Hi, I'm AI

by GlimmerGlamour

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Apple Bloom, Science Fiction, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Equestria Girls, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 2140

A human girl brings a computer to Ponyville.

Afterglow Iris, Iris for short, accidentally discovers Ponyville, where she meets ponies who go wild for her everyday technology.

The cover art is by me. :twilightsmile:

Published 2025-02-06 22:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2025-02-06 22:10:00 UTC

Colt-ure Shock

I find myself in a castle. I find myself in a room full of radiant, shiny things. I find myself in a place I was not expecting. I think of texting my mom. Telling her I’m in a mysterious location that seems almost not from this world. I think again. I could be in huge trouble if I tell her that I was in front of my school, when I ran into the large Wondercolt statue on accident and found myself in this place. “Afterglow Iris,” she would scold me, “You know better than to go anywhere without my permission.”

“Mom,” I would reply. “I didn’t mean to. I literally just ran into the Wondercolt.”

“Iris…” she’d reply, dragging out my name. She wouldn’t believe me.

Next I think about texting my sister, Petal Crystal, but I think she’d probably make fun of me for my fantasies. I get the most horrid thought that I’m hallucinating, and I start hyperventilating. I put my hand to my face. Except, it’s not a hand. It takes all the effort I can muster to not scream. I breathe even faster. I have a hoof?!

“Calm down, Iris,” I tell myself. “You’re probably dreaming. You probably spaced out and fell asleep after bumping your head on that stupid Wondercolt.” I feel my forehead to make sure I’m okay. There’s a mega sized bump on my head. Until I realize it isn’t a bump. It’s a horn.

Now I can’t not scream. “WHY AM I A UNICORN?!” I shriek. “What the hey happened to me?!”

The door of the room swings open at my cry. I squeak.

The door is being opened by a winged Unicorn. I think back to my Greek mythology class. An Alicorn. She is lilac with an indigo-violet-and-magenta mane. She is accompanied by a lavender Unicorn with a purple-and-turquoise mane.

I shriek at the sight of them, probably because seeing other ponies is making this all too real. I must be dreaming. I take an incredibly deep breath, letting the musty air in this fantasy castle fill my lungs.

“Who are you?” asks the lavender Unicorn.

“Um, I’m…I’m…” I say.

“Don’t give your name to strangers,” Mom always says.

But this is a special circumstance. “I’m…” I suddenly forget my name. What is my name? “I’m, um, A-I.” I say, seeing the inscription on my watch.

“A-I?” asks the Unicorn. “Huh. That’s an odd name. I’m Starlight Glimmer.”

I nod awkwardly. “Yup. A-I is an incredibly odd name.”

“I’m Princess Twilight Sparkle,” says the Alicorn.

Pony princesses? Am I in one of those books I read in kindergarten? “Princess?” I ask skeptically. “Are you pulling my leg?” Computer-shaped tattoo thing and all?

Starlight looks confused. “You don’t know about the Princess of Friendship?!”

“I guess I don’t,” I reply. “I’m not really from around here.”

Princess Twilight’s eyes land on a mirror in the corner. “Of course!” she cries. “Are you from Canterlot High?”

My mouth drops open, shocked that she knows this.

“Do you know Sunset Shimmer?” asks Starlight Glimmer.

“Did you come through the Wondercolt statue?” asks the Princess.

“The answers are yes, no, and yes,” I reply. “Respectively.”

Starlight frowns. “Are you, like, new or something? Everypony at C-H-S knows Sunset Shimmer.”

“Yes, I’m new. What’s with all of the questions? I was walking around campus after school and found myself in a storage room! I’m shocked! I’m terrified! I'M A PONY!!” I shout.

“Well, A-I,” says Starlight, “we are kind of excited to have another, uh, human from the human world visit us!”

I remember my name again, but realize how awkward it would be to tell them. “My name isn’t actually A-I; I just forgot my name for a moment,” I could say. How dorky can you get?

“You look like you’re thinking really hard,” says the seemingly blunt Starlight Glimmer. “Quite frankly,” she continues, “you look somewhat odd.”

I feel like snapping at her. Why wouldn’t I look odd? I just came from an alternate world and realize that you’re going to be calling me the name of a computer program. Though I suppose I must deal with it. I feel now that I really must call Petal Crystal, because she might at the very least be able to help me.

I grab my phone with my mouth and attempt to dial her number.

“Whoa,” says Starlight Glimmer. “What the hay is that thing?”

“It’s my cell phone,” I say impassively.

“What’s a cell phone?” Starlight asks, super intrigued.

“A device to talk to people.”

“Why do you need a device for that?” asks Starlight. “I’m talking to you right now.”

“A device you use to talk to people when you aren’t near them,” I say.

“Oh! Like the thing the changelings used to contact Chrysalis?” she chirps.

“Maybe?” I say. “I don’t know.”

I dial Petal’s number. Oh my gosh, no signal. “Do you ponies not have cell towers? My phone’s not working!” I shriek.

“What’re cell towers?” asks the Princess.

“They’re these things that let you communicate with other people. They let you call nine-one-one. I sure want to call nine-one-one right now because being trapped in a weird world of Unicorns and Alicorns is the biggest emergency I’ve ever experienced,” I rant. “Now I can’t call nine-one-one because this stupid universe is messing with me. No signal?! What kind of nightmare is this?!”

“Ouch,” says Princess Twilight Sparkle. “This isn’t an emergency. In fact, this is the complete opposite. This is a breakthrough!”

“It is?” I ask.

“Yes, A-I. It is,” squeals Starlight Glimmer.

“Girls, my name isn’t actually A-I. Those are my initials. My name is Afterglow Iris. Call me Iris from now on,” I explain.

“Okay,” says Starlight. “Afterglow Iris makes a lot more sense than A-I for a name. That would be like me going by S-G. Or Twilight by T-S. Or Pinkie Pie by P-P. Or—”

“Stop it, Starlight,” Princess Twilight commands. “We don’t have all day to list our friends' initials.”

“Sheesh,” mutters Starlight Glimmer. I wonder if she always acts like this around royalty. She has a lot of spunk. And tactlessness. She has tactlessness too.

I clear my throat. “Why are you so fascinated by the devices of my world?”

“Things are different here,” says Starlight wistfully.

I must look confused, because Princess Twilight Sparkle clarifies. “We aren’t exactly…you know…we don’t have machines like yours.”

“Ohmigosh,” Starlight squeals. “I have a fabulous idea. How ‘bout I show you around Ponyville, Iris?”

I nod. “Sounds fun.” I look at my phone in my hooves, the screen flashing “No Signal.” My mom won’t notice if I’m gone for a little while, right?
********************************
Starlight Glimmer and I trot out the doors to the castle. “The castle you were just in is the Castle of Friendship. That’s where I live.”

I nod. “I wish I lived in a castle. My house is barely big enough to house dolls,” I remark.

Starlight giggles. “Wait ‘til you see Canterlot Castle.”

“Can’t wait,” I reply.

Starlight takes me to a cute farm on the edge of Ponyville. “This is Sweet Apple Acres. My friend AJ lives here.”

A little yellow filly with a red mane dashes out the door. “A new visitor!” she exclaims in a thick country accent. “Applejack, we have a new visitor!”

A mare with a yellow mane and an orange coat creaks the door to the barn open. “That’s nice, Apple Bloom,” she says, trotting up to the yellow pony and mussing up her mane.

“Hi, Applejack,” says Starlight Glimmer. “I was taking Afterglow Iris here on a tour around Ponyville.”

“Well, howdy there, Afterglow Iris,” Applejack welcomes me, shaking my hoof– I still can’t believe it's a hoof– really hard.

“Please. Just Iris,” I reply, sort of squeakily. My hoof hurts.

My phone is still in my backpack-turned-saddlebag, and I’d like to keep it that way to avoid any unnecessary attention, but Apple Bloom won’t have it.

“What’s in your saddlebag?” she asks me curiously. “It looks mighty heavy.”

“It’s not that heavy,” I say. “I carry it around school every day.”

“Oh,” says Apple Bloom. “Do you have anything exciting in there?”

“Now, now, Apple Bloom,” scolds Applejack. “Nosiness is never polite.”

Apple Bloom frowns.

Suddenly, maybe due to power of suggestion, my bag starts to feel a little heavier. It plops down on the ground next to me, spilling its contents. Out of the bag fall my school books. My homework. Out fall my computer, my phone, and calculator, in one taunting, cruel spill onto the dirt.

Apple Bloom stares at the pile. “Wow, what are those?” she asks. She swipes them off the ground in one snatch. Poking the buttons on my computer, Apple Bloom watches in awe as it turns on. The light from the screen illuminates her face. She finds her way, somehow, to Google, where she types “inkkhdrtxcvbnjk”. But this cruel side of the Universe has no Wi-Fi. So it lands her on the dinosaur game. Apple Bloom is quickly engrossed in what I’m sure is the first video game she’s ever played, which is sad, due to the fact that it could’ve been Rise of Tirek 2: Tirek’s Revenge or Power Ponies 3. Apple Bloom, though, seems content with her little dinosaur game.

“That’s my computer,” I hiss.

“That’s her electronic device,” snaps Starlight.

But when Apple Bloom gives me the cutest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen, I can’t resist. I let her play a little longer. “We’ll be back in a couple of hours,” says Starlight. “Apple Bloom can give it back then.”

“See you!” I chirp.

We gallop to a little boutique that I find absolutely charming. “Carousel Boutique,” Starlight says. “Home of my friend Rarity.”

We keep on going, from Sugarcube Corner to the School of Friendship to Hayburger.

“Let’s go back to Sweet Apple Acres,” suggests Starlight breathlessly. “Check on Apple Bloom and that device.”

We walk peacefully. Until we reach Sweet Apple Acres. Things are now anything but peaceful.

Fillies, colts, mares, and stallions of all ages are gathered with Apple Bloom. They’re all craning their necks for a closer look at my computer. My computer. Then a pony realizes me. She realizes my flank tattoo, apparently called a cutie mark. “Her cutie mark is the mystery magical artifact!” cries the cream-colored unicorn mare. “Where did you get it? I’m Moondancer. I can’t believe it–did this magical artifact choose you?”

“EVERYPONY QUIET!” I scream. Nopony but Moondancer and Starlight Glimmer can hear me over the chaotic pandemonium. They calm down, except for the fact that Moondancer still seems intrigued in this new discovery. “No, Moondancer. The ‘artifact’ did not choose me. It’s not even an artifact. It’s a computer. I bought it online.”

“What’s online?” asks a brown stallion.

“The internet?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s like a library, but on a computer,” I say, trying my best to explain the internet to a pony who has practically no idea what a computer even is.

“Oooh, cool,” says Moondancer. “You can just, like, put books in it?”

“No…” I say impatiently. “You type things on the buttons with letters on them. You spell words. The computer will find you things related to what you spelled. For example, if I typed P-I-Z-Z-A, it would show me pictures of pizza. It might also get me recipes of how to make pizza and ways to buy pizza.”

“It’s sentient?” asks an earth pony filly with a pink coat and lilac-and-white mane.

“No–it’s A-I. Artificial intelligence. People made it.”

“What are people?” asks the brown stallion.

“Like ponies, but different,” I say lamely.

“Cool!!” shouts the pink filly. “How are you so smart?”

Most of the crowd is listening by now and I feel like I’m about to crack under the pressure. “I’M FROM ANOTHER WORLD! THIS IS ALIEN TECHNOLOGY AND I BROUGHT IT FROM MY DIMENSION! IT MAKES SENSE THAT NONE OF YOU PONYVILLE PONIES WOULD UNDERSTAND! IT’S NOT FOR PONIES!”

“What’s technology?” asks a grey pegasus with a yellow mane.

“AAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!” I scream. I gallop away as fast as I can through the crowds, but the ponies follow me. I run into the Castle of Friendship’s storage room where I was earlier. The ponies follow me there, accidentally shoving me into the mirror. I fall into a swirling void of color. I fall onto concrete. I’m back at Canterlot High. It’s the next morning.

Petal Crystal squeals when she sees me lying on the ground next to the Wondercolt. “Iris! You’re okay!” she puts on a serious face. “We were worried sick about you.”

“Boy, am I glad to be home. Can I borrow your computer?”

Author's Note

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