What We Become

Agent Lugo crept silently through the darkened empty hallways of an empty apartment complex. He could've sworn he had seen someone moving at the end of the hall and was prepared to confront them. Beads of sweat began to run down his face and his heart rate skyrocketed as he drew nearer to the end of the hallway. Each step he took, was a step closer to his potential demise. After what seemed like hours he reached the end of the hallway. As he slowly turned the corner at the end of the hall he heard a faint thudding behind him and he whirled around to face the source of this unnerving noise. Alas, it was too late for Lugo, for when he turned around there was already an enemy agent in the process of driving his knife deep into Lugo's chest.

“Player one defeated...Player two is victorious”, blared the television speakers in their monotone synthesized voice.

“Oh come on, this time I know you cheated!”, whined Gaige, “I demand a rematch!”. Gaige huffed and crossed his arms in display of childish frustration.

“I swear I didn't cheat at all Gaige!, Patrick retorted defiantly, “Have you ever considered that maybe you're just bad at this?”, he added with a wry smile. As Gaige processed that remark, he could almost picture himself slowly wrapping his hands around Patrick's neck and throttling the life out of him, but that might not go over to well with his parents so he restrained himself.

“Oh yeah?”, Gaige paused to think of an intelligent comeback, “Well...well maybe you're just a...you know what? Fuck you!”, Gaige yelled whilst turning away from his so called friend. He could feel his face burning red with anger and embarrassment.

“Hey calm down man, I was only joking.”, Patrick said in an attempt to cool his friend down, but Gaige would have none of it. “Look...if you want I can even tell you how to play as well as me!”, Gaige paused for a moment to consider the offer.

“Alright...I'm listening”,  he muttered angrily after a short period of silence.

“Okay then, let's get started. If you want to beat your enemy you have to start by getting to know him.”, Patrick stated, doing his best to keep himself from outright laughing at Gaige's hilariously non-threatening “angry” face.

“Wait...Patrick I don't think two soldiers are really going to want to have a nice chat over a cup of tea and talk about themselves!”, Gaige interrupted, completely befuddled by the concept he was being introduced to.

“No Gaige, not like that. I mean you have to watch him.”, Patrick continued, doing his best to avoid becoming frustrated with his friend's lack of comprehension.

“Okay, now you're just sounding really creepy!”, Gaige half yelled in his state of now complete confusion.

“Gaige, seriously stop with the interruptions alright! I mean you have to learn how your enemy operates, watch what he does and how he does it. You have to learn how he thinks and you have to be able to predict what he's going to do and counter it before he does it.”, Gaige was beginning to listen more intently as Patricks voice shifted to an oddly dark tone “You have to think like your enemy and  you have to act like your enemy...”, Gaige became entranced by his friends sudden shift in character, “Before you can defeat your enemy, you have to be your enemy.”, Patrick stated in a dark malevolent tone.

* * *

Be the enemy Gaige. Calm down and just be the enemy.

Gaige was crouched on a branch, fairly high up on a large tree surveying the growing herd of pastel equines nervously searching for him around the park he had hidden in. They're scared, good. I can work with that. Gaige thought to himself as he took another look over his pursuers who he had barely managed to throw off not minutes before. The relentless sprint it had taken Gaige to temporarily escape his pursuers had taken a large toll on him physically. Gaige slowly slumped back against the tree trunk near the high branch he was on as he attempted to slow his laboured, raspy breathing.

In his time spent studying his enemy, Gaige had noticed three main archetypes of equines: pegasi, unicorns and “normal” equines, who he referred to as regulars. The unicorns appeared to posses some form of ethereal powers, mainly centred around levitation, but he had seen a few unicorns who had launched bright bolts of energy from their horns which left whatever they hit nicely charred. I'll have to watch out for them at a range, Gaige realized, if I can get up close to them I could probably remove their ethereal advantage though. The pegasi, quite obviously possessed the ability to fly and Gaige noticed that they were quite often the fastest of any equine, especially a certain blue equine with a rainbow mane. Better watch out for that one, Gaige figured. The regulars didn't posses any strange abilities and appeared to just rely mostly on the brute force of their hind legs in any sort of attack. Gaige didn't feel like trying his luck up close with any of them, especially the ones he had discerned as stallions, they had slightly more cubical muzzles, deeper voices and a lot more muscle mass than the mares. They looked like a force to be reckoned with.

Gaige began checking his surroundings for any possible way he could slip away unnoticed, there were none he could see or think of. Wait, I think I still have that decoy grenade in my pack, Gaige thought, The noise and fake gunshots from that would probably give me enough time to get away. Gaige carefully leaned forwards and brought his pack silently around to his lap and began slowly rummaging though its' contents. He began to panic as the pastel horses slowly drew nearer to his position, Gaige didn't have much time left before they would notice him, so he doubled his efforts to find his decoy and after a few more seconds of digging he finally pulled out the jury rigged explosive. It wasn't much, a tin can filed to the brim with cherry bombs and filled with many small holes poked through the exterior, it didn't look to reliable but it was Gaige's only option at the moment. He pulled his lighter out his pocket and carefully lit the fuse. When Gaige saw the fuse light we immediately lobbed the decoy as hard and as far as he could, it landed almost directly in the middle of the advancing herd of pastel horses. Perfect when this goes off I should be able to hop down and-. Gaige's train of thought was interrupted by the sudden snap he heard directly beside him. Gaige whirled around , alarmed by this sudden noise only to be face to face with a rainbow maned blue mare who looked just as surprised as he did. The pupils of her wine coloured eyes dilated in complete and utter terror and she drew in a sharp breath and prepared to scream.

“Monste-”, her frantic cry was cut short by Gaige's knuckles colliding with her jawbone. The mare's balance was thrown off by the blow and she went tumbling off the branch in a daze. Gaige jumped down onto her locking his arm around her neck into a sleeper hold.

Shit, this isn't good. Oh well at least now I have a hostage I can use to barter with. Gaige frantically thought. Just then Gaige's decoy went off like a flare in the middle of the night. The initial powder explosion caused a fair amount of smoke and the subsequent loud bangs of the cherry bombs detonating sent the Gaige's would-be pursuers running panicked for cover. Perfect, Gaige thought, Now all I have to do is just get to the woods and I'll be fine. Gaige noticed the blue mare had begun struggling to free herself from Gaige's hold. “Oh no you don't!” Gaige hissed as he constricted the helpless mare's neck with as much force as he could muster. The mare began struggling even more frantically, thrashing about and opening her mouth to scream, but she was barely able to get out a few gargles and chokes before her movements became progressively slower, until she fell still and her eyes fluttered shut. Gaige held his index and middle finger up to her neck. Still alive? Good, Gaige thought to himself, any fatalities could potentially further complicate his situation. Gaige quickly released the mare out of his iron grip and sprung up to make a mad dash for the treeline. It was only about fifty metres away but Gaige's muscles wailed in protest as he hobbled as fast as he could towards his lush, green salvation. His legs were burning and it felt as if someone poked a few hundred tiny needles into his ribcage. The pain was almost unbearable but Gaige kept pushing himself, victory was so close, he couldn't bring himself to give up now.

“What the-...There's nopony here it's just a tin can!”, shouted one of the horses back near Gaige's last position. Just as Gaige heard that he managed to launch himself into the treeline with one final effort and tumble down a hill quite clumsily. As Gaige finally stopped tumbling and landed flat on his back, he opened his eyes and looked up at the beautiful forest around him that stretched on for miles and was filled with potential safe havens for him. Suddenly Gaige heard a voice coming from the edge of the forest, “...If he went into the Everfree forest there's no WAY I'm going to follow him, do you have any idea how dangerous it is in there?” Gaige let out a raspy laugh as he heard this remark, he knew he was finally safe...for the moment.

* * *

“Dashie! Dashie wake up! Come on this isn't funny anymore!” Pinkie Pie pleaded as she knelt over her fallen friend with tears streaming down her face. She had never seen Rainbow Dash like this, her face was all bruised and swollen and Pinkie couldn't see that her chest wast rising and falling as it should've been. “Dashie?...”, Pinkie Pie trailed off as she felt an immense lump in her throat and her mane deflated and straightened out.  Pinkie was going into shock at the mere thought of her friend never waking up. She kept looking expectantly at Dash's limp body, but nothing happened. Pinkie was about to have mental breakdown when suddenly Dash shot up from the ground with a start and took in a sharp gasp of air. “Dashie you're okay!”, squeaked Pinkie Pie as her mane inflated and curled once again and she brought her friend into a tight embrace. Pinkie was overjoyed and a river of tears began flowing from her closed eyelids, soaking Rainbow Dash's fur.

“Wha- Pinkie? Why wouldn't I be okay?” Dash asked while rubbing the badly swollen left side of her muzzle.

“I heard that you...got attacked by that monster! I thought he'd...he'd-” Pinkie trailed off as she began sobbing once again.

“Oh Pinkie, you know I can take care of myself. You should've seen me fight that monster off I nearly had him, but he pulled a dirty move and knocked me out!” Dash bragged narcissistically, hoping Pinkie didn't learn the horribly embarrassing truth.

“But..I heard that the big mean monster knocked you out with a single hit, and then he choked you!”  Pinkie said, confused as to which story she should believe.

“Well...maybe I exaggerated just a little bit.” Dash retorted, nervously laughing afterwards to try and hide her embarrassment for being beaten so easily. Dash pulled away from Pinkie's embrace and cringed as she noticed a dull throbbing pain shoot through the entire left side of her muzzle. She groaned and began clutching at her muzzle, wishing that the pain would go away. When she pulled her hooves away from her muzzle she noticed that they were tinged red. Am I bleeding? Dash thought to herself.

“Dash, your face is in really bad shape. I think I should take you to the hospital.” Pinkie urgently stated, alarmed by the awful dark purple lump on Dash's jawline and the cut that was adjacent to it. Dash clutched her muzzle in pain once again and slowly nodded. As she followed Pinkie towards the hospital she thought to herself,

If I ever see that monster again...I swear...I will make him regret ever showing his ugly mug in Equestria and send him crawling back to the ditch he dragged his disgusting ass out of! Nopony messes with my face and gets away with it! It'll pay...it'll pay DEARLY!

* * *

Gaige had finally gathered enough firewood to be able to finally settle down for the night and start a fire by his wooden lean-to. As he threw the last of his lumber into his fire pit he sat down with an exasperated sigh. I wonder how things are going back in Haventon, He pondered, hoping, in the back of his mind, that everyone else had managed to make it back in one piece. Then Gaige felt something he never dreamed he'd ever feel, he longed to be back in the wasteland. Not because he enjoyed it there, but the only two things he had left of  his past life were back there; Patrick and Dawson. They were his only friends in a world of chaos. They'd saved his ass and he'd saved their's many times before. Gaige just didn't feel right leaving them in that hole while he sat on his ass in a veritable paradise. If anything they were more deserving of a paradise than he was. Both of them had saved many of their group members, Gaige included, on multiple occasions and were always there when the group needed them most. Gaige may have led the group, but he alone felt responsible for each and every one of their deaths, losses and injuries. Gaige was someone they looked up to and he let them all down.

Suddenly Gaige heard a twig snap somewhere in front of him and he was jerked back into reality. He whipped his head up to face the noise and saw two small colts, eyes wide with terror as they locked eyes with Gaige. They were both fully dressed in pirate garb and carried small wooden swords. One of them was a small milk white colt with brown splotches covering his body and an eye patch, that one reminded Gaige of Carson. He was so small, helpless and vulnerable. With that thought Gaige entered a trance as his mind took him back to one of his memories of the wasteland. The two colts bolted away at a lighting pace, shrieking and tripping over one another all the way back, but Gaige didn't notice, nor did he care. For Gaige was entranced in a web of memories.

* * *

“Gaige! Come in here, Dale keeps asking to see you. Something about his kid.” Dawson told Gaige motioning towards their makeshift medical tent. Gaige silently got up from his post by their vehicle caravan and headed towards the tent. He could feel an ever increasing sense of dread as he approached the tent. When Gaige entered the tent he saw Dale lying on the bed they'd made him, his bandaged bullet wounds were still bleeding and he smelled of rot and gangrene. Gaige almost became sick by just entering the room.

“Something you need Dale? Are your wounds doing ok?”, Gaige said with a warm smile, even though he already knew the answer to his second question.

“That's...just it Gaige.”, Dale wheezed out between laboured breaths. “Come a bit closer, I need you to do something for me.” Gaige slowly walked over next to Dale's makeshift “bed”, cobbled together from sleeping bags and cots, and looked expectantly at him. “Gaige...I don't think I have much time.”, Dale wheezed, barely being able to turn his head to face Gaige.

“Don't say that Dale, you'll bounce back don't worry!” Gaige said reassuringly.

“No...I'm not I can feel it.”, Dale stated as he began to break out sweating, “I may not make it but...Gaige..promise me you'll take care of my boy, I don't want him to end up like me...please.”, he pleaded.

“Listen Dale you're not going to die...not on my watch! Okay! You're going to get up tomorrow you're gonna walk this off, we're gonna get you antibiotics and everything is gonna be-”, Gaige suddenly cut himself off as Dale clutched onto his left wrist with both his clammy hands.

“Gaige...don't be a fool. You and I both know I don't have that kind of time and besides all the pharmacies are picked clean for miles!”, Dale barely croaked out, “Now please...promise me you'll take care of my boy! That's all I need to hear Gaige, I need to know that Carson's going to be protected. I don't want my little boy to die out here Gaige! A child doesn't deserve that!” Dale pleaded desperately.

“No Dale, don't say that come on!” Gaige hissed. He felt Dale's grip weaken and his eyes began to flutter shut. “Dale! Don't you dare die on me Dale!”, Dale's breaths became shallower and shallower until they stopped completely, “Dale, breathe dammit! Open your fucking eyes Dale! Carol! Get the fucking defibrillator in here NOW!” Gaige yelled as he began to perform chest compressions on Dale in a vain attempt to resuscitate him.

Carol burst into the room and saw Gaige giving CPR to a motionless Dale, “Oh my god...” She whispered as she put a hand over her mouth in shock.

“Dammit Carol! Fucking do something! We can still bring him back!” Gaige hissed as he continued his chest compressions.

“There's nothing to do Gaige! His wounds got infected and that's what killed him! Even if we do bring him back what'll it be for? To watch him suffer for another hour and die again?” Carol screamed in frustration. Gaige completely ignored her and began performing his chest compressions more vigourously. “Gaige...stop”, Carol asked. Gaige continued to compress harder on Dale's chest, to the point where blood was starting to come from Dale's mouth. “Gaige stop!” Carol yelled in an attempt to get Gaige's attention. Gaige continued ignoring her. Carol tore Gaige away from Dale and pushed him away from the bed while screaming, “Dammit Gaige, there's nothing we can do for him! He's fucking dead! Get a goddamned grip!”. Gaige stared defiantly at Carol for a few seconds before yelling out a few dozen obscenities and flipping over Dale's makeshift IV setup.

“How are we going to explain this to-” Gaige was cut off by a soft voice coming from behind him

A small, ghastly pale child with flowing dark brown hair was standing at the entrance to the tent with his index finger placed on his mouth as he hushed Carol and Gaige. “You shouldn't be so loud. Can't you see Papa's trying to sleep?” Whispered the child in a hushed tone. It was Carson, Dale's son. Gaige and Carol looked at each other as if to ask, What am I supposed to tell him?, only neither of them could answer that question. Before they knew it Carson had rushed over by his father's body and was softly shaking the corpse in a feeble attempt to rouse his father from his eternal slumber. “Papa? Papa wake up!” The boy demanded innocently, “Papa?...Gaige why isn't he waking up?”. Gaige could feel Carson's bright blue eyes, wide with worry, fixated solely on him, Gaige couldn't bear to meet his gaze.

“Carson, you shouldn't be here.” Carol softly uttered as she lifted the boy into her arms. “Your father....he's...not going to wake up.”, Carol was barely able to string out a sentence she was so close to tears, her lip began to quiver uncontrollably as she slowly carried the boy away from his father's corpse.

“No! Don't take me away from him! He's gonna wake up! Right Gaige? Put me down I wanna be with Papa!”, Carter began kicking and screaming in a vain attempt to get away from Carol. As Carol whisked the grief stricken child out of the tent, Gaige's eyes fell to the floor. He couldn't stop thinking of his parents broken, charred remains in the crater that used to be his home. How he had wanted to die with them then and there. How he was alone in a hostile world for such a long time. He never wanted to see somebody go through what he did, especially not a small child. That was no way to live.

“I...I promise you Dale...”, Gaige whispered as he shakily closed Dale's eyes for the last time, “I promise I'll take care of your boy.”

* * *

Gaige was slowly pulled himself away from his thoughts and back into reality. He found himself whispering, “I'm sorry...”, to himself over and over. Gaige did his best to get his mind off of his past, but he knew he'd only be able to bury his past for so long. In the end, everything he did would catch up to him. Everyone he killed, everything he did and everyone he lost would haunt every minute of his life, like a malevolent shadow that he could never escape. Gaige began thinking back to his time with Dawson just before the fateful bus crash that transported him into a veritable paradise. He could hear Dawson's last question echoing in his head.

What do we deserve?, Gaige knew that he had finally found an answer to Dawson's question.

We deserve something much worse than death...we deserve to live with ourselves.