In prologue...
Once upon a time, in the magical principality of Equestria...
Luna whimpered into her plush silken pillows, pounding them with her hooves in a royal fit. How could Celestia be so cruel and, ugh! She could never understand what she'd been through, or, or... Augh, she can't even get her own head to rationalize her thoughts, she was much too upset! And nopony to talk to about it, except... no... she had nopony, she was alone...
Her ears twitched.. she didn't just... No it couldn't... She slowly raised her head...
Her horn glowing faintly. That song... It had been so long...
There were some friends that would never abandon her... Never.
"No... I will never be alone again..." she grinned, sitting up on her bed as out of the dark corners of her room, her old friends made themselves manifest, opening chests and slowly shuffling out of the closets... The music getting louder and richer with each passing moment as it picked up momentum, "My friends..." she whispered, a single tear rolling off of her cheek, flashing into a butterfly before it could hit her bed-sheets. Her bed creaking as it began to twist under her...
In starting...
Celestia paced around the throne-chamber, fuming internally, it had been a silly argument but, augh, the nerve... She could not push it out of her mind, something had to be done. She turned her flank and began walking towards Luna's chambers.
Celestia stood outside of Luna's bedchambers, a gaggle of maid and guard ponies clustering around it, glancing back at their immortal ruler nervously, Celestia raised a eyebrow and approached the doors, raising a hoof to knock gently- when she paused, "... When did Luna get her own marching band?" she blinked, knocking gently, "Luna? Luna you in there? May I come in?" ... when nobody responded, she opted to inch the door open with her magic, only to recieve a faceful of door that knocked her aside. Fortunately, Trixie Bell broke her fall with her spine. (No relation to The Great & Powerful Trixie)
Horn ringing from the impact, Celestia quickly regained her bearings as her nervous guard ponies scattered, what she saw made her jaw drop. Literally. She just stared for several minutes as a few nightstands bounced out of the room, followed by a full sized wardrobe, some cloth stands, a full-size mirror, a orrerry, rolling down the hallway, as the ancient stone brickwork in the walls slowly eased themselves out one by one, a few joining in the throng of bouncing and cavorting furniture, a small band of smarty-pants dolls squeezed out of the cracks, handling brass instruments and drums as the very stones around the doorframe, and finally the door itself, came to life and began dancing down the hall.
Ancient suits of armor, statues of ponies past, pulled themselves off of their stands, creaking and clanging as they joined the already innumerable ranks, bedsheets precious and brightly dyed silks was joined by banners of Empires long forgotten and historical tapestries, held aloft by guard-ponies who had succumbed to the madness, smiling serenely as they danced along to the irresistible beat. Their armor bending and twisting into curious shapes as they took on a life of their own, exploding off into clouds of glowing butterflies before simply hovering overhead.
A small herd of maids screamed and scattered down the hallway when one of them suddenly grinned and bounced around, her body twisting and growing as she transformed into a (relatively small) white scaled winged dragon, bursting out of her uniform as she swung her reptilian tail around, joining the parade.
At the center of the unstoppable mass the music becoming deafening, Celestia saw her, raised on a dais fashioned from her royal four post bed and all but enveloped in plush toys of ponies, sat her sister, staring blankly into space as she waved to her subjects with one hoof, wearing the most serene smile she had ever seen on a Pony. Flanked on either side of her was a large black ponyequin wearing the shattered pieces of Nightmare Moon's armor, and another ponyequin which just appeared to be wearing four pairs of socks and Luna's Royal Regalia.
Her sister looked really weird without her tiara...
Celestia got to her feet as the madness rumbled down the hallway, taking that strange music with them, leaving just a few stragglers behind, in front of her, a stained glass window had its pieces jump out of its lead frame and form a pony of brightly coloured shards of glass, that bounced after the parade before it turned a corner. Once the music was out of hearing range Celestia realised that alarms were being raised all over the castle. Still not entirely sure what was going on, she ran after it.
For moving at a leisurely pace, the chaotic parade was moving rapidly through the royal castle of Canterlot, the kitchen staff were briefly terrorized as their ovens opened on their own and began squeezing out pony-sized cupcakes, then fled entirely as their collections of knives and utensils and pots all came to life, bouncing around to some discordiant beat, then the ovens itself pulled itself clear of its piping and bounced after the parade, causing a minor explosion as the gas ignited moments later, but it did not hurt anypony too badly, or even deter the parade.
The blast shattered the doors to the kitchen larders and let out a tide of undulating bags of sugar and flour and beets and all manner of fruit and produce, a six tier chocolate cake slapping its layers together as it bounced along, with shrunken miniature ponies, caught up in the reality twisting song, danced and played around in its sticky sweet frosting, rolling a caramelized cherry between themselves. Celestia watched in shock, recognizing at least a few of the teeny ponies as kitchen staff members.
From the dungeons below came an awful racket, as lenghts of chain and prison bars and manacles had somehow fused together with eachother, forming crude ponies of dark iron, even clasping around a few of the guard ponies working down there, who were apparently none too bothered by the heavy chains, dancing witlessly with the parade, not even the armory withstood the relentless... well... cavorting of the Lunacy Parade, the drums and brass of the song soon mingling in with the banging of shields and armor plating, a elderly quartermaster pony watched in horror as his assistant giggled, twisting and transforming into a large mecha-pony, with missile saddle-packs and a slowly revolving wind-up key in his back, marching stiffly out at the fore of the numerous sets of gold-gilded royal guard pony armor that had come alive.
The Parade enveloped Celestia's throne as well, absorbing it into the amorphous mass of dancing bodies and fusing it to the dais bed, incorperating it to its design. Adding quite a pimped out upgrade to her dais, as the four poster bed creaked and bent, becoming more extravagant.
"Hay! That's my throne! Give that back!" Cried Celestia, trying desperately to catch Luna's attention.
A brave group of guards had attempted to block them off but were forced to retreat when their spears took on life and bounced out of their hooves. Even her bravest captain fell back, only to freeze midstride and break into a gentle smile, his body shrinking and his hard features softening, his armor falling away from his lightening frame as a beautiful mare stepped out, a piece of lush red carpet transforming into a gala dress and wrapping itself around her body as she winked at Celestia, then danced off into the garden with... everything but the kitchen sink. (Which was not so much dancing as shuffling poorly on its own plumbing)
Luna just stared right ahead at nothing, waving and sometimes giving out a soft titter as her parade cavorted down a hallway and dissapeared into the royal Gardens. Celestia's heart sank. It all added up. Things magically animating, Luna's apparent erratic behaviour, her little ponies going mad.
Discord.
Discord...
Wasn't really doing much. Sitting right where they had left him. Turned to stone. Boooooored... And ever fearful of birds doing their business on him. Counting the days until-
What in Equestria was that infernal discordant racket? ... It was.. beautiful.
As the noise grew louder, Discord felt his prison shake... cracking at the edges... So much chaos. Madness. Pure and extravagant. It was like... Woah...
The stony features of discord melted away, the draconequus was free. Though in the flood of pure chaos enveloping him made him feel largely superfluous. Several trees uprooting themselves, their boughs of leaves turning into brilliantly coloured butterflies, or puffing into clouds, clouds becoming cotton candy, the walkways becoming soaped glass, tripping a few of the mesmerized ponies over.
Okay, maybe he could contribute a little~ but really. He barely had a hoof in this spectacle. Barely.
Various pony statuary gently climbed off of their pedestals to join the spectacle, including a hedge-row, some hedge-sculptures, a gardener who winced as she dropped her watering can and was twisted into what could most accurately be described as a pony'ish satyr, pulling a pan flute from somewhere and joining in. Discord, still slightly in awe, kicked back and simply coasted along, chuckling at all the effort these ponies were putting in to throw a parade in his honour.
Celestia frantically unsealed the vault. Wincing as her horn missed the hole a few times before she finally got the thing unlocked, the music was coming closer. She had to hurry. She hurriedly checked the ornate jewelcase for its precious contents and with a note in haphazard panicked writing, she slammed it shut and sent it to her beloved student, breathing a sigh of relief. Whatever happened next, Equestria might at least stand a chance, galloping out of the chamber just as the vault door eased out of its hinges to join the fun. Bouncing along the floor with a heavy thudding sound.
Gathering her remaining guards, she positioned herself before Luna's army of... well, lunacy and began charging her horn, "Luna, I'm warning you... Stand down or..."
But Luna didn't so much as even acknowledge her existence, the parade marched on, futons and ottomans bounced around Celestia's legs, half a dozen ponyquins stroked their smooth surface against hers, eliciting a involuntary shiver, some of the guards nervously shuffled around where they stood, but the horde did little to agress them, besides invading their personal space, one guard suddenly squawked, blushing terribly as he covered the beak he suddenly had, his armor fitting him poorly as the pony.. changed, becoming a griffin before their eyes, apologizing himself as he joined the marching dolls and furniture, gently leaning against the brilliantly scarlet dressed former captain of the guard-ponies. She wasn't sure, but she could swear they were... cuddling.
The insanity washed over her remaining troops, some becoming potted plants, others twisting into musical instruments, at least one of them became a cow, one guard gently left the area in a daze after his armor transformed into spiders and crawled away from him. Possibly to cry himself to sleep.
Another guard nickered as he became frilly Gala dress with gold inlay and fashionable starry patterns, wrapping himself around a trotting Ponyquinn with a muffled sigh as his armor clattered emptily to the floor, only to become a animated hollow suit moments later... Even Celestia's own regalia peeled away from her, turning into what appeared to be bananas and lemons and other yellow fruits and vegetables, bouncing and rolling across the floor as it joined the parade...
The throng began to press on her from all sides, separating her from her guards, she closed her eyes, her magic ineffectual as whatever insanity here was nullifying it.
Celestia opened her eyes, only feeling the gentle brushes of inanimate/animated objects shuffling by her legs, looking behind her. Luna hadn't even... she just went past her... "Luna.. why won't you.. Why sister.." she sniffled. Feeling strangely insulted and hurt that her sister don't even acknowledge her existence. When a familiar and unwelcome face drifted by, grinning smugly,
"Awww, did you two have a fight again? It's only been, what, a thousand years since the last time. That's hardly harmonious of you, breaking up the family..." he cackles, Discord was lazily floating by, held up at the end of long sticks by a dozen animate Smartie Pants dolls like some kind of Chinese new year Dragon Dance prop, undulating strangely as the Parade moved past Celestia. Only Discord's troupe and a statue of Starswirl the bearded stayed behind, slowly circling around Celestia.
"Be silent, Discord. This is obviously your doing! Release my sister from your spell-"
"Tut-tut, Silly willy Celly-welly. As much as I simply adore the current state of affairs, this Lunacy Parade is your beloved sisters own doing~... You must have had a pretty hefty argument for her to descend like this." he chides, sipping a cup of tea before he tosses it aside, where it bounces off after a cavorting silver tea-set to catch up with the party.
Celestia's nerves were already frayed by the chaos around her, and Discord's undulating form wasn't helping, "-N-no! You lie, this must be your doing! Who else could.. She never would.. I wouldn't.. I-.. she won't listen to me.."
Starswirl had nothing to say, he was just a big dumb stone statue of a famous wizard of ancient Equestrian history. He bowed curtly and leapt away, cratering the immaculate floors to rejoin the parade as it lazily snaked out of Canterlot, drawing in more and more ponies and random objects into it.
"Yannow, if I were a mushy little harmony addicted pony, I would go up to her and apologize. Now I'd never stoop to such myself, but yannow, I'm me.. And you are you. Just a thought my dear Celestia~ Now... I'm sure you have your hooves full with the collapse of your principality, but please find it in your heart to forgive your sister.. She must have been so lonely on the moon these past thousand years~ And do try to relax a little, you're so tense that you could snap at any moment. Welp, gotta go. I'm missing the parade~ ciao~"
And with that, Discord snapped his fingers, leaving Celestia all alone in her throne-room, which had been more or less pillaged clean, a few straggling guards struggling to pull some debris off of each-other as a several tone marble pillar decided to shuffle itself out of its socket and lumbered after the parade, causing a part of the palace to collapse. A few maids huddling in a corner as they tried to recover from the display of madness that had turned their day on its head.
The music lingered in her ears though... And was growing stronger... Could it be so simple? Was Luna just mad at her? Why that.. made perfect sense.. she better apologize.. she better go apologize right now... Unheard by any other pony, the music grew louder in Celestia's mind, coming from everywhere, every breath, filling her with a strange liberating joy.
Celestia stood up, slowly, a chancellor trotting up to her side, Iron Barding or Iron Belting or something like that..
Ironic Statement bit his lip and tried to avoid his Princess strangely eerie calm and serene smile, "M-my princess. I have summoned the Wonderbolts and the Army, um, but I think it'd be best if we also called together the Elements of Harmony and...-" he trailed off, Celestia's pupils shrinking down into dots as she stared into space, "Princess..?"
Princess Celestia just grinned, "You're in charge now, Chancellor! Ta-ta!" she cackled, setting off so fast her beautifully gilded shoes sparked against the polished floors, laughter ringing in the empty halls as she disappeared up some staircases, knocking over several guards in the process.
Running up the staircase, Celestia's thoughts were colliding, crumbling, replaced by new ones, burning away into cinders by the music, the music she finally fully comprehends, singing to her soul, to her mind, to her body, guiding her hooves as she crashed through a room and startled a poor maid, launching herself straight towards the closed stained glass windows, at the top floors of the castle.
"Wait!"
Another set of steps, leap over a shocked guardpony.
"Wait for me!"
Her sun struck her alabaster skin with its rays, making her shine spectacularly as she was temporarily blinded by her own light, shards of the stained glass window raining all around her as her body plowed hoof-first through a hundreds of year old window at the top of one of the spiraling towers. Her wings spreading widely
"Take me with youuuu-!" she shouted,, the music was all around her, her laughter ringing with the tinkling of the shattering glass, she felt something soft under her as she landed, somepony's hooves on her shoulders, when she opened her eyes she was enveloped in brilliant white light, with only Luna's dark silhouette cradling her neck and shoulders, as she rubbed her nose, awkwardly close to hers, she only whispered, "Forgive me, Luna..."
"I forgive you sister... it was a stupid thing to argue about..." she smiled,
Celestia smiled back, hugging Luna in turn, it had been silly yes, but now everything was alright with the world again... The light intensifying around them as the music grew ever louder, filling her with a strange sense of ease.
In closing...
Twilight was studying the elements of Harmony, wondering what on earth could have stricken Equestria so suddenly that the princess felt the need to send them straight to her home, of all places, having gathered her friends at the library to form a expedition towards Canterlot, when Pinkie Pie's pinkie sense had another 'doozie'... And that's when the music started. Rainbow Dash noticed it first, biting her lip, "Do.. do you guys hear that too?"
Donning the rather oversized tiara, Twilight and her friends quickly stepped outside and... was met with quite a sight...
It sure was a parade, but it had no sense of organization or formation, its members marching, lurching, shuffling, dancing or undulating around... Heck, it wasn't even ponies for the most part. There were griffons, diamond-dogs, innumerable furniture pieces, dragons and tigers and lions and bears, countless little woodland critters, stacks of books bound together by linen cord. A few musical instruments playing themselves as they cavorted across the landscape, and countless stuffed pony toys, several she recognized as Smartie Pants dolls, all marching along haphazardly, playing musical instruments or holding up a banner on a long pole with writing she couldn't make out without hurting her eyes. It looked like some kind of gibberish...
"Is that Discord?" Pinkie pointed, as the Dragonequs floated lazily over the parade, held up at the end of long poles that made his long slender body undulate, Stephen Magnet, the.. er.. fabulous river serpent was a bit further back, animated statuary of ancient ponies rumbled as they marched across the road, gnarly-rooted trees swung their branches as they strutted their stuff without a care in the world, making Fluttershy blush terrible for reasons Twilight could not even begin to fathom, and several roadsigns and a toll-booth and its beam had joined this... lunatic parade. In the distance, the Carousel boutique sprouted chicken-legs and began to limbo.
Giant cupcakes with cherry toppings the size of her head bounced along in a zigzagging column, devouring a Ditzy Doo who was standing a little too close to the parade, but since baked goods don't have any digestive organs of any kind Twilight wasn't surprised to see the wall-eyed pony pop her head out of the frosting moments later, streamers and cherry blossom petals rained from thin air, there was even fireworks and rainbows and banners of every colour imaginable, flags that hadn't been in use for a thousand years, Twilight blinked, seeing Trixie in the crazy herd, swearing and kicking and bucking at the Smarty Pants dolls, before her face suddenly breaks into a calm serene expression, her kicks becoming a exctatic bouncy dance, while her body... Twilight could hardly believe it, but (The Great & Powerful) Trixie simply twisted into a...a wooden rocking horse, legs bound securely to a pair of curved rockers, one of the Smartie Pants climbing up on her and playing the trumpet... It was a cavalcade of sheer madness, but the worst part?
In the middle of that terrifying horde, on a raised dais that appeared to be a fusion of several beds and a throne, guarded by ponyquinns sat Princess Luna, with a serene expression on her face, with her mentor, Princess Celestia, resting her head against the former's chest, eyes closed but wearing the exact creepily serene smile on her face, the two regal sisters were half buried in brightly coloured plushy pony dolls and were waving one hoof each at the crowd.
Twilight zoned out at this point, the voices of her friends becoming a muffled murmur as she took one step forward, then another, the Tiara of Magic Harmony falling to the ground as she bolted, the cries of her friends ignored, the music, couldn't they hear it? It called to her! It called to everypony! Everywhere! Rainbow Dash tried to tackle her to the ground, but Twilight simply flicked her wing at her and knocked her away, the unicorn's shape twisting even as she launched herself through the air, slender and regal as she joined the prancing and cavorting multitude, landing among the soft plushies at her Princesses feet, giggling hysterically as she simply let go... the music was in her very bones, guiding her along. To where? Who knows. All that mattered that she was a part of it...
♫The parade of lunacy is coming, and it is in your name♪
As the mane six trotted off, drawn in by the shuffling shambling dancing mess of mind-boggling randomness, Pinkie taking the lead as the party of parties was undulating and dancing before her very eyes, Rarity letting out a muffled yelp as she shrunk into a novelty sized cylinder... rolling downhill towards the Parade as a very big and purple maned marshmallow. Fluttershy having to pause for a moment to uproot herself, having sprouted branches and roots and having her mane turn into several branches worth of pink leaves does that, as the Ent pony giggled softly, joining the Parade, leaving AJ and RD to try and get the princesses to snap out of it... Or be sucked into it while trying.
Spike exits the library, holding a cup of ~~coffee~~ tea in his little claws and stares at the enormous Parade of nonsense that's starting to envelop Ponyville.
"Wat."
And the end... Thanks for reading.
