“Go ahead, insult me!”
“Tum, I really don’t want to do that.”
“Come onnnnnnn~! How are we ever going to know if this works if you don’t make me mad?”
“I don’t WANT to make you mad!”
“What, scared of a little fire? I’d have thought you’d be over that by now.”
“I don’t have to be afraid for my safety to not want to insult my marefriend on purpose.”
Autumn Blaze, the ever-adorable and equally hyperactive Kirin that you love with every fiber of your being, tilts her head as she looks up at you from the floor. You wince, knowing exactly what is about to come.
Deep in the Kirin Grove, in the back room of a largely unassuming tree that’s been hollowed out into a particularly cozy home, you ponder how exactly you reached this point. Sprawled out on the floor before you is your marefriend, the love of your life, the light that shines on the darkness of existence. And about a foot above her is a large pot filled with water and some assorted vegetables. From that position on the floor, she begins to pout.
“Come on, Tum, don’t do it.”
Her lip begins to quiver as her eyes grow wide.
“Seriously, you know I hate it when you do this.”
Water begins to gather in the corners of her eyes. Her pupils widen, and a twitch on her nose brings the whole thing together.
“Tum, please don’t–”
“You HATE meeeeeeeeeeeee!”
“...Cry.”
She’s faking it. You know she’s faking it, and she knows you know she’s faking it. However, with the ease of a most experienced actor, tears waterfall from her eyes as her wails reach your ears. She doesn’t stand from the floor, maintaining her position beneath the pot. She keeps those big, sad eyes locked directly on your own. For someone that lived alone for so long, she is very good at manipulating you to get what she wants.
“Oh sweet Celestia, FINE!”
“Yaaaaaaaay! Thank you so much, Steve!”
Your name isn’t Steve. Your name has never been Steve. However, she has always and will always call you Steve. Why? No idea, she won’t tell you. You stopped asking about it a long time ago, and you stopped trying to correct her an even longer time ago.
“Alright, alright. Remind me what I’m doing here?”
“We’re trying to see if we can edge my Nirik form!”
“...Can you rephrase that? Please?”
“Well, whenever we Kirin get all angry and explosive, it happens all at once, right? So, I thought ‘Hey, what if we did that slowly over time? What would happen?’ And THEN I thought ‘Wait, that could be super helpful!’ So, we’re gonna try to get me mad, but not mad enough to transform fully. If I’m right, I’m gonna get warm, but not TOO warm, ya know? Then we’ll be able to heat up the pot and make our dinner without having to turn the stove on! Genius, right?”
“I, er, I guess?” You rub the back of your head as you furrow your brow in confusion. “It’s an interesting theory, but if you’re wrong, it’s just going to be me insulting the mare I love and then her turning into a Nirik and potentially burning our dining room down.”
“Oh, pfffft! Steve, that’s just silly!” She waves her hoof at you, a nonchalant smile spread across her face. “We fireproofed the whole village months ago!”
“...Right. Well.” You clear your throat and straighten your back, a little pop ringing throughout the room in the process. “Are you ready?”
“Absolutely!” She straightens herself out as well, making sure she’s nice and spread out underneath the pot. “Go ahead, tick me off!”
You take a deep breath. This isn’t something you’ve ever really considered doing, but here goes nothing.
“You… can be mildly irritating sometimes!”
“Yes?”
“I don’t like it when you talk over me!”
“Uhuh, uhuh?!”
“And I wish you would call me by my name!”
“Which is?”
“I… th-that’s not important right now!”
“Yes, yes, keep going! I think it’s working!”
You give yourself a light smack on the cheeks in an attempt to hype yourself up before continuing.
“You’re really bad at cleaning up after yourself!”
“Yea–”
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m your boyfriend or your butler! Seriously, who leaves their trash out like that?! You’re a complete slob!”
“S-Steve, I–”
“And you continually disregard the wishes of our neighbors! I know you’re trying to show you care, but how many times does Rain Shine need to call me aside to tell me to reel you in after you’ve scared the Windslers’ foals with your made up horror stories before you realize that you’re traumatizing the poor kids?!”
“Hey now, that’s–”
“And worst of all.” You try to take another deep breath, but you’re much too worked up for that now. “Worst of all, you keep dragging me into these stupid experiments that invariably end with you turning into a Nirik and me spending weeks at the hospital recovering from my third degree burns!”
“THEY ARE NOT STUPID!”
You blink. There’s a flash of light, a sudden increase in temperature, a strong breeze in an otherwise still room. That deep breath you were looking for finally finds its way to you in the form of a long, exhausted sigh.
Sure enough, Autumn’s skin has turned black, her mane igniting into a fiery, terrifying, admittedly beautiful inferno.
“IF YOU WERE SO UPSET ABOUT THOSE THINGS, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!”
“Because I didn’t want to upset you–”
“THAT’S NO EXCUSE! SO I’M A SLOB, IS IT? THE NEIGHBORS ARE TERRIFIED OF ME, IS IT?” She steps out from underneath the pot, her pure-white eyes locked onto your own. “WELL GUESS WHAT, STEVE? YOU AREN’T EXACTLY A PERFECT LITTLE CITIZEN, EITHER! YOU IGNORE MY CALLS TO ADVENTURE, YOU TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD SOMETIMES, AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHEN TO DIAL IT BACK!”
“Tum, you asked me to do this.”
“AND YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BE SO… MEAN!”
She finally reaches you, immediately winding herself up onto her hind legs. However, just before she can do anything, you lurch forward. You grab the sides of her flaming head with your bare hands, wincing at the intense heat. She hisses at you in anger and confusion, but before she can open her mouth to speak, you close the gap with your own, pressing your lips against hers.
All at once, the room grows silent. The fire burning your hands remains steadfast and extremely painful, but you dare not falter. Your eyes are closed, yet through the darkness, you know that something has changed. The tension lessens. The force with which she was preparing to bear down on you dissipates. There’s a moment of unease, then of silence. The heat engulfing you starts to cool. Your hands, while still in agony, feel a sense of respite.
And when you open your eyes, the Nirik your beloved marefriend had become has disappeared.
“I’m sorry, Tum.” Your words are quiet and gentle when you pull away. “I definitely got a little carried away.”
“Steve…” She nuzzles her face against one of your hands, a tiny, relieved smile filling you with ease all the while. “I-I’m sorry, too. This was a stupid idea.”
“Yes, well.” You briefly lean forward to place another quick, chaste kiss on her nose. “I love your stupid ideas.”
“Oh, quiet,” she laughs as she pulls herself out of your grip. “Guess I’ve still got a long way to go when it comes to controlling my temper, huh?”
“We’ll get there,” you chuckle with a reassuring grin. “And maybe I should sit down and talk with you instead of letting all my feelings get bottled up, huh?”
“Steve, that’s a lesson we Kirin learned a long time ago, hmhm!” She turns from you, the smile never leaving her face, before letting out a small gasp. “Hey! I guess that experiment wasn’t a complete bust!”
“Why’s that?”
“The water boiled! Looks like our dinner is done!” She saunters over to the pot, lifting a conveniently placed ladle to her mouth and taking a sip. “Yup, that’s some good stew.”
“Well,” you sigh as you straighten your back once more, “as exciting as that is, I might need to pass on dinner tonight.”
“Why’s that?”
You lift your charred hands up to where she can see them, your fingers outstretched and palms facing forward.
“Oh. Right.” She awkwardly clears her throat before giving you a sheepish smile. “Let’s get you to the hospital, shall we?”
Autumn hastily shoves you out the door, and despite the absolute agony your hands are in, you can’t help but laugh. It’s far from the first time that this scenario has played out, and it probably won’t be the last. These experiments of hers are painful, sure, but the joy they bring her more than make up for the occasional visits to the hospital.
And hey, maybe next time she’ll be able to keep it to a simmer.
