Fourty-two

by Dusky Flower

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 3379

There are 42 billion universes. 41,999,999,958 of them contain no Twilight Sparkle.

There are 42 billion universes. 41,999,999,958 of them contain no Twilight Sparkle. Only one has Pinkie Pie. And the fourth wall doesn't go where you think.

42 of the most powerful unicorns. One pink party pony. One tear in the fabric of space-time.

This can only end badly.

Published 2012-10-25 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-18 22:35:39 UTC

Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie

Sugarcube Corner looked, well, about as normal as you could expect it to look. It was about 9:30, and Pinkie Pie had done something that would inevitably and irrevocably impact the universe.

She baked a cake.

Not just any cake, mind you.

THE cake.

The cake that made MMM look like a sad little piece of vanilla birthday cake.

The very same cake that a white pegasus had baked in the universe next door...

Pinkie Pie had a look of utmost concentration on her face. Finally, she would fulfill the greatest dream of her life. The one that would usually only happen in her ultra-double-triple-exponential-sugar-filled dreams.

She was going to have her cake and eat it too.

"Pinkie, that's logically impossible. Of course you can't have your cake and eat it too!"

"Pinkamena, you can't have your cake and eat it too. That's a lesson we all must learn."

"You think you have a way to have your cake and eat it too? Yeah, right. Pinkie Pie, you are just so random!"

"...I don't think it works like that... if that's ok with you..."

She would show them. She would show them all!

And Pinkie looked straight into the fourth wall, and dove in.

"What..."

"...just..."

"...happened?"

Fourty-two purple heads rose shakily from their beds. Something was wrong.

The unicorns shook off the weird echoing feeling, as each one reminded themselves that they were the only ones there.

Twilight Sparkle blinked.

And the world snapped back into focus.

Twilight groggily shook off the last echoes of her dream. How odd... I could have sworn there was somepony else here...

She blearily checked her alarm clock, which read exactly 9:32.

9:32! I'm late! I'm never late! Or almost almost never! Why did Pinkie have to spike the fruit punch with coffee?

Twilight leapt out of bed and tore a comb through her ragged mane, ignoring the sharp tendrils of pain prickling her nerves.

"OhmygoshohmygoshohmygoshI'mlate! I can't be late! If I'm late it throws off my schedule for the entire day and oh no, what if I'm late for bed? Then the entire week might be thrown off!"

Her horn sent off frantic bursts of energy as she lifted up clothes and threw them to the side.

"It's cold so I should wear a scarf but yesterday Rainbow Dash said something about a drizzle so what if that happens and it rains?"

Twilight firmly pressed a rain hat onto her head, and pulled on a scarf and boots.

"Okay! Now I'm ready!"

The scheduled drizzle had been a massive understatement. Pouring from dark gray clouds was a full-blown storm. Twilight didn't let this hinder her, but bravely, or rather, neurotically, pressed on. The dirt of the road turned to mud. Lightning crackled in the distance, but Twilight Sparkle pressed on. She was LATE. And absolutely NOTHING was going to stop her.

The door of Sugarcube Corner swung open. Mrs. Cake turned her head to see who had come in a storm like this. A battered purple unicorn mare tripped in, muddy boots and all.

"Why, you poor dear. Caught in weather like this? Let me get you some hot chocolate. No charge."

Twilight managed to pull herself up. "No... thanks... late... where's... Pinkie...?"

A worried expression crept onto Mrs. Cake's face.

"I don't know. I haven't seen her in hours, and there's a strange... not-hole... in the kitchen wall..."

Twilight's expression grew puzzled. "A knothole? In the kitchen wall?"

Mrs. Cake fidgeted with her apron. "No. A... hole... that isn't."

"Isn't a hole?"

"...No. Isn't there."

Twilight Sparkle flung her hooves up into the air.

"AAAAAARGH! HOW IN CELESTIA'S NAME DOES THAT EVEN WORK?"

Mrs. Cake blinked at her.

"...Sorry. I've had a stressful morning."

Awkward silence. Great.

"I'll... just try to go find Pinkie now..."

Twilight Sparkle entered the kitchen.

The kitchen was a mess. Vanilla and flour splattered the walls. Pictures of cakes fluttered around, and a single slice of what had to be the most elaborate cake Twilight had ever seen sat spotless on a tray in the middle of the floor. And only sort of there, just as Mrs. Cake had said, was a not-hole adorning one of the walls in the room. Suddenly, a piece of paper, but a strange one, and echoing one, landed right in front of the purple mare. Twilight bent down. Words on paper burned themselves into her mind. They read:

THE FOURTH WALL IS THE FIFTH WALL

Somepony's screaming, she thought absently.

Oh. It's me.

Twilight stared ahead blankly, then fell sideways into the hole.

As Mrs. Cake peered into the room (after all, that was the thing to do when somepony was screaming) a faint cry of "Piinnkiieeeeeeee..." echoed through the hallway.

Mrs. Cake sighed.

"Oh, dear."

Dusk Shine and Shock

Shock giggled. A pink party pony had fallen through the fifth wall and stolen his cake. Normally, this wouldn't be something to giggle about, but she had had the exact same cake as him! And then she had jumped through another fifth wall!

Shock giggled.

And to top it all off, his best friend Dusk Shine had fallen through as well!

...Wait a minute. Since when is Dusk Shine a mare?

The blond pegasus fluttered his wings. He knew that if anypony could figure out a reverse-gender twin problem, it would be Dusk.

Aurggghh...

I let out a minute groan as a pair of white hooves reached out and grabbed me. Who is this pegasus? Why was he in Sugarcube Corner?

...Why did he seem to be completely focused on making me really, really nauseous?

Shock let out a yelp and tilted the strange mare to the side right before she vomited.

He giggled, glad that his Shock Sense had warned him that somepony was going to throw up. He sighed, and flew right-side up. Being vomited on was not fun. Or funny. Well, except that one time with the water balloons, but that aftermath...

Dusk Shine had had a very strange dream. Then he had woken up and found that he had overslept. And that Spines had devoured half a carton of ice cream while he was asleep, and had then managed to spill some on a book.

To say that Dusk Shine was angry was not enough. He was vexed.

"SPINES! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!

"Oops. Is this a bad time?"

Dusk Shine whirled around to see that his friend, Shock, had arrived with a mare. A mare that happened to look like him. Very, very much like him.

*shrrp*

"I AM NIGHTMARE VELVET, RULER OF ALL THE COSMOS-"

Reality snapped back, and out of the corner of his eye, Dusk saw a young dragoness trying to sneak out a window.

"Don't think I've forgotten about this, Spines."

Dusk Shine turned his head back to look at the mare again.

She looked, aside from being a mare, like an exact duplicate of him, right down to the cutie mark. Well, except for the fact that she was a good deal muddier.

One of her eyelids fluttered.

"Uuuuuugh..."

Dusk Shine glared at her. The only logical explanation for this, this copy, was that... she was a changeling. And he would not allow her to feed off of the love of him or his friends.

Still, a logical stallion should test.

"Quick. The title of page 345 of Starswirl the Belled's Theory of Innate Power!"

"...huh...?"

The lavender mare fought through the fog covering her mind.

"...the...theory of... earth pony magic...?"

Dusk Shine lifted one eyebrow. "Correct. But... Starswirl's Theorum of Alternate Worlds?"

"...You think...?"

"Well, I don't think any changeling would spend days searching through obscure tomes to find the theory of Earth Pony magic. By the way, my name is Dusk Shine."

"...I'm Twilight Sparkle. And I thought I was the only one who did that."

"Well, if you are me from an... alternate... world... you are."

"True, but... something still isn't right..."

"Something off? Or... more that off?"

"I'll tell you... later. I think there's someplace we need to go..."

"Contact is established, my master."

"Excellent..."

Noon Star and Scarcity

Scarcity slowly placed the last jewel where it belonged. She was the finest jewel-maker in Ponyville, and she had the diamond necklace cutie mark to prove it.

The doorbell rang, and Noon Star walked in.

Noon Star was a lavender mare with a purple sun surrounded with white stars for a cutie mark. Her short black mane was neatly brushed, and she wore a smart black skirt, as well as a white blouse.

"Honey! I'm home!" giggled Noon Star. She leaned in and pecked Scarcity on the cheek. "And I got you some more books on the history of gemstones!"

No matter what universe, Twilight Sparkle was still a bookworm.

"That's... wonderful, darling..." Scarcity had more books than she knew what to do with, ever since Noon Star had moved in with her.

Noon Star beamed. "I knew you'd like it, Scarcity!"

The doorbell rang.

"Ah! Let me go get that, Noon darling!"

"-sure this is the place?" Spines had refused to be left out.

"For the last time," fumed Twilight Sparkle,

"-we're sure," finished Dusk Shine.

The door opened, and they saw a stunning white unicorn with a curled purple and white mane standing in the doorway.

"Hello, and welcome to Carousel Jewelers. My name is Scarcity. What can I do for you today?"

Twilight and Dusk looked at each other, and then looked at the mare. It was already agreed that Twilight would do the talking.

"Hello! Do you, uh, know where the librarian is?" Twilight had a hopeful grin plastered across her face.

Scarcity raised one eyebrow. "Why, certainly. Hmmm... Are you a relative of hers, if you don't mind me asking?"

Twilight mentally cursed, of course they were friends.

The purple unicorn came up with an answer.

"Yes, we're related. Much closer than you know."

Scarcity raised her eyebrow even higher at this explanation. Surely her marefriend would have told her about a sister? Something seemed fishy about this. And what could this lavender mare mean by "closer than you know?"

Scarcity enveloped the door in a turquoise glow, and it swept open behind her as she walked into the jewelry shop.

Noon Star had draped herself across one of Scarcity's couches (she had several) and was reading one of the trashy romances that Scarcity so liked with faint disgust.

"Come on! She trips over a hedge and finds a billionaire who just happens to like her?"

Okay, maybe not so faint disgust.

Lord Discord, I have your reports-

A splitting headache erupted from Noon Star's horn.

"OW! OW! OW! WHO SET MY HEAD ON FIRE? AAAAGH!"

Twilight looked quizzically at the alternate her. A strange feeling started to hiss within her, and then she knew why the black-maned mare was screaming.

"GAAAAAH! DUSK! SOMETHING'S... WRONG! AAAAH!"

The lavender unicorns collapsed simultaneously, and a wire-thin stream of magic sparked between the two.

Spines rushed in. "Mare Dusk! Other mare Dusk! What's wrong?"

Scarcity, after realizing just what was happening, rushed to her marefriend's side.

"Little dragon! Get the doctor, NOW! It's anti-magic!"

Spines tilted her head. "But why aren't you affected?"

"That's what we need to know! Now, oh last hope! Go forth!" Scarcity collapsed, sobbing on Noon Star's hoof.

Spines didn't waste another second. Mare or not, this was still Elusive.

"Lady Chaos. The aura has taken effect."

"Wonderful. This is all going to plan."

Falsehood and Tragedy

A shimmering circle black as the midnight sky faded into existence, and a gray hoof reached through.

"Hm. This was harder than expected." A unicorn mare, both faded and shiny, stepped out. "I thought they would succumb faster."

Another faded mare stepped through, this one an earth pony with three apples as a cutie mark, each one a different shade.

"Ah have no clue what you're talkin' bout. That was the easiest thing since sliced bread."

"You are exaggerating again, Falsehood."

"Exaggerate? Ah never exaggerate. Ya don't know me, Tragedy!"

Tragedy sighed. "Just don't ruin this."

Falsehood grinned. "Ah absolutely will."

Twilight gasped another pained, shrill noise as pure gray hooves shoved her into a sack. She tried to feel for the flow of magic connected to her, but to no avail. It was hard to think with her horn splitting in two.

"D-Dusk Shine! C-can you do, HYAAAAAH, anything?"

She was met with only a scream for an answer.

Stagnation was most definitely not grinning as she shoved the lavender mare into the sack. Stagnation would never grin. The mare seemed too conscious. She rammed her hoof into the bag, eliciting another scream.

"AHAHAHA! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Cruelty laughed as she shoved the screaming stallion into the cloth sack. "You'll never escape, you hear me? NEVER! NEVER! HAHAHAHA!"

Stagnation narrowed her eyes. "Cruelty. Stop. Laughing. Now."

Cruelty, as always, just laughed harder. "Staggy! You are so funny! BWAHAHA! My sides!"

Stagnation's face snapped blank, and quick as lightning one of her hooves snapped right out and whacked Cruelty in the face.

Cruelty flailed her hooves and writhed, but only succeeded in pushing Stagnation's hoof further down her throat.

"Mmph," Cruelty said.

The Doctor arrived too late. The shop was in ruins. Gems were scattered everywhere, everypony was missing, and there were a pair of strange gray pegasi wrestling on the floor.

"Ha ha!" shouted one.

"Stop laughing," stated the other, slapping the first in the head with her wing.

The Doctor looked at Spines. "Well, I suppose with a space-time Class 4 rift, we should be finding the culprit."

Spines scrunched her eyes at him. "Huh?"

The brown stallion sighed. "Nothing. Onwards then, I suppose!"

He raced to the door and towards something right out of sight, pulling Spines with him.

"Huh? Hey! Leggo-" Spines flailed her arms and kicked her legs, but was still pulled around the corner.

A pink mare blipped into existence, holding a party cannon next to her. If she knew anything about this alternate her, then it was that she loved-

"SURPRISE!"

Pinkie Pie whirled her head around. "Who what where?"

The blond pegasus mare fluttered, upside down, right in front of Pinkie Pie. "You forgot when and why, silly filly!"

Pinkie Pie grinned, and then burst into giggles. "Wow, you really got me good! Hey, wanna help me get all of the best cakes in the multiverse?"

Surprise grinned back. "Sounds like fun! Lots and lots of fun!"

Together, they pulled away the wall that wasn't there, and hopped through into another universe.

Intermission: Pinkie Pie, Surprise, and The Author

Note: This chapter is the fourth wall being utterly demolished. If you like that, go for it! If not, I'd advise you skip this one.

Pinkie hopped through the other end of the hole, trotting over to a young alicorn with a very long dirty blonde mane. She held a notepad and quill in a silver-blue magical field. She also looked extremely puzzled. Abruptly, she facehoofed.

"Oh, horseapples. This is one of the universes, isn't it."

Pinkie grinned, and bounced up into the air, then landed back on the cloud-floor with an abrupt POMPH.

"Whoo, springy."

Surprise leapt up into the air, and bounced through the air towards the alicorn, as if there was an invisible floor beneath her.

The notepad and quill kept writing, as if they had a mind of her own.

The alicorn looked up and loudly complained to the universe in general, "This wasn't supposed to happen!"

Pinkie Pie shrugged. "You learn to just go with it. Hey, got any cake?"

Surprise grinned. "Hey! We met an alicorn!"

Pinkie looked back at her. "You know what this calls for?"

In unison, they spoke, leaping up into the air (wait, when did Surprise get back on the ground?) and called out their favorite phrase.

"A PARTY!"

They bounced over to the Author, grabbed her, and then dragged her off to parts unknown.

"Hey! Let me go! I need to write the stooooooory-"

The notepad and quill kept writing.

Intermission: Eris and Cruelty

Note: The next few chapters will be short intermissions showing what is going on while our Twilights are unconscious. These will probably be much shorter than most of the normal chapters, and almost all will be in the spirit of Random and Comedy. Hmmm... those are good names...

Cruelty, very miffed, sat tied to a chair.

"Queen Chaos? Can I go now?"

Eris glared at her. "No! You did a bad thing, hurting those ponies! You gotta sit in the corner now! And no biting the ropes! Don't think I cat see you!"

The gray pegasus rolled her eyes. "...Learn to pronounce, genius."

Eris stamped one of her little feet. "Nwo! You're a meanie! Now say sorry!"

Cruelty, looking like she'd swallowed a baked bad, spat out the word she hated most. "...Sorry." She then spat at the wall several times, trying to get rid of the word's nasty taste.

The baby draconeques glared again. "No spwitting! An' now you gotta sit in the corner untwil they wake up! An' then you gotta say sorry to each of thewm! And then you gotta-"

"Stick a hoof in it, okay? I'm trying to nap here." A yawning grey pegasus with a tomcoltish mane and tail stepped into the room. "Oh, hey Eris. Hey Cruelty. I'm gonna go nap somewhere else."

Eris beamed. "Okway, Twaitowr."

Traitor grimaced. "...I hate that name."

Intermission: PARTY!!!

Surprise grinned. It was her job to greet everypony that came in, and she was going to be the BEST GREETER EVER.

"Hi, Shock! Hi, Author!"

The Author grimaced. "I didn't sign up for this..."

"Hi, Doctor!"

Doctor smiled. "Hello, Surprise. Did you see what caused that Class 4 rift?"

Surprise placed one white hoof on her head.

"Ummm... Oh! Hey! I got it!"

Doctor's face brightened. "You know! Ah, that's wonderful. I'll have this all wrapped up soon!"

Surprise grinned the biggest grin, then smiled even wider. "You ready? You ready? Okay, here I go!"

"Nope! I have no clue what caused it!"

The brown stallion facehoofed. "I should have known. Ah, well, when life gives you lemons..."

"Hi, Lemonade!"

A neon yellow Surprise hopped through the portal, followed by a somewhat messy green one ("Hi, Lime!) carrying a Neightendo DS in her hooves.

Several more Surprises hopped through, as well as a cloud of Pinkie Pies.

Surprise cocked her head. "Huh? I thought there was only one Pinkie Pie?"

The cloud all cocked their heads at her and grinned, then started bouncing around.

"FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!"

Derpy tripped through, landing on one.

It looked confused for a moment, then proclaimed "FUN!" at the top of its lungs.

The others all looked at it. "Fun?"

It grinned. "FUN!"

"FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!"

The Author facehoofed yet again.

"So that's where they went. Here."

Pinkie Pie looked concerned. "Well, at least I know I'm the real one this time!" She then bounced over to the table (wait, was that there a minute ago?) loaded with cake and punch and cupcakes and cream puffs.

The cloud of Pinkies looked at each other. Apparently their vocabulary was not limited to one word.

They all screamed, "CAAAAKE!" and proceeded to demolish the cake table.

Pinkie Pie looked at the Author. "Oh no! Not again!"

The Author sighed. "You brought them here, you get rid of them."

Pinkie protested, "But I didn't bring them here!!!"

The Author groaned, "Fine. Then figure something out. I'm outta here."

Pinkie gasped. "But you can't go! The party hasn't started yet!"

The Pinkie cloud had completely demolished the party.

The Author rolled her eyes. "From the looks of things, it looks like the party has ended."

The young alicorn swept the quill and notepad over to where she was. "Get over here!"

She seized the quill in her mouth, and began to write.

"I'm the Author! I can write myself out of here!" she said around the quill. And with a blip, she was ~~one~~ gone.

Back home, she sighed. "That was close. Gotta keep an eye on those typos."