The Showdown

by Mr. Grimm

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Nightmare Moon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Other
Length: 2762

A battle between the leading figures of Equestria.

It's finally happened. Discord, Nightmare Moon, and Queen Chrysalis have all joined ranks in a final bid to take over Equestria. They meet up with Celestia and Luna in a battle for glory. But things quickly get out of hoof, even for someone as chaotic as Discord. Based on a scene from 'Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy'.

Published 2012-10-20 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-20 13:40:01 UTC

Escalation In Equestria

Escalation In Equestria

The two princesses stood in the center of their courtyard, their eyes full of determination as the wind blew dark clouds across the sky. The alicorns glared at the three approaching enemies, two of whom resembled them to a frightening degree. A third one hovered above them, his long body snaking listlessly towards the princesses. At last they grew close enough so that the contemptuous sneers on their faces were visible.

“Why, hello your royal highnesses,” said the draconic chimera as he touched down to the earth, “What a surprise it is seeing you two here.” His deriding mirth was met with an uncharacteristically stony glare from Celestia.

“We live here,” she said, narrowing her eyes.

“We’ve come to evict you,” came the distorted voice of Queen Chrysalis as her ragged wings twitched. Luna glared at the changeling’s smug, razor-toothed grin.

“We’re not going to let that happen,” the lunar princess said, shifting her gaze to what appeared to be an armored alicorn with fur as black as midnight, “You can count on that.”

“Counting has never been a subject I cared for,” Discord said, almost lazily as he stretched out his claws, “Too much logic involved. Now then, I assume you have some silly intention of defending Canterlot. I would advise you to step aside. We might get rubble in your manes.” The two princesses snorted angrily as he chuckled to himself.

“I wholeheartedly agree,” sneered Nightmare Moon, “I alone brought the two of you to heel before. What in this world makes you think you have any chance against the three of us?”

“Because they’re not alone.” Both the princesses and their enemies looked over to see six familiar mares, a purple unicorn in the lead. Each one wore a shining piece of jewelry on their person that emitted rays of sparkling light.

“Well, if it isn’t Twilight Sparkle and the Elements of Harmony,” Discord said, his mouth drawn in a smile of wicked amusement as he turned to Celestia, “A truly benevolent ruler you are, sending six teenage mares to do battle for you.”

“We came here against her orders,” Twilight said as she and her friends moved alongside their monarchs. She turned to Celestia with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Princess. We couldn’t let you do this alone.” The solar alicorn smiled down at her student.

“I understand,” she said.

“Pardon me for interrupting this disgustingly heartwarming moment,” came the ever-contemptuous voice of Chrysalis, “But again it seems we need to restate there’s three of us.”

“It doesn’t matter how many of you there are,” retorted Luna, “As long as we are together, none of you can hurt us.”

“Who said it was only them?!” thundered a dark voice as the clouds swirled overhead. Everyone looked up to see a huge chariot being drawn across the sky by four monstrous dragon-like creatures. Its rider’s horrible laugh echoed out across Canterlot as he cracked his whip, and the nightmarish craft began to descend upon the courtyard. It touched down with a resounding boom, coming to a halt right between the two parties.

The chariot’s driver was an enormous centaur, his height rivaling Discord’s. He stood on the black body of a powerful stallion, and from where the neck should have been emerged the torso of a man, his powerful muscles bulging beneath his blood-red skin. A grin dominated his horned head as he regarded the princesses with fiery yellow eyes.

“Tirek…” breathed Celestia as she looked upon him with fear.

“The Centaur of Tartarus?” cried Discord, “What are you doing here?” The giant turned to the three villains, causing them to collectively flinch.

“To destroy all of you,” he said with a sneer, “It is I, not you, who will rule over this land!”

“As my sister already told them,” Celestia said, standing tall against the imposing figure, “We won’t let that happen.”

“That is where you’re wrong!” laughed a hideous wheezing voice. The winds suddenly picked up, and a thick, billowing cloud of smoke and ash made its way into the courtyard. It cackled and hacked as it swirled about the ground, causing the grass to wither as it passed. Twilight watched in awe as the cindery cloud began to come together, forming a long, slender pillar of smoke. Two stretching arms were held outwards, forming an arch beneath a mass of smoke that formed a head. A series of jagged holes formed two glaring eyes and a wide, wickedly grinning mouth.

Twilight gulped in an attempt to hydrate her fear-dried throat. She knew what this creature was--A Jinn--and knew they possessed enormous power.

“Step aside, Tirek,” boomed the newcomer, “I’ve come to lay claim to the throne!” The centaur cracked his whip at the smoke, unleashing a thunderbolt at the Jinn.

“Get out of here, Arabus,” snarled Tirek, “I’ll not lose to a pathetic imp such as yourself!”

“You’ll most certainly lose to me!” came yet another voice, this one as deep as a mountain’s roots. Celestia cried out as the earth began to tremble. She and her comrades grouped together as a massive crack in the earth formed. They looked out with horror as an ominous red glow poured out from the fracture, a thunderous chuckle coming along with it. A huge, powerful hand made of molten rock grasped the edge of the crack, its thick fingers scorching the dirt. A broad, imposing creature arose from beneath the ground, topped off by a hideous head with a beard composed of oozing lava. The harsh glow of his body reflected off of his obsidian crown, as well as the beautiful, golden belt that encircled his waist.

“Behold, surface-dwellers!” he guffawed, bits of smoldering rock spewing from his cavernous maw, “I’ve come to take back what’s mine. And I’ve brought an army do it!” He guffawed as a great rumbling was heard beneath the earth. Luna stared in horror as she watched thousands of small creatures crawl out alongside the larger one. They resembled smaller, uglier versions of what appeared to be their king, and were armed with chunks of fiery rocks.

“What are you?!” cried Nightmare Moon as she backed away from the creature’s horde of yammering minions.

“King Lavan of the Ignetites!” replied the mass of brimstone, “I’m here for all the metals and stones you ungrateful surface-dwellers have stolen from me!”

“So you’re not here to take over Equestria?” Discord asked hopefully.

“Of course I am!” the fiery monarch cried, “How could I not? It’s protected by the most pathetic of creatures I’ve ever seen.” The princesses’ wings ruffled in annoyance as he chortled deridingly.

“I have to agree with you there,” gurgled a watery voice. Everyone’s head turned to the west as a writhing abomination came slithering over the walls of the courtyard. It was an enormous, blood-red cephalopod. A mass of twitching, snaking tentacles surrounded a monstrous head, upon which was a broad, gaping mouth filled with numerous rows of shark-like teeth. A sharp, spiny fin ran down the center of his cranium, beginning just above a pair of soulless yellow eyes.

“Squirk!” bellowed Lavan, his blazing eyes narrowing at the leviathan, “What in blue blazes are you doing here?” The aquatic monster let out an oily snicker.

“I’m here to do the same as everyone else,” he sneered, “Take over Equestria.” One of his lengthy tentacles extended upwards, holding what looked like a glowing red gem affixed to a tarnished chain. It suddenly fired a blast of energy at a tree. Where a maple had stood only moments ago was now a mass of slime-ridden seaweed.

“ALRIGHT!” Discord cried angrily as he flew high into the sky, his face drawn in a look of frustrated impatience, “Is there anyone else who wants to take over Equestria?”

“Just one more…” came a voice far darker than any heard so far. It was low and raspy, sending a chill through all who heard it. Discord slowly turned around to witness a mass of black clouds building up in the air behind him. Thunder resounded over and over again as the sky was filled with jagged lightning. Winds howled, sounding like the roars of some ancient beast awakening from a long slumber.

The storm clouds began to descend from the dark sky, their shape changing to that of a medieval city long past is prime. Dark spires loomed above the walls of a crumbling fortress ridden with a melancholy fog. The horrid sight touched down to the earth, and a heavy drawbridge descended to the ground with a deafening crash. A huge shape began to emerge from the darkness within.

Celestia’s eyes widened as she laid eyes upon a terror that had not reared its head in ages. It was an enormous goat, standing twice the height of a pony, covered in steely fur. A heavy collar bordered his neck, covered in tarnished brass plates. A great iron bell hung suspended from it. Two twisted, black horns grew from his head, curling so that their tips faced forward. He strode out into the courtyard, tall and powerful, scanning ahead with eyes that glowed like coals in their sockets.

“…The Tyrant of Tambelon…” breathed Twilight, shrinking back from the monster.

“And you are…?” Chrysalis murmured, looking supremely annoyed.

“Grogar,” answered the unnerving creature, “Dark Lord of Tambelon. I’ve returned to reclaim the land as my own.” Chrysalis gazed at the being, raising an eyebrow.

“Riiiiight,” sighed the changeling, “You and what army?” The goat’s mouth moved to form an evil smile as a great ruckus was heard from within the city’s walls. Moments later a horde of unspeakably hideous creatures came marching out behind Grogar. Trolls, Ogres, and Goblins swarmed out into the courtyard, clutching a variety of sharp, jagged weapons.

“Okay,” Discord said wearily, “Can we start now?” A collective battle cry from everyone on the field served as his answer.

All at once, the combatants charged. The air sprung to life as it was filled with magical blasts from all parties, crisscrossing the skies in a web of crackling energy. The sound of hooves followed Celestia and Luna as they rushed at Discord. The Spirit of Chaos flew towards them, his claws ablaze with his dark magic. He suddenly ducked down and picked up the two alicorns by their tails, and chuckled as he headed for the clouds. He was suddenly stopped when something snapped around his own tail. He turned around to see Tirek in pursuit, and that one the monsters pulling his chariot had clamped its jaws around the tip of his draconic tail.

Nightmare Moon wove through the chaos, blasting at anything that moved. Things had gotten far too frenzied to tell who was on who’s side anymore, as the battle seemed to growing larger by the minute. The entire Equestrian army had shown up due to the commotion, and were now locked in battle with Chrysalis’s changelings, who had arrived to aid their queen. Aiding the soldiers was a heard of stampeding buffalo who had seemingly shown up out of nowhere, and they were backed by a what appeared to be an entire frontier town armed with hot apple pies.

Nightmare dodged a blast from a blue unicorn in wizard garb, who was running for her life from an Ursa Minor. The dark alicorn had barely steadied herself when two unicorn stallions in a strange vehicle went soaring by singing a musical number, knocking her into the mud. She stood up just in time to be clobbered by three oddly shaped dogs in vests. Nightmare went flying through the air, narrowly missing the snapping jaws of a rampaging Hydra. The warrior let out a roar of rage as she spread out her wings, soaring into the air. She dipped and ducked, avoiding a collision with an angry griffin.

The alicorn suddenly cried out as she felt a sharp pain in her backside. She turned to see that she now had an arrow in her flank. She screeched in anger, disintegrating the arrow before turning back to the mass of motion to pick out her attacker. Her eyes fell upon one of the countless Celestian Soldiers; a unicorn with a bow. Eyes blazing in fury, the equine telekinetically took a trident from one of Grogar’s troll soldiers and flung it in the impudent stallion’s direction.

Chrysalis leapt over a massive minotaur to avoid being hit by Grogar. The goat snarled and snorted as he sent blast after blast into the crowd, sending dozens flying with each blazing explosion hurled from his horns. Chrysalis turned around to send a barrage of green fire at the devilish figure. Grogar didn’t even flinch at her attack, and responded by charging through a battalion of Luna’s night guards, scattering them about the field in his mad pursuit of the queen. Chrysalis frowned, wheeled around, and took flight. Upon retrospect, she wondered if it had been a good idea to start the dark lord’s beard on fire, as he now seemed terribly upset about it.

“RUN!” mocked the indescribably horrid voice of the otherworldly terror, “IT WILL DO YOU NO GOOD!” Indeed it didn’t, for as Chrysalis fled from the enraged goat, she ended up flying into a scrap between a grey-maned Pegasus and a strange, half-dog, half-monkey creature. The latter seemed to screaming in Spanish. After several minutes, the monarch tore herself loose of the mortal enemies and continued to flee, Grogar close behind her.

Celestia and Discord were engaged in immortal combat in the midst of a melee between a Quarry Eel, a ferocious red Dragon, and the Wonderbolts. It seemed Discord had the upper hand, for he bent the laws of physics to allow him to retaliate a dozen times for every blow Celestia dealt him. In an attempt to get an edge, Celestia took the skies. Discord’s agile form snaked after her as they rose above what seemed to now be a battle involving the entire nation of Equestria. To be honest it looked like a massive free-for-all, as nopony seemed to fighting on a specific side any more. Discord would have normally been reveling in it, but he was currently focused on destroying Celestia. A wide grin spread across his face as he chased the alicorn higher and higher into the clouds, a vision of reining over a nation of chaos presiding over his thoughts.

He was so engrossed in his imagination that he never noticed Luna sweeping up along side her sister until the two turned to meet him, their horns charging with energy. About the same time, Rainbow Dash was about to do a sonic rainboom, the Elements of Harmony were about to unleash a blast of friendship, A buffalo Shaman was performing a complicated war dance, and Ditzy ‘Derpy Hooves’ Doo was throwing a combustible lemon in the path of Nightmare Moon.

Meanwhile in Saddle Arabia, two camel traders were arguing over the price of dried dates. As they hotly debated in language few can understand, the starry night overhead suddenly became as bright as day. The source of the illumination came thousands of miles to the east, emanating from a massive explosion. They paused in their dispute to look up, just as the night returned. There was a brief silence afterwards before they returned to their discussion.

Discord took a long drink from his bottle of cider before turning to his two cellmates, leaning against the brimstone that made up the wall of the Tartarus cell. Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis looked back, each one looking as if they had been dragged through Tambelon. Chrysalis had her horn reattached to her head by the means of duct tape, and had a crude cast on her back hind-leg. Nightmare Moon was holding an ice-pack to her head and nursing a mild concussion.

“Boy,” sighed Discord, “That escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast.”

“It jumped up a notch,” added Chrysalis.

“It did, didn’t it?” said Discord as he sipped his cider.

“Yeah, I stabbed a guard in the heart…” Nightmare Mare muttered with a smile.

“I saw that,” chuckled the Draconequus, “Moonie killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?”

“Yeah,” confirmed Nightmare, “There were armies, and a mare on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.”

“Yeah,” Discord said, scratching the back of his neck brace, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find a lawyer or a relative who knows one. Say nothing for a while, because you’re probably in here for murder.”