Eight Edibles Later...

by Puzzle Muzzle

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Narcotics, Romance, Drama, Original Character, Rarity, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1751

Stoney Pony stumbles his way through the day to find the right things for his Special Somepony on Hearts and Hooves Day.

Stoney Pony finds himself bumbling through Ponyville on a quest to get his Special Somepony a good Hearts and Hooves Day gift. With his head still under the influence of the edibles he took the night before, he has a hard time remembering even the smallest of things. Will it come back to bite him in the rump, or will this recreational user manage to make this day one worth remembering?

This was a short rarepair/crackfic story I promised my friend a while back, and I thought it'd be fun to upload it here too. Enjoy it, bash it, I don't mind. Love everyone who takes the time to read this silly thing, preesh <3

Published 2025-02-18 13:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-02-18 13:00:01 UTC

Eight Edibles Later

The yaoi paddle fell to the marble floor with a loud clang. The green earth pony's ear swiveled towards the direction of the sound, his head lagging behind a minute or two later. When his eyes caught sight of the fallen paddle, he let out a drawn out sigh.

Stoney Pony knew he was forgetting something today. As awful as his memory was already, he promised himself that he'd be more on his A game when it came to the Holidays. He wanted to make sure he had ample time to prepare for them and get everything he could for said dates, but with a heavy sigh he slumped out of his chair and made his way towards the fallen paddle.

They got it at a convention back in Fall of last year. It was a funny gag gift they chortled over the entire time there. Something about the absurdity of it made them buy it from the vendor then and there. The two jokingly waved it around at one another over the course of the weekend, half-hearted threats and pranks tugging at the corners of the green earth pony's lips the longer he reminisced on them.

She deserved something nice today. He gently flipped the paddle onto the side with the word “YAOI” on it. Maybe he should buy her another one of these? No, joke gifts are fine every now and again, but he already got her one for Hearth's Warming Eve. She needed something special, something that's Hearts and Hooves-y.

He fidgeted with the paddle for what felt like hours. Over and over, blank and branded, the feeling of the wood growing progressively more uncomfortable in his hooves the longer his brain took to think. It was slow, foggy, and distant from the present. He chalked it up to the edibles not fully going away yet, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to focus. before he hung it back up on its hook again.

Stoney Pony tried trotting his way to Sugarcube Corner as he left his house. Would she be into something simple? A heart full of sweets and flowers never hurt anypony. It was timeless and definitely didn't hurt his wallet if he managed to muster the brain power to haggle with Pinkie Pie. Her sweets were the best around, but were they good enough for her? Would she even like sweets right now? If she wasn't, then he'd definitely be down for some.

With a smile on his lips, he stumbled his way past the towns ponies and into the shops as he hunted for the right gift for his girlfriend. A few scoffed at him, staring him down or covering their muzzles as they tried not to inhale his wretched stench. Stoney Pony didn't mind it though, if anything the mare has grown quite indifferent to their reactions. He knows he can't please everypony, so he doesn't try to. He's enough for himself and for her and that's enough.

“Ooo! Hiya there, Stoney Pony! Long time no see! What can I get for ya today?”

Pinkie squealed, her poofy hair bouncing in rhythm with her body as she hopped out from behind the cash register. The shop seemed a little messier than usual, but Stoney Pony figured she was just having a busy day than usual. That or she didn't get enough time to clean up yet, and that was something he could completely sympathize with.

“Just here for some candies. You have any of those.. Those, uhm..”

The green mare spaced out slightly, his mind wandering almost immediately as he found a particularly cool spot on the wall behind Pinkie that was easy on the eyes. He could see Pinkie opening her mouth and making silly faces and moving around in front of him, but he just couldn't understand what she was saying. It was like the world around himself was muffled by a big, warm blanket or accidentally stuffed cotton balls in his ears again.

The noise around him only tuning back in as he felt Pinkie pushing him out the door with a satchel on his back. His eyes immediately having to adjust to the lights outside of her cozy store as the sun’s rays practically blinded him. He rubbed his eyes, the weight of the satchel sinking into his back as he stood there trying to fix his vision. His hooves eventually moved on their own after a while as he headed back into the market.

As more things were added to his satchel, the more he felt it mold itself onto his backbones. It was a hassle to carry around, and he really really wanted to just chuck it to the side and let someone else carry it. He persisted though, Stoney Pony's hungry and thirst growing exponentially as he slowly trudged his way to a familiar Boutique.

Just before he could knock on the door, he realized that the curtains were drawn. Weird.. Usually they're wide open so all the ponies can see the newest fancy dresses of the week.. Odd. He knocked a few more times before he saw the sign on the door.

Closed.

That's weird.

Wouldn't ponies be dying to get a special dress for their special somepony on Hearts and Hooves Day? It's almost always open so what's keeping it closed today? His mind swam in questions as he gingerly reached for the handle. His eyebrows raised slightly as he felt it move so effortlessly. Did they forget to lock it up before turning in for the day? Did someone break in? I guess it wouldn't hurt to see if anyone's home.

Stoney Pony carefully opened the door and peered inside. The lights were off, the room bare of mares and stallions, and yet a sound remained prevalent. A piercing sound, something even the earth Pony himself couldn't mistake in his influenced state.

Crying.

He was hearing somepony cry.

His ears flattened slightly, his hoof pushing the door wide open as he walkd inside. The faint lights and sounds coming from the top of the stairs beckoning him to come closer. The wails of pain making his empathy grow and his mind honed in on the present as he made his way up the stairs and down the hall. He should've known his way around here by now, but his mind was so scattered that it took him a minute to pick the right door.

“Rarity?”

The wailing briefly stopped, the pony shaped puddle in bed slightly shifted under the purple sheets. A mess of crumpled up tissues and candy wrappers surrounding said lump in the bed as Stoney Pony waited for a response. A voice, weak and crackling, blew its nose before responding.

“Stoney?-”

“Mhm. Is me Rares. You okay?”

“okay? O-okay??-”

The mess of purple curls emerged from under the sheets, a pale face ruined by wet makeup immediately locked onto Stoney Pony. Her glare was sharp, so much so that it overcompensated for her stumbling to get to her hooves.

“Can't you tell what day it is?! It's the 15th. THE 15TH.”

Apparently whatever reaction, or lack thereof, that Stoney Pony had wasn't enough for her. Her eyes growing soft as they immediately started to well up with tears all over again for what seemed like the upteenth time. She hid her face away in her mane, his hooves covering her head as she wailed away into her pillows.

“The.. 15th? What are you talking about? It's Hearts and Hooves Day, Rares! Look, I even managed to ge-”

“YOU'RE LATE.”

Silence consumed the room. A pang slowly but surely growing in the earth pony's chest as the room would wilter and falter to the unicorn's cries once more.

He remembered now. She was looking forward to spending Hearts and Hooves Day with him, and he tried taking a few edibles to speed up the wait. He didn't think he took that many, and even if he did he could've sworn he had a high tolerance! He could've sworn he set an alarm or something of the sort.

His ears flattened besides his head as he slowly approached Rarity. The green stallion gingerly sitting somewhat upright on the edge of her bed as he pieced together a proper sentence.

“I'm sorry for mixing the days up.. You wanna see the stuff I got for you?”

She didn't respond at first, her hooves remaining over her head as she shifted in her spot. Stoney Pony slid the satchel off of his back as he rummaged his hooves around inside of it. Apparently, he ended up buying a lot more than he thought he had. Flowers, cards, candies, small stuffed animals, jewelry and even some new pieces of fabric protruded from his pouch as he rather sloppily dumped it all on her bed.

“Oh.. Guess I ended up with a lot, huh? I swear I didn't know what half of this stuff was. If I was aiming to get you a ring to fit your ring finger, I would've.”

By the time he turned back around to see if all the noise had caught her attention, his eyes glistened at the sight of Rarity peeking out from under her blankets. How could one filly be this cute? So distraught one minute and pursuing wonder and her sense of curiosity the next. It amazed him how big Rarity's range of emotions was. She too eventually grew to share his facial expression as she smiled at him. Her sniffles subsiding somewhat as she cleared her throat to talk.

“You smelly slob.. I'm surprised you didn't end up with Lyra with all your crazed ramblings about people and their unsettling limbs..”

Stoney Pony smiled slightly, his hoof gently wiping away the tears and ruined mascara the best he could off Rarity's cheek. His baked eyes locked onto her watery saucers.

“She can't compete with you, Rares. I like the way you know what you want when you enter a room. You demand attention, both with your attitude and your looks.”

She smiles at him, sniffling softly as she gingerly leans into his touch. Her glossy eyes peered into his as she took in his praise. He always had a way with his words, him and that fried brain of his..

Author's Note

This was a crackfic that I promised to write a friend of mines last year for Valentine's Day, so I hope you enjoy the randomness of this pairing <3