Meet the Team: Pony Fortress 2

by The Usurper

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Spike, Other, Crossover
Length: 99374

Now with its MvM-based sequel, Pony Fortress 2: A Worthy Cause. Meet the mercenaries from Team Fortress 2 - except this time, these ones aren't the ones from Earth. This isn't the same situation as Earth either. Heck, they aren't even

Now complete with its final chapter and link to the MvM-based sequel: Pony Fortress 2: A Worthy Cause.

Meet the mercenaries from Team Fortress 2 - except this time, these ones aren't the ones from Earth. This isn't the same situation as Earth either. Heck, they aren't even human.

Join our favourite characters as they pick up the mantle of the ruthless killers we all know from TF2, but, since this is their break time, they won't be killing other ponies.

Okay, maybe they will.

Published 2012-10-28 12:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-11 09:57:37 UTC

Meet the Scout

The silence that enveloped the area between RED and BLU base was absolute, both sides frantically preparing for the inevitable clash. Engineers upgraded their sentries as quietly as possible, trying not to give their location away to enemy Snipers. Rocket launchers were loaded, mediguns were charged, and disguises went up. Both sides waited for the other to make a move.

The silence in RED base was broken by an impatient huff. "Miss... Dash, was it?" An earth pony mare asked, irritated. "I've been waiting for hours now. When will you be ready for your interview?"

"Just as soon as I beat BLU team!" A cyan-coated pegasus with a rainbow mane replied as she loaded her scattergun. "I can't leave my team hanging, you know. They'd be lost without me!"

"Miss Dash." The earth pony continued. "Nobody is going to be fighting until you finish your interview. I made sure of that. The gates are locked."

"No, they aren't!" The pegasus retorted. "Just watch!"

"Fine." The earth pony glanced at the clock above the gate. "Three... two... one..."

Nothing happened.

"See?" The earth pony sighed. "I told you, the gates are-"

The metal grilles suddenly retreated into the safety of the walls. Both teams charged forward, firing rockets and bullets everywhere.

"What the-" The earth pony glanced up towards the stairwell behind her.

"Hey, Rainbow!" An orange earth pony with a trio of apples for her cutie mark called. "Ah think ah managed ta fix the problem with the gates! Are they working now?"

"Sure are!" The pegasus replied from somewhere within the fray. "Thanks AJ!"

"You're welcome!" She turned to the other earth pony. "Ya ought ta go somewhere else. It's not safe here, miss..."

The earth pony sighed. "Diana. Just call me Diana, miss Applejack."

Applejack grinned. "Aw, shucks, just call me AJ like the rest of 'em do. Ah ain't no fancy pony like Rarity. Ah'm just a plain old cowpony."

"Yes, miss- I mean, AJ." Diana said, a tad uncomfortably. "I would love to talk more, but I'm afraid that your interview is scheduled at a later time, and I have to get to that pegasus who just flew off."

"Well, good luck with that." Applejack turned and grabbed a wrench from the toolbox that sat on the floor beside her. "You're gonna need it. Rainbow's a stubborn one. She ain't gonna sit down and stay still just because somepony told her to."

"That somepony who told her to is Princess Celestia herself." Diana shook her head. "If she doesn't comply, she's going to have to look for a new job."

"Well you might want ta tell her that, not me." Applejack hefted the toolbox onto her back. "Ah got a sentry ta build."

"Of course." Diana politely stepped to the side. "Sorry for wasting your time."

"No need ta apologise, Miss Diana. It was a pleasure talking ta you."

"Likewise." Diana turned to observe the battle going on before her, managing to narrowly dodge a wayward rocket which exploded upon contact with the wall behind her, leaving a noticeable dent.. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a pegasus to find."

"Are ya sure it ain't too dangerous out there?" Applejack asked. "Ah mean, since you're a civilian and all..."

"If I had no experience with surviving such environments, Miss Applejack, I wouldn't be here." Diana replied simply. "Now, where is that pegasus?" Her eyes surveyed the area around her. She stopped when she spotted the conspicuous rainbow-coloured mane dashing around the battlefield.

"Gotcha." Diana grinned and took off.

The moment the gates opened, Rainbow sprung into action. Her wings flapped vigorously as she propelled herself through the battlefield, dodging what seemed like thousands of projectiles of every kind. A sentry gun on a ledge swivelled on its tripod mount and began to unload its reserves of ammunition in her direction. Rainbow, however, was moving so quickly that the bullets simply struck the ground behind her, damaging the floor but never the pegasus. For just a moment, she flapped her wings harder, and the extra lift carried her across a gap that had appeared before her, taking her away from the threat.

Having left the range of the sentry, Rainbow turned her head and caught sight of a BLU soldier tailing her. The purple dragon was firing rockets at her, missing only narrowly because of her superior speed. Rainbow looked around, searching for an opportunity.

She found one.

With as much control as she could muster, she made a ninety degree turn just as she was about to hit the wall, right across the railway that stretched across the interior of the building. The soldier followed her, but he was too slow to avoid the train that sped across the tracks.

And then, she threw herself back into the heat of battle, where she instantly proved herself to be the best, most awesome pony on the-

"Are you done editing my manuscript, Miss Dash?" An annoyed Diana growled.

"Almost. Just a little more." Rainbow, with a pencil grasped between her teeth, began to scribble more words down.

Diana sighed. "Look, you only managed to get past that sentry because it was being sapped. There was never any train. There wasn't even a soldier. In fact, the only thing in there that is true is that you moved quickly and cleared that gap in the ground. The only place that got you to is here, on the ledge facing BLU team's base." She gestured to the open space in front of them. The battle apparently hadn't reached there yet.

"Hey, I could get past that sentry even if it wasn't being sapped." Rainbow retorted. "I just didn't get the chance to."

"How?" Diana asked. "Sentries are almost always accurate with their bullets, even against extremely fast opponents. It is impossible to come out of that unscathed, unless you're Ubercharged or disguised."

"Don't believe me?" Rainbow grinned. "Watch this." She pointed out towards the space between them and the enemy base. "I'm going to get that Heavy."

Diana looked. "There's a level 3 sentry gun between you and that Heavy."

Rainbow's grin grew wider. "I know."

"There's no way you'll survive."

"There is." The pegasus reached into a pocket in her suit, removing a cupcake from it. "I call this the Bonk cupcake."

Diana took it from Rainbow's hoof. "What is it?"

"It's a cupcake. Duh."

"How is an ordinary cupcake going to get you past that sentry?" Diana inquired.

"It won't. This is no ordinary cupcake." Rainbow told her. "It's made with some secret ingredients."

"What are they?" Diana sniffed it. Now that it was closer to her eyes, she noticed a slight green glow around it.

Rainbow shrugged. "Beats me. Could be radiation and I wouldn't know it."

"Radiation?" Diana quickly returned the cupcake to Rainbow and rubbed her hoof vigorously against the wall.

"I just said it could be. That doesn't mean that it does." Rainbow stuffed the cupcake into her mouth and swallowed it. "Still, it works, and that's what matters."

Instantly, the pegasus hopped off the ledge towards the sentry gun. The machine turned to face her and began to fire.

"Well, now I have to fabricate the rest of the interview and finish her obituary by today." Diana sighed. "A pity. Though I suppose she would have died eventually anyway. That attitude and overconfidence probably wouldn't have helped."

Her reflection continued for a few more seconds until she noticed that the sentry was still firing. "What the..."

She turned her head to the direction of the sentry, and to her utmost surprise, Rainbow was still alive. In fact, she wasn't just alive, but was actively running circles around the sentry while shouting insults at it. "How in Equestria is she doing that?"

Soon, when Rainbow realised that the effects of the cupcake were wearing off, she dashed into the (relative) safety of the BLU base. Diana quickly followed suit, ignoring the sentry as it tried to shoot at her with no remaining ammunition.

When she entered the base, she was greeted with Rainbow's victorious grin. "Well? What did I tell you?"

"Fine, you were right." Diana conceded. "Still, I came here to interview you, not a cupcake."

"The only way you'd be able to see just how awesome I am is watching what I can do!" Rainbow turned to face the earth pony. "The only things you'll find out from talking are stories I can't prove."

"Well, if you just sit down and stay still for a few moments, I might be able to get all the information I need, and then I can move on to the next interview." Diana said. "Especially since the longer we wait, the more likely it is that the Heavy around the corner will find out that we're here."

"Sit down? Stay still?" The pegasus snorted. "Do you even know who I am?"

"i know that-"

"Do you have any idea?" Rainbow interrupted. "Any idea at all?" She gestured with a hoof to the sentry outside. "You saw that, right? And you still expect me to stay still."

"Well, I-"

"Look." Rainbow interjected again. "I'll give you that talk you want, okay? But after that, you got to watch me beat that Heavy."

"Alright." Diana, not a pony to give up good opportunities, agreed, taking out her notebook.

"You listening?" Diana nodded. "Okay. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and you know what?" Rainbow leaned in closer. "I hurt ponies."

"I'm a force of nature. If you do what I do - heck, if you were from where I was from, you'd be dead." Rainbow waited as her interviewer finished writing down the last few bits of information. "Got that?"

"Yes, all done." Diana said. "You can continue."

"Continue?" Rainbow asked.

"Yes, go on." Diana prompted.

"That's all."

"That's all?" Diana repeated disbelievingly. "But you barely started!"

"I'm done." Rainbow took a glance around the corner, confirming that the Heavy was still where they left him, before continuing. "I told you, I'm not one for talking."

Diana groaned. "Fine. You can go and fight that Heavy. But I'm warning you now: I'm not one for watching."

Rainbow grinned. "Suit yourself." She glanced around the corner, observing the big red earth pony stallion who was eating an apple. "And here we go." She flew up as silently as possible, sneaking around the Heavy, who was too busy enjoying his meal to notice her.

"Excellent stealth." Diana noted. "She's probably going to hit him from behind."

Sure enough, Rainbow landed quietly right behind the Heavy, then lifted the bat that had previously hung on her belt with her mouth. She raised it, preparing to strike.

And then she tapped the side of the stallion's head with it. "Yo, what's up?"

Diana facehoofed.

The Heavy turned and, seeing Rainbow, instantly leapt into action, dropping the apple to the ground. He swung his right hoof at her, almost hitting her, but Rainbow's swiftness allowed her to dodge the blows with ease. She bolted over the Heavy's head, avoiding another overhead swing, and moved behind him.

"And, of course, when presented with a perfect opportunity to strike from behind..." Diana muttered to herself.

She didn't.

Instead, she continued yelling as the Heavy tried in vain to hit her, missing every single punch he tried to land on her as she ducked and weaved around him. Eventually, though, Rainbow tired of this, and, when she managed to manoeuvre behind the stallion once more, swung the bat around his neck and began to pull both sides with her front legs.

The Heavy immediately fought back, pushing against the bat with his hooves. Rainbow was stronger than she looked, though, and she managed to hold the bat in that position for a few seconds before the Heavy pried it free and grabbed her head, swinging her around and almost catching her in a potentially fatal stranglehold. Thankfully, Rainbow was too agile to be trapped so easily, and she managed to slip away before he could catch her.

The pegasus rushed to retrieve her bat which lay on the ground where the red stallion had pushed it. Picking it up, she slammed it into the Heavy's gut.

"BOINK!"

The stallion flinched and stumbled in pain. Rainbow took advantage of the situation to slam the bat into the bottom of his chin, causing his head to snap upwards.

"BONK!"

The Heavy finally collapsed. With the last of his energy, he slowly reached for the apple that had fallen from his grasp earlier. Rainbow leapt up with the bat and prepared for the finishing blow.

Diana looked away just a moment before a bloodcurdling scream echoed throughout the BLU base. A few seconds later, Rainbow trotted through the doorway, munching on an apple.

"Were you watching?" She asked.

"Yes, unfortunately."

"Okay, good." Rainbow stumbled a little bit. "Well, I'm kinda tired now. Fighting a Heavy can really take a lot out of you."

"So what are you going to do?" Diana asked.

"I'm just going to sleep for a while."

"Wha- what? Doesn't your team need you?"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure they can handle things for a while without me." Rainbow shrugged.

So much for loyalty. Diana thought.

"Besides, I took care of the important stuff for them anyway. Sentry's useless, no more Heavy..." This time, she yawned. "Wow. I haven't been this tired in ages. Then again, I haven't fought a Heavy in ages either..."

"Maybe it's the radiation?" Diana suggested.

"What?"

"From the cupcake? Remember?" I wouldn't be surprised if radiation poisoning makes sure she never gets back up after this. She mused.

"It hasn't ever done that to me before." Rainbow said.

"Have you ever used it before?"

"Um..." Rainbow thought about it for a moment. "Nah."

Diana facehoofed again.

"Never mind. Honestly, with all the shouting and running around you were doing, coupled with fighting that Heavy, I'm not surprised that you're-"

"Or maybe it's from changing those notes of yours." Rainbow interrupted.

"Yes, maybe- wait, what?"

"Those notes." Rainbow yawned. "Really, ponies who read books all the time, like Twilight, are total eggheads. You write them. That's, like, a whole new level of egghead-ness."

Diana became dangerously silent. "Are you insulting my line of work, Miss Dash?"

"No, not really." Rainbow waved a hoof unsteadily. "Just you." Having said her piece, she collapsed onto the floor of BLU base and began snoring.

Diana blinked. "She is the most obnoxious, arrogant, and insensitive pony I have ever had the displeasure of coming into contact with! And I had to interview her." She growled. "Well, the other mercenaries couldn't possibly be worse than this."

She facehoofed a third time. "I just jinxed everything, didn't I? Ugh." She glanced at the sleeping Rainbow. "Now I have to get her out of here, otherwise I really will have to finish her obituary today." She grabbed the pegasus' collar with her teeth and began to pull. "Maybe after this, I can get some real work done. Besides, how hard can it be to get a sleeping pegasus across less than half a kilometre of land?" Having reached the exit of the base, Diana glanced at the scene outside.

Projectiles flew across the battlefield, blasting chunks of metal from structures everywhere and creating dirt clouds, and ponies engaged each other in melee combat in the middle. Diana took one look at the pegasus she was pulling, then turned back to the battlefield.

"I have a feeling that this is going to be the longest, most tiring string of interviews that I've ever had in my life."

Meet the Soldier

A furious battle raged across the lands of Dustbowl. Rockets and grenades blew huge holes in the ground, several buildings, and anypony unlucky enough to be in the blast zone of said explosives. Bullets flew left and right, occasionally missing but striking their targets most of the time. Sentry guns fired missiles at opponents, flamethrowers airblasted projectiles away, and control points were captured and defended. The fight was truly deadly for all involved, and even for those who weren't involved but just happened to be in the area.

"Ugh, of course the Administrator has to tell me that we're interviewing RED and BLU alternatingly after I take the trouble to go through the battlefield to RED's base." Diana grumbled as she trudged through the dirt, narrowly avoiding the deadly objects that came her way. "I don't even know why I have talk to both teams. It's not like they will be any different." She suddenly perked up. "Hey, wait a minute. They just might be different! Maybe this interview will be better than the one with that pegasus!" Her mood quickly soured again. "And while I'm at it, I might as well hope that I can grow wings and a horn too." She sighed.

"Hey, good luck with your next interview, partner!" Diana looked upwards, towards the source of the voice, and she caught sight of Applejack standing on a nearby ledge, hammering her sentry gun with her wrench as the machine unleashed its bullets and missiles at the oncoming BLU team.

"Thank you, miss Applejack." Diana smiled weakly. "Good luck with your battle, too."

"Thank ya kindly." The orange earth pony moved her head to the side just as a rocket flew past. Diana took a few more steps towards her destination before her mind registered what she had just seen.

"Wait... a rocket?!" She immediately turned back in the direction of the oncoming BLU wave and sure enough, nestled among the pegasi and earth ponies in the horde, was a small purple dragon with grenades strapped across his chest, firing at the sentry gun on the ledge.

"Uh..." Diana desperately tried to recall the dragon's name. "...Spike! That's right. SPIKE!"

Having heard his name being called, the baby dragon turned away from the sentry and towards the interviewer. "Yes?"

"Do you mind if you come over here for your interview? We need to finish it by today!"

"Oh, that's right!" Spike slapped his face. "The interview! I completely forgot about it! Hold on!" With that, Spike moved away from the tight conglomeration of BLU team members and towards Diana.

Before the terribly disastrous problem that the interview was likely to be came to pass, however, she spotted a more immediate problem. The sentry that had originally been shooting at the amassed force that was BLU team now swivelled on its mount as it prepared to fire at the Soldier.

"Applejack!" Diana shouted desperately.

"On it!" The engineer reached into her toolbox and retrieved her wrangler. When she had the laser pointer locked on at an enemy Heavy, the sentry was surrounded by a glowing red shield. She took control of it and commanded it to fire twice as fast as it originally had. The bullets ripped through the BLU formation but, thankfully, not Spike.

"Thanks!" Diana said loudly, to which Applejack responded with a "You're welcome" before turning back to the wrangler.

Meanwhile, the dragon, resisting the urge to jump back into the heat of battle, made his way over to Diana. "Can we make this quick?" He asked as he approached her. "I'm still fighting a war here."

"I'm so sorry I had to do this." Diana shook her head. "I honestly have no idea why the Administrator thought that it was a good idea to schedule these interviews during a battle."

"Wait, the Administrator?" Spike pointed a finger at a nearby loudspeaker. "You mean the guy who's always screaming at us while we fight?"

"Yes, that's him." Diana confirmed. As if on cue, a booming "ATTENTION! FIVE MINUTES LEFT IN THE MISSION!" echoed across the battlefield.

"He sent you here to interview me?" Spike seemed to be taken aback.

"He did, and Princess Luna approved it."

Spike cocked his head. "Is there any particular reason why he wants to interview a bunch of dangerous mercenaries?"

"It's for the other ponies who inhabit the areas in which you fight." Diana explained. "They need to know that you all aren't just armed psychopaths who blow up all their landmarks on a daily basis."

A few days earlier

"I see this as a perfect opportunity to spy on the armed psychopaths who are being paid to blow each other up on a daily basis." A figure seated on a large, comfortable armchair spoke as he watched the myriad of computer screens in front of him. "I need to make sure that I haven't tricked Celestia and Luna into paying them for nothing."

Diana fidgeted. "Are you sure about this, Administrator? I mean, I don't think that it's really necessary to-"

"Don't worry, miss Diana. I have a new plan, and I intend to see it all the way through." He picked up a nearby mug with his hands and sipped whatever was inside. "Dark times are approaching quickly, and I sense that not all is as it seems. Somebody is going to return and disrupt my original plan. So I must finish it before that somebody comes along."

"Check the situation for me, miss Diana." The Administrator never took his eyes off the computer screens, but the earth pony somehow got the impression that he was looking straight into her soul. "I want to know everything about them so I can manipulate them further when the time comes. What I need now is an opportunity, but I don't see any coming along anytime soon."

"So I'll just have to make my own."

"Ah, that's why." Spike nodded, unaware that Diana had entered a state of flashback. "In that case, I'd better take this seriously. I don't want a riot coming after me."

Diana was abruptly snapped out of her flashback by the sound of Spike's voice. "Wha- I mean, yes. Of course."

"You know, I just remembered that I was going to drill the new recruits after this." Spike pondered aloud. "I suppose that's kind of more important than the battle, since we need new people to replace the dead ones."

"I think I just might be able to incorporate that into this interview." Diana said thoughtfully. "A little bit of interaction with other living things would, at the very least, show the ponies around here that you are no worse than their average drill sergeant. They will see the side of you that isn't blowing up their hometown."

"That means I can kill two birds with one stone!" Spike exclaimed. "Then I can get back to fighting on the front lines again! Let's go!"

"So, where are your recruits?" Diana asked.

"Oh, over at our base." Spike glanced at the towering blue building through the smoke that now clouded the area. "Hard to see through the bullets, smoke trails and explosions, though."

Diana facehoofed.

A few minutes later

"Alright, we're finally through." Diana panted, glancing back at the hazardous terrain they had just traversed. "Are you okay, Spike?"

"Sure, I'm fine." Spike looked at himself. "Just a few dents in my dragon scales here and there." He winced as he touched a spot that was leaking blood. "Maybe a few small wounds." He stared at Diana. "How come you're weren't hit at all?"

Diana brushed a bit of dirt off her coat. "Experience." She gestured towards the gaping maw of darkness that was the entrance to BLU base. "Now, we should get going so we can finish this interview faster."

"Yeah... yeah, we should." Spike stepped into the darkened base. "Follow me, it's kinda dark in here. Yesterday, someone sabotaged the gates of every single BLU base in this area. We managed to get it working, but we had to redirect the electricity from the lights. Or so the engineer tells me."

"Right." Diana looked around innocently.

"Anyway, the lighting is a non-critical system, so we'll do without it. For now." Spike marched through the dark corridors, Diana following him cautiously. "Hopefully it'll be back in a few days, otherwise someone will eventually be injured walking into a wall or something."

"That would be unfortunate."

"Good thing I've got perfect vision in the dark." Spike turned to Diana. "You see, dragons are capable of-"

Spike immediately stopped talking when he walked into a wall, resulting in a loud THUNK that echoed around the abandoned corridors.

Diana rushed to his side. "Are you alright?"

Spike grunted. "Heh, it's going to take more than a wall to keep me down after walking through that battlefield." He scrambled to his feet. "Anyway, we're almost there. Thankfully this base has a backyard of sorts, otherwise I'd be drilling these recruits in the dark."

"This base has a backyard?"

"Yes, it does." Spike squinted his eyes as a light appeared at the end of the corridor. "They had better be there, otherwise heads are going to fly again."

Diana seemed surprised. "What do you mean, 'They had better be there'?"

"This batch is the most uncooperative of all of them I've ever had to train." Spike told her. "When I tell them to speak up, they don't. They never seem enthusiastic. They just sit there, snug under their little helmets, and ignore me." He sighed. "They just need to get it in their heads that this is a war."

"Do you ever discipline them?" Diana asked.

"I shout at them, sometimes, but I never hit them. They're like my children, you know? No matter how disobedient they may be..."

"...you care for them all the same." Diana finished. "Now this is the side of you I want to see for this interview. The more personal side. I think the parents in this place just might see you with different eyes after they see this."

Spike chuckled. "Thanks. I was wondering whether I was doing this right with those recruits, but now I'm quite sure that I am."

"You may sometimes need to hit them, though." Diana advised. "Punishment is necessary sometimes, but you must always make sure that they know you only want the best for them."

"I'll keep that it mind." Spike smiled. "Now let's go and finish this interview."

Dragon and pony stepped into the brightness of the backyard.

"Recruits!" Spike roared. "We've got a special guest today, so don't embarrass me in front of her, okay?"

No response.

The dragon sighed. "Never mind."

Diana moved a little closer to Spike. "Uh, you do know that those are-"

"Hold on." Spike whispered in response. "Let me just finish this first." He began to holler again. "Today, I've got a speech and a movie for you. Now, I don't want to hear any of you make any kind of sound at all. Is that clear?"

Again, no response.

"That's the way, boys." Spike walked backwards to the projector that hung on the wall next to the door they had just came from. Retrieving a remote controller, he turned back to the recruits. "Now, let me give you a quote. 'If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!'" He leaned closer as his eyes surveyed the area, meeting each and every one of the recruits' eyes. "Does anybody know who said that?"

Once again, no reply was forthcoming.

Spike sighed, bringing his palm to his face. "Sun Tzu. Sun Tzu said that. And I think he knows a little bit more about fighting than you do, pal, because he invented it!" He tapped one of the recruits' helmets. "And then he perfected it, so that no living thing could best him in the ring of honour!" He pressed a button on the remote.

Instantly, the projector flared to life, displaying the baby dragon brandishing a shovel and bellowing war cries. "Now," Spike said, pointing to the projector, "this is an example of a fight that is sure to result in victory. Watch. It may not look like it," he paused the movie at a scene where he blasted an enemy zebra hefting a grenade launcher with a rocket, only for a Scout to take her place, "but it is. And do you know why?"

Spike stayed silent as he unpaused the video. Instantly, another rocket erupted from his launcher, hitting the pegasus and creating a shower of blood. He rushed forward to the control point, but not before a Medic appeared behind him and ambushed him with a shower of syringes. Thankfully, Spike's tough scales absorbed most of the damage as he turned around and blew the yellow pegasus out of existence with his shotgun.

He then raced forward, firing rockets at a sentry firing bullets at a nearby Sniper. The machine sustained enough damage from his rockets that it was destroyed by the blast when he fired a rocket into the ground below him. The explosion under his feet propelled him through the sky and onto a nearby pipe, from which he could see the final control point. A RED Heavy guarded it, his minigun spinning.

"It's a sure victory because of the type of person you are. When you are strong and brave, you will never be defeated." One rocket from Spike's launcher gibbed the Heavy. The dragon leapt onto the control point. Suddenly, a decloaking sound echoed across the area, and a Spy appeared behind him, knife raised. Spike quickly spun around with his shovel and struck the unicorn in the face, sending her crashing to the ground. The video finally stopped as Spike pressed a button.

"That's the kind of person I want you to be, boys. Brave and strong. Don't disappoint me." Spike looked around, gazing at each of the recruits proudly. "To finish the story of Sun Tzu, just so you know what happened in the end, he used his fight money to buy two of every animal in Equestria." The dragon removed the grenades from his chest strap, and began to move them around the represent the animals. "After that, he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one!"

He chuckled. "And from then on, whenever a bunch of animals are together, it's called a zoo!"

Diana couldn't hold it in any more. "Spike, those aren't recruits. They're just decapitated heads."

The dragon didn't seem in the least bit surprised. "Duh. Did you not notice until now?"

"How are they going to help in the battlefield if they're all dead?"

"Military rations, obviously." Spike said.

Diana's face paled slightly. "R-Rations?"

"Yeah. What else are they good for?"

Diana composed herself as best she could. "Well, I think I'm done here. This was an... interesting interview. I wish you luck in the war."

"Thanks. Bye." Spike watched as the earth pony mare stumbled away, muttering "Oh Celestia, please let the next one be more sane" under her breath.

Spike turned to one of the heads. "She does know that I was joking about the rations part, right?"

The bodyless head said nothing.

Spike shrugged. "I'll take that as a yes."

Bonus: Meet the Soldier Alternate

A/N: This is an alternate bonus chapter (if you didn't get the hint from the title) that I wrote due to a request from SgtFrog. This is not canon to the story as a whole. Any further requests are welcome, though not all can be used as part of this story.

"What do you mean, he's not available at the moment?" Diana demanded.

"That's exactly what I mean." An irritated white unicorn mare told her. "He's not here. I have no idea where he is. We got a replacement just for today." She shoved a grey pegasus wearing a helmet forward. "This is Derpy Hooves. You can interview her today, if you want."

"Hi!" The wall-eyed pegasus waved a hoof, though who she was waving it at remained unclear, since she was facing a wall. The fact that her eyes wandered all over the place in different directions didn't help either.

"Look, I don't need a replacement, I need the real thing." Diana shook her head. "Miss Rarity, are you sure you have no idea where he is right now?"

"Absolutely no idea at all." Rarity confirmed. "Maybe you should interview someone else first?"

"No, I have to get the Soldier done by today, otherwise the Administrator is going to be very angry." Diana facehoofed. "Of course, maybe this would all be easier if it wasn't for the fact that he always schedules these things during battles."

"Then I'm afraid that she will have to do, miss Diana." Rarity gestured to Derpy. "Apologies."

"Never mind. It's not your fault." Diana turned back to Derpy as Rarity departed from the supply room.

"Hi!" The grey pegasus said again. "I'm Derpy Hooves!"

"Yes, I've been told." Where could Spike possibly be? Just because I'm a few minutes late...

"Now, let me give you a quote: 'If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!' Does anybody know who said that?"

"I need a phone." Diana looked around. "I must inform the Administrator of the current complications. Miss Derpy, might you happen to know the location of one, by any chance?"

"There's one over there!" Derpy used her front two hooves to point to both walls beside her. Diana glanced at both and confirmed that there was indeed no phone on either side.

"Miss Derpy, those are just walls."

"They're not just any walls!" Derpy wore a goofy smile. "They're phone-walls!"

"Ugh." Diana groaned. "This is going to be a long, long day."

"Watch! They work!" Derpy trotted over to one of the walls and pressed her ear to it. "See? Do you hear it? It's ringing!" She paused. "It's for you."

"I've already said this, miss Derpy, those are just..." A loud ringing interrupted her. "...walls."

Diana approached the ringing wall cautiously. "Hello?"

"Are you getting this, Diana?" The Administrator's voice echoed through the room.

"Yes, I am, Administrator." Diana answered. "Since you contacted me through the... wall... I take it that you are aware of the present circumstances."

"Indeed, I am. With this information in mind, I will allow you to interview Derpy Hooves, if she is going to be Spike's replacement as a mercenary for now."

"As you wish." Diana nodded. "I will finish this assignment by nightfall."

"Excellent." The phone-wall went dead.

Diana turned to Derpy, sighing. "Well, looks like I'm stuck with you today."

"Yay!"

"Where are you bringing me?" Diana asked Derpy, annoyed. "We've been walking through these corridors for a few hours already!"

"It's a secret!" Derpy said cheerfully.

"Well, we'd better be getting close to this 'secret' of yours soon." Diana growled. "Because if we don't, then I'm going to have to..." She glanced at a nearby door. "Wait a minute! This is the door to the supply room! We've been going around in circles!"

Either Derpy was ignoring her, or she didn't hear what she had just shouted. "We're here!" She said as she trotted into the supply room.

Diana's eye twitched.

Following her inside, the earth pony was once again greeted with the familiar scene of the supply closet and its surroundings, except that now the closet had a certain pegasus' head buried in it as her hooves tossed out random items.

"So," Diana tried her hardest to control her anger, "now that we're back in the same room that we started out from, what is it that you wanted to show me?"

There was no response. "Miss Derpy?"

"Ah, here they are!" The pegasus turned around, flapping her wings to support her weight, and dumped a bunch of helmet-wearing muffins on the floor. "Where have you been, muffins? We're fighting a war, and all you all are doing is sitting back in the supply closet?"

"Miss Derpy, those are muffins." Diana said. "They aren't alive. They can't hear you."

Derpy gasped. "Of course they're alive!" She clutched one close to her chest. "Don't listen to what the mean pony said. You're a really good muffin."

Diana facehoofed. I do seem to be doing that a lot more often nowadays. She reflected.

"Okay, enough comforting." Derpy dropped the muffin on the ground. "Now, listen up, all of you!" She looked at the exit from the supply room. "I have something to tell you!"

Diana settled down, moving into a sitting position. Well, if I'm going to watch insanity unfold, I might as well be comfortable.

"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight!" She paused. "Beethooven said that, and I think he knows a little more about fighting than you do," She pressed a hoof against one of the muffins' helmets, "because he invented it! And then he perfected it, so that no one alive could best him in combat!"

"Time and time again, he fought, and even when he couldn't win, he did! Do you know why?" Derpy kept quiet for a few moments to give the muffins a chance to respond. When none of them did, she continued. "It's because he was crafty. If he couldn't beat them head on, he'd do it with strategy! For instance, he one day used some of his fight money to buy two of every kind of animal in Equestria, and then he herded onto a boat. But he couldn't possibly beat them all by himself, could he?" The pegasus grinned.

"No, he went in with a plan! He used the rest of his fight money to buy a collection of irritatingly itchy ticks, which he dumped on the animals! The animals began to quarrel and blame each other for the ticks, and then, when they were distracted, Beethooven pounced on them, and beat the crap out of every single one!" Derpy smiled triumphantly.

"From that moment on, whenever a bunch of animals are arguing, it's called politics!" Derpy brought a hoof to her chin in confusion. "Wait a minute..."

Diana sighed, finally interrupting. "Miss Derpy, can your muffins move?"

Derpy thought for a while. "No."

"Can they fight?"

"No."

"Can they talk?"

"No."

"Then," Diana asked, "how are they of use on the battlefield?"

"Military rations, of course." Derpy replied, popping a muffin into her mouth, helmet and all, before spitting out the helmet.

"Yes, but you were talking to them, and food doesn't need to be talked to in order to function as... well, food."

"Of course they do!"

"Actually, no they... don't..." Diana watched as Derpy's eyes wandered further and further in different directions. "Never mind."

"Okay then."

"Well, miss Derpy, this has definitely been an..." Diana watched as the pegasus consumed another muffin, "enlightening interview, but I'm afraid that I must take my leave now." Thankfully. She added mentally.

"Bye!" Derpy waved enthusiastically.

"Yes, bye." Diana turned away from the wall-eyed pegasus and trotted out of the supply room.

A few moments passed before a sound reverberated around the room. It was a deep chuckle.

"Not bad, Derpy. An excellent act. She really thinks that you're mad." The Administrator said from the phone-wall.

Derpy smiled. "I know! Hold on, let me put muffin to bed first, and then we can continue talking."

A pause. "Uh... right."

Meet the Demomare

"So," the Administrator began, "you really want your next interview to be scheduled at a time when no battles are ongoing?"

"Yes." Diana confirmed. "Such an arrangement would be more efficient, time saving and safer, for both the interviewee and I."

"I see." The Administrator leaned forward and rested his arms on the table in front of him, never taking his attention off of the numerous screens before him. "Still, I think that battles show the characters of the mercenaries more accurately than interviews ever will. There is always the possibility of lying when telling an interviewer - especially one that they hardly know, and who works for another being that they hardly know - about themselves. During a battle, their real selves shine through, whether for better or for worse."

"But Administrator," Diana persisted, "A battle would endanger their lives and mine. Besides-"

"Diana." The Administrator barked. He turned around and stared straight into the mare's eyes. "They risk their lives every day just by fighting those battles. And as for you, you know what you were getting yourself into when you volunteered for this."

"Well, there's also the issue of time to consider-"

"Are you questioning my judgement?"

The earth pony felt a chill run down her spine. "O-Of course not, Administrator."

"Good." The Administrator turned back to the collection of computer screens behind him. "Still, I see a certain logic to your argument. Perhaps I should at least test your idea before dismissing it."

Diana looked up, her eyes sparkling with hope. "Really?"

The Administrator nodded. "Yes, but keep in mind that this will only be a test. I will observe the results afterwards, and pass my judgement."

"Thank you, Administrator!" Diana grinned happily. "I guarantee you won't be disappointed!"

"I had better not be... for your sake."

Diana gulped.

"Now, while I'm afraid that an intermission between battles long enough for your interview does not exist, I think I can let you interview the RED..." The Administrator consulted one of the screens. "...Demomare tonight, somewhere far, far away from the conflict."

"That's still better than nothing." Diana breathed a sigh of relief. "At least I'm not going to have to dodge lethal projectiles just to get to my interview anymore."

"If it's not a battlefield..." Diana winced she narrowly dodged the manticore's swinging claws, "it's a dangerous jungle full of carnivorous predators that just want to see me dead."

The manticore roared as it lunged towards Diana, fangs glinting in the moonlight. The mare sidestepped, letting the beast crash onto the forest floor, before she retaliated with a powerful punch of her own that snapped its head backwards.

Now roaring in pain rather than fury, the manticore swung his paws wildly at Diana from its awkward position on the ground. One claw just brushed the edge of the earth pony's front leg before she moved out of the way, scraping part of it off and allowing tiny drops of blood to escape.

Diana, gritting her teeth as she endured the pain from her throbbing appendage, lashed out at the manticore's head again, this time knocking it unconscious. She eyed the monster for a moment, ensuring that it was incapacitated, before galloping away as fast as her legs - injured one included - could take her.

At least the battlefield back at Thunder Mountain didn't have potentially life-threatening poison. She glanced at her leg, which was now oozing black blood rather than the healthy red. I just hope there's somepony nearby who can help me.

"Hello?" Diana called. "Can anypony hear me?" Receiving nothing in response but an echo, she repeated her question, but to no avail.

I'm pretty sure that getting blasted into smithereens trying to push that payload is still better than being poisoned to death out here...

"I am quite sure I heard the voice of a mare." Another voice came. Diana paused. "Hello? Is there anypony there?"

Diana immediately adopted a fighting position, pondering whether the new arrival would be friendly or hostile. I suppose I have to risk it. She thought. This poison might just be life-threatening. I just hope whoever is out there can help me.

"I am here." Diana replied, still keeping her combat stance.

Some bushes behind her rustled, and Diana spun around just in time to see a zebra emerge from behind the leaves. "Indeed, I was right, there is somepony here." The zebra noticed Diana's aggressive posture. "Do not worry, young mare, there is nothing to fear."

"Uh huh." Diana said, unconvinced. "How do I know I can trust you?" I don't even know who she is. And why does she always rhyme when she talks?

"It would appear that you have no choice in the matter." The zebra glanced at Diana's infected leg. Damn, she noticed. "Either you die, or you trust me." She paused. "You should choose the latter."

"What is wrong with my leg, then?" Diana questioned. "Prove that you at least have the slightest idea of what caused this, and it would make it easier to trust you."

"It is a manticore's poison. Quite dangerous, in fact." The zebra shook her head. "It seems that speed is something you lacked."

Calm down, Diana. Look on the bright side. She knows what it is, she might know the cure. Maybe the poison is slow-acting. "Can you cure it?"

"If we just move at a slightly faster pace." The zebra told her. "we should get the cure, back at my place."

Diana swallowed. "How much time do I have, then?"

"I would say less than an hour, so we must be quick. Otherwise, you will get very sick." The zebra turned around and trotted in the direction of what was presumably her home. "Believe me when I say that you don't want to wait. Any longer and you will probably meet your fate."

"I don't need a reminder." Diana put her weight on her injured leg and winced.

The zebra looked at her. "If you say so." She moved deeper into the forest. "Let's go."

Diana did her best to keep up, tolerating the steadily increasing pain from her leg as she trudged through the dense jungle. Her guide occasionally checked to see if she was still there, and a look of surprise flashed across her face every time she saw that Diana was still hot on her heels, despite her injury.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity to Diana, the trees on either side of the duo disappeared as they emerged into a clearing. A small hut occupied the centre.

"Follow me, we are here." The zebra pushed the door of the hut open. "Don't give up now, respite is near."

"Thanks for the help." Diana limped through the entrance before collapsing on the wooden floor with an oof.

"This is far from over, young mare." The zebra trotted over to one of the many shelves that lined the edge of the hut. "What you are going to experience is pain nopony can bear."

Diana smirked. "In that case, you will soon discover that I am no ordinary pony."

"Heed my words, you will at least want to be mentally prepared." The zebra warned. "You don't understand if you aren't even a little bit scared."

"It can't possibly be that bad." Diana snorted.

"Don't underestimate the agony this will bring." She removed a transparent vial which was filled to the brim with a bubbling green liquid from the shelf. "This cannot be compared to anything."

"You don't know what pain is until the Medic decides to operate on you without anaesthetic." Diana cringed. "It hurts just thinking about it."

"That will seem like a walk in the park compared to what you will feel." The zebra held out the vial. "Still, this is your antidote, definitely the real deal."

"Thank you, then, for your help." Diana reached out to take it, but the zebra pulled her hoof back.

"I should do it, you will not be able to. I would do the same, if I were in your shoes."

"Well, despite what the cynical side of me is saying, I trust your judgement." Diana gestured to her leg, a large portion of which was now several hues darker than its surroundings. "You might want to hurry, though."

"Are you sure that you are ready?" Diana responded with a nod. "Very well. Don't panic, and be steady."

In the moment it took for a single drop of the green liquid to fall from the vial onto her wound, a thousand thoughts flashed through Diana's mind. The most predominant one was that of self-reassurance.

"Relax, Diana." She muttered to herself. "There's nothing so painful that you haven't felt it before."

The drop hit her skin.

"OH FU-" Diana heard somepony scream, and only when a black and white striped hoof clamped itself over her muzzle did she realise it was her.

"Please, try not to be too loud. In the night, predators are up and about." Diana nodded silently, trying in vain to keep the tears back as the bubbling liquid ate away at her infected flesh. Somehow, it seemed to make her nerve cells ten times more sensitive to the agony she was in.

"Do you require a distraction?" Tears were now flowing down Diana's face like small rivers. "That would be a logical choice of action."

"O-Okay..." At this point, it was only her willpower that kept Diana going. "B-By any c-chance, have y-you seen the D-Demomare? I..." She stopped talking for a moment, her sentence interrupted by a fit of coughing that took half a minute to die down. "... I need t-to interview h-her..." If I didn't, I wouldn't be in this situation.

"It is the Demomare you seek?" The zebra laughed. "If I had known, I would have told you. It is to her that you speak."

Diana's right eye twitched, and it wasn't entirely out of pain. "All t-this time... the D-Demomare was right in f-front of m-me?"

The zebra held out a hoof. "Indeed. Zecora is my name, and destruction is my game."

I found her. Now that she knew she had to go no further, the pain became that much more bearable. She extended her hoof to shake Zecora's. "Pleased to meet you. My name is Diana."

"Ah. Not many would venture down this path, unless threatened by the Administrator's wrath." Zecora released Diana's hoof before she continued. "In that case, I suppose I should grant you your request, so that you may return home quickly and rest."

"Yes, thank you very much - for both the cure and the interview." Now that she was focused on the interview and what she would say, her mind hardly registered the fresh jolt of pain that rocketed through her system as Zecora applied a new dose of the green liquid to her wound. "Disappointing the Administrator has dire consequences."

"That is something I know... perhaps a little too well." For a split second, an expression of profound sadness crossed her face. "It was something I would rather not tell." As quickly as it had appeared, it vanished. "Please understand that I would rather not talk about that. It was a most unpleasant spat."

"I won't force you to tell me."

"For that, I thank you. Thoughtful ponies nowadays are few." Zecora paused. "So, shall we continue with the interview?"

"Of course." Diana chose a topic for a next question. "Forgive me if this is too personal a question, but why does everything you say rhyme?"

"It is the result of a terrible curse. Those are wounds that I still nurse."

"Ah, I see." Unimportant, then. It will not reflect her characteristics at all. "Well, it would be a tad impolite to inquire further, so..." Diana moved on to her next question. "Let me ask you this: Out of all the candidates Princess Celestia could have picked for the position of Demomare, she chose you. Now," Diana leaned forward, momentarily forgetting about her leg. "Why did she choose you?"

"In short, what makes you a good Demomare?"

Zecora stepped forward to apply another drop of liquid to Diana's leg before replying. "What makes me a good Demomare? Well, the others weren't too bad, to be fair. But in the end, I came out on top. Personally, I don't really know why." A mischievous sparkle appeared in her eyes. "But if I were a bad Demomare, I wouldn't be sitting here, discussing it with you now would I?"

"Good point." Diana agreed.

"Still, if I were to rank qualities' importance, I would place precision at the head. One wayward pinch of sulphur, one errant twitch, and we'd all be dead."

"So, you make your own grenades?" Diana asked.

"Yes, I do. It's not as hard as you may think. Though," Zecora rubbed her chin with her hoof, "the ingredients do sometimes give off a terrible stink."

"I can imagine." Diana nodded. "Oh yes, do you think I could have a few of those grenades? It would be most useful to have when traversing dangerous terrain."

"Of course you may take them, I have too many. Best to give it to somepony who doesn't have any." Zecora laughed. "Unless, of course, that pony is not my friend, in which case he or she will meet an untimely end."

"Thank you." Diana tried to get up, and winced when her leg reminded her that she was still undergoing treatment. "Um... do you mind if..."

"I will get them for you." Zecora trotted over to another shelf-covered wall in her hut and retrieved half a dozen grenades and a book. Trotting over to temporarily disabled Diana, she handed the grenades over. "Here, take this too." She then gave her the book.

Diana read the title of the book before raising her eyebrow. "'How to make your own Grenade Launcher'?"

"For potential Demomares. Who knows, one day we might need a spare." Zecora sat down next to Diana as she poured the last drop out of the now-empty vial onto the earth pony's leg. Strange, I didn't notice how little there was left in it until now. Diana thought.

"It's okay, I don't think I'll make a very good Demomare."

"We'll see." Zecora winked at her. "One day, you might even be as good as me."

"Well, thank you for the compliment." Diana stood up and trotted towards the zebra. The fact that she was cured didn't register in her head until a few seconds later. "And the treatment, too. Looks like I'm fine now."

"And thank you, too. You're not a bad guest. At least you're not one of those annoying pests."

"Right." Diana gave Zecora a smile. "Well, I think that's all I need for the interview. Thank you, and have a nice..." Her ears suddenly shot straight up into the air.

Zecora looked on in concern. "Is there something wrong?" She looked at the vial that once contained the cure. "I hope this wasn't too strong."

"Shh!" Diana put a hoof to her lips. "Listen."

Zecora shut up and pressed her ears to the wall of her hut. Diana could tell by the way Zecora's eyes widened in shock that she was now hearing what the earth pony had been the entire time.

"I know I heard something from here!" A mare's voice came from outside the hut, somewhere beyond the clearing.

"Eeyup." Another pony, this one a stallion, replied.

"I bet it's some RED team scum preparing to ambush us from behind!" The clinking of metal alerted Diana to the fact that they were armed.

"Eeyup."

"Come on, move faster! We've got to catch them while they're still unprepared!"

"Eeyup."

From then on, all Diana could hear was soft footsteps drawing nearer, and she knew that they had entered the clearing.

She turned to Zecora, only to see her holding a stickybomb launcher in her hooves. This time, it was the zebra who signalled to Diana to keep quiet. She obeyed.

Lifting her weapon so that it faced the closed front door to the hut, Zecora fired a volley of sticky bombs that stuck to the wall around the door.

Then, they waited.

Soon, just as Diana had expected, a BLU Scout and Heavy smashed the door down, their weapons aimed at Diana. When the Scout caught sight of her face, she relaxed a bit, though the anxiety was still clear on her face. "Oh, it's just-"

Zecora pulled the trigger.

Instantly, a deafening boom echoed throughout the area, and a large cloud of dense black smoke blocked the door, leaving Diana unable to confirm the kill.

"Now that didn't turn out so well." A familiar voice came from within the smoke cloud. It soon cleared, revealing Zecora staring down at the decapitated head of the Heavy. "They're going to have to glue you back together - IN HELL!"

Diana's right eye twitched again. That reminded her too much of a certain scene from the previous interview that she would rather have forgotten.

She coughed, drawing Zecora's attention. "Well, it was a pleasure to meet you." She extended her hoof. "But I'm afraid that I have to take my leave now. Duty calls."

"Well, in that case, I wish you good night." Zecora lifted her hoof to shake Diana's. "Be careful - the Everfree Forest gives you no respite."

"I'll keep that in mind. Good night to you too."

"So, that was it, then?" The Administrator looked up from the script that he had been reading.

"Yes, Administrator. Are you not satisfied with the results?" Diana asked.

"Well, they are sufficient. Personally, I would attribute that with the fact that you tangled with a manticore and later the Scout and Heavy, but the fact remains that you did not fail to deliver." He paused. "But are you sure that was all?"

"I am absolutely certain." A confused expression appeared on Diana's face. "Were you expecting more?"

"Not really more, so much as something specific. Did she say anything about your last interviewee?"

"You mean the BLU Soldier?" She cocked her head. "No, she didn't. Why?"

"You don't need to know." The Administrator said. "That should be all for today. Thank you for your help, Diana. Don't forget about your interview tomorrow."

"I won't." She nodded. "Good night."

"Yes, good night." The Administrator replied, somewhat distracted as he turned back to face the computer screens. "Could it be that..." He shook his head. "No, impossible. I've broken their friendship up already. But just in case..."

"Hold on, wait."

Diana stopped, her hoof about to reach the doorknob. "Yes?" She turned her head in time to see Zecora offer her a comb.

"Why don't you comb your mane? It looked more... presentable when it was straight."

Diana looked up at her mane. "Thank you, but I'm fine as I am. I appreciate the thought, though. In actual fact, the Administrator doesn't care so much about how you look as much as how you perform."

"Well..." Zecora hesitated. "I didn't stop you just for that, see... I kind of need you to help me."

Diana tilted her head in curiosity. I wonder what this could be about. "I'll have to see if it is within my power to carry out your wishes."

"Could you deliver a message for me? If you want, I could pay you a fee."

"No, the payment is not necessary." Diana dismissed. "Who do you want me to deliver the message to?"

"Could you tell the BLU soldier... that I am sorry? What the Administrator said was just a made-up story. Spike treated me as his sister, and I treated him as my brother. But after what we were told... we betrayed each other."

Diana swallowed audibly. "What... what happened?"

"Please don't make me explain, just tell him I apologise." Zecora said quietly. "Tell him we both believed the Administrator's concerned guise. But when we both know that tale was rotten at the core... I want us to be friends once more."

"I will tell him as soon as I can. Rest assured, I will not let the Administrator get away with this. I'm going to confront him my-"

"No, don't!" Zecora shouted. Then, when she realised just how loud she had gotten, she lowered her volume to a mere whisper again. "He cannot know. Otherwise he won't let you or I go."

"Fine, then." Diana growled. "But I won't let him win. Not this time! He's gone too far." She smiled at Zecora apologetically. "I'm so sorry that our meeting had to end on such an unpleasant note, but I guarantee you that I will do everything in my power to make sure that your message is delivered."

"Thank you, I feel like a great load has been taken off my heart. Hopefully, this friendship can once again start." She watched as Diana stormed through the smoking remains of the front door of her hut, striding forward with a vigour that her injured leg had not afforded her before.

When her visitor was finally out of earshot, Zecora heaved a long sigh. "Spike, why did it have to be so tragic?"

"Isn't friendship supposed to be magic?"

"...so if my interviewer comes looking for you, don't believe a word she says." The Administrator sat back, a triumphant look on his face.

"I knew it!" Spike's voice came from a small speaker on the table. "Zecora really did betray me! And now she got somepony else to help her with her ruse!"

"Indeed." The Administrator's smirk grew wider.

"Thank you so much, Administrator. I won't forget that she is my enemy. Ever. She won't be able to trick me with her weak lies."

"Good, good."

"You know, for a moment there, I was hesitating, wondering she really did betray me, but after this talk with you, it's all crystal clear now."

"That's good to hear. Also, make sure to keep my interviewer as far away from you as possible. She can be quite... deadly in melee combat."

"Thanks for the tip. I knew that you were the only person I could trust."

"Yes, and you would do well to remember that in future." The Administrator thumbed a button on the speaker, and the connection was severed.

"Ah, Diana." He shook his head as he stared at one of the computer screens, this one depicting the earth pony galloping across the plains of Dustbowl. "It was foolish of you to think that you could trick me."

This will be a good lesson for you, though. I will let you travel across that battlefield and risk you life again. You can do whatever you want, but in the end, it will all be for naught.

Sometimes, friendship just isn't worth the cost.

"And..." He thought aloud. "She has to learn..."

"...that we do not condone friendship."

Meet the Heavy

All was silent in the Administrator's room. The only living being there was the owner of the room, and he sat silently, watching his vast array of computer screens, as he always did.

The aforementioned absolute silence was subsequently broken by the door at the far end of the room opening with a creak, and a certain earth pony stomping in. The Administrator smiled as his chair swivelled around, allowing him a good view of his selected interviewer.

"Welcome back to base, Diana." The Administrator spread his arms apart in what seemed to be an invitation for a hug. "I trust your journey to Dustbowl went well?"

The earth pony, her body matted with sweat and blood, growled. "Don't try that with me, Administrator. I know what you did."

"Really now? Please, enlighten me. What did I do?" A wide grin on his face betrayed his glee.

"You know what you did." Diana wore an expression midway between rage and disgust. "You're a despicable, sadistic creature. You toy with others' lives for your entertainment. You don't give a damn about all of those innocent ponies that you're hurting!"

"What I've been doing is only for their own good, not to harm them." This is my favourite part. The speech. It's so good to know that I can control other ponies with means other than force.

"Then enlighten me, Administrator." Diana retorted. "Tell me why you broke their friendship up. If there isn't a good reason, I'm going to-"

"You're going to what?" He chuckled as he held out a hand. "You forget," he continued as Diana was lifted into the air, squirming and kicking, "that you are nothing compared to me. You can't harm me."

"Yes, I can." Diana shot back, the edges of her mouth curving up in the beginnings of a sinister smile. "Maybe not physically, but I can disrupt your plans."

"How are you going to do-" His eyes narrowed. "No."

"Yes." Diana grinned triumphantly. "I won't interview any more ponies for you."

"I will kill you." The Administrator warned. "There isn't a respawn point for the ponies who disobey me."

"I'll still do it."

"I will just replace you, then. Capable ponies are a dime a dozen."

"But ones willing to go through the danger that I have?" Diana shook her head. "I don't think so. You can pay them all the money you want, but it won't be much use to them when they're dead. No one is foolish, experienced, or familiar enough with this terrain, to do what I am doing. And survive." Her grinned widened. "Plus, I'm doing it for free."

Damn it. Looks like I'm not the only persuasive one around here. Perhaps my spell was a bit too much. He released his telekinetic grip on Diana, who dropped to the floor like a stone but still managed to land, unharmed, on her hooves.

"Very well. I will answer your question. And I guarantee that you will be one hundred percent satisfied."

"I had better be." Diana smirked. "Or else."

The Administrator glared at her. "I do not allow friendship for a reason, you know. Friendship is pain. Friendship is misery. Friendship is-"

"Spare me." Diana waved a hoof dismissively. "I've heard it all before. You told me all that when I first started working for you. What I didn't get was the reason."

He sighed. "I would have thought that you of all ponies would understand what it is like to have a friend whose job is to kill you." He paused. "And vice-versa."

Diana's look of triumph dissolved into one of severe discomfort.

"Their jobs as mercenaries - their only jobs, by the way - brings in the money they need to survive." The Administrator continued. "They have no choice but to follow the orders that the Princesses give them. And that is to kill each other."

"I don't want to hear it." Diana whispered.

Either she wasn't loud enough, or the Administrator was ignoring her, because he continued talking. "You should know the feeling. The helplessness that comes with having to follow orders. Especially the ones that you don't want to carry out."

"I don't want to hear it." Diana said, a little louder this time.

He didn't stop. "I'm always here, on this chair. I sleep here. I eat here. And," he gestured to the wide bank of screens, "I see everything."

"Before that fateful time, you always slept at 11pm sharp. And I must admit," he grinned, "despite the fact that it goes against everything I stand for, it was comforting to have some kind of constant here." His grin disappeared. "But that night, after you killed her, you didn't sleep at all. And since then, you haven't slept very much."

"I don't want to hear it." Diana spoke at her normal volume now.

At this point, it was clear that the Administrator was ignoring her. "Tell me, how did it feel to lose a dear friend? To know that if she had been anyone else, your heart wouldn't have shattered into-"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" Diana screamed. Instantly, the silence from before once again descended upon the room, her outburst having effectively silenced the Administrator.

This continued for a few minutes until the uncomfortable silence irked the Administrator enough that he decided to speak up. "What's wrong?" He asked innocently. I started this, I have to finish it. "I thought you wanted to know why we don't condone friendship? I'm just telling you why."

"Never mind. You win, you monster." Diana was trembling, though out of sadness or rage, he couldn't tell. Perhaps a combination of both. "I'll just get to my next interview now." She turned to leave.

"Somebody," He said quietly, just loud enough for Diana to hear, "has to do the dirty work. Somebody has to be the monster. It takes a lot of self-sacrifice, and oftentimes, because of this, the monsters turn out to be more selfless than the rest of us. It is they who have given up the life that normal ponies take for granted. And without them, the world wouldn't be as good as it is now. And, from one monster to another," he gave her a soft, genuine smile, "you're one of the best I've ever known."

Diana cast a look back at him, an unreadable expression on her face, before she trotted out of the room and shut the door behind her.

For the third time that day, the all too familiar silence returned. The Administrator stared at the now closed door for a few moments, ignoring the guilt that flooded his heart, before crushing it as quickly as it had arisen.

"A monster's job is never easy. But if I have to alienate everyone around me just so I can do it..." His eyes hardened.

"...then so be it."

"So, here it is then." Diana looked up and caught sight of the huge apple orchard sprawled across the undulating hills. "The site of my next interview."

She let her mind wander for a few moments, which proved to be a mistake. It stubbornly refused to let her forget about her conversation with the Administrator, and what he said bugged her to no end.

From one monster to another, he had said.

Am I a monster? She wondered.

At this point, she didn't know what would have been better.

While she wasn't paying attention, her legs continued moving, carrying her all the way across one of the apple fields and into the side of a towering barn.

"Ow!" Diana grunted and lifted a hoof to massage the newly formed bruise on her head. "What the..." She looked up. "Oh."

Blushing a bit, hoping that nopony saw her, she turned around and, seeing two green irises staring at her, promptly remembered that luck was rarely on her side.

Or, she thought, looking up at the big red stallion looking down at her, maybe I'm luckier than I imagined.

"Good morning. Are you Big Macintosh, co-proprietor of Sweet Apple Acres?"

"Eeyup." He said. A pony of few words, I see. Diana mused.

"Just to confirm, are you the BLU Heavy?"

"Eeyup."

"Excellent. I'm so sorry about that incident two days ago with the Demomare. Have you recovered yet?"

"Eeyup."

"That's good to hear. Even if the lights aren't working, at least the respawn point is."

"Eeyup."

"So, you are aware that you have an interview today, right?"

"Eeyup."

"In that case, are you ready for it?"

"Eeyup."

Diana smiled. Looks like luck really is on my side today. I've already met the pony I have to interview, and there wasn't a battlefield to trot through this time. Just a turbulent mental minefield after the meeting with... the... Administrator... She mentally facehoofed. Come on brain, can't you just give it a rest already?

She soon realised that Big Mac was looking at her silently, patiently waiting for her next question. "So... uh... have the past two days been kind to you?"

"Eeyup."

"Well... alright... do you like your job?"

"Eeyup."

"Are you going to say anything else other than 'eeyup'?" An irritated Diana asked.

"Eeyup."

"What?"

"Eenope."

Diana facehoofed, not mentally this time, as she sighed. Maybe I'm not so lucky after all...

"Can you tell me about your job?"

"Eenope."

"Your family?"

"Eenope."

"Your friends?"

"Eenope."

"Ugh." Come on, Diana, think! There has to be something to make him talk... "Your hobbies?"

"Eenope."

"Your talents?"

"Eenope."

"Your farm?"

"Eenope."

"Your... uh..." She looked around the field, searching for something, anything, she could use as a conversation topic. "field?"

"Eenope."

"Your trees?"

"Eenope."

"Your apples?"

"Eenope."

"Your gun?"

Big Mac fell silent. Diana grinned. Jackpot.

"What... about mah gun?" He said slowly.

"Well..." Diana stared at the minigun that lay near to his plow, trying to think of something she could say about it. "...for one thing, I don't see the hoof slot most other guns have that allow their owners to have one hoof free to pull the trigger when they are carrying it. Weapons like the scattergun and the shotgun have those. Even the sidearms, which are only used with one hoof, have straps at the side to allow the pony to hold and operate it with one hoof. Certain exceptions I can understand, such as the Soldier's rocket launcher, since he already has hands to use it easily, but you have hooves, just like most of us." She gestured to the gun. "And this gun has no straps or slots, just two handles." She took a second glance at it. "Come to think of it, it doesn't even have a trigger."

"Well, ya see, Flutte- I mean, uh..." Diana didn't miss the almost imperceptible blush that displayed itself across his cheeks for just an instant. "Sasha here is a very special gun."

She raised an eyebrow. "You named your gun?"

"Eeyup. She's a beauty, ain't she?"

"Um... it-"

"She." Big Mac corrected.

"She certainly is unique."

"To answer your question, Sasha here is bigger and heavier than most other guns." He explained. "A hundred and fifty kilograms, to be exact. Ah have ta use two hooves to carry her. To fire, I pull back the front handle, which lets me carry her and shoot at the same time. It's easier ta hit targets when ah can move ta adjust mah aim."

"I see." Diana nodded.

"It's important that ah don't waste any bullets. Sasha here fires two hundred dollar custom tooled cartridges," he leaned closer, "at ten thousand rounds per minute."

"Um..." She didn't know what to say. What could she say? "Sounds... expensive?"

"Very." Big Mac agreed. "It costs four hundred thousand dollars to fire this gun for twelve seconds."

"Wow." Diana was speechless.

"Eeyup." He trotted over to the minigun and lifted it up. "See, if ya look closely here, at the muzzle," he stared at said area, "you can see that..." he trailed off.

"See that?" Diana prompted.

"...SOMEPONY TOUCHED MAH GUN!" He bellowed suddenly, causing a startled Diana to stumble backwards.

"Uh... what?" She asked.

Big Mac ignored her. "WHO TOUCHED MAH GUN?!"

"Big Mac, I-"

"YOU?!" He shouted, interpreting her hesitation as a confession. "YOU TOUCHED SASHA?!"

"What? No no no..." Diana protested. "I'm just saying that... uh..." She gulped as Big Mac's menacing look grew more threatening. "...don't you think that you might be overreacting... maybe... just a little?"

"OVERREACTING?!" He roared. "THIS IS SASHA WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!"

This is it. Time to make a few wounds and hope to hit a raw nerve. "Calm down, Big Mac! What would Fluttershy think if she saw you like this?"

"F-FLU... Fluttershy?" The almost immediate change from furious to benign was abrupt, to say the least, but it was a change that Diana warmly welcomed.

"Yes, Fluttershy. You don't want her to think of you like that, do you?"

"N-No. No, ah don't."

"Now that you've calmed down," She gestured to the surroundings, reminding Big Mac of his current circumstances, "let's get on with the interview, shall we?"

"Yeah. Alright."

Diana was about to say something when she heard laughter coming from behind her. "What the..."

Big Mac looked around. "Who was that?"

"That... would be me." Diana turned around and came face to face with a white unicorn mare. "I am-"

"The RED Spy." Diana groaned. "Of all of the things to happen now-"

"-this is the worst possible thing?" The Spy finished, grinning.

"Well..." Diana considered. "Not quite, but close enough."

"What are you doing here?" Big Mac shot her an accusatory look. "This is mah interview, ya know."

"I'm just here to solve your little whodunnit." The Spy smirked. "I touched your gun."

Everypony went silent, until Diana erupted in laughter. "Seriously? That's the best you can do? Touch his gun?"

"Oh, I did a lot more than that, darling." Now it was her turn to chuckle. "I sabotaged it. If you notice now, it won't work." She smiled devilishly. "And good thing, too, because RED team is almost here to burn your barn to the ground."

To his credit, Big Mac remained completely calm. "Ah, so that was how Sasha got jammed. Mah little sister AJ fixed it for me already."

"And then, we will-" The Spy stopped. "Wait, what?"

"Ah fixed it already." He repeated. "And you thought you could outsmart me."

She growled. "I still can. This isn't over yet." Instantly, she disappeared into thin air, with nothing to indicate that she had ever been there.

Big Mac smiled. "Some ponies think they can outsmart me, you know."

Diana raised an eyebrow. "Can they?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe." He brought his gun up to a firing position and turned around just as the Spy decloaked behind him. "I have yet to meet one who can outsmart my bullets."

He pulled the front handle back, and numerous projectiles immediately flew out of Sasha's muzzle, riddling the Spy full of bullet holes. "Ain't so tough when ya can't outsmart yer enemy, are ya?"

"Oh, on the contrary." The Spy gave him a sinister grin, somehow still alive even with dozens of bullets embedded in her. "I have already outsmarted you."

"What-" Big Mac didn't have time to finish his question before Diana lifted a hoof and took the arrow aimed at his head to her leg instead.

"Hm." Diana stared at her wounded leg, the arrow having penetrated straight through the appendage. The blood-soaked tip emerged from the other side of her hoof. "Wow. Second time my leg's been injured this week. That might be a tad inconvenient in the future. But I'll deal with it when it's necessary. In the meantime," she pointed at the Spy. "Kill her. I'll get the Sniper. Just don't die, okay?"

Big Mac stared at her. "Why are ya'll helping me?"

"Because you're my interviewee, and I'm not going to let you die before I finish this interview." She explained. "And also, you might want to duck."

He quickly moved his head down, narrowly avoiding the rocket that whizzed over his head.

"I'll get the Sniper and the Soldier." Diana amended. "Can you dodge those arrows and rockets?"

"Ah'm not going to sit here idly. Let me take down the Soldier."

Diana glanced at the dragon running towards them. "Fair enough." She ran off, leaving Big Mac alone.

He turned to the Spy and snapped her neck before focusing on the incoming Soldier. He aimed his minigun at him and pulled the handle.

The dragon soon found himself hard=pressed to avoid the stream of bullets that came his way. He fired a couple more rockets, both of which Big Mac managed to dodge, and ducked behind the nearest obstacle that would shield him from the relentless attack of the minigun: a bale of hay.

Big Mac put Sasha away as he approached the bale of hay, preparing to ambush the soldier. He crept as quickly as he could while making sure that he didn't give his position away. His only worry now was that one of the Sniper's arrows would find its mark. That fear was quickly allayed by a loud scream that echoed across the orchard, and Diana, carrying a bow and a dozen arrows, trotted away from the scene.

The moment the Soldier realised that he had lost his allied support, he leapt out of his hiding place and fired a rocket at the Heavy, which, since he was right in front of the hay bale, was effectively a point-blank shot.

The Soldier flew backwards, injured by the blast damage, but in the time he took to clear his vision, Big Mac grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him into the air.

"It's gonna take more than just one rocket ta kill me." He smirked. "But now ya'll are dead. Not a big surprise." With a jerk of his hooves, he snapped the dragon's neck, just like he had with the Spy's. Dropping the limp body to the ground, which promptly disappeared, probably in preparation for the respawning, he turned to Diana who was trotting towards him.

"All clear over here." He called.

"Same here." Diana told him. "She was too focused trying to kill me to bother about you."

"Great." Big Mac surveyed the orchard around him and picked the closest apple off the ground. "Now let me just eat this, and the damage from that rocket ain't gonna matter any more."

She grinned. "Just a piece of advice: make sure there aren't any Scouts around this time."

Compared to just now, his blush was now very noticeable. "You saw that?"

"Yes. I was interviewing her at the time."

"Aw, geez..."

Diana patted his back. "It's alright. I doubt I would have been able to do much if I were in that situation anyway."

"Ah'm afraid ah have ta disagree. Did you see your reflexes just now when ya caught the arrow?"

"That would not have changed matters." Diana replied dismissively, Then, before he could continue, she said, "Well, that was a pleasant interview, but I'm afraid I have to rest up back at base for tomorrow."

"Ah see." Big Mac nodded. "But are ya'll sure ya don't need me ta help you with yer leg?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Diana answered. "I'm much more comfortable taking care of it myself."

"Well, if ya say so." He waved. "Goodbye. Maybe ah'll se ya'll on the battlefield next time."

"Maybe. Until then, farewell." She tilted her head slightly in respect before turning to leave. She hesitated for a moment, wondering if the stallion was going to be more insistent about her leg, but when the silence remained undamaged, she trotted down the road, back to the base.

Not too bad an interview, considering how some of the others went. She mused. What I don't want to do, is give the report in person to the Administrator.

I guess I'll just send him my script.

"Well," The Administrator chuckled as she watched his interviewer make her way back to what could be considered her home, "at least she didn't take an arrow to the knee."

He turned his chair around so that he was facing the door. He acknowledged the possibility that Diana probably didn't want to see him and would give him her report through his assistant, but on the off chance that she came to see him personally, he wanted her to know that he had been waiting for her.

I'm losing her loyalty. He thought. I need to gain it back through whatever means necessary. But...

I wonder if she knows that I really do care for her.

That night

This arrow in my leg is very irritating. Diana reflected as she tossed and turned on her bed. At least it's convenient place to keep a weapon should I ever need one.

Of course, her mind was quick to remind her that that wasn't the thing that was keeping her awake.

Damn it. She sighed and sat up. "Maybe a quiet night walk will calm my mind."

Getting out of bed, she pushed the door to her room open and trudged through the darkened corridors. She paused, however, when one of the doors caught her attention.

The light's in the Administrator's room are still on? Ordinarily, she wouldn't have done what she did, but in her defense, she had been through a tiring day, and she was half-asleep.

She entered.

Diana stared in surprise at the Administrator, who held the script she had sent to him in his hands while intently watching the door. When he didn't move at all when she stepped forward, her drowsy mind put two and two together and realised that he was asleep.

"Has he been waiting for me this entire time?" She whispered in disbelief.

She didn't know what to do. She glanced at the Administrator.

Does he really care?

She stared at the scene for a long time before lifting a hoof to the side of the door and flicking the light switch off.

"Sweet dreams."

She closed the door, and the monster was once again alone.

All was silent for a long while. And then, one eye cracked open, and a red iris stared at where Diana had been.

"Ah, mon petite pouliche." He sighed. "Quand trouverais-je le courage de tout te dire face-à-face? Maintenant, cette chambre vide et ces froids écrans sont ma seule audience, à la fois ma bénédiction et ma terrible malédiction.”

"Tu es le fruit de la discorde."

He smiled. "Fais de beaux rêves, ma petite Diana."

Bonus: My Little Sentry

The events of this story are canon to Meet the Team: Pony Fortress 2 and occurred before Meet the Scout. Inspired heavily by and based off of Story of a Sentry from the 2012 Saxxy awards.

The few hours just before a battle were some of the best. When everypony was gathered together, legally, since the Administrator couldn't object to battle preparations. That was when they could really be friends, without having to worry about another RED-Demoman-and-BLU-Soldier case. Best of all, nopony had to worry about the battle. The worst that could happen was humiliation.

Nopony was really in danger, after all. There were respawn points for a reason. In a way, it gave everypony a glimpse of immortality. Who would hate that?

Ordinarily, Applejack would have been hoof-wrestling with Rainbow or joking about Fluttershy with her brother, which always brought that oh so significant blush to his cheeks. But not today.

Today, she was going to do science.

The day before

"Looks like friendship to me." A hovering purplish-pink earth pony mare with rotating swirls for eyes and a baseball cutie mark stared at the computer screen that displayed the interior of RED base's resupply room.

"I know." The Administrator gripped the edges of his chair's armrests tightly. "And that is unacceptable."

"Then why don't you just cancel their preparation time?" The earth pony asked. "You can do that."

"I can't!" He growled. "They have to have time to prepare for battle. There's no reason I can give that will justify that."

"So what are you going to do?"

"That, I don't know, Screwball." He shook his head. "And it drives me absolutely crazy! I don't know how many of them are capable of using those blasted Elements of Harmony, and I have no idea where the Elemental necklaces are either! All I know is that Luna has three and Celestia has the other three."

"Do they know that they are potential stewards of the Elements of Harmony?" Screwball asked.

"No. Why?"

"Then I have an idea."

The Administrator raised his head. "What is it?"

"I'll show you." She removed a box from seemingly nowhere and placed it on the table.

He gave her a quizzical look. "A box?"

"A gift." She clarified. "It's from Valve."

"What's inside?" He flipped the box open. Slowly, as he registered what he was seeing, a sinister grin grew on his face.

"Thank you, Screwball. I know just what to do."

Present

"What are you doing, Applejack?" Twilight asked.

"Science, Twi." The earth pony replied as she hammered a screw into an incomplete sentry tripod mount. "Ah'm doin' science."

"Uh... right." She glanced at the rest of the assorted parts lying around the engineer. "Are you building a sentry?"

"No." Applejack replied, fitting the last bolt into the stand. "Ah'm building a masterpiece."

"Looks like a sentry to me."

"Technically, it is. But it ain't no ordinary sentry." She gestured to the nearby cardboard box that leaned against the wall. "Take a look."

Twilight gripped the box in her telekinetic field and lifted it up to her eyes. "Personality Construct Kit?"

"From Aperture Science. Whatever that is." Applejack dragged the main body of the sentry over and positioned it gently on the tripod mount.

"What is it supposed to do?"

"It has everything ah need to make a Personality Construct."

"...what does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything, Twi. Everything."

"Why?"

"Ah'm building the first Personality Sentry."

Twilight blinked. "What's that?"

Applejack fitted the muzzle onto the the almost-complete sentry and turned to Twilight. "This'll be the first sentry to be, effectively, a living thing with a personality."

"Why do you need a sentient sentry?"

"Do ya know how lonely it is all the way at the back lines, Twi? Nopony to talk to except you, but ya'll are always aimin' through that scope a' yours, and ah wouldn't want ta disrupt yer concentration, ya know?"

"Well, nowadays I use a huntsman, but that's irrelevant. You're right."

"Ah'm sure this sentry here'll be good conversation. Ah even installed a vocabulator, which should allow it ta talk."

"Wow." Twilight scrutinised the sentry. "Impressive."

"And she could be like the little sister ah never had. Since Big Mac's always off with Fluttershy now, she'll be mah family that ah keep close by."

"She?"

"Definitely." Applejack responded. "Ah even gave her a name." She smiled as she lifted a remote and pressed the sole red button occupying its surface. "Welcome to Equestria... Apple Bloom."

The little light beside the sentry's muzzle began to glow with a red light, and it spun three hundred and sixty degrees on its stand before coming to a rest.

"Confirming the proper functioning of the Aperture Science Personality Construct systems." A mechanical voice came from the sentry. "Critical systems operational. Vocabulator operational. Automatic electricity generator operational. Power at one hundred percent. Scanning for additional attachments..." The sentry's light blinked. "Weapons system detected. No transportation system detected. No outside controls detected. Mobility at ten percent efficiency. Downloading weapons system information..." The light flashed again, and the sentry bobbed up and down. "Download complete. Weapons system RED Team Level One Sentry Gun is now recognised by all Aperture Science facilities. Transferring control to the Aperture Science Personality Construct now."

The sentry's light flickered before darkening, and for a few moments, all was silent. Then the sentry reactivated, releasing a shower of sparks as its head moved to face Applejack.

The engineer sighed. "Ain't she a cute little gun?"

"Um, yeah, I guess."

The sentry, evidently curious about its surroundings, rotated on its tripod mount to survey the resupply room, her gaze eventually settling on Applejack's more familiar face. Despite the fact that she knew sentries couldn't display any emotions, Applejack could have sworn that Apple Bloom looked was far more relaxed with her maker in her sights.

Twilight smiled. "I think she likes you."

"Of course she does! After all, she's mah-"

"Attention. Mission begins in ten seconds." The Administrator's voice cut her off, echoing through the room. Applejack turned around to see the room for herself, and finally noticed that she and Twilight were the only ones left.

"We had better get going." Twilight gestured to the door. "Those control points aren't going to defend themselves."

Applejack nodded. "Yer right. Come on, Apple Bloom." She hoisted the sentry up into the air, much to the machine's chagrin. She let loose a flurry of annoyed beeps before deciding that the engineer wouldn't let her down.

Ah suppose that vocabulator ain't workin'. Applejack mused. Best get that fixed as soon as possible.

"Phase one is complete, Administrator." Screwball watched the monitor as the RED Engineer carried the sentry out onto the war-torn lands of Gorge.

"Excellent. How are the preparations going for BLU Team?"

"Almost as smoothly as we hoped." Screwball nodded. "They are gearing up for a full assault."

"Gearing up? They aren't ready yet?"

"Not yet. We've still got a few problems with the Pyro."

The Administrator frowned. "What kind of problems?"

"Apparently she refuses to fight. Something about how killing is wrong."

"Ugh." He facepalmed. "Why must she bring this up now?" He stood up. "Keep monitoring things while I go and take care of her."

"How?" Screwball asked.

"I'll think of it on the way." The Administrator said dismissively. "Maybe I'll slap her with a personality shift spell, or a hallucination spell." He paused. "Or both."

"Are you sure it'll work?"

"Yes. It's never failed me before. Just... tell some of the BLU team members to attack and keep RED distracted."

"Got it."

There was something about the metal floors of Gorge that irritated Applejack. Maybe it was the way that it revealed her location with a loud, echoing noise every time she took a step. Maybe it was the fact that it should have been used to make functional, useful machines, like Apple Bloom, instead of making up the floor that could easily have been replaced with wood or stone. Whatever it was that gave Applejack these sentiments, her sentry didn't seem to share it. Apple Bloom's head turned rapidly as she observed the very substance she was made of being used for a different purpose altogether. No doubt she was analysing it with her sensors and gathering as much information about her surroundings as possible.

"Well, we're almost there." Twilight said, taking the engineer's mind off of the annoying surface. She pointed at the outcrop of the main building which gave a clear view of the control point. "That's where I usually snipe enemies from."

"Yeah, ah bet that everypony's already setting up their..." Applejack caught sight of the rest of their five-pony team hiding at the outcrop. "...defenses."

"Should we get going, maybe?" Twilight called out to them.

Instantly, all three RED team members at the scene, Zecora, Big Mac, and Fluttershy, turned to the two and simultaneously hissed, "Shh!"

"Uh... what?" Applejack asked.

"Just trust me, do not go out." Zecora told her. "You will soon know what this is about."

"But the point is completely undefended!" Applejack protested. "We need to go!"

"Look more closely and you will know, why right now we need not go."

Applejack scrutinised the point carefully, gently placing Apple Bloom on the ground as she did so. The sentry gave a beep of relief when her tripod mount touched the ground again.

Like ah said, there's nothing there. She thought. No sentries, no Heavies, no Medics, nothing but the point and... Applejack stared at the point for a few seconds, hardly believing that she had missed that. ...of course. She facehoofed. Ah'm such an idiot sometimes.

"Look!" Big Mac whispered. "There's one." True enough, a lone soldier was making his way to the point.

To his credit, he was cautious when he saw that there was nopony around. He looked everywhere, trying to catch a glimpse of the defenders who were doubtlessly preparing to kill him. Finally, after a few minutes, he decided that nothing would happen unless he moved first, he stepped onto the point.

beep

The entire control point erupted in a fiery explosion of death, engulfing the Soldier instantly. Zecora risked a glance outside, and when all she saw was an expanding smoke cloud, she fired a few grenades into the fray and waited for a scream.

Nothing.

"All clear." The zebra confirmed. "There are now no enemies here."

Everypony cheered. "Good job, Zecora." Big Mac laughed, patting her on the back.

"Thank you. I should probably replace those sticky bombs before more arrive, otherwise I may not be able to take their lives."

"Wait." Fluttershy held a hoof up in front of Zecora. Her uncharacteristic resolve gave out a few seconds later. "Um, I mean, if you want to."

Big Mac looked at her curiously. "What is it, Fluttershy?"

"Not to bother you or anything, but there's an incoming Scout."

"I'll take care of this." Big Mac lifted his minigun.

"Actually, big bro, do ya mind if ah take care of this one?" Applejack asked.

He studied his sister for a few seconds, then turned his gaze to her sentry gun, which was now beeping frantically as it bobbed up and down. Whether in excitement or fear, he couldn't tell.

"Uh, sure, sis. Is your sentry up to it, though?"

"Of course she is!"

Big Mac raised an eyebrow. "She?"

"Long story. Ah'll tell ya later." Applejack trotted over to Apple Bloom. "Okay. Crash course. Do ya know how to shoot?"

The sentry nodded, firing a shot into the ceiling as she did so.

"Good. Do ya know how to aim?"

Apple Bloom shook her head.

"Ya got a targeting system. Just... uh... try and download the specs."

She nodded again, and the light beside her muzzle blinked a few times. Her head then turned to face the Scout on the control point. Applejack could practically see the metal gears in her head turning as electricity coursed through her wires, all contributing to a single purpose.

A bright flash at Apple Bloom's muzzle temporarily blinded the engineer, but a pained "Augh!" from the control point confirmed that the bullet had indeed found its mark.

"Good shot, Apple Bloom!" Applejack patted her on the head. "Heck, you're an even better shot than ah am!"

The sentry beeped cheerfully.

"Of course, if ah had a targeting system too..." Applejack grinned mischievously. "Want to try it again without usin' it?"

Apple Bloom nodded her head in a way that somehow broadcast the phrase "Challenge accepted."

"Let's get on with it then." Applejack whipped out her pistol from her belt. "Ready?"

Apple Bloom beeped eagerly.

"Then..." Applejack paused. It didn't take long for a fresh wave of BLU team members to rush out to the point. "Let's go!"

"Phase two is underway." Screwball spoke into a small microphone on the desk. In the Administrator's absence, she had decided to occupy his room so that she could observe the scenes of the battle and alert him about any unforeseen occurrences.

The fact that the room included one of the most comfortable chairs in history was purely a coincidence.

"Are you sure?" The Administrator asked, his voice being muffled slightly by the crackling of the speakers.

"Yes. Everypony moved pretty quickly when you showed up in BLU's supply room." She chuckled. "Except the Pyro, of course."

"Good, good. Have they been told about the sentry?"

"Yes, they have. They are all on strict orders not to touch it on pain of permanent 'accidental' malfunctioning of their respawn points."

"Then all is ready." The room quietened, with only the crackling of the speakers keeping the silence at bay.

Finally, the Administrator spoke up again. "It is done. We should have no more trouble with the Pyro. Just in case, though, I'm going to bring her here and test if the spell worked."

He continued. "Oh, and while you're at it, do you think you could call the BLU Spy here? She and I have some... issues to discuss."

For some reason, Applejack was slowly getting more comfortable with the metal floors. That was probably because Apple Bloom was so thoroughly fascinated by it.

A good thing, too. She thought. Ah'd hate to go crazy defending the final point.

"Hoo boy. You're a mite heavy, Apple Bloom. Ah still don't know how ya'll are still so heavy even though ya have no ammo left in ya." Applejack panted heavily, removing the sentry from her back and lowering her gently to the floor.

No matter how much she liked the metal floors, Apple Bloom certainly seemed to like her creator's back better. She beeped in annoyance when her tripod mount made contact with the ground.

"It's just for a minute." Applejack assured her. "Ah'm gonna rush over to the resupply room and grab some more metal. You just stay here, okay? Besides, ya got a great view of the..." She glanced to her right. "...control point. So just look out for any enemies. Can ya do that for me?"

Apple Bloom nodded vigorously, her little light blinking as she did so. She was obviously eager to carry out an important job - or at least what she saw as one - for Applejack.

"Good girl. Ah'll be right back." Without another word, the engineer dashed off to the resupply room.

In the instant right after Applejack left, many thoughts rushed through Apple Bloom's mechanical mind. The first was a concern about her ability to execute the task that had been assigned to her. The second was a reassuring thought that her maker wouldn't give her a job that she wouldn't be able to complete. The last one was not so much a thought as an analysis as to how to handle the situation in the most efficient manner.

Eventually, after much deliberation, Apple Bloom decided to go with the most advanced, deadly and crafty manoeuvre she could think of.

She settled into her role of rotating at a ninety degree angle at regular intervals pretty quickly. It was standard operation procedure, after all. For some reason, she always imagined that she would be sliding along a command rail of some sort instead of being nearly completely immobile with nothing but a tripod mount to support her, but she wouldn't trade her time with Applejack for anything else.

She was like a big sister that she never had.

The sounds of hooves trotting across those metal floors she loved so much made Apple Bloom beep in anticipation. Now that Applejack had returned, she could show her what she had accomplished on her own. She would be so proud of her little sentry!

Apple Bloom turned to the source of the noise and came face to metal face with a BLU Demomare.

It took only a second. Virtual targets locked onto the enemy. Weapons systems whirred to life. A new cartridge slid into place behind her muzzle.

She fired.

click

Uh oh. That wasn't good.

click click click

The Demomare was quick to realise that Apple Bloom was defenseless. A wide smirk appeared on her face as she advanced, Eyelander in hoof, towards the helpless sentry.

Her beeps, which for the past few hours had been of excitement and joy, had now been replaced with ones filled with panic. Subconsciously, invisible robotic arms within her reached for other weapons systems - neurotoxin, remotely controlled turret, anything - before succumbing to the same panic when they found nothing there.

Her short life flashed before her eyes. Just like her firing sequence, information came near instantaneously. What had it been, just a few hours? Not even a day. Barely enough time to scratch the surface of her creator's complex personality. In a sense, she didn't know Applejack. Not yet. But then again, this might have hurt more if she knew what she was losing. In a sense, she was lucky.

In a sense.

The Demomare was almost upon her now. The Eyelander, that cursed blade which had taken the lives of many, was raised in the air above her head. Apple Bloom quickly shut down her sensors, and awaited her fate in complete darkness.

A shot, a scream, and all went silent.

Seconds passed, and Apple Bloom felt a twinge of hope in her robotic heart. Tentatively, she restarted her short-range scanners, searching for a living being...

And a pair of hooves wrapped themselves around her tightly.

"Apple Bloom." Applejack hugged the sentry close to her chest. "Are ya'll alright? Did that mean Demomare do anythin' ta ya?"

Apple Bloom wanted to cry with joy and tell her just how scared she was just now, and how happy she was now that Applejack was by her side again. Instead, she just gave a couple of relieved beeps before relaxing and enjoying her maker's warm and loving embrace.

She'd pick it over a command rail any day.

The door creaked open, and a dishevelled Administrator stepped into his room. "Screwball, how's it going?"

"Well." She replied. "Phase two is progressing just as well as we hoped." She waved a hoof at the computer screen. "Take a look."

The Administrator stared at the scene before his eyes and grinned. "Well, looks like our dear engineer is getting quite attached to her sentry, isn't she?"

"As expected, of course." Screwball agreed. "How are things going with the Pyro?"

"She's a bit... unstable... but other than that there shouldn't be a problem. She can be back on the front lines in no time."

"That's good." Screwball turned her attention back to the screens. "Looks like BLU's out of time. RED wins this round."

"What's the next battlefield?" The Administrator asked.

"Badwater Basin."

"You sure the engineer's going to bring that sentry with her everywhere she goes instead of disassembling them like she usually does?"

"I'm quite sure. She's grown rather fond of the little thing."

"Then we're all done here." The Administrator turned to leave. "I see you've taken a liking to my command chair."

"I-" Screwball protested.

"Don't try to deny it. Though, for your hard work, I think I'll let you stay there and take care of things for me." He yawned. "Dealing with that hyperactive pony's made me really tired. Tell me if anything major happens."

"Can do." Screwball waited until the Administrator had left before sagging back into the chair.

"Phew. That was a close one. You're all mine, comfy chair."

If she had thought that trying to haul Apple Bloom all the way back to the resupply room was very tiring, the trot over to Badwater Basin made that seem like a walk in the park. But Applejack wasn't going to leave her dear sentry alone any more. Not after Gorge.

Applejack's legs wobbled like jelly as she lowered Apple Bloom to the ground as gently as she could in her current state. She'd chosen a spot directly behind a huge rock formation close to the enemy base where she, or more accurately Apple Bloom, could surprise any BLU invaders who decided to come their way.

Of course, now that she fully understood just how tiring lugging a complete and functional sentry gun around was, she wished she'd picked somewhere closer to the resupply room.

Apple Bloom, having been taken off her creator's back again, beeped in frustration. At least the floor at Gorge was made out of relatively comfortable metal. The dirt from the ground here was getting into her systems.

"Hush, Apple Bloom. 'Taint so bad workin' out here. At least it's brighter."

That, Apple Bloom had to agree with. The sun cast its rays of light down onto the battlefield, illuminating everything that wasn't blocked by an object. Unfortunately, with the light rays came heat rays, and dirt tended to accumulate in dry, arid, and badly maintained areas. Like here. She bobbed up and down a few times to expel the grit that had made its way into her tripod mount.

"Well, that's mah little Apple Bloom." Applejack chuckled. "But right now we got a bigger problem ta take care of." She pointed at the BLU base. "See that building?"

Apple Bloom nodded.

"That's where they'll be comin' from. Ah need ya to provide coverin' fire fer our allies. And don't worry," she smiled, "I'll be right next ta ya."

Apple Bloom gave a few beeps of gratitude.

"Well, now we just need ta wait." Applejack watched her teammates on the field prepare for battle. She waved at Big Mac as she passed by. "Hey, big bro! How's it goin'?"

"Just fine, sis." Big Mac assured her. "Good luck!"

"Right back at ya." Applejack looked around. "Say, where's Fluttershy?"

"Ah think she's takin' care of her animals or something. She ain't gonna be joinin' this battle."

"Oh. Well, we'll just have ta do without a medic then." Apple jack motioned to her sentry. "Say goodbye to Big Mac, Apple Bloom."

She beeped at him.

"Well, ah guess ah still have ta get that vocabulator of yours fixed, huh?" Applejack grinned.

Apple Bloom nodded.

"In that case, ah better-"

"Begin!" For the second time in as many battles, the Administrator's voice interrupted her as it echoed through Badwater Basin.

It took only a few seconds for Apple Bloom to lock onto her first target: A Heavy. A bullet slid into the firing tube.

"Wait!" Applejack said. "That's Big Mac!"

As if on cue, he shouted back, "Applejack, help! I got half a dozen BLUs on my tail!"

Apple Bloom wanted to apologise, but all she would do was beep in morse code, so her head followed the fleeing Heavy across the plains, wondering how best to convey her message.

"Apple Bloom! Look out!" The sentry suddenly felt hooves on her head, rotating her muzzle so that it came to face-

*bang* *bang* *bang*

Three BLU soldiers fell to the ground, dead.

"That was a close one." Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. "That's lesson one of war fer ya, Apple Bloom - don't take your eyes off the enemy. It ain't yer allies that are goin' ta hurt you."

Apple Bloom gave her morse code equivalent of Thanks for helping me, Applejack as quickly as she could before turning back to the conflict. Several well-timed shots took down even more invaders before the wave ceased entirely. With the sound of battle now conspicuously absent, an uncomfortable silence took root.

Minutes passed, and nothing happened.

"Hm." Applejack looked around. "Ah'm pretty sure they've all respawned now. Where are they?"

"Oh well." She shrugged. "If they're gone, that means we win. Feel good? Ya stopped them all on yer own. Good job..." A smirk grew on her face. "...little sis."

Apple Bloom beeped triumphantly. She'd not only actually done something important, she'd done it all on her own. And best of all - Applejack was proud of her!

If she could have jumped around shouting "Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!" she would have.

But nestling against her maker - her sister - was good enough.

"I'm telling you, we can't get past that sentry!" The BLU Soldier shouted.

Screwball couldn't believe her ears. "You couldn't get past... a level one sentry." She'd known from the beginning that there was no way the Engineer could upgrade her sentry without messing up the internal wiring of the Personality Core. It even said so on the side of the box. She also knew that there was no way she would put her little creation in extreme harm's way.

Then why couldn't these morons just get past one lousy un-upgradable sentry gun without getting themselves killed?

"I don't know how that sentry gun works, but for some reason its bullets are thoroughly overpowered." The Soldier growled. "It can kill any of us in just one shot!"

Must be something in the Aperture Science wiring. Screwball thought. An unfortunate turn of events. Of course, it could always be worse. If the spell in her microphone which broadcast her voice across the field didn't also make her sound like the Administrator, she'd have a hard time explaining why he had suddenly turned into a female.

She was also grateful for the authority it lent her, of course. It gave her the ability to do things she wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Like what she was about to do now. "Well, I don't care whether that sentry is ridiculously powerful. If you can't beat those bullets, then don't win any battles."

"What?!" Everyone in the resupply room cried out. "This is madness!"

"No, this is not madness." Screwball said. "This is an order! Now get back out there and fight! And whatever you do, do not destroy the sentry!"

"But this is insane!" The Soldier shouted. "How long is this going to last?"

"As long as it needs to." She responded. "Trust me, it'll be over soon."

"It had better." He marched out angrily, followed by everypony else. "At this rate, nothing's going to happen for a month!"

One month later

"...and then, the Headless Horse approached the poor, tremblin' mare with anger in his eyes. He leaned closer and said ta her..." Applejack leaned in closer.

"'Ya know that ya owe me somethin'... don't ya... sis.'"

Everypony, except Apple Bloom, gasped in unison. The little sentry just cowered in terror and wished she could hide somewhere. Too bad Badlands' resupply room had nowhere that could house a sentry like her, and even if it did, she wouldn't have been able to move over there anyway.

"'No, please!'" Applejack waved her wrench around in the air with her right hoof as she spoke in a higher-pitched voice. "'Please don't hurt me!'"

"'Ah'm afraid not.' The Headless Horse said as he drew ever closer." Applejack now made the item in her left hoof, her construction PDA, bob up and down. "'Now ah think it's time to-'"

*bang*

Suddenly, the PDA flew out of Applejack's grasp and fell to the floor. Everypony turned towards Apple Bloom, who was still shaking like a leaf in a storm and had a wisp of smoke rising from her muzzle.

"Uh... Maybe ah ought to continue later." Applejack trotted over to her sentry and lifted her onto her back, an act which had become much, much easier over the past month. "Maybe one of ya'll can take over with somethin' else first?"

"Okay then." Big Mac turned to the others. "Who's next for the 'We haven't lost any battles for a month' party?"

Zecora stood up. "How about me? I can be sure, you will feel my story's allure."

"Alright, Zecora, you're next."

"Thank you, now let me tell you a tale of times unfair. This is a story... of monsters and mares."

As everypony leaned in closer to listen to what would no doubt be another one of Zecora's entrancing stories, Applejack carried Apple Bloom out of the room and placed her beside the control point.

"Shh... it's okay, it's just a story..." Applejack comforted the little sentry, who was still quivering. "Besides, there ain't a Headless Horse strong enough to get through me!"

Apple Bloom lightened up a little.

"So ah take it that ya don't want ta hear any more of those stories, huh?" The sentry nodded. "In that case, why don't we just sit here fer a while until they're done? It's not every day ah get to spend some quality time with mah sister." She touched her hoof to her chin. "Well, it has been every day for the past month, but more couldn't hurt, right?"

If Apple Bloom had had a face that could display emotions, she would have been beaming with joy. The tone of her beeps said as much.

"Well alrighty then." Applejack lifted her wrench. "Let's try target practice first!" She flung it as hard she could. "Fire!"

*bang*

"Good job!" Ah suppose ah have ta get a new wrench soon, if this keeps happenin'. Applejack trotted over to the entranceway and retrieved her spanner. Ah think ah can almost see through a dozen of these holes now.

"Ready fer round two?" Applejack grinned. Apple Bloom nodded assent in her normal, silent manner.

"Go!"

*bang*

"You got it again! Good job. Wanna do it one more time, sis?"

Apple Bloom brightened even further at the last word. Sisters.

Nothing would change that.

"So?" Screwball moved aside to give the Administrator a perfect view of the computer screen. "What do you think?"

"Perfect." He told her. "And the Pyro's ready, too. Just in time."

"I take it that phase two is complete."

"Yes, it is." The Administrator turned to his assistant. "Commence phase three."

"Alright." Screwball pulled the microphone across the desk and positioned it where it would pick her voice up the best. "Attention, BLU team!"

All of the BLU team members, who were moping around in their resupply room, immediately stared at the speakers which the Administrator had installed.

"Your period of waiting is over. Now is the time to strike!"

Instantly, the room was filled with excited chatter. "Are you sure you aren't tricking us again?" The Soldier asked suspiciously.

"Yes." The chatter intensified. "And to make it better, I will give you the element of surprise. I won't announce anything until you start capturing those points. I think you can take about two of them before they are organised enough to make a proper defence." A pause. "And also, you can destroy the sentry now, should you happen to encounter it."

"Finally!" The Soldier roared. "Come on, BLU team! We're not dead yet! We've still got one more control point. Let's make it five."

Screwball shut off the microphone. "It has begun."

"Yes." The Administrator agreed.

"Is BLU team up to it, though? After all this time..."

"They are. I have returned the Pyro to their ranks. Their offensive push will be more powerful now. Especially with RED completely unaware."

"In that case, then we're done here."

"Technically, yes." The Administrator said. "But I'd like to be around to watch the fruits of my labour."

"So then, she walked up to Celestia, for on her she'd spied, and then she told her, 'I was never on your side."

Everypony was transfixed by Zecora's story. She had always been one of the best storytellers in the group.

"So with her knife the pony had, Celestia's throat she slit, and after all was said and done she trotted back to-"

"Attention. Our control point is being contested!"

"...shit."

Applejack, whose wrench had acquired a fresh new set of see-through holes, heard the announcement as clearly as everypony else in the resupply room had. "What?!"

"We've lost the control point. The enemy has been awarded additional time."

"Impossible. How could they move so fast? Fer that matter, why now?" She spied Big Mac leading the group out of the resupply room. "Big Mac!"

"We've cancelled the party, Applejack." His eyes hardened. "We might not win every single battle this month after all."

"Got it." She nodded. "Ah'll be right there."

"Alright." Big Mac turned to the rest of RED team. "Get your weapons! We're going to war!"

Instantly, Applejack began to wonder what she should do. Seeing how quickly they capped that point, we definitely got a lot of them out there. Which means it ain't safe for Apple Bloom. But if ah leave her here, she might be attacked again. She shook her head. But there's no reason fer any of them BLUs to come here if they haven't capped our previous points. Which means that if ah defend mah point, she glanced at the sentry, Apple Bloom with be safe.

"Apple Bloom, ah need ya ta do somethin' fer me."

She beeped happily.

"Ah need ya ta stay here."

Now Apple Bloom was confused.

"Ah need ya ta stay here because..." Think, Applejack! She won't want ta be told that it's fer her own good... "...well, just in case we lose the forward points, ah need ya ta be here to defend immediately. Got it?"

Apple Bloom nodded.

"Thanks, little sis. Ah just remembered that ah need ta fix that vocabulator of yours, though last I checked there weren't no problems with it. Strange." Applejack mulled over that for a few seconds. "Anyway, ah'll be back soon. And if things like these happen again in the future, ah got a plan fer that."

Applejack smiled. "How does a new friend sound ta ya, Apple Bloom?"

A new friend? She thought. That would be awesome! Her excitement was again expressed in morse code.

"Heck, why not make two friends! Then when ah'm not around, ya can spend time with 'em! Ya can make yer own little group. What about... the Capture Point Crusaders?"

At this point, Apple Bloom was bobbing up and down on her tripod mount enthusiastically.

"Good girl. As soon as ah get back, ah'll get right on it." Applejack patted her on the head. "See ya later, Apple Bloom."

As she surveyed the area around the control point on the spire, Applejack ran through a mental checklist of things she should have brought. Shotgun... check. Pistol... check. Wrench... She looked down at the bullet-ridden piece of metal. ...as good as it'll ever be.

"All set here!" She called down from the top of the spire.

"Good!" Spike, who was one of the first to arrive, shouted back. "This is the best place to entrench for now. We've pretty much lost the other two points to BLU already."

"It can't be helped." Applejack said. "We'll try to repel them as best we can from here."

"I'll help." The engineer turned away from the edge to see Twilight aiming at the ground with her huntsman, waiting for enemies to turn up.

"Thanks, Twilight. At least we'll-"

"No time to talk." Twilight released the bowstring, which propelled her arrow forward. She was rewarded with an anguished scream seconds later. "We've got company."

True enough, the combat at the base of the spire had begun. The sound of rockets and grenades being fired and subsequently exploding shook the ground hard enough for Applejack to feel the tremor.

"Incomin'!" She shouted. "Let's hold them off!"

It was a boring job, having to guard a place nopony was likely to attack soon. It was too quiet. Only the thought of new friends to play with her and her sister kept Apple Bloom awake and more importantly, on alert.

Hoofsteps behind her made her swivel her head around to see...

Just Big Mac. Apple Bloom breathed a sigh of relief.

My allies aren't the ones who want to hurt me. Just stay alert. I survived last time with no ammo, I can do it this time with it.

It just occurred to her how slow her brother - since Applejack was her sister - was moving, even for a slow pony. After all the time she'd spent thinking to herself, he hadn't even moved far enough to come into her field of vision yet.

Unless...

A sudden blast shook the ground especially hard, and Applejack turned back towards the edge just in time to see a descending sticky-jumping BLU Demomare. She let her reflexes guide her actions. In a second, the shotgun was in her hooves and aimed at the enemy.

*bang*

Without a sound, the Demomare dropped to the unyielding ground like a stone. Applejack turned and fired at an enemy Scout preparing to deliver a fatal blow to Twilight. In the two seconds it took for the Scout to realise where the bullets were coming from, Applejack had finished her off.

She reloaded her shotgun, getting ready for the next wave of opponents, when she heard a noise emanating from her construction PDA.

*beep* *beep* *beep*

It was so terribly familiar, but the month she had gone without hearing it dulled her memory.

*beep* *beep* *beep*

Where had she heard it before? What was its significance?

*beep* *beep* *beep*

And why did it fill her with a feeling of dread?

*beep* *beep* *beep*

Finally, she remembered. And the feeling of dread increased tenfold.

"Twilight." Applejack gasped desperately.

"What?"

"I have to go."

Twilight turned around. "But Applejack, if you leave now, we'll lose the point! Why would-"

She stopped short when she saw the answer in the engineer's eyes. The windows to her soul. There was anger and pain there. But most of all, there was sorrow. Intense sorrow.

Twilight thought she knew why.

"Apple Bloom."

She waved a hoof at Applejack. "Go. I'll try to keep them away for as long as I can."

"Thanks, Twilight." Without another word, Applejack leapt off the ledge.

"Yes!" The Administrator cackled. "It's done! She will never get there in time!"

"So... we won?" Screwball asked.

"Definitely." He answered. "I doubt she will have enough time to make friends when she's too busy getting revenge on the other team." An evil grin grew on his face. "I even have a finishing touch in store for her. See for yourself..."

She could never get there in time. Not in a million years.

But she could try. And by golly she would try her hardest.

Applejack galloped through the corridors as quickly as she could, knowing in the end that, no matter how fast she ran, she would never be able to make it. Not before Apple Bloom...

Her eyes teared up at the thought. Then the pang in her heart that almost tore it apart came when she realised that the outcome wasn't in doubt.

Her worst fears had come true.

Why... Applejack thought. What did ah do to deserve... this?

She rounded the final corner and ran into a nightmare.

Everything lost its focus except for that one sentry near the control point. The sentry with electricity arcing all across her body and a sapper attached to her head.

"Apple Bloom!"

The sentry looked up. Then, with a quivering voice, she said, "A- Applejack?"

The thought that her dear sister had learned to talk just when she was about to die broke Applejack's heart. "I'm here now Apple Bloom. I'm gonna save you!"

"It hurts, sis... It hurts so bad..." She hung her head in agony. "Can... can ya help me... please..."

Never before did Applejack wish so badly she could turn back time. Maybe if she'd known, she might have been able to stop it. Stop the murder of her sister.

If she could, she would have given up everything for her.

She rushed forward, wrench in her mouth, readying it for a blow that would destroy the sapper even though she knew it was too-

*boom*

...late.

For a few moments, Applejack didn't move. This has to be a dream. It has to be... She collapsed to the floor on her knees. ...Apple Bloom can't be... gone... The tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "Why..."

She hugged Apple Bloom's head tightly - the light beside her muzzle was no longer glowing - and her mind flashed back into the past. All the times she'd cared for her lovingly... All the loose screws she'd had to hammer back in... All the polishing she'd done for her beloved sister...

One memory in particular came back the strongest. The day she'd constructed Apple Bloom. When she had left her alone, she'd made a mistake.

One month later, she made the same mistake - even after she'd sworn never to leave her alone again - and it cost her sister her life.

There was no respawn point for her heart. She doubted there would ever be one.

Now she had a choice. She was going to die, anyway. One way or another. The BLUs were likely done capping the point-

"We have lost the control point!"

-so she didn't have much time. She could either mourn beside her lost sister, waiting for the enemy to finish her off...

...Or she could kill the damn spy who had executed her.

Is vengeance what ah really want?

In the shattered remains of her heart, she already knew the answer.

She closed her eyes and listened. No metal floors. Stone will have to do. It was ironic how she wished with all her might that she could have metal floors for this place rather than stone, which had been her suggestion for building material from day one. She'd hated metal floors. Apple Bloom loved them.

Now... Now ah want what ah hated.

Life was so ironic sometimes.

Now is not the time to think. She reprimanded herself. Now is the time to fight.

There. She heard hoofsteps, and they weren't hers. Somepony was coming from behind her.

She whipped her wrench around as fast as she could. It struck Big Mac on the side of his head.

"Ow!" Big Mac lifted his hoof to rub the sore area. "Applejack, what was that for-"

"SPY!" Applejack screamed, and slammed the spanner into the other side of the Heavy's head.

"Ah!" Slowly, the disguise dissolved, and Applejack found herself face to face with her most hated enemy.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Applejack. Did I destroy your sentry? Silly me."

"DIE!" The Spy dodged the wrench just in time to telekinetically draw her knife from her belt and retaliate. Applejack barely avoided the uppercut from the knife.

Ah'm outmatched. She avoided another slash from the knife and swung it in her attacker's general direction. It missed. She's got telekinesis. It's probably not enough to hit me with that knife when ah'm really far away, but she's already got the edge.

The only way ah can win... Applejack rolled out of the way of a stab and drew her pistol. ... is if ah fight her mah way.

The memories returned. One of the last times she'd had to use that pistol was when she'd been fighting alongside Apple Bloom to take down the BLUs at Gorge. Her skills were rusty.

But it would have to do.

She fired twice. The Spy ducked, and the bolts ricocheted off the wall behind her. Quickly, she drew her own revolver and fired at Applejack. She just barely managed to move out of the way in time.

All this time, it's been Apple Bloom doing all the practice. The engineer fell flat on the floor, one of the Spy's bullets knocking her signature Stetson off her head. Ah haven't done anythin'. There's nothin' ah could use to help me in this fight... is there?

As she returned fire, missing her target every time, it finally hit her. A few seconds later, the idea wasn't the only thing that hit her. The Spy finally hit her in the leg. "Ah, dammit!" Applejack fell to the ground.

"Well, Applejack, I'm so sorry about this, but it's just business." The Spy aimed her revolver at Applejack's head. "A headshot ought to finish you off."

Applejack knew that, at this range, the Spy would kill her long before she could kill the Spy. That was the enemy's advantage: proximity.

It's mah advantage, too.

She acted quickly and performed a feat that she wouldn't have been able to a month ago. She grabbed the Spy by her waist and flung her into the air.

There were two things that Applejack liked about unicorns on the other team. Firstly, their guns had no hoof-straps, since they had telekinesis to levitate their guns. Secondly, and more importantly, telekinesis required concentration to maintain.

It was hard to concentrate when flying through the air.

Applejack lifted her pistol and took aim. The Spy would travel in an arc, which made her trajectory predictable. So many other things in her life were predictable, too. Machinery was predictable. Science was predictable. Tactics were predictable.

Applejack liked predictability.

*bang* *bang*

The Spy's body, now sporting two fresh bullet wounds, fell to the floor, limp. But the victory was hollow.

She will respawn. Apple Bloom won't.

She pocketed her pistol and trotted over to her little sentry's remains. There she sat, staying by her sister to the end. Even as BLU team charged in, she remained motionless. And when flames engulfed her, courtesy of the Pyro behind her, she still didn't move.

Suddenly, the fire stopped. Applejack could still feel the burn taking its toll on her and knew that she probably only had a few seconds left to live.

But why did the Pyro stop?

She couldn't predict this.

5...

What could it be? What was the reason?

4...

Then she heard it. It was a sound that filled her heart with anguish. With pain.

With failure.

3...

After all she'd done, the entire fight was for nothing. In the end, she still lost.

2...

It was the sound...

1...

... of a Dead Ringer.

0.

Her world went white.

Applejack opened her eyes. Everything was still white. Even the birds were.

Wait... birds?

She took a good look at her surroundings. A grey sky provided the ceiling to an endless expanse of white that stretched in all directions. The doves around her seemed to be the only other thing in this place.

*bang*

Applejack took a step back, shocked. One of the birds circling her fell to the ground.

Then she saw her. It was often that she found herself trying to predict the unpredictable. So much that she failed to see what was in front of her.

"A... Apple Bloom?"

"Applejack!" The little sentry bobbed up and down on her tripod mount. "I-"

She was cut off as the engineer galloped forward and wrapped her in a big hug. "Apple Bloom!"

Memories of Gorge came back to both of them. "This reminds you of the old times, doesn't it, Applejack?"

"Yeah. Yeah, It does." Applejack embraced her sister even more tightly. "But now we're together forever."

"Forever?" Apple Bloom asked.

"Forever." Applejack assured her. "Nothing is goin' ta take ya away from me ever again. Ah'm gonna stay here and protect ya." She smiled. "Mah little sentry."

Screwball turned to the Administrator. "Are you going to stop this?"

"Not yet." He answered. "I'll let them have a little bit more time."

He waited in silence. The seconds stretched into minutes.

"Administrator?"

He seemed startled, before shaking his head as if he just came out of a trance. "Sorry, Screwball. This just reminded me of a... family I once had. I'm fine now."

"So..."

"Terminate it."

Applejack was sitting next to her sister, enjoying her company, when a loud explosion rattled the ground.

"What the hay?"

"Prepare to respawn."

"Oh no..."

Applejack looked around her. All over the place, chunks of white were detaching themselves from the overall landscape and falling into a gaping maw of darkness beneath them.

"Applejack?" The engineer turned to her sister, who was now trembling like she was just before the ill-fated battle. A lump formed in Applejack's throat. "I'm scared. What's happening?"

She couldn't respond. What could she say?

"Applejack?"

"Ah... Ah don't know." She lied, not daring to speak the truth out loud.

As more and more blocks fell, it seemed like the darkness was advancing. Even the grey sky had morphed into a jet-black one. The doves metamorphosed into ravens that flew around Applejack, as if awaiting her impending doom..

Applejack glanced down at the floor she was sitting on.

It was gone.

She fell.

"Applejack!" Apple Bloom screamed.

"No!" Applejack was thrashing wildly, trying to stop her paradise from dematerialising around her. "Let me die! Ah don't want ta live!"

Everything went black.

"AH DON'T WANT TA-"

She opened her eyes. The resupply room greeted her gaze. "...live."

She looked around her. It was Gorge.

She broke down and wept.

"Applejack?" Twilight's voice came from behind her. The engineer turned around. "Are you okay?"

"Twilight, ah think ah finally understand what immortality feels like."

"Oh." Twilight smiled awkwardly. "Did you like it?"

"Ah hate it. Ah wish ah was dead." Applejack grabbed her toolbox and exited the resupply room.

The sight of Gorge reminded her too much of what she had lost. She shut her eyes. They didn't stem the flow of her tears.

She set the toolbox on the ground and got to work, trying not to look around. Trying not to think.

Those control points aren't going to defend themselves.

Applejack heard the door to the resupply room open, and hoofsteps across the floor told her that somepony was there. No doubt that somepony was Twilight.

"So, Applejack," The Engineer could almost feel Twilight's awkward smile as she tried to cheer her up, "you building a masterpiece?"

The engineer looked at her toolbox. She could still build another Personality Sentry. All she needed to do was reverse-engineer the Aperture Science parts. And if her suspicions as to why it didn't work were true, she might even be able to fix the vocabulator. A little bit more electricity should be able to do the trick.

She could make another one, better than Apple Bloom ever was. She could replace her sentry.

But could she replace her sister?

"No, Twilight." Applejack said hollowly.

"Ah'm just buildin' a sentry."

Meet the Engineer

Last night's walk had been a relaxing one for Diana. It wasn't often that an opportunity to have some peace and quiet came along, especially in her occupation. Who knew? Maybe, in a different universe, there existed an Equestria which was peaceful and not the battlefield for an epic war between two alicorns that was overseen by the Administrator.

Speaking of which, she had heard the Administrator talking in a language the BLU Spy often used - what was it, Prench? - just before she was out of earshot. Of course, she couldn't understand a single word, but the Administrator had been asleep. Maybe he was sleep-talking.

That sounded enough like a flaw that she dismissed it immediately. The Administrator doesn't make mistakes like that. If he were prone to sleep-talking, he'd soundproof the room.

Come to think of it, why didn't he soundproof the room? It would make any conversations held within it secure from any eavesdroppers, and he could certainly afford it, if he couldn't cast the spell himself. If it had been some sensitive information, and the Spy had passed by and understood what he'd said, he could be in trouble.

He doesn't make mistakes like that.

So why did he?

Diana filed it away to mull over later. For now... She gazed at the thousands of apple trees around her, then at the piece of paper pinned to the arrow on her hoof. ... I've got to find out just where I am on this damn map.

"So, am I to assume that you, too, are unable to pinpoint our location?" Another pony asked. Diana turned to face her similarly lost counterpart.

"Yes, Rarity, I'm afraid that we're completely lost." She sighed as she rolled up the map and placed it in her saddlebags. "I don't think we could find our way out of this place even if we wanted to."

"Which we don't, of course." Rarity said. "My mission is to get to that Engineer and sabotage all of her sentry guns. And I'm going to do it even if it kills me. I will not disappoint my allies."

"That is, of course, providing that the rest of BLU team isn't just as confused as we are." Diana unrolled the map again.

"Any landmarks?" Rarity asked her.

"Yeah. Trees, trees, and more trees."

"Never mind." The Spy took her saddlebag off her back and began to leaf through its contents.

"What are you doing?" Diana asked.

"Making sure all these masks function as intended. It simply won't do if I find my target and discover all my tools don't work. Since I have time to spare now, I may as well confirm that they are in working condition."

"Really?" Diana put the map down. "Could I see them for a minute? I always wondered how they worked."

"Of course." Rarity handed the satchel over to her.

"Hmm..." Diana retrieved a mask and fitted it on her head. "Doesn't seem like much is happeni... is that smoke?"

"Yes. That means that my masks, or at least that one, are still untouched by any enemy saboteurs. Comforting to know."

"Alright. So, how do these things work?"

"Well, they've all been enchanted with class nine illusion spells."

"Class nine? Most unicorns can only cast up to class five spells without suffering from severe magical exhaustion. Of course, anything above a certain spell's class can easily override it or alter its abilities, but I doubt any unicorn could go around randomly casting class six and above spells at everypony trying to figure out who the true spy was."

"Actually, a higher class also makes the spell more foolproof, which is why these," Rarity gestured to the saddlebag, quite wrapped up in her explanation, "have been enchanted by Princess Luna herself. The stitching is all my own work, of course, but the credit for the true 'inventor', as it were, of the disguise kit, is the fine leader of our League. The Builders of Lunar Utopia aim to construct, not to destroy. We will give all ponies more power in their own nation."

Well, looks like I'm about to hear the BLU speech again.

"That is why BLU is the way to go. Long live the team. Long live Princess Luna. And long live the New Lunar Republic." Rarity noticed that Diana's eyes were glazed over. "Are you listening to me?"

"Huh? What?" Diana shook her head vigorously. "Yeah, of course I'm listening."

"Then what did I say?"

"You were talking about how BLU is about building and not destroying, and why it's the right way to go. Then you proclaimed the longevity of BLU, Princess Luna, and the Republic."

Rarity snorted. "Well, at least you were paying attention."

Good thing I've heard this enough to know the substance by heart. I wonder if the Engineer is going to recite the RED code to me too...

"In any case, here's your masks back." Diana gave the saddlebag back to Rarity. "I think I finally know where your prey is."

"Where?" The Spy asked eagerly. "The sooner I get to her, the sooner I can get this over with."

"Just keep quiet and listen."

Immediately, silence enveloped the area. A few seconds later, a huge explosion shook the orchard, followed by the continuous fire of a rapid-fire weapon.

"The battle has begun." Diana pointed in the general direction of the noise. "Go. Join your allies."

"Thank you." Rarity bowed slightly in appreciation before rushing off.

Diana waited for a few seconds before she decided that the Spy was finally gone. She then chuckled and opened her saddlebag.

"When will they learn," she took in the sight of the collection of masks that rested within the confines of the saddlebag, "that they should never interfere with my interviews?"

****

*bang* *bang*

Applejack glanced disinterestedly at the limp body that toppled to the ground near her level one sentry gun. The counter on the box beside her now broadcast her three hundred and twenty kills in a single life for anypony who wasn't too dead or dying to register it.

Another explosion rocked the valley where her sentry nest now resided, and several BLU team members were hurled off the slopes in a burst of flame.

Applejack sighed. "Reminds me a bit too much of Apple Bloom. Ah just hope that Diana's goin' ta come quickly, or else ah might just end up diggin' mah own grave in mah memories."

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting anything?" The unexpected intruder caught Applejack by surprise, and she spun around, pistol in hoof, ready to fire at-

"Diana!" Applejack's mouth broke into a smile. "Glad ta see a friendly face after so long."

"Likewise, miss Applejack. I must confess that you are the most amiable pony I've met so far. I have very high hopes for this interview."

"So do ah." The Engineer gestured to a pile of wooden boxes. "Please, take a seat."

"Gladly." Diana trotted over and relaxed on the boxes. "Shall we begin with the interview?"

"Sure. Let me just go over and repair mah sentries."

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I made sure that they - and by extension, we - are perfectly safe."

"Completely safe?" Applejack cocked her head. "Don't we have the whole BLU team tryin' ta kill us?"

"I already took care of that." Diana smiled. "I took the Spy's disguises, tied the Sniper's arrows to her bow, set all grenades and rockets to explode upon firing, filled the Medic's medigun with Jarate, and stole all the Bonk cupcakes. Nopony will ever get close enough to damage your sentries without being blasted sky high." Just as she finished, another explosion rattled the valley, and a blackened rocket launcher fell to the ground. "As you can see."

"Well shucks, ah'm honoured." Applejack grinned. "Ya sure put a lot of thought and effort inta this interview."

"Thank you, miss Applejack. I've had enough trouble with all my interviews so far to know that a little bit of early preparation wouldn't hurt."

"Well, at least ah didn't kill Spike. That interview was okay, right?"

"Um... yes. Definitely." Diana coughed. "So, first question."

"Go ahead. Ah ain't gonna lie to ya, if that's what ya'll are thinkin'. Ah'm about as honest as they come."

Honest, eh? Interesting. "I don't doubt that, miss Applejack." Diana smiled. "So, as I was saying, first question: How do you feel about your profession?"

"Ya mean do ah like bein' an Engineer?" She snorted. "Of course ah do! Would ah be doin' this job if ah didn't like it?"

"In that case, what is it about building and maintaining automated defensive turrets that appeals to you?"

Applejack put a hoof to her chin. "Well, there are a lot of reasons, but one of the most important ones is that it's predictable. If ah want ta build a sentry, ah know just what ta do. It'll do exactly what it always does, too. Makes life easier when ya know what's goin' ta happen."

"What about dealing with enemy Spies?" Diana questioned. "I find that anything but predictable."

"Most of the time it's just a matter of givin' everypony who comes mah way a little 'southern hospitality'." She chuckled. "And even if the Spy does get me, it's just a matter of goin' back out there and rebuildin' mah machines."

"Wouldn't they take advantage of that window of opportunity to capture a point or take the intelligence? That could prove potentially fatal in the long run."

"Ya win some, ya lose some." Applejack dismissed her question. "Even if they take the intel or cap a point, ah still got some fight left in me. And if we lose, ah'll just come back in the next battle with more experience under mah belt and, occasionally, a crafty new anti-spy strategy."

"So winning or losing doesn't matter to you?"

"If you're implyin' that ah don't take mah fights seriously, then you're wrong." She adjusted her trademark Stetson that had fallen a little lower than before over the course of the conversation. "Ah'll fight with everythin' ah got before ah let that damned BLU team and their little Republic take a new piece of land from us. All ah was sayin' is that ah won't let one defeat cripple me." She snorted. "That also means ah won't let one victory get ta mah head. Unlike a certain pegasus we both know."

"I can imagine who." Diana replied, her tone surprisingly neutral. It was a stark contrast to the exasperated tone Applejack had been expecting.

"Say, where is Rainbow, anyway? Ah haven't seen her in a while."

Diana sighed. "Please, miss Applejack, don't mention her again. I'd rather not think about that pegasus any more than I have to."

"If ya say so." She gave Diana a concerned look. "Are ya alright?"

"Yes. Yes, I am. Just some... unpleasant memories, is all. Now," Diana gestured to her interviewee. "Where were we?"

"As ah was sayin', ah take mah fights very seriously. Ah just don't let the outcome affect me too much, ya know?"

"A fine policy. It's not common to see somepony so resistant to the toll battles can take on the mind. When did you settle into this mindset?"

"It was... some time ago." Now it was Applejack's turn to sigh. "Normally ah wouldn't talk about this, but ah think I've kept it bottled up for too long."

"If it's something personal, miss Applejack, please do not force yourself to share it with me for the sake of this interview." Diana insisted.

"No, this is for mah good as much as yours. You're the first pony ta hear about this story, other than Twilight."

"Well, if you really want to, then feel free to share it with me. I assure you, nothing you say will leave this valley." Except on my report to the Administrator.

"It's okay, ah would've trusted you anyway. It's not like ya'll are a monster or anything."

Diana stiffened slightly. Thankfully, Applejack didn't seem to notice. That, or she chose not to react.

"Where should ah start? Hmm... guess ah'll just keep it short and sweet. It was in the middle of a battle in Badlands, see, and ah was defending one of our control points. That day, I'd brought mah... uh... sister... ta the battlefield."

"You brought your sister to the battlefield?" Diana asked disbelievingly. "Could she even fight?"

"...kinda?"

"Uh huh."

"Hey, ah'll have ya know that she was a fine fighter! Even better than me in some ways..." She wiped away the accumulating moisture in her eyes with a hoof.

"Please do not take it the wrong way, miss Applejack. It just seems rather dangerous to bring a pony without a respawn point to the front lines."

"Well, we hadn't fought any actual battles in a month, so I decided that it was safe ta bring mah sister with me ta work. She'd be alone at home anyway."

Diana scrutinised the Engineer carefully. She's not telling the complete truth, I can tell. I'll have to ask the Administrator about this. "When did this happen? In all my years here, I don't remember any time where there wasn't a battle of some sort raging somewhere."

Applejack looked at her strangely. "This was just a month ago. How could ya not know?"

"Just a month ago? Uh..." What was I doing a month ago? "... I suppose it just slipped my mind, that's all."

"That's a rather big thing ta slip your mind, don't ya think, sugarcube? Maybe ya ought ta go fer a checkup or somethin'. Ah'm sure the Medic will be perfectly willin' ta-"

"NO!" Diana shouted. She realised what she had done a few moments later. "Ahem. I mean, I'd rather not, thank you. I think avoiding a treatment from the Medic is in my best interests." But she's right. How could I possibly forget an entire month of no combat? I'll ask the Administrator. Maybe he knows something about this.

"If ya really think that ya'll are alright." Applejack said. "So, as ah was sayin', ah was defendin' the control point at Badlands, but I left my sister at the final point ta make sure nopony came close."

Diana was tempted to say something about the wisdom of leaving a pony with only one life alone with the task of defending a control point, but kept her mouth shut.

"But despite mah best efforts, that damned Spy managed ta get past everypony and attack her. Ah tried ta get back in time to save her, but... ah failed."

Diana put a hoof on Applejack's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't be." Applejack shook the tears that had dripped from her eyes off her face. "After that, ah realised that emotions are bad for ya. Good or bad, they cloud yer judgement and make things unpredictable. Ah brought mah sister ta work because ah would miss her otherwise, and ah thought she wouldn't be happy, which made me sad. Ah left the control point ta find mah sister, which made us lose the point and later Badlands, all for something ah knew was hopeless from the start, because of my emotions. If ah had been more level-headed, ah could have avoided that Pyro, and if ah'd been thinkin' straight ah'd have realised that the Spy was usin' a dead ringer."

Friendship is mostly emotion. Diana thought. If she's truly purged it from herself, like she said, then there's no need to worry about her ever becoming a Bearer of one of the Elements.

"If ah really want to win," Applejack continued, "ah need to be a machine. Cold. Calculatin'. Emotionless." Her eyes hardened. "Only then will ah ever be able to destroy BLU team like the worms they are. And when that day comes, ah will finally get revenge on that monster who killed mah sister."

"Not all monsters are evil." Diana whispered, more to herself than anypony else.

"What was that, sugarcube?"

"Nothing." Diana quickly said, in a fashion that she hoped did not arouse Applejack's suspicion. "Now, back to the interview. I noticed that you were getting rather philosophical towards the end. That's quite unlike you."

"Nah, philosophy's just not fer me, ya know? Ah'm an Engineer, so that means ah solve practical problems. Ah don't answer questions like 'what is beauty?' because ah ain't that kind of contemplative, deep-thinkin' pony. If ya want answers fer questions like that, you could always ask the Spy once ah'm done blowin' her up."

"In that case, what problems can you solve?"

"Like ah said: practical problems."

An awkward silence persisted for a while before Diana cleared her throat. "More specific, please?"

"Oh. Of course." Applejack gestured to the treeline behind which BLU team was hiding. "For instance, how am ah goin' ta stop some big mean motherhubbard from tearin' me a structurally superfluous new behind?" She picked up a Wrangler which lay on the ground nearby and aimed it at the clump of trees. "The answer?" Instantly, two pairs of rockets flew out of one of level 3 sentries and blasted a new crater-shaped clearing in the orchard. "Use a gun." Whatever was left of BLU team charged out from behind the wall of smoke the rockets had left behind. "And if that don't work?"

The moment they detected the incoming horde, every sentry gun in the clearing swivelled on their tripod mounts to face the intruders.

Applejack grinned. "Use more gun."

*kaboom*

The rapidly expanding of sphere fiery death not more than a few meters away from Diana forced her to shut her eyes, and when she opened them again she gaped at the carnage and destruction strewn across the ground.

The sound of Applejack's chuckling drifted over to her ears from beside her. "That's the only kind of art ah'll ever get into. Quite a nice picture, don'tcha think?"

Diana was too distracted to respond with anything other than an automatic affirmative.

Idiot! What are you doing? She mentally facehoofed. You're not supposed to-

"Ah thought so. This is the only real art veterans of war can appreciate."

"Yes." Salvage the situation. You're not supposed to look bloodthirsty. "The art of war."

"Well, that wasn't really what ah was referrin' to, but ah guess that works too."

"Yes. Yes, it does..." Diana said absently as she gazed at the pile of bodies at the centre of the blast zone. Something about those corpses irks me. Somepony who should be there isn't. Not all of BLU team participated in this assault; Last she'd heard, the Heavy was with his gun that he'd sent to the Engineer for maintenance just in case the Spy had gotten to it, and the Pyro wasn't here for this battle, which was lucky for the Administrator at least, since now the RED Spy he'd sent sneaking around to keep him continually informed of the BLUs locations wouldn't have to worry about-

Diana's eyes flew open wide as realisation struck her just as hard and suddenly as the blow to the back of her head. She tried to turn her head to catch a sight of her assailant when she felt the tip of a knife between her shoulder blades.

"You." Diana breathed.

"Yes, it is I. I have to admit, it was very crafty of you, stealing my masks like that." The very familiar voice of the BLU Spy came from behind her. "Thankfully, I can still do quite well with my Eternal Reward, and I can make do with the conjured masks for a while. Oh yes, before I forget, I found that disgrace of a Spy you sent to keep an eye on us." Diana could almost sense the smirk that stretched across the Spy's face behind her. "We had a little conversation, and it was unanimously decided by everybody who was still alive a few minutes later that I could assume her identity for a while."

Diana gulped. "Miss Applejack, shoot her, please."

"There ain't nothin' ah'd rather do right now." Applejack's shotgun, cradled in her trembling hooves, was leveled at the intruder's head. "But what about you?"

"I'll be fine." Diana stated. "Just shoot her." Applejack will shoot the Spy. I'm sure of it. She's probably already deduced that the Administrator would never send a servant so indispensable as his interviewer out to the battlefield without some sort of insurance. If she had emotions, they might get in the way, but unless she's managed to trick herself too, then she is exactly what she'd said she was. Cold. Calculating.

Kind of like me, now that I think about it.

"If you don't attack me, Applejack, I assure you that your friend here will be completely safe." The Spy grinned. "Surely you wouldn't pass up such an opportunity."

The gun in Applejack's hand wavered slightly, and Diana began to doubt her previous conclusion. Maybe she really was able to deceive herself into believing a lie. This isn't a life-or-death situation anymore. Then again, I suppose it never was Her eyes narrowed. It is, and always has been, a test. A test for Applejack. I can't help but wonder if the Administrator planned all this beforehand. That would be very, very much like him.

"Miss Applejack, shoot her." Diana repeated. "I'll be safe, trust me."

"Ah... ah..." Applejack sighed as she lowered her gun. "You win. Just let her go now."

Inwardly, Diana groaned. Looks like I was wrong. She's still a potential Element, then. I'll let the Administrator know.

The Spy smirked. "You thought poorly, Applejack, when you assumed that everypony was as honest as you." She slammed the knife down into Diana's back.

The smirk that was on her face disappeared when she realised that the knife slashed through the air as if there was nothing there. She turned her attention away from the blade to see Diana grinning at her from a meter away.

"Oh, sorry, did I scare your disguise away?" Diana she laughed. "No, that was your knife."

The Spy looked around her as every single sentry in the valley locked onto her. "Merde."

*kaboom*

Thankfully, Diana had time to brace herself for the shockwave that sent her flying several meters away. In her opinion, the dirt still met her curled-up form far too quickly, but it wasn't enough to kill her. She breathed a sigh of relief as she stood back up and brushed the dust off her coat.

Applejack was by her side in an instant. "Are ya'll alright? Did that Spy hurt you?"

Diana sighed again, though now for a completely different reason. "I'm fine, miss Applejack, but I think you might not be."

"What?" She cocked her head. "What do ya'll mean?"

"You are very honest. Am I correct to say this?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"No, I'm not. You lied. To yourself." Diana gathered all her belongings that were scattered across the ground and set off. "Well, this has been a most delightful interview, but I'm afraid that I must take my leave now."

"Well..." Applejack said, still a bit confused. "Goodbye then. Ah suppose ah have to thank ya'll too, fer helpin' me kill that monster."

Diana's eye twitched again. "It brings me no pleasure." Without another word, she departed, leaving an even more befuddled Applejack by herself, surrounded by all her sentries.

"...okay?"

A knock at the door woke the Administrator from his work-induced stupor. "Hmm? Oh, come in."

The door opened to reveal exactly who he had been expecting. "Administrator?"

"Ah, Diana!" The Administrator dropped what he was doing, which included a whirlwind of reports, his mug of hot chocolate, and a madly struggling Opalescence, and welcomed his interviewer in. "Tell me, how did the interview go?"

"As well as expected." Diana reached into her saddlebags and took out a bunch of papers. "Here's my report. And this," she hoofed over the whatever was left in the saddlebags, "should be returned to the Spy immediately. She will need it if she is ever to fight again."

The Administrator opened the bag. "So you managed to take her masks and her Eternal Reward. Impressive."

"It wasn't too hard dealing with her." Diana shrugged. "But the insurance did come in handy."

"I thought it might. I trust you are alright?" He gestured to her hoof. "You sure you don't need that arrow removed?"

"It might come in handy one day, I imagine."

"It's your choice." He said.

Should I ask him? Diana wondered. Oh, why not. What's the worst that could happen?

"Administrator, can I ask you something?"

"Of course." The Administrator leaned back in her chair. "What's your question?"

"Did something happen to me a month ago? I can't seem to remember anything from that period of time until about three weeks ago."

Suddenly, the Administrator leaned forward interestedly. "You can't remember anything?"

"No. Do you know if anything happened?"

The Administrator stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Well, last month was totally peaceful, since BLU team was being suppressed by new Aperture Sentry technology developed by the RED Engineer, though she hasn't used it since. As for your memory loss, I highly doubt that this was an accident. It is far more likely that this was intentional."

"Intentional, Administrator?"

"Yes." The Administrator told her. "I can't be entirely sure who did it and how, but what I do know is that there are spells that do exist that can alter memory, but those would have to be at least class thirteen and above, which no ordinary unicorn could cast. The only beings I know that are capable of such power are myself, Celestia, Luna and-" He stopped short.

"...and?" Diana prompted after a while of uncomfortable silence.

"No one else." The Administrator said curtly. "You may leave now, Diana. Go and do whatever it is that you do in your spare time."

"What about my amnesia?" Diana asked.

"I'll look into it." The Administrator's tone was sharp. "Leave, now, before I change my mind."

"Yes, Administrator." Diana bowed, then turned and left. What could possibly have caused such a drastic change in his demeanor? She filed it away with all of the other things she resolved to ponder later.

As soon as the door shut behind his interviewer, the Administrator groaned and slumped back into his chair. Comfortable as it was, it offered him no reprieve from the reprimand from his mind.

Why did I almost mention him? I know I swore never to speak of him again. Not until I finally end everything. Not until I win. Why did I nearly blurt out his name? He rested his head on the palm of his hand. Maybe I miss him too much?

No. It is impossible. I already blocked out feelings like this centuries ago. There is no reason for it to return now. There must be another reason.

But what?

I need to get my thoughts off this. He sat up straight. I need to think of something else. Something less... personal. He sat and stared at the wall for a few minutes.

...Diana. I can think about her, I guess. Where should I start? Well, so far, her interviews have gone quite well, as have all the assignments I gave her. A true talent. I must treasure her the way she... deserves... NO! The force of his thoughts pushed his table back a few centimeters. The way she must be treated in order to preserve her loyalty. That's what I meant to think. He sighed. Okay, change topic. What else?

The war. Of course. Both Celestia and Luna are playing right into my hands. Everything is going as I anticipated. Soon, the all interviews will be complete, and then I'll be able to see him agai-

"DAMN IT!" He exploded with magic-fuelled rage, propelling table, documents, saddlebags, mug and Opal alike away from himself at top speed. "WHY IS IT I CAN'T GET RID OF THESE STUPID EMOTIONS?!" Anger, part of himself was quick to bring up, is an emotion too.

He panted from the sudden magical exertion for a few more moments before collapsing back onto his chair. Destroying random objects will not help matters. He glanced at the remains of the mug of hot chocolate. At least nothing else was damaged.

As if on cue, his table split down the middle and cracked in half.

Never mind. He shook his head. I have to stay calm and collected. Only four interviews are left, and after that, I sense... something. Something bad. I still can't tell what it is, but I have to make sure I'm prepared for it. I won't let it ruin my plans. Not after I've gotten so far.

I guess... I guess having emotions doesn't matter has much as whether I let it affect me or not. And I'll be damned if I let it influence my decisions. I will be the emotionless monster I need to be. Nothing can and nothing will stop me.

"Now, back to my work." He turned his attention back to the control room. "Oh." He snapped his fingers, and a microphone appeared in his hand.

"Yes, this is the Administrator. Tell the Engineer she is needed immediately at headquarters." He looked at what remained of his computer screens. "There are a few... uh... equipment problems to be fixed. And while you're at it, bring me a new table, too."

Dear Diary:

I wish I could have fought in the latest battle. Our entire team was apparently destroyed by one RED Engineer. If I'd been allowed to fight, I think everything would have gone differently. Someday, I'll probably go against my orders and attack anyway.

But before that, what's more worrying is that my interview is coming up soon. It's either me or my counterpart on RED, and I have a sinking feeling that it's going to be me. I may be the last, but it's still too soon. I wish that things could go differently.

I think tomorrow is going to be Fluttershy's turn. I'll head out and see how her interview goes. Once I know what to expect, I'll know what to do. I just hope everything goes well.

Pinkie Pie

Bonus Canon Fix: Magical Mystery Cure

"Administrator!" Screwball burst into the room, giving the door and the wall it was slammed against a few new cracks.

The Administrator sighed. "What is it, Screwball? In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to work." He gestured to a small rectangle of soil beside his table. "This isn't going to dig itself, you know."

"Um..." Screwball hesitated. "What is that?"

"Nothing important. Oh, and yes, before I forget, please tell Rarity that her cat has gone missing in an... um... alternate dimension or something. It'll be back once I perfect this reanimation spell." He snapped his fingers, and a book appeared in his hand. "Hm. Perhaps I should have hired Starswirl the Bearded as one of the mercenaries at some point in time. I have a feeling he would have made an excellent spellcaster."

An awkward silence reigned for a while as the Administrator set a headstone in place on the dirt. Finally, Screwball spoke up. "So... I have some news."

"Good or bad?"

"It depends on how you can manipulate it to your advantage." Screwball glanced at the notes in her hoof. "It seems that a long-dead kingdom called the Crystal Empire has suddenly arisen in the frozen wastelands north of Equestria."

The Administrator stopped dead in his tracks. "The Crystal Empire?"

"Yes. Are you familiar with it?"

"...No. Please enlighten me."

"Okay, but we don't know very much." Screwball scrutinised the notes. "It seems that it is an empire which has a castle that is made almost entirely of very fragile-looking crystalline structures. It also has many tendencies which can be found in records of Equestria's history, dating back to about a thousand or so years ago. Building structure, district arrangement... you get the idea. This suggests that it was, at one point in time, connected to or even part of Equestria."

"Is there anything that could have provoked the sudden reappearance of this kingdom?"

"Not that we know of," Screwball answered, "but there is a possibility that Luna was involved."

"Why?" The Administrator questioned.

"Well, within a week of the Crystal Empire mysteriously spawning from nothing, she sent two delegates with a few hundred standard Republic troops to annex it."

"Those Republic soldiers have no respawn points, and Luna knows this. Why would she send them to defend a new piece of territory when it is likely that Celestia's mercenaries would tear them to shreds?"

"Well, Luna will dominate the battlefield there, now that her troops are holed up in the only defensive structure for kilometers around. She could also bring in her mercenaries, which would leave her other territories at risk, though, should Celestia launch a sneak attack."

"So, apart from all of this, is there anything I should know?" The Administrator asked. Unexpected news in three... two... one...

"One of the delegates is an alicorn." Screwball blurted out.

The silence returned as the Administrator wondered what to say next. "Give me a moment." He snapped his fingers, and a new mug of hot chocolate appeared in front of him. He took a long sip from the cup before dropping it on the ground and spitting the chocolate out in a high pressure jet that bored a hole through the floor. "WHAT?!" He screamed.

"Her name is Princess Cadance. She was apparently crowned by Luna herself, though we have no idea how she was able to create a new alicorn."

The Administrator knitted his eyebrows in frustration. "Cadance is probably not an alicorn, but only a pegacorn. That means she's not as powerful, and she certainly won't live as long as Luna herself... but this is still worrying, especially Luna's quick reaction to the apparently unprovoked appearance of the Crystal Empire."

"It is worrying, but there isn't much we can do to tackle this development as of yet."

"Okay, fine. Please tell me there's nothing else I should know that could change the entire game as we know it... again." Wait for it...

"The other delegate is Shining Armour, Cadance's wife and the BLU Sniper's brother."

The Administrator sighed. He snapped his fingers again and his cup of hot chocolate reappeared in front of him.

"Wait!" Screwball shook her hooves frantically. "Before you make another hole in the floor, let me tell you this: I made a countermeasure when I got the news, a few minutes before I came here."

"I don't know." The Administrator shook his head. "You're a really good assistant, but not exactly what I would call a good politician."

"Just hear me out, okay?"

"Alright, fine." The Administrator relented. "What do you have?"

"Firstly, just to clarify a few issues: Luna taking control of the Crystal Empire is, in itself, will not affect the war too much, will it?"

"Not really. Unless there is a large EMP cannon mounted on the castle that can destroy all of Equestria, it's unimportant in the long run. Why?"

"So the main problem would be..." Screwball trailed off.

"It would be that Luna now has more political weight than Celestia does. Not so much because she now has two princesses on her side, but because both of them are alicorns, at least as far as the general public can tell. Luna will never give up such a perfect opportunity to turn Equestria against her sister. No doubt BLU team's spies are already prepared to disrupt whatever effort Celestia puts in to even the playing field."

"So the answer is simple: Why don't we just give Celestia a pegacorn of her own?"

"That's the stupidest... wait, that's actually a good idea." The Administrator mused. "But not many ponies can survive the transformation process. What are my options if I choose to pursue this path?"

"I'd go for RED team's Sniper, actually." Screwball said. "Twilight Sparkle. She is quite the magical savant, after all. She would have the highest chance of surviving the transformation spell. My only concern is that it might give Celestia's mercenaries an advantage in battle."

"I wouldn't worry too much about that, Screwball. BLU team does have their Pyro, after all."

"True, true." Screwball nodded. "So..."

"I'll think about your idea. It's a good one, to be sure, but I will need to consider this for a longer period of time. We'll see if we can do it before her interview." He turned back to the headstone and began to magically chisel words onto its surface. "In the meantime, has the device been planted on Diana yet?"

"It's been there since her first interview, Administrator. Are you sure she'll be safe?"

"She has a respawn point. Everything will be fine. It's only a test of her abilities and quick-wittedness. I have no doubts that she will pass with flying colours."

"If you say so, Administrator. Now, if that's all..." Screwball gestured to the door.

"Yes, you can leave now." The Administrator said as he admired his handiwork. "It's a nice tombstone, don't you think?"

Screwball stared at the stone. "It says, 'Here lies Opal, dear friend and pet to Rarity, in possession of a low resistance to high-speed collisions with solid objects.'"

"That's what it's supposed to say. Looks like I did it right."

"...Okay, I guess I'll just go now."

"Bye." The Administrator waved distractedly as the door shut behind his assistant. "Hm... I should add something about the wall that cat damaged. It cost me quite a lot of bits to fix that one."

A knock on the door snapped him out of his contemplative mood. "Screwball, is that you again?"

"No, it's me, Administrator." A familiar voice called out. "I've finished the interview with BLU team's Medic. May I come in?"

"Yes, of course." He teleported back into his chair just as Diana marched into the room, metal object in hoof.

She lifted the metallic item into the air for him to see. "Do you know what this is?"

That looks familiar. Where have I seen it before?

Then it hit him.

Oh, ponyfeathers.

So, anyway, this is Meet the Team: Pony Fortress 2's response to Magical Mystery Cure. Twilight may be an alicorn in alternate-Equestria, but not here. Not yet. But soon. Rest assured, Twilight's new wings will not affect this story in any way, other than the fact that she can now move faster, reach the top of tall sniper nests more easily, etc. Okay, maybe it'll affect a little, but not too much. I hope.

Stay tuned! For the next chapter, prepare yourselves for the shyest, most fearful of combat, but still the most-liable-to-explode-with-rage-and-kill-everyone-should-you-threaten-any-of-her-friends mercenary.

It's time to go ahead wait to Meet the Medic.

Meet the Medic (Part 1/2)

Luna's luminous moon bathed all of Canterlot Mountain in its soft glow, bringing much-needed light to those who were navigating the occasionally perilous path to the capital city that spiralled around the mountain. It was, of course, constructed in such a way that it was completely stable and safe, but it tended to be anything but that when one was galloping down that path at top speed, trying to evade rockets, grenades and sentry gun fire while making sure they didn't force you over the edge.

Besides, the light from the explosions were enough to see by anyway, provided the source didn't kill you.

"Move it, zebra!" Rainbow shouted impatiently. "This Bonk cupcake isn't going to last forever!"

"What does it seem like I'm trying to do?" Zecora snapped back angrily while keeping up with the pegasus as well as she could. "Or does it look like I'm crawling to you?"

"Stop arguing!" Diana growled at both of them. "It's just the three of us here and what may as well be the whole RED team up on those ledges! The last thing we need now is to make enemies with each other!"

They both shut up. Diana sighed in relief. "Thank you."

"I still think she's slow." Rainbow muttered. A few moments later, she noticed Diana's irritated glare. "What?"

"I may be slow, but at least I'm not you instead; all your words are just as empty as your head!"

"Look, just shut up, okay?" Diana hissed. "And I mean the both of you. When I said keep quiet, I meant-" All of a sudden, her eyes widened. "Move!" She shouted, pushing Rainbow and Zecora out of the way just as a rocket obliterated the ground between them. The explosion pushed the unprepared Diana back several meters, almost sending her off the edge off the path.

"Well, at least that's over."

beep beep

Diana turned her head to see a RED sentry gun swivel on its tripod mount to face her. "Damn."

She managed to fling herself over the edge, finding what little support she could along the jagged, uneven cliff face just as a couple of rockets whizzed through the air, right where her heart would have been a moment ago.

"Rainbow? Zecora? You there?" Come on...

"We're here!" The Scout's familiar voice floated down from above. "Just let us wear down this sentry and then we can get you!"

"Don't worry, you'll get out of this today, especially since the Engineer's away."

*thump*

Diana didn't have to look to know what that was.

"Ah wouldn't count on that."

Two more impacts followed, eliciting a startled gasp from both Rainbow and Zecora. Oh no...

"You're not going to be able to dodge my rockets now." Diana could almost feel the grin on the RED Soldier's face.

"I can outrun your stupid rockets any day!" Rainbow shot back.

"Maybe, maybe." The pony Diana immediately identified as the RED Heavy replied in his characteristic drawl. "But ah'd like ta see ya outrun mah bullets."

"Both of you may have been too far away before, but you can't hide anymore." Diana heard the clink of metal against metal as Zecora lifted her grenade launcher.

"Who said anythin' about hidin?" The RED Engineer retorted. "Ya'll are between a rock and a hard place now. Are ya'll goin' ta face us or run and get shot down by mah sentry?"

She's right. Diana realised. Is there any other way out? Left, right, up down... She hung her head low. Well, looks like I can give up all hope of being able to see the Medic n- Suddenly, as she took in the sight of what was at least three hundred meters below her, something clicked in her head. That's it!

"Jump!" Diana hissed, just loud enough for Rainbow and Zecora to hear.

"Are you insane?" Rainbow whispered back. "I know I'm awesome and all, but even my wings aren't going to be able to support all three of us with our weapons and equipment!"

"It's not like you're strong enough to fly even without us. Maybe if the gravity were a little lower..." Diana shook her head. "Look, just jump, okay? I've got a plan." She paused. "Did you hear that, Zecora?"

"I heard you loud and clear, my friend. I just hope this won't be our end."

"It won't, trust me." Diana assured her. "Just do what I tell you when I tell you. Okay?"

"Okay." The two BLU team members replied simultaneously.

"Zecora, fire a couple grenades at them when I give the command, then jump. Rainbow, you can just jump straightaway."

"Ya know what ta do, right Spike?" Diana heard the RED Engineer ask. Oh no. Did they hear me tell Rainbow and Zecora the plan?

"If you mean shoot, then yes." The Soldier replied.

Thank Luna, they don't know. Okay, we need to do this now, and fast. Diana counted the seconds in her head. Three... two... one...

"Go!" She shouted.

Instantly, everyone exploded in a whirlwind of activity. Diana saw Rainbow silhouetted against the bright moon above her head for a moment before her outstretched hoof met that of the pegasus', and the Scout hung onto the appendage for dear life. The sound of two grenades leaving the barrel of the launcher reverberated through the air a second before Zecora herself tumbled over the edge and into the relatively safe embrace of Diana's back leg.

The instant Diana caught Zecora, the entire cliff was engulfed in the explosion.

"Rainbow, do you have another Bonk cupcake?" Diana called over the deafening sound.

"Yeah, why?"

"Eat it, now!"

"Now? But we're not in any danger-" She looked down. "Oh."

"I hope you're ready, because I'm letting go now." Diana said.

"Wait, wait! I didn't eat the cupcake yet!"

"Too late." As if to prove her point, Diana waved her two free forelegs about in the air. "How fast can you eat that thing?"

"It'll take me about two seconds."

"We've got ten seconds until impact." Diana crossed her hooves. "You'd better hurry."

Rainbow looked like she was saying something, but by then the roar of the explosion had been replaced by the howling of the air as they plummeted towards the ground at fatal speeds, so in between the extreme danger and the noise, Diana missed what she said. It couldn't have been important anyway. I hope.

"I'm done!" Rainbow hollered. "What now?"

"Get below Zecora and me!" Diana ordered. "You're going to cushion our fall!"

"Wait, what?! Hey, like I said two seconds ago, just because I won't get injured doesn't mean I don't feel any pain at a-"

*splat*

The world froze.

Slowly but surely, Diana got back onto her feet, surveying her surroundings as she did so. The BLU team-occupied Canterlot Valley comprised of a single, shallow sinkhole that was surrounded by small hills on all sides. The camp had been set up as close to or directly beneath the path to Canterlot to make life as difficult as possible for enemy Snipers. The downside was that they had to deal with constant ambushes from the underground sewers that emptied its waste adjacent to the camp. Despite the presence of allied sentries all over the base and even in the sewer system itself, enemies always managed to sneak in with the aid of their Spies.

But for now, thankfully, the area was as secure as it could be. BLU team was too busy watching their backs to mount an assault on Canterlot, and RED team was more concerned with securing the capital than wiping out the opposition. At some point, when they were certain that their defenses were impenetrable, they might attack - but until then, the valley was safe.

What was even more reassuring for Diana was the feeling of cold, hard steel under her hooves. To be specific, the cold, hard steel that made up the roof of the makeshift clinic that was the medical hub of BLU's temporary base. She had landed exactly where she had anticipated. She was pleased, to say the least. It proved that her skills hadn't diminished in her time as an interviewer.

She turned around. "Is everypony okay?"

"I owe you my thanks, for I still live." Zecora nodded. "But that is all I have to give."

"How about you, Rainbow?"

"...ouch."

"Suck it up." Diana leaned over the side of the surface she had landed on and peered down. "Well, looks like we're exactly where we need to go. Come on, let's-" She was suddenly interrupted by a beep that came from the bottom of the structure. "Now what was tha-"

She managed to pull her head in just as a flurry of bullets riddled her mane with dozens of tiny holes. "Zecora! Rainbow!" She hissed. "They got a sentry down there!"

"It can't be." Rainbow replied. "This is our base. There's no way those REDs could get into here and build a sentry."

"Then explain this." Diana waved her mane in front of the two of them.

"Hm... This is most intriguing. I will have a look." Zecora gazed over the edge and waved a hoof at whoever was down there before turning back to Diana. "There are no enemies down there. One glance was all it took."

"But... but... then how..."

"There is only a BLU sentry there, so as we now know," Zecora aimed her grenade launcher at Diana. "You are no friend of ours. Only a foe."

"Wait, what?"

"The zebra's right." Rainbow commented after examining what Zecora had seen. "There are no REDs down there. So since the sentry shot at you..." She whipped out her scattergun. "You must be RED."

"Hold on. Are you two crazy?" Diana snapped. "You saw the RED sentry shoot at me on the cliff. I can't be RED."

"But the BLU sentry shot at you. So that means that you-"

"Look, I'm not RED team. I'm the Administrator's interviewer. Besides, there's no way I would have leaned over the edge if I was RED, since I know that there are sentries at every damn corner of this place."

"At the moment, your words do appear to be true. But that doesn't mean that I will trust you."

Diana groaned. "Just call that Engineer up here, please? Maybe she knows what is going on here."

"I'll do it. Make sure she doesn't move." Rainbow ordered. After Zecora gave an affirmative nod, she turned to the Engineer and yelled, "Hey Applejack! Could you come up here for a second?"

"Sure can!" A second later, Applejack came flying up onto the roof, her hooves trailing flames from her sentry jump. She tucked her hooves close to her body as she aimed to land in a flying roll, only to hit her head on the metallic surface and collapse in a heap.

"You alright, Applejack?" Rainbow asked, concerned.

"Ah'm fine." Applejack stood up and dusted herself off. "Now, why'd ya call me up here?"

"We think Diana's RED team, since your sentry shot at her, but the RED sentry attacked her, too. Now we're not too sure."

"Alright. Let me see what ah can do." She trotted over to Diana and examined her. "Nothin' out of the ordinary ah can see. Can ah have a look at yer saddlebags?"

"My - My saddlebags?" As if on instinct, Diana drew a protective hoof around the object in question. "I... uh..."

"Ah'm not gonna judge ya, if that's what ya'll afraid of." Applejack took a step forward. "Unless ya'll really are RED."

"I... Oh, I give up." Diana threw her saddlebags over to Applejack, who caught it deftly with a hoof. "Just make it quick."

"Thank ya kindly." Applejack shooed Rainbow and Zecora away before opening the saddlebag and peering inside. A grand total of two seconds later, Applejack gave Diana a questioning gaze.

"You said you wouldn't judge." Diana accused, a blush rapidly forming on her cheeks.

"And ah never said ah was." Applejack responded. "Now let's see what we have here, besides all this... other stuff... ah! There we go." The Engineer pulled a circular metal device that glowed an eerie red. "Ah think this is what ya'll are lookin' for."

Diana gawked. "Where did you find that? And more importantly, what is that?"

"It was all the way at the bottom of the bag, hidden underneath a pile of fabric. And as for what it is..." Applejack trotted over to the edge of the surface and held the device in plain view of her sentry. She quickly drew her hoof in just before a flurry of bullets ripped through the air. "Need ah say more?"

"Wha... how... huh?" For the first time in a long while, Diana was utterly confused.

"Let me help ya with that." Applejack whipped out her pistol and put a bullet right through the middle of the device. She handed it back to Diana. "Ya can have it back now. Ah have a feelin' that it'll be handy when yer questioning whoever put that in yer bag."

"Yes, I think it will." Diana accepted the device and her saddlebags back from Applejack. "Oh, and by the way: Don't tell anyone about what's in my saddlebag. I prefer to keep my... interests... private."

"Ah swear, ah won't tell nopony."

"Grammatically speaking, that means you'll tell everypony."

Applejack sighed. "Ah won't tell anypony. Are ya'll happy now?"

"I'm still unconvinced."

"Cross mah heart and hope ta fly, stick a cupcake in mah eye." Applejack glared at Diana. "Now are ya'll satisfied?"

"Very. I'll make sure Pinkie comes after you if you take advantage of my trust in you." Diana nodded. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Medic to interview." Without another word, she leapt off the edge.

As soon as she was sure that Diana was out of hearing range, Rainbow prodded Applejack in her side. "Come on, Applejack, how juicy was that stuff Diana had?"

"Ah made a Pinkie Promise, and ah'm not about to break it." Applejack stated flatly. "The last thing ah want is her comin' after me." The Engineer gestured to the edge. "Ya'll had better follow Diana now before she gets suspicious."

"Hmph." Rainbow hovered off the edge. "You're no fun at all."

"Better off no fun than dead. Now hurry up. You too Zecora."

Diana pushed the door to the relatively small clinic open. The one back at headquarters was far larger and staffed with doctors that probably had more degrees in medical science than the Medic herself. Not that it was hard to outdo her when she had only one that was likely a fake.

She surveyed the waiting room of the clinic. It took her only one moment to identify the resupply closet. Just what Rainbow and Zecora need. Speaking of them...

As if on cue, the two of them burst into the room.

"Closet's over there." Diana pointed at the resupply closet. "Knock yourselves out."

"I'd rather do that myself before those REDs do it for me. Thanks, Diana!"

"No problem." She chuckled. "Now that I think about it, you ought to thank the Administrator, too. I mightn't have been there to help you in the first place if he hadn't sent me there."

"The Administrator sent you there?" Rainbow inquired in between gulps of the life-giving fluid contained within a minor health pack.. "For what?"

"It's classified." Diana said curtly. "Now, I don't know where you two have to be, but its probably not in this operating theatre."

"You got that right. Come on, zebra, let's go."

"My name is Zecora, and that's what I'd like to be called. If anypony else did this I would be truly appalled."

"Hey, there's a reason why I don't call you by your-"

"Will the both of you just get out already?" Diana snarled. "I do not want to go into this interview angry."

"Fine, fine." Rainbow pushed the door open. "Sheesh. It's not like us arguing actually got us into any trouble."

Using her very last ounce of self-restraint, Diana just managed to stop herself from strangling the pegasus.

"Goodbye, Rainbow." She hissed.

"Yeah, goodbye, whatever." Rainbow pushed the door open and rushed out, followed by a grumbling Zecora.

Okay, Diana. Just relax. You don't want to become... that again. Not yet, anyway. Not until being a monster is absolutely necessary. Deep breaths. In... and out. In... and out. She sighed in relief. That's better. Now, in we go.

She reached out with a hoof and pushed the door to the operating theatre open. The sight that greeted her was nothing short of bewildering.

The Medic, clad in her normal battle outfit - albeit cleaner - fluttered around a huge machine in the middle of the room that was the source of a ghostly cloud of translucent blue light which flowed into the open chest of the Heavy. "Now, Big Mac, are you comfortable? Or should I-"

"Ah'm fine, Fluttershy. Really, ah am." Big Mac reassured her. "Ah don't even feel a thing. Yer medigun two-point-oh is workin' just fine."

"That's good to hear. I was just hoping tha-"

"Uh, Fluttershy, sorry ta interrupt, but it looks like ya got a visitor." He waved at Diana. "Good ta see you again."

"Likewise, Big Macintosh." She turned to Fluttershy. "Excuse me, miss Fluttershy. I am the pony the Adminnistrator sent to interview you. If I could have a minute of your time-"

"Eep!" With a speed that exceeded even that of Rainbow's, Fluttershy ducked behind her enormous medigun.

Diana sighed. I thought this might happen...

"Fluttershy, it's okay." Big Mac reassured her. "Ah know this pony. She's a friendly one. She ain't gonna hurt you."

"She... she isn't?"

"Rest assured, miss Fluttershy, I do not mean you harm in any way." Diana attempted to coax her out from behind the contraption. "I only wish to find out more about you. As a friend, of course." She quickly added.

Fluttershy's only response was a nearly inaudible squeak.

"Uh... would it help if I just watched the procedure?" Diana ventured. "I won't interfere or even make a noise. I'll just sit there in the corner, I promise."

"You can trust her, Fluttershy." Big Mac said. "You believe me, right?"

"I... I guess." Slowly but surely, Fluttershy emerged from behind her new medigun, although it was apparent that she was still trembling with anxiety.

"Just pretend I'm not here." Diana suggested. "I'll be in that really dark patch of shadow. You won't even notice anything."

"Well... Big Mac says to trust you, so alright."

"That's mah Fluttershy." Somehow, Big Mac managed to smile despite the fact that the front of his ribcage had been completely ripped away, exposing the squishy-looking organs underneath.

"So, um, where were we?"

"Ah think you were about ta test the new medigun?"

"Oh yes, I was checking its ubercharging capability." Fluttershy chuckled. "I have to thank the Engineer for working on this with me. If it works, we might never have to deal with knockback effects ever again!"

Well, this is interesting. Diana watched the scene closely while backing up into the corner. Suddenly, she bumped into something warm, soft and decidedly equine.

"Sorry." Diana apologised. "I wasn't looking where I was goi-"

Wait a minute.

She spun around instantly and unleashed a barrage of punches on whatever was behind her, only to realise a few awkward seconds later that there was nothing there.

Strange... How... Who... Thoughts began to race through Diana's mind. I know I felt somepony. Those kinds of sensations don't appear out of nowhere. But nopony could possibly disappear so quickly. So... She shook her head. The interview comes first. I'll worry about those other things later. It's not like I could find whoever that was anyway. Not now.

Moving carefully, ensuring that she was alert of her surroundings at all times, Diana manoeuvred herself into a sitting position. Both Fluttershy and Big Mac were in clear view, along with the new prototype medigun, a conveniently located fridge, and that odd, unexplained flash from the opposite corner of the-

Diana sat up immediately, scrutinising the corner as she did so. While she already suspected she knew what had created the flash, which, if she was correct, was not a good sign at all, something did work out in her favour: She managed to catch a glimpse of the mysterious pony's poofy mane, although she hadn't quite managed to identify the colour. She was fairly certain, though, that something in the pinkish-purple spectrum somewhere had met her eye.

Wait... That mane... That colour... could it be... She shuddered. No. There's no way she would have been able to make it in here without me noticing.

...Right?

Neither Fluttershy nor Big Mac had noticed the flash as far as Diana could tell. The Medic carried on with whatever procedure she had in mind from the beginning.

"...before we test the medigun, though, I'll have to replace your heart. Just in case. Are... are you okay with that?"

"Of course ah am. Anything for you, Fluttershy." A prominent blush displayed itself on Fluttershy's cheeks. "Actually, could ah see the old one? Ah think that Sniper really did a number on it."

"Um, there's really just a small hole over here." Fluttershy produced the organ from within a compartment of the huge medigun. "See? It's not too big."

"That's... Ah think that's the pulmonary artery."

"Huh?" Fluttershy took a closer look at it. "Oh. My mistake. What I, um, meant was this one." She pointed to another gap in the heart.

"That should be the superior vena cava."

"Well, one of these holes has to be the wound." Fluttershy rotated the organ, trying to find a bullet-sized hole that was not originally there. "But they're all bleeding, so it's kind of hard to tell."

"Is it this one?" Big Mac gestured to one of the holes.

"Are you sure?" Fluttershy scrutinised it. "Um, not that I want to make you feel bad, but it looks more like the tricuspid valve to me."

"It's blackened around the edges, and there is a bullet sticking out of it, so..."

"A bullet?" Fluttershy brought the heart closer to her eye. "Oh, so that's what it was! I, uh, suspected that the heart wasn't supposed to have a useless piece of metal embedded in it." She pulled the bullet out with her teeth. "So, um, here's your heart."

"Thanks." Big Mac nodded. "Hm... Ah'm guessing the bullet shot clean through the semilunar valve and almost reached the left atruim. What do you think?"

"Um... I guess you're right." Fluttershy leaned closer. "It's so hard to remember all those names."

"Ah'm sure it is." Big Mac comforted her. "It don't mean that you're any less of a Medic."

"Yeah..." She sighed. "I'm still a Medic." She moved over to the fridge. "Well, we'd better get a replacement for that heart." She opened the refrigerator door. "I'm pretty sure that there's something in here..."

Diana observed the contents of the fridge, which included a wide array of apple-related food products, a few bottles of Applejack Daniels, several hearts of differing sizes, and-

Her heart leapt straight into her throat, ripping through her lungs on the way there, as her mind tried to process the sight before her. Is... Is that the RED Scout's head?

Fluttershy, unaware of Diana's shock, removed a heart labeled Manticore from the fridge and subsequently closed the door. As the Scout's head disappeared from view, Diana snapped out of her reverie and shook her head in despair.

First unidentified assailants breaking into my supposedly secure interview zone, and then Rainbow's head showing up in the Medic's fridge. The Administrator is going to hear about this for sure.

"There we go." Fluttershy dropped the heart into Big Mac's open chest. "Um, if you don't mind waiting, I have to give it a few minutes for the medigun to apply the no knockback effect to you."

"Sure." Big Mac watched the entire procedure curiously. "Just wondering, Fluttershy: Should ah be awake for this?"

"Um... well, it doesn't really matter, I guess. You're not in pain, are you?" She began to panic. "Oh no! Please tell me you aren't!"

"Ah'm fine. Don't worry, you're doing fine." Big Mac soothed her. "This is much smoother than ah expected."

"Oh. That's, um, good." An awkward silence manifested itself in the room.

"So, um." Fluttershy tried to banish the awkwardness from her clinic, without much success. "Would you like to hear the story of my last patient who wasn't one of us here on BLU team?"

"You treated somepony on RED team?" Big Mac asked, concerned.

"No, um, as in a civilian." Fluttershy clarified. "She was an earth pony. Purplish, I think, with darker purple hair with white streaks. I remember her because they were really... um... odd... circumstances."

"Really?" Now Big Mac seemed interested. "How so?"

"The Administrator himself sent her to me. He told me that she had a brain tumour, and that he wanted me to remove it. But when I operated on her, I couldn't find the tumour."

"So what did you do?"

"I, um, didn't want to look like I didn't do anything, so I kind of... removed her brain and left her body outside my clinic. And she was never... heard from... again." Fluttershy noticed Big Mac's horrified expression, and backed up a few steps.

"You did what?!"

"... Big Mac, that was a joke." Fluttershy mumbled.

"A... joke... Oh!" Big Mac burst into laughter. "Oh! Ah should have known! You'd never do something like that!"

"Yeah... I wouldn't." Fluttershy muttered something under her breath that Diana, between Big Mac's uproarious laughs and Fluttershy's lack of clear enunciation, was only just able to catch with her sensitive ears.

"I wish."

Diana broke into a grin.

Now that's a little more interesting. I think I'll meet up with her later and really meet the Medic. The real Medic. Hopefully.

Something about her tells me that she's more than what meets the eye.

"Well, Fluttershy, ah think your heart is ready. It's kinda glowing blue and translucent."

"Hm? Oh." Fluttershy placed both her forehooves on the organ. "I'm going to push it in now, so can you hold your ribcage open a bit? Yes, like that." She prepared to apply pressure. "Three... two... one..."

Fluttershy pushed the heart down with all her might, aided by a push from her wings.

*crack*

"There." Fluttershy panted. "It's in, I think."

"Uh, Fluttershy?" Big Mac held up a rib. "Ah think this came out in the process."

"Oh no! Are you okay? Because if you're not then I'm really really-"

"Fluttershy, calm down. No pain, remember?"

"...what? Oh yeah." Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness. For a moment there, I thought you were hurt."

"Don't worry. Even if ah was in pain, ah would be able to handle it."

"I guess so. Well, now all that's left is to seal up your chest cavity." Fluttershy grabbed the nozzle of the prototype medigun, which was spewing translucent blue clouds of light into Big Mac's chest and pulled it closer. "Let me just set this to overdrive. Um, if you don't mind, that is."

"Fluttershy, are you sure this will work?"

"Well, after running more than a hundred tests, the Engineer assured me that the chances of success are ninety-nine point nine percent. But actually, um, there isn't another way to heal you anyway."

"Okay then, we may as well get on with it." Big Mac fidgeted slightly, trying to get himself comfortable.

"I'm sure this will work!" Fluttershy flicked a few switches on the side of the machine and aimed it at at Big Mac's chest. "It'll be completely painless! Trust me!"

"Of course ah do, Fluttershy. It's just that-"

*zap*

A bright flash of light blinded Diana temporarily, but her eyes quickly adjusted to the surroundings, the only side effect being a terribly shrunken pupil. At the source of the flash, the medigun was pulsing with energy as it pumped out cloud after cloud of healing energy into Big Mac, pushing his flesh and bones to regenerate at a rate faster than she had ever seen before.

A couple more bright flashes later, the machine finally ceased glowing and returned to its normal, pre-procedure state. Big Mac's chest, however, was vastly different from when they started. Not only was his chest now completely covered in skin and most probably bones under that, but it glowed an eerie blue.

"Uh, Fluttershy?"

"That's, um, a harmless side effect. It should wear off soon."

"If you say so. Ah trust you."

"Well, just in case, for the next few days you'd better not go running around trying to shoot at-"

"Fluttershy! Big Mac!" Rainbow burst into the room, panting heavily. "We have a problem!"

"Problem? What is it?" Big Mac jerked upright.

"The REDs are here!"

An invasion, huh? Well, seeing as I'm not bound by the Administrator's orders anymore, I am going to help the rest of the BLUs hold out. Nopony will stop me. Not this time. I'm going to fight... and I'm going to win.

Or my name isn't Pinkie Pie.

To be continued in Meet the Medic (Part 2/2)...

Meet the Medic (Part 2/2)

"The REDs are here!" Rainbow gasped.

Great, just great. Diana thought. And just when I thought the worst was over.

Big Mac's eyes narrowed. "No."

"The- The REDs?" Fluttershy ducked back behind her new medigun.

"How bad?" Diana asked.

"Really bad. Almost their whole team is here, and no matter how many times we kill them, they keep coming back."

"They must have a respawn point nearby." Diana murmured. "As if my life could get any more difficult. How about our sentries?"

"Their Spy sapped them just before the REDs invaded and backstabbed our Engineer."

"Damn it!" Looks like they really want revenge for that recon mission.

"Ah'll be right out." Big Mac said. "Just let me get my minigun."

"W- Wait!" Much to Diana's surprise, Fluttershy actually emerged from behind her machine with lightning fast speed, blocking Big Mac's way. "I need to make sure that the side effects-"

"Fluttershy, it's okay. Ah'll be fine. Even if it's just a little pain-"

"No no no, you don't understand! It could be anything! I have no idea what might happen!" Fluttershy, hovering slightly off the ground with her wings, crossed her two forehooves. "You can't go out there."

"Ah'm sorry, but ah have to. Ah'm not gonna let our base be destroyed by those REDs. Besides, even if ah do die, ah'll just respawn."

"But the effect could even last across lives if I don't fix it now!" Fluttershy fretted. "I... I just... won't be able to forgive myself."

Diana watched the scene silently, processing the information in her mind. If I know Big Mac, he'll relent. I've seen how much he likes Fluttershy.

Something in Big Mac's eyes softened. "Fluttershy..."

"Please don't go." Fluttershy pleaded. "For me."

Big Mac stood stock still for a few moments, then sighed. "Fine, ah won't go until you fix this problem, okay? Just try to make it quick."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" Fluttershy enveloped Big Mac in a tight hug, eliciting a very, very significant blush from the latter. "I'll be as fast as I can! Just sit down on that chair again and let me check your chest."

Wait. Do I hear footsteps? Diana examined the room. Whoever the unidentified assailant was, she couldn't find any trace of her anymore, and besides, it sounded like it was coming from outside the door.

"Give me a weapon, Rainbow." Diana whispered.

"What? Why?"

"Just give me one. You have a bat on you, right?"

"Yeah, here you go." Rainbow offered her bat to Diana. "What do you need it for?"

"You'll find out soon." Diana gestured to the door. "Stand between that door and the Medic. I know somepony is coming."

"Got it." Rainbow dashed over to her assigned location, while DIana silently crept behind the door.

Three... two... one...

The door burst open, revealing a rocket launcher-hefting dragon grinning maniacally. "I thought I'd find the Medic here. And what's this? Even better - a defenseless Heavy."

"Just stay still, Big Mac." Fluttershy soothed the struggling Heavy. "Trust me - everything will be alright."

"Not to burst your bubble, Fluttershy, but there's an armed RED Soldier pointing his rocket launcher at us."

"He won't get to you. Not if I can help it." Rainbow hefted her scattergun. "You're gonna have to go through me."

"You? You're just a Scout." The Soldier aimed his launcher at Rainbow. "You can't stop me."

"Even if I can't, I'll fight until I die to defend them." As Rainbow spoke, Diana slowly crept up behind the Soldier.

"Why don't you just leave?" The Soldier asked. "It's not like you can change anything, and it'll make my life easier."

"I'll never leave my friends hanging. Never. Why don't you leave, before I destroy you?"

"Didn't you hear me?" The Soldier roared. "I said that you can't stop me!"

Diana, who by this time had snuck all the way up to the Soldier's side, whispered into his ear, "Maybe not by herself."

"Wha- huh?!" The Soldier spun around just as Diana delivered a punishing blow to his face with the bat.

Just as Rainbow taught me.

"Argh!" He stumbled back, blood pouring from his nose. Rainbow fired two shots into his face before ramming the butt of the scattergun into his already broken nose. The Soldier collapsed to the ground, muttering a few choice curses, before Diana shut him up with a final stomp to his head.

Rainbow looked at Diana. "Thanks."

"No problem. Here's your bat back." Diana returned the weapon to Rainbow. "I think I need something better if I'm going to fight out there." She turned to Fluttershy. "Are you done yet?"

"Almost." Fluttershy replied as she examined the readings on her prototype medigun. "Okay, there aren't any anomalous readings for your vital signs, so you'll be fine." She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank goodness."

"That's a relief. Thank you, Fluttershy." Big Mac kissed her on the cheek. Now it was Fluttershy's turn to blush furiously.

"I'd hate to interrupt, but if you're fine, we need both you and Fluttershy on the battlefield posthaste." Diana told Big Mac. "Do you know where I can find any spare weapons?"

"The supply lockers outside should have something." Big Mac responded. "You could go check whether there's anything left inside."

"Thanks. I'll be right back." Without another word, Diana hurried out of the room.

"Ready to go, Fluttershy?" Big Mac asked.

"Yes. I'm going to show those REDs that nopony hurts my friends. Nopony." Fluttershy retrieved her original, portable medigun from a small locker in the side of the huge machine. "Rainbow, are you following us?"

"Of course I am! Just as soon as I reload my scattergun, I'll be at the battlefield!" She rushed to the resupply closet.

"Come on, Fluttershy. Let's go." Big Mac said.

"Gladly." A stream of a translucent blue hue flowed from the mouth of the medigun to Big Mac.

"You're both ready, right?" Diana poked her head into the room. "Because all I could find in that closet was a fire axe. I'm going to see if I can preoccupy their Sniper and destroy their respawn point."

"Thanks, Diana." Big Mac nodded. "I have no idea where the Pyro is right now, or where she's been for a while now, so I guess she won't mind if you borrow her axe."

"Yes, I'm quite sure she won't." Diana replied. "Now let's go. I think BLU team is getting massacred out there." I'm not going to let this interview end. Not just yet.

Diana, followed by Big Mac and Fluttershy, moved cautiously out of the operation room, checking to make sure there weren't any more RED ambushers lurking in the shadows.

Having crossed the length of the room without being burnt, decapitated, blown up or otherwise becoming somewhat less than alive, Diana reached for the door before hesitating. Hold on...

"Brace yourselves for an explosion." Diana said.

"What?" Big Mac asked. "Why?"

"I have a hunch." Diana turned around, her rear facing the door, and delivered the hardest buck she could to its wooden surface. The explosion from what was undoubtedly the sticky bombs that had been planted at the base of the door propelled her backwards, but she had gotten enough experience with that to know how to break a fall. She landed neatly on her hooves at the other side of the room as Big Mac opened fire through the haze of smoke that obscured everything outside.

Diana didn't waste a moment. Retrieving her axe, she charged out of the clinic, prepared to catch whatever projectiles came her way on the blade of her weapon. After she cleared the smoke, she surveyed the area, searching for the missing Demomare.

This is strange. Where could she be?

"Diana, we're gonna go along first, seeing as how there ain't anypony else around here." Big Mac, having realised that there was nopony on the other side of the smokescreen, strode up behind Diana. "Ah'll tell Twilight and Rarity to try and take care of the RED Sniper till you come along."

"Sure. I just want to... examine the area." She's still around here. I'm sure of it. But where is she?

There, She heard the sound of hoofsteps. That's odd. I know I just came from that clinic, so why does it sound like those are coming from behind me? She turned around. Nopony. Though, I guess it did sound a little bit like it came from above-

She rolled backwards and caught the swing from the falling Demomare's Eyelander on her axe. Both mares disengaged and moved backwards, preparing for the most action-packed part of the confrontation.

"Astute, Diana, as I could tell, from our last encounter. You did well."

"Likewise. A clever trick, sneaking up from behind me. On the same roof I landed on, no less."

"I merely followed in your hoofsteps, after Applejack told me her tale. I was certain, at that point, that your gamble did not fail."

"Then you guessed right." Diana twirled her axe in her hooves. "But this gambit of yours will be different."

"Believe me, when we're done, this sword you won't love; You'll beg me for mercy when push comes to shove."

"We'll see. Just remember this: If you haven't yet lost the ability to ask," Diana leapt at the Demomare, "you may not yet ask for relief."

The Demomare managed to catch Diana's slash on the edge of her blade, then ducked under the axe and delivered a harsh blow to her jaw with her hoof. The earth pony stumbled back, but kept her grip on the axe to deflect a powerful slash from the Eyelander.

She's good. Really good. Diana took a step back. But she's still no match for me.

Diana swung her axe in an uppercut that forced the Demomare to switch to a defensive stance to block, then used the momentum from the original impact of her weapon to force said weapon, aided by her forelegs, to arc in a circle that the zebra scrambled to deflect.

In the split second of opportunity that Diana managed to gain from that manoeuvre, she kicked the Demomare as hard as she could in between her legs.

The Demomare doubled over in pain, though to her credit, she almost - almost - managed to keep a grip on her Eyelander when Diana slashed at her hooves. The sword flew into the air and far, far out of reach.

Diana leveled her axe at the Demomare's neck. "Now who's right?"

Despite the intense pain that Diana was sure seared through her body, the Demomare still managed to reply, though it was more like a few choked out words. "Well... played, Diana. You are quite... efficient. You are truly... a master tactician." Of course, through all of that she still managed to rhyme.

"I expected no less of myself." Diana pressed the blade into Zecora's throat, drawing a few rivulets of blood. "Any last words?"

"Take this kill... for which you yearn. It is one..." The Demomare coughed. "... that you have earned."

"Well said." With a single slice, Diana decapitated the zebra. The earth pony stood unfinchingly, gazing down at her victim as crimson blood spurted all over her legs and torso. She silently contemplated her next move. Should I go after the respawn point, or the Sniper? If Twilight and Rarity are at least halfway competent...

A loud "ARGH!" echoed across the base.

...And there goes the Sniper. Respawn point it is, then. I just hope Big Mac and Fluttershy are fine.

"I AM BULLETPROOF!"

Okay, they're fine. Diana raced towards the source of the sound. Time to throw myself into the fray.

A minute or so of frantic galloping brought Diana straight to the battlefield. RED grenades and rockets were already flying around, despite her two previous kills. Hmm. Really got to do something about that respawn poi-

Her reflexes only just saved her as the arrow meant for her head drilled its way into the hoof she'd lifted to block the projectile a second prior.

"Damn it. It's not like this hoof already has enough arrows in it." Diana glared at the distant RED Sniper, who had already pulled the bowstring taut and was preparing to fire.

"Not if I can help it." Diana ducked the next one as it grazed her already hole-ridden mane. "Well, I guess one more wouldn't make a difference."

Holding her axe up as a shield, Diana charged towards the Sniper. Good, she thinks I'm an idiot. Now time to make the most of my surprise.

And... I'm gone.

From her hiding spot, she could see the Sniper turning left and right, trying to find her target. Now that's got her confused. Give it a moment... She manoeuvred into position. Here we go.

"Boo."

"Ah!" The Sniper whirled around and drew back her bow, wondering how in the world her enemy had managed to sneak up behind her, but Diana promptly removed her head before she could do anything else.

"This is a good axe." Diana examined it. "I really should bring it with me." She sighed. "Then again, if I do, everypony is going to think I'm the Pyro. That won't do wonders for my future interviews." She examined her surroundings. The Sniper had chosen a good spot, right at the edge of the valley, overlooking the entire BLU base. It was a fairly easy task to shoot anypony from here - including a thankfully still alive Heavy and his counterpart. The bodies of the other less fortunate littered the battlefield, but there weren't quite as many as she expected. Twilight and Rarity were doing a good job distracting the RED Sniper.

From her current vantage point, she also caught sight of what she assumed to be the admittedly fragile-looking structure that housed RED's respawn point. Most of those points couldn't ordinarily be shut down easily - not with conventional weapons, anyway - but this was a temporary one, so she could at least give it a shot. Failing that, she could always seal the door shut.

If at first you don't succeed... cheat.

Diana galloped towards the building as fast as her hooves could take her, making sure that her axe was easily accessible to defend herself from enemy attacks. She met no resistance, thankfully, though the flashes and howls of pain closer to the BLU base told her that Big Mac and Fluttershy were taking the brunt of the RED assault.

"Here we are." She whipsered to herself, gazing at the building that looked far less fragile now that she could see the durable keystones set in between the gaps in the likely magically enhanced wood that made up the majority of the structure. "Now the first thing I should do is-"

*kaboom*

Diana was no stranger to explosions at close range, but this one was so sudden and unexpected that by the time the shockwave deposited her a few metres away from both the source and her axe, about two seconds after detonation, her spinning head was still unsure of what happened. When she looked up, though, the fog in her head immediately cleared, giving way to shock.

"But... how... I didn't..." Diana gazed breathlessly at the raging inferno that engulfed the respawn point, eating away at the walls of the structure. The enchanted wood, built to withstand bullets and explosives, had nothing on the pure, merciless heat of the flames.

"I thought you might be up to this." Diana turned her head slowly, still shocked, and came face to blade with the Demomare's Eyelander. Strange how it looks so much more lethal up close.

A quick glance up revealed the Demomare herself, brandishing the weapon at Diana's throat. "We'll give you what you deserve first, then that Heavy his."

"Wait!" Diana protested. "I didn't do this!" As a matter of fact, a closer look at the scene revealed the true culprit: A very familiarly shaped figure fleeing from what was once the respawn point but now a growing hill of ash, her poofy mane bouncing up and down as she ran.

Damn it.

"Really. Then please explain, why of all ponies you, would come here so quickly after siding with BLU."

"First off, I never sided with BLU. I was interviewing the BLU Medic. You know that I do not tolerate anypony who tries to interfere with my interviews." She swallowed. "You should know as much, when I was interviewing you. And as for why I am here now, I was going to remind the Sniper that her turn is next. I will need to call upon her soon."

"It didn't seem that way to me when you tried to kill me." The RED Sniper appeared from behind Diana, Huntsman in her telekinetic grip.

Diana gulped.

"Carry her closer to the battlefield." The Sniper ordered. "I want her to see us slaughter that Heavy and Medic."

"But Twilight, surely you already see, she is a powerful foe that has beaten both you and me." The Demomare said. "If she somehow manages to get free... well, let's just say we're living dangerously."

"That's a bonus, yes." The Sniper acknowledged. "Just bring her there."

"As you wish." The Demomare yielded. "But keep in mind, she's tough to beat, as you will find."

"That's exactly the point." The Sniper replied. "So get her to the battlefront."

The Demomare grumbled a bit, but did as she was told. "Get up, Diana. You heard what she said. Either way, I'll still make sure you're dead."

"Why?" Diana asked. "Why are you letting her push you around?"

The Demomare did not answer.

I have a feeling that the next interview is going to be very, very interesting.

Still, until she found a way to escape, she was still at the mercy of the Demomare, so followed her orders. For now. Besides, it gave her a way to witness Fluttershy's frontline battle skills. She owed her interview manuscript that much.

It wasn't long before she came within hearing range of the battle, but that was mostly because the sounds of gunfire were really loud. Thankfully, she wasn't in the crossfire - yet, anyway - so she could focus on the big picture. RED Team had everypony except their Medic, Pyro and Scout. Of course, the Scout's head was in Fluttershy's fridge, but she had no idea where the other two were. Maybe they didn't respawn before the point was blown up.

Either that, or they were waiting in ambush somewhere. Knowing her luck, Diana was willing to bet on the latter.

BLU team, on the other hoof, had a grand total of two ponies: Big Mac and Fluttershy. Twilight, Rainbow and Rarity were nowhere to be seen. They could be waiting in ambush somewhere, though.

Of course, RED team could also be spawn camping. Knowing her luck...

"You'll never get past us!" Big Mac shouted above the roar of his minigun as it churned out bullet after bullet into the RED Soldier, who managed to stomach the projectiles and return a few shots of his own with his rocket launcher.

"Willing to bet on it?" The Soldier retorted as he moved back, allowing RED's own Heavy to take over.

"I will." Fluttershy shot back in a most uncharacteristic snarl. "If you think you can hurt my friends, then you're sadly mistaken."

"We're sadly mistaken? Ah reckon not." Applejack stepped up, shotgun in hoof, as she prepared to fire.

Well, this is a more assertive side of Fluttershy I haven't seen before.

"This is too easy. No wind to factor in, no movement. Just a huge target." At some point in time, the Sniper had arrived by Diana's side, and now she was taking aim with her Huntsman. "A few adjustments... there."

Alright, now I've got to stop her from killing them. Diana readied herself to pounce. If the Demomare doesn't react fast enough... She glanced at the zebra, who was watching the Heavies exchange fire with a distant look on her face. I think I can take a chance.

She waited for the perfect moment. The Sniper pulled the bowstring ever tighter, closing one eye as she took aim.

Now.

Diana batted the Eyelander out of the way, leaping for the Sniper's legs at the same time. Her heart let out a small cheer when her forelegs connected with the Sniper's hooves and forced her to the ground.

"Yes!" Somepony let out a cry of happiness, and it wasn't until a few moments later that Diana realised that it was the Sniper who had done so. "Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!"

"What?" If Diana had been confused before, when the respawn point had exploded, she was absolutely baffled now. "Why are you happy?"

"Zecora, keep her down." The Sniper instructed, before turning her attention back to Diana. "I have to thank you, Diana. You've proven once again that anypony, no matter how powerful or smart, can be outwitted." She gestured to her bow. "Look."

Diana looked - and realisation dawned on her.

"I never was going to fire until you attacked me. I anticipated that you would, so I locked used my magic to lock the Huntsman in this position - the perfect position - until you were safely out of the way. Now you can't block the arrow or hurt me enough to prevent the Heavy from being killed." The Sniper released her arrow.

It took Diana a total of half a second to estimate the trajectory of the projectile, and another quarter second to realise that the Sniper was totally right. Despite her best efforts, the arrow was dead accurate. It flew towards Big Mac's head at a frightening speed.

In the three quarters of a second Diana spent analysing the situation, Fluttershy saw the arrow and reacted with a move that neither the Sniper nor Diana had expected.

She flicked a switch on the side of the medigun, and the translucent blue clouds orbiting Big Mac's form coalesced into an impenetrable shield around his body.

Diana half expected to see the Sniper fly into a rage, but she wasn't entirely surprised either when she saw the unicorn grinning excitedly.

"Well, what's this?" The Sniper laughed. "I was right. Anypony can be outsmarted. Even me. She'll be an interesting enemy to face on the battlefield again." She turned to Diana. "Not as interesting as you, though. That Medic may have snap reflexes, but nothing I've seen can match up to your speed and skills. I can't wait for when it's my turn to be interviewed."

"Yes, I have a feeling that that will be quite the day." Diana replied. No matter how good Fluttershy is, the both of them can't last forever. Any time now...

The REDs had employed a strategy of constant withdrawal, switching out one teammate when they became too injured or had no ammo left with another, while the exhausted one would heal up at the Engineer's dispenser. BLU team had no such luxury, as Big Mac bore the full brunt of the damage, aided only by Fluttershy's healing. But eventually, Big Mac's minigun would fail him, and he would have to tur tail and run.

The same thought occurred to Big Mac, as he whispered something into Fluttershy's ear that only she could hear, then suddenly turned tail and ran for the resupply room. At the same time, Fluttershy retreated into the cover of the base's perimeter buildings, narrowly avoiding a couple of rockets at the same time.

"Out of ammunition." The Sniper mused. "Cover will also keep them safe from my Huntsman. They're also forcing us to fight in a position where we are at a tactical disadvantage." She waved to the Demomare. "We're going in. And bring Diana with us."

"Look, I really didn't want to take her along earlier, but enough is enough." The Demomare snarled. "It's hard enougn to fight in there, but with her following us? It is going to be rough."

Taking advantage of her opponent's temporary lapse in attention, Diana kicked the Eyelander out of the surprised Demomare's hooves, delivering a harsh blow to her face as she did so. A second later, her outstretched foreleg caught the falling sword, and she leveled it at the zebra's throat.

"Now that," the Sniper explained calmly, "is why I told you to bring her along with us."

"Wha... how... huh?" The Demomare was still struggling to understand what had just happened.

"What the Sniper means," Diana said, "is that I'm only following you because I want to. It is in my best interests to get as close to the action as possible for my interview. The only thing stopping me from escaping is her." She gestured to the Sniper. "Without the element of surprise, it'll be hard to beat her, let alone the both of you."

"Well said." The Sniper nodded. "Are you going to give Zecora her sword back now?"

Diana glanced at the Sniper, gazing into her deep, analytical eyes that hid a mind which was undoubtedly assessing her enemy even as she waited for said enemy to make her next move.

"Fine." Diana dropped the weapon at the Demomare's feet, offering her a hoof at the same time. The zebra glared at the appendage suspiciously before accepting the offer and allowing Diana to pull her up.

"You'd better begin to fret, because I'm not beaten yet."

"I never said you were." Diana replied. "Though I wouldn't advise that you try to attack me now. Because-"

"Because it would accomplish nothing." The Sniper finished. "She most probably has a respawn point somewhere nearby. That is the least the Administrator could do for his interviewer whom he's sending to the front lines."

"Smart." Diana nodded. "So let's get a move on, shall we?"

Fluttershy panted as she rushed through the alleys of the base, following Big Mac closely as he navigated his way back to the resupply room. She moved as fast as she could, though she already knew that the BLUs would get to them first.

With Big Mac out of ammo, we don't stand a chance... Fluttershy skidded to a halt at an intersection. Unless...

Once he realised that Fluttershy was no longer following him, Big Mac turned around and gestured frantically. "What are you doing? Follow me!"

"No. Go ahead by yourself."

"What?! But you can't possibly-"

"I said go, Big Mac." Fluttershy spoke in a stern voice. "I'll be fine here."

Big Mac looked like he wanted to protest, and he almost did, but one look at Fluttershy's frown and he galloped away, albeit not without casting one last glance at her.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Fluttershy sighed. "Now if only I thought I was telling the truth..." She looked around. "No time for self pity, Fluttershy. Not this time. This is your last chance to save Big Mac, and you're going to make sure he's safe. Got it?" She nodded to herself. "Got it."

The hoofsteps drawing ever closer snapped her out of her conversation with herself, and she ducked into the cover of one of the building's shadows. As she waited, the sound grew louder, and was soon accompanied by a conversation.

"Look, they're tired and worn out. You, on the other hand, Zecora, haven't been running at all. Diana's sabotaged our respawn point, killed you and presumably Spike, evaded your pursuit on Canterlot pass, and basically has been galloping around all day, and she's still moving faster than you."

"I know not the source of her speed." Another voice, most probably the RED Demomare's, replied. "Perhaps we should let her take the lead."

"And leave me unguarded?" Diana responded gleefully. "Yes! I'll just go now!"

"Now do you realise why we could never keep her down?" The original voice asked. "Just go in front. I'm guessing they went left."

Big Mac did go left. Fluttershy realised. Slowly but surely, she retrieved her ubersaw from her medic's garb and held it in a firm grasp. She closed her eyes and waited.

Don't be scared. Don't be scared. I can't afford to be scared. I have to save Big Mac! Her eyes snapped open. With the speed of a lightning bolt, she stretched her saw around the corner.

A sharp crunch indicated that the blade had connected with flesh, and Fluttershy whirled around the corner and stabbed the saw into the Demomare's face, right above the wound on her chin. With a startled cry, the zebra fell backwards, writhing in agony.

Fluttershy lifted her saw, prepared to deflect an incoming arrow from who she, in the dark of the night, assumed to be the RED Sniper, but to her great surprise the projectile flew in the opposite direction, towards Diana.

With the skill of a master acrobat, Diana leapt into the air, missing the arrow by half an inch. She landed gracefully, tearing the two arrows embedded in her hoof out and hurling them at the Sniper like javelins.

The unicorn didn't flinch. She immediately fired another arrow, catching one of Diana's projectiles in midair, then swung her bow and knocked the other one out of the way with eerie precision. Fluttershy decided to take advantage of the Sniper's momentary distraction, and sprinted up to her, preparing to thrust her ubersaw forward into her throat.

In a move that caught the pegasus completely by surprise, a Bushwacka surrounded by a purple telekinetic field rushed up to meet her ubersaw, catching it close to the hilt. Fluttershy jerked back, alarmed, just barely missing the levitated arrow that almost skewered her. Even through all of this, the Sniper still managed to hold her ground against Diana's ruthless but unarmed assault, trading every blow that came her way with one of her own. Despite her best efforts, though, her opponent was too close - and too skillful - to hit with an arrow.

Fluttershy ducked around the sword and the arrow, slashing at them with her ubersaw, but they somehow managed to avoid the blade even though the Sniper wasn't looking in her direction. Her offensive stymied at every turn, the pegasus backed up, pondering her next move, when the roar of a minigun caught her attention.

She turned her head and glanced at the noise. She gaped when the RED Heavy, Soldier and Engineer returned her curious gaze with the threatening looks, backed up by equally threatening weapons.

Evidently, Diana had also identified the new arrivals, as she backed up and put her two front hooves in the air, although she swatted away a lazily floating arrow next to her.

"Sorry ta butt in, but ah think it's about time to end this, right Spike?" The Engineer asked the Soldier.

"Yeah. Is that our mysterious saboteur?" The Soldier gestured to Diana.

"No doubt." The Sniper nodded. "We must bring her back to Princess Celestia. She'll want to see who destroyed her respawn point. And," her eyes burned with determination, "I don't intend to disappoint her."

Oh no oh no oh no! Fluttershy looked around frantically. What can I do? Diana doesn't even have any weapons, and I only have this saw... Her eyes hardened. No. I will do whatever it takes to keep my friends safe. She cast a look at Diana, who, as if she could read her thoughts, nodded in understanding.

Without warning, Fluttershy leapt at the nearby Engineer, removing her head with a deft slice of her ubersaw. Both the Heavy and the Soldier were slower to react, but the Sniper moved instantly, drawing her bowstring taut while loading an arrow.

Diana also galvanised into motion instantaneously, batting the bow out of the way and delivering an attempted punch to the Sniper's face, which she deflected. The two of them once again engaged in a melee, hoof to hoof combat, each trying to get the better of the other to no avail.

That left Fluttershy with the Heavy and the Soldier. She gulped. Come on, you can do this. Be strong. Do it for Big Mac.

Taking a deep breath, she propelled herself towards the Heavy with her wings, saw extended in front of her. He finally realised the gravity of the situation, and he began to fire. She had one moment to retaliate.

In a split second, Fluttershy jammed the ubersaw into the muzzle of the minigun, and with a strength that belied her size, flipped it out of his grasp and away from them both. She then proceeded to gut him and subsequently bisect him, before turning her attention to the Soldier.

She stopped when she realised that his rocket launcher was levelled at her head, and his finger was on the trigger.

"No matter what you do," The Soldier growled, "you'll never avoid this one."

Maybe not. Fluttershy thought. But sometimes avoiding the problem doesn't make it go away. She whipped out her medigun. Sometimes you have to tackle it head on.

The Soldier fired twice in quick succession. At the same time, Fluttershy lunged towards the rocket, activating her ubercharge as she did so. The resulting explosion was close enough to the source that it flung the launcher and the dragon backwards. He groaned as he hit the ground.

Sensing an opportunity, Fluttershy rushed forward and stabbed at him with her saw. Half a dozen blows later and the Soldier was very dead.

Diana, however, had far less luck. She and her adversary were still locked in mortal combat, neither possessing the skill or weaponry required to best the other. Fluttershy leaned forward, itching to help but unsure of how to overcome the Sniper's powerful defence.

The sound of a Dead Ringer echoed through the intersection, and Fluttershy turned around just in time to see an Ambassador levelled at her head.

The Spy fired twice, and both bullets found their mark.

To be continued - in Meet the Medic (Part [3/2)!

Meet the Medic (Part 3/2)

Diana blinked in surprise as she watched the fight between Fluttershy and the RED Spy unfold. She would probably have been skewered by the Sniper's arrow by now had the unicorn not been distracted by the other battle as well.

The Spy was quick; the two shots from her Ambassador tore right through whatever short distance they had to cover and struck Fluttershy's temple in less than a second. Unfortunately for her, Fluttershy was far quicker. Her medigun was already out and her Ubercharge activated just as the first shot hit her head.

Diana's attention was abruptly summoned back to her battle with the Sniper as the arrow that the unicorn had picked up while the interviewer had been watching Fluttershy carved a long but thankfully shallow cut on her cheek, drawing a few drops of blood. Retaliating, Diana lunged forward at the arrow, catching the Sniper by surprise. In an instant, she grabbed the arrow and propelled herself over it, ignoring its sharp tip that slashed through the sole of her hoof as best she could.

That's the third time an arrow's hurt me. Utilizing the half a second she gained from that manoeuvre, Diana delivered a punishing blow to the back of the Sniper's head, just fast enough to avoid the arrow at almost managed to embed itself in her hoof again. Instead, the projectile fell to the ground as the Sniper stumbled, temporarily losing her concentration. She wasn't disoriented enough, however, to be hit by the earth pony's next punch, blocking it with a purple hoof before springing back to her hooves. Her horn flashed, and she disappeared in a flash of light.

Diana's momentary surprise gave the Sniper exactly the time she needed to tackle her to the ground, breathing heavily as she restrained the earth pony's legs with ethereal but satisfactorily solid chains conjured from nothingness.

"Tiring..." The Sniper coughed and wheezed, trying to catch her breath, "but those spells are really devastating when used at the right time, don't you think?" She fell to her knees, subsequently emptying the contents of her stomach onto the ground in front of her.

Diana smirked, trying to appear unintimidated as she wriggled her legs to confirm that she was, in fact, totally stuck. "Looks like I'm not the one in worse shape, huh?"

"Well..." The Sniper exhaled noisily as she got back up. "You're the one who's trapped now, aren't you?"

"Perhaps." Diana surveyed her surroundings, trying to appear aloof and unconcerned about her imminent fate as she searched for a way out. "Not a great inconvenience, though."

"Pretending to look nonchalant won't save you." The Sniper raised her arrow into the air and prepared to ram it into Diana's heart. "You know, I could gloat here for a while like a stereotypical villain, but I'm not going to tempt fate with you." The Sniper's eyes gleamed in the moonlight. "I'm a professional. And I always get the job done."

Diana saw what was happening behind the Sniper. She saw Fluttershy as she drew her bloodied ubersaw out of the gaping wound in the Spy's stomach as it oozed the crimson red liquid onto the ground. She saw her move ever closer, saw in hoof, to the Sniper as she prepared to ambush her.

She saw what was happening. She knew that she had to keep her gaze even if she was to have a chance of surprising her adversary.

She also knew that the outcome was not in doubt. With her eyes, she tried to motion Fluttershy away, but she knew it was too late.

As quick as lightning, the Sniper reversed the arrow, pointing it at the space behind her, and drove it right into the approaching Fluttershy's heart. Caught by surprise, the pegasus stumbled back, coughing up blood. She barely had enough strength to deflect the arrow's next hit before she collapsed on the ground. Her hoof weakly searched for the medigun that had fallen on the ground beside her, but a strong stomp from the Sniper's hoof ended that attempt.

"Pathetic." The Sniper spat out. "Am I the only professional here?"

"Underestimating your enemies now, eh?" Diana shot back, causing the Sniper to turn and face her. "Not a good idea."

"I am not underestimating them. I only speak the truth. Maybe everypony in this place is crazy."

In her mind, Diana compiled the information she had on the Sniper, trying to find a way to beat her. She's cold and emotionless. She can anticipate nearly anything and react accordingly to avert disaster. Of course, nearly is the key word here. What can I do that she won't expect? Her eyes rolled in their sockets lazily as all her attention was directed to her thought processes. They eventually came to rest on the pitiful Fluttershy, almost dead but still not quite gone. She wouldn't have been surprised if the Medic had somehow augmented her own heart to withstand more stress.

"I'm not perfect. Far from it really." The Sniper continued. "But if this is the best battle BLU team can give me, then I am sorely disappointed. Are you my only worthy opponent, Diana?"

Diana elected not to answer, sinking deeper into her thought processes.

Something about Fluttershy struck her as off. Instead of trying to attack the Sniper again with whatever strength she had left - strength the earth pony could see she had, if her uninjured hoof trying to unsuccessfully staunch her bleeding wound was any indication - she simply lay there, her hooves on her chest, allowing the last few moments which she had to turn the tide of this battle to slip away. Sure, maybe she was trying to lull her adversary into a false sense of security, but there wasn't anypony else around to ambush her anyway. Whoever was spawn camping the rest of BLU team would likely still be there, and she suspected that the Sniper knew as much too.

Unless, of course, it was the Spy who was in charge of keeping BLU team down, in which case then the Sniper should be panicking. But either she was very good at hiding her fear, or she just didn't care, because she wasn't keeping an eye on anypony else other than Fluttershy and her.

So what did Fluttershy and the Sniper know that she didn't? Diana needed to know, and she needed to know now.

So the Spy is dead. I haven't seen their Medic and Pyro yet, so maybe they're... wait... Diana's eyes widened. No...

The Sniper grinned. "What, finally realised that there's no way out?" Diana didn't miss the tightening of her telekinetic grip around the arrow, though.

There's only one thing I can do now. She knew she wouldn't be able to do this again, not without the required ingredients, but she was keeping it for an emergency, and there was no way this didn't qualify as one.

She jerked her right hoof towards the saddlebag on her back, launching her back - and by extension, the saddlebag itself - towards her hoof at the same time. The result was her joint painfully colliding with the bag, pressing what looked like a trigger through the thin cloth.

Instantly, a cloud of smoke erupted from the opening of the bag, obscuring Diana and the ethereal chains from the Sniper's vision. The unicorn coughed as her horn flared, pouring more magical control into the chains. Her magic soon told her that Diana had slipped out of their grasp, but how she had done so remained a mystery, along with where she had gone.

A Dead Ringer decloaking behind her prompted the Sniper to whip her head around, just in time to block Diana's vicious punch. The RED Spy, having performed her primary duty of warning her ally of the incoming danger, slashed downwards with her Eternal Reward in the hopes of finding the chink in Diana's apparently impenetrable defenses. The earth pony raised her hoof behind her to block the knife, flipping the blade in the process and wrestling for control over it. The other hoof, the one fighting with the Sniper, was now a blur, striking and defending at the same time while searching for a weakness in the unicorn's defenses.

In an instant, Diana had her back to the Sniper and turned the tide of the conflict with the Spy decisively as she, with both hooves, snatched the knife out of her telekinetic grip and leapt over her head, driving the weapon into the white unicorn's back as she landed gracefully. The Spy gave one last cry of pain, collapsing to the ground at the same time.

Now armed with something satisfactorily sharp, Diana redoubled her efforts to defeat the Sniper, hacking and slashing with the limited grip she had on the knife. Finally deciding that she had toyed with her foe for long enough, the Sniper's horn erupted in a purple glow, bringing her previously discarded Bushwacka to her side and smashing the Eternal Reward with so much force that it embedded itself in the wall far behind her opponent.

Having been disarmed so suddenly, Diana almost didn't react to the Sniper's next slash in time, spinning in the air as she deftly avoided the sword but not, unfortunately, the arrow which penetrated the skin of her leg and emerged from the other end.

"Oh come on!" Diana exploded. With all the strength she could muster, she yanked the projectile out of her leg and rammed the metal tip into the blade of the Bushwacka, denting both the arrow and the sword noticeably but snapping the wooden shaft of the arrow in the centre. A strong blow from her uninjured hoof finished the sword off, striking it on its flat side hard enough to split it in half.

Undeterred, the Sniper continued slashing with her broken Bushwacka, its jagged end where the other half had snapped off still sharp enough to carve the meat from Diana's bones, if need be.

Alright, enough is enough. Diana lifted her already-injured leg to take a slash from the Sniper's sword. It would have been completely severed if not for the tough bone in the centre of the appendage. The blade sank deep enough into her leg that when the interviewer jumped over the Sniper with her three good hooves, it remained where she had been struck, following her across her arc and providing the main push when she smashed its hilt into the Sniper's neck.

The Sniper collapsed in a heap, but she was nowhere near finished. Her telekinesis, gripping the other sharp piece of her Bushwacka and both halves of the arrow, stymied Diana's offensive at every turn.

It didn't matter anyway; and Diana knew that the Sniper was as sure of it as she was. Any time now, reinforcements would arrive, and the Sniper would be beaten.

The resigned expression of defeat and regret in the Sniper's eyes registered in Diana's gaze for a moment. It looked entirely out of place on her. Somehow, even though the unicorn had tried to kill her multiple times in the past few minutes, some measure of pity bloomed in Diana's heart.

An instant later, the Sniper's horn flashed and she disappeared, letting the arrow and blade drop to the ground, released from their telekinetic prison. Not a moment too soon; the other BLU team members, Big Mac, Zecora and Rainbow, dashed around the corner only to grind to a halt in horror as they watched Fluttershy's mangled form.

Diana cast her own gaze towards the Medic. She was very, very badly injured, no doubt, perhaps mortally. Given that she'd been stabbed in the heart, it came as a huge surprise that she was still alive. Now there was no doubt that she had enhanced her resilience somehow.

Big Mac rushed to Fluttershy's side, glaring at Diana at the same time. "Did ya do this?"

"No." Diana replied calmly. "It was the RED Sniper."

"Why that piece of..." Big Mac growled menacingly. "If ah ever catch up ta her, she's gonna wish she died today."

"Please, Big Mac, no anger now. We have to concentrate on saving Fluttershy." She gestured to the almost motionless pegasus, save for the shallow rising and falling of her chest. "If she can be saved."

"She will be saved." Big Mac stated flatly, settling down beside Fluttershy and whispering words in her ear. "Nopony is gonna stop me."

"We'll see." Diana hobbled over to Fluttershy, banishing the part of her that protested against the searing pain in her hoof to the furthest reaches of her mind. With her good hoof, she lifted the medigun that lay on the ground beside the Medic and examined it carefully. Without further ado, she aimed it and the pegasus and pulled the lever back, allowing the ethereal blue clouds to edge their way towards Fluttershy, caressing her severely injured form with as much care as an inanimate pseudo-object could possess.

It was clear that the healbeam was having some kind of effect; Fluttershy's breathing became slightly more stable - though not by much - and her grip on her still bleeding wound seemed to tighten. However, the copious blood loss was fairly effective in convincing Diana that the situation was pretty much hopeless.

Well, if there's any moment for the clichéd 'love can do anything' approach to succeed, it's now. "Big Mac?" Diana said softly, drawing the Heavy's attention to her. "Can you try to soothe her?"

"What do ya think ah was doing?" Big Mac asked, subsequently returning to whispering the hushed words only he and Fluttershy could hear.

For some reason, a blush seemed to be forming on Fluttershy's cheeks. Now this is interesting. Diana noted.

After a minute of no further reactions from Fluttershy, Diana resigned herself to the circumstances. Looks like it's all ov-

Suddenly, Fluttershy's uninjured hoof shot up, accompanied by a ear-piercing howl of what seemed to be determination. Diana, dropped the medigun, startled. She took a few seconds to realise that the source of the sound was the Medic herself.

The butter-yellow hoof didn't just stop there. It hit the ground, vigorously searching for the medigun. Diana pushed it closer to the appendage. When the nerves in Fluttershy's hoof detected the presence of the cool, reassuring metal of her medigun, she gripped it tightly and drew it close to her. Her leg pushed the lever forward and flicked the trigger on the underside of the medigun, and at once she was encased in her rock-hard blue exoskeleton of an Ubercharge. The hole in her heart stopped leaking blood, but it was almost certainly a temporary measure.

Diana, despite her intelligence and cunning, could not understand the crippling weakness that was emotion. There was once a time when she did, when she herself succumbed to the bittersweet vice of her feelings. But now, staring at the scene which unfolded before her, she could not grasp the magnitude of the emotions exchanged between Fluttershy and Big Mac.

What she saw in those wide, pleading eyes of the Medic's, though, were instructions.

Being the pony she was, Diana understood those perfectly.

"Her examination room." DIana said. Big Mac turned to face her. "Bring her to the examination room."

"Got it." With a grunt, Big Mac lifted Fluttershy onto his back. "Do ya know how ta work her machine?"

"Yes." Diana assured him. I wish.

"Quickly!" Diana urged as she burst through the door to Fluttershy's operating room.

"Ah'm comin', ah'm comin'!" Big Mac charged through the door, somehow managing to deposit Fluttershy on her operating table so gently that the hair on her head was barely disturbed without breaking his own momentum.

By now, the Ubercharge had worn off, and the blood flow from the wound had resumed. Fluttershy was barely conscious, so Diana knew she had to act fast. She awaited instructions.

Diana followed Fluttershy's gaze to a red button, which she immediately pressed. The Medic's eyes roamed until they came to rest upon a lever, which was Diana's cue to activate it. Soon, the earth pony was in a frenzy, pulling, pressing and flicking everything Fluttershy designated with as much speed as was available to her wounded body.

In the meantime, Big Mac was trying to interpret Fluttershy's instructions, but everything was such a blur that he seemed totally lost. The only thing he could do was to move close to her and nuzzle her cheek.

For a moment, Fluttershy faltered, her eyes rolling to see the spot which Big Mac had touched, before remembering the situation and resuming her direction of Diana's actions.

Diana shook her head. Are they the only two ponies in all of Equestria who can't see that they're madly in love with each other?

Her thoughts were cut short as Fluttershy gave an almost imperceptible nod to indicate the completion of the preparations. One final check and Diana began flicking the appropriate switches. She remembered to turn away and close her eyes when the machine flashed and began channeling its clouds of blue into Fluttershy's being.

The effect was immediate. Shreds of yellow skin crawled across the gaping, bleeding hole in her chest, pulling a shield over the damaged heart before the repair on the organ itself commenced. Other minor scratches and cuts, along with a few more major looking gashes, began to close themselves up at a rate at least a thousand times faster than normal.

All this registered somewhere at the back of Diana's mind as she planned her next move for her interview. It's not over. Not yet. Not by a long shot...

It took only twenty seconds for the entire process to wrap itself up, exchanging the powerful streams of clouds for a lighter and gentler flow. The newly healed Fluttershy sat up slowly, testing her limbs in the process and ensuring that she had indeed recovered, before launching herself at Big Mac and enveloping the now heavily blushing Heavy in a tight bear hug.

Diana couldn't help but smile at the adorable display.

Big Mac's grin, on the other hoof, was easily three times as wide as Diana's. "You're a real marvel, ya know?"

"You're the true marvel." Fluttershy whispered, her words somewhat muffled by Big Mac's chest, which her head was currently buried in. "Thanks for everything."

"Aw, ya did most of the work." Big Mac said. "If ah-"

"I think," Diana interrupted, "that the both of you performed admirably. Big Mac, the speed with which you transported Fluttershy to the operating room was thoroughly remarkable. And Fluttershy..." She shook her head. "I've never seen anypony with reflexes like yours. Your ability to fight directly instead of healing is very impressive. However, I then have to wonder..." A glint appeared in the earth pony's eyes as she played her trump card. "... why is it that you don't fight on the front lines?"

The room fell silent as Fluttershy pondered her answer.

"... Big Mac?" The pegasus finally asked.

"Yes, Fluttershy?"

"I'm just going to go out and have a chat with Diana for a while. Could you stay here for now?"

"Uh, sure." He glared at Diana, tightening his grip around Fluttershy protectively. "You'd better not hurt her, got it?"

"I would never do such a thing." Diana assured him. "If nothing else, I will not gain anything from harming her at all."

Big Mac continued staring daggers at her. "The fact that you have to assure me in terms of what you will get is disturbing in itself."

"I'm afraid I cannot help it. Mere weeks of dealing with the Administrator have forced me to look at the world in a calculating manner." Diana admitted.

"That doesn't help your case at all."

"Maybe not." Diana shrugged. "But the truth of the matter is that I will not harm her."

Big Mac gave her a last death glare before releasing Fluttershy from his forelegs. "Fine. But if you hurt one hair on her head-"

"-you won't rest until you cast my soul into the deep, dark and bottomless abyss of Tartarus, I get it." Diana said impatiently. "Please, Big Mac, not all of us have the time to sit around and discuss idle threats. I was due to report to the Administrator about an hour ago. There is simply no time that I can spare." She smiled briefly, trying not to let the exasperation show through her façade. "I hope you can understand."

Big Mac's eyes hardened for a second. It seemed as if he would drag Fluttershy back into his sweet embrace, but something within him appeared to change when he saw the determination in the Medic's eyes. He reluctantly relented.

Fluttershy gave him a final hug. "I'll be right back. Don't worry."

"Ah wouldn't be, if not for..." Big Mac trailed off. "...just now."

"That was just an exception. It will not happen again."

Big Mac turned away, trying to hide the moisture in his eyes. "Nowadays, it's a lot harder to trust ponies."

"Even me, Big Mac?" Fluttershy asked. "Even me?"

The Heavy hesitated, hanging his head low. "...no. Not you." He finally whispered.

"That's good to know." Fluttershy smiled. "So trust me, I'll be right back."

"Alright." Big Mac muttered, almost too soft to hear.

And therein lies the inherent weakness of friendship. Diana mused as she led the Medic out of her operating theatre and out into the cold night air of Canterlot mountain. You just need to manipulate somepony like that; and either you become dead, or... She sighed. ...You become like me.

"So, are you going to start asking me questions?" Fluttershy's soft voice snapped Diana out of her reverie, bringing her back to the task at hoof.

"My apologies. I was... absorbed in the past for a moment there."

"It happens." Diana noticed that the smile on Fluttershy's face had disappeared, instead replaced by a blank expression. It was devoid of emotion. Too devoid, in fact. Diana knew what that meant all too well.

She's hiding how she feels. Why would she want to do that? She already knew the answer, even before she thought up the question.

She's not telling me something. I'm sure of it.

"So, miss Fluttershy, I'm sure you remember the question." Diana tilted her head in curiosity. "What is your answer?"

"No, I don't remem..." She took one look at Diana's eyes, noting the determination within them, before sighing in defeat. "Yes, I remember."

"And your answer?" Diana prompted.

Fluttershy opened her mouth, then closed it again. All was silent for the next three seconds before the Medic burst into tears and fell, limp, into the surprised Diana's forelegs.

"Oh, I can't do it!" She sobbed. "It's too... I don't even want to think about it!"

"About what?" Diana asked. "Is... is the reason really so terrible?"

"...No." Fluttershy whispered.

"Or..." Diana hesitated. "... or is it the story behind it?"

Now Fluttershy was barely audible. "...Yes."

Diana remained silent, quickly assessing her next move. What can I say to get her to open up?

After a few minutes of waiting, Diana decided that it was time to act. "Please, Fluttershy, I just want to help you. if you don't tell me what troubles you..." She trailed off, letting the unspoken but obvious words finish her point.

"I... I..." Fluttershy seemed to be on the verge of opening up when she suddenly pushed Diana away and sprang back. "N-No! I can't tell you!" She pointed at the earth pony, who subconciously backed away in shock. "You're the Administrator's pawn! His minion!"

Uh oh. This was unanticipated. Diana rapidly scrambled to conceive of a plan which would allow her salvage the situation. Looks like there's only one option left for me.

"Fluttershy." Diana's voice carried enough authority that the Medic momentarily ceased all movement and just stared at her.

"I may work for the Administrator, but that does not mean I am loyal to him." Diana continued. "But it is clear that you cannot trust me, and I understand completely. So I must prove my goodwill." Unfastening the saddlebag from her back, she cradled it in her forehooves tenderly before presenting it to Fluttershy with clear reluctance. "Take it. Within it lies my most coveted secret, the one I hold the closest to my heart."

Fluttershy fixed her gaze upon the bag, as if she expected it to burst into flames or spray corrosive acid the moment she touched it.

"It's been on my back the entire time, it's safe." Diana assured her. "Go on. Surely you want to see a secret as securely kept as your own."

Still eyeing it warily, Fluttershy stepped forward slowly and poked the bag with her hoof. When it failed to give any kind of reaction that could possibly be dangerous in the least bit, she quickly snatched it out of Diana's hoof and flipped its cover off, exposing its contents to all present.

Diana just managed to suppress her instinct to clamp down on the bag and pull it to safety when Fluttershy pulled it away from her. Just keep calm, it'll be fine...

Clearly her body didn't believe her, if her racing heartbeat and severely reddened cheeks were any indication.

The moment Fluttershy registered what lay within the confines of the saddlebag, her reaction, far from what DIana had expected, was to lean closer and dig deeper into it.

"...Well?" Diana finally asked, the blush still very noticeable.

"...Maybe..." Fluttershy murmured.

"Maybe?"

"... Maybe we're not so different after all."

Diana nodded, though the revelation did nothing to still her thumping heart. "I had my suspicions. I must confess, however, that I am surprised to hear it from your own mouth."

Fluttershy chuckled, although it still seemed hollow. "I didn't know that you too were... well... you know..." She scraped at the ground with her hoof, conveying the meaning she had left unspoken.

"Please, let us dwell on that subject no longer. A conversation for this topic at a later time would suffice." Diana waved her hoof. "Now, I have done my part. What, then, of yours?"

Damn it, why can't I get this blush to go away?

Despite what she had done, there still seemed to be some hesitation in Fluttershy's movements, but it was clear that her gamble had paid off. "...Yes, I'll tell you." She said. "But remember: if you tell anypony about this-"

"You'll make sure my secret'll be the talk of the battlefield." Diana nodded. "I do not wish to envision such an eventuality."

"Thankfully." Fluttershy sighed. "Alright. It all began a few years ago, when the war came to Ponyville."

"Oh..." Internally, Diana winced. I can't imagine she thinks very highly of the Administrator if Ponyville was her home town.

"Back then, up until the war erupted there, it was pretty much my home town."

Ouch.

"And... well... you know what it looks like now." Fluttershy hung her head. "I remember the day when... it... happened."

Diana already knew the scale of the immense emotional upheaval Fluttershy was undergoing, despite her outwardly calm expression. It occurred to her a few seconds later that she should probably be experiencing some semblance of guilt for having brought up the tender topic in the first place. After all...

"I remember that day too." Diana whispered.

Fluttershy's ears perked up. "What?"

"I wasn't close enough to see the details, but I saw what happened."

"But how?... and why?"

"Ponyville was my home, once." Diana sighed. "Once. It's not my birthplace, but I'd lived there long enough that it felt like it."

"Oh... then..."

"Yes, it's an unpleasant topic for me too, but I'm not worried about me as much as I am about you." Diana tilted her head. "Are you sure you want to talk about this?"

"I'm sure. If nothing else, I at least have to get this off my chest."

"Well..." Diana nodded. "If you say so."

"So, um, you were saying?"

"Yes. I came back to Ponyville for a short visit, but I saw the explosions from miles away. What I want to know is, how did you survive that?"

"I don't live in Ponyville, just on the outskirts, in a small cottage near the Everfree Forest."

"Ah, the Everfree Forest." Diana's right eye twitched. "So many... good... memories."

"Uh, right." Fluttershy gave Diana a quick quizzical glance before returning to her story. "In the few days leading up to... well, it... there were posters everywhere saying that the old BLU Medic, Redheart, was going to be retiring, and that the Administrator was looking through her hometown of Ponyville for one suitable to replace her." Fluttershy's eyes seemed to gaze through Diana, recalling some memory of a time long gone from the depths of her mind. "I didn't really pay heed to it back then, but a few days later, my name somehow appeared on a list of shortlisted candidates for the position."

"But you didn't register or volunteer yourself?" Diana asked.

"I didn't even think the Administrator knew I existed. I was just another face In the crowd. Up until Ponyville... well, you know."

"I know all too well, unfortunately."

"The only survivor, as far as I know, is me. Everypony who's on BLU team right now were all fighting elsewhere, so none of them were anywhere near Ponyville then."

"So you're the newest member of the team?" Diana inquired.

"Yes. I only joined about a year and a half ago."

"Interesting." Diana mused. "Go on."

"So, basically, I went from being one of the candidates to being the only candidate, so the Administrator gave me a test. To be truthful, I was kind of looking forward to being a Medic then. After so much death and destruction..." She shuddered. "I thought that it would be best if, instead of standing by and watching everything happen, I could help and heal the sick, weak and injured. But, as it turns out, that's not what being a Medic on a battlefield is all about."

"Then what is it about?"

"The ponies I heal aren't just innocent civilians. They're killers in their own right, and I'm expected to kill as well." Fluttershy stared at Diana with a gaze filled with profound sadness. "It wasn't - it still isn't - about helping. It's about killing. And my test was to kill a pony."

"But..." Diana began.

"I'd never killed anypony before? That's right." Fluttershy sighed. "Now that I think about it, the Administrator probably never meant me to be a good Medic. Just a good fighter."

"You aren't a bad Medic regardless." Diana remarked.

"That's because I needed myself to be good enough to help everypony. I worked day and night to be the Medic I am now. I might not know all the scientific, fancy terms for every part of the body, but I know what I need to, and that's good enough for me. And the rest of the team too, it would seem."

"How much do you need to know as a Medic anyway? Considering it's your medigun that does most of the healing."

"It may look like it's healing, but the medigun doesn't really do that. It was designed to temporarily patch up wounds during battle, but they usually reopen and worsen after the fight's over. That's when I need to do the actual healing and saving. As far as I know, most of the Medics before me just let the team die and respawn after every battle."

"Wouldn't that be more... practical?" Diana questioned. "Seeing as how they'll be completely fine after they respawn, I don't see much of a difference."

"Maybe, but I'm not the type of pony to let my friends die - even if they are just going to come back to life. Besides, death is a painful thing."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call your operations painless either." Diana shook her head.

"Have I ever operated on you before?" Fluttershy gave Diana a quizzical look. "If you were one of the civilians whom I treated after battles in populated areas, I have to apologise for the lack of anaesthetic back then, but with this new medigun prototype out, that won't be a problem any more."

"I've never gone through your treatment before, but I got a feel of the pain from interviews with those who have. But I digress." Diana waved her hoof. "You were talking about your test?"

"Oh, yes." Fluttershy's eye twitched almost imperceptibly, a motion Diana did not miss.

The earth pony chose to remain silent.

"So, when the Administrator told me what I had to do to pass, I almost threw up. I'm not going to lie," Fluttershy looked away, "I nearly decided to give up."

"What convinced you to stay, then?"

"The healing that could be done." Fluttershy answered. "Before me, nopony bothered to really heal the rest of the team after battles or any of the innocent civilians trapped in the crossfire. But then it occurred to me that nothing would change unless I were to be that change. The change I wanted to see in the world. That's when I asked myself: Are the lives I could save in the future worth more than the one I had to take then?"

"Your answer was yes." Diana stated, a hint of regret in her tone.

"Correct." Fluttershy's speech no longer seemed to be littered with the uncertainty that often accompanied her voice. "But if I wanted to do that, it wasn't enough to pass. I had to gain the trust of the Administrator. A few meetings with him gave me an opportunity to gauge his cruelty. And then I asked him if I could take the 'test subject' back to my house with me."

"He agreed?" Diana asked, surprised. "I would have thought he would expect that you would let the subject go."

"I think he did, but the impression I got is that he doesn't really care about any one of us, that we're all just worthless to him." Fluttershy's eyes grew cold. "I had to act in a way that would appeal to that side of him if I wanted to ensure he did not suspect me of going against what he told us to do."

"You mean the Administrator gave you specific instructions-"

"-not to waste time doing anything else but 'healing' with my medigun and fighting on the battlefield? Yes, although I think he wants all those innocent ponies to die, for some reason that I can't fathom. So I capitalised on that. I brought the pony home, and then I-"

"-killed her?" Diana guessed.

"Worse." Fluttershy's voice grew heavy with regret. "After I killed her, I inflicted all kinds of visible wounds that the Administrator would notice for sure, and then I removed her brain and deposited everything outside, where the Administrator came looking for me the next day when I didn't return. He was so impressed with my work that he instantly assigned the position of Medic to me and said that he'd never seen another Medic more suited for the role than I was."

"How did you feel?" Relieved, perhaps. Since the worst was over then-

"I was disgusted. At myself, and no one else. It felt so wrong to do what I had to. But it was exactly that - what I had to do." Fluttershy's eyes glistened with tears. "But I knew, no matter how bad I felt, that it was worth it to see so many other lives saved, and so many other families unbroken. I think..." She exhaled sadly. "...I think one life is an acceptable cost."

Diana took the time to consider the information she had just been presented.

Apparently, Fluttershy did not want to give her that time. "What do you think, Diana? I want to know if you agree with me or not."

"...You already know the answer." Diana finally responded.

"I do." Fluttershy nodded. "Then I must ask you this. If given an opportunity to help me - to join me - in saving lives, would you?"

"What do you think?"

"I honestly don't know." Fluttershy stared deep into Diana's eyes, trying to catch a glimpse of her soul through the only window there was to it. "There are too many conflicting elements that in the end; you could go either way. Or you might surprise me and give me neither of the answers I expect. That's why I need to hear it from you."

"Give me some time to think."

"No. I want your answer now." Fluttershy took a step towards Diana. "What will you choose?"

Diana did not hesitate. "I will join you for the good of everypony. I can only hope that what you are doing is truly for their own good."

"What do you mean?" Fluttershy asked. "How can this not be for their own good? Saving their lives?"

"You may soon find that there are often details left unknown and unconsidered when it comes to making decisions, and these could turn out to be fatal in the end." Diana turned away.

"Like what?" Fluttershy scrutinised Diana's expression. "What could I be missing here?"

"I don't know." Diana replied. "But the Administrator must have his reasons for whatever he does too, don't you think?"

"His reasons may not be intended to benefit us in any way."

"But they are reasons nonetheless." Diana retorted. "And besides, what does he stand to gain from not allowing you to save the dying?"

"That's exactly my point. There is no logical reason."

"That's exactly my point." Diana shot back. "You do not know the reason, so how can you assume it to be selfish?"

"His casual disregard for all life except is own already speaks volumes of the level of goodwill his reasons contain." Fluttershy sighed. "Diana, you are his interviewer, so I understand why you would defend him. But how can his instructions for me - and the Medics before me - possibly be justified?"

"Maybe he sees something you don't." Diana said.

"What would that be, then?"

"How should I know?"

"See, this is exactly what I'm trying to tell you." Fluttershy shook her head. "You're smart, Diana, and we both know that. You should be able to see that there's no plausible justification. You can't just trust him blindly without anything to suggest that he's right."

"But is there anything to suggest that he is wrong?"

"I can see it, why can't you?" Fluttershy placed her forehooves on Diana's shoulder. "There's no explanation. He exists for no purpose other than chaos. He is a being of chaos; something his appearance would corroborate."

"Judging a book by its cover, now are we?"

"I'm judging a book by the title." Fluttershy insisted. "Do you remember a creature called a draconequus?"

"That would be what the Administrator is, if I'm not mistaken."

"Exactly. He has the head of a pony, and a body made up of all sorts of things. What do you suppose that represents?"

"Everything biologically impossible, I guess."

"Close, but no. It represents chaos."

"So just because he's a member of a species which is widely believed - believed is the key word here - to be chaos incarnate, you suspect his intentions to be in line with this stereotype."

"You left out the part that his actions really do make no sense." Fluttershy growled. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"I should be asking you that."

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"I know that quite well." Diana stared at Fluttershy with an even gaze. "And it is at this point that I must concede the argument."

"Even now, you still- wait, what?" Fluttershy was thoroughly confused, and it showed on her face. "You refused to listen to reason mere moments ago, and now you agree with me? You really are suited to be the Administrator's interviewer."

"I was seeing how far you would go to convince me." Diana nodded. "And you are quite persistent."

"Oh." Fluttershy's expression grew hopeful. "Does that mean that-"

"I'll join you." Diana interrupted. "For the good of all."

"Thank goodness." Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief. "I was wondering if you would."

"I have a question, though." Diana said.

"What?"

"Why is it that you can trust that I'm on your side so easily?"

"Two reasons." Fluttershy replied. "One, your secret."

"Is that really such an effective deterrent?"

"No, and that brings me to my second reason." Fluttershy took a step forward. "The second reason... is you."

"What do you mean?"

"I know you better than you think, Diana. The way you think, the way you fight, the way you kill. I also know what you did just a month ago, and that seals the deal."

"Wait, a month ago?" Diana leaned forward interestedly. "You know what I did a month ago?"

"Yes." Fluttershy scrutinised Diana's expression. "Why?"

"I sure don't. The Administrator says it's probably amnesia. I'm not satisfied with being in the dark about my own actions, though."

"Then you want to know."

"Yes."

"Alright." Fluttershy trotted up to Diana's side and whispered in her ear.

A few moments of relative silence later, Diana spoke up. "...Is that really true?" She whispered.

"Yes. Nopony else but me knows that you were the one who did that."

"Oh. Wow." Diana sat on the ground, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "I never thought that I would do something like that."

"Now you know why I trust you." Fluttershy nodded. "You will not betray me. I am sure of that."

"You're right." Diana stood up. "I won't. Not now. But there's something you still haven't told me, isn't there?"

"There is." Fluttershy confirmed. "I was just making sure that you were completely trustworthy first."

"What is it, then?" Diana asked.

"Applejack and I have been working on something together. The medigun prototype you saw?"

"What about it?"

"It will do more than just eliminate the problem of knockback. It has another purpose... one that is not combat-related."

"And that would be?"

"Aside from the fact that it provides actual healing, unlike my portable medigun, it is also a new way to refresh and nearly instantly repair recently damaged vital organs. Even if there's just a shred of it left, this medigun will be able to induce regeneration so fast that it'll be good as new in a matter of seconds."

"That sounds like your Quick-Fix."

"A very enhanced version, yes."

"So that means..."

"With this, I'll be able to bring the dead back to life." Fluttershy put her hoof around Diana's neck, pulling her closer. "Just imagine, everywhere we go, everywhere we fight, there'll be no more civilian casualties. If I can mass manufacture this one day, nopony will have to face the threat of death ever again. If done properly, it might even extend their lifetimes!"

"That sounds... impossible, actually." Diana said.

"Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction. The main problem here is that I have to keep the Administrator from knowing about this."

"And that's where I come in, right?"

"Yes. I don't really care what you do, actually. Distract him, divert his attention, it's all fine, so long as he doesn't find out. I already prepared this for you." Fluttershy gave a thin booklet to Diana. "It's a modified version of this interview, with all the sensitive information omitted. Give him this one instead of your manuscript."

Diana stared at it for a moment. "You've really been preparing for this."

"Only because the outcome was certain." Fluttershy gestured to the booklet. "Well?"

Diana extended her hoof and accepted it. "Are you sure about this, Fluttershy?"

"I am absolutely sure." Fluttershy turned around. "Big Mac is probably expecting me back by now, and I think the Administrator is waiting for you."

"Very well. May our paths cross again." Diana shook Fluttershy's hoof.

"I have no doubt that they will." Without another word, Fluttershy trotted off, leaving Diana alone with her thoughts.

Diana took in the sight of Fluttershy's script, and then opened it, taking note of the introduction.

"The moon illuminated Canterlot Mountain, bringing light to those lost in the darkness..." She read aloud, chuckling to herself as she did so. "Close to my writing style, but still different from my script. Very interesting. I'll read it on the way back to base. Maybe, by the time I get there..." She stared up at the moon that hung high, dominating the centre of the darkened night sky. "I might be sure who's side I'm on."

The darkness of the night was held at bay by the steel superstructure of the Administrator's base. Within the massive building itself, all sorts of light emitting devices - light bulbs, lamps, the like - chased the darkness out of every corner.

The light washed over Diana's face as she pushed the door of the base open. She breathed in deeply. Ah. Smells like home.

Taking care to return Fluttershy's manuscript to the safety of her saddlebag, Diana trotted through the corridors, relishing the feel of the cool metal against her now arrow-free hooves. After she turned the first corner, though, the near absolute silence of the surroundings became apparent, and it unnerved her, for some reason.

She realised why a second later, when she felt somepony else's presence nearby. Around the next corner, to be exact. No hoofsteps, however, echoed back in response to Diana's own.

She already knew who it was.

Diana stopped just short of turning the corner as a hovering earth pony, replete with her signature beanie, came into view.

"Hello, Screwball." Diana greeted her.

"Greetings, Diana." Screwball responded. "I'm sorry, but I can't stay and chat. I have places to go and ponies to visit."

"Of course. Farewell, then."

"Actually, I was hoping if you could tell be where the BLU Spy is. I have some business with her."

"Canterlot Valley, BLU base. Unless they've moved, the entire team should still be there."

"Thank you." Screwball nodded briefly before continuing on her way.

Diana watched her round the next corner and leave before resuming her measured pace to the Administrator's room. Hmm... I have to meet her again tomorrow. I'll make sure of it.

She reached the room sooner than she expected. Diana knocked sharply while rummaging through her belongings for the item she wanted.

"Screwball, is that you again?" His voice came from behind the door.

"No, it's me, Administrator." Diana replied as her hoof drew out the device Applejack had found buried in her saddlebags. Bingo. "I've finished the interview with BLU team's Medic. May I come in?"

"Yes, of course." He replied. Holding the device in her hoof, Diana pushed the door open and trotted in calmly, trying to ignore what looked like a small grave beside the Administrator's table.

She lifted the metallic item into the air for him to see. "Do you know what this is?"

The Administrator's expression never wavered, though Diana had known him for too long to believe that this was a sign of his innocence. He'll deny it first, argue for a while, then concede. He always-

"Hey, I know what that is!" The Administrator exclaimed, eliciting an expression of surprise from Diana.

"You... you do?" Diana asked.

"The test!" He stood up, teleporting next to Diana and enveloping her in his embrace. "You passed the test!"

"The... what now?" Diana tried to free herself from his vice-like grip, but to no avail.

"The test!" He snatched the device out of Diana's hoof, scrutinising it as he did so. "I was wondering when you'd find it."

"So you put it there, then?"

"Yes. And I can see that it worked."

"You had everypony's sentry guns shoot at me... for a test."

"It looks like you passed, too." The Administrator returned to his armchair with but a snap of his fingers, leaving Diana flailing her hooves helplessly in the air for a split second before collapsing to the ground. "With flying colours."

"Yeah, and over the course of this test I almost died twice." Diana stood back up, rubbing her bruised rump. "I suppose you think it was worth it."

"You had a respawn point. It didn't matter."

"Does having a respawn point make killing right?"

"I'd say not, but it's no longer wrong either."

"Hmph." Diana shook her head. "Sometimes..."

"Oh yes, by the way, I trust you have the script for this interview ready?" The Administrator stuck out his opened claw, waiting to accept the manuscript.

"Yes, I do, although it might not be in one piece after you dropped me."

"It's just paper. It'll be fine."

Diana reached into her bag and retrieved a manuscript. "Here it is. Don't blame me if it's a little untidy, because I had to write as fast as I could on the way here."

The Administrator took it and opened it. "It looks fine to me. Why couldn't you write it before coming back, though?"

"Battle." Diana responded simply.

"Ah." The Administrator nodded his head. "I see."

An awkward silence reigned as the Administrator flipped through the manuscript. Eventually, Diana decided that leaving as soon as possible, before the Administrator read too far, may be in her best interests. "Have you any other instructions for me, Administrator?"

"One." He looked up. "I think you'd better not sleep tonight. After that whole Canterlot fight, I might need to issue you emergency instructions sometime within the next few hours. Staying awake might decrease your response time to these orders."

"Got it. That's all then?"

"That's all." The Administrator confirmed. "Just relax for now, but don't get too relaxed."

"Understood." Diana bowed deeply before turning and heading for the exit. She felt the Administrator's eyes on her for the entire time it took for her to cross the distance between her and the door and leave the room. It's as if he was waiting for me to look away...

Diana pushed those thoughts out of her head. I will think about that later. For now, I'll just sit back and enjoy myself.

Without her notice, Diana's hooves brought her all the way to her room, and she emerged from her reverie to find herself standing in front of the room she had spent countless nights in.

"Room, sweet room." Diana pushed the door open, falling onto her bed as soon as she could. "Now for some reading material."

She reached into her saddlebag, her hoof wandering aimlessly around until it met paper. "There we go." She drew the other interview script out of her bag and began to read.

"The moon illuminated Canterlot Mountain, bringing light to those lost in the darkness..."

Dear Diary:

I think I'm finally sure of how most interviews go. First talking, then fighting, then talking again. Of course, what they talk about and how they fight always change, but I guess that my interview would follow that timeline as well. There's no reason why it wouldn't.

Of course, with the Administrator in charge, I can never be sure, so I'd better not focus on the expected. But maybe with Diana interviewing, things may not be as unpredictable.

Really confusing. I'll think about this later. For now, I have a job to do.

Pinkie Pie

The moon hung low in the sky. The advent of dawn, while not quite there, was steadily approaching. A single cloaked equine figure, silhouetted against the dim light of the lunar sphere that was soon to be swallowed up by the horizon, galloped silently towards a cliff overlooking the spiralling path to Canterlot.

The figure suddenly ground to a halt when it noticed its target: A small wooden trailer resting a few metres away from the edge of the cliff. The figure strode forward with purpose, stopping in front of the door to give two sharp taps with its hoof.

A tired-looking, dishevelled blue unicorn answered the door. "It's five thirty in the morning. What do you want with Trixie?"

"Is Twilight in there?" The figure leaned closer to the door, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever lay within the trailer.

"Only because she pays Trixie rent." Trixie stepped forward. "But why do you want to know?"

"I have something to discuss with her."

"What would that be, exactly?"

"Confidential things. Now please move."

"Not unless you tell Trixie what you want with her."

The figure sighed. "Please, if you don't-"

"Excuse me." Both ponies at the door looked into the trailer to see Twilight emerge from the shadows, holding a candle in her telekinetic grip. "Is something wrong?"

"This pony wants to speak with you, Twilight." Trixie said.

"Will you?" The figure prompted.

"Here, or somewhere private?" Twilight asked suspiciously.

"Somewhere private." The figure replied.

Twilight's eyes narrowed just a second before an arrow flew out from inside the trailer, just barely missing its target as the figure leapt up into the air and landed gracefully, her hooves scrambling to retrieve her own weapon from somewhere within her cloak.

Trixie took a step back in fear. "Who are you?"

"Run." Both Twilight and the figure responded in tandem.

If that wasn't enough of a warning, the column of fire that erupted from the figure's now free weapon scared Trixie sufficiently to send her scurrying away from the battle. Twilight, for her part, neatly sidestepped the flames that thankfully stopped short of burning the wood of the trailer.

"So, why would the Administrator send the BLU Pyro here?" Twilight asked, her horn flaring as she summoned her Huntsman to her side.

"'To even the political playing field', in his own words." The Pyro replied. "And also to give me somepony who can match up to my fighting skills."

"And that would be?"

"You." The Pyro said as she swept her flamethrower in an arc, spewing fire that Twilight sprung backwards to avoid.

"Diana is a powerful adversary too. Why not her?" Twilight questioned as she pulled her bowstring taut and released an arrow at her enemy.

"She cannot beat me. She just isn't strong enough, and she will never be." A split second before the arrow hit her, a compressed blast of air from the Pyro's flamethrower sent the arrow hurtling back at Twilight. "The Administrator wants to change you. Make you more powerful. Make things fair, basically, when BLU and RED fight again."

"Then why are you trying to kill me?" Twilight just managed to dodge the arrow, but her momentary distraction gave the Pyro the time she needed to pin her to the ground with her flamethrower.

"Because the Administrator wants you to get there as soon as possible." A raging inferno consumed Twilight as she writhed in agony, trying to get up but to no avail.

"Ugh..."

"I'm sorry Twilight, but this is for the best. Trust me." The last thing Twilight saw was the burning conviction in those ice-blue eyes as she torched her enemy alive without guilt. A second later, the flames burnt out her eyes, and she awaited her fate in complete darkness.

"Goodbye, Twilight. We will meet again."

Her world went white.

"Is Operation Pegacorn all ready?" The Administrator asked Screwball.

"Ready to go." Screwball glanced at the makeshift respawn point that had been set up in the Administrator's room. "As soon as Twilight gets here..."

A flash of magic heralded the appearance of the RED Sniper, who took a moment to blink before she realised that she could see again.

"Looks like the Pyro did her job properly." The Administrator remarked, catching Twilight's attention immediately.

"You! What do you want with me?" Twilight was furious, and her anger was generally accompanied by an arrow to the head of the source - a fact the Administrator knew very well.

"Nothing except to make you stronger." A snap of his fingers, and all Twilight's weapons disappeared instantly. "It might take a while, though."

Despite being disarmed, Twilight remained unfazed. "How exactly do you plan to make me stronger, may I ask?"

"The answer is simple." The Administrator snapped his fingers again, and dark chains wrapped themselves around Twilight's hooves and forced her to the wall. A flick of the switch later, all the lights went out.

Now all Twilight could see were the two blood-red irises looming over her.

The eyes were the window to the soul. Twilight did not like what she saw. She gulped. "What is the answer?"

All was silent for half a minute until the Administrator finally gave her his response, an answer that chilled the unicorn to the bone.

"Apotheosis."

Meet the Sniper

The tall, monolithic Canterlot Mountain, its shadow falling long across the valley, towered over everything else, living or not. Canterlot Castle, the impenetrable fortress that stood upon an outcrop far below the peak, cast its own admittedly smaller but no less imposing shadow on the side of the mountain. This shadow was made far more intimidating by the spires of the palace that rose easily three times as high as the walls themselves, giving one the impression of enormous, ever-watchful sentinels that kept silent vigil over the city. This implied threat to potential enemies was further enhanced by the presence of more than two dozen defensive cannon emplacements spaced out at even intervals along the walls.

Those emplacements, however, were far from Canterlot's only defenses. It was no secret that the capital of the Equestrian Solar Empire was well protected, but only a select few were truly aware of the extent of its military might.

Diana was one of those few.

She gazed at the piece of paper in her hooves that detailed Canterlot Castle's military resources. Well over a hundred thousand well trained, well armed soldiers remained within those walls, and despite good defenses being the priority in the capital, it still possessed a fair number of potent siege weapons in its arsenal, although what role these weapons would play in a defensive strategy was largely unknown, and likely unviable.

Diana peered over the edge of the paper. Canterlot is very powerful. She mused. So powerful, in fact, that nothing should stand in the way of a full assault by its troops.

Of course, as is the case with most supposedly unstoppable forces, there was one thing which resisted its wrath.

Why is the BLU base in Canterlot Valley still there? By right it should have been wiped out ages ago. Diana took a look at the valley through her binoculars, and confirmed that the base was still whole and not destroyed in the least. The REDs managed to get quite far last time before Big Mac and Fluttershy stopped them. There's no reason to give up now.

Unless they really were that incompetent. But if they were then Celestia wouldn't have hired them to begin with. Besides, having the Sniper on their side gave them a very big advantage to begin with.

Speaking of the Sniper...

Diana turned her attention to the skies above Canterlot. A black speck in the distance headed towards her, growing in size as it came closer. She squinted a little bit and made out the vague shape of a trailer, pulled by two armoured pegasi.

Ah, there she comes. Best be prepared.

Brushing off whatever dust had settled on her coat and mane, Diana waited patiently as the trailer approached, One of the pegasi's ears pricked up, listening attentively to whatever noise he had picked up on, and both began to pick up speed immediately after.

Detected some threat, perhaps? Diana pondered. Or maybe they just got a new order. The Sniper's head poked out from one of the windows lining the side of the trailer, and she waved a hoof at Diana before ducking back inside.

Friendlier than I thought she'd be.

Eventually, the pegasi, clad in full Imperial royal guard armour, landed beside Diana. The trailer they were pulling touched down, its wooden wheels creaking slightly as the full weight of the vehicle pressed down on them. The door swung open, and Diana acknowledged the presence of the Sniper with a slight incline of her head.

"Diana." She smiled. "We meet again."

"A pleasure." The earth pony nodded. "I didn't expect you to fly here, though, much less in a trailer."

"Technically I don't even need the trailer any more - or at least once I learn how to use these." She unfurled the wings that had been tucked neatly beside her earlier.

Diana whistled, impressed. "When did you get those?"

"Not too long ago. The Administrator gave them to me. He called the process apotheosis." The Sniper gave Diana a curious look. "What do you suppose that means?"

Diana shrugged. "Maybe alicornism is comparable to godhood."

"Perhaps. In any case, I do believe that we have an interview to begin, no?"

"We do." Diana agreed. "Is there anywhere you wanted to go in particular?"

"There is. And this trailer is going to take us there." The Sniper turned around. "Trixie?"

"What is it?" A voice called from inside the trailer.

"Can I use your trailer for a little bit? There's more traveling that needs to be done."

"That means extra rent!" Trixie replied.

The Sniper sighed. "Fine, fine. Whatever will get you out of that thing so we can-"

"Get out?" Trixie asked incredulously. "Whoever said anything about getting out?"

"But you said-"

"Trixie allowed you to use her trailer, Twilight Sparkle. She said nothing about letting you have it all to yourself."

"But there'll be fighting... and killing... and..."

"And?"

"Do you remember the Pyro from last time?" The Sniper snapped.

Trixie shut up.

The Sniper sighed. "Thank you. Are you going to get off now?"

Trixie remained silent, apparently pondering her response. "No."

"Why not?"

"Trixie trusts you to protect her." She muttered stiffly.

"That is at once very touching and irritating." The Sniper shook her head and boarded the trailer. "Are you coming, Diana?"

"Of course." She followed the Sniper through the doorway. "So, Sniper, where are we going?"

"Further down the mountain." She replied. "And please, call me Twilight. That's what all my friends call me."

"Am I your friend already?"

Twilight shrugged. "I don't see why not."

"Does friendship mean so little to you?" Diana asked.

"Not at all. It's just that everypony means much more to me than you think." Twilight turned to the armed pegasi pulling the trailer. "Bring us to Outcrop B at Canterlot's south face."

"Yes, my lady." Both the guards bowed, "Your wish is our command."

"Yes, yes." Twilight sighed. She turned to Diana. "I try to get them to be friendly with me, but it never works. Honestly, I think I'll never get used to this pseudo-worship."

"I can imagine. But it can come in handy, if you play things right."

"It might be, someday." Twilight agreed. "But I'd rather not have them hanging around when I'm sniping, at least."

"Of course." One of the guards responded immediately. "We will leave once we have brought you to your destination."

"Thank you." Twilight shut the door behind her. "We'd best be moving quickly if we want to get there in time."

"In time?" Diana asked. "In time for what, exactly?"

"The assault on Canterlot Valley, of course. What else?"

"If that assault had happened earlier, the BLU base might not still be around." Diana pointed out.

"Can't be helped." Twilight shrugged. "It takes a while to recover from apotheosis."

"I wouldn't know, so I'm just going to have to take your word for it."

"Are we leaving yet? I'm getting impatient." The azure-blue unicorn at the other end of the trailer complained. "The faster I can get this over with, the better."

Twilight groaned. "Okay, fine. Guards, you may take flight."

"At once, my lady." Both of the pegasi took off in unison, pulling the wagon close behind them as they headed towards the outcrop.

Diana took the opportunity to observe her surroundings. The trailer itself was fairly cramped, encompassing only two small rooms not two meters across. One was the bathroom, tucked away in the corner, and the other was the bedroom which also doubled as a dining room and kitchen; the bed sat at one end of the room and a mini-stove at the other, with a small table at the centre.

One thing she noticed was that the floor, ceiling and walls were all painted a drab, unassuming brown which spoke of a humility that was wholly uncharacteristic of the Trixie she had come to know over the past few minutes.

Unless it was Twilight who had chosen that colour. But she was only a tenant, after all, and Trixie didn't seem like the type to take other's interests into account

So either her uncaring behaviour was merely a façade that hid a warm heart underneath, or Twilight was a lot more persuasive than she had given her credit for.

Diana wasn't sure which one was true, but she was willing to bet on the latter.

"I see you've taken an interest in our abode." Twilight said amiably from behind her.

Diana turned around. "I'm just curious, that's all. Say, where's your second bed?"

"The other bed?" Twilight tilted her head in confusion. "There is only one bed."

"But they're two of you."

"Yes, so what are you sayi..." Twilight's face suddenly coloured itself with fifty shades of red. "...Oh... Oh my Celestia..." She buried her face in her hooves. "You misunderstand, she... she sleeps on the floor."

"She gave you the bed and agreed to sleep on the floor?" Diana raised an eyebrow.

"She claims that she charges extra for it." Twilight explained, her cheeks still burning red. "Whether she really does... I don't know."

"I see." Sounds like love to me. "You don't suppose she cares for you more than she lets on?"

"How can that be?" Twilight laughed good-naturedly. "You saw for yourself how she treats me. And not to mention that we're both mares!"

"Something as insignificant as gender should not stand in the way of true love." Diana countered. "And besides, Equestria is more open-minded than it was a thousand years ago."

"Maybe, but perhaps we'd best discuss this later." Her horn flashed, and a Huntsman appeared beside her in a burst of teleportation magic. "I think we're almost there."

"How can you tell?"

"Look out the window."

Diana cast a glance to her right and noted the BLU base growing ever larger in her field of vision. "Well, we must look to our weapons."

"I've got mine. What about you?"

"In here." Diana reached into her saddlebag and withdrew a sharpened fire axe.

"Ah. That old thing." Twilight's eyes sparkled. "I remember it."

"You should."

"Indeed. And you, in turn, should remember my Huntsman."

"I do." Diana sighed. "Perhaps a little too well."

"We're here, my lady." One of the guards announced from outside the trailer. "Outcrop B is clear of hostiles."

"Excellent. Thank you for your services." The door, under Twilight's magical control, slid open, allowing both her and Diana to exit the vehicle. "You may leave now."

"Of course." Both pegasi took to the sky, leaving the other three ponies behind.

"How are you going to call them back?" Diana asked.

"I won't need to." Twilight told her. "I expect they're watching us from somewhere else, just in case I am in danger." She shook her head. "I just can't get rid of those two."

"At least you have someone looking out for you." Diana remarked. "Every day is a solo mission for me."

"Are you two done talking yet?!" Trixie asked. "I've been waiting for the longest time."

"You shouldn't have come here if you were so prone to impatience." Twilight shook her head. "You should know that a Sniper's job involves vast amounts of patience."

"Well... I... uh..." Trixie stammered. "...I... I thought this would be faster!"

"I doubt it. You've come with me to snipe before... and you never complained."

"I am now!" Trixie stomped her hoof.

"The question is: Why?" Twilight took a step forward. "What's different this time?"

Diana suspected that she already knew, and she could almost see the gears turning in the Sniper's head as she reached the same conclusion herself.

"Trixie." Twilight breathed. "Are you..."

"No!" Trixie retorted in a panic, with perhaps just a little too much volume. "I'm not jealous, and I'm NOT attracted to you!"

An awkward silence ensured. Diana wondered if she should say something, even if it was only to break the said silence, but past experience told her that she would be better off not involving herself in this.

"Um..." Twilight was blushing furiously. "...Uh... okay then..."

"Yeah..." Trixie's face had turned a similar hue. "I'm... I'm telling the truth."

"I... um... know." Twilight coughed. "Yes..."

"...Uh." Trixie remained silent after that.

Another long while passed before Diana cleared her throat politely. "...Perhaps it is best if we continue this interview now."

"Trixie... agrees." The azure-blue unicorn shook her head, trying to dispel the last vestiges of the blush from her cheeks.

"As do I." Twilight regained her composure much faster, just as Diana had expected. "Shall we?"

"Of course." Out of the corner of her eye, Diana caught a glimpse of Trixie's mouth hanging half-open, as if she had something to say - in all likelihood, she did - but eventually a hoof pushed her lower jaw up and she trotted back into her trailer, muttering something under her breath.

"Well, that was... bizarre." Twilight said.

"I'm inclined to agree. Now what was it I was telling you earlier?"

"I know, I know." Twilight sighed. "I don't have any idea how this is going to go, though, so I suppose it's something I'll have to think about."

"So, what are you going to say to Trixie?"

"I'll think about that later too, but I'll have to do it eventually. The awkwardness of living with her will be unbearable otherwise." Twilight turned her attention to the edge of the outcrop. "But that's for later. For now, I have a few mercenaries to put out of action."

"Wait." Diana held up a hoof. "I just realized something."

"What?"

"We're up on a ledge."

"So?"

"And you're using a Huntsman."

"Your point being?"

Diana shook her head. "Somehow I think using a standard Sniper rifle might make things a little easier for you."

"Who said anything about wanting to make things easier?" Twilight grinned. "You don't know me as well as you think you do."

"Apparently so. From what I know, you're crazy about efficiency."

"I am. But I also want to learn."

"Learn?"

"I'm not just a mercenary in Princess Celestia's army." Twilight said. "I'm also her faithful student in the study of advanced arcane magic."

"And she still makes you the Sniper on top of that?" Diana asked.

"No. I volunteered."

"You volunteered?" Diana raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it already busy being a magic scholar?"

"Maybe, but I can set aside the time." As Twilight spoke, her horn shimmered, and an arrow slid itself into place on her Huntsman. "Magic isn't the only thing in this world, after all."

"It's impossible to be proficient at everything in the world."

"What about the things that matter, then?" Twilight countered, pulling the bowstring taut as she did so. "I nearly outmatched you the other time at the BLU base. Remember that?"

"Very well." Diana nodded.

"There are very effective combat applications of magic. It's up to me to bend spells to my will to make it usable in battle."

"So you're saying... fighting skills are the things that matter most."

"When you're at war, that tends to be true."

"I'm guessing that..." Diana put a hoof to her lips in contemplation. "You're treating this as a test and a learning experience. You're building your skills up to the point where you will be a devastating force in combat someday in the future, when real war erupts."

"Real war?" Twilight asked with a grin. The bowstring magically locked itself in place in the perfect firing position. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." Diana replied. "This battle between the mercenaries of RED and BLU... between the Solar Empire and the New Lunar Republic... one day, the mercenaries aren't going to be the only ones fighting."

"And there are only so many respawn points to go around." Twilight nodded. "When that time comes... I've got to fight, and I've got to make sure that I do not die."

"Why?" Diana inquired. "You have a respawn point of your own."

"A point I won't need if I never die." Twilight explained. "Then somepony else can use it. One more unbroken family - one more immortal soldier for the Empire. How can that be bad?"

"It can't... Assuming, of course, that you don't die." Diana said. "How can you be so sure of your invincibility?"

"I can't. Not yet." She grinned, and released her grip on the bowstring. The arrow flew away swiftly on wings of death. "But soon, I can."

A scream, a howl, and far away, a Heavy toppled to the ground, dead.

"Why do you have so much conviction? So much loyalty to the Empire?" Diana pointed at her. "You're a mercenary. The entire point of kind of job is that you fight for money."

"A mercenary in name is not the same a mercenary at heart." Twilight rested her right hoof on her heart as the bowstring pulled itself taut again and another arrow slipped into place. "I guess you could call me a patriot."

"A patriot..." Diana mulled over these words. "Does the outcome of this war matter so much to you?"

"Very much. Not because of my studies... but because of the Princess herself."

"The Princess herself?" Diana asked.

"I'm sure you're aware of the reason behind the mercenary war, no?" Twilight said.

"I am. A difference in ideals, so to speak."

"Yes. Celestia wants her Empire, her autocracy, her one-pony rule."

"And Luna wants her Republic, her democracy, and her government of everypony." Diana nodded in understanding. "So you subscribe to Celestia's ideals, then."

"I do. Imagine how utterly inefficient a democratic Equestria will be. Everypony making the decisions... that's madness! How will anypony get anything done?"

"Yet the Republic still seems to be running smoothly." Diana pointed out.

"Only because it is still fully committed to winning the war against our Empire. Plus, the state of emergency they're in has been allowing Luna to wield ultimate authority until such a time when the war is over." Twilight snorted. "The very fact that such absolute authority has to be invoked to fight this war properly already shows the inherent weakness of the Republic."

"So... you fight for Equestria."

"For Equestria." Twilight agreed. "And for the Solar Empire."

"And now your motivations are made clear. But there is one thing I still don't understand." Diana gestured to the Huntsman. "How will using that up here instead of a rifle possibly teach you anything useful?"

"Another thing about myself." Twilight winked, and the arrow shot out towards the valley. "I can't resist a good challenge." Once again, the projectile met its mark, and another BLU team mercenary went down.

"Why not? This isn't about efficiency of learning any more, is it?"

"It is about learning... well, a little bit, that is."

"How so?"

"Using a Huntsman requires great accuracy, correct?"

"Yes, why?"

"Sniping from here with it thus proves conclusively that I have more than enough skill to do the same close up."

"Yes... but why do you need more than enough?"

"Because you never know when a situation tests you to the maximum of your abilities." Three arrows loaded themselves in her Huntsman.

"Can you really land all three?" Diana asked.

"Let's see, shall we?" Twilight winked, and she let slip the arrows of doom.

Diana lifted her ear and listened for the screams. One... two... where's the third?

"Oh well." Twilight sighed. "Only got two of them. It just goes to show that nopony's perfect, huh?"

"Hitting three enemies like this would have been near impossible anyway." Diana shrugged. "I'm already surprised you got two under these circumstances."

"Near impossible, but not completely impossible, is it?" Twilight grinned madly. "So long as it's possible... I'll do it. Trust me."

"I'll wait to see the day." Diana replied, and sat back to watch the show.

In the next three minutes, Twilight fired arrow after arrow, and nearly all of them ended up lodged in some poor mercenary's head. Judging by that killcount alone, Diana suspected that BLU was losing, and badly too.

"Say, do you think they saw me?" Twilight asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Diana snapped out of her reverie. "Saw you?"

"Arrows are easy to trace to their source." Twilight reminded her. "Sometime or other somepony's going to realize that we're-" She ducked as an arrow sailed right over her head, embedding itself in the cliff wall behind her. "...here."

"What now?" Diana asked, getting ready to leave. Changing sniping spots is currently the most logical action to carry out, after all. She paused. But then again, the challenge of it all-

"We're staying." Twilight motioned Diana to sit down. "But you already figured that out, didn't you?"

"I was getting there." Diana admitted, taking her place beside the unicorn. "But what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to kill their Sniper." Twilight replied calmly.

"And after she respawns?"

"I'll kill her again."

"And when she gets her teammates to help?"

"I'll kill them all." Twilight shrugged. "It's not impossible."

"But it's certainly very near to it." Diana warned. "Can you really do that all by yourself?"

"Not yet. Not with my current level of talent. But with my team's support..." She loaded an arrow. "This'll be a walk in the park."

"I can't exactly say that I share your confidence." Diana said. "Mind if I stand back?"

"Of course not. I won't expect somepony to want to stick around when arrows are flying left and right. Especially considering your bad history with those arrows."

"Yes. Now, I-" An arrow whizzed past her head. "...I'll just go."

"Alright." Twilight retaliated quickly with an arrow of her own, getting a rewarding shout of pain in return. "Don't let me stop you."

"Not that I was going to." Diana backed away, and her head snapped up when something solid met her rump where there she have been air. "Is that you, Trixie?"

"It's me." The blue unicorn confirmed. Diana turned to face her. "I was wondering if I could ask Twilight something."

Diana eyed her suspiciously. Her facial expression, the glint in her irises, the body language she was giving, all pointed towards one inevitable conclusion. She knew what Trixie had come for.

It would be best to let Twilight handle this one. "There's-"

"Somepony who wants to talk to me. Yes, I was listening." Twilight never took her eye off of the valley below. "What is it?"

"I just had a simple question to ask." Trixie said. "About the rent."

"Mm." Twilight replied absently. "If I could say something first?"

"What?"

"You're very bad at this." A flash not a few centimeters away from her eyes disoriented Diana temporarily, and as she blinked the spots away from her eyes she managed to catch the final moment right before Twilight's Bushwacka buried itself in the surprised Trixie's back.

"I would ask why..." Diana began.

"...but you already know the reason." Twilight finished for her, watching the fallen unicorn as her disguise dissolved around her, revealing the body of the BLU Spy. "You were aware that she was a Spy and you didn't tell me or try to stop her?"

"I'm still interviewing you." Diana reminded her. "It's my job to gauge the extent of your abilities. All of your abilities. You may realize that spychecking is among them."

"I suspected as much." Twilight shook her head.

"A few more things." Diana continued. "Your observational and deductive skills, for one." She pointed at the body. "Do you see what knife she dropped?"

"The Eternal Reward." Twilight said.

"Correct. Do you realize what that means?"

"It means that..." Twilight's eyes widened in shock. "No."

"So-"

"NO!" Twilight vanished in a burst of teleportation magic, and Diana followed her to the only destination she could have chosen. A second was all that was required to traverse the distance between her and the trailer, and a swift kick launched the door off its hinges and onto the floor. Cold, emotionless eyes took in the scene before her.

Twilight cradled the near-motionless head of Trixie in her hooves, muttering something in her ear softly as her horn, burning with a lavender fire, summoned objects from around the room and added them to an ever-growing conglomeration in the air above her, surrounded by her purple aura.

Letting her actions do the talking for her, Diana wordlessly approached, crouching down beside the large, bleeding gash In Trixie's back and reaching into her saddlebags. The hoof emerged with a matchbox and an accompanying match.

Diana jerked her hoof sideways, allowing the match to brush against the side of the box, and a flame erupted at the tip of the stick. She flicked her hoof sideways, extinguishing the fire, and then pressed the glowing red portion of the match against Trixie's wound, watching silently as the gash began to blacken. Another hoof stood ready to resolve any unexpected complications as the cauterization took place.

"...Diana?" Twilight finally asked.

"Yes?"

"Are you responsible for this?"

"If I was, I wouldn't be helping you, now would I?"

Twilight shut up, but, as if to make up for the silence, the swirling mass above her head intensified in speed. Looking up, Diana began to notice several objects beginning to press up against others, transforming the big mess of small items into a somewhat smaller mess of bigger items. But these bigger items, in turn, melded with others, and a clear shape manifested itself in the midst of all the chaos.

Having successfully cauterized the wound, Diana stood up and was immediately greeted with the sight of a wooden platform sinking onto the floor of the trailer, nudging aside table and bed alike as it neared the ground.

She recognised it immediately. That... that's... She was the last thing to move out of the way as the makeshift respawn point, lacking the wooden walls that had encased it before, landed on the ground with a heavy thud.

"It's the same one from before." Twilight answered before Diana had a chance to say anything. "I repaired it and saved it for a good time..." She sighed. "I always thought that I'd be the one in danger... but even the best of us predict wrongly from time to time."

"Even the best of us." Diana echoed in agreement. "And even the worst of us can be right once in a while."

"Occasionally." Twilight flicked a switch on the side of the respawn point. "Perfection, in the end, is impossible."

Diana looked Twilight square in the eye. "And now, do you realize what is wrong with your wish to become unbeatable?"

"Yes. All this time... I was so focused on becoming invincible that I forgot that such a thing will be forever out of my grasp."

"And so..."

"My point still stands. I will become as powerful as I can... but my respawn point must remain mine."

"Unless?"

"Unless..." Twilight gazed at Trixie's limp form on the floor. "Unless somepony else needs it more."

"She's still alive." Diana offered, noticing the direction of her stare. "Not for long, though. I'd give it a few minutes before it's all over."

"That's more time than I need." Twilight half-smiled. "Step back, and let a real scientist handle this."

"Scientist? I thought you were a mage."

"It comes with the territory. Magic is just a different variant of science." Twilight said.

"If you say so." With that, Diana sat back and watched the unicorn work her magic, both figuratively and literally, with the device in front of her. Wires crossed, sparks flew, and several times the entire contraption shook and vibrated so violently that Diana raised her hooves to shield herself from the anticipated explosion. But seconds turned to minutes, and at long last Twilight sat back with a contented sigh.

"Done?"

"Yes." Twilight shook her head wearily. "How's Trixie?"

"Almost gone. Her pulse is extremely irregular and weak."

"Then all we can do now is hope that I did this properly."

Diana raised an eyebrow. "There's a chance that you didn't?"

"Maybe only about one percent. But it is a chance nonetheless."

"I'd bet on those odds." Diana shrugged.

"When it comes to life and death, one can never be too sure." Twilight sighed. "Especially if it concerns somepony you care for." She noticed Diana's knowing smile out of the corner of her eye. "Now don't go around getting any wrong ideas. I'm only grateful to her for giving me a roof to sleep under."

"And charging you rent for it."

"She's got to pay for my meals somehow. Her pay is probably less than a fifth of mine."

"Why didn't you buy your own house, then?"

"The idea of a mobile home appeals to a Sniper like me."

"Then couldn't you have bought your own?"

"I... don't know how to cook."

"Really?" Diana nearly laughed out loud. "The unstoppable, team-obliterating Twilight Sparkle can't cook?"

She blushed. "I was too busy learning how to kill."

Diana's attention was diverted from the conversation by a very loud, electric noise coming from the respawn point, An moment later, Twilight, her blush having dissipated near instantly, leapt upon a very surprised and confused Trixie, wings outstretched to envelop the latter in a big, feathery hug.

"Gah! What's... what's happening?" Trixie asked. "And can you please stop smothering me?!"

"Sorry, I'm just so happy that you're alive!"

"Wh... what? Did something happen?"

"I'm sure she'll be happy to tell you all about it." Diana interrupted. Both Twilight and Trixie turned to her. "As soon as I conclude this interview in a few minutes." She gave the azure-blue unicorn the sweetest smile she could. "Then I'll be out of your hair. Forever. Never again to steal Twilight's attention away from you."

"Now wait a second." Trixie objected. "I never said I wanted-"

"Come on, Twilight." Diana interjected. "Let's go now."

"Anything you can ask me outside, you can ask me here." Twilight retorted. "Go ahead."

Diana sighed. "Fine. Number one: Just to confirm. You're not actually using Jarate with your Bushwacka, are you?"

"No. I wasn't really expecting to get into a melee fight all the way up here."

"Right. Number two: You realize that your team probably lost the battle down there because of your lack of involvement, right?"

"It's not definite. But it is a possibility."

"Nonetheless. You seriously jeopardised their chances of winning by withdrawing from battle."

"Are you trying to tell me," Twilight's eyes burned with cold fury, "that the choice I made was the wrong one?"

"I never said that. I'm just asking you if it was worth it."

"Battles can be fought again. This base will be here the next time we attack. Trixie wouldn't have been if I hadn't decided to save her."

"A fair point." Diana conceded. "Number three: Remember the other time when you and Zecora had captured me during the first invasion of the Canterlot Valley base?"

"Yes, what of it?"

"RED team - or Zecora, at least - seems to follow the orders you give out. I was under the impression that neither team had a clear leader."

"We don't have an official leader, true, but I'm an... unofficial one."

Diana raised an eyebrow. "When did that happen?"

"A while ago, when I took out the entire BLU team by myself by luring them into a trap. The rest of the team apparently decided to leave all tactical decisions to me from then on."

"I see." Diana nodded, scribbling furiously as she jotted down notes on her manuscript. "I think that's about all. Thank you for your time, miss Sp- I mean, Twilight. This has been-"

"-a most enlightening interview, but I'm afraid I have to take my leave now." Twilight grinned. "Is that what you were going to say?"

"Close to it, yes." Diana admitted. "Am I really that predictable?"

"Not all the time. Only when you're thinking about something else while talking." Twilight narrowed her eyes. "What notes are you making, anyway?"

"A rough transcript of our conversation for the Administrator. He's... particular about these things."

"Well, I can't say working with him would be easy for me either. I've heard stories about him."

"Stories may just be stories, but they tend to be closer to the truth than you think." Diana smiled. "Farewell, Twilight Sparkle. We will meet again one day soon."

"One day." Twilight said.

"Hey, didn't you say you'd be out of my hair forever?" Trixie demanded.

"And you still claim you're not jealous."

Trixie shut her mouth very quickly.

"Alright, I've got to go. Send my well wishes to the rest of RED team for me."

"Of course. And give the Administrator my thanks for hiring such a good interviewer." Twilight replied.

"Now you're just flattering me." Diana just grinned as she stepped out of the trailer. A brief glance upwards revealed the two pegasi flying at full speed towards the trailer, their silhouettes dark against the bright sun.

Diana took a few steps forward, nodded at what appeared to be empty space, and trotted away. Behind her, the decloaking sound of the Dead Ringer rang softly through the air, accompanied by the distinct sound of metal sliding through flesh.

Only a single guard stepped into the trailer.

Potential Elements of Harmony

Honesty: Applejack

Loyalty: Rainbow Dash

Laughter:

Generosity: Zecora

Kindness: Fluttershy, Zecora

Magic: Twilight Sparkle

Interviews remaining: Rarity, Pinkie Pie

"So, I'm curious. How did you manage to get off that outcrop without breaking your neck?" The Administrator asked.

"I had to climb along the side of the cliff." Diana explained, glancing at the ever-present computer screens behind the draconequus at the same time. "It took a while, but I eventually managed to reach the top and re-enter Canterlot."

"Ah. And what of the BLU Spy I sent with you?"

"With her cloaked, I smuggled her into the trailer easily enough, and later on when she was out of sight she switched her Cloak and Dagger with the Dead Ringer and did the real job." Diana nodded. "This is the first time I really think that conflict was able to give me more insight into somepony's character."

"Good. What about your analysis?"

"Right here." Diana produced her notepad, ripped out the first few pages, and handed them to the Administrator. "She's a potential Element."

"As I suspected." The Administrator scanned the document. "Magic, huh? I'll keep that in mind..." He frowned. "Laughter's still blank?"

"Do you actually expect one of the merciless killing machines to be capable of laughter?"

"I guess not." He shrugged. "Still, we'll see. Who knows? Maybe one of them is a maniacal, mentally unstable murderer who finds their handiwork hilarious."

"Oh great." Diana muttered. "I guess I already know who that's going to be, then."

"You still have one more interview before that." The Administrator, having suddenly appeared behind her without warning, patted her back reassuringly. Diana almost flinched, but she was a bit too used to that to be shocked.

"Not very comforting. That's still too close to rest easy."

"Oh come on, she's not that bad, is she?"

"Just you wait and see." Diana murmured. "The stories I've heard about her are... very horrendous."

"But they're just stories, right?"

Diana spun around and looked the Administrator square in the eye. "Stories may just be stories, but they tend to be closer to the truth than you think." She sighed. "And, at times, the truth is far, far worse."

"We can think about that someday in the future." The Administrator hung his arm around her neck. "But for now, just rest and relax. I'd say you deserve it."

"Thanks." Diana flashed him a fatigued smile. "I guess I'll just be getting back to my room now."

"One more thing." The Administrator said. "Remember the thing about the Medic?"

"What she's trying to hide from you?"

"Yes, that. I'll be taking care of it soon, and I'll need your help with it after the interviews are over."

"Alright." Diana sighed tiredly. "For the good of the world?"

"For the good of the world." The Administrator agreed. "Now go and get some sleep. Your interview with the Spy is the day after tomorrow, and I'd like it if you wouldn't collapse from exhaustion."

"Good night, then." Diana dragged her tired hooves towards the exit. "See you tomorrow."

"Sweet dreams." The Administrator called after her as she closed the door. A moment later, he let his back hunch forward, clasping his hands in deep contemplation.

It's almost over. Two more. The Spy and the Pyro... He shook his head. And yet this disturbance, this inevitable wrench in my carefully crafted plans, draws closer and closer each day. I wonder if I can finish the task I've assigned myself before the time is up.

I wonder If I'll ever get to see him again.

He gave a deep, long sigh, and collapsed back into his armchair. One day...

One day. He clenched his fist. Before it's too late.

"Are the preparations complete?"

"Almost. We can move out within the month, if you want."

"No. We're staying put for now. I can see that the Administrator is about to do something drastic."

"... How can you tell?"

"I've been watching him closely. I think I have an idea of what he's planning to do. It will give us a great advantage when it happens... but only if it happens. We will not confront him until the time is ripe."

"As you wish. I will relay your orders at once."

"Good. Even though Celestia and Luna will never agree to help me... maybe he will, being someone of wisdom."

"Can we be sure that he will support us?"

"... No. But I will try. And if he doesn't cooperate..."

"... we will use force, if necessary. All the force we need. The world will burn, if that's what it takes."

Dear Diary:

I don't believe it. I just don't believe it. How did we manage to win that battle? If their Sniper had kept up the pressure, we'd have lost for sure. I suppose we're just lucky then. Not that it matters much in the end - after Princess Luna's orders to retreat to the now-fortified Crystal Empire, there's no longer a need for the Canterlot Valley base to exist. I think Rarity's going to give the REDs a little more trouble tomorrow before we evacuate completely though, so that's a bonus for us.

On a side note... my interview is getting closer and closer. But I'd really rather not think about that right now. It's just going to make me sadder, and, well, there's no point in that.

I guess I have to stop writing now. It's past midnight and there's still the base-moving operations to take care of. Hope I don't fall asleep on my hooves.

Good night.

Pinkie Pie

Meet the Spy

She ran. She ran as fast as her legs could take her, but it wasn't enough. The dark, ominous figure trailing her matched her pace easily. She tried to push herself further, beyond her limit, but try as she might her body refused to obey her commands. Her pursuer, however, charged forward with an inequine speed, beyond anything she had ever known and ever would.

If she didn't know who it was, she wouldn't be half as afraid.

Out of the blue - or the all-consuming darkness, in this case - a wall loomed before her, bringing her desperate escape to a grinding halt. She spun around, meeting her hunter's gaze of hatred and vengeance with her own. She leapt back against the wall, reaching into her saddlebags - she hadn't realized she had them before, she noted - and pulled out the first thing her hooves came into contact with. The reassuring feel of cold, hard metal against her skin calmed her somewhat, and with a calculated swing she directed the sharp end of the axe towards her enemy's throat, hoping to catch it off guard.

No such luck. Her target dodged the attack with ease, dropping to the ground and pulling out a distinctly unique gun. She flinched away from the flames that licked at the edges of her face, retaliating with a strike to the side of the flamethrower with her axe. Both weapons flew away, clattering to the ground a few meters away from them both, and her attacker jumped onto her bare-hoofed, a predatory grin just visible below the cowl of its hood.

She fought back with all the strength she could muster, reaching into the depths of her skill for the power she needed to save herself. Her movements were quick and precise, matching her opponent blow for blow. The aggressor, however, countered her speed with strength, turning her forelegs to jelly every time a blow was deflected. She bit her lip in an effort to drive the pain out of her mind. But, as she continued to take a beating, it became too much to bear, and she let out a scream of agony as the sound of bone snapping echoed through the air. A second later, she was struck behind her head, forcing her to the ground. She lay there, whimpering in pain, wanting it to stop, and ultimately resigning herself to her fate as the figure trotted over to where their weapons had fallen, retrieved both, and with an almighty heave, brought the blade of the axe down onto her neck.

It cut through the flesh and bone, but not all the way through. Her time, however, was almost up. Her vision began to gray at the edges. With great effort, she gave her executor one last glance, burning the sight of her last moment forever into her mind.

The ice-blue eyes of Pinkie Pie stared back as the flames of Tartarus greedily swallowed her soul.

"Her mask! Where's her mask?!" A voice cried out, and mere moments after Diana's eyes snapped open she realized it was hers.

She sat up, panting heavily. Her hooves subconsciously pulled the blanket towards her neck as her mind desperately grasped for any kind of shield against the terrors of the dark. The sheet of cloth, despite its obvious ineffectiveness in defending against pretty much anything except cold, gave Diana's pounding heart the feeling of safety it so desperately needed to calm down.

As her heavy breathing began to subside, Diana took a look around her, noticing the familiar bedside table, the digital clock - it was three in the morning, she noted - the floor lamp, the messy stack of papers threatening to topple over at any moment, and her ever-present saddlebags leaning against the door, ready to be picked up whenever she had to leave.

Just as she thought she had finally gotten over it, her mind decided to summon the image of the Pyro looming over her, poised to strike the killing blow, and she sighed in exasperation. No way am I getting any more sleep tonight.

She swung her hind legs off the edge of the bed and hopped onto the ground. A walk helped me to clear my mind last time. Maybe it'll work again.

She grabbed the straps of her saddlebags with her teeth and slung it over her back as she pushed the door open, taking a deep breath of air saturated with the smell of disinfectant. Ah, my favourite.

She looked around, examining the corridors. Seeing no sign of life - hardly surprising at this time of night - she trotted out of the room, turned right, and headed down an entire string of similarly deserted corridors before reaching the door that stood between her and the cold of the night.

A moment before her hoof met the doorknob, Diana paused. She hadn't left the base very much, since the only thing that demanded her attention outside were her interviews. She began to wonder if she might be better off going back to bed.

What am I thinking?! Diana suddenly realized. It's not like I'm scared to go out... am I?

Shaking her head, she pushed the door open and was immediately struck by a very strong sense of déjà vu.

It was dark. Very much so. It was the kind of darkness relegated to the realm of dreams and nightmares. It was all-encompassing, wrapping Diana in its cold embrace, as if welcoming her into the night.

She shivered. She had learned a long time ago to fear the night, along with its executioner of its will. Where RED team had their Sniper, BLU had their Pyro.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something to her right shift slightly. Reaching into her saddlebags, she slowly drew out the fire axe, positioning it defensively as she edged closer towards the safety of the base.

Again, she noticed a flicker of movement from the same spot as earlier. Finally, deciding the time to reveal itself had come, a cloaked figure leapt out from the shadows and dashed towards Diana. Instinctively, she raised her axe, preparing for the seemingly inevitable attack, but to her utter surprise the unknown equine - if it even was equine - sped past her and into the base. Diana almost chased after it for a moment, but decided not to be hasty. Moving cautiously, she re-entered the structure. In her search for the missing intruder, she nearly slipped on the cloak that lay spread out on the ground.

Diana bent down and examined the cloak. It seemed fairly standard, being of Equestrian origin and coloured a plain black. What troubled her, however, was a lock of hair stuck in the fabric of the hood.

It was a purple curl of hair. Spy...

"I apologize for having to contact you at this late hour, Diana, but I had no choice. Only six hours remain before your interview with me, and I have to make a request."

Diana spun around quickly, nearly smacking the BLU Spy behind her in the cheek. "Sorry." She grimaced. "It's a habit to react violently when Spies appear behind me."

"Understandable." The Spy nodded. "Now, I came to ask if you could interview my counterpart on RED instead of me."

Diana frowned. "Why?"

"Those... are BLU team secrets. But I can assure you they are acceptable."

"And I can trust you because?"

"Don't worry, the Administrator already approved of them." A piece of paper, enveloped in a translucent blue aura, floated its way over to Diana. "Signed and stamped."

"What?!" Diana snatched the paper out of the air, scanning it intensely. "How?! When?!"

"Yesterday. He told me to come look for you at this time, for some reason that I didn't know, but it turns out that he was right." The Spy stared concernedly at Diana's troubled expression. "Is something the matter?"

"No... nothing." How did he know I would be here at this time of night? "Nothing of consequence, anyway."

"Alright then. That's all you need to know, so I suppose I'll be leaving now."

"Goodbye." Time to hunt down an intruder.

Then again, if the Administrator managed to predict my location at three in the morning, there's no way he wouldn't be able to deal with a simple problem like this.

"Hold on. I just remembered that I have one more thing I needed to ask you." The Spy said.

"What?" Diana asked.

"It's... Could you do me a favour?"

"What exactly does this 'favour' entail?" Whatever it is, I doubt it's going to be simple.

"Well... maybe we should talk somewhere else."

Diana raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just a few precautions to make sure RED team won't hear us."

This is going to be a long night.

A few hours later

"...and this is our control room." The RED Spy's voice, having been reduced by her preoccupied mind to an irritating buzzing, hovered in Diana's ear for a brief moment before dissipating into nothingness, as had all the other noises before it.

"Interesting." Diana responded automatically. "These headquarters are quite technologically advanced. The last time I visited BLU's main base even the lights refused to work."

"Well, what did you expect of them?" A brief smile and a disdainful shake of the head accompanied her words. "It is inconceivable that a mere second-rate princess would be able to equip her forces as well as ours."

"Rarity - you don't mind if I call you that, do you?"

"Of course not."

"Alright then. Rarity, may I ask you a question?"

"I don't see why not. This is my interview, after all."

"Yes... So, why do believe so strongly in RED team? How is it different from BLU to you?"

"Hm..." Rarity thought over the question. "You've heard Twilight's reasons already, haven't you?"

"Yes, I have. Are yours similar to hers?"

"... Somewhat. I'm willing to admit, though, that the pay is half the reason."

Diana shrugged. "I can't blame you. I've seen that paycheck."

"The other half... let's just say that I don't take kindly to traitors."

"Traitors?" Diana asked curiously.

"Surely you know the story. When Equestria was divided into north and south, Republic and Empire?"

"Oh. That story."

"It's a component of our history class in school." Rarity said. "The Empire is very harsh on those who betray it, and I guess that some of that rubbed off on me."

"Some might say that extreme measures are necessary to bring about freedom."

"I am not one of them." Rarity stated. "As for the 'freedom' part of it... To be honest, I agree with Twilight's point of view for this one. It seems far too inefficient to be practical."

"Different ponies see things differently." Diana nodded. "So this is your reason, then?"

"Correct." Rarity smiled an insincere smile, the kind of smile one used to change the topic of conversation. "We've been talking too long, I think; it's already midday and we're not even half done with your tour of the base."

"Really?" Diana asked, surprised. "I didn't even notice."

"Time flies when you're preoccupied, does it not?" Rarity gave another one of those conversation-rerouting smiles as she trotted away, Diana close behind her. "Come, our next stop is the central communications room."

"You mean you don't usually communicate from this control room?"

"We do, but the central communications room is where we hold our meetings with the Princess herself, to update her on the battlefield situation." Rarity explained. "She likes to be informed on the latest developments as soon as possible."

"Ah, now I understand."

"That's good." Rarity drew to a halt as her leisured pace brought her to a three-way corridor. "Almost all routes from the entrance to our base go through the atrium - that's the room to the right, by the way - so that's where the Engineer's set up her sentry."

"Alone?" Diana asked. "Won't it be dangerous if she's killed before she alerts anypony of the danger?"

"Usually the Pyro would be with her, but the Administrator summoned her for some reason. It's only for today anyway, I doubt BLU will be able to take advantage of this before it's over."

"Shall I mention a possibility?" Diana asked.

"Why not? Go ahead."

"Thank you. Now, suppose that the Administrator never summoned the Pyro."

"What? That's impossible. Pinkie even got the note from him."

"Say, somepony forged his handwriting."

"But... but that's..."

"Not all that impossible, really. And think about it. What reason would the Administrator have to remove the Pyro from her normal duties in this base?"

Rarity's eyes narrowed. "You seem to know a lot more than you should."

"I've been hanging around the Administrator a lot; I know what orders he gives and what orders he doesn't." Diana shrugged. "Besides, haven't you noticed that there's absolutely no noise coming from the right?"

"Wouldn't that be normal?"

"Maybe... if there weren't supposed to be a sentry there."

Rarity glanced to her right, threw an incredulous look in Diana's direction, and sped off down the corridor, Diana hot on her heels.

"My room as as safe as it gets. Now what favour was it that you wanted?"

"I have a plan. A plan to give the REDs a whole lot of trouble."

"I can't agree to that. Not without the Administrator's permission."

"I've already seen to that. He's agreed to help me in any way he can."

"Those ways being..."

"A written order to RED team's Pyro, temporarily disabling their respawn points, and a personal command for you to assist me in my operations."

"... Do you have any proof?"

"Here. It's signed, too."

"..."

"Well? Are you going to disobey him?"

"..."

"Is that a yes?"

"..."

"..."

"... Fine, I'll go along with your plan. What do I have to do?"

"Here's the first part. You're going to need to keep the RED Spy occupied for a while. Anything to make sure she doesn't go into the atrium until it's too late..."

Rarity entered the room first, allowing Diana a brief glimpse of the scene beyond before the doors once again swung shut. Moments later, her own hooves reached out to push said doors open, and the gruesome corpse of RED's Engineer, surrounded by the remains of her contraptions, greeted her gaze. It took her a second to notice Rarity kneeling near the body.

"The wires aren't charged anymore." The unicorn murmured. "Her face is cold... blood's almost all gone..." Her gaze turned towards the pool of crimson fluid near the wound in the victim's back. "She's been dead for a while." She turned to Diana. "She should have respawned by now. Why is her body still here?"

"Who's to say BLU hasn't sabotaged it? They've obviously planned this in advance."

"Grr..." Rarity's horn flashed, and a small microphone appeared by her side. "Attention, RED team." Her voice boomed through the public announcement system, startling an unprepared Diana. "Intruder alert! A BLU Spy is in the base!" She paused to take a breath. "All mercenaries available will commence a thorough search of the base. Leave no stone unturned."

"In addition," another voice came through the P.A. system, "you are to ensure that your intelligence remains in your team's control. At all costs."

"Is that... the Administrator?" Rarity asked disbelievingly.

"Yes." Diana confirmed. I thought this might happen. The BLU Spy was a fool for believing that the Administrator would be wholly on her side. He'll stir up chaos wherever and whenever he can.

"How did he know about this?"

"You forget that he can he can hear and see everything that happens in both teams' bases." Diana reminded her. "He's aware of all the latest developments."

"Rarity!" The RED Soldier's voice behind her was unexpected, but Diana had been surprised too many times already to have any more shock to show.

"Yes?" The Spy asked wearily.

"Come on, we have to go find the BLU Spy! There's no telling what she's already done to sabotage us!" His eyes drifted over to the mess. "Other than, well, this."

Rarity sighed. "You're right. Let's go, Diana."

"Alright. Where to?"

"The intelligence room. Where else?"

"Is that the most important thing in this whole base?"

"Undoubtedly." Rarity nodded. "She could damage the electrical equipment, sure, but that can all be repaired with little effort. But if she gets the intelligence briefcase..." The unicorn shuddered. "... She'll know all our plans for the next year. We'll have to change everything; battle plans, targeted installations, fortifications... everything. RED team will be fighting with poorly thought out tactics and long-term strategy since the best we can do is to try to make things up as we go along. It'll be a complete disaster if their Spy gets out of here with that briefcase."

"I see." Diana indicated her understanding with a slight nod. "Shall we get going, then?"

"Let's go."

"The Engineer isn't their only line of defense, you know."

"I know. I'm going to have to backstab my way to success."

"Why don't you have your team's backup?"

"They're busy packing up and moving base. Canterlot Valley's no longer a good place to be."

"But you still think you can do this? Alone?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't be here now."

"But that's madness. How can you take on the whole of RED team by yourself?"

"All at once? I don't stand a chance. What about one by one, from behind?"

"That's going to require top-notch hiding, manoeuvering and backstabbing. And, now that I think about it, top-notch is a gross understatement."

"Just trust me, darling. If I didn't think I could do it, I wouldn't be here."

"Then the very fact that you are here says something about your estimation of your own abilities."

"You know, you don't need to worry for me. Making sure things go as planned is my problem. All you need to do is stick to the plan and BLU team will be indebted to you."

"Why should I care? I work for the Administrator; I don't need BLU's gratitude."

"Because the Administrator already assigned you to this, and now you have to care whether you like it or not."

"... Fine. What is your final objective, at any rate?"

"Let's just say that BLU needs some intelligence to win this war."

The Soldier had long since charged ahead of the other two, Rarity moving slower so as to give herself more time to conceive of a counter-plan that would allow her to eliminate the BLU Spy. Diana, being her interviewer, couldn't just leave her alone, and so had stuck by her side, taking mental notes of whatever her interviewee subconsciously murmured under her breath.

"... Tribalmare's Shiv... Jarate... Southern Hospitality... Three-Rune Blade... Mad Milk... What else have we got?" She muttered. "We should have invested in anti-Spy security systems in the base..."

Diana coughed. "Sorry to interrupt, but it seems that we have arrived."

"Hm?" Rarity looked up, immediately noticing the large INTELLIGENCE sign hanging over the open door. "Ah. Thank you."

"No problem." Diana peered in and caught sight of a Scout, Soldier and Heavy in the midst of a conversation. The intelligence briefcase sat on the table in the centre of the three, apparently untouched.

Apparently, of course, being the key word.

"Ahem." Rarity instantly caught their attention. "I see the briefcase is safe?"

"Safe and sound." The Soldier said, and the Scout and Heavy nodded their assent.

"Okay. Tell me: DId anypony happen to kill a BLU Spy on the way here?"

The Scout looked over at the other two, who both shook their heads in unison, before shrugging herself.

"Unfortunate." Rarity looked around. "Then we still have a problem."

"But there's no way anypony's gonna be able to take the intel with us here!" The Scout pointed out.

"She's got a point." The Heavy agreed. "We can always wait this one out."

"I don't suppose either of you have considered the possibility that the BLU Spy has allied backup?" Rarity retorted.

"... Well, that's possible, I guess." The Scout conceded.

Rarity facehooved. "Thankfully Twilight's in charge of tactics and not you, Rainbow."

"Hey, I'm not that dumb."

Unpleasant memories of ill-timed arguments between allies flashed through Diana's head. "Perhaps this is not the best time to debate Rainbow's intelligence."

"True." Rarity turned to the table, the briefcase still sitting safely upon its beige surface. "Speaking of intelligence, is the lock on that still unbroken?"

"It's not broken." Rainbow assured her. "But we don't know if somepony already hacked it and took the papers out."

"Then what are you waiting for? Open that thing already and check!"

"Alright, alright, geez. No need to be so huffy about it."

"Just give me that." Rarity's horn flared, and the briefcase floated its way over to her. Numbers, aided by her telekinetic touch, lined up - 026 was the combination, Diana noted - and with a soft click, the two halves swung open on their hinges, exposing the untouched intelligence papers.

"Thank goodness." Rarity sighed. "They're still here."

"So... what do we do now?" The Heavy asked.

"We brainstorm. The Spy can't get the intelligence if we're all guarding it, so we may as well think of a few ways to purge that rat from our base while we wait for the Pyro to get back."

Rainbow groaned. "Really? That's totally boring!"

"I suppose you have a better plan then." Rarity retorted.

"Yeah! I can go around splashing Milk everywhere!"

"...Alright, a few things. Firstly, since I've never figured out how you managed to have a seemingly endless supply of Mad Milk, let me just say that this base is really big, and I don't think we have enough time or milk to clear everything."

"The Administrator said it's chaos magic. Every time I throw a bottle I magically get a new one after about twenty seconds. Neat, huh?"

"...Yeah, alright. Secondly, the Spy will probably see you coming from a mile away and move around to avoid you. She could even move back into the areas you checked earlier since you're only clearing the base once."

"Well, there's that, but otherwise it's a good plan, right?"

"And thirdly, keep in mind that there's probably a whole team behind that Spy, and running around the base alone isn't the best idea in these circumstances."

"So what? We stay here and let them kill us when they finally come?"

"The defenders often have an edge." Rarity noted. "We have the preparation time we need, and Zecora should soon be here to set up our stickybomb defenses."

"... Hmph." Rainbow trotted over the corner of the room to sulk.

"Ignore her." Rarity said. "I don't think she'll be of much use for the planning phase anyway."

Diana heard a nearly inaudible grumble, but otherwise Rainbow gave no indication that she had heard anything.

"Alright, let's begin. Anypony got any idea?"

"We could always fill the briefcase with fake intel papers." The Soldier suggested.

"Smart idea, but for that we'd need a computer, a printer, and enough time to think of plausible but false data. It's not possible as of now."

"What about if we just lock it and leave it here but take out the papers first?" The Heavy asked.

"There are a lot of papers in that thing. The Spy's bound to notice the difference."

"How do you know that it's going to be the Spy who picks it up?" Diana asked. "They just might have their whole team here, remember?"

"... While you are right," Rarity began, "what difference will it make?"

"Well, all a Spy carries is a revolver, a knife, and a cigarette case, so they don't tend to be very strong." She looked at Rarity. "No offense."

"None taken. Continue."

"Right. So, a difference in weight is more noticeable for Spies. But if, say, a Heavy picks it up, he may not be able to tell the difference between a really light object and a really really light object."

"But that depends a little too much on luck, don't you think?" Rarity replied.

"In the absence of any better ideas..."

"We'll have to rely on that. There aren't many places to hide things around here, so it's going to be tough to conceal these papers."

"Uh, ah don't mean to interrupt," The Heavy said, "but how long has it been since ya sent out the announcement, Rarity?"

"Quite a while. Why?"

"... Ah guess it's worth mentioning that the rest of our team should be here by now."

Rarity looked around, noting the stark absence of a Sniper, Medic and Demomare. "Oh horseapples."

"... Let me get this straight. You're trying to get the RED intel... alone."

"That sounds about right, yes."

"Hasn't it occurred to your team that there may be more important things than packing up the base?"

"Believe me, if I could bring them along I would. But the Administrator refused to help unless I went in alone."

"To equalize the odds, no doubt."

"Probably."

"Not, of course, that the odds are in any way fair."

"..."

"So, since the Administrator offered my assistance without my consent, what is my role in this crazy scheme of yours?"

"... All you need to do is interview the RED Spy and keep her attention away from me."

"You'll be disguised, then?"

"Undoubtedly."

"As who?"

"... One last thing I need to confirm with you, Diana."

"What?"

"Just after your first interview, the Administrator gave you instructions to kill somepony, did he not?"

"That's none of your business."

"Did he?"

"What part of 'none of your business' didn't you understand?"

"Forget it then. I just want to know if that pony is dead."

"Which pony?"

"You know who I'm talking about."

"..."

"Well?"

"..."

"The Administrator won't be happy if you refuse to comply."

"... Yes."

"Yes?"

"That pony is dead. Completely dead. Is that what you wanted? Are you happy now?"

"Very. I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Screw off. I don't want to see your face."

"That's just as well. It won't be my face you'll see later."

"..."

"Goodnight. I shall take my leave now."

"..."

*creak* *click*

"... Forgive me, my friend..."

"So we have no reinforcements." Rarity groaned and buried her face in her hooves. "Great, just great."

"Now is not the time to give up." Diana reminded her gently. "Now is the time to plan. What can we do?"

"I don't think we have a choice any more. We need to move out now and fight our way past whatever we have to. We know this base better than they do; we can use that to our advantage." She gazed over at the corner where the Scout still sat, watching the wall. "Rainbow, you're following us too. Don't forget that."

"We finally going to fight now?"

Rarity very nearly smashed her head against the wall in frustration. "Yes, we are."

Rainbow instantly leapt up in excitement. "Yes! Finally!" She whipped her scattergun out from the satchel slung over her back. "Let's go!"

"Don't go too fast." Rarity cautioned. "We need to stick together, and we can't be sure that you won't get killed out there if you're alone."

"But- but- what if-"

"No." Rarity said flatly.

"... Fine, fine, whatever."

"Alright, let's move." Rarity gestured to the briefcase. "Who's going to carry it?"

"Ah will." The Heavy volunteered. "Ah'm the strongest here anyway."

A brief flash of suspicion appeared in Rarity's eyes before they returned to their original state. "Good. We're all set, it seems."

"Apparently." Diana nodded. "We'd better get a move on before BLU team cuts off all our escape routes - if they haven't already."

"Agreed. Shall we?"

"Right away." The Soldier, rocket launcher in hand, led the team out of the intelligence room.

"Wait!" Rainbow shouted. Everypony turned to face her. "If I can't run ahead, then can I at least stay in front?"

"If anything," Diana told her, "the Heavy should stay in front because he's the toughest of us all."

"But he's carrying the intel!" Rainbow countered.

"Good point." Rarity said quickly. "Big Mac, give the briefcase to Diana."

He tried to object. "But... but ah'm-"

"Give it to her." Rarity snapped. "Now."

Slowly and wordlessly, he handed the intelligence to Diana, who accepted it politely and slung it on her back. She cast a glance over at the Heavy, whose disappointment was clear on his face. I'm guessing that Rarity suspects that he's the Spy. Unsurprising, really.

"We don't have all day." The Soldier marched forward. "We need to leave this place now."

"Let's go let's go!" Rainbow said.

"Okay, seems like we're all armed." Diana let the handle of the fire axe jut out from inside the saddlebags for easy retrieval. "If we're going to have to fight our way through we'd better try to blitz them and catch them unawares."

"Good thinking. Also, wait here a second, please." With a soft "shh" and a hoof on her lips Rarity faded into nothingness, vanishing behind the invisible screen of her cloak.

She's going to scout ahead, I bet. Wonder what that's going to turn out...

She waited. And waited. And waited some more. Seconds stretched into minutes, and a good while later Rarity still hadn't returned.

"Uh..." Big Mac looked around. "Do ya think she's... ya know... dead?"

"I don't know." Diana said cautiously. "We probably should have thought a little more before letting her go like that."

"But she seemed so... confident." Rainbow frowned. "And besides, who could kill her while she was cloaked?"

"Their Pyro, for one." Diana pointed out.

"How would she know when to start spitting flames at an invisible Spy?"

"It's likely that BLU brought along some extra supplies for such a massive raid." Diana explained. "Extra ammunition, gas tanks, possibly more weapons than they know what to do with..." She shrugged. "If they'd had the time they might even have decided to bring the fight to your base with their own makeshift respawn point."

"That... does not sound good." The Soldier muttered. "At all."

"If Rarity's gone, our only hope is to storm the respawn point, if they have one, and destroy it as quickly as possible. That might just end the offensive. Either that, or we try to fix this base's respawn points and allow the rest of our team to respawn. Unfortunately..." Diana shook her head. "I don't think any of us are mechanically or magically well-versed enough to perform such a feat."

"Better ta die tryin' than with regrets." Big Mac wore a sad smile.

"Amen to that." The Soldier gestured forward with the muzzle of his rocket launcher. "Charge!"

"Wait. We need to move silently, otherwise we'll have the whole BLU team on our tails." Diana warned. "We don't know how Rarity died, but I'd rather not join her, and neither, I think, do you."

"I don't want to die either..." Rainbow shrugged. "Well, not without a respawn point at least."

"Quietly. Got it." The Soldier stepped forward and glanced around the corner. "Nothing yet. Let's move on."

"Carefully." Diana added.

"Yeah, that." He moved further forward, followed closely by Big Mac and somewhat less closely by Diana and Rainbow.

Complete and utter silence was their only companion - something which Diana knew would eventually arouse the suspicion of the REDs - as they traveled through the base. The next turn was a fork, and since this wasn't her base, after all, she trusted that The Soldier would know the way better than she would. His constant contemplation of which route to take, though, didn't help to boost her confidence.

He chose to go right, which, if Diana remembered correctly, was in the exact opposite direction of the atrium. And since the atrium was absolutely certain to connect to a route that would lead them out of the base, clearly escape was not on their guide's mind. She would have asked him what his destination was, but he seemed to have enough trouble deciding on which way to go and distracting him with questions probably wouldn't go too well.

He should know what he's doing... I hope...

A few turns later, the oppressive silence became painfully awkward. "Um... ah know we've been walking fer a while now, and, well... where's the enemy team?"

"I was just wondering that myself." Diana lied. "Anypony have any ideas?"

"They might be waiting outside to kill us when we finally come out." Rainbow guessed.

"What's the point of that? Their Spy's already come in and shut down their defenses. Why just stay outside?"

"Beats me. Maybe Pinkie's making up their strategy."

Diana's eye twitched once, and after that her face remained completely still.

"So... Spike, where exactly are you taking us?" Rainbow asked. "I think we've been through this corridor at least thrice."

"I'm going to our respawn points, but... I may be a little lost." He admitted. "I was hoping that one of us could fix it, or maybe the Engineer would have left the operational manual in the central respawn room somewhere after the latest maintenance."

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Why would she do that?"

"Because according to her, that's where she usually leaves it after she checks it every month, though she's never told me exactly where in that room she puts it." Spike explained.

"Look, maybe ah know the way better than ya do." Big Mac cut in. "Could ah lead fer a while?"

"Go ahead, it's not like I'm doing a good job of it."

"Thank ya kindly." He surveyed the area. "Now, if mah memory serves me correctly, we should be going... that way."

Diana followed the direction of his gaze. "That's back where we came from."

"Ah was going ta say somethin', but I thought Spike knew what he was doin'."

"Well maybe you should have checked first." Spike retorted.

"This is a bad time for an argument." Diana muttered. "Like, really bad."

"She's right you know." As earnest as Rainbow's attempt was, it really didn't seem to be working.

"Well maybe ya shoulda told us that ya'll were clueless!"

"Well maybe you should have said something before letting an idiot lead the way!"

"Well maybe ya'll could've-"

"You know," a new voice interrupted, "the two of you are incredibly noisy. If there were a BLU team here they probably would've found and killed you all by now."

It took all of one second for Diana's hoof to snap upwards, travel across a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree arc and smack the pony behind her in the cheek. Hard.

"... Um, my apologies." Diana grimaced. "I have this instinct, see... with Spies appearing behind me without warning..."

"No, no, I understand. It wasn't the best idea to sneak up on you all unnoticed." Diana finally turned to face her victim, and she instantly froze.

The ice-blue eyes of Pinkie Pie, cold as the night, stared back into hers.

Diana let out a scream of terror and leapt back, snatching her axe out of her saddlebag and very nearly throwing it at the pony she confronted before her rational thought processes took over and told her that it was nothing more than the RED Spy in disguise.

Probably.

She looked around and immediately noticed that all eyes were on her.

"Uh... about that..." There's no way I can tell them this is all because of a dream. "... I had a run in with her recently, and it wasn't pretty."

"Really now?" Pinkie-Spy cocked her head, and the sheer accuracy of what she assumed was a disguise - right down to the murderous gleam in her eyes - sent chills down her spine.

She slowly realized that she should probably respond. "... Yes."

"Hm, I haven't actually seen you lose a fight before." The Pyro - Spy? Pyro? Spyro? - chuckled. "Wonder what that was like."

"... Uh, bloody. And gory. And painful." Diana helpfully supplied.

"I guessed as much."

"...Yeah." Damn it, stop staring into those eyes! You're just going to be even more afraid! Just... look at the rest of her.

That didn't help as much as she thought it would. The moment she averted her attention from the ice-cold irises, she was immediately struck by how identical the rest of the disguise was compared to the real Pinkie. The cotton candy mane and tail, the cutie mark on her flank, even the posture of her body was exactly like the being she had come to fear. Involuntarily, she took a step back.

Thankfully, Pinkie didn't seem to be paying attention to her anymore. "I have good news, everypony. Firstly, there is no BLU team here. The only one here is their Spy."

"While that's a relief, why in Tartarus would they just send their Spy here and abandon her? On such an important mission at that?" Big Mac asked.

"I can't say I know why," She confessed, "but I do know what the circumstances are, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that there is no team supporting this Spy. If there was, I would have come across them by now. I've walked all over the base and outside too, and there are clearly no other enemies in the vicinity of this base."

"Well, if ya say so."

"Secondly, I know who the Spy is."

"What?!" Everypony, with the exception of a still-shaken Diana, exclaimed in unison.

"I did a little bit of thinking when I was wandering around, and more importantly I returned to the control room and checked the records. I know exactly who's entered and exited this base in the past week."

Out of the corner of Diana's eye, somepony stiffened.

"One of us is a disguised Spy. The same one who left the base past midnight this morning..."

Diana spared the masked BLU Spy a glance out of the corner of her eye. She's been through a lot. Too much. I suppose I should allow her the joy of triumph. For now.

"... That pony who came back at about half past four, sneaking into the base, hoping that no one would notice..."

But what can I do? I can't just stop Rarity from talking.

"... The pony who's, at this very moment, trying to think of a way to kill us all..."

I could always try to shut her up by force, but how can I justify attacking her?

"... The one who, like me, is hiding behind a mask, wondering how to lie her way out of this..."

Time's up. I have to act. It's now or never.

"... That pony, my friends, is-"

"SPY!" Diana screamed, and with an almighty swing the blade of her axe cleaved through the neck of a very shocked Pinkie with ease. The headless body swayed on its legs for all of two seconds before toppling to the ground, staining the floor of the base with crimson blood.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Rainbow shouted, her sudden spike of adrenalin fueling her huge jump backwards. "What was that?!"

"It was obvious!" Diana protested. "She's the BLU Spy!"

"What?" Big Mac asked. "How do ya know?"

"The way she was accusing somepony else, trying to divert attention from herself... the real Rarity could've been backstabbed at any time and we wouldn't have known!"

"But-"

"Look! Just watch! She'll turn blue any second now!" Come on, now is the best time to kill them off, Spy...

"I don't know." Spike said doubtfully, staring intently at the body as the image of the Pyro faded to that of the RED Spy's. "I can't see-"

*shlck*

He stopped mid-sentence, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as he fell forward, limp.

"Spike!" Big Mac shouted.

*shlck*

Big Mac immediately followed suit, his scream dying in his throat as a blue telekinetic aura clamped his mouth shut.

Diana just stared at the two fallen mercenaries, her heart still beating wildly. I did it... I'm not sure if I should be relieved or infuriated.

"Thank you for help." The earth pony looked up, seeing the last vestiges of Rainbow's prismatic mane dissipate as the perfectly styled purple mane of the BLU Spy took its place. "Princess Luna will be very pleased to see this briefcase."

"Tell her to send her thanks elsewhere." Diana growled. "I neither need nor want her gratitude."

The Spy stared at her for a few seconds, examining her face with a dispassionate gaze before finally turning and heading back the way they had come.

Diana got up, took one last look at the retreating back of the unicorn, and trotted off in the opposite direction.

Luna is going to be a lot friendlier with the Administrator now, for trying to help if nothing else. Let's see what she says when she doesn't get to open that briefcase after all.

The BLU Spy and I both got what we wanted. How long she holds on to her prize... now that's a different story altogether.

By the time she'd reached the end of the corridor, she had already come up with the first half of the letter she was going to write to the Administrator, and she allowed herself a brief but satisfying smile.

Dear Rarity:

If you receive this early in the morning, do not find it odd; I am writing this just a half-hour after midnight. Sleep has eluded me for the past few hours, and I decided upon this course of action to alleviate the guilt that eats away at me.

I really, truly apologize for my actions yesterday. I had misjudged the situation terribly. It is my fault, and my fault alone, that you lost the intelligence to BLU. But I am writing to you now because I have the audacity to beg for your pardon.

Forgive me, please, for I am truly sorry for my actions. And to prove my sincerity... check the base's mailbox tomorrow. You'll find a package from me.

The code will be 026. That should be all you need to know.

Signed,

Diana

Administrator:

Enclosed are my report on the intelligence theft and the RED Spy's interview. However, before you read it, there are two things I need you to know.

Firstly, the interview has not revealed very much about Rarity's potential as an Element of Harmony. However, based on previous, unrecorded meetings, I am confident in asserting that she embodies the spirit of Generosity, and is thus somepony to be wary of. I'll send you the details of these meetings in short order, but that will be for a later message.

Secondly, I think enough chaos has been caused around here. You've succeeded in stirring up more feelings of animosity between RED and BLU... again... but if you want this war to continue then it is imperative that neither side gains a prolonged upper hand.

The BLU Spy is currently en route to the temporary headquarters - the whole team is moving in with us at the main base for a while, I'm given to understand - with the RED intel. Luna will already appreciate your assistance with the appropriation of the intel, so were the Spy to, say, die from what she assumes is an enemy ambush, it would be attributed to her incompetence and nothing else. Certainly nothing to do with you.

She has been traveling for a few hours already. She will be tired. She will be firmly in your grasp.

I trust you know what to do.

Signed,

Diana

Dear Diana:

I must admit, when I received your message yesterday I was very sceptical. However, it is admittedly difficult to argue with results. Everypony on RED team is immensely grateful for your assistance. From what the Administrator told me, the BLU Spy was intercepted on the way to her base, and as such there was no opportunity for her to make copies of these documents. I assume that the Administrator's quick work with shutting down that thief was your doing, otherwise such an immediate response would have been impossible.

You must know, however, that had you failed to retrieved the intelligence I would have forgiven you anyway. This world is cruel, my friend, and we stand more to gain by making allies than enemies. Your intentions were good, and it was only the conspiracy theories conjured from the depths of your mind that led you to the wrong conclusion. I am most pleased, therefore, to add you to my circle of close friends.

'Forgive and Forget' is what many ponies - the idealists, at least - tend to say. I, personally, am incapable of forgetting, but I am always forgiving. Always. It's in my nature, truth be told.

Until we meet again.

Rarity

Dear Diary:

It's my interview tomorrow.

I'm scared.

Pinkie Pie

Meet the Pyro: Calm Before the Storm (Prelude)

It was dark. Not completely dark in a pitch-black kind of way, but just dark. There were stars glittering above her in the night sky, bringing their gentle light to her eyes, but, unlike another significant detail, that wasn't worrying in the least bit.

What was worrying was that there were stars below her too. The ground, in all of its transparency, allowed the light to reach her stomach and beneath her eyelids. It may have been fairly disconcerting for the average pony, seeing as they probably weren't used to having a constant glow on their underside.

She, however, did not fall into the category of 'most ponies'.

Pinkie Pie's mouth curved downwards in a slight frown. "Hm... usually my dreams are more colourful."

"Now whoever said this was a usual dream, my dear?"

"Who's there?" Pinkie instinctively reached for the flamethrower that hung eternally at her side - not counting the times when she was using it, of course - and thus it came as a surprise that her trademark weapon was missing.

"No need to be afraid. I come in peace, seeking your assistance." A soft tap echoed through the air. Pinkie turned and acknowledged the presence of the cloaked figure behind her with a grin.

"Ooh! A request! What is it?"

She might have been mistaken, but did that other being just... smile? Not that it was easy to notice, of course, because everything was incredibly dark and shadowy, and its face was no exception.

"My sources have told me that you are close to the Administrator. Is this correct?"

"Well..."

"Closer than most other ponies, at least."

"... I guess you could say that."

"That's all I needed to know. Could you listen to me for a moment?"

"Sure. What is it?"

The figure sighed. "One thing you should know first. I am what you might call an... alicorn, in the same way that you might call Dis- I mean, the Administrator an alicorn."

"He's a draconequus, really."

"I know, but there are many similarities. Powerful magic, extremely extended lifespans, et cetera."

"Okay, so you're a sort of alicorn. Got it."

"Second, I am similar to Celestia and Luna in that I, too, lead a people of my own."

"So... you kinda have your own kingdom and stuff?"

"You could say that, yes."

"But then why haven't I heard of a third alicorn before?"

"We are a secretive and nomadic race. But that is not the point here."

"What is, then?"

"We... are dying. My people, that is. I am the only one who remains eternal."

"Well that's kinda normal. Everypony dies sometime."

"No, you misunderstand. They're not dying naturally. They're starving to death."

"St- Starving?! But how?"

"The Administrator was my only chance. Celestia and Luna would never agree to help me."

"So what did he say?"

"You don't know the outcome? I thought he would've told you by now."

"I've been busy with work."

"He flat-out refused."

"Oh... why?"

"You'll have to ask him that." The figure deadpanned.

"..."

"I need to ask you for help."

"Help?"

"Correct. You're close to him; he might listen to you if you try to convince him to help us."

"I don't know, he's not the type to be convinced by emotions rather than reason... or lack of reason, as the case may be."

"Please, you have to at least try. Otherwise I'll have no choice but to-" It stopped short.

"To what?"

"... To resort to drastic measures. For your sake, Pinkie, and for the sake of the world, I hope you succeed."

"I'll try my best."

"Thank you." The figure nodded in satisfaction, and a ghost of a grin once again graced its face. "It's time to return of the world of the lucid now."

"Lucid? So how do I know I didn't just dream all of this up?"

"Tell the Administrator this. You should get a reaction out of him, and then you'll know that this is all real." It snorted. "As real as a dreamworld conversation gets, anyway."

"Okay, what?"

"It's a quote. I think he may be the only one left who will recognize it. This world was born for the perfect but cursed with the weak."

"Sounds... deep, I guess. Most quotes are like that."

"My guess is he'll be shocked that you could recite that. He'll ask you how you came across the quote. You should be able to bring up this topic then."

"Seems easy enough, except for the actual convincing part."

"I must express my gratitude for even trying." The figure bowed low. "If you manage to talk him around, a million dying souls will owe you their lives."

"Then I will do everything in my power-"

"... to make sure that these... innocent ponies... live." Pinkie Pie sat up. She blinked, taking in the sight of a blandly coloured bedroom before everything came rushing back to her.

That's right. BLU team's crashing here for a while until we get the logistics for the new base settled. The next little detail that crossed her mind made her shiver with trepidation. And my interview is tomorrow. Horseapples... I could have sworn it seemed so long ago just yesterday...

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, bringing the unusual dream back to the forefront of her mind. A quick look around the room revealed a wall-mounted phone. Ah, just what I need.

*beep* *beep* *beep*

*ring ring*

*click*

"Hello? Screwball here."

Connection's kinda crackly, but it'll do. "Yeah, this is Pinkie Pie."

"BLU, right?"

"I don't see any REDs around here."

"Right. BLU, then. So, why'd you call?"

"Um... I'd like to talk with Discord for a bit."

"Sorry... he's a bit busy right now."

"Oh." Pinkie rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "When will he be free?"

"Probably not until tomorrow. He needs his rest for tomorrow's meetings. Somepony had the brilliant idea of arranging one at six in the morning."

"I... I see."

"I'm pretty sure he needs his wits about him when he decides what he wants to do about the recent plague outbreak in Canterlot and the insect infestation in Fillydelphia, so-"

"Wait, another infestation?" Pinkie frowned. "Those aren't the parasprites again, are they? I thought I got them all last time..."

"Even I don't know the details. You'll have to ask him once he's finished with- oh wait, looks like he's done. I'll go see if he's willing to talk."

"Thanks." Pinkie pressed her ear to the receiver, trying to make out the muffled conversation on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, Administrator, got a moment?"

"Somepony wants to talk to me?" Pinkie heard a sigh. "Could it wait till tomorrow?"

"It's the BLU Pyro."

"Oh. Give me the phone, then." Pinkie pulled her ear away just as everything from the other side became a lot clearer. "Hello, Pinkie. What is it?"

"I..." She hesitated. Maybe I'd better not tell him up front. I should probably talk about it when he can't make any excuses to leave.

"You?"

"I... I..." At that moment, her subconscious saw fit to remind her of one specific detail. Her voice dropped several decibels, taking on the tone of a petrified filly, hiding from the monsters of her mind. "... I'm scared."

"Scared? Why?"

"My... interview..." She said in a near whisper. It was as if the fear of a thousand years had suddenly been thrust onto her shoulders.

"Your... oh." The Administrator sighed again. "What is it you want me to do?"

His uncaring tone wounded her a little inside. "Could I, maybe, um, sleep in your room with you tonight?"

"W- What?" He sounded surprised; that was certainly rare. Seems like I managed to catch him off guard with that...

"I'm scared. Scared of what's going to happen to me tomorrow. Please... can't you stay with me? Just for tonight?"

"..."

"Please?"

The other end of the phone suddenly became dead quiet, as if he'd hung up on her, but the unceasing crackling revealed that the Administrator was still there. Probably pondering what to say.

"Well, it's not that I'm against it, but I... you... alright, you can sleep with me tonight."

"Oh thank you thank you thank you!" In her excitement, Pinkie hugged the phone close to her chest, forgetting for a moment that it was an inanimate object and not a living pony.

"Um, yeah... See you in ten minutes,"

"Bye." She returned the phone to its wall mount and glanced at the clock that sat on a table close by. She noted, with no apparent surprise, that it was nearly midnight.

Sitting back, she took the time to decide which, between trying to stave off the very real fear of her interview or saving the lives of numerous innocents, was her priority.

She spent the next five minutes considering the options. In the end, having decided on neither, she resolved to make the choice on the way to the Administrator's room. Grabbing her blanket and Rainbow Dash plushie off her bed, she cantered off to join him.

The Administrator busied himself with restoring order - or at least, what could have passed as a poor imitation of it - to his messy room. A better description of what he was doing, however, would have been snapping his fingers and letting his immeasurably powerful magic do all the work for him. Chocolate milk cleared itself off the floor, flying into a conveniently placed bucket in the corner of the room. Papers strewn across his bed were lifted into the air and subsequently stuffed inside the cabinet beside his bed in a disorganized pile of instability. His socks (he always questioned why he even needed those things) had just made it into his clothes wardrobe when the door creaked open and a pink earth pony stepped in.

He smiled. "Hello, Pinkie. It seems that you're-"

"This world was born for the perfect but cursed with the weak."

The smile immediately fell off his face and landed on the ground sideways, making a squishy splashing sound that only a magically-infused mouth colliding with a hard surface could make. "What?!"

Pinkie sighed. "Father, we need to talk."

Oh no...

To be continued in Meet the Pyro (Prelude II)

Pony Fortress 2: History 101

A/N: The following is a long story of Equestria's 1,500 years of history - mostly the first 500 - and so it is not strictly necessary to read (it is now), but since it would give a greater understanding of this story and its sequel. Have fun!

The Administrator, reclining in his armchair, took a sip from his glass of chocolate milk. "So, Screwball, what is it she wants me to do again?"

"Well... she wants you to give a history lesson."

"To what? The wall?"

"This camera, actually." Screwball reached into the saddlebags on her back and retrieved a video camera, the red light above its lens blinking rapidly.

"And this would be for..."

"Enlightening future generations, apparently. According to Celestia, the current educational system has to be revamped to adopt a more interactive approach."

"So let me get this straight... she wants the students of the Empire to have an ultra-powerful, magically unrivalled, one-of-a-kind deformed draconequus... as a history teacher."

"Luna was asking for something along the same lines too."

"Right. So the Empire and the Republic want to have a learning system in which a mutated monster reads from a textbook in front of a camera."

"Essentially, yes." Screwball shrugged. "Still your choice if you want to reject the offer, though."

"Nah, I'll do it. It's such an unexpected turn of events. I haven't had a dose of unpredictability like that in ages."

"If you say so." Screwball rummaged around in the bags and found the textbook. "Here you go."

"It's alright, I don't need it. I've lived long enough to know exactly what's been happening for the past few millennia."

Screwball scratched her head. "From what I know, you've been alive since the world began."

"Longer, really, but I'll only go over the time period covered in this book." He snapped his fingers, and the textbook appeared beside his head. It flipped open by itself, propelled by an invisible wind until the final page sank into place. "Let's see... what?! Only from the formation of Equestria?! That's only about a thousand and five hundred years ago! What kind of lazy history students only go one and a half millennia of events?" He released his telekinetic grip, allowing the book to fall onto the floor with a loud thud and a small crater.

"Never mind." He shook his head. "I can stretch a story. Give it a few details here, some extra tidbits that probably aren't in the textbook... and we've got an interesting bedtime story!"

"Um, not to burst your bubble, but I don't think Celestia and Luna will appreciate you adding anything different to the curriculum, especially since the students already have a lot to study and they would want some things to... stay hidden. They are leaders of their nations, after all; I'm sure they have some propaganda or censorship in place for the content in that book."

"Oh come on, censorship only deprives the masses of vital information, and propaganda is going to brainwash the populace into blindly following the dictates of the government without question. Besides, Imperial and Republic textbooks have got to be different, so why are they expecting to be able to use this one recording to fulfill all their propaganda-based needs?"

"Well, you're actually supposed to record it twice with two different versions."

"I'm definitely not doing that, so they're going to have to use the version I make..." He pointed at the book on the ground, sitting snugly in its little crater. "... Or they'll have to go back to using this needlessly heavy paperweight."

"They'll probably find a workaround, given enough time."

"But I want to make this video anyway." He grinned into the lens of the camera. "It's going to be fun."

"If you say so. But don't forget about tomorrow's meetings. The first one is at six a.m., and I don't think anypony wants you to be late for something so important."

"Yeah yeah, got it." The Administrator waved it off. "I'll make sure I'm awake and ready for it."

"Alright... see you later." With a shallow bow, Screwball took her leave, closing the door behind her.

The Administrator grinned at the camera. "Now gather around, children. I'm going to tell you a story..."

One thousand five hundred years ago, 0 AUE (After United Equestria)

The world was in harmony. Yes, harmony and peace and all that stuff is unutterably boring, but I couldn't do anything at this time.

Not yet, anyway.

At this point in time, Equestria was the only kingdom on earth, stretching across the plains from the Dragon Mountains in the east to the Mild West in the... well, west. The Griffins, later to separate and form a kingdom of their own, creating such delicious chaos in the process - oh yes, I can't wait for that part - remained under the administration of the dull alicorn sisters. Everything was peaceful and stuff, yadda yadda yadda, you get the idea.

But peace was not to last. Thankfully. Okay, maybe it did, for about five hundred years or so, but that's when we get to the fun part. You see, Equestria was - in name - an empire with two diarchs, Luna and Celestia, but it was more of a monarchy because Celestia, being the older sister, regarded her younger sibling as less knowledgeable and immature. She decided to take on most of the responsibilities of princesshood herself, letting Luna grow in age and experience. Eventually, Luna would, too, becoming an effective ruler.

Oh, how I love the buildup to conflict.

Luna, having agreed with her older sister's decision, stayed back in the darkness and learned how to lead a nation. Five hundred years later, she emerged from seclusion, ready to assume the duties of a princess, but to her great surprise, Celestia only gave her the most trivial roles a pony of her position could take on. Luna was thoroughly confused. She spent a few years trying to figure out why she had been relegated to a position of such unimportance.

Celestia, in the meantime, was worried for her sister. She knew what knowledge Luna had gained from the books she read, and the ideas of governance she had come up with were dangerous. Very much so. Thus she, with a heavy heart, resigned herself to suppressing her sibling and the seeds of "democracy" she planned to plant.

Tensions began to build up from here. Luna, believing that Celestia was power-hungry and would eventually become a ruthless dictator given enough time, started to gather her power base. More and more ponies started coming to the secret meetings she held every now and then to spread the principle of democracy among them.

Eventually, the meetings grew so large that they could no longer be kept concealed from Celestia's suspicious eyes, and she was absolutely shocked to discover that Luna had been promoting democracy behind her back. Luna already knew that she was not strong enough to face Celestia at this point, so she agreed to stop holding such meetings. However, when she saw that her sister's suspicions had begun to settle, she relocated the meetings as far north as she could, distancing herself from the Equestrian capital of Canterlot.

A few decades would pass this way. The exciting part comes after this, so don't worry.

Fifty or so years later, when Luna felt that she had the support of much of Equestria's populace, she waited for an opportunity, to put her ultimate plan into action. Oddly enough, it was a criminal that gave her the excuse she needed.

This criminal, Spectral Wrath, was a mass-murderer of the highest order. Time and time again he had escaped the arm of the law because of his unparalleled control of arcane magics, allowing him to teleport out of danger, smite his foes with the power of a god, cloak himself behind a veil of invisibility, and essentially do anything he needed to get away. He was finally captured, however, when Celestia herself intervened and trapped him in a rune prison so mighty that even he could not break free.

However, instead of punishing him heavily, Celestia let him go with only five years in jail and the promise of life-long servitude to her. She recognized his magical prowess and realized that it would be a waste if she were to keep him away from the society that he could use his talents to help.

Luna, on the other hand, was not about to let this opportunity slip away. During Celestia's public speech in which she justified her decision, Luna cut her off and loudly denounced her actions, demanding that she heed the will of the ponies who had suffered at the hooves of Wrath and execute him immediately. Celestia refused.

Wait, this is the dramatic part. Let me do it better... ahem...

552 AUE / 0 FCW (First Civil War) - The End of Harmony

"...and so, it is for the greater good of Equestria," Celestia said, shaking her head, "that Spectral Wrath pay his debt to society with his talent instead of his life. I cannot-"

"We advise, sister, that thou cease thy pathetic attempts at justification." Luna's voice rang through the Canterlot public address square. Instantly, all eyes were on her.

"Wh... what... Luna, what are you doing?"

"Dispensing true justice." She turned to the audience, reapplying her Royal Canterlot Voice. "Tell us, subjects, what do you wish the fate of this murderer to be?"

All was silent. Ponies were looking at one another uncertainly.

"Feel free to speak thy mind, for thou art under our protection now." Luna assured them. "Let us ask once more. Wouldst thou wish that this pony, this killer, walk free in our streets at night?"

"No!" Somepony shouted from the back of the crowd. Evidently, this one show of defiance was enough to galvanize the entire group into action.

"Let him pay for his crimes with death!"

"Nopony is exempt from the law! Punish this criminal!"

"At the very least, keep him away from us and protect us from his wrath!"

"Enough!" Celestia finally shouted. "You will all be silent at once!"

"Nay, sister." Luna intervened. "They have been silent for five hundred years. Do not deny them the freedom they so rightly deserve." Her eyes burned with dark fire. "Yield, Celestia. Yield to democracy."

"Oh no... oh no..." Celestia stepped back, fear shining in her eyes. "No, Luna, please... don't..."

"'Tis too late for regrets." Luna's horn flashed, and the sky darkened as ebony-black clouds blocked out the sun. One of the clouds crackled with stored electricity, and a second later a bolt of lightning arced its way towards Wrath's neck.

"No!" Celestia's horn shone, but the shield she conjured appeared too late to prevent his demise. A charred body was all that remained of the unicorn.

"No..." Celestia collapsed onto her knees. "No..." Now even the crowd became silent as, against all odds, their collective wish had been fulfilled.

Luna gazed upon her sister dispassionately. "We will meet again, dear sister, on the battlefield." Looking to the heavens, her eyes glowed brightly, and in an instant her body dissolved into a swirling miasma of stars that headed into the sky, away from the sobbing Celestia and the shocked crowd.

"Heed our words, Equestria." Luna's voice cut through the tension like a knife through butter, turning everypony's attention up to the clouded sky. "Thou shalt soon witness the fall of this Empire. Out of the ashes will arise a New Lunar Republic, to lead and guide according to the wishes of the people."

The echo, reverberating through the square, eventually died down, but the sound of a alicorn's weeping did not.

Ah, the second-best part of this story.

Luna, having taken advantage of this opportunity to officially declare war, sent the signal to her troops who had previously entered the walls of many Equestrian cities in the north - half of all there was - with the excuse of maintaining security in the midst of Wrath's killing spree. They immediately sprung into action, taking Celestia's forces by surprise as trusted allies suddenly became vicious enemies.

That day, northern Equestria fell to the Republic. Manehattan, one of the largest cities of the north, was designated Midnight Castle and became Luna's capital.

In the wake of all of the wonderful chaos caused, other regions took the opportunity to break away from Equestria as well. The Griffins, inspired by Luna's speech, agreed upon the formation of a republic, although the process was slow because they didn't have anybody who could have taken the role of a leader on such short notice. The dragons simply laid claim to the mountains and settled there, deciding to live individual lives instead of selecting one to rule them. The zebras in the south adopted the Imperial system of monarchy.

I, on the other hand, was watching the show and eating popcorn. Ah, those were the days. Drama was so real back then! Probably because it was real, but... anyway, back to the story.

Before I continue, though, there are two ponies you really, really need to know. They're probably going to be at the centre of at least one question in your final year exam, so you need to listen. Like, very carefully.

The first one is Quence. Full name Elo Quence, species pegasus, age twenty at the start of the war. She had a way with words and logic, and was the representative of the Republic in many of its negotiations and public speeches. Back before Equestria dissolved into civil war, the Princesses would tour Equestria every year, picking out those whom they saw to have great talent in one field or another. Celestia was responsible for scouring the southern half of Equestria, while Luna was take charge of the north. Quence's hometown was Manehattan, and well, you already know which part of Equestria it's in. Luna noticed her talent with words when a ten year old Quence got into an argument with a restaurant owner about whether she should be able to get a free lunch and somehow won.

Luna then approached her, determined to bring her back to the palace, but was taken aback when she flat-out refused. Five minutes later, a very surprised princess of the moon had agreed not only take her to Canterlot Castle but also let her stay in the best room with top-notch facilities and eat meals so grand they were prepared with Celestia's and Luna's in the royal kitchen.

Hmph. I could do that too if I wanted to. Just a little mind control and anypony'll do what I want them to. Those alicorns might be tougher to corrupt though... damn it.

Anyway, when she got to the palace, she met the pony Celestia had chosen. He had come from Ponyville, but his original home was Hoofington, also in the north. He was Master Mind, an earth pony with a rare genetic disease that left his right foreleg without sufficiently developed muscles to support it.

Now before we go any further, I should probably note that each species of pony has its own advantages. Unicorns have the power of magic, pegasi have the gift of flight, and earth ponies are naturally stronger than the other two. Now imagine a crippled earth pony. That's essentially somepony with nothing special about him.

That's Mind. Pretty pathetic, if you ask me, but there was one thing that set him apart from everypony else: his mind. Yes, that's probably why he's named that.

Believe me, if nothing else, his intelligence far surpassed any of the other ponies I'd ever met before, coming close to even Celestia and Luna. There was one time that I met him face-to-face, and his wisdom so greatly astounded me that... well, he's the first one of these lesser ponies that I have had even an ounce of respect for.

Back to the lesson. So Mind, like Quence, had the gift of the gab, though to a lesser extent in the case of the former. However, his ability to come up with logical counterarguments on the spot - or, when necessary, simply bend the truth to his will - made up for his linguistic flaws, and the two became fast friends. Being friends, they did things that friends would. I don't know what they are, because I personally don't condone friendship.

So this... ugh... friendship blossomed and bloomed and all those other flower-based analogies. Until, of course, war broke out. As Mind was studying under Celestia and Quence under Luna, they were separated when Luna whisked Quence away to her stronghold at Midnight Castle. While the two were close friends, loyalty to their chosen princesses, borne of ten years of indoctrination, led them to fight for the cause of the Empire and Republic respectively.

Don't you just love to see friendships torn apart? I sure do.

After the war began, Quence stayed in the castle, rarely venturing outside unless she had to. Luna occasionally arranged for her to make speeches to the people to "reassure" them - brainwash, more like it - that the Republic was winning the war, that it would deliver peace and freedom, and all that other nonsense. Eventually though - two years later - she did have to leave the relative safety of Midnight Castle when the entire city was overrun by a surprise attack by the Imperial Grand Army.

Realizing that retaliation likewise was the only way to reassert Republic power in the war, Luna prepared her forces for a counter-invasion of Canterlot. Quence was in charge of the pep talk that would inspire the soldiers to fight to their best. It worked - but their best was no match for the Empire's cunning tactics. The invasion failed, and a few days later Luna sued for peace and agreed to sign an armistice. Midnight Castle was hoofed over to the Republic, and Quence returned to her haven.

The other pony you need to know about, as you might have guessed, is Master Mind. Earth pony, aged twenty-one when the war began. A poor peasant from Hoofington, his widowed mother moved to Ponyville when the cost of living in the city grew far too high for her to afford. When Celestia came to Ponyville, Mind approached her, ignoring the threats of a dozen guards, as he marched right up to her. He then proceeded to bombard her with questions about the poor treatment of the Equestrian peasants in the major cities, recounting tales of woe and the wealthy ponies' bullying that he and his friends had experienced back in Hoofington. He subsequently answered all his own questions with a hypothesis - the corruption of the nobility and others of high standing. Celestia immediately realized that this eleven-year-old was far wiser than anypony else of his age, and brought him back to the castle.

He spent the next few years of his life strengthening the bonds of friendship with Quence - I wasn't paying attention, but it may have been more than just friendship at some point - and outsmarting the nobles of the court in their daily power struggles. It was a calculated risk, of course - he banked on his relations with the Princess to keep him out of his enemies' reach. Time and time again, they underestimated Mind because of his age and his peasant origins, and eventually he rose to great prominence in the court. Nopony was more pleased than Celestia, who was happy partly because of Mind's success but mostly because he effectively brought the incessant bickering of the ministers and nobles to a screeching halt and organized their efforts towards something productive for once.

Celestia sent Mind to study under one of her best teachers - Sun "Chosen of the Sun" Tzu himself. If I'm not mistaken, the Soldier was quoting some of his lines back in the interview - all wrong, of course, but at least he knows that Sun Tzu exists. Tzu was a great intellectual, gifted in many fields but predominantly that of military strategy. He was one of the few who studied it, because nopony in this generation, or any of the past five, had ever seen war. Mind took after him, learning much about tactics and combat of all sorts, whether physical, psychological or verbal. He even invented some new strategies of his own which he would put to devastating use when the war began.

When the First Civil War began, Mind, despite his age, was assigned as a commander of a small task force charged with the defense of the Equestrian border against separatist groups. His forces in particular were supposed to keep the Griffin forces in the west at bay while the main body of the Imperial and Republic forces fought on the Empire's eastern border.

His job was to keep them away. Within the span of two months, his forces were at the doorstep of the Griffin capital and he personally accepted their surrender and re-assimilated Gryphonia. His success was due mostly to a lack of clear leadership among the Griffins and their constant underestimation of his abilities. He returned to Canterlot with glory, and Celestia personally presented him with a gift to mark his victory: A phoenix named Philomena, who hung on his left shoulder and became Mind's main confidante, since, well, she couldn't very well give away all of his secrets without being able to speak the same language. Philomena followed him through the entire war and proceeded to reincarnate many times. I'm pretty sure she's still with Celestia now.

Anyway, Mind's domination came as a great relief to the Imperial court because the army was suffering in the east. A multitude of early victories by Sun Tzu, who had been put in charge of the Grand Army, had prompted Luna to take quick action. He was assassinated not a month into the war, and so Celestia was very relieved to welcome his successor home and send him to the front.

Now this is the part which amazes me.

He put somepony else in the position of Grand General, diverting the risk of assassination, and commanded everything from behind the scenes. True to form as a student of Sun Tzu, he turned the entire war on its head in a few weeks. Over the course of the next two years, Republic strongholds fell one after another before the might of the Empire. Eventually, Mind devised a stratagem to crush the will of the Lunar forces, and against all odds Midnight Castle was captured by his troops. The Republic attempt at a counterattack failed miserably when he ambushed them and wiped out the entire army. He was the chief negotiator present at the peace talks, and he was overjoyed when he realized Quence would represent the Republic in the negotiations.

Suffice to say, an agreement was reached pretty quickly. Too bad friendship has to ruin such wonderful chaos...

Luna refused to allow the Empire to occupy Republic lands and reunify Equestria, so Celestia had to settle for the confiscation of many territories and enforced disarmament. Peace was restored again.

Thankfully, I am graced with long life - very, very long life - so waiting for war to break out again was no big deal. It didn't even take very long anyway.

554 AUE, 0 RoH (Restoration of Harmony) - Peace in our Time?

Perhaps "Restoration of Harmony" is a bit inaccurate, since Mind spent much of his time fighting the separatists like the zebra empire. This, however, was far away from the Empire itself, so for most ponies it was... ugh... peaceful.

The real trouble began about nine years later. Mind, despite his tactical genius, had his hooves full fighting the zebras in the south. His tactics were just enough to keep his army alive, mostly because the zebras used their extensive knowledge of native terrain and guerrilla attacks to force the Imperial forces back. The whole thing had become an intractable stalemate, and Mind eventually decided to defend his borders and leave the zebras alone, until he had gathered a strong enough force to annihilate them completely.

The zebras, knowing that they could not hold out against Mind forever, decided to act early. The only way to preserve their nation would be if Imperial attention was diverted elsewhere - essentially, if the Empire and the Republic once again went to war. The method of assassination was chosen.

The two princesses were far too well-guarded, and after Sun Tzu's death Mind had been exceedingly careful not to suffer the same fate - security was always high around him. That left one option.

In 563 AUE, a zebra assassin, armed with one of the most lethal poisons known to life, infiltrated Midnight Castle and contaminated Quence's dinner. She was found dead in her room the day after.

One thing about friendship I like: It's so entertaining to watch what happens after one breaks.

Mind was horrified and aghast. The coroner had discovered the poison to be of southern origin, specifically from the zebra empire. Through his spies in the Republic, he managed to reproduce the poison and order its mass manufacture in the Empire.

He was fueled by rage, anguish, and a need for revenge. Nopony could talk him out of his plan.

One year later, when he had, by his judgement, enough poison, he commanded his airborne pegasus division to fly over the zebra lands and deposit all of it in their fresh water supply. Two days after that, his army marched past all of the enemy fortifications unopposed and entered the capital.

564 AUE - Genocide

"So... they're all dead, sir?"

"Yes." Mind surveyed the multitude of bodies strewn across the floor of the palace hall, some of them still clutching the chalices which undoubtedly contained the liquid that had eventually killed them. "All of them."

"What do we do then, sir?"

"Simple. Declare victory once and for all. We have won this battle; there is nothing left for us here." Mind tore his pained gaze away from the death before him. "Tell our messenger to fly back to Celestia and convey this message: The war is over. We are victorious. Requesting cleanup and decontamination crews immediately."

"Yes sir." With a crisp salute, the soldier galloped away.

Mind just continued staring at the dead zebras, their expressions contorted in a grimace of agony. He bowed his head, allowing tears to creep their way past his eyes.

"This is for you, Quence."

Celestia was outraged at such a deed of mass murder, and with great sorrow banished Mind from the Empire. He wasn't about to be stopped, though. He was bent on bringing all the separatist groups under Equestrian control again. He offered his services to the Republic, and obviously Luna wasn't about to give up such an amazing opportunity. She eagerly accepted his offer.

One year after Quence's death, Mind visited her grave in the City of Crystal, in the extreme north of Equestria. However, during his stay there, he succumbed to a powerful magic illness - which I had nothing to do with, if that's what you're thinking. Nothing at all. I bet it was Celestia. Yeah, it was probably her.

Anyway, the illness failed to kill him, but it transformed him into a monster. He gained the ability to use dark, forbidden magic and he also grew a horn. The horn looked kind of good, if you ask me, but that's probably not important. The important part was that his mind was also corrupted beyond repair, creating a lust for blood he had never had before.

This... thing... was named Sombra by Celestia and Luna, which is how you might know him today. I disagree with that name, though, for personal reasons, so I'll continue calling him Mind.

Following his corruption, Mind separated from the Republic, taking the city as his own and creating the Crystal Empire. He then proceeded to go on a killing spree so violent and extensive that he even prompted Celestia and Luna to actively cooperate with each other to take him down. He was eventually defeated by the Elements of Harmony, in the hooves of the two princesses, and sealed away with the rest of the city, for it had been similarly tainted with evil magic.

Without any more brilliant Imperial tacticians, Luna was confident in her ability to win the next war she created, especially since she had built up her forces in secret when Celestia focused her attention on the zebra conflict. Unfortunately for her, and fortunately for my entertainment purposes, the Empire's army turned out to be more formidable than her spies had led her to believe, as so passed another hundred years of war, conflict and mostly chaos in which neither side managed to gain a clear advantage.

Eventually, though, both of them decided that since it was unlikely that either nation would ever fully prevail, they would agree to coexist in peace. Now, I couldn't possibly allow this, otherwise Equestria would never be reunified. The fact that more chaos and destruction would be caused by continued war was just a pure coincidence.

So I, in the wake of the new peace, offered the princess an opportunity to take her sister by surprise. Though her army had been disarmed as per the terms of the treaty, I provided a team of nine mercenaries, skilled beyond compare and armed to the teeth, along with respawn points to ensure their survival. But somehow, and obviously not to any fault of my own, the other princess copied the idea - and the mercenaries too - and then this became an intractable stalemate as well. For a thousand years, mercenaries have passed away and have been replaced, culminating in this latest batch. The nine mercenaries I have almost finished interviewing...

"... Save one. Pinkie Pie, the Pyro." The Administrator waved his hand, and the cup of chocolate milk in his grip magically refilled itself. "Her time is tomorrow, and I intend to sit back and enjoy the chaos unfold."

He stood up, walking away from the camera. "Looks like it's the end of our history lesson. If you enjoyed having a draconequus as your teacher tell your respective princess so she'll consider hiring me full time."

A final snap of his fingers deactivated the camera, and he left the room. Turning a corner, he found Screwball on the phone, speaking into the receiver with an apologetic tone. She soon noticed the Administrator, though, and the hint of regret in her voice evaporated.

Placing her hoof on the receiver, she said, "Hey Administrator, got a moment?"

Meet the Pyro: Beginning of the End (Prelude II)

"Father, we need to talk." Pinkie observed the Administrator's mouth collapse onto the ground in a heap of saliva and teeth. Probably not the best reaction.

"How do you know that?" His tone, rather than demanding, held more of a trace of wonder than anything else. "I haven't heard that in... in..." He shook his head. "... Five thousand years? I've lost track."

"Somepony - someone, really, told me." Pinkie fixed a steely gaze on the Administrator, banishing all hints of cheerfulness from her expression. "I've heard that you're going to kill thousands of innocents."

"What... oh... you've been talking to her. The failure." He ground his teeth in frustration. "Damn it! I should've known she'd get to you... how did she do it?"

"Through a dream." Pinkie said curtly.

"I thought only Luna had that sort of control. Then again, she hasn't lived as long..." He mused. "Whatever. You must know is that she did not give you the full story."

"That's what they all say." She snorted. "What is it that she didn't tell me?"

"These 'innocents' are not as pure as you believe them to be."

Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"They are parasites. Weeds in a garden. By giving them sustenance, the rest of Equestria is put at risk."

"And since when do you care about that?"

The Administrator shot her one of his you got me smiles, but the cocky edge to it revealed that he hadn't quite lost the argument yet. "And why, pray tell, should I treat them any differently from the others?"

"You've said it before. Ponies are not innocent. By the sins of their gods, they have condemned themselves..." She stopped short, realizing her father's direction of attack.

"And the one who approached you is no angel either." He countered. "By sharing in their ill-gotten gains, she has committed the same felony as Celestia and Luna, and therefore she must suffer for it."

Pinkie eyed the Administrator. "The same crime?"

"The same." He agreed. "When he returns he will exact his revenge, but until then I have to hold the fort down. Against all perpetrators, no matter who or what they are."

"But is the killing right?"

"One thing you need to learn, my adopted daughter." He tutted. "All means can be justified, so long as the end is righteous enough to do so."

"I don't know." Pinkie said hesitantly. "I don't think we can ever be certain of absolutes."

"Are you absolutely sure?" The Administrator chuckled. "My dear, I've lived thousands of years longer than you have. I have learnt, over the course of this time, what is right and what is wrong."

"And as we both know, what is efficient is right." She grumbled.

"Efficiency is an end in itself, you know." He reminded her.

"Hmph."

"In any case, did you just come here to accuse me of genocide?"

"... No." Pinkie admitted. "I really am scared of what's happening tomorrow."

"What's there to be scared about?" The Administrator asked.

"I've never fought without... without my mask before. And I thought I'd never have to do what I'm going to tomorrow."

He frowned. "It's just a mask."

"And that's why I need it." Pinkie explained. "When I fight... when I kill... nopony ever sees my face. To them, I am a soulless monster. And that's the way it has to stay."

"Why?"

"Because..." She trailed off. "Because even I'm afraid of what lies underneath."

"But... that's you."

"Exactly."

For a while, they stared at each other, both having nothing to say and neither willing to break the silence.

Some of us are monsters by choice. The Administrator reflected, absently staring into Pinkie's eyes. Some of us are monsters because destiny forces us to be. But the noblest kind of monster... His irises refocused, locking themselves on his daughter's face. The noblest kind is the kind that becomes a monster by choice and hate themselves for it.

The monster that resents what it has become and yet pushes on... This is the kind that the world needs. There is always dirty work to be done, and so few willing to do it. The ones who shoulder these responsibilities are labelled monsters and ostracized by society, but nopony realizes that without them, everything they know and love would crumble to dust.

The only ponies worth respecting are those who work for others selflessly, and the ones most deserving of this respect are those whose efforts are rewarded with cruelty but shrug it off and continue on their quest to make the world a better place.

His mind slowly wandered back to reality, where he registered Pinkie's patient stare. He returned it with one of his own, waiting to see if she would say anything.

She didn't. Neither did he, so they just let the silence reign. At some point in the night she fell asleep, and he just stroked her mane lovingly and nuzzled her before settling into his own much-needed sleep.

For the first time in years, he slept with a smile on his face.

"I failed. She was my last hope. Without her, we have no other options left."

"... So what now, your highness?"

"We talk."

"Talk? Again? But it just-"

"No. Not to him. To Celestia and Luna."

"Them? I thought they'd never agree to save us."

"They probably won't. Don't worry, I've already got a backup plan."

"Is it likely to work?"

"Very. Assemble our strike force at once. We move out the day after tomorrow."

Pinkie awoke alone. The Administrator had probably left earlier, spreading the blanket over her exposed body before departing.

The air conditioning in this room's really cold. She realized, suppressing a shiver. How does he sleep here?

She shrugged off the protective layer of cloth, her teeth chattering uncontrollably as she hurried out of the room and into the harsh reality outside.

Today is my interview.

She broke into a gallop. At the same time, she began to think.

So what?

Her legs worked twice as hard, increasing her speed to nearly impossible levels.

Am I afraid to show the world who I am?

She reached the door, yanking it open and exposing her skin to the gentle sunlight.

Am I afraid of what lies behind the mask?

Unhesitatingly, she dashed forward, towards the looming figure of Canterlot Mountain.

Maybe I am. Maybe I don't want to face my fears.

Her pace never slowed.

But life is full of trials and tribulations. This is just one of them.

The corners of her mouth curved upwards slightly.

You just gotta take all of them and keep smiling.

Slowly but surely, the entrance to the pass came into view.

Even if nopony else wants to, I have to continue smiling.

Because otherwise, Equestria will lose a little bit of cheer. And I can't let that happen.

With a large, chipper grin on her face, Pinkie Pie strode forward.

Not as long as I'm here to laugh for everypony else.

"Thank you for coming to this meeting, Administrator." Across the table in the grand conference room sat an earth pony with a brown coat. He was clad in a peculiar blue-tinted translucent cloak that shimmered in the dim light, and his right foreleg was encased in a hard shell of ink-black armour which occasionally pulsed with green energy, giving it an otherworldly appearance. The yellow shock of hair that was his mane seemed to be the only normal part of him, but even that was far too unkempt to befit the stature of one in the presence of a pseudo-god.

And strangest of all, a vulture was perched on his left shoulder, eyeing the new appearance with eyes of intense suspicion and distrust. It never took its gaze off of the Administrator as he moved over to the nearest chair.

"Right, right." He took a seat directly opposite the earth pony. "So, about the infestation, mister...?"

"Just call me Ician." The pony said amiably. "I don't see any need for formalities here."

"Awfully direct, aren't we?"

"Only when I need to be." Ician leaned forward, the vulture readjusting its posture to accommodate the change in position. "And believe me, the sooner we get to talking about this threat the better."

"What's so dangerous about this anyway?" The Administrator scoffed. "I can create and destroy an entire horde of insects with a snap of my fingers."

"Not these insects." Ician warned. "If you could have you would have annihilated them already."

"How am I supposed to annihilate them if I don't know what they are?"

"You've already seen them."

The Administrator raised an eyebrow. "Have I, now?"

"You have." Ician confirmed. "You've already spoken to her."

A frown manifested itself on the draconequus' face. "Her?" A few seconds of thinking gave him the revelation he was waiting for. "Oh. Her."

"You do realize the danger, right?"

"Yes, but what do you propose I do?"

"That's what I called the meeting today to discuss." Ician explained. "Come, let us begin."

To be continued in Meet the Pyro (Part I)

Meet the Pyro: Spectre of Death (Part I)

"Fear is my domain, and with every ounce of your struggle I have come to realize what you fear."

King Sombra (Fall of the Empire)

Diana grumbled as she kicked one of the poor, defenseless rocks off the side of Canterlot Pass. Of course I had to get up late on this day of all days... She shook her head. I just hope my interviewee is going to be forgiving... not that I have much hope though.

It feels like I was watching the Scout beat up that poor Heavy just yesterday... where have the days gone?

A few seconds later, another stone followed suit as Diana, absorbed in her thoughts, began mindlessly repeating the last activity that had kept her occupied earlier.

Suddenly, she paused. Picking a packet of tissue out of her saddlebags, she pulled one of the tissues out with her teeth and dropped the packet on the ground. She took the opportunity, while bending down to pick it up, to take a quick glance around her blind spot.

Just as she suspected; hidden well in the shadow of the cliff was a silhouette of what Diana assumed was a pony. Moreover, the figure's fluffy mane told her everything she needed to know about just who was tailing her.

The best tactic, she decided, was to wait for the enemy to mount the offensive first, then surprise her with a quick retaliation. Before then, she could show no sign of fear or anything to indicate that she had noticed something amiss.

That didn't stop her right hoof from subconsciously reaching for the fire axe in her saddlebags.

Not good. What's she doing now? Is she getting ready to attack? I hope not... Why is she even here at this time of day? I'd thought I'd be alone for this walk. Guess not, though.

Do I have my flamethrower with me? Let me check... got it. If worst comes to worst I'm covered. Still, gotta make sure that next time I actually know who I have to deal with...

Diana tensed. Her ears were upright in as subtle a manner as possible, listening for the telltale sign that would tell her she was about to be attacked. Her pace sped up slightly as she circled the mountain. Sooner or later the entire pass would be fully exposed to the sun and her stalker would have no choice but to emerge from her hiding spot or else cease her continued efforts to follow her.

Knowing her luck, the latter would never happen.

Diana risked a discreet glance backwards. As she suspected, the pony was still on her tail, though as the shadow became progressively smaller she was pressing herself closer and closer against the wall of the cliff.

A minute more and then it's fight or flight. Diana grimaced. Can I win a duel against her?

I don't have much hope...

Behind her, the figure began to pick up speed.

I can't tell. Is she going faster than me? I'd better speed up... oh no. Now she's running. I have to gallop faster.

Wait, why? Why am I doing this? Why am I trying to-

I must. I will kill her, if that's what it takes.

No... not you...

You know that you need me if you want to win.

I-

I was given a mission. A task. I can't let you interfere.

She's no threat; there's no need to fight her!

Look. She's already taking out her weapon.

What...

No choice now, is there? It's time to fight.

Diana, who was running on three hooves and using the last one to reach into her saddlebags and search for her axe, watched silently as all traces of shadows were swept away in a flourish of light and her stalker, clad from head to hoof in a flame-retardant suit and carrying a flamethrower strapped across her back, charged forward with the speed of a fully-fueled steam train.

Abandoning her attempts to retrieve her weapon, she ran. She ran as fast as her legs could take her, but it wasn't enough. Even as she galloped forward, the thundering of hooves behind her told her everything she needed to know.

In the midst of all the panic and fear, Diana remembered something. Something important.

Hold on. I'm dealing with somepony who can just bend the laws of physics to her will. Why is she chasing me on hoof? She could very well just appear from behind any random rock and-

She turned around. The distinctly pony-less scene she saw did not boost her confidence at all. A second later, Diana heard the sound of a rock tumbling off the side of Pass, and it was enough to send her scrambling in the opposite direction.

Her face collided with an uncompromisingly hard surface. She looked up, and the towering stone face of the mountain greeted her gaze.

This seems familiar.

In her mind, something clicked. Her hoof, guided by instinct, flipped the cover of her saddlebags open and whipped her fire axe out just in time to interrupt her foe's rapid advance. The fireproof gas mask, betraying no emotion, stared her straight in the eyes a moment before its wearer leapt aside just in time to avoid the attack, sweeping the flamethrower in an arc and spewing flames that came uncomfortably close to Diana's face.

She remembered what came next.

With the strength of a manticore, Diana slammed the blunt end of her axe into the flamethrower, allowing her own weapon to slip out of her grasp as it transferred the full bulk of the force into her opponent's weapon. Both flew away in a clatter of sparks as metal collided with metal. Diana already had her hooves raised in a defensive stance a second before she was beset by the fury of a wild animal.

Something's not right...

Diana countered speed and strength with grace and precision, channeling the martial prowess of several years of training as she tried to match the blows of her aggressor, but she soon realized she wouldn't be able to go on forever.

She didn't.

A final strike sent a wave of pain searing through her right forehoof, the skin bleeding from where it had been punctured by a jagged fragment of bone. Her foe took advantage of her momentary confusion to deal the back of her head a firm blow.

Diana collapsed onto the cold stone floor of Canterlot Pass.

There's something I'm missing.

She already knew what could come next. Closing her eyes, she waited for the inevitable end. Exhaustion had other plans, though, and she was claimed by the blissful nothingness of sleep.

Three words haunted her otherwise placid dreams.

Where's her mask?

Mask...

She's wearing her mask!

She re-summoned the image of Pinkie Pie, eyes blazing with hatred, from the depths of her dreams. The sheer malevolence of the scene was enough to snap Diana out of unconsciousness with a burst of adrenaline, her hoof propelling itself forward with as much force as she could muster. It would soon, presumably, smash in the face of the pony who had come so close to killing-

She blinked. There was nopony there.

Sitting up, Diana surveyed her surroundings. The Pass itself left no clues that hinted towards the existence of the fight. Her axe lay beside her, a slight dent on the metal the only remnant of the earlier battle.

She wondered what could have happened. Her weary mind offered no explanations.

Silently, she lifted the axe back into her saddlebags and continued on her way to Canterlot.

Why? You idiot! Why did you let her live?

She will not stop us from completing the objective we were given. Or do you think she can truly beat us at our best?

...

Besides, how happy do you think the Administrator will be if we kill her?

If she interferes with our mission-

Then we will have an excuse. But she is doubtlessly under the Administrator's protection. Anything she does is probably his will unless we know otherwise.

And we don't know otherwise now?

No. Nothing less than the word of the Administrator himself will suffice.

She's on her way to Canterlot. She has to be. We were told to go there too, and it's the only way this path leads.

Who knows? The Administrator works in mysterious ways.

...

There's no sense arguing about this. If anything happens, it happens. Worry about it later.

But-

No buts. And if you please, I'd rather not have to talk to you now. Or at all, if possible.

...

Thank you.

"I appreciate the show of hospitality, Administrator." Ician said, taking a sip of the chocolate milk that was customarily passed out to any visitors to the base. The vulture, not having moved from its perch on his shoulder, stared into the brown concoction in his owner's glass, studying it closely.

"Nothing less for a guest of such talent as yours." The Administrator wore a welcome smile.

Ician nodded. "Influence, rather than talent, seems to be a deciding factor in the warmth of reception nowadays. I'm glad to see that at least some can appreciate ability over social standing."

"Those some are rare." The Administrator agreed. "But let's return to the topic at hand, shall we?"

"Of course." Ician lowered his cup to the table. "Though before we do, I would like to first discuss the topic of the Pyro with you. The BLU Pyro, to be specific."

The Administrator frowned. "Why? What does she have to do with the infestation?"

"Nothing yet. But in time, she will prove essential to its suppression." He leaned forward. "I'm given to believe that the Pyro is BLU team's star while the Sniper is RED's, correct?"

"Yes."

"Good. I will talk about the RED Sniper in time to come as well, then." Ician smiled. "But for now, I would like to find out more about the Pyro's skills."

"Alright." The Administrator put a paw to his chin thoughtfully. "Well first - and obviously - she's proficient at melee combat."

"No surprise there."

"Even when at far range, though, her airblasts have killed off enemy Soldiers, Demomares and occasionally Huntsman Snipers more times than I can count."

"Hm..." Ician mused. "Interesting..."

"She's strong and accurate, and her reflexes are some of the best I've ever seen. Her favourite weapons are the Backburner, the Axtinguisher and either a flare gun or the Detonator, depending on circumstances."

"She prefers flare guns over shotguns?" Ician asked.

"She's so good at aiming that sometimes she'd pull of a ranged kill with just the flare gun alone." The Administrator explained.

"I see."

"She's done miracles, that one. I've seen her take on all of BLU team alone and waltz her way to victory after-"

"Administrator." Ician cut in. His interjection was accompanied by a raspy, drawn-out hissing sound from the vulture on his shoulder. "Something I'd really want to know... is how much she's changed since the one-month stalemate a while back."

"What?"

"Perhaps that's not precise enough. I suspect 'how much you changed her' might be a better way of expressing it."

The Administrator's face was impassive, but Ician pressed on as if he had been wearing an expression of shock and disbelief. "You're going to ask how I know. The answer is that I'm not blind. I can see what's been happening on the battlefield. Ask the right questions here and there and the whole story comes together. And the reason why you've never seen me is because-"

"I've seen you before." The Administrator said stiffly. "You were loitering around Ponyville that day before the whole place went up in flames."

"I hardly think loiter is an apt word. I was vacationing there for a week." He smiled. "Isn't it lucky that I got out of there just before the disaster?"

"Right... thank goodness..."

"Anyway, back to the question. In the few minutes it took me to observe her behaviour, it's obvious that she's very different from the old Pyro. Now, I want to know how much her combat abilities have been affected."

"That's the first thing you ask?" The Administrator snorted. "And here I thought you'd be concerned about her well-being."

"That's an odd thing for someone like you to say." Ician chuckled, calmly taking a sip of his chocolate milk. The vulture, seemingly amused by his owner's statement, gave what appeared to be a thin smile. "Or did I miss the part where you showed concern for anypony even once?"

For the second time in his life, the Administrator was speechless.

"I'm just trying to appeal to your way of thinking." Ician explained. "How else better to communicate with someone than in a way that he or she understands?"

The Administrator took a good, long look at him. "You're..."

"Not who you think I am." Ician said quickly. "Only one in the shadow of his brilliance. But one day I hope to be his match and eventually surpass him."

"That settles it." He extended his paw, which the earth pony took and shook heartily. "You're welcome here any time, my friend. Your talent has secured your place in the world's memory."

"Not quite yet." Ician shook his head. "But soon I will make my mark. And this is the beginning." He gestured with his mug. "Now, you were saying about the BLU Pyro?"

Diana estimated that she was about three-quarters of the way to her destination. A quick glance to her right confirmed her guess; the craggy silhouette of Outcrop B against the sun traced small but dark shadows onto the Pass.

She returned her attention to the journey, sending a few more rocks soaring off the edge of the cliff in the process. Aside from the confrontation earlier, no signs of life had made their appearance on the deserted Canterlot Pass, and Diana's patience - and sanity, to a lesser extent - was beginning to wear thin after a few hours of nothing but trotting up the spiraling route to the Imperial capital.

Her ears shot up. A noise from the side of the path behind the cliff face signaled that something other than her was around. Her hoof crept backwards towards the strap on her saddlebags as she soundlessly prepared for combat.

As the noise grew louder, it took on the identity of hoofsteps and wooden wheels against the stone ground. Diana relaxed somewhat. Probably travelers, but I could be wrong.

Ten seconds later, her assumption proved accurate when a group of four unicorns and an earth pony towing a large covered wagon behind him rounded the corner. She gave them a slight incline of the head in greeting, but instead of returning the gesture one of the unicorns hurried up to her with a worried look on his face.

"Good..." Diana glanced up at the sun. "... afternoon, sir. I apologize if I'm disturbing you, but-"

"It's not that." He frowned. "Not to be rude, you are headed for Canterlot, correct?"

"Don't think there's anything else at the end of this path." She laughed good-naturedly.

"If it's non-essential business that brings you there, friend, I advise you to postpone your visit."

Diana raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Taking a few furtive glances around, as if he expected somepony to suddenly appear, he leaned in close and whispered, "Rumour has is that the BLU Pyro's coming to Canterlot today."

Diana stiffened. "Really, now?"

"Yes, and believe me, you won't want to be caught at the wrong end of her flamethrower."

Images of a masked, fire-spewing pony in a flame-retardant suit flashed through her mind. "I'm sorry, but I must do what I must today and no later."

The unicorn smiled sadly at her. "Then I wish you the best of luck. You'll need it."

"I probably will." Diana smiled back. "I can only hope that this rumour means nothing."

"They don't tend to mean nothing when the rumours originate from the Imperial Court itself."

Diana froze. "The Imperial Court? However did rumours get from there to the Canterlot public?"

"They can't fully conceal something so major." He explained.

"But if the Court itself already knows, then why bother leaving? Surely additional security would have been set up to deter the Pyro's incursion."

"They have, but I can't trust them to protect me." He turned away. "I've been menaced by that... that thing before. I was lucky to escape - but my guards weren't. I lost everything, including those closest to me." He grimaced, then gestured to the rest of his party. "I moved in with a friend, and they are all I have left."

"I'm sorry." Diana sighed. "At least I can empathize. I know what it feels like to have your family wrenched away from you too."

"At the hooves of the Pyro?"

"No, it was an unrelated incident." Subconsciously, she kicked at a rock on the ground. "It was an, ah... industrial accident."

"Oh." He almost opened his mouth to say more, but decided against it.

Diana smiled faintly. "May Celestia's blessings rest on you for your own journey, mister..."

"Fancy Pants." He stuck out a hoof. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

"Likewise." She shook it in a friendly manner. "My name is Diana."

"Well Diana, I hope you survive whatever it is BLU has planned." His expression bore a tinge of sadness. "Your family line has left a legacy in you, and I doubt they want it lost in flames."

"I'll take care of myself, Mister Pants." Diana assured him. "Now, I do believe you have somewhere to go, no?"

"As do you." He grinned. "Goodbye."

"Farewell." She nodded, watching silently as Fancy Pants rejoined his group and traveled past her, away from the condemned city that was her destination.

Diana turned her eyes back towards the path in front of her. Closing her weary eyes in resignation, she resumed her trek.

Canterlot's gates were very busy. Sure, there wasn't any more traffic than there usually was, but now with the security ten times as tight as it was before, every individual who found themselves before the guards meant at least five agonizingly slow minutes of thorough checking, both for weapons on their being and verification of their identities - Imperial Intelligence believed the Pyro might sneak in under a false name - but as the minutes dragged into hours, it became apparent that nopony, least of all the troops in charge of conducting all the checks, were at all amused by all the trouble they were going through.

At the northern gate, two unicorns, clad in the gold-coloured armour of the Empire's royal guard, were in the midst of going through the belongings of one of the many impatient ponies who just wanted to get in already.

"Remind me when our shift change is again, Wart." One of the guards grunted as he glanced around under the tarpaulin draped over the wagon that, as had been reiterated time and time again by their superiors, might contain a hidden Pyro within its confines.

"One more hour, Shield." The other replied irritably. "And for the love of Celestia, stop calling me Wart. You know as well as I do that I hate that name. And in case you've forgotten already," he snorted, "my name is Stalwart."

"Whatever you say, Wart." Shield grinned as he extricated his cranium from the darkness of the wagon. "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am, but you're clear to go."

The mare harrumphed, annoyed, before hooking herself back up to her wagon and trotting past the open city gates.

"Next." Shield called in a bored tone.

"You know, you could show a little more discipline on the job." Stalwart admonished.

"Oh hush. Don't be such a killjoy." Shield gave as wide a grin as he could to the next pony in line as he explained to him the need to go through his belongings, much to the latter's exasperation.

"Last I checked," Stalwart sighed, "there was no joy around here to be had."

"Well you're not making this any better." Shield shot back.

"It's not going to get any worse either."

"That's no excuse not to try." He retorted. Having completed his examination, he waved the stallion through with a brisk nod.

"If 'trying' doesn't compromise military discipline, then I see no reason why not. But the fact is that in this case, it does."

Shield groaned. "Look around you. Who cares if we don't look sharp so long as we do our job? It's going to save everypony some time if we spend less time looking disciplined and more actually doing what we're supposed to."

"And then what will the public think of the standards of our soldiers?" Stalwart countered.

"Does it matter what they think?"

"Militarily, no. Politically, yes. The Princess is going to come under a lot of flak if everypony thinks she's channeling so much of the taxpayers' money into such an ill-disciplined army."

Shield waved to the next pony, signalling her to come forward, before he turned back to his friend. "And this matters to me why?"

Stalwart groaned. "I get the impression that you're not a patriot."

"Of course not. I'm one of those 'lucky' few to be conscripted."

"Hey, conscription isn't a-"

"Excuse me, gentlecolts." At the front of the line, the mare that smiled sweetly at them didn't seem in the least bit annoyed at the length of time she had undoubtedly had to wait. "I don't think your bickering is sitting well with the rest of the queue."

"Huh?" Shield took a quick glance at the long line of faces dark with irritation and impatience and immediately decided that arguing was not the best option. "Ah, sorry, ma'am. Your name?"

"Diana." She said, reaching into her saddlebags and pulling out a passport.

"I see." Shield flipped the passport open and froze. Signalling to Stalwart, he showed him the details on the first page. The latter's eyes widened, nodding once before returning to his post.

"Ahem... you are the Diana, aren't you?" Shield asked carefully. "The Administrator's interviewer?"

"The one and only." Diana cocked her head in curiosity. "Why do you ask?"

"We've been asked to inform you that the RED Pyro is... otherwise occupied... and so Princess Celestia has arranged for you to speak with some of her counterparts on the team instead."

"Oh." She seemed disappointed.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," Shield apologized, "but I'm afraid that I'm not the one in control of circumstances here. That would be the Royal Court, and unfortunately I'm only the bearer of bad news."

"Oh well." Diana sighed. "Alright, where can I go to meet them?"

"Through the side gates of the palace, into the guest reception hall. They should be waiting for you in the observatory tower room on the top floor."

"Thank you, then." With a brisk nod, she accepted her passport from Shield's extended hoof and trotted through the city gates as fast as she could.

Shield watched her go. "Nice gal. At least she's not impatient like the rest of them."

"I can almost see the little hearts around your lovestruck face."

"Oh hush." Shield waved a hoof dismissively. "Just because she looks cute-"

"You and I have differing opinions, then. Personally, I found her unappealing."

Shield's jaw dropped. "What? Were we looking at the same mare?"

"The one who took the passport? Definitely."

"She was totally hot!"

"Personal opinions are-"

"Okay, I know you want me to focus on the job, but you can't possibly look me in the eye and tell me that she ain't good-looking."

"I can and I'm doing it now."

From somewhere in the line, a head poked out, taking in the sight of the two quarreling, and slowly it slid back out of sight.

Seconds later, that same head popped out one last time from behind the city gates, observing Stalwart and Shield for the final time before disappearing into the city.

In the wake of the dust cloud she had left behind, a poofy strand of hair lay inconspicuously on the paved entrance road of Canterlot.

Diana was lost.

Canterlot was incredibly huge, and in the vast labyrinth of the city centre it was all too easy to take a left turn instead of a right and end up smack dab in the middle of absolutely nowhere. The fact that she didn't recognize most of the names on the gleaming, gold-plated signposts at the end of every street - Celestia had way too much money to spend, evidently - didn't help very much at all.

Diana groaned, smacking her head against the nearest of said signposts. Great. just great. What am I supposed to do now?

She returned her attention to the sign, trying to decide if Solar Avenue or Dawn Street was more likely to lead her to the palace when a sudden movement to her right caught her attention. A dark alleyway lay in that direction, beckoning to her with its darkness and mystery.

It was a bad idea to go in. A very bad one. It was so bad, in fact, that it wasn't even worth considering for a second.

Diana went in.

The alley reeked of stale food, rotting garbage and sewer filth. Dirt and trash coated the floor and the walls, leaving her legs no room to tread without burying them ankle deep. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, Diana focused on the spot she had noticed.

The particularly smelly dustbin at the end of the alley seemed perfectly innocuous, but Diana's eyes had never deceived her before and she doubted that this would be the first time. Advancing on the bin, she took a mere three steps forward before a bad stench hit her like a brick wall, accompanied shortly by a wave of dizziness.

Swaying on her hooves, she told herself it would soon dissipate, but as the seconds passed it only got worse. Electing to sit down, Diana stumbled over to one of the filthy corners and sunk down into it, cradling her head in her forehooves.

The all-encompassing darkness of unconsciousness was, for the second time that day, closing in on her. She squinted, trying to clear the encroaching blackness, but what she saw instead chilled her to the bone.

Once again, a figure stood in the darkness, watching her every move impassively.

Diana closed her eyes, letting the inky darkness consume her.

We go. Now.

Go where? You'd better not-

Look at this. The perfect opportunity to throw the Empire into chaos.

What are you planning to do?

Isn't it obvious?

...

If I'm not telling you it must be something you don't condone, correct?

Wait... you'd better not-

Too late. I'm stronger than you now. You can't stop me.

What makes you think... that...

You can't feel it? Pity.

Grr...

It's about time I had free reign.

You'll... you'll have to answer to the Administrator for this...

You mean you still haven't figured it out?

Figured... what out?

The truth.

Tell me then. What is... the truth?

You think you know what our mission was, but you didn't. Only I did. And that mission... is death.

...

Ha ha! Killing spree, here I come!

"Look, sir, this isn't my fault! I know it might seem like it is, but I'm innocent! I-"

"Shut up, Shield." The officer said gruffly. "I'll have you know that you held up this queue for an entire half hour."

"I-"

"Please, sir, this isn't his fault." Stalwart averted his gaze from his superior's critical glare. "It was mine, for allowing the argument to escalate."

"It's his fault as well as yours. And I have to say, Stalwart, that I'm thoroughly ashamed of you. You were one of the best. I thought you'd behave in a manner befitting your reputation." He shook his head. "Apparently, I thought wrong."

"This won't happen again, sir." Stalwart insisted.

"It had better not. You will both be punished accordingly for your misconduct."

Shield merely huffed and turned away. Stalwart, glancing at his friend, decided that it was best not to arouse the officer's anger again.

"Follow me." Their superior ordered, and the two of them trailed after him meekly.

All of a sudden, he stopped short. Stalwart and Shield narrowly avoided an awkward collision with his rump.

"What is this?" He asked quietly.

Stalwart stuck his head out, trying to figure out what the officer was pointing at. "It's... a hair, sir?"

"Look closely. Tell me one thing about this hair."

"Um... it's curly, sir?"

"Can you tell what colour it is?"

"Uh..." Stalwart leaned forward. It was only one hair, after all; it was hard to tell just by looking at something so thin. But upon closer inspection, it seemed to be from the purple side of the spectrum. Or pink? Quite possibly pink too, but his eyesight wasn't exactly perfect, and-

He froze. Pink?

"Did anypony suspicious pass by while you were arguing?" His superior asked in the same quiet tone.

"No, sir." Shield responded in Stalwart's place. "We would have noticed."

"Were your searches completely thorough?"

"In all honesty, sir, this queue would have gone a lot faster if they weren't." Stalwart said nervously.

"Then what-"

A deafening boom echoed out from within Canterlot's walls, shaking the ground in a tremor that made Shield stumble and nearly fall. Over the top of the gate tower, Stalwart caught sight of a collapsing building engulfed in raging flames.

Stalwart drew his pistol from its compartment in his armour. "Your orders, sir."

The officer stared at both of them. "Go and secure the area, and if you meet the perpetrator neutralize her immediately. Pass the order along to any troops you meet along the way." He growled. "We have to catch her at all costs."

"Yes sir!" With a sharp salute, both Stalwart and Shield dashed into Canterlot.

The officer, now alone, looked up. Klaxons began to blare, warning everypony away from the danger zone as more soldiers rushed in to assist in cordoning off said area. Atop the walls, dozens of Royal Guards were taking to the skies, descending onto the site of the damage from all sides.

The Pyro's not going to go without a fight. He sighed. Two more valiant soldiers to fall on the battlefield.

Canterlot was in flames.

Pinkie licked her lips in satisfaction, tasting the delicious ash that fell from the industrial factory she had just wrecked.

She laughed. "Ah, it feels so good to be back in my suit again." Not that I could wear it to enter Canterlot. She thought.

Pulling the trigger again, she set fire to whatever wasn't yet burning, laughing maniacally. The dying screams of the innocent only served to fuel her bloodlust.

One word floated through the recesses of her mind like an irritating fly.

Monster...

She tried to swat it away.

Monster.

It didn't seem to work for some reason.

"Monster!"

Oh, somepony was actually saying it out loud. Figures.

Pinkie turned. A yellow-coated mare stared her down, tears streaming from her eyes.

"What have you done? My poor son..." She fell to her knees, crying.

Spare her. Her inner conscience said.

No. She told it.

With a superequine leap, she unclipped the Axtinguisher from her utility belt and brought it down, hard, on the exposed neck of her victim. The blood spurted out immediately as the decapitated head rolled away. Taking a moment to admire her handiwork, Pinkie almost didn't notice the approaching Imperial forces, guns raised and grenades ready.

Almost.

She jumped and flipped in the air, avoiding the first wave of bullets that surged in her direction. A quick airblast from her Backburner sent all the explosives soaring back towards their source. The soldiers rapidly scrambled for cover.

Pinkie searched for a good place to hide. She spotted a nearby chunk of concrete. Perfect. She took advantage of the enemies' distraction to position herself behind the makeshift shield, waiting out the hail of gunfire that followed immediately after.

Three seconds later, she emerged from cover in a completely different location, torching the backs of the unfortunate troops who found themselves in her way. Caught by surprise, her victims had no time to react before she was upon them.

Physics has no power over me!

Fire met skin, and four of the ten guards fell away, screaming in pain as blue flames danced across their bodies. The remaining six prepared to fire at her, but it was a simple matter to duck and roll towards one of them, raising him into the air as a meat shield. The rest, unsure of that to do, hesitated for that one precious second.

After the second had elapsed, Pinkie found herself in the midst of ten burning and likely dead bodies.

Grinning in satisfaction behind her mask, she turned to leave when the glint of sunlight bouncing off metal caught her eye.

The flamethrower, swung around by the strength of her forehooves, let loose a compressed blast of air just in time to direct the rocket back to its point of origin. On a distant building, the RED Soldier deftly sidestepped the projectile and unleashed another barrage.

It took Pinkie only a moment to realize that her airblast wouldn't reload fast enough to deflect all of them. That, however, would not be a problem. With the speed of a cheetah she reflected the first projectile back at her adversary and jumped up and over the other two, shifting their trajectories slightly with a well-placed kick.

Kaboom

Behind her, the crumbling structures of a residential block released a hail of concrete onto the street, an enormous cloud of black smoke billowing from the centre of the building where the rockets had blown up. Pinkie's landing was graceful, meeting the ground on all fours and quickly rolling out of sight.

She considered her options. Her unfamiliarity with the layout of Canterlot made it far too risky to teleport anywhere she hadn't already been, and the Soldier had chosen his firing spot wisely; even her physics-defying powers wouldn't help her if she appeared too far behind her target and fell to her untimely death. Besides, she had no way of knowing where the rest of RED team was, and if they ambushed her in her moment of distraction the game would be over.

The sound of metal against the cobblestone of the streets caught her attention, and she whirled around just in time to come face-to-mask with a fresh contingent of Royal Guards rounding the nearest corner.

They noticed her at the same time. "Target spotted!" The one in front shouted. "Fire at will!"

With precision that surprised even Pinkie, the squad dropped to a crouching position and let loose a barrage of lethal bullets. She twisted around, managing to survive just by the skin of her teeth. Metal ripped through her suit, peppering the length of her left foreleg with a multitude of wounds. Adopting a four-legged stance, she winced as her injured limb, leaking rivers of blood, was forced to take the weight of her body.

I've got to beat them quickly.

Her enemies were incredibly quick, however, and no sooner had she leapt forward, flamethrower in hoof, than they finished reloading and intercepted her midair.

One thing they had forgotten: Pinkie was no adversary to be trifled with.

In the split second in would have taken the bullets to penetrate her vulnerable suit, she raised the Backburner into a position that managed to catch all of the projectiles directed towards her vital organs. A few of them damaged non-essential blood vessels, staining the fireproof lining of her suit with a few streaks of blood, but on the whole she was fine.

Fine enough to kill.

She was almost upon her prey when she felt the warning signs. Her knee, through all of the pain it was suffering, began to feel... pinchy.

Something scary's about to happen. She thought. To my... right.

Her hoof hovered over the airblasting lever, waiting for the threat to appear.

RED did not disappoint her.

In short order, a flurry of three grenades shot out from the shadows of a nearby alley, hurtling towards her with frightening speeds. All three were sent flying back towards their firer, forcing the Demomare out from hiding and exposing her to the light.

Pinkie rolled around her, placing her adversary between her and the Royal Guards. Unfortunately, her dash to safety cost her. An Eyelander, manipulated by the expert hooves of the Demomare, knocked her flamethrower from her grip.

In the blink of an eye, her Axtinguisher flashed into the air, deflecting the next blow. Being careful to keep out of the guards' sights, she continued to block her opponent's continued attempts to draw blood,

She's getting tired. She eyed the rivers of sweat flowing down the Demomare's cheeks. And fast. Just a few more seconds...

A ghost of a grin appeared on the Demomare's weary face.

The whirring of a minigun sent chills down her spine. At the same moment, her tail began twitching furiously.

Uh oh.

She let her guard down momentarily, allowing the Eyelander to scrape her chest. It wasn't deep, thankfully - the Demomare was only rewarded with a few drops of blood - and definitely not deep enough to stop her from leaping straight up into the air and meeting the rapidly descending Soldier's neck with the sharp end of the Axtinguisher.

It cut through cleanly, allowing the headless corpse to drop limply to the ground. Her hind hooves, pushing off of it, gave her the momentum she needed to launch herself to a hidden location.

Goodbye, physics!

Stalwart watched silently as the decapitated body of the Soldier dropped like a stone. The Pyro too, was now gone, vanished like a bad smell on a rainy day.

I hate my life.

"Uh... Stalwart?" Shield asked from behind him. "Not to disturb, but everypony's waiting for your orders."

"Huh?" Oh yes. That's right. He took a second to consider what to do.

"So..."

"Alert level five." Stalwart said. "Be prepared to engage any threats. Do not be taken by surprise."

"Yes, sir!" With impressive speed, the squad of guards arrayed themselves in an outward-facing circle, watching vigilantly for any sign of the Pyro.

Stalwart turned to the Demomare. "Your orders, ma'am." Remind me why it is that the mercs outrank everypony else?

"Stay put and keep this area secure." She ordered. "We're going to see if we can set up a lure."

"Of course, ma'am." Trusting that his temporary subordinates had heard the command, he elected not to turn around, instead raising his right hoof to his head in a salute.

As soon as RED team had left, his leg sagged back to the floor. He drew the pistol back out, checking to see that the safe mode catch was off.

I will not be caught off guard. Not this time.

Stars spun before her eyes. It felt as though she'd just knocked her head on something - and hard.

Diana blinked a few times, trying to clear her vision, and when it finally cleared she facehoofed hard enough that it went back out of whack.

Over the debris of a destroyed building, the grand structure of the castle loomed over her.

Wait, destroyed building?

She looked around. Her saddlebags were beside her, seemingly untouched, but the filth of the alley was gone, all the garbage pressed against the dead end behind her.

A strong wind, maybe? Or the blast from whatever took out that building...

Speaking of blasts, what happened to her?

No explanations came to mind.

Deciding that, whatever it was, the safest place was probably away from all danger, she slung her saddlebags onto her back where they belonged and headed towards the castle.

She didn't get far before trotting face-first into the RED Demomare.

"Ah, Zecora." Diana smiled. "Nice to see you here."

The zebra eyed her suspiciously. "Did you see the BLU Pyro pass by here? She might be planning to ambush us, I fear."

Diana's face lost its cheer. "I'm afraid not."

"If you see her, please inform me. She will not expect any mercy."

"Right."

"Thank you for your assistance, friend." The Demomare pointed at the castle. "That way lies your journey's end."

"My appreciation, but I already noticed that." Diana gazed at the massive structure. "It's kinda hard to miss."

"It is." She agreed. "But I must now take my leave. Evil gives us no reprieve."

"Of course. I wish you luck."

"Likewise. May Celestia watch over you." She intoned, before turning her back and adding "Now if she'd just watch over her chosen few" under her breath.

Diana chose to ignore that last part, instead directing her attention to the final destination of her hours-long trek. A brisk trot took her to the palace grounds quickly. It took little navigation to find the back door, requiring a pony to only circle the place until they caught sight of a huge sign entitled Rear Entrance. Two guards who were, she suspected, eternally stationed there, stepped aside and allowed her to enter when she walked up to them.

The door swung open on its hinges, revealing a grand hallway. Diana thanked the guards and stepped in.

The place was huge. A large, heavy chandelier hung from the ornately decorated ceiling, swaying gently in a non-existent breeze. Stained glass windows interspersed extravagant tapestries lining the walls. The floor was covered in a clearly expensive crimson-red carpet with Celestia's royal portrait at the centre.

None of this occurred to Diana as she searched for the door that would take her to the observatory tower. A large, gold-framed sign with an arrow labeled Observatory was good enough to satisfy her.

The directions pointed her to a spiral staircase that seemed to go on forever, a fact that she discovered ten minutes into the climb.

Her legs were not too happy with her. After the long journey from the base of Canterlot Mountain to what was only a few hundred meters short of its peak, not to mention being knocked out twice, she wasn't in the best of conditions to finish this climb. Her right foreleg, having been subject to great amounts of pain over the past few weeks - the scar from those arrows still hadn't completely healed - began to burn, and the left one soon followed suit. A minute later, her hind legs began throbbing at about the same time her chest did.

Diana heard a soft crack issue from somewhere in her body. She was pretty sure it was not a good sign. It was, however, a much more preferable option to having a bloodthirsty murderer, who, by all means, could have killed her twice by that point, on her tail.

Through all the pain, she moved just a little bit faster.

A few sprained ankles, aching muscles and burning lungs later, Diana, crawling on her belly at this point, pulled herself up the final step and heaved a great sigh of relief. She flipped onto her back and just lay there, keeping her ears alert. Only after three minutes, when she felt sufficiently - albeit not totally - healthy, did she slowly climb to her feet and take a brief look at her surroundings.

There wasn't much at the top floor. The only level ground was a semicircular floor of oak wood about one and a half meters across, bordered by a sleek, polished gold-plated railing. Beyond that lay a steep drop to what would certainly be death. The only thing of note was the door to the observatory room, labeled rather obviously with the words Observatory this way.

Would anypony even come up here if they didn't know what they were looking for.

Placing a hoof on the doorknob, Diana twisted it in a single quick motion and stepped in.

She deduced that, by the four weapons trained on her and the little red dot of the Wrangler on her forehead, it had not been the right choice.

She smiled weakly. "Um... hi?"

To be continued in Meet the Pyro (Part II)

Meet the Pyro: A Killer Unmasked (Part II)

"Then I opened my eyes, and the nightmare was me!"

Rasputin (Anastasia)

"Yes." The Administrator stroked his beard thoughtfully. "About her..."

"We're going to need all the ponies we can get." Ician paused to take a sip of his chocolate milk. "The BLU Pyro and RED Sniper are our best combat-ready mercenaries and we can't afford to lose either of them."

"Uh... yes."

Ician's eyes narrowed. "Are you hiding something?"

"Nothing... that you need to know yet."

"Administrator-"

"Relax. It won't affect this infestation at all."

"I'm not going to continue unless you tell me what's going on." Ician crossed his hooves.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Ugh... fine." The Administrator sighed. "I may as well start from the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"Yes, the beginning."

"Right. So are we talking about the formation of the world, Equestria's foundation, the First Civil War-"

"No. I'm talking about the beginning of this story."

Ician frowned "This story?"

"Isn't it obvious?" The Administrator waved his paw nonchalantly. "The interviews."

"The- oh." He evinced confusion. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Everything."

"..."

"What?"

"Are you going to elaborate?"

"You only had to ask."

Ician facehooved. "Let's just get this over with..."

"Oh." At the far end of the room, Applejack lowered her Wrangler. "It's just Diana."

"Thank goodness." To Diana's right, Fluttershy let her syringe gun fall to the floor with a sigh of relief.

"Sorry for the abrupt entrance, but..." Diana risked a glance behind her into the thankfully empty stairwell. "... honestly, I'm not entirely sure what could be chasing me, but I have a pretty good idea."

"Come in quickly, then." Rarity urged. As soon as Diana stepped forward, her horn ignited and pushed the door shut with a click.

"So... you were all waiting for me here the whole time?"

"If you mean since noon, then yes." Twilight, her right hoof hanging out of the open window at the far end of the room, did an acceptable job of hiding her displeasure. "Where were you?"

"Being shoved around by an... apparently uninvited guest."

Rainbow snorted. "Well that's very- ouch." Wincing in pain, she clutched her heart with her right hoof, dropping her Scattergun.

"Don't move too much." Twilight reminded her, trotting over to give her a helping hoof. "I told you that the effects of the reanimation spell might take a few days to fade."

"It's already been a few days." Rainbow snapped.

"It's barely been two." Twilight shot back. "Besides, you're not going to get well any sooner if you don't stop moving around."

"And what am I supposed to do when I'm not moving around?"

"You could always read a book. There's a shelf full of interesting stories in the Adventure section of the Canterlot Royal Library."

"I'm not reading anything unless it's the next Daring Do book." Rainbow crossed her hooves defiantly.

"Sometimes, Rainbow, you're really-"

"Wait, wait. Hold on for a second." Diana, who had been only half-paying attention to the exchange, finally processed what Twilight had said earlier. "A... reanimation spell?"

"Yes." Twilight looked at her quizzically. "It's when a dead pony is revived using immense amounts of magic, usually conducted in controlled environments like hospitals. You don't know what it is?"

"I know what it is, but you do know that we have respawn points for a reason, right?"

"We haven't figured out why, but hers wasn't working."

"Uh... any informed guesses?"

"Well, the fact that we had to sneak all the parts of her body out of the BLU Medic's refrigerator speaks for itself, really."

"So... how long has she been missing?"

"Ever since her interview." Twilight shrugged. "The BLU Spy's been masquerading as her soon after she died to avoid arousing our suspicion, but obviously she isn't going to tell us how long she's been there."

"... Oh."

"We only found out after your interview with Rarity," Twilight nodded at the Spy, who gave a slight bow out of habit, "and since then we've managed to track down and liberate her body."

"Wow... It's been only, what, two days? That was a fast infiltration mission."

"The BLU Spy isn't the only skilled saboteur around here, darling." Rarity flashed her a quick smile. "Besides, they're hardly liable to concentrate their defenses around the refrigerator of all places."

"Good point." Diana acknowledged.

"Either way, I actually had a legitimate excuse to go there yesterday. The Administrator wanted to return my pet cat."

"Return your... pet cat?"

"Mmhm. Opal had been gone for a while, I'd no idea where she went, but apparently she managed to somehow wander into the Administrator's base. She's safe and sound now."

"I see." Pausing, she put a hoof to her chin. "Wait, we're supposed to be talking about the Pyro."

"What, can't handle some idle talk?" Rarity joked.

"I wish I could." Diana said. "But if I don't finish this as fast as I can the Administrator's going to ask me what I was doing, and I don't think he'll accept 'idle talk' as an valid excuse."

Twilight shrugged. "That sounds completely like him, to be honest."

Diana looked around. "So, who wants to go first?"

"I will." Rainbow volunteered eagerly.

"Okay, go ahead." A quick flick of her hooves and her pencil was in the air, poised to begin its work. "First question: How do you feel about the Pyro?"

"Oh, she's fine. She's really fun; I mean, she throws parties for everypony and makes sure that we're having the time of our lives when we're off duty, but..." She sighed. "... Really, I hate to admit it, but I like - or used to, at least - the BLU Pinkie more."

"Rainbow!" Twilight snapped. "Not in front of his interviewer!"

"What's wrong with that?" The pegasus retorted. "Zecora told her about her own friendship with the BLU Soldier too!"

"And look where that's got them." Twilight countered. "Besides, the only reason why Zecora even went and befriended the Soldier was because we evidently didn't do a good enough job of befriending her ourselves!"

"So what? Does that mean I can't make friends on the other team?"

"You won't have those friends anymore," Twilight said quietly, "if the Administrator finds out."

"Don't worry, Twi, it's fine." The pegasus smiled confidently. "She knows when to keep quiet about things now, don't you, Diana?"

Out of the corner of her eye, Diana caught sight of Twilight's meaningful stare, and cleared her throat. "You can trust me. Look." Releasing her grip on the notepad and pencil, she stepped forward bare-hooved. "Nothing you say here is going to go out of this room. Tell me as a friend, not an interviewer."

Rainbow's grin reinforced itself on her face. "I knew I could trust you."

"You always could." Diana returned the smile with one of her own. "So, you were saying?"

"Yeah... about Pinkie."

"Yes. What is it about her you find more interesting than your own Pyro?" Diana glanced sideways. Twilight's still looking at me with that distrustful gaze... what's she thinking?

As if she had heard her thoughts, the unicorn's expression morphed into a contemplative frown. I can't tell if that's good or bad...

"I don't really know what it is, but I just feel more... comfortable around her." Rainbow's voice snapped Diana out of her thoughts. "I mean, it feels like she understands me, you know?"

"I know the feeling, yes."

"When we were off duty, we'd go pranking everypony. I laughed so hard when she managed to pull of one of her impossibly complicated plans. The look on their faces were priceless!" For a moment Rainbow's eyes glazed over, images of water balloons and Poison Joke dancing before her eyes. A wistful smile broke out on her lips.

"You didn't go too far, did you?" Diana asked concernedly.

"Huh?" Rainbow's mind was abruptly dragged back to reality. "Oh, of course not. It's all just in good fun. She's managed to get smiles out of the pranked too."

"That's good to know." Diana took a brief look at Twilight. The frown was still there. "But surely that wasn't it, right? There has to be more."

"Oh, a lot more, trust me." Rainbow laughed. "Sit back; this is gonna be a long story."

"Everything," The Administrator said, "and I mean everything, started about a month ago."

"A month..." Ician mused. "It was that incident, right? The one with the unstoppable sentry?"

"That one." He confirmed. "Back then we were facing a few... how shall I say it... problems..."

"Of what kind?"

"Insubordination."

"So who was on the receiving end of your punishment?"

"My punishment?" The Administrator chuckled. "Oh no. Nothing of the sort. The BLU Pyro's far too precious for me to punish."

"It's hard to justify exceptions to the rule." Ician warned. "Why was she not punished?"

"Now whoever said she wasn't being punished?"

"But you just said-"

"I said that I wasn't punishing her." The Administrator reminded him.

"Then who is?"

"Herself."

"... What?"

"Look, I'll explain from the beginning."

"You said that just now." Ician growled.

"This is a different beginning."

"And which story's beginning are we looking at now, might I ask?"

"I'm about to tell you now." The Administrator smirked. "Get comfortable with that cup of hot chocolate, because this is going to be a long story."

One month ago

Equestria's western desert was not a very hospitable place. About ninety-five percent of all there was was sand, and the remainder was mostly made out of cacti and other desert-dwelling organisms. The only artificial constructs in the area were the railway tracks, the trains that occasionally whizzed through and ultimately out of the desert, and the small town of Appaloosa, parts of which constituted the arena known as Dustbowl.

It was in this arena that BLU and RED were currently engaged in a life-and-death struggle over the ownership of the apple orchards just outside the borders of said town.

Rainbow squinted as the splatter of blood from the BLU Soldier's chest hit her right in the face. She paused for a moment, wiping the blood off her eyes, the proceeded to kick the limp body of her victim to ensure that he was dead. Receiving no response, she shrugged and dashed off to take out another-

"Oomph!" A brief but powerful burst of air blew her off course and into the wall of a nearby building, her Scattergun clattering to the floor beside her. "Ouch..."

"Gotcha!" Out of the shadows of the cliff stepped a masked earth pony, forehooves clutching a Backburner. "You're mine now!"

"Aw, c'mon Pinkie!" Rainbow huffed in mock disappointment, slowly reaching for the pistol in her belt. I hope she doesn't notice... "I'm on a killing spree! Don't spoil it for me!"

"Sorry Dashie," she said cheerfully, "but I'm on a killing spree too! And I'm not about to let a perfectly good kill get away!"

"What about a kill that ain't perfectly good?" With a grin of triumph she whipped out the pistol and let loose a series of shots. Pinkie charged forward, not once flinching as she raised her flamethrower horizontally and caught most of the shots on the sturdy metal.

"What the..." Quick as a flash, Rainbow rolled out of the way, grabbing her Scattergun in the process, as the Pyro barreled straight into where she was just a moment ago, flames scorching everything in front of her.

Pinkie didn't miss a single heartbeat. In one smooth motion, she pushed herself off the wall with her hind hooves and angled for Rainbow.

"Oh shi-" The pegasus squeezed off a few pistol shots in panic before resorting to her Scattergun.

bang

Pinkie's confident grin morphed into a grimace of pain. A few bloody wounds on her chest indicated the spots where bullets had penetrated - and there were a lot of them - but she continued unhesitatingly, blazing fire searing the fur right off Rainbow's right forehoof.

Rainbow yelped out in pain. The smile reasserted its dominance on Pinkie's face,

With astonishing speed, the bat flew out and collided with the Backburner. It slid out of Pinkie's hooves easily, but Rainbow was smarter than to feel proud of herself. She knew Pinkie too well to think that she had disarmed her out of skill.

A second later, the Axtinguisher nearly took off her head, a last-second twitch of her bat-bearing hoof having only just saved her in time. She flinched backwards, twirling her bat to block the next two blows from the axe. Pinkie stepped back and delivered an even more powerful hit to the struggling pegasus' weapon.

Rainbow grunted. The bat removed itself from her grip and struck the ground with a metallic clang.

Pinkie leveled the axe at her throat. "Ah well. At least you tried, Dashie." A mischievous glint appeared in her eyes. "And failed again."

"Not next time I won't." Rainbow retorted. "Just you wait. I'm going to beat you if it's the last thing I do!"

"Don't be sad." Pinkie chuckled. "At least you can outrun me, right?"

"Well yeah, I am the fastest pony in all Equestria."

"Oh yeah?" A cocky smirk stretched across Pinkie's face. "Even faster than, say, my team's Scout?"

"You're on!" Rainbow grinned. "She and I have a few things to settle now."

"But first..." Pinkie pressed the axe ever-so-lightly into the skin of Rainbow's throat. "We still have a few things to settle."

"Ugh, fine." Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Let's just get this over with, shall we?"

Pinkie leaned closer. "Tell you what. I'll make this less painful just for you, Dashie."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Right..."

The sound of a throat being cleared echoed through the battlefield.

"So, it took me all of two seconds," the Administrator explained, "to deduce that those two were friends. Close friends, in fact."

"Two close friends who were trying to kill each other." Ician pointed out.

"Only because they were abiding by the rules of the contract, which is, mind you, the same contract that ensures that they get a steady paycheck every month."

"Still, would friends kill each other for money?"

"Maybe not - unless no matter how many times either 'died', they would still come back to life."

"Fair enough."

"They were treating it like a game. A friendly game between two friendly... friends." The Administrator's eyes flashed with condescension. "This, I cannot allow."

"In that case, what did you do?"

"I decided to lie a little bit. Just a little. I merely had to gauge the extent of their friendship. It went somewhat like this..."

"Attention RED team." The voice blared through Dustbowl's many Administrator-controlled speakers. "It appears that there is a slight technical problem with your Scout's respawn point. Should she die before it can be repaired, she will not respawn." A pause. "BLU team, carry on with your work as usual. That is all."

Rainbow felt Pinkie's gaze on her. Suddenly, the sharp edge of the Axtinguisher at her throat became that much more threatening.

Pinkie frowned. "Well, looks like we'll have to continue our fight another time." She withdrew the axe and extended her hoof. "We'd better get you someplace safer till things are back to normal."

"Hey, thanks Pinkie." When she accepted the proffered appendage and allowed herself to be pulled to her hooves, she realized that she was shaking.

Evidently Pinkie noticed it, too. "What's wrong, Dashie?"

Rainbow laughed nervously. "Even I don't know. It just felt... like... I can't really describe it."

"Fear?" Pinkie offered.

"... Yeah, I guess." She laughed again, once more tainted with the uneasiness of before. "But I don't know why. I mean, it was you. You'd never hurt me, right?"

"Of course not!" Pinkie grinned. "Unless you'd come back for more hurting."

Rainbow punched her friend playfully. "You're the worst, Pinkie."

"I am." She laughed. "Now c'mon, let's go."

"Alright, I'm co-" Rainbow took a step forward and cringed. "Ah... I think I've got a nasty bruise on my leg."

"Really?" Pinkie asked. "That's all you got?"

"But you-" She took a good look at Pinkie's chest and stopped. "Never mind."

"It's alright, Dashie." Pinkie gave a cheerful grin. "I hardly feel it."

"Are... are you bleeding out?"

"Not anytime soon." She spared a glance at Rainbow's injured leg. "Lean on me. I'll bring you back to your base."

"Aren't you afraid my team's gonna shoot you?"

"With me supporting you? I don't think so." Pinkie looked at one of the cliff-mounted speakers. "At least I'll respawn if anything goes wrong."

"Thanks, Pinkie." Rainbow lifted her injured leg off the ground, letting her body rest heavily against Pinkie's. "You're the best."

"Of course, the respawn point wasn't ever disabled." Ician said.

"Never." The Administrator confirmed. "It was only a test. And Pinkie failed."

"Which brings us to my earlier question." Ician put a hoof to his chin. The vulture, still perched on his shoulder, gave its master a brief look of contemplation. "What did you do?"

"Nothing. Not that day, at least."

"Then when?"

"The next day. It was a battle at Gorge. She refused to fight."

"Let me guess." Ician closed his eyes thoughtfully. "She was afraid that something like this might happen again, and this time she might be too late to hold her weapon back."

"Exactly."

"I assume the action you took was drastic."

"Very much so." He agreed. "I cast a little spell on her."

"And by little," Ician guessed, "you mean incredibly powerful."

"That's about right. It was a personality shifting spell."

"Personality-" He stopped, sitting back in his chair. "How does it work?"

"I... didn't want to lose the old Pinkie." The Administrator admitted. "I grew fond of her. I simply made it such that she wouldn't be capable of refusing to fight again."

"And you achieved this how?"

"Her new personality becomes... how should I say it... active, when emotions such as anger and fear consume her."

"Which are both emotions often felt in the heat of battle." Ician nodded in comprehension. "I see."

"Her normal self," The Administrator continued, "becomes active when she's extremely happy or excited, with the exception of when she's excited or happy about killing or death in her new self."

Ician frowned. "In that case, how does she transition from her new self to her old?"

"Ah, yes. That's what I need to explain to you."

"Evidently so."

"That's with the aid of..." The Administrator paused, plausibly for dramatic effect. "... Her final personality."

"So she walked me all the way to RED base." Rainbow gestured to Applejack, who tipped her hat in acknowledgement. "AJ's sentry here nearly shot her to death."

"Ah guess mah skills with th' Wrangler are just too good." She chuckled, twirling the said weapon around her hoof.

"You don't know how good a friend you had, Rainbow." Twilight said quietly. This is the first time she's spoken since she started staring at me like that...

"Why?" Diana asked.

"Surely you can see it." She sighed. "But then again you weren't there."

"See... it?"

"You're familiar with the Administrator. You should know how he works." Twilight waved her hooves around in a vague manner. "It was the way he said what he did that day."

"How did he say it?"

"He said, 'BLU team, carry on with your work as usual.' That was not a suggestion. It was an order."

"An order?"

"Yes. An order to continue killing regardless of the situation." Twilight shot a deliberate look at Diana. "By refusing to cooperate, the BLU Pyro defied the direct command of the Administrator..."

"... And she did it for you, Rainbow." Diana finished for her.

Rainbow glanced at Twilight, her mind working on overdrive to process what she had just been told, and then back at Diana. "What...?"

"I have first-hoof knowledge of the Administrator and how he does things, and so does Pinkie." Diana said. "She should know that such overt disobedience warrants punishment of the highest order."

"... What would that be?" Rainbow asked.

"Anything from extreme physical torture to death. The permanent kind." Diana quickly added. "No respawn points involved."

Slowly, Rainbow sank to the ground, eyes on her hooves. "She did that... just for me?"

"Probably." Twilight cast another glance at Diana, who this time reciprocated it. Why does she keep looking at me...

"Oh my gosh... I had no idea..." Rainbow looked up at Twilight, teary-eyed. "Is that why she changed?"

"Changed?" Diana leaned forward interestedly. "What do you mean?"

"You don't know?" Twilight asked, eyeing her with suspicion and curiosity.

"No." She said. "Why?"

"It happened not too long ago." Rainbow said, keeping her eyes on the ground. "After that day, I didn't see her again until next month, where she-"

"Killed me." Applejack said curtly, settling back into place a moment later.

"... Yeah." Rainbow paused, taking a second to collect her thoughts before continuing hesitantly. "I mean, it's supposed to be her job, sure, but I'd never seen her like that."

"I was there when it happened." Twilight cut in. "She used to kill in as painless a way as she could, but after that she seemed to relish in the pain and misery she caused. It was as if she... changed somehow.."

"Changed..." Diana mused. "I see."

"There's been speculation," Twilight said, "but none of us here can really explain it. There are rumours, of course - evil clones from the Mirror Pool, dangerous forbidden spells, those kinds of things. The main thing we all agree on, though, is that the Administrator's behind it."

"It does seem like a sensible conclusion." Diana conceded. "Still, what do you think he did?"

"I don't know." Twilight shook her head. "But what I do know is that he has command of the most powerful of magic anypony has ever gotten their hooves on."

Rainbow's face contorted into what might have been the beginnings of anger. "So it was him?"

"It's something we cannot confirm."

"Look." Diana stepped in, ending their exchange. "Perhaps we should change the topic. I do not want to be obliged to tell the Administrator something you would not want exposed."

"... You're right." Twilight said. "We'll continue this conversation some other time, Rainbow."

Rainbow stared at Twilight, fixing her with a gaze of impatience. Twilight gave a firm shake of her head. Rainbow looked away with an unreadable expression on her face. "Alright."

"Rainbow, listen." Diana said. "There are some things we cannot change in life." Unless you're the Administrator. "So we need to look past what's happened and move on. I don't think Pinkie would want you to start and inevitably perpetuate a hateful cycle of revenge." She paused. "Providing that the Administrator won't take you out first."

"Take me out first?"

"If he really is responsible for Pinkie's change, it's highly probable he might do the same for you - or worse."

Rainbow fell silent.

"As much as I hate to admit it, darling, she's right." Rarity stepped forward, embracing Rainbow in a gentle hug. "It's good to confront the bad times in life, but only so you can accept them and let your life continue as per normal. If it's going to drive you to insanity I advise that you don't think about it."

"Let's talk about something else." Diana suggested. "How and when did you and Pinkie become friends in the first place?"

"Hm..." Rainbow considered the question. Rarity took advantage of her momentary distraction to release the pegasus from her forelegs and return to her original spot. "We go back a long way... I think at least a year or so."

"A year?" Diana asked, surprised. "That long?"

"She is one of my best friends."

"Good point."

"I first met her when she pranked me."

"Pranked you?"

"Yeah. With a water balloon trap."

"... I'm not even going to question how that trap is supposed to work."

"I don't think I ever got it either." Rainbow shrugged. "But I got my revenge the next day."

"How?"

"Poison Joke."

"Oh."

"Nasty stuff, I know." Rainbow grinned. "But she deserved it."

"How exactly did this lead to the two of you becoming friends?"

"We both liked pranking, and think of all the possibilities if we worked together! Nopony would be safe!" She cackled evilly.

"So... you did."

"Yep. We got to know each other better too. Do you know Pinkie's really sick-minded?"

Twilight cringed. "Not something we needed to know, Rainbow."

"Okay, not that sick-minded. She just tells a lot of dirty jokes." Rainbow cracked a devious smile. "Do you know what the word 'memory' means?"

"Rainbow, shut up." Twilight snapped.

"Aw, come on! It's funny!"

"Not to everyone."

"Fine..."

Diana cleared her throat. "So, other than her immature use of... mature jokes, was there anything else about her that made her unique?"

"Hmm..." Rainbow scratched her head. "There's her randomness, I guess."

"Randomness?"

"Yeah. A lot of the time she'd just say things that make no sense."

"Like what?"

"Well, there's her 'fourth wall comments'."

Diana frowned. "What's that?"

"I don't know either."

"Actually," Twilight said, "the term 'breaking the fourth wall' is defined as the interaction of a character in a book, play or movie with the audience, which shouldn't strictly be possible as they are, by default, separated by an invisible 'fourth wall' between realities. Hence, the name."

"But wait. If Pinkie makes these comments, it would mean that-"

"- we would have to assume we exist within the boundaries of a preset storyline." Twilight finished.

"So... we're in a story?" Diana asked.

"Don't let Pinkie get to you." Rainbow waved her hoof dismissively. "That's just her being random."

Or insightful. Diana thought.

"Besides," she continued, "how the heck would Pinkie even know if we're in a story?"

"She does have the innate ability to defy logic and physics." Diana pointed out.

"But that doesn't mean she can break the fourth wall!" Rainbow paused. "If there is one."

"She may be creative, but some are just really out of left field." A brief glint shone in Diana's eyes. "She once told me about this story called 'Meet the Team: Pony Fortress 2'. She told me about how it was about a 'bunch of interviews of nine different mercenaries'."

"Wait." Twilight lifted her hoof to her chin. "Isn't that what you're doing?"

"Exactly. And then she said that she looked at the comments -"

"Comments?" Twilight asked.

"They're basically reader reviews of stories that are posted in a virtual world that can be accessed by anypony from around the world." She stopped. "That's Pinkie's definition, at any rate."

"I... see..." Twilight hesitated. "... No, I don't really see."

"It's... It's not like I understand it very much either." Diana replied. "But anyway, she said that she read the comments and was 'amazed at how close some guesses like Lium's, Crimson Dawn's and LakieLegion's came to the truth from as far back as Meet the Medic'."

Fluttershy looked up. "Meet the... Medic?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Twilight shook her head vigorously, trying to make sense of the whole affair.

"I have no idea."

"Hey w-wait!" Rainbow stared at Diana. "She told you? In person?"

"Well... yes." Diana admitted. "She was... in the Administrator's headquarters a lot. Yes. I ran into her on several occasions."

"Did she say anything about me?"

"Uh... not really. We never chat with each other for long."

"Oh." Rainbow's hopeful look dissolved into a downcast one.

"It's probably not that she didn't want to, but rather that we never really had time to talk." Diana explained hurriedly. "I'm sure if I hadn't always been scrambling off to my next interview she would have talked about her good friend. One year of friendship isn't something somepony can forget so easily."

Rainbow let a faint smile show on her face. "I guess."

"Besides, what I do know is," Diana turned towards Twilight, "the real Pinkie would sooner kill herself than you, Rainbow."

Twilight silently gazed at Diana. Her eyes hardened almost imperceptibly.

"Her third personality." Ician deadpanned. "Of course there would be something else you forgot to mention earlier."

The Administrator ignored him. "This final personality is brought about during the times when calm and peace reign. It's characterized by a straight mane and tail flowing directly downwards, while the other two personalities retain their poofy manes. When this happens, Pinkie adopts a cool, analytical frame of mind, assessing things logically." He coughed purposefully. "For once."

"So first, after she regains her calm in the post-battle period, she will revert to this personality, allowing her to consider the circumstances before taking further action." Ician nodded. "I see."

"And in this mood, it's an acceptably easy task to bring her back into her original personality." The Administrator said. "In fact, her interview today is meant to achieve a double purpose, one of which is related to my earlier topic of conversation."

"What are your aims?"

"Firstly, it will tell me what the others think of Pinkie." He steepled his fingers. "Secondly, it allows me an opportunity to test the limits of her new powers. The loss of her inhibitions towards killing - painfully, if necessary - will make her a potent force on the battlefield."

"The interview is today, right?"

"It's happening right now." The Administrator snapped his claws, and three computer screens materialized above the table and came crashing down.

Ician edged around the table to get a clear view. Amazingly, they weren't yet broken.

"Watch." The Administrator pointed at the first screen, which displayed a static image of Diana and her masked, flamethrower-bearing assailant locked in combat.

A frown instantly etched deep lines into Ician's face. The vulture glanced at him, mirroring his expression.

"I'll unpause it." The Administrator tapped the screen once, and the video began to play. Time unfrozen, the two ponies resumed their struggle to survive and kill, respectively.

"This was from earlier today." He jabbed a finger at the flamethrower that had just been knocked aside, and then at its original wielder. "The Pyro allowed herself to be disarmed here. It was a test for-"

"That's not the Pyro." Ician interrupted. His bird stared at the Administrator with a rasp of distrust.

The draconequus smiled widely. "Now, whatever do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. That's not the Pyro and you know why."

"Impressive." The Administrator spread his arms in a gesture of sincerity. "My apologies. I wished only to measure your intelligence."

Ician sat back silently.

"That was, in fact, my assistant Screwball." He snapped his fingers again, and the image of the battle faded away. It was soon replaced by the darkened interior of his office. The lights had been switched off, leaving the eternally active computer screens as the last line of defense against the all-consuming darkness. A lone beanie-wearing earth pony stared contemplatively at the computer screens through swirling irises.

"Screwball." The Administrator called. The earth pony turned towards the camera, her poofy mane bobbing up and down. "It's the Administrator. How are things going over there?"

"Fine! Everything's prepared here!"

"The buttons?"

"Ready for action."

"The recording?"

"I've already plugged it into the observatory speakers."

"The cameras?"

"Diana's set them all up for me, as per your orders." She gestured at the myriad of computer screens. "I'm looking at Canterlot from fifteen different angles right now."

"Excellent." The Administrator considered Ician. "You see, I had her dress up in the Pyro's flame-retardant suit and go to Canterlot herself, but only briefly. It was meant to be a test for Pinkie."

Ician just stared forward, undoubtedly piecing the puzzle together in his head. "Did she manage to get that test done in the end?"

"Yes, in Canterlot itself." The Administrator touched the second computer screen lightly, and scene of a fiery maelstrom engulfed the display. At the centre of it all, a spectre of death, replete with emotionless mask and full-body suit, laughed maniacally. "This... is the result of that test."

"Innocent lives were lost." Ician stated.

"Nothing essential."

The vulture shot him a glance of disgust. Ician, for his part, remained unreadable.

"Don't look at me like that. They'll all be replaced in a few generations' time."

"Ignore her." Ician patted the vulture, and mouthed a few words to it. It nodded. "She doesn't behave as well as I'd like sometimes."

"Nothing I can fault you for." The Administrator said.

"Now, before I forget, how did Screwball manage to infiltrate Canterlot?"

"She could have entered under my authority, but I deemed it unnecessary to arouse Celestia's suspicion by doing it so publicly. She used her chaos magic to bend the laws of physics and get in."

"I've never seen her use those powers before."

"She usually uses it to float around with her propeller beanie. Besides, did you expect any close assistant to chaos itself to go without such magic?"

"Right..."

"So that's the first half of Pinkie's test."

"The first half?" Ician questioned.

"The second half... is going on right now." This time, he didn't even bother touching the last screen; simply flicking his fingers at it was enough to bring it to life.

Ician squinted. "Is that... the inside of Canterlot Castle's observatory?"

"The one and only." In the room, six ponies were gathered in a rough approximation of an oval.

"Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Diana." Ician rattled off the list.

"Correct. And if you look closely, you'll see the BLU Pyro." He laughed. "Who am I kidding? You'll never see her."

"I cannot see her, but I know where she is." Ician turned to the Administrator. "How did you set up such a clever disguise?"

"It was another little test of mine. I had an illusion spell that worked not by bending light to change the image but rather by influencing the onlooker's perception of the pony under its effects. Theoretically, this means that everypony who looks at her would see something different, but I had to test it out to make sure."

"Does it work?"

"It does." The Administrator regarded the scene on the screen. "Even now, none of them know that the Pyro is in the room with them. Save one."

"Diana." Ician said. "She's been in league with you from the very beginning. She set up this trap for them."

"Absolutely accurate, my friend."

"Administrator, with all due respect..." Ician stood up suddenly. "This is madness!"

"Really, now?" Even the vulture was staring at him with eyes of fury. "How so?"

"You cannot condemn the five of them to death! Equestria needs them! The infestation is too powerful to be defeated with only the remaining four mercenaries!"

"Now, what makes you so sure that Pinkie is going to win?"

"If you weren't sure, you wouldn't have sent her there!" Ician turned to the screen. "Order the BLU Pyro to stand down!"

"I'm afraid it's a bit too late for that." The Administrator snapped his claws. "I've already dropped the illusion."

Ician snarled. "You..."

"Just sit back and enjoy the show." The Administrator smiled. "Consider yourself privileged that you can witness, firsthand..."

"... the end of Harmony."

Time's up. We need to act now.

Maybe we don't have to? I mean, it seems pretty senseless when you think about-

Not one more word from you. You know what the Administrator said.

What if we don't listen to him?

Oh no, not you again. Listen, you don't have a say in any of this.

Why not?

Because we're not happy or excited right now, are we? You have no power.

...

You know what you have to do. Let the anger flow through you.

We still have some time to think about this. The interview's not over yet.

You're wrong. Dead wrong. It's already over.

What do you mean?

The disguise.

I don't see-

It's fading.

...

Don't tell me you can't feel it.

... I can.

Then you know what you must do.

Unfortunately, yes.

Then go. Do the Administrator proud.

Diana stared Twilight right in the face. The unicorn flinched backwards; it was as if a reservoir of fury and rage had emptied themselves in her eyes.

"Rest assured, the real Pinkie values you more than she does herself." The edges of Diana lips drew back in a malicious grin. "However, you will find no such Pinkie with you today."

"Diana, darling, whatever is going on?" Rarity asked, confused.

"The due course of things, my friend." She spat out the last word with disgust.

"Stop right now!" Twilight shouted, raising her Huntsman and training the arrow on Diana.

"No." A shadowy cloud of smoke erupted from her saddlebags, obscuring her devilish smirk from sight.

Twilight released the arrow, hoping, with no great confidence, that it would hit its target. With a sudden blast of air, however, it immediately reversed direction, forcing her to the ground to avoid it.

The smoke cleared; out from behind the veil stepped a changed pony. In her pink hooves rested the Backburner, and both the Axtinguisher and the stock fire axe jutted out from within her saddlebags. Her mouth was twisted in a manic smile. Her cold, ice-blue eyes shone with heartlessness and bitterness. Her mane and tail, both straightened, violently sprung up into poofiness.

Four of them stepped away from the monster fearfully. Twilight, however, stood her ground, Jarate and Bushwacka in her telekinetic grip.

"It seems," Twilight growled at the pony before her, "that the killer has been unmasked."

"Yes." She cackled in reply. Her head turned to Rainbow. "Oh, my dear Dashie, I need your help."

Rainbow gulped. "With what?"

A spark ignited in Pinkamena's gleeful eyes. "Making cupcakes!"

To be continued in Meet the Pyro (Part III)

Meet the Pyro: Interlude

"You idiot!" Ician glared daggers at the smiling Administrator. "You've doomed us all!"

"Don't worry, I won't keep them dead forever." The Administrator wore a mocking grin. "Only up until I retrieve the Elements of Harmony."

"I knew it." Ician hissed. "You can't be trusted. I should go to Celestia and Luna-"

"Don't bother. I'm the only one here with the power to force the war to end."

"If they agree to make peace-"

"I doubt they will. Not until the threat is too close, at any rate." The Administrator laughed. "I'm your only hope."

"Grr..." Ician took a deep breath. His angry features began to settle down into their normal, impassive state. "Hm."

"Decided to comply?"

"Not quite yet." Ician quickly passed a piece of paper to his vulture. The bird grabbed it between its talons, nodded, and flew out the door.

"What was that?"

Ician grinned. "Nothing... that you need to know yet."

The Administrator regarded him warily. "It's too late to stop this, if that's what you're thinking."

"I was thinking nothing of the sort." He reseated himself on his chair, bringing his hooves together in rumination. "Actually, I have another proposition."

"Sounds interesting. What is it?"

"I will not interfere with your plans... on one condition."

"What?"

"You must allow them to respawn when the infestation strikes."

The Administrator snorted. "And why would I do that?"

Ician considered this. "She has spoken to you, correct?"

"Yes."

"Who else would she speak to?"

"Celestia and Luna, I suppose. Anypony with enough power to help her."

"What about the separatist groups?"

"That sounds logical." The Administrator glanced at Ician thoughtfully. "Though I believe that the dragons and griffins will be just as averse to her proposal as the two princesses are likely to be."

"Who do you think she will have gone to first?"

"The separatists, definitely. She would probably save Celestia and Luna for last."

"Why is that?"

"She has a... uh..." The Administrator coughed. "... history with them."

"Ah." Ician nodded. "So there are deep feelings of resentment between both sides."

"That would be correct. Why?"

"Think. What would you do if you had two ponies you didn't like trying to kill each other?"

"I'd probably kill them both while they were distracted." The Administrator's brow furrowed. "Wait..."

"Exactly. For her, it'll take almost no effort at all to infiltrate the castles of both princesses and kill them. And what would she do after that?"

"She'd look for the Elements of-" His eyes narrowed. "No."

"She's just as weak as you are against them." Ician, who at this point may or may not have been making somewhat educated guesses, kept a very straight face. "And if she's anticipating an inevitable clash with Equestria, the best thing she could do is to eliminate the leaders and seize the only artifacts capable of stopping her."

"Then I'll have to get to them first."

"I'm not inclined to believe that you're likely to succeed. Odds are, both Celestia and Luna have prepared some line of defense against your incursion. Besides, for all you know the Elements of Harmony may already have been taken."

"I... I see."

"If anything, she would have gone after them only today."

"Today? Why today?"

"Because your dear Pyro just left Canterlot - and much of its defenses - in flames."

"Good point." The Administrator conceded.

"Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that she already has Celestia's three Elements. After all, any spies she might have planted in Canterlot would have taken advantage of the chaos to move in."

"Fair enough."

"Therefore, it may well be that Celestia is already dead, and we just don't know it yet."

"... True."

"This means that, since the Elements are likely already gone, your best option would be to snatch them back as soon as possible."

"How would I go about doing that?"

Ician tsked. "Isn't it obvious? You may as well use those who have already sworn to defend Celestia to the death. RED team."

"It's a bit too late for that." The Administrator stated plainly. "Pinkie's already fighting."

The smallest hint of a frown twitched at the edges of Ician's face. "In that case, the Elements are lost. The next best course of action will be to revive all your victims at the earliest possible opportunity and spring a surprise offensive. Chances are they'd be unprepared."

"You forget that I don't have control over them." He shrugged. "I'm just as powerless as you are. The only ponies who obey me are the two Pyros and Screwball."

"An unfortunate circumstance that will cease to exist upon the Princesses' deaths." Ician reminded him.

"But up until then, I cannot do anything."

"The least you can do is to tell the Pyro to bring back their bodies after she's done with them."

"Why?"

"It'll be best to have both RED and BLU teams assembled immediately when the time comes to strike back." Ician rested his hooves on the table. "My guess is that you've also sent the RED Pyro after BLU team's potential Element bearers."

"You're correct. But since she's not labouring under separate personalities, it's a much simpler affair."

"That makes ten mercenaries gone. We'll have to bring all of their bodies here."

"Celestia and Luna will object."

"A dead princess is a powerless one."

The Administrator eyed him suspiciously. "What makes you so sure that they will die?"

"If I were to put numbers to it, I'd say that the odds of them being dead by the end of the week are... four out of five." Ician said. "When the odds are in my favour, I have just cause to be confident."

"That's still a one-fifth chance of their survival."

"A risk I can afford to take."

"Hmm... Fine. I will accede to your terms."

"Excellent." Ician's voice bore a tone of finality. "You may worry about contacting the RED Pyro. I've already taken care of Diana's notification."

"Since when?"

"Since I sent Faye away earlier."

The Administrator stared at him blankly.

"My vulture." Ician clarified.

"Ah." He frowned. "Wait, didn't you send it away before we started discussing terms?"

"Her." Ician corrected. "It's a her."

"You're avoiding the question."

"... I did, of course."

"How could you have sent your bird away with a message I gave you five minutes later?"

"The odds were nine out of ten." Ician smirked. "It was a risk I could afford to take."

"Those odds are going to betray you one day."

"One day." He agreed. "I'll be waiting for it."

"Glad to hear it." The Administrator gestured to the forgotten computer screens. "In the meantime, perhaps you'd like to sit back and enjoy the destruction."

Ician looked him in the eyes. "I'll watch, but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy it."

"Come on, be grateful that I at least gave her a small mercy."

"What do you mean?"

"The second spell I cast." He waved his hands nonchalantly. "The hallucination spell."

"That doesn't sound like something that'll be useful to her in combat."

"Oh, it's not for her active personality. It's for her inactive one."

Ician groaned. "Something else you 'forgot' to tell me."

"It's not strictly necessary for you to know." The Administrator said. "It's just that the part of her that doesn't want to kill won't suffer too much."

It didn't take long for Ician to connect the dots in his head. "The passive personalities are inactive, but not 'unconscious', in that sense."

"Correct."

"Meaning they can still see and hear what is happening."

"Yes."

"So Pinkie's original personality will still be aware of the killing going on around her?"

"Not quite. That's where the hallucination comes in."

"When that happens," Ician guessed, "I assume she will see a warped version of the truth."

"Absolutely correct."

Ician considered this piece of information. "Will she know what happened after she takes control again?"

"She will. They're all connected to the same mind, so they share a set of memories."

"Fair enough."

The Administrator paused. "Wait, do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"It sounds like something's burning..." He looked at the screen. "... Oh."

"Ah." Ician said. "Looks like your party's begun."

Meet the Pyro: Of Monsters and Mares (Part III) Finale

"The image in the mirror... isn't always pretty."

Hank (Scishow)

"Back away. Now." Twilight ordered. "Move or I'll shoot."

Pinkamena ignored her. "So, Rainbow, what do ya think?"

Rainbow took a step back, cringing. "Pinkie, what's happened to you?"

"What's happened to me?" She feigned shock. "What happened to you? You look so... weak!"

"You know full well what happened to her." Twilight snapped. "I'm willing to bet you're the one who killed her."

"Good guess! I owe you a prize... Remind me to get it later!"

"You... It was you?" Rainbow asked, her voice trembling.

"Of course it was me! I couldn't let anypony else get to you first."

"You're a monster." Twilight growled.

"I am." She agreed cheerfully. "Give me a second." Dropping her flamethrower on the floor, she transferred the full weight of her body onto her forelegs and lifted her hind legs into the air. The resulting buck caught Rarity, whose knife was raised above Pinkamena's back, right in the chest, sending her crashing violently into the shelf of fragile astronomical equipment at the far end of the observatory.

Twilight's mouth hung agape. "Wh... what?"

Rainbow had adopted a similar expression. "How... how did you do that?"

Pinkamena pouted. "Aw, come on. Did you think I wouldn't notice her sneaking up behind me?" She leaned forward and closed Rainbow's mouth with her right hoof. "I've been pranking long enough to know when somepony's trying to spring one on me."

Twilight blinked twice, dispelling the shock. Her Huntsman, gripped tighter than ever in her telekinetic grasp, snapped to attention. "Do that again and you won't live long enough to regret it."

Pinkamena wrapped her leg around a surprised Rainbow's neck and pulled her close. "Now, you wouldn't-"

fwoosh

The response was instantaneous. A pink hoof shot up into the air, intercepting the arrow with a painful snap. The projectile's bloody tip was only a centimeter away from Pinkamena's unflinching face.

She frowned. "That wasn't nice."

Rainbow pushed at her captor's foreleg frantically. "Let me go!"

"You don't like me?" She sighed.

"I don't like you!" A slight slackening of the grip holding her in place allowed Rainbow to slip out. "I just want the old Pinkie back!"

"Maybe later, I guess." Pinkamena shrugged. "She'll be back eventually."

"I want her back now!" She raised her hoof threateningly.

"Rainbow, don't!" Fluttershy ran forward with surprising speed, reaching Rainbow and restraining her just as she was about to hit Pinkamena. The normally demure pegasus' grip was much stronger than the latter had bargained for, and with a grunt she relented and backed away.

"You were going to punch me." Pinkamena stated, the slightest tinge of melancholy in her voice.

"So what?" Rainbow retorted.

"No, it's nothing..." She shrugged. "I just thought that Pinkie meant more to you than that."

"What do you mean?"

"She'll remember everything that's happened." Pinkamena continued. "Maybe not now, but soon."

"Huh?"

"I've had enough." Twilight ground out. "Pinkie, on account of your friendship with Rainbow, we'll give you this one chance. Leave, now, and don't come back."

"Or?"

"Or I'll- we'll be forced to kill you."

"I'm not scared of death." She chuckled darkly. "But you should be."

"What are you-"

"Attention RED team." The voice was all too familiar. Twilight's ears flattened themselves against her skull. "We are working to resolve a minor fault with your respawn points. Up until then, we cannot guarantee the proper functioning of these points, and as such it is infinitely advisable-"

"-that you avoid death at all costs until the problem has been dealt with."

Screwball leaned back into the armchair, grinning in satisfaction. On one of the Administrator's many computer screens, the five RED team members squirmed uncomfortably. Pinkamena, whose face was twisted into a cocky grin, edged her hoof almost imperceptibly towards the flamethrower.

Screwball's hoof hovered over the first of six buttons on the control panel set out before her. Three... two...

... One.

Pinkamena sprang into action.

Prioritize. Diana, having surrendered her physical control but not mental presence, reminded her gently. The sentry will be unstoppable if you let it fire by itself.

What's stopping Applejack from dropping her Wrangler, then? She asked back.

Confidence. She believes she can beat you. Prove her wrong.

Rather than grabbing the Backburner, Pinkamena instead kicked it upwards and away from her, catching the Engineer square in the forehead. Her Axtinguisher flashed out of her saddlebags, and a second later she severed both the bullet arms of the sentry. A subsequent slash took off its missile launcher, its long, curving arc culminating in the removal of Applejack's right foreleg.

"Aah!" A wrench passed within an inch of Pinkamena's face; only a last-second backward flinch saved her from the bludgeon. Applejack, breathing heavily, kicked her severed limb at her attacker, dropping the wrench and pulling out her pistol. She unleashed a hail of pistol bullets.

Pinkamena ducked close to the floor and pivoted on her uninjured hoof, pulling her flamethrower to her with her hind leg. Just as she dragged it back into her grip, a bullet caught her in the haunch. She winced.

Get up and go. You're better than that.

A fiery inferno of death obscured both her and Applejack from sight.

An alarm clock rang. A pair of ice-blue eyes blinked once, twice, then looked out the window.

The faint rays of the rising sun drifted into her abode. The dimly lit door of her bathroom reminded her that a long night of sleep often meant a strain on the bladder. With a lethargic grunt, she hauled herself out of bed and began the arduous journey to the toilet.

Thirty seconds and three falls later, her half-asleep limbs finally cooperated long enough to complete the trip. She stepped through the door and looked into the mirror. The tired, weary, straight-maned face of Pinkie Pie stared back.

She gazed into her reflection's eyes, wondering if she should have been contemplating something deep. Her addled mind gave up a few seconds later. She stumbled over to the toilet bowl and took care of her business.

She returned to the mirror afterwards. Returning her own stare momentarily, she proceeded to sweep open the door to her bathroom's mirror cabinet and reach into it.

Her hoof collided with something sharp. Ouch. Possibly a loose nail or screw she would have to fix in future.

Ignoring the pain, she searched around inside the dark cabinet. A few moments of blind examination later, she drew out a transparent bottle, a wealth of little white pills jumping around within it when she shook it around.

She turned it around and read the label. Antidepressants - Handle with care.

She shrugged and tossed it over her shoulder. She made use of the knobs on the end of the drawers under the sink, stepping up on two legs and, with the assistance of her forelegs, hauling herself as high as she would go.

A few more seconds of frenzied searching yielded the discovery of a squishy, soft object tucked away in the furthest corner of the cabinet. She reached for it and only just managed to snatch it before losing her balance and collapsing on the ground in a heap.

She shook away her disorientation and took her first good look at the item she had liberated from the depths of the mirror cabinet.

It was a cupcake, dotted with generous helpings of red and blue sprinkles and a huge dollop of frosting. Were Colgate, her ever-pessimistic dentist, to be present, that confection would likely have been sent to the moon by the force of her objections.

She opened her mouth wide and swallowed the whole thing in one gulp. The effect was immediate.

Dull, flattened mane and tail exploded in a violent flash of bright pink, settling into a calmer mass of what may as well have been cotton candy. Her body, surging with new-found energy, began to vibrate vigorously.

She closed the cabinet door. In the mirror, Pinkie Pie reciprocated her lively grin.

In an instant, she was out the front door. The sun, having risen much further over the course of her earlier bathroom business, now shone brightly onto the sleepy town of Ponyville.

Pinkie felt the overwhelming urge to sing. An aria, complex but yet beautiful in its simplicity, played itself out in her head.

She began her song with a bare whisper. "My name is Pinkie Pie..."

A part of her, buried deep in her subconscious, protested. No, it's not! You are not Pinkie! You are the Pyro! Your job is to kill!

"... and I am here to say..."

This is a dream. An illusion. A fake. The real Ponyville is in ashes. You turned it to ashes.

"... I'm gonna make you smile..."

That is not part of your job description.

"... and I will brighten up your day!"

That part of her was about to say something - perhaps something important this time - but another voice, this time to her right and not from inside her head, broke into her thoughts. "Well howdy Pinkie Pie!"

"Applejack!" Pinkie bounded over to her. "Are you having a stupenderrific day too?"

"Uh... yeah, sure." Applejack gave Pinkie a slightly confused smile.

Look. The annoying part of her butted in again. This isn't you.

This is me. The other part of her retorted. This is who I am. Ponyville's premier party pony. Employee at Sugarcube Corner. Spreader of smiles.

This is my paradise.

It is not! This is all a big, fat-

Shut the buck up, please.

"Ah'm free this afternoon since Applebuck season just passed." Applejack continued, oblivious to Pinkie's inner monologue. "Ah was wondering iffin' ya wanted to come with us - the rest of the girls, ah mean. We're goin' to have a picnic over at Whitetail Woods in half an hou-"

"Ooh! A picnic!" Pinkie buzzed with excitement. "I sense party opportunities!"

"Um... alright." Applejack stuck out her hoof. "So, ya'll are comin' for the picnic, right?"

"Sure thing!" Pinkie extended her own hoof to shake her friend's.

The Axtinguisher flew out from Pinkamena's outstretched hoof, planting itself in the burning Engineer's remaining foreleg. Applejack cried out in pain, relinquishing her grip on the pistol.

Pinkamena surged forward and drew her fire axe. Applejack, in a panic-fuelled burst of adrenalin, yanked the Axtinguisher out of her limb with her mouth and swung it as hard as she could.

Pinkamena rolled under the blade gracefully, evading the attack and coming up behind Applejack's defenses. A swift uppercut removed the Engineer's jaw. A last strike with the butt of her axe, more salt in the wound than anything else, sent her poor victim sprawling on the ground.

Good work. Diana approved. Finish her.

Pinkamena nodded. She lifted the axe into the air and brought it down with a sickening crack.

Screwball's hoof descended upon the button.

"Processing request." A disembodied, robotic voice emanated from the wall-mounted speakers.

"Come on..."

"Request accepted. RED Engineer respawn point status: disabled."

"Yes!"

Danger incoming. Feeling the pinchy knee?

Yeah. Gimme a moment. She grabbed her flamethrower and flicked a small switch at the side. A tiny panel opened, spewing out a not-at-all-tiny cloud of soot and ash.

She felt it coming. The arrow, light from the dying embers glinting off its deadly tip, flew straight through where her head was a second earlier. She closed her eyes and concentrated, letting the power of chaos flow through her.

When she opened her eyes, Fluttershy's vulnerable, prone back stared her in the face.

She chuckled maniacally.

The conversation with Applejack had ended quickly when Pinkie Pie realized that any picnic-party required food. Not just any food, of course; it had to be the very tastiest treats she would be able to get her hooves on. So with a laconic farewell to her friend, she dashed off to the one place she knew would have everything she needed.

Probably.

"Where are they?" Pinkie Pie zipped around the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner, overturning pots, emptying cupboards, and sweeping tables clean in her quest for the elusive treats which she was pretty sure she'd left in the pantry just yesterday.

"Pinkie?" A voice called from elsewhere in the building. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Mrs Cake!" She responded. "I'm just looking for the sweets I made yesterday!"

"Oh! Those were yours? I thought it was the batch I made this morning!" Mrs Cake pushed the door open, smiling apologetically. "There's a bottle on the table full of candy. You can take that one instead."

"Thanks!" Pinkie quickly spotted the bottle in question, brushing it into her saddlebags. She hoisted the bags onto her back. "I gotta go now!"

"Of course. I'll just count it as half-day leave then-"

whoosh

A very bewildered Mrs Cake blinked. The kitchen was empty. She raised a hoof to her mane and discovered that, for some peculiar reason, every strand of hair pointed in the direction of Sugarcube Corner's exit.

Pinkie, in the meantime, was well on her way to Whitetail Woods. A combination of her sugar rush and ability to defy both physics and logic shortened the travel time considerably.

Abruptly, she stopped. Off in the distance, a long trail of pink hair, attached to a butter-yellow head and rump, bobbed up and down.

Pinkie smiled. Time for a surprise, Pinkie Pie style!

"Where'd she go?" Fluttershy asked.

"I don't know, but she won't have gone far." Twilight's eyes darted around, searching for any hint of the deranged Pyro. "Be alert. Don't let her catch you by surprise."

"SURPRISE!" Pinkamena jumped from from the shadows, twirling her fire axe in a deadly dance. Fluttershy's snap instinct - the less useful one - sent her scrambling away with an "eep!" of fear. Her second, far more helpful reaction saved her with only milliseconds to spare; The axe had very nearly carved through her torso unopposed. Her Ubersaw was the only thing between that blade and certain death.

Pinkamena snarled. Pulling the axe back, she opted for a strong downward blow to the pegasus' skull. Fluttershy snapped her head backwards, bringing her saw around in a sweeping arc that caught her off guard. She was forced to twist her body around and manoeuvre her hoof into an incredibly awkward and uncomfortable position to deflect the attack.

Evidently, Twilight saw her chance. The arrow that flew straight for her heart was too fast to dodge, but a split-second reaction let her left shoulder blade take the wound.

Don't let the pain overwhelm you. Diana ordered. Don't let it control you. You must control it. It is not your master. It is your tool. Use it to fuel your rage.

Pinkamena screamed. Her hooves, driven by a newfound vigour, propelled the axe into Fluttershy's saw with such force that both shattered into thousands of small, metallic shards.

The pegasus scurried back hastily. Pinkamena, for her part, didn't miss a heartbeat. Her flamethrower, now in her hooves and ready for action, belched raging infernos in Fluttershy's face.

Another arrow caught her on her right shoulder. She barely flinched.

Good. Now finish her.

Pinkamena thrust the flamethrower forward. Fluttershy howled in agony.

"SURPRISE!"

"Eep!" Fluttershy backtracked rapidly, stopping and curling into a shivering ball of fear when her rear backed itself into a nearby tree.

Somewhere at the back of her head, a voice told her that what she'd just done wasn't exactly the smartest thing.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Fluttershy." Pinkie trotted to her and wrapped a hoof around her shivering form. "I didn't mean to frighten you so badly."

Her right shoulder began to hurt. She looked down and saw an irate bunny whacking her with a sharp stick.

"That hurts." Pinkie gently nudged Angel away. "Could you stop, please?"

The incensed expression on his face said it all.

Pinkie sighed. "Oh, all right."

"It... it's okay, Angel." Fluttershy whispered. "It's not her fault."

The bunny gazed at her, then Pinkie. With a disgruntled huff, he hopped away and onto his owner's back.

"I'm really sorry, Pinkie." Fluttershy, slowly getting to her feet, gave her a contrite smile. "He's just overprotective."

"Nah, it was my fault. I should've thought some more before jumping on you like tha-"

Behind her, a twig snapped.

An alarm went off in Pinkamena's head. Flipping over the burning Medic, she turned around mid-air and directed the Backburner at a rapidly decloaking Rarity. The edges of her elaborately curled coiffure burst into flames.

Contrary to her expectations, Rarity ignored the burning mane, instead taking impossibly calm and careful aim with her revolver and loosing the full barrel of six shots at her target's face.

"Pinkie Pie! I saw everything!"

"Huh?" Pinkie turned. Staring her down was a very annoyed-looking white unicorn. "Oh hey Rarity! What's up?"

"How could you scare Fluttershy like that? You know she's sensitive to these kinds of things!"

"Well..." Pinkie rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. "I guess I just wasn't thinking straight."

Rarity sighed. "Really, darling, you need to think twice before you do something."

"It's okay, Rarity." Fluttershy said. "I guess I just need to be a little bit bolder."

"Now come on, that was hardly your fault." Rarity looked back at Pinkie. "Just be more considerate next time, okay?"

"Yeppers!" Pinkie grinned. Lowering herself to the ground, she opened her saddlebags and let the bottle of sweets roll out.

"What's that?" Rarity asked.

"Apology sweets! My treat!" She picked up the bottle.

Pinkamena dropped, flipping the cover of her saddlebags open as she did so. The Detonator rolled out of the satchel. She snatched it off the floor and fired at the Spy.

Her shot flew true.

The flare struck Rarity in the chest. She grunted, her grip on her revolver slackening. It was all the leeway Pinkamena needed. A ferocious pounce carried her right across the room, knocking the gun aside as she withdrew her axe. She descended upon a shocked Spy who was, in a panicked frenzy, scrambling for her knife.

Rarity reached it just in time. A shower of sparks erupted between her Eternal Reward and the fire axe. Agility was not Pinkamena's strong suit: Telekinesis provided a much better means of wielding a weapon than hooves. She narrowly avoided a series of slashes targeted at her abdomen.

She sensed another arrow coming. A quick leap straight upwards earned her the safety of her skull but the aggravation of her right hind leg.

Alright, I know I said to master your pain, but at this rate you're going to bleed to death long before this fight is over.

Then I'd better finish this quickly.

Wasn't that the idea from the beginning?

I need to go even quicker now. Pinkamena swept forward and fired the Detonator. Rarity levitated her knife to block the flare.

boom

True to its weapon's name, the flare detonated at the blade, sending it hurtling away. Rarity looked at the fallen knife in amazement, and then back up in horror at the rapidly approaching Pyro.

Pinkamena wasted no time. The fire axe was her bait, distracting Rarity with its menacing blood-tipped edges. She fell for it.

Two white hooves jumped up to intercept the axe-wielding leg. Pinkamena's other leg, the unarmed one, reached around and smacked Rarity upside the head.

What are you doing? Diana asked angrily. Use your flamethrower!

Not yet. I'm saving it.

Saving it for what?

You'll see soon.

Rarity stumbled back, disoriented. The axe, now unencumbered, carved its way neatly through her torso.

Watch it. Another arrow's on the way.

I got it. Pinkamena brought her flamethrower to bear and whipped around. Taking a moment to aim, she pulled the airblasting trigger.

Your aim is terrible.

That's because I'm not going for the Sniper.

Huh?... Oh.

"AAH!"

"Fluttershy!" Twilight screamed.

"Heh heh heh..." Pinkamena strode forward confidently. She tossed her flamethrower up in the air and bucked it at Twilight with as much force as she could. While the Sniper was distracted, she took her axe and, with a grand flourish, brought it down onto the writhing Fluttershy's neck.

"Processing request... Request accepted. RED Spy and RED Medic respawn point status: disabled."

"You didn't have to, Pinkie. I mean, it's fine if you want to give it to me, but it's also fine if you don't-"

"Just take some, silly filly!"

"O... okay." Timidly, Fluttershy reached into the bottle. "Um, do you want me to pick the red one, or the blue one, or the-"

"Any one! It's your choice!"

"Uh... the red one, I guess." Fluttershy took the candy out, staring at it. A short bout of hesitation later, she opened her mouth and swallowed the treat. "Oh, this is really nice."

"Thanks!" Pinkie turned to Rarity. "Want one?"

"Uh... no thanks. It's bad for my weight."

"Suit yourself!" Pinkie wrapped her hoof around her neck. "But are you sure?"

"Pretty sure." Even so, the reluctance in her eyes as she tore her eyes away from the bottle spoke volumes of her true thoughts.

"Really, really sure?" Pinkie dangled the bottle in front of her face as bait, reaching for another one of the confections in her saddlebag.

"Um... yes, I'm very, very sure..." Rarity fell for it. Her eyes remained fixed on the bottle, a little strand of drool leaking out of her mouth.

"Well, if you say so..." Pinkie drew out a cupcake and snaked her foreleg around Rarity's neck. "Say, what's that over there?"

"Where?"

Pinkie stuffed the cupcake into her mouth.

"Mmpth!" Rarity flinched in momentary surprise, but as her tongue registered just what was in her mouth she relaxed somewhat. "Don't do that, Pinkie."

"Come on, you enjoyed it."

"The cupcake, maybe, but not the surprise." Rarity chewed slowly. "Oh, I'm going to have to work off these calories somehow."

"That's for later!" Pinkie bounded over to Fluttershy and pulled her up. "Let's go!"

"Not so hard, please, Pinkie. Ow, my neck hurts..."

"Oops! My bad!" Pinkie gave her a conciliatory grin. "Sorry?"

"It's fine. Just don't do it again, if it's okay with you."

"Don't worry, that was the last time!"

"This is the last time!" Twilight shrieked. "You'll never hurt my friends ever again!"

"Wasn't I your friend?" Pinkamena, extricating her bloody axe from the corpse's neck with similarly bloody hooves, faked a hurt pout.

"That was Diana, not you." Twilight growled. "I don't know what happened, but you aren't her. Not by a long shot."

"But weren't you the one who said that everypony means much more to you than I thought?" Pinkamena grinned. "Unless my interview notes were lying to me."

"Everypony. That doesn't include monsters like you."

"Monster? That's harsh."

"That's not even harsh enough." Twilight shot her a bitter grimace. "I shudder to imagine what inequine thoughts reside in your head."

"'What dreams of chronic, sustained cruelty', right?" Pinkamena chuckled. "See? I remembered how Meet the Pyro went! Now if I were just wearing a mask this would be perfect."

"I won't ever pretend to know what you're talking about." Twilight, brandishing her Huntsman, pulled the bowstring taut and slid an arrow into place. "But once I kill you it won't matter anymore."

"Just one mistake, Twilight." Pinkamena tutted. "No matter what you do, you won't kill me."

Twilight fired.

No challenge. You know what to do.

Aye aye, captain. The fire axe was up in a flash, taking the arrow on its broad surface. Twilight, mimicking Pinkamena's style, ducked and rolled, manipulating her Bushwacka in a slash that forced her opponent to back off in a defensive parry.

With a calculating grin, she jumped onto Pinkamena.

What's she doing? She's mad!

Don't be so quick to belittle your enemy. Diana cautioned. She's smart. She most likely has a plan up her sleeve.

The glint of confidence in Twilight's eyes agreed.

Pinkamena took aim with her Detonator and fired, but Twilight was too skilled to be caught by such a simple trick. An arrow punctured the flare before it had a chance to release its explosive power. In an instant, both the Pyro and the Sniper were locked in melee combat, Bushwacka against fire axe.

Watch out. She's going to do something. Stay alert.

The remainder of the walk took only a few minutes. To Pinkie, though, the journey may as well have passed in the blink of an eye; so absorbed was she in the conversation with her friends that she only realized the trek was over when Rarity motioned her away from the food basket she'd almost trampled underhoof.

"Pinkie, you should pay more attention to where you're going."

"But I can't do that and talk at the same time!"

Rarity sighed.

"Hey girls!" Twilight waved from a few meters away. "Mind helping us set up the picnic mat here?"

"Sure thing!" Pinkie bounded over to her, grinned, and gripped the end of the mat between her teeth. A brief stint of impossible acrobatics later, the mat flew up into the air, performed a triple loop, and drifted down to the grass, nicely spread out.

Twilight gaped. "I'm not even going to ask how you did that."

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie sat down. "So, didja bring anything?"

"You mean food?" Twilight asked. Pinkie nodded. "Well, I brought some sandwiches."

"Ooh! What kind?"

"Alfalfa." Twilight's horn lit up, and the basket levitated itself over to her. "Oh yes, and some jam."

"Jam?" Pinkie flipped the lid open. "What kind?"

"Strawberry." The jar of said jam floated out of the basket. "Want some?"

"I do, I do!"

"Well, here you-" Twilight's magic weakened just momentarily, and the jar slipped out of her grip and smashed itself against the ground.

For a brief moment, light glinted off glass. Pinkamena saw the danger too late.

splash

The jar shattered against the ground. A wave of Jarate, glistening yellow in the light of Twilight's magic, caught Pinkamena straight in the face - and the rest of her body too, but that goes without saying - sending her reeling backwards in shock.

I warned you.

"Yes, you did." Pinkamena grunted out loud. Her moment of inward dialogue cost her; A powerful slice from the Bushwacka carved a long but thankfully shallow wound down her chest.

Pay attention. Diana reminded her. Focus on defending your weak points until you can strike back.

"Right." The fire axe jumped up to intercept Twilight's next strike. The Bushwacka arced backwards and swung around, nearly tearing Pinkamena's chin off. A desperate deflection with the hilt of her axe was the only thing that saved her face from being disfigured.

Twilight grinned. "Losing your touch, are you?"

"Not at all." Pinkamena growled, narrowly dodging a slash that would have taken her head off.

She's taunting you. Diana warned. She wants you to switch to the offensive so she can slip under your defenses and finish you off. Don't fall for it.

Pinkamena seethed with anger. I can't let her get away with mocking me like that!

You don't have to. You'll get her back if, and only if, you finish her off. That means you have to know when to strike and when to hold back.

But it's so...

Insulting? Definitely. But you can't let the rage rule you. Like pain, it is your tool.

Pinkamena's grip tightened on the fire axe. Her body surrendered itself to the will of her instincts, reflexes, and Pinkie Sense. She responded to every slash, uppercut and riposte with minimalistic parries, never letting Twilight get the upper hoof while conserving her energy.

Good. That's how you do it.

Slowly but surely, Twilight began to tire, losing strength in her slices. The ethereal glow around the Bushwacka dimmed ever so slightly. Sweat dripped down her face like rain, drenching the observatory floor with her fatigue.

Now's your chance. Move in.

Pinkamena charged, hacking wildly with the axe. Twilight's horn flashed in response, surrounding her in a purple, otherworldly sphere of magical energy that dissipated near instantly, leaving nothing in its wake.

Teleportation. Get ready to take her on. My guess is that she went to get your-

"Not so fun when I use your own weapon against you, is it?" Twilight stood at the far end of the room, cradling a battered Backburner in her two forehooves. Tossing it up into the air, she caught it in her telekinetic grip and propelled it at Pinkamena, fire blazing.

Now if only you were wearing your fireproof suit... oh wait, that's right; you left it in your saddlebags.

A bit late to put it on now, don'tcha think? She returned dryly. Rolling to her right, she brought the Detonator to bear and fired.

Twilight was prepared. For a moment, her horn flashed even brighter, and the flare flew back at Pinkamena with ferocious speed.

Grah! Since when did she know how to use the airblast?

You know Twilight. She has an urge to understand absolutely everything.

Pinkamena rushed forward, ducking under the flamethrower and lunging at Twilight. Her charge was brought to an abrupt halt by an arrow impaling her other, uninjured shoulder.

Okay, that's it. Telekinesis is cheating.

Nopony ever said it wasn't.

The flamethrower, still in Twilight's magical grasp, made a one-hundred-and-eighty degree turn and came straight for Pinkamena.

She'll expect you to duck.

As the weapon approached, Pinkamena executed a powerful leap that carried her far above the flamethrower which, just as it approached the spot she'd been a second ago, rotated and scorched the floor with blistering heat.

There! Go in and take it back!

She landed gracefully atop the Backburner, wrenching it out of Twilight's telekinetic field and back into her hooves. The Sniper, taken by surprise, only managed to loose an single arrow at her foe. The projectile was easily blasted back at her.

The fatigue had taken its toll. Too slow to evade her own arrow, it flew through Twilight's left forehoof and pinned her to the wall.

Pinkamena smiled. "The end of the line, huh?"

Twilight struggled momentarily. She soon realized, however, that she was never going to get out of it in time. "That's it for me. I guess you win, Pinkie."

"You did well, though. Almost got me a few times."

"I suppose." She looked at the floor resignedly. "Make it quick, please."

May as well. Diana advised. A worthy end for a worthy foe.

But where would the fun be in that?

Be quick and efficient. The faster we're done, the faster we can leave. No doubt the Administrator will punish us for sacrificing time for personal enjoyment if we don't.

Fine, fine.

"What a waste." Twilight sighed, picking up the shattered pieces of the jar one by one. "Oh well. We've still got more, don't we?"

"You betcha!" Pinkie jerked her rump upwards, sending her saddlebags flying up into the air. She caught it neatly on her foreleg. "Got all the sweets we can eat right here."

"That sounds... delicious." Twilight opened the bag. "Any recommendations?"

"Well... I've got this lollipop!" Pinkie pulled the candy out and playfully swung it in a loop.

Pinkamena swung her fire axe as hard as she could. The blade cut neatly through Twilight's neck, sending her decapitated head rolling across the floor.

Clean and quick. I'm proud.

"Processing request... Request accepted. RED Sniper respawn point status: disabled."

"That just leaves one more pony." Pinkamena looked around and spotted a cyan-coloured ball of trembling fear in the corner. "Gotcha."

You know, I have to wonder why she didn't even try to shoot us while we were killing everypony else.

"I was going to ask the same thing." She turned to Rainbow. "You were the only one not trying to kill me just now. Why?"

She was muttering to herself. "'She'll remember everything that's happened.'"

"What?"

"'She'll remember everything that's happened.'" Rainbow repeated, louder this time. "That's what you said just now."

She paused for a long while, her rage slowly draining away. "... Yeah. So?"

"I don't know, it just..." She waved her hooves around, trying to draw a picture she couldn't see. "... When you said that, all I could see when I looked at you was Pinkie. A Pinkie who was scared to fail."

Pinkamena wanted to retort. She wanted to say Me? Scared? Never! but try as she might, the words wouldn't come out of her open mouth.

Rainbow continued. "I'm not sure why, but I thought I saw Pinkie standing there, looking at me. She was crying. I... I just couldn't hurt her. I couldn't!"

Something within Pinkamena gave way. A drop of liquid sorrow gathered at the corner of her eye.

"I couldn't." Rainbow stressed. "But now, when I look at you, all I see there is a Pinkie who wants to kill."

Pinkamena mouthed the word No! but, just as before, it was soundless.

"Just... why?" Rainbow choked out. "What happened to you?"

The obstruction in her mouth cleared itself, but only for a moment. "I-"

Rainbow cut her off. "Do you still remember what we used to do together? All the pranks we pulled?"

Pinkamena willed herself to forget. To banish the unwanted memories from the darkest corner of her mind.

She failed.

"You helped me set up that Poison Joke trap and I lured Applejack into it... She was tiny for, like, two days until we helped cure her. Oh, we laughed so hard..." Rainbow sniffled, her voice cracking up. "How about the time we cut the power to BLU base for three months with that thundercloud? Do you remember, Pinkie?"

She didn't want to react. She really didn't. Instead, a tear leaked its way down her cheek.

"... You do." Rainbow gave a bittersweet laugh. Her tone had an edge to it. "Do you remember how much fun we had together? How much fun you had with your friend?"

Pinkamena kept her lips shut tightly. She knew, however, that the question did not warrant an answer.

"I do. And I think you do too. After all, 'one year of friendship isn't something somepony can forget so easily.'"

The last sentence hit her like a brick wall.

"Sound familiar, Pinkie?" Rainbow spat out. "You said that just now. Did you lie to me?"

She reached the end of her tether. Her resolve crumbled to dust.

Gradually, Pinkamena withdrew into the inner sanctum of her mind.

Everypony was enjoying themselves. The picnic party was a complete success, discounting the unfortunate fate of the jar of strawberry jam. Even that, in the long run, mattered very little.

Pinkie's job was complete. She was happy.

This was her paradise.

crack

"Huh?" Pinkie stared. Right before her eyes, a huge fracture manifested itself in the air.

She turned around. "Twilight? Do you know-" She stopped. The unicorn's mouth hung open, motionless. The rest of her body, too; every part of her seemed frozen in time.

Pinkie surveyed the picnic grounds, panic mounting. Each one of her friends were similarly unmoving, as if a cockatrice had gotten to them but forgot to add the greying effect.

Pinkie stared at the crack. It was widening rapidly, spreading its long, far-reaching tendrils through the air, which with every second seemed more and more like a massive crumbling portrait of Whitetail Woods than reality.

Stepping back, Pinkie heard the tap of a hoofstep on a hardened surface rather than the softer crunch on grass. She looked behind. The colour drained from her face.

An endless white expanse stretched out to infinity. Pinkie stumbled and tripped, hitting the floor.

crack

Now even the whiteness was beginning to develop its own fissures. Inch by inch, the elaborate web of cracks spread out through what was left of the world, making it buckle and crumple and fold and ultimately give way.

Everything shattered. For an instant, her hair and tail straightened themselves out, then sprung back up into poofiness just as quickly. Pinkie blinked.

She remembered.

"Did you?" Rainbow screamed in her face.

"Rainbow, I-"

"No." She growled. "You couldn't have lied to me. What you said was right. But it just makes it worse that you're going to kill me anyway."

Pinkie was speechless. She reached forward subconsciously, seeking a warm embrace to lose herself in. Rainbow stepped away and glared at her.

"No. Go away. You... you monster!"

Monster. The word echoed in her mind.

The gates to the past opened, and reality caught up with her.

"From one monster to another, you're one of the best I've ever known."

"When I fight... when I kill... nopony ever sees my face. To them, I am a soulless monster. And that's the way it has to stay."

Monster...

Monster.

Monster!

Something in her snapped.

"I AM NOT A MONSTER!" Pinkie screamed. In a fit of denial-fuelled rage, she pounced on Rainbow, axe at the ready. Within the span of a second, the blade was leveled at the throat of the petrified pegasus.

Over by the edge of the observatory, a pair of isolated speakers crackled, and the Administrator cleared his throat.

Screwball's hoof landed squarely on the second-last button. The tape recorder to her left began to play into the Canterlot observatory speakers.

Will she pass the final test?

"Attention RED team. It appears that there is a slight technical problem with your Scout's respawn point. Should she die before it can be repaired, she will not respawn." He paused. "BLU team, carry on with your work as usual. That is all."

Pinkie looked at the speaker, then back at Rainbow. The pegasus was trembling, though whether in fear or anger Pinkie did not know. Her cerise eyes were wide as she flashed back to Dustbowl.

Truth be told, even Pinkie herself, if asked, would have said that Rainbow lay against sand and not the hardened wood floor of the observatory.

The past was in her hooves.

She regarded Rainbow with a gaze of fury. Rainbow shrunk back. The edge of the fire axe, in Pinkie's eyes, became far sharper.

She had no doubt that Rainbow thought the same.

The pegasus looked up at her. "P... Pinkie? Is that you?"

She was silent.

"Pinkie?"

At last, Pinkie sighed. "No, Dashie." She raised her axe. "I'm just a monster."

She brought it down.

Screwball let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding. With a trembling hoof, she depressed the final button.

"Processing request... Request accepted. RED Scout respawn point status: disabled."

It's finally over.

Pinkie stood over the lifeless body of her fallen friend. She might have cried, had her sheer fatigue - both physical and emotional - not drained her of the ability to feel anything. She collapsed on the floor. Her eyes, not willing to concentrate on anything in particular, instead settled upon the one thing that could possibly make her feel worse: The raging fires of a Canterlot breathing its last.

The work of the monster had claimed many. Rainbow was only its latest victim.

So, what changed? Diana asked.

"Huh?"

What made you kill her?

Pinkie looked down at Rainbow. "I... I was angry."

Don't lie to me. I'm a part of you. I can't be tricked that easily.

"... It felt like... I... I don't know how to say it."

Resignation?

"Something like that, I guess."

Why?

"Because Rainbow was right. I am a monster. I can't stop myself from killing when I get angry."

So you killed her?

"Only because that's the only part of me left that I can depend on." She gazed at her blood-stained hooves. "The monster."

But why would you kill your friend?

"Because I finally get it. I finally know why the Administrator keeps telling me that friendship's going to end up being more painful than it's worth."

Enlighten me. I want to know.

"When you have a friend, you'll be happy for a while. Maybe you'll even have the time of your life. But when their job is to hurt you as badly as they can, eventually they'll hurt you more than you can take."

So you killed her to stop her from hurting you?

"No." Pinkie hung her head low. "I killed her so I can't hurt her anymore."

... I get it.

"There's no way the Administrator's going to keep them dead forever. They'll be back, but Rainbow's going to hate me for the rest of her life."

And because of that-

"I can't hurt her feelings anymore. Not when she's not my friend."

Very, very clever. Not to mention self-sacrificing. Diana's tone softened. Does it hurt?

"... Yeah, it does. But it doesn't hurt as much as knowing that I hurt my friend."

Diana contemplated the response. Good answer.

A raspy, drawn-out hissing sound cut through her pseudo-soliloquy. Pinkie turned to the window. A vulture, its dark feathers rippling as it withdrew its wings, settled on the sill of the observatory's sole window. Fixing Pinkie with an unreadable gaze, it extended its talon and offered her the piece of paper grasped by the claw.

Pinkie got up, gave it an appreciative nod, and took the paper. She opened it and skimmed over its contents.

Dear Pinkie Pie,

By the Administrator's orders, you are to retrieve the bodies of the five mercenaries you have dispatched today and bring them back to the main base. Speed is of the essence.

Signed,

Ician

Pinkie turned to the vulture. "Who's Ician?"

I don't think it's going to tell us anything, considering that vultures don't talk. Diana reminded her.

"... That's right." Pinkie admitted. "But how do we know if these orders are real or not?"

If his name is on paper, Diana explained, it's probably his will. Not to mention that the Administrator's one of the few who know that we were sent to Canterlot at all, much less what we were sent here to do.

"How are we going to get all of them back to base? I can't carry them all by myself."

There's bound to be an abandoned wagon or two down there. Left unspoken were the words because you tore the place to pieces not long ago.

"... Okay." Pinkie nodded to the vulture. "Tell Ician that we're on it."

The vulture stared at her for a moment, giving her the Are you crazy? look. A few moments later, it just shook its head and flew off.

Perhaps you shouldn't have said 'we' when there's only one of you. Diana paused. One visible version of you, at any rate.

"Probably." Pinkie agreed. "But it's too late to change that now."

Right. Back to business. Go look out that window and see what's going on.

"But I can see it fine from here." She grew quieter. "And I really don't want to go look up close. All I see is the monster's fire."

Just go. I have a suspicion.

"Well, if you say so... I guess." Pinkie, with a clear reluctance in her step, trudged over to the window and looked. "Nothing's different."

Lean forward.

"Huh? Okay..." She did as she was told. "I don't get it. Can I go some place else now?"

Further.

"But I'm about to fall out!"

Do it.

"Okay, okay..." She was teetering on the very edge when, at last, her head breached an invisible and intangible wall of deception.

Pinkie's eyes widened. "No way..."

Do you understand now?

"Yeah..." The corners of her mouth curved upwards into a smile. Her eyes grew moist.

Are those tears I see?

"Nah." Pinkie sniffled. "Just liquid happiness."

Far below her, the last dying ember of the chaos she'd caused burned brightly; then, with a gust of wind, it was extinguished forever. The fire was gone; yet the city still stood.

Canterlot lived on.

Dear Diary:

It's finally over. My interview is finally over. I guess I feel... relieved? Angry? Sad? Maybe all of those things... but at least it's over.

When I got back to base, I asked Father about the window (after I delivered the bodies, of course). Turns out Diana's 'suspicion' was right; he cast the same spell on the window as he did on me. I only saw what I thought I would - that the monster in me triumphed over Canterlot. I guess Twilight never said anything about the burning outside because she expected to see a peaceful city and that's exactly what she got.

I'm like that, in a way. Everypony thinks they know what the Administrator's interviewer would look like, and when they see me they get exactly what they thought they would. But I'm never who they expect, because they never expect a monster.

But I do. And it's not because there's a monster in me. It's because I am the monster. I'm not just Pinkie Pie, I'm not just Diana, and I'm not just Pinkamena. I'm all three. We're all three. I have to accept all the sides of me to move on, and if that means having to be a monster sometimes then I have no choice.

Sometimes, the one who fights the monster ends up becoming one to defeat it. I can't let that happen to me.

I need to ask Father for one last favour.

- Pinkamena Diane Pie

Epilogue

On the computer screen, Pinkie Pie stood over Rainbow, axe held at her throat. Yet, she refused to end it.

"So..." Ician began, "is her hesitation a good thing or a bad thing?"

"It could go either way." The Administrator said. "Just wait for it..."

Ician watched silently. "Ah... there. Killed her."

"Good."

Ician gave him a sideward glance. "I take it that you're pleased."

"Very much so." He let out a quiet cackle. "Well, our work is done here."

"As is mine." Ician motioned to the screen. "Do you see Faye?"

"Right, your vulture." The Administrator squinted. "Is it that thing on the window?"

"... Yes."

"I see. It's delivering your message."

"That, she is. And I believe that this concludes our meeting." Ician stood up, his cloak rustling. "I've had enough of this... drama for today. Perhaps we can discuss the RED Sniper's capabilities another time." He glanced at the screen. "Although I think I've already seen much of what she can do."

"Very well." The Administrator snapped his fingers and the door swung open. "You're free to leave. Good day."

"Good day to you too." Ician took one last look at the screen, where he caught sight of a stray feather left in the wake of Faye's flight. "And may I wish you the best of luck for the coming conflict."

"If all goes well, it will end quickly. If not..." He chuckled darkly. "Then the intractable stalemate begins."

Ician shot one last look his way. With a huff, he limped his way out of the conference room, keeping his armour-clad right hoof above the ground as much as possible.

It took him ten minutes to navigate his way back to the entrance of the base. When Ician finally emerged into the natural light of the outdoors, Faye descended from the skies gracefully and landed on his shoulder.

He looked at her. "It is done?"

She nodded.

"Then we've finished our job here for now." Ician nodded. "I need your help for one last thing, though."

Faye stared at him, cocking her head as if to say What?

"Just a little bit of insurance. I need to make sure that everything's going according to plan."

The next day

"Wait, hold on..." The Administrator gaped. "You want what now?"

"I want you to get rid of the hallucinations." Pinkie stared at him. "Forever."

"But... but why?"

"Because I can't run from the truth anymore."

"... I don't get you."

Pinkie sighed. "I can't be somewhere else when Pinkamena's in control. I have to be there to hold her back when I need to."

The Administrator frowned. "Pinkie, you know that I lo- am concerned for you, but if you disobey my orders-"

"No, it's not that." Pinkie cut him off. "But I have to make sure that anypony who dies, dies as painlessly as possible."

"Pinkie, I only gave you this mercy because you're going to be doing a lot more than just killing those who'll just respawn again."

"I know."

"But you still want to go through with this."

"Yes."

The Administrator gazed deep into her pleadingly large eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Completely."

He just sat back, cutting the conversation short. His paw twitched.

Should I do it?

"What are you waiting for?"

"I'm not yet convinced."

"Convinced of what?"

"Your willingness to go through with this."

"Hmph." Pinkie put a hoof to her chin. "Then maybe I should try to explain why it's good for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Simple." Pinkie closed her eyes. When they opened again, the wide-eyed hopefulness of before was gone, replaced by an expression of calculating wit.

Diana grinned. "One thing, perhaps, is fairly obvious when it comes to my counterpart personality which you have created. Her lust of blood."

"That's to keep her killing, yes."

"But it's not just about the need to kill, it's about the need to torture. She thrives off of the suffering of others."

"How does this affect me?"

Diana tutted. "Really now, you should have seen this coming. During the battle between us and the five RED mercenaries, I had to remind her not to inflict too much pain and suffering in the interests of saving time."

"Ah, I see."

"Luckily, my influence and advice alone was sufficient to restrain her need to visit undue suffering upon them. But, as she as a personality matures, so will her audacity and lack of self-control."

"Requiring more than one to keep her from wasting time." The Administrator nodded. "I understand. But this still doesn't tell me that Pinkie is fully willing to let go of this mercy."

Diana gave him a look. "If she wasn't willing, she wouldn't have allowed me out so quickly."

"True, true. Remind me to congratulate her on her mastery of emotions, by the way."

"I'll do it for you. Despite her lack of total control, she's gotten far better at it."

"Evidently so." He snapped his fingers. "Okay, you can go now."

Diana frowned. "What about undoing the spell?"

"It's already gone."

"... Really?"

"What, were you expecting big flashes and loud noises?"

"Well, coming from you, yes."

"I'm not always like that." The Administrator waved his hands dismissively. "Now, you may leave."

"Okay..." Casting one last glance at him, Diana trotted out the door and closed it. Tightly.

Well, that was easier than I thought it'd be. Pinkie noted.

"Yes, Pinkie, it was." Diana's eyes narrowed. "Almost too easy, in fact."

Do you think he's tricking us?

"Probably not. We'd find out too easily. No, it was as if..."

As if?

"... as if it was his plan all along."

"Ah, the sweet scent of victory." The Administrator leaned back in his armchair. "Let's see: Five out of the six potential Element bearers are dead. Check. The final and only conceivable candidate for the last Element soon to be properly desensitized to mass killing? Check." He laughed. "All of her own choosing, too! She's never going to be able to blame me for that.

"And of course, best of all, Celestia and Luna are soon to be dead! I have everything at last!" He frowned. "Well, nearly everything. But that's almost close enough. All that's left is to make sure that nothing comes of this infestation problem and it'll be back to eternal war." He leaned back in his chair, sighing contentedly. "I just love chaos."

In the dark shadows behind the computer screens, a silent vulture stared at him impassively, a sparkle in her eyes.

The End?

Lightning flashed, illuminating the shadowed plains for just a brief moment. The dark clouds blotted out the midnight moon, raining wet and irritating inconvenience upon anypony who happened to be unlucky enough to be caught in the downpour.

One such pony trudged down the waterlogged road to Midnight Castle, his cloak billowing out behind him in the strong wind. He shielded his soaked head with his right hoof, the rain splattering ineffectively against the dark armour which encased it.

He made it a few more steps through the mud before one of the guards at the sheltered security post caught sight of him. Giving a brief nod to the other guard, who nodded in assent and drew out a carbine, he approached the pony cautiously, trying - and failing - to keep his polished night-blue hoofguards clear of the muck.

"Excuse me, uh..." He tried to scrutinize the stranger's face. "... sir, but it appears that you are struggling. May I assist you?"

The pony looked up, green eyes examining the soldier's face. "Yes, you can. But not as a civilian."

"I'm not quite sure I understand."

A brief silence. "I am an officer in the Grand Army of the Republic."

The guard studied his face. "I apologize for the delay, then, sir, but I'm afraid that it's military policy to confirm your identity with a-"

"It's all here." The pony passed a small book to the guard, shielding it from the rain under his armoured hoof. The guard accepted it and, holding his head over it, flipped it open.

"... I see. However, Commander Ician, none of us were informed of your arrival, especially on tonight of all nights."

"Nopony was appraised of my departure from Midnight Castle either." He waved his right hoof. "It was confidential."

"I... see. Everything seems to be fine here, so I'll just help you-"

"That won't be necessary." Taking a moment to reconsider, Ician said, "Perhaps I might require your help up until we reach the castle. After that, I am familiar with the route to my quarters."

"Yes, Commander." The guard grasped him by the armoured hoof, all but hauling him through the mud and to the city gates. Ician ignored the sheer indignity of the situation, if only because he knew that the guard was only trying to help. Unfortunately, not all of them were too bright - most of the complex language they threw around was taken word-for-word from the public relations section of the Code of Conduct manual.

A few agonizingly slow seconds later, the guard dragged Ician out of the knee-deep muck and onto the elevated ground in front of the gate. "There you go."

"Many thanks." Ician brushed as much dirt as he could off his lower legs and gave the guard an appreciative smile.

"Are you sure you don't need me to escort you back to your quarters?"

"Fairly certain. Unless you feel the need to defend me from the rain."

"If you insist, I will-"

"I was making a joke."

"Oh." The guard paused. "It was very funny, Commander."

Ician sighed. "Forget it. Just return to your post. There are many dangers lurking in the dark of the night."

"At once." With a curt bow, the guard prepared to leave.

"Hold on."

The guard stopped. "Yes, Commander?"

"I would like to know: What is your name?"

"My... name?"

"Yes, your name."

"My name is Night Shade."

"Thank you." Ician waved dismissively. "You may leave now."

"Yes, Commander." Deciding, for no particular reason, to repeat the curt bow, he backtracked quickly and all but galloped back to his post.

"So?" His friend asked him as soon as he'd returned.

"A Commander." Shade replied. "And of all things, a Commander I've never heard of."

"Do you think he's the one the Princess asked us to look out for?"

"Maybe. He seems to have all the proper IDs, at least."

"Should we pass on the news to High Command?"

"I guess so. At the very least we can check to make sure that we've got the right guy."

Having resolved the issue - for now, at least - they both watched the waterlogged road in silence.

"So, Shade."

"Yeah, Umbra?"

"Why do you think there even is a Commander we've never heard of to begin with?"

Shade gazed out over the darkened plains. "I have no idea. And I think it'd be best for us not to know."

The winding roads of Midnight Castle, to which he had not yet grown accustomed, occupied Ician for a fair period of time. It was a very dark and dreary hour before his tired right hoof placed itself against the door of the house Princess Luna had designated as his office and pushed it open.

He entered. The only source of light was a flickering candle in the middle of the hallway which looked for all the world that it would go out at any second. A mare, decked out in fine Republic armour and sporting a pair of bat wings, stood vigil over the candle, the only presence in the otherwise empty building.

"Ah, Commander." The mare gave a slight inclination of her head. "You have returned."

"I have." He nodded. "Has everything progressed smoothly in my absence, Midnight?"

"All goes as the Princess wills."

"... Good." He heard the ruffling of feathers from the floor above him and smiled. "It is late. I should take my leave now."

"Of course." Midnight said. "Your room upstairs has been prepared for you."

A mischievous grin crossed his face. "By you, or by the cleaning staff that the Princess has been sending discreetly for the past few days?"

Midnight was taken aback. "How did you know?"

"I've been here for almost two weeks now. Surely you know that there's little I don't know."

"Hmph."

"Anyway, good night." Ician limped past her.

She noticed. "Still got problems with your hoof, huh?"

"I don't know how many times I have to say it." Ician huffed. "It isn't called a genetic disease for nothing. It's all in the genes. It can't be fixed."

"And how much do you know about genes, Commander?"

Ician paused. "Not much, unfortunately."

"Either way, I would've thought that Princess Luna's research team would have gotten a little further than what they had a thousand years ago."

He shrugged. "Master Mind had to live with it. I'll get by too."

"If you say so."

"Anyway, I'll be retiring to my chambers now. I don't wish to keep you around any longer than is strictly necessary. Go ahead and report back to the Princess."

Midnight didn't budge.

Ician frowned. "You're staying?"

"Well, the Princess did ask me to guard you all night, so..."

"Hm..." Ician paused to think. "In my opinion, you don't seem to be very enthusiastic."

"I'm not." She confessed.

"Not only am I a new Commander, but one whose existence the Princess refuses to share with the world lest she expose her secret weapon against Celestia." His eyes sparkled. "Such isolation would invariably lead to isolation of his security detail as well."

"... I guess."

"What were the orders that Princess Luna gave you?"

"She said that I was to ensure that you were safe and make sure you were always in my sight."

"Right." Ician sighed. "I don't suppose she expects you to watch me sleep, does she?"

"She... may have forgotten that you aren't a nocturnal creature like she and I are."

"Those bat wings are just part of the uniform, right?"

"Obviously." She flapped them up and down. "They're just illusions coating my wings."

"Meaning that, under your armour, you're just a normal pony who should, by all rights, be sleeping in the daytime."

"I've... adjusted."

"Right, right." Ician grinned. "Now, you're to ensure that I'm safe, are you?"

"Yes."

"So if I were still alive by the end of tonight, you would technically have fulfilled your obligation, whether or not you were actually here, right?"

"But it's my job to make sure that you're safe."

"By watching me, correct?"

"Yeah."

"Wait a second..." Ician looked around the room. "... there. See what's over on that table?"

"A... photo of you?"

"That's it. Go ahead and take it. You'll always keep me in your sights then."

Midnight eyed him. "Very crafty of you, Commander."

"Look at it this way; you are bound by military law to obey the orders of your superiors so long as they do not conflict with the orders of anypony else higher up. So I'm ordering you to go and enjoy yourself."

"But-"

"Just keep the picture with you."

She still looked uncertain.

"I'll tell the Princess you were here all night, if it'll make you feel better." Ician offered.

"But wouldn't that be a-"

"-lie? Not unless I define where 'here' is." He pointed to the front door. "Now go."

"Isn't it still raining?"

"The weather schedule says it'll stop at one in the morning. It's almost over."

She grinned. "I wouldn't want to disobey the orders of a Commander, now would I?"

"Perish the thought." He waved his hoof dismissively.

"If it's all the same to you, Commander, I think I'll stay inside till the rain stops."

"Good idea." Ician agreed. "I'll be going first, though."

"Good night, then." Midnight bowed - this one carried far more respect than the one she'd given him upon his arrival - and got to dutifully staring at the picture on the table.

Ician chuckled and, with a metaphorical spring in his step, limped up to the bedroom on the second floor. The first thing he noticed when he entered was the irate and very wet vulture on his windowsill.

"Sorry, Faye, but there was some business that required my attention."

She gave him the look that said I heard everything going on downstairs.

"Some orders to give. It's the same thing." Finding a seat on the bed, he sat down. "Speaking of orders, have you carried mine out?"

She nodded.

"And I'm right?"

She nodded again.

"I see. That means that everything is, in fact, going according to plan." He considered this piece of information. "Because know what his motives are."

Another nod.

"And also that of the 'infestation' he's going to be creating an intractable stalemate with."

Yet another nod.

"Are you going to be doing anything else other than nodding?"

She nodded.

"What?"

She shook her head.

"Never mind. The point is, he doesn't know that I know a few things I shouldn't. That will turn out in my favour."

Faye eyed him curiously.

"For instance, I know that, first and foremost, he'll be going after the Elements. They are the means to achieve his end - and also the artifacts that will seal his fate, if they fall into the wrong hooves."

Coming to terms with it, she nodded slowly.

"He really doesn't care how the war goes so long as he gets ahold of the Elements. In fact," Ician snorted, "he'll be happy if a stalemate comes around. All too happy."

Faye made a face.

"But of course, neither I nor our little infestation friends want this. To try and force a quick end, the infestation will strike at all the key points first." He mused. "Their greatest threats are the mercenaries. They're going to try and disable the respawn points somehow, I can bet on that."

The vulture looked at him.

"But if anything even more certain, it's that the Mirror Pool will be history before they invade."

Faye adopted a quizzical expression.

"Right, you were never told, were you?" Ician chuckled. "I don't think many other ponies know either. Not even the mercs, if my suspicions of the Administrator wiping their memories are true."

She looked at him, as if to say What is it?

"The mercenaries' origins, of course." He explained. "Between RED team and BLU, one set of ponies - and yes, a zebra and a dragon - have turned into two. I borrowed one of Luna's unicorn research divisions for a little bit to investigate this possibility. As it turns out, there are traces of Pool magic on all the mercs we tested. Which is basically the whole BLU team."

The expression of confusion on Faye's face slowly changed into one of understanding.

"This doesn't prove that they're the clones." Ician quickly said. "It just proves that they've been in the Mirror Pool. My guess is that both the clones and the originals have had their memory wiped so as to ensure that nopony knew how the Administrator's been keeping this stalemate alive for so long - by equalizing talent distribution among both teams almost totally evenly." He chuckled. "That, and I bet both sides are convinced that the other's just a bunch of changelings."

She nodded.

"Speaking of changelings," Ician said, "let's get back to the original topic. The Mirror Pool's going to go. I don't know how they're going to do it, but they will. They'll probably use explosives to either cause a cave-in or wipe it out totally so nopony will ever be able to use it again."

She nodded again.

"This means that we have extremely limited number of troops - even more so if I can't get the Republic and the Empire to work together after their sovereigns' deaths - and two teams of mercenaries who hate each other to the core. The infestation, on the other hoof, have a nigh-infinite number of troops at their disposal and a doggedness borne of the need to survive." He turned to Faye. "What do you think the odds of our victory are?"

She raised her talon and made the best impression of a zero as she could.

Ician grinned broadly. "I like those odds."

Faye shook her head in exasperation.

"Relax." He nudged the vulture jokingly. "It's a bit too early on to determine if we're really going to lose or not. After all, every battle won increases the odds of overall triumph, even if only slightly. Zero percent becomes one, then two, then three..." A little chuckle escaped his lips. "Soon enough, our victory will be assured."

Her gaze exuded dissatisfaction.

"Not really against the changeling infestation." He added. "But very, very much so against the Administrator."

The look she gave him was one which expressed the need for explanation quite clearly.

"He thinks we're on his side. We're not."

Faye raised her eyebrow.

"He doesn't know that we know that his aims are not synonymous with my aims."

Her cluelessness displayed itself on her face.

Ician sighed. "At some point in time, he's going to turn against us. Probably when he gets the Elements, because then he'll be almost unstoppable, especially if we're still battling it out with the changelings.

"But," he continued, "he thinks he's already won. He thinks that nopony is smart enough to defeat him. And that's good, because we'll sneak right under his radar. Then, when the time is right..." Ician drew an imaginary line across his neck. "... That's one malformed miscreant less for Equestria to worry about."

Faye nodded.

"He thinks that the Pyro's interview was the beginning of the end. In fact, it was only the end of the beginning. The real battle starts now. He's going for a stalemate." Ician grinned. "But I'm going for the checkmate."

"Are the preparations finally complete?"

"They are, my queen. The army will march on your order."

"Excellent. So begins phase one of the master plan."

"Should we move out at once?"

"No. I've yet to tie up some... loose ends, shall we say."

"Ah. We will wait, then."

"Yes. In the meantime, prepare our forces for immediate action. And when I say immediate, I mean immediate. I plan to attack the second I've finished taking care of unfinished business."

"Of course, your majesty. Shall I take my leave now?"

"You may."

...

"Now, my dear sisters, it's time for a fond farewell. I'm afraid I can't let your Equestria stand in the way of my nation's survival. My changelings will feed, no matter what my feelings for the two of you are.

"Fortunately, the only feeling there is is spite.

"I'm going to have a lot of fun tearing your self-righteous plots off their thrones."

Compilation of Cross-Chapter Author's Notes

Here is where all the Author's Notes have gone. I moved them here to avoid breaking the immersion of any new readers who might read this story post-completion.

If you have already read the story, don't bother reading this chapter. There is nothing here but Author's Notes. (Unless you want to read it, of course, which is why this is here.)

Bonus: My Little Sentry

A/N: Like I said in my comment two weeks ago from the time of this chapter's publishing, the results for the Second Annual Saxxy Awards are out! My personal favourite was Story of a Sentry, followed by Bad Medicine. I've always been one for drama and sadness. Many feels were felt that day, which unfortunately distracted me from writing Meet the Heavy.

Anyway, I was thoroughly impressed by Story of a Sentry, so much that I decided to ponify it, which, if you'd read that comment I posted, the title of this chapter, and its first paragraph, should be rather obvious. If any of you want me to ponify other entries, just put it in the comments, and if there are enough votes for that entry, I'll ponify it. Preferably one of the finalists, because otherwise you'll have to provide me a link to the entry. Just keep in mind that that will delay my other chapters, especially since school is starting in about ten days' time, and I haven't started on finished my homework.

Warning: The ending (and a lot of the story) for this is different than the one for Story of a Sentry. It's different in about the same way that the Meet the Team shorts are different from their counterparts in this story. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also, there is a sad tag for this story. (Which is kind of obvious.)

I hope you enjoy my longest chapter yet (more than twice as long as any of the others) so hopefully that makes up for the two weeks of inactivity.

(At the bottom of My Little Sentry)

Well, that's it, folks. If I managed to make you sad, which I personally think unlikely, then I've done my job. Also, kudos to anyone who can figure out what I'm referencing with the Capture Point Crusaders. If you give up, click here. And you might also want to thank my good friend UtopianPencil on Steam for helping me edit my admittedly horrendous Microsoft Word-translated French in Meet the Heavy. It's different now, for all of you who checked it after I updated, which was on the Wednesday after I posted it, I think.

Anyway, Christmas is in two days. I hope this story makes you get into the holiday spirit of not sapping Engineer's sentry guns. Especially mine.

Happy holidays!

Meet the Medic (Part 1/2)

Now I know what you're thinking. "It's been so long already? Why do I get this really short part of a chapter?! Damn you're lazy!" This is, of course, the point where I object. This chapter is not short, by any means. I actually had to split in two because it got so long, and also because my good friend and editor UtopianPencil suggested that you, the audience, might get bored if this was too long. Bah! I still think it's fine. Of course, since there was the obviously very, very small chance that I was wrong (only about 99%, for your information), and also because I too lazy to write this all in one sitting, I split it for your reading pleasure.

So, enjoy! I promise part 2 will be up soon. As a matter of fact, I'm already almost done with it! Just so long as I'm not too lazy-

...Oh, right.

Yeah, keep your fingers crossed.

Meet the Medic (Part 2/2)

A/N: Well, here's part 2, just like I promised. Enjoy! Maybe a little late, but well, you know.

By the way, there is something at the end that you guys might not expect or like, but it'll be explained. Trust me.

(At the bottom of Meet the Medic (Part 2/2)

Remember what I said about that thing you guys might not like? Well, if you've watched PWaaMLPfim's Turnabout Storm, you'll find these circumstances very, very familiar.

Sorry.

Meet the Medic (Part 3/2)

A/N: Alright, so here's the explanation. I was actually supposed to put it at the end of the last chapter, but I was kind of rushing to get it out so it slipped my mind until a few days later. Since I didn't want to edit it as I wasn't sure if everyone would see it, I'm putting it here instead.

So, the reason why I split parts 1 and 2 up in the first place is because as a whole, it was getting too long. Imagine my surprise when I found out that part 2 became too long as well. So I split it in half again, thus part 3/2.

All good? Okay. I've rambled for long enough. On to the story.

That is all.

Author's Notes

Recently, I was watching the Meet the Team videos from Team Fortress 2, and I got an idea. That idea was to ponify all of those videos, putting the characters from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic into the shoes of the mercenaries.

Of course, these ponifications won't be exactly the same as the videos themselves. A conversion from a video to a story requires many changes, ~~but the stories should convey more-or-less the same message as the videos themselves~~ keep your fingers crossed. Also, the characteristics of the separate characters should be a kind of combination of the Equestrian and the original mercenary, although it will probably consist mostly of the Equestrian's characteristics.

Also, the mechanics of this world function the same way as TF2's: i.e. respawn points, what pretty much amounts to 'clones' of mercenaries on both teams (eg you've got a Sniper for RED and an identical Sniper for BLU) and so on and so forth. Don't get confused if you run into any of that. If you are confused, though, feel free to drop a comment below so I can pick it up and rectify it.

Finally, this story ignores any physical changes to the characters that occurred after the end of Season 2. Significant alterations, such as Twilight's alicornism, (that's really it, actually) will be addressed in the upcoming canon resolution chapter.

Okay, author's rant over. On to the stories!

(Final note: Most other non-essential Author's Notes are now in the chapter Compilation of Cross-Chapter Author's Notes because I needed to move them somewhere else other than in the chapters themselves.)

Sequel: PvP

'♫ Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon! And sleeping in the middle of a summer after- ♫'

click

"Hello, the Administrator speaking."

"This is Ician. Nice ringtone, by the way."

"Why thank you. Can you believe somepony wrote that song in my honour?"

"No, I can't. Anyway, I have important news."

"What? Did something go wrong?"

"No, everything went exactly as expected." A pause. "The Princesses are dead."

"Ah, wonderful!"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean... yes, it's a great pity. How unfortunate that it had to happen, right?"

"... Anyway, that means it's time to revive the dead mercenaries."

"I suppose so."

"Excellent. I've prepared a little briefing for them when they get back on their hooves. Trixie and I will get both teams up to speed."

"Trixie? Why her?"

"She bugged me to let her help. I gave in after a few days of her continued pestering."

"I feel your pain. Pinkie's done the same thing to me before."

"Ah, yes. Speaking of Pinkie, she and Twilight need to get their act together, and fast. Our little parasitic infestation has made its move."

"I see. We're looking at a battle of ponies versus parasites, don't you think?"

"... Wasn't that obvious?"

"No, no, see, I had to explain the title. It was a title drop of sorts, if you will."

"... What?"

"Sorry. Fourth wall business. Ignore it."

"... Right..."

"Anyway, it's about time to see who's fighting for the most worthy cause."

"... I don't get it. Aren't we?"

"So you think."

"Look, I see no link between what you just said and the rest of our conversation."

"You don't see a link? My bad. Here it is."

"... I'm well and truly lost now."

"Fourth wall business. Ignore it."

"... I've said everything I need to. Goodbye, Administrator."

"Yes, yes, goodbye, Ician."

click