The Online Gamer: Friendship is for Noobs

We rejoin our heros and one asshole back in the kitchen of Twilight’s library. The entire Elements of Harmony are anything but in Harmony, save for Pinkie Pie. The pink earth pony was content to fix Aaron with a gaze, with her normal smile plastered across her face.

Aaron was a little off put by Pinkie’s gaze. It felt like her eyes were burrowing into his soul,(or lack there of) trying their hardest to bring any type of happyness Aaron might have had buried to the surface. But Aaron was a simple bastard. He was never happy; not unless he was online spilling the blood of noobs. Oh and British people...and girls.

Leaning forward, Aaron plopped his arm down on the table fixing Pinkie with his own stare. “So, you play Black Ops?” He questioned. Pinkie mimicked his movements with her own arm leaning forward, her smile never faltering. “What?” she asked innocently.

“Oh my God, Jesus Christ! Does anybody in this panzy-ass world know what Black Ops is?” Aaron yelled throwing his arms up in the air in frustration.

Pinkies only response was to giggle at Aaron’s antics, his vulgar language sounding like gibberish to her. “D-don’t you mean anyPONY?” she asked between giggle fits?

Aaron cut his eyes at her and jerked his head forward, questioning what he just heard. “What?”

“You said ‘anybody’, don’t you mean ‘anypony’?”

“Uuuh, no I meant ‘anybody’, not retarded-ass ‘anypony’.” Aaron answered with a hint of annoyance. “So, I’ll ask again, does anyFUCKINGbody here know what the fuck Black Ops is?”

“Anypony,” Pinkie corrected.

“Fuck you,” Aaron instantly shot back pointing his finger at Pinkie.

“What’s that?” The party pony asked innocently.

Before Aaron got a chance to answer her, (and probably scar her permanently) Twilight,Spike, Applejack, and Rarity managed to collected themselves up off the floor and returned to sitting up at the table. All four of them fixing Aaron with a very pissed glare. Aaron gave them a big white toothy grin.

“Welcome back, bitches. Enjoy your little trip?”

“Why ah outta,” Applejack said as she started toward Aaron to give him a good bucking, (The kicking kind, not the sexing kind...ya perverts) but was stopped by a hoof to the chest by Rarity.

“Now, now, I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it. Although I must say, that his little display of...” she cleared her throat, trying to find the right word to say, “‘barking’ was a little uncalled for. But perhaps that’s his way of saying hello?” Aaron responded with a flipped bird. A meaning completely lost to Rarity.

“Ah doubt it,” the apple farmer shot back, keeping her glare fixed on Aaron.

“I’m with Applejack on this one, Rarity.” Twilight started as she enveloped the fallen chairs in a purple aura, setting them back up to their normal positions. “He is clearly of ape decent, barking wouldn’t be a way of saying hello to a monkey.”

Aaron shot a murdering gaze at twilight.

“Listen, bitch. I’m not no monkey. Keep saying that shit and I’ll have you charged as a interdimensional racist!”

Twilight looked a little confused. “Racist?” she asked innocently.

“You’re comparing me to a monkey. It’s obviously because I’m black. If I was white you wouldn’t be saying I look like no shit-flinging monkey.”

Twilight had no idea what Aaron was on about, be she at least gathered that she had offended him in some way. Twilight moved to apologize to Aaron but was cut off by Rarity.

“Now, Dear. I’m sure Twilight meant nothing by it. I’m sure there is a logic-” she was cut off by a finger firmly pressed to her lips.”

“Ssssssshhhhh, the adults are talking. So why don’t you go play in traffic like a good little baby?”

If glares could kill, Rarity would now be a murderer. Her face was turning the most brilliant shade of red. She was using every ounce of her will to not bite off Aaron’s scrawny little appendage.

“W-why you insufferable, pig-headed ruffian!” Rarity shouted.

Aaron cracked one of his famous shit-eating grins. He had her right where he wanted. Blatant insult fights was his specialty. It was an art any pro-gamer of xbox live HAD to polish to perfection. Get a noob ass-hurt, and victory was most assured. Rarity fit the ‘noob’ bill in Aaron’s eyes just fine. (Although to Aaron, everyone besides him and a few lucky souls were noobs in his eyes.)

“Taint sniffing bitch.” He replied nonchalantly.

Rarity had had enough. Slowly her scowl grew, he face contorting to many unladylike positions. Grinding her teeth, if she continued like this she would shave them down to nubs.

“I’LL DESTROY YOU!” she shouted reaching over at Aaron, grasping at his windpipe.

Before she could reach him a small pair of purple claws grabbed onto Rarity, momentarily breaking her from the blind need to kill.

She Looked over to see that Spike finally had managed to collect himself off the floor, and now he was doing his best to calm his love down.

“Come on, Rarity. He isn’t worth it,” the little dragon said, shooting a dirty look at Aaron.

Spike’s words managed to reach Rarity, calming her to at least a reasonable state.

“You’re right, he ISN’T worth it,” the fashionista began, all the while trying to fix her mane back to perfection.

“I’m actually a little disappointed in myself. Lashing out at somepony is very unlady like. And it took my little Spikey-wikey to stop me from doing something BOTH,” she shot another glare at the smiling Aaron, “of us might regret.” She finished, planting a smooch on the baby dragon’s forehead.

A deep blush formed on Spike’s face before he promptly passed out on the floor in a love struck daze. Rarity watched him, a small smile forming on her face to complement the light blush on her own cheeks. She was content for the moment until a voice broke her from her stupor.

“Dragon fucker.”

“I’LL KILL YOU!”

“Ah’ll help!” Applejack shouted, lunging at Aaron.

Pinkie and Twilight were content to watch...for the moment.

During all of this Fluttershy had managed to regain enough courage to re-enter the kitchen through the window. She made her way to the closet door that housed Rainbow Dash.

“Come on, Rainbow,” Fluttershy cooed, “come on out of the closet.”

Just as she finished her sentence all hell broke loose in the room. There was a 3 way pissing contest between Rarity, Applejack, and Aaron.

“Airstrike!” Aaron yelled throwing a chair at Rarity.

The chair flew high, smashing into the closet door protecting Rainbow Dash.

“Uh...I’m not in the closet...” came a small voice from the other side of the door.

“Come on Rainbow, won’t you come out of the closet? None of us will judge you.” Fluttershy asked, hoping to get her Rainbow pal out.

“...Uh-uh,” was Rainbow’s only answer.

Fluttershy rubbed her head with her hooves. It was gonna be a long day.