A Hoof-Hikers guide to Equestria

by Tuseday Fraulein

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Adventure
Length: 415

A guide to almost everything outside your frount door

Have you ever been curious as to why any town you've been to always seems to have a farmers market on the day you arrive? Or perhaps you want to know why you just saw a moose paddle up stream in a canoe.

Well then, read my book. It will most likely (But in small probability) answer both these questions, and more!

(Do not read after dark, on drugs, or while wearing a pogo-stick on your head. Batteries not included, individual results may vary. Consult your doctor before using in aquatic environments)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-25 08:43:23 UTC

Prolouge

The Hoof-Hikers Guide to Equestria

Prologue

Equestiria is big, really big. One pony once tried to measure using only a pack of cards and ended up wasting his entire life; only to find that by the time he was done he had forgotten to turn his stove of. This may seem small to you and me. But when he returned his home was nowhere to be found.

A passerby told him this:

“The old coot that used to live there went off on some crazed adventure. About an hour later, or so the story goes, his house suddenly blew up for no real reason at all. Corse it wasn't till about 7pm that evening they found the source 3 blocks down in Miss Rosewood’s cabbage garden.”

It is, for this exact reason ponies everywhere now bolt anything heavier than a wooden chair straight to the floor.  And from this a pony thought the wonderful idea. What if, the pony thought, I gather all of these ideas and findings into one concise resource for all to find? And so here we are and the precipice of your journey to every little thing outside your front door

Just remember whatever you do

Don't panic.

One reader thought this was a mere mares tale. And that mare soon found himself lost halfway between a dessert and a jungle filled to the brim with some of the most venomous snakes in the world

[Some tips that may assist you in reading this book]

1) Do not read after dark on the 23rd day of march. There is a particular sub-species of Bacteria that thrive of this particular sharing of information. They will not kill you, but have been known to make ponies very, very, sick indeed

2) Always have your towel handy. It helps to wipe sweet form your eyes after you have read this for excessive amounts of time. No one likes a sweaty book.

3) Have a light snack on hand, like popcorn. (buttered is fine)

4) If the book offers you a coupon for Drayenn’s Buttjuice Pizza, don't accept it.

5) Never lend it to a friend

6) Never lend it to a friend who will then lend it to a friend

7) Never lend it to a dragon. Dragons are bunch of lying [yay], who would rather use it as toilet paper that actual

literature

And above all else, stay away from chapter 12. That chapter is a dirty chapter filled with dirty things.