Those sweet, sweet hands...
Bon-Bon simply glared in an unamused manner at the aquamarine-colored unicorn mare in front of her.
And the mare grinned back eagerly.
"Pleeeeaaaa-"
"No." Bon-Bon interrupted firmly.
Lyra gave a sigh and dropped her excited grin, staring sadly at the bed the pair currently sat on and trailing a hoof in circles against the bedsheet.
Three, two, one... Lyra thought, suppressing a grin.
"FINE!" Bon-Bon shouted in sudden frustration.
Reluctantly, the beige mare held her two hooves out for her lover and turned her head away in grumpiness.
Without missing a beat, Lyra's horn lit up and enveloped the two cylinders in a light green aura.
Bon-Bon winced in fear as she felt the magical grasp and stared at her outstretched hooves from the corners of her eyes. Sure, Lyra had done this on herself, but now she was putting her lover at risk for her own selfish desires!
I wonder what means more to her; me, or...These. Bon-Bon thought as the magical pressure intensified.
"Good, good...Let the magic flow through you..." Lyra said slowly, rubbing her hooves together in a sinister manner as she peered out from under her-
Wait a second, where the hay did that dark robe come from?!
But before Bon-Bon had time to question Lyra's antics, her hooves began morphing in front of her eyes.
They twisted and turned in unnatural directions and slowly grew five digits until the magic stopped.
"Oh sweet Celestia, glorious hands!" Lyra shouted as she gripped one of the unnatural creations.
Historians would remember this exact moment as The Era Of Broken Glass, where every single piece of glass in Equestria shattered for no apparent reason.
Bon-Bon screamed and started flailing her new found hands around, trying desperately to get them off and accidentally backhanding Lyra in the process; who pulled an impressive three-sixty before crashing through the closet doors.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?!?" Bon-Bon continued as she awkwardly trotted towards the impact point, falling flat on her face several times due to the strangeness of walking on...Things that extended out farther than she was used to.
"I made you faster, stronger, less hooves-able!" Lyra exclaimed as she bounced happily out of the closet.
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"It doesn't have to, Bon-Bon, I'm beautiful!" Lyra challenged.
Bon-Bon froze in her stance, her face contorted in what can only be described as an "Are-you-fucking-serious-what-the-fuck-man" face.
"What?"
"Nevermind. Just change me back, I don't want to do this anymore." Bon-Bon ordered.
"No, you promised me you would do this!"
"YOU didn't say I would be stuck with these monstrosities!"
"They're not monstrosities! They're glorious hands from the ancient master race!"
For once in her life, Bon-Bon realized that she could do three things.
One, she could finally and literally tear off her face.
Two, she could effectively strangle Lyra to death.
And three, she could push the Celestia damned 'eject' button on their DVD player that Lyra had been too stubborn to use her magic on.
Grumbling to herself and trotting awkwardly downstairs- Okay, awkwardly falling down the entire flight of stairs, Bon-Bon pushed the 'eject' button and then proceeded to storm back upstairs.
When she had gotten back into the room, she found Lyra laying on her side with a sultry look in her eyes and suggestively rubbing her flank.
"Come on, Bon-Bon..." she whispered. "I've been waiting for this for a long time..."
I could strangle her right now. I could do it and never have to put up with any of this shit again, and they would never find the body. Bon-Bon mused before shaking her head clear of those thoughts.
She could do that, if she weren't so in love with Lyra.
Reluctantly (and again, quite awkwardly), Bon-Bon made her way over and then up onto the bed next to Lyra; who was now laying on her back with all four hooves spread out.
"Touch me, Bon-Bon..." she whispered. "Rub your glorious hands over my nipples..."
...
"Fuck this shit." Bon-Bon muttered, turning to leap off of the bed.
But something caught her by the haunches and the front of her body swung down and face planted into the hardwood floor.
"Bon-Bon..." Lyra growled, her voice dripping with psychotic rage. "You promised."
For fear of being stuffed into the place Lyra put all her problems and would most certainly never be heard from ever again, Bon-Bon righted herself back onto the bed with a terrified, forced smile.
"Now touch me, Bon-Bon! TOUCH ME WITH YOUR GLORIOUS HANDS!" Lyra screamed passionately.
Bon-Bon slowly inched her long, slender fingers towards Lyra, who watched with great interest while biting her bottom lip.
When Bon-Bon rested them on Lyra's belly, the pair just stared.
A few seconds went by before Lyra spoke up. "Well, that was anticlima-"'.
This moment, much like The Era Of Broken Glass, would be forever remembered by future Gryphon historians as The Great Gryphon Migration, where every single Gryphon was forced to evacuate their mountain home due to a mysterious blast wave of burning white liquid. The source of the liquid is still being debated today.
When Lyra had recovered from her sudden orgasm (and Bon-Bon had learned how to hear again), Lyra rolled over and leapt at Bon-Bon to tackle her to the ground; which would have succeeded, had Bon-Bon not thought that her lover was trying to murder her.
After pulling her snout out of the damaged floorboards, Lyra took to the skies once more and successfully tackled Bon-Bon down, passionately forcing her tongue down Bon-Bon's throat as she flailed around and began choking.
But Lyra didn't care anymore.
All she wanted was to feel those soft, gentle hands rub down her body- perhaps squeezing now again -until she orgasmed herself to sleep.
Or death.
At this point, Lyra really, REALLY didn't give two shits about Bon-Bon's safety.
Gripping her lover's hands in her hooves, Lyra brought them to her chest and began moaning before realizing that her nipples did not in fact protrude from her chest.
"Lyra!" Bon-Bon called out in slight anger, but mostly just desperation. "Get the buck off of me!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Nine!"
"Ja- Wait, what? Lyra, get the buck off of me or I'm going to buck you into the closet again!"
"TRY IT FAGIT."
"STOP USING WORDS I DON'T KNOW!"
And with that, Bon-Bon pushed Lyra off of her and spun on her...Well, on what were her front hooves, delivering a sharp kick to Lyra- who went flying across the room and unfortunately missed the closet, instead slamming into the hard wooden doors of the wardrobe, which was now teetering back and forth from the impact.
The two mares froze in their spot; Lyra fearing her death and Bon-Bon fearing Lyra's death. After a moment, the wardrobe seemed content with it's upright position, and Lyra let out a sigh of relief.
Then, faster than Pinkie Pie cracked up on caffeine after having eaten Speedy Gonzales, the wardrobe fell over onto Lyra as if gravity had decided it likes resting on its side rather than standing upright.
Rushing over to her lover, Bon-Bon began frantically calling out Lyra's name. When a reply came, albeit too low to hear, Bon-Bon pressed her ear to the door.
"Lyra, are you alright?"
"Do you even lift?!"
"What?"
"I said lift this fucking thing off of me!"
"B-But how?! I'm not a unicorn!" Bon-Bon replied.
"Use your fingers! Grip the edges of the wardrobe and lift!"
Following her lover's instructions to the best of her abilities, Bon-Bon succeeded in lifting the wardrobe up and off of Lyra, righting it again just in time for a lion's tail to disappear within the wardrobe.
"Lyra, are you okay?"
"Give me your hands."
"...Why?"
"Give. Me. Your. Hands."
Kissing her ass goodbye, Bon-Bon sat on her haunches and presented her hands to Lyra, her head hanging in shame.
After a moment or two, nothing happened. But then, Bon-Bon felt a tight band wrap around one of her many digits.
"OH GOD NO, LYRA, PLEASE DON'T CUT IT OFF I PROMISE I'LL-"
"Bon-Bon. Stop talking."
Blinking in confusion, Bon-Bon (having now looked up and opened her eyes) realized with a start that a golden ring wrapped around one of her many digits.
"Oh, yes, Lyra! I do, I do!" she shouted, tackling her lover to the ground and burying her in kisses.
"Sweet! That means, in order to stay married and wear the ring, you have to keep the hands!"
And that was the moment that all historians would remember as the day ~~they almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow~~ of Moto Dhoruba, where every single flammable thing caught on fire for at least five seconds.
THE END
Author's Note
Unlike my previous promises about my clopfics, I can assure you I will NEVER be writing another comedy-clop. It's just not my thing.In addition to that note, I guess this story is now just to make up for the fact that the last few haven't ended on humorous notes like how when I started.EDIT: Alright, so, let me answer a few questions. 1: "What the fuck did you just write?". Answer: I have no fucking idea. I don't even know how I got this idea, but I started the story a few months ago and just let it sit (like everything else Foxi has ever started). I actually stopped writing at
When Lyra had recovered from her sudden orgasm (and Bon-Bon had learned how to hear again),
so you guys can see where it changed and how...Oh, Celestia, what have I done?
