Princess Celestia Learns to Photosynthesize
Green Grows the Grass of Canterlot
"Your highness?" A maid knocked on a bedroom door. "Your highness, it's time to get up."
After repeated knockings, the maid finally pushed the door open.
The bedclothes were rumpled, but Princess Celestia was gone.
But at least the sun was properly up in the sky, so the situation (probably) wasn't as bad as it COULD have been.
***
After notifying some Palace guards, the maid spread her wings and took to the air, flying a search pattern.
After about a half hour, she noticed an unusually large pony lying on a lawn in one of the Palace gardens, belly up, legs and wings spread.
Legs AND wings? The maid descended to take a closer look. The large pony had a horn, too.
Yes, unless some cunning disguise was involved, the maid had discovered an alicorn.
But of the very few alicorns known to Equestrian science and genealogy...the maid knew of no alicorn who was GREEN!
The maid landed beside the alicorn, and gently poked with one forehoof. "Excuse me," the maid said.
The large and very green alicorn didn't open her eyes.
"Excuse me!" the maid repeated herself. "I'm looking for...do you happen to know...I wonder, if..."
The maid poked the large green alicorn again, harder.
The alicorn opened her eyes. "It's rude to poke ponies. And I was taking a nap, if you don't mind." She closed her eyes again.
The maid carefully examined the green alicorn. "You look familiar. Who ARE you?"
The alicorn shook her head, opened her eyes halfway, and said in a drowsy voice, "Cel...I mean, GREENGRASS. My name is GREENGRASS. And I'm nopony you know, I'm certain of that. If you and I had ever met before, I would certainly remember a rude little mare like you who goes around poking ponies."
The maid poked the green alicorn a third time. "I brought you a cup of tea! I mean, I MIGHT have brought you a nice big cup of tea, depending on WHO YOU ARE."
The alicorn sniffed. "Oh, that DOES smell good--I mean, NO, thank you. I don't need to drink tea, not anymore." The alicorn rolled over onto her side, exposing a slightly darker patch of green partway down her flank. "Not with my many magical enhancements. Using advanced garden magic, I've absorbed the capabilities of many different kinds of plants. Part of my left flank here has developed all the amazing powers of a tea bush. I don't need to DRINK tea, I can simply PHOTOSYNTHESIZE tea within my own body."
Like a horse trying to dislodge a fly from its muzzle, the maid exasperatedly shook her head. "I don't suppose you happen to know where Princess Celestia might be?"
"Could you describe this...'Princess Celestia?'"
"Tall, statuesque, alabaster coat with the very faintest and most delicate hint of rose, a mane and tail of several colors which wave forever in an ethereal wind. Not to mention flanks that won't quit. But also, she has a full set of wings AND legs AND a horn. "
"If I see this 'Princess Celestia,' I'll certainly let her know you're looking for her. And your own name might be...?"
"Pekoe Blend, your--I am Pekoe Blend."
"Thank you for the offer of tea, completely unnecessary as it might be." The green alicorn's flank wriggled slightly, orienting itself to more perfectly face the sun. "And good luck finding your princess."
"Thank you," the maid replied. She flapped her wings and flew away.
***
Back inside Canterlot Palace, Pekoe spoke to an assembled group of servants and guards. "I found an alicorn who's about the right size...but she says she isn't Princess Celestia."
"You found an alicorn?" Princess Cadance walked into the room. "How delightful! What's she like?"
Pekoe's head tilted, as she thought. "She's very...green. And she's quite large, as large as Princess Celestia. The green alicorn was napping in the sun, sprawled out without a care in the world. And I think she was...photosynthesizing."
"Why do you think that?"
"Because she said she could. She said her left flank has 'all the amazing powers of a tea bush.' And she IS very green. Also, she refused the cup of tea I offered her."
"Hmm." Cadance scratched her chin with one forehoof. "Normally, I would think that if a mysterious green alicorn every bit as large as Princess Celestia turns up on the same morning that Princess Celestia has gone missing, there might be a connection. But if she turned down a cup of tea from YOU...I don't know. That makes this a true mystery."
"Mmmhmm," Pekoe agreed.
"Where did you find this mysterious green alicorn?" Cadance wondered.
"She was in the far end of the East Garden, on the croquet lawn."
Cadance nodded. "I'll go speak with her."
"Greengrass...that's the green alicorn's name...said she didn't know anything about where our 'Princess Celestia' might have gone. Even though I carefully described our princess to her."
Cadance said, "I'll try anyway. Perhaps I can jog this 'Greengrass's' memory."
***
With a trueborn pegasus' practiced grace, almost as gently as a butterfly, Cadance's four hooves touched down upon the lawn.
Cadance studied the large green alicorn, whose chest and stomach moved slowly and rhythmically with the peaceful breaths of sleep.
Finally Cadance whispered, "How lovely it must be."
One of the alicorn's ears flicked, as if shaking off a tiny itch.
Cadance whispered again. "To rest upon a lawn of sweet green grass, warmed by Celestia's own sun, without a care in the world."
The alicorn's other ear flicked.
"Do you know," Cadance whispered, "When I was a little filly, sometimes I and the other fillies in my village would 'play princesses.' Some of the fillies liked to think, if they were princesses, anything they said was law, so they could do anything they liked, have anything they liked, boss other ponies around. One time, the filly whose turn it was to be 'princess' told us others, 'Come lunchtime, each and every one of you must give me your dessert.'
One of the green alicorn's eyes barely opened by just a hairsbreadth, into a narrow slit. "And did the other fillies obey this 'royal command?'"
Cadance giggled. "The other fillies declared a rebellion, and then a full revolution. They grabbed 'Princess Chocobutt'...that's what they renamed her, when they revolted against the 'Dessert Tax'...and lifted her up upon a cart, which they pushed and pulled to the end of town, where they tipped her into the ocean. The 'princess' squealed and sputtered, climbed up out of the water, and pushed the leader of the rebels off the dock's edge in turn. We all went swimming, we splashed and ducked each other and played water tag. It was all in good fun."
"I'm glad your revolution went so well," the green alicorn remarked, her other eye also opening slightly. "Among adult creatures, as you may know, such events often go much worse."
"Yes," Cadance agreed. "Ever since I came here to Canterlot Palace, I've been studying history and political science for at least an hour or two every day. The more I know about what it takes to rule over an entire country, the less I envy Crown Princesses."
"How ironic," said 'Greengrass,' "since you ARE a princess yourself. It seems a bit late to benefit from the lesson, by avoiding the responsibility. By refusing to accept a royal title in the first place, by dodging your promotion."
Cadance giggled. "It isn't all bad, being a princess. At least for me, it isn't. I'm not expected to do so very much work, at least not yet. It isn't nearly as bad for me, as I imagine it must sometimes be for my Auntie Celestia. I mean, for CROWN PRINCESS Celestia."
The green alicorn's eyes opened fully. She sighed.
"So," Cadance said. "Pekoe Blend told me you said...your left flank is part tea bush now, and you can brew all the tea you want without even using a pot. Is that true?"
"I thought, if I use this spell to gain the photosynthesizing powers of a plant, why not go all the way?" The green alicorn winked. "In fact, my RIGHT flank is part coffee tree." The alicorn rolled onto her left side. "Here, taste it."
"What?"
"Lick my right flank, see how it tastes."
"Are you sure?"
"As a genuine member of the very rare sub-breed of green alicorns, a green alicorn who has just now mysteriously appeared in Canterlot, surely I must be a princess of some sort. It's my royal command! I mean, if you want to."
Cadance stepped closer to the green alicorn. Cadance stuck out her pink tongue, which cautiously touched the green flank. She laughed. "You really do taste like coffee!"
"Try a little farther forward. Where you licked, you got mostly Haythiopian flavor...but wouldn't you like to try Bayzilian too?"
Cadance tasted again. "Huh. You really did it. You made your own coffee."
"I do have over a thousand years of magical expertise," the green alicorn said. "Oops. Forget I said that."
Cadance laughed. "Too late! You spilled the beans! You spilled the coffee beans, and now I know your secret! You're OOOLLD! So who else could you be but the OLDEST mare in Equestria?"
"But I'm sure there are LOTS of thousand year old alicorns in Canterlot. Just give me a moment to run away and hide and cast another spell for a different magical disguise, and I'll introduce you to another one!"
Cadance snorted. "Sorry. I suppose it's not really a problem that you...'ate breakfast outside the Palace,' shall we say? But you have a meeting at ten, and you need to prep beforehoof, so I think very soon you'd best admit to your staff that you're really you."
The green alicorn sighed. "And just when I was enjoying having declared my independence."
"What?"
"I can lay on the grass, bask in the sun, and photosynthesize my own calories. I don't need the Palace anymore! I can ignore Equestria's government and refuse to do any work for you all! Well, assuming that I keep raising and lowering the sun on time, I can ignore the rest of my duties, because I no longer NEED ponies to fetch tea, or bake cakes for me, or bring me paperwork, or debate about tax laws, or do all those other services ponies perform for me, day in and day out, whether or not I want ponies to pester me so."
Cadance blew a raspberry. "It must be very annoying, being worshipped so much. But Equestria needs you."
After a moment, the green alicorn agreed sadly. "Yes. Ponies do."
Cadance nuzzled the green alicorn's cheek. "So, do you intend to remain this leaflike color all day? All week? For months?"
The large green alicorn nickered. "Perhaps, like the fillies in your home village, I will announce a revolution, and a new regime ruled by...Princess Grassbutt!"
Cadance snickered. "I suppose if you can arrange a brief reappearance by Princess Celestia herself, to reassure Equestria's subjects that the change of rulership truly is a good idea...MAYBE you could make it work?"
The green alicorn shook her head. "I don't want to make them fret. Because ponies do worry, you know? So excuse me for a moment, while I duck into the bushes and look for your 'missing princess.'"
"Certainly," Cadance agreed. "Good luck finding her."
The green alicorn rolled onto her belly, stood, and walked behind a large shrub.
A moment later, Princess Celestia emerged. "Good morning, Cadance! How pleasant to see you!"
Cadance snorted. "Good morning to you too, you big silly. Would you like to go have breakfast with me?"
Crown Princess Celestia shook her head. "Thank you, but I already ate." She unfolded her wings, flapped mightily, and hovered above the grass. "Let us return to the Palace. I'm sure there's no shortage of work waiting there for me."
