Loving Irony

by Cytotoxin

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance
Length: 8637

It`s time to arrange a marriage. An ironic marriage, even.

In the aftermath of Gala, Celestia corners her nephew Blueblood and demands an explanation for his behavior. It`s obvious he was putting up an act, but why?

Well, as it turns out, Blueblood is simply misogynistic. Dealing with court dames through all his life left him with nothing but seething disdain for the mares. One would say "better try stallions", but unfortunately, Blueblood is not gay. He checked.

However, being the benevolent goddess and aunt, Celestia can not sit idly and watch her nephew wallow in loneliness. So what`s an absolute monarch to do, in this situation? Why, arrange a marriage, of course.

But any mare just won`t do. No, Celestia`s nephew needs a very special mare. A very lively mare. One that could break him out of his haughty shell and drag him into all sorts of crazy shenanigans. Blueblood needs PINKIE PIE!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-19 20:21:39 UTC

One and Only (Honestly)

"Blueblood, would you care to explain to me just what had happened during Gala?" - inquired Celestia irritably, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She joked things off at Donut Joes, but certain parts of story disturbed her more then shed like to let on. Pretty much every pony had certain unrealistic expectations of Gala, and that was not something she needed to interfere with. If anything, she felt a touch of disapproval for Applejacks attempt at commerce. Raritys account, though? That gave her a bit of pause. She knew Blueblood to be rather insufferable at times, but not to that degree. She was quite certain that Blueblood put forth a considerable effort to appear so revolting, and that.. that made her curious enough to investigate.

"I assume youre talking about a commoner mare that kept pestering me the whole night?" - replied prince aloofly, as he sampled the grapes, - "Mmmm, just a touch sour..." Celestia stomped her hoof - "Nephew, I demand an answer." Well, that alerted Blueblood enough to give his full attention to princess. "Honestly, not much to tell, auntie. Just another mare in search of perfect prince." - he offered with a shrug, - "Shes one of your element bearers, I take it?"

"Yes. An element of generosity, to be exact." - offered Celestia, as she sat down primly, and levitated teacup to herself - "Perfect prince, you say? And what exactly stopped you from indulging her for the night?" Blueblood scoffed - "Auntie, I couldnt. It would be quite unseemly." Princess took a sip from her cup. "Unseemly? Do you presume to tell me shes quite beneath the noble prince of Equestria, as it were?" - she inquired, seemingly jovially. Blueblood didnt buy it, however. He, of all the ponies, was quite well aware of his aunts moods and tells.

"What? No." - he retorted, shaking his head - "Auntie, I really, seriously cant. If she were a bitdigger, Id have no qualms about loving and leaving, but as she is? Shed be devastated if I indulged her romance fantasy and then didnt follow it through." Celestia quirked her brow - "Even so? Tell me, then, what is so wrong about following through with it?" Unicorns face scrunched. "No." - he retorted simply - "Shes about as interesting as a piece of cardboard. Don`t you see it, auntie? She bends over backwards to 'fit in' with beau monde. To be 'the pony everypony should know'. Despicable. How could I possibly care for somepony who aspires to become everything I detest?"

"Blueblood, thats quite.. hm, cynical of you." - offered Celestia, as she took another sip of tea, - "And its not the first conversation we had on the topic. Is it really so hard to give ponies a chance?" Prince hopped up, agitated, his hoof trailing a sharp arc towards the window. "Ive given them a chance! More then once." - he bit back sharply, - "All of the mares care not for anything but my bits or my title. Call me a naive fool, if you will, but I care not for the vapid socialites." Celestia set her cup down. "Enough, Blueblood. I will not suffer anymore misogyny from you." - she proclaimed sharply, - "Suspect whatever ulterior motives as you will, but do treat mares with respect, even if they dont spark any interest in you."

He bowed crisply. "As you wish, your majesty. May I be dismissed?" - he offered curtly. Celestias face fell. "...Nephew." - she offered sadly, - "Im not trying to punish you, understand." He shook his head dismissively - "I understand. Court decorum and all that. I admit, my behavior at the Gala was quite over the top and I do solemnly promise not to do go that far again." She sighed. "Its not that, either." - she offered quietly, - "But I do think youre missing out on happiness, Blueblood. One of those mares could`ve been the one for you."

Prince wrinkled his nose - "I think not. Auntie, please understand - I am fully aware of the fact Ill end up in arranged marriage, regardless. So please, do give me a chance to enjoy whatever modicum of freedom I have for now. I care not to entertain mares pointlessly, given that I am guaranteed one in the end. And before you ask - no, I care not for the freedom to choose. Theyre all the same." Princess nibbled on her lip thoughtfully. "Purely theoretically, nephew... What kind of mare you could like?" - she offered pensively, - "Or stallion, for that matter?"

Blueblood heaved a short laugh - "Good try, auntie, but I am not a coltcuddler. I checked." He paused, and sighed, giving in to the silent request - "Very well. What I would want in a mare? Life, auntie. Egregious amounts of life. I would want somepony who is glad to wake up every morning - just because there is a morning. Somepony who would drag me out to dance in the moonlight, just because there is a moonlight. Somepony whod ride around with me on my airship, just because there is an air. Somepony who would be glad to see me, just because Im me. Somepony who could celebrate life."

He heaved a sigh - "I suppose its hardly a wonder why I am so disappointed in the court dames. What I want is not a mare, but some kind of prehistoric fertility goddess... Er, not to imply that... Aw, to Tartarus it all, you know what I mean, auntie." Celestia pressed a hoof to her mouth to muffle her snickers. "...Yes. I think I do understand, nephew." - she offered, - "Youve given me a lot to think about, I admit. I haven`t realised just how lifeless the court had seemed until your little speech just now. Familiarity breeds complacency, I suppose."

___

Twilight Sparkle had better days. Well, she had worse days, too. Today`s weirdness ranged pretty high on her mental weird-o-meter, though. Not quite up to Discord mark, but the mental needle was balancing perilously close to Pinkie Pie-level weirdness. She had just received a letter from princess Celestia - and that letter told her that princess would be making an informal visit to her library in the afternoon. Furthermore, the letter asked her not to gather all of the Mane 6, but specifically requested to ask over one Pinkie Pie. Interesting. What could princess possibly want with Pinkie? A party, perhaps?

Well, only one way to find out. With that in mind, Twilight trotted out of the library, bound for Sugarcube corner. It was not afternoon yet, but she was hungry, and Pinkies walnut cake was just what she felt like at the moment. In fact, the walnut cake occupied her fantasy so much she failed to notice the door - right until the moment she nudged it open with her head. "OOh, hi, Twilight!" - Pinkie, as always, was exuberant - "Im really really sorry, but we don`t have almond cookies today. Only the walnut cake."

"What?!... HOW? No almond cookies!? ...Wait, no, but I wanted the cake!" - exclaimed Twilight, shaking her head, - "..Buh. Pinkie Pie." Pink mare merely chuckled, fetching a plate full of walnut cake right to Twilight`s favorite table by the window, - "Here you go, Twilight. Do you need anything else? I really need to wrap things up and get dressed to meet with my prince!" Twilight perked up. That... was interesting. Most ponies tended to disregard Pinkie Pie saying something outlandish. Not Twilight, though. It was not easy understanding Pinkie Pie, but if there was one thing that Twilight learned about the pink mare it was the fact that the most pointless proclamations usually had very... literal relevance to the close future. And so, unicorn developed a habit to listen for tell-tale nonsequiturs.

"Prince, Pinkie? Oh, I didnt know youre dating." - she offered airily, taking a first nibble of the cake. It was delicious. "Oh, Im not, silly!" - exclaimed the baker, jumping on the table for emphasis - "But Im going to have an arranged marriage with a prince!" Twilight almost choked on a piece of cake. Arranged marriage? And Celestia visiting? And request to bring Pinkie Pie along? How serendipitous. "Oh, yeah, I needed to talk to you about that, Pinkie." - she offered, - "Can you come by my library this afternoon?"

Pinkie suddenly appeared in front of Twilight, holding a glass of water in her hoof. "Okie dokie lokie!" - she exclaimed, downing her glass abruptly - "Whats its all about, anyways?" Twilight lifted another slice of cake. "Well, princess Celestia is coming over and she asked you to come by. Im not sure what is that she wants to talk to you about, but Im guessing its pretty important if she wrote me a letter about it and asked to make sure youll come." Pinkie Pie nodded seriously - "Will do, Twilight. Equestria may sleep soundly - Pinkie Pie will not let the princess down."

Twilight finished the last of the cake and stood up, leaving a coin on the table - "Well, Im going to go back and clean up in the library some. Come by whenever you are done here, alright? Princess wrote shed be here at five oclock in the afternoon." Pinkie Pie nodded raptly, and swept up the coin - "Ooh, its the new one with Luna on it. Shiny!" Twilight trotted out quickly. She needed some reference material.

Half an hour later, Twilight pulled back from almanac and groaned. "Why am I not even surprised anymore?" - she asked the aether, - "But then again, it`s about Pinkie Pie." She just applied logic, and her conclusions were... not quite what she expected. Pinkie Pie mentioned a prince. An almanac listing all of the aristocracy in Equestria provided her with a list of all stallions that could be called a prince. After some cross-referencing against the archive of civil records, she crossed out all of the names on the list... All, but one. Blueblood.

She havent interacted with Blueblood much. During her time in Canterlot castle, his attitude was guarded and he seemed to be quite disinterested in her books. She was disinterested in everything else, back then. Including princes. Raritys account from the Gala had pictured him as abominably rude and uncouth self-serving jerk. Perhaps, Celestia intended to teach him a harsh lesson by saddling him up with goddess-ordained necessity to cope with Pinkie Pie and her pinkiepieness. But a marriage? Strange. However, Twilight considered, princess was not known for ordering ponies into unpleasant fates, even though some of her decisions were... less then immediately obvious in their benevolence. Like the request to oversee the preparations in Ponyville. Twilight chuckled. At first, she was incredulous, and, if honest, quite irritated with Celestia`s seemingly casual dismissal of her worries, but in the end? She loved it here. She loved being Ponyville librarian. "Divines work in mysterious ways." - she muttered, tossing the scroll into the fireplace.

"Now, now, Twilight. I just have a better set of facts to draw my conclusions upon." - said a voice behind her. Twilight twirled around, took a quick glance around to insure nopony could see her, then hopped upwards, grasping the neck of white alicorn in a tender hug. "Princess." - she muttered happily, letting go, - "Youre here early." Celestia chuckled, her hoof smoothing Twilights mane - "I wanted to talk to you a bit, before Pinkie Pie shows up. Youre probably wondering whats its all about, don`t you?"

Twilight smiled - "Well, my standing theory is that you intend to arrange a marriage between Pinkie Pie and prince Blueblood." She paused, frowned, and shook her head - "You know, it didnt sound quite as crazy in my head." Celestia merely chuckled - "My, my. How did you get wind of this?" Twilight pressed her hoof to the forehead for a moment. "Pinkie Pie." - she answered with a weary sigh, - "She mentioned she needs to dress up to meet her prince. Then I asked her if she were dating, and she said shes going to have an arranged marriage. So I put two and two together and combed the almanac of Equestrian nobility for eligible princes. Bluebloods the only one whos not married and is of adult enough age to be married."

Celestia smiled. "I see. So you did make an advance in studying the enigma that is Pinkie Pie, I take it?" - she proffered, sitting down across the table from unicorn. Twilight heaved a little sigh - "Its more of practical implementation then a scientific understanding. I have empirical proof that Pinkie Pie can predict immediate future, and I think Ive learned enough to differentiate between actual prediction and random uttering... But Im still completely in dark as to how she does that. If only I could find some way to reproduce the effect on some other pony, Id claim an advance in study, I`d say, but so far?... Just a bit of utilitarian side effect."

"Ooh, I love utilitarian! I can utilise all kinds of stuff in a party. Even utilitarian stuff, too!" - Celestia and Twilight turned around in the same time. "Pinkie Pie." - stated unicorn flatly, - "How long were you there?" Pink mare grinned widely - "Ooh, since you said it didn`t sound as crazy in your head. Which is kind of silly thing to say, because how can something sound inside your head? Duh." Twilight facehooved.

"Ah, Pinkie Pie. Im guessing you already know what Im here for, but... lets just say it to keep things running smoothly, shall we?" - proffered Celestia with an easy smile, leaning closer to Pinkie - "I would like to ask you to marry my nephew, prince Blueblood. Hes a bit grumpy on the outside, but really sweet stallion once you get to know him better." She paused and sighed a bit - "Well, actually, thats the problem. Hes so grumpy on the outside it would take an extraordinary mare to break through his sour shell and get to the sweet core. Which is why Im asking you, Pinkie Pie. If anypony in Equestria can show prince Blueblood how to enjoy life, its you."

Somehow, during the conversation, Pinkie had somehow managed to procure and put on a brides dress. "OOh, but isnt he the meany-grumpypants who was all rude and snobby to Rarity on the Gala?" - she inquired, fanning herself coquettishly. Celestia nodded sheepishly - "Well, yes. He promised not to go that far anymore, though." Pinkie quirked her brow - "But why would he be grumpypants to Rarity, huh, huh? Shes the sweetest kindest pony ever! Well, except for Fluttershy, but Fluttershy is superkind and..." Lavender hoof suddenly appeared over Pinkies mouth, cutting her off.

"I do admit, Im also curious about this, princess. According to what Rarity told us, Blueblood acted like a theatrical boor at the Gala. In fact, she had her own suspicions that he was acting. But why would he snob Rarity so much, and why do you think Pinkie Pie would get a better reception from him?" - Twilight inquired. Alicorn leaned back, nibbling her lip in thought. After a few seconds, she offered - "Well, thats what I was talking about, earlier. Blueblood puts on that reproachable act to scare off mares. He has his reasons for doing it, but if Im right in my suspicions, hes simply afraid to end up with a... let`s say, wrong kind of mare."

"Oh, oh, oh! I see. He just needs a friend!" - exclaimed Pinkie Pie exuberantly. Celestia nodded - "That, too. So, what do you say, Pinkie Pie? Will you marry my nephew?" Pink mare suddenly looked bashful. "I... Im not sure I should." - she offered sheepishly, - "What if Im not the right kind of mare too?" Princess simply chuckled. "Well, it`s customary to have a period of engagement prior to marriage. You can take your time to get to know Blueblood better and decide if you want to go through with the whole thing." - she proffered - "I do guarantee you will be able to call things off anytime, if you find that arrangement to be unacceptable."

Pink mare pondered things for a moment. "Alright." - she then offered simply, - "I`ll do it."

___

Prince was not in best moods. Nothing worked today. He tripped getting out of bed, run out of his favorite perfume, lost a cufflink, somehow managed to get a piece of toast skewered on his horn and failed to notice it until it was pointed out by one of the courtiers. To add insult to injury, a new fashion spread like a wildfire - by the time he got back from his chambers sans the toast, almost half of the court unicorns had an item of food speared on theirs. It was actually pretty hilarious for the whole five minutes... until one of the courtiers fell over from the weight of cantaloupe on his head and smeared the juice all over Blueblood`s favorite shirt.

And so, receiving a summons from his aunt was actually a breather he could not have hoped for. Today was shaping up to be a proper clownade at the court, and he could really do without the slavish antics. And so, he trotted on eagerly, pushing open the doors to the Inner Hall - a quiet place further in the palace that usually served as a room for Celestia to conduct private audiences in. Blueblood stared. Then, he turned around, walked out, and shut the door behind himself. Today was definitely not his day.

Two seconds later, he willed himself to take a look again. Nothing changed. A pink mare was still in the center of the room. Balancing four watermelons on her head. Four. Watermelons. WHY!? "Oh, hey! Is it the 'lets wear food on the head' day today? Because Ive got the mostest food on my head, see? Wheres your food, by the way?" - inquired the pink apparition. Blueblood sighed. "Auntie? Whats going on?" - he asked rhetorically.

Celestia grinned at him. "Ah, Blueblood. Youre just in time." - she offered with a little smile, - "I have a little matter to inform you of." He didnt like that one bit. "Inform me? Well, consider me apprehensive, auntie." - Blueblood grunted, - "What happened?" Alicorns smile got wider, - "Well, after our post-Gala conversation, Ive been giving this matter some thought... And I have decided to arrange a marriage for you, dear. Meet Pinkie Pie, your bride to be. Anyway, I need to be elsewhere at the moment... So I`ll leave you two to get acquainted. Toodles." Before Blueblood managed to say anything, she disappeared.

Slowly, Blueblood turned around. "Hi! Im Pinkie Pie!" - the pink apparition proclaimed proudly. Blueblood facehooved. With all four hooves. Later, he found himself quite unable to explain why he did it, and most importantly, how. That didnt matter much to him at the moment, as even a collective impact of all four hooves plus the consequent faceplant on the floor did nothing to relieve him of the bizarre reality he suddenly found himself in.

"...This is some kind of sick joke." - he muttered, looking up. Pink mare towered above him, sporting a smile that frightened him on a primal level. "Come on, we have so much to do!" - exclaimed pink pony, as she grabbed him by the hoof and dragged him to the exit. "Auntie...!" - he whimpered.

___

Blueblood tossed a pebble into the river. It bounced off the surface twice, then sunk. "Would you explain to me just how did we ended up here?" - he asked wearily. Pink pony suddenly appeared next to him, flopping down to a sitting position casually. "Well, at first I wanted to find some snacks and then you were showing me around the castle and then I started playing hide and seek and you started yelling and then I also started yelling and then we run away from the castle guards who were also yelling, and there was chocolate everywhere, woo!" - she explained. Blueblood dabbed the remnants of his second favorite shirt ruefully. It was soaked through with liquid chocolate.

"OK, no. Stop. Enough. Youre driving me crazy." - he demanded, tossing another rock into waters - "Ill do the bullet points. Primo, auntie expects me to marry you. Secundo, its been less then three hours since her announcement, and youve managed to get me covered in chocolate, caused a castle-wide alert among guards and may have provoked a diplomatic incident with griffons. Oh, and somehow managed to compel me into running out to the riverbank. Where Ive spent the last twenty minutes tossing the rocks into water while you collected flowers for your garland. Tertio, I believe Im having a nightmare."

Pink mare suddenly punched him in the shoulder - not too hard, but definitely hard enough to feel some pain. "Ow. What did you do that for?" - he inquired dully, his ability to emote expended for the time being. "Well, you said you are having a nightmare, so I was proving to you that youre awake." - she stated matter-of-factly, fiddling with her garland. "Ah. So Im not sleeping. I guess I`ve gone insane then. Or the world did." - he retorted equally dully.

Pinkie Pie giggled softly. "Youre not crazy, silly." - she admonished softly. Blueblood tossed another rock in, this time managing to score five solid hops before the rock sank. "I was afraid youll say that." - he offered, finally turning to face Pinkie Pie. "OK. Listen. Can we talk like two adult responsible ponies for a moment?" - he asked. Something in his eyes made Pinkie swallow the response and just nod, mutely. "Why are you here?" - he asked - "Why are you supposed to marry me? Where are you from, and what do you expect to get out of all of this?"

"Well, Im here because Im supposed to marry you. Just not right now, you know, but after a while. So right now were just engaged. Thats a funny word, dont you think? Engaged. Engage! Its almost like as if we were fencing, you know? En garde!" - offered Pinkie, hopping up as she made a few thrusts with her imaginary rapier. Blueblood remained nonplussed, quipping - "And what are you getting out of this?" That made Pinkie pause, as she pondered - "Getting? Getting? Huh. Well, a husband, I guess. I never thought about it. Ohmygosh, does it mean we`ll end up like Mr. and Mrs. Cake?"

"Huh. I get it now. So, auntie asked you if you would marry me and you just said yes, without thinking?..." - he mused - "I guess that explains things, and youre just crazy." Pinkie Pie pouted. "Im not." - she objected, plopping down again, - "Im not crazy." Blueblood shrugged - "Really? Thats exactly the kind of thing a crazy person would say, don`t you think?"

"But...bbbut!... Im NOT CRAZY!" - ow. Blueblood leaned back from the suddenly forceful shout. Issues much, mare? "Well, look at it from my point of view. Youve agreed to marry a stallion whom youve never met. Moreso, you probably heard that this particular stallion tends to be rude and unpleasant with mares. And you couldnt think of any guaranteed compensation you`d expect for putting up with me. Does it not sound crazy for you?" - he  offered logically. Suddenly, mare deflated. Practically literally. He could swear her mane lost the puffy volume right before his eyes, falling down limp and straight.

"I... Im sorry." - she offered feebly, - "...I guess I am a little bit crazy." Prince shuddered. That... was unpleasant. He rarely cared for the feelings of others... yet, this particular show of defeat filled him with sickly regretful tang of disquiet. Awkwardly, he turned around, and put his hoof around her shoulders. "...Im sorry." - he offered simply, - "Nothing ever happens in the court without a reason and I have hard time believing somepony would make such a big step just because auntie asked them to. I`m... not an easy pony to put up with."

"Thats OK. Well get you to enjoy the life lickety-split! Lets start with cupcakes!" - And that statement, although richly deserving of an appropriate retort, had gone unchallenged, as Blueblood struggled to swallow the cupcake that was suddenly thrust into his mouth. "KHA!... Dont do that." - he demanded irritably.

___

"Absolutely not. I refuse to wear food on my horn. Its been a silly mistake, and I care not for the idiotic fashion that sprung forth from it!" - Blueblood snapped, ducking his head away from the eggplant Pinkie was attempting to force on his horn. She had a stack of pancakes on her head, too. The horror. "Aww, come on, Bluey. Youve got to have some fun!" - cajoled Pinkie Pie as she came from the other side, now wielding a tomato. Unicorn backed into the corner slowly. "No. Just no." - he insisted, - "I refuse to make do with such a silly notion."

"But its fun! Everyones doing it!" - exclaimed the pink menace, now advancing on him with a pear. Blueblood took a deep breath. "Thats precisely why I dont want to do it." - he offered as calmly and levelly as he could, - "Would you like it if every single little mistake you did suddenly became a fashion statement?" Pinkie Pie paused for a moment, and then offered cheerfully - "YES! It would be super-duper-awesometastic!"

Prince sighed. An then... he was struck with inspiration. "Well, yes. You have a point here." - he offered cautiously. Pink mare paused, her hooves letting go of the banana - "I do?" Blueblood nodded - "It is fun to set trends, yes. The problem is, I set this trend yesterday. Food on the head? Please. Its so old hat. As a prince, its my forsworn duty to be on the cutting edge of fashion." Pinkie nodded slowly - "Well... I guess. But what is the trend of today?" Blueblood smirked. He had it bagged. "Why, its easy, my dear. Todays fad is fancy sunglasses!" - he pronounced, pulling out a pair of his old shades and plopping them on his nose.

"Yay!" - he turned to face Pinkie Pie. Somehow, pancakes were gone... and her mane was clean either. How miraculous. Furthermore, now she sported a pair of ridiculous star-shaped glasses. Much better. He grinned, offering her a hoof - "Ah, much better, indeed. Come now, dear. Let us hit the court." He meant it, too. Court would be most judgemental about his new escort - but the mare in question was ridiculously impervious to hinted disdain. He would have much fun watching the crazy mare wind up all of those court dames and cavaliers. Nopony would dare to actually get hostile with princes date, thats a given, but the rumors... Oh yeah, the rumors. He couldn`t wait to hear them. Malicious, nasty, evil rumors about him and his "lowly tastes" and his "indiscriminate habits". Let them talk. Let them think of him as a cad. More freedom that way.

And you know what? I it was fun. In a mean, underhanded way, it was downright hilarious. He leaned on the column easily, watching Pinkie utterly demolish the countenance of an couple. He wrinkled his nose. Target best spotted, indeed. He knew them both, and thoroughly despised both of them. Aptly named Public Face and no less aptly named Honey Tongue plied their trade in finest gossips the court knew. Literally - both were paid by no less then a dozen of newspapers, big and small, to dish out the latest hottest rumors straight from the court. And if there`s no juicy morsel? Why, invent one. He lost count to the fates mangled by the two rumormonglers. Poor foals, giving a damn about public opinion. No matter, today, the sharks would not go hungry. Blueblood scandals were slightly tired, but still sought after tidbits.

Blueblood shook his head again, and pulled away from the column, setting down his flute of champagne. "Pinkie, darling. Would you care to dance?" - he proffered, noting the desperately pleading looks of the couple. Pinkie had hammered them with the finest points of cupcakes versus muffins for nigh ten minutes, at astounding one-twenty words a minute rate. Motormouth... no, machinegun mouth, even. "And lastly, the blueberries... oh, what, uh? Oh, sorry, I get caught up in cupcakes so, so easy." - she offered, smiling serenely, - "Sure, Bluey, lets dance!" Luckily for him, the band was playing rather vivacious tango - he wasnt quite certain if the pink mare could be enticed by slower kind of dance.

"Wheee!" - Blueblood twirled the mare around, sending her spinning, only to catch a second later, flawlessly. Figures shed know how to tango. If was a fun thing to do, after all. "So, what do you make of the court, dear?" - he offered between the twirls, - "A mite boring, isnt it?" Pinkie nodded slightly, her legs flipping in the air as she undertook a particularly flamboyant pirouette - "Oh, I`m having fun. Any kind of party is good. Still... It could use more cake." Blueblood smirked as he dodged the incoming column, sending Pinkie over the other side, only to reconnect with her after the obstacle - "Duly noted, dear. I shall request us some cake for the afternoon."

Apparently, something sounded wrong for the pink mare - "Bluey, no! Cakes not just for us, its for everypony!" He laughed out - "Aww, theres enough cake for everyone." He leaned closer to her, whispering coyly - "Its not like anypony hoards cake here, oh no. Its just that ponies here dont like cake. The sourpusses." Pinkies glare suddenly swept the whole room, making more weak-willed attendants duck. But her rage dissipated just as fast as it gathered. "Im sure they just haven`t found the right kind of cake for them." - she breathed airily, just as the melody ended and Blueblood dipped her.

___

Well, that was a hoot. He already caught some of the rumors that started floating around. Of course, their cake talk at the dance was misinterpreted in every nasty way possible. Who`d doubt? He barked a short laugh, as he wrestled into a fresh shirt. The most popular topics were gold and sex, so naturally, the rumors followed the tried and true routes. Cake as euphemism for sex, how do you like that?... Well, actually, he would not put it past Pinkie Pie, but still... Heh. Ever better, the rumor would spill far and wide that prince has a beau. Oh, that was just priceless. He would have a grand time tomorrow watching all the eligible fillies going green with envy and disbelief. Prince and a baker. How unseemly.

For now, Blueblood was alone. Pinkie had left him temporarily to visit the castle kitchen. No doubt she`d give chefs a reason and a dozen for a heart attack and a couple of aneurisms. Oh well. He had more pressing matters to attend to. First of all, he had to talk to Celestia about it all. He also had state business to discuss, so auntie would not be able to wiggle out of talk so quickly.

Trotting down the hall quickly, he habitually waved off the reporter. "Prince Blueblood, a second please! Is it true that you are engaged to a commoner mare?" - he heard a voice shot in his back. Blueblood stopped. Well, time to dispense some politically correct princely wrath. "Ex-cuse me!?" - he snapped off, turning around. Reporter shrunk back. Figures. Young and cocky, he had to be a pegasus.

"Well, everypony saw you dancing today with, ahem, rather pink earth pony mare, your highness. Can you comment on that?" - offered reporter, as he fluttered up closer. "You have a lot of nerve to talk like that, young colt." - offered prince, smiling grimly - "Are you insinuating that I am somehow different from everypony?" Pegasus backed off slightly, yet attempted to salvage the situation - "No, not at all, your highness. I just..." Blueblood interrupted him impatiently - "You what? You thought Im a tribalist? Newsflash for you, kid. Prince Blueblood. Is. A. PONY. Write it down." He snorted and glared at the reporter, - "And thats all I intend to tell YOU. Good day." Blueblood made sure to put a special infliction on the word "you" - a rather unsubtle hint to reporter that he feathered up grossly and needs to get lost.

He trotted on briskly, brushing past a guard as he stepped into the small audience hall. More appropriate name would be Celestias tea room, as thats what Celestia usually did in this room - drank tea with somepony else. Right now, that somepony else would be Blueblood. "Ah, nephew. So nice youd join us." - offered Celestia royally, smiling at Blueblood. Us? His eyes fell on sleepy princess Luna. "Good day, auntie Celestia, auntie Luna. I must say, Im surprised to see you up and about, auntie Luna." - he proffered, taking his usual spot at the table.

Blue alicorn yawned - "We were plagued by insomnia, dear nephew. Usually, we fend it off with literature, but alas, today not even the agricultural almanacs proved to be effective." Celestia chuckled, pouring some more tea for Luna - "Don`t worry. If I remember right, Blueblood brought the fiscal review for northern provinces today. Plenty boring to put even you to sleep, sister." Prince cleared his throat - "Well, that much I did... but first, I wanted to discuss more, ahem, personal business." It was a risky move, but getting Luna in on the whole deal would provide a third party - and he sorely needed a third opinion by now.

"Oh? Somethings bothering you, nephew?" - offered Celestia with a little smile. She was obviously teasing. Blueblood decided to take the bait. "Yes, auntie, something does." - he offered simply, - "Yesterday, youve informed me of a certain decision. And today, I found myself sorely lacking the advice on the matter. So if you`d please?..." Celestia set the cup down, suggesting - "Well, certainly. Ask away, nephew."

"I would like to discuss that arranged marriage, auntie Celestia." - he offered, - "What exactly are the terms of it?" Luna perked up, staring first on Blueblood then on Celestia - "Arranged marriage? What`s that all about, sister?" White alicorn replied - "Oh, that. You see, sister, our dear nephew here expressed certain views on the court mares that... while less then flattering, are partially true. And so, I sought to remedy that." Blueblood quirked his brow - "If you forgive the impertinence, auntie, what in the name of sun and moon were you thinking doing that? She drives me crazy."

Luna blinked. She was wide awake now. "Celestia? Did you arrange a marriage for Blueblood? And with whom?" - she inquired incredulously. Celestia smiled - "Why, yes, I did. Pinkie Pie graciously agreed to marry our dear nephew here." And with that, Luna toppled over, all four hooves in the air as she guffawed in most undecorated manner. Honestly, Blueblood couldn`t begrudge her that moment of hilarity. In retrospect, it was a funny joke, indeed.

___

Blueblood tossed his shirt on the chair and flopped down, groaning. He needed to mull things over. Conversing with Celestia was quite a bust. He confirmed several things for himself, however. Primo, that his aunt was quite serious about that arranged marriage - serious enough to ignore several entreaties to dissolve it as a farce it was. Secundo, other aunt found the whole situation so hilarious he would be a fool to count on her support unless something dire had happened. Tertio, as he suspected, the mare in question was indeed another element carrier. Apparently, Pinkie Pie represented the element of laughter. Well, that much fit, indeed.

It would be hard to drive this mare off... And, honestly, Blueblood felt quite apprehensive about attempting. He managed to ditch the other mare at the Gala, true, but it was quite obvious Celestia disapproved of his methods strongly. Given that this mare was quite deprived of the sense of decorum he could poke, he would have to act... well, quite abominably, indeed. Giving this matter a bit of thought, Blueblood discarded the idea entirely. He was not sure he could be that much of a jerk to begin with, but he was quite sure Celestia would punish him for trying.

On the flip side... She could dance. And drove the court crazy, not just him. And could make cakes that shamed the royal chefs. Thats already three pluses he didnt count on. And to be honest, spending an afternoon playing tennis against her was not bad, either. What about the arguments for con? Well, Pinkie Pie knew nothing of politics, nor cared to learn. She could cause diplomatic incidents with alarming ease - although, said incidents dissolved just as quickly as they arose... Hm. She could be quite unruly and lacked the comprehension when to act proper... but that could be improved with some careful cajoling and experience... Hm. Hmmm.

And, of course, there was a little question of her being a commoner. Commonest of commoners. Nobility at large would be livid. An earth pony, born and raised in environment of manual labor... never knowing the finer things, nor having any idea how to make use of them... Hm. She could be an embarrassment, sure, but... But who cares? Prince himself never liked the "traditions" nobles tended to surround themselves with. He understood the historical reasons for their appearance - first nobles were indeed just that. Ponies, who`s inborn nobility and capabilities far surpassed those of their peers. Ponies who could and did lead the masses into the bright future. Blueblood was proud to count himself among this kind of aristocracy.

But new age nobles? They were not the aristocrats of the old. They were weak, frail of mind and degenerate of nature, valuing their inherited "nobility" above and beyond actual capacity to lead or even capacity to be better then your average Tap, Buck and Berry. The question stood - was Pinkie Pie capable of that? Could she stand by him as a leader? As a pony everypony would look up to?... Probably, yes. He was not done collecting the data yet, but according to what he could gleam out of newspapers and official reports so far, element carriers tended to be rather strong inspiration for masses... Though even they needed guidance at times. But that was Celestia`s chore, not his.

So... what would be his conclusion? Prince shrugged, and rubbed his cheek with hoof. He needed some fresh air. Pushing the door open, Blueblood stepped out on the small balcony, looking into the starry sky. Its been quite late. Luna had raised the moon more then an hour ago. He turned to look on the silver crescent in the sky. "It is funny, isnt it, auntie Luna?" - he muttered softly - "Upstuck cynical prince and happy-go-lucky baker. But then again, funny is better then what I expected, I suppose." And with that, his decision was made. Celestia arranged a marriage for him? Very well. Although he still felt less then at ease around the exuberant mare, Pinkie Pie was still a better option compared to the faceless court dame he would end up with otherwise.

___

Paper floated into the out box easily, positioning itself on top of the neat stack. Blueblood grinned. Done for the day, as amply evidenced by the empty in box. And its not even five oclock, yet. Prince levitated the cup of coffee and took a careful sip. Mmm. Zebrican Monsoon coffee. A guilty pleasure of his. He even founded a small import company to insure a steady supply of this particular brand to Canterlot. Through the intermediaries, of course. Boxes stacked one into another. That was the extent of his power, he mused morosely, watching the steam wafting up from cup. He never could touch anything directly. Only influence. Suggest. Insinuate.

"Perhaps I am simply listless." - he mused out loud - "But I sort of wish Pinkie Pie was here right now." Wardrobe opened and Pinkie stepped out, carrying a platter of eclairs. Blueblood almost swallowed his quill. "...How long were you there?" - he demanded, dropping the quill. Pink mare giggled - "Oh, I wasn`t there, silly. I was in the kitchen!" He hopped up and trotted to the wardrobe briskly, yanking it open. It was pristinely clean inside. "But... eclairs..." - he muttered, utterly defeated, - "...How do you... BAh, this is just silly!" And with that, prince Blueblood walked straight into the closet, still looking at Pinkie.

"...Garden." He looked around. He was standing in the castle gardens, next to the white gazebo. ".....PIIIIIINKIEEEE!" Pink mare shook her head - "Shhh. Youll wake up the gazebo, Bluey." He glanced at her with irritated bewilderment. "...But I havent finished my coffee." - Blueblood said with a pout. He simply couldnt think of anything else, as he trotted into gazebo. His cup of coffee was on the table inside, along with Pinkies plate of eclairs and folded newspaper.

"Pinkie Pie. Dear." - he voiced, taking a ginger sip of coffee, - "About what just happened. Am I right in my assumption Im better off not asking how it happened?" Pinkie grinned. "Yepperooni. Things just happen, Bluey, youve gotta roll with the flow." - she responded, poking the newspaper with her hoof - "Didja see? They wrote stuff about us today." He lifted the paper - only to lower it again a second later. "Ah. Can I have an eclair, dear?" - prince requested. Pinkie rubbed her cheek with hoof, deep in thought. "Well... I suppose... Oh, hey, can I have a sip of your coffee, then?" Gauging her for a moment, Blueblood levitated the cup closer to her, in the same time taking a hefty bite of eclair. "Alright, but just one sip. Or you wont sleep all night." - he offered sternly. His offer would be more stern if he didnt have a bit of creme on his nose.

"Oooh, nice. Your coffee is not sour like Twilights, Bluey." - opined Pinkie Pie after her sip. She looked adorable. "Oh, hey, you have cream on your nose!" - Pinkie leaned closer and licked the dollop of cream off, causing Blueblood to squirm and chuckle. He wiped his nose with hoofkerchief when she was done. "What are your plans for the evening, dear?" - Blueblood ventured carelessly as he leafed through the paper absentmindedly. In truth, he was paying Pinkie much more attention then he was paying to paper. "Oh, I dont know...." - she drawled, - "Have a party, maybe! Or we can do fireworks, or..." Pink mare suddenly shuddered and wobbled on her hooves. "Oh no, twitchy-twitchy-twitch!... Bluey, I think it`s going to storm!"

Blueblood considered Pinkie for a long moment. "Are you sure?" - he offered then. Pinkie nodded nervously, eyeing the rapidly darking sky, - "Uh-huh, uh-huh." "I see." - he offered, tracing her stare, - "Dear, I believe wed better.... RUN!" Pinkie Pie jumped over the railing. Blueblood used the entrance. That caused him to fall behind. Not that he particularly minded - having a set of enticingly curvy flanks in front of him was a little but oh so pleasant bonus. Unfortunately, even with that, theyve been caught by the rain on the stairs. Summer storm began very abruptly, torrents of water immediately drenching both of them as they covered the last few yards up the shairs and collapsed against the heavy doors, forcing them open with their weight. With a squeak, the doors opened just enough for a pony to slip in. Blueblood graciously allowed Pinkie to step in first.

"Come on, dear." - he offered, moving the wet mane out of his eyes with a hoof, - "I dont know about you, but I could use a towel right now." Pinkie simply nodded. How strange. Then, he noticed pink mare glancing back at the rain outside with a bit of distrust and... worry? Hm. "Go ahead, dear. Ill be waiting for you at my chambers." - he offered calmly, leaning against the doors to push them close. After a moment or two of struggle against the wind, he managed to close the doors shut, reaching out with magic to bolt them. "Wait, Bluey, don`t bolt it. What if somepony else is out there too?" - apparently, Pinkie was still there. Blueblood shrugged - "What of it? Bolt can be opened from the outside." With that, he turned around and trotted to his chambers.

A while later, he was sitting at the fireplace, wearing his favorite pajamas and holding a book of folk tales, of all things. With the storm outside, Pinkie Pie was forced to elect some kind of indoor activity, and... Blueblood chuckled inwardly. Although he was loathe to admit it out loud, he found some foalish pleasure in doing such simple things. In his youth, he had preciously little in the way of fairy tales and sleepovers. And although he still thought of it as ridiculous, the idea of catching up on some of what he missed from foalhood appealed to him.

"...And so, Starswirl the Bearded outsmarted the seven dragon lords of Grey Mountains and established the Armistice of Equinox." - he finished with a flourish, closing the book. "Ooh, oh, oh! Bluey, that was wonderful." - Pinkie didnt skimp on compliments. Of course, as a prince, he was used to being abundantly complimented everyday, but... This particular mare was honest with her compliments. He could see it in her naive gaze, flushed cheeks, nervous tugging on her nightshirt in the most tense moments of story. Shes been captivated.

"Youre good at telling the stories." - she offered suddenly, moving a little closer to him. Blueblood yawned. He read four tales, each being rather long. And yes, apparently, his way of reading them was just that captivating to the pink mare. He couldnt help himself, however. Lessons in rhetorics came back with a vengeance - he read the stories as if he was giving speeches at the Hall of Lords, with pride, passion and conviction. "Yawn... Thankee, dear." - he managed, setting the book aside - "But Im afraid its rather late. We should probably turn in." Muffled thunderclap from behind the shuttered windows underscored his statement.

Nodding, Pinkie Pie stood up. Her chambers were conveniently just a little down the hall. Blueblood levitated the book on the shelf and stood up, stretching. He trotted over to his bed, casually pulling the blanket off so he could get in, flopping on the bed a moment later with soft - "Ahh." His eyes accidentally strayed to the door. Pinkie grasped the door knob with her hooves, but.. Something made her look over her shoulder just as Blueblood looked in her direction. Their eyes met. "...I`m scared." - did she really whisper that?

Prince considered the mare before him. She was very sincere right now. Given what he observed so far, Blueblood made a conclusion - Pinkie Pie is afraid of storms. "Would you like to stay with me tonight?" - he offered softly. She nibbled her lip. It was a loaded question. She knew she shouldn`t. That it would be too forward. But then another thunderclap rattled her nerves. Just tonight. She nodded shyly and let go of the door knob, walking over to the bed. Blueblood scooted back, giving her a space to get in. She did, slipping under the blanket gingerly, her face unusually blushed. And then he reached out with magic and light turned off.

Normally, Pinkie was not afraid of dark. Not really. But of storm in the dark? With the only source of light being embers in the fireplace? She eeped - a tiny shy sound that one would expect of Fluttershy, maybe, but certainly not of Pinkie Pie. She turned around, instinctively looking for something warm to cuddle to. Somepony warm. The feeling was novel for Blueblood just as well. The sincerity of situation overwhelmed him. Prince had his share of mare experiences before, but nothing even remotely close to... to this. He reached out, embracing pink mare and pulling her close. She let him, nosing into his chest. Was she shivering just now?

He nosed into curly pink mane, inhaling the scent. If somepony were to ask Blueblood to describe the scent, he wouldve said - "sweet". And it was, indeed, sweet. Not the cloyingly heavy aroma of melting sugar usually present in the bakery, as he expected, but light fragrance of natural sweets. The scent of sweetgrass and honey, flowery and fleeting. Her hooves pressed into his chest. Not to push him away though, no. To signal. It was one of the signals working in instinctual level, meaning quite the same for everypony. "Come and taste me.", it said. Blueblood wasnt the one to argue.

___

Blueblood woke up. He wasn`t a morning pony by any means... but on this particular morning? He woke up feeling as if he could move mountains. He felt astonishingly good. Things were... right. No, not just right... but RIGHT. He stretched languidly, letting out a little sneeze as the pink strands tickled his nose.

She was still there, snuggled up to his side and quite soundly asleep. He marveled quietly, raising his hoof to brush a few stray locks out of her face. Pinkie Pie was full of charm while she was awake.... but while asleep, she was simply beautiful. Or maybe it just seemed so to the prince. He was aware that he might be biased, of course - but being entirely frank with himself, Blueblood simply couldn`t deny it anymore. He fell in love and he knew it, ridiculous as it may be.

Later, he would have to think it over. To consider his options and responses, scheme ahead and prepare for the intrigue that would doubtlessly follow. But for now... For now he simply enjoyed the morning, laying in his bed and looking over she sleeping mare by his side. Eventually, she woke up, disoriented and bleary-eyed, nuzzling up to him before realising where she is. "...Good morning, Bluey." - she offered, her voice still heavy with sleep. Blueblood leaned and kissed her forehead. "Good morning, dear." - he offered quietly, - "Slept well, I hope?"

Pinkie nodded slowly, blush spreading over her cheeks as she recalled the night before. "...Never better." - she offered after a few seconds of quiet contemplation, - "So... what are we doing today?" Blueblood rubbed his forehead with free hoof, recalling his schedule - "Its Sabbath... Maybe a walk in the park after breakfast... Otherwise, Im not quite sure. I do strive to keep my Sabbaths as free as possible."

Pink mare hopped up, somehow managing to land on top of the blanket she was just under - "Oh, oh, I know! Lets have a picnic!" Blueblood rolled his eyes a bit. But then again, the idea was not exactly repelling... Why not? "Hm. Well, that seems like a nice plan." - he proffered, - "So... breakfast, then a walk in the park and a picnic?" Pinkie Pie hopped off the bed, jubilantly - "Oki-doki-loki! I... uh, Ill go change." He followed departing mare with his eyes and chuckled. Still, it was high time to get out of bed.