Hearts and Hooves Hazards

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Romance
Length: 3956

Just when Cadance thought Hearts and Hooves Day couldn't get any busier, she and Anon get called by the Cutie Map.

Knowledge of the previous story is not necessary to enjoy this one. This story takes place in an AU where Cadance and Shining Armor never got together. The world is otherwise unchanged.

Hearts and Hooves Day, while still Cadance's favorite holiday, has gotten more and more busy as the years have gone by. Her responsibilities have increased tenfold, and so too has her stress. Now, as if matters couldn't get any worse, she and her husband Anon are getting called by the Cutie Map!

Meanwhile, Anon just wants to spend some time with his wife.

The final day of Hearts and Hands Week 2025!

Published 2025-02-15 00:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2025-02-15 00:00:02 UTC

Hearts and Hooves Hazards

“Here we are!”

“Deliver… roses… to… Crystal Skies.”

“...Cady?”

“And… don’t… forget… to… seal… the… letter… with… a… heart… stamp. Signed, Princess Cadance.”

“Cadance!”

“What is it, Nonny?”

“We’re here.”

“Oh!”

Cadance blushes and smiles awkwardly at Anon, who simply crosses his arms and clicks his tongue humorously. The two of them stand before the ever-impressive Castle of Friendship, located right on the outskirts of Ponyville. The trip from the Crystal Empire is certainly a long one, made worse when one of the travelers is completely engrossed in sending letter after letter back home the entire time.

Before she gets the chance to say anything more, the doors to the castle swing open with more force than is necessary, revealing none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle wearing a huge, excited smile on her face.

“Cadance!” She rushes out the door to meet her old foalsitter, who in turn initiates their favorite, ever-cringeworthy greeting. The two laugh merrily before sharing a close, warm hug. “Happy Hearts and Hooves Day! I hope nopony is giving you too much trouble.”

“Oh, they always do,” she sighs, the smile never leaving her face despite her exasperation. “And I will admit, this map business isn’t making my life any easier.”

“Well, it’s a good thing the two of you came so quickly, because I don’t know if you’re going to like what you see. Come on in, I’ll show you what I mean.”

Nodding, the prince and princess of the Crystal Empire follow their alicorn friend into the crystalline walls of the gaudy castle. No matter how many times they visit, the sheer grandiosity of the space never fails to impress them, despite living in a crystal castle of their own. Anon glances at his wife, only to see that the castle’s impressive visage has already lost its luster for her, as her nose is buried in yet another letter that she is frantically writing with the use of her magic. He sighs to himself before glancing down and reaching into his pocket.

He retrieves a small, folded piece of paper. On it are a couple of sentences and dozens of erased mistakes and rewrites. The prose is flowery and unfocused, but clearly the words of a man entirely smitten by the mare he loves. He glances towards Cadance yet again, but before she can notice it, he shoves the piece of paper back into his pocket.

“Here we are!” Twilight stops in front of a set of two wooden doors, effortlessly using her magic to fling them open. It’s not the first time either of them have seen the Cutie Map or the thrones that surround it, but the room has an aura of mystique and magic that never really goes away and always steals their breath from them. “Come on, check this out.”

Stepping up to the map, Anon and Cadance stare in wonder and confusion. The surface of the map changes depending on who is being called and where they’re being called to, but the location the map seems to be focusing on is certainly not what either of them were expecting.

There, in the center of the desert known only as the Equestrian Badlands, is a small, floating recreation of Cadance’s cutie mark. She glances down at her flank, seeing that the real deal is flashing yet again, just as it had done to notify them that the map was calling them in the first place.

Or, more specifically, it was calling her.

“The Badlands? What’s out there?”

“Nothing, as far as I’m aware.” Twilight gives her an apologetic look and a shrug. “I did some research while you were on your way here, but the only landmark of note near where the map is pointing is Epiphany Oasis. It’s not a very big oasis either, barely even a hundred feet across and housing exactly two trees. There’s certainly nopony living there, at least not on any official records.”

“You sure the map is working right?” Anon asks with a tilt of his head.

“It’s never been wrong before,” Twilight sighs. “So I have to believe that there is a legitimate reason for it calling you all the way out there.”

“Ugh.” Cadance groans, a rare sight from the typically upbeat princess. “Alright. It’s not like I can just ignore it. Would’ve preferred a more convenient location, though. Today is the single busiest day for the Princess of Love!”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” Twilight mutters sheepishly. “I also don’t feel too great sending you out there by yourself.”

“Don’t worry, Twi. I’m going with her,” Anon postures with a grin. “We’ll have this problem solved in no time.”

“No, Anon, you’re not. The map calls who it needs, and not a pony more.”

“Then tell me this, Twilight: If the map wanted to call me, how would it do so?”

“It would… it would…” Twilight trails off for a moment before giving him a confident grin. “It would make your entire body glow, like it did Spike.”

“Spike is a dragon with magic in his body to make glow to begin with. I have no such thing.” Anon crosses his arms again, now looking downright cocky. “Try again.”

“Umm… I-I don’t know, Anon, but–”

“It can’t, can it? So we have no way of knowing if it wants me to go or not. And to be honest, even if it didn’t, I don’t care. I’m not sending my wife to the middle of the Badlands by herself, especially on Hearts and Hooves Day.”

“Grah, FINE! But if something happens out there, I’m putting the blame squarely on you!”

“What else is new?” he shrugs. “Any objections, Cady?”

The two look towards the pink princess, only to see that she is, once again, engrossed in a letter. The room is silent as they take a moment to allow her to finish, and it’s not until her horn glows with alicorn magic and the letter ignites and disappears into a nonexistent wind that she notices their gaze.

“S-sorry. Are we ready to go?”

“Oh boy, I love traveling across the desert!” said no one as Anon and Cadance wander into the vast expanse of rock and sand.

“Add… rosemary… to… make… the bouquet… more… fragrant.”

Another flash of magic, another letter sent into the void.

“How are you holding up, Cady?”

“Well, the sun is making it difficult to see my letters and the breeze is making it hard to write, but I guess I’m keeping it together.”

“You know, it’s been a while since we’ve gone on an adventure like this! Feels like we don’t get as many chances to save the day as we did before all this Crystal Empire royalty business.”

“We’re saving the day every day, love.” She gives Anon a quick, warm smile. “It might not be as glamorous as defeating a changeling queen or fighting off bugbears, but what we do is important.”

Anon looks back for a moment before his lips slowly curl upwards.

“Y-yeah, I guess you’re–”

“Oh, hold that thought.”

“See something?”

“Nope, another letter.”

Cadance’s horn glows as an envelope appears magically before her. Anon sighs when her attention turns squarely on said envelope. Meanwhile, their trek into the Badlands continues. They walk at a decent pace, unable to fly due to the desert’s strange air currents and the fact that the Badlands have no weather team to oversee the climate. On top of that, Cadance can’t teleport them somewhere if she doesn’t even know what it looks like. It’s just them, a map, and the open expanse before them.

Taking another glance at his wife to confirm that she is engrossed entirely in her work, Anon rolls his eyes and pulls the piece of paper out of his pocket once more. From his other pocket he grabs a fancy fountain pen and mindlessly taps the back end of it against his cheek. After a few solid minutes of thinking, he begins to write.

It’s in the way the sun makes your mane shine, even when you aren’t trying to look good. It’s in the way that your mind naturally drifts towards others, and the way you focus on their well-being even when the world is beating down on you. It’s in the way you look at me, how I can tell from nothing more than a glance that the genuine, overflowing love you hold in your heart is extended not just to your subjects, but to me. It’s in–

“Ow!”

Anon snaps to attention at Cadance’s shout, seeing that she’d stubbed her hoof on a basketball-sized rock she hadn’t seen coming.

“You alright?”

“Ugh, I think I bent my shoe,” she whines. “That’s not gonna be fun to walk in.”

“Why don’t you take them off? There’s no way the heat is helping matters when your shoes are made of metal.”

“Technically they’re made of… ah, never mind.” With a sigh and an amused smile, she steps out of her golden-colored shoes and magically levitates them in the air before handing them off to Anon, who gingerly places them in his back pockets. Being a big, lanky human has its perks, including your wife’s shoes being small enough to fit into your comparatively massive pants. “Thanks, Nonny.”

“Ah, don’t mention iiiIIIIT!”

Anon waves his arms wildly before stumbling forward. Through the vast expanse of orange rock and sand, neither had noticed the sudden drop off mere feet away. Just as he is about to tumble down into the vast ravine, Cadance leaps into the air and wraps her front hooves around his waist. Pulling with all of her might, she flaps her wings and pulls him back onto solid ground.

“Riiiight… there!”

Both stumble backward the moment Anon gets his footing, just narrowly avoiding falling onto his no-longer-airborne wife.

“Oh… oh gosh…” Anon forces out through panicked breaths. “S-sorry about that! I don’t know how I didn’t see it coming.”

“I didn’t either,” she sighs, relief evident on her face. “I’m just glad you’re okay. Is, er, there a bridge somewhere, or…?”

The two look up and down the length of the ravine, finding no such luck.

“Um. I don’t mean to force this on you, but can you… you know…” Anon awkwardly clasps his hands together, avoiding direct eye contact with Cadance as he finishes his question. “Fly us across?”

Cadance groans and rolls her eyes. She typically isn’t one to complain, but–

“No offense, darling, but you’re really heavy.”

“Right, right.” He clears his throat anxiously. “I guess we’ll just have to take the long way, then.”

“Ugh, fine. We’ll fly.”

“Thank youuuuuuu~!”

Anon glances at Cadance, not daring to look directly at her. Now absolutely drenched in sweat, she occupies herself through their long trek by, predictably, writing even more letters answering questions and solving problems for her subjects back at the empire. Anon, now the designated “watch where we’re going” guy, doesn’t let his eyes linger for long, lest he attracts her ire.

The urge to attend to his own letter grows, ushered on even more by the fact that there is practically nothing to look at. Now past the rocky cliffs, an endless expanse of sand and sun stretches out before them. Somewhere in this desert is Epiphany Oasis, but apart from that, there’s a whole lot of nothing.

Conjuring the image of his letter in his mind, he tries to continue what he’d already started.

It’s how you know what I need even before I do. It’s how you take everything in stride, never backing down from the endless swarm of problems this world throws at you. It’s how you never fail to do the right thing, to protect others, to be on the lookout for things that might hurt us even when I’m too foolish to do so myself. It’s how you–

“Stop.” Anon holds out his arm, interrupting his own thoughts as something in the air makes his hair stand on end. “Something’s wrong.”

“Hm?” Cadance looks up from her letter, her bright, curious eyes darting around them in confusion. “I don’t see anything.”

“Me neither. That’s the problem.”

“Nonny?”

“Do you know if there are any non-ponies living out here? Any of those big monsters you and Twilight have to fight sometimes?”

“Not that I’m aware of, no. But then again, I also haven’t exactly spent a lot of time researching the Badlands of all places.”

“Please,” Anon mutters, “please don’t be Dune.”

“What?”

The ground beneath them begins to rumble. Cadance’s eyes go wide, but before she can say anything, Anon envelopes her in his arms.

“Stand still.”

“Why?”

“Just a hunch.”

The two remain frozen, clutching each other tight as the rumbling continues. Each passing second feels like an eternity. In their minds, the worst comes to pass a dozen times over. A bit of sand gets kicked up into the air not a dozen feet from them, then again on the opposite side of them. All sound seems to disappear, and the world comes to a stop.

Then, out of the sand emerges an adorable-looking mole, with jet-black eyes and a curious disposition. It glances at them, scratches its chin, and disappears once more beneath the sand. Still in Anon’s vice grip, Cadance slowly turns to look at her husband, her eyes making any words she might have had completely pointless.

“...Heheh. My bad?”

“I’ve got more letters to write,” she mumbles matter-of-factly as she pulls herself out of his embrace and continues their journey. Her voice is flat, clearly hiding something deeper. “Keep being a good lookout, Nonny.”

“Dang it,” he whispers to himself before scurrying after her.

The sun has nearly disappeared over the horizon. Of the many letters Cadance sent out, one was requesting that her dear aunt prolong the day just enough to where it wouldn’t cause too much of a stink for the rest of Equestria’s populace, and that seemed to have bought them about an hour or two of daylight to travel. However, even the Princess of the Sun can only do so much while still maintaining order.

Meanwhile, Anon still can’t believe that his family can halt the movement of the darn sun as a favor.

“Well, I’ve officially spent all of Hearts and Hooves Day traveling,” Cadance sighs as she sends out yet another letter.

“Hey, look on the bright side!”

“Right, I suppose the change of scenery was nice,” she concedes, though clearly forcing herself to do so. “It was either send a bunch of letters from the desert, or respond to the complaints and questions in the flesh. Hot, sandy dunes, or cold, boring court? Truly, it is my favorite holiday.”

“...”

“And we haven’t even reached our destination, let alone solved a friendship problem. Ugh,” she groans. “I’m a terrible princess.”

“Cadance, that’s not true! You’re–!”

“Wait, look!”

Anon follows the direction in which she’s pointing. There, far on the horizon, are two trees. And where there are trees, there’s sure to be water.

“The oasis!” they shout in unison before sprinting in that direction.

Of course, the trees are actually very far away, and they barely make it halfway before their excited run has turned into a brisk power walk. Regardless, after more time than they would have liked, they reach the edge of Epiphany Oasis. The skies above are perfectly clear as night has officially enveloped them, the dim moonlight acting as their only guide while they push through the scattered shrubbery.

Their destination is downright picturesque. Two trees and plenty of bushes surround a perfectly circular pond, with grass somehow sprouting through the sand. Anon surmises that magic might be at play, but he keeps that to himself as they drink in the mesmerizing sight. The moon, now directly overhead, reflects off of the water, giving the area an almost ethereal feeling.

“Wow,” he whispers.

“It’s gorgeous,” Cadance adds, her jaw agape and her eyes glittering with untold dreams. “But… where is everypony? Aren’t we supposed to be solving a friendship problem?”

“I’m not sure, but right now, I don’t care.” Rolling his shoulders, Anon strolls right up to the water and takes a seat alongside it, relishing in the relatively cool atmosphere. Unlike most deserts, the Badlands barely drop in temperature once the sun hides away, making the oasis all the more appealing. “I’m beat.”

“I don’t blame you,” Cadance sighs as she sits down next to him. “And it seems like everypony finally got everything figured–!” Her voice is cut off as she looks as though she’s about to sneeze. Instead of doing so, however, she rolls her eyes in annoyance. Her horn glows for a brief moment, and in a very familiar motion, an envelope appears out of thin air. “Of course.”

She shakes her head as she opens the envelope, immediately engrossed in the letter found within. Anon stares at her for a long, silent moment. Sighing to himself, he pulls his own letter out of his pocket and begins to write. The front page is nearly full, but he has just enough space to write down what he had been thinking for a while.

It’s how you laugh so sweetly when I’m afraid of upsetting you. It’s how, even on Hearts and Hooves Day, you always make time for me.

It’s how you’re the best pony I know.

I love you, Cadance.

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.

“Dang it, I’m out of paper!” Anon blinks as he looks towards the aggravated alicorn. She grits her teeth, almost on the brink of a complete breakdown, before she sees Anon’s letter. “Oh, you brought some too? Thank you!”

“C-Cady, wait!” Not seeing his writing on one side, Cadance quickly writes on the clean, opposite side of the paper. Before Anon can even finish objecting, she’s already finished and signed the letter. “That’s supposed to be for–!” With a flash of magic and a brief appearance of some magical fire, the paper disappears into the night air. “You.”

“Phew,” she sighs as she finally relaxes her shoulders. “...What?”

“Nothing,” Anon mumbles as he tucks his knees against his chest. “I’m sorry your Hearts and Hooves Day was so terrible.”

“Nonny! Please don’t say such things, I had a wonderful time!”

“Did you?”

He turns his head to face her, his eyes so cold and serious that she recoils at the sight of him. How long has he been wearing that expression? He hasn’t been like that the whole trip… has he?

“W-well, I’ll admit I’ve been quite stressed, and the nonstop letters have dampened my mood a little bit.”

“Did you have any fun at all?”

“I was happy to see Twilight?” she responds unconvincingly.

“Great,” he mutters. “And she was right. You probably would have been better off without me slowing you down.”

“Oh, Anon, you didn’t slow me down!”

“The ravine? The mole? Everything I did only made you have to stop to help me, not the other way around.”

“H-hey, that’s not true! You were an excellent navigator! And you brought supplies without even asking if you should!”

“Supplies?”

“The paper? For when I ran out of my own?”

“You mean the poem that was supposed to be your Hearts and Hooves Day gift that’s now in the hooves of some random stallion back at home?”

“The po-uhmmmmmm oh dear.”

He looks back towards the water once again, his expression still just as cold and emotionless.

“I’m sorry, Cadance.”

“Nonny…”

“I was hoping this trip might help you remember why you used to like Hearts and Hooves Day so much. That we’d go on an adventure, just like old times, and we’d spend the day laughing and fighting off danger and actually getting to spend the holiday with just the two of us like we were a couple of lovestruck fools all over again.” He grabs a pebble next to the water, skipping it along the oasis’s surface until it sinks below the shallow waves right in the center of the moon’s reflection. “I guess that type of stuff isn’t really in the cards for us anymore, is it? Anon and Cadance, Prince and Princess of the Crystal Empire. That’s all we are, and that’s all we’re gonna be for the rest of time.”

“Anon.” Cadance shuffles towards him until she’s sitting directly in front of him, blocking his view of the water and forcing him to look her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry. I-I had no idea.”

“...”

“...You’re right.” She sighs to herself, briefly closing her eyes before deciding better of it. She forces herself to look directly at him once again, even as her heart aches. “I was so focused on the problems back at the empire that I didn’t notice the one right in front of me. Nonny, you’re the most important thing in the world to me. I’m sorry for treating you otherwise.”

“Cady, I…”

“You were lonely, weren’t you? Even though I’ve been right here.” She runs a bare hoof along his cheek, only now remembering that he’s been carrying her shoes for her this entire trip. “Heh. I’ve really been taking you for granted.”

“That’s not true. I’ve never felt that way, Cady. Not even once. You’re just busy, that’s all. I understand that, and I’m not objecting to it. You have responsibilities, and–!”

“No! What use is dealing with my ‘responsibilities’ when I can’t help the one person standing right in front of me?!” She holds his head in both hooves before giving him a warm, genuine smile. “I love you, Nonny. I’m sorry if I haven’t been acting like it.”

Anon tries to open his mouth in protest, but before he has a chance, Cadance has already closed the gap. She presses her soft, sweet lips against his as she closes her eyes. Despite the circumstances, he offers no resistance. In fact, she has to adjust herself as she finds his arms wrapping around her, pulling her in close as they relish the feeling of their shared embrace. It’s something they’ve done hundreds of times before, and yet, lit by the moonlight reflecting off of the oasis, they’re able to convey infinitely more than words ever could. Their tastes are familiar, yet they’re also the sweetest tastes either have ever experienced.

This is what Hearts and Hooves Day is about.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers one more time as they finally pull away from each other. “I hope you can forgive me.”

“I already have,” he whispers back, unable to hold in his goofy, lovestruck smile. “And I love you too, Cady.”

They move to hug each other once more, but are interrupted by a sudden burst of light. With wide eyes, both of them look towards the sudden brightness, immediately recognizing it as Cadance’s cutie mark.

“That’s–!”

“I guess we solved the friendship problem,” Cadance laughs. “Never would have guessed we needed to solve our own problems.”

“Hah! I KNEW I was supposed to come along on this trip!”

“Yes, yes,” she chuckles as she playfully rolls her eyes. “But if you had stayed home, perhaps neither of us would have had to come to this desert, hm?”

“Sh-shut up,” he mumbles, interrupted by another of Cadance’s sweet laughs as she leans in to kiss him once more.

And there, in the most remote location in Equestria, Anon and Cadance spend the rest of the evening sharing a warm, loving embrace.

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day.

Author's Note

Happy Hearts and Hooves Day! And to those of you that followed along, thank you so much for your support during Hearts and Hands Week 2025! :heart: