"Life cereal isn't made from ponies' life force!"
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Cozy Glow Makes Breakfast
"Life cereal isn't made from ponies' life force!"
It was breakfast time at the Evil Lair of Friendship, the name that Cozy Glow had given to the secret hideout she shared with Chrysalis, Tirek, and Grogar. (Never mind that she was the only one willing to call it that.) And currently, she was flitting around the kitchen, preparing breakfast for herself and Tirek. Chrysalis was out searching for her own breakfast (something Cozy preferred not to think about), and Grogar was off searching for some ancient artifact that they could use to defeat Twilight Sparkle. Well, actually, he was eating breakfast at Fluttershy’s house, but of course Cozy Glow didn’t know that because the season finale hadn’t happened yet.
Cozy was a really young filly, and not a very competent cook (though she did have the ability to make cupcakes from a mix, one of her proudest achievements, second only to nearly having erased all of the magic from Equestria). This meant that she was limited to making cold cereal and milk for breakfast, not that she minded. Cereal was one of her favorite breakfasts and had been for as long as she could remember. She had fond memories of going grocery shopping with her mom and being allowed to choose what cereal they’d bought.
Cozy wasn’t allowed to go grocery shopping anymore, just in case somepony recognized her face and reported her to the princesses, but she’d asked Chrysalis yesterday to add her three favorite cereals to the grocery list. (Cozy’s three favorite cereals, in case you care to know, are, of course, Cinnamon Chex, Multi-Grain Cheerios, and Original Life.) Chrysalis had come back from the store with all three of Cozy’s requests, and so the young Pegasus filly hummed contentedly to herself as she poured her precious box of Life cereal into two bowls, then finished off her creation with some milk. Small puddles of milk splashed onto the table, but Cozy didn’t care. As the saying went, there was no use crying over spilt milk.
Proud of her hoofiwork, Cozy flitted excitedly over to where Tirek was busy doing his morning exercises, a.k.a. repeatedly lifting a barbell with no apparent end goal.
“Well, good morning there, friend!” the pink filly chirped cheerfully as she grinned at Tirek, who did not grin back. “I’m sure that all of that exercising has caused you to work up an appetite. Well, worry not, your good friend Cozy Glow has made breakfast for both of us!”
Tirek grunted and put down his barbell. All of that exercising had caused him to work up an appetite, but he wasn’t about to act as though he was even the slightest bit grateful for Cozy’s act of kindness. “It’s about time you started pulling your weight around here,” he said, despite the fact that Cozy probably worked harder than him and Chrysalis combined. “What did you make?”
Cozy’s smile widened. “I made us cereal and milk!”
Tirek groaned. Maybe that was a substantial meal for a tiny pony like Cozy Glow, but for him? He needed something much more filling. He missed the days he could saunter outside, pick up a couple ponies, and simply drain their life force for breakfast. Now those had been substantial breakfasts. The meals at the “Evil Lair of Friendship” didn’t even come close. Still, he supposed cereal was better than nothing. “What cereal is it?”
Cozy’s smile broadened even more, to the point where Tirek was slightly creeped out by how wide it was. Such a large smile should not have been able to fit on such a small face. “Life cereal!” Cozy replied, doing a backflip in midair with her wings. “It’s my favorite! Come on, let’s go eat!”
Life cereal? Tirek’s ears perked up in spite of himself. Now that sounded like it could be a good breakfast. But how had Cozy managed to drain the life force from anypony, let alone figure out how to put it into cereal form?
Oh well. He figured he’d find out soon enough. He followed Cozy into the kitchen, his mouth watering. It had been far too long since he’d drained the life force from anypony.
The duo reached the kitchen, and Cozy gestured to the two bowls of cereal sitting on the table, along with a still-open box of cereal. (So then maybe Cozy hadn’t made the cereal herself, though Tirek was even more puzzled as to how he’d gone this long without knowing that ponies actually sold life force cereal.)
“Which bowl would you like?” Cozy asked, knowing that that was what a good friend would do. (She’d learned it in Professor Fluttershy’s class back at the School of Friendship.)
Not wanting to give Cozy any shred of satisfaction, Tirek pretended not to care, and chose a bowl of cereal seemingly at random (but he could tell that it was the larger one by quite a bit). He picked up the bowl and was about to walk into the living area with it when Cozy stopped him. “Why are you going off by yourself? We’re going to eat breakfast together! It’ll be an opportunity for strengthening our friendship!” Cozy cried.
“That’s ridiculous,” Tirek replied dismissively. No way was he going to eat breakfast with Cozy. She was already an impossible-to-handle bundle of energy even when it wasn’t 8:00 a.m., and Tirek wanted to eat his life force cereal in peace. He took another step towards the living room, but then Cozy started to pout.
“I made you breakfast, and you’re not even going to eat with me?” she whined.
“It’s cereal, for crying out loud! Anypony could have prepared that!”
“But it was still a thoughtful act of kindness, wasn’t it?” Cozy asked.
“Oh, fine,” Tirek answered, sitting down at the table across from Cozy. He couldn’t care less whether it was a thoughtful act of kindness, but he figured it would be best to humor her for the time being. Dealing with an angry Cozy was something he preferred to avoid whenever possible. And besides, even the sugary sweet pink Pegasus couldn’t ruin Tirek’s favorite meal: the drained energy of unsuspecting ponies.
Cozy grinned at her friend and took a bite of her own cereal. Tirek hadn’t known that she had a taste for ponies’ life force. Perhaps he was rubbing off on her. The idea made him feel both proud and scared at the same time.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Aren’t you going to take a bite?” Cozy asked excitedly.
“Yes. Yes, I will,” Tirek answered as he reached for his spoon and took a bite of the cereal. He expected the familiar flavor of ponies’ magic to greet his taste buds. Instead, his mouth was suddenly full of some sort of sugary shredded wheat.
Tirek promptly spit the spoonful of cereal back into his bowl (causing Cozy to avert her eyes in disgust). “This is repulsive!” Tirek exclaimed. “What’s in this?”
Unfazed, Cozy reached for the box of cereal and began reading the ingredients label. “Whole grain oat flour, corn flour, sugar…”
“No wonder this is so disgusting! I thought this was cereal made from ponies’ life force!”
Cozy giggled. “Oh, silly. Life cereal isn’t made from ponies’ life force. It’s just a really good cereal!”
“Then why in Equestria do they call it Life cereal?”
Cozy shrugged. “I don’t know. But isn’t it delicious? And aren’t I a great friend for making you breakfast?”
Tirek pushed his bowl of cereal across the table. “I’m going back to bed.”
Author's Note
I had Life cereal for breakfast this morning and this incredibly dumb fanfic idea popped into my head.
Hopefully you enjoyed it. 
(And yes, I'm aware that brand-name cereals don't exist in Equestria. Or, at least, that they aren't mentioned in the show...)
