Serving My Maid

In a world where housing prices seem to skyrocket everywhere else, I've been lucky to be a citizen of Equestria, where prices stay fair, and there's no inflation, thanks to our great leader — "Super President" Celestia.

By my 31s, I already bought a big two-floor home with five bedrooms and large windows. If I lived anywhere outside Equestria, I'd probably still be renting or working my whole life to get a very small, cramped flat.

Housing in other countries is crazy expensive, and prices keep rising because of greedy big investment funds-monopolists like Black Stinky Rock ©™, who just buy up all the properties. On top of that, the government imposes insanely high taxes — more than 70% of common citizens' income — and enforces stupid laws that prevent people from building their own homes.

Insane inflation and high loan interest rates make it impossible for regular people to afford even a mortgage.

It’s brutal. They call it progress, economic growth, but what's the point of having all this economic development if 95% of young families can't even afford to buy a simple, tiny apartment without a mortgage?

How can you even think about raising a child in countries like that? You'd have no space for kids to grow up. No rooms for kids — no future for the state.

In Equestria, though, it's different. Celestia here actually takes care of her subjects. There’s a sense of community, a spirit of Friendship and Solidity that Celestia’s fostered. You can focus on building your life, your family, your future, instead of spending your entire life earning money for a few greedy parasites.

But I’m 31 years old and still haven’t had a girlfriend... I’ve always been shy and introverted

I worked most of the time and spent my evenings in front of a computer screen either watching streams on the Internet or playing games, sometimes listening to music from my favorite radio — http://princessluna.fun. The best lunar radio station in all of Equestria!

One day, I looked around. My once-pristine floors were covered in dust, dishes sat in the sink, and trash was piling up. My house had become a mess.

"Why do I have to clean this?" I thought to myself as I grabbed a sponge and started scrubbing the dishes. "I earn well, so why spend hours on chores? Shouldn't I just hire a maid? I can afford."

Though the idea of a maid doing these boring tasks seemed appealing, letting a stranger into my home felt scary. I had been shy and unconfident all my life. What if the maid steals something? Or what if she damages something valuable?

Although I had been shy all my life, with my finances, I started to feel more confident. And the idea began to lure me more than the fear.

After an hour of wiping things down, I finally gave up. Time is precious, and there never seems to be enough of it. So I decided it was a good idea, and I had to push myself.

"Okay, Anon. It’s time to bite the bullet and hire a maid."

I picked up my phone and searched for local maid services. The first result — Spotless Maids & More — popped up with five stars and looked promising.

That evening after work, I visited the maids office. It was bright inside, with white furniture and photos of smiling maids on the wall. I heard soft, cheerful music playing in the background.

A white-haired lady at the desk greeted me. Her name tag read "Honey Moon."

She looked at me up and down and smiled, "Welcome to 'Spotless Maids & More.’ Do you need a maid, right? I’m Honey Moon!"

I felt shy under her cheerful gaze. "Uh, yes. I um... I need a maid," I managed to stammer out. She smiles and waves for me to sit down.

"Do you have a specific type of maid in mind?" she asked.

In Equestrian tradition, people displayed their cutie marks on their shoulders, upper arms, or their skirts.

I glanced at her shoulder and saw a crescent moon with a honey dipper inside. Honey Moons's cutie mark was definitely representing sweetness, kindness, and care. It was usual for someone who worked in customer service.

I began hesitantly. "Well... I need someone reliable, I guess. Friendly... maybe around my age? I don’t know," I said, feeling silly for not knowing what I wanted.

She nodded with a big smile. "You are lucky. We have a new young girl who can start tomorrow, and I think she’s just right for you!"

"Wow, that sounds good," I responded, a bit unsure.

Honey Moon leaned back in her chair, looking me over for a moment, maybe trying to size me up.

"Relax, Anon," she said confidently. "Here at Spotless Maids & More, we offer only the best — you won’t be disappointed!!"

But there’s one thing you need to know," she said, her tone suddenly serious. "You must be strict with your maid. Okay? We've had some... issues in the past."
She locked eyes with me. "If you don’t want a lazy, disrespectful maid in your house, you need to be firm and set the rules early. Otherwise... one day, she might just ‘sit on your face.’ So be careful!"

Honey Moon laughed at her own joke, but I felt a bit uneasy. What kind of 'issues' was she talking about?

She turned back to her computer, typing and searching for my new maid while I sat awkwardly, waiting and imagining.

The thought of a lazy, disobedient maid was amusing, and I chuckled to myself. I suppose if she happened to sit on my face by accident... well, I wouldn’t exactly mind.

I pictured her — my new maid — her weight pressing down on me, her warmth close, her scent surrounding me as she settled onto my face. Her pale skin brushing against my nose, her body feeling light, almost like she was floating. The image was so vivid, it felt like she was already here, on me.

"Sir? Hello?" the lady called, snapping her fingers in front of my face, jolting me out of my daydream.

I blushed furiously. I’d been caught daydreaming about a maid I hadn’t even hired yet. "Uh... sorry," I mumbled. "I was just... just thinking about how nice my house is gonna look."

She gave me an odd look, then handed me a folder. "Here’s your perfect match — Derrapy Hooves. Or just Derpy."

I flipped through the folder. Derrapy was 21, a student at CanterlotPolis University. In her free time, she enjoyed gaming, baking... and naps. I let out a small smile.

"She sounds great," I said, my voice more confident.

Honey Moon smiled, closed the folder, and handed me the contract. "I'll send her to your home tomorrow morning, then?"

"So soon? That would be perfect," I replied.

A few minutes later, everything was settled. Honey Moon led me out of the office, her smile unwavering. I stepped outside into the cool March air, feeling an odd sense of uncertainty.

Doubt crept in. What if Honey Moon’s assurances weren’t as trustworthy as they seemed. What if the maid wasn’t as reliable as she claimed? What if I make a mistake?

I shook off the thoughts and headed home. It was done. Tomorrow morning, my new maid — Derrapy Hooves — will be arriving.

I wondered what she looked like, what her voice sounded like...

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