Duke's Adventure

by UndreamedPanic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Gilda, Queen Chrysalis, Adventure, Crossover, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Other
Length: 2289

Duke Nukem was in a testing lab, to change different universes to stop the alien skum

Duke Nukem is the test pilot for a teleporter, what it does is it sends you to a different universe. They have constructed it to stop the alien skum from attacking earth. But something went wrong, there was a error in the location and he was sent to a whole new place. He finds himself with no one around, he is alone, except for these colorful ponies everywhere. Without a clear understanding of whats going on, and no communication back with the base, he is left to discover a new world. Will he survive? Will he discover new things? Will he get a muffin? Find out in the story.

Published 2012-10-20 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-20 01:40:01 UTC

The Adventure

"Duke? Where are you Duke?" said the general.

Duke Nukem is using the washroom, currently enjoy himself. He then looks into the mirror.

"I'm Awesome! I don't need to wash my hands, that's for sissys" Duke said starring at himself.

"Intercom: Duke Nukem, Calling Duke Nukem to the test lab."

"Let's rock!"

Duke Nukem traveled down the hallway to the lab for testing. He saw this guy eating cheese burgers with a side dish of butter.

"Whoa, dude, you have more chins then China-town"

The man eating those cheese burgers looked at them.

"I Will Eat All Of You!" Screamed the big dude.
"Yeah, you probably will." Said Duke Nukem.

Duke Nukem continued to go down the hallway.

"Duke, Are you ready?"
"I am always ready!"
"Okay, here is your mission." The general hands over an envelope with the title, "Top Secret."
"Duke, You are being sent to another universe to defeat the evil aliens before they attack us, and save the world."
"Alright dude, I will rip them a new one"
"Good, just step in to this chamber here"

The General Directed Duke Nukem to the chamber.

"What is this?" Duke said.
"It is just incase the test fails"
"Nothing better happen, my face is to awesome to afford that."

The General gave Duke Nukem some Handles to hold on, for if an explosion where to happen.
There is this scientist standing by the control panel.

"The controls are ready to activate, it is now on your call, General."
"Duke, Are you ready to do this?"

Duke Nukem looked up, And put his glasses on.

"Let's do this!"

The scientist flipped the switch. The lights turned on, there was a loud siren, there was a rumble like an earthquake and electrical arcs shooting everywhere.

"General! The Uranium is Unstable! We have to shut it off!" Yelled the Scientist.
"Not Now! We are almost there!" Shouted the General.

The intensity of the light and heat is ridiculous.

"Duke are you alright?"
"I am A-O-K, Baby" Replied Duke.

"Excellent, Turn up the power!"
"The this is crazy, we are all gonna die! We need to turn it off, now!"

The General grabbed the Scientist, and through him right into the toilet.
"You look, A little flushed" Said the General with a smirk.

The General grasped the valve with all his might and turned the valve until it broke off and shot out gasses that made you see purple dinosaurs.

"Dude! What's wrong!?" Shouted Duke.
"Heya there Farbiggnugen, how was ur day?"

The general was running around in circles flaying his arms around, he believed there was a purple dinosaur there named Farbiggnugen.

"This is Garbage! Who is gonna turn of this piece of-" There was an explosion.

A siren went off, and there was a warning voice.
"Siren: Emergency, Unstable Uranium, Evacuate right away."

Duke looked around for any people. There was none, he couldn't leave because he is still strapped and completely immobile.

"This is a huge steaming pile of-"

The chamber exploded with a huge electrical arc blowing up the whole building, burgers everywhere. everything is black and quiet.
He soon awoke with on the ground. He rubbed his eyes to fix his vision.
He looked around to view the scenery, everything is colorful.

"Is this the universe?" Duke said reaching for his face.
"Hey, Where are my shades?" Duke Nukem said with some panic.

There was this little snow white bunny hopping around with them.

"Hey you!" Duke shouted.

The bunny saw him and got startled and ran off.

"Hey! You little son of a buck!" Duke stop to realize what he just said.
"Buck?"
"Man o'man this Universe is messed up."

He ran after the bunny into this yard, next to it was a cottage. The bunny didn't have anywhere else to run.

"I am gonna shove my boot so far up your fluff, you will be coughing rubber!"

Duke Nukem caught the bunny and took his shades back. He then turned the bunny towards a bunch of trees and booted the bunny.

"Yeah! Field goal!"

He put on his shades. And heard a loud screech.

"Angel!"
"What the- What was that?" Duke said with some confusion.
"What have you done to my Angel?" Cried the voice.
"Well, mam, Your stupid bunny took my gla-" Duke said turning around to face the voice.
"what.....the.....?"
"You big meany!" cried the voice.
"You'er a Pony!?!" Duke said with a surprised face.

The yellow colored pony ran-off in tears.

"what alien skum are these?" Duke said with fear and confusion and hunger.
"I better call the General, this can't be the Universe."

He grabbed his phone and dialed. There was a stupid response.

"sorry, we cannot complete your call, there are burgers everywhere and all humans are dead. Sorry dude."

Duke Nukem throwed his phone on the ground and smashed it to pieces.

"Great....Now I am stuck in this messed up Universe, full of colored pony alien skum, and I can't even say some proper words. This blows."

Duke Nukem went around the cottage and saw a rocky path to a village.

"Hey, maybe there is somepony that can help me there."
"Somepony? What is wrong with me."

Duke Nukem followed the path. When he arrived the doors and windows are being slammed shut.

"What is going on?" He thought to himself.
"Is there anypony that can help me?" He shouted.

There wasn't any responses. He then walked up to this house and started to bang on the door.

"Hello?"
"This is just great."

A voice came from behind him.

"That's the creature, that is the one bullying angel" cried out the voice.

Duke Nukem looked down.

"Oh man, not this fluff again." Duke said Slowly turning around.

Another pony was with her this time, it was a purple pony.

"Um, excuse me? who are you? and why where you hurting Fluttershy's pet?"

"Flutter-who? what is that? some kind of disease? I was getting my glasses back cuz' that little thing stole them."
"Where am I? and what are you?" Asked Duke.

The purple pony looked at Fluttershy, they swapped the same confused look.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, this is Fluttershy, You are in Ponyville. And, who may you be?"

Duke Nukem looked them with a serious face.

"Ponyville? This must be baddest Universe."
"You don't know who I am?"
"sorry, no."
"Are you kidden' me? I am Duke Nukem, Super Soldier for America!"

Twilight and Fluttershy ask at the same time.

"What's an America? is that where your species is from?"
"Wha-Humans? yeah it is."
"Well, Why don't you come with us, we will figure out whats going on."

Duke Nukem followed the strange ponies to a tree, a super tall tree.

"What is this place?" asked Duke.
"This. This is the Library, my home."
"You live in a Library? You must be some kind of nerd, aren't ya?"
"I prefer egghead thank you very much, and yes the Library is my place of learning."
"whatever."

Duke Nukem and Twilight and Fluttershy walk through the door.

"Oh my! A new guest! Did it bring gifts! We need to Party!" Shouted a pink bouncy pony.
"A party? I am there baby."
"Oh How wonderful!" The Pink pony said.
"Pinkie Pie? What are you doing here?" Said Twilight.
"I was looking for a book on the history of treats!" Said Pinkie hopping up and down.

Twilight smacks her face with her hoof.

"I am sorry for her accompany." Said Twilight annoyed.
"Don't you worry, I love me a party, with some chicks." Said Duke proudly.
"Chicks? Oh! You can get some at Fluttershy's Cottage" Said the Pink pony not knowing what he meant.
"anyway.....Let us figure out this issue."

As Twilight looked in her collection of endless books, Duke Nukem saw outside the window that the ponies where training.

"Hey, Flilight Sprinkler, What is goin' on there?"
"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and they are training to defeat Discord."
"Discord? What is he, a Disco monster?" Joked Duke Nukem.
"No, Discord is the spirit of Chaos, and disharmony. He is destroying our world."
"I will help in your army, I am super soldier, but we do it my way."
"You wanna fight? Do you even have any skill?"

Duke Nukem let out a little chuckle. He grabbed her quill and stabbed a purple dragon.
"Spike!" Twilight screamed.
"See? I have enough skill to fight some spirit of chaos."

Spike dropped to the ground. with some red fluid leaking out of him.

"Oh my Celestia! What is leaking out of him?" Cried Twilight.
"That is blood. I thought you where smart?" Duke said.
"Blood? Is this from your Universe?" Twilight said.
"yeah! I make them Skum Aliens bleed all day long, baby!"
"We have never bleed before, Your presence in this Universe most be affecting our reality with yours."
"Sure whatever, he'll be fine."
"What happens when the blood runs out?"
"They die."
"Die?"
"Yeah, when the blood is gone, they are gone forever."

A bright blue Pegasus flew into the Library.

"Twilight, we are ready to fight Dosco-"
"Uhh, Twilight, who is that?"
"Oh Rainbow Dash, I would like you to meet your new soldier, he calls himself Duke Nukem."
"Hows' it goin', babe?"
"Babe?" Rainbow Dash said with confusion.
"You are my new soldier? Get to work then. Let's go, Let's Go."
"Baby, Where I come from, The training use's me as exercise" Duke said flexing his arms.

After that day, Duke Nukem was wondering when he was going to get his weapons.

"So, Sighlight Sprinkles, When am I gonna get my weapons?"
"Weapons?" Said Twilight.
"You know, Guns and knifes"
"Whats a gun?"
"are you Flippin' Kidden' me?" Duke raged.
"You don't have guns in this universe?"
"Sorry, no we don't."
"How are you gonna kill this thing?"
"Kill? We don't kill."
"What? This is lame..." Duke said.
"Well Why don't you just make them?"

Duke thought of the idea, and was excited about it.

"Alright, Dude!" Duke said.
"What is a, Dude?" Twilight asked.

Later that day, Duke Nukem constructed a Hand gun.

"Aww Yeah!" Duke Yelled.
"I need a target, Somepony get me a Target."

Rainbow Dash got a Pegasus to carry in a shield and hold in the air.

"Good, Now...Don't move."

Duke Nukem had his gun aimed towards the target.
Duke fired his gun. He missed and the bullet struck the Pegasus.

"OH NO!" Rainbow Dash yelled.
"Don't worry, he will be fine." Said Duke.

The Pegasus is laying there, dead, in a pool of blood.

The next day after his, awesome training, he needed to get some armor.

"Follow me, I will take you to Rarity's for some armor." Said Twilight.

Duke and Twilight went to Raritys.

Duke Nukem knocked on the door with a simple beat.

"Hello?" Rarity Answered
"Rarity, this is Duke Nukem, he is going to need some armor." Twilight said.

Rarity blushed a little.

"Right this way, Mr.Nukem."
"Call me Duke, babe." Duke said.

Rarity giggled.

All the armor they had, was not for a human, but for ponies.

"what is this fluff!" Duke yelled.
"sorry, this is all we have, not for your species I'm afraid." Rarity replied.
"that's alright, I will just use my muscles as my armor." Duke said.
"Oh my stars!" Rarity fainted.

Later that day, Duke Nukem needed to meet up with the rest of the ponies at Apple acres.

"Duke, Go to Applejack's farm, there you will be instructed." Twilight said.
"Okie....dokie....." Duke Nukem grabbed a puff of air, "LOKIE!" Duke yelled.

Duke Nukem ran there and broke the door down with a Fus Roh Dah.

"Don't you worry your little flanks, your master Duke Nukem is here." Duke said flexing all of his muscles.

After the little meeting on what the plan was. Duke had his weapon ready for the great battle of life or death, not really, its just Discord.

They had to go to the Headgemaze center, that is where the battle is taking place.
Twilight used a magic spell that did nothing but knock her down, Pinkie pie did nothing but laugh until she passed out, Applejack tried to kick him, but missed and hit an explosive barrel, Rainbow Dash tried to stop him with a sonic rainboom to the face, but he deflected it back at her and knocked her into the stars, Rarity tried to get Tom to do something. but Tom was a rock and there for, was useless, Fluttershy tried to ask him to stop, he said no, she went home.

They are defeated, all but one.

"Hahahahaha, is this the best you ponies can do?" Laughed Discord.
"You should shut your god-ugly face or I will do it for you." Said Duke holding the gun to him.
"And, who are you? And What in Equestria is that?" Discord asked.
"I am Duke Nukem, I have Balls of steel, And this, well, this is my little friend, and we are gonna rip your head off, and fluff down your neck!" Duke said with the serious face activated.
"Excuse me?" Discord said.
"Its time to kick some flank, and chew some bubble gum, and I am all out of gum." Duke threatened.
"Oh, rea-" Duke Shot Discord in the face.
"The day is saved, once again. Thanks to me, Duke Nukem." Duke said.
"Your so awesome!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Yay!" Said Fluttershy.
"You smell like war" Pinkie pie said.
"You are so, Magnificent" Rarity said.
"You did it, Champ!" Cheered Applejack.
"You are pretty cool" Said Twilight.
"Babes, I know."

Will Duke Nukem get back home? Will he ever find away to live there? Is that a sandwich?
Find out next time.