And right down to Open Avenue
Applejack stepped off the train. I'm sure she hadn't the slightest idea of where to go, not at first. She had that kind of confidence though, even for herself. She started moving, despite any lack of direction, either tricking herself into thinking she knew where to go, or just hoping that going was good enough. She brought saddlebags, snacks to keep her company on the long journey ahead.
Wonder, oh how it is, to decide how exactly to startle her. Ponies don't think it takes much effort to come up with these things, you know. Generally I'll go with an old classic, at my age, you can't knock the classics; doing so would be one half step short of insanity! Which, I'm sure you could have guessed, is exactly my problem. How do I beat the classics without doing so? Boggles the mind, but hypocrisy is only the fourth step for chaos. Nothing I can't handle.
I snap my talons. Both casting my filters around both of us and bringing myself into her bag, replacing parts of it too. I was planning on a saddle bit, in a moment. I guess I should have considered how high she'd jump when I leaned into her ear and asked, "So where are we going first?"
I only got to the 'where' part before she bucked, and boy can that mare - ehem - kick.
"Discord!" She shouted, immediately on guard. A wonder, still, I take the time to materialize and this is the thanks I get? What if I had just walked up the street instead? Also yelling actually, I tried that once. Mass panic and rainbow hats don't necessarily a good greeting make, especially through wet manes.
I of course, leaned in further, ideas dancing around in what constituted my consciousness. Wetware, never use it. "Yeeeees~"
Applejack snorted, and her anger drained away. "Consarnit, could you no-" She narrowed her eyes, that spark rising to the surface like a sunrise over the ocean. "Get your slimy self out of my bags."
"What?" I traced a finger down my neck, pulling away slime, "Oh goodness. I can't believe I forgot to clean up! How embarrassing!" I waved my hands. "No no no, we're just going to have to start over." A snap, and we were back in Ponyville.
"Discord!" She yelled again, honestly, ponies and all this yelling. She was confused, more than she was upset, but I did just metaphorically eat her train ticket admission, so I guess turnabout is fair play. Even if it's in graphable emotion.
"Yeees~" I did again. Can't knock the classics. I've been rocking the snake tongue flick for eternity. By now, I might as well have been the one who invented it.
"I am-" She stuck a hoof to her muzzle and swallowed her irritation. "I'm busy. I don't have the time for your... jokes."
I waved off the crowd of photographers, and the spare camera crew. While using another pair of arms to make a time-out gesture for you. What, because it's not like she knew what crossing my hands into a T meant, she doesn't have fingers. "What are you talking about? You're the star of the show! We can't go on without you."
"Yeah well, yall are gonna have to manage."
I shrugged. "If you say so." Then snapped myself into invisibility. Easily getting her attention.
"Discord!"
I held off the temptation for another 'yeeees~'
"At least take me back, you varmint!"
Oh dear, she looks quite peeved enough now for what I have in mind. Another pair of snaps brought me back into visibility, the second dropped a candle from orbit. "Oh well why didn't you just say so?" A third brought us back to the train station.
Applejack looked around, making sure I hadn't changed anything, of course, she wouldn't be able to see the candle. So she perked up, obviously surprised I was capable of taking her back without any extravagance, which I wasn't. I was simply clevererer than she gave me credit for.
"Ah... Ahm..." She didn't want to give me any more material. "Thanks now, leave me be. Like I said, I'm busy right now."
"Oh!" He slithered up to her, "Well, I have fantabulous news! I've not been busy for two millennia, I'm sure I could spare a minute to help you out with your litt-"
She chose that time to push my encroaching form away. "No thanks. This ain't something I want you involved in." Then she trotted off. She left me with a messily half thought out sentence. Disrespectful. Mean. Here I am trying to put in the effort. Fluttershy says I try too hard, so...
I snap again. Change flows, I'm in front of her again, suit and sunglasses get up. Surprised they went with SMILE and not with the Pone In Black, though I guess PIB doesn't fit nearly as nice as MIB, but that's not quite the point. "Hold on there sally. A solo mission?" I raised myself up and pretended to scout around with a second neck that slipped out of my shoulder. "Isn't that against the fundementals? How could I-" I pressed a hand to what looked like my chest, "A true, well meaning friend of yours, leave you to conduct a solo mission, all on your own!?"
She stared. Totally unimpressed with my performance, even though it was meant too show how much I cared, her response was to not.
Stellar.
"You could, by snappin' those claws of yours and skedaddling." She gestured wildly, "Without me this time."
This was going nowhere. I hate it when things do that. I crossed my arms. "No."
She turned away and started to do that weird bouncy walk ponies do. Choosing to once again, simply hope that ignoring the help would lead to it disappearing. What did she think I got paid for? My looks? Only sometimes, but you didn't hear that from me. I floated upside down after her, really, I inverted the world around my position. Far easier than fine manipulation of gravity, it's a far more manageable shape, the inverted torus, you understand.
"You ain't leavin' are you?" She was tired.
My arms extended down from my neck, which is honestly an apt description for my whole body, if you ask me. I kept them folded nonetheless, center of gravity notwithstanding.
"Coulda least try not to make a scene?" She must not like trains very much.
"A scene? Moi?" I snapped, bringing out a massive blinking sign that said 'I would never' with a massive arrow pointed directly at myself. I may have been the bigger attraction, but do keep in mind that Applejack and her trademark cowpo-er, Stetson. Yes, of course I actually know what it's called. As a professional hat-wearer, it's important to know these things. Anyways, I made a scene, that's the important part.
Applejack slammed her face into her hoof again. "Discord."
"Yeee-" I made eye contact with the base of her hoof as she pushed me out of her personal space again. Did you know Applejack was orange? Also, hooves on eyes don't feel grate, or very nice either.
"Listen. Ah don't know why you feel the need too..." She blinked and looked around. Probably noticing the noticing, or rather, the lack of it. Ponies streamed around the two of us, none giving either of us a second glance. A Draconequus and a famous mare sitting pretty and untouched right off the side of downtown ponytown, the skyscraper edition. "What in-" She turned to glare at me of course, instead of thinking first.
"Discord! What did you go and do to them!"
I rolled my eyes and rippled my arm out to boop the snoot at range. I was quick though, Applejack bites, probably. It didn't matter, I wasn't willing to test to see if she would. "I only did something to you."
Her eyes narrowed further. "And what'd'ya go and do then. Out with it!"
"Conventionally applicable invisibility." I responded seriously, hoping to jar her. It's another kind of amusing to trick a pony into thinking you can't take anything seriously, only to eat that interpretation of perspective with a spoon and a spoon. "Regular skin tight light bending only leads to blindness. Then, obviously, you don't want a pair of floating eyeballs, not for stealth, despite how funny it was." I started counting up backwards down the side of my paw, not bothering with any of the fingers already there. "Then there's the psionic eminence you have to worry about when yo-"
"Alright." Another hoof to her nose. "Ah get it."
No she didn't. How fractally irritating.
She looked up at me. Confusion plastered in her inner eyes. She'd let her spark fall beyond the horizon again, I couldn't get it back by snapping it up. Not without hurting her, but it did pass my frame of reference like all things do. She still wanted to argue, to whine at me for interrupting her 'special moment' despite the hypocrisy in it. I could make coffee, in it All, say, I could say I invented coffee and everyone would believe it probably! Why I was putting up with this at all was...
Chaotic. Special. Goodness. Okay.
"How about a truce." I offered.
"Ah what?" She rejected the premise.
"A truce!" I offered again. "A deal," I clarified. "I'll help you with your thing, and you'll let me tag along for it."
"Ya won't just leave?"
I frowned.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. On one condition."
Oh good.
"No magic." She lifted her nose and nodded to herself. Job well done.
Obviously she didn't understand that literally everything was magic, so I clarified, "To be clear, you're wishing for my spontaneous erasure, as I am made of magic." I lifted up my right claw, to sell the comment. Not that I was made of magic, ironically, I was one of the few things not stemmed from that old rock. Blame little sleepy for that one.
"I mean-" She shook her head, banishing off the irritation for another moment. "I mean magic. Ya can stay, just don't go snappin' up a storm. If you're gonna help me, you're gonna do it the earth pony way."
"OooooOOOOoooOOoooooooOOOooooh!" I coupled with the sound of an airplane passing over us. She obviously didn't know what in it All that was, so she flinched from the cascading echoes of my voice. "No more casting. I can handle that. So-" I extended my paw down over my talon and twisted them around each other in a corkscrew until they were visibly the same hand. "We have a deal?"
"Ya don't have ta say it like that." She whined, again, but she shook my hoof.
The premise set into place. No more magic for me, not until I was done here. I immediately regretted my actions, of course, as my feet settled onto the pavement. "Ugh- walking."
Applejack smirked, settling into her passive racist ways. "The earth pony way includes walking." She demonstrated for me, what optimum walking looked like. It included four legs, and a pace far too fast to be fair.
"Ugh" I let my shoulders droop. "This place better not be far." So we were off. If I had to deal with pushing past the crowd instead of just altering their perceptions, I'm sure I would have been pulling myself out of my goat tea by the time we even got halfway to where we were going.
Applejack was content to let me follow in silence. Far too focused was she on her senses, that sense. Smell, I knew it, I had mastered it, like all senses. I knew the smell she was looking for too, memorized it before coming, but I couldn't tell her that, wouldn't be fair to cut all the way to the end when we only just got started. Cheating.
Simple. Empty. Goodness. Okay.
"Where are we gooooooooing." I dragged out, as deep as I could.
"Ah don't know yet." Was her simple answer.
I rolled my eyes, "I doubt that. You know, you're just lost."
Applejack turned her head while walking. So unfair. "Suppose I should know if I tell ya, how'd you even know I'd be here?"
"Would you like me to lie?" I ask, out of necessity.
She gave me a look that answered my question, despite her choice to not think about it, I did.
"Applebloom told me."
"What? Why? When?"
I waved a hand, hoping she wouldn't catch the sudden transformation. "Time travel, and it was because you being gone got into her chores. We had crusader plans for yesterday, which was also when she told me."
"What exactly did she tell you?"
Oh thank goodness. Here we go, "She told me about some old coffee shop you wanted to find. How important it was to you for this weird thing that you wanted. To answer your next question, because I love granting bizarre requests."
She made a face. Lemons. I can never be sure if she'd make that face because they're lemons and- well, you get it, or if because they're no apples. A wonderful bit of cognitive entropy I've elected not to correct. "It's not bizarre."
I used my talon to quiff my hair into a bees nest. "Honey bean, of course it's bizarre." I gesture outwards, "A quarter of a million years ago, this place was a river and some rocks. Ponies hadn't even been invented yet, and now an orange apple loving farmer is looking for a box of harvested trees where other not the same ponies sell more harvested plants as food, and you're not even going because you want the food! You're going because it reminds you of something else that's-" I waved my limbs into a circle, "It's delightfully confusing, deeply and antagonizingly hard to grasp, something you don't even get, yet here we are. It's bizarre."
"Uh- I dunno about all that." Sure she did.
I elected to prove it. "Well then let's cut this walk short. There's a shop across the street, over there." I pointed, I could see it because I was tall. Not sure why ponies wanted to be so short, but not really complaining. It's only an observation.
"Is-" She was interrupted as I bent upside-down and backwards and twisty to make eye contact as I led the way through the crowd. "Er- nevermind." I looked into the camera and shrugged. Probably not important then. We crossed the street, goodness, how boring a way to describe the act, though not majoritively a failure, I'm only glad it was over.
She didn't want to come inside though. I held the door open for her and everything. "What? Is there something about coffee shops I don't know? Does the owner eat babies?"
She swallowed another invisible lemon. "No- Discord, I-"
"How can you be sure?" I asked, completely seriously. "You haven't even asked."
She shook her head, "Discord, it's not the right place."
"So it not being the right place makes the owner not a baby eater? I'm not sure how that connects." I knew it wasn't the right place. It couldn't have been. The shop she was looking for closed down years ago and got replaced with a suit rental outlet. I knew the smell she was looking for though, which was ostensibly not what was coming from this place. I could smell the anti-acids. Five out of ten, at best.
"That's not the-" She ducked to the side as a pair of reverse colored mares entered the café. "Okay- I don't know, but that isn't the point. This isn't the right place."
"I thought that didn't matter?" I asked, again, waiting for her to answer, again.
"Of course it matters! I'm here lookin' for the one-" She swallowed another lemon, biting her tongue back. "Why am I even talking about this with you." Then she turned and walked off. Again. I had half a mind, and it was wondering if I should bail on her, with how rude she was being.
I walked after her.
"Ya really aren't leaving are you?"
"Aren't you?"
She snorted in that way ponies do. "Is there a reason you're so set on botherin' me?"
"Bothering!?" I whined back at her, see how she likes it. "I came to help you."
"Lotta help you been so far." She shot back sarcastically.
I snarled. Actually, I think I was quite frustrated, "I could have simply taken us to where you wanted to go, but you insisted on 'no magic' despite being the second most magical species in the world. You wanted me downgraded to nothing but moral support, and then you won't even let me support your morals! Ow-!" I kicked a rock. Visually and artistically dramatic enough for my tastes, though, fundamentally recursive in the same direction, but with pain instead.
Applejack took a moment to mull over what I had said as she walked. Lucky for me, we were coming up on the trail. A few more bricks- and she stopped. She lifted her nose up to try and catch the scent again, it was fleeting by design. Couldn't have it be too easy. "Wait-"
I could smell it too, duh, I could see the dang thing.
"I-" She took another deep inhale. "I can-" She battled with emotions and memories.
I pulled out my trusty microweave magnifying glass and picked her up by the hoof and held her eye level through the glass. "We've picked up the scent! Come now Watson, there's a mystery a leg!" She didn't know where the hat I put over her came from, and quite frankly, neither did I. That's half the fun, after all. I ran, she griped about something or other, maybe putting her down.
"Discord."
"What?"
"You're going the wrong way!"
So I was.
"Lead the way then!" I shouted in her face, despite the lack of any actual deadline or stakes in the current situation. It was funny though. She pointed, and I slung her under my arm.
I occasionally held her up so she could re-catch the scent, and she gave me directions - me, directions. - it was a show I would have dearly loved to give to the entire town as we ran around in circles, following the scent trail that wove between at least six back alleys.
"Wait- wait. Discord, stop." Until that orange apple loving mare lost the scent when we were less than a block away.
She sniffed the air harder, I lifted her up again. She was heavy, not that it mattered. Again, only an observation.
"I lost it. Consarnit!"
I curved around her, "So I take it that means I shou-"
"Put me down." She commanded.
I dropped her, and she roughly smacked into the concrete of the alley we were standing in. She lost the hat sometime in the dashing, though, maybe it was the hat that lost her. I hadn't checked, so I wouldn't know. She sniffed again. Goodness, you'd think a creature that's had a nose it's whole life would be able to do something simple like follow a scent trail. It's not like it was subtly hidden.
"Nothing." She stomped a hoof. "Dang it."
"I could alway-"
She rubbed a hoof over her face again, "No. Discord. Just no."
"Bu-"
"I said no!" She looked at me funny. Some cross between angry and something else. "I was gonna- I had this idea to go all methodical. Now I don't even know where I am."
"It's-"
"Could you do something other than bothering me? I take one day off from work for me and you waltz in and make a massive joke of it."
I stuck my face in hers. "Who's joking?"
We stared each other down.
I felt the need to point out, "We almost made it too." I pointed to the other end of the alley.
She looked, obviously, she couldn't see the shop around the corner; she walked to the end though, and I followed her. One corner turn away from making it, and more shouting at me was apparently the price for moving this whole thing forwards. Here we were. She turned the corner and saw the sign and fought down another memory. Then she turned to me, "How'd you know this was here?" laced with suspicion, of course.
"Well because I knew it was there." Was my answer.
She blinked, "No. I- did you know where it was this whole time?"
"Naturally."
She fumed, "And you didn't think to say anything?!"
More shouting. So- ugh, "Listen to yourself. You asked me to do this the earth pony way, and I did. We did all the unnecessary work to reach the satisfaction of hard work done well. What else do you want from me? I'm at the end of the line here Jackie, I'm dangling! Help!" I threw myself onto the ground after leaning back far enough.
She leered at me in confusion. How I hated that.
"Fine. Not a fan of charades." I gestured around the corner, extending my arm to it, and over her head. "Shall we?"
She sighed. "I don't suppose there's a way I can go in and you stay out?"
"Quite literally no." Was the honest truth.
"How did you know this was here?"
I shrugged and walked past her, "I could smell it." Which was also true. Blame my practice.
She followed me this time, and she walked through the door, slower as she got the rush of chemicals that made up her memories. I had to do a bit of digging to get the right dingily bell, but it was definitely worth it to see the effect. I could practically see the memories myself. The aunt and uncle behind her, the smells. The cascade, the tables and chairs and ponies and the way the sun reflected off the wood through the windows. The tiny sounds that made up the ambiance, the colors and the shapes.
The Symphony. Or symfpony, if you could allow the one pun.
"Hello!" Said the milky tan filly at the counter. "Welcome to Icy Delights!" She said, in that half nasally, pitched voice only children could get away with. I know, I've tried on several occasions, it's far less cute when I do it. "Can I help you pick anything off the menu?" She finished, as Applejack got closer.
The orange mare wasn't aware of how she was being seen again, not with her mind playing tricks on the time. I'd done quite swell work, if I do say so myself. Another mare turned the corner, "Grounds! What did I tell you about the counter." She scolded. The filly's ears folded down and she mumbled some instructions I didn't pay attention to. Authenticity didn't require my attention, and I had forgotten how long their list was, until just now. Menu, not list, my bad.
While I was trying to remember how many corners a heptagon had, Applejack talked shortly with the mare at the counter. She very strictly didn't remember her, and ordered a milkshake with wafers in it. I ordered a septuplet of ice cream flavors that all had coffee in them, and a cupcake. Despite them not serving anything that I ordered, the mommy mare at the counter took my order and presence in stride. Something Applejack did notice.
Applejack went to go sit down and I joined her. Remaining silent as she gave me a raised eyebrow. "She seem a bit- off to you?" So she was seeing through the illusion. If only half way.
"How so?" I asked back.
"She- well." She gestured at all of me, "She didn't seem to mind... you."
I swallowed a lemon. "And why would she?" I said as if bothered. Crossed my arms behind my back too, to complete the look.
"Er- nevermind."
They delivered our food in record time, since we were the only two creatures technically there. Applejack thanked the mare and that was that. She stared at her smoothie for a moment before taking a sip and blinking a few times. "This is..."
"Exactly what you wanted?" I ventured.
"It's... the same." She looked oddly at the thing. "Exactly how I remember it."
"Mhm." I gestured, "So it's hollow?"
"Hollow?"
"The same." I clarified. "Scooped out emotions."
"What are you talking about?"
I rolled my eyes and inhaled one of our ice cream boxes. "At least the trip here wasn't so boring."
"The..." She wondered, which was good enough.
"You came all this way, and the memories are all the same. Boo-" Another ice cream box disappeared. "Hoo. You're the one who wanted it to be like that."
"I-"
"Earth pony way." I shrugged. "I can't help with your memories, but I can make it a little more interesting."
She mulled that over. "Are... are ya saying you actually came to help me?"
I waved my talon while picking up the cupcake with my paw. My tail opened the window latch and I stuck the pastry outside. "No," I laughed, "Goodness no. I came here to celebrate!" The candle landed in the cake and lit itself as I pulled it back inside and closed the window again. "It's my birthday today, did you know?"
Applejack responded with a flabbergasted look.
"You didn't know." I rolled my eyes, "And I thought we were friends."
"Uh, how can- you have a birthday?"
"Your suspicion is deeply bothersome, and fair, as I am lying."
She swallowed another lemon, and I was half tempted to make her regurgitate it.
"A whole eternity of simply being and I still get my whole past ripped away from me one day at a time." I rotated the cupcake in my visual range. "You think your memories are hollow?" I shot at her. "Though, that gives me all the more reason to pick a day? Right? Just choose when I was born and go with that?"
Applejack remained silent. For a moment, I could see the spark peaking again. She was wondering. Asking the right questions in that tiny little head of hers. "Discord, are y'all alright?"
"Heh. Moi? Of course I am." I spun the cake a little faster, and the wrapping came off on its own. "Spending the special day with a friend. Are you okay?" I pointedly asked back, "And keep in mind that you're not nearly as good a liar as I am."
She thought. Annoying how slow it was, but at least she was bothering to do it. Lemon wafers, I'll blame them for the sake of it. Lemon wafers? I mean seriously, chocolate! I know she was chasing down some memories, but she could at least go with a mediocrem of class.
"Why are you here?" She eventually settled on.
"Like I said, I'm helping you."
"With?"
"Avoiding a mistake I tend to make." I ate the wrapper. "Memories are easy to chase down. Why would you want two copies of the same thing?"
She made a face, her stubborn self shown through once more. "I only wanted to remember something from my childhood. That ain't-"
"You wanted to feel the feelings again. You could just remember, like the rest of us." I set the cake back down on the heptagonal plater. "Did it work?"
"I dunno." Was her quick response.
"I could take you back." I said. I didn't know how this would go. Probably more shouting, how exciting.
"Back? Back where?"
"To see your parents." I clarified, "Time travel. Functionally, at the very least."
She blinked and narrowed her eyes. "That's a vile thing to joke about Discord."
"Who's joking?" I responded seriously. "Ask Fluttershy if you don't believe me. It's my birthday, and I like to grant bizarre requests."
She stared, and another wafer disappeared from the smoothie cup. I wonder if I should have gone with plastic or paper. Glass made that horribly distracting tinking noise when the spoon went inside. "Ya..." I saw her insides twist, but I refrained from pulling on the strings she plucked in this world. That was the old me. I let her sort it out on her lonesome. All so far away, deep in her own mind. "You could really take me back to see my folks?"
"I could." I said. "I could also lead you to an old café you remembered from when you were a filly." I smacked myself over the head, "Wait! I did that already. Except..." And I gestured out to her, "You don't seem to be enjoying yourself half as much as when we were running around in circles outside."
"I-"
"Saw you smiling." I pointed a spoon at her. "I know fun when I see it. You like to think you've got your head on straight, but there's a filly in there that just still loves to run." I pressed my talon into my chest again, "Reminds me of someone else I know."
She opened her mouth again but I cut her off.
"Usually you're supposed to run towards the future. Not away from it. A hard won lesson I learned long ago, only, getting used to it nowadays is a little different. You see." I continued to fill the space between us with words. Was I talking too much? I was doing the same thing, though, that was part of the reason we were both here. "You wouldn't want to go back to see your parents even if you could. It'd... sully their memory. Going around the short way." Hollow. Cheating. Empty. "The difference between the two of us is that your long way is far shorter than mine."
Her thoughts kept turning around. "I don't think I've ever... even heard of you being so serious."
"It happens from time to time." I consumed another ice cream. One? Singular? Who cares. The noise was the funny part. "For important things, like my friends."
"Didn't think you thought a' me like that."
"I don't. You're a jerk."
She shook her head. "So ya came out here with me. That don't make us friends."
"No, but it doesn't necessarily have to." I consumed another box, "I can handle another enemend, so long as she actually bothers to keep herself straight, instead of going on depressing walks to café stores while trying to relive the past."
"Uh-huh." She nodded along, finally having caught on. "Alright Discord. If that's what you want, I can do bizarre requests too." She waved a hoof, "Crusaders get me ready for that, and you, I suppose."
I picked up my cupcake. "To running forwards."
She picked up her glass, "To running forwards."
I smashed my cupcake into the side of her smoothie glass. She snorted and pulled her glass away. "Well on that note. I'm goin' home. I got stuff that needs doin' and I could get a jump on it before Celestia lowers the sun. Now that this is... over."
Indeed. "So and more. I think I'll stay a while. I'm beginning to enjoy the ambiance. OH!" I snapped my fingers and teleported her back to the other side of Ponyville. The opposite side Sweet Apple Acres was on. Wouldn't want her to thinking I hadn't learned anything. "Our deal is up." I said to the open air where she used to be standing.
"Alright boys! Shows over!" I yelled out as I got up. The various ponies in the shop sighed or slumped. The filly in particular whined quite loudly as they all transformed back into versions of myself. "Alright, you all had your fun. Show's over. You know how Princess Twilight will get with her zoning laws." I snapped my claw and returned the place to its natural state, the suits coming back after sprouting from the shelves and walking around. Wood stretched back into where it was supposed to go.
Not very funny, but purple smart cared more for practicality anyways. Regardless, I don't have some big memento, or a recap, if you were looking for it. That's what happened, and how it went. Goodbye everybody, and goodnight.
