It Was Almost Always

by PinkamenaPictures

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 3862

On Hearth's Warming Day, Twilight Sparkle recalls the most painful memory of her life.

Hearth's Warming is day for family, for friends and lovers. Even alicorn are given a day free from responsibility, most of it anyway. Normally Hearth's Warming was a day that brought some of the brightest memories of a pony's life, however, instead of enjoying her day, Princess Twilight Sparkle spent it trying to keep busy to avoid reliving painful memories every year.

One Hearth's Warming Day, many years earlier, marked the last day for Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle's life together.

Unfortunately, there are no festive ghosts to take Twilight back and let her try again.

Written for the Doomed Yuri category of the (Un)Happy Yuri Contest.

---Pet the Koi---

Published 2025-01-31 17:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-31 17:00:00 UTC

Some Dreams Come True

Ninety-three years into Princess Twilight Sparkle's reign

“Princess Twilight, are you alright?” Midnight Prism asked, breaking Twilight from her thoughts.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, the sole ruler of Equestria for nearly a century, smiled at her royal aide. “Just lost in thought.”

Midnight smiled back as he made a note on the Day Court ledger. “Well don’t fall asleep yet, you still have another three guests before your Hearth’s Warming break officially starts.”

“I believe it starts on Hearth’s Warming Day, which means that I still have about seven hours,” Twilight said, still smiling but also serious. “And I intend to work until there is nothing left.”

“True,” Midnight conceded. “However, you have not counted on one thing.”

“And what would that be?” Twilight was genuinely curious as to what he had planned.

Midnight Prism was probably the best aide Twilight had ever had. He was skilled, efficient, and fun to talk to. He was a thirty-three year old earth pony and had been her aide for just over eleven years, and he had been trying to make sure that she didn’t do any work on Hearth's Warming Day for ten of those. It was a fun game, and even though Twilight was ten for ten it did help to distract her from painful memories.

“I imagine that you have noticed that Day Court has been busy this past month,” She had. “That is because I rescheduled to make sure that nopony would be on the list over Hearth’s Warming. So unlike last year, you will not be able to open Day Court under my nose.”

Leaning down from her throne, Twilight looked across the ledger’s open pages. It was covered in notes as a matter of fact, but she could also see many of the steps that Midnight had taken to ensure a single day with nopony seeking something from her. Twilight was truly blessed to have as devoted an aide as he.

“I would not have believed that you could find a way to empty Day Court, even for a single day. I am impressed, but it will be wasted effort if we do not deal with those last three. Please send the next one in.” Twilight leaned back onto her throne, but then turned back to Midnight.

“Steel Feather is asking again for her company to have the exclusive right to manufacture armour for the EUP. Sevim of the Changelings is requesting that you repeal the law denying unmetamorphosed changelings from obtaining Equestrian citizenship. And last is Gilded Seal, he would like a subsidy for his mining company so that he can rebuild the ancient mines under Dirtmouth,” Midnight Prism answered her question before Twilight could ask it.

“So this will not take long.”

“I would not imagine so, no,” Midnight said as he gestured to the guards to let Steel Feather in the throne room to make her pitch.

“... And that is why Equestria would profit from Dirtmouth’s mines being revitalised,” Gilded Seal finished his twenty minute speech with a bow to Twilight. Who felt like she could have taken a quick nap and not missed anything important, only rhetoric that she had heard in a hundred other noble’s speeches.

“I understand that your intentions are for the good of Equestria,” Or at least for the good of your pockets, Twilight thought bitterly as she sifted through the stack of official papers he had given her as part of his presentation to find a particular page. Although, given what he put in the stack, Twilight doubted that he expected her to actually read through it. “However, I cannot help but notice that you had the mines inspected by Equestrian Mining and Steelworks Ink., which I recently had to nearly completely restaff due to corruption.”

Gilded Seal puffed up at that, probably both offended for his pride and worried for his hide.

“I am certain that you are simply a victim of said corruption, but even so, I must insist upon a second inspection,” Twilight said, setting the stack of papers down and noticing that Midnight was already preparing what she would soon ask for. “It would be wrong to dismiss your request for something that you were not a part of, so the mines shall be inspected by Pie Family Rock Farms. A trusted employee of Equestria since Princess Celestia. But worry not, the crown shall cover their fee.”

Midnight walked over and gave Gilded Seal the signed and sealed paper, and Twilight struggled not to laugh when she saw that Gilded Seal looked a bit like he had bitten into a lemon. He would never be able to bribe Pie Family Rock Farms, and they would never authorise reopening Dirtmouth's mines due to the ground having been destabilised by dangerous mining practices millennium ago. No, that silver and iron would never be worth the risk.

Seemingly with some effort, Gilded Seal composed himself. “Thank you, Princess.” And then he left the throne room.

Save for Gilded Seal's hoofsteps, the throne room was silent as he walked out. A few moments after the doors shut, Midnight turned to Twilight, this time she answered his question before he could ask it.

“I will not send the Solar Guard to investigate him. Despite his corruption and my personal dislike for him, his mining company and charities do a lot of good for Equestria,” Twilight kept her eyes on the doors to the throne room as she spoke.

Midnight turned back to the ledger and made a few notes. “I understand. You must look at his actions, and not his intentions.”

It made Twilight glad that Midnight Prism accepted her decision as the best thing for Equestria. She didn't need him to, but was reassuring to know that he had.

Snapping the ledger closed, Midnight stood up. “It will not be long now until your meal is prepared, I will make sure that everything is set up for it.”

At Twilight's nod, Midnight left the throne room towards the kitchen. Twilight left through the other side, heading to her study.

The Hearth's Warming Eve dinner was always one of the most extravagant meals of the year. Twilight had come to the conclusion that it was because the Royal Chef and the kitchen staff wanted to compensate for not being there the next day, and that was really the only reason she didn't stop them.

The meal was so large however, that she usually invited the kitchen staff and her aide to join her. It took a few years before they were comfortable with it, but as a rule everypony joined her for the informal Hearth's Warming Eve feast. It would be fun, but also a reminder of the distance a princess had to keep from her subjects.

The vast majority of Canterlot Castle's staff went home the night before Hearth's Warming, which made the morning of seem rather eerie to Twilight. Walking through the empty halls of Canterlot Castle after raising the sun, only seeing a few members of her Honour Guard in a thirty minute walk.

Hearth's Warming Day was the only day of the year that Twilight's only responsibilities were to raise and lower the sun and to be prepared to deal with an emergency if one arose, which meant that the normally bustling castle was nearly empty. In the entire castle there were two Royal Guard units patrolling the outer sections, Twilight's Honour Guard patrolling the castle proper, and the Princess herself. At least, that was all there was supposed to be.

For the past ten years, Twilight had spent Hearth's Warming trying to distract herself from her memories to minimal success. However, Midnight Prism had slowly but effectively made sure that all of her official responsibilities were dealt with for the holiday. She had opened Day Court as a desperate last attempt, but it wouldn't work again and she didn't have any ideas what to do with that option shut down.

When Twilight rounded a corner and the door to her study came into view, Twilight Sparkle stopped suddenly. Sitting beside the doors to her study, probably not inside only because she kept it magically sealed, was Midnight Prism. He had a notebook and pen as he usually did, and he had not yet noticed her.

“You do know that you have the day off, right?” Twilight Sparkle asked as walked closer, unlocking her study with a quick spell.

“Something told me that you might forget the same is true for you,” Midnight answered easily, standing up and tucking his pen behind his ear. “And anyway, I left my pen here by accident.”

“I see that you have what you came for then,” Twilight paused after she opened the door to her study. “Actually, I was just about to make a cup of tea. Would you care to join me?”

“Thank you, Princess,” Midnight said with a bow before following her through the door.

Twilight’s study included a small second room with the singular purpose of making tea. It was one of the changes she made to the castle soon after becoming Equestria’s Princess, and she had never regretted it. Twilight made them a kettle of tea, and then brought it out to the balcony.

For quite a while neither of them said a word to each other, simply sitting next to one another and appreciating the sight of the city below them. Their quiet was broken suddenly when Twilight asked a question that struck Midnight as rather random.

“Do you have a very special somepony, Midnight?”

“Princess?” Midnight turned to look at her in confusion, both because of the question and the somewhat juvenile term she used. Twilight simply took a sip of tea and continued looking out across the city.

The question had caught Midnight wholly off guard, but he decided that the best response would be to answer it honestly. “No. I have never had a marefriend. May I ask why?”

“Simply curious. I realised that I do not know much about you outside of your role in this castle,” Twilight said, setting her cup down. “I suppose I realised that I must be keeping you from spending time with ponies close to you.”

They once more fell into silence. But it was Midnight who broke it the second time.

“Princess, do you mind if I ask a somewhat personal question?”

Twilight looked at Midnight Prism out the corner of her eye, and nodded to give him permission. She had just asked him something quite personal.

“Why do you try to work through Hearth’s Warming?” Midnight asked hesitantly. “You’re normally glad to rest when given the chance, but you go to great lengths to stay busy on Hearth’s Warming. I simply have to wonder why.”

After a moment of considering, Twilight asked a question of her own. “I trust that nothing I say will leave this room.”

It was not exactly a question, but Midnight reassured her that he would not repeat anything that she told him.

Twilight went to take another sip, but found her cup empty. She picked up the kettle and filled her cup before continuing, apparently satisfied with his answer.

“It was decades before Celestia retired, I will never forget it,” Twilight started her story. “Hearth’s Warming Day was the day that I lost the pony I loved most.”

And yes, Some Dreams Fall Through

Twenty-seven years prior to Princess Twilight Sparkle's reign

Ever since she had earned her cutie mark, Pinkie Pie had devoted her life to making ponies want to smile. So it was extremely hard for her to ask Twilight Sparkle to meet her at the bridge in Ponyville to talk about something important.

Ponyville had two bridges, but it was well understood that one was simply a road and that the other was an actual destination. If somepony from Ponyville was told to go to the bridge, they would always end up going to the bridge that crossed over the park's river.

It was Hearth's Warming Day and the park was empty. Pinkie was sitting on a bench close to the bridge, looking over the scenery as she rehearsed what she knew she needed to say. The snow was falling lightly over already white fields, but the sun was shining brightly. It wasn't warm and Pinkie was wearing a scarf, but there was no wind so the cold wasn't piercing. By anypony’s standards it was a beautiful winter day, and a perfect day for Hearth's Warming. Which only made it all the more difficult for Pinkie.

She had told Twilight to meet her at one, it was half-past twelve. Which meant that Twilight would be there soon, unless something had come up.

An hour passed with no sign of Twilight Sparkle, and Pinkie Pie could not bring herself to be surprised.

Twilight Sparkle was a princess, and she was clearly being prepared to succeed Princess Celestia. But even so, no matter how busy she got, she always made the time for her friends when they needed her. Unless, of course, that friend also happened to be her marefriend. It wasn't quite fair to say that -Twilight was a princess after all, and had to miss out on time with her other friends as well -but it was especially difficult for Pinkie to be objective when it came to her marefriend.

Pinkie didn't necessarily think that it was bad that she saw things from her own perspective, but she also knew that Twilight would never agree. One of their first real fights they had was because Twilight Sparkle was fundamentally objectively minded, while Pinkie Pie was much more partial in her viewpoints. She could be objective, she just liked knowing where she stood first.

When Pinkie considered it, she realised that most of their fights had started because Pinkie had done something that upset Twilight. But Pinkie supposed that made some sense, Twilight had never really needed to compromise any part of her personal life with another pony before moving to Ponyville. Pinkie, on the other hoof, had lived in a colourless environment for two years after getting her cutie mark.

Anyway, it didn't really matter much. None of their specific fights were why Pinkie was waiting for Twilight. Pinkie had been all too happy to help Twilight become accustomed to sharing her life, it was more that Twilight had proven that Pinkie wasn't her true priority. There were two times in their relationship that Pinkie had gotten angry at Twilight. One was settled after a few days, just an unfortunate misunderstanding. The other, Pinkie would say, had never really been settled.

It was on their fifth anniversary of becoming marefriends. Pinkie had spent months planning the -for her at least -relatively simple event, she cooked and baked for hours to make sure that everything was just right. She even hired Rarity to make her a new dress, although Rarity insisted that it was a gift and wouldn't take any bits for it.

Everything had been set up perfectly, Pinkie had decorated one of the rooms in Twilight's castle for the anniversary so that they wouldn't have to worry about the Cakes or the twins and Spike had gone with Fluttershy to chaperone the Cutie Mark Crusaders camping trip. It wasn't very often that they could just be alone and be themselves, so Pinkie had been looking forward to it. But when the time came, Twilight didn't arrive. The sun fell and the moon rose, but Twilight still hadn't shown. It wasn't until near midnight that Twilight finally returned to her castle. Pinkie had been worried about her, it wasn't like Twilight to be late, but it was simply the start of a new trend.

Princess Celestia had asked Twilight to help her with cataloguing the spells in the Starswirl Section of Canterlot Castle’s library. It was unlikely that Celestia knew that it was Twilight's anniversary, but Twilight had known and still chose to stay in Canterlot.

Even with how upset that had made Pinkie, if it had been just that, Pinkie would have been able to forgive and move on. It did not stop there though. As time went by Twilight Sparkle was late or absent more and more often.

Shaking the thoughts out of her head, Pinkie refocused on the task in front of her. It was getting late, already three in the afternoon. If Twilight didn't arrive soon, Pinkie would have to call it and head back to Sugarcube Corner for the night.

Hearing the crunch of snow, Pinkie looked up and saw Twilight Sparkle approaching from the other side of the bridge. Pinkie Pie stood up and walked over to meet Twilight about halfway across the bridge.

“Hello, Pinkie,” Twilight Sparkle said when they reached each other. Twilight leaned down to kiss Pinkie, but Pinkie moved her head away. “I'm sorry that I'm late, Princess Luna wanted me to review some old laws and decide which should be reimplemented and which should be repealed.”

Twilight assumed, reasonably, that Pinkie was upset that she was late for the meeting. And she was, at least a bit, but Twilight being late was just a symptom of why Pinkie turned away. “Hello, Twilight.”

“What’s wrong, Pinkie?” Twilight asked, deciding to simply get to the point.

Pinkie’s voice and eyes had none of their characteristic warmth when she responded. “I wasn’t sure that you would make it. I was about ready to give up and go back to Sugarcube Corner.”

“Pinkie, I was busy,” Twilight started, not seeing why Pinkie would be so upset. “I can’t just ignore my duties as a prin -Wait, Sugarcube Corner?”

“That’s exactly my point! You are so focused on being a princess that you never make the time to meet with your marefriend. Even on Hearth’s Warming Day, you are hours late!” Pinkie said, exasperated by Twilight and her excuses. “And why? Because Luna asked you to do something that can absolutely wait until next year, let alone a few hours. And yes, Sugarcube Corner, I still have my room there.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let myself get distracted. I realise that it was wrong, but you don’t need to leave the castle. I love you, Pinkie.” Twilight said, as though it solved everything.

Pinkie looked into Twilight’s eyes as she spoke. “You did once, maybe you still do. But no matter how much you care for me, I still see distance in your eyes.”

“Distance? What do you mean?” Twilight asked, starting to get very concerned by where Pinkie was going.

“I can’t-” Pinkie’s voice caught and she took a breath to steady herself before continuing. “I can’t live my life waiting for you. Maybe that’s what it is to love a princess, but I didn’t fall in love with a princess.”

Twilight wanted to say something, but didn’t know what to say. She was a princess, she couldn’t change that.

“I fell in love with Twilight Sparkle, a unicorn who loved books and loved her friends even more. The only pony who ever tried to throw me a birthday party. I do still care about you, but Princess Twilight Sparkle thought that the important thing I had to talk to you about on Hearth’s Warming was less worth her time than old laws that nopony remembers.”

“Pinkie, that’s not -I,” Twilight stammered, trying to find the words but was unable.

“It’s alright,” Pinkie interupted, turning to look into Twilight’s eyes. “I understand. You are a princess. Equestria needs you, and Equestria is more important than I am. I’m not mad about that and I do not blame you, you made the choice you needed to make so that you won’t regret it someday.”

“It doesn’t have to be between you and Equestria, Pinkie,” Twilight Sparkle said, desperately.

“I'm sorry,” Pinkie said with a tear in her eye.

“No,” Twilight whispered, knowing what Pinkie would say.

“But it's time to say goodbye,” Pinkie's voice was soft, but it also held a tone of finality.

Pinkie Pie turned from Twilight Sparkle and walked away from the pony she loved.

As she watched Pinkie, Twilight Sparkle just stood there, wishing that she could reach out or call for Pinkie to come back with a promise of devotion. She could cast aside her princesshood and pledge herself to Pinkie. But she had no right to. Somewhere deep inside, Twilight knew that Pinkie was right. That between Pinkie and Equestria, or even between Pinkie and Celestia, Pinkie Pie would never be the choice she made.

When she could no longer see Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle turned her head up to watch the sky and listened to the river under the bridge. It wasn’t until she saw the moon above that she realised her eyes were blurred with tears.

“I still wish that I could have not been so stupid, that I could have seen what was wrong before it was too late. There was nothing I could say or do by the time I realised how selfish I had been, she was already lost to me long before that Hearth’s Warming,” Twilight Sparkle finished recounting her story.

Throughout Twilight’s story, Midnight had quietly listened. He had heard of Pinkie Pie, of course, but he had never known that she had been in a relationship with Princess Twilight. It shook his understanding of the Elements of Harmony and their adventures to know that two of them had been romantically involved, but it also helped him to understand the princess he served.

“If you do not mind me saying,” Midnight paused to let her object if she wanted. She stayed quiet. “From what I know about Pinkie Pie, and what you just told me; I don’t think that she regretted your time together, and I don’t think that she was trying to hurt you or make you change by leaving.”

Twilight smiled a bit at that, but it quickly fell again. “You are definitely right that Pinkie was not trying to hurt me, and to be honest it was not her leaving that hurt me the most. What hurts is that I made her need to leave me to be happy.”

There was nothing that Midnight could think of to say to that.

“She told me that I made the choices I made so that I would not regret it later,” Tears fell into Twilight Sparkle’s tea and sent it rippling in the cup. “But every Hearth’s Warming I just wish that I could go back and see what might have been if I had just chosen her instead of being a princess.”

Author's Note

I have never rewritten and reformatted a story quite as much as this one; four almost total rewrites for this chapter alone. Not to mention completely rewriting the ending multiple times, which required going back making everything fit the new ending.

Normally I write the ending pretty early on or at least know what it will be, but not for this one. I enjoyed writing it, but if it reads a bit strangely, that is probably why.