Sir Win's Hellish Beverage Brewing and Infernal Event Planning Service
Sir Win's Hellish Beverage Brewing and Infernal Event Planning Service
The windowless building on a side street was avoided by most. There was something remarkably different about the place, although nopony could quite say what it was. Perhaps it was the black paint on the exterior or the occasional cries of anguish that came from within.
Three young fillies stared at the front door. It was battered and dented, as if a prisoner had tried to escape from inside. The white unicorn pushed her friends forward. “Go on.”
The yellow earth pony gave her a glare. “Are ya too scared to lead the way, Sweetie Belle?”
“I don’t see you volunteering,” remarked the orange pegasus.
“Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, how are we going to get cutie marks in banishing demons if we don’t go in there?” asked the unicorn.
“We can always go somewhere else,” suggested Scootaloo.
“But Sir Win is the only demon in town,” pointed out Apple Bloom. “We all want our cutie marks sooner rather than later, and findin’ another demon to banish could take a while!”
They all looked at each other. “Let’s go in together,” said Sweetie. They crept closer, startled when the door suddenly slammed open to reveal a pale stallion. The room behind him was dark, lit only by the pony’s fiery mane and tail. His eyes were the same color as fresh blood and his lips were parted to reveal dangerous-looking teeth.
Pleasantly, the demon asked, “Have you come to my humble abode in search of the perfect accessories to make your Nightmare Night the best one ever?”
“Uh,” stammered Apple Bloom.
“Or perhaps you’d like refreshments? I have a brew steaming right now.” His smile grew wider.
“We, um…” Scootaloo trailed off.
The stallion’s flaming mane continued to burn cheerfully. “Maybe you’d like me to make preparations for your whole party event?”
“Well, actually we were kind of hoping to banish you,” said Sweetie Belle, managing to recover.
“Ah, I’m afraid I can’t help you there, girls. I rather like it here in Ponyville.”
“But what can we do ta' get cutie marks?” whined Apple Bloom.
The stallion patted her on the head. “Ordinarily I would offer you a trade for your soul, but you don't have one, redmane.”
“What about the rest of us?” asked Scootaloo brightly.
“Sorry, I'm kind of busy today.” He gave each of them a friendly boop on the nose and slammed the door.
The demon rushed back to where a cauldron was bubbling in the back room of his building. He tasted the mixture and added a few more ingredients. The brew had to turn out right. He was expecting a large order soon.
Sir Winifred Condemnation Inferno—Sir Win for short—had recently moved to Ponyville after his job in Tartarus had been terminated. He’d been let go for mixed reasons, something about fraternizing with the living.
Luckily, searching for new employment had led him to discover a niche market. By combining food, drink, and amusements into a package deal, he was easily able to provide one-stop-shopping for those looking for large scale parties. It helped that his prices were very reasonable.
While the local party pony Pinkie Pie had initially protested, she had discovered that with Sir Win’s connections, she could spread her bashes and baked goods wider than ever before. They had worked out a deal, and now Sir Win's Hellish Beverage Brewing and Infernal Event Planning Service had been contracted for town-wide Nightmare Night adornments.
Sir Win had it all planned out. The town would need to be decorated, and entertainment had to be prepared. Some ponies would need costumes, and others would be hungry. It was a giant task, but he felt organized and ready.
“Hello Gertrude,” Sir Win said, spotting a spider skittering across the table. He peered closer. “Oh, sorry Mabel. You look exactly like your sister.”
The door opened and a white mare stuck her head in. Spotting the spider, she came no closer. “Good afternoon Sir Win, do you have a moment?”
“Rarity, so nice to see you! Come in!”
The mare glanced around at the foreboding accommodations and said, “Actually, I just had to ask you a quick question. Princess Luna is coming to town like she did last year, and she will be judging the scariest costume contest. Could you be a dear and help me create something that’s sure to win?”
“It would be my pleasure,” Sir Win answered, smiling. “Such a lovely mare as yourself deserves the most horrid costume possible.”
Rarity’s face showed mixed emotions, but she knew there was a compliment in there somewhere. She thanked him and closed the door.
A few minutes later, the door opened again and a pony walked in carrying a bushel basket of apples on her back. “Here’s what ya ordered.”
“Thank you Applejack.” Sir Win started another cauldron heating.
“What’re ya makin’?” asked Applejack.
“A nice pot of sinister cider,” he explained. “Perfect for Nightmare Night. It has a bit more bite than your average home recipe.”
Applejack looked doubtful, but didn’t argue. As she turned to go, Sir Win called, “And next time have that good-looking brother of yours make the delivery!”
“He thinks you’re creepy,” she said.
“Most ponies do,” Sir Win acknowledged, smiling. Applejack left.
After the cider was started, the demon grabbed a bottle from a shelf and went out the door, going down the street to Sugarcube Corner. He stepped into the bakery and was greeted by a pink mare who threw her hooves around his neck.
“Ohmygosh Sir Win, I’m so super glad you came after I called you earlier! The other ponies were being all mean and complaining that my latest confection invention was too sugary! It was so horrible!”
The demon carefully avoided burning her with his flaming mane. “There, there, Pinkie. Some ponies just can’t handle sextuple-sweet cupcakes. I have what you need.”
The mare dried her tears and looked at the bottle he had brought. The label read Sugar-Snubber, perfect for killing that disgusting sweet taste!
“Well, I’ve never purposely embittered my own treats, but maybe this is what I need. Thanks!” She hugged him again and ran off to the kitchen.
Sir Win exited the shop, heading towards the library. Twilight Sparkle had come into possession of a dark magic book, and wanted his opinion. Possession as in ownership, that is, not something interesting like satanic control over her mind.
Along the way, Rainbow Dash came diving out of the sky and landed in the street. “Hey, I was hoping you could help me work on a new trick.”
“How does it go?” asked the demon. “I’d love to hear.”
“Well, it’s sort of a twist and a shake and then a triple loop followed by a barrel roll that hooks through the clouds and dives back towards the ground amid exploding fireworks.” Rainbow looked at him expectantly.
“Well, I’ve always preferred liquid-hot magma myself,” said Sir Win. “It ups the drama and danger. If you die, I promise to be first in line for your soul.”
“Hmm, I’ll consider it. Thanks!” Rainbow flew away. Like most ponies, she had grown relatively used to Sir Win’s residual hellspawn ways. He was just too nice to be scary.
The flaming pony continued on to the library. Spike, Twilight’s dragon assistant, opened the door. “Hi there, Sir Win.”
“Hello Spike, how are you today?”
“I was just about to go over to Rarity’s. I was hoping she might like to work on our Nightmare Night costumes together.” Spike looked nervous. “Are my scales straight? How’s my breath?”
Sir Win sniffed as the dragon breathed fire in his face. “You may want a freshener.”
“Thanks!” said Spike. “It’s too bad that you’re the only pony who can help me get accurate results.”
The demon habitually carried cinnamon candy that he made himself. No cool mints for him. Spike said thanks and took the offered confection, chewing it as he walked away. It was rare to find somepony who liked the spicy things. They were hot as hell.
Inside the library, Twilight was busy with her nose in a book. A few loose pieces of paper fluttered in the updraft of Sir Win’s burning mane. The librarian looked up. “Good afternoon! I’m glad you’re here, there were a few questions I wanted to ask.”
“I’ll certainly do my best to answer them.” The stallion stepped over to where Twilight was removing a book from the library shelf. The cover was black, and the pages were stained with some liquid that looked like it had been forcibly removed from its owner.
“This is a copy of the Book of Death,” said Twilight in a low voice. “It describes all manner of horrible things to do to ponies.”
“It’s a first edition, too,” noted Sir Win, grinning. “It’s quite old and valuable.”
“We certainly don’t need such a wicked thing here in the library, so I was hoping you could work on some method of disposing of it,” said Twilight.
“I’ll do what I can,” Sir Win promised. He said goodbye and went home to attend to his brewing. Nightmare Night was the very next day, after all.
When the morning came, the demon was still awake. Granted, he didn’t need to sleep, that was one side effect of being damned, but it was nice to have a nap now and again. He had worked feverishly through the night making preparations, and was now ready to begin decorating the town.
Sir Win put up paper streamers and hung bats around the town square. The bats did not like the sunshine, but agreed to hang around because he asked nicely. He would have to get some enchanted fog set up later when the temperature began to drop in the evening.
He checked with Pinkie to see if the food would be ready. The treats were covered in colorful icing and sprinkles, and did not look evil at all. It was a shame, but there was no time to throw out the whole batch and make more.
“It's okay. If we get lucky, everypony will be too busy eating them to notice what they look like,” said Pinkie.
“I wouldn't mind getting lucky,” said Sir Win, appraising the flank of a stallion who was walking by. Lucky glanced over to see who had spoken and quickened his pace.
Pinkie laughed. “I'm sure you'll find somepony good for you someday, Sir Win.”
The demon said goodbye to her and headed over to Rarity’s. Fortunately, helping the fashionable unicorn with the creation of a costume did not take long. His suggestions of “more blood” and “less pink” were sure to help her succeed in the scariest costume contest.
Having finished that, the demon dashed back to his place. The sinister cider simmered in the cauldron. Sir Win took if off the fire to cool down to drinking temperature. Ponies were so sensitive about mouth burns.
After that, it was back down the street to the library to close up a portal to the Realm of the Elder Gods that Twilight had accidentally torn open while reading the Book of the Dead. Sir Win reminded her to only do such a thing if she was really prepared to deal with the consequences.
Leaving the chastised unicorn behind, Sir Win hurried to make sure the Nightmare Night band was ready. Armed with bagpipes, musical saws, and kazoos, the din was sure to be horrifying.
The day was turning out to be quite hectic. Sir Win loved a party as much as anypony else, but he was having a devil of a time keeping up. He checked his watch, finding the time of the devil. Because that meant nothing outside of Tartarus, he glanced at the sky, seeing that the sun was almost down.
After dragging all the remaining party supplies to the town square, Pinkie helped him get the refreshments ready to go. The decorations were done, and the eerie ambiance had been activated. Ponies began appearing in their costumes as the last glow of the sun faded from the horizon.
A carriage pulled by members of the Night Guard descended into the town carrying Princess Luna. The royal pony stepped out, nodding to the respectful townsponies. She took in the town square, the food, and the entertainment. “My…this is horrifying.”
It was hard to tell if she was joking, but most of the crowd laughed to be on the safe side. Sir Win smiled as the Princess came over to congratulate him on the event. She’d asked for scary, and he’d certainly delivered.
“You certainly take your events to the next level, Mr. Inferno,” said Luna. “And so cheaply.”
Sir Win waved a hoof. “What would I do with a lot of money?”
“We have to thank you for all your hard work,” said Twilight stepping forward. “I want you to have the Book of the Dead.”
“Really? Thanks!” The demon accepted the tome happily. He flipped a couple pages, pleased to see the evil they contained.
“We couldn’t find ya any spare souls,” commented Applejack, “but there’s Caramel.”
“Huh?” said a tan earth pony, hearing his name.
“Oh yeah!” said Pinkie. “We made this awesome punch just for you! It's made with magma - real magma!”
The party pony indicated a small cauldron that was made of very heavy material. Inside bubbled a slag of hot molten rock and a few other ingredients to improve the flavor.
It was much more recognition than Sir Win expected, and he made sure to politely express his delight. Princess Luna made a short speech to officially begin Nightmare Night and the band launched into an ear-splitting little tune. Sir Win settled down with a cup of magma to read his new book, letting a couple of foals use his mane to toast marshmallows for s’mores.
All in all, everypony agreed that it was either the best or worst Nightmare Night celebration that had ever been, although none of them were quite sure which. Bureaucracy being what it was, Sir Win as the low bidder had already been signed to organize the next year’s event. He couldn't be happier.
Late that night, the demon lay in bed, basking in the the afterglow of the evening. He'd been a little anxious, but everything had gone splendidly and ended with great pleasure. The party hadn't been bad, either. Sir Win sighed and rolled over. "Was it fantastic for you as well?"
Caramel did not reply.
Author note:
Sir Win was first introduced in the story Science, Steam, and Beer.
Prereading done by Altoid, Doctor Whooves, mines5, and Super Big Mac
Thanks for reading, and happy Halloween!
