Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

by The Tainted One

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other, Adventure
Length: 5896

An unconventional crossover between the Borderlands and MLP universes.

Firefly, bored with his life as a gardener, decides to seek out a life of adventure, danger, and loot by traveling to Pandora and joining the Vault Hunters Union. But, to his dismay, he finds out that it proves to be a much harder task that he thought.

Published 2012-10-20 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-04 12:53:41 UTC

Prologue: First Contact

Earth Date: July 23rd, 2426
Six years after Handsome Jack’s downfall on Pandora.

~~Incoming Transmission~~
From: Alexis Varga
Origin: Eden Prime
RE: Discovery
Do you accept? Y/N

James let out a deep sigh. Alexis had contacted him over twenty times in the last week about some ‘discovery’. He rapped his fingers on the table as he took another sip of his lukewarm coffee. “Ugh, if I don’t answer the bitch will never get off my back.” Reluctantly, he hit the ‘Y’ button on his ECHO device. Almost instantly, a slightly irritated female voice flooded the small room James was in.

“I was beginning to think you were never going to answer, Jimmy.” Alexis said with a huff. “You’re not still sore about that whole ‘arm’ thing, are you?” James scoffed and his gaze absentmindedly shifted to his now cybernetic arm. Less than a week ago, it was still flesh and blood. But, thanks to a misfire from one of Alexis’s ‘experimental’ pistols, he had his arm blown off.

“Gee, why would I still be sore about something that happened less than a week ago on my BIRTHDAY!” James screamed as he slammed his fist into the table. Fortunately, it was his cybernetic fist, so he was uninjured. The same could not be said for the metal table however. A four inch depression where James hit the table was now extremely prevalent. He sighed with frustration and downed the last of his coffee.

“Oooh, okay. Still sore.” Alexis said awkwardly. “Well, at least you can digistruct that Deathtrap monstrosity that that child prodigy created a few years back, right?” James rubbed the dented table with his good hand and took a bite of the doughnut that had been ignored.

“No, I didn’t have that feature put in. I did, however, have the ‘end call with an annoying bitch’ program installed.” James retorted as he reached for his ECHO.

“Wait! Don’t hang up!” Alexis called out. James stopped his finger just above the ‘dismiss’ button.

“Gimme one good reason why.” James said skeptically. After a few seconds of papers rustling and the sound of a door shutting, Alexis responded.

“I’ll pay you. $100,000. I’ll send it to your account now.” After another few seconds pause, a beeping from James’s wrist drew his attention. A holodisplay projected itself from his arm with the message:

‘Funds Received: $100,000’
‘Do you accept? Y/N’

James pressed the ‘Y’ button with one of his fingers and turned his focus back to Alexis. “I guess being the C.E.O. of Maliwan has it’s benefits.” James said with a chuckle. “Now, what’s so important that you have to bribe me with a hundred grand?”

“I’m e-mailing it to you now.” Alexis said while the clicking of keys could be heard in the background. James let out a small laugh and finished off his doughnut.

“You still use a keyboard? How primitive.” James taunted. A high pitched female laugh could be heard from the ECHO.

“Says the man who is number two shareholder in Jakobs.” Alexis shot back. A pair of beeps from James’s computer split his focus. “There, it’s sent.” James slid his chair over to his computer and touched the ‘e-mail’ button. Sure enough, there was one unread e-mail from Alexis titled ‘Discovery’. He poked the e-mail with his false arm. After about half a second had passed, four pictures of a blue and green planet appeared on screen. He moved through the pictures and, once he had discerned that there was nothing special about this particular planet, move back over to his ECHO.

“That’s it? Some random ass planet? What’s so special about it?” James said in disbelief. “That’s what you blew a hundred grand for?”

“That’s not just any planet, Jimmy. That’s Omega-7.” Alexis replied calmly. James blinked in confusion, taking several seconds to piece together what he just heard.

“Wait, wait, wait. Isn’t Omega-7 a black hole?” James asked in uncertainty.

“That’s what I thought too, until my E-Tracker started picking up massive amounts of Eridium. So I sent a spy drone to check it out and found that.” Alexis replied. James rolled back over to his computer and pulled up a star chart. Sure enough, once he scrolled over to Omega-7, the little blip that meant ‘black hole’ was sitting precisely where Alexis had taken pictures of a planet. “I know, I checked the star chart after I saw the pictures, too.”

“So, what possible reason could a star have to orbit a planet? Magic?” James said sarcastically.

“I sent a probe to the planet’s surface to check it out. These are some of the pictures it took.” James’s e-mail beeped again and he thumbed the ‘open’ button. What he saw, deeply confused him. Multi-colored horses were living in some kind of old fashioned town. Some had on saddles that seemed more for decoration than function. There were even tiny horses in some places. Even more confusing, however, was that some of them had wings and horns. In the last picture, however, what something far more interesting. A cave, glowing purple with Eridium.

“Alright, cut the bullshit. Is this real?” James snapped into his ECHO.

“Trust me, they’re as real as you and me. I was taking a frigate there shortly and wanted to know if you would like to join me?” Alexis asked coolly. “But, if you’re busy, I can understand and I’ll just mine all that Eridium myself.”

“Oh ho ho. This, I gotta see.” James hit the power button on his computer, grabbed his ECHO, and walked out the door.

“The dropship will be at the starport in five minutes to pick you up.” Alexis said through the ECHO. “Don’t be late.” James hit the ‘end call’ button on his ECHO and slipped it into his pocket. He walked over to his personal Fast-Travel station and initialized it. A display of Eden Prime popped up, with little symbols where all the Fast-Travel stations on the planet were. He found the one with the starport and hit the button. Less than a second later, he was disassembled and re-digistructed at the starport. James took a moment to get his bearings and then headed to where the dropship was supposed to be. The starport was all but deserted, save for a few travelers and robots going to and fro. The maintenance robots were ever busy; be it sweeping, mopping, or picking up trash. After a brief walk, James found himself at the Maliwan C.E.O.’s personal gate. He held up his ECHO communicator to the gate so it could scan it. A bright light shone from the digistruct node in the wall, shining directly on his ECHO.

“Scanning… … … … Authorization confirmed. Welcome, James Jakobs.” The gate’s A.I. spoke in a monotone voice. The gate hissed open and James walked outside into the pouring rain. Sure enough, the dropship that Alexis sent was sitting on the pad, engines still slightly red from flight. A woman was standing under an umbrella tapping her foot impatiently. He rolled his eyes at the sight of her. She smirked at him and began to walk over to James.

“Doesn’t that thing rust?” Alexis said, gesturing to his cyber arm. He put his arm out into the rain, flexed his metal fingers, then returned it to his side.

“Doubt it, seeing as I accidentally spilled coffee on it the first day I got it.” James yelled over the crack of thunder.

“Shall we?” Alexis said, holding her arm out towards the dropship. The two of them hurriedly walked over to the safety of the dropship just as the flash of lightning lit up the sky. The interior of the dropship was a dull purple, with pulsing lights in the corners and edges. Alexis gestured for James to sit down on a seat and then walked to the cockpit. “Back to the frigate, Dexter. And step on it.” She said, taking a seat next to the pilot.

“Hold onto something, this weather isn’t the best.” Dexter said through the whining of the engines. The whine slowly turned into a roar and then into a soft rumbling as the dropship finally sealed itself. James felt the G-forces increase slightly as the dropship took off. The tops of buildings whizzed by as the dropship sped by them. The ship breached the clouds and into the clear sky above. Billions of stars shone down on the tiny ship. Several hundred, however, were obscured by a much larger ship. That was their destination. The frigate slowly grew in size as the dropship approached it. A chime from the cockpit drew the attention of the passengers.

“State identification,” a male voice declared from the speakers.

“Can the formalities, Marty, it’s just me.” Alexis said with a hint of scolding in her voice.

“Oh, uh. Sorry, ma’am. Hangar 8 is open for you, we’re ready to get underway as soon as you dock.” Marty said disconcertingly. The dropship changed course towards a large door with a number eight above it. The dropship came to a rest in the center of the massive hangar. Immediately after the pilot shut the engines off, a loud alarm sounded in the hangar and the hangar doors began to close. Once they had sealed, the alarm stopped and the hangar flooded with artificial atmosphere. A green light turned on in place of the red one that was just above the hangar doors. An artificial female voice boomed into the hangar.

“Atmosphere stable. It is now safe to exit your dropship.” The dropship door hissed open and the pilot got up from his chair.

“Thanks for the ride, Dexter.” Alexis said, winking at the pilot.

“Anytime, ma’am.” Dexter replied with a grin. James gave Alexis a sly look, but she just ignored it. The two of them continued towards the elevator that would take them to the bridge. Once they had entered the elevator, the doors shut, Alexis pressed a button near the top, and they were on their way.

“So… you and the pilot?” James said, nudging Alexis’s shoulder with an elbow. Alexis rolled her eyes, but that was all the answer that he needed. “Come on, you can tell me.” Alexis didn’t budge. James huffed and absentmindedly rubbed his mechanical wrist with his good hand. They spent the rest of the ride in silence until the elevator finally came to a stop and opened to reveal the bridge of the ship. Alexis walked out of the elevator and took a seat near the front of the ship. James stepped out onto the bridge and looked around the place. About half a dozen men and women were sitting in front of various screens that controlled the ships functions. There was a huge glass window at the front that let the pilot see where they were going. He noticed some words painted on the hull of the ship outside in space. ‘S.S. Grace and Beauty’ were stenciled onto the hull in bright purple paint.

“Okay, Marty. Full lightspeed towards Omega-7.” Alexis told the pilot of the frigate. The ship rumbled as the space itself around the ship distorted. The windows of the ship tinted as the light got too bright to see. James felt the pull of G-forces again as the frigate accelerated through space at the speed of light. The ship stabilized itself and the whole crew relaxed. Even Alexis had tensed up a little bit there.

“Alright, we should be arriving at Omega-7 in about ten minutes.” Marty told everyone on the ship through the ship’s intercom. Marty flipped the com switch off and turned to face Alexis and me. “So, why are we going to a black hole?”

“Well, you’ll find this out anyway when you get there, but Omega-7 isn’t a black hole.” Alexis said without looking up from her computer.

“Uh, come again?” Marty asked with a confused look on his face. James just chuckled at the sight.

“See for yourself,” Alexis pulled out a small PDA and handed it to Marty. Marty grabbed the PDA and began thumbing through it. His eyes widened with every picture he looked through. He took several minutes to go through the pictures multiple times and, once he was satisfied with what he was seeing, he burst out laughing.

“Are you shittin’ me? Little horses? That’s why we’re going to this place?” Marty was laughing loudly at this point, drawing the attention of the entire bridge.

“No, we’re going there because of this,” Alexis handed Marty a second PDA. Marty set the first one down and grabbed it, still giggling and slightly out of breath. He looked down at it and did what could essentially be described as putting his serious face on.

“Goddamn, I haven’t seen rid readings this high since Pandora.” Marty said whilst rubbing the back of his head with a hand. Alexis wordlessly took the two PDA’s back and turned back towards the front of the ship. Marty looked back at his display and then rolled his chair over to the intercom system again. He flipped the switch next to the microphone and grabbed the mic. “Thirty seconds until deceleration.”

James rapped his fingers on the hull impatiently, until the loud whirring of the engines, began to slow down. Space began to right itself, turning from a bright white, to a dark black speckled with tiny white dots almost instantaneously. A blue and green planet was in the dead center of the front display. It looked a little like the human homeworld, Earth. A rather large star could be seen just coming around the planet’s far side. The planet’s moon was just opposite of the star. “I’ll be damned,” James muttered under his breath.

“We’re here.” Alexis announced to the bridge. “Gentlemen, welcome to Omega-7.”

Chapter One: Exodus

Green. The color of life. Well, plant life at least. A color I was all too familiar with. I’m a gardener, you see. Which is ironic, because I’m also a Pegasus. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. My name’s Firefly. Why Firefly? Well, from what my parents told me, I was born with a red, yellow, and orange mane. The fly part came from my wings. Being that both my parents are earth ponies, living in an earth pony village I might add, them giving birth to a Pegasus was… unexpected. Life wasn’t too bad. I had a pretty normal foalhood. I went to school, I made friends, I got bullied by the other colts. Typical stuff. Until one day, my mom asked for some help in the flower shop. That was the day I got my cutie mark, a potted daisy. As you might imagine, that got some pretty rough beatings at school the next day. I mean, come on! What kind of colt has a daisy for a cutie mark? But, life goes on. At least it did, until the humans arrived in Equestria. That’s a different story, though. Our story begins five years after that, on the day that I leave my home.

"Today we celebrate the 100th anniversary of Discord’s defeat at the hooves of the Elements of Harmony. The celebration will be held in the Canterlot Gardens at four o’clock this after-” My radio switched off as I unplugged it and tucked it away in my desk. I took one last look around the room that I called home for the last eighteen years. It was nearly empty, save for my bed, dresser, and desk. I had all my worldly belongings packed away in one suitcase. I grabbed it with a wing and trotted out my door and down the stairs. My parents were sitting at the kitchen table. My mother had been in tears ever since I told her I was leaving. My dad remained as stoic as ever, except now, his eyes were watering and he was just holding my mom in his hooves. I gently knocked on the wall to get their attention. Both my parents looked up. My mother smiled at me with reddened eyes. My father just gave me a somber look.

“Well, I guess this is it.” I said to the both of them. They both got up and trotted over to me. My mom grabbed me in the bear hug of the millennium.

“I’m going to miss you so much, pumpkin.” Mom sobbed whilst refusing to release me from her vice-grip.

“Mom, come on. I’m not a little kid. You don’t have to call me pumpkin anymore.” I groaned. My mom laughed and, after giving me one last extra hard squeeze, released me. I trotted over to my dad and gave him a hug. “I’m gonna miss you guys.” My mom began sobbing again.

“I’m going to miss you too, son.” My dad said while hugging me. I moved away from the two of them.

“I love you, mom. Love you, dad.” I said to the both of them. My mom buried her face in my dad’s mane and sobbed loudly. My dad just nodded. With that, I turned towards the front door and began walking. I had to shield my eyes from Celestia’s sun, which was especially bright that day. Once my vision adjusted to the outside, I headed towards the shuttle that would take me to the starport. The walk was a pleasant, yet uneventful one. The booming of starships leaving and entering the atmosphere, the sounds of colts and fillies playing, and the roaring of vehicle engines coming and going from the nearby Eridium mine were commonplace in our village. Today was no different. After a brisk walk, I arrived at the shuttle stop only to discover that the shuttle was just about to leave. Flaring my wings, I surged forward and closed the distance between the shuttle and myself in seconds. Landing inside the shuttle with a thump, I breathed a sigh of relief. I pulled out a couple bits and tossed them in the payment bin.

“Thank you for using the Equestrian Shuttle Service. Please, have a nice day!” A sprightly female voice practically sang from a speaker on the side of the payment bin. I turned towards the rear of the shuttle, only to discover that it was practically empty, save for one elderly human male. I trotted down the aisle and took a seat opposite the human. I set my suitcase on the seat next to me and cleared my throat loudly. The old man looked up and directly into my golden eyes. He perked up somewhat once he saw me and pulled out a small silver flask. The old man took a drink of whatever was in it, (from the smell, it was antifreeze), and slipped it back into his jacket.

“Don’t see too many of your kind heading to the starport from this part of the planet. What’s your story?” The old man asked me. He had a hint of a Stalliongrad accent.

“I’m going to Pandora to join the VHU.” I replied happily, grinning at the mere mention of the VHU, A.K.A. the Vault Hunters Union. I heard about them on the radio. The announcer spoke of treasure, danger, and fame beyond imaging. This old man, however, just scoffed.

“If I had a dollar for every time I heard about some young whipper snapper as naïve as you.” The old man practically spat. “You don’t even have a gun, do ya?”

“Uh, I suppose not.” I grinned sheepishly. The old man reached into his trench coat and pulled out a small box. He handed me the box and I grabbed it with my hooves.

“There’s $20,000 dollars in there. That should get you a decent gun when you get on the ship.” My eyes widened at the amount of money he just gave me.

“You’re just giving me this money?” I asked, still holding the box. The old man took another gulp from his flask and sighed.

“I‘ve done a lot of nasty things over the years. Many of which a man would be executed for on civilized worlds. I‘m not proud of most of it. A few years back, I decided I would start making up for everything. That‘s why I left my gun shop with my old friend, Brick, and retired. That small sum of money is just part of the atonement for my sins. Enjoy it, little pony.” Marcus said with finality.

“Thank you.” I replied, tucking the box into my backpack. “So, why do I need a gun?” The old man guffawed loudly. His raucous laughter slowly turned into a coughing fit and the old man was gasping for breath. He finally caught his breath and let out a small chuckle.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. You’re going to Pandora, and you don’t even know why you need a gun?!?” the old man said between laughs and mumbled something that sounded like ‘friggin’ Vault Hunters’. “Pandora is a dangerous place, kiddo. Full of nasty critters that would eat you soon as they look at you. Not to mention bandits, what’s left of Hyperion…” He trailed off and reached into his coat to take another drink of his flask. “Just trust me, little pony. You’ll need a gun.”

“Destination reached. We hope you have a good time at [Equestrian Intergalactic Starport]. Please, watch your step when disembarking from the shuttle.” The voice from the front of the bus announced. The old man shakily got to his feet with the aid of a cane.

“Good luck on Pandora, little one.” He called back as he limped off towards one of the starport’s seemingly endless landing pads. I grabbed my suitcase, stepped off the shuttle, and walked towards the ticket line. The starport was bustling with humans and ponies alike. Little colts, fillies, and human kids were bouncing around with their parents. Couples were going to and fro. Robots were making short work of any trash on the floor. I turned back towards the ticket counter and trotted up to it. A human female was resting her head on her elbow with an almost painfully bored expression on her face.

“Uh, hello? I’d like to buy a ticket to Pandora.” I said to the woman on the other side of the glass. Her eyes moved to me, widening in surprise once she saw what I was.

“Hello there, young pony!” The woman said gleefully. “One ticket to Pandora?” She asked. I nodded and pulled out a bag of bits from my suitcase. “That’ll be one hundred bits.” I counted out one hundred of the golden bits and put the rest back in my suitcase. I slid the payment through the small gap underneath the glass. The woman took the bits and dropped them in a bin beneath her desk. A short time later, one ticket slid through the gap in the glass. “We hope you enjoy your flight!” the woman said with more enthusiasm than necessary. I grabbed the ticket and put it in a pocket on my backpack. Suitcase in tow, I made my way through the crowds and towards Gate P-22, the gate listed on my ticket.

“Finally, I’m here.” I breathed a sigh of relief as I finally reached my destination. There were surprisingly few people and ponies headed toward the gate. I practically bounced through the gate and towards the starship. A large looking man stepped in front of me.

“Ticket please.” He said in a deep voice. I pulled the ticket from my backpack and handed it to him. He looked at the ticket and then gave me a once-over. With a huff, he tore the stub from the ticket and handed it to me. “Good luck, kid. You’ll need it.” He walked back to his post with a subtle snicker. Shrugging, I trotted into the ship’s loading bay. A robot rolled over to me.

“Please follow me to your seat. Leave your luggage with the loaders please.” The small, boxy robot said in a monotone voice. I set my suitcase on the ground and followed the tiny robot. I looked back to see a bipedal loader grabbing my suitcase and walking off with it. I returned my gaze to the robot and saw that he was speeding down a hallway. I flapped my wings and flew after it. Only to crash into a wall as it turned a corner.

“Oww,” I said through gritted teeth as I slowly retreated from the wall. I heard a feminine giggling from behind me. “What’s so funny about a Pegasus flying into a wall?” I said while turning around.

“Oh, nothing.” The woman said, still giggling. I was about to tell her off, when I noticed something strange about her. Her skin was much more pale than all the other human women I’d seen. She had strange blue tattoo’s on her left arm. Strangest of all, her eyes seemed to be glowing from within. She must have caught me staring, because she waved her hand in front of my face. “Yeah, a lot of people do that when they first meet a Siren.” The mysterious woman said with a grin. “The name’s Maya.” She extended her arm. I shook her hand and landed on the ground.

“Pleasure to meet you Maya. My name’s Firefly.” She motioned for me to follow her. Given that I had long since lost track of that robot, I tailed after her.

“So, what’s a pony going to Pandora for?” Maya asked, pulling a small candy bar out of her pocket.

“I’m gonna join the VHU.” I said happily. Maya chuckled and wolfed down her candy bar in one bite.

“Well, this is your lucky day, little pony. I just happen to be a recruitment officer for the VHU.” Maya said with her mouth full. She tossed the wrapper into a nearby waste basket and turned a corner.

“Seriously?” I asked, taking to the air and flying in front of her.

“Yep. I was also one of its founding members. Though, I don‘t see them much anymore ever since I got stuck with this lame job. Which is part of the reason why I‘m here.” Maya said with a frown. I was practically beaming with happiness. What are the odds of meeting someone from the VHU on Equis, let alone a recruitment officer? I could hardly believe it. Celestia was watching over me or something. I was so absorbed in my thoughts, however, I didn’t hear Maya’s warning about the wall I was moments away from flying into.

“Huh? What are you-” was all I could say before I crashed into a solid wall of steel. “I’m okay,” I waved my hooves and shakily landed. “Totally meant to do that.” I rubbed my sore head. “So, flying indoors. Bad idea.” I took a moment to clear my head. A finger tapping on my shoulder drew my attention to Maya. She turned and kept walking, with me in tow. We eventually came to a moderately large room that was filled with computers. Nearly each one had a human sitting in front of it. Maya and I continued towards the front of the room where a large screen showing a display of … Equestria? A very detailed map of Equestria was the focus of the large screen, with a green dot where the starport was. Maya gave a man standing by the front of the screen a hug, and walked back over to me. A dull vibration shook the room.

The intercom buzzed to life. “Attention, this is the Captain speaking. We are departing Omega-7 and will be on route to Pandora in about a minute. Please make your way to your designated zones. Thank you.” The intercom clicked off and Maya motioned for me to follow her.

“Come on, the ship is taking off.” Maya led me out of the bridge back onto the elevator. “So, Firefly, ever used a gun before?”

“I can’t say that I have” I admitted as the elevator began to descend. My stomach lurched under the sudden change in momentum and I began to feel a tad sick. “Umm, you got a bag or something?” I asked holding a hoof to my mouth.

“First time flying on a starship, huh?” Maya asked while reaching into her pocket. I nodded queasily. “Here, this should take the edge off.” She said, handing me a small red and white striped pill. “It’s essentially an antacid, but it’s mint flavored.” I took the pill in one of my hooves and gobbled it down. Almost instantly, I felt the bile in my throat recede back down into my stomach. The pill left a minty aftertaste.

“Thanks,”

“No problem,” Maya replied with a mock salute. “We’re here anyway.” The elevator (thankfully) came to a stop and the doors slid open to reveal a large grey room.

“What is it with humans and the color grey?” I asked, looking around the room to notice a bunch of brightly colored metal tubes and balls in containers. “What are those things?”

“Those are guns, Firefly, and I’m going to show you how to use them.” Maya stated with a small shake of her head. She walked over to the counter. “Hey, Bolt Action, I got a newbie here for ya.” Maya called out while tapping on the metal wall.

“Hold your horses, I’m coming’.” A male voice yelled from the back of the room. The door behind the counter swung open and, much to my surprise, an old, grey unicorn stallion trotted out. “So, this is the newbie, eh?” He levitated a pair of glasses that were hanging around his neck onto his snout and squinted his emerald eyes at me. “Doesn’t look like much.” I huffed in annoyance. “Relax, I’m just jerkin your chain. So, you came here to learn how to shoot… uh…”

“Firefly.” I finished for him and extended a hoof. He reached up to shake, but I recoiled when I saw a set of fingers where his hoof should be. “What is that!?” I asked in horror.

“Oh, relax, youngin. It’s just a cybernetic glove. All the ponies in the VHU use ‘em.” Bolt Action replied. He then levitated a pair up and set them on the counter. “Ya gotta have fingers if ya wanna use guns. Put these on. Don’t worry, they only hurt a little bit.” I carefully grabbed one of the gloves with my hoof and slid my leg into it. The thing fit pretty well.

“Hey this is pretty coo- OW!” The glove stabbed a needle into my leg,

“That’s just the glove tapping into your central nervous system. That way, you’ll have full control over the glove and it won’t just be dead weight.” Maya said reassuringly. The pain subsided and four metal digits unfolded from the end of the metal glove. I gave them a test flex and, much to my surprise, they moved.

“That’s pretty cool,” I said in awe, still staring at my glove. Grabbing the other one with my fingers (it feels weird just saying that), I slid the glove onto my other hoof. After a short painful prick later, the other glove was working just as the first one did. I spent about a minute flexing and unflexing my fingers until Bolt Action cleared his throat noisily.

“If you’re done marveling at the wonder of fingers, we have some firearms to test out.” Bolt Action said while levitating a small, purple box onto the counter. He unlatched the box and pulled out a small ‘L’ shaped gun. “This is a pistol. Useful for short range or if you run out of ammo for your rifle or machine gun.” He handed it to me and I clumsily grabbed the barrel in my right hoof. “You hold it from the other part, dummy.”

“Right, sorry.” I moved the pistol around until I was sure I had it the right way.

“Alright, now slide this into the bottom of the gun.” Bolt said while levitating a small, rectangular box over to me. I grabbed it and slid it into the pistol with a click. “Now, line up the front and rear sights, the little notches on the top of the gun, with that bull’s-eye over there.” Bolt said, gesturing with a hoof to a red and white poster on the wall. I did so, albeit unsteadily, and squeezed the trigger. The pistol jerked in my hand with a loud bang. Simultaneously, a hole appeared on the targeting sheet. However, the hole was nowhere near the bull’s-eye. Instead, it was on the very bottom of the page.

“Well, he isn’t the worst I’ve seen.” Maya noted.

“At least he didn’t shoot me.” Bolt mused. I sighed and set the pistol back on the table. “Here, why don’t you try this.” Bolt levitated a much larger box onto the table and opened it with a click. A much larger gun with green, glowing tubes on the sides floated out and onto the counter next to where I set the pistol. “This here, is a scattergun. It shoots lots of little pellets instead of just one big bullet.” I picked the scattergun up and aimed it at the target. The scattergun, surprisingly, made less noise than the pistol, but the target was literally vaporized by my gun.

“I like it.” I said, admiring this gun.

“Well, lets keep at it then.” Bolt said, pulling out a much larger box.

After a couple hours of testing, and one misfire that led to me getting a tooth knocked loose, I had finally settled on a Sniper Rifle from Jakobs, a pistol from Vladof, and a shotgun from Maliwan. Maya also helped me pick out some body armor that can stop bullets. To prove this point she shot me in the flank. The two of us made our way to one of the many hangars.

“How much longer until we get there?” I asked, my cyber gloves clanging on the metal floor with each step.

“We should be getting there in just-” The ship started rumbling and a female voice came on over the intercom.

“We have arrived at Pandora, please begin making your way to Hangar 3-C for immediate disembarking.” Maya shrugged and we continued on towards the moderately large dropship. It was painted in a similar style to my shotgun, orange and purple being the most prominent colors. Maya reached up to a small, glowing keypad next to the dropship door. Several people were already strapped into the seats. I was the only pony on this dropship. A few of the humans gave me strange looks, but most just kept to themselves.

“Buckle up, everyone!” The pilot yelled from the cockpit. “We’re taking off in 30.” I tried to mimic the sitting style of the humans so I could buckle up properly. It was slightly uncomfortable, but at least I got strapped in. The ship rumbled and the rear door sealed with a hiss. “The air around the landing zone is filled with Rakk, so we have to do a hard entry. Hold onto your lunches.” The pilot called from the front of the ship. I looked out of the window next to me into the murky blackness of space. My eyes widened as I saw it for the first time. Pandora. I was finally here.