New Years in Equestria

by WolfyDash13

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 4423

A simple muffin causes a complex mish-mash of problems

Pinkie Pie is throwing a massive party for every pony in Ponyville and Cloudsdale to come to. Everyone's favorite background pony, Derpy Hooves, is assigned to bake her famous muffins to supply the ponies a dessert. At first, it's just a party, but the next morning, it's a blur. Twilight and the mane six set out to find what happened and how.

A "what happened last night?" story with some elements of "The Hangover" mixed in. Enjoy!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-01-23 00:14:05 UTC

Chapter 1

Derpy sat alone in her kitchen, mixing muffin batter intently. The kitchen was a mess. Utensils covered in muffin batter were scattered on the counter and floor. A bag of flour had spilled on the ground, and now white hoofprints were all over the house from Derpy accidently walking through the mess. Globs of batter stuck to the walls. Derpy didn't notice, though. She focused on the bowl in front of her.

The New Years party and Sugarcube corner was tonight, and Derpy knew that Pinkie was counting on her to supply her famous muffins for all of the party-goers to snack on. Derpy had been ordered to bake two dozen, and that's exactly what she was doing. She began pouring the batter into the little tins when she almost forgot. The secret ingredient! Derpy moved to her mail satchel and dug around for the small baggie she had been sold earlier that day. When she had been walking out from work, a mysterious stallion stopped her and offered her some pills.

"Well, what do they do?" Derpy had said a little unsurely, trying to steady her pupils.

"Well, umm," The stallion said with a very scratchy voice. "They make everypony have a good time! They're....party inhancers!"

That sounded friendly enough to Derpy.

"Hmmm. Okay!" Derpy had exclaimed excitedly. The mysterious stallion ducked in to the shadows after being payed, and Derpy fly home as quickly as possible.

Back in the present, Derpy brought the small bag over to the kitchen counter and opened it carefully. The pills spilled out, and she picked up one to take a look at it. It was tiny, and white. Engraved on the top was a capital "H."

"Oooooh! I get it! Happy!" Derpy giggled and crushed the tiny pill between her hooves over the bowl of batter. The dust settled in and Derpy began pouring the mixture into tiny cups.

"Everypony is gonna be so happy tonight! I can hardly wait!"

Three hours later, the kitchen was spotless, and two dozen muffins sat on a tray, smelling strongly of blueberry.

Derpy looked at her creation in awe. Each batch had three pills in it, and that seemed like it would be enough for the guests to feel happy.

The clock struck eight, and Derpy suddenly remembered that she had to be at the party early to deliver the muffins.

With the muffins securely on her back, she pushed  open the door out to Cloudsdale and began the shaky flight to Ponyville.

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!" Rainbow Dash shouted excitedly. "This party is gonna be wicked!"

"Oh, um, Rainbow, wicked means good, right?" Fluttershy asked from behind her silky pink mane.

Rainbow groaned. "Yes, Fluttershy."

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had just left Fluttershy's cozy cottage and were walking down the dirt path to Sweet Apple Acres. After retrieving Applejack, they were to meet up with Rarity and Twilight at the Carousel Boutique. Pinkie was already at the corner well, because she was throwing the party!

"I can't wait! I heard a rumor that the Wonderbolts might be there! That would be SO AWESOME! Maybe I'll get to have a drink with Spitfire and Soarin'!" Dash went on.

Fluttershy was silent.

Suddenly, she spoke up. "Well, I don't know Rainbow. I have a bad feeling about this...I don't want anypony doing something they might regret..."

"Regret? Pffff. Come on Fluttershy! It's the end of the year! That's the perfect excuse for somepony to get totally wasted or go crazy! You know you want to."

Fluttershy sighed heavily. "Oh, I guess it wouldn't hurt to step outside my comfort zone a little bit."

Rainbow Dash elbowed her in the shoulder suddenly. "That's the spirit!"

"Only a little bit, though. I don't want to face any conse-"

A sweet sound up ahead cut Fluttershy off suddenly. From Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's position, they could see Applejack sitting on the porch of the farmhouse, belting out a tune on a harmonica. The two pegasus approached in silence, appreciating the song.

Applejack stopped playing and looked up and them. "Hiya! What took so long? I jus' taught mahself how to play this while waiting for y'all to show up!" she held up the silver harmonica.

"I had to convince this old timer to let loose tonight!" Rainbow Dash nudged Fluttershy.

The yellow pegasus nodded hesitantly.

Applejack let out a hearty laugh. "Right then, best be headin' out now. Ya'll know how Rarity gets when she's left waitin."

The duo, now a trio headed up the road to the Carousel Boutique.

Twilight watched patiently as Rarity curled her long purple mane and tail, taking mental notes in her head.

"And that, Darling, is how you successfully curl your hair! Easy, yes?"

Twilight brought a hoof up to her muzzle. "Ummmm? Where do we start again?"

The door bell rang, right on time

Rarity suddenly magicked a book off a nearby shelf. "Here, read this while I go answer the door."

The book landed in front of Twilight with a clunk. She inspected the cover.

"The Fashionista's guide to all thing's fashion?"

Twilight read aloud. "Really? That's the best they could come up with?" Nonetheless, she opened up the book to the mane styling section and began reading.

Rarity ushered in the three other ponies, babbling ecstatically about how they could dress, and style their hair, and on and on.

"Yeah, yeah Rares." Rainbow Dash wasn't amused. "I don't really care, to be honest."

Rarity looked at Rainbow crossly. "You're not going to dress nice or do anything to your mane? That's a fashion crime!"

Dash got closer to Rarity, almost nose to nose. "Hey, don't insult my 'do! It's awesome, and doesn't need any styling! Back off!"

"Girls!" Twilight shouted. "Everypony should go to the party, looking however they want."

"Well, fine then! Who is going to try and look nice?" Rarity inquired to all of the ponies. None said a word. "Hmmph. Fine. I guess we can go now if everypony is ready?"

She was answered by four nods.

"Hey, did you guys hear that Derpy Hooves is bringing her epic muffins? I'm gonna eat so many!" Rainbow Dash said as the five walked out the door.

chapter 2

As the five ponies neared Sugarcube Corner, the ground began to vibrate.

Fluttershy was puzzled. "Oh, do you think something is wrong?"

Dash swooped down from her usual flying altitude. "Nah, I heard DJ Pon3's supplying the beats. It's her specialty to cause earthquakes with her tunes."

Nearing the door, Twilight raised a hoof to knock on the door, but instead knocked on Pinkie's face.

"OW!" Twilight began to say her apologies but was cut off. "Hi guys! You're kind of late but thats totally okay dokey lokie! Comon' in and join us!" The five ponies entered into the dark, bass filled house.

"Pinkie.." AJ began, "Is that a lampshade on your head?"

"Yup! Do you like it?"

Rarity chuckled at Pinkie's response. "Certainly not my choice of accessory.

Once inside, they bid farewells and went separate ways.

Rarity sat at a table with Twilight, sipping a drink.

"Oh please, Twi, just have a little." Rarity magicked her drink up to Twilight's face.

Twilight wasn't going for it. "No, Rarity, I'm not into that."

The white unicorn frowned. Time to step it up. "Pleeeaaase?" Her puppy-dog eyes glistened.

Twilight sighed, defeated. "Fine, but only a LITTLE bit."

Over by the food table, Applejack stood munching on an apple from her farm.

"AJ! Your brother is here!"

Applejack dropped her snack. No, Big Mac wasn't supposed to be here. He's supposed to be watching the Crusaders. Angrily she stomped over to where he stood.

"Mac, what in the HAY are you doin' here? Yer supposed to be watchin' the lil' ones!"

Big Mac raised a hoof slowly to quiet her rambling.

"Shoot sis, here ah was, thinkin' you'd be happy tah' see me, but 'stead, yer' chewin' me out." Mac snorted, clearily annoyed. 'If'n ya want tah' know where the Crusaders went, Granny assured me she'd keep an eye on 'em. Ya know how she gets when she's determined."

Applejack looked up at him, still frustrated. "Well, ah, um.." She watched a smile creep across Mac's face as she tried to answer him. Defeated, she loosened up. "Fine..Ah guess ah was a lil' bit to rough on ya there. AND ya are right 'bout Granny."

Macintosh nuzzled his sister. She really needed to stop getting worked up so easily, it certainly wasn't good for her. "Oh, AJ, I forgot ta' mention,  Ah brought some of the Apple family's...specialty." He turned to his saddlebag and retrieved a bottle of orange liquid.

Applejack gasped. That was Applejack Daniels!

The drink fizzed a little in its glass container. The brew went back before even Granny Smith could remember. The creator, Applejack Daniels, had created it while the Apple family had just started out, and the recipe had been passed down. He was so greatly remembered and honored for his special brew, that Applejack was named after him.

Normally, AJ would be steaming mad, but it was New Year's, so why not?

"Say, Mac, why don't you 'n' me crack that bottle open?

"Eeyup."

Rainbow Dash was showboating as usual.

"Yup, that's right. Handled an entire storm all by myself." Her statement was followed by a chorus of Oooh's and Aaaah's.

The newbie weather patrol members were hooked.

Dash took a sip of her soda nonchalantly. "Not to mention a little thing called THE SONIC RAINBOOM!" She leaned into her audience's face to add effect.

"Wow.." A stunned young pegasis said, staring into space with wide eyes.

"Heh heh." Rainbow smirked. "Alright squirts, I'm out. Catch you guys later." She turned on her hoof to leave, but felt a tug on her tail.

"But, Rainbow Dash, we want more stories!" Another young pegasis from the admirers pleaded.

"Sorry, a busy pegasis like me has stuff to do." She shrugged and flew over to where AJ and Mac where enjoying their signature whiskey.

"Whoa, guys!" She hovered above their heads as they drank. "You brought the good stuff.." She trailed off, admiring the bottle in her hooves.

"D'want some, RD?" Mac lifted a glass up to her.

"You know it!" The cyan ponies eyes lit up as she downed the shot. Her eyes spun as the refreshing liquid ran down her throat. Dash opened her mouth to talk again, but burped instead. Blushing embarrassed, she uttered a small "sorry."

AJ raised her glass at Rainbow. "What, can't handle it, Dash?" the cowpony watched contently as Rainbow became agitated. "That's funny, considerin' how amazin' ya are." Applejack smirked as the pegasis's face grew red with anger. "Hmph, well, Mac, Ah guess y'all was right when ya said that this poison was fer' the toughest."

Big Macintosh just gulped nervously. He saw where this was going.

In a split second, Rainbow Dash was in Applejack's face, eye level and nose to nose. "I AM amazing, and I can handle ANYTHING!" Applejack simply hmmphed again. Dash continued to shout. "How about this, AppleSMACK, me and you; drinking contest. Right. Now." She emphasized her intensity and seriousness by thumping her hooves on the table. The glasses rattled loudly, drawing even more attention.

Applejack raised an eyebrow and looked over to her brother.

"Whatcha thinkin', Mac? Should ah do it?"

"Ee-" He was cut off by Rainbow Dash pushing him out of his seat and claiming it as her own.

Both ponies were silent as both stared each other down. The partygoers were silent.

It wasn't long before the DJ in the corner realized what was happening. Grabbing her mic quickly, she began. "Woah ho ho! What've we got here? A little feud, eh? Well, let's take it to the next level then!" All in one motion she flicked another record down and bobbed her head.

Macintosh was up off the floor, rubbing his head. "Hit me." Both the pegasus and the earth pony said simultaneously.

"Mares." He muttered, pouring two shots of Applejack Daniels.

"Sure ya wanna do this? This isn't a lil' filly's game, ya hear? Y'all ain't got a chance against an Apple."

Scoffing, Dash replied. "Equestria's greatest flier can handle anything.

Applejack was still unfazed. "If ya say so."

The other elements had found their way to the circle. Pinkie was bouncing with excitement, Rarity was disgusted, Twilight was intrigued, and poor Fluttershy was sweating bullets. Raising her voice, she called out, panicing, "Ohh, umm, GO APPLEJACK! Wait, no, GO RAINBOW! Oooh, no that won't do.." Twilight trotted beside her a laid a hoof on her back. "Hey now, Fluttershy. They'll be fine. Just being competitive." She reassured.

Mac pushed each drink to each pony. "Drink up."

The two rivals grabbed glasses and clinked them together. "May the best pony win!"

7 shots later, and still going strong, Rainbow Dash and Applejack wobbled in their seats.

Macintosh poured shots diligently, saying nothing.

The crowd stood in awe of the amount of alcohol each pony was somehow stomaching. Regardless, Big Macintosh continued to pull bottles of the Apple family brew from his saddlebags.

"Give up now, Apple-apple-umm..." Dash raised a wobbly hoof to her chin. "Oh! schmack!"

Applejack laughed heartily. "Y'all can't even remember mah name!" Pausing for a minute, she repeated herself. "Y'ALL CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME?" Bellowing madly, she laid her front hooves on the table and thumped them repeatedly. "RAAARGH!" The cowpony turned and bucked the table, sending pieces of wood in all directions. dash was caught off guard and fell backwards onto her rump.

Big Mac stumbled backwards as well. "Sis! Stop it! I knew this was a bad idea!" He galloped forward and attempted to stop her but was seconds to late. Applejack sidestepped and grabbed the bottle of whiskey out of his unattended bag on the ground. "Lemme show y'all how a real badflank drinks!" AJ raised the bottle and broke it on her seat. She then drank from the bottom as the orange-brown liquid poured out onto the ground and all over her face. Throwing the empty bottle and whipping her muzzle, she turned to Rainbow and laughed. "Ha! Who's the iron pony now, bitch!"

Dash was speechless. Big Macintosh was speechless. Everypony in the entire room said nothing.

Pinkie Pie broke the silence. "Time for muffins!"

Rainbow didn't care. She was angry, she wanted to tear Applejack apart. Running forward she leapt into the air, using her wings for power and prepared to bring a world of pain to the drunken cowpony...

..But was abruptly stopped as she felt her tail freeze in midair. A angry and worrisome Twilight rang out from behind her.

"Rainbow Dash! Stop!" The purple unicorn trotted around to talk to her face-to-face.

"Stop causing trouble! You two need to settle down."

Applejack galloped over with the entire muffin tray on her back. "Muffin eating contest, right now."

"YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" Twilight shouted at AJ. Seconds later Pinkie was eyeing the muffins as well. "I wanna join!" She happily said. Twilight was being ignored. She watched as Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie all ate the entire tray of muffins in a fraction of a second. It was no use getting to them. She trotted back over to Rarity and Fluttershy. "they won't listen. Let's just get some of those muffins."

The three ponies helped themselves to the other tray. Big Macintosh munched on one silently as well.

Before every pony knew it, the muffins were gone. Derpys were always a hit, so it was expected.

Pinkie Pie's voice rang out over the speakers scattered everywhere. "Alright everypony! The party is just getting started!

chapter 3

"Ugghhhh........"

Twilight groaned.

The purple unicorn wasn't sure what was even going on.

"Uuuuuuugh.." She moaned again, not thinking.

All she knew was her tummy was very upset. She felt sore, and her head felt like an Ursa Minor had stepped on it. Twilight opened her eyes slowly, hoping to see something that could help her identify as to why she felt the way she did. Seconds later, she learned that wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Ow!" Twilight said, snapping her hooves up to her burning eyes. "Oh Celestia, why is your sun so bright...." She rubbed her eyes a few times before opening them again.

Twilight was surprised to see..the ground?

"Waaaaah!?" the unicorn cried, flailing her limbs. "Imfallingimfallingimfa-" Her purple body slammed into the ground, kicking up a puff of dust.

Rubbing her throbbing head, Twilight pulled herself up to her haunches. "Wha? This isn't my library." No, it certainly wasn't her cozy tree home. It was Applejack's tree orchard. Twilight looked up to see a branch directly over her, wobbling. "Did I..FALL from that? How'd I even get in a tree in the first place? WHAT IS GOING ON?"

A thought struck her. The party, last night, at Sugarcube corner. That had to be the reason. One thing she didn't understand was, Twilight did not drink, and did not recall consuming anything alcoholic at the party.

This is weird. If I ended up in a tree, who knows what else I could've possibly done? What if princess celestia finds out!? It was all too much. Twilight put her head in her hooves, ready to cry.

"Erggh....What'n the hay?"

Twilight snapped to attention. That was Applejack! "Applejack? Where are you!"

"Over here, Twi.." came the tired response. The unicorn turned around to see Applejack sitting up against a tree a few feet away, eyes sagging, placing her Stetson on her head. Resting her head back on the bark, she yawned loudly. "The inside o' my mouth tastes like a whole bushel o' rotten apples..." she drawled, with a dissatisfying smack of her lips.

Twilight shakily raised herself up on her hooves. "AJ, I'm worried. Wheres everypony else?" Applejack was next to stand up, even wobblier than Twilight. Grunting with effort, trying hard to keep her balance, she finally spoke. "Well, they're best be 'round here somewheres."  Scratching of her mane, "Let's me 'n' you look around for a lil' bit. We were together at that party, so ah'm guessin' we were together afterwards. Then, we should head back up ta the farmhouse, and see if anypony is there." Twilight nodded in agreement.

Taking a uncertain step forward, AJ grunted again, and finally fell back on her haunches. Twilight watched wordlessly as the farmerpony put on a steely eyed expression and attempted again. "AJ, can I help you? At all?" she inquired, smiling nervously. Applejack was getting frustrated. "Ah don't need nopony's help, no how!

Oh, dear. This again.

"Please?" Twilight asked again.

"Nope."

"Pretty please?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Just a little bit?"

"NO!" AJ shouted again, falling back, yet again, onto her rump.

Twilight sighed. "You leave me no choice." Trotting slowly up to Applejack, she supported the farmerpony's weight, even if said farmerpony wanted her to or not.

AJ was defeated. "Aww, shoot. This'll be the last time, ya hear? Then ah don't need no help." she added, playfully.

The purple unicorn laughed. "Whatever you say, AJ." Walking slowly, the two ponies helped each other out of the small clearing and down one of the wagon paths leading back to the barn.  It wasn't long before they spotted a very out of place rainbow tail hanging out of a tree.

Applejack laughed. "Well, sure as shootin' looks like we found Dash." Twilight was not so happy. "How do we get her out of the tree?"

"Now, Twi, you're forgettin' that you've got the best applebucker in all o' Equestria right here." AJ declared as she took position besides the tree. Leaning on her forelegs and pulling her back legs in, she kicked outwards with all of her might, rattling the entire apple tree. Leaves and the cyan pegasus they all knew and loved were soon on the ground.

Applejack walked over and gave Rainbow Dash a few small kicks. "Hoo wee! I hope she was like that BEFORE I bucked her on out!"

Twilight shuddered. Dash was out cold. This was really scary to her, what if Rainbow never woke up?

"Applejack, I don't understand! Does your special family drink really do that to a pony? Why didn't it happen to you?

The cowpony's amused smile had turned to an uncertain one. "Gosh Twi, Ah ain't sure if this is this is the brews doin'." giving another small kick. "It didn't happen ta me cause it runs in the Apple family to be able to down em' like its yer job. But regardless, the drink really only makes a pony puke a lil', not totally pass out."

The purple unicorn didn't feel any better. The element of of honesty was certainly telling the truth, but that still left an unanswered question. The panic set in again.

AJ saw Twilight's eyes dart, and put a hoof over her shoulder reassuringly. "Hey now, let's get er' on back ta a bed at the house, and then we'll start worryin'. She paused.  "Do'ya think ya can handle carryin' Dash on yer back? As hilarious as it'd be to drag er', it probably wouldn't be a good idea." She chuckled.

Feeling a new found bravery for her friend,  Twilight moved forward and got under Dash, scooting her onto her back, and then slowly lifting up. She was a little suprised to find that her agile pegasus friend wasn't that heavy. Must be the bone structure, or something. "But what about you, AJ?"

The cowpony smiled at her smugly. "Ah'll make it."

The duo, now a trio, continued up the path.

AJ pushed the creaky door to the farmhouse open very slowly. "Alright, Twi, Ah ain't sure if any of mah family is 'round here, so lets keep it down til' we're certain that the coast is clear." The unicorn beside her nodded. The two ponies stepped into the dark living room. Applejack motioned for Twilight to follow, and led the way down to the guest room. "Set er' on down in here while ah go an' see if anypony is upstairs."

Leaving her friend alone, the cowpony walked down the hall to the stairs and tiptoed up them carefully to avoid any squeaking.  Reaching the foot of the stairs, she began tiptoeing again, but tripped over something large obstructing the hallway's walkway. Applejack quickly got back up leaned down to investigate. The strange object was Big Macintosh's yoke. That was strange, her brother would never leave it out for anypony to trip on.

"Hmmmmm.." Applejack was suspicious.

She rose her head in the direction of her brothers room, and wasn't surprised to hear a small snoring coming from it. As quietly as she could, she snuck down the hall and poked her nose through the door. Her brother was sleeping soundly in his bed. Although AJ hated to disturb him, it was important to see what he knew about last night, and why his yoke wasn't with him as usual.

Slowly laying her hoof on his shoulder, she gave him a gentle nudge. "Mac? Comon' now, brother! Time ta wake..up?"

Applejack stepped back as a yellow figure on the other side of the bed rose up, yawned, and ran a hoof through its orange, bed head mane. Carelessly, it turned around to nudge the stallion it was sharing a bed with, but instead locked eyes with a very surprised orange cowpony across the room.

Yup, that was a mare.

"Ah.. but.. duh.. Mac, an'.. a mare?.. in the.. same .....b-b-b-ed?" Applejack uttered in confusion. Her head spun and she felt ready to pass out.

Big Macintosh awoke to his sister droning on in her dumbstruck speech. Oh, his sister. So clumsy, and cute when she's confused. He smiled. The stallion looked over to the other side of the room.  A yellow mare with a fiery orange mare was there also.

Wait..another mare? Realization struck Mac like a bolt of lightning. Frantically, he hopped out of bed, trying to explain just what was happening to his poor sister.

"AJ! I..uhhhm..ya'see." His eyes darted and his words tumbled over each other. "We didn't do...what you're thinkin'..we..uhm..'did'..." Mac forced a smile on his face. "at least ah hope not.." He added in under his breath.

The unidentified yellow mare was soon at his side, tracing a circle on his chest with her hoof seductively. "Oh Mac...don't deny our love..if this mare is jealous, then so be it."

The big red stallion turned to her without a word.

"What?" She wondered.

."SHE'S MAH SISTER!!" Big Macintosh bellowed in disbelief.

In spite of his attempts to console her, Applejack still stood mumbling, trying to decipher what the hay was happening.

The other mare was not affected by his outburst. "Hmmph. Well. Familys are supposed to be accepting. Regardless.." She said, putting her hoof on his chin and turning it towards her, "How about we..give it another go, Hmm? I'm in the moooood.."

Big Macintosh said nothing, his jaw practically on the ground at this point.

"Macky? Talk to me!" she frantically commanded to her newfound lover.

"Macky" swallowed his pride, put on a nervous smile, and asked, "Uh, just who're you, again?"

He watched her face contort from love to rage. "I'm Spitfire, you dumbass!"

Big Mac smiled wider, hoping for another hint.

"The world famous Wonderbolt?"

The confused stallion smiled even wider, beginning to sweat and his face aching. He had no idea who the hay this mare was.

Spitfire brought her hoof back and slapped Big Macintosh, knocking him onto his back. "UGH! STALLIONS ARE SO STUPID!" She shouted in his face. And with that, she raced past the still murmuring Applejack and was gone.

The red pony brought himself back up to his hooves, rubbing his cheek. Sighing, he sluggishly approached his sister to try and shine a little light on the situation. Taking in a deep breath, he prepared to tell the story, but was distracted by a loud "thump!" as his sister passed out onto the floor in his room.

He eyed her for a minute. This wasn't going to end well. A sister in shock was not good.

A galloping caught his attention. Applejack's friend, Twilight Sparkle, was standing in the doorway. "Big Macintosh! That famous wonderbolt just ran past me, cussing! Do you know wh-" Her eyes drifted to her friends unconscious body, lying on the floor " Err..is Applejack okay?"

"Nnnnope."