Solitary

by electreXcessive

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad
Length: 2326

I am alone. This is the way it must be.

I am alone. This is the way it must be.

Published 2012-12-22 21:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-22 21:30:01 UTC

Solitary

As I watch class after class of foals pass me by, I can't help but think to myself; it's beautiful isn't it? The rising sunset, the sounds of colts and fillies laughing and playing... the little joys of life are just so magnificent once you take the time to look at them and appreciate them for what they are. I have all the time in the world. To observe them, I mean.

It's not as if I can actually move. Or speak. Or do anything really. All I can do is sit here and observe, waiting for the day that I will inevitably be freed from my prison. The boredom becomes almost maddening at times. I mean, have you ever been forced to remain motionless for millennia? It's not a pleasant experience. Pesky birds roost on me and the insects swarm around my face, but I am helpless to stop them.

All I can do is sit here in the garden. I'm isolated from normal society; I don't even get the dignity of being properly cleaned every now and then. Instead I am left here to rot in the filth that covers me from head to toe. There aren't even any other statues to keep me company. There are just the visitors, far and few between, and the hedges that surround me. I am alone... I am... solitary.

Darkness... Loneliness... Dementia...

These are all of the things that surround me as I wait here, motionless, still as stone. As the days go by, I mark them on my concrete prison with my mind, embedding them in the walls to pass the time. Ponies assume that I'm just... in suspended animation, or that I've ceased my life cycle while encased in my cell, confined to just sit here. That's not true. I'm just as aware as when I was free, only I have nothing to occupy me other than to think... to reflect. To reflect on the choices I've made, what I've done, what I've given up.

As I stand here frozen, unable to move and unable to breathe, merely existing, I hear everything that goes on around me. Often times children will come here with their families and look at me, mock me. Do they really think that I can't hear them; do they think about me? No, of course not, but I can't blame them. I'm a monster aren't I? I might as well enjoy it when I get the chance... Maybe that's why ponies hate me so much, because none of them understand me.

Ponies call me the "Lord of Chaos." They call me a monster, a devil, and a demon, but is that really what I am? How do you ponies really know me? You have no idea what I've given up for you; you have no idea of the things that I've done for you. Do you believe that it entertains me to sit here and watch my surroundings? Do you really think that I would be so foolish as to allow myself to be defeated so easily if I really wanted to hurt somepony? I may be a trickster and a devious creature, but I'm not an ignorant imbecile.

Have you ever heard the term "a monster for good?" No? How about "a necessary evil?" That is what I am, a necessary evil, one that you can't even begin to fully understand... I wasn't always like this you know... I wasn't always the big scary boogeyman that give ponies nightmares in their sleep; I wasn't always just a story that ponies tell to their foals in order to keep them in line. I used to have a family and friends, dreams and aspirations just like any other creature does. But those were taken away from me! No... No, I suppose I shouldn't say that, after all, I gave those up.

Do you know what I gave those up for? Do you? I gave them up for you, for ponies everywhere to be safe... Don't believe me, eh? I don't blame you, after all, I am just the all powerful spirit of chaos that haunts you in your sleep, and leaves you quaking in your sheets like a little filly.

I wasn't always this way, though. Monsters are made, not born, and I have made myself into a monster... But it was all for good reason, I assure you. The road to evil is always paved with the best, most pure of intentions, and mine were the purest of all. I only wanted to protect everything that I loved from... from what is out there. I wanted to protect them from what lies beyond the invisible wall that separates us fromt he rest of space. From the things that lie beyond what you mortals perceive; the things that you all are blissfully unaware of.

I, however, do not hold that luxury... When you're immortal, and you've lived for as long as I have, you see things... things that no mortal should see, or could ever comprehend. Just ask Celestia or Luna, they know... They know, they've seen everything. They've looked beyond the veil just like me, though they don't agree with the decisions I've made. They'll tell you that the power of the elements could keep everypony safe, and keep the evil away. I know better though; I know that if they came, that we would stand no chance. We'd be doomed.

There would be no cotton candy clouds, or chocolate rain. Fire and brimstone would rain from the heavens as ponies ran about, screaming for their heroes to save them. Ponies would die, and the world would be awash in a flood of hatred and malice, as the "others" brought their anger upon our world. The peace that you've all for no long would be extinguished, vanished without out a trace as creatures from beyond continued their vicious onslaught of pony kind.

That is why I act the way I do. It's why I commit those so called "acts of evil" and why I cause so much chaos. As long as there is chaos in our world, then they have no reason to come to us. I play a role, the role of the villain, and as long as I hold that role, there is no reason for them to come to us. After all, their position is already filled, so they just are content to just keep out of sight, waiting in line for the spot to open up. For every hero, there must be an evil to oppose and challenge them; it is how the world works, and is the way it always has.

Some would say that I'm making these things up, that there are no malicious creatures waiting to feast on the innocence of our world. Why haven't I described them to you? I can already tell that is the question that you would like to ask me. My answer? I have no answer. They are worse than your wildest nightmares could create for you; the mere sight of them would make your soul quiver in fear. They are every single fear you've ever had, incorporated into a physical form; they are the dreadful feeling that you get when nopony is around, causing your hairs to stand on end, and your back to straighten.

You think that I'm your nightmare? You think that I'm the one that you should be afraid of? I am nothing. I am but a speck of dust in our universe, just floating in whatever way that I must. There are real terrors out there-terrors that scare even an all-powerful, immortal master of chaos like me. You doubt that? You think that I am just pulling another one of my tricks on you and trying to make you quake in terror. How can I explain to you what I truly mean? It's not as if your mortal pony mind will understand what I have to say.

Let me explain it you like this: have you ever been afraid of the monster in your closet? Have you ever run screaming to your parents, crying about the hideous creature hiding behind all of your clothes, waiting to eat you?
I can bet you have, and I can bet that while you were running, you never stopped to consider what was hiding beneath you, right out of sight. I bet you never stopped while you were running to ask "Gee, I wonder what's hiding under my bed!"

You are all children to me; your minds are feeble. You scream and flee at the terror that you can see, but what about the one that you can't? That's what I am. I am the monster that sits in plain sight. You fear me and quake, but you never see what is hiding right under your nose. You never see what's under the metaphorical bed, but do you know what I see from inside the closet? I see it. I see that monster clear as day, and I can't leave that closet. I can never leave...

I am the scapegoat for all of your problems. Don't get me wrong; I don't mind, after all, I chose this life for myself. Plus, it does give me license to have a little fun every now and then. What? Sometimes you need to have a little fun, and what easier way is there to do that than to cause a little chaos. That's why I cause all of the madness you know: the chocolate rain, the cotton candy clouds, and the floating landmasses. Can you really blame me for wanting to have some fun after millennia of imprisonment?

I'm alone here, you know. Nobody has ever tried to understand me; nobody has ever tried to ask me how I feel. You just want to send me back into my cage the moment that I escape, like a mistreated puppy. Can you blame me for wanting to cause some chaos? Can you blame me for wanting to create some kind of entertainment with which to console myself?

All I want is to enjoy my freedom when I have it, and enjoy it I do. You ponies can't see things the way I do, and you likely never will. Blame me, shun me, and exile me, but never pretend that you understand me. I am alone, as I made myself to be. I will continue to be released, wreak havoc, and be imprisoned again; this will undoubtedly continue throughout all of eternity. The Elements will find new bearers, and the seasons will change, but it's a cycle.

It's a vicious cycle that I sucked myself into long ago, and these things... these chains of events are unbreakable, stronger than the most reinforced fortress and mightier than the greatest oceans. That's the downfall to being immortal you know. Everything you know fades away, and people and places that you've come to know and love crumble to dust. Me though? I'm a statue. I'll last through it all. I'll live through the end of the world and even past then, maybe even past the creation of an entirely new one.

I can't get out. I don't know any other way than this anymore; it's so deeply engraved into my mind, that's it all I know. It's been such a long time since I've lived my life, since I've experienced "happiness" as you ponies call it. I don't need happiness though. I have the cycle to stick to. The cycle must be followed to make Equestria safe, so I guess I'll just look forward to the next time that I break out. I'll savor every single moment of chaos that I create when I'm free so that I can enjoy my time out to the fullest.

The chaos and the memories... that's all I have anymore. They say that the eyes are a portal to the soul, but when I look into my reflection in the rain puddles around my feet, all I see is emptiness. All that's left of me is a hollow shell of what I used to be; I've taken my soul and carved it out, sold it away to the universe. You think that there is still good inside of me? You think that there's still a way that I can be saved?

I'm not something that can be fixed. I'm a broken creature, like an old machine that's run out of spare parts. Not even the Elements of Harmony or the all-powerful alicorn princesses can save me anymore. I'm too far gone to go back. But I chose this life for myself. I resigned myself to a role, to fill a niche in our universe. I chose it because I know that no matter how many enemies are defeated, there will always be something out there that is worse.

For every hero, a villain must rise to meet him in battle. I am that villain, charging into a hopeless battle which I know that I can not win, but that's fine I suppose. So you can go ahead and do whatever you'd like. You can hate me and criticize me, you can think that I'm an evil monster, and you can say that I am everything that's wrong with our world. It's alright because I know what I am; I am the embodiment of evil itself.

That's fine, but you don't know me. You don't know what I've been through, or the things that I've given up. You... you can't even hear me. Here I am, talking to myself once again to pass the time. That's fine though, because I know my real legacy, and as long as I do, I know the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but I know it, and so do those who know the real me. Those who know who I really am? They don't know me as Discord. To them, I am Solitary.