I'm writing this in case someone finds me. My name is Twilight Sparkle, a unicorn who specializes in aerophysics and astronomy. You may have heard of me shortly after I went missing. That was when I embarked on my project that I had been working on for years. This is my story.
I remember the day I left quite clearly. Or rather, night, I should say.
It was particularly chilly that evening. It was around 4 degrees Celsius while I was out. I don't remember the time too well, but I think it was 10:30 PM.
I remember taking in a deep breath as I got ready. Steadying my breaths as I pushed myself more comfortably into my chair. It wasn't that helpful.
My breathing wavered and I gulped, looking outside the sideview window. I could see the thin clouds right above the horizon line. And right below them, Canterlot, bright as always with their flashy lights and impressive displays of night life. I could even hear them from here, though barely.
I remember talking some sense into myself. Telling myself not to be nervous. That this is what I had always wanted since I was a little filly, looking up at the stars that filled me with wonder. How they shined so bright from so far away.
Did you know that if you looked up at a star, just one, that it might not even be there? It might have been gone for millions of years, but we would never know. Light only travels at a fixed rate, so everything that we see, from the people that we love to the galaxy up above, are all images of the past. Echoes, so to speak. Simple facts like this filled me with curiosity and a determination to explore the world above.
It was that night that I had prepared to make my leave. To make my mark somewhere else in this universe. To see Equus as a tiny marble floating in the vast and endless space that was our galaxy.
I breathed out in a puff of confidence.
My eyes glanced over to view the set of gauges on my left. "Oxygen Potency at 21%," I spoke aloud. "Pressure Level at 101.3 kPa. Trajectory is optimal."
I took one last deep breath. "Ok... Here we go then." Hesitantly, I pushed my hoof onto the launch button in front of me.
The launch was exhilarating. I was pushed back so far into my seat that I thought I was going to fuse with the cushion. My vision went hazy, though my heart was pumping faster than it ever had. For a second I thought I had lost the ability to breath. My lungs were being compressed like a balloon underwater.
Then it all stopped. My vision cleared and I found myself able to breath again. I took in a huge gasp of air as oxygen traveled through my veins. My chest was pounding so violently that it was sore. I was starting to wonder if it was even worth it.
But then I unbuckled myself from my seat. I floated over to the window in the back and saw it. Equus. Home. I could squish it all in my hooves if I wanted to. It was like playing god.
At first I was ecstatic. My name would be on textbooks all over the planet! 'First unicorn to go to space.' Wouldn't that be something? My parents would be proud, that I know for sure. I would document my experience up with the stars -finally I was up here with the stars. I had achieved my life's goal. To unite myself with the blazing hot ball of gas that we call the sun.
That excitement stayed for the first three months. My head was wrapped around taking notes, getting samples. I would take daily extravehicular trips around the ship, gathering stardust, rock particles, and really anything you can think of. But after a while of studying the samples that I had collected during my stay, my mind began to lift its focus off of my work.
I had done what I could. The information I got was revolutionary! Some of it could even save lives one day! Analyzing the behavior of natural satellites and floating asteroids gave me important data that could help predict meteor showers with precise locations and time!
However, now that most of my work was completed, I began to think of my trip back home. Of my family. I began to dream of my mother's eyes, my father's happy smile, and the proud smirk from my brother, bragging to the guard that his sister had traveled to outer space. My chest felt heavy; pulled to the ground despite the fact that I was in zero gravity.
Tears began to fill my eyes as I realized a simple fact: I missed them.
I started turning my trajectory back to Equus, back to home where I belonged. No longer did I bother looking at the stars. Every day I looked at my home planet as I drifted closer, slowly but surely.
The silence began to eat at me. I grew to despise the harsh white light from within the cabin. I missed the orange glow that came from the sun as it slowly rose above the horizon and filled my body with warmth. I missed the sound of the birds and trees, the smell of waffles being cooked in the morning. The coughs of my dad as he realized he burnt the waffles the 3rd time that week. The laugh from my mom because of my dad's antics.
Every day I missed them. Every day I longed even deeper for my family. To see a familiar face. Or for any pony contact at all. A simple conversation, even. I would kill to see another friendly face in this empty void that I used to love.
And every day, I was met with the same. Deafening. Silence. It was driving me crazy! Every day I would look out the mirror to see my dark reflection staring back at me.
That's when the nightmares started.
Evert time I went to bed, I dreamt of my mom, my dad, my family being taken away from me as a filly. Why? I don't know, I'm not a damn psychologist! I don't know why I see myself as a filly! I don't know why every time I see my reflection on the window I recognize myself less and less! And I don't know why I-!
Sorry. I lost my train of thought.
It went on like that for four months. And if you've been paying attention, you'd know that the time estimate I just gave you sounds off. I only noticed after it was too late.
I should've been back by then. I should've arrived at Equus. Then I could direct myself into orbit, letting gravity simply pull me towards its center as I cried tears of happiness for finally making it home. But none of that happened. Instead, I looked out the window and saw that I was only halfway there.
Halfway there?! That didn't make any sense! How in the name of Celestia did that happen? I checked the fuel gauge and answered my own question.
Empty. It was empty. After all of my hard work, I got so wrapped up in my studies that I didn't even think to turn around until it was too late. All of my fuel was gone now. I was only able to head towards Equus at a measly 73.125 hooves per second instead of the predicted 292.5 hooves.
I fell to my haunches, staring a thousand miles in front of me. In all my years of study, I never predicted this outcome. I chuckled at the irony of the situation. Twilight Sparkle, first unicorn to go to space. Twilight Sparkle, first unicorn to die in space. All I had left was the oxygen tank. When that ran out - and it would - I would start to suffocate. Then that would be the end for me.
It gave me time to organize my thoughts.
At first, I focused on my family. I had to come to terms with the fact that I'd never see them again. That my parents would never see their daughter again. That my brother would never be able to hug his younger sibling again. It was all my fault. All I left was a small note saying that I'd be back soon. I didn't even explain what I was doing.
I cried. I cried for what seemed like hours on end. I won't lie, I considered opening the airlock right then and there, letting the vacuum of space into the cabin to boil my blood and implode my body into a million pieces. It would've been what I deserved.
But I didn't. I stayed in the cabin. Death by suffocation would be less painful than death by implosion. After all, our body only looks for signs of carbon dioxide build up, not lack of oxygen. It would be like breathing normally until you fall unconscious from the lack of oxygen heading to the brain.
I thought of death. What would happen after I died? Is there a heaven out there? If so, would I even deserve to go there? I already caused my family a lot of pain. Would I be reincarnated? Put into the body of a slug, maybe? Because that's what I am. A slimy, good-for-nothing daughter that made her parents worry of her whereabouts for years until finally deciding that she was dead, holding a funeral years later, never knowing for sure where she was.
I was a mare of science, though. I knew none of those were probable. It would be more likely that my mind would cease to exist, and any part of me that one would consider my 'mind' or 'soul' would be destroyed. Forgotten in an instant. That I would know no more and feel nothing. The thought terrified me.
I didn't want to die! Not yet! I’m barely past the adolescent stage of my life! I would've had decades left if it wasn't for my stupid obsession! My head was so wrapped around traveling to the stars that I would now die among them.
I don't know who will receive this, or if anypony will receive this for that matter. It is highly likely that the ship would stray off this path and float off randomly to some other planet, or run into the sun, disintegrating any and all evidence that I was up here in the first place.
I... I'm scared. I don't know what to do. As I'm writing this, the oxygen tank is running out. I can barely even hear the oxygen coming into the cabin anymore. The hissing is dissipating...
I want my mommy... daddy... my BBBFF. I... want to see them again. ...I want to tell them that I... love them... before I go...
I want to
Author's Note
I was watching stuff on space when I got the inspiration for this story. Hope ya'll enjoyed! This is my first story in 1st person, so any and all constructive feedback is welcome!
