What happens if you take an extremely smart girl and put her through intense trauma? What happens if you take her sister away and then exploit and corrupt her and force her apart from her family? What happens if you put her through a forced reformation while her own fate hangs over her? What happens, when after she's put in that effort, you fail to believe her and throw her away? What happens when you find out she's homeless?

The spiral that was Rainbow Dash's head refused to slow.

What happens when she gets a home, and then almost immediately the ones who took her in accuse her of being evil again? What happens when you're too busy arguing with your friends to notice? What happens when she's the one that has to save everyone anyway? What happens when people still bully her despite her saving everyone?

The ball thunked against the ceiling, dropping back into Rainbow Dash's outstretched hand, before being thrown back up again.

What happens if she starts to develop separation anxiety as a result of it all? What happens if you find out she overworks herself so she can sleep? What happens if you suspect she hurts herself, but uses what limited magic she has to hide it? What happens if someone accidentally threatens her friends and her only way home for science? What happens if someone then accidentally uses stolen magic to become the same thing she did, the same thing she hates? What happens if she's the only one who can stop it?

Deep breaths only helped so much when Rainbow got like this. Though, to be fair, she wasn't often in the wrong to such a severe extent.

What happens, when after all that, you go to a camp? What happens when once more, she has to face the thing she became? The thing she tries to forget? What happens when you get separated? What happens, when that all finishes, if one of you hosts a sleepover to celebrate? What happens when you get drunk? What happens when you ask a dumb fucking question about her past?

What happens if she has a panic attack? What happens if she passes out? What happens if she wakes up, still scared, still self-destructive, and tries to go home?
What happens if she crashes badly? What happens if she goes into a coma? How do you apologise? How do you make it right? How do you know she'll ever wake up again? How could you live with the guilt? How could you forgive yours-

Rainbow was cut free from her endless torrent of thoughts and questions, ifs and whens that cycled, that taunted, that told of Sunset's life, that reminded how she could be the spark that ended it? She let out a soft groan as she caught the ball again, raising herself onto her arms before sitting up fully against the wall and collecting her phone from the bedside table. She sat for a moment, eyes darting around the room.

The normally bright blue walls with cloud patterns on felt dull. The trophy cabinets, filled with medals and sparkling trophies that came from her own talent felt undeserved, felt empty. The pictures on the walls, of her friends, her teammates, her family, all frowned at her even as they smiled. The clothes piles near her bed stared back at her, and she wished that the bed she sat on would simply swallow her whole.

There was another, softer thunk, and Rainbow dragged her eyes from the clothes to her pet tortoise, Tank, who slowly lowered his leg from where he'd knocked on the glass. She felt herself soften slightly before quickly crawling across to the end of her bed and collecting the tortoise from his enclosure.

"Thanks, Tank. You're right, I can't stop blaming myself for this. How am I supposed to? It was my fault."

The tortoise tilted his head.

"Well, yeah, of course it was because I was drunk. I would never ask something like that while sober."

Rainbow set Tank onto the bed, and he turned and rested a foot onto Rainbow's leg so he could climb her.

"Just being drunk isn't an excuse though. I still caused her panic attack."

Tank stared straight at Rainbow, and she shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny.

"But I'm the avatar of loyalty, Tank! I'm supposed to be better!"

Another head tilt.

Rainbow sighed, but before she could respond to the tortoise her phone buzzed again, and she let out a slight groan as she was forced to lean back and dig under the covers for the previously forgotten device. After locating it, she turned it on as she used her free hand to tug at the blue rubber case, which had a rainbow lightning bolt descending across the back from a cloud, that Sunset Shimmer had made for her. That Sunset had made for her. Why did Sunset make anything for her? She didn't deserve it. She was a horrible friend.

Poke.

Rainbow cast her eyes down once more to where Tank shook his head. For a moment she did nothing, but then she giggled softly and picked the tortoise up once more, giving him a hug, phone re-forgotten.

"You're right. I'm just being extra now."

The phone buzzed again, and Rainbow's eyes widened before she carefully set down her pet and picked the phone back up, once more subconsciously tugging at the case.

[14:27]
[2 Missed Calls]
[18 Messages]

Rainbow let out a sheepish chuckle and an oops as she glanced at Tank, opening her messages app to see what her friends wanted, the notification telling her the most recent messages were from Pinkie Pie.

[Pinned - Flutters - 11 Messages]
[Pinks - 3 Messages]
[AJ - 2 Messages]
[Rarity - 1 Message]
[SciTwi - 1 Message]

She swallowed, starting with Twilight and working her way up, sending affirmations and reassurances that she was fine, she was okay. Was she really? Rainbow didn't know. Then, she got to Fluttershy. The first few were similar to the others', just a simple, but more delicately worded, are you alright, and it wasn't your fault. Then Fluttershy's more intimate knowledge of Rainbow started to show.

[13:47] F: Did you remember to take your meds?
[13:47] F: Have you gone on a run yet?
[13:48] F: It might make you feel better.

She was right, of course, it would've helped Rainbow feel a bit better, and Rainbow had wanted to go for one. But, side effect of forgetting her meds, she was instead locked to her bed, unable to work up the motivation to move. Or take her meds.

[14:01] F: Have you tried playing with Tank?
[14:02] F: Might be easier than going out for a run if you haven't had your meds.

Once more, Fluttershy was right. How the girl did it, Rainbow didn't really know, but talking to Tank had helped her clear her head.

[14:12] F: Finished at Sunset's. Can I come over?
[14:13 - Missed call, tap to call back.]
[14:14] F: Rainbow?
[14:18 - Missed call, tap to call back.]
[14:20] F: I'm coming over.
[14:20] F: I'll be there in 10 minutes!

Rainbow sat for a moment, not quite processing. She looked at the time again. 2:28. Fluttershy said 10 minutes. At 2:20. Which meant-

"Shit!"

Rainbow leaped off of her bed, quickly corralling her clothes and yanking her geode from the bedside table. She slipped it around her neck and took a breath before clutching onto it, ready for the burst, and

Nothing.

Nothing?

Rainbow blinked for a moment. Clutched the geode once more.

Nothing.

Room quickly forgotten, Rainbow dashed over to her bed, grabbing her phone and quickly navigating to the group chat.

[14:29] RD: Anyone else having geode issues?

She sat, tapping at the turned off phone screen in anticipation for a response. There was a knock at the front door, and Rainbow jumped for a moment before remembering Fluttershy's impending arrival.

This time, Rainbow grabbed the pile and quickly shoved it into the closest closet, picking out her favourite pair of black yoga pants with the rainbow lightning design down the outside legs and her blue jacket in exchange. Rainbow pulled the jacket on over her pajama top, which today was simply her shirt from Camp Everfree, and quickly slid out of the bottoms, into a pair of underwear that she was fairly certain hadn't been worn yet that week, and into her yoga pants, finally coming to a rest in the middle of her now somewhat, but clearly hastily, cleaned room. She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and started for the door, only to open to Fluttershy herself, who looked up with a squeak as she held her hand out in a fist as though she'd been about to knock.

"Oh, uhm, sorry, I knew your parents were out and you weren't responding, so I used my spare key-"

She bit her lip, and Rainbow had to stop herself from pulling Fluttershy straight into a tight hug.

"I hope that's okay."

She failed, and flung her arms around the shy girl, her best friend, her girlfriend. Fluttershy let out another surprised squeak, causing Rainbow to hug tighter, and then she felt Fluttershy's arms slip around her waist and her head bury into her shoulder. It calmed Rainbow's overactive mind, simply because it felt right. She shivered lightly and sighed, a happy, comfortable sigh, because this was what home felt like.

"Rainbow? You're crying-"

She lifted a hand to her eyes, surprised to find them coming away wet.

"No- I- uh..."

"Rainbow..."

"It's- I'm fine."

Fluttershy sighed and pushed Rainbow back into her room before entering and closing the door behind them. She then walked over to Rainbow's bed, sat down and held her arms out.

"Come on. Come here."

"I don't-"

"Rainbow. Snuggles. Now."

"Jees, okay. When did you get so assertive?"

Fluttershy giggled, a smile on her face.

"When you started pretending to be fine."

I guess I walked into that one.

Rainbow made her way over to the bed, lying down so that her head rested on Fluttershy's shoulder and their bodies leaned against each other. Tank rested his head on Rainbow's leg.

"You don't have to pretend, Dashie. Not with me. Not with the others either, but especially not me."

"But it's my fault -"

"You asked the question, yes."

Rainbow flinched.

"But that doesn't make it your fault, Dashie. I should've stopped you from drinking long before that."

"Well, maybe, but-"

"Applejack shouldn't have challenged you to a drinking challenge either."

"I guess-"

"Sunset shouldn't have joined you, Rarity should've given Sunset her smokes, Pinkie should have given you something lighter, do you want me to continue onto Twilight and Sunset?"

Rainbow sighed and relaxed further into Fluttershy, resting her head in the taller girl's lap.

"No, I got it."

"Good."

Fluttershy leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Rainbow's forehead. It was light, it was fast, but it was enough to send a jolt of electricity running through her, and she couldn't stop the smile from forming on her face.

"How long can you stay?"

"As long as you want me to. I don't have anything until my shift at the shelter tomorrow."

Rainbow looked up hopefully.

"Does that means you can stay the night?"

She was answered by a smile and a nod, and so Rainbow released a sigh of contentment.

"So, what do you want to do?"

"For now, at least? Nothing."

"Yeah. I can do that."

Fluttershy smiled at Rainbow again, and began running a hand through her prismatic hair. Rainbow melted at the contact, and as she relaxed she felt her eyes began to droop from the sleep she'd lost worrying about Sunset.

"You can go to sleep, Rainbow."

"I don't want you to have nothing to do."

"I have plenty to do, don't worry. Go to sleep."

A sigh.

"Okay, just wake me up before too long."

"I will, Dashie."

Windy Whistles, Rainbow's mother, would later find the duo asleep together when she went to find Rainbow for dinner.

Author's Note

[Note copied from Archive]

so a bit of a shorter chapter again (I've decided I want to try for 3K roughly per chapter from here on really)
but I got to the point where I'd reached a conclusion for what I wanted to get across, so there was just no point in adding anything else. A couple more chapters of the characters coping, and then we can get into the real meat of the story. Bare with me! I promise (hope) it'll be worth it!

UPDATE: I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE
WHY
WHY DID I PLAN STUFF
THIS SUCKS
so anyway I started planning how I want this to go and now I'm gonna have to rewrite the first couple of chapters *sigh*
I am depressed lmfao
anyway, I'm not going to start a new fic for it. I will just update the chapters in here, and make a new fic for the old chapters so you can still read them if you want!
So uh, new chapters might take a bit as I'm gonna focus on rewrites first lol.
Love you all, goodnight, don't forget to sleep! <3