Everypony Hates Spike

by Pony-Berserker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Zecora, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Romance
Length: 12175

In this story, Spike explains to us how he got in serious trouble.

Spike has been trying to impress and date Rarity since he saw her for the first time. His efforts has usually been fruitless.

After another failure and an advice from a friend, he had decided to try something completely different but, as usual, it didn't turn out well.

In this story, Spike is going to explain how he got in really serious trouble.

Published 2012-10-17 20:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-28 18:09:03 UTC

How it began

Hi, I’m Spike. I’m a dragon and I work at Ponyville Library where I’m a, let’s call it by the name, servant of a pony named Twilight Sparkle, who happens to be my stepmother and the best friend as well. But that’s not really important at this time. Now, you might be probably wondering why I am being chased by a mob of really angry mares. Well, rest assured, there is a perfectly logical explanation.

Everything started a few days ago. After I’d done some cleaning and other usual stuff I need to do as a servant, I decided to spend my free time thinking about my crush, Rarity, who is the most beautiful and most talented unicorn in Equestria. You see, she got her cutie mark in jewelfinding but her another talent is making dresses. Do you know any other ponies with TWO talents? Even Celestia has only one talent – raising the sun it is!

That day I was walking around one of the library rooms. I tried to focus my eyes on books. It was helping me to clear my mind. Suddenly, one book caught my attention. It was an old, dusty book I would have never noticed but my intuition made me to check it out. The book turned out to be about history of fashion in Equestria. “That would be something to impress Rarity with!”, I thought about studying the tome. But there was a chapter that seemed more interesting than the others. Its title was: ‘What to wear to impress a mare – historical analysis’. That was something for me, I thought. I read the whole chapter looking for tips on getting a costume that would make me look better. The book was a bit dull but very informative. The last page clearly stated that tight pants, a brown stetson and a loose black leather jacket is a perfect magnet for mares.

So I followed the advice from the book. I admit it wasn’t easy to find the desired things but I got some of them on a flea market.

Too bad those were made for a stallion not a little dragon. To make the matter worse, I couldn’t just go to Rarity and ask her to change their size. She wouldn’t be impressed then. I planned to pass by her somewhere in the town and make her say “Oh, Spike! You look great!” or something like that.

I couldn’t have asked Rarity for help but fortunately, there was Fluttershy, whose extraordinary knowledge about sewing made her somepony who could solve my problem. I easily made her into helping me. She might have been taking lessons from Iron Will but she isn’t really assertive now anymore. Looks like she forgot about him and his tips.

But don’t think that I was mean to her and I used her instrumentally. I just asked her and she agreed. Just like that. Besides, I had to clean the chicken coop for her while she was sewing...

So I was suited up. In a way of course. When I saw myself in the mirror, I couldn’t tell if I look awful or funny. The ponies in Ponyville didn’t help me figure this out as they were gazing at me blankly whenever I appeared in my new set of clothes.

At that moment it seemed to me that my look was simply breathtaking. I should have asked Twilight for the opinion – she’s a mare after all. But instead, I went all confident to Rarity’s boutique. How do you think she reacted?

“Spikey, darling! Where did you get these old and unfashionable clothes!?” she asked worriedly with her usual dramatic tone of voice, which, on a side note, is beautiful.

Fortunately, she didn’t mock my costume. She only forced me to model for her while she prepared me some ‘new and divine set of clothes’. I loved Rarity but hated the new clothes. She sewed me a real suit – a purple one. “You are looking simply magnificent, Spikey!” she was amazed by her own work. “If there were more dragons in Ponyville, they’d surely LOVE to wear that suit!”

The problem with the advice in the book was that it had been written about 50 years earlier. No wonder the clothes were out of date and my plan went wrong. Again.

That wasn’t a nice experience but I spent some time with Rarity, at least. Unluckily, she wasn’t in mood for even a small talk. She just hushed me and continued her work. These were long hours.

“I don’t get it! I’ve already done everything to impress Rarity! And she doesn’t get a clue what I feel for her!” When I got back home, I made Twilight listen to my life problems. “She just thinks I’m a little kid or something!”

“You are a little kid, Spike.” Twilight probably thought it’d be better to tell me the truth instead of giving me the false hope.

But I needed the false hope!

“Spike, I can’t really help you with that. What could I do? Go to Rarity and convince her to date you or what?” She was right. She could do nothing to help me.

I sighed and went for a walk. I was really heart-sick and didn’t even bother to hide that fact.

“Spike, why so sad!?” Pinkie shouted at me, almost giving me a hear tattack.

“In the name of Celestia, Pinkie! I told you that like a million times! Don’t do that!” I was angry now. Well, maybe rather frustrated and wanted to relieve myself. Shouting doesn’t help a lot but I felt better indeed.

The pink pony just giggled. “Oh, Spikey. I see a little anger inside this big head. C’mon! Tell me what bothers you and maybe auntie Pinkie can help!” She was jumping around me in her typical annoying manner. I didn’t really want to confess but I was getting dizzy from Pinkie jumping around me. I thought it’d be better to tell her everything, listen to her and continue my walk without her around.

“You remember when I told you I have a crush on Rarity?” I asked her.

“Sure! It’s a secret! I Pinkie promised!” she exclaimed and touched her eye with a hoof. Seriously. It gave me shivers. She put a dirty hoof into her eye. Ugh!

After I’d stopped thinking about dirt in Pinkie’s eye, I explained to her that Rarity seemed to ignore me and I had little chances with her. Pinkie looked puzzled. I wondered if she understood what I meant.

“Oh, silly. If one mare rejects you, find another one! There are more mares than stallions in Equestria. You’ll surely find one that likes dragons! Or is desperate for a partner that she will accept one!” She pat me on the head and jumped away.

After giving it some thought, I realized that Pinkie was actually right. A lot of time passed since I had fell in love with the most beautiful, the mos... um, with Rarity. But I couldn’t possibly pass the friend-zone. Or even change our good aunt-small kid relations into something less infantile.

Thanks to Pinkie, I decided that I need to change something in my love life.

I was going to find another mare to think about during nights. Another mare that could be my sense of life.

But how? I had no idea, really. But I knew there was only one pony who could help.

TO BE CONTINUED

Why I should be more careful

There was only one pony who could help. Or rather a zebra. Yep, Zecora, who technically is a pony. She even got a cutie mark. But I’m not sure if her special talent is poetry or shamanism.

Why would Zecora be helpful, you ask? Well, she can make potions and that was exactly what I needed.

When I entered her hut, she was, um, falling into her cauldron. The sudden noise I made while entering caused her to fall from a bamboo stick. She seemed to have meditated upside-down on it. When she finally clambered out of the cauldron, she didn’t even bother with her usual rhyming and simply shouted: “HAVE YOU GONE MAD!?”

Well, that wasn’t a good start but fortunately, Zecora agreed to listen to me. I asked her to make me a potion that could help solve my problem with my feelings for Rarity. She thought I had asked her for a love poison and wanted me to leave the hut.

“No, no, no! I need a potion that will make me un-love Rarity!” I shouted desperately, falling on the floor.

“Say what!?” That was the second time I heard Zecora speak without using any of her fancy rhymes.

I explained to her what was going on. I told her that my fruitless efforts to impress Rarirty frustrated me and that I couldn’t help myself trying again and again. She hesitated for a moment but finally opened a wooden box, where she’d been keeping an enormous amount of small vials. She gave me one of them and explained briefly that this would make me feel disgust at the sight of the first pony I would see after drinking this dense orange liquid. I thanked her and rushed back to Ponyville.

This sounded like a solution that couldn’t possibly go wrong. How naive was I...

I found Rarity at the restaurant. She was probably waiting for her order or a waiter. I decided to walk up to her as if nothing was going on, then drink the potion and not love her anymore.

The first part of the plan went great. I stopped next to her table. “Oh, good day, Spikey! Would you join me, maybe? I suppose you haven’t eaten dinner yet, right?” she encouraged me with her beautiful voice to take a sit.

Well, after this unexpected twist of events the un-loving could wait, right?

So I took the seat, instinctively putting the vial on the table.

“Oh, what is this, Spike?” she asked. At that moment I regretted that I don’t have pockets in my scale-covered body. I could hide the vial and nothing would go wrong.

“Um, you know...” I couldn’t find a believable lie. I did some fake coughs to prolong the time I needed to fabricate a lie and answered uncertainly: “Um, an orange... juice! Yes. Juice.” I faceclawed instinctively, confusing Rarity at the same time. I should have told her it was some ingredient for something Twilight wanted to brew. But this had already been l’esprit de l’escalier...

“Oh, I just love orange juice!” Out of all the sentences she could have uttered, this was the worst. Possible. ONE! “You know, I’m thirsty. The waiter is not coming, so I will drink a bit, okay?” She was not going to wait for my answer and just took the vial and drank a bit.

I should have hidden myself under the table to avoid her look but I sat paralyzed instead. She put the vial on its place and looked at me.

She felt sickened from doing it.

She covered her mouth with her hooves, fear combined with disgust spreading across her face. She looked confused and terrified at the same time. After a while of weird silence, she galloped away.

I felt anger rising in my body. How could I had not seen that coming!? I resisted the urge to start shouting – instead, I tried to break the table with my head. Six or seven times.

I regained my consciousness in the Ponyville hospital. I had a really awful headache. Well, that wasn’t surprising. Thankfully, my skull didn’t seem to be fractured in any way. I could just wait for my friends to visit me.

Just a few minutes after I’d opened my eyes, Twilight and her friends came in to my room.

“Spike! You can’t imagine how worried I was, when Rainbow Dash told me what had happened!” she cried upon entering the room. Well, she’s my stepmother after all. She had to be very worried. Her tears made me feel bad about the incident at the restaurant.

“Spikey! Something was definitely wrong with that restaurant! I got a horrible stomach ache BEFORE I was even able to order the meal! And now you are lying here!” the sound of Rarity’s dramatic voice filled the room. The melody of her voice worked like a painkiller for my head.

She was whining with her eyes closed. After she’d opened them, she suddenly squatted. “Um, ohmygosh! The pain in my stomach! Again!” she ran out of the room, much to everypony’s confusion.

At that moment, I wished I could drink Zecora’s potion and look in the mirror.

Each of my friends gave me a lot of hugs to make me feel better.

“Oh, poor thing,” Fluttershy said quietly and put a beatufil flower on the table next to my bed.

“Big hug for our little dragon!” Pinkie nearly strangled me with her forelegs.

I started to wonder why I had a crush on Rarity, not on any of them. Well, Twilight didn’t count as she is my stepmother, kinda. Anyway, I don’t have Neighdipus complex. But Fluttershy is actually a pretty mare too and her beauty is natural unlike Rarity’s. Pinkie Pie, for that matter, could be a beauty if she paid attention to her look.

All my arguments to have a crush on any of my friends, even Twilight, seemed very rational but Rarity was still stuck in my head. After I had left the hospital, I decided to get back to Zecora’s place and get some memory-erasing or mind-blowing potion.

After Zecora had scrambled out of her cauldron for the second time that day, she shouted at me, again without bothering to rhyme: “LEAVE MY HOUSE AT ONCE!”

“I need a memory-erasing potion!” I exclaimed.

Zecora rolled her eyes. She explained to me that I could only erase all my memories or nothing at all. I couldn’t just pick a single memory out of my head with any mixture. That didn’t sound encouraging.

I fell on the floor, crying: “I’m never gonna get rid of my love for Rarity! And now she can’t even look at meeeee!”

“She drank the potion, such is my notion,” she rhymed and smiled.

“And I believe you’ve seen that coming...” I remarked and wiped my eyes from tears.

Then she rhymed something about love and potions not going together because alchemy can’t work with real magic of love. She patted me on the head, causing a vibrating pain in it, and suggested to look for help from somepony else. As I was leaving the hut, she shouted: “And don’t come here again! Oh, horsepples...” She didn’t rhyme for the fourth time that day.

I tried to figure out if the potion she had given me wasn’t some kind of revenge for making her fall into the cauldron.

But she was right that I needed help from somepony else. I knew I couldn’t solve the problem myself. I wanted to finally start dating other mares, um, any mares actually. But it was absolutely impossible with my aching head full of Rarity.

I was desperate at that moment so I decided to visit a pony who had brilliant ideas hidden under a thick layer of crazy ones. I thought that if she wouldn’t solve my problems, even unaware of the fact, nopony would. But I was also afraid of consequences of her help. There were so many things that could go wrong...

I opened the door to her room and asked uncertainly: “Are you there, Pinkie? I, I need your help...”

TO BE CONTINUED

Why I shouldn't be so persistent

“Are you there, Pinkie? I, I need your help...” I asked uncertainly. I was afraid to enter the room. I really hate that when she appears out of nowhere.

Even though I was touching a wall with my back, she appeared jumping from behind me. That was weird. I sighed and let a waterfall of words go out of her mouth. She thought I was playing hide-and-seek and decided to use her room as my shelter. I grinned nervously and then told her it wasn’t the case.

“So, why are you there?” she asked, giving me a confused look.

“Y’know Pinkie. I need your help,” I said nervously. I wasn’t afraid of her now but I couldn’t stop thinking that I should have stayed out of her room.

“Oh, I always help my friends in need!” she exclaimed happily.

That was what I expected anyway – Pinkie always help her friends even when she is not capable of that. I explained to her my problem with Rarity.

“So, you don’t like Rarity? That’s weird. I thought you have a crush on her!” Pinkie seemed to be puzzled.

“Um, I do like Rarity! I just don’t want to love her!” I nearly shouted. Pinkie’s habit of taking everything too literally was driving me mad.

Pinkie hesitated for a moment and then began jumping around me, a puzzled look was still on her face. “Why would you want to not love somepony you love?” Pinkie was trying to comprehend my situation.

I sat down resignedly on her bed. “Pinkie, I don’t want to love her because she doesn’t love me. And this makes me sad. You don’t want me to be sad, right?” I decided to explain the matter to her in the easiest possible way.

She suddenly stopped bouncing around the room. She saddened. “No, Spike. I hate it when my friends are sad.” She seemed to be one the edge of cry. In a minute she changed from an overjoyed pony, through a confused one into a broken mare. Her mood seemed to be contagious because I became upset as well.

I told Pinkie that I had decided to follow her advice to start dating other mares but it was impossible because of Rarity.

“Um, I see...” she gave me a suspicious look. “I know what to do!” she exclaimed as she rushed out of the room. After a while she returned, holding a cupcake in her hooves.

“A cupcake?” I had predicted that something random might happen. Well, it was Pinkie Pie after all.

“Yeah! A cupcake! If you want to stop loving Rarity, you need to love something else!” Pinkie explained excitedly, giving me a wide smile.

“And what’s with the cupcake?” I asked, completely puzzled.

“I’m sure you’ll just LOVE this cupcake! It’s a strawberry one. It’s deeeeeeelicious!” she said, giving me the cupcake. “This way, you’re gonna forget about Rarity!”

I sighed. Well, I hadn’t seen that coming. I ate the cupcake in a few bites and then expressed my doubts about the idea.

“You still love Rarity?” Pinkie sounded honestly surprised by this fact.

“And your cupcakes as well,” I murmured. This was going nowhere. Pinkie obviously had the best intentions to help me but seeking help from her seemed both desperate and useless.

“I know, I know!” she suddenly shouted excitedly and began jumping around me again. “If you can love two things at the same time, you can most likely love three, or even more things! You don’t need to un-love Rarity! Just go find any mare and date her!”

The pink tornado around me was making me want to puke. Without giving it much thought, I jumped at Pinkie, pinning her to the floor.

“Oh, Spike!” she giggled. “I think you should find another mare!”

I blushed. That was awkward, indeed. I tried to stutter some apologies but she interrupted me, assuring that wasn’t a problem.

“Well, if you like pink,” she snickered, “maybe you should go for Fluttershy?”

That was an answer that I both wanted to hear and hoped she wouldn’t say. I’d thought about that before. I couldn’t really find anything against the idea but still, Rarity. I seemed to be in a real conundrum.

“But what about Rarity?” I asked.

Pinkie frowned. Most probably, she already forgot about her. “Well, you can pretend that Fluttershy is Rarity. Just imagine that her mane is shorter, more curly and purple! And that her coat is white. And that she has a horn not wings! Easy-peasy!” she said, happy to find the solution.

I had certain doubts about this plan. Maybe Pinkie was able to see Rarity instead of Fluttershy but I wasn’t able to think like her. That probably was her inside-the-chimney thinking. I mean, Fluttershy covered with chimney soot could actually look like Rarity. Or any other mare for that matter.

Moreover, I knew that ‘Plans A’ never really work out, so I suggested to move to ‘Plan B’.

“Well, I have ‘Plan B’ and I like it much more than ‘Plan A’!” she jumped up to her bed and then took a scroll from under the pillow. “I have my ‘Plan B’ stashed under my pillow in case I need ‘Plan B’ in my room!” She smiled at me and unrolled the scroll.

I returned her an uneasy grin. Did she have a universal ‘Plan B’ for any given ‘Plan A’?

“Plan B requires a party cannon, balloons, a bottle of apple cider, two big tables, one cello, a pile of hay, a pillow and a lot of calcium carbide!” she said, looking at the parchment.

Yep, she had a universal ‘Plan B’.

After giving it some thought, I had decided to follow ‘Plan A’ and went to Fluttershy’s cottage. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. Actually, I had no idea what I was going to do.

What could I do? Knock on the door, enter the house and then say: “Oh, hi, Fluttershy. You know, you and I know each other for some time and I really like you, so maybe let’s go out somewhere together?”

Yeah, that would be stupid.

And that was exactly what I said after entering her house.

Her cheeks began turning into bright shade of red. She said to me, smiling: “Oh, Spike. I like you too... Well, we can go out, if you want.”

It seemed that being extremely direct was a good idea after all.

“I was going to feed my chickens. You can come with me.” She gently patted me on the head and then left the house.

I couldn’t tell if she didn’t understand or didn’t want to understand what I had said. I kinda felt as if somepony hit me with a really big hammer.

I followed Fluttershy to the coop, faceclawing. That wasn’t a good start.

“You don’t come here too often, Spike,” she said softly. “Is there a specific reason of your visit?”

I decided that I should do something, even if it was going to be crazy. Rarity was still bouncing in my head but I forced myself to act as if Fluttershy was my real crush.

“I wanted to spend some time with you, Fluttershy. You know, I really like you,” I said, using all of my confidence.

Fluttershy looked at me, probably unsure of my intentions. “Well, you can come here whenever you want. My animals would enjoy some company. Usually, they see only me,” she answered softly and began feeding her chickens.

I didn’t know what to say at that moment, so I remained silent. For the rest of the evening, I was observing Fluttershy at work, talking to her about weather.

Yeah, I was a real bore. Fortunately, Fluttershy wasn’t assertive enough to make me stop talking nonsense. But she should have done that, really.

Anyway, during that time, I observed her closely, comparing her to Rarity. Well, they were both pretty mares, that was sure but Fluttershy missed something that Rarity had. I wasn’t sure what was that, though. I tried to ignore thoughts about my beloved unicorn but that was impossible. However, I still hoped that I could solve that problem somehow. First, I was going to find a mare, then I would try to forget...

After Fluttershy had finished her work, she entered the house. I followed her.

“Um, Spike. I don’t want to be impolite but... it’s really late. I need to put my bunnies to sleep,” she said sadly, probably feeling that she was impolite anyway.

I should have said ‘bye’ and go back home. I should have acknowledged that I can’t possibly date Fluttershy. I should have known that even if she loved me, she would be too shy and too afraid to admit.

But I acted as brainlessly as I could at that very moment. “Well, but maybe we could spend some time together. It’s a nice evening, you know.” Where had I gotten such confidence? Was I so desperate?

Fluttershy hesitated for a moment and... agreed resignedly. She definitely wasn’t assertive anymore.

I entered the house and then saw a lot of bunnies hopping around the house. How can Fluttershy live with these creatures!? One of them hopped up to me and then began sniffing my leg.

“Um, what’s his name?” I asked, unsure what to do.

“His name is Angel,” she smiled to me.

“I thought Angel is white not brown,” I said, trembling as more and more bunnies were approaching me.

“Oh, all of my animals are named ‘Angel’,” she answered, grinning sheepishly. “This way I don’t have to memorize their names. I’m not as smart as Twilight is...”

That was an interesting discovery. I hopped over some bunnies and then took a sit at the table. I just wanted to take my feet off of the ground. Fluttershy, however, thought I was hungry.

“Oh, poor thing. I was feeding the animals and I forgot about you!” she squealed, dashing to the kitchen.

After a while, she brought me some hay on a plate. I really hate hay, so I instantly thought that Rarity would have brought me some gems... And then I faceclawed because I was still thinking about her.

“Here you go, Angel!” she said to me, putting the plate in front of me.

“Angel?” I asked, giving her a confused look. Actually, I shouldn’t have said anything. I could act as her animal, if it was the only way to date her. I used to work as a pincushion for Rarity, so I could be an animal for Fluttershy.

“Oh, forgive me, Spike!” She covered her mouth with her hooves. “I’m sorry! I always prepare meals for my angels and....” She shivered and then began to cry. “I’m sorry, Spike!” She ran to her room, leaving me with my jaw dropped.

I went to her room. I couldn’t have just left the house. I felt terrible for her. Why had I come to her house in the first place? Because Pinkie had told me? If she wanted me to jump off of the cliff, would I do that too?

She was crying, curled up in the corner of her room. I sighed, came up to her and then told her what was the real reason of my visit.

She looked at me, her facial features expressing uncertainty. “Oh, Spike. Um, I like you but...”

I hushed her and then left the room. Fluttershy wanted to stop me but I assured her that everything was all right.

“Oh, okay, Spike. But, maybe talk to Twilight about your love problems. She is smart and will surely know how to help you,” she said softly and then kissed me on the forehead. “I’m sure you will find some nice mare sooner or later.”

Abashed by the kiss, I staggered out of the cottage. Well, it wasn’t as I had expected but ended up pretty nice for me.

Besides, Fluttershy was right. I should have talked to Twilight in the first place! She could use magic after all. I was pretty sure that if Twilight couldn’t solve my problems with a good advice, she would use magic!”

I hurried to the library.

TO BE CONTINUED

My name is Spike

As I approached the library, I saw that the light was still on. Looked like Twilight was waiting for me.

I entered the house. Twilight seemed to be worried. “Spike! Where have you been all day! I was worried that something terrible had happened to you!” And she was indeed worried.

“You know, Twilight, I have a problem...” I should have put this a bit better.

“Ohmygosh! Spike! Have you done something terrible!?” Twilight looked shocked and terrified at the same time.

I sighed and then began explaining my love problems to her. Twilight quickly brightened up and even chuckled a few times. I didn’t know what seemed so funny to her.

“Oh, Spike. You’re just a little dragon. I don’t think it’s the right time for you to start dating mares.” She giggled.

“I might be a little dragon but I’m not a little kid!” I shouted, causing Twilight to cower.

“Oh, Spike, I didn’t mean...” she tried to apologize for her inappropriate (although true) comment.

I groaned and then went to the other room, hoping to think up the solution there. Twilight followed me.

“Spike, I’m worried about you. Your feelings for Rarity slowly ruin your life. Maybe, maybe it’s indeed the right time for you to start dating other mares,” she said uncertainly.

I gave her a suspicious look, trying to figure out what she was thinking about. After a minute of deep silence, she finally spoke excitedly: “Wait here for me!”

I watched her run out of the library and trot somewhere. She had this annoying habit to make other wait as she finds the solution. I mean, couldn’t she just say what she wants to do?

After about an hour, she returned, carrying an enormous scroll. “What’s that?” I asked as she entered the room.

She put the scroll on the floor and then began to panting. That parchment was heavy. “Spike, this list contains pictures and names of all mares in Ponyville,” she explained, falling on the floor.

I raised my eybrow. I wondered why I would need this. Besides, where did Twilight get this?

“Spike, this is a checklist actually...” she began, making me faceclaw. Another checklist? What for? I didn’t say a word though, waiting for further explanation. “Having all the mares in one list, you can ask out every mare in the town. You can cross them off of your list, after they turn you down. This way, you can methodically find a new crush.” She grinned sheepishly.

I gazed at her blankly for a moment. “Say what?” I finally uttered.

“I also added a few positions to the checklist,” Twilight continued, “like ‘check if all the mares on the list have been properly crossed out’ and ‘Ask all the mares again to ensure they really don’t want to date you.”

“This is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard,” I said, covering my face with my claws. That was Twilight’s advice? Just date every mare in town, one by one? I asked her if she really wanted me to do this.

“Well, to be honest, no, I don’t want you to do this but I have no better idea. I just want you to finally get over Rarity. Recently, you’ve been getting more and more depressed with every passing day!” she said worriedly.

“Couldn’t you just, I don’t know, use magic to remove my feelings for Rarity?” I asked, grinning nervously.

Twilight sighed and then explained that she’d love to do so but she doesn’t possess enough power to make it happen. She cannot control magic of love to such extent. Even erasing my memory completely with a spell would leave my feelings for Rarity intact.

I should’ve seen that coming. Magic tends to be completely useless whenever you really need it. Looked like the magic of friendship wanted me to rely on my friend’s advice not a memory-erasing spell.

“What if I’ll be getting turned down by all of them?” I asked Twilight, looking at the checklist.

“Well, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!” she grinned.

“Or crippled,” I murmured and then began to skim through the list.

That was a long list. I had had no idea that there were so many mares in our town. Could at least one of them date me? Probability of success: medium.

The first thing I had to do was crossing certain mares out of the list because they weren’t eligible to be my dates. First of all, I crossed out Twilight, you know because she’s my stepmother. Then, Rarity, because trying to date her was useless anyway.

After a while I had also Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy crossed out of the list. I only needed to decide how to choose my first potential date. Randomly or alphabetically?

I decided to choose by, um, ‘coolness’ of the name. I didn’t want to decide which one is more beatiful because pictures weren’t really reflecting the reality, as one could say looking at Rarity’s picture.

My eyes caught a lovely name – Lyra Heartstrings. Maybe it wasn’t literally ‘cool’ but ‘heart’ had something to do with love after all and this made me choose her.

I’d never really met Lyra before. Her picture, however, looked very familiar as if she was often around me.

I started my search for Lyra the next day in the morning. I found her address on the list because it had turned out that Twilight, um, ‘borrowed’ the list from the town hall. I hoped that nopony would need that until I’m done with dating. And that they wouldn’t mind scratched names.

I spotted Lyra as she was leaving her house. She was an aquamarine unicorn with a lyre as a cutie mark. She looked nice. Actually, she was beatiful. That’s weird I hadn’t fall for her before. Um, that’s probably because of Rarity.

But again, I had no idea what to do.

I thought I should be as direct as possible. Crossing all the mares off the list would take forever if I had wanted to do otherwise.

“Hey, Lyra. I, I, um, I was wondering, um, I just, um, I’d like to in-invite you to a muffin,” I stuttered nervously. If dragons were able to sweat, I’d have been soaked to the scales.

She gazed at me for a while, visibly shocked by my offer. After a while she began to laugh loudly. I blushed.

“Oh, your name is Spike, right?” she finally said something, still laughing though. “Are you asking me out?” She calmed herself down after a while.

“Um, yeah?” I answered.

She resumed her laughing. “Oh, sure! Oh, Celestia. Kids are so random these days.” She patted me gently on the head. “So, where do we go, honey?”

I knew she was being ironic but I had to cope with that anyway. I suggested we should go to Sugar Cube Corner. They got the best muffins there. Actually, it was the only place where you could get muffins in Ponyville.

So we went there. I bought her a cherry-flavoured muffin, while I chose the sapphire one. Lyra was still chuckling from time to time.

That was actually irritating, so I finally asked: “Why are you laughing?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You are the sweetest little dragon I’ve ever seen but...” she said, making me blush, “but you know, um, I swing the other way, if you get what I mean.” She chuckled. “I thought everypony knows that!”

I felt like somepony dropped a huge rock on my head. How could I miss that!? Everything had seemed so simple. Just date one by one. I had never felt so embarrassed in my whole life.

“Um, horseapples,” I mumbled and hit the table with my forehead but this time I did it delicately. I didn’t want to return to hospital.

“Oh, don’t worry, Spike. You cheered me up, really.” She stroke my head gently. “Well, the muffin was great but I gotta go now. See you around, Spike.” She left, snickering.

I sighed and then returned to the library. I had anticipated that mares would be turning me down but this had really been unexpected. Anyway, I could at least cross Lyra off the list.

That was just the first time, so I didn’t broke down. The worst that could happen were laughs from the mares I was going to ask out. I began searching for another ‘cool’ name on the list.

I found one.

TO BE CONTINUED.

And I could cross her off the list

I found one name that could be, without a doubt, described as ‘cool’. Is there anypony ‘cooler’ than Rainbow Dash?

For some unknown reason, I had forgot to cross Rainbow Dash off the list. I mean, I didn’t want to date any of my close friend because I had already failed to successfully date Rarity and Fluttershy, while Pinkie Pie had subtly suggested she was not interested.

But why had I forgot about Rainbow Dash? If I think of this now, it could be the matter of the way I see her. I’d like to put it delicate but... Um, I just don’t see Rainbow Dash as a ‘girl’. I mean, I know she is a girl but she isn’t the best example of one, right?

No, I mean, it’s nothing wrong with her look but, um, she’s, err, more manly than most stallions in Ponyville, right?

But she was an adult mare and she figured on my list. I knew I would have to date her sooner or later, so I decided to date her sooner. It could be funny, I thought.

I spotted Rainbow sleep on a cloud not really high in the air. This date was going to be tricky, though. Y’know, because if I were direct, she’d probably die from laguhter. Or maybe she’d kick me harder than Applejack kicks a tree?

So I decided to be as cryptic as possible.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!” I shouted, waking her up.

“Oh, what’s up, Spike?” she answered, fortunately not angry at me.

“Wanna go eat some muffins, maybe?” I asked uncertainly. I was slightly trembling, being afraid of Rainbow Dash’s reaction.

“Meh. No, thanks. I’m not really hungry,” she answered and then yawned. “See you later, Spike.” She waved at me from the cloud, finding more comfortable position to continue her nap.

Just ‘no’? That was weird. I knew that Rainbow Dash wouldn’t go for a date but refusing a free muffin? Impossible!

“Um, I’m gonna pay for them!” I ensured that she got my point, covering my face in fear.

Rainbow Dash gave me a puzzled look from the cloud. She hesitated for a moment and then flew down. She was hovering in the air in front of me, gazing at me and frowning. “What are you up to, Spike?” she asked with distrust.

I hoped that my shivering wasn’t noticeable. I gave out some unidentified voices and then finally stammered: “J-just in-inviting you to a m-muffin. Friends do that, right?”

She continued staring at me for a while and then drawled out: “F-fine. Let’s go.”

I smiled nervously at her and began slowly walking towards the Sugar Cube Corner. Rainbow Dash was slowly flying behind me. That definitely didn’t look like a couple going on a date.

“Rainbow, could you, um, could you just walk, please? I feel weird when you fly this way over my head.” That wasn’t a lie. I really felt awkward having a pegasus throwing its shadow on my back.

“Say what? Meh,” she mumbled and landed on the ground. “If it weren’t for the free muffin...”

Looking at Rainbow Dash, one could say she seemed to be very angry. Probably at me. Probably for waking her up and making her walk.

After a short walk in an awkward silence, we entered the Sugar Cube Corner.

“I wanna the rainbow muffin,” she murmured and then sat at a table.

The rainbow muffins are the muffins with seven different flavors. They are not as tasty as those containing gems, though.

I sighed loudly, drawing attention of nearby customers, and ordered two rainbow muffins. I needed it to send Rainbow a subliminal message that I like rainbows. You know what I mean.

I sat at the table Rainbow was sitting at. “Well, where’s my muffin?” she asked impatiently. I passed her the pastry. Her frown deepend as she saw my muffin. “Hey, have you bought a rainbow muffin too? I thought you eat the gemstone muffins that the Cakes prepare for you every day. They make it only for you. Nopony else eat gemstones in Ponyville!” Rainbow gave ma a suspicious look.

I laughed nervously at this. Well, I seemed to forget I was the only dragon in Ponyville. “I just like... Rainbows.” I smiled sheepishly, hoping that Rainbow would buy the answer.

“Fine...” She answered, still frowning.

We ate our muffins in an awkward silence. That was a weird date, indeed. After she’d finished, she slurred “Thanks!” and then dashed away, leaving me alone in the store.

I enjoyed this little rendez-vous. Actually, I felt happy for the first time since... since Rarity kissed me on the cheek after this incident with me rampaging around in the town.

I entered the library, singing some cheesy song.

“Where have you been, Spike?” Twilight greeted me. “On a date, I guess?”

“Yep! I’ve been on a date!” I answered proudly.

“So... Who was your date?” Twilight nudged me, smiling.

“Rainbow Dash!” I said, emanating with my proud.

Twilight looked abashed. “Say what?”

“Yep. I ate muffins with the coolest mare in the town. And you know what? I think this is promising. I’m gonna invite her for the Wonderbolts’ Derby next week in Canterlot. I’m sure Princess Celestia will help me get two tickets.” I was getting more and more excited every second. I began to imagine my future dates with Rainbow. Strangely, I didn’t care about her look, even though she wasn’t even half as beautiful as Rarity.

With my head in the clouds, I went to the other room, thinking about Rainbow and not knowing what to do. I was enchanted.

A few minutes later, somepony visited Twilight. I overheard it was Rainbow Dash. Oh my gosh, Rainbow came to visit ME, I thought.

“Hey, Rainbow! Spike said you and him were on a date. I’m so happy he found a nice mare. I’m even more happy it’s you!” Twilight said, oblivious to possible effects that these words could cause.

Then, realization struck me. Rainbow Dash wasn’t supposed to know we were actually dating! I began searching for a good shelter.

“He said WHAT!?” Rainbow Dash shouted angrily. Then I knew I was busted.

She stormed into the room. “Where are you, you mischievious lizard!?” she growled and then spotted me as I was staring blankly at her.

Rainbow dashed towards me and before I could react, I was flying towards the wall, pain caused by hooves hitting my chest spreading through my body. I would surely have landed in hospital again, if Twilight hadn’t caught me with her magical aura.

“What are you doing, Rainbow Dash!?” she shouted.

“HE TRICKED ME INTO A DATE!” she yelled. Thankfully, Twilight encased her in a magical sphere, so Rainbow couldn’t do more harm to me.

“So what!?” Twilight inquired. That was her ‘mama bear’ moment. I was so proud of her.

“Yeah, I paid for the muffin...” I mumbled.

“So what!? So what!? Soarin’ was supposed to be my first date, not him! That’s what!” Rainbow explained, leering at me.

“Oh,...” Twilight looked pretty abashed by Rainbow’s confession. “That was your first date?”

Rainbow Dash began her rant: “Do I look like a mare...”

“Kinda...” I said instinctivly. Only Twilight’s aura saved me from a severe injury.

Rainbow groaned and resumed her rant: “Do I look like a mare that can’t keep away from stallions?”

Twilight laughed nervously. “Well...”

“No! The answer is no! No stallion has ever asked me out. Are you happy now?” Rainbow was furious. “And let me out of this ball!”

Twilight released the pegasus but put a barrier around me.

“Rainbow, nothing really bad happened. You ate something with Spike, that’s all. It was his first date, too. Besides, if you don’t change your attitude, I doubt that Soarin’ or anypony will ask you out,” Twilight gave her friend a reproachful speech.

Rainbow rubbed her mane, laughing ashamedly. She understood that she had over-reacted. “You know, um, I think you might be right.” She walked up to me. “Sorry, Spike. I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s alright. I have thick scales. No pain, um, really,” I lied.

“I’ll be going,” Rainbow said, “I think I should finally wash my tail.” She sniffed it and grimaced. “Yep. See you later, guys.” She quickly flew out the window. Twilight could finally remove the barrier surrounding me.

But instead, she tightened it up. “Have you gone mad, Spike!?” she yelled at me. What followed it was the longest rant I had ever heard from Twilight. You have to forgive me but I can’t really recall it now.

“You are grounded, mister!” she shouted finally, panting.

Grounded? That was something new. “You are not my mother,” I replied.

“Actually, I am your stepmother. I’m responsible for you. No more dates until, until, forever!” she proclaimed firmly.

“You can’t ground me forever. That’s way too long,” I retorted, folding my hands.

“Just no more dates for... a month,” she said and then turn around to leave the room.

A month or a year was no difference to me. I was not going to listen anyway. I ran to the basement, where I kept my list, and crossed Rainbow out of it.

Three’s a charm, I thought and began searching for another ‘cool’ mare.

TO BE CONTINUED.

I know exactly what went wrong...

Three’s a charm, I’d thought. But seriously, who’d made this stupid proverb?

My third try was as sucessful as the other two. Searching for another cool name, I found something that reminded me of my true love.

No, not about Rarity. Rarity is my love but my true love are candies! And ice cream of course.

Therefore, I just had to date Bon-Bon.

It was quite a similar case to Lyra. I knew I had seen Bon-Bon many times but I couldn’t tell I really knew her.

And again it was kinda embarrassing...

“What!? You swing the other way too!? What’s wrong with mares in this town!?” I shouted angrily after Bon-Bon had explained me why she wouldn’t date me.

I expected her to begin to rant endlessly at my behaviour towards her but instead, she just laughed.

“Spike, there is nothing wrong with mares in this town. Just look around,” she said softly.

I did so.

“What do you see?” she asked.

“Mares?” I answered uncertainly.

“How many of them?” she inquired, smiling.

“A lot. I’d have to count. One... Two...” I started to count. There was a lot of mares at the marketplace.

“Let’s agree there’s a lot of them. Now, do you see any stallions?” she continued.

I began to look for some males in the crowd. “Yeah, four of them.”

“Actually, three. The fourth one is Quake. She is an androgynous mare,” Bon-Bon corrected my answer and then giggled.

I was confused at that moment. What was her point? “Um, what do you imply?”

“Think of it for a while, Spike. How many potential straight couples could be created with such mares-to-stallion ratio?” she asked.

“Um, three?” I answered, realizing what was her point.

“Or four, if Quake was a bit more manly.” She laughed at her own joke. “That’s why so many mares in Equestria swing the other way. But I believe it’s rather opportunistic than natural, though. Everypony needs some love.”

“EveryBODY needs some love,” I whispered, walking away.

“Oh, Spike. Don’t worry. I’d date you really but, you see, I’m dating somepony now,” she said as I was going away.

“Lyra?” I asked sadly.

“No, silly! I just live with her in one house. I’m dating Pinkie!” she answered, smiling widely and then she trotted away, leaving me with a confused look on the face.

Knowing that it could be difficult to find a date even with my list, I sat on the grass and began to think. At this point I had no idea what I should do.

I’d been thinking for nearly two hours, when Sweetie Belle saw me. I was probably very sad, so she walked up to me and asked what had happened to me.

I explained to her that I needed to date some mare but I couldn’t tell which of them swing the right way. She probably didn’t understand the swinging part but, strangely, she gave me a seemingly good advice.

“If you want to date a mare, just write her a letter!” she exclaimed, proud that she could help.

“A letter?” I asked with surprise.

“Yeah! A letter. Mares love, um, love letters!” she said happily and then trotted away. “Bye, Spike!”

That looked like a good idea. A letter! No risk of humiliation, being laughed at, getting beaten up or anything! Just a letter! Such a simple yet great idea!

I returned to the library. I don’t know how Twilight knew I had wanted to date Bon-Bon. She began ranting as she saw me enter. She was still angry at me that I tricked Rainbow Dash. She will forget, hopefully.

I ran to the basement and, after crossing Bon-Bon off the list, began to write letters.

Instead of sending a letter and then waiting for a response, I decided to write letters to all mares on my list at once. That would save me a lot of time.

However, that would be a lot of work and I had to keep it in secret. Fortunately, Twilight rarely came to the basement, so I could write there quite safely.

Maybe you won’t belive but it took me a few days of constant writing. Firstly, I prepared a nice version of a universal love letter, which complimented ‘her’ mane, eyes and so on. Then I began to write. I also chose the safe way – I signed the letters as anonymous and just asked them to meet me at Quills&Sofas shop in the evening on the day she gets the letter. I was going to stay there for a few evenings so I wouldn’t miss any mare willing to date me.

The writing part wasn’t easy. I was getting claw cramps all the time. Fortunately, I’m ambidexterous, so I could change the writing claw once in a while.

Only after I’d been done with the letters, I realized that there was a tiny problem with my plan. How was I going to send all those letters?

After giving it some thought, I chose the methodical way. Firstly, I lured Twilight out of the library, telling her that Fluttershy wanted to see her. That wasn’t a lie, really. Fluttershy always want to see her friends, right?

Then, I was running there and back, taking letters from the basement and putting them in the post box. That took me a lot of time but was worth it.

And thank Celestia that postal service is subsidized and therefore entirely free in Equestria. Otherwise, I’d have to take a huge credit. And I’d have done that!

Before all the mares in Ponyville received their letters, Twilight returned home and then began to rant for making her go to Fluttershy without a reason. She didn’t ground me this time, though. I’d already been grounded.

All the letters had been delivered by the end of the next day. I went for a walk that day because I was wondering, if some mares were excited about the letters.

Indeed, I overheard some mares gossiping about a strange handsome adorer who sent them love letters.

“You won’t believe! I just got a love letter from a handsome adorer!” exclaimed one happy mare, whose name I couldn’t really recall.

“You won’t believe either! I also got a love letter from a handsom adorer!” her friend answered excitedly.

What followed was a high girly squeal.

So, some mares were eager to date me. I could announce a partial success.

At that moment, I had no idea that I had not realized an obvious outcome of all the mares meeting me at the same day at the same time.

Not really expecting that anything could go wrong, I waited at Quills&Sofas for a mare that would finally date a little dragon. After a few minutes, first mares began to come there.

I took all my courage and walked up to the first one.

“Hey. So, you came here because of the letter, right?” I asked straightforwardly.

“Yes,” a yellow mare answered. “I’m gonna meet some handsome stallion here. Did you see any stallions?”

I was puzzled. I wasn’t a stallion!

“I’m this handsome... stallion?” I mumbled, making her laugh.

“Oh, you’re a cute dragon but, well, I prefer stallions, I’m sorry.”

I hadn’t expected that. I asked some other mares but all of them reacted pretty much the same way. Finally, I sat at the store and began watching the growing crowd of mares.

After an hour, the crowd was really big. Many mares expected to meet a handsome stallion. It kinda proved Bon-Bon’s theory that mares ‘swing the other way’ because there are not enough stallions in Equestria.

The mares were getting more and more irritated with every passing minute.

“Where is my adorer!?” I heard Junebug yelling through the noise the crowd was making.

“And where is mine!?” another mare shouted.

Finally, I climbed on a crate, which lied next to the store, and then yelled, “Listen to me!”

It worked like charm. All the mares began gazing at me.

“Um, you all expect a handsome adorer,” I began. “Well, that’s me!” I said proudly.

An awkward silence hung in the air.

“You sent this letter?” Rainbow Dash appeared in front of me. “I thought it was Soarin’! Gah! I told ya I don’t wanna date you!” she shouted and then flew away.

“You sent all these letters?” Cheerilee asked uncertainly.

“Yep. All of them. So, who wants to date me first?” I asked, grinning innocently.

Then I realized what was going to happen. “I’m an idiot...” I mumbled.

“Why did you do that?” a purple-coated mare asked, nearly crying. “I thought somepony loves me...”

“Yeah... Me too! But you can’t love us all!” another one shouted.

From that point on, all the mares began ranting angrily. Some of them tore the letters, while other just threw crumpled letters at me.

“You are in trouble, mister!” That was Twilight. I hadn’t sent her a letter but she was there anyway.

“Let’s get him, girls!” somepony from the crowd yelled. Unfortunately, all the mares heard that.

My instinct of self-preservation suggested that I should run away.

So I began to run. And all the mares in the town followed me.

Now, I’m running to the Everfree Forest, hoping that they will be too scared to chase me down there. If I survive, I’ll have a lot to write about to Princess Celestia.

And I hope Zecora won’t mind having a guest for a week... or a year.

They will forget. Someday maybe.

THE END

EPILOGUE (not from Spike’s perspective)

Rarity was lying on her bed, crying loudly. Sweetie Belle entered the room.

“Why are you crying, sister?” she asked.

“Because all the mares in the town got love letters from one handsome stallion. All the mares but not meeeeeeeee,” she cried. “He thinks I’m uglyyyyy!”

Sweetie Belle gently patted her on the back, trying to comfort her sister.

Alternate ending

Two months later...

Well, it wasn't that bad after all. I luckily made it to Everfree Forest and, as I had expected, no mare wanted to go there. Even Twilight was reluctant to do so. She simply shouted: "You're gonna get back home sooner or later, Spike! You know I'm patient! And then you'll be grounded!"

I decided to get back later. Actually, it didn't happen yet.

After I'd run into Everfree, I headed to Zecora's hut. Yeah, I know she had stated clearly that she wished not to see me anymore but... I had no other choice.

She cursed me as soon as I knocked on the door. My scales turned blue but it didn't hurt at least. Then I could ask her for a shelter. She hesitated for a moment and agreed. "A friend in need is a friend indeed," she rhymed cheesily.

Because she hadn't been clear how long I could stay, I decided to stay as long as I could. She seemed to be happy to have some company in her usually lonely life.

And then everything began.

After living with Zecora for two weeks, I realized that she wasn't on my list! I didn't have the access to it but I wanted to cross her off the list I had in my mind.

I couldn't actually ask her out because I was afraid to go to Ponyville, so I was as straightforward as I couild.

"Wanna be my special somepo..., um, somezebra?" I asked, cowering in fear.

She hesitated for a while and answered in a single word: "Sure."

That was unexpected. I was so shocked that I had no idea how I was supposed to react. Having a special somepony or zebra, or whatever, isn't the same as a simple date, right?

But thanks to that, we finally began getting along. I mean, we had had no quarrels prior to this but we were like two strangers living under one roof.

Zecora turned out to be really cool and, during our conversations, she was able to drop her annoying manner of speaking in rhymes. We have so much in common. She's an outcast, I'm an outcast... Um... Yep, outcasts.

I'm not really sure how serious Zecora is in this relationship, though. I hope she's not gonna dump me when she is bored with me. Well, she kissed me, so this means something, right? Right?

ABut my life in Everfree isn't always easy. Sometimes somepony would come, so I have to hide under her bed. My friends are worried about me. I've seen Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie come to Zecora's hut ask about me. I see Rainbow Dash once in a while as she is flying over Everfree Forest, trying to find me. Well, I'm gonna visit Ponyville in a week or so to ensure them I'm fine. Technically, I'm still Twilight's servant and she may have had some pretty hard time without me sending her letters to Princess Celestia. However, I'm not really sure how they will react to my return. I mean, they are probably very, very worried and they may become angry when they realize I've been fine all the time.I will find out soon but now, I'm enjoying some vacation.

And, surprisingly, I don't really miss Rarity now. I think I finally got over her...

OMYGOSH! SHEISCOMINGHERELOOKINGFORME!

Um,

Or, maybe not?

THE END

Alternate ending (2)

I still don’t know how I managed to get to Zecora’s hut before those mares could hogtie me and beat me up. Unfortunately, not all the ponies were afraid to run into the Everfree Forest, so I had to find another way to escape. Why was Zecora’s hut the safehouse? Well, that’s simple. The ponies are still afraid of her.

When I opened the door to her house, she went outside and made the mares scream in horror. “Ohmygosh! It’s this wicked witch! And he’s with her! She’s gonna curse us! Run for your lives!” they panicked and ran away.

Zecora sighed. “I can’t find rhymes good enough to express how they drive me mad with their behavior...”

But actually, I fell out of the frying pan into the fire because Zecora was still angry at me. She even cast some curse making my scales turn pink. Fortunately, that turned out to be a temporary effect.

After she had satisfied herself with cursing me, I began asking her for help. Or begging, to be precise.

“Leave my hut, you puny rat!” she shouted, driving me away.

I held my ground. “I’m never gonna come here if you help me.”

“Get lost or I’ll turn you into... ghost,” she said firmly.

“Oh, c’mon. You’re not gonna do that,” I replied, rolling my eyes. She was a good zebra after all.

“Fine. Make your business quick or I’m gonna cut off your...” she stopped suddenly and, after a short while, resumed, “um, or I’m gonna hit you with a brick.”

I had realized during my escape from Ponyville that Rarity is the only pony I loved and she wass absolutely unreplaceable. That’s why I asked Zecora for something that could reverse the effect of the potion she had drank because of my stupidity.

Zecora agreed with a nod. She gave me a vial full of black liquid. It was heavy.

“Isn’t it some kind of posion?” I asked uncertainly.

“Leave my house, now!” she shouted, throwing an empty vial at me.

She didn’t have to repeat. I ran away.

I couldn’t stay in the Evefree Forest for the night nor could I remain at Zecora’s hut. Therefore, my only option was to return to Ponyville.

Thankfully, most ponies are not as intelligent as I thought. They didn’t recognize me because Zecora colored me pink with her curse. They probably thought that I’m a completely different dragon. Well, Pinkie Pie surely thought that. She was bouncing around me, telling me that I looked like Spike and asking me if I weren’t his cousin or something like this. I made her stop, explaining to her that I was indeed my own twin. I assured her that I was her friend as well.

I returned to the library. Twilight, however, didn’t began another of her rants but instead, she had a ‘Rainbow Dash moment’ as she burst into laughter upon seeing me.

“Very funny, really,” I commented coldly and went to the basement. At least, she wasn’t angry at me anymore. She grounded me later, though.

The pink scales effect went off after two days. During this time, Pinkie kept coming to the library, asking for my “twin”. Finally, Twilight told her that my twin left the town and was never going back. That upset Pinkie for a while but she was back to her usual happy self, when Twilight asked her to prepare a ‘we’re-not-gonna-see-Spike’s-twin-anymore’ party.

After my scales had turned purple again, I was ready to visit Rarity.

The potion I had given her was still working, so she nearly vomitted, when I entered her boutique.

“Um, Spike! I don’t feel good. I think I might be allergic to dragons! BLURP!” she said and then belched. “Ugh, that wasn’t ladylike...”

“I have a cure for you. It’s from Zecora,” I said to her, showing her the vial.

“Gimme that!” she grabbed the potion and drank her in a few loud gulps. “Ugh. Absolutely disgusting! Actually, how did you know I need it?” she asked, giving me a suspicious look.

“Um, dragon intuition, heh.” I laughed nervously.

“Oh, my dear Spikey-Wikey always knows everything. I feel better now, indeed.” She patted me on the head.

Somepony knocked on the door.

“Oh, it’s my date!” she said excitedly as she was going towards the door.

“Your date?” I asked, quite abashed by this. I mean, I should have expected that she could be dating somepony but...

“Yes, my date,” she said nonchalantly and the opened the door. “Lyra, darling, I’m so happy you came!”

“Lyra is your date!?” I was absolutely shocked. Rarity was into mares!?

“Yes, this is going to be our first date,” she said happily. “I know you didn’t know I’m into mares but, um, you see, Spike, sometimes a lady needs to change her attitude.”

“What do you mean?” I inquired.

“Two days ago some stallion sent love letter to nearly all mares in Ponyville. All mares but me!” she said in her dramatic tone of voice, pretending to be fainting. “He thought I was ugly! How am I ever going to find a stallion if I’m ugly!?” she continued her hysteria. She added after she had calmed herself down: “And this is why I decided to date a mare.”

I faceclawed. So this was all my fault that Rarity began dating mares?

I sighed and then walked out of the boutique. So, was there any love awaiting me in Ponyville?

I was walking aimlessly around Ponyville, thinking about eventes that had taken place during last few days. I made nearly everypony hate me. They didn’t want to beat me anymore but all the mares looked at me with disgust. I had no idea if I could really make things better. It seemed that there was no chance I could find love.

Suddenly, I heard a familiar rustic voice.

“Um, Spike?”

I turned around. It was Apple Bloom.

“Hi, Apple Bloom. What’s up?” I asked. That was quite unexpected. She rarely talked to me.

“Um, Ah was wonderin’ if you could go with me to the schoolparty tomorrow,” she asked, blushing.

“Me?” I sputtered, dropping my jaw.

“Um, Y’see, Ah overheard that Sinps and Snails were planning to ask me out and, y’know, I don’t wanna go with ‘em and I like you but if you don’t wanna go, that’s okay,” she said as quick as she could, making her speech nearly unintelligible.

I looked at her, pretty abashed.

“So, um, I’ll be goin’,” she saddened and turned around.

“Okay, I’ll go,” I blurted out finally.

“Great! I gotta say this to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle! See you, Spike!” she exclaimed happily and then ran away, shouting: “Guys! He said ‘yes’!”

Well, maybe there was a chance after all?

Alternate ending (3)

Author's note:So, here is the very happy ending. But remember I'm a comedy writer not a love story writer and I had no idea what I was doing. I believe this chapter is terrible so, if you enjoyed the previous chapters and previous endings, don't read this. This ending has been written because some of the readers really, really wanted it.

PS: I really tried my best at this chapter but love stories are not my forté...

Little dragons are not the best runners. I simply couldn’t make it to the Everfree Forest. The mares chased me down in the middle of Ponyville and lynched me there.

Forgive me that I won’t get into details but... it was nothing pleasant or friendly for that matter.

I ended up hanging hogtied nearby the Carousel Boutique. Yep, they got me there. I’m not sure if I would have survived if Rarity didn’t get out of her shop. She saw the wild crowd lynching me. She used her magic aura to swipe them away from me and then she began ranting at them. She had no idea what I had done. Some of the mares tried to finish me, throwing stones at me but other seemed to be satisfied with my fate. Slowly, the number of mares in the crowd began to diminish.

Rarity untied the rope and levitated me to the house. I was bruised and dirty.

“Poor little thing, why did they do this to you?” she asked in her sweetest voice.

“Blaaa...” I couldn’t say any intelligible word. I had accidentally biten my tongue during the lynch.

Rarity put me to the guest bed and took care of me. She bathed me with a sponge, bandaged my limbs and prepared me something to eat. I’d never loved her so much.

Twilight visited me later that day. She wasn’t angry anymore. She apologized and explained why the mares were so angry and that I shouldn’t do that in the future. Usual mother’s talk. She wanted to take me home but Rarity insisted that I should stay in her house. I was so tired that moving me from house to house was absolutely unnecessary. Twilight agreed with a shrug and returned home.

Rarity acted like a servant. She closed her boutique and was on my call the whole time.

“Spike, you won’t mind if I sleep here with you? You can’t speak, so this way I will be just next to you,” she asked, definitely not expecting an answer.

Fortunately, my bandages hid the blush.

And that was the first time I slept with Rarity. In one bed. No, nothing happened.

But I could already feel something. Feel that it wasn’t just her being caring.

I spent the next three days in her house. Can you believe she closed her boutique to take care of me? She neglected her work for me! I was sure what was going on.

Rarity, however, explained me later that she was taking care of me because she felt depressed and she needed somepony in her house. Sweetie Belle was with her parents at the time. Lucky me!

Later, Twilight wanted to take me home but again was not allowed to do so by Rarity.

“Have you kidnapped him or what?” she said nervously before leaving.

So I could stay and enjoy my time at Carousel Boutique.

Finally we got to the inevitable...

“Spike, darling. We need to talk,” she began.

“Yes?”

“You see... I was thinking a lot during last days. I was thinking about me and you and... Well, I will be honest, Spike. Stallions think I’m ugly! Can you believe I was the only mare in Ponyville that didn’t get the love letter from the mysterious stallion!?” she said in her dramatic tone of voice.

“Well...” I was happy she didn’t know it was me. This was my fault after all. The least I could do was to comfort her.”You are not ugly, Rarity. Actually, you are beautiful,” I said as straitforwardly as I could.

“You’re just saying so!” she was already crying. Mares...

“No, really. I, I’ve always thought you are beautiful,” I continued.

She didn’t answer. She was just sobbing.

I told her of the day when I had seen her for the first time. She was looking at me confusedly, so I continued my talk, telling her how I come to her shop just to watch her and so on. It felt awkward but this was my chance.

“Spike, I-I didn’t know!” she spoke finally.

My cheeks were as red as an apple. “I-I love you, Rarity!” I stuttered finally. I avoided saying this during my speech but it finally slipped through my throat.

She blinked away some tears. “Spike, I don’t know what to say. I-I, you... you are a dragon…” Looked like I really confused her. To be honest, I had expected her to kiss me without a word. You know, like in books.

I sighed. So, me being a dragon was a problem. “I understand,” I said sadly.

“I mean, Spike. It’s not that. Think what would ponies say? A pony and a dragon? It just... doesn’t add up!” she said, crying.

“Do you really care what they would say?” I asked, trying to withhold my tears.

“Yes, no, yes! Oh, Celestia help me!” she cried loudly.

I stood up and began walking towards the door. “I’d better go,” I said silently.

“No!” she grabbed me with her magical aura. “I dont’t want you to go!” she hugged me, still crying.

She could have strangled me but thankfully, she released me after a long while.

“Why do I care? I don’t have to be like other mares. They can have their stallions or marefriends. I’m gonna have a dragon!” she exclaimed and then kissed me. “I suppose you are alright with this, Spikey?”

I couldn’t say a word. After a few seconds of silence, I agreed with a nod.

“Perfect! Let’s tell Twilight about this!” she said happily.

That wasn’t a good idea, really. Twilight freaked out upon hearing about this. “You can’t! He is a dragon! He is a baby! He is MY baby!” she was shouting.

“He is a dragon, not a pony. Baby dragons are more mature than many adult stallions! I am Spike’s marefriend now wheter you want it or not!” Rarity held her ground.

I think that Twilight will accept our relationship sooner or later. Probably later.

Other ponies in the town were more tolerant. Our relationship made it to the gossip column in the Ponyville Express, though. The journalist raised some question about ethics of pony-dragon relationships but we didn’t really care.

Now, two month after the incident I live happily with Rarity in Carousel Boutique. I visit Twilight sometimes but these are always difficult moments. Needless to say, Rarity and Twilight rather avoid each other.

I have only one conundrum now. Should I tell Rarity who sent those letters in the first place?

Author's note: Spike and Rarity lived happily ever after.

THE END