Explorus Innuendous Colossus

by sierra_seven_

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Comedy, Romance
Length: 4050

A compilation of several short, sweet innuendo stories.

A compilation of several stories involving everyone's favourite ponies! There will be background ponies! There will be Mane 6 ponies! There will be griffins! However, these stories have a twist… The stories here have been written for the TWE EIC writing contest, so be sure to name your favourite in the comments! All stories here had to be exactly 500 words to pass.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-27 00:59:52 UTC

Endurance. [Gilda] [Quantum]

Endurance.

By Quantum

Gilda grunted heavily, slamming herself into the chair. "Come on hot stuff, don't go easy this time," Gilda growled to herself, preparing to spread her legs open. She could feel the excitement building inside her, the thought of the physical intimacy they currently shared occupying her every thought. They would be pushing the limits this time, trying stuff that usually left her spent, aching and collapsed on the floor.

Thrusting her legs apart, she felt the familiar burn between her thighs that she put up with this for. She'd be lucky if she could walk afterwards, which is why her wings were secure behind her back while her hips and thighs built up a steady rhythm. "That's it, enjoy the pain and the feeling," Gilda moaned, building her rhythm up faster and harder. The burning increased, making the feathered bully gasp with excitement. Her usual partner had warned her against this, but she certainly didn't have the endurance to keep up with Gilda. She always dropped out before the climax; the wonderful period following their frowned-upon workout.

Redoubling her efforts, she gradually grew short of breath and her face grew warm. "Ahh, come on, just a... few... more!" she whimpered, the burning in her thighs becoming unbearable. Suddenly, before the pressure grew too great, she leapt off her mount and wobbled uncertainly to another seat, fixed in a different position. Her sweaty, abused body was near breaking point, but she was determined to continue.

Sliding herself into her next clean seat, she grasped a cool, textured shaft with her talons. It didn't matter about the shaft; she was doing this for herself. She was in complete command. Gilda started slowly, moving her flexible wrist up and down, taking the shaft with it. The muscles in her arm began to strain, protesting. Despite the growing burn in her arm, she continued to pump the shaft up and down, revelling in the cool breeze the action generated. It wouldn't be long before she was once again covered in hot, salty liquid.

Eventually the burning in one arm became too great, causing Gilda to curse profusely. She never ran out of energy; her endurance was legendary. She reluctantly used her other wrist after much deliberation. It was important for her to use both wrists equally. She started slamming the shaft back and forth, venting her anger into the movement. After several minutes more of this teasing, Gilda looked down to discover she was completely covered in the salty fluid dripping off her stomach and down her flanks.

"That'll have to do for today..." Gilda sighed reluctantly, casting a fond gaze over the machines that had brought her so much pleasure in such a little time. It hadn't been easy buying them; she'd received a lot of interested looks, but a quick flash of her muscles and talons quickly set them straight. Grabbing a towel, she wiped herself down and set to work cleaning the gym equipment, cleaning the thigh crunch and free-weight machines.

Daring Do's Booty [Daring Do] [The Crimson Brony]

On a dark, moonless night a hooded figure came into the inn searching for her contact. Finding him at the back of the room, she calmly trotted over.

"Captain," she said pulling up a seat in front of him.

"Arrgh! If it not be me old partner Daring Do. What brings ye to my neck of the woods?"

"It's personal business," she said looking deeply into his eyes.

The old captain melted under her gaze. Many a cold night at sea was spent with only her to warm his bed. He might not be a pony, but he was still a man and those nights at sea were long and lonely. "Arrgh," he responded reluctantly but he led her back to his room.

The adventurer pony dropped her cloak to the floor before turning back to the captain and said to him, "I have something here for you," then turned around and showed him her booty.

It was glorious. In all his long nights at sea and sailing around the globe never before had such a thing captured his attention so vividly. He stared dumbfounded at every curve, every gentle crease and fold. He trembled with desire, wanting to touch, feel, caress and worship it like it deserved to be.

"It be magnificent, Ms. Do," he managed to speak.

"Captain, we've known each other much too well and too long to be saddled with such formality?" Daring Do teased.

"Arrgh, that we may but the Crimson Brony be a gentleman above all else and so he would never impose without permission. So I be askin you if I could lay his hands on your magnificent booty?"

Daring Do blushed prettily. "Please, be my guest," she said breathlessly.

He slowly reached out his hands until he grasped the object of his desire. He ran his hands over it, brought is close so he could admire it better, breathed softly on it to judge the reaction and then gave it a tentative lick.

Daring Do gasped in surprise. She didn't expect him to do this but it felt okay and she wasn't about to complain about it.

"Methinks this requires something, perhaps a… key of sorts?"

"Exactly captain." Daring Do was so happy he had gotten the message and with almost giddy anticipation waited for what came next.

The Captain stood up, undid his breeches and pulled out his tool. "Ye've already met me Long John Silver.”

He positioned his tool at the right point and it slid into the booty as if each were made for the other. They gasped in surprise at how easily it went in and knew that this meeting was truly destiny.

Jiggling it about, they cried out in triumph as the key turned and the treasure split apart to reveal a treasure map leading to the city of El Dorado.

Taking her in his arms the pirate said, "We leave at high tide but until then heave to, me lusty wench, and prepare to be boarded."

Trixie Haggles [Trixie] [Ambion]

Trixie cocked an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“As if it weren’t something special,” the stallion - and he was quite definitely a stallion - said, his voice caught between pride and affront.

“It’s not very big.” Trixie snorted with a harsh little laugh. She poked at the thing with a hoof only to have the colt shoo her off before she could touch it, huffing as he did so.

“I’ll have you know, missy, that there is more to these things than size. I love and nurture mine more than any of those other one-trick ponies around. I actually know to use it, too, which is more than those other goofballs can say. One hundred bits.”

Trixie glared at the thing which, from a certain angle, seemed to glare back. “Twenty bits. Trixie has done perfectly well by herself without needing one of these in her life.”

The stallion choked, then caught her seriousness. After a moment’s dumbstruck gazing, he laughed, one that shook the air and in particular the merchandise in question. For her part Trixie ignored the stallion, opting instead to eye his piece warily.

“Twenty? Twenty? I don’t know where you’re from, ma’am, but around here we have some dignity.” Realizing he was souring the deal, the colt sighed. “Look, I don’t care what you think you want or don’t want, that’s not my business. But you walked in that door, so clearly you have some interest in what I’ve got...what you’re still looking at, excuse me, my eyes are up here. That’s better. You wouldn’t get the time of day for twenty bits, or even a piece of this. Ninety five bits, because I think you’re confused.”

Indeed Trixie was, though she’d never have admitted it, least of all to herself. “...a piece of it? Why would the Great and Powerful Trixie want just a piece? That’s just foalish.”

Maybe it was her momentary vulnerability that softened the colt’s expression. “Bit of a nickname, huh?” he asked, nodding wistfully. “Been like that for me too, being named Morning Wood.” Without too much overt change, his expression went from soft to hard. “You still ain’t touching or taking it ‘til you paid though, even if you have a funny name. Tell you what: ninety bits.”

Trixie peered at the grinning stallion. “Forty.”

“Eighty.”

“Forty five.”

“Seventy..”

Her expression entirely unchanged, Trixie did nothing more. After a few seconds, the colt felt a few various patches of sweat form from her withering glare.

“Look, because you particularly seem to need it: sixty bits, and that’s me being generous.”

“Deal.” She flung the bag of bits at him, but it was the hastiness with which Trixie took the prize in her mouth that nearly made the colt go cross-eyed.

The bell over the door was already jingling as he came back to himself.

“...enjoy your ‘magic’ wand, then.”

Special Treatment [Fluttershy] [electreXcessive]

Fluttershy lay down on the grass outside of her cottage, resting on her belly. She was nervous; she had never done something like this before in her life! Cautiously, she looked behind herself to see a little white bunny straddling her. Bracing for impact, she closed her eyes. She was told that this could experience could be quite painful, especially for a first timer.

Angel Bunny smirked at the shy pegasus. He pushed forward with a furious thrust, eliciting a large gasp from the quiet pegasus. A strange mix of pleasure and pain coursed through the mare as Angel Bunny kept viciously pounding her. Mangled squeaks erupted from her mouth as she felt his power coursing through her spine and throughout her body.

It was if he was a professional at this; had he done this before? It didn’t matter to Fluttershy, as she was glad that he was doing this for her now. She couldn’t even remember how many times she had experienced these urges but never acted on them! Sure, she’d helped others with them many times, but she’d never indulged in them herself! Feeling his firm yet gentle caress of her body; it was simply intoxicating to say the least.

Angel continued his ravishing of Fluttershy, pounding her harder and harder. He stopped momentarily, signaling for Fluttershy to flip over onto her back and allow him easier access. Fluttershy timidly accepted, flipping over and casting a still nervous glance to the bunny. Instantly, he was back to his onslaught, the rhythmic slapping sounds echoing throughout the clearing.

Fluttershy grunted in the pain and ecstasy from the force, but it felt so good! Guttural moans sounded from her mouth, as she cried out to the white bunny on top of her.

“A-angel! P-please, just a little harder! It’s so close to coming out! Please, just listen to mama!” Fluttershy yelled at her loudest, which was still a soft whisper.

Angel heeded her request, pouring as much raw bunny power as possible into his final thrust. It was a quick strike of pure power that pushed them over the edge, causing a massive pleasurable sensation to erupt throughout Fluttershy’s entire body. Angel just smirked; now that he had shown her how good it could feel, maybe it would cause her to gain some courage and go do it more often. Overall, he was just glad to help his caretaker with her most simple of needs; something that any talented stallion could give her after all.

Shakily, Fluttershy rose to her hooves; she stumbled about a bit, not used to the sensations that she was feeling. Angel Bunny had done a good job working all of the kinks and knots out of her muscles. She'd have to get a massage more often!

"Thanks for the back massage, that felt really amazing Angel! Though we should probably do that inside the house next time Angel, who knows what other ponies thought they heard!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

Beeswax [CheerileeXScootsXAppleBloom] [AxelNyan]

Cheerilee walked down the hallway, the school day over with. The bell had rung hours ago, of course, but she had to stay and grade all the work the ponies had done for the day. Now that she was done, she could head home and relax.

“Nnnggh!”

“Quiet, someone could hear us!”

“Who’s going to hear us, nngh, everypony already left!”

“It doesn’t matter! Someone could hear us from outside, and they’ll come in and see what’s going on! We’d be in so much trouble!”

‘What’s this?’ thought Cheerilee, walking towards the fillies restroom. As she neared, the sounds of exertion and panting could be heard, and the air smelled strange. Now that she thought of it, it smelled familiar! In fact, she could’ve sworn it smelt just like her college da- ‘Oh, Goddesses, NO!’ The teacher hurried to the door, just as they started speaking again.

“Hey! Did you hear that? I heard someone! Oh, come on, Scoots! We need to leave!”

“Quit being such a chicken, Apple Bloom! That was no one, you’re just hearing things! Now, help me out! Nnnngh! Oh, I’m so close! I can feel it! AH!”

“Oh, alright! Just, hurry it up, will ya? This is embarrassing enough as it is!”

‘Oh, Celestia, why! I must stop them! They are making such a mistake!’ With that thought in mind, the teacher tried opening the door quietly, since she didn’t want to scar the fillies any further with a sudden intrusion.

“Oh! Apple Bloom! Right there! FASTER!”

“Quiet Scootaloo! I can’t rub any faster! My hoof tiring!”

The teacher decided to forgo any subtlety, and burst the door open, startling the two fillies.

“What in the holy name of Celestia is WRONG with you tw-”

The teacher paused when she saw the two fillies. They were covered in honey, coated everywhere. Apple Bloom’s hoof was currently stuck in Scootaloo’s side, and that side was almost completely devoid of honey. Both fillies were watching their teacher, eyes wide, fearing the punishment they might get. Quickly, they decided to try and explain the situation, fearing that their teacher might assume their version of the worst.

“Miss Cheerilee! We can explain! You see, Me and Apple Bloom here were out trying to get our Honey Collectors’ cutie marks, and when we tried pulling on the nest to get the honey out, it overturned, spilling it on us! We had to come back and wash up, since we didn’t want my parent’s or Apple Bloom’s sister finding out! We’re sorry we stayed after hours! Please don’t punish us!”

The teacher just sat there stunned. Normally, this would be grounds for detention, since student’s aren’t allowed back in the building after hours. Considering what she had thought they were doing, however, she merely wanted them gone for now, so that she may purge her thoughts of any perversity.

“Just... go.”

CMC Helping Hooves! [CMC] [MidnightDancer]

The sun burned high above Ponyville as a certain white filly, out of breath and redfaced, made her way to the clubhouse.  Pausing before the door, she winced slightly, rubbing her hind legs together and feeling the heat and dampness there. Aggravated, she burst in to see her two best friends relaxing on the floor.

"Girls," she panted, "I really really REALLY need your help!" Her squeaky voice held panic, causing the other two Crusaders to rise to their hooves and gallop to her.

"Wh-what happened?!" Apple Bloom circled her friend, noting the wetness of her lower regions. "An' jus what the hay is that smell?"

"I don't know! I was out playing with Featherweight earlier-"

"You what? Why didn't you ask us to come?" Scootaloo asked, slightly hurt. Then her eyes opened wide. "Don't tell me you LIKE-"

Apple Bloom cut her off with a hoof wave. "That's not what's important! Right now, Sweetie's hurtin', and we need to help! We might even get our cutie marks," she added, upon seeing Scootaloo's disgusted face.

"Fine," Scootaloo sighed. "Alright, um...I guess, lay down."

Sweetie complied immediately, lying down on her back and splaying her legs out towards her friends. "It aches," she whimpered, looking up at them.

Apple Bloom took charge. Her eyes drifted downwards towards the wetness and the little nub she could see now; it hadn't been visible when Sweetie was standing. But laying prone like this, it was easy to see the problem and the solution. "How long has this been hurtin?"

Sweetie tried to think, a difficult task with the heat and throbbing down there. "Um...about two hours, I guess. It wasn't bad at first, and I could ignore it, but it just got worse and worse!  I can't let Rarity see me like this! Please help me, girls!" Sweetie punctuated her plea by reaching for her earth pony friend, eyes shining with need.

Apple Bloom just smiled at her unicorn friend before dipping her head to the wetness. Her nose crinkled slightly at the smell, but she put her mouth over the nub there anyway. Sweetie sighed and trembled slightly. "That feels...nice..."

She pulled the nub slightly. Scootaloo, wanting to help, lapped up the wetness from around the area, finding it didn't taste as bad as she expected.  Apple Bloom stopped a moment.

"This might hurt for a second." Sweetie squeaked and nodded. Apple Bloom reached down, and in a swift motion pulled the nub completely out. Sweetie yelped in pain before finally relaxing. Scootaloo continued licking the area, soothing the throbbing there.

Apple Bloom spit the thorn out to the side. "Landsakes, Sweetie, that's a heck of a thorn! What were you two playin'?"

"We were playing near the forest and my legs slipped into the river-I guess I fell on it. I couldn't see what was causing the pain! Thank you girls, so much."

They each whirled around to look at their own flanks.

Still blank.

"Aww, man..." Scootaloo moaned.

Need some help? [Sparity] [Sabre Blade]

Rarity was walking home from the Ponyville Spa, smiling to herself. Her muscles felt so soothed after that gentle massage from Aloe.

'Aloe sure knows how to relieve a mare's tension,' Rarity thought. She was still a little wet from the spa, but that didn't matter; she could take care of it at home. Rarity turned left around a corner, the Carousel Boutique coming into sight. Rarity increased her pace, eager to get home. But as Rarity got closer, she saw that the door was ajar. Curious, Rarity walked up closer to the door, before stopping dead after hearing a voice.

"Ughhh!" groaned the voice inside. Fear flashed in Rarity's mind. Her precious gems! But the fear disappeared before long. This voice didn't seem as if it were up to mischief.

"Mmph!" The voice let loose a muffled cry. Rarity stepped back in shock. The voice almost sounded like it belonged to...

Inside the Carousel Boutique, a small purple and green dragon lay on the floor.

'I've got to hurry! Rarity could be home any second!' thought Spike, panting as he took a brief rest. 'If she catches me like this...' Taking a deep breath, Spike started tugging again.

"Nngh!" grunted the voice inside. Rarity's eyes were wide. Someone had broken into her shop just so they could- No, they couldn't be. Who would do that? Rarity shook her head, pushed open the door and walked inside. Rarity gasped at the sight that met her.

"Oh my goodness! Spike? What are you doing!" Rarity shouted.

"Gahh! Rarity! I, uh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to- I mean, I was just-"

"How could you?"

Spike's hung his head in shame. "I'm so sorry, Rarity. I...I-I understand if you never wanted to... see me again..."

"Oh you poor dear. It looks like you could use some help." Rarity advanced towards Spike and wrapped her hooves around him...

Fluttershy walked up to Rarity's boutique, carrying a saddlebag on her back.

"Uh, Rarity?" Fluttershy called softly. "You, um, left your bits at the spa. I just thought I'd come and drop them off. I mean, if that's oka-" Fluttershy stopped mid-sentence when she heard the sounds coming from the boutique.

"Oh, Spike, it's so tight!" Rarity cried.

"UUUGGGHHH!!!" Spike gave a massive groan.

"Come on, Spike. *Ugh* Don't let me do all the work! Harder!"

Fluttershy squeaked in embarrassment. She dropped Rarity's saddlebag on the ground before taking off and flying away as quickly as she could from the boutique.

"Ohmygoodness ohmygoodness ohmygoodness ohmygoodness!" Fluttershy said to herself, trying to block out what she had just heard.

After what seemed like hours, the groans finally stopped coming from the Carousel Boutique. Inside, Rarity sat on her pillow while she looked disapprovingly at an ashamed Spike.

"You ruined my favourite dress. Next time, just come and ask me before trying on one of my dresses! Now my hooves are all sore from trying to pull you out!"

Results

Ladies, gentlemen, fillies and gentlecolts.

It is my pleasure to announce the winner of the first Train Wreck Explorers writing contest: Explorus Innuendous Colossus. Firstly though, I'd like to express my pride with the content produced so far. It has always been evident that we have a great amount of talent amongst our ranks. Here, however, that talent has been expressed in a physical (no pun intended(Ok, a little pun intended)) manner. We can now see the true extent of our talent base, and it's really quite awe-inspiring. To see the number of excellent authors gathered together to create the next generation of authors, to help and advise them.

Well, I'm also incredibly proud to see how we've all come together to create a compilation that has received 53 total upvotes! I'm already looking forward to our next competition, details of which will be released shortly. The word count will be a fair bit longer, somewhere in the region of 2000 words. I'm sure this will appeal to more authors! More words certainly means better plot.

Now, I'd just like you to remember that no matter how many votes you received, I'm still damn proud of you for what you did. Every single one of these made me smile, and has certainly done so for a great many readers. Seriously, you all did well. I look forward to seeing many of you competing in our next event, as well as some new faces. Remember, it's not about winning! Everyone here has become more popular as a result of taking part, and maybe it even gave you chaps some ideas!

Regardless, I see these upcoming events as an excellent way to practice different genres, thereby making us even better authors! Next time, I might not participate so I don't... well, you'll see in a second. Long story short, this is a really good example of what we do best in the TWE. Laugh, imitate popular trends and grammar-nazi the fcuk out of clopfics. Well, almost-clopfics in this case. So it with massive pride, honour, joy and [positive emotion here], I hereby declare the innuendo contest CLOSED. YES, CLOSED.

Well, I'm sure you're all anxious for the results. I'll quit my inspirational speech then!

*Heart-rending instrumental fades out reluctantly*

Well, here they are!

TWE Explorus Innuendous Colossus: Results

First Place:    Quantum's 'Endurance': 6 votes

Joint Second Place:       Ambion's 'Trixie Haggles': 2 votes

Axel Nyan's 'Beeswax': 2 votes

Sabre Blade's 'Need Some Help?': 2 votes

Joint Third Place:      electreXcessive's 'Special Treatment': 1 vote

The Crimson Brony's 'Daring Do's Booty': 1 vote

Fourth Place:            Midnight Dancer's 'CMC Helping Hooves': 0 votes

The next contest will be incoming soon. All I'm saying at this point is it will be about 2000 words, and the theme will be cuteness. You heard me, cuteness! From innuendo to cuteness, this should be interesting.

Vote Tally

Endurance: ||||| | RaspingLeech, 7-4, electreXcessive, The Crimson Brony, Sabre Blade, Midnight Dancer

Daring Do's Booty: | Evil Homer

Trixie Haggles: || The Commander, Cry Havoc

Special Treatment: | Axel Nyan

Beeswax: || Ambion, ScreenedPlum

CMC Helping Hooves!: /

Need some help?: || Desideratium, Khaos

Above are the cumulative votes collected at 01:46 on Saturday 27th, October 2012 (GMT). Votes are the respective property of the voter. I'm on a horse.

*Quantum flies Spitfire into the sunset, whistling the Old Spice theme tune*