You've got mail
By Luke Randall
Do you ever wonder where the mail you get everyday comes from? The Answer to this question can be best answered with another question. Who delivers the mail in Ponyville? Now you would probably answer this with the Pony Express, but that is where you are wrong. You see the mail is delivered by Derpy Hooves. Derpy is one of the best mail carriers the Pony Express has. Now lets learn how Derpy delivers the mail shall we.
Derpy woke up at her usual time of 6:00 am and proceeded with her morning routine. “I really need to see colgate about a new toothbrush.” Commented Derpy, after looking at her toothbrush that was about out of bristles. “All well” She then continued to brush her teeth.
“Hmm what flavor muffin should i have this morning, OH WAIT I KNOW BLUEBERRY!” Exclaimed Derpy. “I love blueberry muffins they are LIKE THE BEST!” Derpy was happily om nomming on her muffin, when she was struck by an inspiration. “I should give everyone a muffin with their mail today.” Said Derpy. “Do I have enough muffins for that though?” Derpy asked herself quietly.
About a hour and a half later she was done baking all the muffins she needed. “Good I have enough muffins now.” Derpy exclaimed happily. Derpy glanced at the clock. “Oh no i'm late for mail pickup.” Derpy quickly grabbed her saddlebag and flew out the door. “Wheres my wagon, where did I leave my wagon!” Cried Derpy. “Oh Phew there it is right in the bush where I left it.”
Derpy quickly harnessed herself to her wagon, and lifted it up out of the bush where she has crashed it the night before. “Alright lets load all the muffins and deliver the mail.” Said Derpy About 5 minutes later the muffins she had taken the liberty to pack in individual boxes were in the wagon. “Ok the muffins are loaded I should still have time to catch the sorting wagon before it leaves town.” Derpy said this more as self encouragement than anything else.
Derpy had missed the wagon before but she knew a shortcut. Her shortcut like most of her things wasn't the best, but it was quick and she knew it worked. “Well I already know I missed it by 15 minutes so i'll just take the shortcut from here.” Said Derpy. “Except how do i get to my shortcut from here i'm so confused” Derpy said this whilst searching the horizon for a landmark to guide her on her shortcut.
“Thats it i'll use the compass Pinkie gave me as a birthday present last year.” Derpy was extremely excited with the prospect of using the compass. “Now where did i put that OH here it is.” Derpy grabbed the compass with her hoof. “I can't seem to make it stop spinning.” Derpy unhappily exclaimed. “Well i'm gonna guess that that way is north, which is the town of Greymare” Alright Lets get going said Derpy. Humming happily Derpy set off in her chosen direction.
Soon Derpy spotted the first landmark on her shortcut. The tall rock spire between ponyville and greymare. “Good I'm halfway there I should be getting the mail delivered in no time at all” Derpy exclaimed triumphantly. “Now the next landmark is left of the spire in the shape of a hill with a observatory on top.” Derpy mumbled to herself.
Derpy soon saw the next landmark. “Theres the observatory, hmm thats odd the mail cart is there. All well less distance for me to travel.” Humming happily to herself Derpy started down towards the mail cart and the observatory. About halfway there she noticed a dark blue pegasus with lighter blue streaks in his mane and tail. He had scrolls for a cutie mark. The pegasus was talking to the mail carriers.
Derpy landed and parked her cart about ten feet away from the blue pegasus. She unhitched herself from her wagon and walked over to the mail carriers. The mail carrier seemed very relieved to see Derpy, which she found odd, as they never really liked it when she missed the cart. “Ah Derpy your mail for PONYVILLE is in the back.” The mail carrier put extra emphasis on the word ponyville. Suddenly the blue pegasus trotted over to Derpy.
“Hello my name is Luke Randall, I'm a traveling scholar from the Institute of Practical Studies based out of Colt City.” The pony continued to introduce himself whilst derpy grabbed the blue box that always held the Ponyville mail from the mail delivery cart. “I have been traveling across equestria in search of some old tomes written by the founder of my institute.” The pony seemed to be winding down his introduction speech. “From my travels I have deduced the tomes to be stored in the Ponyville library, In the care of its undertaker Twilight Sparkle.” The pony seemed to realize he was being rude and immediately stopped talking. “I'm sorry how rude of me, You know my name, May I be so privileged as to know yours ma'am?”
Derpy was busy balancing a large package on her back and holding the box of letters in her mouth so she didn't respond right away. Once she was at her wagon and had loaded the two items in the back she turned to the blue Pegasus and said “My name is Derpy Hooves you can call me Derpy” Luke responded with a question. “Why do your eyes do that?” Derpy answered with a simple “They just do, they always have. Why do i always have to explain this.” the last was mumbled as an aside to herself.
Now I don't mind if you follow me back to ponyville, I will show you to the library and then I need to get this mail delivered. Derpy glanced at the watch she kept on her cart and exclaimed “Oh no Twilight will kill me I’m 15 minutes late with the mail as it is.” Well I best hurry, if I'm quick I'll only be thirty minutes late.
Derpy hitched herself back to her wagon and started back to ponyville with the mail. Luke followed along behind her, he seemed to be thinking about something. “Hey you don't have to fly back there, I don't mind if you keep me company” Derpy yelled back to the blue pegasus. “Oh sorry I was just thinking about how best to introduce myself to twilight.” The blue pegasus seemed a bit worried. “Don’t worry about it, I'll introduce you to her when I deliver her mail.” Said the small grey pony.
“Thanks” exclaimed the scholar. “I wasn't sure how best to introduce myself as my normal introduction doesn't seem to work as well in this part of the country.” The scholar continued. “Where I come from long sentences that ramble everywhere but to the point, Is how you have a conversation. However I think I prefer the method of conversing here in the western part of Equestria.”
“That town down there is ponyville, The library is where I will stop first since I’m late with the mail.” Derpy continued to explain. “Twilight likes to keep everything on a schedule, So it drives her nuts when I'm late with the mail, As it throws off her whole schedule.” Derpy started descending towards the Ponyville library as she was talking. “Now let me give her the mail then I will introduce you, Then I really must be on my way to deliver the rest of the mail.”
Derpy landed her cart outside the library and quickly unhitched herself. “Lets see one package and three letters for Twilight, Oof this package is heavy.” Derpy said quietly to herself. Laboring underneath the heavy package Derpy wobbled her way over to Twilights door. Suddenly the package fell off of her back and landed against the door making a loud THUD. “Oh dear i hope the package is alright I don't want to be in trouble.” Derpy whined this last bit quietly to herself when suddenly the door swung open.
“May I help you? Oh Derpy your late with the mail again.” Twilight didn't look mad so much as agitated as she said this. “Oh This has to be my Dimensional portals Applications and Usage book set.” Twilight seemed extremely excited about the books. “Do I have any other mail?” Twilight asked, but she didn't pay attention to Derpy's response. She was off in the world of books.
Derpy waved the letters in front of her to get Twilight attention. “Yes you have three letters here they are.” Derpy had said this for the third time when Twilight finally noticed. “Thanks Derpy please try not to be late with the mail again” Twilight levitated the package of books using her magic and moved it inside, She was about to follow when Derpy tapped her shoulder. “Twilight I have a traveling scholar here who wants to talk to you about some of the books in your library.” Derpy motioned Luke over and started back to her wagon. “Thanks for your help Derpy” Luke said as he walked past her towards Twilight's library. “Your welcome” Exclaimed Derpy.
Derpy Hitched herself back to her wagon and went about her route. “Lets see we've got a small package for Fluttershy, Two letters for Lyra and another small package for Pinkie Pie.” Derpy was happy that there wasn't alot of mail today. “Goody I can be back at my house baking muffins by 11:30” Derpy was Extremely excited since it was monday and the Cakes always put in a large order of muffins on monday. “Right Lyras house is next then i'll stop by the bakery then drop off fluttershys package and I can make some more delicious muffins.”
Derpy opened lyras mailbox and put in the two letters when she noticed the package next to the mailbox. “Oh dear she's sending another package I always get so confused delivering these.” Derpy carried the package and put it in back of her wagon. She then grabbed Pinkie package and trotted down the street to the Cakes bakery.
“Oh Oh Oh is that my package is it, is it?” Pinkie bounced out the front door of the bakery and kept right on bouncing around derpy. “I have been waiting like FOREVER for this package, Please say its for me I'll give you some cupcakes if its mine.” Derpy having received this treatment before yelled “YES ITS YOUR PACKAGE!” This usually calmed Pinkie down but today it didn't seem to work.
Pinkie got even more excited and starting bouncing even higher exclaiming. “Its Here, Its Here, Its Here” She then grabbed the package and bounced her way back into the bakery. “Well that was odd she doesn't normally get so excited about her mail.” Derpy went back to her cart pondering Pinkies behavior. “All well you can't really determine what she will do anyway.”
As Derpy was nearing Fluttershy's house Her left wagon wheel started squeaking. “Oh please don't fall off again please don't fall off!” Derpy was chanting this like a mantra when suddenly the wheel popped off her wagon and rolled down the bridge in front of Fluttershy's house, And went right up to the door. It hit with a very loud THUNK!. Derpy heard a Squeal from inside Fluttershy's house.
Derpy walked up to Fluttershys front door and moved the wagon wheel back. She called out. “Fluttershy its alright it was just the wheel from my wagon again, I didn't mean to scare you.” She heard timid hoofsteps on the other side of the door, then it slowly opened to reveal fluttershy. “Im sorry i scared you Fluttershy.” Said Derpy “Its ok, Im fine, what do you need help with derpy?” Fluttershy got this out after a few tries. “I have a package for you” Derpy followed this news by pulling the small package out of her mail bag and handing it to Fluttershy.
Derpy then rolled her wagon wheel back to her wagon and reattached it. “I really need to get a new wagon this happens almost everyday.” Derpy humming happily to herself then went back home.
The End
