Love Colt.

by overlord-flinx

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Romance
Length: 1011

Equestria is filled with bachelors and bachelorettes. It's only right we try and bring them togethe

Equestria is filled up the wazoo with eligible bachelors and bachelorettes… So why are they all still bachelors and bachelorettes!? I don't know, and I don't care. Except by contract, I'm paid to care. So Let's do our best to fix these lucky ponies up with the mare, stallion, colt, or filly (I don't judge), of their dreams! And while we're at it, why don't be exploit them for cheep humor? I'm Fox Trot, and this is Love Colt!

From the same creative team that brought Know Your Mare, join as we pit one mare against any three to five stallions, colts, mares, or fillies (we don't judge here) and see who their perfect match is… While we also inflict pain and lies on them.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-24 05:00:01 UTC

A New Show

"Ratings are going down, scripts aren't getting printed fast enough... And I think that trotney pickpocket stole my stapler."

"Mr. Rich, you never had a stapler..." in front of the wood table, a mare of a light pink coat made note of that fact to her employer.

"I didn't?" the slick stallion behind the table gave an almost surprised look. His front hoof clicked against an intercom attached to his desk and made it make a click. "Supply, get me a stapler."

"Right away, Mr. Rich," came the voice on the other side of the intercom.

"Anyway... When I took over this company on behalf of Fancypants, I thought this would be my chance to get into the real money instead of peddling bargain retail..." Filthy Rich ran a hoof through his dark mane and sighed, "Now where are we?"

"We are down ten points in ratings and are being beaten out by 'The Nut Channel'... Sir."

"We're being beaten by a channel about pecans, pistachios, and  macadamias?"

"No, sir. We're being beaten by a channel about genitalia."

"...Well that makes a little more sense," admitted Filthy. "So what are our options now, Ms. De-Lis?"

"For now? I would say start a show that will boost our ratings. We do still have that stack of pilot ideas you haven't gone through yet."

"Right, right..." Filthy Rich looked at the stack of folders on his desk before looking right back to his assistant, "Any of them stick out to you?"

"As a matter of fact..." with a glittering horn from Fleur-de-lis, one of the folders was pulled out from the stack carefully and laid open before Filthy to review. "As a way to combat against the growing desire of sex, laughter, sex, violence, and sex, we had this show pitched to us not too long ago."

Filthy started mumbled as he read the sheets of paper filling the folder, along with eyeing a photo mixed in with the paperwork. "Who's this mare?"

"That is Fox Trot; a practised hostess and talk-show personality. Nominated for several Colty awards."

"Why is she here then?"

"She was nominated for several Colty awards..." Fleur repeated.

Filthy glanced up at the mare and nodded a bit, then went back to reading the papers. "Seems a bit... Over the top..."

"Over the top sells, Mr. Rich. I should know... But moving on from that; we already have a stage set up, guests lined up, and a hostess to run it... All we need now is a stamp of approval from you to put it on run."

For a moment, Filthy thought about it... The ramifications, the possible lawsuits, the cash flow that would-- "Approved."

The stage was set up like any other; though a simple dividing wall had been placed a quarter way between the stage. To one side of the wall was a rather simple sofa; nothing special. On other side was a set of three normal chairs; again, nothing special but a lot worse compared to the first seat. However, before the stage itself was a magnificent cushion, a dark red tone to it and golden tassels at the rim of each corner. Behind that seat was, of course, the bleachers for the audience to sit themselves down and cheer or boo if needed. It was magnificent...

"...This is the stage you got me?" A mare on the stage questioned, looking from side to side with blatant disgust, "It looks like this place was caught in a fire..."

"To be fair, it was caught in a fire..." Filthy Rich pointed out while signalling a bunch of work ponies to do their jobs. "But it's the best we can get you this early in the game..."

The mare watched as a pair of pegasi set up a neon sign above the stage that said 'Love Colt' in red. "I suppose it'll have to do... for now... When will the first episode be?"

"Five... Four..." The mare's eyes went wide as she heard Filthy Rich starting to count down and moving away from the stage.

She looked around worried, trying to figure out what she was supposed to do. "Three... two..." With a groan, she moved onto the cushion in the front of the stage and adjusted her mane. "One..."

A series of lights lit the stage and a can of cheers echoed through the studio as a camera homed in on their hostess and star; her face made into a beautiful smile. "Hello Equestria! It's me, Fox Trot! And I'm coming to you from the new reality dating show, 'Love Colt'!" Her voice was spunky and energetic as she played herself up for the 'audience'. "We've travelled all over Equestria and have found the most attractive, eligible, and -let's face it- desperate bachelors and bachelorettes we could find! These guests are going to go through questions, events, and anything else our creative team can cook up to find them their perfect match!"

"And I know you boys and girls out there are thinking 'maybe I can find my soul mate on this show'. And you know what? You're right! You can! Though we have already raked up the best of the best for possible love interests, we are always willing to fly you in, sit you down, and exploit you for our entertainment!" Fox Trot winked at the camera as laughter echoed through the studio. "But don't be shy... Oh! And speaking of shy, let's roll out our card for our first guest!" Out from Fox Trot's right side on the seat she was on came a small basket filled with pictures that had writing on the backs of them. "Now... Let's pick one picture at random..." without hesitation, a picture fluttered up out of the basket with a red hue around it and moved to Fox Trot's eyes. "Our first bachelorette is the one and only... The fastest mare alive... The mare who has mares and stallions done in ten seconds flat... The filly who like everything twenty percent more... Rainbow Dash!"