I think God hates me...

by Serius Sam

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 2726

Meet John. He's working in a job he hates with guys he doesn't like. Can it get any worse?

John is a 32 years old man with a boring job and lots of bills. He's as crazy, sarcastic and intelligent, as he's handsome and loyal. He hates his work, all of his so called "friends" and all his life. And that isn't even the half…

A/N: Hello everyone/everypony! This is my first fanfic and so far my first attempt in writing a story. If you will catch some mistakes of mine, please tell me by comment or private messege. Oh, almost forgot: please like (if you enjoyed the story), and leave a comment. All sugestions and other are welcome :)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-08 18:13:51 UTC

Old job, new problems...

Chapter I: Old job, new problems...

Ugh...

John was waking up. It was another boring day, with the same boring people, but with a brand-new bunch of problems. The first thing he did after opening his eyes was begenning to think.

Oh God, why I must get up so early? And why is-  Damn! My coffie on the quilt again. This day is starting real great...

He decided to get up, but-

Agh! Damn, my leg. Where is my walking stick?  And where are my pills?

He started to look for them on the table, but he found none of them.

-Where the hell are they? Hm, last time I saw them... My jeans! There they have to be.

He searched his favourite pair of blue jeans and...

-They there are! Now, right into daddy's mouth - And with that, he throw the pills, one by one, to the air, and catch them with his mouth.

-Yeah, for 3 points! Now, time to work. Christ...

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John! You are late again! Do you really wont to lose your job?

There it begins...

John was tired of hearing this one once again, for the thousand time wile he walked through the main hall.

-Nice to see you too, boss! - God, I swear, if I get the chance, I will cut his tongue off.

-Oh, hay John! How was your day yesterday?

-Nothing special. - The next obstacle to my room. Just plese, don't follow me

-You know what? I'll help you go to your office. Not this again...

-The leg doesn't hurt so much, I can do it by myself.

-But really, I can help you! Please, don't piss me off, especially on Monday...

I can do it alone.

-But your leg-

-I SAID I CAN DO IT ALONE!!!

A fiew feconds later I realize how loud I sad that. Now, everybody was starring at me. Even my boss exited his room to look, wat was going on.

Christ, I told her I don't need help. Why everybody must be so "helpful" just because my leg is...

-I... I just wanted to...

-I said that for hundredth times, and I will said one more time- I DON'T need any help. From any of you-with that, he ponted at random employees- I don't need help... -And with that, he begin to hobble to his office, where he was save from the stares and all of them.

I don't need help, from anyone. If my leg wasn't... Then none of them would even pay attention on me.

------------------------==================-----------------------

-John, are you arlight?

There he was. Sam. I think the only person who doesn't piss me off and tries to understand me. Why there aren't more peple like him on this damn world?

-Yeah, I'm fine. You heard about that accident in the hall, don't you?

-RIght, and I'm here to talk about it.

There he goes again, my personally voice of morality...

-You can't just scream at others just becose they want to help you!

-I didn't scream. I just rose my tone of voice so she could understand me better, becouse it wasn't clear to her before.

-John!

-Ok, ok, maybe I rose my tone too much. So what?

-You should go to her and apologize.

-What? For what?

-Hm, I don't know... Maybe for that that you screamed at her?

-Oh, please, even you against me, Brutus?

-What you will do is your choise, but don't blame me if everyone will turn from you.

-Did you finish your speech? Becouse I will try to pretend that I'm working- and with that, he turned to his Solitaire.

-John...

-What? Parish announcments?

-Don't say I didn't warn you...

-Ok, ok, now, will you excuse me? I have to don't do my work.

-Just remember, poker tonight at Lucky's Seven.

-Right, I'll be there after work. See you later.

------------------------==================-----------------------

John was pissed off when he was walking down the street to his home, just as always.

Why everybody want to help me? They exacly know I can do everything by myself and they do it just for purpose. They all should just go and hang themselfs, and the world would be a nice place again.

When he crossed River Street, he turned right and stopped.

Oh, right, poker night. Let's head back.

He turned back and begin to walk down the Cross Street. His coat was waving through the air and his old-fashoned hat tried to escape from his head. When he reeched the banner, he looked at a familiar face.

-Good to see you John.

-Same to you Sam.

-Shall we walk in?

-And why would we be here?

-You and your type of answers. It begens to getting on my nerves. Will you ever change?

-Never-said John with a smile.

And with that, the two entered the bar.

------------------------==================-----------------------

It was warm. Inside the bar, there were talking friends, drinking ladies and some men playing poker.

-Are we going in or will be stay here all the night?

-You're right- said Sam.

-John! I'm happy to see you again- said the barman- How can I help you?

-A galss of wiskey for me and a beer for my friend.

-Will you pay after, or before you two will demolish half of my bar?- said Carl with a smile.

-Maybe this time I will pay now-said John- Sam, give me your money.

-But you were saying that you are going to pay!

-Yes, I'm paying, but who said that with my own money? Besides, I forget to take my wallet with me-said John with a sarcastic smile on his face.

-Ok, ok, I will do it, but this is the last time!

-Right, of course- John was using his sarcasm once again- This is the last time...

-And I am not joking!

-And who said that you are?-said John in even more sarcastic tone that usually

-Did some tell you that you can be a real pain in the ass?

-Maybe- said John and they both shared a laugh.

-So, maybe we will get to the drinking part now?

-Of course dude!- and with that, the men's night begin.

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BEEP BEEP BEEP

Oh God...

BEEP BEEP BEEP

My head...

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I swear I will throw this clock out the window someday...

BEEP BEEP BEE-

Finaly. Oh man, my head... I think it will blew up in a moment. Agh, bad idea. Better not think.

He reached for a glass of water and an aspirine. The first-help kit for thouse with a hangover.

Ok, the clock was beeping, what hour is i- He started.

11:30

Boss is going to kill me

He quickly reached for his jeans and a black t-shirt.

I will use a chewing gum to refresh my breath. No time for teeth brushing.

And with that, he was out of his house.

------------------------==================-----------------------

-Is boss here?-asked John, hiding behind a couple of boxes in the hall.

-No, he isn't, but if you want to get out of this alive, better move to your office real quick. Maybe he will forget if you don't show yourself today.

-Ok, thanks Sam. Maybe it will work.

Ok, now careful, better don't step hard on the floor, he will not hear me.

He moved as quiet as he could.

Ok, I'm near my office. I think he will not-

-JOHN BLACKBURN TO MY OFFICE, NOW!!!

Damn it

He stood up and walked to his boss office. He hear whispers like "He's going to kill him, I swear." or"Oh man, he's going down.". He gulped.

Ok John, gather yourself up. You must use a good excuse, so he will spare you. A good excuse...

He entered the door.

-Blackburn!

-Yes?

-You are late! Again!

-Yeah, I'm sorry, I had to...

Think John! Think! What can be a good excuse for being late? Right!

-My leg hurted and that's why I'm late. I'm sorry boss...

-Your leg you say? Well then, I can understand that.

-Really? I can't belive he bough it!

-Yes, your leg is in... Not in best condition, so maybe if it's half past 12 now, you should take the rest day off.

-For real? Thank you boss, you're the best.

-He he, now go you big kid, I have some work to do.

-Right sir! Goodbye!

-Yeah, bye.

John was leaving the bosses office with a smile for the first time. Everybody was staring at him. These faces told him everything. "Why is he alive?".

-John! How did you escape? Did you use some sort of gas or black magic?

-No Sam. It was just me and the truth-said John with a wide smile.

Faked truth, but truth, right?

-Ok, let's say I belive you. Where are you going?

-Home.

-Home? In the job hours? You can't be serious.

-Boss gave me the rest day off.

-And that's a think I won't belive.

-Belive or not, I'm going home, and you are staying here- John was proud of himself.

-You son of a... Eh, arlight. Tomorrow's poker, remember?

-How could I forget?

Thank God he remind me of that, I completly forgot!

-Ok, so see ya John!

-Bye!

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What a bunch of fools. And the boss? Are you kidding me? He bought my eqcuse with leg, what an idiot. And those faces of my associates-priceless. And what will I do with the rest of my day? Play new games? Go to bar? Or maybe-

John was walking down the street, as always. He thought, as always. He watched the area, as always. He was very perceptive, as alwas. Bun not as always, he didn't notice one little thing. That he was on the road, his light was red and right next to him was a truck on full-speed. There was place only for one reaction.

Oh fu-

A/N: This is my first fanfic, and my first attempt with any writings, so if you have any sugestions, or something's missing, something you don't like or something you would like for me to change (also grammar thinks) please post in comments or write to me a PM. Hope you enjoy!

Where...?

Chapter II: What the...

Darkness

The only thing John saw, was darkness.

Am I dead? If so, where the hell am-

Pain. Lots of pain.

OH HELL IT HURTS!!!

John felt like he had a head-on collision with a train.

Oh God... What the hell is going on? Where, in the name of Christ Saint, am I? What the-

Then he realized. His mind, as always quick to react, was processing information faster than he wished to. If he felt the pain, he was alive. If he was alive, then...

Ok, what is happening? John, gather yourself. Think. The last thing you remember... I was walking down the street... Red light... Oh, right. The truck. About 5 centimeters from me. Then? Darkness. Ok, if I were on the street, and this damn car hit me, there surely was a call for an ambulance. But I don't hear anything. Or see anything, in fact. Why can't I--

He though for a moment, and the realization hit him like that truck.

Open your eyes to see, you dumb idiot -he heard the familiar, sarcastic voice.

Oh, shut up, Jack, I know that I can't see with my eyes closed.

So...

Alright, alright. Jeez...

There he was. Jack. An inextricable compan of John. Literally. John had a second personality, who was always with him to talk with him and help him solve bigger problems. It was helping him, or rather them all. Jack was the same John was, but he was a little bit more... Frantic. He had crazy ideas, but sometimes John did't have an option but to listen to him. He was a little non- existing friend of John, and his ideas always worked- surplisingly.

Ok, let's see wher am I-

...

...

...

-What the...?

Trees? I was on the street, so how...?

Wow. That truck hit you so hard that you landed thirty kilometers from where you where standing, or you must be seeing things. Tell me, do you do drugs?

-What?! Are you kidding? if I were high, you would too be... You know.

High as fuck?

-Yeah. High as fuck.

So, tell me Johny boy, where are we?

-Do I look like someone that knows where are we?

Damn... Ok, let's see... What do we have?

-Hm... I have my phone... Where is my... There it is! My walking stick! Ok, phone, walking stick, home keys. a hanky, headphones...

Maybe we threw it all and listen to some good music?

-No, I don't think it will work. Maybe later.

Ok, if you say so...

-...A chewing gum and my wallet. That's it.

Ok, get your walking stick and search around. We should be near a rode or something.

-Good idea. I'm on my way.

He grabbed his walking stick and start going foward. But something troubeld him. Something wasn't alright.

-Jack?

Hm?

-I think something's wrong. I don't know why, but I feel... Different.

Hm... I don't see any changes... WHAIT!

-What?

Your leg!

-What's with my-

Then it hit him. Jack was right. His leg. He felt no pain as he walked.

-Christ, my leg! MY LEG! After so many years, I don't feel pain! Oh yeah, aha, who is the best? -As he danced, he felt happier then he was on his last birthday party, where was only him, Sam and a bottle of red Jonny Walker (Jack was there, too, of course).

Ok, if you finished this show, shall we keep going on?

-Yeah, yeah, whatever- he replited.

Six boring hours later

John was stil walking forward in search of a road or some civilization or at least a sighn of it. After a long walk his legs were so tired that they didn't want to cooperate.

-Man, I'm hungry. I would give my finger for a restaurant ro something

A restaurant in a forest, you say. Good idea. Perfect location, lots of clients...

-Oh, shut up. I'm just saying that I would like to eat something.

So? You know the basics. Search for some strawberries or somethink like that.

-Not a bad idea. Let's see...

And after ten minutes or so, he had some srawberries in his stomah and a fiew more in his hands.

-That wasn't a bad idea with these fruits. Thanks Jack, I owe you one.

Not one, and not two, if I can remind the many fiew timas I saved your ass.

-Ok, ok, I get it, you selfish bastard. Still, thanks.

No problem. Now, keep going. We still need to know where are we, and we need a place to stay the night. It's getting late.

-Yeah, I think you are right agai- LOOK!

Wha-

As he stared, he started to run. There it was. The awaited salvation.

It's a castle!

-Yeah, maybe there's someone there!

As he keep running, he could take a better look at it. This castle was pretty big, had some towers, was build from stone, and... Was abandoned.

Whait... It's an abandoned castle! God damn it!

-Hey, but it's a building, so we must be near a civilization or something!

Right! Ok, search the castle. If it's save, we will stay the night there.

-And if not?

Then it's your problem.

-Oh shut up.- said John and walked to the front door.

The doors was pretty big, as was the castle. When he pushed the doors, they creaked louldly.

No one was here for years, maybe thousands of years.

-It can't be that old, you know?

But it still can.

-Ok, that's the main hall. There is a wall, and there is the next door.

Search the next door, maybe there is something behind it.

-Good idea.

When John walked up to the door and pushed it. Nothing.

-It's an empty room. No furniture, nothing.

Ok, maybe you should take a rest, it's getting late.

-Yeah, I thing a good night's sleep would be great after a day of walking. I'll rest here.

Ok, goodnight John.

-Same to you Jack.

And with that, the madman named John and his second personality Jack fell asleep. Only if they knew where they were and what did they going to get themselfs into...