”Say, how do we make babies?”
A long splurge of coffee, nimbed by green flames, left Spike’s mouth to come hit the table, splashing sheet, jam and toasts of black liquid.
The purple dragon did his best to regain countenance, while trying to expel some drops which went into the wrong pipe from his lungs. He ran the back of his hand over his chin; then into his napkin using his neurons to the best of his ability to find an acceptable answer.
On the other side of the table, his partner was giving him a mischievous look over her own mug. Ember loved giving him that expression. That "get on with it, love" look that belonged to her alone. For a bit, you might have expected her to cross her legs and take out a bucket of popcorn, just so she could enjoy the show a little better. The fact that the little monster who had just asked the question was also her daughter was just a detail in this kind of situation.
After a quick glance with his companion, Spike focused back on their child.
Little one got her mother’s eyes. Not exactly the same tho, they were more orange when Ember got two rubies in place of eyeballs, something that Spike, as a gemstone aficionado, considered particularly exquisite; but this fire stare was a deep contrast with the rest of her look. Where someone could expect vivid colors, Zirael got her scales slightly indigo with serene lilac thorns. Neither Spike nor Ember ever really understood why their daughter was so pale when themselves were so colourful.
Zirael was a smart kid. As all little girls her age, she took interest in a thousand topics, expecting an answer every time. Twilight told her old aide that it was normal. There was an age when children wanted to know everything about everything, and little dragons were clearly no exception. Not a week without a new question bursting out from the lips of the dragonette. "Why is the sky blue? How do princesses live longer than us? "Why is the sea salty and sometimes sings shoobedoo?"
Spike was not specially clever but was raised by a mare who was. Somepony wouldn't spend days helping Twilight with the footnotes to her scientific treatises without getting something out of it.
That said, Spike had to admit that Zirael was pushing him in a corner. He would have felt much more comfortable if his daughter had asked him about quantum physics. At least, he could had play auntie Twilight card and gotten rid of the issue. Not today it seems.
”To make a child…”
Spike fumbled for words, with the unpleasant feeling of wielding a test tube full of explosives.
”You need a mommy and a daddy. To start.”
Yeah, it was a good place to start. Pretty obvious to get, even for a seven-year-old.
”But there's Mademoiselle Lyra and Mademoiselle Bonbon,” Zirael objected at the outset, without his father being able to go on and refine what he was saying. ”They're both moms. And they have twins!”
Spike already felt the slippery slope coming in and the cackling of his partner, delighted to see him in a pickle. He tried to keep focus. It was going to be hard enough explaining to the little one what ordinary parenthood was, so homoparenthood…
”You're right”, he said with a smile. ”So let's say it takes two people. And it doesn't matter if it's a boy and a girl, or two girls, or two boys, okay?”
The dragonette nodded. Spike crossed his claws so she wouldn't immediately think of single parenthood. We'd try to get as rough as possible, and only go into detail afterwards.
”To make a baby, this two people need to love each other...”
”Unca Zephyr and auntie Rainbow stop loving each other, they went into a divorciation last year So that means Foeh is no longer their son?”
”A divorce sweetie”, her mother gently corrected her, putting her empty coffee mug back on the table. ”And no, your cousin Foeh is still their son. Same as you, you'll always be our daughter, and that's something that'll never change, no matter what happens. And your uncle and your aunt loved each other when they got married. I mean…I think?”
”I still never understood why she said yes”, Spike mentioned thoughtfully, almost more to himself than to his family.
His partner shrugged.
”I still never understood why I said yes”, she replied with a perfect poker face, closing her claws on the jam jar.
”I would say my advantageous physique, or my excellent situation”, continued her companion, entering into her game, adopting a cold and analytical tone.
”When we met, you were fifty centimeters tall and Twilight's assistant. Myself, I was a princess”, she reminded, helping herself to a piece of toast.
Spike remained silent for a moment; allowing Ember to gain the upper hand, before counter attacking.
”Actually, I was Dragon Lord before you, you know.”
”Touché”, she admitted with a shrug. ”But I held the position for more than three minutes.”
”You’re not going to start again!” pouted Zirael, crossing her paws over her chest.
Their daughter always found it hard to understand their specific way of declaring their love for each other. As Ember had always found the public display of affection extremely vulgar, even in private, she masked the feelings she felt for her companion behind a layer of sarcasm and denial that fooled no one after closer inspection. Spike wouldn't have stopped his partner from doing this for all the money in the world. The dragon, who was never shy with snarky remarks himself, had entered into her game, and their couple found a certain equilibrium there, as strange it may seem to an outside eye...or filial one.
”Sorry pumpkin, you're right”,said Spike gently, paternally running his hand over his child's skull. ”So you've got two people who love each other. Who love each other very much. Often live together...but they don't always have to”, he clarified, cutting off his daughter who was already opening her mouth with another counter-example. ”And when they love each other enough and feel ready...they make a child together.”
”Yes, but how?” insisted Zirael, clearly not losing her bearings.
Spike winced like a boxer being backed into a corner of the ring. Did she really have to ask for the technical details? Damn, couldn't she have wanted to know something less daring? Or wait until she was a little older?
”They're cuddling”, said the purple dragon, weighing up his words.
”You and Mom, you hug me all the time, and it does not create any baby, eh.”
”A special hug between grown-ups.”
Younger, Spike had always thought that "you'll understand when you're older" and "it's a grown-up thing" were just cowardly techniques. Now that he found himself in the position of the besieged, he had to realize that these magic words made quite an appealing way out.
”You cannot make a baby until your body's ready”, said Spike. ”It’s like…flying at birth. When they come out of the egg, dragons can't. They have to learn, and it's long and painful. You can ask your mother about it.”
”And even more important than your body, you've got to be ready in your head”, said Ember, rising from the table to put her mug in the sink. ”Making a baby isn't a decision you take lightly. It's about bringing into the world someone you'll have to protect and guide through life until the end. It's a bit more responsibility than taking a hamster.”
”Does this mean you're going to be on my back for the rest of my life?” grumbled Zirael, clearly not beamed by the idea.
”Only for the first forty years, after which you'll be granted midnight leave”, replied her mother, twinkle in her eye.
Spike knew his partner's way of doing things. This combination of a wink and a joke was her way of bringing the debate to an elegant close. Spike gave her a smile of thanks. She may have laughed at his embarrassment for a few minutes, but she hadn't hesitated to jump into the deep end to reach out and pull him out of the water. As if preventing drowning was a constant in their relationship.
As he knew her, she would slip quietly into another topic, and more awkward questions could be avoided at seven in the morning.
”I got an invitation last night, by the way. For the Scales party, three weeks from now. I know you're working right before, and you like to rest after your big weeks, but I think it'd be nice if we went.”
Even though Ember had abdicated when her daughter was born, in keeping with tradition, she retained all the sympathy of her people and was much appreciated by her peers. Crackle, the current Dragon Lord, never missed an opportunity to quote her in his speeches, or to invite her as guest of honor at horde feasts.
”Sounds good”, Spike replied, taking the idea on the fly. ”We could even go with the kid. It'd be nice to put her in touch with her draconic legacy.”
”She already sees my dad every month.”
”Don't take this the wrong way, darling, but your father isn't necessarily the most...calm dragon for Zirael to find out where she's from.”
”Papy Torch took me on a volcano picnic last week!” shouted the dragonette, clearly very proud of herself and her grandfather.
”See what I mean…”
Ember conceded the point before letting the discussion slide to more trivial subjects, such as Zirael's latest grades at school, or the respective tasks awaiting both of them today.
Something was still nagging at Spike. He knew it was a bad idea to bring it up again, that it was like jumping into a minefield when you'd cut the fuse on a stick of dynamite in extremis, but it disturbed him too much. He had to know.
”Zira?” he asked his daughter, pouring himself another dose of steaming coffee. ”Why did you want to know that thing about babies anyway?”
”It's Marmelade at school”, she announced, sipping her chocolate milk. ”At playtime, he's always showing off, saying he knows how babies are made, and that anyone who doesn't is a big loser.”
”It’s rather him the big loser”, Ember countered mercilessly. ”I'd bet my right claw he knows even less than you do. You don't have to prove anything to that kind of idiot, do you, sweetie?”
”It was very good of you to ask us”,her father congratulated her. ”You shouldn't hesitate to do it when you don't know something. It's better than not asking, or asking people who'll tell you nonsense. I'm proud of you”, he concluded, savoring his coffee.
”No, but that's no problem! I wanted to ask you because you're here, but I know that if I want the details, I can just look in dad's magazines on top of the wardrobe!”
A second glassful of black coffee, shimmering with green flames, drenched the family sheet once again.
Ember reflected that this stain was going to be a pain in the ass to get back...
Author's Note
Fic previously written for Geek Writer's "Write a 2000-word SFW fic about sex" contest on the french MLP Fictions website in 2016.
