met-a-mor-pho-ses: {noun. plural.} 1. A transformation as by magic or sorcery. 2. A marked change in appearance, character, condition or function.
Wait. Seriously? You really want to know how this story goes? Well, I don’t know if I want to tell it. Come on, everypony! This is just going too far! How masochistic can one be? Do I really have to sit myself down and recount the events passed? The situations pertaining to this particular tale are baffling, I’ll admit. So don’t say I didn’t warn you all. If angry letters are sent to me after this, that’s it! No more giving into your pleading and begging.
Because, now that I recall, at the end it all came down to...
Spike’s Metamorphoses
One day while Spike busily partook in his regular duties, the baby dragon rummaged through an assemblage of books ready for alphabetization. He was alone in the Golden Oaks Library, though he was accustomed to working efficiently without distractions. His guardian Twilight Sparkle had catalogued obligations for Spike to complete by the day’s end, and it was obvious why alphabetization was on the list. The night before the pony librarian had gone on another one of her ridiculously hectic study sessions, and as a result countless textbooks had been frantically pulled off the shelves with no regard for order.
Spike, as the purple mare’s number one assistant, had happily taken on his responsibilities. And looking upon the familiar scene of books dispersed and stacked, Spike chuckled at Twilight Sparkle’s obsessive tendencies.
“Twilight’s never going to change, is she?” Spike smiled wryly. “Well, time to get started.”
As Spike whistled nonchalantly to the tunes of his favorite songs, he began placing the randomly scattered books in separate heaps. The piles were arranged by the first letter for each heading, that way he could shelf the books in a quicker fashion. Though after half an hour Spike stumbled upon a title he wasn’t aware had been kept in the archives. Before he tossed the book into the batch of ‘M’ titles, Spike stared intently at the bolded words scripted on its cover.
“Metamorphoses of Love?” Spike read aloud, pursing his lips in contemplation. “Huh. Maybe Twilight brought new books for the library.”
‘Love’ had always been an interesting topic for the baby dragon. For Spike had grown infatuated with a special pony by the name of Rarity. His interest now piqued, Spike examined the book in his hands. The exterior sported a leathery material, opaque in hue and smooth to the touch. Its thickness was greater than most of the books the library kept in its collection, and looking upon it more closely Spike could see minor tears and rips across the spine. It was an old book, Spike discerned. And it must have been used a lot.
Flipping the open the cover, yellowed pages plopped gracelessly into Spike’s palms. There was a hint of foxing towards the edges of the papery sheets, and a faint, musty scent entered the baby dragon’s nostrils. It was old, alright. Spike gagged.
And when the unsuspecting assistant finally skimmed the text’s first chapter, his eyes widened to impossible limits. Jaw dropped and ears perked, Spike licked his lips excitedly. He couldn’t believe it. Right in his hands were detailed instructions for the production of a love potion! The first few lines written were literally ‘Concocting a Love Potion: An Instructional Guide’. At that moment, Spike felt he had struck gold. This was the answer to his problems. The solution to obtaining the devout admiration of his sweet, Rarity! How lucky can one baby dragon be?
Spike bounced about giddily, celebrating the mammoth discovery. But then he finally realized what he was actually rejoicing, and the heavy sentiment of guilt ceased the baby dragon in his tracks. What was he even thinking? Was he truly planning to trick Rarity into falling for him by slipping her a love potion? Wasn’t that just blatant deception? A scheme that could potentially bring damage to his beloved? It was sickening to even think about going through with such a heinous crime! What am I cheering for?, Spike reprimanded himself. How could I do something so immoral? At that, Spike was just about to give up and chuck the book into its appropriate pile.
Until the image of Rarity cuddling up with Spike in her bedroom appeared in his mind. The purple-maned pony teasingly licked the baby dragon’s cheek, leaning in for a much deserved kiss. Her body hot and aching for her partner’s lips, Rarity shoved her tongue straight into Spike’s open mouth. This was a recurrent dream for Spike, and each time he drew back to it a love-struck expression gradually formed.
Blushing fiercely, Spike shouted. “Forget guilt! I want some of that action!”
Set on his mission to conquering the heart of one Rarity, Spike spent the week gathering together the various ingredients to the love potion. During this period, he made sure ‘Metamorphoses of Love’ stayed hidden and away from curious eyes, especially those of his mother figure. The book had specifically noted six components for the mixture, and by the time Spike collected the brew’s final item, he had them all splayed out before him on the floor of his sleeping quarters. Well, the quarters he shared with Twilight Sparkle, of course. Fortunately for the conniving infant, the purple mare was out on errand duty, once again leaving Spike uninterrupted and in solitude.
The book at his side, Spike read aloud. “Use the ‘rosy glitter of a rainbow’ as the base of the concoction.”
Spike clasped the thermos of vacuumed rainbow glitter in his hand. Ponyville was constantly dazzled by a sea of rainbows. You just needed to know how to search for them. Spike, however, didn’t know how to, because for several days the baby dragon had scavenged fields far and wide, always coming up short. He just couldn’t pinpoint the exact location of one of those polychromatic arches, so in the end Spike had asked his good ol’ friend Rainbow Dash for aid. The cyan Pegasus had been happy to oblige, since it provided an excuse to show off her spectacular skills.
Spike had recalled the instructions stating to collect the ‘rosy glitter of a rainbow’. So he had only sucked out the color red from Rainbow Dash’s light show, leaving a conspicuous strip of gray on the surface.
“Heh. Thanks for the services, Dash.” Spike smirked to himself, pouring the contents of the thermos into a stirring bowl.
“Okay, next is…” Spike continued to read aloud. “The innards of a rubicund nutriment.”
Spike peered at the group of apple seeds in his palm. To the baby dragon, the ingredient could only be clarified as ‘the seeds of an apple’. This was one of the easiest ingredients to obtain, for Spike only needed to call upon Applejack for a favor. Being the close friend that she was, Applejack had happily bestowed her pal with an apple completely free of charge. It wasn’t ever a big deal for her in the first place.
“It sure was delicious, Applejack.” Spike chuckled, dropping the seeds into the bowl. “Thank you very much.”
Spike looked back to the book. “And now I put…’two drops of a fiery blend’.”
Spike gripped the bottle of hot sauce at his feet, tilting it carefully over the bowl. The term ‘fiery blend’ had been befuddling to the baby dragon. He deliberated whether it meant adding fire to the mixture or something spicy. ‘Two drops’ had finally pushed him toward a piquant liquid, and he had known just who to go to for such a product. Yup, you guessed it. Pinkie Pie! Spike had convinced the pink pony that he very much enjoyed the zests and zings of spice. Swayed in the devious creature’s direction, Pinkie Pie had offered her fieriest bottle of hot sauce, but only after using it for a few pranks. Spike and Pinkie Pie had then pranked a few innocent ponies, and by evening the baby dragon had taken home the goods.
“I really hope Rarity doesn’t taste the hot sauce.” Spike wondered, adding the red drops to the bowl. “Ah, whatever. All she’s going to care about is me, anyway.”
Spike flipped a page of the book. “Alright, time to add…’a hearty portion of fowl nutrition’.”
Spike gingerly emptied a small bag of chicken feed into the bowl. This particular ingredient had come off as random to the baby dragon, but not until he had realized the ‘fowl nutrition’ in question was, in fact, red. Who had chickens lying around?, Spike had pondered. Oh, that’s right! Fluttershy! Spike had appeared before the yellow pegasus, practically begging for the poultry food. Fluttershy had not understood the baby dragon’s predicament, though in a bewildered state she had agreed to deal over an abundant serving. Spike assumed he had taken advantage of the pegasus’s timid nature, but he felt he had come too far to quit. And after he had opened the bag of chicken feed in triumph, he had been reassured to find red mash.
“The chicken feed’s in.” Spike grinned in anticipation. “And now for the ‘pinch of ruby dust’.”
With squeezed fingers, Spike sprinkled powder from the gemstone into the bowl. The baby dragon had to face the object of his desires for this ingredient. After suggesting to Rarity to participate in another jewel hunt, Spike enthusiastically accompanied the purple-maned mare out into the mountains. By sunset, the two had assembled together a barrel-full of precious stones. And when Rarity had gifted her charming helper with the choice of a jewel, Spike had promptly picked out a scrumptious-looking ruby. Not consuming the ruby right then and there had been a challenging affair, but he had comprehended that a grander prize was on the horizon.
“I’m coming, my sweet.” Spike cooed affectionately. “Soon we’ll be holding each other, deeply in love.”
Spike read aloud the last instruction in the book. “Lastly, stir the mixture with the ‘stem of a narcissus’.”
Spike slowly stirred the red substance by the stem of the daffodil. The finishing touch to the love potion had been the most exasperating to track down. In the beginning, Spike had no idea what a ‘narcissus’ was. He had rifled through hordes of texts to unveil the key to the ‘narcissus’, but even his own investigative abilities couldn’t yield the answer to the riddle. The only reference remotely significant to the ‘narcissus’ was a character from pony mythology. Frustrated and impatient, Spike had conceded to request aid from Twilight Sparkle. He had only mentioned the name of troubles, not the motivation behind seeking it. Luckily for the baby dragon, Ponyville’s knowledgeable librarian had been able to recognize the ‘narcissus’ as one of several possible derivations of a flower. And when Spike had been shown a picture of the flower, he had instantly recognized it as a daffodil.
“Good thing red daffodils are everywhere.” Spike tittered joyously, watching as the brew glowed brightly. “Oh, I can’t wait!”
The bowl, now filled to the brim with liquescent potion, illuminated intensely, mesmerizing the baby dragon. Suddenly, as if imploding, the copious amount of brew was reduced to a miniscule volume. Spike inspected the final product as its luminosity faded, noting that there was only enough to fill a small cup. Satisfied, Spike transferred the love potion from the bowl to his thermos. And when he sniffed the concoction, the aroma of fresh roses entered his nostrils. Ah, the flower of love!, Spike beamed. The perfect smell for a love potion!
“One swallow of the love potion is solely required for the magic to take effect.” Spike read aloud from the book. “The recipient shall become totally and completely enamored with the first individual he or she looks upon.”
Spike shrugged casually. “Eh, sounds easy enough. I just got to make sure it’s me that Rarity’s sees first.”
Now it was time for the hard part: getting Rarity to drink the magical beverage. Spike went over his pre-conceived plot once again, leering confidently at its ingenuity. He intended to just walk right up to Rarity’s boutique, offer the pony a drink to quench her thirst, slip the love potion into her cup, and then sit back as she succumbs to its magic, inevitably falling head over hooves for the baby dragon. The scheme was perfect. It was foolproof!, Spike assured himself. This plan was definitely going to work! How was it going to happen? Was Rarity going to instantaneously burst into a fit of passion? Was she going to leisurely be enchanted by Spike’s eyes? Was she going to jump his bones the second she gulps? Oh, the scenarios! Oh, the fantasies!
Feeling extremely prideful, Spike praised himself. “Here’s to you, Spike! You did well!”
And then it happened. As if on auto-mode, Spike took a swig from the thermos, swallowing the love potion.
Yeah, you read that correctly.
Spike did just drink away a week’s worth of toil. And you can probably visualize the dumbstruck look on his little face. Spike was beyond himself. It was literally the most unpredictable moment in that baby dragon’s entire life. He was so staggered, Spike fainted. He fainted, I tell you! And that had nothing to do with the love potion. It was all Spike! To put it bluntly: Spike was done for.
Why did he stupidly consume the love potion meant for Rarity, you ask? That can be analyzed using multiple elements. Though I believe the most crucial factor was Spike’s lack of control of his cognitive reflexes. He had been used to taking a drink after a cheer. It was a common behavioral reaction to positive reinforcement. The stimuli were there, applicably commandeering to the situation. But the incentives weren’t. And that’s the reason why Spike was currently unconscious, pathetically sprawled out on the floor like a rag doll.
Regaining consciousness, Spike groggily stood to his feet. As his eyes focused on his surroundings, the baby dragon speculated for a second where he was. Until he apprehended the position he was in. And that’s when everything came crashing down. He had drunk the love potion. Oh, boy, this wasn’t good!
“W-what have I done?” Spike screamed, clawing the air above him. “Did I really just do that? How is this even possible?”
You sure did, buddy. And I just explained how it happened. So hurry up and get yourself into some crazy antics.
“W-what do I do now?” Spike paced anxiously, panicking. “How can I fix this? What am I going to do?”
It was hopeless. Spike was going to end up falling in love with somepony by the will of magic. And there was nothing he could do about it! The next pony he sees was undoubtedly going to be Twilight Sparkle. And he couldn’t even begin to envision the madness that will bring about. How could he bypass the charm of the love potion? Could he concentrate enough to defeat its effects? No, not likely. How about…!
“I need to throw up!” Spike shouted, thrusting a claw down his throat.
For a few minutes, Spike attempted to regurgitate the love potion, only to fail miserably. He gagged and cringed, sticking his finger as far down his esophagus as he could. Because he had appendages, Spike had experimented with his body by sticking his fingers and toes into his many holes. Trust me, those had been stimulating times…puns intended. But now Spike couldn’t for the life of him hurl. Nothing was coming up, and the baby dragon’s dread skyrocketed.
What now? If barfing wasn’t an option, what else could he do? And then Spike came upon another brilliant notion. Of course! It truly was that simple! Spike just needed to look at Rarity first. How could that decision have whizzed by him? A sore throat wasn’t worth the effort to spew. Because the real solution was right under his snout. If Rarity was the love of his life, then clearly the love potion couldn’t possibly take effect. This was due to his already overbearing adulation for the purple-maned mare. Therefore, once Rarity becomes the first pony he perceives, nothing could occur! He was in love with her, anyway! It was a flawless approach!
“Yes! I got it!” Spike fist-pumped the air, jumping. “If I look at Rarity first, then the love potion doesn’t work anymore!”
Spike, I just informed everypony of your strategy. You didn’t need to repeat it, bro.
At that, Spike raced down the stairs of the Treehouse and headed for the front door. But he abruptly halted as he grasped an even newer truth. Rarity was at the Carousel Boutique, and Spike was at the Golden Oaks Treehouse. There was approximately half a mile in distance between the two edifices. And it was a pretty lengthy half a mile. Why? Because there were Ponyville residents galore within that expanse, crowding it like bees to honey. And if Spike were to feast upon the demeanor of a random pony among the stretch, let’s just say that couldn’t end pretty in any which way. He might fall in love with a colt, for all he knew! There were so many obstacles to overcome! It was becoming too much for the dragon’s baby brain!
“I’m just going to have to make sure I don’t look at anypony!” Spike yelled determinedly, as if he was going to war. “It’s now or never! I must reach my beloved! I’m coming, Rarity! I’m coming!”
Good luck, Spike. You’re sure going to need it.
Cupping his hands over his eyes, Spike charged forward at a speed that could have shamed an Olympian. However, blindsided by his own chaotic fury, Spike rammed right into the closed door of the Treehouse. Knocking himself onto his rump, Spike fumbled around on the floor in a daze. What just happened? One moment he was storming for combat, and in the next he was shuffling about like a confused kitten. Where did all that energy go? What happened to storming out for war?
Damn, Spike! You got knocked out! Get up, man! Get up!
“Okay, that was weird.” Spike respired deeply. “Just a minor setback, that’s all. Now I’m really serious! Come on, Spike! You can do this! Go after your love!”
Oh, now you’re ‘really serious’, huh? Sure, Spike, sure. Whatever you say, dude.
Spike exited the front door, clasping his hands over his eyes once again. Spike knew the general direction of the Carousel Boutique, so he started running in full haste without any regard for his environs. I’ll confess that Spike wasn’t placing consequential outcomes into consideration. He just wasn’t thinking straight. But I’m sure you were able to distinguish that from his previous actions. Now the baby dragon was narrowly avoiding a number of passersby as he hurriedly zoomed towards his darling. Everypony turned their heads to catch a glimpse at the puzzling sight. The only dragon in Ponyville was, for some odd purpose, blindly sprinting across the dirt roads. Oh, and he was mumbling to himself as well.
“Gotta make it. Gotta make it. Gotta make it.” Spike murmured inaudibly, hurtling forward. “Almost there. Almost there. Almost there.”
I’m rooting for you, Spike! Go get her, you dragon! You may have the body of a baby, but you got the soul of a king!
All of a sudden Spike bumped into an unsuspecting mare, toppling her on her flank. Spike kept his eyes shut as he regained balance, twisting in the direction he was formerly headed towards. Who did he bump into? It felt like a pony!, Spike ruminated. There was no time for this! He couldn’t look at whoever he hit! He needed to keep going!
“Oh, are you okay?” Sweetie Belle said concernedly, rubbing her aching bum. “I apologize, Spike. I didn’t see you coming.”
“Uh, I-I’m fine, Sweetie Belle.” Spike responded, facing the left of Sweetie Belle. “It was my fault. I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
Well, at least he’s telling the truth, right?
“O-Oh, that’s alright…Spike?” Sweetie Belle stared at Spike, perplexed by his peculiar behavior. “Spike, are you sure you’re–“
“Sorry! But I need to go!” Spike zipped passed Sweetie Belle.
“Spike?” Sweetie Belle watched as Spike butted into a mailbox.
Spike groaned as he crawled back to his feet. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”
Really, Spike? Really? You didn’t think this was going to happen?
Bucking up, Spike continued to hustle forward. He tripped, slipped and flopped along the way, but his heart pumped ferociously throughout, rendering the baby dragon an unstoppable force. It was a commendable feat. He was definitely going for the gold. And after what seemed like the longest half a mile in existence, Spike miraculously arrived upon the Carousel Boutique in one piece. I know, I know. I, too, can barely even accept that he actually did it. But it goes to show Spike’s resilience to improbabilities.
Dashing into the Carousel Boutique with his eyes still closed, Spike cried. “Rarity! Where are you, Rarity?”
Although he had entered Rarity’s home and workplace, Spike presumed he couldn’t open his eyes just yet. Customers might have been in the building, and it was undeniable he didn’t want to waste his struggles on any other pony. Calling out to the purple-maned mare was the only alternative at that point, and he was glad to hear only Rarity’s exquisite voice.
“Spike?” Rarity leapt in shock. “I’m right here, Spike. What’s wrong, dear?”
“Is there anypony else here, Rarity?” Spike asked, listening for any other voices.
“No, Spike. It’s just…the two of us.” Rarity gulped, sweating. “S-Spike, may I ask why you’ve come?”
Spike smiled triumphantly. “To see you, Rarity. To see you.”
Exhaling in relief, Spike opened his eyes. The appearance of the gorgeous purple-maned mare was what he expected. A visual of Rarity batting her eyelashes flirtatiously was playing in Spike’s mind when he lifted his eyelids. Alas, this is a comedy. And what fun is it in Spike successfully accomplishing his mission? Because what he beheld when he opened his eyes was not Rarity.
I have to say it, don’t I?
The being he looked upon was, indeed, Spike himself. A doppelganger of the baby dragon gawked back at him, reeling back in astonishment. He was ogling an exact replica of himself, and, by the power of the love potion, his eyes glistened a bright red before returning to normalcy. Unbeknownst the baby dragon, Spike had been facing one of Rarity’s many full-framed mirrors. And when he had encountered his very own reflection, in turn the love potion’s magic took effect. For, as the ‘Metamorphoses’ described, ‘the recipient shall become totally and completely enamored with the first individual he or she looks upon’.
Ah, Spike, you had it, man! You had it! It was in your hands!
“Spike…I believe this to be fate.” Rarity blushed, stepping towards Spike. “I’ve been thinking about things, and the way they are now. And I’ve realized something. Something very important.”
Spike’s heart palpitated fiercely. It was so painful it felt as if his heart was to break out of his chest. Who was this dragon at his front? How has he never noticed him before? Everything soon became brighter. It was all better and new. In the presence of his mirror image, Spike felt safe and calm. He was excited, happy, totally connected and mushy. He was ready to laugh with this dragon! Cry with him. The intensity was too great to articulate. Spike was welcomed by Spike. It was the most amazing sensation he had ever reveled in. The purest of raptures! The infatuation!
“I have recalled our experiences together, Spike. And every time I draw back to them I always find myself smiling.” Rarity said. “I-I must now accept what my heart desires. What it has desired. I cannot refute the truth any longer.”
Love was looking into Spike’s eyes. Love was realizing Spike was smiling only for Spike. Love was wanting to hold Spike for as long as Spike can imagine. Love was needing more of Spike. Love was the biggest sacrifice and the biggest gift. Love was the first thought of Spike’s days, and the last of Spike’s days. Love was the physical and mental attraction for Spike. Love was Spike’s sense of humor, laugh, smile and personality. Love was everything Spike did. Love was Spike’s comfort. Love was Spike’s significance in Spike’s life. Love was Spike!
“Spike, I cannot hold it in anymore!” Rarity wailed, reaching Spike. “I-I…”
Every single thing about Spike was cosmic perfection. He was now a state of pure creative energy. The baby dragon had lost his previous identity and had become a fluid capable of merging with the other Spike. A unit of two that was highly charged with harmony and eroticism. Spike realized his dreams, aspirations and unexpressed potential were just about Spike. He developed a shared life project with Spike. There was no doubt about it: Spike was deeply in love with Spike.
“I love you!” Rarity confessed aloud. “I love you so much, Spikey-Wickey! I want to be with you forever!”
Spike held up his hand to Rarity. “Sorry, honey. I’ve found another.”
Stupefied, Rarity stuttered. “W-What?”
“I’m in love with somepony else, Rarity.” Spike wrapped his claws around the mirror, cooing seductively. “Or should I say ‘somedragon’?”
“I-I don’t understand–!“
“Where have you been all my life?” Spike asked the mirror. “I cannot believe you were here this entire time!”
“Spike, what are talking about–?“
“Wow, Spike! Looking good, you handsome devil.” Spike complimented himself, flexing his arms. “Have you been working out? What am I saying? Of course you have!”
“Spike, what’s happened to you?” Rarity sobbed. “Why are you doing this?”
“Rarity doesn’t understand our love, Spike.” Spike planted his lips on the mirror. “She can’t see your beauty. But I can. You’re the most beautiful being in the entire universe. I love you with all my heart, Spike. I really do.”
Rarity gaped in horror as Spike pulled her full-frame mirror into a tight hug. The ignorant pony was unable to register the flabbergasting affair. How could this happen? Didn’t Spike love her? She had finally stopped ignoring her conflicting sentiments. She had given into her attraction for the baby dragon. But she was rejected! And the one to replace was none other than…
“SPIKE!”
A pink flash had materialized at the center of room, producing a fuming Twilight Sparkle. The purple mare had teleported into the Carousel Boutique directly from the Golden Oaks Treehouse. And was she angry! Twilight Sparkle had discovered the ‘Metamorphoses of Love’ and the remnants of Spike’s experiment in their sleeping quarters, and she had immediately comprehended the baby dragon’s scheme. Referring to the book, she had been able to concoct an antidote. Thankful for her potent magical talents, Twilight Sparkle had teleported all over Ponyville to gather the ingredients. Now with the remedy in her pack, the mare heatedly rushed towards Rarity.
“I am so disappointed in you, Spike!” Twilight Sparkle yelled, shoving the antidote into Rarity’s muzzle. “You’re in such big trouble! How could you even think about tricking Rarity like this?”
Rarity kicked about in fright as the liquid remedy slid down her throat. Twilight Sparkle had showed up unexpectedly and had force-fed her a nauseating beverage. Rarity couldn’t understand anything anymore. Both her heart and mind were broken simultaneously.
“Rarity, I know you think you’re in love with Spike, but it’s all a ruse!” Twilight Sparkle stated fervently. “Don’t fight me! You need to drink it all! Now!”
Spike, snubbing both Twilight Sparkle and Rarity, nodded to his reflection. “Spike, I can’t hold back any longer. You are the ultimate love of my life. I need you with me at all times. Now kiss me, Spike! Kiss me like there’s no tomorrow!”
Spike then began passionately making out with the mirror, collapsing to the floor. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity stood stock still, watching the excruciatingly bizarre spectacle unfold. It was the single most strange, disgusting, inconceivable event in the history of Equestria. Discord couldn’t craft such an uncanny scene. And as Spike cuddled with his glimmering reflection, it was apparent that, for the baby dragon, his love soared into the heavens. It was a wonderful moment for Spike. It was a happy ending.
…I guess.
