The Friendship Diaries: Rainbow Dash

by TheHoodyNinja

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2616

Everypony gets some journals.

Yeah, so my friend Twilight got me this weird "Frienship Diary" thingy and I don't even know how to use it. I think she said something about "Writing down my social interactions and how they make me feel," or something smart like she usually does. It's not even that big, only ten chapters! Hardly diary material if you ask me.

Whatever. All I know is Pinkie Pie and the rest of my friends are getting one, so I might as well get one too. After all, SOMEPONY'S gotta have a cool diary, right? Now if I could just figure out what to write in it...

Published 2012-11-13 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-13 04:10:01 UTC

Day 01

Okay, let's do this. You and me, diary, let's have a talk. Woo, deep breaths, Rainbow, deep breaths. You can do this. You can do this.

Dear diary, wait, isn't there another word for diary? Diary sounds too girly for me. Journal! That's it, it's journal!

Ahem, dear journal. Wait, that doesn't have the same ring to it. Rrrrgggh!

Wait, am I writing all this down? Ugh, this is so frustrating! I wish I knew what to write about, it was just a normal, boring day for me. Well, if you can call my life normal. I don't like to think of myself as a normal pony. I'm way too awesome for that word! Hah, normal. Just another word for boring if you ask me.

Which is pretty much how my day went. It was boring. Huh, I guess my life might be a bit more normal than I thought. Oh well, I'm still awesome!

Hey! That's a good idea! I could just write about my day! Oh man, this is gonna be the most awesome diary Twilight has ever read!

My day all started when I woke up. Then, because cloud houses can't hold enough water without falling or raining on whatever is underneath it, I flew down to the ground to take a nice, relaxing bath in one of the pegasus pools they keep at ground level, then...

Wait, this is boring. Rrrrrggh, why is this so complicated!

Okay, since this is a friendship diary, or journal, or whatever, I'll just write about what I did with my friends today.

It all started when I went to Sugercube Corner today while I was on cloud patrol. I was taking my break from checking all the clouds and making sure Ponyville and the surrounding areas got the proper amount of shade listed for the day, and I got hungry, so I stopped by to see my friend Pinkie Pie. She worked at the bakery and lived there with its owners, Mr. and Mrs. Cake. I don't know what her connection to the Cakes is, she never really talks about it. I think their families are related though. Hah, there's a thought. Pies and Cakes.

Anyway, as I flew to a neat stop outside the door to the bakery, I heard a racket inside. Instinctively, I thought something was wrong and went to investigate.

As soon as I stepped over the threshold of the Cakes house and workshop, something catapulted straight into my chest and sent me flying back several feet into the dirt, something soft and squishy landing on top of me.

"Oh, sorry Dash!" said the squishy object. "Baking accident."

"Mmph mm mmph" I muttered into the ground, dust and spit covering my face. I had been hit hard.

"What was that? Couldn't quite hear you." Again, the object spoke to me, it's body shifting on top of me, allowing me the leverage to move my face off the ground.

"I said, get off me!" Even as I said it, the surprisingly heavy pony that was on top of me eased off my back, shying away apologetically. As I stood up on all fours again, my attacker came into focus. Bright fluffy magenta mane unblurring, wide, blue eyes transfixed on whatever was the most interesting thing to look at at the time. Finally, after shaking my head a few times, her bright pink coat came into focus, her three balloon cutie mark obscured by... was that flour?

"Pinkie Pie," I said, her eyes snapping back to me, away from the butterfly that was floating by her head. "what is that all over you?" I asked her.

"Cake batter!" came the eager reply.

I felt like I should have just stared at her for a while, to see if she could tell how stupid I thought she was from my facial expression, but at that moment I smelled smoke. Take a wild guess where it came from?

"Um... Pinkie?" I started.

"Yes, Dashie?" She expectantly looked at me as she leaned closer to hear what I had to say, like a puppy getting a treat.

"Sugarcube Corner is on fire." I stated flatly.

It's not often you can surprise Pinkie Pie, only Pinkie Pie surprises herself regularly with her weird thoughts and the way she rambles on whatever her over active imagination thinks of. When it happens, though, it's not as funny as you'd think.

For starters, her pupils and her cornea shrink to unbelievably small sizes, and she just stares into space. She grinds her teeth together and grimaces as well as she can and just sits there. It's almost like she's panicking, you know? Like she doesn't know what to do or what's going on, which is very un-Pinkie like. The look lasts for only a moment, and if you're not looking you'll miss it, but it's there.

It's kinda strange that I only realized this today, and when I noticed it, it confused me. I didn't even flinch when Pinkie Pie grabbed me and hauled me inside the goody shop that we thought was on fire. I hardly even thought as I helped her put out the oven that was just smoking. All my stupid brain could do was just stare at the pink, energetic pony and wonder why Pinkie ticked like Pinkie.

Eventually I was snapped out of my thoughts by the smell of burning candy, and then I remembered why I was thinking in the first place.

"So, what happened?" I said, trying to sound casual, hoping the heat rising to my cheeks wasn't visible. Thankfully, it wasn't, or at least I think it wasn't.

"Oh, this?" Pinkie Pie gestured, her hooves motioning towards the entire inside of the sweet shop. By this time I had noticed that not only was Pinkie Pie herself covered in splotches of beige goop, but so was the inside of Sugarcube Corner, along with dots of brown, pink, and transparent purple, and any other color you could imagine.

"I know that," I tried to keep the urge to hit something out of my voice. Sometimes Pinkie can be a little to serious without being serious. "I mean how did it happen?"

"Oh. That's easy, I know that one!" she yelled happily. I sighed and mentally prepared myself. It was going to be a Pinkie rant.

My spirits only further dampened when she took a deep breath. "Well, I was foal-sitting Pound and Pumpkin the other day and Pound got into one of my secret candy jars, and I was all like 'Pound Cake, you got candy all over you!' and he was real sticky and he needed a bath and so I gave him a bath and while I was washing him I said something funny like 'You got candy all over yourself, cake.' and then I thought 'Holy guacamole! Candy Cake? That would be awesome!' So I got the idea to..."

At this point I stopped listening and activated my Pinkie device. If you don't know what that is, you don't spend a lot of time with Pinkie Pie. Basically, it's where you learn to tune out anything insane you hear for a minute or two, depending on how long she's been talking.

Then I realized that I wasn't listening to her, which was weird because I was thinking that I couldn't hear her and couldn't hear her at the same time. So, to avoid further confusion, I just tuned back in to Randomville.

"...might have used a little too many Pop Rocks." She finished with a sheepish smile.

"Uh huh," I said, glad I wasn't caught not paying attention. "Cool." I finished with a small grin, to let her know I cared. To be honest, I'm not sure if Pinkie Pie actually knows if ponies listen to her or not, only that they care, even if it is just a little bit.

"So," She said, drawing out her "o" in a playful tone. "watcha doing here?" She asked.

Any answer I could have given her was cut short by the rumbling of my stomach, the best answer I could give.

"Oh, you're hungry!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed, apparently happy at being able to help me. "I got just whatcha need, wait right here."

Of course I stayed where I was, not wanting to miss some free food and all. A few extra minutes wasn't going to kill me. Although it did make it a little bit more disappointing when Pinkie Pie, still not clean, walked through the door to the kitchen with some sandwiches. I mean, we were in a sweet shop, a little pie or some cake would've been nice.

Somehow, Pinkie Pie saw the disappointment on my face. "Silly Dashie," She said with a smile, not upset at all. "I can't give you sweets while you're working, you'll get all fat!"

I tried not to strangle the pink ball of energy and just accepted my free lunch silently.

About five seconds passed before I realized that things were about to get awkward. For starters, Pinkie Pie was just staring at me with a smile, being happy for no other reason than to be happy, while I was stuffing my face with a sandwich, unable to say anything. I tried to say something but I realized I had food in my mouth, so I tried to swallow the whole thing and ended up choking on it.

"Ack egk fltu!" I screamed, flailing my arms.

For whatever reason, Pinkie Pie didn't catch on. "What? You got flu in your hair?" She looked at me quizzically.

I put my fore-hooves up to my throat and shook my head, hoping Pinkie Pie would recognize the Equestrian signal for choking.

Luckily, she did. "Oh my gosh, Dashie, you're choking!" Pinkie Pie has a knack for stating the obvious.

She also has a knack for saving my hide, too. I don't know how she knew what to do, but it worked, violent as it was.

Without even giving me a warning, Pinkie Pie grabbed me by the waist and threw me against the kitchen counter. Then she got behind me, grabbed me around my chest and started bear hugging me repeatedly as hard as she could.

Finally, right before I thought I would pass out, I coughed up a wad of mashed lettuce, tomato, and bread. I was so winded that I didn't even feel my head bash the counter as I collapsed, both of us breathing heavily.

"Oh my..." I weakly pulled my head off the suddenly comfortable counter to see my friend Twilight standing in the doorway. "I'll just be leaving." She said.

"No wait, it's not what you think!" I started after her.

"It isn't?" Pinkie Pie looked at me.

"Wait, what is what?" Twilight looked about as confused as I felt.

"Well," I heard Pinkie Pie start before I could explain. "Dashie here was choking on a sandwich I made her and I used the Rock-lick maneuver on her." She finished with a smile.

"The what?" both me and Twilight said at the same time.

"The Rock-lick!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed with eagerly. "It's something my family made up, back on the rock farm. Uncle Teddy would always eat some of the sedimentaries when we weren't looking." She finished with a smile.

"Anyway," Twilight started. "I was just stopping by to see how your friendship diary was going, Pinkie Pie."

"Oh, I haven't written anything in it yet." The pink party pony replied. "I just got it yesterday, silly." Sometimes I wonder how Pinkie Pie always stays so happy.

"Oh, well, er, yes, of course," Twilight stammered, her cheeks turning a slightly lighter shade of purple than her normal coat color. "I was just making sure you hadn't lost it." She finished nervously.

"I haven't lost it yet!" Pinkie Pie stated indignantly before raising a hoof to her chin. "Or have I... Be right back!" She yelled before darting up the stairs to her room.

This was the second time things got awkward fast, neither of us wanting to meet the others eyes. "So yeah," I said. "I gotta get back to weather patrol."

"Well, you do that, then." Twilight said back. "See you around."

With that, I dashed out of the door and took flight, eager to get back to work for once in my life. After a quick fly-by of Ponyville and the surrounding farms, I decided everything was clear and that it was time for an afternoon nap.

At least, it would've been if I hadn't have had to wash cake batter off myself. Ugh.

The river I washed myself in was awfully cold for a nice summer day, and by the time I was done I didn't feel tired anymore, so I decided to stop by my friend Fluttershy's house. When I got there, though, there was a note on the door.

"Gone to Rarity's," I read out loud. "well that's just great, what am I supposed to do now!" I shouted at no one in particular.

My call was answered by a few birds who were sitting in a nearby tree. Startled, they flew away, into the clear blue sky.

"Flying... yeah, that sounds like a good idea right now!" I said to myself, again.

And with that, I went to practice my Wonderbolts practice routines and came home to write in this thing.

You know, that wasn't so hard? Maybe this whole "Friendship diary" thing isn't so bad after all.

Prolouge

Ugh, I hate writing. Don't get me wrong, literature in general is alright, I mean I love a good book everynow and then, but writing? Lame. And now I have a whole ton of writing to do in only a week!

Okay, okay. Calm down Rainbow, you can do this. No problem. No. Problem. Writing is easy, right? What was it Twilight said? Act like you're talking to the journal? Doesn't sound too hard.

Um, hi, diary. My name is Rainbow Dash, fastest pegasus in all of Equestria, and one day, I'm gonna join the Wonderbolts!

Now that introductions are out of the way, how about I fill you in on whats going on? Well, like any awesome pony, I have friends, and one of these friends, Twilight Sparkle is her name, decided to give one of my other friends, Rarity, a friendship journal. Now, I'm usually not the type to deal with this secrets and personal feelings business, but before I know it, all my other friends are getting one too! Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all got one, so I figured if all my other friends get one, then so do I!

"But, Rainbow Dash, I didn't think you would want a friendship journal," Twilight Sparkle told me when I asked for one. "I didn't think you would care."

"Well, maybe next time you should ask me!" I yelled at her before taking my diary and flying away from her tree house. House tree. I don't even know what to call it.

My friends are always doing this to me. They think that they know what I would and wouldn't like. Yeah, so I would never have wanted this stupid diary in the first place, no offence, unless the others had gotten one, but so what? I don't like to feel left out. Nobody does.

Anyway, for the next week we're supposed to be writing down our "social interactions" or whatever. When the week is over, Twilight is going to send all the journals in to her teacher, Princess Celestia, for her to read and evaluate what we've learned and bla, bla, bla. This is going to be a long week.