014!” A Boston terrier named Banana was barking at the noise’s origins.

It was the seventh time Flash Sentry had that dream. And the seventh time he woke up with his sheets soaked with sweat.

“Flash!” called a deep soft-spoken voice from below, “School starts in an hour, get ready!”

Flash was annoyed at the fact this was the seventh morning he had to take a shower. Normally for this boy, showering when the moon shines is preferable, for it’s the best excuse to enjoy the hot water and daydream self-indulging fantasies.

Jeans, shoes, an empty white T-shirt, and his favorite jacket. Everything the boy needs for another school day. With every step closer to breakfast, he made sure not to step on any of his father’s old CDs in the living room, which Ol’ Wild Speed promised to clean up last week. Banana, being a dog, knocked down as many columns of CDs as he could.

Flash knew breakfast was ready when he heard the smoke alarm above the kitchen. “Did you have that dream again?” Asked his puzzled father noticing his wet hair.

“The same one where I was a kid witnessing my idol growing wings on stage before joining the 27 Club? Yup, and it was awesome. If only I could have been there. If only weird dreams were real.” Flash Sentry lamented while chewing on a burnt pancake.

“I saw a video that says dreams prepare us for the future. Maybe it’s not a fantasy, but preparing you for the future when you’re on stage!” He said enthusiastically.

“Doubt it.”

“Hey, no more do that! You won’t accomplish anything with that pessimism!” His father retorted, frustrated at the idea of having the same conversation almost every other day.

“Sorry, Dad.” Flash tried to mean it. “I’ll wash the sheets tonight.” He spoke as if following some routine. His father noticed.

“You’re sure it’s the concert dream, again? Or are the sheets wet from another exciting dream?”

“Dad!” shouted a tomato-faced Flash.

“Bagh, I’m teasing! Still, you’re at the age where your body goes through changes, so it’s fine—”

“D-dad, knock it off! I get it! Thank you! We’re eating, please!”

“Yeah, I know,” Wild Speed took a sip of his coffee, “but you’re wide awake now, ain'tcha?” Even if the living room was littered with music memorabilia and the kitchen cluttered with unclean dishes and cups—Flash could never get tired of his old man’s tricks. “It usually does,” he smiled genuinely, “You got some eggs in your beard, by the way.”

There was a legend that the lake behind downtown held a dangerous one-eyed creature that would drown and consume children. One day three kids past their bedtime ventured forth and attempted to hunt this creature for fame and money to buy new video games. As they got closer, they spotted what resembled a tall beast with two bulging wheel-sized eyeballs emerging from the lake, reaching closer to eat them! Two boys froze in place, and the other went to the water and realized it was no monster at all.

This story wasn’t of three boys hunting a beast, but of how Flash Sentry first found his bike. A story that lingered in his head as he fixed the bike’s chain back in place, “Come on, I don’t have enough to buy new parts for this thing, damn it!” Flash continued riding to Canterlot High School and hoped the teacher would be forgiving for being a brief minute late.

An embarrassing fact he often hides when telling the story is the idea of entering the water was not of bravery but hiding the fact he peed himself.

Any American high school student would tell you one of the worst parts of the experience is the constant demand to take notes on subjects you’ll never use in the future. For Flash Sentry, the solution was simple: copy definitions and important keys from the textbooks to trick the teacher into paying attention. And when he’s not looking, write lyrics to songs or doodle suns in the corner of pages.

“Now, while Dr. Stargazer was a very eccentric fantasy novelist dwelling in the occult,” explained Professor Kelp, failing to capture the attention of his bored students, “she was also a genius astrophysicist. Being the first in her field to officially establish a theory on the existence of parallel universes!”

Many giggles and whispering disturbed him, “Hey, what did I say? No gossiping in my class, alright?” he whined. Parallel universes. If only the substitute knew that most students in the school became aware of their existence. A certain unicorn from the magical land called Equestria where sentient ponies reign supreme saved this school not once, but twice. An infamous bully, now redeemed, originated from that realm and also rescued reality from collapsing. A magical alternative universe—a fictional concept became as real as the embarrassing fact Flash Sentry was romantically involved with both unicorns.

Well, from his point of view: one was one-sided and the other was never real in the first place.

Wincing on the odd tree of his love affairs, he ventures deeper into his thoughts. Ignoring the professor’s words and adventuring deeper into his notebook. Waiting for the bell to ring and for the day to end.

“Hey, bro!” Whispered a friendly voice that gave the boy goosebumps. Something that has been bothering him like an itch you cannot reach is his classmate, Brawly Beats. A kind soul, whose heart might be as well be as large as his muscles. “Ringo invited us to come over to his place, he said he found wacky purple fruit growing in his dad’s garden! We could order pizza later”

Flash never meant to befriend this person, or anyone for that matter. During the reign of magical sirens, reason and common sense decayed as hatred took over their minds. Under such a spell, Flash partnered with Brawly and Ringo, two classmates he had never talked to before, and formed the band Flash Drive to compete in a Battle of the Bands.

The thought of dumping himself butt naked in a pool of hungry piranhas emerged but quickly flew upon remembering the band name. He didn’t understand why they were even making such an effort to befriend him, it’s not like any of it was real.

“I’m good, man. I have plans.” Flash lied, forgetting again to make eye contact. A part of him felt embarrassed not hearing another reply, another felt relief. After the bell rang, he avoided him altogether—concluding that Ringo didn’t invite him at all, with Brawly taking pity on his loneliness once again.

Flash shivered. Looking down, he began avoiding stepping on the floor’s cracks to distract himself from the sudden cold.

Cannibalize the moon

Cannibalize the sun

I rather God eat the Earth

Then another moment with you!

“Ugh, this is awful.” He said to himself, tearing a page, crushing it, and lazily tossing it away. With his back lying gently on the wooden stage, the auditorium was his favorite spot during lunch, as he was too tired to be around people. Usually, he ate his food after school so that his father would feel approached, as they could not afford the daily school lunches. Not anymore.

A loud bang jolted Flash from his angst, making him hide behind the curtains as he heard the familiar voices of Canterlot High’s seven wonders.

“Rarity, for the twelfth dang’ time, I’m not interested in wearing some superhero doohickey!”

“Seriously, Applejack? We have superpowers now! Imagine us forming our group like the Power Ponies!”

“I don’t know, Rainbow Dash. I-I always try to help out but I’m more of a pacifist than a fighter.”

“As am I, darling! But entering a new realm of fashion and experimenting with those comic costumes is driving me with so many ideas! I can’t stop!”

“Make mine pink! Wait, no, that would give away my identity! Make it black and scary! Nah, not my style. How about—”

“Pinkie, we get it!” Joyfully exclaimed Sunset Shimmer, covering her friend’s mouth before she went on another 3-hour-long hyperfixation. “I’m sure we’ll figure out our powers eventually, right now we gotta focus on raising funds for Camp Everfree.”

“That aaand a lot of loose magic you said might be spreading onto this world” mentioned a worried Twilight Sparkle. This world’s Twilight.

They call themselves The Rainbooms, a band and, at this point, this school’s heroes. They stopped and redeemed a demon from taking over this school, defeated sirens from consuming this school’s hateful energy, saved both the magical and human worlds from collapsing, and stopped a cursed girl from trapping them in Camp Everfree.

As they laughed and planned out their tomorrows together, Flash recognized the sickening irritation again. It made him quietly upset, an emotion he feels terrible for feeling—a combination of pride for someone and longing for something she had.

That’s the key thing that Flash Sentry believed wholeheartedly that no matter what his advisors, classmates, or Uncle Braveheart said:

He had no friends.

Hearing the bell, he made his way towards the exit until he felt the gaze of Sunset like a warm hand reaching out. He refused to acknowledge it and marched forward to his next class.

As everyone ran off to their respective group, Flash approached comfortably to his bike, while searching through his backpack. A cold grilled cheese, a granola bar, and some apple slices. Same lunch as yesterday, but just the way he liked it.

Having cycled a bit further from his home, the boy rested on a bench hugging a tree in Mistmane Park, a small grass field with an old wooden playground. The bench he sat on resembled as if the bark was consuming the bench’s metal and wood—the same wood many of his kind were slaughtered for like a deskinned creature taking back the flesh that’s rightfully his. Either way, it’s his favorite place to sit and a popular landmark of the city.

Taking a break from listening to his favorite tracks on his phone, he ate his sandwich recognizing the scurry from the squirrels who called the tree their home. “Oh hey, it’s you two, again,” Flash said. The critters familiarly looked up, resting beside him, “Here, you can have bits of granola bar.” He gently placed some crumbs, “If my mom was still around she would have been terrified if she saw me with you guys.”

Flash Sentry laid back and stared at the sky, sensing the squirrels right next to him on the bench, expecting more food which he replied gladly. “I bumped into Sunset again. Ok, not really but in a way. I felt her staring at me and just... Ugh, still feels weird.”

The creatures paid no mind to the boy’s angst, continuously chewing on the food he’d been giving them. Flash told them how they made up at Camp Everfree, starting over as friends. But their first day out proved too awkward, yet he pushed forward to befriending her. One school day, however, he learned from Trixie Lulamoon that during their relationship she never loved him and used him to climb up the social ladder. Since that day, he started avoiding her, and that same night, he viciously berated himself for knowing her and cried himself to sleep. Thankfully he was over it, yet still couldn't muster the courage to greet her with a "Good morning!" now and then.

“Man, Purple Haze, Heart Box, and Stranger Door. Legends,” he said, shifting the topic. “They went on crazy journeys to get where they are—I can’t even describe the amount of shit they went through! It’s… It’s mythological!

“And what do I get? A life where every door to a magical world is possible only through talking to my ex,” he said, trying to shake Sunset out of his mind again. "Although, they all had trouble with relationships, so I might be on the right track. I think.

“But just imagine, Flash Sentry, on crazy adventures playing concerts in magical lands with unicorns and dragons!” He enthusiastically shouted before covering his mouth, making sure no one was around. “I don’t just wanna be a musician, I want to be the adjective people use when describing good music. I want to be known as the creator of that one song or album people praise. I want… I wanna go out having done something, you know? To make my dad proud.”

Flash quickly stood on his feet, briefly scaring the squirrels before resuming with the food, who have gotten used to this behavior, “SHIT! I forgot to get a present for Dad! Craaap, his birthday is in three days, there’s no time to order something online!” Getting on his bike he threw the granola at the grass. “You guys can keep it. Take it as a reward for listening to my ramblings again.” The squirrels stared graciously at their heavenly feast.

Before cycling away, Flash had one more hesitant thought to vent out, “All of those musicians, they all died super young, wouldn’t it be funny if—” He turned around and noticed an empty field.

The record store was closed, Pawnshop was too expensive, and the closest Evermart had a sale on music merchandise that was recently all sold out. With his face resting on his bedroom desk, Flash contemplated sleeping early today. He noticed he failed to fold his laundry and scattered items flooding his floor, his guitar being among them. Before placing it in its proper case, he felt a joyful spark in his brain. A song!

Musicians tend to have a habit where they are struck with amazing ideas, coming up with lyrics, and constantly repeating a melody in the hopes of never forgetting. Thankfully, Flash has written down every idea and recorded every string of his guitar since middle school, unfortunately, he has only made 2 songs in the past 3 years.

Strumming his electric guitar, The Crimson Mule, ideas flooded the room with exciting possibilities. With every strike, he felt his body vibrating in ecstasy, as he heard crackling thunder transformed into melodious pieces. No wonder a lot of famous guitarists felt like gods.

His father was never bothered by the noise, considering he was an infamous metalhead back in the 80s that caused a riot, it was only natural he introduced his son to thrashing beauty. However, his neighbors usually come over to complain.

For the first time today, Flash was bouncing and pouring out different ideas. He grabbed some stuff and ran towards the outdoors.

“Oye, Oye! Where are you going?” His father shouted, resting on the couch with a sleeping Banana watching an old movie.

His excitement paused with crippling anxiety replacing it, “Uh, heading to the cliff again.”

Wild Speed signed, “I don’t like you going there, it’s not safe.”

“Dad, it’s fine I’m not dumb to go near the edge. And besides I need to go, I have this great idea and it’s my com—“

“Yeah, I know— it’s your comfort spot and where you can make all the noise you want. Just watch your feet, ok?”

“I’ll be fine, Dad. I promise,” he said, tapping his foot repeatedly.

“Be back by 8, alright?”

“8, got it! Love you, Dad” Flash opened the door and ran off.

“Love you too son. Oh and Flash?!”

Hearing his father's shouts, he groaned the way back in annoyance, “Yeah?”

“I’m proud of you, you know that, right? Also, close the door before you leave”

Flash mentally kicked himself and smiled, “Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Dad.”

Reaching the beach’s parking lot, Flash can see the roaring hill of Celis Cliff, resembling a hunched-over giant, feeling the water splash between its rocky toes while flora flourished on its back.

Before he could play anything, he let the grass transform into a bed, watching the sun slowly descend to say hello to another country. The branches rattled from the wind, the nearby mushrooms bloomed covered by the fall's first orange leaves, and the rocks stayed as rocks. Flash took a deep breath and felt every muscle relax, looking at the sky with a large satisfied grin.

Flash had a specific picture for his first album cover, a man about to string his guitar jumping off this very cliff as thunder roared behind him, becoming the picture’s only source of light. He began flapping his hands when the thought emerged.

Given their financial situation, maybe a song could have been the best present he could offer.

Little lamb sinking cause he lost his step

Reaching closer to his eponymous death

Little lamb crying for Papa instead

The goat proving what it means to be AMONG MEN!

Flash joyfully crafts a striking thunderous chorus.

Greater strength for bones to break

There isn’t any beast he couldn't take!

With a Horns of iron serving as stakes

Killing the ocean is a… piece of cake?

Flash sat down and began tapping on his phone, reworking these lyrics to better suit his father’s musical taste. Scrolling to find the song, his eyes captured words he was assured were erased. He was about to erase it, but his curiosity got the better of him, and read through his most despised song. It was right after the events on Camp Everfree when he thought he could let the past die, get over Twilight Sparkle, and befriend Sunset.

Leading ladies, I'm happy where I stand

'Cause you're the superstars, and I'm a super fan, yeah

You're my heroes, you've got the master plan

So into you

The corniness was incredibly thick—it would make poppy love songs seem masterful by default.

He imagined a scenario as he read these lyrics, himself on the school’s stage, singing his heart out to these heroes—this band of magically powered heroines who saved him and everyone.

He imagined upon singing it, a machine created by Micro Chips, the school's smartest student, would go haywire and endanger the entire school. As usual, the robot would be stopped by the Rainbooms, but he also pictured himself helping. Sunset would lose her powered necklace in this fantasy, and Flash would save it and give it back just in time, becoming one of the heroes. One of them.

But that was some deluded nonsense, a stupid imagination that only a boy his age would come up with. Upon deleting the song, Flash felt relieved but still bitter. Getting an amazing view of the sunset was no help whatsoever.

He let go of his guitar and phone and stared into the coming night sky, waiting for the right time to return home and push through another lonely day in school. And in his relentless angst, he immaturely spouted:

“I wish God would just grab a gun, aim for the earth, and… shoot it.”

You might have a certain perception of this boy. That’s normal. As anybody would be reacting negatively towards a teenager pushing through a pitiful phase. Cursing or threatening a god is no different than screaming regretful titles at your parents. Many have been through this.

But what happened after was something that nobody would understand or comprehend. Flash saw a star far brighter than the others, almost blinding him with its light. Then it became alarming when he heard the sound of a roaring wind becoming louder.

Too bad for Flash Sentry, a god was listening.

The impact should have killed him; they could even have destroyed the entire town with its ripples of destruction alone, but Flash witnessed the bird-like machine pause before touching the ground, seconds away from causing impact. Even then, the winds nearly sent Flash flying before tumbling down the hill along with his bike. If it wasn’t for that pause, the explosion that followed afterward would have done worse than spraining his ankle.

But that shockwave affected him very little compared to everything else, as the astral world began leaking into the little itty bitty corners of reality.

The anxious shadow goblins became braver as people saw them more often in the corner of their eyes. The hourly rate of night shift workers increased because of the disturbance of raccoon men living at the bottom of dumpsters. The squirrels Flash Sentry fed went to their woodland council and decided for him to be one of the good ones as preparation for their invasion began. Rookie government agents kidnapped Professor Kelp in fear of spilling parallel universal secrets. Giant cosmic heffalumps soar through the solar system but are too big for us to notice. The odd purple fruit Ringo's father was growing began pumping out tiny invisible necrophilic squids. Bozozo, an odd giant wizard, felt the outer presence of something in his homeworld from another universe, growing wary as he consumed another unicorn.

It was as if an abandoned setting of reality was switched on—with fate’s synchronicity shifting into a malleable state.

And the epicenter of this astral disaster was conveniently the entity emerging before Flash Sentry.

A tall human-like entity lifted a giant piece of its ship as if it were styrofoam, its entire body shadowed by the flames behind it. Its head was large, almost resembling some Lovecraftian feline monstrosity with large sharp needle-like claws growing out of its skull. Its four eyes scanned its new environment until one pointed daggers at the poor boy.

Picking up his bike, he hysterically peddled down the hill, dodging any trees he could while shouting profanely because of his injury.

“That boy saw us, didn’t he, Hugo?” Spoke the shadow, sounding dignified and educated.

“Why do I have the feeling you want me to take the poor kid in?” Another creature said with a rough and rusty voice.

“It’s of absolute importance that our existence remains untold. You accomplish that, while I check if this universe has the anomalous lake we desire.” Like a snake, the top of the shadow’s head slithered away at a horrific speed faster than any human eye could see.

Dying of breath, legs tiring, he leaned forward to give himself a boost. Flash had ridden the path plenty of times, but never on Death's doorstep. First unicorns, magic, parallel universes, a talking dog, and now aliens? There has to be something wrong with this town and it's a strange invitation for the bizarre.

He can’t deal with this alone, who can he tell? The police, no they’re useless with the supernatural and his father has a criminal record. The government? That’s risking being watched his whole life. Sunset Shimmer? What other choice does he have?! Sure, they’re “friends”, but that won’t erase the awkward tension whenever they're in the same room.

Flash winced, trying to shake away these thoughts to focus on the main task: Aliens are real and he could die by dissection, becoming food, or being taken away from Earth altogether. The only people he knows who can handle this situation and take care of these extraterrestrials are the Rainboo—

A tree branch said hello to him. Its greeting smacked him in the head, a cruel gesture of the universe to wake him up from his suppressed frustration, proving it to be too effective.

As he heard his bike fall down the hill, Flash lacked the energy to scream, everything in his body was in agony and soon his mind grew fearful as the sounds of crunching grass became louder. Staring into this creature’s right eye was the equivalent of entering a green mansion of endless nightmares. He looked small, no shorter than a child, but from Flash’s perspective, he might as well be a giant, with enough strength to lift himself.

As the child drifted into unconsciousness, Flash Sentry was dead.

Not in the corporeal sense, but in the idea that his purpose has shifted from mundanity to something eldritch.

Ever since the battle between Midnight Sparkle and Daydream Shimmer, magic has been pouring more into the realm of men and while it fell under Sunset’s responsibility to minister it, there were strange places that were beyond her reach—these held Equestrian magic and mythic anomalies that can only be seen through leaks of mankind’s barrier of normalcy.

It’s this night when these two creatures meet Flash, the boy who’ll sacrifice his sanity and humanity to confront the weirdness of the town. Of this planet! Of this Universe! Of this Multiverse and beyond!

These are the stories of how three nobodies combat and converse with the strange.

These are the stories of N0PONY.

Author's Note

Welcome to N0PONY! If you're reading this then you are part of a small number of readers that wish to see the stories of these nobodies! Thank you for reading and hope you stay on this journey!

EPISODE 2

A gibbon quizzically played the banjo, a chimpanzee wielded the bass, a talented orangutan struck a violin’s strings, and a gorilla strummed an acoustic rhythm. An ensemble of creatures gathered on the cold desert night, summoning the arrival of humanity's most ancient deity.

Their song’s volume grew and grew until it took the form of hooks pulling their shining god from the darkness, but it wasn’t enough. A naked Flash Sentry arrived with his electric guitar, Crimson Mule, and strummed a metallic crescendo that gave birth to a new day.

Their goddess appeared. Her blazing hair and cyan horse eyes stared at the human who had brought her to the realm of apes. Staring at him like a praying mantis, her finger glowed and dragged the boy magically closer until they were inches closer.

She whispered in his ear, “Wake up, Flash.”

He groaned as his blurry vision was slowly becoming clear, but later shouted upon feeling the pain of his leg whose shattered ankle caused it to face the opposite direction. He screamed in pain and horror, feeling his blood-soaked pants and panicking as he couldn't feel his left foot anymore, soon it was all followed by awkward loud laughs.

Flash scanned his surroundings and realized he was sprawling on a cold metallic table, in a room that resembled a doctor’s office. The office in question resembled one for a child, whose only architectural inspiration was early retro-futuristic postcards. The cabinets above were metallic silver sacs fused into the ceiling, and below a table littered with strange tools and neon-colored liquids.

Flash Sentry wished for a magical adventure in his life story. However, instead of a magical blue star in the sky, it was a monkey’s finger curling inward.

Faintly, outside the room, he heard large stomps that would make elephants shriek approaching closer to the door. With a broken leg, Flash's fate fell under these bizarre entities. Looking for an exit, the room didn't help ease his stress—the sharp tools and boiling beakers made him quiver with horrible ideas and almost made him cry like a scared abandoned puppy.

‘Think! Think! What do these extraterrestrials want? To harvest his human organs? To keep him as a pet? To harvest his insides THEN turn him into a pet?’ His mind filtered through many escape plans, hoping at least the Rainbooms would come and save him, but nobody would hear him scream. ‘Think, Aliens. UFOs. AREA 51. INVASION. COWS. cows? COWS!’

His eyes remained shut, as the thing forcefully kicked his way in. “THE PRESIDENT IS IN WASHINGTON D.C. AND HIS COLLECTION OF WAGYU BEEF IS HIDDEN WITHIN AREA 51!!”

Shutting his eyes off, hating himself for those last words and accepting death, Flash was surprised he wasn't in agonizing pain but instead heard an uncomfortable silence.

“If that impact gave you brain damage, I’m destroying this earth’s moon.” said a rusty voice.

Opening his eyes he was presented with the most unsettling and bizarre creature he had ever seen. It looked like a blue deformed cat with unkempt fur and anthropomorphized to a lesser extent. With him, he was carrying a large blue blanket. “Glad you woke up sooner, I was worried Craz would be feeding you birdseed or other crap by now.” Flash couldn’t help but stare at his fox-like tail sewed to his body, similar to the sewed patch on his chest. “Wish we had some shit to ease your pain, but we ain’t fragile like you humans. Best we got is Craz’s hallucinogen collection.”

The alien hopped onto the table to reach the attached cabinets, sloppily searching for a specific item, uncaring to the clanking metals and tinkling glass. “Here we are!” He tightly hugged a nearly empty glass bottle, filled with a viscous orange liquid. “This oughta fix you up!”

Hopping on the bed, Flash released jagged, short breaths as his fear quickly returned. He noticed the creature's right emerald eye being more human than alien. “Drink up!” The creature enthusiastically said, handing him a bottle of what resembled honey.

“Is this gonna… kill me?!” He asked terrified.

“If you eat everything with it, probably.”

“No please, what even is it?”

“Kid, just drink it,” he ordered.

Flash followed suit and was surprised to taste the exact flavor of maple syrup. He was bewildered, but soon felt the wave of relaxation hit his body like a strike of a thousand cold pillows killing any ounce of stress. That feeling vanished after 10 seconds. Waking up from his trance, he was shocked to find his leg fully repaired. He curled his toes finding no traces of pain left—replaced by a normal aching sensation. He looked at the creature that cured him with skepticism.

“That’s wood-fired maple syrup using dead timberwolves as firewood. Name’s Hugo by the way.” He said with a tired smile.

“You-you killed wolves and used their flesh to make that?” Asked a disturbed Flash.

“No, it's just regular maple syrup. It's heated using their flesh" He stumbled a bit " NOT real flesh, they are literally ‘timber’ wolves.”

“...”

“They’re made of wood, it’s an Equestrian thing,” Hugo said bluntly.

“Oh, ok… wait, Equestria?” Asked Flash, but before it could be answered a loud slam from the door made him bounce. The room’s new guest was another weirdo that Flash found more intimidating.

“Hugo! Has our guest woken up—Oh, there he is.” The man exclaimed. Flash stared at who might be the tallest man he had ever seen—if it was a man under all those bandages, giving them an impression of having an invisible body underneath them all. The first thing that puzzled him was how he heard him so clearly when even his face was obscured by them. The second were his pitch-black eyes, floating above his face resembling an old cartoon from the 30s, including the iconic gloves.

The bandaged man reached for the pockets of his trench coat, lifting a large hammer that couldn’t have fit in there. “I was about to wake our guest with this, but I researched the likelihood of him gaining brain damage was around 89.3%”

Flash’s heart nearly stopped. “Damn it, Craz!” Hugo said, having slapped the back of his head, “You’re traumatizing the kid!”

“I hear trauma builds character in a child so the possibility of this being a positive development. Might be—“ There was a clicking coming from his pockets. “Oh, never mind. I got a bit too excited learning how amazing human fragility is," Craz said inquisitively, removing his hat and impossibly dropping the big mallet inside like a portal.

Craz reached towards his coat and pulled out a vinyl record and what appeared to be a remote, “Some good news, by the way, the key wasn't damaged during the crash. Bad news is repairing the Kismet might take a few months, but given we also lack the materials, maybe years.” He checked the remote, pressing a few buttons, "That is unless we break into a highly secured government facility, which while easy could expose—"

"I get it!" Hugo groaned, irritated at Craz’s lengthy explanation. Despite the odd interaction before his eyes, Flash’s goals shifted the instant he saw that record, for his eyes settled on a rare treasure by many music fanatics and historians.

The perfect gift for his father, “Holy shit!”

“Hmm? You know this record?” Craz asked.

“Know it? Every musician worships it!” Flash with the widest grin, “There’s only like 50 out there and most were destroyed by the band members after fighting over writing credit! The only copy that sold in the market was a damaged copy that a singer snorted cocaine from! It sold for over $890,000! It’s considered the holy grail by collectors, how did you manage to get one?!”

“Stole it from Walmart,” Craz said bluntly.

Flash’s excitement was decimated when realizing who he was raving to, “Uh… What’s a Walmart? Wait, sorry! Never mind that!” Flash’s eyes darted toward the open door. He impatiently sat up with his fingers rapidly tapping the table, “Um, do you guys have a bathroom I can use? Cause I really need it right now!” He exclaimed, sweating like a man trapped in a steaming coffin.

“Oh sure, but first let’s forget about this little meeting… quickly” Craz reached inside his trench before being pulled away by Hugo with their backs turned.

"Hold on!" shouted Hugo. Despite their whispering, he could still make out a few words.

“I don’t… Just a kid…”

“…Feel a thing… it’ll…”

“Looks wrong… machine…”

“You… gun…”

How can one react when hearing a large man with a trench coat mentioning a gun? Logically, be skeptical. Behaviorally, run. Leaping from the table, he grabbed the record and leaped towards the door, splashing the odd liquids toward the aliens.

“AUGH! HE TOOK OUT MY ONE GOOD EYE!” Screamed the cat.

Upon leaving what could have been his deathbed, he found himself in a long yellow hallway of doors with pipes sprouting from the walls. He opened every door hoping for an exit, yet only found rooms filled with boxes, another with various television screens, one with an infinite bookshelf, and another with an upside-down toilet bowl facing him. Flash would swear on his life that thing was staring back at him. He would have gone mad if the adrenaline wasn’t pumping into his body.

He felt relief as the night's cold breeze brushed over his skin, hinting at an exit nearby, but was quickly taken away upon hearing a far-off scream from the bandaged alien. “He took WHAT?!”

Following the autumn frost, he found the large crash hole and flaming debris. Despite them meaning harm, he mentally thanked the creatures for the syrup giving him a boost no energy drink or stimulant could. He hysterically climbed the crater the ship created, using shards of rock sticking out of the dirt as steps. He ignored the minor cuts it gave to his fingers.

Finally, out of hell's doorstep, he turned in case they were pursuing him and witnessed the ship staring back at him. He remembered its brief bird-like appearance before crashing but never expected its only avian feature and the ship as a whole being a vulture's head. Metal plates were bolted into its skin with its torn old flesh protruding out in leaks. He looked at the empty eye socket, in the black smoke pouring he faintly saw a dark figure coming out.

His speed increased with each step running down the cliff till he attempted to slow down, not wishing to have another broken leg. Using the trees kept his balance but fortunately, in some cruel joke by the universe, he tripped. On his bike.

Leaning on the family car, Flash’s breath could be mistaken for a hissing teapot. Exhausted and sweating, he limped towards the open garage door, hiding the record behind some boxes of tools and instruments, just in case for the worst outcome.

Just as expected, the bright light shining over him confirmed it, “Never mind, Silverstar, he’s home. Yeah, me too. Alright, thanks.” Wild Speed closed his call, before grabbing his son's jacket by pulling him into the house.

“Flash, por el amor de Dios! Where the hell were you?! Do you have any idea what time it is!?” His father shouted in a mix of relief and anger.

“Look, Dad. I’m sorry, it’s hard to—“

“Jesus Christ, what the hell happened to you?” Speed grabbed his son's arms and noticed the little bruises. “All over your face too, why are you so sweaty?!”

“Dad, I’m fine!”

“Good God, did you get into a fight?”

“No! No, it wasn’t a fight!”

“But who the—Was it that Sunset girl?!” Shouted an annoyed Speed.

“No, what—Come on, Dad! Really?!”

“Yeah, I know she’s ‘changed’, but who else could have done this?! Oh no, tomorrow I’m calling that principal to finally expel that girl!”

“I didn’t interact with her at all for a month! I wasn’t even in a fight!”

“Then why the hell did you come home at 9:00 all bruised up?!”

“CAUSE I WAS GETTING YOUR PRESENT, OK?!”

His father was taken aback, the silence nearly exhausting Flash till his last breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to scream.”

Flash dropped himself on the couch, “I saw a good gift for you at the pawn shop but it was closing and I saw the owners taking away with them some of the stuff”

“Those Flim Flam brothers?” Speed asked, “I hear they’re a bunch of scammers.”

“Yeah I know, but…” Flash repeatedly tapped his foot, “They had this one item that when I saw it I knew you deserved it. So I… I followed them.”

“You followed them?” Said a baffled Speed.

“They lived much further than I thought and riding on a bike all the way there wasn’t a good idea. In the end, I made it. I got the item at a good price, so sucks to be them. Obviously, I got lost on the way back, so I had to talk to some randos and hope for the best. I must have hit something, I think it was a hole, I don’t know, it made my bike go PLOCK! And here I am!” Flash refused to look into his father’s eyes and hoped for his gamble.

“…Son… You-You didn’t have to go that far, really?” asked baffled Speed, as Flash briefly signed in relief.

“I know… but, I like to think it was worth it. It was.. really scary doing all that by myself” Flash said, honesty pouring in.

His father sat down and comforted him, layers of guilt filled Flash up and the memories poured in on the encounter no ordinary human had ever faced. Whatever wonderland he ventured in, he was grateful he didn’t return insane.

Tears poured out, as the boy hugged his father like a scared child. The memories flooded back from the alien cat, the tall man, and the avian ship. He received the first taste of a reality-breaking adventure, and the sip was enough for his tongue. Maybe the ordinary was where he belonged, maybe being in the background of the Rainbooms’ adventures was enough.

Maybe Flash Sentry was safe in this life.

After letting his emotions out, Flash showered and was grounded, no more going up Celis Cliff for the time being. Staring at the ceiling of his room, nearing the edge of slumberland, Flash had 3 epiphanies:

One. His current mission was to tell the Rainbooms about this matter. Hugo, the cat, spoke of something Equestrian in origin, so they should manage these magical problems while sitting comfortably away from it.

Two. This town was far from a normal one, there must be an explanation for the bizarre and magical attraction it had. Perhaps that’s something he could learn on his own.

Three. The final epiphany took him by surprise as the magical pony nature of Sunset and her home should have shattered this perspective long ago: God isn’t real. Shutting his eyes, Flash Sentry wished not to visit church this Sunday.

….

His sleep lasted a good 30 seconds because the fourth new realization punched him harder than anything today. A terrifying and horrible thought that he’s convinced was karma for wishing for something greater than himself.

The poor boy lost his guitar.

His eyes were red, as Flash felt he had recently lost a limb or a part of his soul, with not even food filling it. “You’re alright, son? Didn’t get enough sleep last night?” He didn’t have the guts to explain it. “By the way? Where’s your guitar?”

Flash paused, his mind was screaming ideas, “I must have left it in the garage last night… I was pretty dazed and tired.”

“Oh, alright. I keep forgetting to close that damn door before night. Speaking of being dazed, I got the perfect solution to fix that!” His father poured some of the coffee into Flash’s mug, dipping a bit in milk and swirling it, “Maybe a bit of coffee could wake you up! There’s some sugar on the counter if it’s too bitter.”

Flash stared at the dark drink before him, seeing his poor reflection contemplating today's direction. Maybe this was the kind of energy he needed, it was about time for his new conviction to start fresh and become a man.

He carefully grabbed his mug and sipped.

No matter how much water he drank, the burning sensation wouldn’t leave. Walking down the school hallway during lunch hours he spotted Sunset continuously writing in her special journal that Flash could tell she was talking to. Must be something Equestrian he thought.

As he approached her, he felt a heavy weight on his chest, pulling him away from speaking. With a heavy breath, he closed in. “Star Swirl’s lost journal?! You have gotta spill every single detail, Twilight!” He heard her excitedly talking to the journal. Yes, definitely something Equestrian.

“Uh, mhm. Hey, Sunset!”

Startled, she turned to see somebody she never thought would speak to her. “Flash! It’s been a while!” She said surprised.

“Ye-yeah, it sure has,” Flash said, the uncomfortable parasite refusing to leave whenever they're around.

“Everything… ok?”

“Yeah? Well, no. Not exactly. Look something happened and—”

“FLASH SENTRY!” Announced the school intercom, “REPORT TO VICE-PRINCIPAL LUNA’S OFFICE PLEASE!”

If the universe hated him, he would claim this moment as evidence. Standing there for a couple of minutes he turned and marched away, feeling his face sinking into his skin.

Entering the vice-principal's office was always unusual—it was always dark and dreary as if the moon rested within this office during the day, the number of moon-like shapes decorating her office gave him the impression she drank far more coffee in the morning than regularly. Far more than he ever would in his life.

“Vice-principal Luna?” He announced himself as she signaled him to come in, her laptop illuminating her irritated face. Upon looking at him, she changed her hunched posture to more professional.

“Flash, please take a seat. You’re not in trouble, just something I wish to review with you regarding last week’s survey.” She spoke elegantly while Flash took his seat. “It says here that you’re unsure what to do after you graduate, which I find odd considering last year you were sure to have a career in music.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking maybe it’s best as a hobby? I can do the survey again and give you what you’re looking for!” He said impatiently, which Luna noticed.

“You understand that isn’t what I’m- Oh, hold on.” She exclaimed upon hearing her phone notification, before groaning and marching towards her windows. “Sorry for this, by the way.” She opened her blinds and released a painful light into the room that could particularly blind any night owl.

Flash saw Celestia with a satisfied grin outside walking away triumphantly, her phone in her hand. “Ugh, I must apologize. I lost a bet against my sister and now I must keep my blinds open all week. I hope it’s not too bothersome.

“The main reason I’ve called you here is because I’m worried about you, Flash Sentry. The last previous semesters you’ve been such a shining beacon of school spirit and I’ve noticed you’ve been much quieter lately. I haven’t seen you perform for some time and the school loves your music.” Flash Sentry convinced himself that was a lie. “You were so determined to enter a college to further learn music, yet now you seem more unsure lately.”

Flash sunk further into his seat, knowing he was going to be here for a while and miss his opportunity. The last thing he felt he needed was another lecture on his pointless future.

Fortunately or more the opposite, he saw a strange event outside the window. A walking trash can with little feet and hands, moving by itself in view and what appeared to be binoculars peeking from the lid. It was looking directly at him.

“Furthermore!” Luna added, waking up from what Flash hoped was a daydream. “I noticed your grades are quite excellent, any school in the state would be more willing to accept you. If I could only… Oh, for the love of-!” She said, struggling and clicking various links on her laptop.

“Again, I’m sorry. We had a new update on the school’s grade system and it’s been… difficult… to navigate.” Luna said.

“It’s ok, take all the time you need…” He said, still as a statue. His eyes were stuck in a staring contest against the walking trash can, which later tipped over. Emerging from the unseen ground was something that made Flash’s body strangle his breathing, as the two aliens from last night rose and argued with one another. Whatever it was they were arguing, it involved him given that they were pointing at him constantly. While stopping them was beyond his power, reporting it to a figure of authority seems like the most eloquent solution right now. The only one.

“Um, Vice Principal Luna?”

“Don’t worry, I’m close to getting the hang of this!” Luna said, failing to reassure the paranoid Flash.

Before the cat could smack Craz for his clumsiness, he paused and pointed to someone causing Craz and Flash’s eyes to be as wide as plates. Professor Cranky Doodle, during a phone call, was staring at both the aliens, unsurprisingly dumbfounded. The teacher was seen typing on his phone as Hugo seemingly tried to plead with him.

What followed suit would horrify any human being, as he saw Craz reach towards his coat and shoot his Social Studies teacher in the head. There was no sound and the “bullet” was more of a laser that resembled the length of a snake, phasing through the teacher’s head.

From Flash’s perspective, its fangs might as well have melted its brain. These aliens wanted to kill him, kill everyone! And they know his school.

“Flash?”

It was too late to seek comfort in the background, it was impossible to escape the black hole he found himself in. Never has he seen a man die in front of him, much less would the Rainbooms. That is if he had time to tell them of this new threat.

“Flash!”

As the creatures dragged Cranky Doodle’s body away, there was a strange excitement securing his curiosity. Something a lunatic would call perverted. Is there a slight chance that him stopping this “invasion” and saving humanity were the keys to securing his name in the history books?

“FLASH!”

Waking up from his trance, an annoyed Luna frowned before him, “Were you even paying attention to what I was saying?”

“I… Um, yeah. My grades are-are good and I’m… I’m sorry, Vice Principal Luna! I have to go!”

“Excuse me?”

“I just can’t be here right now” He pulled his backpack close and started marching out. “Really, I’m sorry!”

“Flash Sentry, wait!” She ordered him to stop, in an astonishingly loud voice. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but—” She took a deep breath. “Something is clearly troubling you and so I would like to set an appointment for you to visit the guidance counselor next Wednesday, is that fine?” She said calmly.

“Uh, yeah. Maybe that’s what I need right now!” He eagerly approached the door, hoping what he said would end the conversation.

“Alright then, and before you go I would like to give you one last piece of advice” Flash’s hand was impatiently waiting to turn the door knob. “If you see an opportunity, Flash, something that’ll push you in the right direction, that unlocks that full potential you carry. Don't hide from it, run towards it.”

And running he did as his life depended on it while several students stared at him quizzically. Reaching the elegant and professionally organized dusty library, he ran up the stairs and ventured through the many bookshelves, finding a little haven where he could finally relax. Despite hearing the bell ring, for the first time, Flash decided to cancel classes for himself, especially when his life was on the line.

“Excuse me!” Shouted an outside startling the boy, “Didn’t you hear the bell, young man? Get to your class immediately!”

“Yes, Miss Cheerilee, sorry!” Flash replied, as the teacher tirelessly pushed a cart of books. Wonderful, now he has to leave, otherwise he could get in serious trouble, but does that matter when his brain could be melted by a laser pistol? Massaging his head he ran through various possible premises: Telling the Rainbooms outright a teacher was dead might be the right queue, but maybe it was better in private. The announcement of a dead teacher would make others panic. Yet, keeping it to himself would be unfair as this threat proved far more fatal than previous magical conundrums. Would announcing publicly be the right call? Should he run to the office and scream at the intercom? Should he face these aliens on his own? Would Sunset notice him if he does?

Flash grabbed the nearest book in hopes of finding some way to ease his stress, and while Robotics 101 and History of Mythical Insects didn’t help ooze his interest, the yearbook of 2012 certainly did.

Scrolling through the pages he saw the one photo he was in, him and Sunset dancing at the Fall Formal, the first one she won. He remembered dancing with her and being so blissfully in love that Cupid’s arrow would phase through him. He used to tell himself that after graduating he would marry Sunset Shimmer, if only he realized how stupidly premature being in love made you.

Closing the book in irritation he spotted a loose piece of paper hanging from inside the book’s end pages. Carefully ripping the endpapers from the board, he loosened it free and was flabbergasted at its particular writing. He stared at it for a while and failed to recognize the language, he was far from an expert but a detail that caught him off guard was how its letters resembled horseshoes.

“The hell is this?” He asked himself.

“Hmm, looks like an Old Ponish riddle”

“Old Ponish? What is thaaaaaaaaaaa…..” He turned around and saw the creatures that haunted him all night.

“Yo,” Craz said, throwing a peace sign while Hugo was resting on his shoulders ready to pounce on unfortunate prey.

EPISODE 3

“How do you know the boy goes to this school?” Hugo asked while chewing on a moldy hot dog.

It’s been more than 24 hours since they arrived in this universe and spying on teenagers going to school behind rough bushes and piles of leaf litter was nowhere on Hugo's mental list of predictions. He had to admit that being around humans around the coming of Autnum gave him a nostalgic serenity, which couldn't be shared with his tall companion. “His jacket was very worn and his shoes lost their shine. Given how old he looked and this being the city’s only public high school—I say that narrows it down quite a bit.” Exclaimed Craz, trying to find their target with a set of binoculars.

“That combined with spying on kids makes you look like the kind of creep I used to beat up in neighborhoods,” Hugo said amused, continuously eating while the leaves tickled his back.

“Oh, put yourself in a blender, will you? The entire structure of creation depends on us finding this boy. If he even remotely alludes to our existence to someone else, we can kiss ourselves goodbye. Alongside all of creation!” He exclaimed frustratedly.

“That and he has our only key off this little world."

“Speaking of which, this place does seem a bit familiar,” Craz proceeded to inspect every student near the entrance. “I’ve heard of a world from Equestrian Records that told of a parallel universe inhabited by intelligent apes. I knew they were referring to human beings, but couldn't imagine their skin to be of various color spectrums like the ponies.”

“Yeah, super interesting,” Hugo sarcastically stated, then realized he was eating his hand. “Blegh! Well my distraction is gone, I’m stealing more garbage.” Hopping off his bed of leaves he tried sneaking over a fence.

“WAIT! Spotted him!” Craz stopped his friend by grabbing his tail. His eyes targeted the boy who was desperately drinking from a water bottle, throwing it to the nearest can, but not making its landing. He noticed the boy's disappointment. “Heh, if only he knew the science behind trash-throwing, huh Hugo? … Hugo?”

There was a small silence as Craz realized he was grabbing hold of air and sat down behind his bush, writing down in a little journal. “Maybe he’ll inhabit his precious dumpsters and finally leave me alone.” He said, writing down his findings.

EXPLORATION LOG 02 EQUUS-15
Subject-15-01 is a blue-haired male appearing to be of Hispanic descent and has stolen our Record Key. From what I've seen this appears less as an alternative Equestria and more as an alternative Earth. Yet, its human beings share names and colors consistent with those of Equestrian ponies.
Its lunar and seasonal cycles are similar to Earth's, along with its native solar system. However, I have accounted for a peanut-shaped planet a few light years away observable using our Cornea-Refractor Telescope before it broke into pieces 7 hours after our crash.
Hugo continues accompanying me and my expeditions. Despite his human eye being out of commission for a few minutes, his temporary rage didn't conclude with the idea of beating our thief senselessly.
.....
I wonder if human anatomy is similar on the inside to Earth's Humans. A date for a possible dissection will be scheduled.

“You do that and I'll squeeze your body into mush,” Hugo said bluntly, scaring the pants off of Craz—literally. His sweatpants began hopping away until Craz grabbed them before any human could see them.

Putting them on he stared at Hugo frustratedly, “Don't do that! I was very specific and thorough that these pants are semi-sentient and difficult to kill!"

"You know what else will be difficult to kill. These people are under my watch! Don't get any stupid ideas—"

"Hugo! I'm offended that you would believe in myself involved in harming these humans. I may not agree with everything you taught but one thing I still hold dear from your teachings is your sacredness of life." Hugo's anger ceased for a bit and felt warmingly touched by his friend's words, "Which is why I was leaning more towards grave-robbing! That way no one gets hurt!" Hugo's face scrunched in disappointment.

Craz puzzlingly noticed how Hugo brought an entire trash can, "Why did you have to bring the whole can? Are you that addicted to this stuff?” Hugo looked at the garbage he stole and stared at Craz with a smug smile. A terrifying grin that he was all-too-familiar with.

If the binoculars didn’t have 163 different vision settings, they could have instantly lost Flash once he entered the school.
“Come on, kid. Just ask the girl out, what’s the worst that can happen.” Hugo said, spying on him from inside the trash can, standing on the shoulders of his bandaged friend.

“If he’s talking to a girl, might as well take her out too as with every wasted second we're putting our existence more at risk of being vaporized!” Complained a frustrated Craz, whose body was bent over enough to fit inside, his feet and fingers tiptoeing the entire canister following Flash outside the school.

“I doubt he was gonna say anything about us. The last thing he would want is to look insane in front of his crush. More further to the right!” Hugo commanded.

“Of all the worlds we had to explore, why this one? I've studied enough human culture from their gods to their large utensils! There has to be reason why a human world exists in this cosmic structure!"

“There’s always more to humans than what it seems. Besides, you played the record and the ship crash-landed us here. For the fifth time by the way.”

“It wasn’t like that the first time.”

“It was for the rest! Hmm, kid’s going to some room. Oh, conveniently it’s the window right in front of us. Strange.” He said, perplexing his mangled friend. “Kid’s in the vice-principal room filled with Moon stuff.”

“Wait, there’s a vice-principal? I thought schools were run by one principal that children would vote for yearly.”

“That's a government system for entire countries, not schools! You would know this if you didn't decide to drop out!"

“That was 52 years ago! And never looked back since!” He said proudly.

“Agh, whatever! Crap, kid spotted us!”

“Ok, time out!” Craz exclaimed, pushing himself out and knocking Hugo out of the can. “Ahh, I hate small spaces.”

“You idiot! We’re out in the open!”

“Nobody looks behind the bleachers, the only people who hang out here are girls ready to disperse their boyfriend’s atoms into lunch boxes”

“Oh, that’s why your homeroom teacher was arrested.” He said scratching his furry chin. “Ugh, focus! This was why you shouldn’t have run away—you know what’s inside black holes and outer galaxies or some other crap, but will be stressed and go on a 3-hour-long tangent over how a spork works!”

“Well, some father you turned out to be! It took me 5 years to get rid of everything of that garbage taste! I didn't know what ice cream tasted like until I tried it without fish ribcages!”

“If you lived what I’ve been through, you could have learned-“

“Oh, here we go again! Classic Hugo Slash!”

“Don’t disrespect me like that, Cra….Zzzzzzzz….” Before he could knock some sense into his wayward son, he was met with the unfortunate sight of a withered-looking teacher’s frightful stare. "Um, look. This may seem a little strange—" Hugo said attempting to calm him down, until he began hysterically typing on his phone. "No! Don't call anybody!"

Craz took a deep breath and reached towards his coat, “Craz?! Wait, nononono! NOT NOW!!” Hugo screamed until he met the human’s collapsed body gunned down by his wayward son. “By the almighty stars! What’s wrong with you!?”

“He saw us!” Exclaimed a panicked Craz.

“Yeah, but don’t shoot him out in the open! Damn it!” Hugo scooped him up and dragged the professor's body by his shoulders, “Help me out!” He ordered Craz as he began carrying his legs.

The two oddballs made their way behind a unique set of bleachers famous in Canterlot High for having the most gum stuck under its boards. Craz insisted on dropping him here anywhere and making a break for it, but it only infuriated his feline friend more.

“Here’s a good spot!” Shouted Hugo, as they neared behind some bleachers, positioning the unfortunate professor as if he was slacking off.

Their relief was suddenly interrupted as the school bell rang and the doors to the field slammed open with a teacher yelling out instructions. “Quick! In here!” The cat slithered his way inside a vent that even a raccoon would find difficult to maneuver through.

Before he could join his father, Craz reached towards his pockets and popped a pillow and an empty alcohol bottle for Cranky Doodle—lifting his head and assuring he was comfortable. As he was about to enter the vent, he stopped and groaned. Drawing closer to the teacher again, he replaced the bottle with a juice box instead. While he inhumanly contoured his body and pushed himself further into the tiny vent, Principal Celestia walked towards the bleachers, assured she heard something peculiar, but was surprised to see only Cranky Doodle sleeping under the seats.

“Mr. Cranky Doodle! Shouldn’t you be teaching American History right now?!” Exclaimed a baffled Celestia, waking up the poor man from a confusing slumber.

“Wha-what… What happened?” He said feeling a painful headache.

In cinema, there’s this strange myth that ventilation systems perfectly sustain space for human bodies to maneuver through. Fortunately for Craz, his head was the only part that wasn’t squished in the dusty, mice-packed vents. His tiny toes pushing himself forward were the only way for his abnormal body to move. “Please, for the love of a billion so-called gods! Tell me the next room is empty!”

A comfortable, stealthy Hugo, turned to face his whining son, “It’s not that bad, Craz. This place even comes with free snacks!” Hugo explains jokingly while slurping on a mouse’s tail making his son recoil in disgust. Continuing their path and squishing dust bunnies, they found a vent leading to a library. Barely anybody was present minus a teacher and a certain blue-haired boy. “He found our kid! Looks like he just ran a marathon—he’s sweating faster than Zan-Zanak in the summer.” He exclaimed.

“It’s rude to speak ill of our criminally insane acquaintances, Hugo,” He remarked. “Besides, he did see us shoot someone in the head, which I researched to have severe effects on a young man’s mental state,” Craz explained, scooching in closer to look outside of the vent. “By the all-powerful stars!” Craz‘s eyes sparkled as he marveled at the many dusty books his head now squishing Hugo. “There are so many books, so much to read! I don’t even recognize some of these spines!”

Hugo pushed Craz back behind him, “If this is your way of inviting me to another heist, think again! Focus on the boy!” His paws easily squeezed through the vent’s grilles, delicately unscrewing each bolt with his claws.

Before he could take out all the bolts for Craz, he slithered into the library, becoming like a shadow, scanning the entire room and noticing the library’s peculiar lack of security cameras. A wave of relief hit him, as even a student can sleep here and no one would notice.

Unscrewing the rest, Craz pushed himself out the tiny vent with Hugo catching him from the ankle before he could create a loud THUMP.

“Oh, finally! In my long list of things I despise, small spaces easily take 11th place" Craz remarked, stretching his boneless limbs.

“You would’ve liked them if you stuck around,” Hugo remarked.

“I seriously doubt that. “I may have been raised by one, but I’m not nor ever will be a cat,” Craz said bluntly, not noticing that behind his father’s eye-rolling was a mental wound left by his comment.

The two carefully sneaked closer to him, Hugo running stealthily behind the shelves without the teacher noticing, while Craz could only tiptoe and crawl, feeling relieved as no one was in the library. That feeling later became bittersweet as no one was in the library. Making their way closer to the boy, who was recovering himself, they jumped as the school bell rang loudly.

The two aliens hid separately behind shelves with their target a few inches away. Craz pulled out his weapon and waved it to Hugo. Pointing it at him and later at the boy, insisting he’d be the one to pull the trigger. This was met with voluble denial from Hugo, giving his son a gesture that’s fairly common among middle-aged managers.

“Excuse me!” Shouted an outside voice startling the two, “Didn’t you hear the bell, young man? Get to your class immediately!”

“Yes, Miss Cheerilee, sorry!” Flash replied as the teacher pushed herself away. After a few minutes of staying perfectly still, Craz saw the boy taking a book from the shelf leaving him a perfect opportunity to strike. Aiming for his head, Hugo swiped the gun away from him and smacked it lightly on the head.

“Craz, what are you doing?!” Hugo whispered. “He has the vinyl record! If you erase everything, it’s probably where he left it too!” Craz sighed and mentally kicked himself—multiple times. No matter how much you know the purpose of star columns and having a structural sense for universal clusters, that will never escape the unfortunate reality that flaws come with existence—something that bothers Craz quite a bit.

Tucking his gun, Hugo and Craz approached closer with the tall man’s arms rising as if ready to grab hold while the other leaned back, his pupils rounded, prepared to pounce on new prey.

Craz suddenly paused, standing behind Flash, putting his arms down, and stared at the strange piece of paper. He was perplexed and curious, recognizing the old writing, which filtered his mindless observations into possible hypotheses on the paper's purpose.

There was a dumb-founded expression on his son’s face, which Hugo recognized well. Growling in frustration, he hopped on the shoulders of his distracted son.

“The hell is this?” asked Flash Sentry.

“Hmm, looks like an Old Ponish riddle”

“Old Ponish? What is thaaaaaaaaaaa…..” He turned around and both were finally reunited with the troublesome problem.

“Yo.”

Flash screamed, but his cry was only heard for a brief millisecond as Hugo pounced his face, latched on to his face covering his mouth, and tripping the poor boy attempting to take the feline off his head. “Search his backpack!” He yelled.

The alien frantically searched every pocket in his bag but was met with a single notebook and pencil. “Not here, anyway, I’ll take that!” Throwing away the backpack he stepped down to pick up the paper, looking childishly joyful.

“Stop distracting yourself and— OW!” Hugo screamed, fleeing from the boy's face and grabbing his belly in pain.

“Blegh! What do you guys want from me?!” Pleaded a terrified Flash, spitting some fur.

“We want our key back and wipe out specific nerve-ending tissue within your hippocampus.” Craz casually exclaimed, still fixated on the riddle.

“Forget his hippos! I’M GONNA SCRATCH HIS FACE!”

“WOAH! WOAH!”

Flash Sentry shielded his head with his arms, letting out a series of apologies and cries pleading for his life with the tall alien in front of him holding back the rage-filled feline.

“Flash Sentry!” screamed an angry voice familiar to Flash but terrifyingly unfamiliar to Hugo and Craz.

“You and your friends have been here too long and need to—” shouted Miss Cheerline, but she realized her shouts were aimed at nothing. Checking her ears, she was sure she heard somebody but found nobody no matter where she looked. She shrugged and finally moved downstairs, unable to notice that Hugo and Craz, holding Flash with his hand on his mouth, were on top of the shelves the entire time.

“Why didn’t you use that damn cloaking device of yours?” Hugo whispered.

“That device was blessed by the chameleon god, Hugo. He was killed by his worshippers 3 months ago, I already explained.” Craz explained the answer as if it was obvious.

No matter how hard he tried, Flash Sentry couldn’t escape this alien’s grasp over him, his arms were like titanium rope. Flash looked to his right and saw Hugo looking at him with a vengeful stare, his nose wrinkled and baring his sharp teeth. As his breathing became more rapid, tears began to cloud his vision. ‘This was it,’ he thought. ‘I’m going to die!’

Seeing the child cry made Hugo flinch, waking him up from his anger as his face relaxed.

After hearing the door slam shut, the two quietly jumped down. “Craz, let the kid go,” Hugo pleaded.

“Why? So he can scream and let everyone know we’re here?”

“No, because he’s crying” He looked at his captive and noticed his wet sleeves, prompting him to gently let him go, uncomfortably having made a child cry. Flash frantically backed away feeling free.

“Uh, I apologize. Didn’t mean to make you tear up,” He handed him a tissue box from his pockets which Flash accepted cautiously, wiping away his tears. “If it makes you feel any better, that old man we shot is still alive.”

He paused “Professor Cranky Doodle? But-but I saw you kill him!” Flash said. “With that laser gun and you’ve come here to kill me!” He turned to run but was stopped by Hugo having slithered before him.

“No, we’re not here to kill ya! We would never—I would never fatally harm a child like you. The only thing that gun kills are your memories of us, that’s it. You’re fine, kid!” Hugo reassured him.

“Once you're shot, you would have the best nap of your life with any memory of us feeling like a dream and then it disappears from memory. Unless you suffer from Alzheimer’s, that would reset your brain to an infant thought process” Craz added.

Flash remembered the night he was on their ship, how the billions of predictions curled up his mind, as the belief of his life being taken felt raw and possible. He remembered the sleepless night and his professor being shot down, the sensations of Death's scythe were vanishing. He began to laugh, closer to the edge of a maniac. “So, all this time. I’m was fine” he chuckled, “Holy shit, man. I didn’t have any sleep last night. I thought you were gonna blow my freaking brains out with that, man.”

Craz soon began to chuckle with him under the impression this was ordinary human behavior, “That would have been incredibly intense, imagine your brain splattering all over me!”

“Oh my god, imagine you having guilt over killing a high schooler! You could never sleep after that!”

“I don’t need sleep! I’ll stay awake every waking hour remembering my nightmarish act!” He chuckled, both having their arms over their shoulders with Craz not realizing that Flash was letting out all the stress of being in danger—he believed it was a human bonding tradition, which to some degree he was right. Hugo blinked several times and hoped the boy was seeking therapy.

After a few minutes of hysteria, Flash Sentry eventually calmed down with all three quietly sitting down while Craz read any book he found as Hugo kept watch of the library’s entrance. Flash drank plenty of water he received from Craz’s infinite pockets. “Thanks, I needed that! So the vinyl record I stole; it's like your ticket out of this world? Didn’t mean to steal it. I was just trying to gift it for my Dad's birthday, sorry.” He said exhausted.

“Don’t sweat it, kid. You’re a good son—your old man must be proud.” Hugo said with a hint of disappointment, averting his gaze from Craz as he continually read his encyclopedias and stuffed them into his pockets.

“Can your pockets fit anything?” Flash asked, curious about the matter of his enchanted clothing.

“Essentially,” he answered. “They lead directly to my office studio where I keep all my stuff and it doesn’t have to be pockets,” Craz reached from behind him and unveiled a plate of pizza, “Any place where nobody is looking, I can reach for it. So, it's less my clothing and more something that came naturally to me. Forgive me, it’s cold.”

“That’s cool, I like cold pizza.” He said taking a bite.

Craz stood up, a few books in hand, prompting the boy to quickly finish his snack, “Alright then, now as we explained earlier, we would greatly appreciate the return of the key.”

Flash nodded still chewing, “Yeah sure, I’ll bring it back to you, but will you guys really erase my memory after this?”

“Of course we can, we cannot allow our presence to be known to anybody, you might tell your friends, family, or elephants.” Craz began piling up more books in his little collection.

“But I don’t even have any—” There was a click, as the ground beneath began to slowly descend, both Craz and Flash stared at each other and then at the book that Craz tried pulling away but found stuck in its place. The next thing they saw was darkness consuming Their surroundings as they fell, with the only light source diminishing as the floor was sealing itself shut, a panicked Hugo followed them below. Soon after, nobody was in the library as the floor returned to its original state.

He was screaming. His body spun around as his muscles tensed seeing jagged rock protruding from the walls. He attempted to turn his falling body to see the bottom of his doom but felt a weight from his back grabbing hold of him and making him view the sky. “Craz!” Hugo screamed, holding himself behind the child, “Block incoming rocks! Don’t let them hit the kid!”

“Nothing to worry, the most damaging these can give you are broken bones—“ Flash heard a loud SMASH as the piece flew past him, “Never mind!” A series of crushing rocks and Craz’s “ows” followed, while Flash felt heavier.

“SHUT YOUR EYES!” Loudly ordered Hugo who Flash obeyed. With a jolt from his leg, the wind pushing him vanished. Cautiously opening his eyes, he saw rocky terrain that would have been greeted with his broken body and blood if not saved by the alien cat.

Looking upward, he noticed a floating Hugo grabbing hold of his leg, later descending and gently letting him go to find his footing. Quickly pushing himself off the ground he stared at the bizarre feline savior, “You can fly?!” He exclaimed, breathing relentlessly from the week’s third near-death experience.

“Not really,” Hugo exclaimed, stretching his body, “It's more like gravity doesn't like me.”

Not satisfied with the answer but taking it anyway, Flash felt the nearby heat from the dimly lit lightbulbs around the ceiling’s edge, barely illuminating the rocky tunnel which didn’t help upon noticing the unknown darkness in front of them. “Where’s Craz?!” He asked, trying to ease his rapid heart rate.

“He’s chilling over there” He mentioned nonchalantly at the broken body of Craz resting on his chest. His legs and his arms were mangled into painful contortions, seeing like a sculpture born from the sculptor's sadistic depression. His broken fingers and twisted neck horrified Flash, hesitating to check his pulse knowing no person could have survived such a fall.

Starting into his bandaged eyeless face, gripping his hair, and nearly about to scream, Flash was surprised to see his eye blink into existence. His limbs and neck twisted back into proper anatomy with cracking bones absent in the process as both Flash and Craz eventually met eye to eye. “What is it?” Craz genuinely asked, picking up the book that fell with him. "My head isn't shaped like a bird, is it?"

Flash, wearing a sleepless unblinking face, walked towards the nearest wall to hang onto, until his back was hugging it, sliding down to the ground. “What the hell is going on, man? Why me? Why is all this crazy stuff happening to me?” He pleaded, small tears falling down his cheeks, damning himself mentally for making such a wish. Most children yearn for an adventure and escape, but ignore the reality-shattering consequences that come with it. He felt like a burden, because if Sunset and her friends were strong enough to handle anything, then maybe he was too weak and pathetic. Maybe his mother was right after all.

“Oh come on, child. It was only a short fall—Ow!” Craz said feeling a slap on the back of his head from Hugo, approaching the boy.

“Hey kid, it’s not gonna be alright.” He placed his hand on his shoulder, “Shit like this happens almost daily for us, and look at me, I’m still smiling and not letting that crap affect me from having a good time.” Flash looked at him, his sincere eyes and smile reminded him of his father. “Me and Craz have got out of worse things than this, it’ll be easy! I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to ya.”

His words surprisingly eased his breathing, wiping his tears, “Thanks, Mister Hugo.” He said calmly.

Now fully composed, he stood up and looked around to hopefully find some explanation to the question, “Well, where the hell are we?”

“Seems like your school has a secret underground tunnel. Possibly belonging to an ancient cult or a madman who wished to become one with the mole people. You are quite lucky, kid. I would have murdered myself for a school this fascinating!” Craz said.

“Flash.”

“Hmm?”

“Flash Sentry. I never gave you guys my name, sorry.”

“Flash, huh? Strange, never heard of you.” Craz exclaimed, leaving Flash and Hugo with bewildered looks. “Pleased to meet you, I’m Crazdiono Slash de la Vega, but most call me Craz.”

“Name’s Hugo,” the cat said, reaching for Craz’s pockets picking out a cigar and lighting it, “Hugo Slash. And this weirdo here is my son.”

“Adopted!” Craz added.

Despite his many questions, Flash pushed them aside to prioritize the main objective, “It’s cool meeting you guys, but how do we get out of here? Do you guys have some jetpack that could fly us up there?”

“No, but I'll definitely look into that. Hmm, the simplest solution is entering the dark void ahead!” Craz said, pointing to the darkness behind Flash, making him nervous.

“Hey, what did I say? We’ll be fine!” Hugo said, locking arms with him while chewing on his cigar “Life is always giving you endless dark tunnels with no end in sight. It’s better to go in with someone than by yourself!”

“Precisely!” Craz exclaimed joyfully, locking arms with Flash on the other side, “In fact, the darkness is one of most primal human fears, to conquer you need to fire! So all we have to do is burn something!”

“What about the pages of those books?” Flash genuinely asked.

“Unfortunately, we don't have anything to burn!” Craz said doing a terrible job hiding his offended tone. “Let’s venture forth into the raw darkness!”

The two marched forward, with Flash in hand, marching enthusiastically jolly. As the boy tried mimicking their steps to distract himself from the possibly unknown horror in front of him, he realized too late he could no longer see his shoes.

“Not to worry, I know a great song a scarecrow taught me! Let me change some of the lyrics, though. So it’ll be more suitable” Craz said, as he marched joyfully, with Flash and Hugo attempting to follow.

Follow the Rocky Brown Road, follow the Rocky Brown Road
Follow, follow, follow, follow
Follow the Rocky Brown Road!

As the song became fainter and fainter into the black void, these two nobodies found themselves on another mind-bending journey. But for Flash, it was a brand new experience that he never imagined to be a part of, if only Sunset could see him now. Then again, the boy had no idea that no matter how calm and collected you were, any adventure with these two nobodies was a guaranteed gateway to insanity.

Something that Craz deep down hoped might be the case, as he started to grow fond of the boy. The complete opposite was for Hugo, as the last thing he wanted was endangering a child. However, another thing that puzzled his feline mind was how Craz had no idea who Flash Sentry was. Craz knew everybody, from the beloved Twilight Sparkle to the infamous Queen Chrysalis and the adorable Ditzy Doo, so not knowing who this boy was troubled his mind.

Either way, Flash was stuck with them. For now, Craz made sure he felt the weight of his Memory-Eraser Pistol in his pockets. Just in case.