Author's Note
I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder about two years ago. All my life I have lived knowing I was different but never understanding why. At one point I thought that maybe there was something just fundamentally wrong with me. I hope that through this story I can share my own unique experience with being autistic and maybe help others who feel alone in their struggle of being different.
Party of Discovery
Pinkie Pie sat on her bed, Gummy by her side. She was currently listening to the same song on repeat; the act was self-soothing. She found herself doing such a thing whenever she had particularly overwhelming emotions, as it helped her to process them. She chewed on the blanket wrapped around her as she mulled over the day’s earlier events.
Rarity had made the pink pony try on one of her new designs. Pinkie had been immediately overwhelmed. The fabric pressed against her coat, the collar digging into her neck, and she just couldn’t handle it. She tried not to be distraught; she really did, but that just never seemed to work out for her. She let out a series of upset grunts before slipping out of the dress and bolting out of the Carousel Boutique.
Now the party pony was just staring at her bedroom wall as she processed what had happened. She didn’t understand why she had to be like this. She felt like a fussy foal every time something like this happened. Gummy nudged her hoof comfortingly, and she offered him a small smile.
Ever since Pinkie Pie was a little filly, she had been a bit more sensitive than other ponies. She couldn’t wear wool sweaters during the wintertime or have foods that looked or smelled a certain way because they would fill her with unexplainable anxiety. She understood that she was different from other ponies and that they didn’t have the same sensitivities as her, but she didn't know why.
Rarity stood outside Twilight’s library. She raised a hoof and gently knocked on the door. The sound of shuffling came from the other side before the door swung open, revealing the purple unicorn.
“Oh Rarity, it's you. Do you need something?” Twilight asked curiously whilst opening the door further to let the other unicorn in. The white mare trotted inside and took a seat on the wooden floor of the treehouse.
“I’m afraid I did something to upset Pinkie Pie, and I don’t know what it was,” Rarity said with a dramatic sigh.
“What happened?” Twilight asked inquisitively as she sat next to the other mare.
“I had just finished a new dress and had Pinkie over to try it on, but mere seconds after she put it on, she appeared distraught and made some odd noises before bounding out of the boutique.” Rarity replied.
"Huh, that is odd behavior even for Pinkie Pie," Twilight said, seemingly perplexed.
"Do you have any idea what went wrong, Twilight?" the other mare asked worriedly.
"No, but I think we should go talk to her to get to the bottom of this," the purple mare offered with a frown.
The two unicorns had arrived at Sugar Cube Corner. They both walked inside, sharing worried glances at how empty the usually lively place was.
"Are you sure about this, Twilight?” Rarity asked nervously.
Twilight nodded. “I’m sure it’s the only way we can find out what’s going on,” the book-smart unicorn replied as she led Rarity up to Pinkie Pie’s room.
The two shared nervous glances before Twilight knocked on Pinkie Pie’s bedroom door. The two mares could hear the sound of loud party music from inside before hearing shuffling and it becoming silent.
Pinkie Pie slowly opened the door, surprised to be met with the worried looks of her unicorn friends. “What are you two doing here? If it’s about what happened at the boutique, Rarity, I’m sorry; I just needed to be alone, you know.” The party pony’s voice rang out but lacked its usual cheerful quality.
“Pinkie, don’t worry about that. We came to check up on you. We were worried, and I didn’t understand what happened,” Rarity said gently in an attempt to console the pink pony.
“Exactly what Rarity said, we just want to talk with you to understand what happened.” Twilight chimed in.
Pinkie Pie nodded, moving aside to let the two mares in. She then trotted over to sit on her bed.
Twilight and Rarity sat down next to each other on the floor in front of the usually lively pony.
The three ponies had sat in awkward silence for a while before Pinkie Pie finally spoke up. “Ever since I was a little filly, I’ve always had this issue with certain textures or clothes. Like wool sweaters, for example, I just can’t wear them; they make me all itchy and want to cry, you know?” the pink pony said sadly, looking away from the two mares embarrassedly.
“Is that what happened at the boutique earlier?” Rarity asked sympathetically.
“Yeah, I just couldn’t handle it. The dress was so itchy and tight, and I just got so overwhelmed, so I ran away and have been alone, just taking time to process.” the pinkie mare replied with a small smile.
Twilight seemed to be thinking deeply before she decided to say something. “Was the music helping you to process or calm down?” The purple unicorn asked, her interest seemingly piqued.
“Yeah, it was. When I’m really overwhelmed, I listen to the same song again and again. It helps me calm down and not feel like I'm going to explode like a confetti cannon.” Pinkie replied with a small smile.
“Pinkie, do you ever struggle to cope when others around you have strong feelings or struggle to understand why other ponies may be upset with something you’ve said or done?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow curiously.
“Oh yeah, when ponies are around me and are sad or angry, I don't really know how to act around them. I try to cheer them up with parties, but sometimes that's not what they want, and seeing other ponies upset just makes me very uncomfortable, and sometimes I say the wrong thing at the wrong time and only realize it later and then feel bad that I didn’t realize it at that moment,” the party pony stated nervously.
“I’m sorry, Pinkie. I didn’t know you felt that way.” Rarity chimed in on the conversation, a hint of sadness in her tone.
“Don’t worry, it’s all a-okay, Rare Rare,” Pinkie said, offering the white mare a warm smile.
Rarity nodded, smiling back at the pink pony.
“Rarity, do you think perhaps you could step out of the room for a moment? I need to discuss something privately with Pinkie Pie,” Twilight said, giving the other unicorn an apologetic smile.
"Of course, darling, I will be downstairs if either of you need me,” Rarity said before trotting out of the room and downstairs.
“So what do you want to talk to me about?” Pinkie asked curiously in a sing-song tone, seemingly having cheered up drastically since the start of the visit.
“Well, this is a delicate subject. I want you to know I am not saying there is something wrong with you, but have you ever heard of a condition called autism spectrum disorder?” Twilight asked the other pony in a gentle tone.
“What’s that?” the party pony asked, confused.
“Well, autism is a neurodevelopmental condition. Neurodevelopmental means it affects your development. This can cause a pony to struggle in areas regarding social skills, sensory processing, repetitive behaviors, and similar.” Twilight responded, trying to explain it as best she could to the other pony.
"What does that have to do with me though?” Pinkie Pie asked with a hint of nervousness in her tone.
"Well, Pinkie, you seem to have struggles consistent with the signs and symptoms of autism spectrum disorder.” Twilight replied calmly.
“Wait, so I’m not weird? It's not my fault?” Pinkie asked hesitantly.
“Of course not, Pinkie! You are still you, and there is nothing wrong with you being autistic; it just makes you different, and it’s okay to be different,” Twilight said with a warm smile.
Pinkie Pie smiled brightly as tears streamed down her face. She wasn’t weird or broken. She was just autistic. Albeit different, but no less of a unique and amazing pony. Now she had a word for why she was the way she was, and it finally all made sense.
