Chapters Chapter 2 - "When Silence Breaks"
Chapter Two - “When Silence Breaks”
by MakeMeFamous
The wind flowed through Twilight’s mane as she watched Canterlot grow bigger and bigger. Her mane would be a mess by the time they arrived, but she didn’t give it much thought, there were far bigger problems at hoof than looks at the moment.
With the time left after the initial shock, she had managed to grab a few books related to today’s subject – long range teleportation. Be that as it may, this was nowhere near the preparations she had gone through for the other lessons, and she didn’t like that at all. Of course she could improvise, at least to some extent, and she did have a rather impressive background knowledge of…well, everything. She was also a fast learner, something that Princess Celestia greatly appreciated. Celestia enjoyed reminding Twilight about how talented she was every chance she got, always causing the mare to blush fiercely.
Not even this, however, changed the fact that she liked to be prepared. Making a fool out of herself in front on the Princess was the last thing she wanted to do, especially after she was once again getting private lessons from her. And even though this wasn’t the first time, she couldn’t shake the feeling that these lessons were different. She was no longer the shaky little filly trying to grasp the basics of levitation, though the presence of the princess still made her a bit jumpy. She now had a life outside the castle, friends, a job... And still the princess wanted to spend time with her, teach her new things, new aspects of magic she wouldn’t have dared approach on her own. Twilight knew the princess was always busy, and the fact that she would still take the time to teach her personally was more than she could have ever dreamed of. The thought of such embarrassment sent shivers running down her spine. She shook her head, trying to push this particularly unnerving thought out of her mind.
While drawing her gaze back at the chariot, she felt her heartbeat rising. While she had studied with the Princess literally hundreds of times before, these private lessons had been different. Previously studying “with” the Princess had meant merely being in the same room and occasionally receiving a tip or a reassuring smile. That, of course, had been no less intimidating, but she had gotten used to it - at least on some level. These new lessons however, exciting as they were, seemed to bring Twilight back to the old days, learning things with no hope of ever completely understanding them. Because this time she and the Princess were actually going through the same subject, reading from the same books and practicing – together. It was more than enough to make the already slightly shy pony nervous. Granted, she had spent almost her entire life more or less around the princess, but she was still the ruler of Equestria who, not only had the magical power to raise the Sun, but also had the experience in magic that came with having lived over a thousand years. Although Twilight admired her intellect, and to a degree her magical prowess as well, it made her feel so small and feeble in comparison.
Celestia’s mastery over the Sun was something that had never ceased to amaze Twilight. Even after the explanation that it was really only a basic levitation spell on a larger scale, she didn’t stop inquiring about it in awe. After all, based on her calculations and speculations, before the princesses had taken control of the sun and the moon, it would have taken at least dozens of highly skilled unicorns to achieve what seemed like such a mundane task to her.
Using all the willpower she had left after the stressful morning, Twilight forced herself out of her thoughts, only to notice that they were closing in on the town near Canterlot. She hadn’t eaten anything yet; a realization that suddenly hit her hard and was reinforced by a loud growl from her stomach. If she had learned anything during the years she had spent in the castle, it was that her mind didn’t work that well on an empty stomach. She had learned it the hard way; the extensive study marathons she did back then had been enough to make her completely oblivious to anything except the book she had been holding, and there had been a few occasions where this had caused some major issues with concentration. Even thinking about the time she had managed to use the levitation spell on the princess instead of the chair still gave her chills. And there had even been a few times the princess had had to drag Twilight away from the books herself, and make her eat something; after all, she had fainted once while reading. Since this was not the time to be absent-minded, she figured that being a few minutes late wouldn’t be so bad, if it meant that she’d be able to concentrate. Even though Twilight had already been to Canterlot four times in the last two weeks because of the lessons, she hadn’t really been able to just stroll around the town and see if much had changed since she had moved to Ponyville. With this in mind, she decided that she could go see whether an old donut shop she used to visit all the time as a filly was still up and running.
“Hey, uhm, Lighting?” Twilight said, finally breaking the silence.
“Yeah?” he responded in his usual, carefree tone.
“What time is it?”
“Around ten I think, since we’re almost there,” he said, glancing at the Sun quickly. “You got somewhere more important to be?” he asked with a wide grin, already knowing the answer.
“Oh, uhm, no...” the mare said, blushing a bit, “I just got a few things I need to take care of before going to the castle.” “Could you land around that donut shop over there?” she asked while pointing at a building that slightly stood out from the rest, not being as fancy and well-kept.
“Oh calm down Twilight, I was just teasing,” he said. “And sure, we can drop you off here. Sure you don’t need help finding your way to the castle?” he asked playfully.
“Oh don’t worry, I still know my way around,” she responded, managing to work up a small smile.
“I’m sure you do,” he said with a light chuckle, as the chariot started descending slowly.
Twilight noticed a few intrigued glances being directed her way as the chariot landed on a street near the shop she remembered, but seeing as Twilight using the princess’ chariot was nothing new, the ponies quickly returned to what they were originally doing. Steel Wing had been silent, as usual, but did grunt a quick goodbye after they had landed and Twilight had thanked them for the ride.
She watched them depart, probably heading for the castle to rest. Twilight watched, lost in thought, after she couldn’t really see more than a couple of black smudges in the sky. She then headed towards the shop, her stomach rumbling in anticipation. As she walked, she anxiously rehearsed the teleportation spells and theory, randomly mumbling a word or two.
***
After Celestia had watched the Sun rise and light Canterlot up to its usual daytime glow, she headed back towards the castle. She felt peckish, and figured that breakfast should be served by now and started walking towards the dining hall through the garden. Of course flying back to her room and proceeding from there would have been a quicker way, but she liked to take the more scenic route once in a while. The guards near the side door to the entrance hall were rather confused seeing the Sun Princess approach, but quickly forced their regular expressions back.
They were new, fresh out of the Royal Guard Academy, and hadn’t really even spoken to the princess yet. After exchanging some mildly nervous looks, one of the guards managed to speak up: “G-Good morning, Princess Celestia.”
“It is, isn’t it,” the Princess responded, with her ever-present, smile glowing with happiness. “Looks like the start of a wonderful day,” she added before appraising the stallions before her. “How is the watch going so far?”
“Well,” the first one started, “it’s a bit wa-hmmph!” The rest of his reply was diminished to a mumble as the the other guard had rushed over and jammed a hoof in his mouth.
“Everything is fine, your highness.”
Celestia gave them a quizzical look before continuing through the doors they had opened with their magic. As soon as the doors closed, she could hear faint whispering behind them. She sighed, her smile fading a bit, and started walking towards the throne room. Maybe Luna would like to join her.
While walking, she gazed around the hall. She had always wondered whether it seemed a bit too intimidating to the more poor ponies that came here for help from the Princesses. The hall was colossal; it took nearly half a minute to walk through it. On top of that, there were huge golden chandeliers hanging from the roof and the walls were filled with the finest pieces of art Equestria contained. And if a painting wasn’t covering a part of the wall, a statue was. She wondered if she should do something about it, maybe spread the more... extravagant paintings around the castle a bit; the last thing she needed was a life-size painting of herself staring down at her every time she passed the hall. Or maybe even shrink the room down a bit, the spell wasn’t all that complicated now that she thought about it. Just as she started recalling the shrinking spell, she set her eyes on the part of the hall she disliked the most; a massive statue of herself and Luna. They had both been told that this was unnecessary when the hall had been designed, but they had been told it reminded everypony ‘who was in charge’. Like that was important…or even necessary. She just might teleport the statue to the Everfree Forest one day, only to see the looks on the architects faces...
She swung the next set of doors open with her magic, only to see Luna snoozing on the throne – most likely tired from the night court. Making as little noise as she could, she sneaked next to her .“So that’s how you run the court in my absence,” Celestia whispered in her sister’s ear with a mischievous smile on her face.
“Yes, seems reasonable,” Luna muttered as she shot up to her full length. After a few moments, filled with confused looks, she realized that Celestia was the only one in the room with her. “Oh ha ha,” she said and yawned.
“I just might give your style a try once in a while,” Celestia said with a light chuckle.
“Did you have anything else in mind, other than nearly giving me a heart attack?” Luna asked, a tiny grin starting to find its way to her face too.
“I was on my way to eat breakfast and wondered if you’d like to join me. That is if you’re not too tired,” Celestia replied.
“I might eat something before I go to bed,” Luna said, more to herself, and joined Celestia on her way to the dining hall. “Maybe I’ll even get to hear what’s been bothering you for the last few weeks,” she added, her look changing from tired to concerned in an instant.
Celestia kept walking, ignoring the question. The rest of the walk to the dining hall was spent in silence, Luna staring at her intently, almost as if trying to read her mind. When they had taken their seats, they were greeted by the cook, who soon vanished into the kitchen with their orders. While they waited for their meals, Luna started rambling on about the events of the night court: “Well, with my luck, the first thing they wanted to talk about was some boring dam project in the outskirts of Manehattan, but I...” She stopped talking as she noticed that Celestia was staring outside with a blank expression. With an artificial tone of hurt, she said: “I thought you were interested in these things.”
“Oh, huh?” Celestia uttered, returning to the present. “Excuse me sister, it seems I got lost in my thoughts for a moment.”
“You’ve done that a lot lately,” Luna said, adopting a concerned tone. “Would you care to tell me what’s on your mind, I might be able to help you know.”
“Oh I was just thinking about…”
“Twilight?” Luna interrupted.
A barely noticeable blush found its way to Celestia’s cheeks as she looked at her sister. “Well of course, she is coming for a study session today and I…” she started, only to be interrupted by her sister once more.
“Ah, now I see why you’ve been so distracted lately.” It was Luna’s turn to grin.
“It’s nothing like that,” Celestia said reaching for a convincing tone – and failing miserably. “It’s just that she’s been coming over for the lessons for a while now, and every time she seems more and more nervous - a little more afraid of doing something wrong.” She paused for a moment, glancing at the Sun climbing higher and higher. “Just last week she spent the last half hour of the lesson apologizing for getting a spell wrong the first few tries, even though she got it right on the third try.” Celestia let out a quiet chuckle and continued: “It took me dozens of tries back when I first learned it. And she still felt the need to apologize..”
Luna didn’t think it was the whole truth, but she didn’t pursue it further out of respect for her sister’s privacy. She couldn’t know for certain, at least not yet, but she had her suspicions. And all signs pointed to her being right. Maybe Celestia wasn’t ready to confront her feelings yet. Or maybe she’d just been wrong. As unlikely as it was, it was still a possibility. Luna winced at this realization. If she was wrong, the fact that she had pushed her sister to offer the lessons to Twilight would be for nothing. Or not for nothing, at least Celestia would be able to reconnect with Twilight on some level, hopefully easing her loneliness a bit. But still, it had taken so much time and effort, since she couldn’t have just gone and said it would help bring them closer to each other. Celestia would have never admitted needing somepony other than her sister. She could be so naïve sometimes… It had been difficult for Luna to adjust after her banishment and she sometimes wondered if Celestia knew she didn’t blame her for it. What her sister did had been necessary. That’s why Luna wanted to do this. She just wanted to help her sister and show her that she cared.
Celestia had been distancing herself from everypony lately. It was like she had surrounded herself with a castle of her own – and no one was allowed in. Luna had seen the worries overwhelming her sister’s expressions when she thought she was alone. And the fact that Celestia kept it a secret made Luna feel like she wasn’t able to be trusted.
She would confide in Luna eventually though, or at least that was what she hoped. Twilight however, was a whole different story. She would need to find out if Twilight was only coming for the lessons, or if she too, felt something more. And if not, she could try and find a way to help her to.
Arranging a small meal and making myself scarce could work she thought, while Celestia was still going on about her worries for her faithful student.
She could also tell Twilight that Celestia had kept every single friendship report, and that she revisited them almost daily. Although now that she thought about it, that was probably something she should leave for Celestia to say herself. She wondered if there was an elegant way to make Celestia talk about it, but couldn’t think of anything from the top of her head.
Or maybe just talking to Twilight, letting her know what Celestia did on her free time, would help them bond more. For instance, it wasn’t really common knowledge that Celestia loved to paint whenever she got the chance, and maybe that would give them more to talk about, aside from the usual - books and magic.
However feelings of this magnitude weren’t something that would come out in a casual chat. She had been friends with Twilight since the Nightmare Night where Luna had learned to fit in, but they weren’t that close. She realized she had to tread carefully though, since love wasn’t something she could just give to ponies, nor could she force it in any way, or even wanted to. It was a lot simpler than usually though, since now her status as a princess wasn’t in the way of her approaching either party.
Dealing with romance once again got Luna thinking about her past. It was just the kind of thing Celestia had warned her about when they were both younger. Being the Princess of the Night, she wasn’t only taking care of the Moon and the night, but love and dreams as well. Thus something she greatly enjoyed, was slightly nudging ponies together who loved each other. The ones that just needed the final push. However, “meddling in other ponies’ lives,” as Celestia used to put it, was not something she was supposed to do. As good as she was with reading ponies, there had been a few...incidents. For example, there had been a time when she had been so certain of being right, that the constant failures to get the two mares together had driven her to brew a love potion. Suffice to say that it hadn’t ended well, and had Celestia not intervened, it would have been a complete catastrophe. Luckily it wasn’t anything magic couldn’t fix, and the catastrophe could be averted. If nothing else, it had caused Luna to be a lot more cautious with the ‘nudging’. But this time it’s so obvious...isn’t it?
Celestia was ripped from her thoughts when the chef finally came to fetch the plates. She noticed that Luna had already left, and it took her a moment to realize that she was being spoken to.
“Is there anything else you need, your highness?”
“No, the food was excellent, thank you,” she said absentmindedly, and watched him disappear into the kitchen once again. After a while, her thoughts took over once more and she just sat there, alone in the dining hall, trying to win a long lost battle in her mind.
***
Twilight’s head was so filled with random facts about teleportation, that it was a wonder she found the right door. Pushing it open, she entered the store and sat next to the counter.
“A few chocolate donuts, please,” she mumbled in between thoughts.
“So you aren’t even gonna say hello anymore?” Pony Joe said, pretending to sound hurt. He couldn’t hide the smirk though.
Twilight abandoned her revision for a moment and looked up. “Joe, oh wow... it’s been so long.”
“Oh so you’ve forgotten about me, that it?” he said, still smiling.
“No no no, of course not,” Twilight said closing in on panic mode, “I just had a lot on my mind and...”
“Relax Twilight, I’m joking. You still have a hard time noticing that I see.”
Twilight deflated like a balloon about to pop, and slammed her face on the counter, a bit harder than she intended.
“What’s got you so gloomy? Last time I saw you like this you thought you had failed a test,” Pony Joe said while preparing the donuts, “which you obviously didn’t, I still remember the ‘yes dance’.”
“Oh I got these lessons with the princess and I didn’t prepare all that well.” she answered, devouring the donuts in a few bites.
“And since when has that held you back?” Joe asked, still holding the plate that had had three donuts on it five seconds ago.
“I spent a lot of time studying here, didn’t I?” Twilight said with a small smile starting to build up, along with a welcomed calm feeling. “So how have you been, you still the number one donut shop in Canterlot?”
“Oh I still have my loyal customers, but a lot of more ‘fancier’ places have opened around here. Surprisingly the Wonderbolts still prefer my place over the rest, whenever they are in town that is.”
“Heh, if I told that to Rainbow Dash, you’d have a new customer who would never leave,” Twilight said, glancing hungrily at the donuts covered in sprinkles.
“Maybe you should then, I could use the extra bits,” Joe said with a chuckle, handing Twilight one of the sprinkled donuts. “That’s on the house, loyal customer only discount.” he said with a wink.
“Thanks Joe,” she said, the donut disappearing in a single mouthful, “but I really have to go now so I won’t be tar... err, late. Bye!”
“Take care,” he said and watched the door close.
The chat had distracted her from the morning’s chaotic events. Unfortunately the newfound calmness started to crumble as she got closer to the castle. All the worries about failing or performing inadequately started creeping back, but she fought hard to keep her head clear. She passed the main gate without seeing anypony there to greet her, apart from the guards. She resolved to simply go to the library, since the princess often had to deal with unexpected surprises. However they had agreed to meet in the library so that’s where she’d eventually be. And sure enough, Celestia was already there, sitting on a cushion and reading an awfully thick book. Twilight couldn’t see the title, but she assumed it was about teleportation spells. She cleared her throat and managed to come up with a rather calm voice: “Hello Princess Celestia.”
Celestia was so lost in the book that it took her awhile to realize she was being spoken to. She lifted her gaze and saw Twilight looking at her. “Twilight, my faithful student.” Celestia smiled at her warmly, “How was your trip, you’re not still afraid of heights are you?”
Twilight’s cheeks adopted a crimson shade, but she answered nonetheless: “The trip was fine, princess. The arrival was a bit embarrassing though, everypony was expecting to see you when they saw the chariot,” Twilight said smiling nervously, “I probably shouldn’t have asked them to land in the town.” “You could just send a regular chariot to pick me up, or I could just take the train or…”
“Nonsense,” Celestia interrupted with a light chuckle, “I travel so little nowadays with Luna here, that they can use the exercise. Besides, you’re my student, of course you will travel with my chariot.” For a moment Twilight looked like she was about to say something, but seemed to decide against it. “I’m glad you’re here, shall we begin?” Celestia said while directing a gaze towards the big pile of books behind her. “This might be a slightly more challenging subject than the previous ones, but I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it in no time.” She smiled at Twilight and started arranging the books with her magic.
Twilight nodded and made her way to the Princess. Of course it had to be today, when I’m not prepared she thought while sitting down and trying to calm down before going over the first book with Princess Celestia.
Hours went by, as Twilight and the Princess tackled the thick book Celestia had been reading. After each chapter she would bombard Twilight with questions, which she more than often answered nearly perfectly. However today she seemed to have some trouble with a few, taking a bit longer and forgetting things more than usually, though it was still incredible compared to anypony else she had taught before. She loved to listen to Twilight and the way her mind worked, because every time she did she realized that it was so similar to hers. Twilight was one of the few ponies who she could just talk to without the constant groveling, though it sometimes took a while for the slight groveling to fade. And it was more about Celestia being her teacher, instead of being a princess. But most importantly, Twilight was a pony who would actually understand and challenge her. Therefore, in the end they ended up just talking about the dangers of long range teleportation and all the necessary precautions one should take before trying it. The Sun was halfway through it's daily course, when Celestia had an idea.
She waited as Twilight finished her sentence, going over the steps required to successfully teleport and raised her hoof to get a moment of silence. But when she looked into Twilight’s eyes, beaming with happiness that she felt while learning something new, she forgot everything else. It felt like the first good look she’d gotten of the lavender mare in ages. Twilight had grown so much since she had moved to Ponyville. She had learned so much about the magic of friendship, and even used that magic to save Equestria - multiple times. Not to mention that only Celestia herself and her sister were able to understand and perform the kind of magic they were studying right now. The fact that she was able to talk about things like this with Twilight, and that she would completely understand them and be able to even challenge Celestia with intelligent questions was just... it was such a relief. Usually the only pony she could talk to about these things was Luna, and she had been gone for too long..
Ever since she had first seen Twilight, she had know that there was something special in her, a spark waiting to be seen. Celestia had always known that Twilight was smart and capable of understanding magic in a way that few others could and the studies so far, her becoming the Element of Magic, rescuing Luna and every other act of bravery had only reinforced her original feelings. Right now however, staring into her lavender eyes, that tiny spark had erupted into a roaring flame, completely captivating Celestia. It was like the afternoon rays of the Sun finally revealed Twilight for who she really was; mature, intelligent and so... beautiful.
And with that thought, Celestia came crashing back into the real world. Twilight was looking at her, confused.
“I’m so sorry Twilight, it seems that I once again got lost in my thoughts,” Celestia said.
“Oh it’s okay Princess, I do that too. It drives Spike crazy,” Twilight replied, holding back a giggle. “Was there something you were about to say?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact. I had an idea for the rest of the lesson,” Celestia said. “I know you are quite familiar with the regular teleportation spell, but before you try longer distances, I think we should warm up a bit,” she continued. “So, how about we move to the garden for the rest of the lesson?”
“Well we’ve been sitting here for hours, so a little warm up couldn’t hurt,” Twilight said while getting up and stretching out.
While following Celestia towards the garden, Twilight finally had some time to take in the scenery. Not much had changed since she had left, and as far as she knew, the same ponies were still in charge of taking care of the gardens. Not that there was anything wrong with that. She had never really met them, and the garden always looked amazing, even more so in the afternoon with the Sun turning everything golden. It was beautiful, magical even. Twilight didn’t know why she was suddenly paying so much attention to such things, but she didn’t really care, since she was right where she wanted to be, with her mentor and idol, who looked simply divine with the sunlight dancing on her alabaster coat. This however was something she decided to keep to herself.
The princess stopped, almost causing Twilight to bump into her, still dwelling on her thoughts. She noticed they were standing on a large open field next to the maze, a place she and Cadence used to play hide and seek when she was young. Celestia had really never liked it, worrying she might get lost; after all the maze was almost as big as the castle itself. Thinking of all the fun times she had had with her foalsitter only managed to widen her already sizable grin. She looked over at Celestia, who smiled back at her before adopting a slightly more serious expression.
“This field should serve as an adequate practice area for the spell, the distance across should be slightly longer than what you’ve done in the past, if I’m not mistaken,” Celestia said while looking into the distant edge where the field turned into the maze of hedges.
Twilight turned her gaze there as well, and from what she could tell, ‘slightly’ was a slight underestimation - it had to be at least a mile across, if not more. She’d only done a bit over half a mile in the past, at best. Her insecurities must have shown, since Celestia reassured her: “I’m sure you can do it Twilight, you only need to focus. It’s not that hard once you manage the first few times, I can assure you.”
“O-Okay, I can do this,” Twilight said, trying to sound confident, while going over the steps they had discussed at length only a half an hour ago. She took in a few deep breaths and channeled magic into her horn, causing the traditional lavender aura to surround her. A silent *pop* and she disappeared.
Few seconds went by and Celestia squinted, trying to see her student appear on the other side of the field. But she didn’t. After an agonizingly long moment had passed, and Celestia started to get really worried, she heard another sound, however it sounded more like a distant explosion than the subtle pop she was hoping for. Scanning the field she noticed Twilight laying on all fours on a patch of slightly burned grass, far from where she was supposed to appear - and she didn’t appear to be moving. Fearing the worst, Celestia took off, running like her life depended on it, occasionally speeding the process with her wings. While a teleportation spell of her own would have been faster, her brain wasn’t functioning properly at the moment and she was still next to Twilight in only ten seconds or so, probably breaking some galloping records.
She dove right next to her student, turning her around, seeing she seemed unharmed, excluding some minor burn marks on her coat. And she was breathing. A sigh of relief escaped her, as she tried to wake Twilight up. As far as she could tell, her magical aura hadn’t changed in any way so she should be fine. After a good minute of calling her name and gently shaking her, Twilight opened her eyes and coughed a few times. “Well that could have gone better,” she mumbled between coughs. “I think I forgot to take something into account, so I...”
“Do you have any idea how dangerous spells we are working with here?” Twilight was cut off by Celestia who, to her surprise, seemed angry. The weak smile she had instantly vanished as she looked into her mentor’s teary eyes, and the unforeseen expression of anger.
“You could have been seriously injured, or even...” she was unable to finish the sentence, and broke the intense eye contact for a moment. While she wasn’t exactly shouting, her voice was raised and the usual warm and understanding tone that had always been able to calm Twilight during her worst times was nowhere to be heard. For the first time in her life, the princess was angry at her - and she had no idea what to do.
“Did you take the planet’s rotation into account?” Celestia asked, looking at Twilight once more. “Did you take the longer distance into account while drawing in magic? Did you calculate the psycho planar interference correctly? Did you focus hard enough on your destination? What about the spell, did you cast it correctly?”
Twilight was shocked at the all questions, and tried to frantically remember if she had taken everything into account, but the sheer amount of revision combined with the stress made her feel woozy. Now that she thought about it, she had never heard or even read about psycho planar interference. “I... But I didn’t... I never...” was all she could muster, while unable to stop the flow of tears that came with the realization - she had failed the spell because she had forgotten something, or rather had missed it while studying on the subject. This was all because she had forgotten the lesson. She had failed the princess. She had failed Celestia.
Before Celestia could do anything else, Twilight had gotten on her hooves, leaving her embrace. She wobbled for a second or two before regaining her balance, and started running towards the castle. Celestia didn’t turn her gaze, but she could hear the sobbing, which eventually faded and she was left with nothing but silence and her own thoughts. What was she thinking, performing magic of that caliber without the necessary preparation.. After everything I have taught to her about preparing for something like this.. The chapters I skipped were still in the book she had, did I skip one too many? She’s usually so thorough..
The Sun was shedding its last rays on Canterlot when Celestia finally realized that she was still in the middle of the field on all fours, next to a burnt patch of grass, staring into nothingness. She felt the slight tug on the back of her mind, like an alarm to remember to set the Sun and make room for the Moon. She also noticed she had been crying, though she found it impossible to determine how long. She slowly got up and gazed around, feeling confused, trying to recall how long she had been there. All the happiness she had felt in the morning had vanished, leaving her feeling empty and lonely as ever. As she walked back towards the castle, now being highlighted by all the hues of red and orange, she went through what had happened, presumably hours ago, over and over. Moreover, her own reaction.
After the initial relief of seeing Twilight breathe and wake up she had, for the first time in a long while, felt incredibly angry. Angry enough, that she couldn’t possibly just shove it away, bottle it up like she used to. She knew the anger stemmed from concern over the lavender mare, but it still concerned her that Twilight had to see her like that. Why did she have to be the first one in centuries to be on the receiving end of that outburst. Oh what must she think of me was all that she could think about during her way to the castle.
Celestia was standing in front of the door leading to Twilight’s room; the same room she had lived in since she had first started learning magic with her. It was where she liked to stay during her visits to Canterlot, and Celestia saw nothing wrong with it. After all she had kept the room exactly as it had been, so Twilight must’ve felt at home. Just as she had gathered her courage and was about to knock, she heard a sob, shortly followed by another one. The same pattern kept repeating every few minutes.
Celestia felt like she had been frozen. Everything she was supposed to say had evaporated from her mind, and she suddenly kept reliving the moment of watching Twilight lay on the ground. The feeling of helplessness, the thought of losing her. Of course she knew that Twilight would eventually grow old and... die, everyone she cared about did, excluding Luna of course. Though ever since she had returned, she had found it hard to talk to her. Luna had her reasons to hate her however, Celestia only hoped that one day they could be like they used to, sisters. Twilight however, it was nowhere near the time yet, Celestia was far from ready to say goodbye to her faithful student and friend. She cringed ever so slightly. She knew there was more to it than that, as much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself. Twilight wasn’t just a student to her anymore, or just a friend. And all the rational thinking in the world didn’t seem to be able to change that. If the outburst had taught her anything, it was that she finally saw Twilight, not as a student and a filly she needed to guide and coddle, but as her own, beautiful self; a mare with great power and a good heart, capable of pursuing whatever she wanted. There was no going back now.
She crashed out of her thoughts, something that had become a far too familiar feeling for her. She was still staring at Twilights door, who was still sobbing now and then. She raised her hoof again, but she just couldn’t do it. She slouched in defeat, deciding to try again the next day. She walked towards her room, unsure of what she felt at the moment. She passed the guards next to her bedroom door without saying anything, and just fell to her bed as the door closed behind her.
***
The next morning dawned, and Celestia was sitting in the dining hall, drinking herb tea and trying to find the words to say to Twilight once she would come down. She didn’t want Twilight to fear her, and she understood that the unicorn might be angry with her. She was too engrossed in her thoughts to notice the doors to the dining hall open with a groan.
As soon as the door was open wide enough, Twilight sneaked through. She stood at the door for a while, the sight of Princess Celestia being, for the first time in ages, a bit intimidating. She started closing in the distance, step by step, keeping her eyes on the ground.
“Twilight...” something in Celestia’s smile felt a bit off, but Twilight wasn’t able to put her hoof on what it was exactly.
“Princess, I...” she started, though the rest of her well prepared speech seemed to have vanished. So she just stood there, mouth half open, waiting for the impending punishment.
The princess just stared at Twilight for a while, looking like she too was having trouble finding the correct words. She found them after a few moments though: “I feel like I should apologize for the outburst yesterday,” Celestia said, while gesturing with a wing for Twilight to sit down.
“I’m really sorry that... wait whaa?” Twilight was sure she had just heard the princess wrong, but sat down next to her anyway, forcing herself to keep a steady eye contact.
Celestia sighed: “It wasn’t fair of me to expect you to get it right the first time. Even with all the preparations we did, mistakes happen and they are a part of learning.”
“But princess, I... I didn’t have the time to do the usual amount of preparations. I should have been more prepared, it’s just that I’m...” Twilight seemed to have lost her voice, and instead found the windowsill incredibly interesting.
Celestia held up a hoof: “I know. I felt something wasn’t right, but I was so eager to see how you’d do, that I pushed you more than I should have. And that is another thing I want to apologize for.”
“No, I should have said something. I.. I’ll get it right the next time, I promise,” Twilight said, focusing on Celestia again.
“I know you will, Twilight.” Celestia said with a smile warm as ever. “And even if you do not... well...” She chuckled a bit: “That’s what these study sessions are for, are they not?”
A weak smile spread across Twilight’s face: “I’ll do the best I can.”
Celestia nodded. “I think however, that we should take a break for the rest of the week, to give you some time to recover.”
The slightest bit of panic flashed across Twilight’s newfound smile: “Oh we don’t have to do that. I’m just a bit tired, that’s all. I need to find a few books and I’m sure I can make it across that field.”
“I insist, Twilight. This happened because both of us got too excited and pushed too hard. A little rest will do you good,” she said with a reassuring smile.
“But...but..” Honestly she would’ve loved the rest, but she wasn’t sure she could make any use of it because of the insomnia. In any case, she was running out of valid reasons, and the princess seemed like she wouldn’t be taking no for an answer. “Fine..”
Celestia winked at her: “Maybe you’ll even learn something about not pushing yourself too far, hmmm?”
“Ha ha,” she replied, blushing ever so slightly. “Will we continue with this?” she asked, a hopeful smile spreading across her face, “just so I know what to read for the next time.”
“Of course, unless you had something else in mind?”
“No, just making sure,” Twilight said with a sheepish smile. Next time I’ll get it, I have to. I won’t let her down again. Have to do something about that insomnia though, ugh.
“Uhm, Twilight...”
Twilight focused back at the princess, who was looking a bit odd. If she didn’t know better, she’d have said Celestia was nervous. “Yes princess?”
“I hope that everything is... okay between us. I didn’t mean to scare you yesterday.”
“Of course, everything’s alright,” Twilight said with a smile on her face, “I could never be mad at you, princess.”
Celestia looked relieved, the warmth and absolute confidence returning to her expression as she nuzzled her faithful student.
***
Twilight stared out the bathroom window absentmindedly while she was waiting for her bath. The conversation with the princess had gone differently than she had expected, though she had been told more than once that she had a tendency to go a bit overboard with her expectations. She was overjoyed that the princess had forgiven her, but her insistence for a break was shooting her mind off to tangents she didn’t like at all. Why couldn’t I just have told her I wasn’t ready for it?
She turned the faucet off with her magic once the bath seemed ready and slipped into the warm water. Princess Celestia had often told her not to dwell on the past too much, but she couldn’t help it, bringing the princess’ words back into focus. “What if she thinks I’m not ready for the advanced training?” she asked, staring at her mirror counterpart intently. After a while she realized that her mirror image wasn’t too keen on helping, and instead rolled onto her side to avoid it’s gaze.
Forgetting that she was in a bath, all she accomplished with that was a faceful of water. After a few coughs, another idea dawned on her, one that sent shivers down her spine. What if she needs a break from me? The thought hurt more than the botched teleportation had.
She thought about the past few weeks of lessons and, being who she was, her mind instantly locked onto each and every little mistake she had made in Celestia’s presence. There had been more than usual, yes, but that was the insomnias fault and there seemed to be nothing she could do about it. But maybe... maybe Celestia had finally seen that she wasn’t good enough, that she wasn’t worth her time. But as much as these thoughts hurt, she realized that she wouldn’t trade the time spent with her longtime mentor for the world, no matter the sleepless nights and small aches she had had to endure.
She’s as much of a friend as Applejack or Fluttershy are. Or perhaps a better friend since I’ve known her longer that just three years; she’s been there for me as long as I can remember. I wonder if the strength of friendship can simply be measured in years... But if she’s more than that...
She went back to the lessons again, ignoring the stupid mistakes as best as she could, this time focusing on herself. The little flutter in her heart whenever the princess smiled at her. The slightest feeling of pride and satisfaction whenever she got a particularly hard answer right. The sneaky glances, just to see her reassuring smile before attempting a difficult spell, or to assure herself that the Alicorn was still there.
This went on for a while, until the warmth of the bath wasn’t the only thing contributing towards her increasing blush. As embarrassing as it might’ve been if anypony else had been there, it helped her realize something important: there was a reason for Celestia always being close to her thoughts.
***
The following morning was nothing but a flash of places and conversations to Twilight, and before she knew it she was sitting in the golden chariot heading towards Ponyville. The one thing that she was able to focus on though, was the conversation with the princess, however brief it had been. She had seemed a bit distant when Twilight had come to say goodbye, only briefly talking about the next lesson and wishing Twilight a safe journey.
Twilight wasn’t left any less confused, the revelation in the bath had tired her out enough, so she had been able to sleep. But her dreams were still haunted by different images, though this time they only made her blush.
I could be wrong though, maybe it’s nothing. I’ve never been good with these things... I should probably ask my friends for help again, they have much more experience with feelings and everything, right?
Chapter 3 - "The Taste of Regret"
Chapter Three - ”The Taste of Regret”
by MakeMeFamous
“Seriously Twilight, last time you were going crazy because you hadn’t studied and this time because you have?” Spike said lazily, observing the almost ecstatic mare. He figured a ‘yes’ dance wasn’t too far away, and sincerely hoped he wouldn’t see it today. Books were flying around the library and Spike was doing his best to avoid getting smacked by one.
“Come on Spike, I’ve been waiting for this the whole week. I can study with the princess again, and this time I’m well prepared,” she said, while a selected few books flew into her bag.
“Have you ever not been prepared, aside from the ONE time last week?” Spike asked in a matter-of-fact tone. A weak blush spread across Twilight’s face. “You’ll be fine, now eat your breakfast before it goes cold - again,” Spike continued, sporting a grin. Twilight responded with a nod and a grin of her own, heading for the kitchen with a satisfied dragon in tow.
***
Twilight was once again sitting in the castle’s library. Normally the endless rows of books would have driven the studious mare crazy with joy and interest, but today she didn’t pay any attention to them, nor did she really care. There was something wrong and she was trying to think what had happened. It was the day and time for her lesson with the princess, yet the most important thing was missing - the princess was nowhere to be seen. And it had been almost half an hour. Had she gotten the day wrong? No, I was picked up by the chariot . How about the time? She re-checked her calendar for the fifth time. No, I got the time right. It wasn’t like the princess to be late, though that one time she had been, there had been a good reason. Twilight was certain the princess would... *pop* ...be there soon.
She lifted her gaze and was staring at the familiar alabaster alicorn. Celestia’s smile was reassuring, though there was something off about it that Twilight couldn’t really figure out. Nevertheless, she was here and everything would be fine.
“My faithful student,” Celestia said, smiling warmly as ever. “I must apologize for being late, there were some court issues that required my attention.”
“It’s fine, you have a kingdom to rule after all,” Twilight said, a smile flashing across her face.
“Indeed,” Celestia responded, briefly glancing outside. “Shall we begin? I trust you have gone through the books I sent you?”
Twilight blushed ever so slightly. “Yeah, I went through them, we can start.”
While Twilight wasn’t exactly waiting for a another field test in teleporting, what followed was not very pleasant either. After going through the first pages in the book together, Twilight had come up with multiple points she thought would impress the princess. But instead of asking her opinion on the matter like usually, Celestia merely asked a few quick questions to make sure Twilight remembered what was in the book, and turned the page. Baffled by the treatment, Twilight let her genius points on the chances of cross-dimensional teleporting and rotation calculations during extreme ranges go. Maybe she already knows these things. Perhaps this is something so simple that it isn’t worth going over in detail.
However, similar treatment continued throughout the lesson. The only thing the confused mare could do, was to answer the questions, as short as she could manage. The longer this went on, the more awkward and uncomfortable it made Twilight feel. Celestia however seemed oblivious to her uneasiness. The thoughts of Celestia actually wanting a break from her in the form of her ‘recovery time’ and her being disappointed at Twilight after the accident creeped back. Why is she doing this...
With her brain going overdrive she noticed little things, things that only reinforced her rampantly running assumptions. Instead of sitting next to her like she usually did, Celestia was sitting across her. She had also referred to her as “Twilight Sparkle” during the whole lesson. Now as much as Twilight didn’t want to admit it, the fact that the princess called her “Twilight” made something inside her light up. All this however seemed to open a black hole in the place of that spark, though she felt like that was something she had already been living with for the past few weeks.
Twilight became aware of the fact that she had been asked yet another question and she had been “thinking” for a good five minutes. Celestia almost looked concerned, but Twilight wasn’t sure if she was interpreting her mentor correctly anymore. To be honest, she started to doubt she ever had.
“I’m sorry princess, what was the question again?” Twilight asked, trying to bring her focus back to things that actually mattered.
“I just asked whether you feel like you grasped the points the last chapter was trying to make,” Celestia said in a stunningly neutral tone.
“Ah, yes I did, the...” Twilight started, only to be interrupted a second later.
“Good, that should be it for the day. Excuse me, but I have royal business to attend to. We’ll discuss about the details of the next lesson tomorrow, as usual.” With that, the princess stood up and left, leaving an extremely confused unicorn behind. Had she not just a week ago cried herself to sleep because of fear of letting the princess down, she could have easily categorized this as the worst day in a long time.
***
Twilight was walking in the castle gardens, trying to make sense of the lesson. After having sat in the classroom for an hour or so with all the thoughts she had swirling around her head, the garden seemed like the only place that would keep her sanity intact. She had, after all, spent a great deal of her fillyhood in there, playing with Cadence or some of the more relaxed guards. Thinking about those days helped, though only to a certain extent.
Her thoughts creeped back to the... insight she’d had about her feelings towards her mentor a week ago. She wasn’t exactly sure what to make of them, though they still managed to make her uncomfortable. Did she have more feelings towards Celestia than was appropriate? And I thought I got over this silly crush back in... ugh. No, this wasn’t a silly crush on a teacher anymore; no matter how cold and distant the princess had seemed, every glance from her had managed to raise Twilight’s heartbeat, and she felt like she was blushing all the time, though she couldn’t be sure. She couldn’t even walk behind the princess anymore, without her eyes and mind wandering over to... No! I’m not going there... not again. Twilight’s cheeks turned crimson. Maybe that was why the princess was acting this way, maybe she thought Twilight was... disgusting. After that she realized she didn’t even know if the princess dated or... if she was into mares. Am I seriously thinking about this? She fell to her haunches. “I don’t even know if I’m into mares...” she sighed, watching the Sun set. Out of the hurricane of emotions inside her, only a single tear managed to escape.
***
Twilight woke up to the dull ringing of the alarm. Using her magic, she turned it off and turned her head to see outside. The sun had only just started it’s climb. She wondered for a second how she had gotten back into her room, but dropped it since she knew better than anyone that she had a tendency to get lost in her thoughts and wander around.
She got up and walked to the bathroom, intending to make herself look presentable for the small chat with the princess and the ride home. When she looked into the mirror however, she stopped. Judging by the red and puffy eyes, she had been crying in her sleep. Again... The mishmash of mixed feelings reared it’s ugly head once again, but Twilight wanted to spend at least one day in peace and quiet. With something resembling determination, she made up her mind. She would get to the bottom of these feelings, so she could either forget about them or...confront the princess. *gulp* Could she? Would she? Well that would be something to worry about later. She stepped into the shower, feeling a strange mix of calm and nervous take over. She could figure this out. Right?
***
Twilight was lying in her bed wide awake, staring at the ceiling. The sunlight was creeping into the room behind the thick blue curtains; the light filtering through casted faint shadows on the walls. The mare was going over yesterday’s lesson in her head. Instead of ending terribly like the one last week, it had just been, well... awkward. The lengthy discussions she and the Princess usually had about the books had been diminished into short questions and equally quick answers. It felt more like a test than anything else, bringing back anxious memories of sweaty classrooms and the ticking of the clock. At least this time Twilight had been prepared for it, though the princess seemed to emphasize on and correct even the smallest of mistakes she made. Luckily studying was something Twilight greatly enjoyed, and it was close enough so she could enjoy it, at least on some level. Mostly because she also got to spend time with the Princess - something she enjoyed even more, lately more than ever. But no matter how much she was enjoying herself, she hadn’t been able to shake the nagging feeling that she was missing something, something she was supposed to say or do. But she didn’t know what. And seeing Celestia so distant and quiet sure didn’t help.
Thinking about Celestia threw Twilight back into the previous lesson, or rather to the aftermath of it. She still hadn’t been able to figure out how she apologizing had transformed into the princess doing the same. Or more importantly, what to do with all the weird feelings that had arisen after her... revelation. She should really go and ask her friends for advice – with as little detail as possible, of course. She had been putting it off for far too long. With all this in mind, she broke her staring contest with the ceiling and forced herself up. It was lucky Rarity wasn’t here; Twilight had been rolling and twisting in her sleep more than usual because of her distressing dreams had taken a whole new direction, and the resulting mane would probably have been enough to make the fashionista faint. Picturing it made Twilight giggle, as she walked into the bathroom.
After a long shower, Twilight headed downstairs. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been lying in her room, but the clatter of plates and cutlery revealed that Spike was already up making breakfast. Not that long then.
Twilight arrived in the kitchen with what seemed to be perfect timing. Spike had just finished making breakfast; oatmeal with strawberries and some toast, and had set the table. She only managed to catch a glimpse of the dragon as he disappeared behind the cupboards. Twilight sat down and looked outside, watching the Sun slowly making its way higher and higher. The view from the kitchen window was beautiful. You could see a tiny field, covered in flowers and trees, where a lot of the fillies liked to play, and older ponies just enjoy themselves. Watching all that had always managed to make Twilight happy, but now it just seemed to emphasize her feelings of loneliness.
Spike returned to the table and gave Twilight the same concerned look he had done so many times before, though usually after she had been lost in books for days without much sleep or food. He seemed to have perfected it over the years, since it instantly made Twilight feel bad for keeping all of her problems to herself. But this time it had a glimmer of something Twilight couldn’t identify. Before she could dwell on it any further, Spike finally opened his mouth: “Twilight, are you okay?”
Twilight hadn’t expected the question to come up so soon and so bluntly, but Spike seemed to know her better than she gave him credit for. “Uhm… Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Well it’s just that lately you’ve seemed to be a bit more zoned out than usual. And you have barely studied at all this week, apart from the few books for the lesson” Spike said while eating his toast. “Not that I’m complaining though, I’ve always thought you’d gone a bit overboard with the studying.” Mentioning Twilight’s studying habits evoked a slightly annoyed look from her but Spike ignored it and continued: “And you’ve been spending a lot of time in your room. I’m just concerned about you, that’s all.” His eyes reinforced the statement, laced with genuine concern.
All of that was true; Twilight had been a bit lost after the chat with the Princess last week. And it hadn’t helped that Celestia had acted almost as if nothing had happened yesterday. And yes, it had eventually led to Twilight neglecting her usual studies. Not that they were all that important, but she just enjoyed drowning herself in books and absorbing all the knowledge she possibly could. Therefore it was a strange feeling, not finding any comfort in her books and scrolls. They hadn’t let her down before then, no matter what the problem had been. But these feelings and questions of hers obviously had no clear answers written down, at least based on the first few days after the all so insightful bath. She must’ve gone through half of the books she owned and got absolutely nothing. And with that the joy she got from reading and learning had vanished.
Focusing back on Spike, who hadn’t broken the intense stare, she said: “Oh it’s just that I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. Nothing to worry about though.” She gave him a weak smile, hoping it would be enough to satisfy the little dragon’s worries for now. At least until she could work something out. She hated lying, especially to Spike, but this time it was necessary. He can’t help me, not with this. There’s no need to make him more worried than he already is.
“Okay then,” Spike said, looking disappointed. He obviously realized that he couldn’t get Twilight to confide in him, so he ate the rest of his oatmeal in silence and left, mumbling something about meeting with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. No doubt something related to another attempt to find out their special talents. Twilight was happy Spike had ponies to spend time with; there were no other dragons in Ponyville. And even if there had been, she didn’t think it would matter. Or at least judging by the last encounter they had had with teenage dragons. Spike wasn’t a traditional dragon, so to speak.
The breakfast had gone cold, but Twilight finished it anyway. Her mind didn’t work all that well with an empty stomach, something she had discovered after nearly a week of continuous research without regular meals. Eventually Spike had forcefully dragged her away from the books. It was funny, even though Twilight was the one supposed to take care of him, there were moments where it ended up going the other way around.
The small trip down memory lane made Twilight realize something. Spike had known her since she was a filly, so his worries were well placed. She had to do something about these feelings before they drove her crazy. She had bad experiences in crazy, even a mention of a certain doll always sent shivers down her spine. Maybe today would be a good day to finally seek advice from her friends. It was obvious that she wasn’t getting anywhere on her own and it was worth a try. After all, her friends had always been there for her. Her friends... Knowing that there was always somepony who would listen to her and try their best to help her was amazing. She remembered craving for something like that when she was growing up; after all there's only so much time you can spend with a brother who is in the Royal Guard, or a babysitter who is a princess.
***
Twilight left a note on the door, explaining that she wouldn’t be around today and that all library-related business would have to wait until tomorrow. As she stood at the door, rechecking the note for the fifth time, she started thinking. Who should she visit first, or at all for that matter. After the images of her friends had twirled in her head for a while, she decided that Applejack was her best bet for answers. She was the Element of Honesty after all, and Twilight wasn’t all that keen on opening up to Rarity, as she tended to gossip. She didn’t think Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash would know too much about these kinds of things, or take her seriously and talking to Fluttershy would probably be awkward, with both of them having avoided social confrontations as best as they could for most of their lives. Feeling somewhat better than she had in the morning, the lavender mare started making her way towards Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe she would finally get some answers.
When Twilight began to see the farmhouses and what seemed to be an endless sea of apple trees, the calm feeling started to dissipate as she realized what she was about to do. I’m going to go there to ask about relationships and… and love. I think... She also had no idea what she was supposed to say to Applejack. She hadn’t thought this through at all, but now that she was here she might as well go through with it. Feeling somewhat determined, she headed for the orchards.
Twilight passed the giant red house the Apple family lived in, and entered the orchard. Applejack was most likely bucking apple trees this time of the day - all Twilight had to do was find her. She followed the faint thuds and the sight of bobbing apple trees in the distance. But when she arrived at the source of the sounds, she was looking at Big Macintosh, Applejack’s brother, instead of Applejack herself.
Twilight cleared her throat and asked: “Hey Big Mac, do you know where I could find Applejack?”
The red stallion focused on the mare instead of the apples he had just bucked, resulting in a few of them landing on his head. He didn’t seem to even notice, frowning for a bit to think. Finally he opened his mouth: “Eeyup.”
Big Mac wasn’t known for talking, unless it was absolutely necessary. Usually Twilight thought it was pretty funny, but now it only managed to make her more nervous. “So, uh, mind telling me where she is?” she said, trying to look into the big green eyes of the stallion, which were already searching for the next tree to buck. Big Mac absentmindedly pointed a hoof towards the edge of the orchard and turned his back on Twilight, clearly having found the next tree.
“Thanks,” Twilight mumbled, and started walking in the direction Big Mac had pointed to. After ten minutes or so, she saw a glimpse of the orange mare behind the trees. She arrived in a small opening in the orchard, failing to notice the familiar prismatic flash disappear into a cloud above her and the other mare. “Hey Applejack, I’ve been looking for you,” she called out.
“Howdy Twilight, what brings you here so early?” Applejack responded.
Now that Twilight got a closer look at the orange mare, she noticed something a bit odd. Even though the trees around the opening they were standing on were full of apples and the buckets placed around them empty, Applejack was panting, if ever so slightly. And having known Applejack for a long time, she knew that the earth pony wasn’t easily tired out. However, this was not the time to let her mind wander. “Well, to be honest I need some advice,” Twilight managed to say, trying to keep a steady eye contact. “I’ve been having some troubles lately.”
“Oh, well what can I do you for?” Applejack said, appearing almost relieved with the direction the conversation had taken.
“Have you ever been in love with somepony?” It came out so directly that Twilight, surprised at herself, blushed slightly and for a moment broke the eye contact she had worked so hard to maintain. What the hay, did I seriously just ask her that?!
The look of relief faded from Applejack’s face, and was replaced with bewilderment; this clearly wasn’t something she would have expected Twilight Sparkle, out of all the ponies in Ponyville, to come and ask her. Twilight observed as different expressions flickered on the other mare’s face, finally settling on a slight smirk. “Well of course I have sugarcube, why do you ask?”
Twilight had to work hard to keep her voice steady, but she continued: “So how did that, uhm, make you feel?” She was starting to sound like Fluttershy, with the sentences fading into inaudible mumble. But Applejack seemed to realize what she was going for.
“Mighty happy of course, it’s a wonderful thing, being in love and all,” Applejack said, staring at the skies for some reason Twilight couldn’t figure out.
“So how did you…” Twilight had serious difficulties asking the next question, the one that had troubled her the most, having kept her awake at night for a while now. Finally she managed to get a hold of herself, and asked: “How did you... know?” Twilight knew that if she would keep pressing, Applejack might get curious of her motives. But she had to know.
Applejack seemed a bit puzzled, raising an eyebrow at Twilight. “Know what exactly, sugarcube?”
Twilight’s already bad pokerface was cracking. “Well that... uhm, sh... he was the one?”
“Oh, you meant that. Well sugarcube, it’s just something you feel. I just... knew it, kinda. Couldn’t really explain...” Applejack was fidgeting with her stetson, completely unnoticed by Twilight who was trying her best to make sense of everything.
“Well how did you tell he…him, or did you?” That slip had almost made her freeze again, how on Equestria could she be so careless. She just hoped that Applejack hadn’t noticed it.
“Oooh, Twilight, are you saying there’s a pony you…”
Ugh, too far. Twilight interrupted the earth pony; Applejack almost sounded like Rarity now and that was something she wanted to avoid – at least for now. “No no no, it’s just for a... a paper! That’s right, a paper I’m writing on relationships and... stuff.” That was horrible. Applejack didn’t look too convinced, but decided to answer the question nonetheless.
“Well Twi, I just went and said it,” Applejack said, the smirk now widened into a full grin. She was looking at the lavender mare, almost like knowing something she didn’t.
“And it worked?” Twilight asked, realizing too late that she sounded a bit too enthusiastic to be writing a paper.
“Yep, and it felt good to get if off my heart, so to speak,” the earth pony said, stealing a glance of the sky once more, but Twilight was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice.
***
As Twilight was walking back to Ponyville, countless thoughts swirled in her head, making her feel a bit nauseous. After all the excitement had passed, she had realized that she didn’t get much out of the conversation with Applejack. Nothing she didn’t already know at least. Besides, she wasn’t feeling ecstatic, happy or even content. She couldn't concentrate on anything longer than a few moments and she was unable to sleep well because every night she was tormented by dreams of varying nature, though lately featuring Celestia in some twisted way. And as if all of this wasn't enough, she couldn't work or study either, since concentration was a key part in both. Maybe it wasn’t love after all. What was I thinking, she’s the Princess of Equestria. She wouldn’t even want to be my… But finishing the sentence, even in her head, was too painful.
Twilight realized she was standing next to the Carousel Boutique. Maybe she would visit Rarity after all, but just to pass some time. And frankly she needed a friend right now to take her mind off Celestia, if only for a while.
The bell tinkled as Twilight entered, her eyes wandering around the room searching for Rarity. She could hear sounds from upstairs, but they faded quickly. Instead she heard light clacking of hoofs against wood, and soon saw a familiar white unicorn appearing at the end of the stairs, holding a dusty box at her magical grasp.
“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, what can I…” the purple maned unicorn stopped as she saw the lavender mare standing at the door. “Oh it’s you Twilight, how are you?”
“I’m fine, is this a bad time to visit?” Twilight asked, noticing Rarity was covered in ribbons and some sparkling powder.
“Oh no, not at all,” Rarity said while removing some ribbons from her mane. “Oh, was there a specific reason you came to visit, need a new dress perhaps?” Rarity’s eyes started beaming as she was most likely already designing a dress for Twilight in her mind.
“Actually I was just wondering if we could…hang out,” Twilight said quickly, trying to stop the design progress before Rarity got any specific ideas.
“Of course, of course,” Rarity responded, looking a bit disappointed. “Would you mind if I work on a dress while we ‘hang out’, I got this amazing idea after I woke up and I’ve been at it ever since,” she added.
“Of course not, maybe I can help.” Twilight followed the other unicorn to the next room. Apart from the mannequin the dress was on in the middle, the room looked exactly like Twilight’s library when she was studying - messy. It was as if every cabinet and drawer had just been emptied on the floor, with pieces of fabric and ribbons scattered amongst all the other things. It was funny how chaos was sometimes needed in order to create perfect harmony. Maybe Discord hadn’t been completely wrong, though he had taken it to a completely absurd level.
“So, what do you think?” Rarity asked, pointing to the unfinished dress on a mannequin.
Even though the dress obviously wasn’t finished, it looked astonishing. After staring at it for a while, Twilight managed to utter: “Wow…”
The white unicorn just giggled and started glancing around the room, looking for something. After finding what she was looking for, a pincushion, she looked back at Twilight. “Would you be a dear and hold this while I fix the dress a bit?”
Twilight held the pincushion in the air with her magic and watched as Rarity placed some pins in places where the dress was drooping. It was weird watching her work; Twilight didn’t even notice there was something wrong until Rarity placed a pin somewhere, making the dress look a bit better. But then the beauty and elegance of the dress reminded her of a certain Princess, and the joyful feeling she got from spending time with a friend took a dive for the worse. Desperation struck Twilight, remembering that she hadn’t gotten any further with her problem so far, and she decided that asking Rarity for advice couldn’t be that bad.
“Rarity?” Twilight asked, wondering if that was enough to break her concentration.
Apparently it was, since the unicorn was now looking at her, intrigued. “Yes dear?”
“I was just wondering, have you… uhm.” Twilight froze, realizing that she was once again rather ill-equipped to have this particular conversation.
“Have I what?” Rarity asked, not paying any attention to the stuttering and blushing of the unicorn, being too invested in the dress.
“Well... uhm, has there ever been a...” Twilight cleared her throat, her gaze rocketing all over the room, “a stallion that you... uhm..”
“Oh Twilight, if you’ll excuse me being rude, would you just get to the point.” Rarity said while finally turning face to face with the other mare. She noticed the blushing and wandering glances, causing gears to start ticking in her own head.
The two mares just stared at each other for a while. Twilight was silent, unsure how to go on. And even if she would’ve figured something to say, she doubted she would have been able to say it. Rarity on the other hoof was just staring at her blankly.
Just as Twilight was about to tell Rarity to ignore it, the white unicorn opened her mouth: “Ooh Twilight, are you asking me for... romantic advice?”
She had the widest grin Twilight had ever seen. Just say no, this has gotten out of hoof... She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Say something, anything! “Uhm, maybe?” Not that!
Rarity let out a rather unladylike giggle, before continuing: “I’ve had my fair share of experience, I’m sure I’ll be able to help.” She started circling Twilight like a predator would it’s prey. “For instance, stay away from the likes of Prince Blueblood,” she said, sounding ever so slightly angry. “I can only hope that not all royal ponies are like him,” she added, tossing her purple mane. Oh I hope so too.
Suddenly understanding spread across Rarity’s face, and she drew her gaze at Twilight. “A-ha!” she cheered, jumping in front of the lavender mare, her face now on level with Twilight’s. “It was about time you found somepony,” she announced and chuckled.
Panic spread across Twilight’s face while she was thinking of something to counter it. After a painfully long moment she responded: “Nothing like that, I was just curious.”
“Sure you were dear, you should just go and tell him how you feel and…” Rarity’s eyes lost focus mid-sentence and she stared at the dress behind Twilight for a moment. “I-DEA!” she cried, making Twilight jump in shock. Before the lavender unicorn could do or say anything, Rarity was lost in her process, ribbons and jewels flying across the room fast enough to make even Rainbow Dash impressed.
With Rarity obsessing over whatever it was she had thought off, Twilight managed to sneak out of the boutique. As she stepped outside, she noticed it was almost dark already. With nowhere to be, she stopped to think for a while. So far her quest for answers had gone rather poorly with both of her friends telling her the same thing – confess your feelings. But she couldn’t do that, for two reasons. First of all, she wasn’t really sure if there was anything to confess. Even thinking about it almost switched her brain into analytical mode, coming up with dozens of reasons why all of this made no sense. But love didn’t make sense – at least according to the romance novels she had read - something she would never admit. And even if it would be, she couldn’t just go and tell the Goddess of the Sun, the co-ruler of Equestria, that she loved her. Every scenario she had come up with so far had ended badly. Would Celestia be shocked? Or confused? Or maybe she would just laugh at her… Why does this hurt so much? What is wrong with me?
On the brink of tears, Twilight realized that she needed to talk to somepony – now. She couldn’t handle another night of agonizing dreams without some comfort. And there was no better source of comfort than Fluttershy. Twilight had tried to avoid a conversation with the canary mare, but she didn’t really care anymore. And so she started walking towards the edge of Ponyville, and Fluttershy’s cabin while the Moon started its climb, filling Ponyville’s streets with its eerie glow.
When Twilight closed in on the cabin, it suddenly hit her. It was really late; she could barely see the path she was walking on without using her magic - Fluttershy might not be awake. But before she could envision the dreaded night ahead of her, she caught a glimpse of the cabin. The lights were still on! Relieved, the lavender mare started to trot towards Fluttershy’s home. The fact that they both lived in a tree had always amused Twilight. She had more in common with the canary mare than she cared to admit, yet they rarely spent time together without all their other friends. Maybe Fluttershy would understand how she felt.
At the sound of the first knock on the door, Fluttershy squeaked and dove under her table. After a moment of shivering, she realized that somepony was at the door. Still shaking a bit, she walked to the door and opened it just enough to see who would visit her so late. The sudden breeze made her knees wobble, as she squinted because of the intense light. She then recognized the familiar lavender coat and purple aura around the unicorn’s horn.
“Oh hey Twilight, w-what are you doing here so late?” she asked in her typical voice, which was more like a whisper.
“Hi Fluttershy, I was just wondering if I could stay for a bit and…talk.” Fluttershy noticed that the unicorn seemed nervous, but before she could answer, Twilight continued: “I know it’s pretty late, I can go if you want to go to bed. I wasn’t really thinking straight when I decided to come here.”
The thought of sending Twilight back home briefly flashed in Fluttershy’s mind, but she would never do that, especially when her friend seemed so troubled. “Oh no, it’s okay, come in,” Fluttershy whispered and stepped aside, making room for the unicorn.
“Thanks,” Twilight said and stepped inside, her eyes wandering around the cozy living room.
“So uhm, what did you want to talk about?” Fluttershy asked, sitting on the couch.
After lingering for a while, the lavender mare sat next to Fluttershy, keeping her eyes on the floor. “Well I wanted to ask you if…” Twilight stopped, her eyes now locked onto the vase on the table next to the couch. After a moment, she suddenly asked: “Fluttershy, have you ever been in…love?”
Couple seconds passed before the canary mare processed the question. After realizing what Twilight had just asked, she blushed fiercely and hid her face behind her pink mane – something she did very often. Twilight was stunned at her direct approach. The words had come out before she had managed to think at all. So much for easing into it. What is up with me today?! She watched as her friend just sat there in silence. After a while, Fluttershy’s face slowly emerged behind her mane and she whispered: “W-Why do you ask?” It was all she managed to say before her voice let out.
Twilight was thinking about what she should say, but after a while she came to the conclusion that there was no easy way to do this. She abandoned all of her schemes, which weren’t that good to begin with and finally opened up: “Well I…I’m not sure but I think…I think I could be and I need some advice.” A feeling of relief washed over Twilight; it felt good to finally say it, whether it was true or not. Now she just needed to wait for some sort of response.
Fluttershy seemed to have frozen in place. After what seemed like an eternity, her eyes focused back on Twilight. “Sorry Twilight, I don’t think I can help you with that,” she said, her voice quivering. Fluttershy felt odd; she had always been rather useless when it came to problem solving, but she hadn’t cared because she had always found some way to cope. But now, when her friend was facing such a huge problem and she couldn’t do anything to help, she felt sad. Pathetic.
Inspired by these feelings, she decided to give it a try: “A-Although if I was you, I’d probably wait a bit and see how things go.” Fluttershy knew her ‘advice’ was next to nothing, but it still made her feel better – if only slightly. With the newfound confidence, she continued: “Who is he anyway, do I know him?”
Twilight was suddenly very interested in the fireplace, or at least that’s what she was staring at. Fluttershy noticed the familiar hue of red appearing on her friend’s cheeks, having watched the same red appear on her own face in the mirror countless times. She got embarrassed rather easily, even when she was alone. It was silly, but she couldn’t help it. Her eyes lit up in understanding. “Or…her?”
Twilight turned her head so fast that Fluttershy thought she heard a snap. The lavender mare was blushing so hard that Big McIntosh would have been jealous. “I…It’s…But…” If it hadn’t been such a tense moment, Fluttershy would have giggled. Twilight sounded exactly like her.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Fluttershy said in a comforting tone. “And Twilight,” the lavender mare was staring at her, dumbstruck, “there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Please don’t tell anypony,” was all Twilight managed to utter.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye,” Fluttersay said while giggling; even Twilight smiled weakly.
It had been a while since Twilight had smiled, without it being forced in some way. And it felt so good. Fluttershy didn’t care that she was into mares, she was completely fine with it. But then she realized that her pegasus friend might not be so accepting if she actually knew who the mare was. Why not? Ignoring the voice in her head, she decided that she’d leave while the little spark of happiness still persisted in her.
“Well I guess I’ll go now, Spike is probably wondering where I am and…” Twilight’s voice faded out mid-sentence.
Fluttershy seemed to understand though, and she said: “It’ll be okay Twilight, see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, and thanks for…talking.” Fluttershy just smiled, as Twilight prepared to teleport home. She had finally mastered long-range teleporting. In a blink of an eye, Fluttershy’s warm and cozy cottage turned into her own dark and lonely bedroom. She sighed and fell on the bed, falling asleep almost instantly.
***
Celestia was staring at the setting Sun, wondering. The day so far had been…uncomfortable. At times it had felt like time had passed by without her even noticing, but when she had, a minute had felt like a year. She had been trying to avoid everypony, but being a Princess it was easier said than done. The court especially had been a pain with her losing focus every other minute. The latest study session with Twilight was bugging her. After the incident that was the failed teleportation spell, she had decided to refrain from pushing Twilight so much, and simply concentrate on the actual studying. But the new approach hadn’t worked out too well either, because every time the lavender mare wasn’t looking, Celestia found herself staring at her longingly. She hated herself for being so weak; there had been a few similar cases in her lifetime, and the pain that would come eventually was just too much, especially because it was Twilight. She knew what would happen if she gave in to the feelings, and that she couldn’t - not just for her own sake, but for Twilight’s as well. But this time letting go was harder. She feared that maybe this time she just wouldn’t be able to do it.
Walking next to her bed, she levitated her crown and regalia on a table and sighed in exhaustion. She knew that her sister had some power over dreams and had almost asked her to remove hers for a while. At least then she could sleep in peace, if only for one night. But she couldn’t tell Luna, especially now that she was pressuring her to reveal her secret. She might’ve been gone for a long time, but she still knew when Celestia was hiding something. Ever since her sister had caught her off guard at breakfast, she had been…well, annoying. She seemed to follow her everywhere she went, and always with a smug look on her face. Also the only subject she would talk about as of late was Twilight. She wondered how Luna knew it was about Twilight, and hoped she didn’t somehow know the details.
Celestia knew what her sister was trying to accomplish, but she just couldn’t stand her right now, because in a way she was right. And there was no way she would give her sister the tiniest bit of acknowledgment to fuel the fire. She couldn’t break, not now. The last thing she wanted was to make Twilight feel uncomfortable around her, though this seemed to be the case already. Maybe things would get better in time. And with a glimmer of hope, Celestia lay down, shut her eyes and became lost in her usual dreams. What she hadn’t noticed, was a pair of cyan eyes staring at her.
***
Luna was hovering outside her sister’s bedroom, watching her sleep. Celestia looked sad, even when she was sleeping. This had sadly become more usual than seeing her happy. Luna could only imagine that in her current state the dream world wasn’t at all easier to handle than the real world. Though she could only guess what her sister was dreaming about, she had a fairly good guess. Twilight… That reminded her, she had to find out whether her sister’s presumed feelings would be met with similar ones, should the time come. And she would make sure it would, after confirming some things.
But how should she approach Twilight? Visiting Ponyville in broad daylight would draw too much unwanted attention, so that was out of the question. Maybe she shouldn’t even ask Twilight herself, but rather a friend of hers. She had never thanked Fluttershy for the tips in fitting in after her return. Maybe she would be able to reveal something about Twilight’s feelings. After all, Twilight would have to tell somepony – or so Luna hoped. With some luck Fluttershy would still be awake, with her being quite fond of the night.
Luna often swept over Ponyville after raising the Moon, and the only lights that she would see would come from the canary mare’s cabin, though there were times when a certain studious unicorn would be up as well, but for different reasons. And sometimes when she could get a closer look, she would notice the pegasus staring at the Moon, lost in thought. Not many ponies appreciated her efforts in making the night so beautiful, and Luna was glad that there was one so close. Maybe she should visit Fluttershy more often, and without a hidden agenda. It would be nice to have somepony to talk to, aside from her sister. With all this in mind, the alicorn gently flapped her wings to turn around, and started flying towards Ponyville.
Just as expected, Luna saw the familiar silhouette in the window as she approached the cabin near the Everfree Forest. Luna, just like her sister, was quite fond of pranks, and thus for a moment thought whether she could come up with something funny. After a moment of pondering, she came to the conclusion that since she was after information, a flashy entrance might not be the best way to start things off, thus ending up just landing softly near the window.
“Enjoying the night?” Luna asked, interrupting the other mare’s thoughts.
“Yes, it’s so beautiful…” Before Fluttershy could finish, she noticed who had asked the question and froze for a second. “I-I mean yes your Highness, it’s wonderful.”
Luna chuckled at use of titles; she didn’t really care for them. “Luna is just fine,” she said. Fluttershy’s eyes had widened to the size of dinner plates and she was shivering, though it wasn’t cold. She seemed to have lost her voice, so Luna continued: “Is it a bad time to visit?”
After a moment, the canary mare found her voice again and replied: “I-It’s okay. Twilight was here, b-but she just left.”
The alicorn’s eyes lit up at the mention of the unicorn. She tried to control her enthusiasm as she inquired: “Oh? Why was she here so late, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“She just needed some advice about relationships and I…” Fluttershy realized what she had said, and fell silent. It hadn’t even been an hour and she had already broken her promise. Twilight would be so mad; why on Equestria did she speak without thinking. If only the presence of the Princess didn’t make her so nervous.
Twilight asking for relationship advice, huh? This was an excellent sign, it could only mean one thing: she was right. Oh this is perfect. Now I can proceed with my plan. A devious grin formed on the alicorn’s face without her noticing. Luna became aware of Fluttershy’s confused look, and let go of her plans for a moment. “Excuse me Fluttershy, I was thinking about something else.” The pegasus was just staring at her silently, looking shocked. “Oh don’t worry, I won’t tell anypony, I assume it was supposed to be a secret?” Luna said, unable to wipe the grin off her face. Fluttershy seemed to have lost her voice completely.
The awkward silence went on, until Luna decided to break it: “I’m so sorry for such a brief visit, but I just remembered there is someplace I have to be. Do you think we could try this again some other time?” The canary mare was still just looking at her, so she interpreted the silence as approval and spread her wings. “Again, I apologize I can’t stay any longer, but royal duty calls,” Luna said, smiling awkwardly. The only response she got was a nod, or at least she thought she saw a nod. With a single thrust of her wings, she took off, leaving the confused pegasus staring at her diminishing silhouette against the night sky.
Fluttershy broke off from her trance when she realized she was alone again. The conversation with the Princess seemed like a distant dream, but she was certain it had been real. She had been relatively happy a while ago, but now all she could feel was shame. Eventually she would have to tell Twilight… She could only hope that her friend wouldn’t hate her afterwards.
Chapter 4 - "Whispers of Hope"
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 1 - "The Loudest Silence"
Chapter One - “The Loudest Silence”
by MakeMeFamous
The lavender unicorn was sitting on her haunches next to her bedroom window, embracing the warmth of several blankets she had dug up before going to bed last night, leaning her head against the wall in exhaustion. She had been sitting upright before, positioned so that she could see outside, since a few hours ago she had actually been gazing there, trying to keep her brain occupied. But nothing really happened in Ponyville during the night, and after time passed she had more or less gotten lost in her own thoughts, slumping against the wall, hoping to fall asleep. While pushing a few strands of her indigo mane aside, she absentmindedly focused her gaze on the window, which was still a bit fuzzy, and beyond it. The mist that had covered Ponyville most of the night, and had prevented her from using the stars as a much needed distraction was slowly fading, making way for a sight that made her feel warmer than what the blankets ever could. As the first rays of sunshine crept from behind the mountains, they painted the sky in a sparkling spectrum of colors, which always reminded her of the princess’ mane.
Dawn was the first cue for most of Ponyville to wake up, and some early risers could already be seen emerging from their houses, but at the moment Twilight was too tired to really pay attention to the finer details. The small puffs of smoke emerging from Sugarcube corner, windows creaking open revealing yawning faces and Derpy, flying from mailbox to mailbox in a rather erratic manner completely skipped her focus, and all she saw was a blurred version of Ponyville. Originally she had thought that all of this was a result of her excessive studying, but after a full week without sleep she wasn’t so sure anymore. She had tried everything she could think off, and eventually a lot of things she never would have thought of, courtesy of her friends. Rarity had found out about Twilight’s problem when she had agreed to act as a model for her to complete some unfinished dresses. Everything had gone fine until she had fallen asleep in the making of the first dress, falling off the platform and effectively ruining the dress in the process. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash had found out shortly after, when Twilight had found herself face to face with Fluttershy in the edges of Everfree Forest, searching for some nonexistent treasure Dash had joked about after reading the latest Daring Do book. After that, she had felt it was best if she just told the rest of her friends and consider trying whatever they had in mind to help her.
Applejack had been curious, telling Twilight that she didn’t have any trouble sleeping after a hard days’ work, on the contrary actually. There were days she had some trouble making it all the way to her bedroom before dozing off. Having said that, she had asked Twilight to come over and try for herself. It hadn’t really worked out too well, leaving her exhausted after a mere half hour of applebucking. After realizing that bucking apples wasn’t her thing, they had moved onto the less strenuous activities like planting seeds, feeding the animals and even painting the barn. Twilight had gone home in the evening, every joint and limb aching, but sleep had still eluded her.
Twilight had been hopeful that Rainbow Dash could have offered some insightful tips, seeing as she napped almost all the time. After a few moments of furious thinking, she had disappeared to the sky, only to come back a moment later with a cloud in tow. It had taken quite a while, and a bit of magic to get the big cloud all the way up to Twilight’s bedroom. Just as Dash had placed it over Twilight’s regular bed, it had occurred to Twilight that there was no way she could use it without magic. After casting the spell that allowed her to walk, and in this case lay on clouds, she begun to understand why Dash slept all the time; the cloud was unbelievably comfy. It didn’t take too long for her magic to fade however, resulting in a rather painful encounter with her bed. As the original plan had more or less failed, Dash had just instructed her to get a comfier bed, and maybe use her magic to soundproof her bedroom to remove any distractions.
When it came to Pinkie Pie, she was naturally expecting something silly, and wasn’t disappointed. However Pinkie’s actual suggestion still managed to take her by surprise, leaving her staring at her friend in confusion for a few seconds.
“A bath in poison joke..? Are you crazy?”
“Nope. And I said diluted poison joke silly!”
The idea of somepony actually doing it hadn’t even crossed her mind before Pinkie explained that she had learned it from her grandmother. She didn’t know much about Pinkie Pie’s family, and thus even found herself thinking about trying it for a fleeting second, but after thanking her friend for the advice, decided that she’d rather not lose her magic again.
Now as much as she trusted her friends, she had still left out something important when telling them about her troubles - a crushing feeling of emptiness. Or rather, loneliness. It had been only a few weeks since she had first noticed it, and it was already bordering unbearable. It had started around the same time as her the lessons with the princess, and she wondered whether she should’ve said something to her. Now, after two whole weeks and four opportunities to do so, she felt stupid for keeping it to herself, but she tended to forget all of her problems, along with anything else, while spending time with the princess.
The fact that loneliness caused her so much anxiety confused her to no end. Being lonely was nothing new to her; before moving to Ponyville she had spent most of her life in solitude, her only friends being the books she surrounded herself with. She had always thought that the books and the occasional lesson or chat with the princess would be enough, but now…now she wasn’t sure anymore. She wondered if all this had something to do with the sudden insomnia, though the only way to find out would be to actually get some sleep, which in this case was easier said than done.
What she had noticed however, was that this particular feeling seemed to ease off when she was surrounded by her friends. However the joy that came with this discovery vanished quickly, as she exhausted every new idea she could come up with, all the way from brief visits to organizing sleepovers with her friends. Nothing seemed to push it away, and the feeling of relief always left when her friends did, and she was left to dwell in the loneliness every waking second she was alone. And there were a lot of those lately.
After blinking a few times she noticed that the Sun had managed to sneak high enough to shine in her eyes, effectively drawing her focus back to the real world. The view from Twilight’s window was like a picture from a fairytale, and it took her a lot of effort to break away from it, only to fully recognize the state her room was in. She remembered her room being messy, but looking at it now made her realized that it was a severe understatement. Every flat surface, including most of her bed, was covered with piles of random books. The floor was barely visible underneath dozens of scrolls; some of which had actual theories or essays on them, and others that were just doodles. Scattered amongst the scrolls and books, were empty ink bottles and broken quills. It also seemed that only half of the ink had managed to make its way onto the parchment, as the parts of her desk that were visible were covered in black dots. She was surprised at how she had managed to make her way to the window last night. The urge to write a research paper on the effects of sleep deprivation on one’s memory surfaced briefly, but she was too tired for that, which was also the reason for the lack of order in her room. She simply didn’t have the energy to keep everything in place, nor did she apparently even notice it anymore. She remembered seeing Spike clean her room just yesterday. Or had it been two days ago, or maybe even three? She shook her head in frustration, it didn’t really matter, he’d gotten tired of cleaning the same mess repeatedly at some point and now she was stuck with it.
The room itself was rather small and the furnishings simple – just the way she liked it. However the size of the room had become an issue with Spike growing up. Only a month or so ago he had asked Twilight whether he could have a room of his own, which had opened her eyes to the fact of how much space he was actually occupying. While cleaning up a storage room for him to live in, she had realized how much he had actually grown up; he was able to easily lift things that even Big Macintosh would have had trouble with, and things that she certainly would have needed her magic to move around. It was also increasingly hard for him to even move around in the house, as he was steadily closing in on being the same size as the door frames.
All of this had gotten her thinking about how much he’d grown and it always made her moody; every time she looked at him, even with him now being more than two times taller than she was and having wings that were enough to make Rainbow Dash jealous, she remembered the cutest little purple dragon who had just hatched and was sucking his claw. The thought of him moving to a room of his own made her think whether he would eventually move out completely, leaving her alone. Was this what all these feelings of hers were about? No matter how lonely she had been in the past, Spike had always been there for her, even though technically she had been taking care of him. He had been, and still was, somepony she could talk to. He was always willing to listen to her ramble on about whatever was bugging her, just like the princess back when she had lived in Canterlot. However thinking about the princess only made the knot in her stomach tighten, so she decided to get up, hoping to find something to keep her mind busy for the day.
Twilight opted on skipping shower and instead spent a few moments in front of a mirror making her mane look slightly more presentable before making her way downstairs. As soon as she entered the stairwell, the scent of breakfast overwhelmed her. Seems that Spike has already woken up , she thought and descended to the first floor of the hollow tree functioning as a library – and her home.
“Morning Twilight!” Spike called out while flipping a pancake.
“Good morning Spike,” Twilight answered lazily, while sitting down and looking outside. “Looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day,” Twilight noted, almost slipping back to her thoughts again.
“Yeah, shame you have to spend it studying with the Princess,” Spike said while bringing the food to the table and picking up a fork, ready to enjoy a quiet and delicious breakfast.
This dream however faded quickly as he saw Twilight’s reaction. It was like a bolt of lightning had struck Twilight when the princess was mentioned. Because at that moment she realized that today she was supposed to go to Canterlot for a private lesson with Princess Celestia, just like she had for the past couple weeks. These lessons were more than she could have ever wished for, since she got to learn more advanced magic from the princess herself and also finally had a chance to talk about the things she had learned, which was something she had been hoping to do since the gala incident. And she had forgotten about it. How could she have forgotten about it! It was bad enough that she couldn’t work or study properly because she couldn’t sleep, but if the princess would think she didn’t appreciate this opportunity… She had much to pack, and less than enough time. As Spike watched with a rather amused look on his face, used to Twilight freaking out over little things, the aforementioned mare went crazy running around the library panicking, cursing herself for forgetting the lesson.
“Twilight.” “TWILIGHT!”
The shout seemed to snap Twilight from her panic attack, as she tried to locate the source of the voice. “Twilight you’ve been up for ten minutes and you’re already freaking out. Calm down, It’s not that big of a deal. And you’re not even late,” Spike said in a comforting tone while he stared at her helping of pancakes longingly after already having finished his own in a few bites.
“Spike, how could I not be worried, it’s Princess Celestia we are talking about. She’s kind enough to give me private lessons on more advanced magic and I haven’t done anything to prepare myself for today,” Twilight squeaked, panic starting to make its way back.
Spike gave her a curious look and inquired: “Why is it that she’s giving you these lessons anyway? I thought you already knew everything.”
“You can’t be serious,” was all Spike managed to hear as Twilight galloped back to her room, already regretting skipping shower this morning. There was no time for it anymore. Not that it was all that necessary, but she always wanted to be at her best when spending time with the Princess.
“Oh well,” Spike thought and moved the rest of the pancakes in front of him, drooling slightly. The cracks and thuds coming from upstairs didn’t disturb him the slightest as he finished Twilight’s part of the breakfast in one big mouthful.
Only a minute or so later a sharp knock on the door drew Spike’s attention and he started making his way to answer the door. Twilight, however, beat him to it and cracked the door open with a nervous smile on her face. And sure enough, standing outside were two stallions from Celestia’s royal guard. “Ready, Ms. Sparkle?” the other one grunted and shot a confused look at Twilight, as she was practically shaking.
“Yea, er, sure,” she responded quickly and stepped outside where the golden chariot was waiting. The light reflecting from it nearly blinded Twilight for a moment. Princess Celestia always sent her own chariot to pick up Twilight. She felt honored, but also a bit embarrassed. She was just a regular pony after all.
As they ascended to the sky, one of the guards noted that the mare didn’t have as much books with her as usual. “Lighter lesson today?” he asked with a smirk on his face, trying to break the awkwardness.
“Yeah, I guess so,” she responded, before getting lost in her thoughts, riddled with the fear of being ta…late.
This went on for a good while, almost until they were halfway to Canterlot. After seeing the first towers of the castle in the horizon, she convinced herself that she would arrive in time. Everything was okay, and even if she didn’t get every book she would have liked, she had the most important ones and she would be able to go through with the lesson just fine. However she made a mental note to get a calendar just for the lessons, hoping that it would guarantee that she wouldn’t forget them again.
Finally focusing on the stallions pulling the chariot, she realized that she recognized both of them, even though their appearances were now enchanted to reflect the princess they guarded. Lightning Strike and Steel Wing had both already been in the Royal Guard when she was a little filly living in the castle, though they had only been recruits at the time. It offered Twilight a distraction, and with that being exactly what she needed, she asked: “So Lightning, how is it guarding the princess herself?”
He chuckled. “Compared to following you around, it’s been a breeze.”
“The scenery hasn’t changed all that much though,” Steel Wing added, his friendly tone contradicting with his neutral expression. “She spends a lot of her time in the same places you used to.” he said.
“Maybe she misses you,” Lightning Strike said, directing a small grin at Twilight.
For some reason Twilight felt her cheeks heat up a bit. Ignoring it, she went on: “I don’t remember being that hard to watch after.”
“Well you weren’t, not before you learned to teleport anyways,” Lightning Strike said, still grinning, “That’s why the princess got Cadence to look after you,” he added.
“It seemed she would have wanted to do it herself, but obviously she didn’t have the time for it,” Steel Wing added in a serious manner.
This was something she didn’t know. And she couldn’t really process the information she had just received. Princess Celestia cared for her more than she knew. She had always thought she had just been a student amongst others. She had to have had other students, right? She had never really gotten around to ask about them, though she had been curious.
“So Twilight, how have you been? Haven’t seen you since you lived in the castle,” Lightning Strike asked.
“Well you know, just been studying and stuff,” she responded. “How about you two?”
“Oh same old same old, every day is pretty much the same; follow the princess, make sure everything is fine, I’m sure you remember how it is.” He shot a curious glance at Twilight: “Still just studying, huh?”
Twilight smiled back sheepishly: “Well...yeah, the princess likes to keep me busy. How about you Steel, same thing?”
“Nothing out of the ordinary, Miss Sparkle,” Steel Wing grunted.
“Oh you really should try and relax sometimes Steel,” Lightning Strike said poking him in the side, provoking a small grin from Twilight.
The rest of the trip was spent in silence as Twilight thought about Celestia and tried to remember more of her time in the castle.
***
The Sun Princess woke up while it was still dark as usual, one of the downsides to being the caretaker of the Sun. She got up to her haunches and gazed out of the window; though she couldn’t see the Sun, she could feel it just behind the mountains, patiently waiting for her to do her part.
There was a knock on the door, and after Celestia had confirmed that she was awake, the door opened and a light yellow unicorn came into the room, a tea tray floating in front of her in a red aura, same color as the unicorn’s mane.
“G-Good morning princess,” the unicorn said, while placing the tray on the nightstand.
“Uhm…princess?” she asked nervously.
“Yes Starlight?” Celestia responded, raising an eyebrow.
“I-I was wondering if…” she trailed off for a second, “I was wondering if it would be okay for me to watch you raise the Sun, everypony is saying that it’s w-wonderful to see.” She watched as the princess’ curious expression changed back to the warm smile.
“Of course you can, and you never have to ask for my permission for that Starlight,” she said, still smiling.
“T-Thank you so much,” Starlight uttered, her smile almost reaching her ears as she turned and left.
Celestia directed her gaze outside again, and saw the slightest sliver of the Moon as it was drifting off sight. That was just the sort of behavior she could expect from most of the ponies in the castle. Almost all of them felt the need to grovel whenever she was within eyesight, and it didn’t seem to matter how many times she said that it wasn’t necessary. But getting angry wasn’t the way to approach it either, so she had accepted the fact that it was something she probably couldn’t change and had learned to live with it.
As she got up, she happened to gaze into a mirror, which covered an unreasonably large amount of the wall for her tastes. Even though she was a Princess, she wasn’t too keen on spending time staring at her own reflection, always reminding her of the hours she had spent staring at it back when she had had to banish her own sister. Every time she saw an image of herself, the feelings of guilt and remorse surfaced, feelings she wished would leave her alone. But even after her sister had forgiven her, they kept coming back and haunting her. She often thought about requesting a smaller one, but it tended to slip her mind whenever she had the chance to actually do so, her mind always preoccupied with other things - mostly regarding the kingdom of Equestria and the welfare of her subjects. The beautiful alabaster alicorn staring back at her from the mirror wore the same miserable look that Celestia did whenever she was alone. She watched her ever flowing mane rippling in the imaginary winds, and let out a resigned sigh.
What she saw herself, was a pony who had nopony to make her really feel wanted or… loved. Even though she was always surrounded by hundreds of ponies, all the way from the guards to chefs and other servants who respected her, they were still afraid of her powers, both as a ruler and magically. Even if they didn’t show it openly, she knew it was there, forcing everyone to keep their distance. Of course there were a few ponies who were more relaxed in her company, but none of them close enough for her to actually confide in. On top of that the ponies she could call her friends rarely had any time to spend with her. One of them was the captain of the royal guard, Shining Armor – Twilight’s brother. He and his wife, Cadence, were the ponies she would go to talk to while Luna had been…gone. But they had their hooves full even without Celestia’s problems, and now that they spent most of their time in the Crystal Empire, she rarely got a chance to talk to them.
Even Luna hadn’t completely gotten over the centuries she had spent locked in the Moon because of Celestia, or at least that’s what Celestia saw. Despite having no other options at the time, it had still been the most difficult and painful decision of her life. Of course Luna didn’t show any signs of this distress, at least perceivable by eyes or ears, but it was there, reminding Celestia every time she looked into her sister’s eyes – her sister still resented her. And why wouldn’t she? I should have seen it coming. If I had been paying more attention, I would have noticed something. She should have been able to save Luna… She had thought that after their reunion the pain would subside, but it hadn’t. Instead, she felt lonelier than ever.
With these depressing thoughts circulating in her head, she absentmindedly gazed around her bedroom. Despite being a Princess and even a Goddess, her tastes were rather simple when it came to furnishing. And that was no accident; she felt that all the gold and jewels only managed to distance her even more from all the other ponies. That’s exactly what the noble ponies in Canterlot did, trying to establish their supremacy over others with their bits, and exactly what she wanted to avoid. This would probably have caused a lot of condemnation amongst the aforementioned noble ponies. She, however, didn’t feel the need to surround herself in gold and jewels anymore; she had even given up most of her royal armor, though this was mostly because of the memories that clung to it, memories of Luna and the times they had fought together to protect Equestria. But those days were over, along with the ones where she had been like everyone else in Canterlot: reserved, snobby, aristocratic. At first she had thought that being a princess required her to be like every other noble pony, covered in jewels and appearing to be perfect and desirable. But after years passed she had realized just how fake it all was, trying to fill the void inside of her with pretty things, and that she didn’t feel desirable at all, but rather arrogant.
When she had taken Twilight, a regular pony with no ties to royalty whatsoever, as her personal protégé, the reaction from the nobles had been less than desirable. While most had silently despised the choice, some of them had openly opposed it, claiming that a commoner should not have the honor. This resulted in a heated argument between Celestia and the nobles; while they seemed to think that learning anything, especially magic from the princess should be considered one of the highest honors in Equestria, she herself said that it shouldn’t be such a big deal, and that anypony, if talented enough, should have the chance to learn. She also explained that there was no doubt Twilight would be able to keep up, with the more likely option being that she would learn faster than the rest of her students so far. When it came down to petty remarks about Twilight’s nonexistent heritage or any sort of royal background, Celestia had to really fight the urge to respond with similar insults, or simply to lash out at them. She however managed to keep her cool, acknowledging their concerns, but also announcing that her decision wasn’t open for discussion, and that she would listen to no more complaints or insults regarding Twilight. The complaints didn’t stop there, but Celestia chose to ignore them from there on, focusing on Twilight and her studies.
When appealing to the princess herself didn’t work, they turned on Twilight, heckling and mocking her. Whenever she visited the town, she would be looked down at. She also couldn’t really talk to anyone outside the castle walls without being constantly insulted and reminded how she didn’t deserve to even be here. Most of the more prestigious shops even refused to sell to her. After days of endless harassment Twilight had been more than ready to run away in shame. And she probably would have, if Celestia hadn’t found out about it. She put an end to it the very next day, calling the ringleaders of the insult spewing nobles into the throne room. After hearing how disappointed she was at their unacceptable behavior, they were stripped of all of their titles, along with the privileges that came with them. It had taken some time, but she had also managed to reassure Twilight of her worth. After she had managed to calm her down and wiped away the last tears, she had told her there was nopony she would rather mentor. It had been enough to bring a smile to the filly’s face, accompanied by fierce blushing. After that, Twilight had started to slowly regain her confidence, though she didn’t leave the castle for a few months. The nobles weren’t too happy about how things turned out, but kept to themselves now, which was more than fine with Celestia.
Even she, for all the things she knew, hadn’t even dreamt about how much a single student could affect her life. Because she had selected Twilight for the talent she displayed, instead of just money and heritage like all the other students she’d had, it was different. She had mentored Twilight since she’d been just a little filly, and throughout the years the endless amounts of curiosity the purple unicorn presented, along with the eagerness to learn kept amazing her. Never before had a student shown such devotion to magic, and studying it. She had been the first pony Celestia was really proud to call her personal student. There had been many times during the years of teaching, where she’d caught herself behaving differently than she used to, and realized how much she had changed. Like the time when Twilight’s spell had misfired, spawning a vortex that went on and wrecked the whole room, instead of scolding her as she would have done with her other students, she had gone out of her way to comfort the shaken filly and encouraged her to try again. Or when she found Twilight sleeping when she was supposed to be taking a test, because she had been reading for the whole night, she just smiled, woke her up and proceeded to joke about it for the following month. But the most important thing she had realized was that she got something from Twilight, something she hadn’t felt in centuries: sincere respect and admiration. And that made her feel good about herself once again.
The irony was that she hadn’t met Twilight in a fancy classroom, or been contacted by her parents. She just happened to stumble upon her when she had been taking the entry exam for Celestia’s own school for gifted unicorns. Making it to the exam of course was a great achievement on its own, though as she had found out while chatting with Twilight’s parents afterwards, it had been the result of many letters and pleas to the school. She had also learned that Twilight probably wouldn't have drawn her attention, if it hadn’t been for the magical outburst triggered by a sonic rainboom, later to be known as the first one Rainbow Dash had pulled off. It had surely been one of the happiest days in Celestia’s life. She could only imagine it was one for Twilight as well, judging by the reaction she got after asking Twilight to be her protégé.
Just thinking about Twilight helped to dissolve the shroud of loneliness that was surrounding her. This sensation, accompanied by the fact that her faithful student was coming back to Canterlot for magic lessons today cheered her up immensely. When Twilight had been just a filly Celestia had been impressed by the amount of information she had been able to soak in, and her never ending desire to do so. If the last few weeks had shown her anything, it was that Twilight hadn’t slowed down at all, still managing to impress her with her knowledge of magic, and going into subjects even Celestia didn’t know much about. Luckily the thing she would teach Twilight today was something she knew perfectly, though she didn’t doubt for a second that Twilight wouldn’t come up with some sort of improvement upon it. Maybe they could think of something together. The time she had with Twilight seemed to be the only source of interesting conversation nowadays, since Luna slept through most of the day, and the nobles were simply boring and arrogant.
After ending this train of thought, Celestia noticed it was almost time. She stepped on the balcony, looking over Canterlot, still shrouded in darkness, though not as heavy as it had been a few hours ago she assumed. She had always thought that Canterlot was very graceful before the sunrise. The endless rows of white houses in neat circle patterns around the castle, their windows still dark and doors closed, the streets empty and quiet. The peace and beauty was almost overwhelming, even though she had spent numerous mornings just staring the same view, just before raising the Sun. The Sun. It was time.
With a gentle flap of her wings, Celestia leaped over the balcony fence and glided into the castle garden. The garden, for her, was the ideal place to raise the sun. Not only was it stunningly beautiful by itself, with countless trees and colorful flowers, but the effect of the slowly ascending Sun had on it was truly divine. Celestia took a deep breath, taking in the calming scent of nature, trying to push away the distressing thoughts that had swirled in her head just moments ago, and focused.
It wasn’t long until she felt ready, ready to raise the Sun and bring forth day. She opened her eyes, now filled with determination and concentration and fixed them on the spot of the mountains where she felt the Sun’s presence. What started out as quiet humming quickly evolved into a peaceful, yet passionate song, bringing the garden into a state where it seemed the time had stopped. There were no words, but instead feelings and emotions in perfect harmony, as magic surged into her horn with small sparks erupting along the way, slowly building up to a faint glow. As the glow intensified, the light of the Sun seemed to intensify with it. Slowly, the Sun started its climb. Celestia’s horn dimmed down as she watched the light slowly creeping towards the castle and the garden – towards her. Suddenly everything was flooded with different shades of red, yellow and orange. It was truly a sight to behold, and even though Celestia had seen it more times she could count, she still enjoyed every second of it. The light finally reached the garden, giving all the plants their true colors. All the beautiful daytime flowers starting to unfold, taking in all the light they could get. The way the sunlight danced on the castle walls, reflecting everywhere, leaving no place unlit. A feeling of great joy always overtook her, when she saw it all, now more than ever since Twilight would arrive in a few hours from now. And so, Celestia’s thoughts drifted back to Twilight as ponies around Canterlot began their morning chores.
