Bubbles

by GlidingZephyr

Rating: everyone
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Random
Length: 5922

If Gilda and Rainbow were never friends, fate would end up tragically different for a group of three

What would happen if Gilda and Rainbow… weren't friends? Oh, nothing major, really, penultimately. Just a murder, the near death of another, a certain blue pegasus never joining the Wonderbolts, and a new mailmare in town. Just a thing, all I'm saying.
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Been waiting to do this for a long time. Let's go!

Wouldja look at that, 888 words exactly in Author's Notes. I guess I am lucky. And the American Red-White-Blue appearance for the tags. Okay that's not luck, just a coincidence.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-27 06:20:01 UTC

Because we need more 1st POVs

Who says Derpy can't be a teacher? :D

Partially inspired by this. Stupid me not realizing the text bubble's tail is supposed to go OUTSIDE the frame. I'm afraid I cannot find the original source. D:

On a completely unrelated note, I found Carmen Sandiego. And th- Oh. IDEA!

Fluttershy

I guess it's not that bad.

Today was the first day of Junior Speedsters camp.

I can't exactly remember how I got myself into this mess. This camp was for fillies, and I remember coming here with Rainbow before we had our cutie marks, years ago. Rainbow said I'd do well here as a counselor or something.

Now, my flying skills are... terrible, so I asked her why she thought I'd be so good for the job. She didn't say anything, she just dragged me on over here.

Of course, she became a flight instructor, but I figured since I was here already, I might as well try something... and by that I meant being a nurse at the sickbay.

I was making my way over to the infirmary to look around when Dash flew up to me.

"Hey 'Shy, where ya goin'?"

"Oh, I um, wanted to see what the sickbay looks like... I'm going to be working there for six months, so um, I figured I should get settled."

"You can do that anytime. Right now, they got a party for everypony who signed up. C'mon! Get to know your fellow workers... it'll be fun. We can talk about life, have a blast... drink some beer..."

"Um, I think I'll pass..."

"Okay, so maybe not that last part, but still. It'll be great!" Her grin was gigantic.

"...I guess I'll try..."

"Great! Follow me."

She led me to a restaurant. A banner was hung up reading 'Welcome Junior Speedsters instructors!'

Through the cut windows I could see just flashes of colored light. I didn't really like these kinds of parties...

"Um, Rainbow, maybe this isn't the best ide-"

"Don't worry, it'll be fine! Trust me! Don't worry, I'll always be there for you."

"O-okay..."

We went in. Rainbow bumped hooves with a few ponies as we passed by. I just smiled weakly and followed behind her. We came down to a table. Eventually a light orange colt came over to us. "Hey Dash. Who's your friend?"

"Oh, um, I'm Fluttershy..." I said quietly.

"Nice to meet you Fluttershy." He extended a hoof, which I shook feebly. "I'm the director here. You're the nurse, right?"

I nodded.

"If you got any problems, just tell me. I hope this camp goes well. Whelp, see you soon!"

He ran off.

I looked around. More pegasi. More pegasi... more pegasi...

Eventually somepony else came in. She was... different, however. She was a griffon. I'd heard about there being griffons far up north, but I'd never actually seen one.

She regarded all of us with a cold steely stare. The air seemed to drop a few degrees. Everypony stopped what they were doing and turned.

It was pure silence. She walked down and sat by us. I shrank back a bit.

"What are you all looking at!" She said, looking around. "Get going!"

Everypony just slowly turned around and gradually began to talk again.

"Sup dweebs." She said, corners of her beak turned up into a smile. "Name's Gilda. Came down here, family ain't that great. Need money, figured this was a great place to start. Say, wanna race?"

"Ha!" Rainbow said. "You don't stand a chance."

"Oh yeah? Let's go!"

They stood up and looked towards the door. "You comin' too, Pinks?"

"Oh um, I'll pass..."

"Hmph. What a wussy little bitch."

"Hey!" Rainbow said, turning. "Did you just-"

"Wait, you know this dweeb?" She scowled. "I knew something was off."

She walked away and flew off into the night.

"I oughta-"

"Dash, its fine."

"How can you be fine with this?!"

"I... We... Let's just say there's been a lot more than that in the past. But its fine Rainbow, you wouldn't want to get in a fight on the first day."

I managed to calm her down. Somehow.

It wasn't long until she got back to enjoying the party. She's just like her mane, never settling on any one color. I wonder if her parents were like that. She never really cared to talk about them. Me either.

I don't know how long it was until another pony came to sit at our table.

She had a gray coat and a blonde mane, and a cutie mark of bubbles. She smiled and pulled out a chair, same one that Gilda was in. I was still a bit shaken up by that.

"'Sup." Rainbow said. "I'm Rainbow Dash, flight instructor."

"Oh, um, I'm Fluttershy, nurse..."

"Ah. Nice to meet you two," she said in a bubbly, happy voice. "I'm Ditzy."

"What's your job here?" I asked.

"I um, am the teacher here for those who want to learn a bit more about how to fly faster..."

"Really." Dash said in wonder. "Wow. So you um, do that thing with the f..."

Ditzy was incredulous. "What..."

"You know, ponies needed it long ago, they couldn't survive without it, but it was like, really misunderstood and they didn't really figure out its sheer importance until much later..."

Ditzy was just blushing and looking out the window now.

"Fire?" I suggested.

"No..."

We were all thinking totally different things.

"Oh! I got it!" Rainbow stood up in triumph. "Physics!" she shouted.

Everypony turned around and looked at her.

She sat back down.

"What?" Ditzy was snapping out of something. "Oh, yeah. I teach physics."

"Great. You better help me sometimes, I need to know how to fly better. Never understood a single one of those classes, not like I tried to. You seem cool though."

"Hm? Yeah, I can help you sometime."

"Well, I don't know about you two but I'm feeling a bit tired..."

"Me too," Dash said. "Whelp, we best be getting back to the dorms. Bye Ditzy."

"Bye!" she waved.

The dorms were part of this. The camp was far away from civilization, so they assumed if you were coming here, you'd want a place to stay.

Lucky for Rainbow Dash, however, it was still all in the air. I don't know what she hates about the ground so much. "My hooves are sensitive! Aaah!".

When we arrived to the dorm, we pulled out the slips we were given. My room was on the second floor, room 2.

"Hmm, I'm next to you," Dash said. "2-3."

We went up. Second floor. Wow... its not exactly a dorm, more of a hotel. Each room has its own bathroom and shower, and... even a balcony!

I walked out. Apparently everypony else had the same idea. They were all talking across them. Every room had one, which was a bit odd. My balcony was facing the C building.

"Sup Rainbow! Hello Fluttershy!" I heard somepony yell from above.

"Oh, hey there Ditzy," Rainbow yelled from my left. I assume her room is 3-2 then. "Fancy seeing you here."

"I know, right? There's like, 3 dorms, each with three floors and six rooms each." Whole lot of counselors...

"Mmm." From the big B painted on the side of the building in front of us, I figured that behind us was building C.

"I dunno about you guys, but I'm uh, going to turn in for the night," I said.

"Sure, see you tomorrow!

"UP AND AT EM!" A bellowing voice echoed through the walls. I heard many shouts and groans. The voice was then followed by a trumpet.

I quickly got up and headed down to the HQ.

There was a colt in a military uniform yelling at us to line up by floors. None of his regalia looked legitimate, but I did what he said anyways. Loud... noises... they're scary...

A teleprompter flashed up behind the weird soldier dude.

"READ IT OR WEEP CUPCAKES! YOU HAVE TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR THE FOALS! EVERYONE KNOWS THAT FOALS CAN HEAR FAILURES!"

We stuttered out something apprehensively. "J-junior Speedsters... are our lives... Sky-bound soars-" this is gonna take a while...

When we finished the chant, we went off to our stations. The military colt went to eat a bagel... apparently that's his only job, saying the thing... He's good... he's loud...

First day. I went over to the sickbay to see a cream colored colt clasping his calf. Somepony's gotten hurt already? What are they doing out there?!

I told him to take his hoof off his knee. It was just a minor scrape. I put a bandage on it. Simple.

How many more of these am I gonna get... Well, I guess Rainbow is right. It does make me happy knowing I can help, even if it be so slight...

I waited. Ponies always tell me I'm very patient... I suppose...

More time passed. It was lunch, and nopony else had come in. Maybe not.

I went over to the cafeteria. Rainbow had reserved a seat for me.

"Sup Fluttershy. How's your job been treating ya?"

"Umm, I guess it's easy. I've only gotten one colt, and he just had a knee scrape..."

"Hmm. Still better than me. My job sucked."

"Oh? I thought you'd like being a flight instructor."

"Yes, and I will. But what I was doing wasn't that. I was trying to teach them the two most basic moves: the Aileron and the barrel roll. But they can't figure out the damn difference!"

"Don't worry Rainbow, they're just foals-"

"But you see, this is a matter of great importance! What if they are future Wonderbolts?! They'll crash into everypony! We'll have half a scissors and-"

"Rainbow, its fine... I'm pretty sure it won't ma-"

"Won't matter?! What if we go to war! The aileron is useless in war, unless you do it really fast, which none of them will be able to do until they learn what it is first! The barrel roll is for overtaking enemies, or getting them off your tail! Ever since the bow was invented, the barrel roll has become increasingly important to-"

I put a hoof on her shoulder. "Ssh... don't get so worked up..."

She calmed down. "Still though, its unnerving to know that the future generations won't know the difference... heck, half of our generation doesn't either."

"Hey, is it fine if I sit with you guys?" A third voice asked.

"Sure."

Ditzy sat down. "I hope your first day of work went a lot better than mine," Rainbow grumbled.

"Oh, it was awesome!"

"Hmm. At least one of us is enjoying themselves."

"Today, we covered parabolas! Cannons, and more."

Rainbow's mouth hung agape. "Y- you get to use cannons?!"

"Yeah! High pressure water beams, harmless cloud projectiles, and repeating dart crossbows."

"Damn. How is this related to flight?"

"Umm, so if you are at war, and the enemy pegasi are doing ailerons because they didn't listen in flight class, you can calculate how to exactly knock them out of the air. Also, this can be used for takeoff speed, the tactical egg, air-to-air combat, and more."

"All I heard was speed. Still sounds cool though. Can we look at that after classes?"

"Sure."

"Sweet!"

After lunch was less boring. A filly came in saying that her head hurt. I told her it was the altitude coupled with dehydration. Most of these problems could be solved by anypony... right?

It was almost time to close up and head home to the dorms when I heard a knock on the door.

"Um, come in..."

The door was swung open, revealing Gilda. She stood before me, full height. "Oh... my... um, what brings you here at this hour?"

"Ah, hey, there's something you got to see outside..."

"What, did somepony get injured?"

"Yeah, something like that. But hurry!"

I ran outside as fast as I could... to see nothing. I turned around. "Um, Gilda what am I supposed to be looking a-"

SPLASH!

She held a bucket innocently. "Oops. Surprise!"

I forced a weak smile. I guess that prank was okay...

I left for the dorm.

Because we need more character switches

I remind you how I bolded some things that may come full circle in the end.

Rainbow Dash

When Fluttershy walked in, soaked from crest to hoof like the rest of us, I could only laugh. "Gilda got you too?"

"Yeah..."

I felt a sharp bolt of anger. "Seriously, what's her problem..."

"I think she's just misunderstood..."

"Misun- Misunderstood!? That's not an excuse to be that way. There is no excuse for stupidity."

"There's no excuse for being overdramatic either."

I just stood there baffled. I'd been put down... by Fluttershy? She simply laughed. "So, um, can I ask what we do now?"

"Nothing... until its morning tomorrow."

"What?"

"They plan nothing," I explained. "We get to do... whatever, as long as we show up to work tomorrow and do a good job... Oh! I remembered!" She's gonna get a kick outta this one. "Ditzy brought down the water cannon from the classroom!"

"Oh... yay..."

She brought it down and set it before us in the lobby. It was surprising, how small it was. A bit bigger than a small fan. It looked like a cannon, small and blue with a heavy base, and a big gray tube coming out of its end.

"How far does this thing go again?"

"Oh, four-hundred bodylengths."

"Damn."

"I know, right? Who designed this... no tricks, no magic, just pure science..."

A few ponies had come over to see this. Ditzy took the end of the tube in her mouth and hooked it up to a water tap put into a cloud.

"Get ready."

The cannon sputtered, and soon a beam of whitewater shot out, arcing way past the cloud's edge, down to below.

"Will anypony down there get angry?"

"Nah, there's just plants down there. Plus, we're supposed to help bring rain down on them, why not now?"

We all laughed. She unplugged the cannon.

"Can't believe the firefighters gave us one. Why? Nothing here is flammable. Sure is fun though. But remember, always be sure with your calculations, an imperfect conclusion can mean a life. So, what equation do we use again?"

We stared at her.

"Oh, right, not in class. Got it."

The next two weeks were riddled with Gilda's daily 'pranks'. They were really annoying and hardly funny in any way. Seriously uncool. I think she needs a doctor.

Unleashing a parasprite in the cafeteria... covering the gates to the camp in tin foil... dropping an enchanted sonic grenade in the training area... and of course, the ol' hoof buzzer.

Only problem was that she could actually pull it off without us noticing. Damn fingers.

Eventually she stopped though. The faucets weren't fruit punch anymore. Our doors wouldn't threaten to kill us every time we stepped through. The chairs didn't electrocute you. The pranks faded away, and I suppose she got bored of them.

We all could live safely. Everypony. Except for Ditzy.

I don't know why she didn't like her particularly. Gilda just went after her like they were bitter rivals in a past life. They stopped being pranks and really turned into attacks.

I once woke up one morning to the sound of yelling. I went out to the balcony to see Ditzy floating on a mattress in the middle of the rainbow lake. If she fell in, that would be one heck of a burn.

Rainbow isn't like normal water. If you swim in it, it will feel like you're out there in the sweltering heat of a desert. If you get it in like, a cut or something, then you can probably kiss that limb goodbye.

This is some serious stuff.

It is a mild hot sauce too.

Pegasi and other flight-oriented creatures can already tolerate it pretty well, but others... not so much. However, over years, one can build up a resistance to it, and apparently, some rulers have challenged each other to the death over it in a drinking contest. Idiots.

Anyways, where was I. Oh yeah.

She got locked in the tool shed once with the key... and damn pegasean engineering makes these doors practically impossible to break down. Luckily, she did a few calculations, and said that the big water pump thing should be strong enough to take the door down. Got a good soaking in the process, but she's alive.

I figure that Gilda doesn't really like her because well, Ditzy's a bit sharper than most knifes. And Gilda's a bit duller than most spoons.

Aside from all the physical harassment, she'd verbally tease her as well.

"Why don't you just run on back home, Ditzy?"

"Oh, I need the money here. Trust me, I do."

"What, to pay for your dweeb tutoring?"

"No, not quite. I need this for a job."

"...serving as a dweeb tutor?"

"No, a Wonderbolts coach."

"Wh- you- Wonderbolts?!"

When learning this, I was baffled too. Ditzy? Man, I knew she was cool and all, but this? Wow.

She explained to me that her Fizzicks could help her calculate optimal blah blah blah Wonderbolts. Still, sounds awesome.

This only led to Gilda's assaults becoming stronger, more severe. Nopony liked her anymore, yet she kept on. It even began interfering with her job. One of her labs involved a big water tank with a tap on the bottom, but she set it to leak, flooding the classroom by morning. Ditzy had to replace it with rainbows, despite its cost and danger, so that it would fall through the cloud floor.

But it got out of hoof quite quick.

Ditzy always would smile and pretend she was fine, and would engage with Gilda as if she were just a normal pony, not the harasser from next door. Gilda decided to use 'fair contests' just 'as friends' to harm her.

She'd challenge Ditzy to a flying contest, would slow down under cloud cover, and dash to the exit to wait with a lightning bolt. Luckily, pegasi have a strong tolerance to static electricity. Will sting like it will for any other pony, but won't kill you. Barely.

Then there were cloud-spinning contests, where Gilda would fly through Ditzy's cloud in motion and send her tumbling down to the surface. That's damn dangerous, even for me. Try that at no speeds? Hell no.

There were all matters of ways that Gilda would try to hurt her, even kill sometimes. But Ditzy would always smile like nothing happened.

That is, until one day.

I was simply walking home late at night, because, hey, they don't care what you do as long as you show up to work. I hate curfews. Anyways, I was just walking when I saw Ditzy alone on the side of a street, crying.

Normally I just walk away and give somepony their time alone, but due to Gilda's damn stupidity I decided this was a special case.

I tapped her in the shoulder, and she jumped back as if it was a branding iron.

"H-hello Rainbow..." She sobbed and looked at me through one eye, sideways and wary like prey.

"Hey. What's the matter? Gilda?"

"Y- yeah... I used to be able to tolerate her, but really, there's nothing left for me to keep that up."

"Mmm." I wrapped a hoof around her.

"Wh- why does she hate me so much? She treats the rest of you fine..."

I sat there with her thinking. I never was good with words. And not so much with thinking either. But I have to get something for her, right?

But when something's that obvious, you just have to say it.

"...Some ponies will hate on others. I don't know why, they just do. They don't like that they're different. Everypony hates different. I remember being teased all through kindergarden for my mane." Then I showed them bastards how better I was at flying. Of course, I didn't say that.

I continued my fake-smart lecture, which I found was surprisingly good. Maybe I am smart. "But, that's not enough. Ponies especially hurt those they know are better than themselves. Gilda know's you're smarter than her, so she wants to give you all hell. She's just too stupid to see you're better."

She seemed to have calmed. "You know what, I'll prove it. I'm going to go challenge her to a duel right now." She simply smiled, and flew away.

I watched her go. I knew I did something right. Then I realized she was flying the wrong way and yelled at her to the right direction.

The next day was usual, blah blah blah, and I got home early this time. Hooray! These foals are actually getting pretty good at flying, its amazing. All due to my awesome.

Anyways, I was just popped my head through the doorway when Fluttershy ran up to me.

She looked on the verge of tears. I don't need more crying. But this is Fluttershy, I can expect it to be something not that sappy.

"Th- th- Ditzy... I-"

"Slow down. Breathe deeply." It took a few breaths, but she got it under control. "Now. What did you want to tell me?"

"Ditzy... she's in the hospital right now."

"What?!"

"All the camp was amazed. She- her eye-"

"What happened?!"

"Gilda challenged her to a drinking contest, right? Non-alcoholic beverages, so Ditzy accepted... she really is competative with her. Anyways, just to be sure, she got a middle mare to choose the beverages and proctor it. They got to the point where they had to get under the tap, and, well, when Ditzy came, Gilda filled the jug with rainbow, and pulled it in at last second... Ditzy got three gallons of rainbow poured into her eye."

...okay, maybe Fluttershy does have some serious things to cry about. Well done.

I... I don't know what to say. Its not unexpected seeing Gilda, but this was serious. Does she not know how painful that would be? That injury could... I don't have words for this. I suppose Ditzy will be fine, long as she likes wearing an eyepatch...

Gilda...!

I ran over to her dorm. The ponies in the lobby looked crazed too. They simply told me they hadn't seen her since last night.

Why does Ditzy have to be so stupid? She's smart an all, but wouldn't she have known there was a catch already? Rivalry is good, but seriously... not when it gets dangerous! I know she should prove she's alpha mare and all, but... what was she thinking?!

I dashed over to the hospital.

After a few quick questions I located her room, and rushed in. She was laying in bed with bandages over her eyes. Blood was flowing down from where her left eye should be.

"Ditzy! You there?!"

"...yes..." she spoke quietly.

"What did Gilda do, exactly?" The story seemed a bit fishy, at least for me.

"...come closer."

I leaned in.

"As you've probably figured out, that story isn't gonna cut it. I've told everypony else that gig, and it's not very legit-sounding, is it."

I have to say, it didn't really sound that simple to just jerk a whole keg that easily.

"You wanna hear the real news?"

"Yes!"

"Don't tell anypony else, they could get Gilda fired in so many ways..."

"Why wouldn't you want her to get fired?! That monster-"

"Ssh. We don't need unwanted attention, do we? Now, trust me... I need her job intact for many reasons. One must know what not to do. Now, the science labs have an outside component, just like all the dorm rooms, right?"

"You mean the balcony?"

"Yea. So, we usually fire the cannon off there, as its easier to aim and adds the height aspect to calculations. We bring it downstairs to ground level in the beginning, but whatever. Anyways, the cannon has not only a 180 degree angle adjustment, but a 360 swivel."

"Okay. Quick, get to the point! I must avenge you!"

"...Dash, I know you want to help, but trust me, we must all know our own wrath."

"B- something has to happen!"

"And something will. Give it time. But like you say, to the point. Now, you know how we use rainbows instead of water now in the tank? Well, we had it hooked up to the cannon, and I was just locking up the classroom, all the students gone, when I think Gilda flew onto the balcony.

"Now, I didn't hear her but this is probably what happened. Because I turned around to the sound of her voice, and next thing you know, I get blasted in the face with rainbows. I looked sideways, so I was able to save one of my eyes. My coat got a job too, but that doesn't matter..."

Wait... so Ditzy... "You... made that other thing up? Why?! Gilda's gonna get fired anyways, so why should you care? Plus, if I were you, I'd want her to get out of here as fast as I can!"

"...Rainbow, she was abusing equipment that other time. Plus, that's direct assault. The other plan is a bit less provable. Either way, she'll have her job."

"..." Why... would she keep Gilda alive?! If I were her, I'd tan her hide! Make a bowl from her skull! Why would... I don't even... *sigh*. Well, I can't fight this. Gilda's gonna be in trouble anyways.

When the military dude who does the assemblies heard about what happened, he ran out in search of Gilda with a repeating crossbow. Maybe his medals are legit. I guess we'll never know. At least he knows what a barrel roll actually is.

Anyways, Gilda came back. Damn fool just laughed when she heard of the incident, said nothing of that sort happened. True enough. Crime still happened.

Since nopony could prove it happened, and Ditzy pretended to be asleep, she just was still alive.

Ditzy got released from the hospital a day later, though. Yeah her right eye's fine, and her left survived, but it's... unaligned. She says its practically blind for her. Can't afford to get it removed though, because, well, she's saving up for the Wonderbolts job anyways.

Her right eye may be all smiles just like her, but her left is like a window to the soul. It may be errant and look all silly, but it burns with wrath. I can see it.

I suppose she'll just stay that way.

It's been a week since Ditzy got released from the hospital, and Gilda's been missing... again.

We all assume she left for the bar like she always does, every friday.

I heard a crash from the bunk above. I suppose Ditzy's still turning. That other eye of hers, it probably is looking through her eyelids, following Gilda, like an angry orb of wrath. Always looking, biding, plotting.

But I ain't here to tell stories, I'm here for facts.

The next morning, her body washed up ashore the rainbow lake.

Nopony hardly gave a damn about her, but it was still weird. Guess she had one too many shots, ey?

Everypony else left to go get a casket, and guess what. It was nurse's job to keep the body preserved. Ha!

So I went with Fluttershy and Ditzy to bring it over, cuz at least somepony's got to keep her company, especially like this.

She just stared at the corner when we got there though.

Ditzy was looking around with her one good eye. It'd be a few hours until the chariot came with the supplies; we're far out here.

Eventually she said something. "...I failed the test."

"What?"

"To become a Wonderbolts coach. They said I don't have depth perception with one eye, and that's dangerous. I suppose that career's out the window..."

I looked down over the corpse with disgust. "Y- and you're fine with this?!"

She turned, and her bad eye- the eye of truth- looked over Gilda's body. It rested over her wings.

I suppose Ditzy will be of no help now.

I just kept fiddling with my hooves. Ditzy's bad eye was unwavering. What was it looking at?

I followed its gaze to Gilda's wings.

It was hard to see it, but it was there.

A single blast hole where the feathers were gone, on the left wing.

On the barren flesh was the stain of rainbows. No water washed that.

I looked up to the all-knowing eye. It swiveled madly again and landed on her talons.

Chipped and cracked, no pavement could do that without fifty miles of speed.

One last time the eye moved. It fell to Gilda's throat.

No matter what I saw, everything looked fine. She didn't get strangled. She didn't get hanged. Everything was perfect.

Too perfect.

She fell into a lake, right? That could mean- oh.

All the pieces were in place, was it true?

"Ditzy?"

She turned to me, eyes realigned like magic. And both were angry. "Yes?" She asked calmly.

I stared her in the eyes, both of them. "Ditzy... you know what happened, didn't you."

She looked on to the wall.

"...Yes."

I looked down to her flank, the bubbles. I knew that was true.

Her mad eye, the true eye, the strong eye, it faced me. And I stared back. It all fell into place.

It was like a dream, I saw it. Ditzy prepped the cannon, fired one quick blast, soaked Gilda's wings. Heavy wings means no flight, she fell to the rainbow lake, and drowned.

Not a trace could be found. Or ever would.

Author's note: Because I don't want you all to get mad, hey, I'm making a humorous ending. But it will sound fishy and will lead to someone asking me what really happened over my deathbed that doesn't kill me and leads to a murder.

Because author notes should be funny

Hopefully. Alternate endings should make you laugh hopefully. I don't want anypony to kill me.

Ending 1-Serious Subversion

"So, Ditzy. You're a mailmare now, and we're all in the same place again, so why not. What really happened. I mean, hey, you never said what. Fluttershy and I want to know."

"...are you crazy?! Why would I kill anypony. You want to know?"

"Um, yeah, if you don't mind... I lose sleep over it all the time..."

"We had a regular contest. A fort war. But we swore to use harmless weaponry. Thus, me using the cloud projectile cannon, and I gave her one of the same structure.

"Of course, since she's a cheating bastard she used the rainbow cannon. I saw, and of course she left it plugged in when we took to the skies.

"She followed me, and I did a barrel roll to overtake her. But she was stupid and did an aileron. I had front row seats to see her crash into a fountain and fall to her death below."

"...So, you weren't fearing for her job, but yours."

"Yep. We had these fort-fights before, you know. I just kept beating her. Of course she'd cheat again."

"So, what happened to your eye?"

"That? Um, I accidentally blew something up in my face. Heheh... but if I want, I can realign my eyes. It's as simple as lifting my hoof. Nay, lowering it. This is it's natural position. The explosion allowed for me to do this, not force me."

"Wh- so why the hell don't you usually have a straight sight?!"

"Leaves more character development, lets me see behind me for anypony trying to ambush me."

"Um, what happened to your Wonderbolts job?"

"I lied. Got the job. You really think crashing into posts and doing a bad job as a mailmare will get you enough money for a house and a child?"

Ending 2-Serious Self-insert

"So, what really happened?"

"...you really wanna know? Fine.

"So a red and black alicorn fell out of a rift in the sky yelling something about finally arriving in Equestria, then flew after me claiming that I should immediately love him.

"When he saw Gilda, he said he hated her and liked you, Rainbow Dash, more and said something like 'Hadouke-Hamekame- ro dah' and managed to blast a rainbow beam out of his hooves into Gilda.

"He yelled 'B4! I sunk your battleship!' and then talked about how he always wanted to taste the rainbow then ran towards the dorm.

"Of course I knew something was up, so I crashed into my room but he was there, and was laying on the bed with bedroom gaze.

"I kicked him out of there and he flew towards the lake. Gilda was about to get out, then she saw the red and black alicorn flash a smile at her in midair, so she jumped into the lake and drowned herself."

Rainbow Dash was just sitting back. "...That almost sounds like a fate worse than having Gilda as a torturer."

"I know, right? However, due to authors' sense of time, he should be here any minute now."

"FUCK! Well, with the true power of friendship we can banish him to the moon along with Discord 2.0 and Chrysalisis and Nightmare Moon's reincarnated state."

Ending 3-Serious S- insert execution-related word that starts with S

"I hate you all! I now am Carnifex Major and can kill both you and Fluttershy! Ha! You're dead! Next!"

Ending 4-Serious ZSero Wing

"What happen?"

"Somepony set up us the Rainbow Cannon. We get rainbows."

"wHAT!!!111!"

"Main pump turn on."

"It's you!"

"How are you gentlecoltzs? All your escape are belong to us. You are on the flight to destruction."

"What you say!!"

"You have no chance to fly make your aileron barrel roll. Ha ha ha ha ...."

"Gilda!!"

"Pull off every 'Aileron'!!"

"I know what I doing."

"Move 'Aileron'."

"For great justice."

ZZZZoooooooommmmmmmm

Rainbow Wings

Press Start Button

Author notes-Serious Stupidity

Okay, this will be short. Because really I have only one main thing to say.

I was just writing... then I wanted an allusion to the classic "Love and Tolerance" with Ditzy saying "I used to be able to tolerate her, but now I find no more love for that."

Of course that line was terrible and I removed it, but its effects remained.

What it did, is it brought me a vision.

This whole fic may be a subliminal conceit for bronies versus haters.

WOOOOOOAAAAH. Deep bro. That's trippy.

Then I realized that would never work and slapped myself.

Well, maybe its a good idea. I mean, it could work. But hey, it might not. You know, with Ditzy maybe murdering Gilda. Iunno. For all I know, she didn't.

But hey, its just a theory. A game the- no, its not that.

Though I took out that conceit, I always remembered one thing.

Maybe Ditzy murdering Gilda did work with this metaphor.

Maybe Freud and Jung were right. Maybe I did want this to happen. I cannot tell.

All my fics have a sense of retribution, revenge, and Nemesis. I'd like to think that, wouldn't I.

I'm tired. Go learn the difference between an aileron and a barrel roll. Brought to you by the same brony (yes, he is one! :D) who made me say that reference up there.