Salad Fingers in the Land of Odd Technicolored Ponies

by Regidar

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other
Length: 1175

Salad Fingers inexplicably ends up in Twilight's basement.

FROM THE FUCKED-UP MIND WHICH BROUGHT YOU "THE POINTLESSNESS OF IT ALL" AND "TRY NOT TO DIE!" COMES THIS HEART BURNING TALE

Salad Fingers somehow escaped from the Barren Wasteland, and ends up with Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately, due to Twilight's lack of rusty spoons, Salad Fingers soon grows discontent with the unicorn, and sets off.

Published 2012-10-22 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-22 22:50:01 UTC

Pony

Twilight Sparkle had seen odder days. There was that time with the dragons who were allergic to sawdust. There was the ten days in which she had gone to an odd wasteland filled with irradiated monsters. There was the day Fluttershy accidentally ingested a shape changing potion and had taken the form of an elder god. And not too long ago, there was the time Lyra and Bon Bon were fired from the Sperm Bank for trying to smuggle out a copiously large amount of semen.

This day wasn’t the oddest day Twilight Sparkle had faced, but it sure was high up there on the list.

It all started off when Spike was heading down to the basement to check on the older books they stored down there.

“We have a basement?” Spike had asked when Twilight tasked him with getting the books.

“Yes, Spike. It’s underneath a trapdoor that’s under the oven,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes at the dragon as though this was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why were you looking under the oven in the first place?” Spike asked the unicron.

Twilight laughed in an offhoof manner, and patted Spike on the head condescendingly. “Some things you just wouldn’t understand, Spike.”

Spike gave Twilight a cold look, then headed into the kitchen, moved the oven out of the way, and found out that there was indeed a dusty trapdoor. Prying it open, he began the descent into the dark basement.

The stairs creaked as Spike’s feet fell upon each step. It set the mood for a very creepy trip down into the previously unknown basement. Spike’s heart began to pound as he reached the bottom of the steps. Reaching for the candleholder, he breathed the wax lighting device into life.

Spike wasn’t alone in the basement, however.

“HOLY-!”

Staring down at him was the scariest thing Spike had ever seen. It was thin, bipedal, bald, and had green skin. Its large eyes had red irises, and they seemed to be off slightly. Not as off as Derpy’s eyes, but far more unsettling. It had fingers like Spike, but merely possessed three of the appendages, and no thumbs. The fingers were long and sickly, with black, bristly hair on the knuckles. Its head seemed to be perched on the shoulders with no neck, and he was slightly hunched. All in all, it scared Spike shitless.
Spike stared in absolute horror at the skinny character. He was too terrified to move at all, and became somehow even more terrified when this hideous monster reached up its grotesque figures and began to stroke the dragon’s face tenderly.

“Hello, dear chap,” the creature said in a high pitched, soft version of a Trottingham accent. “Your face is giving my salad fingers the most pleasurable of textures...”

Spike felt as though he were being thoroughly molested.

The monster closed his eyes, and smiled contently, all while stroking Spike. “Yes... yes, Darion Banisly, your face is truly divine!”

Spike wanted to scream, but couldn’t. His mouth was frozen shut in fear.

“I wonder what you taste like, Darion?” The figure bent over, its mouth slightly open, a small red tongue flicking out, ready to do its job.

This time, Spike did scream. He screamed at the top of his lungs, and ran as quickly as he could up the stairs, dropping the candle on the floor, forsaking it for the light from above. Once Spike left the basement, he slammed the trapdoor shut, moved the over over it, and began to pant heavily.

The creature soon followed, but not before stepping on the candle. The flame went out as he did so, and the creature was confused momentarily.

“So, you’ve come again, have you not? Placez la pierre dans la cheminée!” Then, he walked up the steps, determined to get back to “Darion Banisly.”

Twilight noticed the dragon, exasperated, covered in dust, and bookless. “Spike, what’s gotten into you? Where are the books I sent you to get?”

Spike heaved and wheezed, pointing to the oven. “Scary... monster... molested... me...”

Twilight gave Spike a skeptical look. “Molesters? We sprayed for those, Spike! There wasn’t anything down there, you were just imagining-” The oven slid aside, and the trapdoor opened. “Things?”

The figure walked out into the kitchen, much to Spike’s horror, and Twilight’s curiosity. The green being looked around the kitchen, before inquiring “Do you have any rusty spoons? The feeling of rusty spoons on my salad fingers is simply-” the creature sighed lustily. “Oragsmic...”

Twilight decided to be as polite as possible. It wasn’t every day a new thing showed up in your basement to study. “Well, I’m not sure if you have any-”

The creature’s eyes widened, and its face fell into one of horror when Twilight began to speak. “What’s wrong?” asked the mare, but the creature began to back into a corner.

“Please! Stop your mouth words! Stop them right this instant, Mary Ann Crawford, or else you will get no tea tonight before bed!”

Twilight deduced that this poor creature was insane. She would have to do much to console it.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you...” Twilight tried to approach the being, but the visitor threw his arms around his head as though to shield himself from Twilight.

“Come no closer, ruffian! I’ve got no use for the likes of you, and if my little brother weren’t fighting in the Great War, he would be mighty furious at you right now!” The green creature waved Twilight away, all while continuing to cower in the corner.

Spike grabbed Twilight, and led her to the main room of the library. There, he confronted her about the matter of the odd creature in their kitchen. “Twilight, we can’t let that ‘thing’ be around us! What if it’s dangerous?”

Twilight gave Spike a look of contempt. “Look, we don’t know what this is! We can’t just assume it’s dangerous, come on Spike! What has it done to you?”

“It stroked my face...” Spike shuddered, receiving flashbacks to moments prior.

Twilight rolled her eyes at the dragon. “So what? I do that all the time!”

“Right! But you have nice hooves, not hideous... I want to call them fingers, but I’m not quite sure what they are!” Twilight shook his head at Spike.

“Well, I’m going to study this poor thing. Who knows? I might learn something from it! Then I can report to Princess Celestia on it!” The purple mare trotted back into the kitchen to go and confront the being, but the kitchen was empty.

Twilight’s face turned to one of shock. “Oh no! Where’d he go? I need to observe it! Quick, I’ll have to get my observation journal, then find him right away!”

Meanwhile, the creature had traveled to just outside the Library by going out of one of the windows. He was gazing down at a candy wrapper somepony had carelessly left in the street. Tears were forming at the corners of his eyes.

“It’s... so beautiful...”