Chapters He grimaced at his look. Long dirty hair and an un-trimmed goatee.
He turned to the others who were busy talking amongst themselves.
"Hey," They all turned to him. "Is there a bathroom anywhere that I can shave?"
"Just take two lefts down the hall and go straight." Twilight said.
He nodded before walking out making them all slightly bounce where they were standing.
A few guards had tried to stop and ask him what he was and what he was doing there. He just walked right past them ignoring their magic and swords as they just bounced off him.
He closed the bathroom door, pushing away the guards before slamming it in their faces. He swore he heard one of them yelp.
He walked up to the mirror and examined himself closely, his goatee need a little trimming around the edges, while he need his old military cut back on his head.
He unsheathed a knife in his boot and started on his hair, one cut at a time until he had a standard cut. He slowly cut away hairs on his goatee making sure not to make it uneven.
Satisfied with his work he opened the door to meet the gazes of atleast a dozen angry guards, one of them with a bandage on his muzzle.
"Get out of my way, or else."
"You are under arrest for trespassing, assault-"
"You mean after your guards assaulted me, or atleast tried," He picked one of the spears by the tip and bit the head off before spitting it out skinning one of the guards manes. "I mean, look at these things. How could you even do anything with golden spears? The metal is to flimsy, sure it's lightweight, but it's worthless in a fight. I think you all should try hydrilium, now that is good metal."
He pushed past the guards, occasionally have to pick one up by the scruff before he found the others again.
"What did you do!?" Twilight yelled.
"Hell if I know. These asshole just started following me and tried to attack, when I didn't even do anything. I think they might be racist towards humans."
"Guards, stand down! He is a guest!" Luna yelled.
They all bowed before retreating.
She looked over to Alexander with a small smile.
"When would you feel comfortable leaving?"
"Right now would be fine. I could get there in a few seconds; I mean if you all want to tag along I guess some of you can fly. It might take you longer."
"Are you saying I’m slow!?" Rainbow Dash yelled flying up to his face.
"Now listen, I don't like you that way, and I have no interest in bestiality."
"Quit with the jokes and answer me!"
"Yes."
"Don't you know who I am!?"
"I know your friends; that's Applejack the farmer at Sweetapple Acres, cousin to a pony named Braeburn in Appleousa. Twilight Sparkle, the librarian that works and lives in the Ponyville, Whispering Oaks library. Fluttershy, the veterinarian of the town. Rarity the fashonista that has a little sister named Sweetiebelle who is friends with a small pegasus named Scootaloo, and an earth bound pony, Appleboom who, is in a club called the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Applebloom is the little sister to Big Macintosh and Applejack who help take care of their Granny Smith. Pinkie Pie, the party animal. And you Rainbow Dash, the now, third slowest thing alive."
All the ponies could do were gape at him, all except Rainbowdash who was furious.
"Says you! I can do a sonic rainboom!"
"So you can fly up to speeds of Mach-two? Me and Rex can go up to speeds of Mach-ten. Except he can’t fly through rock and dirt."
"Please, nothing can fly that fast." She huffed.
"And if you flew at Mach-two then that means your body is anatomically impossible to comprehend."
"Are you saying I’m fat!?" She glared at him again.
"I'm saying your body breaks the laws of physics."
She turned redder than her mane and as she withdrew her hoof a purple magic surrounded it.
"You will not assault him!" Luna yelled.
"No, no. let her, it'll teach her not to bite of more than she can chew."
"Are you sure?"
"I've taken rockets to the face before, I doubt her little plush hoof's will do anything more than a slight breeze will."
She only nodded before releasing Rainbow Dash who, upon release, was pounding away at Alexander's face. He just stood there with the same bored expression that turned into a smile.
"I must say, I admire you. You have enough guts to actually punch me. All of your other friends looked like they’re about to pass out, aside from the one that did already. You’re okay in my book."
He stuck out his hand in a welcoming gesture.
She looked at for a second before putting her hoof in his palm, and when he closed it she nearly yelped.
"Easy! I'm not indestructible!" She yelled trying to pull her hoof out of his grip.
He saw she was in pain and let her go in and instant.
"I'm so sorry, I’m still getting used to some of my more physical maneuvers."
"It's... ow, alright. But, what do you say to a race?"
"Princess, would you mind?"
"I think it will be fun to watch." She said smiling.
"Alright then, the first one to make it to Ponyville gets a head start on the actual race. The actual one will have to wait for later though."
"Your so on!"
"Well, bye then."
He put on his armor and two large metallic wings unfolded before he dived out of the window. When Rainbow Dash jumped out, Alexander was already half way there.
The Princesses rolled their eyes before teleporting the group there.
Where Alexander was landing.
"It took you long enough." He said folding his arms across his chest plate.
"Where is Rainbow-" Twilight started to asked before a light blue and rainbow blur slammed into her.
"Yes, I win!" She yelled completely oblivious to Alexander standing there.
"Actually, Alexander beat you. Now get off!" Twilight yelled pushing her friend off of her back.
"What!?" She yelled looking to Alexander.
"She's right."
Rainbow turned red and then slowly that faded to purple before she passed out.
"Huh, I always knew I shouldn't let the ladies near me. They just can't help dreaming of me." He chuckled.
Bloody truths, Bloodier lies.
"So, how are we going to do this? Do we just get everyone’s attention and shout out an alien, robot dragon and hybrid snake-spider from another dimension are staying here?"
"I think we have enough attention as it is." Luna said looking around at the crowd of ponies.
"Then you should start, Celestia."
"How did-"
He held up his hand silencing her. "I've been watching, remember?"
"We will discuss that later." She narrowed her eyes before looking to the crowd.
"My little ponies! Please go to the center of the town, for we have a matter of great urgency! " Celestia yelled.
They all shared glances before walking past the others to the center of the town.
Celestia quickly teleported them all in front of the crowd that had gathered by a small patch of grass. Alexander looked around still not used to teleportation; it still confused him to the point of marking it down as "one of the things for later" area in his brain.
Celestia got to the front of the group where Alexander was standing in a standard military pose.
"Now, I know you all must be confused, some even scared of our... visitor here. But I assure you he is peaceful. Him and his companions had accidentally been sent here, but not by magic. It seems Alexander here, comes from a world where magic does not exist. So, there is no way right now for him to return."
"Actually, if I rigged an anti-matter transporter up and redirect the flow of tachyons, I could make, in theory, an inter-dimensional bridge. Too bad I don't know how." Alexander said to everyone’s shock.
"There are others?" Asked a mare in the back with a bright orange mane.
"Yes, three others. Rex, Cinnamon, and the man called... what did he call himself again Twilight?" The princess looked to her faithful student.
"Weird Al Yankovic."
"Yes, Mr. Yankovic is also here. Unfortunately he's been lost. For now, we will talk about Alexander’s-"
"How did you know about cinnamon?" Alexander asked finally moving.
"I searched your mind."
His fists clenched and his arms bent back slightly.
"That's a good one. It really is, because for a moment I thought you just said you read my mind."
"I did, unfortunately I cannot look into memories without permission."
"You what!?" He yelled flaring his metal wings.
"I read your mind to make sure you were not a threat. I did not expect you to give them out freely."
"The last time anyone got in my head I nearly killed an entire city! And you thought that I wouldn't tell you anything about myself!?"
"What did you expect me to do!? Let some murderer walk freely in my land!?" She yelled back turning to him.
"You listen here you bitch!" The other ponies gasped. "I had no choice! They were going to destroy an entire fucking city if I hadn't have stopped them! They would have killed millions and then kept going on and on!"
"That is no excuse for murder!" She yelled her horn already alight.
"If you wanted to gain my trust then you’ve just lost it! I am a man of patience, but there is only so much I can take before I snap! And you do not want to see me snap." He finished slowly.
"Do you think you are any threat to me? I control the sun and any other force here."
"Yet, you had to get me to take out some fucker wearing spandex? Tell me, do you know what it's like to feel helpless? To feel weak? To feel as if the entire universe hates you!?"
"I wouldn't." She said.
"I do, and let me tell you, it will drive anyone to insanity. It made me nearly end it all myself, three times."
"What do you mean end it all?"
"I tried to kill myself, because I was a man out of his time. Back in my time, I was the strongest person in existence, when I woke up from cryo I was in a world where normal people could beat me. I felt like a part of me had died, and so I saw it fit for the rest of me to go along with it."
"What would it matter if you weren’t the strongest?"
"It matters because that is what made me, me. It was the only thing that I had any comfort to next to Rex and Cinnamon... especially after my best friend was killed in the war." He lowered his arms.
Her face quickly turned to sorrow before she bent her head down. "Alexander, I’m sorry. I should have asked you first, I did not know of the distress that I had caused you."
He gave a sigh rolling his shoulders. "It's alright, you didn't know. You saw a potential threat to your people and needed to make sure it was a threat that either needed to be exterminated or kept under watch. I will let you go into my memories; to show them all that I have no ill intentions, but I will only let you see what I want you to see."
She nodded and summoned a mirror to view his memories. Her horn started to glow and soon the mirror took on a landscape of complete darkness.
He took off his helmet revealing a smile. "That's when I first dive bombed from space. And also when my back snapped out of place for the first time."
It showed two bipedal beings in similar armor to his only they were white with orange visors. The picture quickly turned to a door and soon a large ball of blue. He had just jumped out of whatever he was in and now going through the atmosphere of the planet.
Soon a large silver figure came into view. It was bigger than an Ursa Major, it had a large barrel sticking out from the top and two arms lined with smaller barrels. Just as it raised its two arms a flash of silver, grey and black filled the mirror.
"If you’re wondering what happened, I crashed into it." He said jovially.
The picture faded and became more sinister, the sky grew red, there were small pools of what looked like blood and in the middle of it was a small child.
With a large spike sticking out of her chest.
"I-It's alright, M-Mr. Alex. You d-did you're best." The little child spoke spitting up blood.
The spike retracted and the picture turned into one of nightmares. There was a giant creature, with tentacles sticking out from the sides all ending in a blade, a large tooth filled mouth, blood dripping off it from almost every corner and a strange being on a smaller tentacle that looked like it was made of some red stone.
Before the picture could do anything a loud bang rang through the air and the mirror shattered. Everyone watching stood their looking at Alexander with a furious expression on his face pointing a small object at where the mirror once stood.
"Why did you do that for?" Rarity whispered.
"There are some things that should never be seen. Ever."
"What was that thing?" Celestia asked.
"A nightmare I took care of, permanently."
"You killed that!?" Twilight yelled.
"He had killed an entire planet turning them into nightmarish monsters hell-bent on murder. Yeah I killed him, and I enjoyed it. That thing, took the lives of billions of innocent people, with no remorse, no sympathy, no regret, no fear, only anger to those who stood in his way."
"H-How could you like killing?" Fluttershy whispered looking at the fragments.
"How could I not have liked killing that? There’s a saying that no one deserves to die, but he proved them wrong."
"What else have you done?" Celestia asked lighting her horn again.
"Anything as bad as that? Nothing. I think it might be time I introduced myself, wouldn't you agree?"
"I think that would be wise. You may."
He turned to the crowd of frightened ponies. "Listen, before I begin I want to say that I will not kill any of you or destroy your homes, if I wanted to do so I could have in seconds, but I don’t. As for who I am, I am King Alexander of Velrain. I controlled a peaceful country, or atleast tried to make it peaceful. I am not a monster to be afraid of; I’m still trying to comprehend what's going on."
The Ponies for the most part calmed down, just enough to stop sweating.
"Alexander, if you are to stay, we need to discuss how to make it less awkward for you." Celestia said smiling nervously.
"And how can it be any more awkward for a super soldier in a world full of talking and flying magical ponies possibly get weirder?" He sarcastically.
"By making you a full citizen."
"If that will calm them down, I’ll go for anything."
She smiled before her horn started to glow brighter and brighter. Before long even Alexander couldn't look at it, before it shot out a small ball of light hitting him in the chest.
He barely got his helmet on before his armor started to vibrate and glow.
"What did you-oh god!"
He fell to his knees holding his chest.
"What did you do!? Dammit it hurts!"
Celestia looked shocked and scared.
"I-I don't know what's wrong! It was a simple spell!"
"Oh for the love of god make it stop! My insides are on fire!"
He dragged his gauntlets across his helmet making a loud screech. His gauntlets had turned into the shape of hooves and now his boots were following. His back made a sound like snapping trees, his helmet narrowed making a muzzle and a small hole formed at the top to let out a long silver horn. His wings molded themselves into a different shape covering a new pair of organic wings.
With one last yell he fell to the ground letting his helmet slide off. Everyone gasped, he was a full gown alicorn.
He slowly stood up falling a few times before getting his balance. He put a hoof up to his head and his eyes shot open.
He stared at his hooves with a slack jaw and wide eyes before he started to laugh.
"This is great! I can already think of all the new adventures I can do now!"
"You're not concerned that you just changed species?" Twilight asked.
"Your right!" He ran over to the pile of glass and tried to pick up a large piece that only shattered when he tried to pick it up. "Could I get some help?
"Let me, your majesty." Celestia said smiling at how childish he had become.
He looked at himself in the piece of mirror before sighing in relief.
"Whew, for a second I was afraid my goatee was gone."
"Really? You’re Goatee? That is what you were worried about?" Twilight huffed.
"I happen to like what hair I have on my face, you just can't appreciate what you have because your covered in hair." He said crossing his fore-hooves.
"So are you." She pointed out.
"But mines well kept. Yours is lavender."
"What's wrong with lavender?" She asked insulted.
"Lavender is the color of war."
"Of course it is, how silly of me." She rolled her eyes.
"Speaking of war," He began making all the ponies shake slightly. "I'm surprised no one has taken my weapons."
"I almost forgot, thank you" Celestia said lighting her horn up again.
His guns slid out of their holsters, his grenades detached from his belt and the weapons on his back. Including his war-hammer.
He quickly grabbed onto his hammer with his teeth, pulling back with every ounce of strength.
"Alexander, release it. I need to keep all of your weapons for now."
"No! You don't understand, this hammer need's to stay within a hundred feet of me!"
"And why is that?"
"Otherwise it'll send out a shock wave with the force of a two-megaton bomb! That's why!"
"And you walk around with that on your back?"
"I'm the only one who can use it. So, yes I am."
"As long as you do not use it for malicious purposes you may keep it."
She released her grip on his hammer and he happily put it back on his back.
"So, can I leave and explore now?" He asked looking at her smiling.
She just stared before snapping out of it. "Yes, you may. As long as one of the Element's accompanies you."
He just laughed before stepping out of his armor. Every mare gasped, every female pegasai's wings went out even Celestia could help but feel her wings shoot open momentarily before she pulled them in blushing.
He stood even taller than Celestia, he was extremely muscled, every breathe he took pushed out a wall of muscle before receding, his legs were almost twice the size of Big Mac's and his mane was cut short while still waving around like fire. His coat was a bronze orange with a white stipe running along his side. His horn and hooves were the only evidence of silver on him.
"Well what do you think?" He asked the crowd lifting his left front leg in a heroic pose.
All the mares present fell like dominoes. Even Celestia and the Element's fell to the ground. Leaving only Luna to stand there still bored.
"I’ve seen better."
Celestia awoke with a startle, as she felt cold water thrown onto her face. She instinctively bucked.
She hit something. Hard.
Her back hooves hurt from the hit and when she went to see what she hit, she was expecting a brick wall. Not Alexander smiling with two hooves marks on his chest.
"That's a hell of a kick you got there."
"Thank you?"
"Now you’re probably wondering why I dumped ice water on you, am I right?"
"What happened?"
"All the mares except for your sister, in the crowd fainted when I struck a pose. I wouldn't blame them, I tend to have that effect on the ladies."
"I'm sure. Now while you can't stay in the castle for right now, you'll have to stay in a place that has enough room."
"Couldn’t I just sleep outside? I have been trained to survive in extreme heat and cold, I’ve been doing it for thirteen years and I stay in my armor most of the time."
"No, you will stay in a proper shelter, with a roof over your head."
"Gah! Ranibow what'd yall do that for!?" Applejack said waking up from a fresh bucket of ice water.
Rainbow was on the ground having a laughing fit.
"'ll deal with you later." She said before looking over at the princess and king.
"So, you wouldn't have any place for me to stay by chance would you?" He asked.
"The barn should be big nough' for you."
"Ooh a farm! I’ve always wanted to go to a farm, but I never got to."
"If yall don’t mind me askin' what's with the sudden mood change?"
"Huh? Oh I’m just more comfortable around you all now, now that I know you all can't kill me. Celestia did leave a mark on me when she bucked me though."
Applejack was blushing furiously while covering her smile with her stentson. "So, she bucked you?"
"Yeah, she left two big marks, see?"
Applejack was on the ground laughing now.
"What's so funny?" He asked Celestia who was also blushing.
"She thinks I bucked you."
"You did though, see there's marks on my chest."
"No she thought we... rutted."
"I'm happy to see you two getting along already. For now I need to search for the other human."
Celestia flew off leaving two of the Element's, half a crowd of passed out ponies and her sister.
"So when do we get to go?" He asked bouncing up and down shaking the buildings.
"When were done wakin' all the others." She said making his ears lay back.
"But that could take forever! I want to go see what life is like on a farm!"
"You will as soon as we wake the others."
He crossed his fore-hooves before his gaze followed the drooling mares. All the way to a water hydrant.
A small smile spread across his face before he got up, went over to the hydrant and nudged it making it fall to the side letting all the water spray on the crowd.
They all started stirring so he grabbed the hydrant and smashed it back into place before walking back to Applejack.
"Now can we go?"
"Sure, ah guess." She said not quite believing he did a Rainbowdash move.
He smiled and picked up his helmet carefully balancing it on his back. As they were going along he was staring at every building in fascination and amazement.
Soon a soft hiss came from his armor.
"Did yall's armor just hiss?" She asked stepping to the side.
"No, this is Cinnamon." He said extending his neck to let out a snake like creature with four eye's seven legs and pincers.
"What in tarnation!" She yelled jumping back.
Cinnamon hissed slightly before rubbing against his cheek.
"Now look what you've done, you've hurt her feelings. Now apologize."
"What?"
"Apologize to her." He said extending his hoof to let Cinnamon crawl to the edge.
She looked down at her and back to Alexander before giving in.
"A'hm sorry I over reacted."
She gave a low hiss before crawling off and onto Applejack's back where she nuzzled her.
"Now stop that ah'm ticklish."
She gave another hiss and nod before curling up under her hat.
"I think she likes you, that's a good thing." He said chuckling at the cute site.
"Why? Is she poisonous?"
"Yes, one bite will make your eyes dry up, your skin peel off like a rotten banana and your insides become your outsides. It hurt like hell when she bit me, but when you bite me, she learned that I bite twice as hard. We both have the scars to prove it."
"If that's true then why aren't you dead?"
"When I bit her I got some of her blood on the wound, it mixed and it made an anti-venom from her venom and my blood cells. So now when I get poisoned or ingest venom it's like injecting steroids into my veins."
"Huh, that's neat."
"Not really, although I do enjoy taking a cyanide pill once in a while. It has a nice citrusy taste with a hint of coconut in the aftertaste."
She looked at him confused but still nodding as if she understood what he was talking about.
The walk was short, it was a small own after all. Soon the tops of trees and a barn could be seen in the distance and not so long after the gate.
"Here we are Sweetapple acres! Home of the Apple family and best apples around." She said proudly.
He was staring at the orchard with wide eyes and an even wider smile.
"Look at all the apples."
"That's not even all of em' either."
"No way. Do you think I could try and help?"
"What? Buck a tree?"
"Yeah, I wonder if I could do it."
"I'd reckon so after the little test twi' set up. Come on, I’ll get Mac." She said opening the gate and running to the farm house.
He sat in front of the porch marveling at how many trees there were before three voices and a rustle of leaves caught his attention. He looked over to a bush and saw, squinting three sets of eyes.
He pulled out his war-hammer before moving forward. The bush moved back before three foals came out. One was an orange Pegasus with a purple mane; the unicorn of the group was whit with pink highlights in her mane and finally a little yellow earth pony with a red mane and a gigantic pink bow.
"Alright, I’ll bite. Who are you, and why were you trying to spy on me?" He asked putting his hammer back in its sheath.
"We wanted to talk." Said the small orange one.
"About?"
"Is it true you're really a king?" Asked the little unicorn.
"Yes. And a da-darn good one too." He caught himself.
"Are you really as strong as they say you are?"
"And stronger each day. I wouldn't be surprised if I could lift a mountain by now. I wonder..." He said looking over to Canterlot. "Naw, she'd get mad."
"Did yall really fight zomponies?" Asked the small yellow one.
"Yes I did, I threw oil tankers, rolled streets on them and occasionally threw a building... or two... or eight."
"What was the worst thing you ever fought?" Asked the unicorn.
"Scariest or biggest?"
"I think you mean largest, and I would like to know about the largest."
"Well alright little miss dictionary," He said sticking out his tongue. "It actually comes with my title, or atleast it did when i added it to my list of achievements. I killed the unkillable!"
"What was it?"
"Destroyer one and Destroyer two. I actually did humanity a favor by killing them; they'd already killed three-fourths of earth’s population before they sent it into space."
"Everypony knows you can't go into space. It’s impossible." She said with a dismissive hoof.
"Oh yeah? Well how about tonight i go to the moon and bring back two lunar rocks?"
"Why?"
"To show you it is possible, as long as you have the right equipment and training."
"Deal, hey look here comes Big Mac and Applejack."
He turned around and stood up. Big Mac was atleast at his chest standing straight forward. He was slightly muscular from farm work. He seemed quite but his eyes had a world of endless knowledge in them, waiting to be shared.
"Howdy, names Big Macintosh. Yall can call me Mac if it suits you." He said slowly before extending his hoof.
"Alexander. But you can just call me Alex." He grabbed his hoof and immediately Big Mac's shrank back.
"Got a heck of’ a grip. I heard Aj's lettin ya try apple bucking, that true?"
"Yeah, I was hoping while I stay in the barn i could help around. When do I get to start?"
"Yall can start now if ya like. There’s a nice tree right over there." He said pointing to a tree by another small patch.
He walked over and circled it once before getting in position.
He struck out his back legs as hard as he could. Three things happened his hooves met wood, there was a loud snap, and the looks on the applefamily were ones of shock.
He hesitantly looked back and his eyes widened, his ears lay back and his mouth form an "O" shape.
He had not just taken the tree out by the roots; he'd taken another four with it.
"Maybe I shouldn't do that again." He said nervously tapping his hooves together.
"Well that's a heck of a kick ya got there." Big Mac chuckled.
"I can put them back if you want, it will only take a few seconds."
"Don't worry bout it. Let's go plow the fields."
He nodded before getting back up and sharing one last glance towards the trees he fell.
Mac led him around past the barn, past a few apple trees and finally a large open area. He walked up to a large piece machinery, it wasn’t technologically advanced like tractors, but it was sufficient.
"So you’re going to hook me up to something with a large blade? You all trust me way too much."
"Now come on, if yall say you’re as strong as ya are then this will tire you out might quick."
He walked over and let Mac put the chains around his barrel and front legs.
"The last time I was tied in chains was when I was in that Taliban military camp over in Iraq. They tried everything from teeth pulling and car batteries, but I just laughed right in their faces."
"Right, so all yall have to do is walk around there. Just make a good four rows."
He looked over to the small patch and faster than Mac could see vanished for a split second and reappeared in front of him with a small trail of dust following.
"Alright I’m done."
"How can ye be done already? ya just... started." He said before he saw the field.
A perfect four rows, evenly spaced and straight, done.
"I'm not gounna ask. I guess that's all we can do for ya. And seems like the night is comin so I’d say it's time to hit the hay."
"Night Mac, see you in the morning."
As they both walked back Alex could hear yelling and screaming. Followed by howls.
"We need to go now!" He nearly shouted before vanishing in a blur through the trees.
In seconds he saw what was going on, there seemed to be four wooden wolves surrounding Applebloom. And she was hurt.
They hurt a child.
He saw his vision go red, blood start to go down his face. He charged without a second thought, he managed to skewer one of the wolves in the head. Before any of them knew what was going on a second had its head smashed in and the third had its body torn in half. The fourth one had enough time to see a war hammer connect with his face.
Its entire body shattered from the shock wave that followed through the air.
"Alex what's got yall riled up-Applebloom!" Mac yelled running up to meet Applebloom.
"What in tarnation happened Alex!? Alex?"
"They hurt a child." He growled.
"One of em' bit me, see?" Applebloom said showing her brother her fore-leg.
"What bit you? All ah see is... wood. Alex did yall just kill four Timberwolves?"
He walked past him with blood matted fur and into the barn.
"Ah think he needs time to cool off, come on bloom let's get some rest."
Alex sat there in dead silence, staring at the floor before his head snapped to the side. He groaned and rubbed his aching head; he rubbed the area around his eyes and looked at his hoof, giving out another sigh he quickly wiped the blood off.
"Hello? Alex yall in there?" Appljack asked slowly coming in and shutting the barn door behind her.
"Yeah, I’m right here. I'm guessing you’re wondering what happened earlier?"
"Mac said ya were chipper than Pinkie one second and the next he saw you walk away from killin four Timberwolves. What happened?"
"It's a long story... a long and painful one."
"If ya don't want to share, that's alright with me."
"No, no. You all deserve some explanation for why I did what I did. It was when I was just a normal guy, before I got my armor, before anything in my reign. There was a little girl, she was running across the street and as she got halfway there... a car came screeching around the corner and I saw it speeding ahead and I jumped in the way. She died and all i got was a broken rib and cracked skull."
"That's... horrible."
"The mother was sad, but happy. She was happy that her little girl got to see her hero before she went, before the cancer killed her."
"C-Caner?"
"Yeah, she was terminally ill. She wasn't going to live past the week. I just… can’t help but blame myself for her death."
"All ya did was try and save her."
"That's all I seem to be able to do... is try. Everyone I meet, everyone I care about dies. because of me." He lowered his head to let the tears drip onto the wooden floor.
"Were still alive, and were you're friends. Right?"
"I guess."
"Is Applebloom a friend?"
"Sure, she's nice enough to me."
"Well ya saved her from a pack of Timberwolves, you did save her. Now come on, breakfast is ready." She finished smiling before walking out.
He gave a small smile knowing she was right, he did save her. He finally saved someone; the thing that he could never do. With a huff he got up and made his way out, and into the house next door.
The smell hit him instantly, fresh pancakes with apples in them. He followed the scent until he saw a medium sized table with a large red work horse, a wrinkly green mare and a small yellow filly with her leg in a sling. He sat down making one of the chairs creak.
"Huh, Aj wasn't lyin' when she said you were good lookin." Granny chuckled.
"Oh she said that did she?" He asked looking at the blushing Applejack mixing some soup.
"Don't listen to granny; she's at that age, y'know how all old ponies are." Applejack said getting a glare from her elder.
"I am not at that age! I'm halfway there!" She shot back waving a wooden cane at her.
"So what's for breakfast?" Alex asked looking at Applebloom.
"Applecakes!" She responded.
"What are Applecakes?" He asked looking around to everyone else.
"Just some pancakes with apple slices, is all." Mac said.
"That sounds good, better than eating grubs off of logs. That was disgusting." He shivered.
"Why were ya eatin bugs?" Asked Applebloom.
"When I ran off earlier, I was hiding over in the Everfree and I was low on food so I tapped into my survival training and scrounged up what I could. I also learned that manticores love blueberries. Although I did get some actual iron from what it "gave" me."
"What do ya mean gave?"
"I'll tell you when you’re older, or atleast not about to eat."
She raised one eyebrow before a stack of pancakes were set down in the middle of the table.
"Alright, breakfast is served! Now dig in!" Applejack said getting two off the top.
Alex got his last being polite, he nibbled lightly on it before his eyes shot open in surprise. Before any of the others knew what happened a strong wind filled the room and his plate was left spinning with a note stuck to it.
Applebloom looked over and read aloud.
"Went to Ponyville, will be back later. Alex."
Alex was speeding away from the farm and in seconds thanks to his advanced speed arrived at the edge of town. He started at a slow walk examining his surroundings.
As expected all the mares were staring. All of them, when he looked back he knew they were and before they knew his head was turned around they were still staring.
He gave a light chuckle at how ridiculous the locals were, even if he was one of them now.
"What to do, what to do?" He asked himself before taking off into the air.
He circled the town twice before setting down at the Library he had visited earlier. He lightly knocked and the small dragon, Spike opened the door.
"Hey Alex! What are you doing here?"
"Just here to get some books, that's all."
"Come in then, we have a book pretty much about anything you can find, even books on books."
He walked in and a small smile spread across his face before trotting over to the "M" section. His eyes scanned over every book before finally resting on two.
"Magic 101 and Advanced spells, perfect. Hey spike where would history be?"
"What kind do you want?"
"What does that mean? Isn't there only one side to history?"
"There's the one about the Elements of Harmony, Nightmare moon, Discord's reign which had to be republished for mistakes and the princesses history of Equestria."
"Elements of what?" He asked genuinely confused.
"You know the Elements of Harmony? Twilight is magic, Rainbowdash is loyalty, Rarity is generosity, Applejack is honesty, Fluttershy is kindness and Pinkie Pie is laughter. The Elements of Harmony, as in the ones who defeated Nightmare Moon, Discord and helped save Canterlot at Twilight's brother's wedding, there kind of a big deal." He shrugged.
"Seourisly, what are the Elements of Harmony? Because those aren’t even actual elements." He said with a completely serious expression.
"Check out the history books over on the desk."
"I will, but I only recognize one element. The element of surprise!"
"Weird, Pinkie has you beat by that in the long run."
"No she doesn't. In fact I know she's right next to me." He said before hugging the Pink mare.
"Wow how'd you know where I was!? Are you a mind reader? Because I know my grandma is and my uncle but he’s not so much of one he just works at a casino-" She began before Spike shoved a scroll in her pie hole.
"No, I just have super sensitive hearing. And you’re pretty much a bubble gum pink blur with rapid breathing and a scent that would give almost anyone Diabetes from a mile away. You’re not that stealthy." He smiled before picking up the books from the counter.
"I heard pretty! Did you hear that Spike!? Spike? Where'd you go?" She asked before seeing a small paper drift to the floor.
"Dear Pinkie, I snuck out with Alex to help him with magic. Spike."
"Awww, ah well there's always next time!" She happily said before jumping into a bookcase, completely disappearing.
Back with Alex and Spike.
Spike was as silent as could be, he hopped on when Alex wasn't looking and escaped a major migraine.
"You know you’re not that good at stealth either don't you?" Alex said making Spike flinch.
"I wasn't trying to be stealthy I just needed to get away from there for a while. And beside I need another dude to talk to; it gets boring being around a bunch of girls twenty-four seven, y'know?"
"I wouldn't. Do you know any secluded areas?"
"Why?"
"I want to practice defense and offense magic. And if you want to talk then you should know I like explosions. Big ones." He smiled already seeing a small grenade in his hoof. Atleast he did before he remembered he didn't have anything but his hammer.
"Couldn't even let me keep a knife..." He muttered sourly.
"What was that?" Spike asked now waling next to him.
"It was when Celestia took all of my weapons; I wish I had a few back. Just the basics, my shotgun a few knifes and some grenades."
"You don't feel right without them?"
"Yeah, I guess when you spend so much time with some things you grow attached. Y'know?"
"Yeah, I nearly destroyed Ponyville one time when I became greedy."
"You? Destroy a town? Now that's funny."
"You can ask anyone here, they’ll tell you a giant wingless purple and green dragon wrecked the place. Just don't ask the Wonderbolts, I may have scarred them mentally and physically."
"Alright now quite it or else you’ll make me crack a smile. So, anywhere in particular we can go?"
"We can try the edge of Sweetapple acres?"
"Good, now hop on." He said lowering his wing.
"I've seen you fly I think I’ll just walk."
"And what if Pinkie Pie finds you?"
He stood there for a second before jumping on Alex's back.
"Mush!" He yelled grabbing Alex's ears.
"Excuse me? I'm not some lap dog for you to lead around. Now let go of my ears or you’ll be hanging by your tail."
He let go of his ears and grabbed onto his neck before Alex shot off at a speed that would make Rainbowdash jealous.
Soon the edge of the farm came and Alex landed as solidly before Spike jumped off and threw up into a bush.
"Thanks for not hurling on me. Hey are you alright?"
"Just... peachy. Can we get started already?" He asked cupping a claw over his mouth.
"Sure, just pass me a book."
Spike wobbly grabbed the "Magic 101" spell book from the two Alex had brought.
"Ok let's see here... focus on object.... imagine the spell and screw this I’m just going to lift a rock."
"I don't think it says that in there."
"I know, I prefer to learn from hands on- I mean hooves on experience. Now let's see what this thing can do, besides just act as a distraction while I’m walking." He said tapping his horn.
He focused on a small rock and slowly his horn started to light up a dim white. The sound of rock being torn from earth was heard and when he opened his eyes he saw a boulder floating in the air.
"Why does that rock look like Tom?" Spike asked.
"Who’s Tom?"
"A boulder Discord made Rarity think was a diamond when he was still evil. But now that I think about it... I think that is Tom."
"I think it's time to try a teleporting spell, don't you agree?" He asked smiling.
"Why would you... are you serious? If you did that I would be slightly mad but at the same time impressed."
"Can I see the book now?"
"You don't need it; just imagine where you want to go and poof! You're there. Or you could imagine an object in that place instead."
"Are you suggesting that I send Tom to Rarity's? I was going to send this to Discord and see if it lands on him, but you're idea is much better. And would cause less legal issues on my part."
His horn grew brighter until Spike couldn't look and in a second it was gone. The entire boulder was gone.
"Huh, i thought that would have been harder. Danget that kind of sucked." Alex pouted.
"You just teleported a boulder to Rarity's! Even Twilight couldn't do that normally!"
"So?"
"So!? So!? You just did something that could take the Element of magic hours of concentration to do in seconds with no practice!"
"I still don't believe the Elements. Not until I see them work."
"Just read the book."
"Fine, and by the way how old are you anyway?"
"What? Why do you want to know that?"
"Well you seem like you’re in your teens, so, is there anyone you've got your eye on?" He was about to say Rarity, but he stopped him. "Any other choices besides Rarity?"
"I-um... One other."
"Good, who is she?"
"I can't tell! What If Pinkie Pie is listening?"
"Allow me." He said before his horn lit up again and a sphere of white light shrouded them both.
"I Pinkie promise not to say a word."
"How do I know you won’t say it after I do?"
"Kid, listen I’ve had red hot screwdrivers, car batteries and my teeth pulled out and I still didn't say a word to those assholes in that Taliban base. Do you honestly thing a pastry chef is going to get me to talk? And after I did one of her promises?"
"You didn't do the motions though."
"I'd hoped you'd forget about that part... fine. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. There, now talk, just guy to guy."
"Are you sure it's right to talk about her, Twilight say's its not nice to-"
"I'll give you three reasons why you should, one Twilight's not here, two were not gossiping about her and three she would want you to talk about girls with another guy."
"What makes you say that?"
"She'd want you to find someone to settle down with at some point, right? So, I think she would like to let you have some guy time to talk about theses sort of things."
"You're right. Alright do you want to know?"
"Don't tell me I have to do that promise again?"
"It's Fluttershy."
"I wouldn't blame you. She's like you in a few ways."
"Really? Like what?"
"Now I never said I would tell you anything about her. If you want to know then you ask her."
"But she's y'know shy. She'd freak out if I started to ask questions."
"Fine, I’ll give you this free. She does like you, the same way you do her."
"No way! Are you serious?"
"Does this face look deceitful?" He asked with the same looking military figure as before.
"Yes?"
"Good, you're learning fast. And she does really like you that way, I say catch the fish while it's on the line, because there won't be another like it later."
"How though!?"
"Hell if I know; who do I look like, Oprah?"
"Who?"
"Some woman who used to help with relationships. Now if you'll excuse me I have some reading to do. I'll just teleport you back to your place."
His horn started to glow again and Spike was blinded by the sudden flash.
When he got his vision back he wasn't in the tree house.
He was in Fluttershy's cottage.
Alex was laughing his flank off trying to imagine what Spikes face looked like. He finally picked himself up and teleported to the barn/living quarters.
Applejack was just closing the door when a "pop" sounded from behind her. She turned around and saw Alex with six books.
"Ah guess you like to read, huh?" She chuckled at him.
"I find it's helpful to relax the mind. Or give ideas for mass destru-I mean peace! So much peace!"
"Uh huh. Don't stay up to late; we need ya on the farm tomorrow."
"I don't sleep remember?"
"No, but thanks for reminded me. Night."
"Night."
She shut the door and left him in darkness. In his eyes the darkness was but light.
"It pays to have wolf eyes." He chuckled before flipping through the first book.
Applejack slowly slid out of bed, she tied her mane and tail in a ponytail and put on her stentson. She gave a yaw before going downstairs to stat the day's work and wake Alex.
"I think I’ll get bloom to do that." She said to herself thinking about how he would react.
She stopped dead in her tracks imagining what he could do. She hurried her pace and as she was running through the door she hit something solid. She fell back and rubbed her now bleeding muzzle.
"Ow, who put that wall there?"
"Not a wall, me."
She looked up and saw Alex standing over her.
"Even Mac's muscles aren’t that tough."
"He's not a soldier. What are you doing up so late?"
"Late? It's the morning. And I came to get you."
"What did you need me for?"
"I want ya to try apple bucking again."
"Actually I think I can take care of the orchard for you without destroying trees."
"How so?"
"Watch and hold onto something."
She grabbed the support to the porch and watched as he went to the middle of the yard. He rose up onto his hind legs and stomped his front one's onto the ground.
She held as tight as she could when the tremor shook everything, everything she saw was distorted and she felt nauseas. The shaking stopped and when she looked over to Alex she saw he was looking over at the orchard.
She looked over and her eyes widened. He had managed to de-apple every tree in the orchard, something not even her brother could do.
"Now if you’ll excuse me i need to return some books." He said before teleporting away.
"Applebloom! Mac! Get down here and help me pick up the apples!" She called to inside the house.
Twilight was re-re-arranging the library with Spike and Peewee.
"Spike you know where doing them by color spectrum, right?"
"I don't see why anyone organizes books by color."
"It's for the color blind ponies."
"Then shouldn't Rarity be here?" He asked as calmly as possible.
"Did you just say she should be here? Not I should go there?" She asked turning her head dramatically.
"Yes, why? You think is still have a crush on her?"
"Well yeah. She's all you ever talked about. Is there somepony else?"
"...Maybe"
"Who is it?"
"Like I’m telling you. No offense, but I would rather trust Applejack to lie to the princesses."
"Why won’t you tell me? You tell me everything."
"The only other one who knows is Alex and he Pinkie promised."
"So you told him but not me!? You barely know him!"
"I guess he was wrong. You wouldn't want me to have some guy talk."
"Wait guy talk? What's wrong with talking with me and the other's?"
He started at her blankly before sighing.
"Twilight, I do like you and your friends, but I would like to talk to another guy every once in a while. Bedside’s RD is still technically a mare and I couldn't tell her any secrets. She blurt them out everywhere."
"Oh I see. Well good for you. But you’re still telling me."
"We’ll see."
As they started to re-re-arrange the books a "pop" was heard from behind and they both turned to see Alex standing there with a stack of books.
"Hey Twilight, Spike." He nodded before looking through the shelves again.
"Alex what are you doing here?" She asked.
"To get books. Isn't that what normal people do in libraries?"
"Yes they do. But are you returning those then?"
"Yeah I finished them last night. I still don’t believe the Elements of Harmony thing though."
"What do you mean you don’t believe them? You’re staring at one of them."
"Please, magic of friendship? Reading that was like reading an acid addicted psychopath's diary. I nearly got tired from reading that."
"Excuse me!? I'll have you know that they are real and the magic of friendship is real!"
"Sure and I’m the tooth fairy." He said sarcastically.
"Spike take a five letters."
"Excuse me? Did you say five letters?"
"Yes, I want you to go get the others and tell them to bring their Elements."
"I-No, I’m not going to ask. I'm not being held responsible for what you do this time." He said before pulling out five back-up copies to send for the Elements.
He blew out a puff of fire and watched as it flew out of the window, splitting into different directions.
"Here comes Pinkie Pie." Alex said.
"How do you-"
"Hey Twilight! What's going on!? Is there some monster trying to eat the town again or did some of my furniture start to attack ponies again!?" Pinkie Pie "said" in her usual manner.
"How did you know she was going to be here first?" Twilight asked him in disbelief.
"She smells like a bag of sugar from a mile away. It's hard to miss her, and speaking of missing step to the left two feet."
"Why?"
"Just trust me, and put out a nice throw pillow."
She hesitantly took two steps to the left and floated a pillow over.
To catch Rainbowdash crashing through the window.
"How did you know it was her?"
"I head her wings beating. And Rarity and Applejack are coming next, Rarity first."
Twilight just sat there in silence before the door swung open and Rarity entered followed by Applejack.
"Huh, that one was a guess. Oh and Fluttershy is already here."
She didn't even question him when he went upstairs and carried down a small pink and butterscotch pegasus.
"Fluttershy? When did you get here?" Spike asked.
"Oh... I was um... looking for Twilight and the door was locked... sorry."
"No problem. I accidentally broke the door one time and now it gets stuck from time to time."
"Excuse me everypony," Twilight started grabbing he rooms attention. "I hope you all have your proper Elements?"
"I… don’t... sorry." Flutershy squeaked.
"Here you go flutters!" Pinkie Pie said before pulling out Fluttershy's necklace from her mane and placing it on her.
"Why are we here?" Rainbowdash asked.
"It seems somepony doesn't believe in the magic of friendship. He thinks it's all a crock."
"Now everypony knows friendship is magic." Applejack said.
"I still think it's a crock." Alex said getting gasps from five ponies.
"But we defeated Discord and Nightmare Moon with it. How could you not believe that?" Rarity asked.
"It just seems ridiculous. Five magic stones powered by laughter, honesty, magic, generosity, loyalty and kindness just seems like something out of a drunk children’s book author."
"Now hold on just a second! Ah know for a fact that aint true!" Applejack spoke up.
"Yes of course, five magic rocks powered by personality traits that seems completely plausible and not at all idiotic in any way." He said rolling his eyes.
"Hey! It is not idiotic!" Pinkie yelled.
"Of course, just insane."
"I'm not insane, that's Discord!"
"He's told me; now what genius plan do you have to prove to me that your jewelry does anything?"
"Why not a demonstration?"
"Sure, fire away." He said spreading his fore-hooves.
"We can’t use it on you! What if you get turned to stone?" Twilight asked shocked.
"What do you think they tested new weapons on back when I was ruling? I doubt a rainbow will do anything to me, atleast nothing more than a flash bang will."
"Are you sure?"
"I’ve had weapons of mass destruction used and tested on me, I’ll be fine. And if I do get turned to stone then you all can just free me."
"A-Alright, girls get ready while I get my tiara."
Alex snickered before getting a glare from the others.
"What? I can’t snicker in peace now? You ponies are just cruel."
"Why don't you believe in the Elements?" Rainbowdash asked.
"I never said that, i just don't think there all that powerful. Seourisly it's a rainbow, not very threatening if you ask anyone."
"I have a rainbow mane."
"It seems you do. But you’re not fully rainbow. Besides the least threatening thing in here is the marshmallow."
"Why does everypony call me that?" Rarity said glaring at him.
"You’re white as snow, and you’re like glass in manual labor. You’re lucky we don't call you skittles."
"Hey! I like skittles!" Rainbowdash said.
"Sorry skittles, I was giving the marshmallow a compliment."
"If you call me that one more time, I’ll-"
"You’ll what? Hit me? Use your magic? If you didn’t notice the bandage on Applejacks nose then I think you may want to choose your next set of actions carefully."
She looked over to see Applejack had a white bandage on the front of her muzzle.
"Applejack, what happened?"
"Ah ran into Alex." She replied sheepishly.
"You ran into him? And you scratched-"
"Actually ah broke my nose when ah hit him. He's got a heck of a tough chest."
"It's true; I do have a tough chest." Alex said with a small smile.
"And head apparently." Rainbowdash snickered.
"I told you I’m not interested in you. Quit it." He said making her blush and the rest of her friends laugh.
"Shut up! I don't like him!" She huffed facing a corner.
"Yeah I know you don't. I think the princess does though." He said causing a gasp from Rarity.
"And how or why would she like you?"
"Her wings practically knocked her sister over; it doesn't take a genius to know what that means."
"Oh... her wings did that?"
"I don't know, I just saw a white flash out of the corner of my eye and then her ruffling her feathers. She has good taste in men apparently."
"Hardly, you seem to care about nothing more than fighting and killing."
"You don't know a thing about me. I am very sensitive, I like to read, I love kids, i like to make jokes and I’m a very good listener."
"I have yet to see any."
"I saved Applebloom from Timberwolves’s, I read six books in one night, I’ve been making jokes the entire time and I haven’t interrupted any of you."
"It's true." Applejack said.
"I don't-"
"Alright i found it! Now get ready." Twilight said coming down the stairs.
Alex started to laugh uncontrollably and each time he got up and looked at her he fell to the floor again.
"What's so funny?" Asked Twilight blushing out of embarrassment.
"You look ridiculous! A Lavender unicorn wearing a star tiara!" He managed to say between laughs.
"Girls fire at will!"
"Stop! Stop! I can't breathe!"
They all started to float up into the air, he looked up and stared. There Elements shapes shot out from the necklaces and flew past him, he occasionally tried to catch one only to have it go through him. And finally a rainbow shot down and hit him.
They all got down and Twilight was the first to speak.
"How’s that for proof!"
"Neat light show, but I don't feel any different. Just slower." He said before looking down.
His legs were starting to turn to stone.
"Look at that, it seems I’m turning to stone." He said bored.
"You don't sound very concerned. You are being turned to stone." Twilight said looking at him confused.
"It kind of sucks, I would have hoped it would move faster. Maybe if i move around a little." He siad before trotting in place.
"Nope, not working. How long does this usually take? It's taking too-" He was cut off as stone worked its way into his vocal cords.
They all stared at the bored looking stature before it started to crack.
It started at the hooves and made its way up to his horn. A white light slowly seeped through and more cracks formed until he was completely covered in them and one by one the stone fell off.
"Long." He finished his sentence.
"H-How!? How did you escape!? It was only a few seconds!" Twilight said backing away from him.
"I guess they're not as powerful as the book says. Can't believe everything you read." He shrugged.
"That was the most powerful thing in existence!"
"Yes, WAS, being the correct word. Now I’m the most powerful thing in existence. Again." He said proudly.
"I can't believe you’re that strong... would you mind if I run a few more tests or asked some questions?" She asked switching to her scholar side.
"I don't think tests are a good idea, but you’re welcome to ask me anything."
"Anything?"
"Yes anything."
"Pinkie promise you won't back down."
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
"What did you Pinkie promise earlier?"
"Sorry, I Pinkie promised I wouldn’t say a word. Isn’t that right Spike? I gave him the bro code."
"Alright... what did you do usually before you came here?"
"I was on the run from my own country, after three thousand years and they go communist. Bunch of pricks are what they were."
"Aside from the language, why did they want you?"
"They wanted to control me and use me as the ultimate weapon. So, I gave them the ultimate weapon, only I used it on them."
"Interesting. What makes you so strong?"
"I eat my vitamins."
"Really, what gives you so much raw power?"
"A friend of mine used me as the opportune test subject to make a version two super soldier. The ones before me, the other ones that died I killed later. Good thing they were already technically dead."
"How did you kill them if they were dead?" Pinkie asked.
"They weren’t completely dead, they were undead."
"You fought zomponies?" Rarity asked turning paler.
"There is no such thing as zomponies!" Twilight yelled. "It's impossible."
"Funny, that's what you said about my strength earlier. But if you don't believe me ask Rex."
"Who's Rex?" Twilight asked.
"That's right you all haven’t met him yet, come on I’ll take you there." He said before his horn lit up and teleported them all to Canterlot castle.
"I can't even do that!" Twilight yelled making sure she was in the actual castle.
"You’re not me, now come on i hear him talking with Luna."
Before they could ask he was already walking away. They quickly caught up to him and followed him to the dining room doors. He just gave them a small push and went in leading the small group.
"... And later I found out she was with the printer." Rex said to Luna.
"You should have-Alex! What are you doing here?" Luna said with a pleasant smile.
"I'm just here to introduce Rex to these six."
"H-He’s a dragon!" Fluttershy said backing away.
"No, he is a robot dragon, there is a difference."
"He's a machine, he's so advanced." Twilight noted walking up to him.
"Hello Twilight, it is a pleasure to meet you formally."
"You know my name?"
"I also went out for the few years me and Alexander have been studying your kind."
"I thought he said it was only a month?" Applejack said looking over at Alex.
"Dammit Rex, I told you not to tell them! It was the only rule besides not blowing everything up!"
"It must have slipped my processors."
"Whatever, so Twilight anything else you want to ask?"
"What was that on the mirror earlier?"
"No! I will not talk about that!" He yelled flaring his wings and snorting.
"You Pinkie promised though, you said you wouldn't back down."
"I. Said. No!"
His head jerked to the side when he saw Princess Celestia walk in and Pinkie pulling out knives.
"You broke a Pinkie promise!" Pinkie yelled jumping at Alex.
He caught her in the air and sent her back down to the ground where she charged him again. He swung out with his wing and she went flying back onto the wall. She peeled herself off and charged again he swung again but this time she jumped on him and started to bite his neck.
"Get off! I'm not talking!" He yelled bucking back.
"You broke a Pinkie promise!"
"I don't give a damn! I can't relive that... I can’t!"
"You-"
She was lifted off his back by a white magic and soon the marble floor swirled around her until only her head was sticking out.
"I'm not doing it." He snarled.
"What are you not doing?" Celestia asked.
"You remember that thing on the mirror earlier? That's what I’m not reliving."
"Alex you gave them your word that you would tell them what they wanted to know, and I will not tolerate lying. Especially if it's from a stranger."
He snorted one before turning to Rex. "Rex, get the files from my helmet would you?"
"Sir?"
"Do it." He huffed before sitting on the ground making it crack.
A faint buzzing came from Rex before he spoke again.
"Download complete. Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Now I want to a little, to share my pain. Now project it when I say to."
Alex got up and faced the small group of ponies.
"Now listen, if any of you breathes or utters a word about what your about to see. I Pinkie promise to hunt you down and snap your neck!" He hissed the last part.
All the Ponies were horrified at his statement.
"Good, Rex project it."
Rex turned his head to the side and a small picture formed on the wall. It was of a room with multiple humans, some injured and others crying. The room it's self-looked homely, it was nothing but metal and open space that was covered by beds.
The image shook slightly before Alex came into view with a small little girl. She was a dark tan and had black hair in two pony tails.
"Log fourteen. As you can see me and Sarah have found a refugee camp, it seems safe, but i have my doubts. For now it's nice to feel safe. Isn't that right Sarah?" Asked the past Alex looking at her with a genuine smile.
"It's better in here; it's away from the monsters." The little girl said.
"Yeah it is, but that woman seems scarier than them." He chuckled making her giggle.
There was a sudden screaming and the sound of screeching, not of metal tearing but an animalistic screech. The camera came up and the picture was focused on a man against a wall, cut to pieces and standing over him was a creature that made all of the ponies shiver in fear.
It was skinny, its two arms were raised above its head each ending in a long spike, it teeth had been turned into filed jagged points and it was covered in blood.
Before anyone could react it was sent against the wall by a long sword. Alex walked up to it, grasped its shoulder and the hilt of his sword and dragged the blade up, cutting through metal and the thing.
"Damn necromorphs." Alex spat.
"It seems they know were here." Said a blonde woman with a weapon like Alex's.
"They knew before; know they know how to get in. We need to secure the vents and set up centuries."
"Why the vents?" She asked walking with him to a table littered with blue-prints.
"Back on the Ishimura, which is where I just came from, from this, that's how they mainly got around. And now there inside the building, we need to defend ourselves."
"That's the only vent though."
"Then we protect the doors. We need to make sure even one of those things doesn’t get in or else it could kill a very large number of people."
"Right well get ready-"
She was cut off as three deep roars echoed through the room. Everyone turned to the two large doors and saw dents being made before they were pushed open knocking over a crowd of people.
And in came running and scuttling a horde of nightmarish creatures.
"Give them hell!" Alex yelled before taking off into the horde.
He tore each of them apart like wet tissue paper before taking out his long sword and started cutting them to pieces. What he didn't see were three large creatures move in.
"Brutes!" Someone yelled before a barrage of bullets started to pour onto the creatures.
They tore through the defenses easily killing or maiming whoever they came across. The video showed any living thing that wasn't one of them got torn apart and slaughtered.
A scream rang out above the rest and the camera snapped to where Sarah was. There was a brute ready to crush her.
"No! Sarah!" He yelled before using his wings to get him back over to her in seconds.
He grabbed both of its arms and tore them off before stomping through its back.
"Sarah we need to go. Now get on." He said before she crawled onto his helm, hanging onto his horns.
And the video ended.
"W-What were those things?" Luna breathed out.
"Those were necromorphs. Horrible abominations of human re-engineering of an alien artifact called The Marker."
"Where did they come from?" Celestia asked.
"They originally came from a planet cracker called the USG Ishimura, which is also where I found another survivor. And friend later on, Isaac Clarke."
"How could you just kill them?" Rarity asked.
"How could I not? They slaughtered an entire planet of people, innocent people, in hours. I enjoyed killing those monsters as much as you enjoy living."
"Why didn't you just try and be friends?" Pinkie asked.
His eyes turned a dark black before blood started to trickle down from his tear ducts. His head snapped to her with a sickening crack and in seconds she was face to face with him.
"What did you just say?" He hissed as coldly as he could.
"Why didn't you just try and be friends?" She squeaked out.
"Would you want to make friends with those things!? The creatures responsible for global genocide! The things that a man made because he was power hungry!"
"N-No..."
"Then shut the hell up and never even suggest that again...or else."
"Now hold on a second-" Applejack said before a ring of black magic surrounded her neck pulling her toward Alex.
"Be quiet. This is over and that's that." He said releasing his grip on her.
"She just asked a question!" Twilight said before getting a cold hellfire fueled glare from Alex making her hide behind Celestia.
"She asked one of the most stupid, childish and idiotic things I have ever had the displeasure in hearing. You can’t make friends with those things, you can’t reason with them. You can only kill them or they kill you."
"Alex," Celestia started making his head snap to her. "I see you are distressed but taking it out on them will not help."
He looked over at the ponies before sighing and sitting down. His eyes closed temporarily before fluttering open. He groaned and rubbed his head before noticing the blood.
"Shit... did I hurt anyone?" He asked.
"You should know! Ya nearly chocked me ta death!" Applejack yelled making him physically flinch.
"Sorry, I black out when this sort of thing happens. It's best to not make me angry."
"You what now?" Applejack asked still keeping her distance.
"It means i go into a state where I’m still awake, but I can't remember anything I do."
"Do ya honestly expect me to believe that lie!?"
"I though you could tell if i was lying or not?"
"I can."
"Was I lying?"
"N-No..."
"Good, now I’m guessing with the excess of apples I can't stay in the barn?"
"Ah'm afraid so. Ah don't know where else yall could-"
"He could stay here!" Celestia said making all eyes turn to her.
"Is there any room?" Alex asked.
"The guest rooms are full; you may have to stay with me or my sister."
"He's staying with you Celestia." Luna said before walking out.
"That's fine with me, just let me get my armor."
"There will be no need, I’ll send for it." Celestia said.
"I don't trust others touching my armor. I would feel better if I got it."
"Then you may."
He teleported in a bright flash and minutes later returned in his armor.
"Alright so where am I staying?" He asked making Celestia’s cheeks turn red.
"M-My room." She said casting a spell making her cheeks look white.
"Alright, I guess the rest of you should hit the hay." He said turning to the mane six. "And sorry about the whole black-out thing."
"It's alright." Twilight said before walking out followed by her friends.
He walked out but he went the opposite direction.
Celestia just stood there smiling like a love struck filly.
And she was in fact, love struck for the first time since Starswirl was her student.
Standing strong and a peeping tom.
Alex walked with Celestia, himself covered in armor even though he set it to only show his bones. She was surprised when she turned the corner and saw a skeleton.
"Again, that was your own fault." He noted.
"How? You were the one that looked like a skeleton." She said still remembered him laughing at her when she clung to the ceiling.
"Don't act that way, it was the most fun I've had in years... actually it was the only fun I've ever had." He noted dryly.
"You should try having actual fun. I hear it's good for the soul."
"And so is meditating, but you don’t see me keeping my mouth shut for a few years."
"I meditate when I feel stressed. It helps immensely if you can believe it."
"I tried before; I almost ended up with a knife in my jugular."
"You could try again."
"I've tried three times. The first time I almost had my throat cut out. The second time I almost ended up getting blown up and the third time... we'll let's not go into that one."
"You should try the garden, it's perfectly safe."
"That's what I was told at that sauna. All three times."
"Right... So, how has your stay so far been?"
"Pretty good, no one’s tried to kill me; I haven't had to hurt anyone besides Pinkie. The downside is I still don't have my weapons... I feel uncomfortable without them. It sucks."
"How about this, if you promise not to hurt or kill anypony, I will give them back, does that sound fair?"
His ears inside his helmet straightened up and his head snapped to her.
"Are you serious? Please tell me you are."
"I would not lie to you. I see that you truly do not want to harm any of mine or Luna's subjects so you may have them back. If you need to know where they are it's where I used to keep the Elements of Harmony."
He smiled for a brief second before bolting off in the direction of his weapons. She couldn't help but be reminded of Luna when she saw him happy, and when he was his normal self he was much like her.
Alex quickly ran past doors leaving hoof marks in the cracked marble floor and torn carpets. He saw the guards from earlier and stopped while skidding into a wall. They took notice and had their weapons drawn.
"Who goes there?" Asked the one smart enough to stay away.
"I remember you two from earlier. You were the assholes who tried to spear me." Alex said getting the dust off his armor.
"You! What are you doing back here!?" The other guard said pointing his spear at Alex.
"Put that away before you lose an eye. And if you must know, I'm staying with Celestia for the moment."
Both of their jaws dropped before they retained their composure.
Alex Already disappeared, to them atleast. He was actually still in front of them, his armor cloaked and soundproofed on the inside.
He got up and tip-hooved his way away from them snickering inside his helmet.
Once he was a good distance away he uncloaked and trotted the rest of the way to the vault.
Upon sight it made his nose wrinkle. It was jewel encrusted and looked to be made of flimsy wood. And there were so many windows and they weren’t even bullet proof or Plexiglas.
"No wonder they were stolen, this place has horrible security." He muttered going up to the doors.
He grabbed one edge with his hooves and pulled, it came off the hinges and in there he saw it. He saw them.
Every one of his weapons, all the way to his Long Sword to his grenades. His eyes glazed over for a second before stepping inside.
Celestia was in her study quietly filling out the paper work for the tax flaws in the northern region of her and Luna's fair land. Unfortunately, she couldn't quite get any concentration with her granddaughter testing her new spells in the guards training grounds.
There was another explosion followed by cheers and compliments from the guards watching.
Her ink nearly spilled.
There was the explosion that followed the first. And more cheers followed.
She felt her desk shake.
There was another explosion, but this time there was complete silence and... gasps?
She got up and went to her window, looked down and saw an almost blood chilling sight.
There were purple flames going around a lone figure. And he did not look amused.
She flew as fast as her wings could carry her and landed in the training yard. Just as Alex shook off the residual explosion.
"Alright! Who did that!?" He yelled hoofing the ground.
"Alex! What is going on!?" Celestia yelled getting in front of him and her niece.
"Someone thought to take me out with a magic explosive! While I was trying to meditate for the fourth time in my life!"
A young looking female Draconequiss ran over carrying a bat.
"I am so sorry! The wind changed as I hit the ball, you’re not hurt are you?" She asked.
"Ball? I thought someone was hurling grenades at me! And not those cheap ones they let you get away with when you steal contraband."
"Yeah, my dad taught me a new spell so I can enchant baseballs." She said before snapping her fingers making a baseball appear in her paw.
"Let me guess, your dad is Discord?"
"What gave it away? My charming demeanor or my good looks?" She said putting her paw to her chest.
"Your personality. And the whole mix matched creature thing. My names Alexander, you can call me Alex." He said extending his hoof.
"Apollo." She said grabbing his hoof and shaking it.
"So, your dad taught you how to make exploding sports equipment? You would think Celly here would get mad, because isn't this the time you do your taxes for other regions?" He asked Celestia.
"Y-Yes. How did you know when I-"
"I've been watching for years, remember? I know more about this place than you do."
"I would hardly say that. I help rule it."
"And I've had thirteen years to explore it, study it and map it. You won't believe how many defense flaws there are in your land. I'm surprised no one's taken over yet."
"What flaws?"
"How many isolated and open areas there are. They could provide excellent cover for hiding an army or super weapon."
"I assure you we are at peace with every race. We have no need to fear war at the moment."
"Even the Changelings?" He asked with a bit of pride in her reaction.
"N-No... we cannot help but be apart from them."
"Isn't the leader that ugly bug lady who kicked your tail at the wedding with one magical blast?" Apollo asked.
"This conversation is over!" Celestia huffed.
"Hey, we can't win every fight. Although I wouldn't know that. You do though, how does it feel to lose?" He asked putting a hoof to his chin.
"Please don't rub it in."
"I'm really asking! How does it feel to lose at something?"
"Not good, especially when it's your subjects at risk."
"Yeah I heard that's not usually good. Hey Apollo mind if I try the baseball thing out?"
"I doubt you have enough magic to even cause a spark. No offense."
"Are you saying I’m weak?" He asked offended
"Magic wise, yes."
"Alright give me the ball." He growled as he said the words.
She giggled and handed him the ball. He studied it for a few seconds before a strange look came on his face.
"How do I make it explode?" He asked tapping it with his hoof.
"Just put magic into it. It's as simple as cake!"
"Don't you mean pie?"
"No, I meant cake. I know my Celestia loves the stuff. Look, she's blushing from embarrassment."
Celestia's cheeks were a lovely shade of pink and darkening before she flew off.
"Huh, I’ll see you later then!?" Alex called out.
"Yes!" She called back stopping momentarily.
He looked back to Apollo and looked back to the ball. He lowered his horn and started to put as much magic as he could into it. Before long he felt it heat up and when he opened his eyes it turned into a ball of orange flames.
He looked to his side and saw a target. He threw the ball as hard as he could and it went flying straight into the center. It exploded in a massive explosion of energy, shooting out fire bands and small sparks. When it faded what remained was a small sparkling dot where the ball originally hit.
"What is that?" He asked.
Before Apollo could answer it went off. A massive shock wave shook the ground and pushed everyone except for Alex who held tight to the ground, was blown away to the other side of the field. A white ring slashed out knocking even him to the ground and cracking the wall around the target.
"Damn, I think I overdid it." Alex said getting back up.
"That was amazing!" Apollo said happily even if her hair was blown back in a classic cartoon style.
"I guess I am. No need to give me compliments... unless you want to?" He said tilting his head to the side with a small smile.
She laughed that turned into full gut-clenching laughter.
"I like you; you're even funnier than my dad. I should probably not show you how to make storm clouds."
"Apollo Strife! You get your tail over here right now!" Discord yelled before appearing in front of them.
"Yes dad?" She asked confused as to why he was using her full name.
"What have I told you about putting too much magic into the sports equipment?"
"To keep putting more in?"
"Alright so I did, but I didn't think you had that much! You melted the target, the ground and the wall!"
"Actually, that was Alex." She said pointing a talon at him.
"Really? An alicorn had that much magic in him? Now that's impressive." He said before patting Alex on the back.
"Thanks, I'm very proud of my strength. I think it's about time to go to bed too don't you?"
"Yeah, come on Apollo let's go get your brother. Where is he anyway?"
"He said something about going through the maze." Apollo said before laughing with her father.
"I knew he'd find a loophole." discord said before teleporting his son there.
Unfortunately he was also carrying a running chainsaw.
It hit Alex directly on the helmet causing sparks to go flying before the chain broke.
"Awww, my chainsaw broke. Now I have to get a new chain and sharpen it. Oh, hey dad, hey sis." Said the orange colt.
"I'm just going to go to bed before I get blown up again or end up breaking someone else's tools." Alex said before teleporting to Celestia's room.
She was just entering the room when he "popped" into existence right in front of her.
"I see we both have a timed schedule." Alex said before standing next to the bed.
"It was but a coincidence." She said avoiding eye contact.
"Sure, I know how all the women here can’t stay away from me. Including yourself, your highness."
She blushed profusely while working her mouth like a fish out of water.
"If not then I guess you wouldn't mind if I were to just stand here?" He said before positioning himself on her side of the bed.
"N-No, not at all." She managed out before slowly taking off her regalia.
She set them down on the table before slowly sliding into her bed while in the process, accidentally nudging Alex.
"Now, now no need to push." He said.
Her cheeks felt like they were on fire at this point.
"W-What are you talking about?"
"That little nudge you gave me. It's not the first time a lady such as yourself has tried to get me with her."
"I am not trying to do that!" She protested even if her red face was saying otherwise.
"Relax; you’re not the first princess to try that. The first got me to lie down and then while i wasn't looking tried to be-head me."
"Has anypony not tried to kill you?"
"It would have been a painful death. If she had succeeded. I was quick enough to cover it up before the knife came down."
"Wouldn't she have to swing and not stab you if she wanted to be-head you?" She asked.
"I think you misunderstand. She wasn't going for that head... She was going for THAT head." He finished raising his eyebrows before looking down and back up.
She felt her mouth become useless again before she put her head down on the pillow.
"Goodnight." She said as calmly as possible.
"Goodnight, don't let Cinnamon bite." He chuckled at his old memory of her first time trying to sleep on his chest. He then shuddered at the memory as she bit his nose when he rolled over.
He let his armor go into the usual see through state before looking directly at the wall. Celestia on the other hoof, was waiting for him to fall asleep.
She tossed and turned from time to time in her bed. She hadn't done that in a millennium. Was it because there was a colt there next to her? That could explain why she felt so warm between-
"Enough!" She scolded herself quietly. "Why is it he has made me so uncomfortable? Is it because he is a male alicorn? Or is it because... no! He is not even an actual resident of this world. So why am I so attracted to him?" She asked herself uncertain if she used the right words.
She slowly peeked out the corner of her eye and saw him breathing slowly and staring ahead.
She slowly sat up and waved her hoof in front of his face. No reaction.
"Good, now maybe I can see how silly I've been acting. He's nothing but a muscle toned soldier, I have no interests in him." She said proudly before getting out of the bed.
She looked him starlight in the face. He didn't blink he didn't even twitch. She was sure he was sleeping with his eyes open, just like some soldiers on night shift do. Or her own guards at the front gates to the castle. She walked around and examined him.
He was obviously well trained from his muscles, he had quite a few scars to prove it too and his plot was the most muscle toned she couldn't help but stare.
She felt a small amount of drool start to trickle down her chin before she blushed at what she was about to do. She turned around to his face again and waved her hoof in front of him.
No reaction.
Satisfied she went back around.
"You will not be putty in his hooves no more! If I can simply make physical contact without felling awkward then I can talk to him in the eye." She said confidently before sticking out a hoof.
His rear armor was skin tight. She felt every curve, bump and even pulse from his heart. She slowly found herself drooling again before she screamed and hid under the blanket.
"See something you like?" He asked jokingly even though his face was slightly red too.
"I-What-No! I thought you were asleep!?" She stuttered out blushing profusely.
"I don't sleep, remember?"
"I should remember that."
"Yes you should before you go feeling me up again." He chuckled at her red face hiding under the covers. "So you really like me huh?"
"W-What are you talking about?"
"I saw what you did at town, thing with your wings. And as much as you blush around me, the drooling bit and how you don't look me in the eye. I'd say you head over hooves for me, princess."
"I am not!"
"Oh yes you are. I heard what you said the whole time. I will not be putty in his hooves any longer. And why would you go and grab my ass, out of all the places?" He asked raising an eyebrow.
"H-How much did you hear?" She asked nervously peeking out from the covers.
"The beginning."
"Why didn't you stop me?"
"I wanted to see how far you would go. Luckily I did stop you before you went lower. That would have been an awkward conversation later."
"Isn't this an awkward conversation?"
"Not really, you’re not the first to grab me. Grab me there yes."
"I-I see... I apologize for intrud-."
"Alright quit it, you like me and I like you that's enough. Now go back to sleep and this time not peeking out the corner of your eye."
"You like me?"
He his eyes and his ears splayed back before he was blushing profusely.
"D-Did I say that? W-What I meant to say was... ugh... we'll crap, I've got nothing."
"What's with the sudden interest?" Now it was her time to mess with him.
"We'll you’re a lot like me, smart, tedious, hardworking, funny and good looking. And since I’m a pony, my feelings started to change over a little. I just liked you as a friend while I was human, but when I saw you on the ground fainted. We'll the light was hitting you in such a way... Ah crap! Now I'm daydreaming! Shit did I say that out loud?"
"Yes, yes you did. Now goodnight."
"Goodnight. And really, don't let Cinnamon bite."
"Alex?"
"Yes supposed to be sleeping princess?"
"Would you care for dinner?"
"Already asking me out. Sure, I don't remember the last date I had. Atleast one that didn't end up with me accidentally getting a fork in my hand."
"Do you have any memories that don't involve pain?"
"I... do not. Wait, I do have a few of some of my friends when I was on the run. I wonder if their alright?"
"You had others with you?"
"Yeah, a bunch of knuckle heads. But the lovable kind. There was Francis the pessimist, Ox the all muscle occasionally brain of the group, Striker and Buster the ex-spies, Jack the pervert, Alex and Alexis the trolls, mason the nerd, Jacob the cleaner, Michael the lazy one, Allis the mecha, White the leader of Jacob, Michael and Mason. Francis leads the rest except for Buster and Striker. And the two guards we picked up later on."
"Are they as strong as you?"
"No, there just version one super soldiers. I could send my hand through their armor before they knew what happened."
"Goodnight Alex, I will see you in the morning."
"Goodnight. Dear."
She felt her cheeks turn into an inferno, before throwing a pillow at him which only made him laugh.
"The ladies can’t resist me."
He silently watched the wall. He wasn't just staring he was waiting. Waiting for whatever this world had in store for him.
And what it gave him was near insanity, isolation and love. He wasn't sure about the third, but he had a slight feeling of what it was supposed to be. A light ticklish feeling in his chest whenever he laid eyes on her. Celestia.
She was just a female version of him. She knew what to say when it mattered; she had even managed to calm him down when he was blacked out. She was smart; she did have a few thousand years of knowledge in her head. And she was defiantly good looking, by the ponies standards.
Wait... ponies?
"Why did I think that?" He asked himself.
"Think what?"
He looked to his right and saw Celestia there, awake and her mane a pink mess.
"Nothing. I think i just need to go for a walk is all. I'll be back later." He said without emotion before teleporting out.
He found himself on top of the mountain, its snow covered peak giving him a view of endless expanse. And there he stood, staring and thinking of what had happened so far.
"What's happened to me?" He asked himself again.
"Before this I was a soldier. I wanted nothing but to get out of here and keep fighting... now I want to stay. Why?"
"Why her? She's a pony. Not even close to being human, so why am I attracted to her? Am I going soft?"
He looked back out to the green plains, the small town below and the clouds with all the ponies flying about. And so he sat there.
He zoomed in with his helmet. He saw a small family he guessed, playing. They were happy, not a care in the world.
A green colt swinging a fris-bee to his son. The mother watching from a small picnic blanket, watching with a small smile.
And he found himself smiling too.
"Maybe its just time. Time for me to finally call it quits. Maybe I just need to settle down. Maybe all I want, all I’ve worked for... is here. I've got friends, someone who likes me as I do them, no one trying to kill me deliberately and peace. Something that I do need." he sighed in exhaustion. Not physically, but emotionally.
"Somehow though, I know... it will all end. The princesses will find some way to send me back and I'll leave. Might even try and kill myself from the insanity knowing that my heaven is here."
"What if that explosion did kill me though? What if I am dead and they manage to send me back? Will I just be a corpse, my mind floating in darkness? Or is there really a hell and heaven?" He thought sadly.
"If they are sending me back! Then I'm going to make the best of this. I'm not a slacker like Michael! No! I am Alexander king of Velrain!" He yelled out to nothing.
His horn grew a bright white before he teleported to town.
He stood there with a smile on his face. He was going to do something he hadn't done in almost his entire life.
He was going to have fun.
He ran as fast as his legs could carry him, he was searching for the pony he knew would want to hear what he had to say. He saw her napping on a cloud and quickly flew up.
He landed with a light puff and went over to her.
"Hey, hey wake up." He poked her with a hoof.
She brushed at him with one of her hooves.
"I said... Wake up!" He yelled at a tone he didn't know he had.
Rainbow's head shot up and hit him in the front of his helmet.
"What's going on!?" She yelled flaring her wings in anger before spotting Alex.
"Wanna race?"
"Wha...?" He mind went blank.
"Do you want to race?" He asked smiling showing off his teeth.
"Sure? Where do you want to race?"
"Why not through the mountains?"
"Sure... hey, what's gotten into you?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all!" He replied mimicking Pinkie's behavior.
"Then why are you so happy and smiley?"
"I guessed that I won't be here for very long so I'm making the best of it! So can we race?"
"Sure. Where do you want to start?"
"Right here is good."
"Right here? It's not much of a starting point but ok. So where's the finish?"
"Why not in front of Sugercube Corner?"
"Alright then. Let's race!" She said before taking off.
Rainbow flew as fast as she could towards the mountains.
"He's not going to beat me again!"
"Oh I wouldn't say that, you don't want to jinx yourself?" He sing-songed.
She turned her head to see Alex there smiling, both front hooves behind his head.
"How are you flying without beating you're wings?"
"Gravity tethers. There mainly used to move heavy equipment and large chunks of planet."
"That's cheating!"
"So is getting a head start before the other racer can react. So you've cheated twice."
"I have not! I gave you a head's up both times."
"We'll then, heads up because I'm about to go Mach-ten."
Before she could ask she was knocked to the side by a loud explosion and saw Alex going too fast to really see. She just hovered there watching as he went through the mountains. Not around or over but THROUGH the mountains. He circled back and nearly hit her making her spin in the air before landing back in town.
"Maybe that was to fast?" He asked himself before seeing her drop from the sky. "Great, now I have to save her."
He flew to her side; she herself was still in the state when he had passed only her wings weren't beating. He looked her over making sure she was breathing, chest was still rising. Good. Eyes were locked forward and she wasn't talking or moving. Not good.
He looked around the town and saw what looked like a hospital; he flew over and saw a pony coming out with crutches. He figured it must have been so he went in and saw only a white mare at the desk quietly scribbling away at a paper.
"Excuse me miss, I need to check in someone." He spoke up.
"Rainbowdash's bed is down the hall." She said smiling gently.
"She has her own room?" He asked raising an eyebrow.
"She's our best patient next to Ditzy. I'm not sure how either of them are alive. If you want I could escort her there?"
"Yeah, I need to go tell her friends she's... I don't really know what happened to her."
"We'll what happened?"
"I was racing her and I tore through a few mountains at Mach-ten."
"So it seems little miss daredevil has finally been beat. Maybe now she won't come in here as much. Just lay her down in a chair."
He looked over and saw a chair with a little gold plack on the seat.
"Rainbowdash." He read.
He gently put her down onto the seat and walked out as calmly as possible. Once outside he charged a teleportation spell and the mane six were there.
Twilight was holding a book, Rarity was doing her make-up, Applejack was bucking a tree, Fluttershy had a salad on her head and Pinkie had a bunch of balloons and a card with "Get well soon Dashie" on it.
"Alex, why am I not in my bathroom?" Rarity asked.
"I think I may have broken Rainbowdash."
"I saw everything! You and her racing! You owned the skies!" Pinkie said before hopping inside.
"What does she mean by that?" Twilight asked.
"We raced and I won in seconds. Now she's... we'll I don't know what's wrong with her. She's just broke."
"You beat her in a race? And in a few seconds? Where?"
"We started above the town and i went through the mountains. When I landed I saw her fall."
"Let's go see if she's alright." Twilight sighed.
They all went back inside to see Pinkie drawing on Rainbowdash's face with a marker, the nurse with a magazine on her face and a doctor with a curious stare looking at Pinkie.
"How is she?" Asked Alex.
"She's just in temporary shock, she's in no harm." He said.
"Good, I was afraid I broke her."
"Are you her coltfriend then?" He asked.
"Why do you all think I like her!? I'm not dating her! I'm with someone else!" He yelled before realizing he just said that in front of the mane six.
Rarity was already staring at him with a small smile.
"No means no." He said making her frown disappear.
"I will be talking to the guards later." She mumbled under her breathe.
"Like hell you are." He whispered back so only she could hear him.
"Excuse me, but she is free to go." The doctor said.
"Thank you, Doctor... I'm sorry what’s your name?" Alex asked extending an armored hoof.
"Dr. Needles." He said.
Alex's eyes widened and his mouth began to slowly widen before he screamed and went through the wall.
"Was it something I said?" Dr. Needles asked unsure of what happened.
"He hates needles." Rarity said.
Alex was running out of fear for once in his life. He never experienced it before, but now that he did he was sure to stay away from that hell hole.
"Alright, now what?" He asked himself hiding behind a building before peeking out of the corner to make sure he wasn't being followed.
"I know he's here!" Yelled a voice he knew to be Luna.
He walked out from his hiding spot and saw her and six of the day guards along with her own. They were all searching houses and up trees.
"Hey Luna! What's going on?" He asked walking over to the disheveled princess.
"We are still searching for Mr. Yankovic. We keep tracking him here, yet we can't find him."
"Where exactly?"
"Are you willing to help?" She asked looking at him.
"Yes, now where is it strongest?"
She flew over to Sugarcube Corner's back wall.
He walked up and put his ear to the wall. He heard voices, but none of them were from the human. He looked down and sniffed like a hound dog.
"What are you doing?" Luna asked tilting her head to the side.
"I figured Pinkie had him so, she would need a secret base. Somewhere secure, inaccessible and safe. Trust me; I know a lot about bases." He said before stopping at the end of the wall. "Got him."
His horn started to glow and soon chunks of earth came out and before long he was digging furiously with his hooves, occasionally hitting Luna in the face with a pile.
"Hey! Is anyone out there!?" Called a muffled voice from below.
Alex dug and dug until he was met with a concrete wall. He smiled at how childish the defenses were and punched a hole straight through it. What he saw inside made him do a double take.
Weird Al wasn't even in danger. He was sitting comfortably in a little chair with a cupcake in one hand and a ceramic tea cup in the other. The room it's self was furnished for royalty and there was even a table loaded with snacks.
"Could I leave now?" He asked taking another sip from his cup.
"What the hell! Everyone was looking for you! Why didn't you just show yourself!?" Alex yelled making Al flinch visibly.
"That weird pink pony trapped me in here. I'm not sure how she gets in, there's no doors or windows, but there's still air and the occasional breeze. I stopped worrying when she threw the forth party." He said getting up. "Now can we leave before she comes back?"
"Sure, just step outside." He said Motioning Al to go out.
He made his way out and stopped dead in his tracks, not from the guards or the lunar princess.
Pinkie was staring at him from the top of a building.
"She's here." He whispered before waving and backing up.
"Get out. I've dealt with her before easily. Now get out before I throw you out." Alex said pushing Al out with his head.
He hesitantly made his way out before stopping in font of Luna.
"I apologize for your experience. I hope if we ever meet again this will not cause any problems?" Luna asked.
"Why? I'm scared of what she'll do if I decide to leave. She loves having me around. Isn't that right Pinkie!?" He yelled the last part.
She ran over with a frown, hair deflated and tears welling in her eyes.
"D-Do you really have to go?" She asked sniffling.
"I'm afraid so. I just don't belong here, i have my own life and fans back in my world. I will miss you though so here, i made you this." He said smiling while pulling out a disk from his pocket.
"W-What is it?" She asked taking the disk.
"My greatest hits. Just for my favorite partier." He said before being wrapped in a bone crushing hug. "My Lungs!" He croaked.
"Oops! Sorry!" She apologized letting go.
"I guess bye." He said wrapping her in a hug.
"Bye. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too-"
"Who says you have to go?" Luna said
"No one, but I need to. It's not natural for a human to be here... no offense Alexander." he finished raising his hands defensively.
"Non taken. Now how are we going to get you back? Luna, you wouldn't happen to know where you’re dizzy-wizzy is, do you?"
"W-Where did you hear that name?" She asked blushing.
"Your sister, now do you know where he is?"
"Let me get him." She mumbled before opening up a small rift.
Where Discord came sliding out with his daughter and son.
"Discord... where were you? And why are you wearing a duck ring?" Luna asked tapping her hoof.
"Oh! H-Hello dear... we'll you see we were... um, fighting the sea ponies! They were viscous!"
"So why then are the kids wearing swimming outfits and no masks?"
"Dad took us out to the beach!" Orion said.
Discord face-clawed before looking back at his wife.
"I swear we were going to invite you! We wanted to tell you, isn't that right kids!?" He asked feverishly.
"I thought you said not to tell mom?" Apollo asked making her father's face turn pale and her mother's red.
"N-Now honey! N-No need to get flustered!" He said backing away from his fuming wife who was charging her horn.
"This is what you do when I'm working!? Yet you never invite me when I'm not working!"
"N-Next time! I'll take you to the spa and wherever you want to go!" He said before hitting a tree. "Y-You wouldn't hurt me in front of the kids would you?" He whimpered.
"No, but if they weren't here."
"Awww, come on mom. We want to see you fight dad!" Apollo whined.
"No you don't! Be quite you traitors!" Discord yelled pointing a talon at them.
"You can borrow buzzer if you want to?" Orion asked summoning his favorite chainsaw.
Discords face was almost the color of a marshmallow. "N-Now kids... d-dear, you don't want to hurt me. I'm part of the family! Family doesn't hurt each other!"
"Don't listen to your father kids; I think this will be a wonderful family bonding experience. And afterwards he can take us all to the spa. Apollo, why don't you try that new spell your father taught you?"
"Alright!" She said before summoning a small cane with a white tip sparking electricity.
Discords face was between a mix of sadness and horror. He screamed jumping past all of them and started to run.
Alex rolled his eyes before catching all three in a telekinetic field and brought them over to Weird AL.
"Guys! Remember why he's here? Discord stop ticking off your family and send him back; if you do i can offer you protection."
"Yes! I'll send him back, just as long-"
"For a price."
"Anything! Just name it!" He pleaded looking back at his wife and kids.
"Could I get a top hat and four gallons of apple juice? No wait, can I get a suit to match?"
"Yes! Here take it!" He said snapping his fingers and in a moment four jugs of apple juice appeared and a top hat along with a suit.
Alex slowly let them all down and released Discord while keeping Luna and the others solid.
"Alright Al, here's the thing. How did you get here first of all?" Discord asked leaning against the tree he was pinned to earlier.
"I was going to my car when a huge portal opened up and I was falling through the sky when a robot dragon caught me."
"Good, I was afraid you were blown up like Alex. Now stand back." He asked cracking his knuckles and summoning a rubber suit around him, but putting copper wire around his "hands."
Al did just that and saw him make lightning come from the still present magical storm from earlier. He winced as a bolt nearly struck him and got back up to see Discord trying to catch the bolts.
"Why don't you just make a bolt come at you!?" Al shouted over the storm.
Discord sighed realizing he could have done it easier again. He snapped his fingers and a bolt stopped in front of him. He closed his eyes and grabbed it, the result was instantaneous. Every joint in his body went out in every direction while a yellow light surrounded him, his bones flashing into view when he was shocked and smoke could be seen coming from him.
He let go and fell to the ground in a smoking heap. He groggily got up and his talon started to glow before he shot Al. The human in question yelled covering his face before he was gone in a flash of light.
The dust settled and he was gone, unlike Spiderman.
"Good. Now Alex about that-Oh no..." Discord squeaked at the sight before him.
Nightmare Bloodmoon was snout to snout with him and his kids, each armed were on his other sides.
"A-Alex! Help!" He yelled looking to see a smirking Alex.
"Go easy on him! He needs his hands or paws if he's going to give you a massage Luna!" Alex yelled before teleporting to the castle.
Celestia was stepping off her thrown when a pop sounded in front of her. She saw Alex in a top hat and suit while carrying four jugs of juice in the air.
"Alex, where did you get that?"
"Just a gift from Discord. If you hear screaming or anything in the paper about three immortal beings chasing another around Ponyville... I had nothing to do with it."
"What did he do this time?" She asked smiling.
"He was at the beach with his kids while Luna was working. Now his kids are even helping her pummel him. I should buy them all an ice cream, sadly I'm broke." He shrugged before turning to leave.
"Alex, don’t you think you should help him?"
He gave her a side-ways glance. "Hell no, he filled my armor with frogs. I think what they'll do to him is merciful compared to what I want to do." he finished opening the doors.
Celestia shivered at the thought of what he could do... especially from past experiences. She held her calm demeanor before stepping off the throne, as she did something crashed through the window next to her. Only it was yelling.
She looked down and screamed backing up to her throne.
Discords head was on the floor.
"Hey Celestia! Could you do me a favor and get my body back in one piece? And get some tape or staples. Thank you." The head said before wincing. "Ow, I knew I shouldn't have given him a large chain on that saw."
Alex stopped momentarily to listen in on a heavenly yell.
"Must be an opera house nearby. Lovely voice though."
He trotted along and soon came across the training grounds where he saw Luna, Apollo, Orion and a two headed Discord in a full body cast walking to the towers. He quickly ran up to them smiling and trying not to stare at Discord.
"Hello Alex, are you going up too?" Luna asked.
"Yes, I was putting up my suit and hat. By the way when I get some bits I would like to get Apollo and Orion a treat for hurting Discord."
"I hate you so much." Discord said through his cast.
"Love you to buddy. So, why does he have two heads?"
"He's part Hydra."
Apollo put a claw up to her chin before summoning a katana.
"Apollo. You are not going to try and grow two heads or you're grounded." Luna said still walking away.
"I'm already grounded because of dad." She whined handing the sword to Alex.
He looked at it before throwing it over his shoulder.
"My Spleen!" A guard yelled out.
He flinched before whistling a merry tune and heading up the stairs. He said his good-byes and an "I'm watching you" sign to Discord before entering Celestia's room.
It was still a little girly for his taste. Alright it was almost enough to make him shove staples in his eyes.
He folded up his suit and set his hat down on the top of his helmet. He was about to leave when the he looked over and saw the covers to the bed crinkled.
"Lazy, just lazy." He shook his head before straightening it out.
He was about to walk away when His side touched to covers. It was extremely soft, like a cloud. He looked back at the door and back to the bed and reached out with a hoof.
It was the most heavenly thing he had ever touched next to a freshly polished bullet.
He looked back at the door before he chewed on his bottom lip before walking around to the other side of the bed. He looked back and listened.
He heard nothing other than arguing room Luna's and Discords room. Followed by Discord shutting up and the sound of s cast iron pan hitting something.
He smiled slightly and folded the edge of the covers over and was about to slid in. To just try it of course before he scolded himself.
"No. It's her bed; I couldn't just get into it." He stared at the open portion of bed before looking back at the door. "If it's for just a few seconds though... Just to make sure it's not booby-trapped. For her safety."
He put one hoof onto the bed itself and the feeling of peace came over him making him shudder from pleasure. (Not that kind of pleasure perverts.) He slowly slid one hoof after another and now he was lying on his side.
"This is damn comfortable." He muttered still checking the door every few seconds.
He was hesitant but he started to pull the cover over himself. It was cold as ice and as hard as rock.
"Now this feels like heaven..." He purred before he yawned.
His eyes shot open from shock, but soon they relaxed when the bed started to let him sink it. He let out a cat like purr and snuggled into the blanket even further. Soon he found himself in blackness, only he wasn't worried. He had a feeling what a dream was. And he was enjoying it.
Celestia was still traumatized by the recent "events" that had unfolded in her throne room. She shuddered as she remembered his head talking. She quickly started to trot faster.
She reached the entrance to her and Luna's towers.
She groaned inwardly from what she was had to do.
Celestia nearly fell to the floor in exhaustion.
She hated stairs. And she wanted to burn out whoever made them.
She picked herself up and went to her room. When she opened the door the first thing she noticed was the armor wearing a top hat, the moon already risen and a large lump in her bed.
She went over to investigate and peeked over her side. What she saw made her giggle.
Alex was sleeping soundly like a foal, a small smile on his lips and the occasional leg twitch.
She took off her regalia and slipped into the bed next to him. She turned away so her back was facing him. As soon as she started to feel comfortable she turned over.
"Much better." She sighed.
Alex snorted slightly and reached out with his front hooves wrapping her in a hug.
She yelped and blushed a deep shade of blood red crimson. She tried to push away but he was to strong.
"Alex... wake up." She whispered in his ear.
He didn't respond.
"Alex, could you wake up?" She asked talking.
No response still.
"You've forced this on yourself."
She took in a deep breath before.
"Alex!" She yelled out into his ear.
This time his ear twitched.
She sighed; still blushing she slipped her hooves out from his grasp and put one on her side.
"Great now I've got a cramp." She complained silently.
She looked over to him and blushed even more before putting a fore leg around his neck.
"This isn’t so bad." She admitted before resting her head on a free space of her pillow.
She got another cramp and this time leaned her head down onto his broad shoulder.
And there they slept peacefully for Luna's glorious night.
Discord lowered his tool into Luna’s bowl. She made a gasp when she opened her eyes and nearly fell. She felt her milk slightly spill and caused her to shiver. He chuckled at her response before taking it out and eating his trophy.
"Discord I told you that's my breakfast!" Luna yelled hitting his two heads on the back.
"Well you weren't eating it!" The one on the left yelled.
"What he said but more aggressive!" The one on the right yelled.
"Discord you can have the rest of the cereal if you get rid of one of those... things."
Both heads looked at each other with determination in their eyes before a lion paw and a eagle claw started to choke one another.
"I want the cereal!" The left gagged.
"But I deserve it!" The right forced out.
"Dad, why don't you just make as much as you want?" Orion said making them both stop and look at each other.
"He's right." The one on the left said.
"No I'm right, you're left, he's our son, she's our daughter and the crazy mare beside us is the death of us." The one on the right chuckled before getting cut off by a purple wave of magic leaving the one on the left to snap into place.
"I think one is enough trouble." Luna said before eating her cereal.
"I'll miss him... even if he wasn't original." Discord shrugged before putting the head into a trashcan.
"Sister, would you care for something? Sister?" Luna turned her head to look where her sister usually sat.
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice until after breakfast."
"Oh dad!" Both of his children jeered to his annoyance and mother’s confusion.
"Alright! I'm doing it!" Discord yelled embarrassed that he lost a bet to his children.
They both were giggling and when he snapped his fingers they burst out laughing.
He turned all of his hair pink, save for his eyebrows and beard. But he wasn't done there; he even started to shrink down to his younger self.
Apollo barely managed to hold in her laughs before doing a "go on" motion with her claw.
Discords face was already in a scowl and soon that hardened even more when he summoned a pink bow, a blue propeller beanie and an oversized lollipop.
"Aren't you going to put the bow on dear?" Luna asked pursuing her lips to keep from laughing.
He groaned before tying it to the end of his tail just above his little pink fluff ball.
"This is the last time I ever make a bet..." He growled in a squeaky voice.
"Only if Celestia were here!" Luna laughed holding a hoof over her chest while fanning herself with the other.
"Want the kids to get her?" Discord asked smiling evilly with the large sucker in his tiny mouth.
"Sure, we'll do it." Orion said getting up from the table. "Oh, here mom, take this." He said flicking his horn at her making a small yellow box appear in front of her.
"What is it?" She asked taking it with her own hooves.
"Just aim it at dad and push the small button at the top. I'm sure it will be memorable." He finished giving his dad a sinister scowl.
As both Apollo and Orion left Luna pointed the "object" at the pink Diddy Discord. She pressed the button and a bright flash came out from the front making Discord fall over on the floor while making Luna's cereal bowl fall. He caught it at the last second and stuck his muzzle straight in it, slurping up every bit of sugar coated oat and drinking every drop of milk.
Luna was about to scold him before noticing a piece of paper on the floor. She picked it up and instantly she stated to giggle again.
"You're not going to let me live this down are you?" Discord asked.
"Not a chance!" She laughed.
He rolled his eyes before walking behind her and attempting to hit her over the head with a frying pan.
She got a sore on her lower back before turning to face him angrily.
"Did you just try and use the pan on me?"
"I'll be on the coach... again."
Apollo and Orion closed the door to the dining hall and Apollo snapped her fingers teleporting them both to their aunt’s room.
"Sis, you open it." Orion whispered staring at the door.
"Why me?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
"What if she just got out of the shower?"
"What does it matter if she's wet?"
"I'm a guy and you're a girl! It'll be less awkward because y'know..."
"What?" She asked folding her arms.
"Well you are a girl and so is she so you have what she has." He said slightly blushing.
"Oh, I get it. You’re to chicken!"
"I am not!" He said glaring at her.
She leaned in with a smirk on her face, before replying. "Then prove it."
He puffed out his chest and pushed the door opened slowly to let them both in. What they saw made them pop wingers and blush unconsciously.
Apollo teleported them both back to the dining hall where a small pink Diddy Discord was sitting in a corner munching on what he had already bitten off of his sucker. Their mom was sitting in a tub of ice cream, this time it was vanilla.
She saw her two children approach and lifted her husband up setting him down next to her again. "Is she awake?" She asked her kids who just stared at their food.
"Psst. Honey look, look at their wings and their faces." Discord whispered pointing to his kids.
She looked at their faces and saw they were tinted red and as her eyes wandered to her son’s wings, it hit her.
"Oh dear... please tell me you two didn't walk in on her while she was drying herself off." Luna asked getting a slow shake of their heads.
"Then what happened?" Discord asked marching his way across the top of the table.
"I think it would be better if I told you." Came a deep voice.
All four of them turned to see a blushing Celestia and smug Alex.
Celestia sat down quietly before smiling sheepishly at her sister.
Alex sat down next to Orion who was looking at his reflection in his milk bowl.
"Could somepony tell me what's going on?" Luna asked.
"Your kids walked in on us, or they walked in on your sister." Alex said winking at Celestia making her blush before she poured herself a glass of orange juice.
"What does he-oh! Sister!" Luna scolded her sister.
"I was not! I swear! He grabbed me while I was trying to sleep and he wouldn't let go." She said taking a sip of her drink as Alex pulled out his flask of juice.
"Alex, why were you in my sisters bed?" Luna asked coyly.
"I... was um... testing it for booby-traps." He said meekly taking a sip from his flask.
"Sure you were." Diddy Discord said making himself known.
He regretted speaking after Celestia spit her orange juice in his face before falling over laughing. Alex spit out his juice and joined her on the floor.
"Why is Discord pink and chubby?" Celestia asked.
"There's no room for you to talk about chubby, muffin mare." He smirked before being teleported into Ponyville.
"Hey Discord! Why are you all pink and wittle and fluffy and chubby!?" Pinkie practically yelled getting the towns attention.
Back in the dining room.
Discord teleported in, his face even pinker than before.
"Why do you look like a lump of cotton candy!?" Alex laughed getting up into his seat before falling back down.
"What happened to you?" Celestia asked.
"I lost a bet with my kids..."
"What would you have gotten if you had won?"
"Me and the kids would have colored Alex and Luna pink."
"Sure, I'll support cancer treatment. But you beat me to it." Alex shrugged.
"Shut up. Shut up all of you." He seethed before summoning another sucker.
"But you’re so cuddly!" Luna said wrapping him in a hug.
"That's it world domination time! To Appleousa!" He announced teleporting him and his wife away.
"Should we be concerned?" Celestia asked.
"Only if he wants me to stop him. So how did you sleep?"
She blushed immensely before speaking.
"You tell me. You were the one who grabbed me."
"Like I hadn't slept in eighteen years. So how did you sleep?"
"Fair enough. It was slightly... warmer than usual."
"That could be because you were sleeping on me."
"But I got up before you. How did you know? I was already out of bed before you." She said tilting her head.
"Yes, you got up before me, but you did not wake up before me."
"You let me sleep on you?"
"You didn't seem to mind. You were contempt on getting closer when you wrapped a wing around me and started to nuzzle my neck."
Her ears folded back and her mouth started to work like a fish out of water before she was silenced by food being thrown out. They both turned to see Apollo and Orion walking out.
"I forgot they were in here. So, what’s on the agenda for today?" Alex asked.
"Just taxes and a peace treaty." She groaned resting her head on the table.
"Ooh, a peace treaty. I remember when my roommate put green hair dye in my shampoo, got me a purple suit instead of a black one and a yellow tie. The Japanese ambassador loved it!" He chuckled at the memory.
"What sort of treaty were you proposing?"
"One where it didn't involve the Velrainian military not letting a swarm of genetically engineered monsters into their country and them not nuking Velrain. And no, we did not make a Godzilla; that would have been pretty badass though."
"What's a Godzilla?"
"It was something from an old Japanese movie called Gojira. I'm not sure how they got a mutated dinosaur from combining the words, gorilla and whale."
"It sounds... interesting."
"Don't knock the classics. It was one of the first giant monster movies out."
"It does sound like something Luna and Discord would be interested in. Why don’t you show them?"
"That's not a bad idea. I think I’ll just go and pick some stuff up from town for now. Bye!" He waved before teleporting out.
Alex found himself in Ponyville only... it looked different.
He fell on his head and rolled onto his belly before picking the rocks out of his mane.
"Stupid teleportation..." He grumbled.
"Why hello dear! It is so god to see you!" Rarity singsonged walking up to him.
"Don't call me dear. And no, I'm not helping try on outfits."
"H-How did you know i was going to ask that?"
"I... didn't. But now that I know, I can go." He said getting up.
"Marvelous! Just follow me to my boutique." She said trotting away to let him follow.
He groaned and followed her keeping his head down and not looking back at the crowd of mares staring at him.
Rarity noticed his head sunk low and his stone perplexion before he looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. She smiled before slowing down to let him catch up.
"So, how has your day been?" She asked waving to another pony.
"Pretty good, I got to see Discord little and pink, talk about movies with the princess and do a spittake. What about yours?"
"Fairly well, I wish I could have seen Discord pink though. He has been quiet the nuisance lately."
"Oh really? How so?"
"What do you care?"
"I was just wondering what he's done, so I could help out with it."
"I think not." She said putting her nose into the air.
"What? Are you thinking I want to help him? No, I want to mess up his little jokes."
"In that case... he's been turning all oh my dresses different colors and he even shaved Opal bald."
"Who’s Opal?"
"My little kitty. She’s as sweet as she can be, which isn't much to be honest."
"She sounds like a cat off that old show, my cat from hell." He chuckled.
"I wouldn't say she’s that bad... all she does is scratch the furniture, customers, me occasionally Sweetiebelle, spill her food on purpose and shed on my expensive silk."
"She definitely sounds like one of those cats. Have you considered getting her spaded?"
"What!? Heavens no!" Rarity yelled causing a few ponies to momentarily look at them.
"Good; I think it's inhumane to do that to an animal."
"Then why did you ask that?"
"I wanted to see if your one of those types of people."
"People? Don't you mean ponies?"
"I'm not a pony."
"You are now. Oh, look were here."
He lifted his head up and immediately regretted coming over.
It was pink, frilly, poufy, fru-fru and above all else. Girly.
"Please tell me it's behind this." He asked his voice shaking.
"No its right here. Is there something wrong with it?"
"It's just so... so... fru-fru."
"I see you have the same taste as Rainbowdash. None."
"Excuse me for not liking everything you do."
"I would at last like it if you kept your negative comments to yourself."
"Alright I’ll keep my mouth shut then."
"Fine then, act like that and see if I care."
"You cared enough before to still carry on with this pointless conversation."
"It is not pointless. Now come along, we have much work to do."
He groaned in mental agony. She opened the door and he swore he felt one of his eyes twitch.
It was exactly if not more girly on the inside.
"Is there a bathroom I can use?" He asked hurriedly.
"Just go upstairs and the first door to your left. Why-good gracious! You’re turning green! What a dreadful color!"
Somewhere outside, two green mares looked at each other.
"Hey, Lyra did you just feel that?" Asked the green maned mare with carrots on her flank to her friends left.
"Yeah I did, but I can’t put my finger on what it was."
"What's a finger?"
Inside of the boutique Alex was leaning over a toilet with his tongue hanging out and his eyes crossed looking at the inside of the bowl.
"My shop is not that bad, is it?" Rarity asked concerned for his health. "Are you sure you want to do this? We can just go somewhere else if that suits you just fine?"
"Nice... ugh, pun. Oh no not again..." He said weakly before sticking his head into the bowl for the seventh time.
"I'll be waiting outside if you need me. And please flush and use the air freshener on top of the sink." She said running away from the sickening scene.
After five more heaves he lifted his head up out of the bowl and grabbed the air freshener. After he had flushed and sprayed he slowly made his way down while leaning against the wall for support. He opened the door and saw Rarity with a rain jacket on. She started to dig through her saddle and produced an umbrella which she gave to him.
He looked up and saw the pegasai moving storm clouds over the town.
"Is there anywhere you would care to go?" She asked with a sorrowful expression.
"I think I just want to get some books to read. Ugh... I don't feel so hot."
She put her hoof up to his fore-head before immediately retracting it and blowing on it.
"You’re burning hot!" She said making him smile a little before it vanished.
"I don’t even feel good enough to say I am pretty hot. Maybe the rain will cool me off?"
"No, you'll catch a cold. Please, take it as an apology for what happened."
He looked at the umbrella again before opening it over himself.
"It only covers half of me. Aw well, beggars can't be choosers I guess."
They started to walk along the edge of the buildings trying to avoid the rain that started to fall. Every once in a while a bolt of lightning struck around somewhere.
"This is just dreadful! My manes getting wet!" Rarity said trying to walk against the wind fruitlessly.
"Need some help? You're starting to slide." He asked feeling better as the rain cooled him off.
"I would appreciate it very much."
He walked behind her and lifted her up onto his back before handing her the umbrella.
"This is not exactly what i meant, but it works to I suppose."
"Are you alright up there?" He asked walking along as if the wind didn't bother him.
"Yes, a bit nervous for you though. Am I too heavy?"
He looked up at her with the most confused look he could muster. "The only other pony that is lighter than you would have to be Fluttershy."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That Fluttershy is lighter."
"Atleast you’re honest."
"Am I? Or have I been lying this whole time?"
"What would you lie about?"
"Hell if I know, i just know you all are extremely trustworthy. A good trait in some circumstance, but in others... not so much."
"Yes, I would agree. Being to trustworthy can lead to major issues."
"Good, hey is that Spike?" He asked looking towards a small shop with a small colt with a feather on his flank.
He quickly ran over and as Spike saw them his left eye twitched before he started to smile.
"By Spike!" Called the little colt.
"See ya around Featherweight!" He called back waving.
"Hey Spike, are you going to the library?" Alex asked.
"Yes, that is where I live. Why is Rarity on your back?"
"The wind was making her slide back whenever she lifted a hoof. So now she's on my back."
"Ok, aside from how many jokes I could make about you two now, I need to get going before Twilight starts freaking out."
Alex's horn started to glow and Spike eyes went wide before he started to run. As soon as he made two steps he slammed into the wooden wall of his home/library and he stumbled slightly before going down the flight of stairs.
"Sorry! I'm not good at teleporting." Alex called out while Rarity ran down the steps.
"Are you alright!? Spike! Spike are you alright!?"
"I hate teleporting." he grumbled getting off the floor.
"I said I was sorry." Alex said descending down.
"Spike are you home!?" Called Twilight coming out of the kitchen.
"I'm right here. Here's whatever you wanted." He said before picking up what he was holding before.
"Thank you! I can't wait to read this-"
"In an hour." Spike smirked.
"Tonight." She finished glaring at him even if he was right.
"Is there any more-" Alex was about to ask for any more spell books before Pinkie pie phased out of the wall.
Applejack and Fluttershy coming in through the door and Rainbowdash came crashing through the window and into a book shelve burying herself.
"You're just in time girls!" Twilight squealed clapping her hooves together.
"I wouldn't miss a slumber part even if I had the choice!" Pinkie said before pulling out a suitcase and a cannon out of her mane.
She pulled the string and the entire room was covered in stuff you would find at a girls slumber part all the way from sleeping bags to the facial mud masks.
Alex felt his eye twitch again.
Rarity saw this and quickly motioned him to the nearest trashcan.
Which was next to Twilights desk. Unfortunately, it was also a holed one, so the vomit leaked out.
"Alex! Are you alright!?" Twilight said going to his side.
"So... pink." He mumbled before covering his mouth with a hoof again.
She rolled her eyes before she was nearly run over by Pinkie Pie holding a large bucket and tapping him on the shoulder. He looked over and gave a weak smile before taking the bucket and sitting in a corner, back facing the group.
"That poor dear... I hope he doesn't lose anything important." Rarity said.
"Rarity, do you know what's wrong with him?" Rainbowdash asked.
"He doesn't care for "fru-fru" very much as it seems."
"I don't blame you there big guy!" Rainbow called out to him.
"T-Twilight... do you have any ginger ale or some ginger?" Alex asked shakily.
"Yes, I'll be right back. Just sit there... quietly... and not die on us; think you can do that?"
He gave a weak nod before she ran into the kitchen.
"A-Alex... I've been wondering... could I ask you a question? If that's alright with you of course..." Fluttershy asked.
"Shoot."
"W-What does your Cutie Mark mean?"
His ears straightened up before he looked at his flank.
It was a black dragons head with two horns, each with a small horn on the bottom and a large one on the tops.
"That... that is my countries symbol." He said smiling slightly.
"I hope you don't mind if it's diet." Twilight asked coming back in with a glass of ginger ale.
He took the glass and slowly started to sip on it before a pain made itself known in his stomach before he chugged it in one gulp.
"Thank you. I feel much better." He said giving the cup back.
"No problem, what are friends for?"
"To talk to?" He joked.
"Yes, and to also do activities with. Would you like to stay for the sleep over?"
His cheeks puffed out before his face turned a sickly green.
"Alright! Calm down! You can leave!" She said hurriedly.
"T-Thank you... I think I'm just going to go explore around the forest for a bit."
Before anyone could object he teleported out and into the Everfree forest.
He stared at it before walking in. It was just a forest, logs here trees with vines and shrubs and bushes littering the forest floor.
He slowly walked along a beaten path before hearing a river nearby. He ran to it in hopes of seeing a waterfall but what he saw made him groan.
There was a sea-serpent with brown slicked back hair.
He spotted Alex and made his way over with a warm smile.
"Hello! What are you doing here at this hour?" He asked.
"Just exploring." Alex asked simply.
"Well you don't want to go that way, that's the way to the old royal pony sister's castle. It's just dreadful in there."
"An abandoned castle? That sounds like fun. See you around weird sea-serpent." Alex said before jumping across the river and galloping away.
"Oh no." The serpent whispered. "My mustache is sagging!"
Alex was running at top speed, everything was nothing but a blur as he went through rocks, trees and he could have heard a yelp when he stepped on a twig. He was running so fast he nearly didn't see the steep cliff ahead of him. He stopped and skidded to the edge knocking a few pebbles off and into the abyss below.
"Wow, that was close." he said looking down into the darkness.
He looked ahead and saw an old run down castle just as the, what he thought, was a male Rarity sea-serpent had said.
He looked down at the darkness again before backing up and smiling. "First time for everything." He said before running and leaping over the abyss.
He landed with a thud, his hooves sinking into the mud and his smile never going down.
He looked to the old wooden doors and pushed them open accidentally knocking one of its hinges.
"I didn't do that..." He muttered before going in.
Once inside he felt a chill from a certain memory of a certain general attacking him in an abandoned base. When the general was already dead for ten months.
The room wasn't in good condition. The walls had ivy growing on them, cracks filled the floor and a molding carpet lay across in a stripe to a destroyed staircase.
He, instead of turning, flew up through the hole in the staircase and landed on the second floor. It looked almost the same if it weren't for the shining black door in the center of the room’s front wall. Curious, he went to investigate and stopped to look at it.
It was shined obsidian with a purple metal in the edges, blue jewels were arranged in a pattern forming two eyes with an obsidian slit pupil in the middle, but what was most noticeable was the middle of the doors had a picture of a full moon with craters on it forming a ponies head.
"This is some freaky shit. I wonder what's in there?" He asked himself.
"Come... " A voice whispered from inside of the room.
"Come... " A voice whispered from inside of the room.
"Who the hell is that? Show yourself!" Alex said backing up to the wall using his magic to hold his war hammer.
"Inside... " The voice said again.
He turned around and looked at the door.
"Is this a trap?" He asked.
"Non that thou should fear... "
"Yeah it's a trap. You suck at this if you did not know that already. But just in case, you suck at luring me into traps."
"Within holds ancient knowledge and power... "
"Now you're bribing me. This is just getting sad, I'm leaving." He said sheathing his war hammer.
"No! " It yelled making a cold wind sweep past him in the hall way.
"Fine, I'll amuse you and go in. Just get off my back whoever the hell you are." He groaned before pushing on the door.
It didn't budge.
"Strong door. But not strong enough."
He turned around and raised his back legs before bucking causing the door to splinter and a wall of blue swirling energy to take its place.
"Neat, is this a portal?"
"Come... "
"Alright! Just shut the bloody hell up already!" He yelled before stepping through and finding himself in a fully furnished room.
The walls were black obsidian with lit torches lining the walls, a full wall of books, an oak table and a large rune in the middle of the room.
The rune started to glow a deep purple before a white light took its place around the edges and a swirling purple mist came out. Forming Nightmare Moon.
And he just walked right past her to the book shelve.
"Greetings foolish king..." She said smiling evilly.
"Yeah, hey." He said nonchalantly while looking at a small pile of books he had gathered already.
"Art thou not surprised or frightened to see us?" She asked smirking at his nonexistent fear.
"I don't even know who the hell you are. So, who the hell are you, because you seem like one evil bitch if you ask me." He said smiling.
"Thou dares to insult his new master!?" She yelled pupils getting thinner in rage.
"Thou art mad if thou thinks that we shall be thy slave." He said mimicking her speech.
"It seems we art at an impass." She said.
"Is that the royal we or we as in you and me?"
"Us."
"Which one? Because that can still be referring to the first choice."
"The second." She growled.
"Alright. So, who the hell are you?"
"We art Nightmare Moon! Bringer of Eternal night!" She yelled.
"Now I know I've heard of you." He said putting his hoof up to his chin. "Oh yeah, now I remember you!"
"We art-"
"The one who got her ass handed to her by six ponies! They even used the Elements on me and I was only turned to stone for a few seconds before I busted out."
"What is it thou did?" She asked turning her head.
"I let them use them on me. As you can see, they suck as much as you do!" He laughed pointing a hoof at her.
"We do not "suck" as thou put it."
"So I'm guessing you let yourself get put on the moon and atleast four hours after returning, get banished here?"
"We had minor difficulties, but we shalt succeed once we have found a new host. And we have found one." She smiled before the mist started to circle him.
He rolled his eyes before breathing out as much as he could and then sucking as much in. The result, since every portion of his body had become stronger, was similar to introducing a room to a vacuum slowly. He managed to get all the mist in before stopping and waited.
He smiled happily before spotting a small jar at the end of the room. He walked over and breathed out into it, letting Nightmare Moon and some spit in before slamming the lid on.
"Let us out! Or face unrelenting agony!" She yelled forming one eye to stare at him through the glass.
"Or what? You’ll make my lunch taste bad? If you hadn't noticed you’re in a jar and I'm out here." he replied smugly before shaking the jar rapidly.
Satisfied with his torture he put it down and watched the small whirlwind spinning.
"I'll let you go, on one condition." He said firmly.
"What does thou propose?" She asked still spinning.
"You can use me as long as you don't try and bring eternal night. And as a second part connecting to the first, go through rehabilitation."
She was about to vent on how he was a lower life form before he raised a hoof silencing her.
"That's your only option beside me bringing you back to Canterlot and showing you to Luna. If you go with me they won’t be able to harm you."
"We... accept thous conditions." She said begrudgingly.
He opened the jar and she shot into his nose, he staggered for a bit before purple armor covered most of his body and his coat turned temporarily black.
She laughed only for it to come out silent. Confused she looked into his mind to find nothing but darkness. Nothing but him sitting there smiling.
"Why can’t we do anything?" She asked circling him.
"You’re not in control, I am."
"Impossible! We should have full control of our host, why art thou not reacting?"
"I already have full control over my body and mind, as you can see. My mind is a fortress of its own, and you just got the architect's body." He replied smugly.
"Then where art all of thy memories?"
"Sealed away. Now why don't you just rest a little while I read for a little while?" He asked. "You must be exhausted after my little torture?"
"We art still weakened from recent events. What does thou want to read? All that is here are spell books."
"I've been looking for some spells actually. So, I guess goodnight."
"Goodnight."
The armor slowly retracted into nothing before going up his nose and he fell to the floor.
He slowly got up and blinked a few times before standing up and walking over to the book shelve.
He picked up the first book and opened it to the first page.
"Shadowstalker huh? That sounds interesting."
He began to read slowly before picking up pace and soon he was at the last page.
"Shadowstalker, Darkblades, Bone dragon summoning and Storm brewer! I'm loving this!" He said happily before turning to the next book.
"Hmm... A night's cradle? This can’t be bad."
After reading through the first few pages his head started to hurt and he put the book down in disgust.
"That's even worse than Twilight!" He said crinkling his nose.
He picked up the next book and hesitantly opened it. After confirming the safety of his sanity he began to read, and just as before with the first one he finished it in minutes.
"These sound like some pretty strong spells. Well, come on Mrs. Moon, we've got to get going."
"Do not call us that."
"It's either that or moony. Or loony-mooney, Nightmight-"
"Just call us Nightmare."
"Alright don't get your tail in a twist." He said before his horn started to light up and teleported him and his new passenger to Canterlot.
"We thought thou had said thou would not show us to our former host!" Hissed Nightmare Moon.
"I'm not. I'm just staying here for the moment until I can get my own house." He thought back silencing her.
He walked past the front gates and said a quick "night" to the guards as they switched from day to night. He even passed Luna and Discord as he went by the throne room.
"Was that who we think they were?" Nightmare asked incredulously.
"Yeah, Discord and Luna are together. Are you jealous?"
"No, I hate that vile creature and that wench." She sneered.
"Now you can stop that right now, or I will come in there." He threatened.
"We art not afraid of thou."
She instantly yelled in fright when a set of chains and shackles encircled her.
"Now behave or else I'll introduce you to some of my most... fond memories." He finished coldly.
"Proceed. We shalt speaketh later, in thous dreams."
He rolled his eyes before teleporting to Celestia's room.
Where, she herself was just drying off.
He quickly turned away with a bright blush and his wings outstretched before he, painfully, snapped them back down.
"Alex! I thought you would have knocked?" Celestia asked hurriedly running back into the bathroom.
"I-I t-teleported." He stuttered.
"Nopony should be able to teleport here. Only Luna, Discord, Apollo, Orion or myself can. You must have broken the barrier."
"I have been told I have very strong magic."
"Where were you before?" She asked coming out with a towel around her waist.
"I teleported to the front gates while I was in some old castle in the Everfree."
"W-What castle?" She asked face full of worry and shock.
"It was really run down; the staircase was out so I couldn't go up. After a while I found some books and decided to read them, I fell asleep after the third and I woke up with a head ache."
"D-Did you hear any voices?"
"Yes..."
"This is not good. We need to get the Elements and make sure-"
"She is... already in my head." He said rubbing the back of his neck nervously.
Her horn charged before she backed into the wall. "You shall release him immediately, Nightmare Moon!"
"Actually, I've got her. She can't do jack squat to me, besides yell." He said rubbing his front left leg.
"H-How? How are you able to control her?"
"My mind is a fortress and she just got the architect. I'm actually... uh... how should I put this?"
"What are you hiding Alexander?" Celestia asked frustrated.
"I'm rehabilitating her."
She felt one of her eyes twitch before she started to smile.
"That is actually funny; I thought you said you were trying to rehabilitate her."
"I am. But! Before you freak out, she made a deal that if she misbehaves I would get Luna!" he said with his hooves up in defense.
"How do I know she isn't controlling you right now? And I'm not talking to her?" She asked eyes narrowed.
He thought for a while before his hooves started to scratch his goatee and he looked down for a moment before looking back at her. An idea suddenly came to him, only it made him blush.
"I guess a peck wouldn't hurt... hurt me, yes. Celestia forgive me and don't send me to the sun." He asked with his biggest puppy dog eyes.
She didn’t have time to ask what he had meant before he went up and gave her a little peck on the cheek.
She sat there, eyes wide in shock, face a solid red and her wings fully extended.
She quickly fell to the floor passed out, and still wet making a large puddle now. But now she had a large grin plastered on her face.
"Did thou just..." Nightmare asked trailing off.
"Yes, yes I did. And I have a feeling I don't want to be near her when she gets up, but I want to try and convince her it was a dream. And I have a brilliant plan." He said rubbing his fore-hooves together.
Celestia woke up, her head hurt and she was in some bed too small for her.
"W-Where am I?" She asked sitting up.
"It's alright sister. Everyponies here." Luna said gently wrapping her sister in a hug.
"W-What happened? All I remember is... Alex!" She yelled knocking the Element's, Luna, Discord, Apollo, Orion and the doctor against the back wall, cracking it.
Alexander just stood there nervously in front of her.
"Hey Celly, glad to see your awake." he said forcing a smile.
"Hello, Alexander. Sister, and others, would you leave us alone for a second. So we may talk in peace." Celestia said her cheeks turning a bright pink as the memories came flooding back.
"Sister-" Luna started.
"Leave. Me and Alexander have much to discuss." She said sternly.
Luna and the others went out one by one, Discord being last who whistled at them , winking.
Her cheeks turning redder, she reluctantly turned to him, narrowing her eyes.
"Are you sure she's under control?" Celestia asked.
He raised an eyebrow before answering.
"Who's she?"
"Do no play games with me. I want to know if you are sure on your decision about keeping... her."
"Who is she?"
"Nightmare Moon..." She whispered.
"I thought she was defeated, is she back?"
"Yes, and you gave yourself to her as a new host!" Celestia said getting out of the bed and taking off the green gown.
He started to back away as she started to crack her joints.
"Listen it's obvious you're delusional. What you heard or thought is and was not real! You hit your head when you slipped in the tub after I accidentally teleported in!"
"So you did not kiss me?"
"What... no... I mean a peck on the cheek as a distrat-crap! Don't send me to the sun!"
"So it is true! Why should I not bring in the Elements and have them destroy her?"
"There's not enough room?"
She narrowed her eyes before charging him. He ducked and as she hit the wall their lips momentarily met as he was pushed back by her.
Her eyes widened in shock and she struggled back, blushing profusely with a hoof to her lips.
He had a dopey grin while staring at the ceiling before falling to his side.
"S-Sister..."
Celestia quickly turned to her sister, Elements, Discord and his two children. All of them had blushes and the ones with wings had wingers. Her blush intensified tenfold before she smiled slightly.
"It's not what it looks like..." She said.
"Who was playing the nurse?" Discord asked.
She narrowed her eyes before making a chunk of the ceiling hit him on the head.
"Would you care to explain what you were doing?" Luna asked crossing her fore-legs.
"He lied to me and when I charged him out of anger he slid under me and... I think you saw the rest, correct?"
"We most certainly did. And... we are proud." She said winking making her sister blush even more.
"P-Proud? Why should you be proud that I accidentally kissed him?"
"I was wondering when you would slip."
"Should we be listening?" Apollo and Orion asked.
"No!" Their parent's yelled at them.
They silently left the room with blushes still marked on their faces.
"Wha-What happened!?"
Everyone turned to see Alex on the floor getting up. They all gasped at what they saw.
His coat was a bright blonde, his eyes were slitted but they were golden, His mane was longer but it was a bright blue and waving around like fire instead of sagging and he was wearing a dark purple armor.
He looked down at his hooves.
"Kick-ass..." He trailed off before slumping to the ground in shock.
"We shall talk later sister." Luna said angrily.
"Do not get mad at me!" She snapped causing Luna to flinch. "I just found out... what day is it?"
"T-Thursday." She replied.
"I just found out last night! I had just found out he had tried to lie to me about keeping that thing in his head!"
"Why would he?"
"I... do not know. He seemed to have her under control."
"How do you know that is the truth?" Luna asked.
Celestia blushed slightly before meekly answering.
"He kissed me on the cheek..."
And to her surprise and embarrassment everyone in the room started to laugh, but were silenced as a stream of light melted the ceiling above their heads.
"I'll go get a doctor." Discord said stepping out.
Once he was out Luna turned back to her sister with a small smile.
"Did he do anything else to "convince" you?" She asked.
"No!" She yelled wings flaring.
"Why you?" rainbowdash said causing all eyes to turn to her.
"Why me?" Celestia asked confused.
"Y-Yeah, I don't mean it with any disrespect, but... why you?" She asked.
"He likes me of course."
"I would have gone after the first hottest mare... not that I'm saying I’m into mares!" She said blushing.
"Then who is first?" Luna asked.
Rainbowdash walked over to the closest window, opened it and crawled to the edge.
"You." She said before flying out.
"It seems there is love in the air after all..." Fluttershy whispered.
The Princesses, prince, Elements and the doctor were all gathered in the hospital room, waiting to see if Alex was alright.
"Sister, Luna, now would be a good time to speak." Celestia said rubbing one of his hooves subconsciously before pulling back.
"Yes it would. Now are you certain he is in control?" Luna asked glaring at him intensely.
"Yes, otherwise she would have used him to overpower us. She knows that I care for him as I do one of my subjects and she knows that the Elements wouldn't work."
"What do you mean the Element's wouldn't work?" Luna asked looking at her sister in shock.
"While he is unconscious now, I dug through his memories of the last few days and found he had made a deal with her. And that the Elements would not work but for a few seconds."
"How is that possible? They are the strongest things in existence."
"It is apparent they are now obsolete if we should need to use them on him. He is stronger, physically, against them."
Luna just looked back at him eyes full of worry before bowing her head slightly in sorrow for what was in his head.
"Greetings wench."
Her eyes shot open and they all saw a mass of swirling purple mist start to come out of Alex's nose.
"What do you want?" Luna asked coldly pointing her horn at the cloud.
"For him to wake. We cannot view his memories so there is no entertainment. We have tried speaking with him, but he is stubborn." She said staring down at him before her eyes flicked up towards Celestia. "He thinks highly of thou, half-sister."
Celestia was temporarily stunned before retaining her composure.
"How so?" She asked her own horn charging.
"He envy's you, for reasons we cannot fathom. His thoughts about thou art... unique."
She blushed slightly before replying with an audible gulp.
"They wouldn’t happen to be.. a bit... raunchy?"
All the ponies and draconequiss's mouths nearly detached from their jaws before Luna spoke up.
"Why would you, by your name, want to know that!?" She yelled blushing at the already known answer.
"I would like to know! Now hush, you have no right to tell me what I should not know of about relationships. Especially since you had to be drugged by one of the Elements to get in bed!" Celestia snapped making Discord and Luna blush while their kids looked confused.
"We think it would be best for us not to share around foals." Nightmare said looking over to the young prince and princess.
"So, mooney; why aren't you trying to take him over right now?" Discord asked holding something behind his back.
"We wish to do so, but we cannot. He is still in control; he shows greater will than any other foe. We admire him for it." She said giving a slight nod.
"So... what's with the whole, creepy cloud thing?" Apollo asked putting one of her paws though Nightmare's chest.
"We cannot take form without a host. Now desist that immediately!" She yelled making Apollo pull her paw out.
"Don't you yell at my daughter! That's mine and Luna's job!" Discord said before taking out what he had been hiding.
Before Nightmare could react a banana cream pie went through her face and hit the window behind her.
Everyone in the room, minus Alex, gave him a questioning look.
"I wanted to see if I could nail her." He shrugged.
"I thought... you were married?"
They all turned to see Alex cracking open an eye and snickering a little.
"I'm glad you are awake." Celestia said smiling.
"I'm glad you stopped rubbing my hoof." He chuckled making her blush.
"Can we enter again?" Nightmare asked impatiently.
"No one's stopping you. Hop in." He said opening his mouth.
She gave a shudder and went through his esophagus and into his lungs where she then went into his blood and into his brain.
"Did you just eat Nightmare Moon?" Twilight asked.
"I don't know. Hey why does my arm... hurt?" He was asking before raising his front left leg up.
He had atleast six catheters in it.
He slowly started to frown before smiling and soon that turned into laughter. The whole time he was pointing at it laughing like an idiot.
"Alex... are you alright?" Celestia asked worried while backing away.
"Would you all just step out for a teensy-weensy bit?" He asked smiling wide showing off his serrated teeth.
"W-Why?" Twilight asked getting behind her mentor.
"No reason. Could you just leave for a few seconds? Good, now go on, shoo." He said playfully motioning them out with his free hoof.
They all slowly went out and closed the door behind them
Celestia was the first to speak. "I hope he's-"
"AAAAAAHHHHHH! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Alex yelled from within the room making the hospital shake on its foundation.
They all were slightly scared to go in but soon went after they head the sound of glass breaking.
Celestia nearly took the door of its hinges before falling off the new ledge placed in the room.
Or what was left of the room.
It seemed Alex, in his horror stricken state had used too much strength when he had jumped through the window and taken the floor out. Fortunately there was no one underneath.
"He really hates needles." Discord said flying around the disaster zone. "A lot."
"Do you think we should go after him?" Luna asked watching a small trail of dust grow smaller in the distance.
Soon the sounds of dogs, angry doctors and nurses were heard and not soon after, they were giving chase.
"I think it would be wise to warn them." Discord said before flying off to watch.
In Ponyville, the residents were enjoying a nice calm, non-apocalyptic day for once.
Until a frightened alicorn came running through while being chased by a swarm of doctors carrying needles.
"Keep those bloody things away from me!" Alex yelled back at them.
"Come back! It’s only a little sedative!" One of them yelled back.
He stopped to look back before a single needle lodged itself into the trunk of the tree he was standing next to. He began running again taking every twist and turn to avoid them.
He went down to Sugarcube corner and turned down the alleyway.
He was trapped.
He was trapped for a few seconds before he ran through the wooden wall. All the customers were startled to see a male alicorn crash through the wall and even more startled to see a pack of doctors and nurses follow.
One lone mare was crying over the loss of her prized pastry.
"Why the muffins! Why!"
Outside Alex was running towards the library before a swarm of pegasai in white lab coats made him halt. He turned and saw there was no way out.
"Back off! I-I'm warning you! I will hurt you!" He yelled frightened for once in his life.
"Please, just go back to the hospital-" one of the Doctors said accidentally taking a step forward.
"I said stay back!" He yelled blasting the patch of ground near the doctor.
"Ready the dart guns!"
"Try it you asshole! And see what happens when you corner an animal!" Alex yelled back.
"Aim!"
He charged his horn and a large storm started to brew over head while a red rune formed around his hooves and the ground split in two places next to him.
"F-Fire... What the Faust is that!?" The doctor yelled out in fear.
Two bony dragon heads started to crawl out of the ground and soon were standing over all the residents, bone leaking ethereal flames. And the red rune around Alex started to seep black mist that formed into two giant blades, each with a width of a house and just as sharp as the tension in the air.
"You can take your needles and shove them right up your ass! Now back off!" Alex yelled readying the two blades.
"I-I think you're cleared for release. I think our job here is done... d-don't you agree my fellow colleagues?"
They all nodded before running off screaming.
He let out the breathe he was holding and let the storm fade, the dragons crawl back into their hole and the blades disappear.
"Now maybe I can get some-"
"Alex! Hey Alex!" Discord yelled out coming down.
"... Peace. What do you want?" He asked frustrated.
"I want to take you back to the hospital." He said grinning.
Which soon vanished as his front teeth were knocked out.
"Fuck you! And fuck you're needles!" Alex yelled before flying off.
"I see this isn't going to be easy... maybe I just need bait?" He asked himself before an idea struck him. "Ooh Celestia..." He sang quietly.
Celestia was cleaning the rubble off her coat when Discord came back at the same time as a group of scared doctors and nurses.
"I'm guessing he didn't come back?" She asked looking at him, who was doing circles around her head.
"No, but I know how to get him back." He said stopping to face her.
"How?"
"Like... this!" He yelled out the last part before a frying pan met her head.
She slumped to the floor unconscious.
"Discord... did you use the frying pan on my sister?" Luna asked looking over the edge. "You did! We are-"
She was cut off when the pan met her head and she slumped over the edge.
"Might as well get the ice bath and the blanket on the coach now." He sighed. "Now I need to get them checked in."
He carried Celestia to the front after fixing the room they were in, leaving Luna's head stuck in the floor. When he went into the lobby he was met by a barrage of chairs and tongue depressors being thrown at him.
"No more alicorns in this hospital!" One of the doctors yelled out producing surgical equipment. "Now take them and leave!"
"Are you refusing to service one of your nation’s rulers?" Discord asked smirking at how to get him to refuse doing treason.
"Get them the buck out! I don't give a buck if there my mother! Just! Get! Them! Out!" He punctuated each word with a scalpel being thrown at Discord.
"What is wrong with you!?" Discord said running out as they moved onto beds.
Now he just stood there holding a sleeping Celestia.
Another idea came to mind when he thought of how him and Luna met.
"A damsel in distress would be perfect." He clicked his tongue.
"What's-What's going on? Where am I?"
"Sleep!" He yelled hitting her over the head again.
Alex was hiding in a tree. The library to be exact.
"I hope he isn't to mad at me." He said to no one.
"That was impressive magic thou hast done. Most powerful indeed." Nightmare said coming out.
"It barely drained me at all. What's so hard about it?"
"Thou hast just risen the dead, manipulated the clouds and created blades from energy. It was most impressive, we art honored to have thou as our host."
"No one likes a brown-noser."
"What does-Wait listen, does thou hear that?" She said looking towards the door.
"What is what?" He asked opening the door. "All I see is a giant star-what the hell! What is that!?" He yelled staring through the doorway.
At the Ursa Major going through town.
"Now would be a good time to use thine new spells." Nightmare said going back into his mind.
He rushed out and went to confront the monster head on.
Outside two screams were heard. One a manly but girlish scream followed by an enraged feminine, yet, heavenly one he instantly recognized.
"Celestia!" He nearly yelled in shock running at full speed.
He came upon his princess hogtied with Discord wearing a cape, top hat and a fake black mustache that he was stroking on one end.
"What the hell is going on!?" He asked frantically untying the princess.
"Discord knocked me out twice, hogtied me and is now using me as bait for the most dangerous thing in Equestia!" She yelled getting up.
"You did what!?" Alex yelled making Discords eyes grow wide in fear.
He was about to attack himself when a giant red tinted paw made Discord go sailing across the street and into a building.
"Celestia I would highly recommend that you leave... now." He growled.
"I will not leave my subjects in harm’s way! Even you cannot beat a fully grown Ursa!" She said.
"I wasn't asking." He said quietly before teleporting her away.
The monster roared before spotting Alex.
Who was flying up to smash the things head in with his war-hammer.
It swiped at him and sent him barreling down to the ground. He got up and charged it's feet, dodging swipe after swipe all the way. Once he reached its feet he climbed up to its annoyance. Once he got to its ankle he reared back his back legs and bucked.
There was a sickening snap that echoed throughout the town and soon a loud roar. But even that was cut off as Alex smashed his war-hammer into its jaw.
"Come on! I thought you were supposed to be a predator! Not a fucking pushover!" He yelled at it.
It leaned forward and caught him in its jaws. And what a mistake it had just made.
Its teeth busted out through the front leaving bony shrapnel in its gums. Even worse is when a few teeth came back and started to go down its throat, cutting it all the way. It heaved and heaved until the last one was out. It had never felt pain like this at all.
And it had just begun.
It felt a sharp pain in its chest, it looked down to see part of its skin was poking out at an odd angle before ripping and letting part of a rib out along with a torrent of blood. It roared in agony and soon that was drowned out when it felt its spine snap, immobilizing it.
Soon it felt something in its throat. What came out was an angry blood soaked alicorn wielding a war-hammer which the top had opened up reveling a flat black surface that sparked with electricity.
"If you come back here I will end you!" Alex yelled his horn growing green while it's wounds healed slightly. "Now leave!"
It stood and stared at him before raising its paw.
He struck out with his hammer hitting it in the chest, letting the shock wave follow to obliterate the creature.
It happened in a split second, the bear’s eyes widening in fear and soon it was being thrown back faster than any Pegasus could fly, itself in the air turning to mush before a large mess littered the ground.
"Now someone’s got to clean this piece of shit up." He groaned before opening the ground letting two skeletal dragons emerge.
"Clean this up and make sure there's nothing left." He said before they took off to clean what was left of the bear.
He turned around and saw an entire crowd emerging from their homes, horror and bewilderment on their faces. Discord was even up and staring at him in shock. He groaned rubbing his head and cleaned the blood off himself with a small wave of force from his hammer.
He started to walk towards the crowd. They made a path for him and he just lowered his head out of shame. And there he just sat down at a bench in front of the fountain.
And a small grey filly came up to him.
"Why did you kill it?" She asked.
He sighed out of exhaustion. "If I hadn’t then it would... it would have... destroyed the town. I felt like I needed to stop it."
And another pony came over. He was full grown.
"Did you do it to protect us?" He asked.
He looked over to the tan colt with a spikey brown mane and bowtie.
"Yes... and now I suppose now you all think I'm some kind of blood thirsty monster?" He said in sadness.
"N-No... Why would we think that? You saved the town."
"But I killed it."
"It may have been gruesome, yes, but you gave it a choice and it made the wrong one. You only did what you thought was best, and what you did was for the best. None of us hate you." He said putting a hoof on his shoulder.
"What?" He asked looking at the colt in surprise.
"Come on everypony! Let’s give it up to... What is your name?"
"A-Alexander..." He trailed off not believing what he was hearing.
"Let’s give it up to Alexander! Three cheers for Alexander!"
And the crowd started to smile before hoof pumping the air.
"Alexander! Alexander! Alexander!" They all cried out.
"Alexander!" One voice above all else range out making them all stop to see Celestia flying down, anger in her eyes.
"Celestia! What's going on!?" He asked looking back at the crowd in confusion and amusement.
"You have a lot to explain... where’s the Ursa?" She asked landing in front of him.
"Let’s give another cheer for Alexander! The Ursa slayer!" A colt from the crowd yelled causing another cheer from the growing crowd.
Celestia's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates before looking back at a confused Alexander. "Would you mind explaining what they mean by that?" She asked unsure if she heard them right.
"I just got rid of the thing and now they're cheering for me! I don't have a bloody idea what's going on!" He yelled throwing his hooves up in the air.
"You killed a fully grown Ursa... how?"
"With my war-hammer! Now what's going on!?"
"Alexander... I should charge you with murder," She started making the crowd gasp and grow silent. "But, I think you deserve this."
She leaned in and wrapped him in a hug while kissing him on the lips. It lasted for three minutes before she pulled back leaving him panting.
"Maybe... I should... kill more of them..." He half-wheezed half-chuckled.
"Just shut up, and don't you ever do that again! You had me so worried!" She said before burying herself into his shoulder crying.
And just as suddenly pulled back in disgust.
"Alex! Where have you been! You smell disgusting!"
"Well you... smell like roses! So hah!" He said smiling.
"She's right! You smell horrible!" Said the tan colt backing away.
"Hey you try getting eaten and coming out through a bloody mouth and see how you smell!" He yelled back.
And soon the entire crowd took a good whiff and fell to the ground like dominoes.
"I don't smell that... bad..." He drifted off before smelling himself where he then fell to the ground.
Celestia stood there with a small smile before taking him back to the castle for a bath.
"What... what happened?" Alex asked groggily.
"You risked your own life, you thick headed colt."
He cracked open his eyes and looked to his side to see Celestia smiling gently. He looked down and saw she was also hugging him with her wings and hooves.
"How long was I out?"
"Just a night. I brought you back after you passed out from your stench and cleaned you up."
"So, you gave me a bath?"
"Yes, why? Do you not enjoy baths?"
"I'm sure you took your time, seeing as my fur was matted down right? In every little place." He smiled at her reaction.
"W-Well I-I...you... you needed to be full cleansed of whatever you were covered in! And I did not enjoy it!"
"I didn't ask if you enjoyed it. I asked if you took your time."
"I can see you have a silver tongue."
"You should know, you did kiss me."
"You are just as bad as Discord! Now get up before I buck you out."
"I thought we weren't that far along yet? But if you insist I don't mind."
She blushed before pushing him out of the bed and smiling when he got up.
"Maybe that will teach you some manners."
"Probably not. You need some though, little miss model."
"Giving compliments now? How sweet." She smiled combing her hair.
"No, I'm talking about these magazines under your bed. What the... why is Discord on one of these!?"
Her face went pale and then red before she went around and saw him staring disgusted at the cover of a magazine.
"Alex! You should know not to go through otherponies things!" She scolded him while taking the reading material away.
"How many did you sign up for?" He winked at her.
She huffed and turned around, looking like she was about to walk away, her back hooves raised and she lashed outward.
"Ow... that wasn't a pleasant feeling." He said rubbing his nose.
"How hard are you? It felt like I hit solid rock!" She said cradling her back hooves.
"You should know, you're the one who gave me a bath. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to take care of some personnel business."
He got up and walked out the room leaving her to lay there on the floor.
"So what if I did enjoy it..." She mumbled taking out a picture from underneath her pillow.
Alex strode through the castle looking for the reason he had to take blood again. And he was going to make him regret it.
He looked in the kitchen and saw the silverware dancing. He looked in the throne room and saw it was raining chocolate milk, from the floor up. He looked in the garden and saw a bright blue flower patch.
With Discord lounging in it.
"You have a lot of explaining to do." Alex said stepping up to him.
"I'm guessing your here about the Ursa incident? Then-"
"No! I'm here about the kidnapping the princess thing. What the hell were you thinking using her as bait for the second most dangerous thing in existence?"
"That was actually plan B. Plan A was getting her checked into the hospital but thanks to you I was nearly, with her in my arms, given extreme acupuncture from the mob of doctors throwing surgical equipment at me. The Ursa was an accident; I was actually looking for a dragon."
Alex felt one of his eyes twitch.
"You put all of the townsfolk in danger! They could have been killed!"
He glanced over at Alex before rolling his eyes.
"Do you honestly think I would put actual Ponies in danger? I put a charm on each so that the bear would simply pass through them."
"Then why did you even bother bringing it? Why did you use Celestia? Why not Luna?"
"They asked me to get you back to the hospital. So I used the oldest tricks in the book to attract lovers. A damsel in distress."
"Were not that far yet, but I think she wants to be. Now what to do with you?"
"What does that mean? Alex why are you getting that unsettling smile? Why are you flying away? Alex? Alex!"
Alex flew straight up and he went as high as he could before tucking his wings in and dropping. He swerved left to right trying to hit his target.
In a seconds he was nearly at the right angle and sped up. The result was what he wanted.
"What is wrong with you?" Discord wheezed getting the air knocked out of him from the impact.
"Just a little payback. You want to go see what's going on in town?"
"No, but Luna is going down actually. I think she’s flying down now. And that’s one, if you get me with two then you win" He coughed before slumping to the ground.
He shrugged and took off to Ponyville. Once he had climbed to the peak of the castle towers he glided down using the updrafts and downdrafts to keep him balanced. He swiftly glided along following the road for fun. Soon he saw a lone pony walking down; only it was a night guard.
He flew down as softly as possible, which was making the ground shake slightly while nearly giving the guard a heart attack.
"Hey have you seen... Luna? Luna is that you?"
The mare in armor looked at him strangely and angrily.
"I am not the princess, I am a Pegasus. And a loyal guard to her nocturnal majesty." Said the guard hotly.
"Yeah nice little act Luna. If I had a peanut for a brain i might have believed that for a few seconds. I've heard how the guards talk about you and your sister; they just call you two Luna and Celestia."
She changed back and was devoid of any regalia.
"How did you know?" She pouted.
"One, Discord said you were going into town when I asked him if he wanted to go with me after I knocked the wind out of him. Two, you're Cutie Mark and three, if a guard was sent down to town then he or she would have been running."
"What did you do to Discord this time?" Luna groaned.
"I just dive bombed him. So, why are you going down to town? And why aren't you wearing your little trinkets?"
"That is none of your business." She said tipping her nose up.
"Then I guess I'm tagging along."
"You will not! I have a meeting with Rarity for a spa treatment."
"A spa? I remember when I went to a spa one time. And that's also when I learned they have cheap tables, so I fell of and i ended up picking needle heads out of my back. Do you know how hard that is? I mean, those things are tiny, but they still hurt."
"I would not know. What are you going to town for?"
"I... have no idea. Would it be alright if i tag along? I mean just to the spa, not actually going in. I can’t take too much fru-fru junk." He shuddered making her shake slightly.
"It seems we have something in common. I hate pink and frilly." She said smiling.
"I thought princesses were all about that? Every other one I met had that stuff... and a knife hidden somewhere."
"Only my sister enjoys that. I on the other hoof, loathe it."
"Does that mean you don't like Pinkie Pie or Rarity? Or Fluttershy?"
"I do so like them. I just do not care for the frilliness of being a princess. I remember one time when I caught Discord in a dress. It was a large pink and frilly dress, with pearls and diamonds. If only you were there to see his face you would have laughed until you passed out."
"That I would, that I would. So, what is a high class princess doing going to a spa treatment down in a quaint little town?"
"I do enjoy going down to the town and conversing with my subjects. But only in disguise..." she finished casting her eyes down.
"I take it being royalty can have an impact on your social life?" He nodded.
"Yes, as I am sure you know too?"
"Yeah, after the war everybody that was American before, nearly shit themselves when I was even in the state for fear I would suddenly raise an army again and start committing genocide... it took time but they did warm up to me. All it took was finding the right people to start with. Maybe I could be the right people?"
She stopped and looked to him surprised.
"You want to be my friend?" She asked hopefully.
"Yeah, you seem like you need one. And, really I don't give a damn who anyone is so I can’t be biased towards you."
“Excuse me!?” She hissed angrily.
She stared at him before sighing. "Alright, but keep this a secret, for me?"
"I live with you at the moment and I'm dating your sister. Do you honestly think anyone would care if we were friends?" He deadpanned.
"I guess-you're dating my sister!?" Her eyes widened while her mouth made a cracking noise as it fell.
"I think it was obvious when she French kissed me in front of the town after I killed and Ursa Major. Either that or she wants to get into my lower armor, to see this nights other long sword, to see my accuracy with the blade, to-"
"I get it! Just stop putting those images into my head!" She shoved him blushing.
He merely laughed and shoved her back.
"So, Luna, how have you been?"
"Good and you?"
"Bored out of my mind."
"Didn't you just kill an Ursa and get kissed by my sister yesterday? How could you be bored?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
He shrugged. "Not the most exciting thing to happen to me. Surprisingly neither is being sent to a world full of ponies."
"What is the most exciting thing to happen to you then?"
"Making macaroni and cheese. That is the only thing that has ever put true fear into me."
"Are you talking about the food? What's so scary about that? Its noodles and cheese."
"It was my first time cooking and I found out another reason you shouldn’t put metal in the microwave... especially one that runs directly to the city power grid."
"What happened?"
"It ended up trying to eat my face and i was pretty sure trying to lay eggs in my stomach. When it jumped me, I fell out of the second story window and had to have Rex shoot me in the face with a rocket."
"I suddenly lost my appetite."
"I still have mine. Hey isn't that Ponyville?"
She looked and saw the small town and easily visible residents from the edge of town. She quickly put her disguise back on making Alex raise an eyebrow.
"You do know they're going to wonder why your armor isn't coming off, right?"
She merely smiled in response.
"Let me guess, you're going to make it look like you're taking it off and make the armor you have on fade as you do it?" He asked blankly.
"No, I'm going to start peeling my fur off. Yes I'm going to make it fade."
"No need to get grumpy. That's my job."
"Just as long as you don't get to grumpy we will not have any problems."
"And why is that? The only one that would have a problem is you and anyone else in the vicinity."
"I know your one weakness, Alexander." She practically purred making him stop and choke on his breath.
He pulled her into a bush and stared at her angrily.
"No one knows about my weakness! How did you find out!? Were you going through my memories!?"
"No, everypony knows that you're practically horn over hooves for my sister. Now let go!"
She shoved him out and brushed the leaves off of herself before stepping out.
Alex was slightly frowning but he had a smile too.
"Is there something wrong?" Luna asked putting her hoof on his shoulder.
"No, not a thing. Thankfully you didn't know my actual weakness. I would have to have killed you then."
Her hoof shot back and nicked her side.
"Why would you have to kill me!?"
"It's embarrassing... I don't even like to think about it. I hate it; it's so cliché." He growled crossing his front hooves.
"Aside from you're emotional problems, I'm still right."
"You are not! I am not some puppet to your sister!"
"Really? So, the rumor going around the castle about you letting her feel your plot is a lie?" She said smiling with half-lidded eyes.
"Who said that was a rumor?" He said smiling.
"That is just creepy." She stuck out her tongue.
"Not as creepy as that dodo you keep around."
"You leave Cookie out of this!"
"... I was talking about Discord."
"He is a bit of a dodo sometimes, but that's why I love him. Why is it you love my sister?"
"I guess it's because she's like me. Smart, nimble, funny, good with company and good looking. But I still have all of you beat in that department."
"I'm sure. So, are you sure you wouldn't want to join me and Rarity? She does have three names put down, but unfortunately Fluttershy couldn't attend. So there's a blank area."
"I'm sur-agh! Dammit! It's back again!" He hissed suddenly clutching his lower back.
"What? What's back?"
"My back again. I messed it up the second time i had to dive-bomb from space. If you ever do that... don't land on your face. Or a mine field."
"I think the masseuses at the spa can fix your back."
"They can't... when I got it checked out again, they said even surgery couldn't fix it."
"What about magic?"
"Magic doesn't exist! Wait, that’s right, it does. Fine, I'll go, I guess." He rolled his eyes before another wave of pain washed over him. "Son of a bitch!"
"Quiet! We are entering the town."
He looked forward and saw the first few buildings start to pass by. And soon the ponies waving and smiling.
"Atleast not all the chicks here are staring this time. It looks more like three-forths." he whispered to Luna.
"Quiet!"
"No you! That's an order soldier!" He smirked at her as he saw the disguises muzzle turn a darker shade of grey.
"I'm signing you up for the seaweed wrap."
"And I can make an excuse to leave. After all, I am a very important person... pony, whatever the proper term is now."
She rolled her eyes before spotting the spa and a small white and purple pony standing next to the doors.
"Hello pleasureful night, and... Alex? What are you doing here?" Rarity asked looking between the two.
"Pleasureful night, huh? That sounds a bit perverted if you think about it. Or think about it in any way." Alex chuckled.
"Alex! May I ask you to stop being so cross?" Rarity asked narrowing her eyes.
"May I ask you to stop being a sugary treat made to put on gram-crackers and chocolate?"
"I am not a marshmallow!"
"You're right." He nodded. "You're more of a moldy marshmallow. Besides any marshmallow that started growing purple hair, you should throw away immediately." He closed his eyes to take in a deep breath.
He suddenly heard a small sound like metal bending and Luna gasp. He opened his eyes and saw Luna, still disguised as a guard but with her mouth hanging open.
"What? Do I have something on my face?"
Luna suddenly turned to Rarity with a furious expression. "Why would you do that!? You could have put his eye out!"
"I was tired of everypony calling me a marshmallow. Alex, are you alright?" Rarity asked.
"What did you do?" He asked staring at her intently.
"I might have tried to stab you with a pair of scissors," She lifted up a pair of bent scissors of the ground with her magic. "As you can see, your skin is very tough."
"Why wouldn't it be? It was genetically modified to survive extreme weather conditions, pressure, man-made elements and hardened enough that it's tougher than steel."
"That is horrible! Why would anypony do such a thing?" Rarity asked disgusted.
"You wouldn't say that if you were in a blizzard on the brink of death."
"I still would. Now come along, we do not want to keep Aloe and Lotus waiting."
He gave a grunt of pain before heading in through the doors.
It wasn't fru-fru or girly, all that much, it was like a doctor’s office. But with fancy chairs and pillars.
"Hello, Lotus, it'll be the usual." Rarity said to the already waiting masseuse.
She nodded and motioned for them all to go into the first room.
The sauna.
"Now just sit down and relax." Lotus said while giving them all a towel. "And a good morning to you princess."
"Thank you Lotus." Luna said changing back.
"Is it wrong I don't feel comfortable?" Alex said wrapping a towel around his waist before sitting down.
"What? Is it because you’re in a steam filled room with two mares?" Rarity asked fluttering her eyelashes.
"No, the last time I was in a sauna it started to fill with a deadly neurotoxin gas and then when I was escaping, the floor collapsed into an underground sewage system."
"That... is… something. Something indeed..." Rarity said turning slightly paler.
"Now I see why you don't go to the spa." Luna said.
"It's not my fault almost everyone I meet tries to kill me! I hate fake masseuses..." He growled recalling the unpleasant memory.
"Are you all ready? Good, now sit back and relax." Said Lotus putting water onto the hot stones.
In seconds the room was filled with steam. After a few minutes two soaked mares came out followed by Alex, who, was still dry of sweat.
"How... are you not sweating?" Rarity asked panting.
"Genetic engineering can do wonders for the body." He smirked at her.
"Now then," A second pony came out followed by Lotus. "It's time for the mud baths!"
They handed Lotus their towels and followed the new one to a row of mud filled tubs.
"This is simply divine..." Rarity cooed as she sunk in.
"I still do not see the difference in regular mud." Luna sighed as she slipped in.
"Brings back memories of when i went to the amazon." Alex said as he tentatively got in. "If you ever fight a tiger, make sure it's not in a piranha infested river. I still remember those horrible things... all the teeth... all the scales... all the fish!" He squeaked.
"Now just relax and afterwards they will clean you off and give you a nice massage." Rarity said.
"I think I'm ready for that then. I don't have any life threatening memories involving a massage." He smiled happily for once.
He went over to a large table and Lotus motioned him to get on. He slowly got up and laid his face through the small hole and folded his front legs underneath himself.
"Alright, are you ready?" She asked smiling.
"Sure, I guess." He mumbled.
She put her hooves onto his back and as she started to push. His muscles wouldn't budge.
"Ugh... Aloe, I think I need some help." Lotus asked her sister.
"With what? All you have to do is-oh dear he won't move! When was the last time you ever had a massage?" She asked leaning over his back to look him in the eyes.
He looked up to her before he started to scratch his goatee in deep thought.
"I never had a massage. Atleast one that didn't involve the masseuse trying to rub acid on me."
"What!? That's horrible! Aloe! Get the heavy equipment!" Lotus yelled to her sister before she ran off and saluted.
Alex looked over to Rarity and Luna; all three of them had confusion written on their muzzles.
"Ugh... I, have it. Help... its heavy." Aloe muttered carrying a jack-hammer in.
"So... that's the heavy equipment? Why do you have a jack-hammer in here? Much less at a spa?" Alex asked raising an eyebrow at the masseuses.
"It's not a jack-hammer... it's, um... it's... alright so what if it is? It still works." Lotus muttered as her sister plugged it in.
"Alright, now just relax. You might feel numb but that is perfectly normal when we use this." Aloe said before her and her sister raised the machine up and turned it on.
He shut his eyes and waited.
Only it never came. All he heard was a sudden sparking, the sound of metal bending again, the smell of smoke and shrieks from the two masseuses.
He lifted his head to see the jack-hammer on the ground, smoking out of the front with a bent head. He looked up and saw two startled masseuses.
"That was supposed to work on dragon’s scales... how did it break on him?" Aloe asked turning to her sister.
"I-I don't understand... maybe we should try another one?" She said turning to Alex. "Do you have any enchantments on your skin?"
"I'm still learning to use basic magic; so, no, I don’t." He replied looking back down to the broken jack-hammer. "Sorry about the machine."
"D-Don't worry. It's always fun to try something new. Sister, could you get the spare and bring in the diamond head?" Aloe asked smiling to her sister.
She nodded and ran out. Minutes later she came strolling in and set it down next to her sister with the head in her mouth and a pleasant smile on her face.
"Just put the head on it and plug it in."
She spit the head out and carefully screwed it in and snapped the right parts into place before heading to the wall to plug it in.
They both raised it over Alex again, as they were both muttering prayers to Celestia and Luna they turned it on and lowered it.
"Ooh... that does feel good." Alex said letting his face sink into the small hole for his head.
The jack-hammer was barely making his muscles loosed up but it was picking up pace. Soon it was moving very quickly over his upper-back and soon his lower-back.
"Yeah that's-Agh! Dammit that hurts!" He sprung up and grabbed his lower back where the small vertebra was out of place. "Why the hell I dive-bombed from space, I'll never know." He said through gritted teeth.
"Are you alright!? Is there something wrong!?" Aloe and Lotus were speaking simultaneously.
"It's my back. One of the vertebrae is out of place." He groaned before resting again on the large table.
"We can fix that easily! Bone mender! Could you come in here for a second?" Aloe called out.
Soon a small black coated unicorn mare with a white mane and horn with cerulean eyes came in.
"Yes? How can I help you?" She smiled pleasantly.
"It seems this poor colt’s back is out of shape. Could you be able to do anything for him?"
She walked over to the table before seeing the small lump on Alex's lower back making her gasp.
"What did you do to get this?" She asked.
"I dive-bombed from space, landed in a mine-field and then walked five miles to get to a hospital to see if my friend was really in there. After that I went home and we had a long talk. Why? Is that bad for my health or something?" He asked smiling.
"Yes! That is horrible! What is wrong with you!?" She yelled. "You're lucky every bone in your body isn't in pieces!"
"That could never happen. I was wearing my armor and my bones are cover in the same metal as my armor is made up of. So it is physically impossible for me to break any bones."
"Do you want me to try and fix... this?" She asked moving a hoof over the small bump.
"Yes! That thing is the bane of my existence." He scowled at the small lump thinking of every obscenity he could think of at it.
Her horn started to glow a faint white like his and he felt a small pinch where it was. He looked behind him and saw a small part of his lower torso glowing from the inside.
"This reminds me when I had to get my stomach switched at that one hospital. I nearly made the nurses drop it from all the jokes I was making." He chuckled. "They loved the one when they could see my bladder and the doctor said to stop even though he was smiling. Do you know what I said Luna?"
"What? I wasn't listening. You said something about a hospital and nurses."
"Do you know what I said while I was getting my stomach switched? It was when the doctor said to stop as I started to poke my bladder."
"No, what did you say?" She asked turning her head to the side.
"These jokes are just getting bladder." He was chuckling at how the nurses nearly doubled over and how the doctor had to support himself while wiping the tears away. "Best. Surgery. Ever." He smiled before wincing.
"All done. Your back is now fixed." Bone mender said.
"Really? Or are you just trying to get my hopes up?"
"Look for yourself."
He looked back and saw his back had no abnormalities lining any way. Upper or lower. He smiled before hugging the pony and the masseuses in a hug.
"Thank you! This is the most I could have ever wanted! Beside a few gallons of apple juice."
"Thank you! Could you let go... I need air!" Bone mender croaked smiling before she took in some air. "That's quite the hug you got there. I'd say you beat Pinkie at them."
"Now I never have to worry about that stupid pain ever again! Thank you all!" He said smiling while cracking his back.
They all cringed as they heard what sounded like metal scraping against metal combined with tree trunks snapping.
"Now that, is something haven't been able to do in years." He sighed in complete bliss.
"Alright, so now that you've had your... treatment. Now it's time for a happy ending!" Aloe and Lotus said making him snicker.
"And what is that?" He said trying to suppress a smile.
Aloe went over to a box in a shelf and pulled out a large mouth full of long... pointy... sharpened...
"Needles! Get those hellish things away from me!" Alex yelled backing up into a corner; his heart racing and his eyes were pin pricks.
She took one step forward before he went running out through the door cracking the floor as he went.
"Oh that poor dear..." Rarity said before lowering herself into the mud more. "He's missing this."
Alex's heart was racing a mile a minute when she pulled out the needles.
"Needles! Get those hellish things away from me!" He yelled before running out the doors.
He didn't bother to open the doors; instead he just went through them.
He didn't take the time to apologize to the ponies that the doors narrowly missed before he spread his wings and started to go anywhere. Anywhere but that hell hole.
He saw clouds and pegasai blur past as he flew as fast as his wings could carry him. Which was faster than even Rainbowdash or Discord.
He saw a flash of white and suddenly he slammed through a wall of white marble.
And into the dining hall of Canterlot castle.
"Alex!? What's going on!?" Celestia said fling her soup into the air in shock.
"Ahh! My eyes! The tomatoes! They burn!" Discord yelled falling to the floor.
"I hate the spa! And needles! I'm never going in there again!" He yelled before sitting down.
"I'm guessing you followed Luna?" Celestia asked sliding a piece of cake over from Discord plate and to hers.
"Yes... but not intentionally! She suckered me into going and then they just had to pull out... those... those... I can't even say it!" He growled.
"Needles?" She said making him flinch.
"Yeah… those."
"Why are you afraid of needles? You never told any of us."
"I... don't know why. Not a thought or memory that could tell me why."
"That's alright. So, I was wondering..." She trailed off looking to the side.
"About what?" He asked looking at her with an eyebrow raised.
"About us. Like how we still haven't went to dinner."
"Yeah, there is that. How about I go find somewhere and make a reservation?"
"I thought you were broke? Are you?"
"Yeah, but I can fix that later. I'm just going to... explore later tomorrow."
"I'm not going to ask, for I'm afraid to. Discord are you alright?"
The spirit of chaos was getting up with a heavy glare and steam coming off his face.
"No... I'm not alright! You threw hot soup on my face!" He yelled baring his teeth.
"That's nice. Would you care for a napkin?"
He felt one of his eyes twitch as he slowly reached out with his hands.
She just smiled and soon a flash of light and a click was heard.
He turned to see Alex sitting there with a gun in the air. His eyes narrowed.
"Touch her and I'll make sure you can't snap yourself back to health. Now sit." Alex said.
"She threw hot, scolding soup on my face! And I didn't even do anything to deserve it either!" He yelled.
"Sit. Now."
"Make me, soldier boy." Discord growled snapping his fingers.
Alex pulled the trigger and the ammo hit Discord in the face.
Discord just wiped off the water with a towel before his talon started to glow a faint yellow.
"That all you've got?" Discord asked smirking.
Alex got up with a smile and cracked his neck before replying.
"I'm just getting started."
Before he could lunge a bowl of soup was thrown into his face.
"Dammit that burns! It's in my eyes!" He hissed while clutching his eyes shut.
"Not so funny when it's you is it!?" Discord laughed before getting tapped on the shoulder.
He turned around and was punched right in the jaw by Celestia.
"Do that again and I'll make sure only to turn half of you to stone!" She yelled at him before walking over to Alex.
Before she could ask if he was alright he stood up smiling and started to laugh before walking up to Discord with a smug smile.
"Alright, hand it over." Alex said extending his hoof.
"Fine... now take it and leave." Discord grumbled handing Alex a small gun.
"What is that? And why is he giving it to you?" Celestia asked.
"We made a bet that he would get hurt twice by a solid object and liquid. I won. And this," He raised the gun. "Is a little something I got him to make with a certain function in mind."
"And what is that?" Celestia asked before stepping away as he raised it to her.
"Ohhh, nothing harmful. Just... frilly." He said giving the biggest smile he could before firing.
"Alex! What has gotten... into you? This is actually quite comfortable." Celestia said looking herself over.
She was wearing a large frilled rose red salsa dress, black hoof covers and a white rose on her chest.
"And it gets better! Look!" He pointed the gun at himself before firing.
He was wearing a red and orange striped shirt with a white patch sticking out, the collars around his hooves also had the white frills and in his mouth he was holding a rose.
"Yes, yes, it's great." Discord grumbled.
"And don't think if forgot about you." Alex smiled before aiming the gun at Discord.
He fired and another, familiar girlish scream rang out through the castle.
Alex's and Celestia's eyebrows went up and their mouths dropped leaving Discord in confusion.
"What? What is it!?" Discord asked frantically.
The two alicorns were trying to suppress a flood of laughter.
Discord was in a giant pink dress. He was wearing a large bow and his tail, pearl earrings on his ears, white gloves going up to his elbows and high heels which were obscured by the frills of the dress.
"This cannot get any worse..." He growled.
"Sister, what was that noise? It sounded like a small filly… screaming" Luna said coming before seeing Discord. "Why are you wearing a dress!?" She said falling to the floor in laughter.
"Oh, I will get you all back for this! I swear if it is the last thing I do!" Discord yelled before incinerating the dress and gloves.
"Well, goodnight Luna, you too Celestia. I'm going to bed; I've had a hell of a day." He gave a yawn before teleporting out.
And came back to give celestia a quick peck on the lips.
"Sister, you're... wings."
Celestia's cheeks turned the same red as her dress before giggling.
He snuggled into the soft covers of the bed, not even noticing Celestia as she teleported in and did the same. He was soon asleep, in his own place of peace.
The land was green, the sky blue with a few clouds. And sitting on a hill was Alexander.
"Well," He sighed bored. "This is the most suck-tastic dream by far." He looked around and then only saw a lone tree with a figure underneath. "Why not. If she's staying with me, then I'll go talk."
He charged his horn before teleporting over to the tree where a bored Nightmare Moon was tapping her hoof.
"You look even more pissed off than usual." Alex commented at Nightmare.
"We art not in a good mood for thy games. King." She hissed.
"Not a king anymore. Only a devilishly handsome, kick ass, unstoppable, alter-dimensional, super enhanced, time traveling inter galactic criminal." He looked at the tree before sitting down next to her. "So, I'm guessing you want to talk?"
"Aye, we wish to speak with thee." She sat down facing him. "We have come with an omen of dread." She sighed. "Soon, soon a spirit will come after us. Only in thy dreams."
"I can't tell if your serious or trying to troll me." He scratched his goatee in thought. "I'm leaning towards serious. Although the long face is saying otherwise."
"This is not the time nor place for foolishness!" She yelled. "We hath warned thou of a spirit to haunt thou until thou vanquishes it."
"Alright. Anything else?" He said.
"Nothing more."
They sat there in silence, looking towards the vast green before Alexander turned to Nightmare, a thin grin on his lips.
"Nightmare, I have two ideas. One, if you could, give Discord nightmares to make him wake up swinging wildly. Second, Could you read the spell in Celestia's mind, the one so I can turn into a human again."
"We cannot do either. Except the first if we knew of his fear." She sighed. "Thou must question our half-sister for the information thou seek."
"Damn." He said. "We'll, only one thing left to do now." He shrugged getting up. "Time to wake up."
"Did thou not just go to rest?" Nightmare asked quirking an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but when you dream, time flies." He winked before the world faded.
He opened his eyes and saw two large violet pools staring back. He leaned his head back and saw Celestia, blushing wildly with her hooves against his chest, trying to push away.
"I grabbed you again, didn't I?" He asked letting go.
"Yes, and this time you got to close." She said getting up. "Good morning by the way. If you need me, I'll be in the shower, you'll have to wait."
"Alright. I was actually going out anyway." He pushed the covers off and trotted up to her. "By the way, what was that spell you used to turn me into a pony?" He asked titling his head.
"Why would you want to know that?" She asked looking at him with narrowed eyes. "Your not going to try and turn Discord into something, are you?"
"Of course not! I could turn him into a small cube if I wanted. All i would have to do is catch him and slowly squeeze." He snickered at her expression.
"Alex, that's quiet enough." She said putting a hoof to her mouth. "I suddenly don't feel so good."
She ran into the bathroom and left him alone. He smiled before teleporting to the library.
"Excuse me, miss." He said brushing off some charred hairs. "Where would the shape shifting books be?"
"Section 88.2/SS/HC." She pointed left. "Or you could read this." She pulled out a large, dusty tome from beneath the desk.
"Thanks..." He muttered looking at the large book, a grin slowly forming on his face. "This is just what I need." He chuckled darkly as he took it and teleported back to the bedroom.
He quickly closed his eyes and did so just in time to hear the clopping of hooves, and the dripping of water on the tile. "Ha! I remembered to keep my eyes closed this time!" He laughed as he heard a pony gasp.
"Alexander, what are you doing in my room?" Luna asked.
"Crap, I'm in the wrong room." He sighed as he felt around for a door knob. "A little help would be appreciated." He said before a hoof guided him to the door.
"Thanks." He said walking out.
He opened his eyes and saw the door to Celestia's chamber open.
"Alexander, I see you found what you were looking for." She said eying the book warily. "What are you going to do with it?"
"Read it, duh." He said rolling his eyes. "Its a book, that's what they're for. Reading." He walked past her and shut the door.
He looked back, a grin forming on his face as he rubbed his fore-hooves together.
"Now," he opened the book. "Time for a little change in attire."
He skimmed the pages, only looking at interesting figures.
"Let's see..." He read through a list he wrote down. "Gryphon, dragon, alicorn, Draconequus and human. Gryphon first!" He closed the book with a dusty thud.
He backed away and focused on himself. The power was growing in his horn, growing to the point it was almost blinding in sight.
In one flash his body convulsed with pain, again as before he dropped to his knees and started scratching furiously at his head.
He felt his hooves bend and twist, new flesh being made. Feathers sprouting all over his body. He muzzle shortened and narrowed to a point. He felt his entire frame change causing him to nearly collapse in agony.
With an eagle like screech he fell to the floor, panting and dazed. He groggily got up and looked at his talon.
"Sweet." He smiled looking at the silver talons. "I wonder what I look like now." He walked over to the mirror.
He was covered in white feathers from his head down to his lower torso that changed into a dark blonde lions coat. His beak was silver along with his talons and the claws in his paws. The feathers on top of his head were short but stuck up.
"Now that I know what that looks like," He turned back to the book and levitated it over. "Let's see what's next." he skimmed through his notes before deciding to change back into an alicorn.
"Good thing I kept my magic. Otherwise this would be really awkward." He chuckled as his talons lit up. "This is going to suck..."
He felt the same pain before, only it was considerably less painful than before. Now an alicorn again he put his armor back on and set the book aside.
"Now what?" He said to himself. "Do I turn back into a human and go somewhere or do I stay an alicorn and go somewhere?"
"Where were you planning on going?"
He turned to see Discord at the door.
"I don't know. Out I guess."
"Why don't you try the school house?" He said. "I'm sure Cherilee would love to hear about human culture."
"That's actually a good idea. Who are you and what have you done with my favorite dumb-ass?"
"Mark my words! You will rue the day you crossed-" He was shut up as Alex slammed the door into his muzzle.
"I'm sorry what was that?" He chuckled. "I didn't quiet catch that last part."
A knock was heard and he opened the door to see Discord glaring at him, a tissue in nose.
"I hate you so much." He growled.
"Can I get a pie?" Alex asked. "We can split it as a show of good will."
Discord snapped his fingers and a pie appeared in his paw. When he was reaching out Alex slammed the door shut again.
"I can't believe he fell for that twice!" He laughed. "I wonder what I could teach to the students?" He thought aloud as he teleported out to Ponyville.
Just as Celestia teleported in.
She heard a knock at the door and opened it. Discord smashed a water balloon full of green paint onto her.
"That's what you get for slamming... the door... in my face..." He mumbled as reality caught up with him. "N-Now Celestia. No need for violence, it was a simple mistake of identity." He raised his paw and talon up defensively.
"Discord!" She yelled as she jumped at him.
"Not the face! Not the face!" He screamed.
Throughout Canterlot, the girly scream of a male Draconequus was heard.
It's a winter wonderland.
"Twas the morning and a week before Hearth's warming Eve. The royalty slept calmly, even though it was quite balmy."
Alex raised his head and looked at Luna.
"Luna, Why are you in here?"
"Waking you up and warning you." She said calmly. "Discord is awake and excited."
"You woke me up for that?" Alex said putting his head back down. "Luna, if you wake me again, I'll re-enact a scene from a cartoon where the person smashes the alarm. Now shoo."
Luna sighed and exited the room. Alex opened an eye and got up.
"I wonder what's got him so riled up?" He said yawning. "I might as well go out now before he causes to much damage."
Before he opened the door, he put his ear to it and struck out with a hoof while opening it in one swift motion. Discord stopped in mid-air and went through his door.
"Nice try you old goat." Alex chuckled as he saw him get up.
"Now is not the time for that!" Discord said with a large grin. "Now's the time to play in the snow! See ya!" He snapped his talon and disappeared to leave a snowpony.
"Ok... That's some way to start the morning." He rolled his eyes as he went down the hall.
He passed multiple guards, faculty and even Discord's kids who were dressed in winter gear. Inside his mind, he thought desperately to what was going on.
He passed by a window and slowly back tracked, an actual smile slowly forming.
"I cant believe I forgot." He said grinning at the cover of snow outside. "It's time for this little soldier to go MIA and go play." He smiled even wider at the memories from when he had been studying the residents.
The warm coca they drank, the childish behavior coming from them all, and even the embarrassing sweaters they wore because they didn't want to upset their grandparents.
He was too busy looking around the halls at the decorations that he bumped into Celestia. She gave a warm smile before adjusting the Ginger Horse hat on her crown.
"Good morning Alexander." She said. "What's got you in a good mood?"
"Haven't you seen all the snow!?" He practically yelled. "I love winter! Even if I never actually had a Christmas party... Or was even invited... Or had one mentioned to me." His smile deflated as he thought about his own Christmas experiences. "My Christmas's sucked actually."
"Christmas?" She asked. "Is that your version of Hearth's Warming Eve?"
"What?" He said coming out of his thoughts. "What about Christmas? Oh, yeah. It's my worlds version of your Hearth's Warming Eve."
"Maybe you could tell me about it while I go make sure the roofs are Discord proof."
"Why would you need to make sure the roofs are Discord proof?" Alex asked trotting next to her. "Couldn't he just snap his fingers and they turn into jello?"
"He has no intention of doing so. Atleast, not after he trapped himself in a mound of jello." She smiled recalling him blurred in Rainbow jello. "He was stuck in there for an hour. And what made it worse was that the mix he used, had essence of rainbow in it."
"I almost feel bad for him. Because I wasn't there to see." He said rustling his feathers. "What the? Am I molting?" He noticed the small tufts of feathers falling behind him. "I wonder what my wings would look like without the feathers?"
"It seems your feathers are being replaced with a set better suited for winter." She said. "You should really get a dustpan."
"Yeah very funny. Pick on me because I'm balding." He said playfully. "But you wanted to learn about Christmas? Well, all I know about it is that it's the most wonderful time of the year for businesses to sell stock. Candy stores to sell candy from last year and have an increase in break-ins."
"I think Hearth's Warming Eve is very different." She said frowning. "Ah, here we are." She smiled, looking at her sister glaring up at Discord.
Alex looked up and saw Discord peering over the edge of the roof, Luna looking up at him disapprovingly.
"Hey," Alex nudged Celestia in the shoulder. "Watch this."
He crept forward, sticking to the wall, listening to Discord snicker up above. He got right underneath him and took a hoof full of snow. He aimed with his magic and added a few bits of energy to it.
He threw it and heard Discord yelp as he fell down, the snow following quickly in a rush.
Discord poked his head up, the snow making an even bigger beard on him. And they began to laugh.
"Look at you!" Alex laughed. "Your own joke turned against you!"
"No ones ever gotten me before!" Discord laughed, rolling in the snow. "let's find another roof and do it again."
"You will not!" Luna said tugging her husband by the ear. "You promised to help set up decorations with the kids. And your going to do it now."
"I remember." He said. "A Draconequuis can't even play on his own roof." He pouted, wincing as she dragged him by the ear.
As they departed Alex looked back at Celestia and saw her smiling.
"I've wanted to do that for so long. Ever since the first time he'd done it to me." She said. "Well done."
"Hey, it's just a little game." Alex said. "And you know, while I was studying this place. I got curious and decided what it was like here. No one ever gave you a present though."
Her ears folded back while she scraped a hoof across the ground.
"It's not because I'm royalty. It's because they think I may not like what they got, afraid of what I might do. I don't mind not getting anything." She said without any emotion. "They're just nervous I suppose."
'Maybe I could fix that... ' Alex thought. 'But I'll need the guards and staff first. ' He thought grimly. "Hey, Celly, would you mind if I borrow the guards and staff at the end of the day? Atleast until Hearth's Warming Ever?" He gave her his best puppy dog eyes.
"What for?" She asked tilting her head to the side. "Alexander, what are you panning?"
"It's a surprise. So, how about it?"
"I'll ask them if they are alright with it. Now, do you have anything to do?"
"I was going down to Ponyville to see what Sparkles is up to." He said. "Why? Afraid I'll see something you don't want me too?" He grinned.
"No, I'm just trying to make conversation."
"Celestia," he lit his horn. "Woman never just want to make conversation. I know from experience." He disappeared, leaving her slightly fuming.
Ponyville.
Alex appeared in the air. Or, atleast until he fell, hitting a lamp before the ground.
"Stupid teleportation..." He grumbled. "I'm starting to hate magic."
"Hey! Hey Alex!" Pinkie said hopping along. "Do that again!"
"I'd rather not." He said. "Shouldn't you be working at the corner? You know with all the customers wanting hot beverages?"
"Mr. and Mrs. Cake gave me the week off!" She said. "Why are you down here?"
"Hell if I know." He said before stopping. "Deja vu."
"I know that feeling too." She said. "Why don't you come with me to the school house?"
"Why not? I've been wanting to go over there."
"I know a short cut! Follow me!" She then ran into an alleyway across the street.
'hat's right, follow the demented abnormality of physic's into a dark alleyway. ' He thought. 'What could possibly go wrong...? ' He rolled his eyes in response. 'God dammit, now I'm annoying myself. '
He gave a quick glance around, making sure there were plenty of witnesses before going in.
"Weird pink, physic defying, crazy pony, are you here?" He asked looking around.
He felt a hoof on his shoulder, he looked over and saw Pinkie smiling brightly.
'Why do I have the sudden feeling she's going to try and kill me and then dump my body in a ditch in the forest? ' He thought. "So, wheres the short cut?"
"Just follow me!"
Sh surprised him when she picked him up and threw him into a trashcan, she jumped in as he straightened himself out. He was about to say something when he saw her pull out a toilet bowl handle from her mane and stick it on the trash can. She pushed it down and they began to spin.
Everything from that point was a blur, multiple colors flew by, dark's and lights. Some of them were leaking, others were blowing sand or dust through.
A sudden brown was coming up ahead, obscured slightly by a wall of thin black. He frowned when he saw her put on a helmet and get behind him.
"You sneaky little son of a bitch." He said, crossing his forelegs before smashing through the black wall.
Mrs. Cheerilee was starting class when she felt a sudden rush of air from behind the board. Curious she put a ear to it, and pulled back right as Alexander and Pinkie came crashing through.
Instead of sliding into the students, who were in the back of the room now, they stopped in the air. Alex looking around strangely as he floated above the floor.
"Pinkie!" He yelled. "Get me down right now!"
She gave a giggle before poking him, he fell tot he floor, glaring at her.
"P-Pinkie..." Stuttered Cheerilee.
"Don't worry about the board Cheerilee, I've got a spare!" She pulled out a small black stack of board cuts and neatly arranged them into frame. "Alex came here to teach some school stuff! I'll come get you later Alex! Bye!"
She then jumped into a trashcan, Alex looking in it before looking at the students who were going back to their desks.
"Alex, was it?" Cheerilee asked walking up to him.
"Who else?" He replied. "I can just leave, I can see your about to start or have started."
"Actually, it's always nice to learn about a new culture."
"Do you think that's really a good idea?" He laughed. "Me? Telling them about my world!? I'd mentally scar them!" He wiped away a fake tear. "Why not?"
He turned to the students, mind a complete blank.
A small filly raised her hoof. Diamond Tiara.
He narrowed his eyes at her, making her silently put her hoof down.
"Yes? You had a question?" He said through gritted teeth.
"Y-yes..." She said, cowering underneath his gaze. "W-What is it you did? Occupation wise?"
His eyebrows rose up, his glare going away.
"I was a king and a soldier." He said. "I took care of the whole countries finances, local issues and ect."
Applebloom raised her hoof. Her gave a small nod and turned his gaze momentarily back to Diamond, who, was surprisingly keeping her trap shut.
"Ya said there was a war? What did yall use to fight?" She asked in child like curiosity.
"Lot's of things," he smiled slightly, remembering all the tests. The explosions and fire. "Genetic creatures, non-nuclear bombs, nuclear bombs, liquid nitrogen, oursleves, mecha's and my hammer."
"What was the first one again?" Cheerilee asked.
"The genetic creatures? They were animals, man-made, by combining other forms of life to make a new form that couldn't have formed naturally. Like Cinnamon for example."
"Cinnamon? Who's Cinnamon?"
"Give me a second, I'll get her." He raised a hoof before lighting up his horn.
In a small flash, a serpentine figure appeared. It was brown, covered in brown and black scales with the only exception being the red hourglass on it's for-head. It had seven legs, six eyes which shone with a yellow-tinted intelligence.
And the two fangs on it's lower jaw stretching out to swallow a mouse.
"Cinnamon!" Alex scolded. "Stop that! It'll ruin your dinner!"
She sucked in the tail and stared at him, gave a hiss and climbed onto his head.
"I don't care if your were hungry now. You should have waited."
She gave another, longer hiss this time.
"Fine, but don't come to me when your an over-sized twinkie with legs."
"What is that?" Cheerilee asked backing away from the small creature.
"That?" He frowned. "Cinnamon is a she, and she, is a snape. A cross between a cotton mouth rattle snake and a black widow."
"Is, she safe?"
"Yes, she is a bit difficult at times, especially when it comes to food. Which reminds me of a story I have saved in my armor. Separate from Rex of course, he'd never let me live it down if he saw it."
His horn lit up again, and his suit, weapons and all, stood in front of him. He gave a large grin before taking the helmet off.
"Close the windows a little, were in for a heck of a ghost story." Alex said. "And yes, I was scared stupid. So very scared..." His eyes widened slightly as the images began playing on the new board.
A door was just closing, Alex turned and looked down a silver plated hall. The stainless steel reflecting the metal of his won armor.
He raised the M16 level with his shoulder and began forward.
"Outpost one," he said. "I'm in and no sign of life. Are you sure there were other undocumented figures here? Over."
"Affirmative sir," came a reply. "There had been two dozen reported incidents. Over."
"I'm going down to the barracks. Over and out."
He lowered the gun and walked quietly along the hall, the only noise being his boots as they landed with each step.
He stopped at a corner, put his back to the wall and peered around.
Nothing.
He got out and continued walking. Multiple doors passing by. The cafeteria, armory stairwell, armory, emergency stairwell and finally the barracks.
"I'm at the entrance to the barracks. Over." Alex said.
Nothing but static was heard, he sighed and grabbed the handle.
When he opened the door, it was blown from his grasp as a torrent of air swept past in a second. He raised his gun up, flashlight scanning the room ahead.
"Whoever has been terrorizing my soldiers had better come out!" He yelled. "If you do, you will not be harmed. If you fail to comply, I will personally tear your arms off and beat you to death with your own ribcage! I have done it before and I will do it again!"
Nothing but a soft moan from ahead was heard.
"I repeat! I will kill you if you do not come out!" He yelled going in.
There was a figure standing at the far end of the barracks, clad in armor, obviously male from stature.
"You there!" Alex said. "You by the wall! Who are you?"
The figure didn't reply, he just stood there.
"Alright, that's it. Who are you!?" Alex asked again grabbing the man by the shoulder.
Only for his hand to pass though him.
He froze momentarily, the camera looking momentarily at the gauntlet, while slowly moving up.
It stopped at the figures head. He was bald, pale skinned and had a handle bar mustache.
"General Bullock...?" Alex said backing away. "No, no your dead! I was at the funeral myself! Your dead!"
It gave another moan before going forward, floating over the floor.
"Stay back you undead bastard!" Alex yelled bringing up his gun again.
He pulled the trigger and a hail of bullets went flying out of the barrel, but only to hit the wall in front of it.
Alex dropped the gun and started to back away.
"Get back!" He yelled. "Go back to your hole in the ground!"
The figure stopped and cocked his head as if in confusion. His head bent back and he let out a loud screech. Soon, more moans were heard, coming from every direction.
As more hands came from the floor and walls, the video stopped.
"I'd continue but I was cursing a lot after that." Alex grinned sheepishly. "Any other questions?"
Silver Spoon raised her hoof, he gave her a glare but still nodded.
"Who was that?"
"The general?" Alex asked. "He was a... Good friend of mine. A good general too, he knew to put a few of the heavy infantry in the front with the smaller infantry, while letting most of the heavy infantry attack from above. He was a good man, I even knew his daughter. She was only two when he was killed..."
"That... That's... Horrible."
He blinked before looking back at her, her face was a complete blank. She looked down before back up at him.
"I could never imagine what it would be like if my dad... Died."
"Then don't." Alex said. "Why don't we move onto a better subject? You there, little grey colt in the back."
"Did you have any other friends?" He asked.
Alex's face fell, he licked his lips as he nodded.
"Yeah... I had a friend. He made every soldier smile, everyone he met became his friend. He was the greatest thing on base whenever we learned there had been a friend killed. He could make anyone smile, anyone forget the pain, he even came up with a few ideas that saved us before. It was devastating when he was shot."
"A bloody sniper took him out while he wasn't looking. We weren't even fighting!" His nostrils began to flare as his eyes hardened, the blood in him beginning to pump faster. "I watched him die in my own hands! So, do you know what I did?" He asked the class. "I set my hammer to full power, caught that... Murderer! And I killed every last one of them; all of them gone in a second, a second of bone crushing force, blowing them away like sand!"
"A-Alex, I think that's good." Cheerilee said. "I think we've learned enough for now. Why don't we go to Math?"
"What? Oh, I-I'm sorry about that. It's just... Painful, seeing every face, every name of every person that died." He shook his head as he left. "It's not something you can forget."
He shut the door behind him and trotted along the dirt path to town.
"A-Alex... Is that you?"
He saw out of the corner of his eye, Futtershy flying next to him. He grinned and nodded.
"S-Shouldn't you be wearing something? You might catch a cold or worse." She said. "Your not cold, are you?"
"No, if Rarity has told you anything, than you'd know I'm literally built for weather worse than this. So, why are you out?"
"I'm just getting a blanket from Rarity. Um... Alexander... Would it be alright if I ask you something?"
"Shoot."
"W-Well, I like this... Colt." She said, blushing. "And I was wondering-"
"Just go tell Spike how you feel, he likes you just as much." He replied rolling his eyes.
"W-What! H-How did you know he was the one I liked? Wait, he likes me too?" She asked. "Thank you! I'm going to go see him right now! If... That's alright with you?"
"He's your guy, who am I to stop love?" He chuckled. "Well, I'm going to go teach the castle staff and guards how to sing It's a winter wonderland; and if you ask, it's a song and also a gift to Celestia."
He lit his horn and left her flying alone, she sighed and dropped down to the snow.
"H-Hey Fluttershy."
She looked back and saw Spike trudging thought he snow.
"S-Spike..?" She stuttered, feeling her eyes widened while her cheeks flushed.
"Um, I was wondering, would you maybe... Like to... Go out?" he asked, closing his eyes.
She tackled him to the ground with one yes.
"Alright boys, and girls," Alex nodded receiving a nod from the female guards and staff. "That settles it for today, as long as you don't forget the words, you'll do great!"
The staff members and guards exited the bubble Alex had made, Celestia was waiting on the outside with a curious expression.
"What were you doing in there?" Celestia kept asking the guards and staff as they exited.
They stopped momentarily before glancing back at Alexander, he narrowed his eyes and gave a snort making them run off. Celestia went up to him with the same expression, he wilted slightly and grinned.
"Alexander," she said sternly. "What are you planning?"
"Oh, nothing." He snickered. "What would ever make you think I would be planning something?"
"Because, I know you." She said.
"Y-You know me!?" He laughed. "Oh god! Now that's gold! Well, alright, if you knew me so well, what am I about to do?" He asked with a grin wrapping his fore-legs around her neck. "Come on sugar buns, take a guess."
She blushed lightly before looking back at him, she smiled as they both leaned closer.
She closed her eyes and leaned forward, their lips touched and she shivered from the cold sensation.
Her eyes opened and widened as she pulled back in shock, Alexanders head was encased in a block of ice. His eyes were looking around inside it, they finally settled on her and he shrugged.
"Aww, I was hoping your lips would have gotten stuck to him." Discord pouted as he flew down. "Oh well, atleast I put him in cold storage for now." He smiled as Alex looked up at him, Discord merely threw the bucket behind him.
Alex glared harshly at the Draconequus. He grabbed Discord by the shoulders before headbutting him, the ice split and Alex let go as Discord fell back in the snow.
"That's a nasty bruise you've got there, you may want to put some-" he stopped, his eyes closing slightly before he sneezed.
Discord was pressed down into the snow, he slowly rolled out as Alex sneezed again pushing him through it. Discord slid across the snow, covering himself horn to tail in snow.
"Oh... I don't feel so hot right now." Alex groaned as he wiped his nose. "Discord, what the hell did you do? And why can't I smell anything?"
"Huh, it looks like somepony is sick." Discord chuckled as he circled the alicorn. "It wasn't my intention, but it works as payback."
"Fix me now dammit! Or else I'll turn you into broth and see if it tastes like chocolate milk." Alex warned, he rubbed the bridge of his muzzle in annoyance. "I can't be sick, the genetic treatments prohibited it. You did something you son of a-" he sneezed again clearing a small patch of snow. "I hate being sick..."
"Oh you poor thing..." Celestia cooed as she put a hoof to his fore-head. "You have a fever, and that sniffling isn't going to help!" She lightly tapped him on the end of his muzzle. "Now stop before you start coughing."
"What am I supposed to blow my nose on then?" He asked.
"Try Discord." Celestia said.
Alex looked at Discord, before Celestia could speak he grabbed Discord's tail fluff and blew his nose. Discord pulled his tail away and stuck his tongue out when a strand still connected Alex to his tail fluff.
"I was going to suggest making him take care of you, but I suppose that works too." She said.
"Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!" Discord said as he shook his tail. "My tail is all covered in snot! Now I'm going to get sick!"
"Discord? Take care of me?" Alex said sniffling again. "Couldn't you do it?" He asked with puppy dog eyes. "I was hoping you could play the naughty nurse while I was the patient." He winked.
"As much as I've thought of such..." She smiled, finding the right word. "Situations." She blushed a deep crimson. "I'm afraid we're not even married, and, I have my royal duties to attend too. Discord on the other hoof," she smirked. "Has absolutely nothing to do in his free time except terrorize the guards or prank his wife."
"Hey! That is not true!" Discord defended himself.
A loud bang was heard and Discord deflated. A number of guards came running out from a doorway with a dragon made of firework's attempting to eat them. It disappeared just as it bit down leaving them gasping for breath and some for a heartbeat.
"As you were saying?" Celestia asked.
"Well, alright so I do, do that." He admitted. "But you're wrong about my-"
"Discord!" Luna yelled.
He shrunk down literally and figuratively as the green alicorn approached.
Her eyes were bloodshot from rage, she gritted her teeth as she looked around. Seeing the fleeing Draconequus, she picked up the closest thing with magic and threw him.
Alexander sat in the air as he flew by, he looked around casually, a she reached the top of his ascent he called out to Celestia.
"Hey! I can see you flank from here Celestia!" He laughed as she blushed.
He landed on Discord with a small squish. He raised an eyebrow before sitting up; Discord began running back towards Luna. Alex felt another sneeze and grabbed the mini-god and used him as a tissue again. Discord let out a small squeak of a yell.
He returned to his normal size, shaking as he slowly looked down.
He snapped his talon and the goop disappeared, he sighed in relief. Which was short lived as he still saw his wife glaring at him, carefully he picked up Alex and held him like a shield as he approached her.
"Is something wrong honey?" He asked.
"You should know, you put green paint in my mane shampoo!" She yelled.
"So, what was that about not pranking your wife?" Celestia said.
"Fine! I have no life outside of you two! There, I admit it!" He yelled. "Fine, I'll take care of sicky until he's better." Discord grumbled.
"I want orange juice." Alex said looking up at is caretaker. "And to be back in bed."
"Fine, your wish is... Unfortunately my command." Discord snapped his talon and they both disappeared.
"Celestia, do you know how to remove paint?" Luna asked as she glanced at her coat. "He could have atleast made it a tolerable green."
"We could always shave you, like last time." Celestia giggled. "I still remember that, you looked like an oversized mole-rat!"
Luna rolled her eyes at her sister before flying back to her room.
Celestia's bed chambers
Alex appeared tucked in bed, he looked around before spotting the Draconequus at his bedside. he grinned as a few ideas popped into mind.
"I'm going to hate this, aren't I?" Discord asked.
"Oh you have no idea." Alex laughed.
Discord whimpered slightly, holding his tail in-between his talon and paw.
"Well, is there anything you need?" Discord asked.
"Could you bring my helmet over, I want to watch a movie." He said.
"A movie? I didn't know you had any of those." Discord said interested as he teleported the helmet over.
"Well," he put it on and the eyes of the dragon's head began to turn a faint red. "I am a B-movie fanatic." He admitted. "Pull up a chair, I have the perfect one to watch."
Discord snapped his fingers in curiosity. he laid down on his cloud bed, head propped up with a leopard skin themed pillow.
"What is it?" He asked. "A horror flick? Please not a romance. Um, sad? Tragedy?" He guessed. "Comedy!?" He asked hopefully.
"They say laughter is the best medicine." Alex grinned as he took the helmet off. "I think you'll enjoy the two I have planned to watch, but, the second is for hearth's warming Eve. This one, is a Halloween flick."
The screen appeared on the wall, Discord closed the curtains making the images clearer.
"Ernest scared stupid. One of my favorites." Alex grinned.
One hour and forty-eight minutes later
Celestia sighed in exhaustion. As she trotted down the halls she cracked her neck, smiling as she felt the knots unwork themselves.
As she traveled up the stairway to her room, she stopped and listened. She frowned in uncertainty when she heard... Laughing? And from her room?
Sh silently trotted to her door, all the laughter was gone. She peeked inside through a crack and gasped in annoyance that quickly brimmed to anger. She nearly took the door off it's hinges when she made her way to Discord as he held a black marker over Alex.
"N-No Celestia, I can explain!" He said in defense.
"Oh really?" She sneered. "So you weren't about to draw on his face with a marker while he slept?"
"N-No! He gave me the marker and told me to do it!" Discord said throwing it away. "You can ask-"
"Discord," Alex yawned with a smaller sneeze as he lazily got up. "What the hell were you going to do with that, exactly?" He asked.
"Discord, you have exactly five seconds to get out before I get Luna." Celestia warned.
"What!? Why am I being punished!? I'm the victim!"
"Your time is up, goodbye stepbrother."
He only gave a yelp as she turned around and bucked him through the wall.
"Hmm, he landed right in Rarity's shop." Celestia grinned as she fixed the wall. "He took good care of you, didn't he?" She asked with a pout as she climbed into the bed with him.
"He never gave me my orange juice. And he tried to dump more ice water on me. See?" He pointed a hoof at the bucket laying on the soggy patch of carpet.
"Well, I'll have Luna talk with him. As for us, I might take you up on that offer earlier." She grinned as she wrapped her fore-legs around his neck; she climbed on his chest, letting her belly rest against his. "How about I give you your dose of medicine?"
"That sounds perfectly fine to me." He grinned.
She leaned forward slowly, he closed his eyes, lips puckered.
And nearly threw up when she shoved a spoon of grape medicine down his throat.
"Oh god!" He spit. "That's horrible! Oh god why grape!? That's the worst flavor!" He rubbed his tongue with his hooves. "Ew..."
"What? Did you actually think I would kiss you while you were sick?" She asked with a wink.
"You kissed me while I was covered in bear entrails." He spat back letting his tongue hang out. "I think you owe me."
"I do not owe you anything." She said a she slipped in the covers.
"Oh really? So making me believe you were going to be nice and kiss me in my time of need, knowing that would make me feel a little better, isn't mean? Yeah, you owe me for this."
He turned around, back facing to her. She put a hoof to his shoulder, he shrugged it off with a grunt, she frowned before laying a wing over him.
"Well, what do you want?" She asked.
"Oh, now your trying to make up?" He asked shaking his head. "Oh no, when I'm better. Were going somewhere special, say that restaurant I promised?"
"That seems more like a treat for me." She giggled. "You taking me on a date? That sounds like something I'd want."
"Fine," he grunted. "How about this, answer a question and I'll help you tonight. Do you get cold easily in this?" He patted the blankets.
"Sometimes." She admitted. "They're soft, but not very warm. Why? Were you going to knit me a sweater or something?"
"Actually, I was going to ask..." He held back a bout of laughing even though he was embarrassed.
"Ask me what?" She asked. "Alex, tell me."
"Do you want to spoon?" He snorted.
"Why not, just don't squeeze me like you've been doing. I am not your personal teddy bear."
"Fine with me, so, why are you here so early?"
"The day court was cancelled on account of one of Discord's stink bombs going off." She groaned. "So, I came here to take a nap."
She rested her head on his neck, he wiggled around a bit letting her get comfortable. He silently laughed at Discord, putting the pieces back together in his mind, replaying his plan.
'Trick Discord into a false sense of security, trick him into holding the marker and having myself act like I'm asleep, all to just see him bucked out a wall. ' He thought with a grin as he listened to Celestia's slow breathing. 'And now in bed with my girlfriend sleeping comfortably behind me. This day has turned out pretty great. '
As he shut his eyes, going to sleep himself, he ignored the faint chuckle resonating from his mind. He wiped his nose when Nightmare swiftly floated out and through the window.
She whispered only one thing before fully leaving.
"May the higher gods give thee strength in thy battle."
View Online
Who the hell are... I don't give a damn actually, now go away, I'm sick and I need my rest. And my orange juice.
Alex stretched out on the grass, he shook his head as he squinted int he sun. He got up before sneezing, with a curse he wiped his nose.
"Stupid Discord... Stupid cold..." He mumbled.
A laugh echoed throughout the air, he stopped and looked around. Squinting his eyes he traced the landscape before shrugging.
"Hey, Nightmare!" He called out. "Nightmare! Where the hell are you!?" His voice boomed across the land, all but unheard.
"What's the matter little pony?" A voice asked.
"Discord? I certainly didn't want to dream you up." Alex said looking around. "Where are you?"
"Oh, I may not know who you are, but I can tell your not the brightest." The voice grinned. "I'm not Discord, I'm Nightscape. That sugar coated lunatic's brother... Unfortunately." It gave a sigh.
Alex looked up and saw a bone Draconequus flying down. He had both of his snaggle teeth, and even a set to match the top ones. His claws were shining with black, blue, red, and white energy. He had two antlers, a dragon's wing that appeared much larger than Discords, a Manticore's wing and the rest was nothing but bone. Only two black pits gazed at Alex, they bent as if they were skin.
"I would ask who you are, but frankly, I'm just here to torment you." It said.
"Well, who are... I don't give a damn actually, now go away, I'm sick and I need my rest." Alex said laying on his belly. "And my orange juice."
"You are quiet the brave one, aren't you?" The skeleton asked in amusement.
"Fuck off before I turn your bones into bread." Alex said getting back up. "Hey, I think I have heard about you before. Are you that spirit Nightmare warned me about?"
"Ah, Nightmare Moon, my greatest, as you ponies say, hero." He chuckled, moving his jaw bones to make a smile. "But yes, I am the spirit to come and fight you. Of course, you stand no chance."
"I, stand no chance?" Alex grinned. "Why don't we do it somewhere familiar to me then? Say, my mind?"
"Ah, you wish to meet your defeat within your own memories? Very well, come along."
The Draconequus snapped it's talon, Alex grinned as it did so.
Nightscape appeared in blackness. he looked around, confused slightly.
"Where are you?" He asked. "What is going on!?"
"Oh, what's wrong?" Alex's voice rung from everywhere. "Didn't you expect to see a pony with one of the most organized mind's in existence? Or, should I say human?" He laughed.
"Human? What is a human?" He asked.
Alex descended from the darkness, a black and white cloud. It formed a set of armor, his dragon head shining in an unseen light. He rolled the Draconequus's magic's through his fingers, letting them shape into rings.
"My magic! Give them back!" Nightscape yelled as he tried to move.
"Uh, uh." Alex shook his head as he stepped out from his armor. "Nightmare said you would try and fight me, so, I took you where I'm in control. My mind." He grinned flashing a mouth full of glinting teeth.
They caught the Draconequus's eye, Alex grinned again, thinly as he began to speak.
"Your wondering about my teeth? Well, long story short, I had them made... Shortly after taking a rocket to the chest... Which is also why I had to get my eye's replaced and my stomach. Unfortunately, the hospital I was closest to, was a vet. So, I got a wolf's eye's, a goat's stomach and the teeth molded from an alligator and piranha."
"You have me trapped, so what is you plan to do? Scare me? Please, I am what strikes fear into every living thing. You cannot do anything to me." He chuckled while Alex frowned.
"I can't, can I?" He asked. "Well see."
The world turned back into the green landscape, Nightscape looked over himself and saw his magic had yet to return. He heard chuckling and saw Alexander standing in front of him.
"Enjoying yourself?" Nightcape asked.
Alex grinned before running forward, arm bent back.
Nightcape only saw the man disappear in a blur before his world turned blue and then green. He turned his head to the side, reaching out he tried to grab his bottom jaw. Alex raised a boot and stomped down on it, making it gush black goo.
"I don't think so." He chuckled. "No one threatens me in my own mind." He pressed a boot down on Nightscape's fore-arm. "I hope you can write with you other arm."
Nightscape gave a yell of pain as his arm was split in two, the black goo coming out to sizzle away on the grass. Alex did it again with his legs, doing a quick jump he broke both.
Nightscape lunged forward, his avian talon ready to tear the man's heart out. When his claws hit, they merely dulled or broke off. Alex shook his head before taking the talon in his hand.
"It seems you don't want this hand either." He said before squeezing. The bone cracked and Nightscape fell back, panting from the pain as bone dust fell from the human's palm.
"This is getting boring, I'm going to have a great dream after this."
Nightscape's eyes widened as the boot was pressed against his skull. In a second, it shattered and the rest of his body crumbled into dust. he spoke once before dying, his voice echoing throughout the dreamland.
"With my death, my covenant shall bring death upon those you care for..."
"Bitch please." Alex rolled his eyes.
The skeleton fell to pieces, black goo forming around him and sizzling out. he lifted a hand and twirled the energies around, he smiled before turning back into an alicorn and laying down.
"Thou defeated the spirit with much ease." Nightmare said.
"Oh, nice of you to show up." He said.
"We thank thee, Equestria thanks thee." She said sitting next to him. "Nightscape was far more powerful than any being dead or alive."
"Was, being the key word." Alex grinned. "So, what time of the night or day is it?"
"It has only been minutes." She said. "We ventured away on our own accord, for we had no intention of fighting the spirit."
"Really? Hey, can you make me feel what's going on in the real world?" He asked. "Don't ask, I want to test something."
She merely nodded before her horn began to glow. His body was encased in the glow, he felt his blood rush to his cheeks and his thigh.
"Nightmare, you might not want to look at what you see in the morning." He said. "I think Celestia is giving me morning wood." He chuckled lightly. "Could you stop now?"
"We cannot." she said. "Once that spell hast been cast, it may not be undone." She said. "Is there anything you require?"
"I'm still waiting on that orange juice from Discord." He shrugged. "So, do you want to play a game of wits? Say, twenty questions?"
"Aye, that would be fairly pleasant." She said.
"Actually, can I just ask you one question instead?" He asked.
"Aye."
"Back when you were, or had a body, did you happen to have your eye on anyone?" He asked.
"N-Nay..." She said blushing under her coat.
"Really? Then I guess Discord and Luna, were both lying." He sighed. "You know the story, right? How Luna turned into you because she was overcome with guilt for turning Discord into stone, how she was angry at herself and her sister for fooling her. And let's not forget the little snippet that, when you had built an army, you only fought near Canterlot, in hopes of causing enough chaos to bring him back."
She looked at him, surprised and embarrassed. She sighed and took off her helm, eyes cast down she nodded.
"We wish to tell thee something... In our hope of thou helping us." She said. "We still long for Discord, but, ti's not possible. He hast fallen for our former host, Luna. Could thou help us, help us to find a way to win his heart? But, not take him away from his beloved."
"So, you want my help to hook you up with Discord, and have him and his wife, be alright with it?" Alex asked in disbelief.
"We see it was a foolish thing to ask." She frowned.
"Hey," he put a fore-leg around her neck. "I'm sure we can cook something up. All we need are two things."
"What might they be?" she asked hopefully.
"One, to either be able to clone Discord magically, and secondly, let my wood go down."
She looked down and immediately jumped away, glaring at him.
"Oh! That was hilarious!" He laughed. "Awkward, but hilarious!"
Alex, grinning sub-consciously or not, stretched and found Celestia's right fore-leg draped over his chest.
He looked down and blushed, he laughed lightly at the same time as she woke up.
"Good morning Celestia," he greeted as she yawned. "Have any pleasant dreams lately?"
Her eyes widened before she started to feel around with a hoof. He jumped slightly and pushed her hoof away, she blushed and scrambled out of the bed in a tangle of wings and legs.
"So, I'm guessing that's a yes considering my morning wood?" He grinned.
"I-I didn't mean to! I swear!" She said blushing. "You moved my hoof there, didn't you!?" She said.
"No, actually I woke up with you starting some fore-play." He chuckled lightly. "I thought you wanted to do it after your married? Or are you that desperate?"
"I am not desperate!" She stomped a hoof. "I could have any colt I desire, anytime, anywhere!"
"So, your not only Equestria's co-ruler, but a pimp too?" He grinned. "Do I get to be the godfather?"
"I am most certainly not a... Pimp." She huffed. "And I had no sort of raunchy dream last night!"
"I didn't say you did." He grinned as her jaw fell.
"W-Well I... I..." She stuttered, the blush on her cheeks intensifying as her thought's went back to her dream. With a elegant *pomf* from her wings spreading out in a glorious white display, she ran into the bathroom and turned on the cold water.
He laughed, clutching his sides as he rolled around in the covers. At some point, he had gotten out from underneath them and was trying to get his breath back, laying on his back he took a few deep breathes.
"Hey, what's so-Nope!" Discord quickly shut the door as he ran away. "Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!" He yelled.
"What the hell!?" Alex yelled as he pulled the covers over himself. "Well, that backfired...."
A knock was heard and Luna poked her head in, her eyes closed just in case. She, herself, had a faint blush as she stood in the doorway.
"Alex," she said awkwardly. "Why is my husband running around blind while screaming about... You know?"
"Oh, your sister was having an naughty dream last night and gave me morning wood." Alex replied.
"Don't believe him!" Celestia yelled out from the bathroom. "I did not lay a hoof on him!"
"Yeah, it was more or less around, if you know what I mean?" Alex winked. "You can uncover your eyes. I'm covered."
"I'm not taking any chances." She said frowning.
"Hey, Luna, you wouldn't know where I could get a body for Nightmare? Like what you looked like before? A fully functional, living, mares body?" Alex asked.
"We... Would not know of how to get one. Why does she need a new one?" Luna asked opening her eyes.
"Do you want the truth or what she's screeching like a banshee?" He rubbed one of his ears. "Nightmare, I'm helping. She's not going to trust us if we keep to the shadow's."
Nightmare remained quiet throughout the conversation. Alex rolled his eyes before looking at the midnight blue alicorn in front of him.
"I guess the truth..." He shrugged. "Well, she want's her own Discord to love. If we could make a copy, but put all the affection he has for Nightmare into that copy."
"It... Could be done." she nodded. "But a large amount of energy is required to form another body... See me after night court, I'll be in my chambers." She said. "I only ask you to visit me so I can measure your energy."
"You know, if you were your sister, I would have said you'd want to measure something else. But, your not." He shrugged.
The door opened and Celestia peeked out, mane and coat matted down by water. She was shaking, her teeth chattering.
"I-I was not..." She paused taking a breath in. "Giving him a hoof job."
"No one said you were~" Alex said in a singsong voice.
Luna looked at her sister, a small smile on her lips.
"Not one word Luna, I've walked in on you and Discord doing worse things." Celestia said. "Let's not forget the coconuts."
"Don't you dare bring that up!" Luna yelled as she blushed.
"Oh please," Alex groaned. "Don't bring that up. That was horrible..."
"How did you know about that?" Luna and Celestia asked.
"I was taking a quick survey of the castle grounds by scaling the wall." He said. "A guard was about to hit me so I jumped through a window... And I found Luna with a pair of coconut's on her ass while Discord, thankfully, had his back turned to me. I saw Celestia standing there for a second, she looked around with a small smile even though she was blushing and then slowly shut the door."
"A-And... What did you do?" Luna asked mortified.
"Remember the hole that was made in the wall shortly after?"
"Yes, I didn't-"
"Alex! You fix my eyes, now!" Discord yelled coming back in.
Wearing a coconut bra over his eyes.
"Discord!" Luna blushed, her wings were fully spread out. "Put those away! Those are mine!" She yelled.
"Oh no, I bought them for you. Little miss, 'do you want to try something different in the bed?' Princess." He said. "Hey..." He sniffed the air, his nose leading him to Celestia. "Who is this? And why does she smell like rutting?"
"Discord! I have not!" Celestia yelled slapping him across the face, knocking the coconuts off.
"Ew! Get these things off!" Alex yelled as he tried to pry the forbidden fruit off his face. "Is there glue on these!? What the hell were you two doing!?"
"Discord!" Luna yelled stomping a hoof.
"A-Alright, I can fix this!" He said.
He snapped his talon and Alex could see again.
He could clearly see Luna with the coconuts on her flank, they covered her cutie mark completely. She was also wearing a skimpy grass skirt, that she was trying to push down.
Discord had a tropical shirt on, a pair of sunglasses that hung on his nose and a pair of midnight blue swimming trunks on with lipstick on the front of it, clearly shown from the width, it wasn't an accident being there.
And, to make matters worse, Discord had accidentally teleported them.
"Discord," Luna asked looking at the swirling colors around them. "Where are we?"
"In the process of teleporting." He shrugged.
"Well, fix it!" She yelled.
"Alright, I'll send us somewhere secluded." He said.
Alex looked Discord in the eyes once, the yellow 's were purple and the red's were green. He cocked his head to the side before they were in a new area.
"Princess Celestia!? Princes Luna!? Discord!? Alexander!?" Twilight stated.
Alex looked around and saw Twilight and her friends in sleeping bags.
"Um," Alex said grinning awkwardly. "It's not what it looks like?"
"Why is Celestia tied up?" Twilight asked averting her eyes.
Alex looked over at Celestia and felt his wings shoot out, the wind knocking some parchment and Rarity over.
Celestia was currently hogtied, laying on the floor on her side, her tail was raised up slightly higher than it should be for a proper lady to have it, in her mouth was a red ball gag and laying by her side was a riding crop.
"Discord..." Alex said. "Where's your paw?"
"Right here. Why?" Discord asked reaching towards the blonde alicorn.
Alex took his paw and curled it in a fist.
"I'm going to regret this later." Alex shrugged. "But it's worth it." He grinned.
He hoof-bumped Discord.
"Discord," Alex said nervously as Celestia narrowed her eyes at him, her face was turning supernova red. "For once, you've messed up, and it went right. Well," she broke out, her mane was now a red flame. "I've gotta go!"
He ran through the wall, Celestia quickly following behind in a whirlwind of flames.
"Sister, no! I need him for research later!" Luna yelled running after them.
"Hey! I need you two to give me back my sight!" Discord yelled running after them with a cane and his ears to guide him.
"My books!" Twilight yelled seeing the mess. She picked up a small tome with a torn spine, she threw it to the ground before her eyes turned white, pure arcane energy poured from her horn. "Somepony is going to pay for the damages!" She yelled running after them.
"Come on," Rainbow said. "We've got to make sure they don't destroy the town!"
As she flew out, the others quickly followed.
"W-What's... What's going... On?" Spike asked as he stopped at the stairs. "You know what, to me my noble steed!"
"Who?" Owlowiscious asked.
"Just come here and chase them." Spike said.
The owl, wanting to do something else than sleep complied and lifted the relatively light dragon. Spike climbed on his back and pointed towards the hole.
The other pets, staying at Sugarcube corner, saw the chase. Angel stood up and opened the window, flexing his small swagadelic muscles, he got on Winona and they took off. Not wanting to be left out, the others quickly followed.
Author's Note
The next chapter will be a chase chapter, with the Benny Hill theme playing.
"Get out of the way!" Alex yelled as the small mob chased him.
"Come back here so I can burn you to cinders!" Celestia yelled.
"But I like my skin not burnt to cinders!" He yelled back. "Hey, did you know your really hot when you want to kill me!?"
She sent a cart-sized fireball streaking towards him. He ducked and watched as it flew overhead and into a fire hydrant.
He saw a dark shadow begin to grow at his hooves, he looked up and saw Luna coming down at him.
He took a hop to the side and let her hit the ground. He ran faster, chuckling at the small group behind him yelled a few choice words at him.
Behind him, and the princesses, Discord, blinded still, gave a bored sigh. With a snap of his talon, his vision was restored and he looked around in surprise.
Both princesses, the Element's, him, the Element's pets, and Spike were all chasing after Alexander. With a grin he made a sled appear with a plush chair, rocket's on the back, and a small table with glass of chocolate milk on it.
The engines activated and he was sent forward, he gave small waves as he passed the two princesses.
"Hey!" He yelled to Alexander pulling up next to him. "Hop on!"
Alexander complied and jumped on, he was breathing heavy and broke into a coughing fit. He wiped his nose as fresh snot ran from it.
"T-Thanks..." He said giving a shaky smile. "Now, now my cold comes back... I hate logic."
As he sat, panting from the short run, Discord picked up his drink and drank the glass in a gulp. As he rose to throw it, he came face to muzzle with a flaming alicorn.
"This is going to hurt..." He said.
Celestia fired off a quick fireball that sent him flying forward and then under the vehicle. His chocolate milk exploded with him under the vehicle. It flipped, and she quickly took to the skies while Alexander hopped off and began to run again.
'I owe Discord for that. ' He thought. 'I think I'll help him with a prank... The perfect prank. ' He thought evilly for his revenge on Celestia if she didn't completely vaporize him.
"I demand payment!" Twilight yelled launching a volley of flaming rock at him.
He looked back in surprise as he saw a flaming, frothing at the mouth, librarian galloping at him. He jumped when she made a wall of stone come up in front of him.
"What did I do to you!?" He yelled back jumping over a cart in the now deserted streets.
"You hurt my books! And I demand payment!"
"I can get the money, just keep my girlfriend off me!"
"The books demand to be paid in blood!"
'She's lost it! ' He thought urgently as he saw her stop. 'Where's my flaming hot girlfriend? ' He wondered.
Another fireball came crashing down, he looked up and saw a blue shield over him. He looked to the right and saw Luna give him a wink.
"T-Thanks..." He rasped again coughing a bit before sniffling. 'Stupid sickness. '
He looked around and saw a large crowd, multiple attractions, and balloons flying up. He quickly ran into the carnival and heard the startled gasps from the other ponies as his chasers continued the chase.
"Where are you!?" Celestia yelled as she looked around.
Alexander stopped and began looking around nervously as his girlfriend began trotting towards him, he grinned, sniffled, and jumped behind a booth and quickly pulled over the bobbing for apples tank.
He held it over his head, a grin spread on his ill face.
He saw the first flicker of flame and sprang out from his hiding place, he sent the water pouring down with a triumphant laugh.
Which fell when he realized he had only doused Twilight and Celestia only partially. They both glared, each rearing back a hoof.
He duck and their hooves collided with a thud. Twilight stopped and began rubbing her hoof, flames gone now as Celestia shook her own hoof once before glaring at the retreating alicorn.
Alexander hood heavy hoof-falls and didn't bother glancing back, instead he quickly threw a bag of bit's he swiped from Discord as he fell, directly in the muzzle of a ticket vendor knocking the stallion to the ground before running into the house of mirrors.
He stopped and stared, seeing his own reflection everywhere he looked. He went forward and didn't look back as he felt the room heat up slightly.
Celestia stopped and looked around, frowning she looked down at the floor and saw it had cracks evenly distributed. Four impressions each.
"Only a lady could walk gently enough to not leave marks." She said. "I'm coming for you Alexander, and when I catch you..." Her eyes flashed red before going back to magenta.
Outside, Luna was just getting off her forbidden fruit from her royal flank. She trotted up to the stallion while he held a tissue to his nose. He gave a bow and quickly stood back up, putting a hoof to his nose.
"Alexander, large blonde-"
"The jerk is in there." The stallion said pointing inside. "Buck him between the legs when you find him, tell him Morning Blossom said thanks for the bits."
She merely nodded before trotting in.
And just as soon went running out.
Shards of the mirrors, Celestia and part of the doorway flew out and into the crowd but landing before it hit anyone. A loud bang came out and more debris flew out.
Alexander came out, leaning against what was left of the door frame. he had his eyes shut and was scratching one. He arched his head back and let out another sneeze.
It echoed out like a canon firing, flinging small debris away. he looked around and gave a half snort, half sniffle.
He silently trotted up to Celestia as she was getting up and was about to say something when he began to cough. She got up glaring, but her look of anger dissolved into one of concern as he laid on his belly hacking.
His hackles rose each time he coughed, the sound coming from him made everyone flinch. He looked up at her with sick, red eyes and gave a small smile before his head fell forward.
"Alexander, are you aright?" Celestia said draping a wing over him. "Alexander?"
"Yes?" He asked suppressing a cough.
"Your sleeping on the royal couch for the next night."
He rolled his eyes before nodding. His ears perked up as the sound of wings, barking, heli-blades, and paws became clear.
"Hey!" Spike yelled jumping off from his steed. "Did we miss anything?"
"You have no idea." Luna said coming out from under a pile of wooden boards. "Nor do I have any idea of what is happening anymore."
Author's Note
The prank you ask? Have any of you ever seen a Seananners video with the Carmageddon mod? It's the same thing... But with stalls and carts instead.
You don't mess with with the king.
Alexander was sitting in front of Celestia's door, he stared in with a frown as she glared back.
She threw a pillow in his face, letting it sit on his muzzle, she then threw a blanket that became a tent as it snagged on his horn.
"Celestia...!" He whined sniffling. "I thought you were supposed to take pity on your sick subjects?"
She took off her regalia and climbed onto her bed, he took off the pillow and blanket as she got on her side. Putting a hoof to her lips, she blew him a kiss while moving her tail out of the way. His ears perked up and suddenly she slammed the door with her magic.
"Tease..." He muttered.
Another door opened and closed, he felt something warm smack into his back followed by another door slamming. Turning, he saw Discord staring back at him.
"She kick you out too?" Alexander asked.
"Yep. Literally, she kicked me out." He said showing the hoof marks on his chest. "Good thing I put supergloop on her crown." He smiled. "Come on, I'll show you to the couch before she comes at me with a fiery vengeance."
Discord brushed himself off, taking Alexander's things for him, they set off just in time to miss the door swing open. Luna stared at Discord before stomping on his tail.
With the limping Discord, and sick alicorn, they transversed the halls. Discord whistling a small tune while a whistling sound came from Alexander whenever he breathed.
They both quickly went down a set of stairs, passing Solar guards they froze at the sight of Alexander and glared lightly at the draconequus. As they passed by the windows, Alexander saw them pass the kitchen and then enter the throne room.
"Discord, why are we in the throne room?" He asked.
"These are the royal couches." He said. "The princesses, and myself included, are really just a bunch of couch potatoes. We sit here all day and night, listen to ponies problems, and then go to sleep. Were just lazy really. I'm actually the most physically active out of the three of us."
"Neat. So, we just sit up there and go to sleep?"
"No, we go, sit, and then I can activate the secret feature of them. Come on."
They both went to the thrones, Discord gave Alexander back his things before breaking off his blue horn. He opened a slot on his throne, which was bent around Luna's, and put it in before turning it.
Alexander froze, slowly a grin creeped up onto his face.
The room was painted in a pumkin orange, small magic lit flames hung from the ceiling in Chimares lights, the floor was covered in a yellow carpet. There were two bean bag chairs, a table, and a mini-fridge.
And then he frowned.
"Discord, I think I see a problem." He said.
"Hm? What's that?" Discord asked rummaging in the fridge for a drink. "Where's my cream soda...?"
"There's only one bed."
Discord's head hit the roof of the fridge, falling back and rubbing the red lump that was forming, he stared at the singular bed. Slowly his face contorted into one of realization.
"Ooh... Yeah that could be a problem for us. Here, let me get that."
He snapped his tail fluff and a second bed appeared on the other side of the room.
"Thanks. So, what do you do here anyway? Do we just wait until morning until they get us?" Alex asked crawling onto his bed.
"Were pretty much free to do what we want in here, as long as it's... Uh, legal." Discord said crossing his arms. "Laws are such a bore sometimes. But, there what also binded me and Luna together, so I can't complain."
"Right..." He nodded. "So, what do we do for now? I don't feel tired."
"Want to go mess with potentially dangerous artifacts?" Discord asked taking a sip from his drink. "Nothing that could kill the mortals of course, just things that have some spice to them."
"Sure, what's the worst that could happen?" He shrugged sniffling. "Can I get some tissues too? My nose feels like I was trying to stuff lead in it..."
Discord snapped his talon and a box of lotion tissues appeared in front of the blonde alicorn. As they got up, Alex stopped as if hit with a sudden revelation.
"Hang on, I need to get my armor. I don't like going anywhere without it." He said lighting his horn up. "Just keep watch outside of Celestia's door, will you?"
Discord saluted before teleporting himself to the entrance of Celestia's room. Alexander followed shortly after only going beyond the solar princesses doors and into her bed chambers.
Celestia's Room.
Alexander looked around sickly, seeing his armor standing by the bed he quickly went over to it. As he was reaching to take the helmet, he saw Celestia sleeping peacefully. He looked back at his armor and grinned.
Outside Celestia's chambers.
Discord was already bored. He tapped his goat hoof for what seemed like hours. The doors finally swung open and Alexander came out, grinning. His teeth reflected any of the candlelight in the halls with a silver tint.
"Don't ask why I'm smiling, just get us out of here. Now." Alexander snickered. "I'll show you later. Just promise to keep the noise to a minimum."
Discord merely nodded in understanding, they both disappeared in a flash, Alexander's laughter was only left ringing out through the halls for a second.
The royal weapons treasury. Or, Discord's toybox.
The room was dark, dusty, and filled nearly to the ceiling with multiple shelves of artifacts and weapons. Jewels, armor, weapons, tomes, living skeletons, Wild Pixes, even a gremlin were running around. At the sight of their master, they swarmed around Discord before dispersing.
"So, what are we looking for?" Alexander asked blowing his nose. "Anything in particular?"
"Nope, just anything that piques your-oh! That one is glowing!" Discord said jubilantly running over to a helmet. "Be careful to what you find, even I have to be cautious sometimes."
Alexander rolled his eyes in response.
'I'm the most advanced supersoldier to be made, what the hell do I have to be cautious of? ' He thought. 'I could lift mountains, turn a lump of coal into a diamond, clear a street with a single, forceful breath, I could even-hey that looks neat. '
He trotted up to a shelf with a glass case on the top. He looked in and saw his own reflection on the mask, albeit it looked slightly more feral.
It was wooden, painted from an ash based liquid of some sort, metal lined the mouth where copper fangs had been made, in the center was a singular hole where a horn would go he guessed. Seeing Discord putting on a green mask only for nothing to happen, he took the glass case of and lifted the mask up.
It seemed to give out a low vibration as he held it with his magic. Seeing Discord still preoccupied, he turned the mask around until the face was facing away.
He lowered it onto his horn, making sure to not get it caught. The moment it touched him, a slight shock went through his body making him drop it fully on himself. His body went into a spasm, electricity danced form underneath his skin, invisible to anything else. He fell down on the floor with a thud.
He didn't notice, but he felt a sudden warmth on his face. The mask melted and slid over his head before growing his fur back where it was. The mask had vanished when Discord came running over in a slight panic.
"Alex...?" He asked tentatively. "Alexander, come on buddy, get up..." He poked him in the side.
"Unf..." Alex groaned stretching out "That was one hell of a... Whatever it was." He said getting up.
"Alex, what happened? What did you touch?" Discord asked forcefully. "You need to tell me."
"Nothing. I touched nothing." He said in a half coherent thought. "Want to go see what I did to Celestia know?" He grinned.
"Please, go on, what did you do to her?"
They both gasped and saw Luna in the doorway. She had her head up high, her eyes narrowed on both of them.
"Ok, to be fair, I touched nothing, and I did nothing." Alex said. "Discord was the one throwing shit everywhere."
"I am not worried about that, he can fix what he does." She said. "What did you do to Celestia?" She asked again.
"I just... Well, let's go look, shall we?" He chuckled lighting his horn.
Celestia's Bedroom.
The three immortals appeared in a flash, two of them immediately began looking for the white coated goddess. Discord scrunched up his nose before zipping it shut. Luna was staring at the empty bed. And Alexander was sitting in front of them with a grin.
"Alexander," Luna whispered. "Where is my sister?"
"Listen, and you'll know." He whispered back.
They all stopped and perked their ears up. Discord and Alexander caught the noise before Luna, after the two immortals did their looks became confused as they looked around again.
"Here' iz he'?" Discord asked before unzipping his nostrils. "Where is she? This place reeks of perfume... Gross."
Alexander smiled before going over to his armor. Putting a hoof to it, the helmet became clear and Luna and Discord put a paw/hoof over their mouths from bursting out laughing.
Celestia was sleeping inside his armor.
"I put her in there myself." He chuckled. "Watch this."
He put a hoof on the back of the armor and it slowly stood on its own. Next, the front stretched out and crossed her fore-legs before letting her head rest in them while keeping her rear in the air.
"Alexander," Luna whispered. "If you-"
"You can talk, heck, even use that royal whatchamacallit voice thing and she wouldn't hear us. I soundproofed my armor." He said. "Go on."
"If you leave her like this," Luna said. "I won't tell her you and Discord were in the weapons room. Deal?"
"Deal. Oh, and would it be alright if I let the guards find her like this?"
"Yes. It most certainly is."
"Hey, couldn't she just, get up when she wakes up?" Discord asked. "It's just armor."
"No. Only I can make it move, and only I can make it become separate pieces."
He put his hoof back on and the armor suddenly was fused together in a solid sheet after a quick shine ran over it. Celestia could still be seen sleeping quietly inside.
"Nothing gets in, and nothing gets out." He chuckled. "Discord, why don't you go into a panic in the morning and get the guards? That should be fun."
"Alright. That does sound fun." The chaos god grinned. "Um, dear, Luna?"
"You are not coming back in the bedroom." She said. "Not after that little stunt you pulled."
"Luna," Alex said. "What did he do?"
"He was trying to let you escape, that way, he wouldn't have to face... Her." She shuddered.
"What? He was trying to save me from getting roasted. He was on your side. So... As a favor, could you just let him go back with you if he takes the supergloop off?"
She looked at him and then he husband who shrugged. Sighing she pulled Discord's head down to her level and pecked him on the cheek.
As she left, Discord smiled watching her go. As soon as the door closed, he began to glare at the blonde alicorn.
"Alright, what in the name of Tartarus did you freaking touch!?" He hissed. "Because you didn't just thud to the ground for nothing."
"I didn't touch anything!" He said back. "Why can't you listen for a goddamn second you mutated lizard!?"
"I know you did!" Discord said fiercely. "I can feel the lunar magic radiating off you! What happened!?"
"Nothing." He said again narrowing his eyes. "Now leave before I start tearing chunks off you."
Discord narrowed his eyes before his paw flashed a silver, mist fell from it s he raised it. He waved it quickly by Alexander before jumping back by what fallowed.
For just a split second, he saw two images. A large hairy creature with massive claws standing almost at his own height, feral yellow eyes with blackened slits, and silver teeth that nearly came out from the muzzle of it. The second was of an equine version. It's teeth came out from it's mouth, it's tail was much more elongated matching it's mane, its coat was wilder, longer. And it's hooves, all four of the silver colored hooves had three viscous claws protruding from them. It had the same eyes as the taller creature.
And they both stared at him with hunger.
"A-Alexander... Please, please tell me you... No. No!" Discord couldn't find the words, instead he quickly ran on all fours to his wife's room.
"I told him not to." Alex growled letting his eyes flash yellow for a second. "I warned him."
Author's Note
Shit just got real.
Spiderman and Alexander just stared at each other as they traveled down to Ponyville in one of the many chariots.
"So," Alexander said. "What exactly do you do?"
"Drink, smoke, get laid, troll whoever I want, and do some real estate on the side." He said leaning back against the plush seat.
"So, basically, everything illegal?" Alexander deadpanned.
"Yes."
"Right. So, I'm supposed to reform you, make you good. Can you do anything help-where did you get that?" He asked suddenly as Spiderman pulled out an Ipod.
He put the ear buds on his mask, and started blasting music into them. Alexander just stared at him for a second, processing what exactly was happening. Once he had snapped out of it, he quickly took the Ipod away, leaving Spiderman to headbang without music.
"The fuck man!" The enraged superhero said as he realized his tunes had been taken. "I was listening to that."
"Yeah, but I don't think the stallions pulling us a few thousand feet in the air want to."
"Fine, here," he reached into his nonexistent pocked and put his hand in front of Alex. "I give you, no fucks. Now hand it over!"
"What? This?" Alex said holding the Ipod in hoof. "No, you'll get it back with good behavior."
"Or... Karate chop!"
He swung down, attempting to hit the blonde alicorn over the head. Alex moved his head to the side and hit the hero under the ribs.
"Asshole."
"Sissy. One hit?"
"Let me hit you then. See how much you like it."
"Alright, go ahead. So how good you fist feels afterwards." Alex grinned as Spiderman curled a fist.
He swung with all his might, connected with Alexander's belly, and held his hand there for a second. Pulling it back slowly, he set both hands on his sides and gave the alicorn the middle finger.
"If I had fingers too, I'd do the same, I'd do the same." Alex laughed as the chariot jostled. "looks like we're here. Come on, time to get-"
As he was reaching for the door, Spiderman stuck out his arm.
"The hell is wrong with you? You're just gonna walk out like some faggot?" He asked. "Hell naw, Spidey don't roll like that. You gotta be badass when you make an appearance. Watch."
Before Alexander could object, Spiderman launched himself through the roof, yelling as he went. Quickly going out, he caught him standing on top of the chariot, hands on his hips as he yelled out to the already growing crowd.
"Sup bitches! Surrender your booze and I shall let you watch me drink it!"
As the crowd saw who it was, they all suddenly started to shout angrily, some of the pegasai already getting storm clouds. In an instant, he jumped off and did a triple front-flip over them as they started to charge.
"Lolololo!" Spiderman laughed as they hit the chariot. "Run, run as fast you can, you won't catch me because your all dumbasses!" He laughed flinging his arms in the air.
"Spiderman! God dammit!" Alexander yelled finally intervening. Tackling him in mid jump, they both fell down to the ground. "Stop pissing off the townsfolk! That's Discord's job!"
"Get off me, or I start to blow the rape whistle!" Spiderman yelled. "I need an adult! Preferably a female with a big rack and ass!"
"If I let you go, just don't run off, alright?" Alexander asked.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever faggot." Spiderman said crossing his arms.
Alexander, unpinning the human, watched as he slid vertically up. Looking around, he waved at the crowd, they growled back before dispersing. Looking back at the blonde alicorn, he jumped onto his back as Alexander merely rolled his eyes and sat.
"Come on, giddy up." Spiderman said. "Maybe it needs a quarter...?" He said reaching into his pocket.
"Get off me, or else I'll be explaining to Celestia why I tried to reform a corpse."
"Lawl. OK, jerk off." Spiderman said jumping off him and onto a lightpost.
"Not even two minutes in town and you're already starting to fuck everything up." Alexander groaned. "You know what? We're starting your reformation now! Follow me, we're going to go visit someone."
"Is it the local dealer? 'Cause Upgrade still owes me ten kilos of pot." Spiderman said walking next to Alex. "And then Jerry, the guy at the local church, I owe him a shotgun shell to the face."
"You're not shooting anything, and you're certainly not getting drugs."
"Too late."
"What do you mean too-where do you keep getting this stuff!?" He hissed as Spiderman wiped away remnants of the cocaine on his arms.
"Lawl. I dunno." The hero shrugged.
Without saying another word, the two walked towards the closest residence Alexander had in mind. The Carousel Boutique. Spiderman, upon seeing it, ran up to the window and climbed on top of the building. Alexander merely stood at the bottom, watching as he climbed through the second story window. Looking towards the door, he waited for the scream, and he didn't have to wait long.
Going in, he did allow himself a small smirk as he saw Rarity throwing gems at Spiderman as he sat in a chair, playing with the drapes.
"Get out of here! You've done enough damage, you crude, ill-mannered, idiotic, tacky, spandex wearing hooligan!" She yelled.
"I'm Rarity! And I think this is just fabulous!" He said dodging a few sharp edged rubies. "Oh, green is such a horrendous color, here, I think red and blue would look much better."
"I think not! Alexander," she said suddenly catching sight of him. "Please! you must get rid of him! I can't work with him in my shop!"
"I can't; you see I'm reforming him." Alex said through his teeth. "He's here to help you."
"Bullshit!" Spiderman yelled.
"Shut up! You've got no say in this!" Alexander said.
"I do what I want!" He said standing. "Your not my real mom!"
"...I'd hope not."
"Me too faggot. So, the hell are we making white talking horse?" Spiderman asked shooting a web to the ceiling to hang there.
"Absolutely not!" She said. "You will not touch anything, breath on anything, nor will you be in my shop! I want you out!"
"Rarity," Alexander said. "If you let him help you, I'll... I'll... Let you use me as a mannequin for a day." He said closing his eyes and covering his ears for the immediate outburst that followed.
"I'll... Consider." She said slowly looking towards the wall crawler.
"Huh?" He said. "No horrendous, girly screech? No squeal and hug?" Alex asked looking down at her.
"Why, yes," Rarity said. "You are a unique stallion. So, I may be able to make other design's based off of you, that could fit Princess Celestia." She said.
"Celestia? Did she ask for a dress or something?"
"No, not yet anyway." Rarity said giving him a little wink. "Trust me, I'm sure you two will be the biggest hit ever since Princess Luna and Discord's wedding. I just hope it doesn't start like theirs... Although, I suppose it couldn't have been helped, with Pinkie being Pinkie and all."
"Whatever, now, I'll be in the bathroom throwing up my breakfast. The colors here are just now getting to me." Alexander said. "Spiderman, at least try and act less... Like a Spiderman."
"Kay." Spiderman said swinging on his web.
As he left the two downstairs, Spiderman slowly looked towards Rarity, turning like the hands of a clock as she sat down next to him.
"Alright, time to get started." She said taking a blue cloth. "Could you make yourself useful and hoof me the dark green wool?"
Silently, the wool was given to her.
Cutting it into a wave formation, she put it under the machine and kept her eyes focused on it as she sewed. Behind her though, Spiderman was working on his own project.
"Spiderman, could you pass me two sapphires and a ruby?" She asked receiving them. "You know, for how you acted before, I was expecting you to cause a ruckus. And... Urinate on everything again. I had to replace every piece of fabric in the shop for that."
"Couldn't find the bathroom."
"You were upstairs, where the bathroom is."
"I was drunk and high."
"No you weren't, I've seen Berry Punch at a party. You hadn't had anything to drink."
"I was drunk on life!"
"That hardly makes any sense." She said. "Could I have that saddle over there? The one with the small hood?"
"Kay." He said stopping his machine to go and get it.
The sound of the sewing machine off now, drew rarity's attention immediately. Seeing nothing on it, she let out a sigh as she realized none of her fabrics had been wasted.
"Thank-you! What did you do!?" She suddenly yelled as Spiderman gave her the requested items. "When did you make that!?" She asked pointing at his new cape.
He looked down at it, then to the mirror on the small stage. He flexed his arms, showing off the black outside of the cape nicely while the gold inside flashed as the light reflected off it.
"I dunno. I think elves did it." He said.
"Elves?" She said. "Elves. Elves! Of course it was elves!" She said giving a forced smile. "So tell me, what made them think of that design?"
"Like hell a bunch of candy cane mofo's made this!" He said grabbing the edges to lift them. "I made a cape! Because bitches love capes!"
"Well, I don't care for it. And do I even want to know what materials you used?" She asked rubbing her head. "I need something for this headache already."
"Congrats, you're not a bitch. If you were, you'd love this cape. Because bitches love capes."
"Well, that's-"
"So your a motherfucker!" He yelled. "Alex! Get your shit in gear, we're going!"
"I-In a minute!" Alex called from upstairs.
"Kay. I'll just go threw the door."
There was a flush and then a scrambling as Alexander ran down the stairs. He quickly looked around and sighed once he saw spiderman.
"Come on, we're going to see Pinkie." Alexander said.
"Kay. So long mofo!" Spiderman yelled leaning over Rarity.
As Alexander left, Spiderman took the opportunity to shut the door and then slingshot himself through it, leaving a trail of splinters as he blasted past Alexander and into a fireworks shop.
As Alexander stood in shock along with Rarity at the destroyed door, there was a sudden shrieking. Alexander looked towards the store and shut his eyes as it was engulfed in a flash, followed by a loud bang. Feeling bits of wood hit him, he risked a look and saw Spiderman flying out of the wreckage, sitting on top of a rocket and waving with one hand, while holding a cigar in the other.
"He is worse than Discord..." Alex muttered as the rocket smashed into Sugarcube Corner. "Aw, you've got to be kidding me!" He yelled running tot he store.
As he neared the bakery, he saw a sudden flash of light and the windows bend outwards slightly. Using his wings, he propelled himself towards it, and in seconds reached it and smashed into a fountain a ways away. Getting out of it with the top bowl sitting on his head, and his coat soaking wet, he ran back to the front of the bakery and slammed the door in.
Only to find Spiderman and Pinkie playing goldfish.
"Got any... Threes?" Spiderman asked looking up from his cards.
"Nope. Got any two's?"
"Bullshit!" He yelled throwing his cards in the air and wiping the table with a hand. "I call hacks!" He yelled pointing at her.
"What the hell was that!?" Alexander nearly yelled. "You just blew up a building!"
"I blew up a building under my name." Spiderman said. "Real estate motherfucker!"
"What's he talking about?" Pinkie asked bouncing behind the counter. "And why are you wearing part of the fountain? It's not Tuesday."
Raising an eyebrow at that, Alexander looked over at Spiderman for an answer.
"Smoke weed 'ereday." He said. "And you'll be just like me. Just not as swagadelic or handsome, or sexy."
"Or bat shi-"
"Hey Alex!" Applebloom said running in with Applejack.
"-Ite insane!" He finished looking at Appleboom as she stopped to stare at Spiderman. "Yes, he was the one who tied up your brother."
"That was some funny shit." Spiderman said.
"It was kinda funny seein' ya do that." Applebloom said. "It wasn't very nice though... Hey Pinkie!" She said running up to the counter.
"Alex, would ya mind tellin' me why that varmint is out of stone?" Applejack growled pushing her way past him.
"I'm reforming him as punishment." Alex said. "This is the worst thing I've ever done." He groaned taking the bowl off his head.
"Ah'll take your word for it." Applejack said.
As she went to her little sister, Spiderman was occupying himself by listening to more music from his Ipod. Alexander, sighed and just let him head bang. Glancing round, he noticed the scorch marks from where the rocket Spiderman had flew in exploded, and the few customers looking at the cape wearing rocker.
"So, do you want anything?" Pinkie asked sitting next to the alicorn. "You've got to want something?"
"I don't eat sweets." Alex replied laying his head on the table.
"What!?" Spiderman and Pinkie yelled simultaneously.
"I thought you were listening to music?" Alex asked Spiderman ho was taking the ear buds off.
"Lawl. The battery died an hour ago." The hero shrugged.
"Of course it did. And you," he turned to where Pinkie was. "Wait... Where'd she go?"
"Lawl. I don't know. She said something about cake or some shit like that. I'm thirsty, do you want any booze?" Spiderman said pulling out a bottle of vodka.
"I don't drink. The last time I did, I ended up breaking a warship from the docking locks, told a weasel to go fuck itself, stacked a few police cars like building blocks, stole a giraffe, and woke up in a me shaped crater in the sidewalk. What can I say? I'm a light drinker. And the doctor did say the serum he injected me with would have a strong, temporary reaction from alcohol."
"That's just a bitchin' drunkenness right there." Spiderman said. "Would have been better with roofies." He said uncorking the bottle and began to chug it.
As Spiderman chugged his ninety oz, Alexander caught a whiff of something that made his mouth water. Looking around, he noticed Pinkie was bouncing over with a cupcake, only, it wasn't coming directly from that. Getting up, he didn't give her a glance as he passed her, instead he went to the counter and the scent led him down. Craning his neck over it and behind to the bottom edge, he saw a jar filled with small biscuits.
Smelling them, he immediately stuck his muzzle in and pulled out at least three before happily chewing them. As he was getting another with his magic, he looked to his side when Pinkie tapped him on the shoulder, a confused look on her usual bubbly face.
"Alex... Why are you eating dog biscuits?" She asked slowly.
He stopped, mouth still full as he pointed at the biscuit currently suspended my his magic, she nodded and his eyes widened as he hastily spit the treats out.
"That's disgusting! Why are there animal treats under a bakery counter!?" He said wiping his tongue clean. "Disgusting!"
"Weiner!" Spiderman yelled out before throwing his empty bottle over his shoulder.
"Shut up!"
"Alex, if you wanted some dog treats, you could have just asked me to make some." Pinkie said giggling.
"No. I don't want any dog treats! Spiderman! We're going to Twilight's! Now!"
"Weiner!"
"I said shut up!"
Lighting his horn, Alexander teleported him and Spiderman to the library. Back at the bakery, Pinkie stared down at the dog treats, mulling over what just happened.
"I think I need to do some research." She said to herself. "Applejack! Do you want to go to Canterlot!?" She screamed.
Whispering Oak's Library
Alexander, appearing in the lobby alongside Spiderman, startled Twilight as she was sifting through the late returns. Seeing the sudden intrusion, she gave a startled yelp and fell off her chair.
"I'm deaf! I can't see anything!" Spiderman said walking up the wall. "Tell my hoes... Tell them that I forgot the money!"
"Get down!" Alexander yelled pulling the hero off the wall. "Twilight, are you alright?" He asked the lavender unicorn as she got up.
"Alex? Spiderman?" She said looking between the two.
"That's me." Spiderman said. "And this is my sidekick, asshole Jefferson."
"I'm not his sidekick, and that's not my name." Alexander said. "Twilight, listen, I'm reforming him, and he needs something productive to do; do you have anything for him to do?" He asked.
She merely looked between them, frowning ever so slowly. She opened her mouth to speak but she closed it immediately afterwards. Pulling up a chair, she sat down and leaned back.
"Alexander, get out of my library before I roast you. Because don't think I've forgotten what you did to my books."
"You're still not mad bout that? I was the victim!" He said. "Celestia was trying to flambe me!"
"And I will too if you don't get out in the net five seconds!" She said bolting upright. "Now get out!"
Sighing, Alexander lit his horn yet again and teleported himself and Spiderman away to the last pony in Alexander's mind. Appearing outside Fluttershy's cottage, Spiderman instantly ran up to the door and kicked it in, much to Alexander's annoyance.
When he entered, he expected Fluttershy to be passed out on the floor, but instead he saw her embracing Spiderman in a hug, much to the annoyance of Spike who was lounging on the small couch.
"Alright, did I miss something? Hey Spike." Alexander said trotting in.
"O-Oh, hello Alex," Fluttershy said immediately hiding behind her mane. "No. N-Nothing was happening."
"They were french kissing!" Spiderman shouted. "Fluttershy gets all the bitches!"
"Hey!" Spike yelled, face flushed from both embarrassment and heat he was keeping down. "I am not!"
"Lawl. Kay, you're not a bitch, bitch." He said.
Spike's eye twitched as a small trial of smoke began to come out from his slowly opening mouth. Fluttershy, seeing the potential conflict bout to erupt, went to his side and and closed his mouth.
"So, Fluttershy, do you have anything for Spiderman to do? Please, tell me you do!" He said putting a hoof to his face.
"O-Oh... S-Should I not say anything then?" She said making Alexander visibly flinch. "S-Sorry..."
"Is there anywhere you think I could take him?" He asked.
"Drugstore? Liquor store?" Spiderman said.
"That doesn't have any medicine or drugs, or booze, or anything he could get high off of." Alexander said giving him a weak glare.
"What about the fair?" Spike suggested. "You could jut give him off to the carnies."
"Spiderman, we're going!" Alexander said immediately. "Lets hope I haven't been kicked out from the last time I was there." He said lighting his horn for a spell.
Disappearing in a flash, they left Spike and Fluttershy alone again. As she looked back at him, she blushed slightly.
"So..." Spike said. "Do you think Alexander actually believes we were kissing?"
"I-I kind of hope so." She mumbled.
"What was that?" Spike asked.
"Nothing!" she squeaked.
Ponyville carnival
Alexander and Spiderman appeared in a flash beside a dunking booth. Immediately the owner put himself between his booth and the blonde alicorn.
"Relax buddy," Alexander said. "M girlfriend isn't trying to kill me right now."
"Just later. Lawl." Spiderman said.
"Lets just wander around and see if we can't find you a job."
"Please, ain't nobody got time for that." Spiderman said waving him off. "I'm just gonna go do something."
"And what, is something, supposed to mean?"
"Lawl. I don't know."
"I should have known."
"Come along, weiner."
He wanted to protest, but kept quiet as he followed the spandex, cape wearing man.
Looking around, Alexander noticed many of the vendors paying little mind towards his companion, rather, they were focused on the majority of children and couples going from stall to stall. Smiling a little at the happy sight, he passed Spiderman who had stopped and was staring to the side.
"The hell?"
Alexander looked back and immediately went to Spiderman's side. Looking at where he was, he saw a shady ice cream vendor giving a small brown colt with a propeller beanie an ice cream, and then when no one was watching, use his magic to nudge the scoop so it fell.
"That asshole." Spiderman said. "I hate Billy because he always got in my drunk bitch traps, but I never did that to him. I only bitch slapped the fuck out'a the little brat."
"Well, come on. It's not our business. I'm sure the authorities will catch him." Alexander said, watching as the colt went back up to the vendor and tried give him another three bits. "Even if he deserves to get punched in the face."
"Yeah, well now it is my business." Spiderman said leaping through the air.
Doing a front flip, he landed next to the brown colt as he was rejected. Standing beside the crying colt, he put his hands on his knees and bent down.
"Why do you shed tears?" Spiderman asked. "Why not gift the world with a smile instead?"
"W-What?" Button Mash said looking up. "W-Who are you?" He sniffed.
"Why are you crying, kid?" Spiderman asked bluntly.
"Because I dropped my ice cream and I'm a bit short." He said looking at the ground.
"What flavor was it?"
"S-Strawberry. Why? What are you gonna do?"
"Watch this kid," Spiderman said. "You'll be laughing your ass off."
Button Mash, watching Spiderman, saw him leap across the small gap and onto the top of the ice cream vendor's stall without a noise. Spiderman, while the stallion was looking the other way, leaned over the edge.
"Psst, buddy." Spiderman whispered.
"What-" the stallion said, not even getting to register shock.
"Surprise mother fucker!" Spiderman yelled punching the stallion out cold with one hit.
Getting down to the ground, he wiped his gloved hands clean and picked up a waffle cone. Bending into the tubs of ice cream, he scooped out two scoops and then sauntered over towards Button Mash who had a hopeful look on his face.
"Here ya go kid, one bitchin' ice cream, served by your friendly neighborhood drug dealer."
"T-Thanks!" Button Mash said taking the ice cream. "Thank you... Who are you?"
"Spiderman." He said before swinging away on nothing.
As Spiderman swung away, he landed in the throng of ponies, more specifically, back next to Alexander. Alex was grinning, Spiderman would have asked why, but he didn't give a fuck.
"Softy." Alex said.
"Dick."
"I bet you are." Alexander said. "So, seeing as how there is no way in existence I can reform you, I'll give you a target."
"So I can take the shot?" Spiderman said reaching into his pocket.
"No." Alexander said. "Listen for once, just go and beat the hell out of criminals. Can you do that?"
"Kay."
"Good, because now I can go home." Alexander said disappearing in a flash.
Celestia's bedroom
Celestia was sitting quietly on her balcony, waiting for her sister to raise the moon. As she saw the flash of her sister's magic from the other balcony, she closed her eyes and missed the flash of light as Alexander teleported in.
Alexander, looking around noticed Celestia on her balcony, not noticing how she was lowering the sun, he quickly approached her and wrapped her in a wing hug. Startled, her magic faltered and suddenly the land was plunged into darkness.
As they both silently sat there, Nightmare was cheering about eternal night inside Alexander's head.
"Alexander," Celestia said. "When Luna raises the moon, you're sleeping in the gardens as a statue."
"...What if I said I reformed Spiderman?"
"You actually reformed him?"
"Yes. He's fighting crime now."
"Good, good, so, what was the hug for?"
"Because I missed you. I've really missed you."
"Did he give you a hard time?" She asked turning around to hug him in the darkness.
"I wanted to kill him every time he spoke." Alexander groaned as the moon finally began to rise. "Finally. It's a bit bright tonight, isn't it?" He said squinting slightly. "But, it does look more... Artistic." He said staring up at it.
"My sister was always the better one at doing the night sky." Celestia said breaking from the hug. "I'll be in bed, you're welcome to join me for completing your task in a day."
"Yeah... Yeah." He said keeping his focus on the white orb in the sky.
As she went inside, he sat there, staring at it. A smile slowly formed on his face, just a small lazy one. And so he sat there, ignoring even Nightmare as she appeared in his vision.
Canterlot archives
Discord rubbed the bridge of his nose with his paw. Putting his avian talon and paw over his mouth, he leaned down on his elbows as he stared at the possible clues he had written down.
"Oh, Alexander," he said staring dejectedly down at the paper. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry this happened to you."
"What happened to Alexander?"
Turning around, he saw Pinkie bouncing in. Blinking momentarily, he cleared his throat and tucked the paper away as she caught a glance of it.
"Nothing Pinkie, nothing happened to him." Discord lied.
"Are you sure? Because he was scarfing down dog treats earlier." She said. "Why are you reading about lickenthropy? What is that?"
"Pinkie, it says lycanthropy. And, indirectly, I think you've just helped condemn Alexander even more." Discord said taking the paper out and scratching a sentence off.
"What's lycanthropy? Is it bad?" She asked pulling a chair up.
"Yes, it's horrible." Discord said. "Lets say if you got it, slowly your body would change. Become something else entirely at one point. Once the changes finished, every full moon you turn into a blood thirsty creature, with no other objective than to feed and kill."
"Is there a cure?" She asked glancing at the book.
"Yes. But it needs to be administered before the first full moon. And, if you were to contract it, say, four days before the full moon, the process would be sped up dramatically." He said. "Speaking of which, when is the next full moon? I forgot to ask Luna."
"... Four days." Pinkie said.
"You're kidding me?" He said staring wide-eyed at her.
"No. And, isn't it also Luna's birthday?"
"Oh, I don't know what I should be more afraid of. The fact my step-sister's coltfriend could be a lycan, or that I forgot my wife's birthday." He said laying his head on the table.
"Well, we don't know if he is a lycan." Pinkie said. "Shouldn't we run some tests? Like," she took the paper from him. "We could sell silver cups and have one fake one to see which one he grabs. Or, sell biscuits and have half of them be dog biscuits on a separate cookie sheet. Besides, we have plenty of time for you to make a plan." She said giving him a hug.
"You're right, thanks Pinkie." He said returning the hug. "Will you help me?" He asked.
"Of course! If my new friend is in trouble, of course I'll help!" She said.
"Thanks Pinkie, I can always count on you."
"I know, Discord."
Ponyville town hall
A lone figure stood on top of the dome, overlooking the town, he kept watch as the residents slept peacefully.
"Do not fear citizens, for I am the hero you need, the hero you deserve," the caped crusader said. "I am the night. I. Am. Spiderman."
Author's Note
It's been a while since I wrote Spiderman, sorry if it doesn't quite fit.
The next chapter will contain Nightmare Moon, Luna, and Discord. Nightmare is even closer to having her own body!
He watched as the ponies frolicked about completely unaware he was watching them, had been watching them for the past few months.
He took his time, waited for things to calm down. It's not every day an alien lands in the middle of town right?
"Interesting, not a single act of anger, violence or any negative feelings from any of the inhabitants. None for the past year; it's so peaceful. It's what I could never do." He turned away and flew off to his hiding spot in the forest.
It only took minutes at the sped he was going, he didn't have any rockets on his wings, no he just had some anti-gravity tethers built in. The rest of his armor was actually just like normal armor except it was also indestructible.
He still remembered getting it, each time it made him laugh at how silly he was back then. It just showed up as a gift in a box, instead of opening it like a suicidal person he stuck it in the backyard and kicked it before running away with a frying pan on his head.
If anyone was there to see his smile it would have made their eyes hurt. It was the most glorious thing he had ever seen, all the way from the horns down to the bladed gauntlets and cape.
He saw his area in the forest and took off his cloak reappearing again.
Rex, his robot dragon that he made himself as a friend and companion was recharging in the sunlight; who took enough time to raise his head up to see who was approaching.
"Morning Rex." He said waving before sitting down at his spot by a pair of logs he knocked over.
"Good morning how was the surveillance?"
"Same results. Nothing but peace, and happiness."
"Is that good?"
"Considering they haven't sent out a search part for us and aren't in the slightest worried that we're here, yeah it's great."
"Really? Because you seem depressed."
"I'm not depressed; I’m just suffering from my juice withdrawal."
"I'm still not sure why you need that stuff."
"If I knew, I would fix it, but for now, I’m stuck with it."
"But you’re stuck with me and Cinnamon."
"True, but I can only take so much of you two before I go insane."
"You need to talk with others?"
"Yes, I want to talk with someone else, no offense but you’re at times not the best company. It's depressing."
"I told you, you were depressed."
"Don't mock me."
"I would never. But about that talking to others..."
"No Rex, we need to stay hidden."
"As much as you've watched them you should know they're extremely friendly. You need to speak with them otherwise risk them finding us and panicking."
"And they won't panic when they see a robot dragon, a hybrid snake-spider and a super soldier?"
"They won’t panic as much. What you need to do is speak to one who is in a high position of power."
"I guess you’re right, we might as well. Do we have any apples left?"
"There's a bushel over there, you can thank Cinnamon for that."
The hybrid in question hissed a welcome to her owner.
"You’re a life saver cinnamon." He said getting up and going over to the apples.
He ate atleast half of them before putting his helmet back on.
He gathered his weapons that consisted of a shotgun, two assault rifles, a pistol, two grenades, two plasma grenades, his long sword made of the same metal as his armor and his kinetic war-hammer also made of the same metal.
"Come on, we've got some talking to do."
"Do you think bringing weapons will help us?"
"They don't even know what a gun is. Plus, I think they'll be more focused on us than what we’re carrying."
He took off leaving Rex to follow with Cinnamon holding on.
They landed atleast a mile away from the town.
"Alright so here’s the plan, I’ll go in and you follow, but cloaked. When I say it's alright to come out you will."
"Right."
"Cinnamon here." He took off his left gauntlet to let his partner crawl in.
They both walked fast but calmly, Rex making the quietest steps while Alexander’s shook the ground with each step. They saw the town getting closer and closer until the first few ponies saw them.
They all just stared at him walking through before he stopped at a large tree.
"Rex, check it out they have a library."
"I can read. Maybe the librarian can be of assistance?"
"I'll knock and see if anyone’s home."
He knocked lightly but still cracking the door before it opened to reveal a small purple reptile.
He just stared at Alexander with bored eyes.
"Not like it's the weirdest thing to happen around here. You want to talk to Twilight, she's inside."
He opened the door further inviting Alexander in. When he did try and go through he kept getting stuck in the frame.
"Could you just get this, Twilight?" Alexander asked getting out before he breaks the wall.
"Twilight! there’s some weird alien here to see you!" the little purple lizard yelled out.
As soon as he finished a lavender "unicorn" is what the natives call them, came walking down. And then stop with wide eye's locked straight on Alexander.
"I know I’m intimidating, but I just want to talk."
She slowly and shakily made her way down. "Y-You’re the o-one who beat Spiderman."
"Ah, you still remember that. Well now I’ve come back to talk with your superiors."
"My what?"
"Doesn’t this place have a leader? A dictator, president or is this a monarchy?"
"We have two princesses and a lord."
"Good. Now, take me to your leaders."
"I-I can't just do that."
He sighed realizing this wasn’t going anywhere, and started to walk off.
Before coming face to face with a crowd of ponies.
He turned around and sat right in front of the door way.
"What do I have to do to talk with your leaders?"
"Let me send them a letter."
"That could take day's to reach them; I know I’ve been watching you all for atleast a year."
All the ponies behind gasped.
"Obviously you haven’t seen what Spike can do. Spike take a letter."
"Right away!" He said pulling out a quill and parchment from behind his back.
"Dear Princess Celestia, The alien know as Alexander has shown up again and asks for an audience. He seems to want a peaceful talk, and he seems intent on keeping it that way.
From your Faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
As she finished the letter he curled it up and Set it on fire, letting the smoke fly through the window.
As she turned back to her visitor she saw he was scratching the front part of his head while staring at Spike.
"Excuse me, why are you doing that?"
His head snapped back into focus and he stared at his hand for a second before snickering.
"Sorry, that's what I do when I’m thinking. So how long does this usually-"
He suddenly found himself in what appeared to be a throne room.
"Take."
He saw the supposed rulers sitting on their thrones. They appeared to be hybrids of all three versions of the natives.
The biggest one was white with a watercolor rainbow mane; the one next to it was a midnight blue and had a blue mane. What was bugging him is that they were blowing without a breeze.
The white one gave a gentle smile before speaking. "Hello again, Alexander."
"Hello."
"I understand your here to talk?"
"Yes, I want to know when I can leave or when you’re going to try and imprison me?" He rolled his hand towards the guards.
She actually looked shocked at his statement.
"Why would we do that? You have done nothing to deserve such a crime. For now, you and your friend are free."
"What? Is Rex here too?"
"No, the other one of you who calls himself Weird Al Yankovic. Who is this Rex though?"
"One second." He walked over to a window and accidentally broke it when he was trying to raise it. After he did though, he brought out a small yellow gun pointed it into the air and fired, releasing a bright yellow ball of light.
No soon after a distant roaring could be heard that soon became louder.
He moved out of the way as a large metallic dragon made its way in.
"This is Rex."
She still had her calm demeanor on before speaking again.
"Now, that Rex is here. Let us talk over tea."
Alexander just stood there, watching her as she lifted the cup without fingers.
"Alright, how are you lifting that without any fingers?" He asked.
"Just as a griffon would, only without the talons. So what made you want to talk so soon?"
"I was depressed. And I was cranky from my juice withdrawal."
"Why is it you need juice?" She looked up from the cup.
"It's a side effect from an experiment."
"What would that be?" She asked curiously, sipping from her cup.
"When I was turned into a super soldier."
"A what?"
"A super soldier is someone who has had their DNA changed to make them better, physically and mentally. I was a version two; I was the advanced version of a pre-existent one."
"Why would you ever need to do that for?"
"Sometimes, there are fights you can't win with normal soldiers. That’s why they made the others, that's why they made me."
"What others?" She set the cup down.
"The weaker ones, the one's I had to kill."
"You killed all of them? Why?" She nearly chocked.
"I didn't want to. I’m actually against violence, but they were being controlled, they were being told to destroy a city just to make a point. I had to hold the launch doors shut... otherwise they would have killed millions."
"How strong are you exactly?"
"The last time I checked about a month ago, I could lift with just one arm, I’d say... roughly two-thousand metric tons. Three-hundred if I tried."
"Have you ever fought?"
He gave an audible sigh before pulling out a handkerchief. "Do you see this? What color is it?"
"It's red."
"It was at one time white. I collected drop of blood from each person that I kill, to serve as a reminder of what not to become. A heartless monster, I even made sure of it. Each time I fought, I let them see my face; I let them know that there killer showed remorse and guilt... there's not a day that goes by when I don't think about them."
"I think it would be a good idea to move onto a more, pleasant matter. Wouldn't you agree?"
"I would, thank you."
"Please sit, you must be tired." She said as she pulled out a chair.
"I haven’t been tired for over six years."
"What do you mean?" She tilted her head.
"I haven’t had a night of sleep or even a break for over six years."
"Well still, please sit."
"I don't think that's a good idea." He shook his head, pushing the chair back.
"Why not?"
"I weigh atleast four-thousand pounds, I would break the chair."
"Then you may stand. So would you care to stay here while we arrange to trace the magical source that brought you here?"
"I’ll stay, but I didn't come here by magic."
"Then how did you get here?"
"I was blown up."
"You were what!?" She yelled doing a spit take.
"Well that could be the reason for it," He wiped away some tea from his armor. "After all, it's not every day a few mega-tons of nuclear energy goes off right behind you." He shrugged.
"I...see. Now, why don’t we go get you checked out in the medical wing, would you care if I brought the Elements too?"
"I don’t see why not? But if I see one needle coming towards me I’ll go through the nearest wall."
"Forgive me, but you’re scared of a little needle?"
"Excuse me for having a phobia." He sneered under his helmet.
"I apologize; I did not mean that as an insult."
"I know. But I have another rule; I’m only taking my shirt and pants off, nothing more nothing less."
"That is understandable. Let us go."
'I hate medical attention. ' He thought bitterly.
He was standing in a white sterile room, there were was your hooves poster, tongue depressors, Q-tips and gaws.
And Needles. So many needles.
All six ponies he had saved that night were present, along with the other Princess, weird chimera's, and a smaller alicorn.
"So, I understand you were a soldier?" Asked a Colt with a clipboard on his flank asked.
"Yes." He simply replied.
"Do you have any late medical conditions?"
"Juice withdrawal, and a misplaced vertebrae in my lower back."
"I see. Any past issues?"
"Getting shot, stabbed, blown up, electrocuted, burnt, tortured, struck by lightning, attacked by wild and suburban animals, poisoned, venom injected, gassed, brain washed and run over."
The doctor’s eyes were slightly widened before he regained his composure.
"Alright, I’ll need to ask you to step out of your armor."
"Alright."
The chest piece on his suit split down the middle by an unseen crack, where he got out and took off his gauntlets, boots and helmet.
Everyone gasped at his appearance. He was blonde, with long dirty hair, abnormally large muscles, and no feeling visible on his face.
"What?"
"You’re huge!" Rainbow yelled.
"How would you know that?" He said winking.
She blushed a deep red before sitting down.
"I may ask you to take off your shirt, please." The colt said looking up from the board.
"Alright but be warned, if any of you have weak hearts turn around, there are a lot of scars."
Fluttershy remained sitting even though she would probably faint.
He took off his shirt and almost everyone in the room gasped.
He had scars almost the entire length of his body, Fluttershy fainted, Celestia was blushing for some reason, Luna looked bored, Orion and Apollo just stared and the rest along with them.
"I told you."
"You must have been a very fierce warrior to get those." Said Luna.
"I was and I still am the fiercest. I was respected by my army by strength alone; I was unstoppable on the battle field."
"You controlled an army?" Celestia asked looking at her hooves.
"I wasn’t the king of Velrain for nothing. I had to take over first."
"You conquered your own world?" Twilight asked.
"I did plan on doing it through diplomacy, that was until the US bombed a camp by accident. And then they tried to pay for it, you can’t put a price on any life."
"Excuse me, sir. Could you flex?" Asked the colt.
"Sure, but be warned, I have been known to make certain woman faint."
He flexed his arms like a bodybuilder would. Celestia was drooling slightly. She wiped it away before anyone noticed.
"Incredible, massive muscle structure, large frame, how tall are you?"
"Nine-eight."
"Larger than alicorns, how much do you weigh?"
"Do you have a scale that measure in tons?"
"I have one in my lab!" Twilight said raising her hoof.
"Then, I guess we can continue there." The colt said motioning for her to follow.
"I'm guessing you want me to leave my shirt here?"
"You may, if you'd like." Said Celestia walking past him in a swift trot.
It was a fairly short walk; it was only around the corner.
The room was filled with all types and gadgets and doo-bobs. There were two large scales, a few dummy's and a large table with a few saw's next to it.
"Last time I saw a place like this is when I was fighting zombies." Said Alexander poking a shocking bulb.
"There are no such things as zomponies." Twilight snickered.
"In your world maybe, in mine it’s a whole different ball game."
All the ponies stopped and stared at him before Twilight walked over to one of the larger scales, pushed a large green button and it lit up.
"Could you stand here please?" She asked motioning him to stand on a large plate.
He walked on to making it slightly fold under his boots.
Twilight and the others watched as the numbers went up. When they did stop her eye twitched before she calmly got down.
"It seems the scale is broken." She said looking at the ground.
"Well crap, I can’t even take my own weight." He sighed.
"Let's move on to the strength test."
"Fine, but if I break anything it's on you."
She rolled her eyes before walking behind a shield and motioning him to stand in front of a small pony shaped doll.
"Now, hit it as hard as you can. Don't worry about breaking it, Me, Discord, Celestia, Luna and every unicorn guard put almost all of our magic into a durability spell."
He shrugged before pulling his arm back, and striking forward. Fluff went everywhere and a large hole was made in the wall, and so on before it reached outside.
All the ponies that were present could only stare in shock.
"That's impossible... nopony could have broken it that easily." Twilight whispered.
"I'm a version two super soldier. I’m built for strength."
"I... I think that's enough testing for today." She said looking at the floor.
"If you think that was strong you should have seen what I did when I was a little tipsy. I never forgot the looks on the others faces when I broke that ship out of its docking locks and turned it around."
"What?" Rarity said.
"It was a big star ship, I was slightly drunk and I tore part of the docking locks out when I joined a weight lifting competition. I won as it seems."
"Now Alexander, I think you'll have enough time to tell stories when we make you public as an ally." Celestia said still looking at her hooves.
"And where is that?" He asked already knowing the answer.
"Ponyville."
"...Well dammit."
Question from the author.
I understand that you all have been down voting tremendously. I'm just asking you to post why? I don't mind, but I'm confused. I like criticism, I want to know what's wrong so I can fix it. So please, post why, thank you.
Really? Now how could that have happened?
Alexander and Luna were sitting comfortably at the dining room table, each of them occasionally cast a small smile at the other when Discord could be hear panicking.
Discord popped into the room with a huge grin as guards rushed by the golden doors.
"Discord, is there something wrong?" Luna asked as she sipped her coffee.
"Oh, it's just horrible!" He said dramatically putting a paw to his fore-head. "Someone has trapped our dear Princess Celestia in a suit of armor! Oh the horror!"
"Oh no!" Alexander said with a grin. "I wonder who could have done such a thing like that? We must find the fiend who has committed the deed and bring them in! But first, we shall rescue our dear princess! Discord, teleport us!"
Discord nodded and snapped his talon, depositing them in Celestia's room. The first thing they noticed was the amount of guards inside, next the pair of guards with a crowbar trying to get the armor off the solar alicorn, and finally, Celestia glaring up at them with a large blush.
"Sister, what happened?" Luna said putting a hoof to her shoulder.
Celestia tried to speak, but not even a sound could be heard from her. Luna, forcing a smirk back, leaned down and put her ear to the muzzle of the helmet. She merely shrugged as her sister glared at Alexander.
"Do not worry, I will set you free." Alexander said while he didn't even try to keep his smile from showing.
Putting a hoof to the armor, it split apart and he took the helmet off her. She lit her horn and teleported out, and into the bathroom.
As the guards left, the sound of a toilet flushing was heard and shortly after, Celestia came out red in the face. The two alicorns and Draconequus didn't hold back anymore and burst out laughing. She folded her ears back as she stared down at the floor.
"Oh god! Your face was priceless!" Alex laughed.
"Did you see how much she blushing? It looked like she had a tomato for a head!" Luna laughed.
"She looked so ridiculous!" Discord laughed. "This is the best prank I've ever seen!"
"Which one of you did this? Alexander?" She said making him quiet down. "That was your armor, and you've said it yourself that nopony touches it. So, how did I get in there last night?"
"Magic?" He replied.
"For some odd reason, when I tried to teleport out, nothing happened. It's almost as if the armor kept me inside. Do you have any other excuse?" She asked tapping a hoof.
"Because I love you?"
"Alexander," she said walking up to him. "That was by far the worst thing to have happened to me in any morning. Unless Discord cooked breakfast." She muttered the last part under her breath. "I think a punishment is in order, for all of you." She said glaring at her sister and step-brother.
"Discord," she said making him gulp. "How would you care to polish both mine and Luna's regalia?"
"...You make me do that anyway." He said.
"Without magic. Just a cloth, soap, and water." She said smiling.
"You monster! You know the only thing I can really grab is food and your sister's-"
"Discord! Not the time, nor place!" Luna said as she looked away her cheeks turning a dark purple.
"As for you sister," Celestia said. "Go down to Ponyville to get fitted for a maid's outfit. You're-"
"Can't she use the one she has already?" Discord asked. "I think that would suit her just fine." He grinned as Luna blushed even more.
"No. Discord, we've talked about you and my sister's... Activities, are to remain in the bedroom. Your, bedroom specifically." She said making him frown. "As for what I was saying, you, dear sister, get to clean my room, and yours with no magic."
"What is with you and making us clean?" Luna asked as she left the room. "I'll be back. Please try not to make a mess of things while I'm gone."
As she left the room with her head down, Celestia turned her sights on Alexander as he was slipping into his armor. He stopped and waved before sneezing. Snorting some snot back up, he shook his head only to find himself looking into two magenta eyes.
"Yes?" He said leaning back.
"Follow me. Your punishment is going to be the worst out of them all. I wouldn't want you to feel left out, now would I?" She said giving him a small smile. "Just give me some time to freshen up. I still have bed mane."
She pushed Discord and Alexander out of her room, shutting the door they soon heard the sound of running water. Discord blindfolded himself and teleported back in, seconds after his head came through the wall.
"Do I even want to know?" Alex asked as Discord got his eyes back into focus. "Were you being a peeping tom?"
"No. I flushed the toilet while the shower was on." He chuckled. "There's a reason why she put a sound dimming sound in her bathroom." He chuckled. "Oh, and here you go."
He opened his mouth and a picture fell out. Alex picked it up, but keeping an eye on Discord in case it was a trick. When he looked at it, his face blanked and he slid it into his armor.
"If she finds it," Discord whispered. "You got it from Shining Armor."
"Agreed." He said. "Now, about having a blindfold on." He said narrowing his eyes.
He raised a hoof back and punched, sending Discord through the hole he was in and into the back wall. Looking in, he narrowed his eyes as Discord picked himself up. As he was doing so, the water turned off and Celestia came out, a towel wrapped around her flank and momentarily stopped to look between the two.
"Could I have some privacy?" She asked. "Now?"
"Discord, don't you have something that belongs to her?" Alexander said. "Something you took of her?"
"Discord, what is he talking about?" She said immediately glaring at the Draconequus.
The Draconequus in question was staring at the two of them, he gulped and snapped his talon quickly. As they looked around, Alex saw a small light coming from his armor. Pulling at it, he realized the picture had been set aflame.
"Discord, what was that?" Celestia asked. "Were you pasting memory photos again?"
"Memory photos? What are those?" Alexander asked.
"I'll explain later." She said. "Now get out!"
She flung Discord out with her magic, and Alexander merely took his head out the wall. As the Draconequus slid across the hall to his door, he looked at Alexander.
"It was before I was married." He said. "A memory photo is something I created. It basically takes a memory, and makes it into a photo."
"So you weren't being a peeping tom?" He asked.
"No! I have a wife!" He yelled. "Speaking of mares though, have you heard about Spike and Fluttershy? She said he asked her out yesterday."
"Oh yeah, I was wondering when he'd do that." He said grinning. "Tell him if he needs any help, come to me."
"You just locked your marefriend in a suit of armor. I don't think I'd want dating advice from you." He said giving him a flat stare.
"I would hope you're not taking any dating advice," Celestia said stepping out. "Otherwise you'll have to deal with me and my sister's wrath. Now, Discord, be a good little trouble maker and attend to you given task while I take Alexander to his." She said giving him her crown. "Make sure to polish the gemstone twice, it smudges so easily." She laughed as he frowned.
As she led Alexander away, Discord merely looked at the crown before turning it to cheese and the red gemstone into an olive. Eating that, and then hacking it up when he got a hair caught in his throat, he narrowed his eyes before teleporting himself to the library.
"Time to get to work." He muttered. "I just hope, for his sake, and hers, I'm wrong." He shuddered.
In the hallway's of the castle
"So," Celestia said looking at Alexander. "How long has it been attached to you?"
"What? My armor? I wouldn't say it's-"
"Not that, the lunar magic around you." She said. "I sensed trace amounts of it with Nightmare inhabiting your mind. Recently though, it has grown exponentially to where I sometimes mistake your energy for my sister's. Has something happened to you?"
"Not that I know of. Unless your sister has started experimenting on me while I'm asleep." He shrugged. "Where are we going? I'm bored already."
"You'll know once we get there, and I promise," she put her mouth to his ear and whispered lightly. "You won't be bored for long." She giggled pulling away.
His face flushed and the blood in his head, was quickly traveling elsewhere as he thought of the implications behind her words.
"What's wrong Alexander?" She asked with a lip biting pout. "Is there something bothering you? You looked stressed, maybe I can help you with some of that? Maybe even help you take a load off?" she winked at the word load making his face turned even more crimson.
"U-Uh... S-Sure... T-That sounds g-great!" He said sweating. "Is it getting hot in here? I'm suddenly starting to feel a bit hot, don't you?" He asked smiling.
"You know, being a mare does have its benefits." Celestia giggled as he caught on. "It is so easy to mess with a stallion such as yourself. But I wasn't lying when I said you'd be having fun once we get to where we need to be. Now, come along, we need to get to the statue gardens."
"You are such a tease!" He said. "Do you know how constricting this armor is? And you go and do that?" He said looking away. "Great, now I'm going to need a cold shower. Would you care to join me?" He asked suddenly turning the tables on her.
"W-Wouldn't the cold water take care of... That?" She asked looking away. "I-I don't really see how I-I could help."
"Oh, but you could just get in front of me," he stepped towards her. "I could sit behind you," he gave her a small kiss on the lips and pulled away, smirking as she leaned forward slightly with her lips puckered. "And then you'd throw me out because I'd be showering with you." He laughed. "Come on! Get moving, your highness."
She blinked and blushed as he laughed at her. Smiling, she lit her horn before teleporting them both, all except Alexander's armor that was left to stand unguarded.
A nearby lunar stallion saw the helmet sitting on the back of it and looked around. Seeing no other guards, or royalty, he crept up to it with a mischievous glint in his eyes. As he was reaching out to it, Cinnamon popped out from the opening in the armor and fixed her eyes on him. Giving a shrill hiss, he quickly backed away without a glance.
Royal statue gardens
Celestia was still smiling when they appeared in the gardens, it quickly turned into a blush once she saw Alexander.
"S-Sorry!" She said looking away. "I, uh, didn't know you were still-"
He had already got on his belly and was glaring at her. Looking away he sighed and closed his eyes.
She peeked back over, and seeing him just laying on the ground, she allowed herself to face him again. As he was laying there, eyes closed and his breathing coming and going in steady breaths, she started to notice how the sun reflected off his coat.
Looking at him, she traced his broad shoulders up to his neck, his short cut mane, the silver of his hooves, his smirk as he looked at her.
She blinked and blushed as he stood up. He gave her a playful nudge in the shoulder before adjusting the chain around his shoulder, as to not have his hammer fall out.
"So, what exactly is out here for me to do? Clean the statues, trim the hedges, water the plants?" He asked. "Corral the animals around here, or help with the weather?"
"Actually, you job requires only one of the statues." She said feeling her blush go down. "See those hedges over there?" She pointed behind herself at a ring of horn high hedges. "Your punishment is in the middle of them."
He looked past her and at the hedges. She began to move towards them, and nodded forward as a sign for him to follow. Going up next to her, he squinted, trying to make out what was being concealed within.
"You punishment is to help reform the one trapped within the statue," she said. "You have already met. And, as you know, he was the largest annoyance in all of Equestria. He was even worse then when Discord was evil."
They approached the hedges, she moved the foliage out of the way and he stuck his head in. What he saw made him frown.
"You want me to help reform that douche in spandex?" He asked staring at the petrified Spiderman.
"Yes," she said. "You may use physical force, you must also keep an eye on him at all times, and absolutely do not let him in Canterlot. Otherwise, I'll just have Discord put him in the caves below the castle. I prefer the latter of the two. But, I'm sure you can handle him just fine."
They stood in silence, staring at the petrified superhero, forever in the state of flicking something off with both fingers.
"So, how do we get him out?" Alex asked. "Don't we need the elements?"
"No, just free him like we did Discord. Hit him." She said. "Doesn't matter where, as long as the stone cracks."
He shrugged and took out his hammer, the end opened up to reveal a set of blue ridges that looked even darker as electricity danced across them. As he pressed the hammer on the statue, it began to vibrate on its pedestal. Taking it off after a few seconds, the stone had one large crack that was rapidly spreading through the middle of it.
With one final crack, the two halves broke and Spiderman was left standing again, still giving them the double bird. Slowly, he looked to the sides and put his hands on his hips.
"Sup bitches, your pimp daddy is back."
Author's Note
Yeah. I brought him back.
Now to prepare for the Spiderman thread in the comments... I'll need Fluttershy.