Chapters Rainbow Dash was having an excellent day. She breezed through the sky, slaloming through cloud banks and divebombing flocks of nervous birds, guffawing heartily as they scattered in a flurry of feathers and distressed squawking.
Yep - today Rainbow Dash was the Master of the Skies, Captain of the Clouds, the Penultimate of the Pegasi! Penultimate was good, right? She'd heard Twilight say it before, and it had "ultimate" in it, so it was probably just some eggheady way to say super special awesome! And that's just what Rainbow Dash was, all day every day - maybe even especially so today. She was just coasting the skies in this cocoon of super special awesome, without a care in the world, when a decidedly un-awesome feeling made its presence known deep within her gut, throwing her off and making her zig when she should have zagged. She ended up embedded headfirst in a pile of cumulous, and she could swear that the birds she had startled earlier were cawing derisively from somewhere beyond her reach.
The feeling niggled at her stomach as she pulled herself from the cloud, before it traced its way up her esophagus and into her throat. Finally, the feeling, the terrible, groove shattering feeling, made it to her mouth. The pegasus paused, smacking her tongue on her dry lips.
No . It couldn't be. Not now, when she was busy perfecting her tricks and aimlessly scaring wildlife!
The feeling that was plaguing her was an old nemesis, one of the two things that could drag her from her beloved sky without fail. Rainbow could manage to nap enfolded within the contours of a cloud, with the celestial breeze playing across her face and feathers - but eating and drinking were hard to do on the fly. She would know. It only took her two tries to find out that daffodil and daisy pizza went very poorly with multiple barrel rolls. And there was a reason she had taken to divebombing birds lately. She was only repaying the favour, after all. Mental note: never take cupcakes into seagull territory. Also, never fly under seagulls after they've stolen your cupcake .
But right now, it was the second of her two biological urges that was getting to her. Even if clouds mainly consisted of water, it was hardly ever the best tasting liquid to guzzle down (probably because all manner of pegasi were always standing on said clouds, and many of them hardly adhered to Rarity's stringent cleanliness rules. Plus, seagulls, the most evil birds on the planet, no matter what Fluttershy said, often did unspeakable things on clouds. Probably just to spite her). And so, as Rainbow's dilemma became ever more pressing, her thirst escalating until she was positive she would soon be exhaling dust, she leapt off her impromptu perch, flipped a few certain birds a rude hoof gesture, and flapped for the outskirts of Ponyville. Surely somepony somewhere would have something she could knock back with minimum hassle, and with any luck, she would be back to soaring the skies in time to reap revenge on those sadistic seagulls.
* * *
Lyra was excited. She trotted down the path leading from the Everfree Forest, a sealed vial of purple liquid suspended before her in the magical grip exuded by her horn. Zecora had warned her to be very careful with the potion, as it was only in its early stages of fermentation and contained highly temperamental ingredients that had to be allowed to mix just right.
Still, Lyra couldn't help the spring in her step, and her smile widened as she thought of the potion's purpose. In two week's time, when it was fully settled and all of its components had properly meshed and mellowed together, she would drink it. And on that day she would gain her heart's truest desire: the funny, five fingered fiddly bits that would allow her to grasp objects. She snorted. And ponies thought her dream was crazy. Zecora had trusted her, in a fashion, after giving her a lecture - in rhyme - on the proper treatment of powerful potions. Even if the zebra had mentioned that the fiddly bits would only be temporary, it would still be worth it to see the look on everypony's face (especially BonBon's) when she walked into town (on two legs!) and proceeded to handily handle objects without magic, hoof, wing or mouth.
Lyra became so overcome with this idea, going so far as to grin somewhat manically while hopping higher and higher, that she didn't notice as the potion in her unstable telekinetic grip shook and bubbled ominously. She also didn't detect the small blue hearts that wafted into existence within the vial, the Heart's Desire and Poison Joke having merged in an odd and unforeseen way...
* * *
Rainbow Dash zoomed towards Ponyville, her thirst now a ravening beast. By this point she was willing to fly through even the foulest, most bird infested raincloud in existence. Of course, now that she was no longer picky, every single cloud seemed to have vanished or be so far away that she was convinced she would disintegrate before reaching it.
Need. Drink. Now.
Her thoughts were disjointed, her thirst combating, and easily overtaking, the part of her brain that normally dealt in logic and common sense. So when Rainbow's keen pegasine eyes locked on a minty green unicorn hopping along the outskirts of the Everfree, the only thing they registered was the distinctly liquidy looking substance she was levitating at a convenient distance in front of her. Success!
Rainbow's wings angled steeply and she was soon diving at near Sonic Rainboom inducing speeds. The unicorn, still half stuck in her happy imaginings, never saw the force that blasted past her, ripping the vial from her grip and sending her tumbling in a whirl of wind and dust.
Rainbow wasted no time in uncorking the vial midflight and upending it over her open maw. The frothing liquid was gone in an instant, and Rainbow smacked her lips again, this time in satisfaction. "Ah, that hit the spot." She hiccupped and a blue, heart shaped bubble popped before her snout. Rainbow went cross-eyed for a second as she looked at it. She grinned. "Hic...Man, that was good... hic...stuff."
With one last sated sigh, Rainbow tossed the empty vial over her shoulder and hurled herself higher into the sky, not quite catching the anguished and drawn out cry that sounded suspiciously like "Noooooo!" that echoed from the path below her.
* * *
Twilight grimaced as she scratched out an equation for the fourteenth time. "Ugh! Why won't this work! My calculations should all be accurate. But. They. Just. Won't. Click!" The purple unicorn punctuated each word with violently thrown wads of her failed research, most of which landed in the unlit fireplace. The last ball of paper hit with such force that it shook old ashes from the chimney and into the grate. "Achoo! Ugh, great. Spike! Spike, where are you? I need a broom."
When the dragon failed to make an appearance, Twilight stamped a hoof. "That's it! I'm promoting Owlowiscious - Spike you are now number two assistant!" Still grumbling, Twilight was about to set off in search of a broom (and a lazy duty-shirking baby dragon) when something a lot larger than a few ashes suddenly erupted from her chimney.
"Gah!"
It wasn't the most eloquent pronouncement the unicorn had ever made, but when one has suddenly been thrust across the room by an overpowering force to the gut, eloquence is usually the last of one's worries. Twilight was just levering herself to her hooves, head still spinning, when the source of the mayhem made itself apparent. Though Rainbow Dash was half-covered in soot, her prismatic mane and tail still gave her away. The pegasus coughed and groaned, dragging a hoof through her mane and ruffling her wings to check for any lasting damage.
"Aw man, this crap is gonna take forever to get off my primaries. Hey Twi, you should really clean your chimney more often. For a nerdy neat freak with a cleaning assistant you really dropped the ball."
"Yes, I - wait what?! Rainbow, you crash land inside my chimney, nearly disembowelling me in the process, and you have the nerve to comment on my housekeeping habits?"
"Pretty much, yeah." Declared Dash, now inspecting a hoof. "Look, Twi, sorry, but I'm in the middle of some really great flying practice so I'll catch you later. Gotta jet!"
"Oh no you don't!" Twilight used her magic to snag Rainbow's tail before she could zoom out the way she had come. "You're going to help me clean up this mess. Besides, your practice can't be going that well if you ended up smacking into the library."
"Hey, lemme go! And geeze, why does everypony think I crash all the time? I was aiming for the chimney. I needed a small target to improve my accuracy. I thought you of all ponies would have one that wasn't all sooty. I don't mind dirt, but that stuff really clogs up my feathers."
"Great, so your property damage was intentional. All the more reason for you to help me sort this mess out."
"Ugh, fine. But you shouldn't be allowed to use that tail-grippy magic. You're getting to be almost as bad as AJ." Rainbow Dash landed as Twilight released her telekinetic grip and turned to face the unicorn properly for the first time since her collision.
"Now, I'll start reshelving these books, and you can - hey, Rainbow are you alright?" There was a pause, in which the pegasus proceeded to stare at her. Twilight sighed and turned around, ready to get started. Just as she was about to tell Rainbow that it was only common courtesy to help out after you made a mess (she was pretty sure she'd sent a friendship report about something like that at one point) the other mare responded.
"Mmm. I'm more than alright."
Twilight's ears swivelled. She couldn't have heard right. Rainbow's voice had sounded almost...husky.
"Oh. Um. I'm glad to hear that. Well, I'll just get started then, and you can clear up those papers - sweet Celestia-on-a-bun watch your hooves!" Twilight back-pedalled at such a speed that she bonked her head off the wall. Rainbow had just - had just -
"But your flank is so - so purple. " Rainbow Dash took an almost predatory step toward her.
Uh oh. Twilight had read about things like this. In books. Perfectly respectable books published by high ranking academics. Rainbow Dash, if she was not mistaken, was shooting her a very concentrated case of what many scientists called bedroomicus opticus, more commonly known as bedroom eyes.
"Uh. Ahem. Well, ah yes, I suppose it is, but that doesn't mean you can just lay your hooves all over it. Only two ponies who love each other very much and who have taken every proper precaution should - um, you know. And we're friends. Good friends, yes, but not um, that good of friends, you, ah, understand?"
Suddenly Rainbow stopped her cat-like approach. Her eyes began to water as she looked at Twilight beseechingly. "But Twilight, I love you! I love your deep lavender orbs, your soft lavender coat! And your darker lavender tail, with that pinkish lavender streak through it! And the way you read books! We read books together, Twilight!" Exclaimed Rainbow, sounding the worst sort of betrayed. "I thought we really had something, and now I find out you don't want to explore the true magic of friendship with me after all!"
Twilight, simply put, was speechless. Her jaw hung like a door on loose hinges, and her brain was still trying to process the excessive use of lavender. I need to lend Rainbow a thesaurus some time. She shook her head, trying to will some sense of normalcy back into her thoughts. Ok. Think. This isn't normal Rainbow Dash behaviour, is it? No, she doesn't usually confess her undying love with a terrible lack of synonyms for purple. Or at all, really.
The unicorn eyed her sooty friend with the keen gaze of a scientist. She needed to rely on facts and observation, not the phantom feeling of Dash's hooves on her flank or the awkwardness that hung heavy in the air. At least on her end. The pegasus, on the other hoof, was still staring at her, seemingly enraptured. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and her wings were flared to their fullest extent, sooty feathers twitching to and fro. Despite the force behind Dash's proclamation of love, however, there was something off about her open mouthed expression. It seemed almost...dopey. Spaced out. Or at least more spaced out than was usual for her rainbow hued friend. Twilight would rank it evenly with the time she had launched into an in depth lecture on the proper method of cross breeding potato plants and the multiple ways this benefited equine society. A pony confessing their love shouldn't look like they were just conked on the head by a cave troll. But if Rainbow isn't really in love with me... Twilight's head snapped up, her eyes widening. Oh no! There's only one other explanation!
"Oh Rainbow, I'm so sorry!" Cried Twilight with what she hoped was convincing melodrama. Channel your inner Rarity, Sparkle. "I must have misunderstood. I - ah - return your love! Yes, I have always nursed deep-seated feelings of longing and lust for your tight cerulean flank! Thank you for allowing me to finally set them free!" Ha! And Rarity didn't believe I was reading Fifty Shades of Hay for research purposes.
The dejected look on Rainbow's face transformed in an instant. "Really? Oh, Twi you don't know how much this means to me!" Before Twilight could even finish congratulating herself on her quick handling of the situation she was engulfed in a dusty, feathery embrace. She managed to pull free just before a blue muzzle bumped against her own.
"Whoa there! I mean, Rainbow, uh, darling, don't you think we should savour our love? We wouldn't want to rush it. We should...Aha! We should go on a date first! A wonderfully tame date where we don't kiss until the end. Or at all. Because I have a list - I love lists - and getting kissed is on it, but it has to be done right, or something."
Rainbow paused in her attempts to lay one on the protesting unicorn, brow furrowed in thought. "Yeah! Yeah, you're right Twilight." All of a sudden the bedroom eyes were back in full force. "We should take things slow. Cuz then everything will be even more intense when we do get to it."
Oh. Oh my. Ok, operation get into public, non-molestable area as quickly as possible is a go. "So for our date - how does immediately and at a very popular outdoor cafe sound?"
* * *
Twilight had never considered herself the most romantic pony. Sure, she wasn't averse to the odd romance novel or play, but when it actually came to quantifiable experience - well, she had none. The one date she had ventured out on had ended roughly five minutes in, when the stallion who was supposed to be wine-ing and dining her had exclaimed some random gibberish and then ditched her for a phone booth. Or at least she assumed he had, as he ran off to one and never came back. In any case, being on a 'date' with Rainbow Dash was not something she had foreseen herself doing. Being on a date with an obviously ensorcelled Rainbow Dash even less so. Or maybe more so. Did it make more sense for the pegasus to be under the influence of some sort of dark magic while being in love with her, or less?
"Wow, Twi! This place is great. I'm so glad we decided to come here." The pegasus in question was now busy wolfing down hay fries like there was no tomorrow. In between each bite she would lock eyes with Twilight, an unnerving gleam of adoration shining within their depths. Twilight was torn between trying to come up with a plan to fix this mess and frantically glancing up and down the street, hoping against hope that none of their other friends would come along and get the wrong idea. If Twilight hadn't been so concerned about Rainbow's wandering hooves, she would've stayed shut up tight in the library until she could come up with a solution.
Ok, think, Sparkle. This is either a spell gone wrong or an abused substance of some sort. She glanced down at her notebook, absently pushing Rainbow's rear hooves away with her own under the table.The pegasus seemed to think hoofsies was good foreplay, another sign that the real Rainbow Dash was out of commission for the moment. Hmm... could the cutie mark crusaders be involved? They did manage to make a love potion that one Heart's and Hooves day...Why did I give them that book, anyway? Oh right, that was the day with Hooves... I must've been distracted after he ran off.
As if bidden by her thoughts, the hum of what was unmistakably a scooter (everyone in Ponyville had learned to recognize that particular sound, as it often acted as a prelude to hyperactive fillies and varying amounts of destruction) filled her ears.
"Fer the last time, Scootaloo, zip-linin' while jugglin' flamin' bowlin' pins ain't gonna get us our cutie marks!"
"How do you know? We haven't even tried it yet!"
"I'm with Applebloom on this one. I don't think my flank is even big enough for what that cutie mark would be. Besides, when would a talent like that even be useful?"
"Tch, you guys are no fun."
To Twilight's dismay, Scootaloo's wings began to rev down as the fillies approached the cafe. "Hey, how about we try out Cutie Mark Crusaders Lunch Eaters?" Asked Sweetie Belle. "That sounds pretty safe. And doesn't involve any juggling. Or fire."
"Just because you're not doing the cooking." Shot Scootaloo at her unicorn friend with a smirk. "Besides, who'd want food as their cutie mark, anyway? That's so bori - Oh, I mean so awesome! Yeah, actually lets stop for lunch. Cuz, you know, food as a cutie mark, especially apples, is the coolest thing ever! Am I right?"
Applebloom released Scootaloo from her impromptu headlock and leapt off the wagon. Scootaloo, now massaging her scalp with a hoof, followed closely after. "Note to self: never dis apples in front of Apples. Even if it was undirect dissing."
"You mean indirect?" Offered Sweetie Belle.
"Ugh, sure dictionary. Lets just get some lunch already."
Twilight barely had time to swat Dash's hooves (all four of them now that she had finished her hay fries) away as the inevitable happened, and the trio of fillies ambled over to the cafe. It took all of two milliseconds for Scootaloo to spot her idol and come zooming over, wings buzzing like a bee hopped up on royal jelly.
"Rainbow Dash! I knew it was a good idea to eat here." The orange pony took in the multiple empty plates, still sprinkled with the vestiges of lunch that had escaped the cruel fate of Rainbow's stomach. "Ooh! Guys, we should totally go for hay fry eating cutie marks! How cool would that be?"
Applebloom rolled her eyes. "Jus' ten seconds ago you were complainin' 'bout how food was a lame way to - "
Twilight noticed the change subconsciously at first. Something was off. Maybe it was the way that Rainbow's tail began flicking back and forth in excitement as she looked Scootaloo dead in the eye that tipped her off, or maybe it was the sudden lack of limbs trying to infiltrate her personal space. Whatever it was, Twilight was clued in to what was going to happen before it did. The problem was, she could do nothing to stop it.
"Hey, Scoot!" Dash's voice wasn't the sultry purr that she had affected for Twilight. It was more akin to her regular tone, if friendlier and more... Pinkie Pie-ish. "You want hay fries? Here, let me order some for you!"
Never had such a cheerful manner heralded such a terrible foreboding in Twilight's mind. Oh no. Nonononono. That's not possible! Love potions can't switch targets partway through! Ok, keep it together. Maybe Dash is just being extra nice to Scootaloo because she's so happy to be in love with me? Cue, test one.
Twilight scooched her hay-pile chair (why was her seat material also on the menu, anyway?) closer to her 'date' and launched into an exaggerated yawn, casually draping a hoof over Rainbow's shoulder on the downswing. A tree would have taken more notice, because at least its leaves may have fluttered in her general direction in some form of acknowledgement.
Instead, Rainbow remained thoroughly engrossed in conversation with the small orange pegasus, who was shovelling fresh hay fries into her mouth and looking as if Santa Clop had just decided that the Hearth's Warming pageant would be dedicated to her this year.
"That's so cool! So you really leaped right off your scooter, hovered over the branch, and then landed the trick without pausing or anything ?"
"Yeah!" Cried Scootaloo. "It was so totally awesome. Not as awesome as any of the tricks you do or anything, but you know, for me..."
Rainbow Dash gasped. "Scoot! I don't want to hear you talk like that anymore! Don't sell yourself short. I may be awesome in my own way, but you rock way harder at what you do, and I know that soon you'll rock at flying, too. You've got so much potential - so never think you're any less than anypony else, got it?"
If Twilight hadn't been on the brink of extreme panic mode, she would have found the almost tearful expression being shared between the two pegasi as heart-warming as a thousand blazing suns. Alas, Twilight was hardly feeling poetic at the moment, and so could only vaguely appreciate that the situation hadn't devolved into a lawsuit and hard jail time for Rainbow Dash.
Think. Think think think think think. Wait. Twilight removed the entirely unnoticed foreleg from around Rainbow's shoulders. As she watched the two pegasi converse she noticed something. Rainbow wasn't in any way being inappropriate towards Scootaloo. She would ruffle the younger filly's mane occasionally, and every now and then she would playfully fight her for possession of a fry, but the two were getting along like good friends, or maybe even like...sisters.
All of a sudden something clicked in Twilight's brain. This love potion, or love spell, or whatever it is that is affecting Rainbow, isn't purely romantic. A flair of relief shot through her as she realised that her friend likely wouldn't be arrested. Said flair was quickly extinguished, however, when she realised that the spell/potion in question was a lot more complicated and dangerous than she had previously thought. It switches targets, and obviously alters its intentions towards said targets depending on...what? Age? Potential relationship status? Twilight ran a distracted hoof through her mane.
"Girls, would you mind keeping an eye on these two for me? Don't let them leave the cafe, and if they do and you can't stop them, one of you come get me, Ok?"
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, who had been watching the exchange between Rainbow and their third member with mingling expressions of bemusement and delight, looked at her.
"But Twilight, where're ya going?"
How much time do I have before she switches again? I was with her for roughly an hour before Scootaloo...eye contact must be essential...hmm...this is all so unpredictable! I need help...but who in Equestria is quick enough to put up with Dash while I go talk to Zecora? There was no way she was going to drag a lovestruck Rainbow Dash through the Everfree, that was for sure. Knowing her luck the pegasus would fall in love with a manticore or that fabulous serpent Steven Magnet on the way there, and that could only end in heartache and possible maimed limbs. What she needed was damage control.
Twilight snapped out of her reverie. She snagged her notebook and trotted up to the two nonplussed fillies. "Make sure you don't make eye contact with Rainbow Dash, and try to keep her away from anypony else until I get back." She raised a hoof to forestall any further questions. "I'll explain when I have this all sorted out. Right now, I've got a certain pink party pony to talk to."
"And now I have no idea what to do! Pinkie, you've got to help me! If you could just distract her until I can get to the bottom of this..."
"Oh Twilight, lighten up! Of course I'll help you." The exuberant pink pony wrapped a foreleg around her, grinning hugely. "Besides, it's been waaaaay too quiet in Ponyville lately - this is exactly the kind of wacky, time wasting nonsense I've been missing!"
Twilight decided to ignore Pinkie's enthusiasm for the crisis that had been driving her batty for most of the day and instead latched onto the ray of hope her words offered.
"Thank you so much, Pinkie! I left Rainbow at the cafe with the Cutie Mark Crusaders," Twilight frantically searched the bakery for a clock - in between her rush to Sugarcube Corner and her hurried explanation of the plight to Pinkie, she figured she had about ten minutes before Rainbow imprinted onto someone new. If this thing abides by any sort of consistency at all. And who knows how she'll react with the next one? "Alright, I'm heading to Zecora's. You have to get to Rainbow before she - "
Twilight blinked. She was alone inside the bakery, the only sound coming from the kitchen, where the Cakes were undoubtedly plying their trade. Without wasting any more time worrying about Pinkie's logic defying abilities, Twilight bolted through the door, making a beeline straight for the Everfree Forest, and hopefully, the cure that would spare all of Ponyville from getting a turn on the non-stop Rainbow express.
* * *
"So then I was all like, porridge, are you crazy? You must be related to oatmeal!" Pinkie was bouncing happily in place outside Dusty's Neighborhood Cafe , seemingly unaware of the tension in her audience of one. She'd met Applebloom, in a state of mane-frazzled distress, halfway between the cafe and Sugarcube Corner, and the filly had accompanied her back, talking all the while.
"Pinkie, I dunno what Twi was worried about, but we need ta find Rainbow Dash! She left with Scootaloo and Sweetie went ta follow 'em, and I never looked in her eyes, but I dunno if anypony else has or what even happens if they do - "
"Hmmm..." Said Pinkie, bringing a hoof to her chin thoughtfully. The fact that she continued to bounce up and down on her other three somewhat ruined the effect of her Ridin's "Thinker" pose. "If I were Rainbow Dash, where would I be?" Pinkie scratched 'on the moon' and 'at work' off of her mental list of possible locations immediately. Those seemed silly, even to her. Before she had a chance to get through many more, however, her tail, left rear hoof and right ear all began to twitch and tingle spasmodically. "Oooh! She's in town square!"
"Your Pinkie sense can tell ya where Rainbow Dash is?" Asked Applebloom as she cantered off after the happily hopping Pinkie. She vaguely thought of how much Scootaloo would enjoy a super power like that.
"No, silly, but it can tell me when one of my friends is completely and utterly humiliating herself in a very public and possibly lewd way. That signal - the twitchy tail and left rear hoof, was combined with the tingly itch on my ear, which means that apples are involved." Pinkie pulled a bubble pipe from her null space and waved it good-naturedly, her voice taking on a high-class, affected tone. "And since Rainbow would hardly have had the time to propel herself all the way to Sweet Apple Acres in such a short period, I have deduced that she is in town square, where she has easy access to both apples and Apples. Thusly, hence, incorrigible."
Applebloom's nose scrunched up. "Um, sure." Pinkie Pie, after all, was Pinkie Pie, and if even her best friends couldn't understand her at times, Applebloom knew it was better to simply follow the party pony with as little resistance as possible and hope she could help.
"Avanti!" Cried Pinkie Pie, and she took off in a charge, looking for all the world like one of those gallant jousting ponies from the days of old. Applebloom galloped after her, doing her best to avoid the jet of bubbles that flew behind the pink pony's pipe like a slipstream. From somewhere in the sky, a wall-eyed pegasus gave an excited shout and hoof-pump of approval.
* * *
"Eenope."
"Aw, don't be like that, Big. You know you want me." Rainbow Dash did a precise loop-de-loop in front of the red stallion's nose, smiling cockily all the while. She'd gotten rid of Scootaloo by giving her some bits and telling her to buy them some ice-cream. From the good shop. Across town. Sweetie Belle had managed to follow them without attracting attention, and was now watching proceedings from behind a barrel of asparagus and hoping that Applebloom would hurry up and arrive with Twilight before whatever the unicorn had been afraid of happening, happened.
"Now miss Rainbow, I reckon yer a pretty filly and you'd probably make a very, erm, excitin' fillyfriend, but I just don't feel that way 'bout you. I don't mean it personal like, an' besides, that wouldn' be fair to - ”
"Big Macintosh, I leave you to tend the stall for five minutes and yer off havin' a conversation instead o' sellin apples. I don't mind ya talkin', just work while yer doin it." Applejack strolled over from where she had been conversing with the Mayor on the planned rain schedule for the following month, a slight frown on her face.
Big Mac, for some reason, appeared slightly uneasy. "Well howdy there, AJ. Rainbow here was just askin' me a few questions 'bout..." His eyes darted around for a reasonable target of conversation. They alighted on the stall behind his sister. "'Bout apples. Eeyup. She was wondrin' bout them zap-apples and if'n she could eat 'em right offa the tree, and I was just tellin' her how even she isn't shock proof enough to do it without turnin' 'em into jam, first."
Rainbow Dash scoffed, now fluttering lazily on her back. "Alright, one, I could totally handle raw zap-apples. Hello, they're rainbow coloured. If I were to sponsor a food, that'd be it - they should really be called dash-apples instead. And two, that is not what we were talking about." Rainbow flipped herself so that she was facing Applejack, who was watching her with a raised eyebrow. "We were talking about how much Big Macdaddy here wants to jump my bones." The pegasus stopped, letting her eyes trail very obviously over every inch of the stallion's barrel chest and toned legs. "And about how I just might let him."
There was a very pregnant pause, where one red stallion felt his coat crawl slightly under the focused attention and smoky gaze of a blue pegasus, and where one orange mare's eyebrows climbed so high they were in danger of dislodging her Stetson. Several nearby ponies, who had likely only wanted to innocently purchase some Apple family produce, now found themselves bearing witness to one of those situations where the desire is to look away but the ability to do so is momentarily denied to them.
"Ah, well, ya see, Rainbow, I don't exactly want to - "
"Rainbow are ya outta yer mind?" Applejack stomped forward, her bemused frown replaced by an angry glare. "Ya can't just go up ta somepony, in public, and say somethin' like that to them!" Her head whirled round to face a very flustered, very uncomfortable Big Macintosh. "And you - what d'you think yer doin', talkin to one of my friends like that? If ya'll want ta court, go ahead an' do it, but don't be flirtin' all tarty like while Ah'm tryin' to get some good honest work done."
Unbeknownst to Rainbow Dash, but painfully obvious to Big Macintosh, a watery glisten crept over the top of Applejack's eyelids. Before anything resembling tears could come to fruition, however, the orange mare shook her head furiously and returned to the stall across the square without a backwards glance.
"Oh, the poor dear," muttered a cream coloured earth pony, her curled blue and pink mane bobbing as she shook her head. Several other ponies in the surrounding area mimicked her sentiments. Some looked scandalized, and still others didn't seem to care in the slightest and continued to go about their daily business with nary a spare thought for the romantic shenanigans that had just occurred.
"Dashie! There you are!"
Rainbow Dash, who had been completely oblivious to Applejack's reaction, was still focused on Big Macintosh. She was fluttering above him and attempting to nip at his ears, much to the stallion's chagrin.
"Rainbow, A've made ma intentions clear. I don't wanna date you, and I would ah-ppreciate it if you respected mah opinion and let me get back to ma job." Still ignoring Rainbow's playful nips, he strode resolutely over to where Applejack was manning their stall. The two seemed to converse, faces flicking between confusion, anger and finally something akin to resignation before Applejack allowed her brother to take his place beside her and begin serving customers. Rainbow was just in the process of following the red stallion undeterred when a pink blur catapulted into her, pinning her to the cobblestones of the square.
"Hey! Watch it Pinkie Pie! Can't you see I'm in the middle of seducing somepony?"
"Well, Dashie, it doesn't seem to be working out all that great for you." Said Pinkie in a spunky tone that belied the negative connotation of her words. She pulled a pink pocket watch from...somewhere and grinned. "Besides, you should really be ready to seduce somepony else soon. It'll be like a big prank! We can make smoochie faces and run around being all silly and confusing everypony else, and then we can go wait at the library for Twilight to come back and then she can fix this whole thing up, before everypony starts thinking you're a - a strumpet!" Pinkie patted herself on the back for remembering the word Rarity had used to describe one of the mares that usually clung to that rich moustache pony, Fancy Pants. The unicorn had been in one of her more spiteful moods, and had taken it back later, but a new word was a new word to Pinkie. "Yep, you wouldn't want to be a strumpet, even though it sounds like crumpet, or trumpet, which are both really fun. One to eat, and one to play." Pinkie, who seemed to have no trouble subduing the struggling pegasus beneath her, leaned down conspiratorially. "The crumpet is the one you eat, in case you didn't know."
"Pinkie! I'm trying to make smoochie faces with Mac. You're great and everything, but I don't really like you that way. Now. Get. Off. Me."
Pinkie giggled. "Well of course you don't, Dashie. We'd just be doing pretend kissie faces for fun. And I can't let you up, as much fun as it might be to watch who gets picked next in Rainbow Roulette. Twilight would go all loco in the coco again and..." Pinkie glanced around the square, spotting Applebloom and Sweetie Belle standing not too far off, looking on in confusion. Scootaloo had yet to report back from her icecream mission, and was now considered MIA. Pinkie's gaze then found itself fixed on the apple stall, and her tone turned more serious. "And there are foals around, and other ponies might not be too happy with all this lovey dovey stuff."
"What in Equestria is going on here?" Came a new voice. Pinkie's eyes travelled to meet the sound, alighting on an approaching Mayor Mare, who had one grey eyebrow quirked and her mouth set in a stern line. "Miss Dash, I've heard you've been disturbing the peace with various bawdy proclamations. And Pinkie Pie, I understand that you get excited to see your friends, but you shouldn't actually resort to physically restraining them."
"Wow, you use really big words! I like that."
Though Pinkie Pie knew this was hardly part of the plan, (and she had an inkling that certain other ponies were unimpressed with Rainbow's current condition) she couldn't help but give a very throaty giggle-snort. Dashie and Mayor Mare? I would say that's a new one, but I can't be totally sure.
"Miss Dash, compliments won't get you out of punishment for your misdemeanours. There are foals around, and though I take no issue with what you do in your private time, I'll have to ask you to withhold your more - er - forward ideas for a less public area."
"Ooh, that's a great idea, Mare! Do you mind if I call you that? I could call you Mayor Mare, but it's a bit repeat-y. Not that I don't like your title! I love it! You're so smart, and wise, and...Mayor-ish. You were a great choice to run this town, you know. I'm pretty sure I voted for you - if I didn't, I'm so sorry, and I give you complete freedom to arrest me and make me your very own personal assistant as punishment."
While the Mare seemed to suffer a sudden aneurysm - there was enough twitching going on that it made Pinkie think it was either that or a sassparilla and sugar overload - Rainbow Dash scooted from beneath her still snortling captor and crouched by the elder pony's hooves. "Oh please let me be your assistant! Please! You can show me how to do paperwork, and file memos - and ooh, you can teach me some of those fancy words, too! Then I could get a matching pouffle-scarf thing and glasses, and we could be smart ponies together!"
"I - uh - Miss Dash, please contain yourself!" The Mayor spluttered. Dash was now in the process of grasping Mare's fore-hooves in her own and staring up at her beseechingly, resembling nothing so much as a puppy eager to please its master. "Please, this is hardly decent - I - " The Mayor's eyes skipped over the surrounding gaggle of ponies (many of the local drama-junkies had remained after the initial kerfuffle with Macintosh, and had found themselves in for a second bout of entertainment) and seemed to fix on a figure in the distance. Pinkie watched as a quick signal was exchanged between the Mayor and a grey stallion with a silver badge looking thing for a cutie mark. Her giggling fit was cut short. She'd fired her party cannon after hours (and in other unsuspecting ponies' homes) enough times to know exactly who he was. Long-hoof Law was not a pony anyone forgot in a hurry. If his no-nonsense party-pooper attitude didn't lodge itself in your mind as a trait worthy of remembrance, then his gigantic, swooping silver moustache and mutton chops would.
"I won't get in your way, I promise!" Declared Rainbow Dash, her voice cracking into a Rarity-approved whining octave. "Please! We'll be best friends, I'll do all your chores, fetch you lunch, take your calls. It'll be fun!" Dash's tail was practically wagging with excitement.
The Mayor fought back an obvious grimace and pulled the pleading pegasus to all four hooves. "You know, on second thought Miss Dash, I have decided to accept your offer." Another look volleyed between the Mare and Law. "You may, ah, accompany me to my office, and I'll get you all set up with a nice little desk next to mine. How does that sound?"
"This is gonna be so awesome !" Rainbow launched herself at the Mare in a Pinkie-Pie worthy glomp. Mare seemed to take it relatively well, smiling awkwardly and patting the pegasus on the head as she began to shuffle through the crowd in the direction of town hall. Pinkie Pie, however, noticed Long-Hoof quietly slip off after the odd duo, and it didn't take her Pinkie sense to tell her that Dash was in the sort of trouble that rarely resulted in laughter.
As the crowd cleared and Pinkie struggled to think of a solution, a familiar voice caught her attention.
"Applejack! Oh thank goodness." Pinkie grabbed her friend by the shoulders, blue eyes wide. "Dashie's drank some sort of love potion, or is under a spell, or something, and it keeps making her fall for random ponies. Except she isn't in love with all of them. She was all sistery with Scootaloo and now it looks like she's got some sort of hero worship thing going on with the Mayor."
For the third time that day, Applejack's eyebrows ascended to new heights. A look of dawning understanding, perhaps mingled with the smallest smidge of renewed hope, claimed her features. "So - so, all that nonsense with mah brother - "
"I don't know if deep down Rainbow actually likes Mac, but what you saw wasn't her." A faint smile returned to Pinkie's panicked face. "She also fell for Twilight earlier, so I'm pretty sure the potion is picking ponies at random."
"So the big one ain't followin' them just to offer his congratulations, then, is he?"
Pinkie shrank down a little, her mane seeming to deflate the slightest bit. "No. That's Long-Hoof Law. I think Dashie may be getting in over her head."
"Well then, what're we waitin' for?" Applejack adjusted her Stetson and her green eyes took on a determined gleam. "If our Dash is in trouble then it's our job to get her out of it!"
Pinkie poofed back up to her regular position, her mane and coat gleaming extra pink in the sunlight and her brain already spinning with ideas. Sometimes all it took was the presence of a good friend to make her realise that things weren't as bad as they initially seemed. "You're right AJ! And I think I have the perfect plan..."
* * *
Twilight tapped her hoof against the intricately carved mahogany table impatiently. Her gallop through the Everfree to Zecora's hut had been fairly uneventful. The only occurrence of note was her meeting with a shellshocked Lyra on the outskirts of the forest. The teal unicorn had been staring aimlessly into the sky, her mouth open and her hooves splayed in that awkward sitting/sprawling position she always seemed so fond of. After several attempts at making coherent contact with the other unicorn (one such effort included poking her with a stick) Twilight gave up and continued on her way. She figured she could always get Zecora to whip something up for the dumbstruck mare later if she had to. Ponies generally tended to think that Pinkie was off the wall, but Lyra had her own list of quirks that made her a good contender for Ponyville's second most off-kilter pony.
"Have you found anything yet?" asked Twilight, trying and failing to keep the anxiety out of her voice. "Rainbow could've made her way through half of Ponyville by now!"
"Hush, Twilight Sparkle my dear, the answer to your problem is swiftly becoming clear." The zebra was scanning through a ledger of her recent concoctions and the ponies who had requested them. "Hmm...a pear repelling potion for a doctor of renown, and a magical mischief mixture for one who bears a crown...Aha! Alas, I warned that mare, to treat her elixir with the utmost care!"
"What? What is it?" Asked Twilight, jumping to her hooves and scattering a flurry of ingredients in the process. "Did somepony order an evil love potion to prank Rainbow Dash?"
Zecora gazed at her levelly. "Do you really think, with all your brains, that I would offer remedies that bring others pain?"
Twilight's ears winced back against her head. "No! No, I didn't mean that. I just thought that maybe somebody may have snuck in and, I don't know, stolen your ingredients or something."
Zecora offered Twilight a small smile. "Do not worry, my frightened purple friend, I know that at heart you did not wish to offend." Her smile wilted into a grimace. "But this potion knowingly did I make, for another mare and her true desire's sake. It was to bestow upon her digits and palms, and with its parting I had many qualms. In the end, I relented, speaking cautions and warnings, but alas it seems they were not followed by the one Lyra, of the Heartstrings."
"Lyra? I seen her outside the forest. She looked... well I guess you could call it upset. But how would her potion end up in Rainbow Dash's stomach?" Twilight thought back to how Lyra had been gazing unrelentingly at the sky. Rainbow was out flying before she decided to use my chimney as an obstacle course ... Memories of past instances with Rainbow Dash flooded her mind. Rainbow swooping down and raiding the library's fridge before leaping back into the air...Applejack constantly complaining about the blue pegasus stealing her produce and then zooming off without even saying hello...and that one time when Rainbow had snagged a thermos from a tipsily trotting Berry Punch in a bout of flight induced thirst. Everyone had learned that day why Rainbow never drank - the destruction wrought from a wobbly Sonic Rainboom meeting the ground made Derpy's property damage look positively miniscule in comparison.
"Ugh, Rainbow, I almost don't feel sorry for you." Muttered Twilight as her mind drew the obvious conclusion. No other pegasus seemed to lose all sense of self-control when they spent too long in the air. Normal ponies would go home, make themselves a sandwich and then get back to frolicking through the clouds. It was only Rainbow who decided that such efforts were a waste of time and resorted to petty theft instead. Granted, she did always make an effort to track down and pay everypony back when she managed to return to land. Twilight shook her head. Rainbow may be inconsiderate and reckless sometimes, but she still doesn't deserve this .
"So, how do we fix this?"
Zecora's muzzle twisted into a frown. "The potion itself is very strong, and will not wear off for a good two weeks long."
Twilight felt like her brain shorted out for a second. "Two - two weeks..." She managed to mouth weakly.
Zecora continued speaking, oblivious to Twilight's near brush with catatonia. "Heart's Desire is a powerful thing, its very presence causing dreams and goals to take wing. Another component is the plant Poison Joke, tempered in mixing, but still ready with fun and laughter to evoke. Where one plant finds truth, the other twists its tune, and the only cure is to find the one who can unite the two."
Twilight shook her head. "Um...I'm usually never one to turn down a good riddle, but just this once, can I have a straight answer? Please?"
Zecora rolled her eyes. "The one thing about ponies of which I will complain, is that if you listened you'd know I only ever speak plain. To save your friend Rainbow Dash and ease her heart, you will have to find the one who claimed it from the start. Where love is truth, the mind fools itself with denial and pain, but with a kiss from this pony the heart and mind shall become clear, one, again."
"So you're saying..." Twilight cocked her head to the side, struggling with the concept Zecora was outlining for her. It was childish, absurd. Even Rarity had moved on from her fairytale fantasies at the last Grand Galloping Gala. "That Rainbow has to get a kiss from her true love, or she'll be stuck awkwardly pursuing everyone and everything for the next two weeks?”
"Yes, it seems you have the gist." Replied Zecora. "Though, 'everything' is a bit of a miss. Rainbow can only fall for those with a sentient mind and a beating heart, so, say, a kitchen sink or a watermelon could never play the part."
Twilight stared, head still cocked. "Uh, Zecora, I don't mean to challenge your hypothesis or anything, but don't you think the whole concept of 'true love' is kind of, I don't know, childish? Played out? Some sort of wishful thinking?"
Despite Twilight's obvious reservations Zecora's face warmed with a large grin. "Twilight Sparkle, of this doubt I would expect you the least, for wasn't it friendship that led you and yours to conquer many a beast? True love vanquished changelings and toppled their Queen - would you really doubt it when it's time for Rainbow to come clean?"
Twilight mulled over Zecora's words. Really, when her and her friends were basically the power of friendship incarnate, and when her brother and her erstwhile foal-sitter had formed a corona of love magic powerful enough to banish an entire city's worth of changelings, was it really so strange or implausible to think that Rainbow Dash's current predicament could be solved with a loving kiss?
Twilight felt her own lips being tugged into a grin large enough to match Zecora's. She had a solution! All she had to do was...huh.
"Zecora, I really appreciate the help and everything, but how exactly are we supposed to figure out who Rainbow's true love is?"
"I don't know, Pinkie. Ya sure this is a good idea? I mean, we could just end up gettin' Rainbow inta even more trouble."
Pinkie whirled around and Applejack flinched. The sight still boggled her mind a little; Pinkie's regular poof of curls had been hastily dyed orange, and was now straining against one of those fancy doctor headbandy things with the metal circle on front. Her lab coat had been pilfered - er - borrowed from Twilight's creepy underground lab, of which Applejack had no previous knowledge, but Pinkie insisted was fun and spooky in a good way.
Applejack had denied further comment.
The party pony's fur had been dusted a light brown, or at least as brown as hot pink could be made to look, by a thoroughly confused but helpful Rarity, who had only needed to hear that Dash was in trouble to be spurred into action. The white jacket, thankfully, was long enough to hide Pinkie's cutie mark, but just in case, a rather shoddy paper replacement had been slapped over her own. Applejack doubted the Scotch tape would hold up to close inspection, but hopefully the two of them would be in and out of Town Hall before anyone had the chance to ask questions.
"We won't get Dashie into trouble, silly." Chimed Pinkie, who seemed to be back in chipper-tastic mode now that they had a plan to help their friend. "I'm a doctor! Doctors help ponies! And you're my assistant, so obviously you help ponies too."
Applejack glanced over her own disguise doubtfully. She too sported a lab coat and stethoscope, and her beloved Stetson had been stowed safely at Rarity's boutique. Rarity had had an inordinate amount of fun styling her mane and powdering her face so that her trademark ponytail and freckles were absent, and Applejack had been forced to grin and bear it. Well, bear it, anyway. For Rainbow Dash. Ya can't tussle or compete with her if she's in jail, now can ya? Ya also couldn't -
"So, are you ready to rescue the damsel in distress?" Asked Pinkie, hopping out from the bushes they had been using as cover across from Town Hall. "We'll swoop in there and save the day! And then you two can make kissie faces all you want at each other and I'll be able to throw you a party!"
Applejack reached up to pull her hat down over her face in embarrassment, but her hoof groped nothing but empty air. She groaned. "Pinkie, fer the last time - Rainbow's under a curse or somethin'. That's kinda why we're all gussied up like doctors, isn't it?"
"But you aren't." Noted Pinkie astutely. "And once Twilight cures Dashie, she won't be, either. Then you two can make real kissie faces. The non-pranky, non-jail-able, lovey-dovey kind."
Applejack groaned again. It tended to be a habit that escalated dramatically around the pink pony. "Either yer crazy, or just too darn smart for yer own good. Who I wanna make kissie faces at or with is mah business. I just wanna help Dash, and put this whole mess behind us, alright?"
Pinkie shrugged. Right before she hopped off, however, she laid a reassuring hoof on Applejack's shoulder. She shot the orange mare a softer version of her usual grin. Taken slightly aback, Applejack managed a small smile in return. Then, as quickly as it occurred, the moment of solidarity was broken.
"Alright! Doctor Pinkie and Assisstant AJ are in the house! Or we're gonna be, anyway."
Applejack sighed and followed her friend, but the small smile remained. Dash, the things ya make me do ...
* * *
"Is Mayor Mare around?" Asked Pinkie Pie in her scratchy impersonation of a stallion's voice. Applejack resisted the urge to facehoof. Why did I ever think this was a good idea? Fortunately, the mare behind the reception desk didn't seem to notice too much amiss, as she simply set down her magazine (something fashion-y that Rarity would no doubt approve of) and asked with a bored sigh,
"Name?"
Applejack could tell that Pinkie was trying her hardest not to bounce in place. Her orange puff of mane twitched with barely contained excitement. "Horse M.D. And this is my assistant." Pinkie winked at her. "I'm here to see a Miss Rainbow Dash." She paused, seemingly for dramatic effect, and let some of her restrained energy slip back into her voice. "It's an emergency! A medical one!"
Applejack was counting it extremely lucky that the stallion being impersonated had a rather odd, fluctuating voice to begin with, or else the receptionist, no matter how bored or uninterested she may have been, would have noticed the crackling ascent into a higher octave - an octave usually reserved for the direst and most awkward of male injuries.
"The Mayor's in her office with Rainbow Dash and that mutton chop Law pony. They said no interruptions, but if ya say it's an emergency..." The receptionist's eyes darted from her magazine to the two ponies before her, clearly debating which response would get them out of her teal and yellow mane the fastest. "I'm sure they'll understand. Go on up, first door on your right. This place ain't that big, ya shouldn't miss it."
With her rigorous decision making done for the day, the mare shifted back in her seat and resumed her magazine duties. Applejack barely had time to note their good luck before Pinkie was dragging her past the desk and up a flight of stairs. As they reached the landing, voices could be heard issuing from a firmly closed door on their right. The fact that the exact words being exchanged could be made out through the solid oak probably didn't bode well for their mission. Wishing she still had her hat so she could give the brim a reassuring nudge, Applejack prepared herself. Rainbow Dash was on the other side of that door. Love-drunk, creepy-potion-induced Rainbow Dash, who may or may not fall in love with her or Pinkie as soon as they walked in. Unless she's already gone and jumped the Law fella . Before Applejack could follow this line of thought to its humiliating and likely disastrous conclusion, Pinkie pulled her from her musings by nudging her and tipping her another wink. Without further ado, the party-pony-turned-doctor then proceeded to barge through the locked door, and before anyone within could gather their bearings, declared,
"Stop! In the naaaaame of lov - er - medicine! Me and my associate must see Miss Dash right away!"
Applejack peered around Pinkie, who was paused in the middle of a rather dramatic pose, one foreleg struck forward as if to physically command the room's occupants to do her bidding, and stared at the frozen tableau their entrance had created.
Rainbow Dash was currently clinging to Long-Hoof's back like a rodeo pony on a bull, a mutton chop clenched rein-like in each hoof. A pair of familiar glasses swung haphazardly from her ear, magnifying one magenta eye on every backswing, and a green scarf was tangled round her wings. Long-Hoof, for his part, appeared quite stunned, frozen mid-buck with one solid foreleg wrapped around Rainbow's own in an attempt to dislodge her. The Mayor, now sans her usual attire, was on her two rear hooves in a martial arts like pose, her face turned to squint in the interlopers' general direction. Papers, pamphlets and other office detritus lay scattered over everything like a burst bag of chicken feed.
"Dr. Horse?" Asked the Mayor in disbelief and uncertainty. Her range of vision appeared to be on the short side.
"Yes!" Declared Pinkie authoritatively. She bounced closer to the Mayor, stethoscope swinging. Applejack followed closely behind, trying to remain in her friend's shadow. "We've come to take Rainbow Dash to the hospital. It's very important."
The Mayor's squint narrowed despite their closer proximity. "Dr. Horse, where are your glasses?"
Shoot! Thought Applejack frantically. How could we forget that he wears glasses? Before she could finish forming a backup plan (one involving grabbing Rainbow Dash and jumping through the window) Pinkie intercepted and said, calmly, "I'm wearing contacts today." She pushed her face next to Mare's and blinked rapidly. "See? They're blue, like the sky. Or balloons! Cheers the patients right up!"
Applejack's sigh of relief was lost as a loud thump sounded from across the room. Law had apparently broken out of his torpor and dislodged Rainbow from his back, and she had met the ground less than elegantly. "Ow! Watch it ya big lug. My flank may not be made of glass but I still like to keep it looking nice. Bruises mar the Cutie Mark, y'know?"
Applejack watched as her blue friend dusted off the offended area and clambered to her hooves, shooting the stallion a nasty look. She doesn't look in love with Law. Is she still pining after Mare?
"What exactly do you need Miss Dash for, may I ask?" The Mayor had lowered herself back down to all four legs and was staring at "Dr. Horse" in a manner that was a little too close to suspicious for Applejack's liking. "You're a paediatrician. Surely Miss Dash is a tad old to be aided by your field of expertise?"
"No way!" Countered Pinkie, her stallion's voice (or what barely passed as one, anyway) straying into an injured nether regions octave once more. "Have you seen her? She acts foalish all the time! Just look at the state she was in when we arrived! Roughhousing like a common adolescent colt!"
"Hey!"
"And that's another thing," continued Pinkie, apparently on a roll now. "Her voice has been stuck in stasis for years. It's always crack-a-lacking, stuck between a filly's and a mare's." She let out a long-suffering sigh. "I suffer the same condition, as you must be aware, though the boy version. It's been rough, but with voice therapy I manage to keep the cracking down to a minimum. That is what we are here to offer Miss Dash today."
"Voice therapy." The Mayor deadpanned, now examining Applejack. The apple farmer edged behind Pinkie, trying to appear nonchalant. "Miss Dash's voice is fine. It's unique for sure, but hardly an illness. Yours, on the other hand...tell me, do you have cold, Dr. Horse? "
Applejack was acutely aware of Law as he began to sidle in their direction, the prickling of her neck fur letting her know that his intentions were likely less than casual. "Mr. Horse, sir, I do believe we're running late for another appointment back at the hospital." Though she adopted her Manehatten voice for the statement, AJ was pretty sure that it was too little, too late. She felt like a scarecrow that had seen too many winters, the straw of their deception laid bare for the crows. The Mayor was staring Pinkie down with laser-like efficiency, the normally pink pony beginning to sweat. The light brown powder covering her body wasn't long for this world.
"I - Uh - well, yes, I do, thank you for noticing. Ahem. Yes. Well, we'll just be taking Rainbow and leaving then, shall we? I wouldn't want you to - achoo! - ah, catch what I have!" Pinkie was just beginning to back away, damp tracks of pink now marring her coat, when Applejack felt a hoof on her withers, whirling her around. The glasses were gone. Green eyes met magenta.
"AJ, what're you doing here? And why are you dressed all funny? Where's your hat?"
"Goldarnit, Rainbow Dash! Saddle up, Pinkie, I think that's our cue!"
Pinkie didn't have to be told twice. "Cheese it!" Her lab coat and stethoscope went flying into Mare's face as she bolted for the door. Applejack grabbed Rainbow's hoof and flung the pegasus over her back, ignoring her protests.
"Can it, missy. It's time to boogy!"
But boogy-ing of any kind was obviously not on Long-Hoof's to-do list. His large frame filled the doorway, through which Pinkie had already escaped, his mutton chops and moustache gleaming like a malevolent silver shield. His grey eyes were narrowed in a need for justice. "The things I do fer you," muttered Applejack as she lowered her head. She did what any brave, loyal (or perhaps suicidal) pony would do, pawed the ground twice, and charged.
Long-hoof Law, it must be said, was a very sturdy pony. He had a solid barrel, thick legs, and hooves that could tread surprisingly lightly for how large they were and how heavy a load they were constantly tasked with supporting. Sturdy or not, however, a swift lab coat to the face and a patented Apple-family buck to the side are sure things to land anypony on their flank, regardless of fortitude or justice powered facial hair.
"Hoo-ee! 'I fought the law and the law won' my flank! Hold on Rainbow, I'm gettin' you outta here!"
Applejack bounded down the stairs, her cargo protesting loudly the whole way. An instant later she was cantering past the shocked desk clerk and out into the fresh air of Ponyville. She glanced left and right, trying to get a glimpse of her partner in crime, but Pinkie was nowhere to be seen.
"Urgh, AJ, let me down!"
"Oh, sorry sugarcube," Applejack hadn't realised that upon stopping she had reached a hoof up to secure Rainbow to her back. "I just wanted to get us outta there. Now, we should probably find somewhere to hunker down for the next little while, or the one holdin' cell Ponyville has is gonna find itself two occupants fuller." She shuddered as another thought sprang to mind. "And I don't want to have to face that Law fella again. Something tells me he ain't all that pleased with us at the moment."
"Ya think?" Replied Rainbow as the two of them began to trot at a brisk place. "Where should we go? The library?"
Applejack chanced a quick glance behind her, but apparently Law and Mare were still preoccupied, as the door to Town Hall remained firmly shut. "Yeah, I reckon that's a good idea. Twi should be able to help us sort this out, if she's back yet, anyhow."
"What d'you mean?" Asked Rainbow, the two of them full on sprinting now that the library tree was in view. "Where'd she go?"
"She - " Applejack nearly tripped over her own hooves. Thinking of Twilight reminded her of why she and Pinkie had decided to accost the Mayor and Ponyville's only lawkeeper in the first place. "Well, uh, don't ya remember doin' anything odd lately?"
"Odd how?" Asked Rainbow, who seemed to be acting like her normal self. She wasn't jumping anypony, anyway. "I was flying, and then I wanted to practice this new move, so I had to use Twilight's chimney for a target - normally you use flaming hoops, but I didn't want to bother Pinkie to use hers so I - "
They had reached the library. Applejack glanced discreetly from side to side. Nopony seemed to be watching them. As quickly as she could, she opened the door and pulled Rainbow inside. The library, or at least the main room, was empty. "So you mean you don't remember, ah, anythin' after that?"
"Well sure, why wouldn't I? After my trick Twilight made me help clean..." Rainbow blinked. "Clean...I don't know. AJ, I can't..." Rainbow's eyes widened in what looked like panic. "It's just like it all goes blank, until..." The pegasus faced the earth pony. "Until I met you in Town Hall. And then you..."
Applejack found herself on the receiving end of a Rainbow tackle-hug. "Holy Tartarus! AJ, you - you bucked Long-Hoof Law! You kicked his flank! I just remember something kinda bad was happening, and he was there, and then you..." Rainbow seemed to realize that she was being openly affectionate and uncool and leaped off of the orange mare. She coughed into a hoof and ruffled her wings, blushing. "Um, I mean, thanks. Yeah. That was a pretty cool thing ya did back there, AJ."
Applejack clambered to her hooves, trying to keep the silly grin off her face. "Ain't no problem at all, sugarcube. I know you'd do the same for me 'iffin it came to that."
"Well, yeah of course I would! But the way you were all pow-pow, hoof-to-the-chest was pretty awesome." Now that she had calmed down slightly, another thought entered her mind. "But, what was I doing there in the first place? And why don't I remember anything after Twilight asked me to help her out?"
"Well..." How to put this in a way that doesn't reek of rotten apples? Sorry Dash, you were under a love curse or somethin' and ya went and made a total foal of yourself in front of half the town, declared undying love for one of yer best friends and tried to jump mah brother in public. Also, you were about half a feather's length away from startin' up a Mayor Mare fanclub and were in the middle of who knows what with Law when Pinkie and I burst in to save ya...Um, I think that's it.
Before Applejack could break out her less than stellar poker face, however, a blast of purple light illuminated the interior of the library and three figures materialised into view.
"Teleported before, I have not - and nor will I again if I am always to land upon my plot!"
"Language, Zecora," Twilight scolded half-heartedly. "Ugh, and I'm sorry. That was a little rougher than I thought it would be - Lyra just wouldn't let go!"
"Not to worry, my purple friend, your spell allowed us to reach our end. But finding rhymes on a dime can mean that the results are sometimes less than prime."
"Aha! There she is!"
The third voice was one that Applejack had a hard time placing. Or at least it was until the mint green owner let out a strangled battle cry and launched herself from beneath a flustered Twilight and into an equally disgruntled Rainbow Dash. "Hey - what?! Gah!"
"You! You took my potion! They were going to be mine! All mine! And you ruined it!"
"Urgh - what - gak! - are you - blargh - talking about?" Lyra was sitting in that odd way of hers atop Rainbow's back and glaring down at the prone pegasus while jabbing her with a hoof.
"Now you wait just a goldarned minute! Who do you think you are - " Applejack made to step in and pry the crazy unicorn off of her friend, but Twilight intercepted her, shaking her head.
"Careful AJ, she's slightly unstable."
"Slightly? And I can see that, Twi, that's why I'm trying to keep her from maulin' Rainbow Dash!"
"I know, I know. Oh, this is all my fault! I shouldn't have mentioned Rainbow's name within earshot. It's like it triggered something and then Lyra was all over me demanding to know where her potion went and I just panicked and teleported!"
"You stole my potion, that's what I'm talking about! Outside the Everfree forest! It was blue, and you drank all of it!" Exclaimed Lyra.
"Ohhhh...." Dawning recognition was audible in Rainbow's voice, even if it was a little muffled due to her face being squashed to the floor by Lyra's fore-hooves. "That was you? Eheh, I thought you looked familiar. Look, how much did the thing cost? I'll totally pay you back. Heck, if it gets you off my back, literally, I'll buy you two. I mean, it's not like it was a one of a kind, extremely difficult to make type of potion that tested the bounds of Zecora's good judgement to brew even once, right?"
There was a pause where nobody moved. Rainbow seemed to take the silence as thoughtful contemplation on Lyra's part. Everyone else in the room could see the incensed unicorn's face performing a rapid transition from green to a shade of red that would've made Mac proud. Steam nearly billowed from her ears.
"Uh, Twi, I think it's high time we get RD outta here."
"Agreed."
"I'll hold her off for as long as I can! Go, Twilight, and enact our plan!"
Before the magic building in Lyra's horn could find a target in Rainbow Dash's hide, the pegasus was snatched up by a brilliant purple glow. Seizing her opportunity, Zecora launched a hoof-ful of green powder at Lyra that engulfed the two of them in a thick sparkling cloud.
"Applejack, the door!" With Twilight's magic and concentration preoccupied with Rainbow's struggling form, Applejack was left to surge forward and secure their escape route. The three mares floundered out into the growing darkness of Ponyville as another green burst of light erupted from the library behind them.
"I am so sick of being hauled around all the time! Seriously, fastest pegasus in all of Equestria over here? I can fly on my own!"
"Good, then start flyin'. We need to find somewhere to hunker down before - "
Applejack's snout met with something painfully solid. And furry. "Aw, ponyfeathers." She raised a hoof to her face to massage the injured area, squinting into the setting sun. Silhouetted against it was a rather large pony. A pony whose shadowed face appeared to flare out at the sides in curving - "Other way, other way! It's Law!"
"As in Long-Hoof? Why would we run - oh no, what did you do ?"
"Long story, Twi, I'll explain later. Now move your flank!"
The unicorn required no further encouragement and reversed her mad dash in an instant. Rainbow was flying free, Applejack hot on her tail.
"What're they feeding that guy?" Exclaimed Rainbow Dash as Law proceeded to charge after them. "Shouldn't he be in the hospital? Or at least nursing a strong drink? The only thing that could make this worse is if - "
"Stop right there!" Mayor Mare had appeared from behind a building and was currently blocking their path, right fore-hoof outstretched. "You're under arrest for assaulting an officer, disturbing the peace and breaching my personal space bubble. You have the right to - "
"Party!" Cried a high pitched voice from out of nowhere. An explosion of confetti and streamers shot into the air to engulf the Mayor, the shock of the yell sending her sprawling. "Come on you three, follow me!"
Pinkie Pie, now free of her disguise, shot up from a pony-hole in the street, being careful to replace the cover as she leaped over to her friends. "C'mon! I set my party cannon on a timer, so it should give us a few seconds, but we have to hurry!"
Sure enough, when Applejack chanced a glance backwards she spotted the cheery device aimed at the swiftly approaching Law and the still flailing Mare. The three flabbergasted friends followed the party pony into the encroaching gloom as another blast went off behind them, a loud, masculine cry proving that the enemy had once again been inundated in a confetti storm.
"Pinkie, where have ya been? I looked for ya after we escaped them ponies the first time, but..."
Pinkie grinned, bouncing along at a quick clip. "Oh, I knew you two'd be alright until you met up with Twilight. Then my Pinkie sense went off and told me you'd be in trouble once you left the library, so I grabbed my cannon and got into position so I could save the day! It might look easy to work, but let me tell you, that cannon is a doozy to set on a timer. It took forever to get it all sorted out."
"Girls, I don't mean to be a buzzkill, but can we chat later? We still need somewhere to hide, and I really don't feel like wrestling with Law again."
Twilight craned her neck to glance up at Rainbow. "You're definitely going to have to tell me what happened while I was gone."
"I know a spot, just up ahead. It's a secret base I set up, in case of zombie apocalypse!"
"Pinkie, I would say yer crazy, but if it helps us out right now I don't really care. Lead the way."
"To be fair, we have been threatened by eternal night, absolute chaos, and an army of changelings, not to mention being visited by Cerberus. Zomponies are still physically impossible, but I don't blame Pinkie for being extra cautious."
"That's the spirit!" Chimed Pinkie as she paused her quick bouncing to give Twilight a friendly noogie. "Besides, it's more like a fort, and everyone knows that forts are for fun more than anything else. Speaking of, we're here!"
The four mares came to a halt next to a nondescript section of brick wall. They were in an alleyway that Applejack vaguely remembered from her Mare-Do-Well days, though if she had to pinpoint where exactly in Ponyville they were, she would've drawn a blank.
"Um, nice wall?" Tried Rainbow Dash. "Look, Pinkie, we don't have time for your shenanigans - "
"Oh, Dashie, I may be a silly pony, but I still know when to take things seriously." She flashed Rainbow a forced deadpan look. By the way her eyes were shining and her mouth was wobbling it was clear that she was trying her hardest not to smile.
Rainbow looked taken aback. A slightly dreamy expression flitted across her face. "Hmm, have I... have I ever told you that I like it when you call me Dashie?"
"Nope!" Said Pinkie obliviously, turning back to the wall. "I always figured that it kind of annoyed you but that you secretly like it because it means we're such great friends. But I never really expected you to admit it. You try so hard to be all tough and radical, and Dashie is kind of a squishy, cutesy name."
"You think I'm cute?" Rainbow sidled over to Pinkie, blushing furiously. "That - that's cool. I think you're kinda cute, too."
Whoa, Nellie . "Is this what you were talkin' about before, Pinkie? With what happened to Twilight?"
Pinkie Pie, who was focusing on moving a dilapidated barrel away from the wall, looked up. Applejack watched as Rainbow Dash nervously scuffed a hoof against the cobblestones of the alleyway, peering up at Pinkie from beneath her mane in a fair imitation of Fluttershy.
"Oh."
It was one of the shortest pronouncements Pinkie had ever made. She glanced from the obviously bashfully infatuated Rainbow Dash to Twilight. "But I thought you'd cured her? She was acting all normal and not obsessive-y earlier!"
Twilight frowned, her eyes widening. "You're right! I can't believe I didn't notice. I was just so shocked about Lyra, and then we were running, and I guess I just wasn't paying attention."
"Well, she was actin' fine when she was with me. I figured that maybe the effect had worn off or somethin'. We'll figure it out once we're inside." Said Applejack curtly, trying to ignore the way Rainbow was gently nuzzling Pinkie's cheek, still blushing fit to burst. Applejack swivelled her ears and tried to hone in on any threatening noises from out in the main street instead, but it was relatively silent. Pinkie's cannon had apparently finished its volley of party paraphernalia, but there was no telling if their pursuers had recovered yet, or how Zecora was holding out against Lyra.
Finally, after a cluster of tense moments that seemed much longer, Pinkie managed to move the barrel out of the way and began to prod at a series of seemingly random bricks. Applejack was grateful that Pinkie was ignoring Dash's tentative advances. She knew she was being stupid, but it hurt more than a bit to realise that when Dash had looked into her eyes nothing had changed.
"Are you coming, Applejack?" Asked Twilight. The unicorn was eyeing her strangely. The orange mare shook her head, realising that she had been zoned out for several seconds. A small portion of the wall had swung inward to reveal a set of steps leading into a brightly lit room, into which Rainbow Dash and Pinkie had already disappeared.
"Oh, yeah. Of course."
Once they were all safely cloistered within, Pinkie climbed the steps and carefully shut the door, making sure the cracks blended evenly with the surrounding stone. The room wasn't very big, but it was warmly lit by a gas lamp hanging overhead, and was littered with crates and old furniture still ensconced in their protective dust-coverings.
"Where are we?" Asked Applejack, partly out of curiosity and partly out of a need to avoid the more awkward topics of conversation that were sure to come up.
"Oh, it's just the storage room behind Quills and Sofas." Responded Pinkie Pie, who had rejoined them at the bottom of the ladder and had settled into a dusty loveseat. Rainbow Dash quickly snuggled in beside her, face red and eyes darting anywhere but to the mare next to her. It was like she was a filly with her first schoolyard crush. "Apparently Derpy once dropped a big delivery around here and broke a few things. I found the loose bricks when I was stashing eye-patches one day and decided to explore."
Despite Pinkie's earlier difficulty maintaining a straight face she sure wasn't having any trouble with it now. Her tone was uncharacteristically matter of fact, and though she wasn't being unkind to Dash, she wasn't paying her any extra attention, either. Applejack found it kind of sad how the normally brash pegasus fiddled with her hooves and shot what were supposed to be covert glances in the pink pony's direction. In a way, it had almost been easier to deal with the overt flirting that she had used on Mac.
"Alright." Declared Twilight into the silence. "I have good news and bad news." Here the unicorn's gaze flickered to Applejack. "Though maybe the second half isn't necessarily as grim as I initially thought. Zecora told me that without a cure, the potion will continue to affect Rainbow for two weeks."
Two weeks? Sweet Celestia I don't think I can put up with this for another fourteen days!
"But," Twilight raised a hoof, "She also told me that there is a cure. Now I know it may sound a bit silly at first, but after thinking it over I've decided that -"
"Spit it out already, Twi!"
"Rainbowhastogetakissfromhertruelove."
Pinkie gasped loudly, but Applejack was still in the dark. "Uh, pardon?"
Twilight cleared her throat and spoke very deliberately. "Rainbow Dash has to receive a kiss from her true love."
The room was silent. Applejack could feel her heart thudding away against her ribcage. Had she heard right? Twilight hadn't stuttered the second time, that was for sure. "Are - are ya sure, Twilight? I mean, don'tcha think that sounds a little, I dunno, fairytale-ish?"
Twilight nodded. "I did at first, but the way Zecora explained it, it made sense. I mean, we defeat evil enemies with friendship, right? Is it really so strange to think that a kiss could cure a potion gone wrong?"
Applejack mulled this over. When it's put like that...but... "But, how do we know who that's supposed to be?" She really hoped that her question came across as casual. She didn't think she could bear it if her face turned as red as Rainbow's for everyone to see. Especially if...well if it ain't me, then I guess I'll know once and for all . Not for the first time she wished for her Stetson, although right now she couldn't decide if she wanted to pull it over her face or touch the brim for luck.
"Well..." Twilight shared a glance with Pinkie Pie. "I'm not entirely sure. Before now I didn't have much of an idea at all, but now..." Applejack could tell that Twilight was trying to be careful with her words. "Applejack, you said that Rainbow acted naturally when she was with you?"
"Yeah," she managed. It was hard to keep the defeat out of her voice. "Yeah, we were back in the Mayor's office, and our cover was just about blown, and then Dash came up and looked me in the eye and asked me where ma hat was, like nothin' else was goin' on." Applejack regarded her blue friend, who was yawning hugely and attempting to sling a foreleg around Pinkie without being too obvious. For some reason Twilight winced at the sight and muttered something that Applejack couldn't make out. "Then we busted outta there and met up with you. You saw how she acted. It was like everything was normal. I thought that maybe she had been cured somehow, until - " she gestured with a hoof toward Pinkie, who was listening in on the conversation with keen interest.
Twilight frowned. "Do you want me to tell you the exact words Zecora used when she told me about the cure?"
"Sure, if ya think it's important."
Twilight cleared her throat and put on her most whimsical tone.
"'Heart's Desire is a powerful thing, its very presence causing dreams and goals to take wing. Another component is the plant Poison Joke, tempered in mixing, but still ready with fun and laughter to evoke. Where one plant finds truth, the other twists its tune, and the only cure is to find the one who can unite the two.'"
"Uh...sorry, Twi. That still doesn't help me none."
"I was confused at first, too, but now I think I get it. Truth, AJ. You're the only pony that Rainbow hasn't changed around after taking that potion. In a way, though, the feelings are still a lie. If you are Rainbow's...well, her true love, then it makes sense. If you're the one she's hiding stronger feelings from, but also the only one she can be her regular self with while under its influence, then you are the one who unites those two facets of the potion, and of Rainbow's emotions."
Applejack felt like she was back in math class, although numbers had never caused this sort of overwhelming heat to crawl over her body. "I - I dunno, Twi. Maybe that was just her reaction to me. Pinkie said she acted different around each pony she got set up with."
Twilight nodded. "Different . Exactly. The closest to normal she came was probably with Scootaloo, but even that was altered and intensified to a certain degree. She was exactly the same with you."
Applejack could feel beads of sweat gathering behind her ears. "Look, just because I may want to be Rainbow's special somepony doesn't mean that she feels the same way. If anything, what happened only proves that she sees me as a friend, and nothin' else."
"There's an easy way to find out for sure." Pinkie's voice was so quiet that Applejack almost missed it. Almost, but not quite.
"She clearly wants to kiss you, not me." Replied Applejack defensively. Pinkie shook her head.
"AJ, this isn't really Dashie." The pink pony watched as the pegasus continued to fiddle with her hooves, alternating between glancing about the room and trying to casually scoot closer to Pinkie on the loveseat. She didn't seem to be taking in their conversation, but her ears perked up and she gave Pinkie a hopeful smile at the sound of her nickname. "And I'm glad it isn't. This isn't the Dash we know and love. If you could bring her back, before she ends up humiliating herself even worse, don't you think it's worth a shot?"
Applejack was beginning to cave. The combined pressure of both Pinkie's and Twilight's expectations, along with her own desire to help her friend, overwhelmed her fear of rejection. What use would waiting do now, anyway? It was either gonna work, or it wasn't, and putting off a confession until after Rainbow had gone gaga over the whole town would only hurt her friend, and - if today was anything to go by - other ponies as well.
"Alright. I'll give it a try, but if it doesn't work, don't try and stop me from sayin' I told ya so."
There were no jubilant cries or taunting smirks, only a pair of hopeful nods from her friends. Applejack sucked in a deep breath and cautiously approached the loveseat. "Uh, Pinkie, ya mind?"
"Oh, not at all!" The pink pony pried herself from the tiny couch and gave Applejack a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she moved out of the way. Rainbow Dash watched her go with a mixture of dejectedness and confusion. Alright, how to go about this? This ain't exactly how I imagined kissing her for the first time. Or any time. How exactly do ya put feeling into it when you know she's thinkin' abut another mare?
"Hey, Dash." She muttered softly. The pegasus stopped attempting to peek around Applejack at Pinkie and instead met the gaze of the mare in front of her.
"Um, hi." The response, even if it was only two words, was so unlike the usual Rainbow Dash that Applejack had to stop herself from backing up several paces. This isn't right. It's not even her. It's like I'll be kissing a stranger .
Dash's head was cocked to the side, magenta eyes watching Applejack with what looked like concern and confusion. Just get it over with. You've been wantin' this forever, ya might as well just do it. And with that, Applejack leaned forward before she could talk herself out of it. Just before their muzzles met and Applejack's eyes closed, the magenta ones flashed with a spark of recognition.
"AJ - ?"
Any further sound was cut off as their mouths met and the world disappeared.
The storage room, Pinkie Pie and Twilight all dissolved in Applejack's mind. She was kissing Rainbow Dash. Maybe it was the heat of the moment - the fact that she'd been wanting something like this to happen for months - that overruled the part of her mind that was telling her that the real Rainbow Dash was zonked out, and that she had fulfilled her part with the kiss already.
If this is the only kiss I get, I might as well enjoy it.
She couldn't help but wrap her hooves around the other mare and push more firmly against her.
And to her immense surprise, Rainbow Dash pushed back. Blue hooves made their way around Applejack's neck, one stopping to toy with her mane. A tongue flicked against her lips, and without thinking Applejack eagerly parted them to allow Rainbow entrance. Exactly how long they wrestled with each other was a mystery, but when they finally broke apart they were both panting and Applejack could feel the pounding of Rainbow's heart against her chest. She could also feel her own lips tugging into a very large, and likely very goofy, grin despite the uncertainty roiling in her middle. She was almost afraid to look up and meet Rainbow's eyes.
Did she think I was Pinkie while we were kissin'? Or maybe the potion kicked in and this time she actually fell fer me fer some reason? Applejack steeled herself. Only one way to find out...
Applejack imagined that Rainbow's expression mimicked that of somepony who had taken one too many apples to the head, but who for some reason seemed particularly pleased about it.
A softly breathed but still quite audible, "Wow," made Applejack remember her audience. She whirled around to spot Twilight and Pinkie staring at her and Dash, the latter two still entangled in each other's hooves. She wasn't sure which one of them had spoken, as their faces bore identical expressions of slack-jawed shock. If Applejack hadn't known better, she would've been inclined to think that somepony had gone around conking everybody over the head while she was making out with Rainbow Dash.
"Well, I did it." She spoke into the silence.
"Yeah. Yeah, you did." murmured Rainbow Dash. Her dopey grin had faded a little, being replaced with building worry. "But why? I remember getting ready to go into Pinkie's crazy hideout, and then just nothing...until...until your eyes, they were all up in my face, and then we were - um, we were kissing." The pegasus blushed a bright red, her face competing with the crimson streak in her mane. "Not that I mind! I just..." Rainbow extricated a hoof from Applejack's mane and rubbed the back of her own neck. "I feel like I'm going crazy, you know? I keep forgetting stuff and waking up in bizarro situations."
Before Applejack could respond one of the ponies behind her let out a jubilant squee.
"It worked! I thought it might, but I was nowhere near sure, and then you kissed, and now the spell appears to be broken!" Twilight cantered up to the entwined pair. "Oh, you have to tell me how it felt! Was there a spark, or flash of light? A feeling of increased energy? Do you know what a magical surge feels like? I never thought kissing was magic, but after the wedding with my brother and Cadence, I should have suspected! Oh, this opens up whole new vistas of research!"
"Whoa, girl, settle down." Said Applejack, recognizing the slightly manic gleam in Twilight's eyes. It would be better to head off any investigations in lovin' until the present mess was all cleaned up. "So ya mean... ya think it worked?"
"What worked?" Interjected Rainbow. "What spell? What're you guys talking about? Agh, I'm so confused!" Rainbow pulled herself from Applejack's embrace and took a few steps back. "Look, all I know is that I've been having a really weird day. Can someone just lay it all out for me?" Twilight appeared to be about to speak, but Rainbow raised a hoof, "In Equestrian. Not egghead-ese, if that's possible."
Twilight sighed. Pinkie Pie bounded over to join them, her face-splitting grin shrinking to something a little more wary as the unicorn began to speak. "Well, Rainbow, you're not going to believe this, but this morning..."
* * *
"And I...I really...Oh Sweet Celestia, the Mayor ?" Rainbow turned to face Applejack, looking somewhere between mortified and apologetic. "And your brother? I mean, he's cool and all, but I was ready to get frisky with him right then and there?!"
"Well, I dunno about right then and there, but I don't reckon there woulda bin much waitin' goin' on if Pinkie hadn't-a shown up when she did. Mac was a real gentlecolt about rejectin' you, though," added Applejack in an attempt to soften the blow.
Apparently it wasn't sufficient.
"Well that was real swell of him." Grumped Rainbow, voice cracking. "Everypony will think he's great. But what about me? I'm gonna be a laughing stock!" Her eyes widened and real fear entered into the equation for the first time. "Forget Mac, what about Law? I'm gonna be arrested! Oh no, no no no no no! The Wonderbolts don't accept anyone with a criminal record! Even if I get out of jail before my feathers turn grey they'll still turn me away! And the princess will have to find a new Element of Loyalty - I can't save the world if I'm in the slammer!"
Before the situation could devolve into claims of self-imposed exile or moon banishment, Applejack stepped in and placed her fore-hooves on Rainbow's shoulders. When she spoke her voice was softer than usual.
"Hey, look at me." The pegasus sucked in a breath and magenta eyes slowly ascended to lock with green. "I know this all seems a mite overwhelmin' right now, but you gotta calm down. This was all just a silly little accident. Sure, ya took somethin' ya shouldn't have, but I'm sure after a bit Lyra will forgive ya."
The minty unicorn's enraged face floated before her mind's eye, but she shook her head. Well, maybe it'll take more than a bit...
"You weren't yer right self when ya did all those things. Once we explain it all to the Mayor I'm sure she'll drop the charges."
Against you, anyway. Maybe Pinkie and I can claim insanity. Well, Pinkie could. Maybe I could become a travelling apple sales-mare? I'd wander from town to town with my cart of trusty apples, doing odd jobs and staying one hoof ahead of the law...ugh, now who's exaggerating? She'd abandoned all thoughts of becoming a travelling pony when she was still a filly, but somehow the realization that she could be facing jail time urged them back to the surface.
Rainbow appeared to be thinking along the same lines.
"But AJ, what about you? And Pinkie and Twilight?" The panic that had been in the process of ebbing flared to full force on Rainbow's face. "This is all my fault! Now you three will be banished! And you said Rarity helped with your disguises, right? That means she's guilty by association - I've seen enough CSI: Manehatten to know that! It's Ok, though. I'll quit my job and help out on the farm, and run the library in my spare time. And Fluttershy can take care of Spike and run the Boutique..."
"Rainbow, I don't think - "
"But then what about the Cakes? They'll need a new foal-sitter. I could try, but I'm not that great with foals who aren't old enough to look up to me yet. Fluttershy could, but how's she gonna have time between making dresses? Twilight, you can still send friendship reports from jail, right? Of course you can - you'll all be in there because of me!"
Pinkie Pie looked helplessly at Twilight. Rainbow Dash was hyperventilating a little, eyes darting about the room as if the walls were closing in on her.
"Should AJ kiss her again?" Asked Pinkie uncertainly. "Maybe it can fix this too?"
"Um, as much as I respect the magic of love, I don't think it can be used as a cure-all." Replied Twilight, though she too was looking a little worried. "Applejack, you actually kicked a Law pony? When you said 'rescued Dash' I thought it was more of a grab and go type of scenario." Her glance took in Pinkie as well. "And you impersonated doctors?"
Applejack and Pinkie nodded solemnly. Twilight frowned and lapsed back into silent thought. Just as the feeling in the room was in danger of switching from vaguely tense to full out panic, Rainbow surfaced from her spaz-fest, muzzle buckled in a frown. "So - wait - why did you think kissing me would cure me? If a kiss was all it took, why didn't Twi just let me do it way back in the library? You know, before this whole mess got chucked into one of Mr. Breezy's industrial strength fans?"
An uncomfortable silence ensued. It had been doing that a lot, lately. When Twilight had taken the liberty of explaining the day's exploits to Rainbow, with several helpful additions from either Applejack or Pinkie, she had decided to leave out the whole true love's kiss solution and had instead said that Zecora had merely offered vague advice and had come to the library to help. Applejack had frowned at her when it came up, but Dash had become so distressed after taking in all of the other information that she figured it couldn't do too much harm waiting to unload that particular bomb-shell on her friend. Now, though, it looked like it was time to fess up. The apples had been bucked and were fixin' to wallop her on the head if she didn't fetch a bucket quick enough.
Where was I goin' with that metaphor? I'm just gonna leave them things for Twi from now on.
"Well, aheh, you see, Rainbow - " began Twilight, rubbing a hoof over her neck and looking all sorts of awkward. Applejack decided to spare the poor mare having to explain this, too. Besides, it was bound to come out, eventually, and after tongue wrestling with Rainbow it wasn't like her motives were all that difficult to pinpoint. Although, with Dash you never really know. Best I just lay it out all straight like once and for all.
"I reckon cuz the only way to properly cure ya was a good ol' makeout session with your true love. Or heart's desire. Or something like that. I was never good at makin' heads or tails of zebra nonsense."
"I - you - true - buwhah?"
Applejack sighed and rolled her eyes. Yep, 'bout what I expected. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.
"I guess I oughta say it properly, just so there's no confusion. And because I was raised right." She made sure to meet Rainbow's gaze levelly. The pegasus had trouble maintaining eye contact for the first few seconds, but seemed to come to some sort of important internal conclusion and matched Applejack's posture. "Well I guess the cat's outta the bag now, though I have no idea why anyone would put the poor critter in one to begin with. Twilight went to Zecora's to see if she had some sort of magic mumbo jumbo that could set you right - like you already know."
Rainbow nodded slowly. Where before she had been hesitant to properly meet Applejack's eyes, now she was regarding her with an uncharacteristic seriousness. Applejack cleared her throat and continued, hoping what she had to say would warrant this undivided attention. "What we didn't tell you was that Zecora did have a solution. To counteract the potion you stole from Lyra - "
Rainbow winced.
" - you had to unite two parts of yourself by kissing someone who ya loved. Or who loved you. Or...who maybe could come to love you, and vice versa. I'm not really up on the details. The whole thing seems mighty contrived, but who am I to question magic? If a zebra and a unicorn, especially one as smart as Twi - " Applejack shot a small grin over her shoulder at the mare in question, who returned the gesture, albeit a little shyly. "can agree on something like that, then I ain't about to get in the way of it." Here Applejack paused again. She shot down the desire - one that had been plaguing her repeatedly since the whole dress up fiasco - to fiddle with her absent hat and ploughed on, trying to inject as much sincerity into her words as she possibly could. "Now Rainbow, I can't claim to know if I am in love with ya - that's a powerful word, and I don't want ta use it before I know for sure. That sorta thing only ends with broken hearts or bucks to the face. Sometimes both." She cleared her throat.
C'mon, just say the words, AJ. Then it's out in the open. For real, no more silly love potion to hide behind.
"Anyway, what I do know is that I've been sweet on you for a while, and that I'd really like to give something with you a shot, iff'n, erm, iff'n yer willing."
As much as she wanted to kick herself for doing it, Applejack finally broke the prolonged eye contact with Dash and let her gaze drift down to the floor. Dash had seemed perfectly alright with kissing her earlier, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. The pegasus had been all hopped up on love potion, and had probably been happy to make out with anyone, regardless of identity.
Or am I just makin' excuses? Am I scared that she might actually want to give it a shot, but even after all of this, it might not work out?
Applejack's train of thought was derailed as a blue hoof found its way under her chin, forcing her frowning muzzle up to face Rainbow's unreadable expression. She hadn't even heard the pegasus approach.
"You said that Zecora's cure was a kiss from my 'true love'?"
Applejack nodded mutely, feeling Rainbow's hoof slide up to the soft fur of her cheek with the movement. "Then, after being convinced by Twilight and Pinkie, you kissed me?" Another nod. With this admission, Rainbow nudged even closer, bringing their noses to the point where the distance between them was virtually nonexistent. If Applejack hadn't been holding hers, their breath would have co-mingled. "And now, here I am, as myself," Rainbow flitted forward, lips lightly brushing against Applejack's nose, then her forehead. Her mouth returned to its previous position, hovering over Applejack's own, "Kissing you back."
And with that, Rainbow pushed forward the last little bit, and two minds went blissfully blank.
If the first kiss had been tempered by uncertainty and confusion, this one was filled with surprise and the feeling that maybe this had been a long time coming. A certainty, or at least a confidence, returned to Applejack as her hooves drifted down to toy lightly with the base of Dash's wings, driving the pegasus to let out a soft and rather girly whimper against her lips. Maybe things wouldn't be perfect - heck, that'd be boring, anyway. Maybe Dash and her would give this their all, and maybe, for whatever reason, things wouldn't work out and they'd be forced to part as mates. AJ couldn't predict the future, and she wasn't inclined to ask Madame Pinkie about this particular subject. What she did know, what she could guarantee, was that Rainbow would stand by her no matter what - as a lover or a friend, or, hopefully, both. And she knew that she would do the same.
In some far flung corner of her mind, Applejack registered that she was kissing her friend, rather passionately, in front of two of her other friends for the second time that day. With a small grin and an almost imperceptible shrug, she pushed against Dash with renewed fervor.
She'd need to come up for air soon, but not quite yet.
Author's Note
Heya, people! My sincerest apologies for my craptacular update schedule. I realize this chapter is shorter than the others even after the long time lapse, but this seemed like a good place to leave it. I'm back in the zone, as it t'were, though, so no worries! Just to clarify, no this story isn't over yet. We've still got some loose ends to tie up (will Scootaloo ever get her icecream? How awkward do Pinkie and Twilight feel after their friends' repeated expressions of PDA?) and I feel like I could wring some more shenanigans outta this thing, so there will be more, I promise. In the interlude, have some freak outs and extremely sappy fluff. I feel like this chapter coulda been smoother (it doesn't feel completely flowy to me, if that makes any sense) but after wracking my brain I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to improve it. Anywho, long story short, hope you enjoy - if not, feel free to let me know what made it feel weird or unsatisfactory in your opinion and I'll check it out.
After the second make-out session of the night, Applejack and Rainbow Dash parted lips to find an awkwardly grinning, shifty-eyed Twilight rubbing the back of her neck and a completely normal Pinkie Pie, who was bouncing around the unicorn so quickly she resembled one of Saturn's rings, if it were pink and had been introduced to triple shot espresso.
"You guys know that you already proved the whole "True Love's Kiss" thing, right?" Chirped Pinkie, her muzzle stretched wide in an unabashed smile. "Dashie's all good now! Well, more than good, if her wings are anything to go by!"
The two canoodlers blushed rather hotly at that, and Dash made a half-hearted attempt to straighten her bristling feathers. A few more self-conscious seconds and uncomfortable hoof-shuffles later, Twilight finally managed to cough and say, "Well, we should've given Zecora enough time to deal with Lyra, and the Mayor and Long-Hoof are probably back at Town Hall by now..."
"How d'you know that?" Asked Rainbow, her newly flattened wings flaring out again, only this time in alarm. "They both saw you, Twi. What if Mare and Hoofy are waiting back at the library for us, ready to pounce? I can't go to jail, Twilight! I'm too flashy for a place like that!"
Pinkie nodded sagely. "Dashie's right. She wouldn't stand a chance."
Before Rainbow could snort indignantly, (apparently her shortcomings were only okay when she mentioned them) Applejack stepped in. "Look y'all, We're gonna hafta face the music sometime. It's not like we can become fugitives on the run or anythin' like that, so we might as well go back to the library and try to get our stories straight before confrontin' the Mayor. If'n her and Long-Hoof're already there, well, then we just tell 'em the truth."
Rainbow Dash regarded her new kissing partner flatly. "Which is what - that I stole something that wasn't mine, used it to wreak minor havoc in town and then got all you guys in trouble in the process?"
"No," replied Applejack, smiling slightly as she poked Rainbow in the chest, "You tell 'em that you made an honest mistake, plan to pay Lyra back for it, and that all of the stuff you did was just a big misunderstandin'."
Rainbow looked at the ground, chewing her lip. When she returned her gaze to Applejack's, her eyes were full of concern. "But what about you?"
Applejack faltered. "Oh - Uh, I'll be alright. Don't you worry 'bout me, Sugarcube. I got quite a bit of pull in town, what with all the business Sweet Apple Acres rakes in from the surrounding area. I'm sure the Mayor and I can work somethin' out." She tried to pull out her best reassuring grin, but judging by Rainbow's wrinkled brow and cocked head, she didn't think she quite pulled it off.
"Well, I suppose now's as good a time as ever," said Twilight, starting for the ladder that led up and out of their impromptu safe-house. "Come on, girls. I haven't seen Spike at all today, and I'm starting to get worried."
* * *
To everyone's relief, they spotted neither hide nor hair of Mare or Long-Hoof on their way to the library. This might have had something to do with Pinkie's display of stealthy ninja rolls and flips as she led them through the myriad of back-streets. Dash had taken a second to decide if the moves looked goofy or kinda cool. In the end she went with kinda cool and joined the pink mare in flailing about the alleys, peering carefully around corners and using barrels or boxes for cover whenever the chance presented itself. Applejack and Twilight followed at a more sedate pace, just as cautiously but with their eyes doing the rolling instead of their bodies.
"So, are you gonna teleport us in, or what?"
The quartet was arrayed in a line of bushes across from the library, and Dash was regarding Twilight questioningly in the gloom. "I could totally just fly over lickety split and no one would spot me now that it's so dark, but I can't leave you guys to hang out in the bushes. That's for stalker ponies and Pinkie Pie."
Pinkie nodded seriously. "And Twilight, when she's doing science."
Twilight blushed slightly. "If I were going to teleport us all I should've done it from Quills and Sofas." She replied. "Besides, I think group teleportation would be tempting fate. I've had enough maligned magical mishaps for one day, thank you very much. I have a quota for friends expressing their undying love for me, and it's been filled."
"Heh - how's that even possible? I could never have too many ponies - er, I mean, yeah, my quota's totally full too."
Applejack lowered the threatening hoof and used it to tousle Dash's mane instead. "Aw, Dash, I never confessed my undying love. You have somethin' you want ta say, Sugarcube?"
Dash smacked Applejack's hoof away, muzzle reddening. "Shaddup."
Applejack grinned.
"Well, now or never, right?" Asked Rainbow quickly, still blushing. "Pinkie sense all clear?" Pinkie paused, straining, before giving a nod. With one last hasty look around the deserted square, Rainbow hopped free of the bushes. She stood for a moment, bathed in the flickering light of the streetlamps. The other three held their breath...
Nothing happened.
"Well, that was anticlimactic." Murmured Twilight, following Rainbow and trotting towards the library. Somehow Pinkie ended up in front of them all and Applejack sidled up to Dash without the pegasus noticing.
"You know I'm just playin', right?" Asked Applejack, bumping their flanks together lightly as they walked.
"Huh? Oh - Oh yeah, of course." said Rainbow, looking straight ahead. "No worries."
From the corner of her eye Dash saw AJ nod, but there was a slight frown on her freckled face. If she were going to date the Element of Honesty, she'd either have to drastically improve her lying abilities or get more comfortable with telling the truth. The first choice would require a lot of work, and the second one was probably more morally sound or whatever anyway, so...
"Alright, Applejack." said Rainbow, holding out a hoof to halt their progress.
"Alright, what?"
"Alright, lets talk about this."
"Here?" Asked Applejack, gesturing around the open, empty space in front of the library. Twilight and Pinkie Pie were waiting in the doorway a respectable distance away, heads cocked to the side. Rainbow gave them a nod and a wave of her hoof and they bowed into the building, quietly shutting the door behind them.
A few fireflies blinked in the night air above them, pale in comparison to the street lights, distant stars compared to the sun. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She held it for a second, muzzle turned up slightly towards the flickering orbs. Their light danced across her closed lids, granting spritzes of warmth every time they fired up their buggy butts. The little things were free to roam the sky yet stuck close to the ground, wavering around the ponies' heads like drunken sparks. Why was that?
Applejack was silent next to her.
"Look, I know we kinda rushed into this whole thing." Eyes still closed, face still upturned. "I tend to do that sort of thing a lot, which you, ah, probably already know." A blue hoof scuffed the cobblestones. "I guess it's obvious that I'm not all that great at the planned romance shtick. I'm more of a 'wing-it' kinda pony. Heh - see what I did there? Wing - eh, yeah, that was bad."
Another scuff, a little harder than before.
"Look, what I'm trying to say is that this time I don't want to screw up. I know you. Like know know you. You're not just some random pony on the street who happens to have a nice flank, you know? Not to say you don't have a nice flank - it's great! A real Apple bottom - get it? okay yeah, that was bad too. What I mean is...I care about you, AJ. Like, a lot. We do stuff together all the time, and even when we're fighting it feels like I'm getting closer to you. The you that's behind the tough farmpony "Ah can do everythin' bah mahself!" attitude. That's the thing about putting up a front - if you do it often enough, you can tell when other ponies are doing it, too."
A chuckle.
"Even with my eyes closed I can tell you're glaring. I'm really on a roll, huh? First cracking jokes about your butt and now I'm mangling your accent." Rainbow sighed. "Look, I know you didn't want to toss around the 'L' word earlier - and I respect that. This is one thing I don't wanna rush. But you have to know - I love you. Maybe not in the complete romancy kinda way yet, but I love you like a best friend, and I just wanted you to know...that no matter what happens with all of - " She twirled a hoof around in a circle, inadvertently causing two fireflies to careen into each other and go whizzing helix-formation into the bushes, "this , I'll still be there for you. Like you've always been there for me."
The hoof found its way back to the ground. Eyes were still shut, perhaps a little tighter than before.
Silence sung, even the blitzing of the bugs muted in the wake of her abated speech.
And then it was Rainbow's turn to feel a hoof on her cheek, though this time her face was being angled downwards instead of up.
"I reckon I can live with that."
A soft waft of warm air drifted across Rainbow's muzzle. It traveled its way up the side of her head and to her flickering ear, where it stopped. Rainbow was holding her breath again. "I love ya too, Dash. I just figured it was so obvious I didn't have ta say it." Rainbow's eyes were still closed, though now instead of helping her get her thoughts straight the lack of vision provided her with a sensory overload as Applejack nuzzled against her. It's like doing tricks blindfolded. You can feel the air currents - and apparently snuggly feelings - so much more when you can't see. Opening her eyes now might stop the dream. That would be bad. And if AJ stopped once Dash could see again it would be worse. As long as she kept her eyes closed, she could pretend she wasn't paying attention, and then Applejack would have no idea that she was enjoying this tame yet wonderful snugglefest quite so much.
"I can tell yer into this, Dash. Yer wings are twitchin'."
"Traitors!" exclaimed Dash, magenta eyes flying open. She glared back at the offending appendages, which were indeed doing their utmost to unfurl despite her wishes. Of course, they weren't simply seeking to spring open and stay there. Cuddling for pegasi often involved quite a bit of wing hugging and stroking, and not being able to return Applejack's affections (due to their owner's bravado) had done a number on them.
"You sure you don't want to uh, relax a little there, Dash?" asked Applejack, the beginnings of a smirk quirking her lips.
"I'm fine!" squeaked Dash. She cleared her throat. "I mean, I'm fine." she repeated, thankfully this time without the crack. She shuffled her wings awkwardly.
Applejack merely raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, fine! Now that we've admitted our undying love for each other, I guess I can get away with this," and she quickly released a wing from her stranglehold of self-control and swept it lightly over Applejack's back, trailing the feathers over the apple Cutie Mark in the lightest, yet most intimate way she knew how. When she finished, she retracted her wing and stood staring resolutely ahead, as if nothing had happened.
"Well - wow." breathed Applejack. Her entire body was tingling. "Where - where'd ya learn to do that, Sugarcube?"
Dash shrugged noncommittally. "Oh, it's just a pegasus thing. It lets other ponies know that you really care about them and all that junk."
Applejack regarded her stoic companion for a moment before darting forward and pecking Dash on the nose. "Well then that's what earth ponies do. Among...other things." The abrupt change in tone switched Dash's dreamy expression to a rather flustered one.
"Well, us pegasi have other tricks up our feathers, too, you know! You haven't seen anything yet, trust me."
"Oh, I do, Sugarcube. I do."
Before more than steamy looks could volley between them, the library door burst open. "Are you two gonna get in here anytime soon, or should Twilight be hosting a slumber party?"
"Spike!" cried Twilight from somewhere within the building.
"What, they were taking forever! I can't go to sleep until I send the letter, and I can't do that before you guys get your friendship mojo sorted out, which you can't do until all of you figure out a lesson to learn."
"Why're you so snippy? You certainly haven't done any other chores today, and I thought Mr. Kick Start bought you and Scootaloo ice-cream?"
"He did! Oh, thanks again Kick Start - I've never had chocolate banana raspberry before."
"No problem, kiddo." Replied a genial male voice. "I still can't believe Scoots went to get ice-cream without me , though." A melodramatic sigh. "Just when you think you've brought a kid up right..."
"Aw, dad . It wasn't like that! How was I supposed to know you'd have to come into town for scooter parts? Besides, Rainbow Dash gave me the money and was gonna join me, but then she got all distracted by the - what was it called, Twilight?"
"Uh, it was a potion. One that made her act very...silly. But that's all sorted out now. Speaking of, are you two going to join us, or are we going to stand here all night with the door open?"
Rainbow and Applejack, who had been ambling over to the library as slowly as equinely possible to make sure their blazing faces had cooled by the time they reached the doorway, broke into a brisk trot and closed the remaining gap in seconds.
"Yeah, yeah, we're here." Muttered Dash cantankerously, knowing that the best defence was a good offence. "Don't get your tail in a twist. Oh, hey Scoots!"
"Hey, Rainbow Dash." replied Scootaloo, looking a little unsure. "Sorry I didn't bring you any ice-cream. I waited a while, but then I met Spike and then my dad found us and by the time I realized you said to bring the ice-cream back with me it'd already gotten dark." The filly scuffed the floor with a hoof. "We walked Spike back here and I asked if he could send a message to you, but he said his dragon breath doesn't work like that."
"Thank Celestia," muttered the dragon. When Twilight glared at him he frowned. "What, I'd put all the mail ponies out of a job if I could just send messages anywhere I wanted!"
"Hey, no worries. I should've went with you in the first place." Replied Dash, ignoring the silent tiff between the librarian and her previously AWOL assistant. She stepped forward to ruffle the filly's mane, and was going to go for a wing-hug, too, but for some reason it felt weird to do it while Scootaloo's father was there.
The stallion seemed to notice her hesitant gaze and stepped forward. "Sorry - I'm really dropping the ball today." He held out a plum coloured hoof, "Name's Kick Start. If you haven't picked up on the resemblance already, I'm Scooty's dad. And you," he grinned widely, "must be Rainbow Splash!"
"Dad!" moaned Scootaloo.
"Only joking, kiddo. You talk about her enough, I'm not about to forget her name in a hurry. Miss Dash, it is an honour to finally meet you."
"Heh, likewise." replied Dash, giving his hoof a firm shake. As he said, it was easy to tell the two were related. His plum coat contrasted well with his bright, spikey orange mane, and his Cutie Mark appeared to be a wheel with similarly hued flames trailing behind it. What surprised Dash most was that he was an earth pony.
"She gets the wings from the missus, but the scooter thing's all me." He winked and Rainbow blushed, embarrassed to be caught looking.
"Daaad," whined Scootaloo, "Do you have to do the whole awkward parent thing?"
Kick Start gave a sigh of mock melancholy. "Some day when you have kids you'll realize just how much fun it is to embarrass the spit out of them, and then you'll come and forgive me for all the torture I put you through." He ruffled his daughter's mane, making sure to fluff it in all the wrong spots. "Well Zippy, we better get home or mom's gonna worry."
Scootaloo pushed her dad's hoof away and pouted. "Can't we stay just a little longer? Please?"
Before Kick Start could respond, Rainbow leant forward, this time draping a wing over the smaller pony's back. "Hey look - you should listen to your dad. You'll want to get a good sleep for tomorrow."
The filly's eyes widened and Rainbow purposefully left her hanging. 3...2...1...
"Why? W-what's tomorrow, Dash?"
Rainbow rubbed a hoof over her chest nonchalantly. "Oh, well, you know. I have the day off and it's supposed to be a clear one. Perfect for flying practice, if you get me." Rainbow tapped a hoof to her chin. "Now if only I had someone to teach...hmmm..."
"Yes!" exclaimed Scootaloo, bouncing out from under Rainbow's wing and over to her dad. "Oh Dad, can I? Can I can I can I?"
Kick Start grinned. "Well, I don't see why not. It can't be any more dangerous than the stuff the three of you little guys get up to during your - what are they called? - Crusading missions? How did the skydiving go, by the way? I've been meaning to try it sometime myself."
Scootaloo, however, was no longer listening. Rainbow suspected that she had tuned out and engaged in spastic joy mode the moment "I don't see why not" was out of her father's mouth. "Oh thank you thank you thank you!" The filly gave Rainbow a last bone crushing hug (or at least it would have been if Rainbow hadn't been acclimatized by Pinkie) and began ushering her father out the door. "C'mon, dad! I gotta go get ready for tomorrow!"
"If by 'getting ready' you mean showing your mother why I shouldn't take you out for ice-cream late at night, then maybe we should take the long way back to burn off some of your energy." Scootaloo continued to push at her father's legs, urging him into a trot. "Alright, alright, I'm going." He looked back into the library "Thanks for having me, Miss Sparkle. Spike, it was a pleasure. Oh, and Dash?" Kick Start was no longer visible through the door, but his voice was still audible. "I expect you bright and early. This one's going to be up before my coffee's ready, and I'm not really Kick Start-ed until I've had it."
Before Rainbow could do anything more than facehoof at the terrible pun (and Twilight could write it down for future reference) Kick Start and Scootaloo were gone, and the library was quiet once more.
"Well he's an interestin' fellow, now isn't he?" said Applejack into the silence. "I've met Scootaloo's mom before when I dropped Applebloom off at her house to play, but her dad was always back in the garage - tinkerin' with scooters, most like."
"Yes, it was the first time I met him as well." replied Twilight. "He's quite charming."
Pinkie shrugged. "I've known Kick Start for years."
"I really shouldn't be surprised by that," muttered Rainbow.
"If I am to believe my eyes, you are now free from the potion's guise."
"Yeah, we got that all - Zecora?!"
The zebra in question trotted out from the kitchen, bearing a teacup laden tray upon her nose. Rainbow filed her ability to do so without spilling a single drop under "freaky zebra magic" rather than attempt to figure out how she managed it. "Yes, it is me, and I come bearing tea."
"Thanks, Zecora." Twilight moved forward to help her with the tray, but Rainbow had other concerns.
"Wait, if you're here, then..." her eyes darted about the room frantically. No minty unicorns spotted. That doesn't mean anything, though. What if she's hiding? She scoured the numerous bookshelves, large reading table and writing desk with her gaze. Still nothing.
"Be at ease, my flighty friend - your honour, did I defend. Lyra Heartstrings has gone home, bearing with her a mighty tome. In it is the spell she thinks she seeks, yet 'finding' it could take her weeks. For it is known for its immensity - rivaled only by its wordy density."
"Uh," Rainbow looked to Twilight for help, "I got the 'be at ease' part, and I'm liking that, but you think you could lay the rest of it out straight for us?" Beside her Applejack nodded in a relieved sort of way.
Zecora rolled her eyes and took a sip of her tea, waving a hoof in a manner that clearly indicated Twilight should take over before the zebra was forced to declare her present company incompetent. Thankfully, this was a task the unicorn took to gladly.
"She means that she fooled Lyra into leaving by giving her an esoteric - sorry, mysterious - book and saying that she could find the spell to grant her whatever that potion was originally for within it. In reality, the book is merely a dense compendium on potato varieties and how they can benefit equine society, written in Old Equish, a language that only the princesses, I, Zecora, and a hoofful of others can understand with any amount of competency."
Zecora nodded smartly before taking another sip of tea. "That mare will learn patience throughout her search, and then I will cease to leave her in the lurch. Perhaps then she will have her true desire, but first more ingredients I must acquire." She quirked an eyebrow at Rainbow. "I trust you will leave this batch alone? Repeated thefts, I won't condone."
Rainbow's grin was sheepishness incarnate as she rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof. "That, I understand. Don't worry, Zecora. If there's one thing I learned from this whole hullabaloo, it's that you shouldn't yoink random liquids from passing ponies and drink them."
Spike frowned, lowering the quill and parchment he had unearthed from wherever library assistant dragons normally kept that sort of thing. "Seriously? That's your lesson? Don't take things that don't belong to you? Don't drink scary looking potions? Shouldn't that be kind of obvious?"
Twilight was caught between glaring at Spike (she was still upset with him) and conceding the point. Applejack, however, stepped up to save the day. "I think the real lesson here is to always be honest." She slung a hoof around the pegasus and yanked her close, smiling slightly. "With yourself and with others." Rainbow returned the sideways embrace with a wing, grinning cheesily at Spike, who still looked unimpressed.
"Ooh! I know!" Pinkie leapt into the fray. "I think the lesson should be that the power of love conquers all, and that when friends put their heads together, they can accomplish anything! Even if 'anything' involves breaking the law multiple times and harassing innocent bystanders!"
Spike's quill, which had been poised hopefully above parchment, dropped to his side. "You know what, how about we just skip the lesson this time? I'm way too close to slipping into an ice-cream coma to take much more of this."
"As much as I love a good, morally sound message, I'm going to have to side with Spike on this one." interjected Twilight, though her words were accompanied by a narrow look. "You clearly need sleep, Mr. Crankypants. You have to be well rested for a jampacked research session tomorrow."
"Aw, Twilight , what could you possibly have to research still? You must know every book in the library cover to cover by now."
"I do." replied Twilight primly, even going so far as to add a little sniff to convey her loftiness. "But that doesn't mean that I've learned everything there is to know from them. Each day I grow a little wiser, and have a different perspective. The same information might mean something new to me if I approach it from a different angle or mindset."
Zecora gave a nod of approval and returned to her tea.
"Ok, I'll bite," said Applejack after she was sure Zecora wasn't going to speak. "What're you studying, now, Twi? Did this whole thing kick up a new topic fer you to do an experiment or something on?"
A grin affixed itself to Twilight's face, one alive with an almost manic light. It was a very familiar look, one that had on occasion even given Pinkie pause. "Oh, you could say that. I plan on writing a letter to Cadence to ask her about her talents. It's funny, I've known her for years but never properly questioned her on her ability to remedy fractures in pre-existing affection! I suppose I never considered it an endeavour worthy of scientific research, seeing as I didn't even have time for friends before Ponyville, but now..." Twilight turned her radiant face to Rainbow and Applejack. Pinkie's theory that Twilight's name included "Sparkle" because of how she lit up when she had latched onto an idea suddenly held a lot more water. Her eyes were practically glowing, but not in a way that inspired any sort of confidence in her sanity. "Because of you two, and the obvious development in your heretofore platonic relationship, I've decided that I need to learn more about love and its connection to magic."
"Ooh!" Beamed Pinkie, somersaulting over Zecora (still idly drinking her tea) and landing in front of Twilight. "So, you mean that if "Friendship is Magic" then love should be, like, ultra super special upgraded magic?" She gasped. "Are you going to go make smoochie faces with ponies to learn about love, Twilight?"
Twilight broke from her bedazzled reverie, eyebrows springing up. "What? No! Why would kissing random strangers help me study love? I'm just going to go over every recorded instance of magically induced affection, as well as the influence friendship has on natural romantic relationships, and then form a hypothesis as to how much magic can be created by genuine amorous linkages versus fabricated ones."
Yep, Twilight's finally gone bonkers. Thought Rainbow. Not that she was ever not bonkers to begin with, but still.
"I'm going to bed." Declared Spike. Clearly all this talk of love and academia was too much for the ice-cream addled assistant. His quill and parchment had disappeared into his dragon null space (most likely to the same location his Code of Honour card was kept) and he had waddled halfway up the stairs to his room before he turned around. His jaw worked for a second before he managed to form coherent words. "I'm...sorry I bailed on you today, Twilight. I got up before you and was doing the weekly grocery run, but then I realized that I really just wanted to take a nap, relax a little." He scuffed a clawed foot against the wooden step. "It's been a while since my last day off, so I just figured it'd be OK...Then when you challenged me, I got all defensive, and... I should have asked. I'm sorry, Twilight."
Twilight went from tough tutor to teary in the time it took to blink. "Oh, Spike. I'm the one who's sorry. I should have noticed that you were getting burnt out. I just get so involved in my studies that sometimes I don't realise..." she sighed. "Look, how about you promise to tell me when you need a break, and I'll promise to pay more attention. I'm sure getting my own groceries every now and then can't be that difficult."
Spike reversed his progress up the stairs and enveloped Twilight (or at least her neck) in a scaly, yet decidedly warm, hug. "I think I might come with you the first time, just to get a laugh."
Twilight frowned, her front hoof pausing on its way around her assistant.
"I think Spike, dragon of little size, merely means that the produce is not alphabetized."
The unicorn's eye twitched ever so slightly, before she broke into a smile and snuggled Spike back. "You know what? I think I'd like that."
"What, disorderly vegetables?" asked Spike, face emerging from Twilight's chest fluff.
"Oh, Celestia no. First chance I get I'm going to speak to Mayor Mare and see if we can figure out a more organized layout for the market square." Applejack looked like she was about to interject - she had a good spot, dang it! - but Twilight continued on, unhindered, "I meant that I'd like to spend some time with you that didn't revolve around my studies. If you laughing at my grocery skills is where we have to start, well, I'm fine with that."
"Awwww!" Pinkie Pie leapt into the impromptu librarian/assistant snugglefest. "Come on everyone, this pony pile needs more love, stat!"
"Pinkie, I thought you dropped that doctor thing back at Town Hall?" replied Applejack, though she was smiling. "Come on, Dash, think we can make this hug 'Twenty percent cooler'?"
Rainbow heaved out a put-upon sigh. "That stopped being funny ages ago, AJ." She flitted up next to her orange friend, slinging a hoof around her and bringing them both into the steadily growing hug ball in the middle of the room. A grin, one that was softer than her usual faire, claimed her features. "Besides, twenty percent is way too low a number to use in a situation like this. This is at least an eighty, probably more, on the Rainbow Dash Scale of Awesome. Patent Pending."
Applejack snorted. "I don't know what I should be more surprised about - the fact that you're usin' Twilight Speak, or the fact that you think a group hug is 'awesome.'"
"What, everyone's doing it. That means it has to cool." Rainbow stuck out her tongue.
"Well, almost everyone." said Applejack, nodding her head to where Zecora was watching bemusedly from a safe distance away, tea still in hoof.
"Hey, Zecora! Get your stripey flank over here!"
For the first time that night, the zebra looked unsure. "I do not know if that would be best. I have things to do, potions to test - "
Pinkie's head popped free of the pile, her face uncharacteristically serious. "Zecora, we're going to stay like this until you come over and join us. Not only that, but we are going to stare at you, and stare hard, until you add your zebra skills to this totally unplanned outpouring of affection."
Zecora calmly placed her empty cup on the table. At first it looked like she was going to make a mad dash from the room, free herself from the crazy ponies she had devoted her day (and her complete store of green illusion dust) to helping. But it had been a long day, one that, in spite of all the complications and chases and misunderstandings, had ended up being very worthwhile. Ending it with a multipony hug would not be too amiss.
"For this, I think you were not prepared, for a Zecora hug is a thing quite rare." And with that, the zebra took exactly two sedate steps forward before launching herself into the fray.
Maybe it was the fact that four ponies, one dragon and one zebra were all embracing in the middle of a supernatural tree, or maybe Zecora still had a bit of illusion dust clinging to her coat, or maybe the potion gone wrong (which had actually ended up going incredibly right) was still somehow in effect and was now causing everyone in the room to feel extremely giddy and fulfilled. No matter if it was a single one of these things, a combination, or none, it was obvious that there was some form of magic present, some form of magic growing, as the friends ‒ and those who were decidedly more ‒ huddled together in the centre of the library, for much longer and closer than was strictly necessary.
Author's Note
Heya folks! Folks? C'mon, it's only been, like, six months since the last update...Huh. I think I need a cone of shame.
So yeah, this update was a long time coming. There's still an epilogue, and I can guarantee it won't take half a year, if that makes anyone feel any better. So, same as always. If anyone finds mistakes or anything, feel free to point 'em out. Despite the delay, this has been really fun to write - awkward Zecora rhymes and all.
"This blows."
"That's funny - earlier you said it sucked."
"Yeah, well, it's so bad it does a little of both."
There was a snort of laughter from over by the bridge. Rainbow Dash stabbed her pokey-stick-thing into a nearby hay-fries container, now long devoid of any delicious cargo, and transferred it to the bag slung snugly across her middle. It was getting heavy again, but somehow going to empty it for the umpteenth time didn't seem all that appealing. It was slightly disheartening to see the hard work of the past hour or two disappear into the mass on the cart parked a few hundred meters down the road, only to be faced with the blank stretch of canvas that was the bottom of her bag once more. Just as she was contemplating lugging her haul back she felt a hoof sneak its way across her back and around her shoulder.
"Heya partner, figure it's time for a little break?" Applejack grinned at her hopefully.
Of course, the company was far from disheartening, so Dash figured that more than made up for it. “You don’t have to ask me twice.” Two nearly full trash satchels and a pair of pokey-sticks were discarded alongside the road, their owners trotting off to sit on a recently de-littered patch of grass beneath a large dappled willow tree. The breeze was steady but not overwhelming, and it made the long limbs of the willow dance almost hypnotically before them. Even Rainbow Dash could appreciate the serene beauty of it. In the spirit of things, she shifted closer to Applejack under the pretence of finding a flatter piece of ground. Applejack gave her a look that made it obvious she knew exactly what she was doing, but didn’t say anything, instead opting for a smile.
“Ya know, for community service, this ain’t half bad.”
Rainbow rolled her neck, giving it some much needed relief from the downward tilt it had been positioned in all day. “Meh, speak for yourself, fruit-flank. Garbage duty is, like, lower than last on my list of things I do not want to waste my time on.” She rubbed a hoof on her chest, examining it in a way that she hoped came across as nonchalant. She let the moment drag on just enough – dramatic effect was key – before continuing, “Buuut, the perks are pretty good. I mean, I get to rub shoulders with one of Ponyville’s top athletes, for one.” Applejack quirked an eyebrow, presumably at the words “one of” but her smile remained firmly in place, perhaps even softening at the edges. “And I get to – what did Twi call it? Build moral fibre? That’s gotta count for something. Hey – I can put community service on my resume! The Bolts’ll love that!”
“Will ‘the Bolts’ also love that yer only doin’ it because of charges regardin’ public displays of indecency, assault on a government official, and wilfully evadin’ justice?” Applejack smirked.
Rainbow’s face fell. “Huh. Well, scratch the community service plan, then. I’ll just tell them that I rescue fillies from wells or something instead.”
“Yer lucky ya did. Heck, we’re all lucky we’re upstandin’ members of the community, and Elements of Harmony to boot, or Mare and Long-Hoof coulda had us doing worse than pickin’ up garbage.”
Rainbow waved a hoof. “Ah, Mare’s a softy. Even if we were run of the mill townsfolk, and we’re definitely not, she probably woulda let us off with a slap on the hoof-joint.”
Applejack snorted, her smirk widening. “You could still always start up that Mayor Mare fan club you were wantin’ so bad. Maybe then we’d only have to pick up garbage and paint fences for another week, instead of two.”
The words were barely out of her mouth before Applejack met with a face-full of feathers. Her squawks of indignation and muffled curses brought Rainbow to belly-clutching, back-rolling hysterics, hysterics that were so engrossing that she didn’t spot the cowpony spitting out a single blue feather (that may or may not have been tucked into a hat to preserve for later) and rear up bearing a truly terrifying grin.
Her hooves came down, and Rainbow’s laughter crescendoed into a squeak, before starting all over again, this time with snatches of speech interspersed between the frantic guffaws. “Apple –ha – jack! S-s-stop! Ha – please, I’m gonna, I’m gonna pee myself!” This only made Applejack redouble her tickling efforts, making sure to get in the crook of the pegasus’s forelegs and underneath the wings.
“Don’t make me go fer the chin, Rainbow.”
Such a simple statement would seem innocent to any random citizen not well versed in Rainbow Dash’s tickle anatomy, but to a pegasus with dark secrets, secrets the mare on top of her was well aware of, it sent a tingle of terror shooting through her spine. “You wouldn’t.”
Applejack simply raised an eyebrow, smirk still firmly in place, hooves a flurry of movement over the blue fur beneath her.
Rainbow, now even more alarmed – though still laughing, which made the whole situation even funnier for her partner – looked up pleadingly. “We’re in – snktt haha - p-p-public!”
Applejack merely grinned wider, before going for the coup-de-grace. With one hoof still tickling for leverage, her free one roamed up and under Rainbow’s chin, right at the base of her jaw, where it slowly began to scratch. Rainbow’s giggles quickly dissolved into mewls of affection. Her back leg started to kick haphazardly. The hoof doing the tickling ceased its ministrations entirely, and Rainbow was left to catch her breath, practically purring.
Applejack looked down at her fondly, now running her other hoof through her multicoloured mane. “And to think ponies believe the wings’re the most sensitive spot on you flyin’ featherdusters.”
“Not – hmmm – fair, Applejack.” murmured Rainbow Dash distractedly. “You used…ah…my one weakness…against me.”
“One weakness, my flank. Yer a bundle of twitchy energy most of the time, you nap a ridiculous amount, and you have weird sensitive spots that turn you to putty…yer basically a cat, Dash, you should just admit it.”
Rainbow’s only response was an inarticulate grumble that turned into a hum partway through. “‘Sides, no one’s around, and even if they were it’d be mighty hard for them to see us through all these leaves. I got yer back, Sugarcube, even when I’ve got ya stuck on it.”
“That sounded really suggestive. Should we come back later?”
The two previously preoccupied ponies shot into the air, and presently neither of them had fully-functioning wings. “Twilight! I – uh, that is to say, we – we were just – ”
“Ha! Nice one Twi-Twi! Usually it's me who gets the jump on randomly canoodling ponies, but you really pulled it off! Just look at their faces! I give you a ten for execution, and a nine point five for word choice.”
“Thank you Pinkie, I – wait, nine point five? Where’d I lose that half a point?”
While the two newly arrived ponies bickered (or Twilight staunchly defended her choice of vocabulary as Pinkie beamed back at her wordlessly) Applejack and Rainbow Dash set about making themselves presentable. Meaning Applejack attempted to straighten out Dash’s feathers and brush down several fluffier-than-usual patches of fur that had bristled up in ineffectual defence against her hooves. The results were less than premium, leaving Applejack with a cockeyed cap and Dash looking like she’d come out the worse from a tussle with Winona’s industrial strength hair dryer.
“‘Should we come back later’ is a classic stock phrase for interrupting questionably occupied ponies! You can’t dock me points for originality if I refer to something everypony knows about on purpose – that’s the whole point!” Twilight seemed to notice her now captive audience from the corner of her eye, because she huffed and turned to face them directly. “Never mind. So, girls, we came to find you to ask if you wanted to break for lunch together. Pinkie and I have finished the garbage cleanup over on the West side,” here Pinkie struck a pose and made some indiscernible sign with her hooves, but given that none of the other three could parse out its meaning, they ignored it, “and we were going to help you finish the East side, if you hadn’t already, after lunch. Unless you wanted us to leave so you can continue, uh,” she regarded the conspicuously ruffled Rainbow Dash and sheepish Applejack carefully, “whatever it was that you were doing.”
“Nah, lunch sounds great!” interjected Rainbow quickly, still trying to flatten her flared feathers. “AJ here was just cleaning my coat up a bit. This job’s kinda messy, ya know?”
Applejack nodded emphatically, her hat bobbing on its precarious perch. The blue feather sticking up from the band around the brim didn’t do their argument any favours, but Twilight only raised an eyebrow with a slight smirk of her own when she noticed its presence. Pinkie, as usual, was still beaming as she trotted up to inspect Applejack’s new wardrobe addition.
“Ooh, pretty. And Rarity says you don’t know how to accessorize!”
“Acessor-what-now?” comprehension bloomed across her freckled face. “Oh, horse apples.”
Rainbow looked up to see what had distracted her friends from her own sorry state. As soon as her eyes alighted on the feather, her mouth split into a big, goofy grin. “Wow, AJ, that’s pretty forward of you.”
“Wha – what d’you mean? Was I not supposed to do that?” She looked around uncertainly, “It – it musta fell out when ya smacked me in the face with yer wing, and, well, I didn’t just wanna leave it on the ground or somethin’…”
“Pegasus ponies traditionally pluck one primary feather from their wings when they wish to propose to someone. By doing this, they exhibit the love and commitment they have for their partner, as it symbolizes their willingness to part with an integral part of their bodies, and more importantly, their culture, by removing a piece of what allows them to live in the sky. In fact, often when this gift is bestowed, the pegasus in question will recite the words, “a piece of the sky, for my life and my world” as a solemn oath to the individual they have chosen to spend their life with.”
Jaws were dropped all around as Twilight recited this information as if she were still speaking of their lunch plans. Except for Pinkie's, who simply nodded as if the revelation was common knowledge. “What?” said Twilight, still smirking uncharacteristically, “I live in a library, surely it's not a surprise to any of you that I actually read the books in there?”
Applejack felt her whole face burning as the implications of her actions hit her with the full force of a herd of stampeding buffalo. “Dash, I didn’t mean ta put ya on the spot or nothin’, I – ”
Rainbow’s colossal grin had been replaced by a much softer smile, one Applejack rarely saw when other ponies were present. “I know, AJ. That isn’t one of my primaries, anyway. Trust me, if I lose one of those babies, you’ll know about it.” She seemed to realize the double meaning of her words the second they left her mouth, her eyes widening slightly, “not that I’m trying to put you on the spot, either, or anything. Just that, it's uh, kinda really painful whenever you pluck one of those suckers out, especially if you do it yourself.” She walked over to the farm pony, close enough so that their coats were touching, and looked into her eyes, “But, you know, I don’t think I mind you having that one.” She reached up and straightened the hat, so that it framed Applejack’s face in the old familiar way. The feather sat proudly in a place of prominence on the left side, tilted at a jaunty angle. “There,” she leaned forward slightly, brushing their muzzles together and planting the lightest of kisses on the side of Applejack’s, “perfect.”
As Pinkie ‘Awwed’ and Twilight began leading the way back into town in search of a suitable restaurant, Rainbow Dash and Applejack could only look back on the ridiculous scenario that had brought them to this point. Life was made up of moments – some silly, some scary, and some downright stupid, but within all of the mess and muddle, throughout the commotion of every day life, sometimes there was room for a few that simply were, perfect.
Author's Note
Heya people! Remember that one time I promised it wouldn't take six months to get another update out for this thing? Well, I was right - it took seven! And somehow I managed to get this and another chapter for my other fic out in super quick succession. My scheduling skills are crap, apparently.
So yeah, that about wraps this baby up. I apologize if the ending is unbearably corny - it just sort of happened, and then I was filled with so many snuggly feelings I couldn't bring myself to change it.
As always, critiques and comments are quite welcome. It's been really fun writing this, and if any of you had half the fun reading it as I had derping around with the words it contains, I'll consider it a success.
So yeah, thanks for reading - you're all awesome.
