Fine Feathered Friend

The Trouble with Doubles

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash still harbor feelings for Nimbus, and they hatch an elaborate plan to bring him in once and for all. However, when a double date is set up with Mecha’s assistance, they quickly realize that things rarely go as well in real life as they appear on paper. Nimbus, meanwhile, has to make a decision to keep his friends away from each others’  throats...

Note: This story was co-written by Itchy. We decided the best way to give co-authoring a try was to use it on one of my one shots. Here’s our first attempt!

Rain poured down in sheets upon the dimly-lit alley, and thunder rolled in the distance. A pony, covered from head to tail in a dark cloak, entered the alley cautiously, glancing back to ensure she hadn’t been followed. Slowly, she crept farther into the darkness. Ahead of her, another hooded pony was standing, drenched by the downpour.

“So,” the pony who had just entered said, “I see you’ve come after all.”

“Right,” the other said, “remind me why we’re dressed up like this?”

“Well it’s kind of obvious. This is supposed to be a secret meeting. Do you want somepony else to know what we’re going to do?”

“Why would it matter? The only one who really doesn’t need to know is Nimbus. And this cloak is really uncomfortable, especially when it’s wet. I’m gonna take it off.”

The pony who had been waiting in the alley whipped off her cloak, revealing herself to be none other than Twilight Sparkle.

“Come on, Rainbow Dash,” she said, “Nopony’s going to see us. It’s crazy enough to be out on a night like this.”

Rainbow Dash sighed and removed her cloak.

“You’re no fun, Twilight,” she said, “this whole meeting just officially got ‘uncool.’ I hope you realize that.”

“Please, Rainbow,” Twilight said, “spare me. We both know why we’re here tonight.” Twilight sat back against a wall.

“Nimbus,” Rainbow Dash said, “yeah. You wanna ask him out and I wanna ask him out. Well, what are we gonna do about this?”

“Well,” Twilight said, “I had an ide-”

“How about a race?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Well, you know that’s not fair,” Twilight said, “although I did beat you in the Running of the Leaves.”

“That was different,” Rainbow Dash said, scowling. “How about we fight for him?”

“Just listen,” Twilight said, picking up her voice to be heard over the storm, “this is the best I could do. We’re not going to fight. Instead, why don’t we try sharing Nimbus?”

“Sharing him?” Rainbow Dash asked, “uh, that really doesn’t sound like a good-”

“But of course it’s a good idea! Trust me, it’ll work. We just need to set up a date!”

“Well that’s easier said than done,” Rainbow Dash said, hovering, “how do you plan to set this up?”

“Oh, believe me-” Twilight smirked, “I know just the pony who can help us: Mecha.”

…

“So... let me get this straight,” Mecha started, staring at the two mares in front of him.  “You two want me... to convince Nimbus... to go out on a date... with both of you?”

Nodding their heads, Twilight asked, “Can you do it?”

Shrugging, Mecha replied, “Probably.  I’ve got nothing else to do today anyways... but would you mind if Cheerilee and I tagged along?”

“Not at all!” Rainbow Dash replied, smiling wildly.

“Good,” Mecha said, turning to start his given task.  “Because that might be the only reason he’ll agree to go.”

…

“No,” Nimbus said immediately.

“Aw... why not?” Mecha asked, standing on the orange Pegasus’s front doorstep.

“Because I’m not that kind of pony,” Nimbus replied, preparing to shut the door. Mecha caught the door before Nimbus could, however.

“I know that, you know that, they don’t.  Besides, what could it hurt?”

“A lot,” Nimbus snorted. “Could you imagine how many ways this could go wrong! It’s like... flying without filling out a flight plan first!” Mecha looked confused, and Nimbus simply shook his head.

“One hundred twenty four ways, by the way,” Mecha said, “in case you were really wondering how many possible outcomes involve total, catastrophic failure.”

“You know this how...?”

“I’ve had one hundred twenty four failed dates,” Mecha replied.

“...and you’re trying to convince me to go out on a date with not one, but two mares?” Nimbus asked, incredulously.

“Eeyup.”

“Yeah... no.”

Mecha sighed. “Look, I’ve got all day... and night.  As well as tomorrow, and...”

“That night as well, yeah, I know,” Nimbus said, “you don’t have to remind me.”

“Actually, you’d get an hour reprieve that night.”

“...fine.  If I agree to do this, would you at least give me some way out for when things inevitably go wrong?” Nimbus said, grudgingly.

“Sure, Cheerilee and I will tag along.  Worst comes to worst, You can claim it was a group outing, instead of you going out on a double and a half date.”

“...double and a half date?” Nimbus asked.

“A double date with one couple and one trio.” Mecha replied.

“...how long did it take you to come up with that?”

“Far too long.  Maybe three hours.”

Nimbus squinted at his friend in disbelief. “How do you get the time to come up with this stuff?”

“...dude, I don’t sleep.”

“Yeah, but still, don’t you get tired?” Nimbus asked in disbelief.

“No, I literally don’t sleep.  When I said I don’t sleep except for an hour every three nights, I meant it.  Do you know how dull it is here at night?! I once tried to blow up the entire Everfree forest in one explosion I was so bored!”

“You know what?” Nimbus sighed, “strangely, I don’t find that hard to believe... at all. So what time did you want to meet?”

“How’s seven at the train station? Luna owes me a favor, and I think this would be the perfect time to call it in.”

“Hm,” said Nimbus, “I feel I probably shouldn’t ask. I guess I’ll go along with the current on this plan. I just get this feeling it isn’t going to end well.”

“That’s go with the flow... and that feeling? Probably just the sense of doom that comes with any double or triple date I go out on.  Did I ever tell you the time I pissed of the mob?”

“Can’t say you have,” Nimbus replied, “ and I was referring to air currents, by the way, but anyway, I’d imagine you’ve probably stashed something away in what is now my house, and the mafia’s going to come and hold me responsible.”

“Bah, you pegasi always have your heads in the clouds.  And don’t worry about it, Padre and I are on good terms now.  Although, if Madre shows up...” Mecha shuddered, before continuing, “Well, last time we spoke, I might’ve dumped some jello on her dress...”

“Great,” Nimbus sighed, “am I to assume this is going to be an armed dinner? Do I need to bring my sheathes?”

“Nah, the cultists are still locked up in Manehatten, so we’ll be fine.  Granted, I’m always armed when I have my mechanical leg.”

“Well, I’ll just have to rely on you then,” Nimbus said. “Ah, what the hay, what’s the worst that could happen?” He looked at Mecha for a moment. “Actually, don’t answer that. It’s probably better if I don’t know. I’ll see you later. I’ve got some errands to run.”

“Right then, see you at seven! And bring your best outfit! Or your worst! I don’t really care!”

“Dude,” Nimbus called to his friend as he walked away, “my best outfit is my flight suit! That’s hardly dinner clothing! I’ll just... figure something out.”

Nimbus shut the door and trotted upstairs, digging through his closet. All he could really find was his standard EAF pieces. Nimbus sighed, going to his saddlebag and checking on his bits. He’d just been paid, so he had a fair amount.

“Oh boy,” he said, “looks like I’m gonna have to make a stop at Rarity’s. This’ll be interesting.”

…

Rarity looked up from her sewing as Nimbus entered the Carousel Boutique.

“Hello, Nimbus!” she said, “I haven’t seen you here since Nightmare Night. What’s the occasion? Stop by to chat? Or do you have a job for me?”

“Well, a job actually,” Nimbus confided, “you see, I’m going to a dinner tonight, and...”

“Well, I would be happy to help!” Rarity said, cutting Nimbus off and wrapping him in measuring tape from mane to hoof.

“Thank you,” Nimbus said, his voice muffled by the tape.

“May I inquire as to what sort of dinner this will be?”

“Well,” Nimbus said, spitting out a strip of the yellow tape, “it’s... fancy dress?”

“A date, perhaps?” Rarity pressed.

“Umm... not really,” Nimbus replied, trying to duck around the question. “Just a dinner with a few friends.”

“I see...” Rarity said, not entirely convinced.

It was at that point that Nimbus had the unfortunate luck of having his friend walk in, Mecha shouting out, “Hey, Rarity, could you fix...” before spotting Nimbus.  “Oh, Nimbus, here to get a suit for the double and a half date?”

Nimbus’s normally orange face turned a rather vibrant shade of crimson. One might have said he had done a spot-on impression of a chameleon, in fact.

“Hm...” Rarity said, “a double and a half date... Care to clarify Mecha? It seems Nimbus here is trying to withhold something.”

“No problem!” Mecha said, “So long as you fix these buttons,” he added, passing the suit he’d walked in with to her.

“Not a problem at all darling! Just pass it over here and tell me about this double and a half date.”

Mecha passed his suit over, while looking at Nimbus.  Nimbus was frantically trying to sign Mecha to say nothing, causing an evil grin to cover Mecha’s face.  “Well, it all starts with Nimbus here being the attention of two lovely mares...”

Rarity let out a slight squeal of joy, singing out, “Scandalous! A love triangle...” as her magic caused the tape measures around Nimbus to tighten, causing any response from him to be cut off as he struggled the breath.  “Tell me more!”

“Well, neither of them have truly confronted him about it yet, but they have are competing to get his attention,” Mecha continued, watching Nimbus struggle to breath.

“Do I know these mares?” Rarity inquired, continuing her work without noticing the death grip her magic had Nimbus in.

“Oh, quite well,” Mecha replied, enjoying the look of terror that went across Nimbus’s face.  “After all, it was Twilight who asked me to convince Nimbus here to take her and Rainbow Dash out on a date... at the same time.”

Rarity’s work came to a halt, before turning to face Mecha and ask, “Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash? On the same date?”

“Eeyup,” Mecha replied, before he finally helped Nimbus by grabbing one of the tape measures and pulling it off, allowing Nimbus to breath again.  Looking over, Mecha smiled and grabbed his suit, saying, “Thanks Rarity!” before walking out, leaving Nimbus alone with the seamstress.

“Eh heh heh,” Nimbus chuckled softly, still rather red. “Yeah, um... about that-”

“It seems you have a bit of explaining to do-”

Nimbus cringed as Rarity spoke.

“-as to why you did not just tell me earlier! Oh, this is so romantic! You’ll need to look positively dapper, of course. My, my, this is going to be a night to remember!”

“Tell me about it,” Nimbus groaned, “we’ll be lucky if the roof doesn’t come down on my head by the time the night’s over.”

“Oh, stop being such a pessimist,” Rarity said, tightening some fabric around Nimbus’s waist, “you should embrace moments like this!”

“Of course. After all, who doesn’t enjoy embracing chaos?”

“Honestly, Nimbus, at least pretend to be an optimist!”

“I’ll do my best,” Nimbus said as Rarity went into the back room. “I’ll have your outfit done in about two hours. Check in with me then.”

“Alright,” Nimbus said, heading out the door, “I’ll be back later.”

He closed the door sharply and sighed. Could today possibly get more embarrassing? He admitted he’d had feelings for both Rainbow Dash and Twilight before, but those had mostly been in the face of Eclipse’s threat. Now that things had returned to normal, Nimbus simply considered them friends. It was obvious, however, that the two mares felt otherwise. Nimbus knew that to bring them both out tonight would only be courting disaster, but...

Suddenly, Nimbus had an idea. Yes, inviting the two would be courting disaster, but perhaps that was what he wanted! After all, a disaster would be the only way to show his friends he could never choose one over the other. Thinking through his plan, Nimbus trotted home. The more he thought about it, the more appealing the idea seemed. By the time he was in his house, he was convinced he had the right idea.

Nimbus checked his clock. He’d have just enough time to make it to the train station after picking up his suit.

“Train station,” he thought, “I wonder what Mecha’s gotten me into this time.”

…

Mecha was sitting on a bench at the train station, chatting with Cheerilee.  “Are you kidding me?” she asked, a look of disbelief on her face.  “He’s taking them both out on a date?”

Chuckling, Mecha replied, “I kid you not. Twilight was actually the one to propose the idea.  I figure she’s got this whole friendship will solve everything idea stuck in her head.”

“Yeah, but this is romance, not friendship!” Cheerilee replied.  “They’re two totally different things!”

Shaking his head, Mecha asked, “Does Twilight know that? Or Rainbow Dash? Or even Nimbus? They’ve never really been in a serious relationship, so what would they know about its inner-workings?”

Snorting, Cheerilee replied, “Probably more than you’d think...”

Shrugging his shoulders, Mecha said, “We’ll just have to find out tonight.”

“Find out what tonight?”

Mecha swiveled his head to face the newcomers. Nimbus was trotting up onto the platform, dressed in a black dress shirt, followed by Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash- both of whom were equally dressed for the occasion.

“Whether or not blackmailing Luna is a good idea,” Mecha replied.

Blinking, Nimbus faced his friend, before asking, “Didn’t you say you called in a favor from Luna?”

Mecha froze for a second, before replying, “Yeah, that’s what I said! Do you really think I’d blackmail one of the princesses of Equestria, and admit it in front of the other’s student? Nimbus, where do you get these ludicrous ideas?”

“Probably the same place you get the idea to blow up various parts of the forest as well as yourself,” Cheerilee dead-panned, staring Mecha straight in the eyes.

The trio stared at the couple, unsure how to respond to the scene in front of them.

“So...” Nimbus said awkwardly, “should we go?” he took the tickets he’d bought earlier and showed them to Mecha. “We’re set if you two are.”

It was at that moment that Twilight Sparkle managed to catch a glimpse of the town listed on the ticket: Canterlot. She positively bubbled over with excitement.

“This day is going to be perfect!”

Rainbow Dash groaned. “Let’s not go there, Twilight. The last time somepony said that, there were... repercussions.”

“You mean the chimera that tried to kill me?” Mecha interrupted.

“No... but that would explain the mural they painted in your hospital room,” Rainbow replied.

Nimbus simply stared, confused. “Could somepony please explain to me what the hay everypony is talking about? Sounds like I missed a lot in the four years I was at the Academy.”

“Well, we’ve got a long train ride,” Twilight said, “we’ll talk on the way to Canterlot!”

“Yeah, I’ll handle that part,” Rainbow Dash said, cutting off Twilight, “nopony tells tales like I do!”

“Except for me... remember the history lessons?” Mecha said.

“Well yeah,” Rainbow replied, “but-”

“But nothing.  You’re liable to exaggerate your part of the story,” Twilight cut off.  “Mecha will remain impartial... unless it involves making his injuries sound worse.”

“I don’t do that!” Mecha said, as they made their way onto the train.

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash snarled, “and I don’t exaggerate my stories, I just make them...”

“Let me guess,” Twilight said, “about twenty percent cooler?”

“Dang,” Rainbow Dash said, “how’d you guess that?”

“It’s what you always say,” Cheerilee said.  “And I vote for Mecha telling the tales, since he actually keeps your attention while sticking to the facts.”

“Truth be told,” Nimbus said, taking his seat on the train, “I don’t care who does it. I just feel like I’ve got some major catching up to do.”

“Then I say Mecha tells the stories, too,” Twilight agreed.

With a grin on his face, Mecha said, “Now this is the story all about how their lives got flipped, turned upside down, and I’d like to take a minute sit right there; and I’ll tell you all about how I became the blacksmith of Ponyville.”

Shaking her head, Cheerilee asked, “Could you not sing it this time?”

Downcast, Mecha grumbled a little, before saying, “Yes dear...

“What’s wrong with his singing?” Nimbus asked.

“Besides the fact that other than those lines he sounds like a banshee with strep throat? Nothing,” Cheerilee replied.

Sighing, Mecha said, “Well, how’s this?  Tell me which story you would like to hear first, and we’ll make our way from there.”

Nimbus thought this over for a second, before nodding his head and saying, “Sounds good to me.  Could you explain why the hay you hate trees so much?”

“Not just hate,” Mecha replied, “I also despise, distrust, loathe, and abhor them.  And that all originates to a time I like to call... being stuck in Twilight’s library’s Lucifer-forsaken branches during a storm...”

…

“...And that’s how Equestria was made,” Mecha concluded, grinning.

“Wait, what?” Nimbus said, “what does this have to do with Equestria’s formation?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Mecha replied. “It’s just a little trick I learned from Pinkie Pie. I use it to make sure everypony’s still paying attention.”

“I see,” Nimbus said as the train’s brakes squealed. The ponies looked out the window.

“There it is!” Twilight said, eyes glued to the massive castle outside, “we’ve arrived at Canterlot!”

“Well thank you, Ms. Obvious,” Rainbow Dash said under her breath.

“Come on,” Nimbus said, “let’s all be happy! It’s dinner time, and I for one am hungry!”

“I second that,” Cheerilee said, “teaching all day really works up an appetite.”

The ponies dismounted the train in single file, and as Nimbus stepped out with Twilight behind, Rainbow Dash came up and shoved Twilight out the door. Reacting quickly, Nimbus swiveled and caught Twilight before she hit the ground. The mare stared up into Nimbus’s eyes and batted her eyelashes romantically.

“Thank you Nimbus,” she said, “that was very courteous of you.”

Rainbow Dash fumed silently. Not only had her plan completely backfired, but now Twilight was putting on a ridiculously mushy display. The blue Pegasus nearly lost her lunch right on the platform.

Nimbus saw Rainbow Dash looking rather green. “Something the matter?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dash said, “something just... disagreed with me for a moment. I’m doing better now.”

Nimbus smiled. “Great!”

“Ahem.”

Nimbus turned and saw Mecha and Cheerilee already leaving the platform. “Come on,” he said to Twilight and Rainbow Dash, “let’s go get some food!”

…

The group arrived at the restaurant, and stared in awe.  The crystal ceiling allowed everypony to watch the setting sun while sitting on agarwood chairs next to their silk covered tables, located on the marble floor.  Waiters were rushing between tables, serving fine wines in chilled silver goblets, while the food was served on solid gold plates.

Cheerilee turned to Mecha, and asked, “How did you convince Luna to get us in here again?”

“I stole- I mean returned her diary,” Mecha replied, before whistling innocently.

“That’s pretty gutsy,” Rainbow Dash said.

“What, returning a diary? Nah, just found it and brought it back,” Mecha said, emphasizing the word found.

“Right,” Twilight muttered, “I think you said something a bit different at first.”

“Hey, ask Luna and she’ll say the same thing,” Mecha replied.  “Celestia too for that matter.”

“You stole Celestia’s diary as well?” Cheerilee asked.

“Eeyup,” Mecha said, before realizing what she just said.  “I mean, eenope.  But I did find it!”

“Well,” Nimbus said, cracking a joke to his dates, “it seems we are in the company of a master finder tonight. How about our finder finds us a table?”

“That would actually be my job, monsieur,” said their host for the night, a white-coated, moustached Unicorn.  “If you would follow me, I’ve been instructed to give you the best seats in the house.”

“Escort me?” Twilight asked, looking expectantly at Nimbus. Behind the two, Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and facehoofed herself.

“Well, sure...” Nimbus said, sensing Dash’s disappointment.

Chuckling at his friend’s situation, Mecha offered his genuine leg to Cheerilee, before following the host.

The pony led them over to a table, with a gossamer curtain draped around it in the corner of the restaurant. Apparently Luna had spared no expense, as their table was situated directly next to a massive window, overlooking Equestria’s lowlands. From up here, the ponies felt as if they were flying. Naturally, Mecha was unhappy, while the sensation was not lost on the Pegasi.

“I hate flying... why did it have to feel like we were flying?” Mecha muttered to himself.

“Perhaps because you stole the princesses’ diaries?” Twilight asked.

“Found!” Mecha rebutted.

“Well I think it’s great!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Aw yeah!” Nimbus added, as the two hovered a few feet into the air and high-hoofed each other, much to the chagrin of the host. The Unicorn cleared his throat and passed out menus.

“May I get you anything to drink tonight?”

“Yeah,” Mecha said, quickly taking charge.  “Your finest wines... a bottle of each.  And in addition...” taking a quick glance at the menu, “A bottle of Apple family whiskey.”

The host looked at Mecha quizzically. “Sir, that is a rather expensive bill- especially in this establishment. May I ask who’s name your party is under, to verify your credit?”

“Normally it’d be Mecha, but tonight the bill gets forwarded to Luna!” Mecha replied, smiling.

The host paled and began shaking. “Luna? You mean Princess Luna? Well in that case, sir, your credit is very near limitless here. I shall have your wine momentarily. While I’m away, feel free to have a look at our menu.”

The pony scurried off for the kitchen. Undoubtedly, quick service was expected for a party of Luna’s. Nimbus grabbed his menu and began looking through it. On either side of him, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were gazing at his menu as well, even though both had their own.

“You know,” Nimbus said, “this oat and bean casserole looks delicious. It’s covered in some kind of Parmesan sauce. I think that’s what I’ll get.”

“Me too!” the mares beside him shrieked at the same time.

Mecha chuckled again, sharing a look with Cheerilee.  “Ten bits says this ends badly.”

Shaking her head, Cheerilee replied, “A foal’s bet at best.”

Picking the menu back up, Mecha gave it a quick skim, before shrugging.  “Might as well order all of it,” he said, “Since I can’t decide.”

Laughing at her stallionfriend’s choice, Cheerilee said, “Why not? Luna is paying for tonight anyways.”

The host emerged from the back of the restaurant, dragging a cart behind him filled with bottles of wine. “Your wines, sir,” he said, dipping his head to Mecha.

Mecha grinned, before grabbing the first bottle, and examined the label.  With a nod of his head, he popped the cork off, and poured each pony a small glass, before pouring himself a larger glass.

“Um... is it really safe for you to drink all that?” Nimbus asked, recalling the EAF’s standard on-duty alcohol limits.

“Oh sure,” Mecha replied, downing half the wine in one go.  “After all, if I can beat Gluttony in a drinking contest with poisoned wine, I’m sure a tenth of the amount is fine.”

“Right,” Nimbus said, “I almost forgot.” He bent down to grab his glass, just as a soggy, wine-soaked napkin whistled over his head and impacted Rainbow Dash squarely in the face. The Pegasus was on the verge of exploding when Nimbus offered her his own napkin.

“Here,” he said, “take this.”

As Rainbow Dash wiped herself off, Twilight groaned, her horn reverting back to its normal, uncharged state. Her plan for revenge against Rainbow Dash from her unexpected “stumble” from the train had utterly failed.

Cheerilee leaned over to Mecha, and whispered, “I told you it was a foal’s bet.”

Chuckling, Mecha replied, “Wait until they actually drink the wine...”

The host appeared again. “Are you ready to order?” he asked.

“Yes sir,” Nimbus replied, “we-” he gestured to himself and his dates, “will order the Parmesan-topped oat and bean casserole.”

The host nodded and scribbled something into his notebook, before turning to Mecha.

“And you, sir?” he asked warily, recalling the magnitude of Mecha’s wine order.

“My date and myself will be having one of everything,” he said, much to the host’s shock.  “Each,” he added, causing the host to pale.

“That... will take a while sir...” the host said, shaking lightly at the thought of all that food being ordered by one couple.

“Actually,” Nimbus said, stretching, “that works just fine.” He turned to Mecha. “Wanna join me for a walk while we let our respective dates get acquainted?”

“Sure,” Mecha replied, “anything to get away from this Envy-forsaken feeling of flight.”

Nimbus grinned slightly. “Well, don’t say anything yet.” He turned to the mares. “Please excuse us for a moment.”

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash stood to allow Nimbus to leave the table. Nimbus stood and headed for the front of the restaurant, leaving his dates alone. When he and Mecha were finally outside the restaurant, Nimbus collapsed onto a bench and let out a massive sigh.

“Thank Celestia I’m out of there. The tension in the air was so thick, I probably couldn’t have even flown through it.” Nimbus looked longingly at the steep cliff the restaurant was perched on.

“You know,” he added, “I’d give anything to just be flying instead of doing this right now. I think we both know this is going to be a disaster.”

“Yeah, that’s why Cheerilee called it a foal’s bet when I suggested it,” Mecha replied.

“...you tried to make a bet on the outcome of my date?” Nimbus deadpanned.

“Dude, when you’ve spent two years in Hell, you start to lose your sense of decency. So yeah, I tried to make a bet on the outcome of your date.  Besides, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Nimbus chuckled, “I guess so. I mean, I already knew this night wasn’t going to end well. That’s why I decided to roll with it.” He glanced at a nearby one-seat chariot.

“Mecha,” he said, “I do my best thinking and talking in the air. I know I said we’d walk, but... maybe if I just made it a smooth flight?”

“...I’ll agree to that the day that Sloth willingly tries to take over the planet and Gluttony goes on a diet,” Mecha said, facing Nimbus. The orange Pegasus sighed.

“Fine, then I’ll do my best to explain here on the ground.” He stood and began to walk down the road leading up to the restaurant.

“Basically, I decided long ago that actually dating either Twilight Sparkle or Rainbow Dash would be courting disaster. Let’s face it- if I chose one over the other, there would be retaliation. I’m hoping that tonight, I’ll be able to show them why I can’t go out with either. Ever.”

Mecha nodded his head, before pulling out the bottle of whiskey he’d ordered and taken with.  Opening it up, he drank half of it in one go, before offering it to Nimbus, while saying, “Good goal for tonight.  With any luck all we’ll deal with is some small amount of yelling.  On the other hoof, it’s entirely possible this ends up like some of my worse failed dates...”

Nimbus smirked. “Well, there’s an answer to that, too. I’d put a fair amount of bits on me being able to outfly an angry Dash, and if I go high enough, I should be able to avoid Twilight’s magic, so I’d say I’m safe.” He then eyed the bottle Mecha had given him suspiciously.

“You know, I really couldn’t do this while on duty, but I’m on leave, so...”

Nimbus raised the bottle and downed it, somewhat slower than Mecha. When he was finished, he wiped his mouth with his hoof and turned to his friend.

“Thanks, I needed that.”

“Don’t thank me,” Mecha replied, “Thank either Big Macintosh or Applejack when we get back.  They were the ones to make that bottle.”

Nimbus turned the bottle over, and there, written in fine print, was “Produced in Ponyville.”

“Huh,” he said, “whaddaya know?” He turned back towards the restaurant.

“Well, now that you know my plan, shall we head back and see what damage has been done?”

“With Cheerilee there... shouldn’t be more than spilt wine,” Mecha replied, before frowning.  “Which is a crime... oh well, nothing ordering more can’t fix!”

Nimbus laughed as they headed back. Neither knew exactly what would await them when they walked through the doors.

…

Thankfully, it appeared that Mecha was right, and that all that happened was some arguing between Rainbow and Twilight, causing their faces to flush.  Sitting down next to Cheerilee, Mecha popped open another bottle of wine, and downed it all in one go.  “How they holding up?” he asked, setting the empty bottle down.

“Better than I expected,” Cheerilee replied, a smirk on her face.

“That’s good to hear,” Mecha said, watching as the two leaned against Nimbus.  “...which do you think they’re more likely to try? Finishing their food first, or drinking more wine?”

“Hm...” Cheerilee said, rubbing her chin.  “Tough choice.”

“So Nimbus,” Rainbow Dash said, “I cleared ten clouds in less than two seconds yesterday.”

“Pfft,” Twilight scoffed, “please. I recently learned a spell that grants temporary flight!”

“Oh yeah?” Rainbow Dash said, slamming her hoof on the table, “well I... I can beat you in a drinking contest!”

Mecha laughed, before asking, “Wasn’t this supposed to be their attempt  at sharing Nimbus? Shouldn’t they be trying to show him how well they can get along?”

Chuckling, Cheerilee replied, “I don’t think either of them truly expected to be sharing him.”

Nodding his head, Mecha flagged down the host, and said, “My friend’s dates here plan on seeing who can drink the most wine... would you mind getting us a constant stream of your strongest wine to go with our dinner?”

The pony tugged at his necktie. “Well, er, I...” he suddenly remembered who was sponsoring these ponies. “Of course. I’ll see what I can do.” He turned and headed back to the storeroom.

“Now we’ll really see who’s stronger,” Rainbow said.

“Naturally,” Twilight replied, scooching closer to Nimbus, “you know I’ll win, right dear?”

Nimbus froze. Dear? Twilight had pretty much crossed the line with that comment.

“Heh heh,” Nimbus laughed nervously, “I can’t really say who’s going to win... just try your best, I guess.”

Mecha was chuckling as he watched Twilight and Rainbow stare each other down.  “What are the odds they get a little static going between their eyes?” he asked.

“Hm... I give it an even fifty-fifty,” Cheerilee replied.

The host returned, setting down a bottle of a very dark wine. When he popped the cork, it seemed as if smoke was pouring out the top. Nimbus looked at it with a hint of disgusted surprise.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” he said, “What exactly is that?”

“Based on the coloration and the smoke... First Frost wine from Griffin country,” Mecha said, before holding out his goblet.  After the host poured a small amount, he gave a swirl before downing, and added, “Around 30 years old too... not bad.”

Nimbus winced as the wine seemed to hiss as the mares poured themselves an equal amount.

“Hey, while you’re here,” Mecha said to the host, watching the mares glare at each other, “I’d like a bottle or two of that for myself.”

“Of course,” the host replied, eyeing Twilight and Dash nervously as they toasted each other.

“Down the hatch!” Rainbow Dash said, downing her shot in one gulp. Her eyes bulged, and she fought to keep the strong alcohol down, finally winning the battle with her gag reflex.

“Never mind that,” Mecha told his host, watching as Twilight’s eyes went wide, “I might just get this bottle to myself.”

For both Twilight and Rainbow Dash, the room was now swimming around their vision. Nimbus immediately noticed.

“Hey Mecha,” he said, “what proof is this stuff, anyway?”

Grabbing the bottle, Mecha nodded his head before taking a long swig of it.  “Label says 151, but it’s actually 153.23125 proof.”

“Oh,” Nimbus said, “well that’s really comforting.” He ducked to avoid Rainbow’s wing, which swished through the air over his head as the blue Pegasus began to lurch around.

“Not my fault all you airheads are lightweights,” Mecha replied, “Or the fact that Twilight never drinks!”

Rainbow took off from the table and began to sluggishly fly around the restaurant, knocking over priceless dinnerware.

“Hey,” Twilight slurred, “watch what yur doiiiin, Raaaainbow Crash.”

Face-hoofing, Mecha asked the host, “Is there a limit on how much we can put on our bill?”

The host shook his head, saying, “As long as we have enough ink and paper, we could do an endless bill in theory.”

“Youuuu want paypurrrr?” Twilight drawled, “watch this!” Her horn glowed as she began to create... something magically. Nimbus watched in awe, then cringed as the brick wall Twilight had just conjured up cleaved a nearby table in half as it fell.

“Oops,” Twilight chuckled, “Thasss not paper.”

Nodding his head, Mecha replied, “Not to mention there isn’t any taxes on government spent money.”

The host blinked, having completely forgotten that.  That increase in revenue from an order this large... and if they chose to offer a tip... he’d never have to work again!

Giving the host a quick push to knock him out of his stupor, Mecha asked, “Will our food be out soon?”

Glancing at the carnage the two drunk mares were causing, the host shrugged.  “It was done when I brought out the bottle... I was just distracted by their behavior, and I wasn’t sure if you were ready for it.”

“For Celestia’s sake, bring the food!” Nimbus said, shoving Twilight off his shoulder.

Mecha broke out into what could only be described as a maniacal laughter at his friend’s situation.  “Having fun there?” he asked, before finishing off the bottle of Griffin wine.

“Not you too!” Nimbus groaned, “you were supposed to stay sane this whole time!”

“I am sane,” Mecha replied.  “Or are you talking about Twilight there?”

Nimbus looked to his side just in time to see Twilight attempting to braid his mane.

“Whoa!” he yelled, “not the mane! NOPONY touches the mane!” Nimbus flew up into the air, and instantly collided with Rainbow Dash, airborne restaurant juggernaut.

It was Cheerilee’s turn to laugh, as she commented, “And to think, we haven’t even gotten to desert!”

“Dinner!” the host said cheerily, setting plates on the demolished table.

“Yes!” Nimbus whooped, diving for the table and slipping in some spilled wine. He impacted the ground hard and groaned. Rainbow Dash noticed him instantly.

“Aw,” she said, “want me to kiss it better?”

Twilight’s eyes flared up with magical fire when she saw Rainbow Dash puckering up to Nimbus.

“How dare you?!” she said, firing a bolt of magic at Rainbow Dash. Fortunately, the blast went high and missed the Pegasus. Unfortunately, it also went through the wall. Nimbus saw his chance and dove for the table.

“I came here... to eat... and for the love of Celestia, that’s what I’m going to do!” Nimbus said, shoveling down his meal.

“Jeez...” Mecha said, noting the rate Nimbus was eating, “I thought Gluttony ate fast...”

The host ignored Mecha’s statement, choosing instead to stare out the hole in the wall.  Bringing a hoof to his chin, he leaned over and asked Cheerilee, “Do you think it looks better with that window?”

Glancing at the hole, she nodded her head, before adding, “Could probably be a bit bigger though.”

Nimbus turned towards his dates and watched them brawling, leaving a wake of utter destruction. They’d completely rearranged the restaurant. Nimbus turned back to Mecha.

“You planning on eating, or should we just get our check and skeedaddle?”

“Hm...” Mecha said, looking at the wide assortment of food before him.  “Do you guys have doggie bags?” he asked.

“We do, would you like the industrial sized bags?” the host replied.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Mecha replied, “Don’t suppose you’d deliver?”

“Normally not, but seeing as how much you’re going to be paying...” the host replied.

“Then here’s my address,” Mecha said, writing down on the silk table cloth.  Seeing the look the host gave him, Mecha shrugged and said, “Add it to the bill.”

Rolling his eyes the host quickly whipped out the check, and added another note to it, before passing it to Mecha.

Mecha gave it the once over, before asking, “Fifteen percent tip good enough for ya?” causing the host to go wide-eyed.  “Nah, of course not, you need twenty percent at least,” he added, writing something down.  Putting the check on one of the last remaining pieces of untouched furniture in the restauraunt, aka his chair, he offered his leg to Cheerilee, before they walked out the door.

Nimbus turned to his dates, and very quickly realized just how out-of-hoof things had gotten. The two mares were on opposite ends of the restaurant, snorting and pawing the ground.

“Not good,” Nimbus said to himself, “not good at all.”

Before he could convince them otherwise, the mares charged at full speed straight at each other.

“Stop!” Nimbus yelled as the mares collided and their worlds went black.

…

Twilight and Rainbow Dash woke up groggily. Rainbow began checking her surroundings. As her vision cleared, she finally realized where they were. The two of them were sitting on a park bench back in Ponyville, and the sun had long set. Standing in front of her was an orange blur. She focused her eyes, trying to make sense of what she was looking at, and then shrank back. It was Nimbus, using what Rainbow Dash could only assume was the stare military types use when disappointed. Normally, she would have teased him, but now didn’t feel like the best time.

Nimbus turned his head as Twilight regained her senses.

“I see you’re both awake. Good.”

“Ow,” Twilight said, rubbing her head, “what happened?”

“You and Dash just embarrassed me and two of my friends,” Nimbus replied. Then he realized that Mecha probably didn’t care.  Hay, he might have even gotten a kick out of it!

“Well, at least me. The point is- tonight was a disaster. Let’s just face the facts.”

He looked at both mares now with a new expression in his eyes. One, it seemed, of regret.

“I know you both set this up. You wanted to... what was the term? ‘Share’ me?” he chuckled. “I really do applaud your efforts, but I think you’ve noticed by now that love doesn’t always work like friendship. It’s a greater challenge.”

He began to pace back and forth. “I realized something tonight, too,” he said finally, “after some careful consideration, I decided that... between the two of you, I really can’t pick a winner. Both of you are great ponies and great friends. But that’s it. I think you’re some of the best friends I’ve ever had, and that’s why I’ve decided to call off any non-friend relationships.”

Both mares’ eyes widened.

“And here’s why,” Nimbus said, his eyes beginning to water, “if I let you two keep this up, one of you is going to hurt the other- maybe in a way I can’t fix. And I could never forgive myself if that happened.”

Twilight and Dash looked at each other for a moment, then back at Nimbus. Finally, it was Twilight who spoke.

“I understand,” she said quietly, “and I’ll agree with you. If we keep this up, somepony really will get hurt.”

Rainbow Dash nodded, “And the last thing I’d want is to drive a nail through my friendship with Twilight.” She looked up at Nimbus. “You’re right. This needs to stop.”

“I’m glad you see it my way,” Nimbus said, “now I’ll escort both of you home. Try to get some sleep, okay?”

He turned his head and put a hoof to his eye.

“Something the matter?” Twilight asked.

“No,” Nimbus said, “just... dust.”

Neither of the mares noticed the solitary tear running down his eye as he turned and walked them both home.

…

Luna was enjoying her day off- one of the few she’d had since her return.  She had been enjoying a delicious moon cake, when the mail came in.  Looking through it, she groaned when she saw a message from the restaurant that she’d agreed to get Mecha into.  “Something wrong sister?” Celestia asked, walking in upon hearing her sister groan.

Holding up the bill, Luna watched as Celestia’s face scrunched up into a grimace.  “Shall we see the damage?” she asked, slicing the top open with her magic.

With a sigh, Celestia replied, “Let’s.”

Pulling out the letter, Luna scanned it before her eyes went wide.  Reading it once more, she collapsed in a dead faint.

Raising an eyebrow, Celestia picked up the letter with her magic, reading it herself.  Finishing it, she calmly set it down, before screaming out, “TEN MILLION BITS!!!”

So this concludes the co-writing experiment. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as Itchy and I enjoyed writing it. Please leave some feedback, so we can see if doing more collaborative stuff in the future seems like a good idea!