"The Day Anon Fell In Love With Me"
Anon was having a nice, relaxing stroll into Ponyville, having just finished an odd job for the Apple family at Sweet Apple Acres on a hot summer day. As he would frequently say, “One thing I just love about Ponyville is that I can work for whomever I want. I’m under no obligation to show up at the same place and punch my card every day and kill my soul. Today I can earn a handful of bits at Sweet Apple Acres, tomorrow I can do so at Sugarcube Corner, the next day at Carousel Boutique. Not to mention I do a good job working for them, and they don’t mind sending me home with my wage after just a couple hours. Not hardasses like they are on Earth.” His black t-shirt was slung over his shoulder, exposing his bare, chiseled chest and helping him cool down.
Using his dextrous and strong, working-man’s hands, which could hold a mare with ease, he handles a golden bit (one out of one-hundred and nine from his wage), mindlessly running it through his fingers and flipping it. As he enters Ponyville proper, a lovely stringed sound carries itself through the air, becoming louder the closer he gets to town. As no surprise, the first pony he sees upon entering the town was none other than the local human enjoyer, Lyra Heartstrings, sitting on a shaded bench as a biped would, playing her cutie mark’s namesake. Her eyes are closed, enjoying the warm and beautiful day.
“Good afternoon, Lyra!” he says. Her eyes jump open and she misses a note, before putting away her golden lyre.
“Oh! Hey, Nonny,” she responds, blushing happily and quickly putting her lyre in her lap to wave to her shirtless friend.
“I heard your music as I was walking into Ponyville. It was very beautiful.” He says, sitting down on the far side of the bench, stretching his arms and rolling his neck in several audible cracks.
“Gee, th-thanks Anon.” her blush deepens and she looks down, touching her hooves together.
“I always wondered why you don’t play more often. I’m sure the ponies would love to hear you at the Summer Sun Celebration or Hearth’s Warming Eve.” He continues to stretch his arms and legs, making light grunts.
“I dunno, I guess I’ve just always preferred being in the background,” she tries in vain to look away from the chiseled masculine figure, before finally relenting and drinking his figure all up. If her body could drool, it would be doing so by now.
“True, but I think you’d be surprised to know how many ponies would love to hear your music. I’m sure Octavia and Vinyl could work with you.”
“That’s true as well. We are great friends after all.” Lyra thinks out loud. Her eyes widen in surprise as she sees Anon get up, waving and mouthing a “bye bye”.
“Oh, wait!” she cries, stopping him in his tracks as he turns back around. “Umm… Anon, if you’re free, do you want to… hang out?”
He blushes quickly, a bit stunned by her forwardness, but happy regardless. Lyra is, of course, a very beautiful and intelligent mare, and there’s nopony more eager than her to hear every tale there is to know about humans. “Of course, Lyra. I’d love that!”
“Yay! Thanks! Maybe we could get a hayburger and you could tell me more about human wars again!” Last time they hung out she asked him about some of earth’s wars, and while initially surprised at her forwardness and reluctant to tell her, she told him that Equestria was no stranger to war, as evidenced by their bloody conflicts with King Sombra and the Crystal Empire, the pre-reformed Changelings, and Tirek. Even so, he elected to tell her about some of the “less bad” military figures such as Alexander the Great. While pleased with whatever bit of knowledge she could obtain, she still wondered if there was a side she wasn’t getting. What if Alexander the Great looked right at you and said “Lyra, you are my top guy”? If Alexander the Great says you’re his top guy, you are his top guy.
“...or I could tell you about the best musicians instead?” he responds, wanting to shift the topic and music still on his mind.
“That works too!” Lyra adds happily, drinking in the presence of her friend.
“Now I’ve told you before but I’ll tell you again, humans can’t eat hayburgers, so I’ll have to order something else.”
“No surprises there! I know you’ve told me about how humans eat meat quite frequently in your world, and as I’ve told you before, they’ve got meat in Ponyville too!”
“You know, the first time you told me I didn’t believe you, but that was before I looked up Page 24 of issue 22 of the My Little Pony Friends Forever comic, the episode “A Bird in the Hoof”, and seeing how Fluttershy feeds her animals fish and meat all the time…”
“Heehee! I’m just the smartest pony, aren’t I?”
“You could certainly give the Princess of Friendship a run for her money.” He smiles and quickly pets her head, running his hands through her lovely green mane, causing her to giggle incessantly.
“And don’t worry Nonny, it’ll be my treat!”
The two smiled and laughed as they made their way into Ponyville proper, Nonny trying with varying levels of success to play her pony-fitted harp, commenting on the beautiful noise it makes and promising Lyra that he’ll have to learn from her how to play it. He smiles and looks down at her as she bats him with her tail, walking together to a lovely Ponyville cafe/restaurant.
~~~
“I’ll have the 5 chicken tender combo.”
“And I’ll have the double hayburger!” Lyra and Anon smile to the unicorn waitress, the human grunting and leaning in over the table as soon as he leaves.
“So, Nonny, you were telling me about human names and how they’re different from pony names?” Her eyes glow wide, drooling as she looks over Anon’s strong arms and pecs.
“Oh yeah, they’re not as cut-and-dry as pony names. A pony’s name is always related to their cutie mark, right? Well, for human names it’s not as one-to-one.”
“Like how my name is Lyra and my cutie mark is a lyre?” She hangs on his every word and drinks in every ounce of his mysterious yet ruggedly charming demeanor.
“Sort of. Maybe human names are more like… Trixie’s. Yeah, that’s the most human-like name I’ve ever seen for a pony. Her cutie mark isn’t completely related to whatever a “trixie” is.”
“That… makes a lot of sense! Oh good, our food’s here!” Lyra beams in return to the smiling waitress who brings out two trays: one containing chicken tendies and potato fries, and the other containing a large hayburger and hay fries. While most ponies don’t commonly eat meat because it tends to disagree with their stomachs, many other races in Ponyville (and in Equestria proper) are omnivorous, and with Twilight’s recent orders promoting harmony among all races, it’s not as uncommon now to see the odd meat or fish dish being sold in stores and restaurants.
“I still don’t understand pony food. It’s just grass but fancier,” Anon says as he spears a tendie with his metal fork, dipping it in a house sauce and chomping down on it with his sharp fangs he calls incisors and canines.
“I have to admit, your human eating habits are rather strange to me, but…” she blushes, huffing as she examines his mouth, “sweet Celestia, those fangs look so exotic. In a good way! And also, you have hands! They’re like the perfect middle between hooves and claws!”
“You know, plenty of human scientists think that humans survived as long as they did thanks to right here, this secret weapon,” he smiles as he bends his thumb in and out, showing Lyra.
“That’s one of your… fingers, right? What’s so special about that one? I’m so curious!”
“It’s called a thumb. It gives humans an unparalleled ability to hold objects. Even of Equestria’s races that have claws or talons, not even they have thumbs!”
Lyra sighs in bliss. “That’s so interesting!”
~~~
Their conversations went around those lines until their hearty lunch was finished, including questions on walking on two legs, how humans have no tails and no cutie marks, and wear clothes all the time. After the lunch, Lyra and Anon sat down on a bench in Ponyville Park near the fountain, where the evening sun bathes the town in warm hues and a gentle breeze rustles the leaves. Lyra has her forehoof in Anon’s hand, blushing furiously after having asked Anon to hold her hoof.
“W-wow! Sorry for getting flustered like this! I thought I was ready for you to hold my hoof but I didn’t know what to expect!”
“Hey, hey, calm down, Lyra,” he says in his strong, reassuring male voice as he lets go of her hoof. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Don’t worry, I’d be happy to hold your hoof any time you want. You also never asked me to pet you, but I’d be more than happy to do that as well.”
“R-right, thanks. You’re so kind and gentle and understanding!” she smiles, her blush lightening as the minutes pass by, the two of them drinking in each others’ presence. Anon and Lyra lean closer together. The tall human sneaks an arm around the unicorn, pulling her closer, which she does not object to. She leans into his light embrace, resting her head on his chest, humming sweet little notes, and just being as happy as a mare can be.
“The sunset view out here, it’s breathtaking, really. But the most beautiful thing out here?” he says, looking deep into Lyra’s eyes, “I’m looking at her right now.”
“Oh, Nonny!” she swoons, bringing her hooves to her cheeks in absolute love. “Isn’t it great that we can hang out like this in Ponyville and… Nonny, what are you doing?” Lyra asks, but doesn’t object. She’s thinking “this is the moment, this is the moment!”
Anon slowly grasps his hands over the adorable mare’s hooves, caressing their underside using his thumbs, making her blush furiously again, and her heart beats increasingly faster. He looks at her like she was the last star in his sky, and she feels like she could get lost in his eyes. The two’s breaths begin to slow and join in sync, as their faces draw closer together and
~~~
“LYRA, WHAT IS THIS?!”
Lyra, who had been in the kitchen making tea, immediately panics, her cup shuddering in her magically created hand. She gallops in, sees Bon Bon holding the manuscript bound in a plastic binder, and lets out a squee of horror.
“B-Bonnie! Why were you snooping around in my room?!”
”That’s beside the point! ‘Anon gazed at me like I was the last star in his sky’, Lyra, what the hay?!”
“The second I get up to make tea and leave my fantasy novel out, planning to work on it as soon as the tea is done, this happens! I never ask about your secret S.M.I.L.E. business that never meets the public’s eye, so stay out of mine!”
“Why would you even do something like this?”
“Dammit Bonnie, give it back!” Lyra lunges at Bon Bon, trying to grab the binder with her magic, but the federal agent training Agent Sweetie Drops went through at S.M.I.L.E. made her quite tough, even for earth pony standards. It also made her quite dextrous with her hooves. Any other earth pony holding an object would easily have it taken from them as a result of Lyra’s magic, golden hands, but Bon Bon was no ordinary mare. She holds it close to her body as Lyra grapples her, fighting with her whole body now, not just her magically created human hands.
Like any long-married couple, they had weathered storms both great and small, but today’s argument between the two married women simmered with the kind of exasperation that only years of deep familiarity could breed. Sharp words clashed, hoof punches and slaps were thrown, not out of hatred, but out of the raw, unfiltered honesty that came from knowing exactly which buttons to push.
Thankfully, a series of hard knocks on the door interrupted their scuffle before any considerable physical damage could be done, merely leaving the two with some aches and easily concealable light bruises.
The two quickly regain composure, silently agreeing on a truce for now. Unfortunately, they both discover that in the battle, the manuscript found its way onto the floor right by the front door, no doubt a result of a teleportation spell from Lyra. The two barely had time to pull themselves off and sit nonchalantly on the couch together, so the best they could hope for is that the visitor doesn’t notice it.
“C-come in! It’s unlocked!” Bon Bon shouts, trying to sound as normal as possible (even glowies in Equestria are trained very well in that).
Both of their hearts sink when they discover that the visitor was nopony at all, but a tall human man with his black t-shirt slung over one shoulder, exposing his bare chest.
“Hey, Lyra! Bon Bon! I just got done helping the Apples out with some orchard work. Guess what, they paid me a hundred and nine bits! Wanna grab some food?”
“O-oh, yeah, sure!” Lyra stammers, hoping her blush isn’t obvious to the human and desperately hoping he doesn’t notice the metaphorical smoking gun on the floor.
“Can I come in?” he asks, inviting himself in without waiting for an answer, noticing the book on the floor as he steps in. “Oh hey, let me get that,” Anon says with an unknowing smile, bending down to pick up Lyra’s work in progress. Standing back up to full, his eyes immediately widen as he sees the title “The Day Anon Fell in Love With Me”, but out of a sickened curiosity, he can’t help but flip through.
“Oh, please Anon, you really weren’t supposed to see that!” the minty mare shouts in vain.
Anon stands there in silence, flipping through the unpublished pages with an unreadable face. Lyra’s nervousness is worn on her sleeve. She can’t decide if his silence and lack of emotion is scarier than he may have acted had he flipped out. Bon Bon is almost as nervous as Lyra (after all, her name’s not on the book), looking back and forth between the two. Despite their altercations, she loves Lyra, and even though she doesn’t show it well to Anon, in her heart of hearts she’d admit that he’s a great friend too.
“He’s already seen it,” Lyra whispers to Bon Bon, mentally signing her own death certificate. “Might as well let him finish.”
Anon wasn’t even that disturbed by the contents of the book. If anything, he was honored (in a very unlikely way) that somepony was interested in him enough to dedicate a work to him, for free! Where Anon was from, you had to pay $25 per 1000 words to have a romance story written with your name in it, like a postmodern abstraction of a Medici. As for the subject matter? He’s seen far worse on a certain Serbian car mechanics forum.
He knew he heard something across the house, so he looks up at the couple. Playing an absolute devil, he clears his throat, the only sound he made since picking up the book. “His rugged hands, calloused yet gentle, spoke of toil and tenderness alike,” he deadpans aloud from a random page, looking up right at Lyra, completely poker-faced as if sending a verbal bullet from his gun. “They could hold a mare with ease.”
“Oh, please, Celestia, make it stop!”
“His mysterious, yet ruggedly charming demeanor,” he continues, flipping again through the book. “‘I cuddle my pillow at night, thinking it’s you’, Lyra said to the strong man. And as he gazed into her eyes, she knew, deep in her soul, that he saw not just a mare, but a mystery worth unraveling.”
Lyra wishes he would have just thrown the manuscript into the trash as he slowly paced his way further in, sitting at a comfy chair not far from the couch and placing the book on a table between them.
“It’s kinda poetic.”
“N-nonny - I mean Anon! Um, I’m so sorry about this, I just couldn’t help myself, but that was stupid of me and I shouldn’t have done that, I should have just gone to you and Bonnie and told you what was on my mind.”
“I mean… I’ve never been the leading guy in a romance story before. Don’t worry Lyra, I’m not mad at you at all, I just… didn’t know you felt that way about me. I thought you and Bon Bon were married.” Bon Bon’s ears flattened. Lyra winced.
“I know,” Lyra admitted, voice soft and vulnerable. She turned to Bon Bon with an uneasy smile. “I… I’m sorry. I never meant for you to find out like this. I didn’t even know—not really.” She laughed, but it was short and humorless. “I thought that we were meant to be together forever, but then a real human showed up, and that changed everything. Before I thought humans were just a myth, and I was so happy to be your friend. It wasn’t long before I started wanting to see you as more.”
Bon Bon didn’t say anything. Her expression was guarded, but the shock had mostly set in. She had apprehended Equestria’s enemies from the shadows and preserved her secrets from those who would wish the nation harm, but no amount of S.M.I.L.E. training could prepare her for a breakup.
Lyra took a deep breath. “Maybe we’re not supposed to be married.” The words came out slowly and gently, without drama, without anger, just quiet honesty. She raised her hoofs and wrapped them around her (no longer) wife. “I love you, Bonnie. You’re my best friend. You always will be, but I don’t think that’s what marriage is supposed to feel like.”
Bon Bon’s eyes widened as she stared at the opposite wall, letting her hooves stay at her sides unmoved. Then, slowly, she wrapped hers around Lyra. “Yeah…” she murmured. “Maybe you’re right. I’ve always wanted foals of my own to raise, and I know how dramatic unconventional relationships can be. I’d hate to subject you or anypony to that.”
“Thank you for being honest with me, Bonnie.”
“You too, Lyra!”
Tears rolled down both of their faces, and they both couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t an explosion, just the quiet closing of a chapter—one they had both seen coming long before this moment. Meanwhile, Anon remains seated quietly and awkwardly, his presence unnoticed among the hugging best friends.
“So, uh…” Anon slightly raises his voice as he notices the two have largely calmed down and have separated from their hug. “What happens now?”
Lyra, back to her typical joking self, huffed and rubbed the back of her head. “Well, first Bon Bon and I have to untangle our finances and do a bunch of boring old mare stuff, and then I guess I’ll see where my whole “story about Anon” takes me!” She flicked her tail and grinned at him. “By the way, I already have a very detailed list about the best things about humans!”
Bon Bon groaned. “I knew you had notes. You’re like a little Twilight.”
Anon smirked, raising an eyebrow. “Do you really cuddle your pillow at night, thinking it’s me?”
Lyra leaned back, blushing and looking away. “Y-yes, or just imagining your hands running through my mane!”
He chuckled. “I did see you mentioned my “strong yet dexterous hands” at least three times in the parts I read.”
Bon Bon sighed and hopped up off the couch. “I’m getting ice cream.”
“Get me a cone too,” Lyra called after her. “Nonny and I have a lot to talk about!”
Bon Bon muttered something under her breath, but there was the faintest hint of a smile as she walked away.
Author's Note
Enjoy the spaghetti
