Please criticize this story. I know it has more mistakes than a Swiss Cheese has holes, but criticize me. Now I know you want the story, so here.
Celestia stood outside looking at Discord. Once, they had been like brother and sister, just playing, carefree. Chaos could be good or bad, but he used it horribly, manipulating ponies and turning them on their friends. He deserved it... she thought. Nopony deserves to suffer, the way he made me suffer and Twilight. Twilight... Her loyal student, who had never betrayed her. She had never regretted taking Twilight under her very large wing. Celestia smiled. Twilight was always a joy to see.
She stopped thinking about Twilight. It made... weird thoughts come up. Like marriage. But that was gross. Twilight was her close friend and student, but that? Bleh. Too much. Celestia sighed. She could never marry, have foals, or anything like that. Her responsibilities were too great to think about having foals. She wanted to have foals more than anything. But that was not a path she could take.
Discord watched Celestia staring at him. It was almost like she could look into his thoughts. But she was off in la-la land. Somewhere in the carefree land of her thoughts he had never had.
Is that all you can do, Celestia? Stare?
But now his thoughts were all he had. A deep well of chaos and some other things, like mixed nachos. But mainly chaos, evil, disharmony, the works. Right now, her was trying to think of a plan to get out of this concrete deathtrap.
Come on, you silly mare. LOOK AT SOMETHING ELSE!
Discord had just about gone crazy. He needed a way to get out of here. So he started to think again. Really hard.
Celestia looked at Discord. He was stuck in that funny position. She giggled, then realized she was staring. She looked away.
She thought about the love stuff again. She blocked it out. Thought. Blocked. Thought. Blocked. " WOULD YOU KINDLY STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT STUPID LOVEY- DOVEY BUISNESS, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE ME FEEL WORSE!!!!!!!" Celestia calmed down. Actually, it had helped, she wasn't thinking about it anymore. Or even considering it.
Good. Very good.
Discord realized there was evil plan potenial right in front of him. It had hit him as soon as he actually statred thinking again. TURN LUNA INTO NIGHTMARE MOON! It was staring him in the face right now! Really. It was. Luna had come out.
You are a genius, Discord, a slick, handsome genius.
He looked at Luna. And concentrated. Really hard. Since he was a screaming concrete death trap, it was kind of hard to use magic or concentrate. Somehow he managed to do both.
Celestia could do nothing but watch as her sister, who had came out to talk with her was grabbed by a tendril of magic. Luna was pulled screaming into the air.
" LUNA!"
Luna looked at her in terror. " Help me!" Suddenly her screams died down to whispers.
"Help me."
Suddenly, her sister was no longer there, completely surrounded by an aura of dark magic. Then Luna fell, unmoving, to the ground.
"Luna? Luna!" Celestia rushed to her sister. But before she could get there, Nightmare Moon stood before her.
" Ha! Did you think you could subdue me? You will pay, Celestia!"
Celestia stood helpless.
Discord gazed at the scene. He couldn't have been more proud of his work.
Get her, Moony! Show her you mean buisness!
Then another thought hit him. If he could turn Luna, why not Celestia? It would be hard. But Celestia had never had an evil form. Was it possible to create one?
Then there was another thought. If he created Celestia an evil form, she could break him out! Better yet, he culd make her his evil slave. But she needed a name. Not Daymare Sun. Hmm... naming was hard.
Burning Angel!
He didn't know where it had came from. But it was perfect.
Thank you, unknown forces of chaos!
Now he would get to work.
Celestia flew as fast as she could. Nightmare Moon was behind her, but pretty far. If she could go to Ponyville and get the Element bearers... She made a landing near Golden Oaks. Twilight came rushing out. " Princess! What..." Celestia looked at her. " There's no time. Get the Element Bearers and meet me here." Twilight looked at her in confusion, then raced away. Celestia would have teleported to Ponyville but Nightmare Monn could have picked up the magic and gone with her. Twilight and her friends rushed to her with the Elements. " Now will you explain what..." They were gone.
The ponies landed on the castle floor. Applejack looked at Celestia. " Ah'm mighty confused, Princess. What in tarnation is goin' on here?" The other ponies had similar complaints. " It's Nightmare Moon." They all went outside.
The elements quickly restored Luna. But Celestia was too smart. " Hmm... was this a setup?"
