Starlight the Rapper

by GlimmerGlamour

Rating: everyone
Tags: Garble, Random, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, Cranky Doodle Donkey, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1152

A poorly-written nonsense story about Starlight becoming a rapper.

A poorly-written nonsense story in which Starlight gets one wish from Derpy Hooves. The wish goes awry and Starlight finds herself with a rhyming ability.

Published 2025-01-25 22:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-25 22:00:01 UTC

Starlight's Wish

It had been a long day for Starlight Glimmer. Her friendship lessons had been really hard lately. After baking with Pinkie Pie, sewing with Rarity, chillaxing with Rainbow Dash, helping animals with Fluttershy, and scrapbooking with Applejack, she’d been forced to organize highlighters with Twilight. Starlight did not like organizing highlighters because Twilight made her organize them by brand, color, thickness, and SO many other things that it was hard to keep track.

They got into a big fight while doing it. “You aren’t organizing them right!” Twilight had yelled, to which Starlight had replied, “You’re making it too hard!!”

So now Starlight was relaxing in her room with a copy of a William Shakespony play and a glass of cilantro orange juice. She absolutely loved cilantro orange juice. It helped her relax when she was SO FREAKING MAD at Twilight. What other pony could get so riled up about highlighters?!

Pinkie Pie burst into the room, accompanied by a cloud of confetti and streamers from her party cannon. A streamer got in Starlight’s orange juice.

“UGH!” Starlight SCREAMED at Pinkie Pie. “You know that I don’t like streamers in my cilantro orange juice!!”

“I like streamers in EVERYTHING!” cried Pinkie Pie. “Lalalalala!!”

“Why are you here anyway?” Starlight snapped.

“I wanted to ask if I could borrow one of your kites!” Pinkie replied.

“Of course you can’t,” retorted Starlight. “My kites are my most prized possessions.”

“But I lost mine!” Pinkie whined.

“All the more reason you can’t use mine!” Starlight yelled. “Now get lost! But first bring me more orange juice.”

Pinkie brought Starlight some apple juice instead and Starlight got so mad that she accidentally cast a spell to blow up the whole Castle of Friendship. But fortunately everypony emerged unharmed.

However, the same cannot be said for Starlight’s kites.

Starlight bawled over her kites but suddenly a wish-granting pony named Derpy Hooves appeared and offered to grant Starlight one wish.

It was a difficult decision for Starlight whether she should ask for the Castle of Friendship back, or for her kites to be restored. She eventually decided to ask to be a famous gymnast.

The thing was, Derpy only granted the wish of being the famous gymnast. Starlight did not get any gymnast abilities. To say the least, she STANK. So she was famous for being a gymnast but couldn’t do gymnastics to save her life.

However, Starlight did get an amazing ability for rhyming.

“If I were a sock I’d flock to a clock and it would rock,” Starlight said. With her newfound ability, she began to make up a rap about her friends. “Rainbow Dash is a fast flier and is cool/Applejack would never be a liar and she really rules/Fluttershy is good with pets and stuff/Pinkie Pie is good with treats and stuff/Twilight is smart and really wise/But her highlighters are impossible to organize.”

“Hey, you left me out darling!” Rarity cried indignantly.

“Rarity is the best fashion designer I know/She’s even better than Cozy Glow,” Starlight said, which was bizarre for two reasons, one being that Cozy isn’t a fashion designer, and the second one being that Starlight hadn’t met Cozy yet.

“Who is Cozy Glow?” shouted Applejack from the audience.

“I don’t know but she’s probably great/I guess we’ll find out in season eight,” Starlight rapped in reply.

“Starlight, are you a poet now?” asked Apple Bloom, who was randomly there.

“I guess/Yes,” Starlight answered. So she formed a poetry club with Garble and Zecora. Fluttershy also joined and so did Discord. Discord, however, was VERY bad at rhyming. He tried to rhyme “Fluttershy” and “true love” in a love poem he wrote to Fluttershy. If you couldn’t tell, those two words DON’T RHYME. But the poem was very moving. Maybe Discord’s talent was in free verse.

Meanwhile, Twilight was cleaning up the rubble of the Castle of Friendship. While she did it she discovered an old book in the rubble that she’d forgotten she had. It was titled Eleven Failproof Ways to Organize Your Bookshelf While Standing on One Hoof. Twilight was so excited to find this book that she accidentally cast a spell to restore the Castle of Friendship. It was kind of scary how Starlight and Twilight kept accidentally casting spells.

Then Rarity accidentally cast a spell to make her hair get turquoise streaks, which was incredibly impressive, because mane spells are incredibly hard to do.

“I am mad because you copied my mane,” Starlight said when she noticed Rarity’s new hairdo. “I am so mad and you’re driving me insane.”

“I’m sorry!” wailed Rarity. “It was an accident!” She tried to change it back but couldn’t figure out how.

Zecora smiled slyly. “I can give you a potion that will remove all your hair.”

“I don’t want that—”

“I don’t really care,” Zecora said, giving her the potion anyway.

Rarity put it on her head. Now her hair was gone. A random pony passed by, noticed the hairdo, and figured that because Rarity was doing it, it must be the new trend. Suddenly everypony in Ponyville wanted the potion to get rid of their hair.

Zecora could not make that many potions! So she enlisted Apple Bloom’s help. Apple Bloom, however, was too busy to help. She was trying to help Rainbow Dash with a cutie mark problem. Rainbow Dash had accidentally dropped her cutie mark down a sewer grate and couldn’t find it.

So Zecora asked Starlight for help. Starlight helped and now everypony had access to the hair-removal potion. Soon, everypony in Ponyville was bald. And it was a trend.

Cranky Doodle got MAD that Rarity made being bald a trend when he’d been the first pony ever to pull off the style. He was upset that HE wasn’t getting the credit. So he became a villain and tried to destroy Equestria. However, it didn’t work because he didn’t know how to destroy Equestria, and he got sent to Canterlot to do community service by helping in the gardens.

Starlight Glimmer was relieved that Equestria was no longer under such a harsh threat. So she rapped about it. “It made me really nervous when Cranky Doodle was evil/It makes me really happy that he’s no longer evil.”

“Starlight, are you losing your ability to rap?” Pinkie asked.

“Sorry, the rapping thing was just a side effect of the famous gymnast thing,” Derpy said. “It will wear off quickly.”

Starlight cried because she loved being good at rhyming.

“Do I have to quit the poetry club now?” she asked.

“Of course not,” said Garble. “You are our founder!”

“YAY!!!” Starlight cried. She exploded into confetti but since it’s an E-rated story she was not actually hurt. She quickly rose from the confetti like a phoenix from the ashes/Pony Life Pinkie Pie from confetti.

The end.

Author's Note

I co-authored this story with cozyglow5