Jericho

If you came to hear a story, I'm sorry to disappoint. I suspect this'll just end up as one big confession, really. Still, with enough wit, some Prussian ingenuity, a droll sense of humor, and wanton murder, I might just be able to survive.

If you came to hear a story, I’m sorry to disappoint. I suspect this’ll just end up as one big confession, really. When you’re the first Teutscher to set hoof into Equestria, I suppose that’s to be expected. And when you’re the universe’s favorite chew toy, doubly so. Still, with enough wit, some Prussian ingenuity, a droll sense of humor, and wanton murder, I might just survive this. Then again, when you’re going up against an unending list of things like government conspiracies, that guardian angel who keeps telling you to kill ponies, psycho Equestrian girls with allophilia, a lunatic princess, the legions of the Inferno, the Equestrian culture itself, swashbuckling sword fights, and laissez-faire economists, you begin to realize why there’s a big “if” in the middle of your life.

Your thoughts/critiques/deathreats are welcome in the comments. Spoilers are also encouraged. If you don’t have anything to complain about, do please tell me what you liked so I know what worked.

Now on TV Tropes. Posted on the Equestria Daily 5/28/13. Now in ePub format for your convenience.

Teen

On Hiatus

Gore

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Dark

Comedy

Adventure

537174 words: Estimated 2 days to read

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43 Chapters:

Chapter 1 — Also Sprach der Engel 2013-04-16 20:41:00 UTC
5470
Chapter 2 — Nemawaschi 2012-12-09 23:48:19 UTC
5890
Chapter 3 — That Government Boy 2013-04-25 21:01:14 UTC
8719
Chapter 4 — Cards 2013-05-02 19:25:03 UTC
12416
Chapter 5 — Dice 2013-05-11 21:56:50 UTC
12738
Chapter 6 — Justice 2013-05-18 18:55:02 UTC
17299
Chapter 7 — Bump 2013-05-26 16:05:07 UTC
15075
Chapter 8 — Dogs 2013-06-01 19:21:12 UTC
13639
Chapter 9 — Brunch 2013-06-08 17:43:30 UTC
14156
Chapter 10 — Stories 2013-06-15 23:26:00 UTC
20756
Chapter 11 — Knights 2013-06-24 15:23:26 UTC
21812
Chapter 12 — Smile 2013-07-14 12:40:12 UTC
26392
Chapter 13 — Nuts 2013-08-03 16:54:48 UTC
16798
Chapter 14 — Mother 2013-08-10 21:45:32 UTC
12726
Chapter 15 — Murderer 2013-08-31 15:22:43 UTC
8355
Chapter 16 — Orpheus 2013-09-03 19:33:41 UTC
18868
Chapter 17 — Mud 2013-09-08 18:25:36 UTC
14625
Chapter 18 — Drown 2013-09-14 17:21:39 UTC
12284
Chapter 19 — Mirage 2013-09-22 17:01:50 UTC
12646
Chapter 20 — Foreleg 2013-09-27 23:02:41 UTC
6487
Chapter 21 — Arm 2013-10-05 19:46:20 UTC
7678
Chapter 22 — Crystal 2013-10-12 20:29:13 UTC
12862
Chapter 23 — Ice 2013-10-19 16:15:08 UTC
6386
Chapter 24 — Canterlot 2013-10-27 17:04:36 UTC
15690
Chapter 25 — Cherriest 2013-10-30 18:04:00 UTC
6383
Chapter 26 — Somewhere Far Beyond 2013-11-02 16:43:17 UTC
9138
Chapter 27 — Courses 2013-11-10 17:43:21 UTC
10843
Chapter 28 — Gunslinger 2013-11-17 19:25:19 UTC
24064
Chapter 29 — Black 2013-12-03 22:15:03 UTC
26419
Chapter 30 — Robbery 2013-12-22 20:04:33 UTC
22884
Chapter 31 — Victory... 2013-12-26 19:36:37 UTC
10701
Chapter 32 — Oaken 2014-01-14 21:27:52 UTC
13141
Chapter 33 — Decked 2014-01-25 23:44:43 UTC
16784
Chapter 34 — Ende 2014-02-23 01:04:38 UTC
3665
Chapter 35 — Glass 2014-03-08 23:09:06 UTC
7429
Chapter 36 — Rosenlied 2014-03-22 18:19:14 UTC
9370
Chapter 37 — Thinking 2014-04-12 16:48:47 UTC
1396
Chapter 38 — Depths 2014-04-13 21:00:13 UTC
8749
Chapter 39 — Back in Black 2014-05-04 20:44:42 UTC
9505
Chapter 40 — Penrose 2014-09-13 20:02:36 UTC
23895
Chapter 41 — Death of a Teuton 2015-01-17 21:17:39 UTC
3379
Chapter 42 — Lady 2015-03-01 17:13:04 UTC
6292
Chapter 43 — Der Leiermann 2015-03-07 17:32:52 UTC
3370