What We Become

The building was damp and cold, but it would have to do. Gaige could hear them drawing nearer. The sound of claws scraping on concrete and faint snarls. They had killed everyone else and now they were coming for him. Gaige couldn't be sure what “they” were. All he knew was that they were coming and they had a bloodlust that could not be sated. Carson slept on the remnants of a mattress in the corner, oblivious to the imminent danger they were in. Gaige blew out his oil lamp, the light would probably attract them to his refuge. The night brought a blinding darkness upon the land. Even if he tried his hardest he could not see them if they came.

As he sat in the pitch darkness of the world, he experienced the cruel reality of it all. Darkness implacable. The blind dogs of the sun in their running. The crushing  black vacuum of the universe. And somewhere two hunted animals trembling in their cover. Borrowed time, a borrowed world and borrowed eyes with which to sorrow it. How much longer do I have?

Gaige looked at the boy. He slept soundly on the makeshift bed, wrapped in blankets  and his parka. He was shivering violently. If Gaige didn't get a fire going soon, they would probably die. Only fire meant light, and light meant revealing his position. He couldn't risk that. He didn't have an alternate way to warm themselves up, the heat packs were gone, along with everything and everyone else. Either way death would creep up and steal them into the night. There was no hope. Gaige had only one last decision to make.

He checked his revolver. One bullet remained. He cast a sorrowful glance at the sleeping child. When the time comes, can you do it? Gaige could hear the pack drawing nearer. He could almost smell their bloodlust. When the time comes there will be no time. The neon sign on the front of the building mysteriously sparked to life. Illuminating the street before Gaige. The sound of powerful paws pounding on the ground grew louder and louder as they flooded onto the street. A mass of pelts as black, as the night sky, squirming and tumbling over one another in a frenzied dash for their prey. Their claws sharp as razors and their fangs long and filthy. Their horrible yellow, reptilian eyes fixated on him and sent a wave of pure terror through his body. He could hear the scrabbling of claws and their laboured raspy grunts as they converged on the building Gaige had stowed away in. There was a pounding on the door as they let out their horrible cries. Now is the time. Curse God and die.

Gaige strode over to a now awakened Carson and shakily levelled the revolver at him. The boy was terrified. He watched the door as he trembled in his cocoon of blankets. He turned to Gaige as if he expected him to know what to do, to have a plan. Only there was no plan this time. No exit strategy. This was a one way trip to a dead end. “Gaige what are we going to do? We can't let them get to us,” cried the boy. He was beginning to sob uncontrollably in fear. Gaige's eyes began to well up with tears.

You deserved better than this Carson. Gaige steadied his shaky aim with his other hand and trained the gun on the silhouette that was Carson's head. “Don't worry,” he said, “Everything will be alright. I won't let them take you,” Gaige looked away from the boy. He could not stand to meet his gaze. He did not think he could hold himself together if he looked into Carson's piercing blue eyes.

  The boy had turned to hope. Hope was all he had left to turn to. But she had died along with the rest of the world. He lowered the gun and went over to the child. Gaige knelt down and embraced him. Hold him close. Just so. It'll all be over soon. He pressed the gun ever so gently to the child's temple.

“Gaige?” tentatively asked the child, looking up at him. Gaige was fighting back his tears to the best of his abilities. He had promised Dale to protect his little boy, no matter what. Now, he was protecting him in the only way he could.

“I'm sorry...I'm so sorry,” Gaige whispered in between sobs. He tensed up and and pulled the trigger. The muzzle flare lit up the room for a split second. Just long enough for Gaige to see the child go limp and his brains splatter over the wall behind him. The child didn't even scream. He felt no pain. To do either of those he would have needed a frontal lobe and things with names like Broca's area and  neocortex. Only those were now soup.  Gaige cradled the child's lifeless body in his arms. An empty shell of what once was. His tears slowly ran down his face and dropped onto the corpse, mixing with the blood and viscera. The sound of splintering wood could be heard down the hallway. A horrible stench filled the room as the creatures scrambled down the hallway. They smelled of death and pestilence. Gaige felt their jagged fangs sink deep into his flesh and tear away at him.

It's better this way.

* * *

Gaige woke with a start, screaming. He shot up out of bed and clutched his left arm reflexively where he had felt the phantom fangs sink in. There were no wounds. The nightmare was over. Two pony guards stood warily at the door, shooting him confused looks. They didn't understand. They were sheltered and knew no suffering. They reminded him of the aristocrats of the old world. Privileged and condescending. “What do you think you're looking at?” he spat. The guards huffed and returned to their posts outside the door.

Gaige put his head in between his hands. He had abandoned the one he was sworn to protect. He lay comfortably in paradise while Carson suffered in the wastes. He didn't deserve the luxury that had been bestowed upon him, but what could he do? He no longer had a say in his life. I didn't ask for this, Gaige thought as he cursed the force that had stolen him away from his world. Gaige could only hope that he had prepared Carson to take care of himself properly. He had taught him all he needed to know; cooking, weapon handling, sneaking. Gaige knew that even though Carson knew what to do, he wasn't fully prepared to face the world alone. He could remember the last time Gaige considered sacrificing himself to save the child.

* * *

They lay silently in the grass, separated from the group. Alone and hunted. Gaige watched the marauders sweeping the fields. “Here take the gun,” Gaige told Carson, pushing the revolver into his hands.

“I don't want it”

“I didn't ask if you wanted it. Now take it. If they find you you're going to have to use it. Remember how I showed you. Use two hands and brace yourself. And if they get you, you know what you have to do. Put it in your mouth, press hard and pull the trigger. Got it?” The child didn't respond, “Do you understand?”

“I don't know.”

“I said do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“I want you to say 'Gaige, I understand.'”

“Gaige, I understand,” Gaige remembered observing the trembling boy. Shakily holding the revolver. Tears streaming down his face.

“Of course you don't. Give me back the gun.”

“But I can do it Gaige!”

“No you can't give me the gun. I was going to run for it and try to lead them away, but I can't leave you. You're not ready...We're going to have to stay low for a while. Until they leave.” Gaige held the trembling child tightly as the marauders passed them by. There will be a time when you are no longer there Gaige and you're going to have to make sure the boy is ready for that time, Gaige told himself.

* * *

He isn't ready enough. He never was and he never will be. There was nothing you could ever do to fully prepare him, Gaige thought to himself. You can get ready for tomorrow all you want, he continued, but tomorrow isn't getting ready for you. It doesn't even know you exist. His fretting was pointless. It was for a world he no longer had a say in. He would have to move on. He had done it before and he could do it again. It was all water under the bridge now. He had to keep moving. Gaige's train of thought was cut off by a beige unicorn entering the room, bearing a package.

“Your clothes, sir,” said the Unicorn in her trembling voice.  Gaige rose from his bed and shakily walked over to retrieve his package. The Unicorn flattened herself to the floor and covered her head with her forehooves. “Please don't hurt me,” she stammered. Gaige knelt down beside the mortified unicorn and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. He could feel the unicorn tense up and he heard her whimper softly.

“Thank you,” he said as he retrieved his package and slowly backed away. The unicorn remained tense as if she expected him to pounce on her and begin tearing her apart. Only that never happened. She brought her hooves away from her head and cautiously stood up. Cocking her head at Gaige.

“You're not going to try and eat me?” she asked

“Nah, I've tried horse before. Never really had a taste for it,” Gaige jokingly replied. The unicorn took on a look of pure disgust and terror as she froze mid stride, “Relax, it was a joke,” he reassured her.

“Oh...a joke,” she stammered. The mare let out a few nervous, fake sounding laughs as she discreetly backed up towards the door. She didn't break eye contact with him and gave a half hearted smile before dashing out the door screaming. Gaige let out a heavy sigh as he returned to his business.

Well, old habits die hard, he told himself as he unpacked his new clothes. The clothes were made of what seemed to be dyed cotton. There was a plain olive green hoodie, a pair of blue cotton pants and what looked to be his old sneakers. Only the sneakers were fully repaired, cleaned and were not haphazardly held together by para cord and cardboard. It was definitely and improvement from what he had. As he put on the clothes, he felt a certain comfort that he had not felt in a long time. He could not remember the last time he had worn clothes that were not ragged, damp and stained with blood and viscera. It was an old world comfort. Long forgotten along with the rest of the old world. He glanced at himself in the mirror. It was strange to see himself looking some semblance of clean after so long.

“I see you are enjoying your new garments.” Gaige turned around to see the white alicorn entering the doorway. Flanked by two royal guards, “I apologize, they are quite simple, but they will have to do for now.”

“Oh no, they're great actually,” chirped Gaige. He noticed that the alicorn had taken on a more serious tone than before. “Something tells me you didn't come here just to see how I was doing.”

“You are correct. I intend to gain information on your two escaped friends. You are my only source. This is no longer a visit, this is an interrogation,” she said. The armed guards followed the alicorn into the room the room and stood at either side of her. Her horn glowed a brilliant yellow and the door behind her was enveloped in a yellow aura and was sealed shut. Gaige could hear the clink of padlocks locking from the other side of the door.

“That's what I figured. Well, let's get on with it then.” Gaige instinctively reached for where his holster should have been, only to remember that it was not there. The ponies had obviously learned from their last encounter.

“As you wish. We're are going to get the formalities out of the way first. Name?”

“Gaige, I don't think we ever got properly acquainted.”

“Well, pleasure to meet you Gaige. I am Celestia, princess of the sun,” she said in a rushed voice.

“Charmed,” Gaige said sarcastically.

“Yes quite. Now your age?”

“Haven't kept track in a while. I think I'm 30.”

“Haven't kept track? How does one simply lose track of their age?”

“You'd be surprised at how little time matters when the world ends.”

“What do you mean 'when the world ends'? What happened to your world?”

“That's a good question. No one really knows what happened. The world went away. Simple as that.”

“What do you mean it 'went away'?” Celestia shot him a suspicious glare as she took a step towards him. Gaige let out a sigh and then sat down on his bed.

“You might want to find a seat for this one. It's a long story,” the ponies obliged him and sat in the visitors seats. Gaige took a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. “I remember when it all started. There was a flash in the sky, followed by a series of loud concussions. Then the world started going to hell. Those first few days it was just explosions, debris falling from the sky and ash clouds. As the days went by the ash clouds ascended and enveloped my world. Nobody has seen the sun since. Without the sun, the world slowly started to die. All the plants and animals are long dead... There's not much left on my world,” Gaige sadly explained. The ponies were taken aback by his tale of destruction and ruin. They looked at each other in awe. None of them quite knew how to continue from that point.

“I-I'm sorry to hear that,” consoled Celestia, “Were your leaders able to restore balance in nature with their magic? You creatures use magic to keep the balance of you world, correct?”

“No actually. Where I'm from there is no magic. We don't have control over our world. But hell if that doesn't stop us from finding ways to destroy it ourselves,” Gaige said with contempt. He had always figured the Event was the world hitting back after humans had done nothing but take from it for millennium. The world was within its' rights to do so. Maybe it was for the best.

“No magic? Well then pray tell how your world can function! How does the sun rise in the mornings? How is the weather controlled? How can you support life on your world without magic?” Celestia was obviously flabbergasted at the fact that a world could function without magic. Her guards were equally astounded. Each of them sat gawking at Gaige, their mouths hanging open in awe.

“All those things just kind of take care of themselves. Nature works on its' own, it keeps its' own balance...Why? Is that not how it works here?” Gaige asked

“...That is not of any importance right now,” said Celestia in an attempt to collect herself and move on, “How many of your kind were on this world?”

“There used to be a lot of us,” Gaige trailed off and began blankly staring out the small window in the room.

“Used to?”

“Yes...used to. Most of us are dead now,” Gaige began reflecting on his first years in the wasteland. He could remember the thousands of refugees travelling the roads in their dirty rags. Heading for where they had heard 'things were better'. Thinking there was an easy way out. That there was a sanctuary in somewhere in the harsh, unforgiving wasteland. Only when they arrived at their destination there was no paradise. Only desolation. The truth was that there had never been a paradise to begin with. There was no easy way out. There was no escape from death. He could remember as the years went by, the refugees disappeared. Swept away into the icy clutches of death that they longed to evade.

“Dead? What killed them?” the princess asked in a fearful voice. Gaige could tell that these ponies had never come face with such destruction as he had seen back on his world. They lived in an unspoiled, perfect oasis. He envied them.

“Starvation, dehydration, disease, hypothermia,” Gaige paused momentarily, “Each other.” The ponies reacted to this with pure shock. Had they never heard of a species killing its' own?

“Why would they do such a thing? Why would they turn to...to,” the princess was at a loss for words, “murder.” She uttered the word as if it were some sort of horrible taboo. Like a small child who had cussed for the first time.

“Same reason as I did. They had to,” the ponies looked at him in horror, “There weren't enough supplies for everyone. People got desperate. They stole. They killed. Some even committed worse atrocities. I even participated in some of those atrocities. I didn't want to but I had to do it to survive! I didn't have a choice.” Gaige's voice began to tremble, “During the first year...I remember I was a dead man walking. I didn't have any food or clean water. I was with a group of five other people. We came across a father and his teenage daughter. They had a large rucksack. We fantasized about the precious goods they probably carried in the rucksack. Food, water, medicine, everything we needed. We threatened them for their supplies. We were desperate. I remember I pulled out my knife to speed up the process and the father drew his gun. I lunged at him and stabbed him in the throat. He didn't die right away. I kept stabbing him as he looked up at me desperately as if to ask 'Why? Why are you doing this to us?',” Gaige trailed off and fell silent for a long time, “When he stopped moving I cut his pack loose and we started going through his things. All the while his daughter was cradling his body and yelling at us. 'You fucking vultures!' she kept saying. Turns out they had about as much, supply wise, as we did,” Gaige's eyes began to water, “I killed a man over a can of baked beans and an empty revolver,” he paused to reflect on his horrible deed and then buried his head in his hands “Oh god,” he said, “Oh god”

The ponies were in shock. They did not know what to say. Or if there was anything to be said for this tortured soul. Should they treat him with pity? Or contempt. Should they even trust him? Should he be exiled? Celestia was getting more questions than answers out of this interrogation. “Those others who escaped Canterlot...were they who you were with?” tentatively asked the princess.

“No...no the people I was with are long dead. I don't know who those two are,” Gaige replied, not raising his head from between his hands. “but they're dangerous. Hell we're all dangerous. There are many more of us on this world than you think. You need to protect yourselves from us.” Gaige looked up at the princess with reddened eyes and a deadly serious expression.

“And how do you propose we do that?” Celestia asked, cocking her head.

“I know how these people think. I know how to fight back against them. Hell I used to be like them. I could protect your people as well. If you so choose. It's just...I can't let my people be the death of another world. I just can't,” Gaige explained. He had seen the destruction of his own world. He could not bear to see the destruction of another. Not after seeing its' perfection. Its' innocent beauty. It reminded him of a small child. A small entry in the harsh vastness of the universe. Unspoiled by the cruelty and harshness that surrounded it. “I can't bear to watch your people become like us,” he continued, meeting Celestia's gaze. “Please...Let me protect you,” The princess remained speechless. She opened her eyes wide with surprise. She could not seem to fathom why a monster such as Gaige would want to help her. It was justified that she felt this way. After all, Gaige's people had done nothing but terrorize and brutalize her people since their arrival. She didn't have a reason to trust him with their protection.

“We...we should leave. It's getting late and you should be left to rest,” the princess stammered, smiling nervously. As she was escorted out of the room she added. “I'll consider your offer,” and so they left Gaige to his own devices once more, shutting the door behind them. He calmed himself down and brought himself back to the present. Shoving the past into the back of his mind.

Water under the bridge Gaige. Remember, that's all it is. Don't dwell on it. Gaige removed his clothing and lay back down in his bed. The room was warmer than he remembered. His head was pounding and the world was coming and going out of focus. He was exhausted.

As he closed his eyes he felt the odd sensation that he was being watched. There was a pair of eyes somewhere burning holes through his skull. He lazily turned his head to the window and came face to face with the navy alicorn who hovered on the other side of the glass. Staring at him with intrigue. It took her a moment before she realized that Gaige was staring back. When she did she let out a shriek of surprise and her cheeks burned a bright crimson. She then shot off into the sunset. Why does she hold such an interest in me...Could she be the voice I heard earlier? Gaige had so many questions left unanswered. He let out a yawn and his eyes fluttered shut. Well I'm sure the answers can wait until tomorrow. I don't think I'm going anywhere for a while.

* * *

“How can we trust him to aid us. Look at him! He is already collaborating with the enemy!

“Relax! Don't get your feathers all ruffled yet. He hasn't collaborated with anyone. He's still the wild card we need. We just need to convince him.”

“And if he cannot be convinced?”

“Then we have some...leverage...on him so to speak.”

“Do you really believe your plan will work. None of us have the same confidence in it as you do.”

“If I could escape from Princess Celestia's garden, replace myself with a decoy and have no one notice. I think that I can tempt a simple creature to join our ranks. You have such doubts Chrysalis. I'm beginning to wonder if you are truly loyal to our cause,” The changeling queen shifted uncomfortable  and looked at the ground.

“It's not that...I just want to avoid another repeat of the Royal wedding. I cannot stand being humiliated by those fools any more,” she growled, stomping her hoof on the ground.

“And I can assure you that it will be anything but a repeat of the Royal Wedding. Fortunately they are not easily defeated by the 'power of love'. Unlike some of us,” Discord said sarcastically. Chysalis flattened her ears and narrowed her eyes angrily at him.

“How can you be so certain?” she hissed.

“Because these 'Humans' have the one thing that we have been missing in every scheme we have ever attempted. Brutality. Cold, unflinching brutality. That's what we've been missing all these years and that's exactly what they'll bring to the table. They're going to make daddy Discord proud!” Discord said with an uncanny certainty. He was amazed that such wonderfully perfect beings existed in the universe. He had seen their planet. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was complete anarchy and chaos. Just what he wanted. He could remember almost shedding a tear at its' perfection.

“What if they use the elements on them?” Chrysalis remained skeptical of the plan.

“My dear Chrysalis. The elements only work on beings of this world. These creatures are from another part of the universe altogether. They have no weaknesses to the traditional methods of elimination the monarchy employs. They can use the elements or the power of love as much as they want to. It will all be for naught. They will come face to face with their ultimate demise and they will pay for what they did to us,” Discord hissed, slamming his paw on the table. His off quilter eyes had taken on a wild look. They burned bright with the flames of rage. “It was been too long since the world has known my rule. They need to be reminded about what they've been missing out on.”

“Even if they impervious to the elements, we did not bring enough of them to overthrow the entire royal guard! Even with all their fancy 'firearms' they do not stand a chance against a legion of highly trained, heavily armed ponies,” Chrysalis retorted. Any direct assault on the royal guard would essentially be suicide. She was beginning to wonder if her partner had gone off the deep end and would simply end up throwing lives away fruitlessly. After all his last crushing defeat had taken a toll on his mental stability. He scoffed at her retort.

“Of course I don't expect them to take them head on! They are much better suited to working in the shadows. Guerrilla warfare if you will. You see, using their tactics and brutality, we don't even need to defeat the guard in battle. We just need to shock and awe them. When we have worn them down, both mentally and physically, you will start to see deserters, traitors and even anarchy if we're lucky. They will be their own undoing! It's just too wonderful isn't it?” he asked, a wide grin creeping onto his ashen muzzle, “Do you remember our little observation of the Humans' planet?”

“Vaguely,” she replied, tapping her chin with her hoof.

“Then you remember when we saw that siege of a large commune by a teensy tiny bunch of bandits?”

“Yes, what about it?”

“Do you remember how the outnumbered and overpowered group won?”

“Yes. They hung the eviscerated bodies of the slain around the commune's walls for all to see, until the commune surrendered. They used shock tactics...Wait you're not implying-”

“Yes that is exactly what I'm implying. We need to do something to unhinge them. Something to leave them trembling in their boots. Something like...that,” suggested Discord. He clapped his paws together in satisfaction, “Now all we need to do is get this show on the road! Now if you'll excuse me Chrysalis, darling, I'm going to need some me-time. I'll keep in touch.” and with that, he turned back to his desk and began rummaging through a stack of papers. Chrysalis briskly exited the room. Even by her standards this plan was a bit on the extreme side. Only a voice in the back of her mind kept assuring her that he was absolutely right.

On  her way out of the hidden complex she could overhear some of the rag tag ruffians they had allied with whispering to one another. “I heard the poor old guy's lost it. Fallen completely off his rocker,” one said.

“Well you have to give him credit. He's getting us further than we could ever hope to get on our own...and who knows, maybe crazy is a good thing. Maybe it's just what we need,” replied a pony wearing a black cloak.

As Chrysalis boarded her changeling drawn carriage she cast her doubts to the back of her mind. She convinced herself that Discord had the situation under control...and took comfort in the fact that she would get the final word in with that whore of a princess otherwise known as “Cadence”. When the time came. When the time came her vengeance would be sweet. She would make it last and savour every last moment. Cadence would pay for every last minute of the embarrassment that was Chrysalis' defeat at the royal wedding.

I will hurt you for this, she thought,  I don't know how yet, but give me time. A day will come when you think yourself safe and happy, and suddenly your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth, and you'll know the debt is paid.