Twilight Sparkle Breaks the Fourth Wall with Portal Physics!
Twilight Sparkle Breaks the Fourth Wall with Portal Physics!
It was two in the morning. Twilight sparkle was having much difficulty sleeping. "Two in the Morning?!" She yelled as she glanced over at her iPod/alarm clock. "Oh why does this have to be so difficult to figure out?! I mean with magic it would be so easy to rip a hole into another world! But why is it so difficult to do with science?!" As twilight began to pace around the room she decided to play some background music from her iPod to help her think. Luckily for her spike wasn't there. he had gotten fed up with her constant ranting throughout the night and left the library to go to somepony else's house. He then fell into a sewer grate that had been left open. As Twilight's dubstep thinking music was playing, she had a brilliant idea! "That's it!" she said with a triumphant tone, "All I need to do is re-wire my particle collider a little bit, turn it into a cannon, tap into Equestria's power grid, and then it's just a simple flick of a switch, and voila I'll have a working portal!" At that moment, she began writing her own checklist of what to do to make her portal device, "Stupid, lazy Spike." she muttered under her breath, "So much for 'My Number One Assistant'."
-MEANWHILE-
"uhh...is anypony out there?" Spike cried softly out from the sewer, "My legs and arms are broken...I..I Can't move...help..."Unfortunately for him however, he wouldn't be saved for three weeks as nopony even heard him or noticed that the sewer drain was left open.
"Alright. This is it." Twilight said quietly as she began opening the back of her particle collider. "Now to just take out the batteries." As Twilight began taking out the batteries one by one, she managed to catch one that almost hit the floor using her magic. "Phew. That was close." She said as she moved the rest of the batteries into a plastic Ziploc bag. She then walked over to her closet, which opened with a cascade of dirty laundry falling onto her. Afterwords, she backed out from the pile holding an extension cord, measuring 3 feet in length, in her mouth. "Hmm. We're gonna need a bigger cord. Now where to get one." She began to ponder. After three minutes of more pacing and dubstep, she decided to go to DJ-PON3's house. She then proceeded to casually walk to Vinyl's House and knock on the door. As the DJ opened the door Twilight saw that Vinyl appeared to have a hangover. "Hi Vinyl! Umm...can you do me a favor?" She carefully asked as The DJ popped about 20 Tylenol into her mouth. "Yeah sure. What is it?" replied the DJ. "Can I use your biggest extension cord?" Just then, the left wall of Vinyl's house blew down and a massive extension cord floated out through the use of the DJ's magic. "Here ya go." Vinyl replied as she died of an overdose. "K Thanks" Twilight gleefully shouted back as she began jogging on her rear hooves towards the Equestria Electric Company building. She jogged for two hours, obliviously passing by a horribly drunk Pinkie Pie Stripping on a mailbox, Rainbow dash committing seppuku, Fluttershy quietly having a seizure, and Applejack eating Rarity, until finally reaching her destination. She quickly teleported into the fence and found a plug-in spot on the side
of the building. After that, she used her magic to allow herself to fly back to her tree house with the cord.
When she reached her house, she realized she forgot to re-wire the particle collider. She quickly took the SD card out of the back and replaced it with a USB flash drive. "Okay! Now all i have to do is plug it in!" she gleefully said after facing the now particle gun at the wall. After attempting to plug in the cord she found out it didn't entirely fit. "Oh well," she said "IT'S DUCT TAPE TIME!" she shouted with an unnatural enthusiasm while duct tape-ing the cord to the gun. "Now let's power this thing up!" she yelled as she flipped the switch on the side of the gun. After five minutes of nothing happening, she came to the conclusion that something wasn't right, well, really after twenty minutes of ranting about the five minutes of nothing.
As she examined the room, she theorized that she should turn on the light switch for the room. Immediately after doing that, the gun lit up the room like the fourth of July! The portal had opened and she gazed through the portal and found a Television with what appeared to be a show about her and her friends on it. As she gazed to the left however, she saw a naked bipedal figure furiously performing unspeakable acts while staring at her. Just as she began to scream in terror, the power went out and the portal closed. Unfortunately for Twilight however, she would be mentally scarred and friendless the rest of her life.
Shortly after these events had passed, Princess Celestia received a letter from her most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, depicting, in graphic detail, what had occurred. Immediately upon finishing reading the letter, Celestia faintly smiled, lifted over her trusty Desert Eagle with her magic, and blew her brains out. Just then, Luna came in and saw the bloody mess and, upon reading the letter, her head asploded.
About one year later the letter was re-found. When it was found, it was discovered hidden inside of the lost ark. Eventually one pony was able to read it and decided to publish it in the newspaper. That pony was Twilight. Once it was published, mass chaos arose as ponies mowed down one another in the streets with anything they could find. This included: Glass, puppies, nails, used needles, other ponies, ebola, hurtful words, bad videogames and consoles, paper, ideas, thoughts, and M72 Anti-Tank rocket launchers. Most ponies that read it suffered instantaneous strokes and heart attacks, melted, imploded, exploded, or committed suicide. The letter is still out there to this day. it is thought to be in possession of the cutiemark crusaders who are now the KKK CMC. others believe it to be an artifact of imagination, well that is, before they're murdered for having free will to think.Equestria is now run by an always drunk Pinkie Pie whose penalty for any crime is death.
-THE END-
