Steel Heart Hates his Job.

by White Flame

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer
Length: 1927

Steel Heart, member of the Royal Guard, Hates his job.

Steel Heart, and old stallion and member of the Royal Guard, gives some details of his time in the royal guard, and how much he hates his job.

The later part of the story is an altered version of Season 7, Episode 10, a Royal Problem.

It was a funny Idea I had, hoping it hits the mark of being funny at least.

Published 2025-01-29 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-29 17:10:01 UTC

Steel Heart Hates his Job.

Life as a member of the Royal Guard is generally a boring job. Sure, there were some assignments that could provide some level of entertainment, but Canterlot? Canterlot was arguably the most boring post for a guard. At least in Steel Heart’s eyes. Steel was an older member of the guard, having been a member of the Royal Guard for nearly 2 decades now. He had seen a lot in his time, having been posted in a few different places.

But most of it was spent in Canterlot. And while Canterlot was a very nice city… it was a City of Nobility, mainly Unicorn Nobility.

And Steel Heart was not a Unicorn, nor Nobility.

No, Steel Heart was a massive Earth Pony stallion, standing taller than most of his brothers and sisters in the guard. He had only briefly met one other Stallion that could potentially match him in strength, and that was one of the Apple Clan. Big Mac, if he remembered the Stallions name correctly from when the Summer Sun Celebration was held in Ponyville, the year Princess Luna returned.

Steel Heart, after his efforts that day in safeguarding the townsfolk was recognized by the Princesses, and permanently stationed in the Castle of Canterlot, part of the more Elite Division of the Royal Guard.

And Steel Heart hated it, if only because he had to deal with the nobility on a more constant basis, and listen to them come to the Princess with some nonsensical proposal now and then.

Only they pay, and the bars in Lower Canterlot made up for it.

Still, despite his personal miss givings he did get to see some excitement from the posting, like watching the Element’s first Grand Galloping Gala, and the Former Captains Wedding.

Oh and did he enjoy the wedding. Not so much for the party and celebration, but more so when the Changelings invaded the city. It was the first time in a long time did he get to go all out in a fight. He only felt a slight bit bad for the changelings that ended up in his path, he didn’t show much restraint with them that day.

But thinking back, he really should have expected what was gonna come next, nothing ever goes so great without something else to come around the corner. After Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor’s wedding, Steel Heart was chosen to be the next Captain of the Royal Guard.

This, not only left him stuck in Canterlot… now he had paperwork to do. Steel could have sworn he saw amusement in Princess Celestia and the newly made Prince Armor’s eyes when they told him the following day. Though it wasn’t an immediate drop onto his shoulders, Shining held the position for a while longer as Steel acted as an understudy and learned more about the position, grumbling and complaining the whole way much to the Prince’s amusement.

Then, once the Crystal Empire appeared it was fully on Steel Heart to manage and lead the Royal Guard. For a time, things carried on the same as usual, and no major changes were implemented. That changed after a year however, after he held a report regarding nepotism within his ranks, specifically among the Nobility in the guard. To say he was furious was an understatement.

He gathered his trusted Lieutenants and made a very quick investigation of it, and found that many of the Guard Branches were guilty of it, and he was forced to completely reorganize the guard, and kick out the guilty parties. The Nobles were not happy of course, but he left that to the Princesses to deal with.

And after a few prominent nobles were placed in prison on charges ranging from Bribry to hiring thugs to attack a member of the guard, the Nobility got the message.

So, after all of this, after fixing much of what made him hate Canterlot, you’d think he would finally find some happiness with the position.

And you’d be wrong.

As there was a specific group of Nobles he pledged his loyalty to that he often found to be the source of his grief, and those were the two Royal Sisters he had pledged his service to all those years ago.

But nothing could have ever prepared him for the crisis that was going to unfold before him today. And looking at the Guards around the room, he wasn't the only one, as standing before him were the two Sisters locked in a heated argument, with a Unicorn he had once had on his most wanted list, Starlight Glimmer, trying to calm them down.

“Oh for the love of…” Steel pressed his hoof against his head before slowly dragging it down. “Sergeant Bolt, inform Lieutenant Sparks to prepare for a lockdown please… I don’t know what exactly is happening here but this won’t end well.” Steel said to the pegasus guard that had been following him. The Sergeant rendered a quick salute before rushing off to do so, and Steel turned to the Unicorn mare on his other side. “Corporal Charm, round up the guards around the throne room and bar access… I have a feeling this isn't gonna go well at all.”

“Yes Sir.” He nodded as the mare replied and quickly went about doing so, and continued to watch the 2 Princesses continue to argue, with Starlight trying her best to intervene and stop them. As they talked and argued, Steel drowned it out and ushered his guards out, and planted himself by the doors on the fair side of the room. He frowned as he watched the argument, before watching Starlight suddenly start trying to cast a spell. “Is… she channeling magic for a spell?” Steel muttered quietly, before his vision suddenly went white. The only thing he could feel after that moment was the force of the magic blasting him backwards into the door.

Steel let out a groan as he slowly slid down the door, landing at the base and slowly looking up and around the room. Fortunately, that blast would alert his guards and the lockdown was likely going into motion now, as the resounding boom was likely heard all the way down in ponyville. Next to him, he spotted Starlight Glimmer, looking toward the center of the room with her eyes wide and her jaw dropped. He followed her gaze, and looked towards the center of the room, only to feel his jaw drop.

In front of him, 2 figures were slowly becoming visible as the cloud of magic dissipated. But the figures were not of the Princesses… rather their evil personas.

Nightmare Moon, and Daybreaker have been awoken by Starlight Glimmer.

Steel could only find one phrase to sum up his thoughts this moment.

“Oh Buck me…”

The following 10 minutes were a blur, and Steel could only vaguely recall grabbing the dazed Unicron and rushing out of the room as the two Evil Sisters started to fight in the throne room. He vaguely recalled her panicking and rushing off to find Princess Twilight, leaving him and his guards to… manage the destruction the two sisters were no doubt going to cause. He had quickly gotten word out to his men across the Castle and City, and enacted a protocol he never thought he’d after to use simply due to the absurdity of it.

He had to activate the “The Sisters have gone crazy” protocol. In the face of the Alicorns, there was nothing his guards could do with the lives of civilians in the way, so he had them focus on getting them all to safety, while keeping an eye on the sisters, and push their fight away from populated areas if they needed to.

“Lieutenant Sparks! Get first and second company to finish up the evacuation, Lieutenant Gale, have our pegasus scouts keep an eye on the sisters from the skies should they leave the castle! I will not let them the city!” Steel ordered as he marched along the castle walls, watching as the last of the Castle staff were taken down into the city.

“By Celestia I don’t get paid enough for this…” He muttered as he paced back and forth, watching the light show that was currently going off inside the castle. The sisters were really going at it in there, and Steel was grateful he wasn’t in the middle of that.

“Sergeant Bolt! I don’t know where Starlight Glimmer went off to to find Princess Twilight, but we can not wait any longer, Fly to Ponyville as fast as you can and inform theElement Barrers of the situation…” He said, annoyance clear in his tone as watched the sergeant salute, and rush down past the city, flying off in the direction of Ponyvile.

“Do you think he’ll make it in time Sir?” Steel looked over to Corporal Charm who was approaching him.

“For all our sakes, we better hope. Whats the status of the evacuation?”

“Nearly Complete Sir, the trains and airships have all departed, and the ones who couldn’t make it on them are leaving the city on hooves.”

“Good. Have any guards not escorting the Civilians out start to return here, we will have to be a last line of defence should the fight break free of the castle, and buy time for the Elements.”

Steel watched as Charms' gaze hardened, as did several of the others in earshot. They all knew what such an event would entail. His guards were strong and well trained, but against a pair of alicorn sisters…

“It will be done sir!”

Steel snapped his head back up to Charm, seeing the determination in her eyes. Steel Smiled, and turned to see his guards have similar expressions. They knew what they signed up for, and they would do their duty. He had trained them well.

“Then lets get to it!” Steel shouted, and was met with the shouts of agreement from his ponies.

They moved into position, along the walls and at the base of them, watching the castle as the fight drew closer and closer to the front gate. The air was tense, and the only sounds to bear heard were the spells going off inside the castle. Steel had focused so much on the sounds getting closer he barely acknowledged the soldier who reported that the city had been evacuated.

Then… after a half hour of waiting, the front doors of the castle exploded open, and the sisters appeared before the guards.

There was a tense moment of silence as the guards stared at the sisters, and the sister stared back.

Steel was about to give the order to charge, when a purple flash broken his concentration.

Princess Twilight Appeared, friends in tow and stole the show, and gave Steel and his guards a show as a magical rainbow was blasted from the elements at the sister.

After his 2nd blinding flash of the day, Steel was greeted by the sounds of cheers as the princess had been returned to normal, and the Elements had saved the day again. Steel blinked a few times before he sat down, and brought his fore hooves to his head as he began to massage the side of it.

“I’m getting to old for this… I need a drink.” Steel said, standing up and walking toward the castle, intending to find his office to acquire his hidden bottle of Apple Cider, and drown away the stress the Princesses had caused him once again.