Pegacornby TheButcherChaptersThe Greatest Pegacorn Ever.Meeting the MonsterThe Paranoid B/Witch.They show their True ColorsThe Greatest Pegacorn Ever."Princess Stella was like, the best! Stella was super duper smart, the smartest and the coolest and the funniest Pony ever. Twilight Sparkle said she read all his books and learned a lot from him. She even said he knew more about Magic than her. He was generous and Rarity said he had good style. Fluttershy said he was really kind and should have gotten her Element, too. He was loyal and honest too! Rainbow Dash called him cool, Applejack called him strong. Pinkie Pie said he was weird and that's Pinkie Pie we're talking about. Even Princess Celestia called him the greatest, strongest and most magical Pegacorn ever! I really liked his humor and style..." Suddenly the earth exploded with pink spellfire. Princess Stella erupted from the ground in an explosion of power that put Nightmare Moon to shame. Her black coat was scratched but mended itself in seconds. Her powerful wings flared and blew away the dust with a single flap. Her horn shone with a brilliant pink aura, revealing itself as the origin of the explosion. Her pink ethereal Hair waved slowly in spite of the chaotic winds her magical Pegasus wings conjured. Diamond Tiara, who had spoken was scrambling back to her hooves after she fell from the explosion. "Pinkie Pie!" She shouted. Princess Stella's mouth opened and said in an apologetic voice: "Sorry! But I didn't get any air in there and panicked! I tried to wait it out, but oxygen deprivation seems to really erode my control. You should put some air holes into the coffin!" "A coffin doesn't need air holes! And those won't work under the earth anyway!" "Maybe poisoning him before we bury him works? It did help the Changeling Queen to defeat the Princess.", Twilight Sparkle supplied helpfully. "I just happen to have invented several poisons specifically for use on him when I was a filly." "You won't poison my boyfriend!" Diamond Tiara screamed. *Oh Celestia, please let that have been a one sided crush.*, everyone thought. "I don't think it was.", Princess Stella seemed to read everyones mind. "We can even make it look as if he died peacefully in his sleep! Or a Heart Attack, or a ruptured liver! And it's completely undetectable too!" Twilight continued. Princess Celestia, who came to the funeral in order to console and comfort Twilight wished dearly she hadn't skipped out on personally supervising the boring Theory Lessons. Also she was going to have to investigate weather any Ponies her student didn't like died of natural causes. Diamond Tiara meanwhile stomped towards the shining black and pink apparition of supreme power. "And you, get the fuck OUT!" "Diamond!" a very distraught looking Filthy Rich scolded, but was silenced by his daughters harsh glare. "I really can't!" said Stella, "I never really could ever since Princess Stella got my Cutie Mark!" She gestured to her flank, where three colorful balloons where indelibly emblazoned. "And even before that he always had to kick me out himself." "AAARRRGH!", growled Diamond and slumped to the ground. "Maybe we can postpone the burial until we found a way to make it permanent." Injected Princess Celestia. "Meanwhile Pinkie Pie can keep the body." "Corpse!" shouted Diamond Tiara. "He told me I could have it when he died." Princess Stella told Diamond for the thousandths time. "But he tasked ME with the funeral you, you... Eldritch Abomination! I was his best friend!", yelled the filly. "And we can have a memorial service without actually burying the... corpse. Princess Stella was a Scientist and in a way he donated his body to his chosen field. Sometimes in such cases there are funerals without burials. This can be such a case." Diamond was about to protest when even the patience of Princess Celestia ran out. "Consider it a Royal Degree." Princess Stella wisely refrained to break out into a happy song. It was his funeral after all and she wasn't invited. "AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT HIM!" Diamond yelled at the Princess and ran off. This is Diamond Tiara writing. Into this Book I copy the personal blog of the Great Researcher Princess Stella. He was a great stallion and maybe my only real friend. I won't give any more exposition or anything. He was always better at explaining things anyway. I loved him. Because he always tried and never gave up and no matter how many times he slipped and failed and let loose a sharp word or a witty insult, he always tried! He never thought to himself "Well I can't be kind enough anyway so I can just give up." And who cares about his motives, ~~the important thing is what he did!~~ The important thing is what he meant to do! Anyway, the rest of this Prologue is just his introduction to Magic and Pegacorns, which he wrote even though everypony who went to kindergarten and had a sex-ed class worth it's salt should know. He was thorough like that. Hello, my name is Princess Stella and I am a stallion. When I was born with both a horn and wings my parents were overjoyed and thought I was going to be a princess. But I’m not an alicorn. I am a pegacorn. If you don’t know what that means I should explain. Ponies are creatures of Magic. A Ponies race is determined not by their genes, but by their Magic. Alicorns are so powerful they have enough Magic to power the flight and weather control of Pegasi, the strength and life Magic of Earth Ponies and the Spells of Unicorns. A ponies Magic is further specialized and defined by their Cutie Mark, whose appearance stabilizes and shapes their Magic. In utero their Magic determines what traits are grown and more importantly what traits are suppressed. This Magic comes from the love of the parents for their unborn foal and, if they don't know about it, their love for each other. I was born without magic. If my mother didn't just love the fact that I was a princess before they cut the umbilical cord I might have died on the spot. I do have a little Magic. Just enough to keep me sentient, because it seems without their Magic a pony would be dumber than a dog. But there isn't enough to go around. My wings cannot manipulate the air. They work exactly like a bird's wings, but those are not sufficient to keep a pony shaped creature aloft. When I try to use my Earth Pony Muscles over the limit of what a buff unicorn could do I black out and can't think straight for days, nearly killed myself a few times. My horn is more then useless. It only saps my Mana, nothing else. Sadly a transfusion of Mana or Magic is nearly unheard of. They can constantly heal me to stave off my demise, but I cannot use another ponies magic, they have to be the ones to direct it if they want it to do anything useful in my body. There is one way however. Sadly I am not really that generous. I try, but seeing as I obviously have an ulterior motive the whole thing doesn't really work out. I am kind to everyone I meet, but my snark and bitterness kinda gives that a damper. I never lie. Well. Sarcasm doesn't count, does it? I am doing this blog thing to be more open and give full disclosure to everyone who wants to know. I don't have that many friends, but I always strive to be loyal to them. But there aren't really many opportunities for it. The Doctors tried to set up a few, but that didn't really work out, because I didn't fall for them. Terminally ill ponies don't normally spread much cheer. I know really really really much about Magic. I studied not endless amounts of spells I can't cast anyway, but I read every Book about Magical theory and pure Magic. I know how to teleport and levitate and heal and some other random stuff, but of course cannot do it. I hope I can somehow convince the Princess to let me near her OCD top student, but she thinks I would break her heart and doesn't think she could add any new insight she or the teachers at her school couldn't. But the elements are the only thing that could plausibly help me and Sparkle used them better than Celestia. She studied them for over a year now, she must have found out so much of their inner workings… You see that? YOU SEE THAT! If he only could have come to Ponyville sooner, if only he had more time he could have been healed. And "Break her heart?" That bitch fucking HATES him. Look at what she said at his funeral. But he always emphasized the good in ponies... The Princess was afraid, afraid because he had the potential to become more powerful than her! Meeting the MonsterThere was a rape victim in the news. She had an abortion. That's standard in Equestria, they don't need more of his sort. They needn't have bothered though, the fetus was a Pegasus. Anyway, I went through his stuff and saw that there wasn't actually any description of him in all of his works. Anyway, Princess Stella... Well, I guess it doesn't matter what name we use now that he's gone, so I'll call him Tell. He liked that one best I think and it's still part of his name. Tell was a normal sized Pony with a black coat and a dull brown mane. He had beautiful Black wings, which, when spread, gave the image of a protector. His horn was slightly spiraled and slightly blunt. He didn't file it at all, because that could lead to more magic unintentionally leaking out, but it was better slightly blunt, giving it a natural, ripped but still gentle feel. His mane was slack. It was really much hair, he didn't cut it either, but it had next to no volume. He had a toned physique, which you only really noticed when you touched him. He wasn't as strong as an Earth Pony, I mean even I could push him around if I used my Magic like he taught me, but he had muscles. He trained them to use them without magic. Also he had warm brown eyes and a deep dreamy voice. This chapter is the account of his first day in Ponyville, where that Monster first got it's claws into him. Ponyville Day one, Part one: My week in Ponyville was... Eventful? Not really. but... Humiliating? But No. Even so the ponies of Ponyville have shown me nothing but kindness and... Compassion! Yes compassion, that's the nice word, eh kind of pity. I will not edit these lines, because that would be dishonest. I should start with a bit more Magical Theory. I'm a bit sensitive to Magic. Having next to none of my own, foreign Magic easily penetrates my skin, even if it isn't meant to. My own Magic is mostly centered around my brain. The Magic of normal ponies displaces any foreign Magic unless it's directed at them by a more powerful caster than them. For me it mostly means I'm uncomfortable with most physical contact. The Magic finds magically dead pony flesh and tries to animate it, taking it away from me. It's not mine, it's intrusive, it's practically Rape. BUT! I do my best NOT to resent Ponies who hug me. AND I always assume the best of intentions. Also I need to BAN that word from my vocabulary. Anyway entering Ponyville was like stepping into a waterfall of hugs. That is not like you would feel a hug but how a hug feels to me. There was so much Magic floating around Ponyville. I have no idea how that village hasn't turned into some kind of Magioactive Wasteland. And I would have to stay there! As soon as the misery of that statement hit me it caused some kind of... ripple and a second later all this Magic started to focus upon me. "Oh Shit!" I thought. "That all belonged to ONE PONY!" And it was coming for me! "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" She suddenly teleported right in front of me, coalescing from under the train. "What's your name?" Honesty. "Princess Stella, but I'm a stallion and you can call me Prince or Tel." "Ohhh, you're a Princess?" She asked, eying my wings, my horn and my hooves, looking confused. "No, that's just my name..." I started but she cut me off by breaking into song: "You're a Princess and a guy that's strange and you're a grumpy stranger! I'd rather you were a friend that's fun, so come and eat a pie with me!" She asked me out? Suddenly the oppressive wash that feels so inappropriate seemed to me... intimate? It was the same, but now it came from a Mare whose complete attention was focused upon me. Who just asked me out. Who was practically made out of Magic. I sat down. Do opposites really attract? And what do I say to this in hindsight really hot mare, who also radiated health and fertility? "That didn't rhyme." But she only seemed to become even Happier when I said that. "Sorry, but I only had eight seconds to come up with it. I sing a Song for ALL my friends when I first meet them!" It was like she was touching me EVERYWHERE. "Well not everyone, but lately everyone, ever since that really cool Party last year it's so much easier to sing random songs out of nowhere, especially with other Ponies!" Here her Magic ebbed away a bit. "But when I sang one for my newest friend who isn't a Pony it was a bit harder. He was Cranky and so grumpy and didn't smile and that made me so sad, but in the end I made him smile and everything went back to normal." Her Magic surged around me and I somehow thought of pink fireworks exploding. "And I sang a real Song for him, with real rhymes, but he wanted to be left alone, well nearly alone, but he was happy and smiled and that's important, because everypony is my friend and I love to see my friends SMILE!" With these words her Magic settled back into an endless torrent pouring out of her, bending the laws of physics and GEOMETRY to her will. "But when I first saw you you were so grumpy and you were kind of not like a pony but a pony at the same time. But now you are happy again! Why though?" Also my brain caught up with my crotch. "I came for you!" Nearly. "That is, the Elements. I came here to meet and study the Elements of Harmony." And finally it caught up with what she said. "Wait, EVERYPONY? And your special talent is making ponies smile? And you have the Element of Laughter? No wonder you are Magic Incarnate! You have enough Mana for a thousand Celestias! It's pouring out of you, raping everything from Physics to me just now!" Only then she noticed the wet spot under me. OH SHIT. The Magic became unstable, fluttered. It's Source remained strong but it's Will began rejecting it. Pinkies hair began to inflate like a balloon as her Magic's outlet had been blocked. POP! And then the Magic took my analogy and ran with it, as her hair literally deflated as if one had poked a hole into it. It took on the same shape as mine, a sign of severe Magic withdrawal. I trashed the Element of Laughter. She offered me only friendship, made me c... and I sentenced her to death. "NO! NO, IT'S OKAY! I thought you were hitting on me and then I kinda liked it! Also there isn't any risk of unloved children and I'm a Pegacorn anyway, so what's the worst that could happen?" Me digging myself deeper, that's what. "I... I..." Pinkie looked at me in complete horror. "I raped a Pegacorn? I raped a rape victim's..." she cut herself off. Now that I know more about her I realize HOW bad that was. I did the only thing I could think of and hugged her and babbled on. "It's Okay really, I..." And I jerked back. She still had all her Magic. That is, enough Magic for a healthy Earth Pony. She wasn't going to die. Seeing my apparent revulsion made her flinch, too and in my haste to reassure her I practically jumped back onto her. "No, I'm just sensitive to Magic and you have so much of it I felt like I was feeling all the Joy you bring to other ponies!" Kindness was beating Honesty by a solid margin. "Also my parents married for money long before they had me. I am not a rape baby." Finally my brain was working again. Maybe because that oppressive torrent of Magic was gone. "And even so, I came to Ponyville on my own and you had no way to know that and no other ponies would feel like this. So it was in a way entirely consensual and even so, I would consent to anything you want to do to me." She hugged me back. FLOOF! "Thank..." She looked down. She saw my floppy... Well I hadn't cleaned up and kinda soiled her haunches. "Okie Dokie Lokie." I was dead. Tell was always too nice and forgiving. I mean that thing raped him, then he has to comfort her and in the end HE seems like the rapist. There was no indication that something like that pink floozy could exist. And anyway, Twilight Sparkle seems to be a Scientist and claimed to have tried to understand Pinkie Pie, so why didn't she publish her results? I tell you why, because she didn't understand it and didn't want anyone else getting the glory of figuring something out that stumped her. Ponyville Day one, Part two: After a really awkward walk to my hotel, Pinkie used my shower, because she didn't want to risk running into her landlords at home. If her stated favorite pastime was making ponies smile I could understand that. Afterwards she sat inside my room, making faces… I think she wanted to be weirded out. But there was a constant stream of pure joy flowing into her. It was kinda like she was… tasting the sensations. Silently. I just stared at her, trying to get used to the sensation of her Magic flooding me. OK, I just didn't have the nerve to speak. Actually I think my body began using the Magic, so success! She suddenly looked me straight into the eyes and asked in incredible bluntness: “Are you getting off again?” She sensed my happiness. “No! I just feel, I mean my body is using your Magic instead of mine, so once I get used to it it might cure me!” “Wow, So I can make you happy the regular way too!” OK “Did you… did you just say that to make the conversation more awkward on purpose?” She at least had the courtesy to look a little guilty at that. No, it was as if she was tasting the guilt. “You did!” She felt sheepish at being found out… Wait, since when could I read ponies like that? I concentrated and managed to push her back out of my brain. My wings, legs and horn returned to their achy, violated state, my hair fell straight back down, I didn't even notice it standing up. “Okay.” Don't upset the Eldritch Abomination with mind control powers. Think positive. “If I want to I can use your Magic to heal myself. And hey, if my Magic gives out you could move in! Be a real Alicorn!” What was her Mark again? “You could throw two parties at once and keep partying forever and ever.” Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut. Her eyes widened. “Could we talk about this later? You're right. I quite enjoy the awkwardness. It's interesting!” I thought about that for a moment. “Because it displaces the endless stream of artificial Joy the Element forces upon you.” “What? No, that's silly, the Element doesn't force me to be happy! I have the Element because I like to make everyone happy and I am happy because I'm successful! And with all the Energy I get from it I can make even more people happy! I call it a delicious cycle!” Thinking back I call it “High on Magic.” ”But sometimes it's really fun to be weirded out! Or scared! Or awkward! It doesn't really make it better, but… different? New?” I remembered the experience, how she seemed to taste the sensations. “Flavor.” “Huh?” “It gives it flavor. If your state of Magic induced euphoria is sugar, then fear is like chocolate, bitter but makes it better than the sugar alone. Awkwardness is like Raspberry and so on, you are tasting these things.” Pinkie returned to her base state of boundless joy. “Exactly! Thats a really good analogy! Mh… Sugar, chocolate… Raspberry? Maybe I can somehow make emotional cupcakes? You know, hold that thought. You want to study the Elements, right? Why when it comes to studying there's no better Pony than Twilight!” Finally we can get somewhere. Maybe somewhere less disturbing. Because "less disturbing" describes Twilight Sparkle oh so perfectly. At least now it comes out that Pinkie is a Monster. "Eldritch Abomination with mind control powers" he called her and that's true. Pinkie is a freak! And I think somehow she was the one who killed him in the end to steal his body. She puppeteers his corpse for ~~Cele~~ Luna's sake. It can't be accidental, or she would puppeteer other dead ponies too. The Paranoid B/Witch.Princess Stella was probably the greatest Scientist ever. If he hadn't have to spend so much time on trying to cure himself, he would have easily created more spells than Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Beaded together. Only he had so little time... His research wasn't selfish, he had to ensure that he would live long enough to help a great many ponies. Yeah, that's it! Also the research he did will probably help a lot of ponies too! It's like the Quantum Theory, which at first was totally useless, but nowadays is used everywhere and stuff. Like Singular Rock's Theory of Relativity, they are going to need it a lot if they try to put stuff into space. Here's the account of him meeting that murderous Bitch who probably killed him in the end. He says it's his own fault, but you can't blame him. Just see for yourself. Twilight Sparkle opened the door and let us in, while Pinkie Pie just plopped down on the floor and went quiet after introducing me. When she was told that I was a Pegacorn she blanched, apologized and told me she didn’t know that there were any alive. I told her up front that I didn't think she could help me and that even Princess Celestia thinks she couldn’t help me and all the teachers at her school think she wouldn't be able to do anything. Princess Celestia herself spend hundreds of years on the problem. But I thought it was worth another try, after all nobody ever made the Elements as strong as Twilight Sparkle and her friends did. Also I would like to get a look at them myself and surely she found out some new things about them after studying them for years. That was when I found out about the so called “Friendship Studies”. Now of course I know that they were an integral part of her defeat of Discord. Then I was quite distraught. I have apologized profusely since then. I also found out that the foci were in Canterlot under lock. I should not have asked weather the Princess was afraid of a coup. By the time we actually started to discuss Magic there was quite a bit of tension between us. She actually knows about Pinkies abilities and just told me they are “unscientific”. I shrieked. To quote the great Evans Veritas “You cannot point at a part of reality and call it unscientific.” Lies are unscientific, nothing else. If you cannot explain or describe something with science you are doing it wrong. What she should have done is submit her observations to a scientific journal and let them figure out what’s going on. And it wasn't even hard. It's just her Magic that's everywhere warning her of things. If you see the flowerpot and see the pony about to knock it over it's not that hard to predict it's gonna fall. Same thing with the collapsing building, that's just simple physics. Magic can think for itself, Ponies think using magic so it should be somehow possible to figure out weather or not a door is going to open. Really really advanced Changelings can read minds through years of study and the Elements are older than that and share lots of properties with them. Not to forget that the Element of Laughter might have tried to prank her with all of that stuff. Finally I gave her some of my notes and wanted her to cast a Spell I invented myself, one to make Magic visible. “What? That thing? Thats completely useless! I tried it once when Mrs Cake was pregnant and all it did was turn my vision pink!” I just looked at her. “Miss Sparkle, you are the greatest Spellcaster of our time, a coryphée in experimental Magics, Magical engineering and application. But you aren’t very good at changing your mind, which is really important for a Scientist.” “What the, oh…” She looked at Pinkie Pie. “Still, you didn’t invent this Spell, I knew it already after all.” She shuddered. “It’s in this one book about theoretical Magic by an anonymous author.” She levitated a familiar tome from a nearby shelf. “Ah, Theory on Harmonical Synchronization and the impracticality of it's application in sentient species, P.S.: A case study on Bunny Magic. There are my initials: ‘P.S.’” “What? That’s just short for Post Scriptum.” “No, it stands for ‘Princess Stella’. Look, it’s even in the same hoof-writing as my notes here.” “You wrote these books?” She asked, disbelief written all over her face. I smiled and straightened. “Yes.”, I said proudly, “As I said I am quite…” “They are SO horrible!” “What?” “They talk about torturing and practically killing Bunnies as if it’s no big deal. They are only Bunnies after all. Sentient feeling bunnies in love. In Love, they were in love!” On her face stood a look of abject horror as the second Element of Harmony I met began to cry too. “Well, you see…” “And the Hopper experiment. THE HOPPER EXPERIMENT! I cried myself to sleep thinking about the poor unborn baby bunnies… And everything was described in a calm cutting accuracy as you dismembered each of them with your telekinesis while you were still holding the disembowelment charm on Hoppers brain. Oh and don’t get me started on that disembowelment charm, YOU MONSTER!” Suddenly her horror turned to fury as her eyes turned a brilliant white and her horn lit up as she cast a forcecage inside a shield bubble around me. “THEORETICAL!”, I screamed, “THEORETICAL! IT WAS A THOUGHT EXPERIMENT! I. CAN’T. DO. MAGIC!” “PINKIE TELL RAINBOW TO GET THE ELEMENTS!WE NEED TO PUT SOMEPONY ON THE MOON! Wait, what?” Her eyes dimmed, but the cage stood strong. “Theoretical? Theoretical? There was no Hopper?” “He died peacefully of old age. We only used those analysis Spells upon him. After trying them out on myself. We only observed and analyzed and checked each individual step for feasibility. We only explored the principles to see if that stuff was possible. We never intended to do any of it. Thats why there is so much unnecessary detail, because I wanted to know if it would work without actually trying it out.” There was a low rumble going through the room, just as Pinkies Magic was shortly displaced by a wave of shattered reality. “I had nightmares.” What do you say to something like that? “Uh, Sorry?” “No, you don’t understand. I was terrified, traumatized, terrorized, I was completely devastated that something like that could happen. And the worst part: You published another book. You weren’t some ancient madman, you weren’t some old mares tale, you were alive.” Here the forcecage tightened it’s hold on me and actually cut into my leg. I shrank into myself. Twilight Sparkles Magic was sharp. “I asked about the author of those books and they told me you wished to remain anonymous. YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ANYPONY! I grew afraid of strangers. I only knew that you lived in Canterlot, I prayed that you would die and that they caught you, exposed you, told me you were gone. It took me years to relax and at least trust mares again and I still haven’t had a coltfriend because I didn’t trust any stallion in Canterlot and there’s so few in Ponyville because of some kinda ‘Quarry’.” Nightmares and Chaos Gods are afraid of Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle is afraid of me. This is a lot more funny if you aren’t staring into the enraged eyes of the most powerful being in the Universe… Well, after Pinkie Pie. “Wait, if that wasn’t true, why did Princess Celestia tell me to stay away from you?” “She thinks you will try and fail to save me and that it will break your heart. She couldn’t save a lot of my kind.” “And here I thought she had known of my assassination plots…” She said aside. “Look, all of the baby bunnies were born without complications and Hopper and them lived a long and fulfilled life. It was just a misunderstanding.” “YOU COULD HAVE SAID SO!” “IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING!” In the interest of Honesty I have to confess that at the time I thought it would be really funny if someone misunderstood and wrote it ambiguous on purpose. In the interest of Self Preservation I did not tell this to Twilight Sparkle. “I could of course have been extra careful in my word choice,” I was, in the opposite direction. “But I really thought the word Theory in the title enough. I am really, really, really, sorry. I didn’t forsee…” exactly “…this. Look, I’ll have a disclaimer added to all of my books, ‘No Bunnies were actually harmed in the making of this book.’” Twilight Sparkle glared at me, thought a bit and then visibly calmed down. She dispelled the forcecage and unfortunately also dropped the shield bubble prison. That was unfortunate because an enraged Dragon took this moment to burst through the door and attack me. A little foal normally has no business reading about advanced Magical theory. He just did a little Joke and that Witch tried to murder him for it. Sure she says put on the Moon, but HELLO, there is, like, no air on the Moon! Not to forget that ridiculously dangerous forcecage Spell. In the next chapter he will reveal how manipulative and SO capable of murder Pinkie Pie is. It also explains why all of Twilights Spells with edges cut like a bitch. Celestia probably wanted to give her little pawn a couple more ways to kill ponies. They show their True ColorsIf you think being tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged purple Dragon is bad, you have never been tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged purple Dragon and then been kicked in your titanium steel reinforced rips badly enough to be flung bodily out of the door. If you think being tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged purple Dragon and then being kicked in your titanium steel reinforced rips badly enough to be flung bodily out of the door is bad, you have never been tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged Dragon, been kicked in your titanium steel reinforced rips badly enough to be flung bodily out of the door and then, just as you got back your bearings been pinned down by a second Dragon, this one bigger than a house with the strange Battlecry of "SPIKE WANT!" "Good Job Spike!" Pinkie Pie cheerfully exclaimed from beside me. For a second I forgot to be scared shitless by the Dragon to appreciate being scared shitless by Pinkie Pie focusing her Magic on me. I am really grateful for her forcing me to check into my hotel room before visiting Twilight Sparkle, because otherwise I would have braved this encounter - temporarily - with a full bladder or worse. "That was a textbook tackle, throw and pin combo! I knew all those Diamond Dog wrestling shows would pay off!" Just then a rainbow colored blur shot over her and deposited a necklace around her throat. In it's center was a shining blue gem shaped like a balloon. Galloping hoofsteps neared the scene. "Spike, Pinkie? What are you doing! Let him go!" The Dragon growled and began to shrink. As he did so his growling softened and slowly got more intelligible:"Rarity, Rarity, Rarity..." I could turn my head to see Twilight Sparkle wearing a glowing Golden Crown topped with a shining Purple Star and inset with nine small sapphires... Beside her was Rainbow Dash, the reason why the Wonderbolts have gotten that new training Center between Canterlot and Ponyville. I turned around and saw that the galloping came from the three other Elements converging on my position, all wearing their Foci. The Dragon had it's claws on my lower throat when he was done shrinking and I still couldn't move as he crossed my forelegs across my own chest while I lay on my back on the grass. My attacker knelt down on them with one knee, pinning my shoulders down. His tail grabbed my backhooves, crossed them and placed them under his armpit. Strangely this didn't hurt. The others arrived and took position around Twilight. The air began to hum. It was then that I truly registered the favor Pinkie had done me by giving me a chance to visit a bathroom beforehand. Really I am grateful. "Pinkie Pie." Twilight Sparkle said calmly. "Why did you bring the Elements together?" "But Twilight, you told me to!" My self preservation instincts either kicked in or gave out, I'm still not sure which, but anyway I found my voice. "What? I can't believe you took that comment seriously. And didn't you say the Elements were in Canterlot?" "Ahem!" said Rainbow Dash, "Wonderbolt? Fastest mare ever born? Only living performer of the Sonic Rainboom?" "You went to Canterlot, removed the Elements from their vault and flew back here in four minutes?" She puffed out her chest and spread her Wings. "The most of that time was spend persuading Celestia to open the vault for me after I grabbed her from her audience hall and deposited her in the Element's Hall." I looked over to Pinkie Pie:"I can't BELIEVE you! This isn't something fun and harmless! You could have caused a panic! Correction, you HAVE caused a panic! You have gotten Princess Celestia kidnapped from her audience hall and had her give up the Elements. She is going to think there is a real emergency that warranted their use!" "I'd better write her a note." Twilight Sparkle interjected. "Twilight said so after you made her cry." Pinkie insisted. THAT was the moment when the stranglehold turned into an inferno of blinding pain as every joint in my body was bent past it's comfortable range. When I regained an ounce of lucidity I was out of the Dragon's embrace. The Dragon in question was curled around a white unicorn with a gem Cutie Mark. Rarity I thought. "Sorry." he said, "But a man's gotta do..." I returned my gaze to the Pink force of nature. "So, why the hell did you do that? It wasn't remotely funny!" Pinkie Pie tilted her head and concluded I would stay on topic even if it killed me. "I won't tell you." She finally admitted. "What? Why?" "You could be evil." She said matter of factly. "He isn't evil Pinkie Pie." came Twilight to my aid, "it was all a misunderstanding." "Are you suuuure." Pinkie said to Twilight with a piercing stare and a popping eye, which should have been gross but inexplicably wasn't. "Yes, Pinkie. I am sure." "Okay! Twilight Sparkle said so and she is smart and knows more about you than I do. So I erred on the side of caution! You said you are a pegacorn, but I don't actually have seen any proof for that." Three quiet gasps and a nauseated "WHAT?" from Rainbow Dash followed that statement. The orange Earth Pony even took off her hat. "Quite the contrary actually, you are much too old to be a pegacorn. If you were a superpowerful evil alicorn villain however you would have to shut down the Elements of Harmony and trying to convince us of your harmlessness is a really good first step for any evil plan with that goal. Especially after you found out about my powers." I thought about that. "You know, Pinkie," I said after a minute, "at first glance you seem kind of strange." The orange Earth Pony coughed into her hat. "But you are actually a highly logical, sensible and rational pony." Shocked gasps came from the other Element's. "Okay!" Exclaimed Rainbow Dash. "That's it, to the Mooooon!" I whirled on her and said: "Just because you don't understand the genius doesn't mean he is crazy! ... She I mean, that was a quote ... about Singular Rock." "Really?" asked Twilight, "Who said that?" "Uh, ... me actually. In my next book. It's a work in Progress." About Singular Rock, the brilliant mind who first discovered and formulated the bends in Spacetime I have to say: Just because you don't understand the genius doesn't mean he is crazy. There. It's true. Honestly. "But I also have to apologize to you Twilight Sparkle. Just because I think you went about it stupidly doesn't mean you went about it stupidly, but you really should get some other scholars involved if you don't understand something. If something is mysterious that's a statement about you, not about the something." "And now," Twilight replied "I remember why I didn't feel sorry when Spike pinned you. I'm really sorry about your condition, I will gladly help you try to find a way to better and or cure it. But could you please save the lectures and backhanded compliments." "It wasn't a backhanded compliment! It wasn't even a compliment!" That line inexplicably failed to quench the disapproving looks of the Six Elements. And Dragon. Can't forget the Dragon. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I don't really know any of you that well. Except of course Rainbow Dash, the fastest mare ever born." I hastily amended at her darkening expression. "Thank you." she said with a small shudder. "I think I should introduce myself to the rest of you. While I am neither a mare nor royalty my parents, who were married and conceived me to inherit their combined fortune in an act that was not an abhorrent crime but simple utility to both participants," I looked towards Rainbow Dash, who relaxed only marginally. The other pegasus scooted closer to her. "named me Princess Stella. I haven't changed this because Names carry magical significance, which to someone such as me is more important than to any other Pony. I am a Doctor of Theoretical Magic at Canterlot University, but the only reason I am not in at Celestia's School is that it's a school for Gifted Unicorns, which I am not. I work with a lot of the Professors there and I only am not one myself because there isn't a chair for Theoretical Magic at CU." I'm not bitter about that. Well, not really, it doesn't really matter anyway, but if you study Magic at CU everyone always assumes you weren't "gifted" enough for CSfGU instead not Unicorn enough.
The Greatest Pegacorn Ever."Princess Stella was like, the best! Stella was super duper smart, the smartest and the coolest and the funniest Pony ever. Twilight Sparkle said she read all his books and learned a lot from him. She even said he knew more about Magic than her. He was generous and Rarity said he had good style. Fluttershy said he was really kind and should have gotten her Element, too. He was loyal and honest too! Rainbow Dash called him cool, Applejack called him strong. Pinkie Pie said he was weird and that's Pinkie Pie we're talking about. Even Princess Celestia called him the greatest, strongest and most magical Pegacorn ever! I really liked his humor and style..." Suddenly the earth exploded with pink spellfire. Princess Stella erupted from the ground in an explosion of power that put Nightmare Moon to shame. Her black coat was scratched but mended itself in seconds. Her powerful wings flared and blew away the dust with a single flap. Her horn shone with a brilliant pink aura, revealing itself as the origin of the explosion. Her pink ethereal Hair waved slowly in spite of the chaotic winds her magical Pegasus wings conjured. Diamond Tiara, who had spoken was scrambling back to her hooves after she fell from the explosion. "Pinkie Pie!" She shouted. Princess Stella's mouth opened and said in an apologetic voice: "Sorry! But I didn't get any air in there and panicked! I tried to wait it out, but oxygen deprivation seems to really erode my control. You should put some air holes into the coffin!" "A coffin doesn't need air holes! And those won't work under the earth anyway!" "Maybe poisoning him before we bury him works? It did help the Changeling Queen to defeat the Princess.", Twilight Sparkle supplied helpfully. "I just happen to have invented several poisons specifically for use on him when I was a filly." "You won't poison my boyfriend!" Diamond Tiara screamed. *Oh Celestia, please let that have been a one sided crush.*, everyone thought. "I don't think it was.", Princess Stella seemed to read everyones mind. "We can even make it look as if he died peacefully in his sleep! Or a Heart Attack, or a ruptured liver! And it's completely undetectable too!" Twilight continued. Princess Celestia, who came to the funeral in order to console and comfort Twilight wished dearly she hadn't skipped out on personally supervising the boring Theory Lessons. Also she was going to have to investigate weather any Ponies her student didn't like died of natural causes. Diamond Tiara meanwhile stomped towards the shining black and pink apparition of supreme power. "And you, get the fuck OUT!" "Diamond!" a very distraught looking Filthy Rich scolded, but was silenced by his daughters harsh glare. "I really can't!" said Stella, "I never really could ever since Princess Stella got my Cutie Mark!" She gestured to her flank, where three colorful balloons where indelibly emblazoned. "And even before that he always had to kick me out himself." "AAARRRGH!", growled Diamond and slumped to the ground. "Maybe we can postpone the burial until we found a way to make it permanent." Injected Princess Celestia. "Meanwhile Pinkie Pie can keep the body." "Corpse!" shouted Diamond Tiara. "He told me I could have it when he died." Princess Stella told Diamond for the thousandths time. "But he tasked ME with the funeral you, you... Eldritch Abomination! I was his best friend!", yelled the filly. "And we can have a memorial service without actually burying the... corpse. Princess Stella was a Scientist and in a way he donated his body to his chosen field. Sometimes in such cases there are funerals without burials. This can be such a case." Diamond was about to protest when even the patience of Princess Celestia ran out. "Consider it a Royal Degree." Princess Stella wisely refrained to break out into a happy song. It was his funeral after all and she wasn't invited. "AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT HIM!" Diamond yelled at the Princess and ran off. This is Diamond Tiara writing. Into this Book I copy the personal blog of the Great Researcher Princess Stella. He was a great stallion and maybe my only real friend. I won't give any more exposition or anything. He was always better at explaining things anyway. I loved him. Because he always tried and never gave up and no matter how many times he slipped and failed and let loose a sharp word or a witty insult, he always tried! He never thought to himself "Well I can't be kind enough anyway so I can just give up." And who cares about his motives, ~~the important thing is what he did!~~ The important thing is what he meant to do! Anyway, the rest of this Prologue is just his introduction to Magic and Pegacorns, which he wrote even though everypony who went to kindergarten and had a sex-ed class worth it's salt should know. He was thorough like that. Hello, my name is Princess Stella and I am a stallion. When I was born with both a horn and wings my parents were overjoyed and thought I was going to be a princess. But I’m not an alicorn. I am a pegacorn. If you don’t know what that means I should explain. Ponies are creatures of Magic. A Ponies race is determined not by their genes, but by their Magic. Alicorns are so powerful they have enough Magic to power the flight and weather control of Pegasi, the strength and life Magic of Earth Ponies and the Spells of Unicorns. A ponies Magic is further specialized and defined by their Cutie Mark, whose appearance stabilizes and shapes their Magic. In utero their Magic determines what traits are grown and more importantly what traits are suppressed. This Magic comes from the love of the parents for their unborn foal and, if they don't know about it, their love for each other. I was born without magic. If my mother didn't just love the fact that I was a princess before they cut the umbilical cord I might have died on the spot. I do have a little Magic. Just enough to keep me sentient, because it seems without their Magic a pony would be dumber than a dog. But there isn't enough to go around. My wings cannot manipulate the air. They work exactly like a bird's wings, but those are not sufficient to keep a pony shaped creature aloft. When I try to use my Earth Pony Muscles over the limit of what a buff unicorn could do I black out and can't think straight for days, nearly killed myself a few times. My horn is more then useless. It only saps my Mana, nothing else. Sadly a transfusion of Mana or Magic is nearly unheard of. They can constantly heal me to stave off my demise, but I cannot use another ponies magic, they have to be the ones to direct it if they want it to do anything useful in my body. There is one way however. Sadly I am not really that generous. I try, but seeing as I obviously have an ulterior motive the whole thing doesn't really work out. I am kind to everyone I meet, but my snark and bitterness kinda gives that a damper. I never lie. Well. Sarcasm doesn't count, does it? I am doing this blog thing to be more open and give full disclosure to everyone who wants to know. I don't have that many friends, but I always strive to be loyal to them. But there aren't really many opportunities for it. The Doctors tried to set up a few, but that didn't really work out, because I didn't fall for them. Terminally ill ponies don't normally spread much cheer. I know really really really much about Magic. I studied not endless amounts of spells I can't cast anyway, but I read every Book about Magical theory and pure Magic. I know how to teleport and levitate and heal and some other random stuff, but of course cannot do it. I hope I can somehow convince the Princess to let me near her OCD top student, but she thinks I would break her heart and doesn't think she could add any new insight she or the teachers at her school couldn't. But the elements are the only thing that could plausibly help me and Sparkle used them better than Celestia. She studied them for over a year now, she must have found out so much of their inner workings… You see that? YOU SEE THAT! If he only could have come to Ponyville sooner, if only he had more time he could have been healed. And "Break her heart?" That bitch fucking HATES him. Look at what she said at his funeral. But he always emphasized the good in ponies... The Princess was afraid, afraid because he had the potential to become more powerful than her!
Meeting the MonsterThere was a rape victim in the news. She had an abortion. That's standard in Equestria, they don't need more of his sort. They needn't have bothered though, the fetus was a Pegasus. Anyway, I went through his stuff and saw that there wasn't actually any description of him in all of his works. Anyway, Princess Stella... Well, I guess it doesn't matter what name we use now that he's gone, so I'll call him Tell. He liked that one best I think and it's still part of his name. Tell was a normal sized Pony with a black coat and a dull brown mane. He had beautiful Black wings, which, when spread, gave the image of a protector. His horn was slightly spiraled and slightly blunt. He didn't file it at all, because that could lead to more magic unintentionally leaking out, but it was better slightly blunt, giving it a natural, ripped but still gentle feel. His mane was slack. It was really much hair, he didn't cut it either, but it had next to no volume. He had a toned physique, which you only really noticed when you touched him. He wasn't as strong as an Earth Pony, I mean even I could push him around if I used my Magic like he taught me, but he had muscles. He trained them to use them without magic. Also he had warm brown eyes and a deep dreamy voice. This chapter is the account of his first day in Ponyville, where that Monster first got it's claws into him. Ponyville Day one, Part one: My week in Ponyville was... Eventful? Not really. but... Humiliating? But No. Even so the ponies of Ponyville have shown me nothing but kindness and... Compassion! Yes compassion, that's the nice word, eh kind of pity. I will not edit these lines, because that would be dishonest. I should start with a bit more Magical Theory. I'm a bit sensitive to Magic. Having next to none of my own, foreign Magic easily penetrates my skin, even if it isn't meant to. My own Magic is mostly centered around my brain. The Magic of normal ponies displaces any foreign Magic unless it's directed at them by a more powerful caster than them. For me it mostly means I'm uncomfortable with most physical contact. The Magic finds magically dead pony flesh and tries to animate it, taking it away from me. It's not mine, it's intrusive, it's practically Rape. BUT! I do my best NOT to resent Ponies who hug me. AND I always assume the best of intentions. Also I need to BAN that word from my vocabulary. Anyway entering Ponyville was like stepping into a waterfall of hugs. That is not like you would feel a hug but how a hug feels to me. There was so much Magic floating around Ponyville. I have no idea how that village hasn't turned into some kind of Magioactive Wasteland. And I would have to stay there! As soon as the misery of that statement hit me it caused some kind of... ripple and a second later all this Magic started to focus upon me. "Oh Shit!" I thought. "That all belonged to ONE PONY!" And it was coming for me! "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" She suddenly teleported right in front of me, coalescing from under the train. "What's your name?" Honesty. "Princess Stella, but I'm a stallion and you can call me Prince or Tel." "Ohhh, you're a Princess?" She asked, eying my wings, my horn and my hooves, looking confused. "No, that's just my name..." I started but she cut me off by breaking into song: "You're a Princess and a guy that's strange and you're a grumpy stranger! I'd rather you were a friend that's fun, so come and eat a pie with me!" She asked me out? Suddenly the oppressive wash that feels so inappropriate seemed to me... intimate? It was the same, but now it came from a Mare whose complete attention was focused upon me. Who just asked me out. Who was practically made out of Magic. I sat down. Do opposites really attract? And what do I say to this in hindsight really hot mare, who also radiated health and fertility? "That didn't rhyme." But she only seemed to become even Happier when I said that. "Sorry, but I only had eight seconds to come up with it. I sing a Song for ALL my friends when I first meet them!" It was like she was touching me EVERYWHERE. "Well not everyone, but lately everyone, ever since that really cool Party last year it's so much easier to sing random songs out of nowhere, especially with other Ponies!" Here her Magic ebbed away a bit. "But when I sang one for my newest friend who isn't a Pony it was a bit harder. He was Cranky and so grumpy and didn't smile and that made me so sad, but in the end I made him smile and everything went back to normal." Her Magic surged around me and I somehow thought of pink fireworks exploding. "And I sang a real Song for him, with real rhymes, but he wanted to be left alone, well nearly alone, but he was happy and smiled and that's important, because everypony is my friend and I love to see my friends SMILE!" With these words her Magic settled back into an endless torrent pouring out of her, bending the laws of physics and GEOMETRY to her will. "But when I first saw you you were so grumpy and you were kind of not like a pony but a pony at the same time. But now you are happy again! Why though?" Also my brain caught up with my crotch. "I came for you!" Nearly. "That is, the Elements. I came here to meet and study the Elements of Harmony." And finally it caught up with what she said. "Wait, EVERYPONY? And your special talent is making ponies smile? And you have the Element of Laughter? No wonder you are Magic Incarnate! You have enough Mana for a thousand Celestias! It's pouring out of you, raping everything from Physics to me just now!" Only then she noticed the wet spot under me. OH SHIT. The Magic became unstable, fluttered. It's Source remained strong but it's Will began rejecting it. Pinkies hair began to inflate like a balloon as her Magic's outlet had been blocked. POP! And then the Magic took my analogy and ran with it, as her hair literally deflated as if one had poked a hole into it. It took on the same shape as mine, a sign of severe Magic withdrawal. I trashed the Element of Laughter. She offered me only friendship, made me c... and I sentenced her to death. "NO! NO, IT'S OKAY! I thought you were hitting on me and then I kinda liked it! Also there isn't any risk of unloved children and I'm a Pegacorn anyway, so what's the worst that could happen?" Me digging myself deeper, that's what. "I... I..." Pinkie looked at me in complete horror. "I raped a Pegacorn? I raped a rape victim's..." she cut herself off. Now that I know more about her I realize HOW bad that was. I did the only thing I could think of and hugged her and babbled on. "It's Okay really, I..." And I jerked back. She still had all her Magic. That is, enough Magic for a healthy Earth Pony. She wasn't going to die. Seeing my apparent revulsion made her flinch, too and in my haste to reassure her I practically jumped back onto her. "No, I'm just sensitive to Magic and you have so much of it I felt like I was feeling all the Joy you bring to other ponies!" Kindness was beating Honesty by a solid margin. "Also my parents married for money long before they had me. I am not a rape baby." Finally my brain was working again. Maybe because that oppressive torrent of Magic was gone. "And even so, I came to Ponyville on my own and you had no way to know that and no other ponies would feel like this. So it was in a way entirely consensual and even so, I would consent to anything you want to do to me." She hugged me back. FLOOF! "Thank..." She looked down. She saw my floppy... Well I hadn't cleaned up and kinda soiled her haunches. "Okie Dokie Lokie." I was dead. Tell was always too nice and forgiving. I mean that thing raped him, then he has to comfort her and in the end HE seems like the rapist. There was no indication that something like that pink floozy could exist. And anyway, Twilight Sparkle seems to be a Scientist and claimed to have tried to understand Pinkie Pie, so why didn't she publish her results? I tell you why, because she didn't understand it and didn't want anyone else getting the glory of figuring something out that stumped her. Ponyville Day one, Part two: After a really awkward walk to my hotel, Pinkie used my shower, because she didn't want to risk running into her landlords at home. If her stated favorite pastime was making ponies smile I could understand that. Afterwards she sat inside my room, making faces… I think she wanted to be weirded out. But there was a constant stream of pure joy flowing into her. It was kinda like she was… tasting the sensations. Silently. I just stared at her, trying to get used to the sensation of her Magic flooding me. OK, I just didn't have the nerve to speak. Actually I think my body began using the Magic, so success! She suddenly looked me straight into the eyes and asked in incredible bluntness: “Are you getting off again?” She sensed my happiness. “No! I just feel, I mean my body is using your Magic instead of mine, so once I get used to it it might cure me!” “Wow, So I can make you happy the regular way too!” OK “Did you… did you just say that to make the conversation more awkward on purpose?” She at least had the courtesy to look a little guilty at that. No, it was as if she was tasting the guilt. “You did!” She felt sheepish at being found out… Wait, since when could I read ponies like that? I concentrated and managed to push her back out of my brain. My wings, legs and horn returned to their achy, violated state, my hair fell straight back down, I didn't even notice it standing up. “Okay.” Don't upset the Eldritch Abomination with mind control powers. Think positive. “If I want to I can use your Magic to heal myself. And hey, if my Magic gives out you could move in! Be a real Alicorn!” What was her Mark again? “You could throw two parties at once and keep partying forever and ever.” Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut. Her eyes widened. “Could we talk about this later? You're right. I quite enjoy the awkwardness. It's interesting!” I thought about that for a moment. “Because it displaces the endless stream of artificial Joy the Element forces upon you.” “What? No, that's silly, the Element doesn't force me to be happy! I have the Element because I like to make everyone happy and I am happy because I'm successful! And with all the Energy I get from it I can make even more people happy! I call it a delicious cycle!” Thinking back I call it “High on Magic.” ”But sometimes it's really fun to be weirded out! Or scared! Or awkward! It doesn't really make it better, but… different? New?” I remembered the experience, how she seemed to taste the sensations. “Flavor.” “Huh?” “It gives it flavor. If your state of Magic induced euphoria is sugar, then fear is like chocolate, bitter but makes it better than the sugar alone. Awkwardness is like Raspberry and so on, you are tasting these things.” Pinkie returned to her base state of boundless joy. “Exactly! Thats a really good analogy! Mh… Sugar, chocolate… Raspberry? Maybe I can somehow make emotional cupcakes? You know, hold that thought. You want to study the Elements, right? Why when it comes to studying there's no better Pony than Twilight!” Finally we can get somewhere. Maybe somewhere less disturbing. Because "less disturbing" describes Twilight Sparkle oh so perfectly. At least now it comes out that Pinkie is a Monster. "Eldritch Abomination with mind control powers" he called her and that's true. Pinkie is a freak! And I think somehow she was the one who killed him in the end to steal his body. She puppeteers his corpse for ~~Cele~~ Luna's sake. It can't be accidental, or she would puppeteer other dead ponies too.
The Paranoid B/Witch.Princess Stella was probably the greatest Scientist ever. If he hadn't have to spend so much time on trying to cure himself, he would have easily created more spells than Twilight Sparkle and Starswirl the Beaded together. Only he had so little time... His research wasn't selfish, he had to ensure that he would live long enough to help a great many ponies. Yeah, that's it! Also the research he did will probably help a lot of ponies too! It's like the Quantum Theory, which at first was totally useless, but nowadays is used everywhere and stuff. Like Singular Rock's Theory of Relativity, they are going to need it a lot if they try to put stuff into space. Here's the account of him meeting that murderous Bitch who probably killed him in the end. He says it's his own fault, but you can't blame him. Just see for yourself. Twilight Sparkle opened the door and let us in, while Pinkie Pie just plopped down on the floor and went quiet after introducing me. When she was told that I was a Pegacorn she blanched, apologized and told me she didn’t know that there were any alive. I told her up front that I didn't think she could help me and that even Princess Celestia thinks she couldn’t help me and all the teachers at her school think she wouldn't be able to do anything. Princess Celestia herself spend hundreds of years on the problem. But I thought it was worth another try, after all nobody ever made the Elements as strong as Twilight Sparkle and her friends did. Also I would like to get a look at them myself and surely she found out some new things about them after studying them for years. That was when I found out about the so called “Friendship Studies”. Now of course I know that they were an integral part of her defeat of Discord. Then I was quite distraught. I have apologized profusely since then. I also found out that the foci were in Canterlot under lock. I should not have asked weather the Princess was afraid of a coup. By the time we actually started to discuss Magic there was quite a bit of tension between us. She actually knows about Pinkies abilities and just told me they are “unscientific”. I shrieked. To quote the great Evans Veritas “You cannot point at a part of reality and call it unscientific.” Lies are unscientific, nothing else. If you cannot explain or describe something with science you are doing it wrong. What she should have done is submit her observations to a scientific journal and let them figure out what’s going on. And it wasn't even hard. It's just her Magic that's everywhere warning her of things. If you see the flowerpot and see the pony about to knock it over it's not that hard to predict it's gonna fall. Same thing with the collapsing building, that's just simple physics. Magic can think for itself, Ponies think using magic so it should be somehow possible to figure out weather or not a door is going to open. Really really advanced Changelings can read minds through years of study and the Elements are older than that and share lots of properties with them. Not to forget that the Element of Laughter might have tried to prank her with all of that stuff. Finally I gave her some of my notes and wanted her to cast a Spell I invented myself, one to make Magic visible. “What? That thing? Thats completely useless! I tried it once when Mrs Cake was pregnant and all it did was turn my vision pink!” I just looked at her. “Miss Sparkle, you are the greatest Spellcaster of our time, a coryphée in experimental Magics, Magical engineering and application. But you aren’t very good at changing your mind, which is really important for a Scientist.” “What the, oh…” She looked at Pinkie Pie. “Still, you didn’t invent this Spell, I knew it already after all.” She shuddered. “It’s in this one book about theoretical Magic by an anonymous author.” She levitated a familiar tome from a nearby shelf. “Ah, Theory on Harmonical Synchronization and the impracticality of it's application in sentient species, P.S.: A case study on Bunny Magic. There are my initials: ‘P.S.’” “What? That’s just short for Post Scriptum.” “No, it stands for ‘Princess Stella’. Look, it’s even in the same hoof-writing as my notes here.” “You wrote these books?” She asked, disbelief written all over her face. I smiled and straightened. “Yes.”, I said proudly, “As I said I am quite…” “They are SO horrible!” “What?” “They talk about torturing and practically killing Bunnies as if it’s no big deal. They are only Bunnies after all. Sentient feeling bunnies in love. In Love, they were in love!” On her face stood a look of abject horror as the second Element of Harmony I met began to cry too. “Well, you see…” “And the Hopper experiment. THE HOPPER EXPERIMENT! I cried myself to sleep thinking about the poor unborn baby bunnies… And everything was described in a calm cutting accuracy as you dismembered each of them with your telekinesis while you were still holding the disembowelment charm on Hoppers brain. Oh and don’t get me started on that disembowelment charm, YOU MONSTER!” Suddenly her horror turned to fury as her eyes turned a brilliant white and her horn lit up as she cast a forcecage inside a shield bubble around me. “THEORETICAL!”, I screamed, “THEORETICAL! IT WAS A THOUGHT EXPERIMENT! I. CAN’T. DO. MAGIC!” “PINKIE TELL RAINBOW TO GET THE ELEMENTS!WE NEED TO PUT SOMEPONY ON THE MOON! Wait, what?” Her eyes dimmed, but the cage stood strong. “Theoretical? Theoretical? There was no Hopper?” “He died peacefully of old age. We only used those analysis Spells upon him. After trying them out on myself. We only observed and analyzed and checked each individual step for feasibility. We only explored the principles to see if that stuff was possible. We never intended to do any of it. Thats why there is so much unnecessary detail, because I wanted to know if it would work without actually trying it out.” There was a low rumble going through the room, just as Pinkies Magic was shortly displaced by a wave of shattered reality. “I had nightmares.” What do you say to something like that? “Uh, Sorry?” “No, you don’t understand. I was terrified, traumatized, terrorized, I was completely devastated that something like that could happen. And the worst part: You published another book. You weren’t some ancient madman, you weren’t some old mares tale, you were alive.” Here the forcecage tightened it’s hold on me and actually cut into my leg. I shrank into myself. Twilight Sparkles Magic was sharp. “I asked about the author of those books and they told me you wished to remain anonymous. YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ANYPONY! I grew afraid of strangers. I only knew that you lived in Canterlot, I prayed that you would die and that they caught you, exposed you, told me you were gone. It took me years to relax and at least trust mares again and I still haven’t had a coltfriend because I didn’t trust any stallion in Canterlot and there’s so few in Ponyville because of some kinda ‘Quarry’.” Nightmares and Chaos Gods are afraid of Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle is afraid of me. This is a lot more funny if you aren’t staring into the enraged eyes of the most powerful being in the Universe… Well, after Pinkie Pie. “Wait, if that wasn’t true, why did Princess Celestia tell me to stay away from you?” “She thinks you will try and fail to save me and that it will break your heart. She couldn’t save a lot of my kind.” “And here I thought she had known of my assassination plots…” She said aside. “Look, all of the baby bunnies were born without complications and Hopper and them lived a long and fulfilled life. It was just a misunderstanding.” “YOU COULD HAVE SAID SO!” “IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING!” In the interest of Honesty I have to confess that at the time I thought it would be really funny if someone misunderstood and wrote it ambiguous on purpose. In the interest of Self Preservation I did not tell this to Twilight Sparkle. “I could of course have been extra careful in my word choice,” I was, in the opposite direction. “But I really thought the word Theory in the title enough. I am really, really, really, sorry. I didn’t forsee…” exactly “…this. Look, I’ll have a disclaimer added to all of my books, ‘No Bunnies were actually harmed in the making of this book.’” Twilight Sparkle glared at me, thought a bit and then visibly calmed down. She dispelled the forcecage and unfortunately also dropped the shield bubble prison. That was unfortunate because an enraged Dragon took this moment to burst through the door and attack me. A little foal normally has no business reading about advanced Magical theory. He just did a little Joke and that Witch tried to murder him for it. Sure she says put on the Moon, but HELLO, there is, like, no air on the Moon! Not to forget that ridiculously dangerous forcecage Spell. In the next chapter he will reveal how manipulative and SO capable of murder Pinkie Pie is. It also explains why all of Twilights Spells with edges cut like a bitch. Celestia probably wanted to give her little pawn a couple more ways to kill ponies.
They show their True ColorsIf you think being tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged purple Dragon is bad, you have never been tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged purple Dragon and then been kicked in your titanium steel reinforced rips badly enough to be flung bodily out of the door. If you think being tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged purple Dragon and then being kicked in your titanium steel reinforced rips badly enough to be flung bodily out of the door is bad, you have never been tackled by three hundred pounds of enraged Dragon, been kicked in your titanium steel reinforced rips badly enough to be flung bodily out of the door and then, just as you got back your bearings been pinned down by a second Dragon, this one bigger than a house with the strange Battlecry of "SPIKE WANT!" "Good Job Spike!" Pinkie Pie cheerfully exclaimed from beside me. For a second I forgot to be scared shitless by the Dragon to appreciate being scared shitless by Pinkie Pie focusing her Magic on me. I am really grateful for her forcing me to check into my hotel room before visiting Twilight Sparkle, because otherwise I would have braved this encounter - temporarily - with a full bladder or worse. "That was a textbook tackle, throw and pin combo! I knew all those Diamond Dog wrestling shows would pay off!" Just then a rainbow colored blur shot over her and deposited a necklace around her throat. In it's center was a shining blue gem shaped like a balloon. Galloping hoofsteps neared the scene. "Spike, Pinkie? What are you doing! Let him go!" The Dragon growled and began to shrink. As he did so his growling softened and slowly got more intelligible:"Rarity, Rarity, Rarity..." I could turn my head to see Twilight Sparkle wearing a glowing Golden Crown topped with a shining Purple Star and inset with nine small sapphires... Beside her was Rainbow Dash, the reason why the Wonderbolts have gotten that new training Center between Canterlot and Ponyville. I turned around and saw that the galloping came from the three other Elements converging on my position, all wearing their Foci. The Dragon had it's claws on my lower throat when he was done shrinking and I still couldn't move as he crossed my forelegs across my own chest while I lay on my back on the grass. My attacker knelt down on them with one knee, pinning my shoulders down. His tail grabbed my backhooves, crossed them and placed them under his armpit. Strangely this didn't hurt. The others arrived and took position around Twilight. The air began to hum. It was then that I truly registered the favor Pinkie had done me by giving me a chance to visit a bathroom beforehand. Really I am grateful. "Pinkie Pie." Twilight Sparkle said calmly. "Why did you bring the Elements together?" "But Twilight, you told me to!" My self preservation instincts either kicked in or gave out, I'm still not sure which, but anyway I found my voice. "What? I can't believe you took that comment seriously. And didn't you say the Elements were in Canterlot?" "Ahem!" said Rainbow Dash, "Wonderbolt? Fastest mare ever born? Only living performer of the Sonic Rainboom?" "You went to Canterlot, removed the Elements from their vault and flew back here in four minutes?" She puffed out her chest and spread her Wings. "The most of that time was spend persuading Celestia to open the vault for me after I grabbed her from her audience hall and deposited her in the Element's Hall." I looked over to Pinkie Pie:"I can't BELIEVE you! This isn't something fun and harmless! You could have caused a panic! Correction, you HAVE caused a panic! You have gotten Princess Celestia kidnapped from her audience hall and had her give up the Elements. She is going to think there is a real emergency that warranted their use!" "I'd better write her a note." Twilight Sparkle interjected. "Twilight said so after you made her cry." Pinkie insisted. THAT was the moment when the stranglehold turned into an inferno of blinding pain as every joint in my body was bent past it's comfortable range. When I regained an ounce of lucidity I was out of the Dragon's embrace. The Dragon in question was curled around a white unicorn with a gem Cutie Mark. Rarity I thought. "Sorry." he said, "But a man's gotta do..." I returned my gaze to the Pink force of nature. "So, why the hell did you do that? It wasn't remotely funny!" Pinkie Pie tilted her head and concluded I would stay on topic even if it killed me. "I won't tell you." She finally admitted. "What? Why?" "You could be evil." She said matter of factly. "He isn't evil Pinkie Pie." came Twilight to my aid, "it was all a misunderstanding." "Are you suuuure." Pinkie said to Twilight with a piercing stare and a popping eye, which should have been gross but inexplicably wasn't. "Yes, Pinkie. I am sure." "Okay! Twilight Sparkle said so and she is smart and knows more about you than I do. So I erred on the side of caution! You said you are a pegacorn, but I don't actually have seen any proof for that." Three quiet gasps and a nauseated "WHAT?" from Rainbow Dash followed that statement. The orange Earth Pony even took off her hat. "Quite the contrary actually, you are much too old to be a pegacorn. If you were a superpowerful evil alicorn villain however you would have to shut down the Elements of Harmony and trying to convince us of your harmlessness is a really good first step for any evil plan with that goal. Especially after you found out about my powers." I thought about that. "You know, Pinkie," I said after a minute, "at first glance you seem kind of strange." The orange Earth Pony coughed into her hat. "But you are actually a highly logical, sensible and rational pony." Shocked gasps came from the other Element's. "Okay!" Exclaimed Rainbow Dash. "That's it, to the Mooooon!" I whirled on her and said: "Just because you don't understand the genius doesn't mean he is crazy! ... She I mean, that was a quote ... about Singular Rock." "Really?" asked Twilight, "Who said that?" "Uh, ... me actually. In my next book. It's a work in Progress." About Singular Rock, the brilliant mind who first discovered and formulated the bends in Spacetime I have to say: Just because you don't understand the genius doesn't mean he is crazy. There. It's true. Honestly. "But I also have to apologize to you Twilight Sparkle. Just because I think you went about it stupidly doesn't mean you went about it stupidly, but you really should get some other scholars involved if you don't understand something. If something is mysterious that's a statement about you, not about the something." "And now," Twilight replied "I remember why I didn't feel sorry when Spike pinned you. I'm really sorry about your condition, I will gladly help you try to find a way to better and or cure it. But could you please save the lectures and backhanded compliments." "It wasn't a backhanded compliment! It wasn't even a compliment!" That line inexplicably failed to quench the disapproving looks of the Six Elements. And Dragon. Can't forget the Dragon. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I don't really know any of you that well. Except of course Rainbow Dash, the fastest mare ever born." I hastily amended at her darkening expression. "Thank you." she said with a small shudder. "I think I should introduce myself to the rest of you. While I am neither a mare nor royalty my parents, who were married and conceived me to inherit their combined fortune in an act that was not an abhorrent crime but simple utility to both participants," I looked towards Rainbow Dash, who relaxed only marginally. The other pegasus scooted closer to her. "named me Princess Stella. I haven't changed this because Names carry magical significance, which to someone such as me is more important than to any other Pony. I am a Doctor of Theoretical Magic at Canterlot University, but the only reason I am not in at Celestia's School is that it's a school for Gifted Unicorns, which I am not. I work with a lot of the Professors there and I only am not one myself because there isn't a chair for Theoretical Magic at CU." I'm not bitter about that. Well, not really, it doesn't really matter anyway, but if you study Magic at CU everyone always assumes you weren't "gifted" enough for CSfGU instead not Unicorn enough.
