Storm cloudsView OnlineA silver liningStorm cloudsWhen I was just a little filly my mother always told me "Ditzy, don't let other ponies put you down, you may be different. But everpony's different. There's no fun in being the same". Up until now that has been my guiding light. But since mother passed away 3 years ago now, I’m forgetting what it was like to hear her say that. No other pony says it like her. I just don't believe it anymore. When I moved to Ponyville I tried to start a new life. Away from all of the troubles that my life back in Manehattan had. I found a job in the mail service! I made some friends! Unlike all of the other Pegasai in Ponyville I didn't want to live in Cloudsdale because I can't fly too well. I still sometimes visit, but my home is just outside of Ponyville. I really thought I found a new home here. I thought I was doing all right, Obviously not. I know I’m not the smartest pony around, or the prettiest, or the coolest. But I thought that I was all right. Ponies on the street would call me names; "Thick", "Dumb", "Stupid". I heard these on a regular basis, every time that I would deliver mail I would get yelled at from angry ponies form the ground below. Every time that I tried to apologise they all just raged on and on. I don't like it when ponies get mad. After each encounter I would try and pick myself up again. I put on my brave face until the day was over. Every night I would come back to my empty house and cry myself to sleep. Every night. This morning was no different to any other day. I put on my happy face, picked myself up, wiped away the tears and set off to work. It was a dark and stormy morning when I got up. No sun, at all. The rain made deep puddles in the pot holes on the road to work. As I walked down the road to Ponyville I stopped to think "why? Why go to work? Every day is the same" I looked out at the grey Ponyville and saw nopony walking around. I shrugged and continued along the winding road to Ponyville. Town was not too far away along the road. As I walked through the sea of closed doors and shut windows I approached Ponyville express. My work-place. I freed myself of the water that had accumulated on my coat and mane. I pushed the door open with my fore-hoof and walked in to the dimly lit reception. I felt a droplet of water slide down my face and nestle in the corner of my eye, making it look like a tear. I was use to the feeling so didn't wipe it away. I said good morning to the lady at the front desk and began to walk slowly to my office before being called to go to the manager's office. I felt butterflies in my stomach as I approached the glass door. I pushed it open and walked in. Fired. Finished. Over. The only reason he said was, that I had received too many complaints for delivering the wrong mail. So it looks like my days of mail delivery are over. I felt a tear well up in my left eye. I looked away from my boss and muttered a quiet "I'm sorry" then walked slowly out with my head hanging low and tears in my eyes. I walked past the receptionist not bothering to look at her and said "goodbye Mrs. hoof" before running out into the rain where nopony could talk to me. I began to walk along the winding road back to my house just outside of Ponyville. A carrage passed and went over a pothole and splashed me with cold and muddy water. Tears blurred my vision so I ran home to be alone. I burst through the door and threw myself onto the bed. I grabbed a pillow and started to cry like never before. Soon enough the pillow was wet. Even though it was only 11am I decided to get some sleep to try and forget about this horrible morning. I cried myself to sleep. Again. I woke up in the late afternoon, my eyes still red and wet from crying so much. I looked over at the clock. 3 pm. Great, what was I supposed to do for another 4 hours? I made myself some lunch and then went outside to try and forget about the day. I went for a slow walk in the park. Whenever ponies would try and talk to me I would just hang my head and keep on walking. I didn't feel like talking to anypony. An hour had passed and I thought of the one thing that may cheer me up. Muffins. I went over to sugar cube corner, still with a frown on my face. I approached the counter and was greeted by an overexcited Pinkie Pie "HELLO DER- I mean DITZY!" she yelled. "Hey, Pinkie" I said in a trying-to-be-nice voice. "What'll it be?" "Oh, just the usual" "Okie dokie loki!" She slid open the doors covering the sweet goods and pulled out one chocolate chip muffin. She put it in a brown paper bag and took the one bit I owed her. "See ya later Ditzy!" she said waving her pink hoof at me while I walked out of the shop. I held the brown bag in my mouth as I solemnly walked back home. I slowly opened the door of my house and walked into the kitchen. I opened the brown bag and began to eat the delicious chocolate chipped muffin. Usually when I eat muffins I enjoy them. This one however was different. It didn't make me happy. I just stayed sad. What would cheer me up? I began to think that I may never be happy again. I felt tears form in the corners of my eyes. I walked up stairs and decided to write about my events today, just to clear my mind. I have a journal where I write everything about my life. It's brown with a white lock and bubbles on the front. I opened the book and began to read through my more happy days here in Ponyville. Like the day where I didn't manage to deliver the wrong mail, that was a good day. As I read through the pages and pages of my life more and more tears began to fall from my face onto the paper, making it transparent and wet. I got to the last page and I picked up my quill and started to write about today. And that is what I just wrote about. I signed my named, grabbed the key and locked it. Hiding it away under my bed. Maybe when I feel better I'll read today again, maybe. It was 5pm now and I didn't want to go to any parties or night clubs tonight. I didn't feel up to it, to face other ponies. I just wanted to be alone. I tried to cook myself some dinner but of course, it ended up burnt. Like it almost always does. Celestia! can't I do anything right?! I slumped down on the floor and began to cry. Again. I didn't know that a pony could hold so much water. After a small puddle of tears was made on the floor I picked myself up and headed towards my bedroom up stairs. I fell asleep hungry. Maybe tomorrow will bring something better. Maybe it could even make me happy again. Maybe, just maybe.
Clearing skiesView OnlineA silver liningClearing skiesI woke up today feeling sad, hungry, and miserable. The pillow was wet; I was use to that happening. I decided to go down stairs to the kitchen to try and make myself breakfast to cure the raging hunger within me. I tried to make myself some toast but like always, I burnt it. I went through almost half a loaf of bread before I finally had some properly cooked toast and a pile of black, burnt toast on the ground. I ate the good toast and was about to head out to work before I remembered that I didn't have a job now. Every time that I thought of that It made me sad, thinking of his angry face made me sad. I shook my head, hoping that it would clear the image from my mind. It didn't. I decided that going outside would help clear it instead. I brushed my fuzzed mane straight and went out to the sunny day that was Wednesday. I went for a walk in the park but since it was sunny, everypony was there and I didn't feel like being around other ponies. Against my better thought I went towards the Everfree forest. No one ever went there. Perfect. I was walking through the bush hearing birds overhead and the rustling of bushes next to me, they didn't faze me, I just kept on walking. I didn't know exactly where I was going but I didn't care, as long as it was away from the hustle of town and other ponies. The forest floor was covered in poison joke which stood out from the pale brown dirt road. I made sure to stay away from that. Even though I wasn’t planning to see anypony in the next few days I still didn't want to look or sound ridiculous. I especially didn't want any pony to laugh at me while I am feeling this way either. I heard a very loud impact towards my left and jumped away. I flew above the tree tops in hopes to see what it was but the trees were too thick to see through. The only way to see what it was to go by hoof. I descended and landed on the ground. I slowly and carefully walked over to the source of the noise. Pushing back humungous leaves I found myself face to face with a brown haired blue eyed stallion. We both gasped at the same time and flinched back. After a short awkward silence he walked around me examining me "incredible, a horse! Where am I?" he said with accent that sounding like it should belong in Trottingham. "Ummm...Equestria?" I said puzzled looking at him while he was examining my wings. "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! you're a Pegasus! Is everyone here like this?" He said in an excited and fast paced voice. "Ummm...yeah, who are you?" There was a loud gasp as the brown stallion in front of me looked down at his hooves. "I HAVE HOOVES!? I'M A HORSE?!" He screamed looking at himself. "Yes? you are?" I said puzzled "what's wrong with that?" "NOTHING!" He said excitingly with a very large grin on his face. "This is incredible! Who are you?" "I'm Ditzy Doo, but most ponies around Ponyville call me Derpy...I don't like that it makes me feel stupid. You can call me Ditzy" I said softly looking away. I really didn't need to be meeting new ponies now. "Oh, ok, hello then...Ditzy? I'm the uh... Doctor!" He said proudly. "Hi Doctor" I said shyly while trying to back away slowly from the strange pony. "Now, Ditzy. I was wondering if you could help me?" "Umm, sure?" I said reluctantly "Good! I have no idea where I am, when I am, how I am, and why I am. I was wondering if you could show me around? " "Well, umm... ok..." I said eventually. Part of my conscience was telling me that it was a bad idea and that I didn't need a pony in my life and part of my conscience was telling me that this may be the thing I’m looking for to cheer me up. "Great! Thank you! Could we start now?" The Doctor asked inquisitively. "Sure" We started to walk out of the forest and towards Ponyville. We talked and talked and for the first time since yesterday. I felt happy. It was strange how this brown stallion made me feel. Coming out here and meeting him definitely was a good idea. We soon arrived in Ponyville and everypony was out still, buying apples and flowers at the many stalls that were on the side of the street. Ponies selling their produce and other ponies buying them. The Doctor could not keep his mouth shut. He was simply amazed at what to me seemed mundane. I showed him around Ponyville and all of the shops that were there. We spent an hour walking around Ponyville, seeing all of the tourist destinations, though there were not that many. We stopped in the park and he turned to me "Umm, Ditzy" he said awkwardly raising a hoof behind his head and scratching hismane. "yes Doctor?" I replied with curiosity. "It's almost sundown and I still don't have a place to stay" he said still scratching his neck "Oh, right...well...you can stay with me?" I offered him. "Really?! Thank you so much! That would amazing!" He said pulling me in for a hug. This was the first time in 3 years that I felt joy like that from a hug. Ever since my mother died I had not felt that warm and good. It was strange that a hug could feel that good. I walked around with the Doctor until 5 pm and by that time Celestia was about to lower the sun to make way for Luna’s moon. That was our cue to go back to my house. Down the road the sky above us was blood red fading to brilliant shades of orange and blue. If this was the Doctor's first sunset in Equestria his standards must have been set high. This was by far the best sunset I have seen in years. We finally reached my house by the time the sun had disappeared over the horizon. I welcomed the stallion into my home and showed him around. (Having a stallion in my house was a new experience to me, but there's always a first time for everything) I apologised to him that I didn't have a bed for him to sleep in,I have never had guests. He said that it was alright and that he could sleep on the couch. I brought some spare sheets down and gave them to him. He thanked me and I left him alone for the night. I retreated into my room, pulled out my diary and started to write. Dear Diary, Today was a surprisingly good day! I burnt 90% of my breakfast, but that was alright. I was feeling pretty sad so I started to walk around town to clear my head. There were too many other ponies around and I didn't want to talk to anyone. So I started to walk towards the Everfree forest to clear my head and get away from the town. When I got there I heard a really loud BANG! I flew up , I was scared but curiosity got the better of me. I walked towards the noise and found a brown haired blue-eyed stallion. In the woods, how strange. To make it even weirder he had a Trottingham accent. In Ponyville? odd. He asked me to show him around and I agreed. We walked around Ponyville and he could not stop staring at things in amazement. I don't know why. We didn't have a place to stay so I offered him to stay at my house. He was very grateful and now is downstairs on the couch. I call him 'Doctor' but I think I’ll start calling him 'Doc' once I know him better. He is really nice! I like him a lot! he's actually kind of cute- "Uhh Ditzy, where are the cups? I need a --" The Doctor said while opening the door. "GAHHH!!!!" I screamed, thrashed around and tried my hardest to hide my diary. I stuffed it under my pillow and gave a fast reply through rushed breaths "Ah, Ah, Ah...th...third draw from the left" I gave a cheesy smile to him to act as if nothing had happened. "Oh thank you, was I interrupting something?" he said almost apologetically. "Nonononono! nothing at all!" I said but my conscience was spammed with messages of ‘yesyesyes go away!’ "Oh good. Well thank you again, night!" He said and waved a hoof before going back downstairs. "Ah yeah, night!" I yelled back at him. I let out a long sigh and muttered "that was close". I picked up my diary again and resumed writing... ...I'll see if I can hold on to him for a while. Get to know him better. I haven't cried tonight which is nice for a change. I think that meeting 'Doc' has been good. Thank you Doctor for making me feel happy again. xx Ditzy Doo I closed the brown book and locked the lock. I hid it under the bed and pulled up my covers to go to bed. I blew out my candle and drifted off into a happy sleep, for a change.
Clouds are comingView OnlineA silver liningClouds are comingIt's been a week since the Doctor and I awkwardly met in the middle of the forest. We have really been 'hitting it off'. He has been staying at my house each night and he is still sleeping on the couch. I really like it having another pony in my life. It makes me feel less alone. this is the happiest I have been in 3 years. I have been 'granted permission' to call the Doctor "doc". I think he likes it when I call him that. I've seen him blush, heavily a few times when I say his name. He and I go for walks every day in the park. We talk, sit down, have lunch and do almost everything together. No other ponies take notice of us two which is nice. I don't feel like any attention except from him. We have really gotten close in the past few days. I think that I like him, like really like him. I think he likes me too. I made up my mind that when he comes downstairs for breakfast I’ll tell him how I feel. I got breakfast ready and this time I didn't burn any! Doc showed me a few tricks to make sure I didn't burn anything anymore. When he came down stairs he said with his normal cheery voice "Good morning Ditzy!" like he always does. I felt myself blush when I heard his voice. "Hey Doc! How did you sleep?" I replied in my morning voice. I turned to face him and was greeted with his handsome, warm smile. I smiled in return. "What's for breakfast Ditzy?" He said pulling me in for my good morning hug. I melted a bit inside, I don't know why but his hugs are different from any other pony's. They're almost, warmer. After a long, quiet hug I replied with a simple "toast!" flapping my wings a bit. I was excited because I usually burn it, but this time I got it on the first go. We sat down at that small circular island in the middle of the kitchen. We sat across from each other like we have done for the past week. I stared at him and his eyes; they were as blue as the sky, strange because he is an earth pony and not a pegasai. I've never seen any other pony with deeper eyes than his. I sat and contemplated about when I should tell him, the more I thought about it the more my heart raced and the more I blushed. I finally decided, In the park for our morning walk, that's when. It's nice there, outside, usually quiet. Perfect. I started to think how I should tell him about my feelings; I became more and more nervous as time passed. I must have been day dreaming because it was about a minute later that Doc interrupted my thoughts. "Uhh, Ditzy? you ok?" He said waving a hoof in front of my wall-eyed face. "Wh...wha...what? Oh, ye...yeah, fine! I’ll get the toast!" I said slowly coming back to reality. "Ah, ok thank you" I went over to the bench and grabbed the plate of toast. I set the golden toast on the plate. I picked the butter from the fridge and spread the butter on the toast. I turned back to the fridge to get the zap apple jam. Usually by the time I turn back to the toast, the butter would have melted. This time it didn't. I checked the toast with my hoof. Stone cold. I must have dozed off for well over a minute. Oops. I grabbed another two pieces of toast and carefully put them in the toaster, making sure that they were perfectly in the middle of the slots. I pressed the bar down slowly. The red light flicked on and I knew that I was safe, job done! I turned back to the Doctor and sat back down at the table. We talked about his life and what he did. I didn't really listen; I just liked to watch him talk. I drifted off into my thoughts about the Doctor. This was common for me to do. I did it often in the past week. I didn't do this to any other pony but Doc was different. I liked him. A lot. "umm, Ditzy...The toast is on fire" The Doctor said waving a hoof in front of my blank face. He pointed to the smoking toaster. "Wh...wha...what? Oh" I looked behind me and saw the black smoke rising from inside the toaster. "Ahh!" I screamed rushed over and popped the toast up. Black. It crumbled in my hooves. I turned back to Doc and said with a cheesy smile "sorry Doc, looks like we'll be going out for breakfast" "Oh, ok. Better get going then!" He said in his funny trottingham voice. We set out to go into town. It was a cloudy day in Ponyville. There were a lot of big clouds covering the light blue sky, blocking out the sun. It wasn't raining but it looked as if it might do later in the day. I shrugged and started to walk down the road towards Ponyville. I led him to the local cafe in the middle of a very busy Ponyville. We sat down at the table and ordered our breakfast. I had a dandelion sandwich and Doc had a bowl of hay. We ate our breakfast in peace and talked about a lot of different things. Mostly about his life though. I didn't doze off like I did usually, I really wanted to have a conversation, and I needed to tell him something. We finished our breakfast, paid and went into the park for our daily walk. The ark was quiet today, only four or five ponies walking around. This was nice; it made everything seem more private. We stopped at a bench and started to talk. He thanked me again for giving him a place to stay and a couch to sleep on. I turned down my ears and faced away to blush. "It's ok Doc" Is all I managed to say. I needed to tell him about my feelings, but I couldn't mouth the words. Every time that I would start to say it I would freeze up and become stiff. The butterflies in my stomach weren’t helping either. I had to tell him soon otherwise it would be too late. I thought to myself ‘Ditzy, you can't let this go. This may be your only chance. You have to tell him. Now or never’ I opened my mouth to speak.
Cloudy weatherView OnlineA silver liningCloudy weather"Doc..." I said slowly and quietly not facing him. "Yes Ditzy?" He said turning to face me with a small smile. "I...I...I need to say something" I began to say slowly. "Yes?..." He said urging me to go on. He moved his head slightly towards me. This closeness would usually make me feel more comfortable. Not this time. This was different. "I...I...well...well, over the past week I have really become close to you" I said slowly and quietly. Tears started to form in my eyes. I blinked hard and away from him to try and hide it. He edged me to go on by saying "Yes?..." "well, I...I...I think that I like you..." I said slowly, still facing away from him. "I like you too Ditzy" he said reassuringly. "...more than a friend..." I continued slowly in a hushed voice, turning slowly to face him. There was a long silence. Neither of us spoke. Until Doc broke the silence "uh...I...I...I don't know what to say..." He said trying to process what I had just said. He turned to me with an expression of confusion. I returned his stare with my own filled with watery eyes. We looked at each other for a long time. Silence. I couldn't take it anymore. I leapt up off of the bench and started to run, I didn't know where but I just needed to get somewhere. Away. I reached the end of the park and I could barely see because of the tears in my eyes. I knew the basic direction of home so I ran. I bumped into people while running through the streets in Ponyville. I didn't bother to stop and apologise like I normally do, I was in too much of a rush. I just wanted to get home. I needed to be somewhere safe. I burst through the door of my house making the whole house shake and letting out a very loud 'BANG'. I slammed the door behind me and ran upstairs to my room. I locked the door behind me and threw myself onto the bed. I grabbed a pillow and cried into it, making the whole pillow wet with tears. I sat on my bed thinking about what I had said. My mind was full of regret, frustration and confusion. The only image in my head was of Doc looking at me with those wonderful big blue eyes and killing me with his look of disbelief and confusion. I cried and cried for about an hour, I could not shake the image of Doc from my head no matter how hard I tried. By the time I looked at the clock it was already 3pm. I wanted to be happy again, but the only happiness I had found so far was to be with the Doctor. I couldn't face to see him again after what had happened in the park. I decided to read through the happier times with the Doctor in my journal. Maybe that could help me face him and apologise. Maybe. It was worth a shot. I reached under my bed and pulled out the pale brown book. I searched for the key under my pillow and eventually found it in the pillow case. I unlocked my secret book and the memories started to flow back. I flicked through majority of the book and found the section about the Doctor. I found one of last Friday, two days after we met. I read through it. Dear diary, Today was Friday and I had the Doctor with me, so I was happy. We started the morning off with him teaching me how to cook without any disasters. Note: don't look away...ever. After many burnt pieces of toast and a lot of laugher we went outside for a walk in the park. The park wasn’t too busy, so we found a bench and sat down and talked. It was nice to talk to him. Talking to him is different than talking to any other pony. I don't know why, but he makes me feel happier. After a lovely talk in the park we decided to grab some lunch. We went to sugar cube corner and spoiled ourselves with sweets. I had a chocolate chip muffin and Doc had a custard tart. My muffin was delicious! After lunch/afternoon tea we went back to my place and played one of my favourite games - Monopony. I forgot to collect my bits when going past go, so I lost. like I always do. But it was fun! we shared a lot of laughs and it made me feel really happy inside. When we finished and packed up it was time to hit the hay. Or really just go to sleep. I don't see why other ponies hit hay before they go to bed, there's no point. Maybe it's just to make them tired. Oh well! We said our goodnights and went our separate ways. Well I’m tired (even if I didn't hit the hay) goodnight doc! xx Ditzy Doo I cried when the memories of that day came back to me. That was a good day, filled with laughs and joy. I let out a rather large sigh and flicked through some more days to try and make myself feel better. I found a page and when I turned it a tear fell from my eye onto the page, staining the cream paper, spreading the ink around the droplet making it harder to read. The page I found was from Monday, two days ago. I read on. Dear diary, Today was another good day with the Doctor! it's been five days now since we met and we have become really close. I didn't burn breakfast today so that was good! Not even one slice of toast! So we had our breakfast and then went about our morning routine of walking and talking in the park. The park was busy today! A lot of ponies out and about. It was a sunny day today! So everypony in Ponyville was out enjoying the sunshine. The weather pegasai said that there was rain due tomorrow so everyone tried to get as much sun as possible before it was going to be taken away. We went back home for lunch and the Doctor made me lunch for a change. He is such a better cook than me! his special talent should be in cooking! He made a lovely salad for the both of us. We ate it and talked. It was really nice. After lunch we walked around Ponyville and I showed him all of the sites around. We went to the clock tower and read up on the history there. We then stopped off at the library where we got a book of history so that Doc could learn about Ponyville! We came back home late at night since we went to another one of Vinyl's parties in the Everfree stadium. Doc really enjoyed that. We both were very tired so we went to bed. Goodnight Doc! xx Ditzy Doo I cried some more when I read that passage. I remember seeing the joy on his face when we were at the party. But the only image in my mind was the look on his face when I told him about my feelings. I just could get it out of my head. I had butterflies in my stomach and not the nice kind. Maybe they were wasps? I looked at the clock - 7pm. I wondered where he was. I stared out to a beautiful night sky. Ponyville was lit up and Caterlot was glowing faintly in the distance. I wonder where Doc is, I just hoped that he was alright. I hoped that he would come back home...here.
Clear skiesView OnlineA silver liningClear skiesAs I looked out into the distance towards Canterot I was thinking about the Doctor. Where was he? What was he doing? Is it over? The word 'over' stuck in my head and made me feel worse. I didn't want our friendship to be over. Did we have something special? A million questions were clouding my conscience. I lay on my bed and just hoped that he would come home. As I read through more happy passages in my diary I became more and more worried about the Doctor and his safety. I didn't want to think that I could possibly never see him again. I couldn't bear to think of something so tragic. This is the exact feeling as when my mother died 3 years ago. It's strange. I feel such a close connection to him. Is it because I love him too? Love. Love is a strong word that I only used to ponies the closest to me. Actually, the only pony I have said it to was to my mom. I thought about if I did really love the Doctor for a long time. I went through everything that we did together, how he made me feel and about how I think about him constantly. I think that it's true. I do love Doc. I sighed and accepted the fact that he would probably never love me. I cried into my pillow again, making it wet with tears, again. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I perked up, wiped away my tears just to have them come straight back. I went close to the door. I stood behind the shut door and asked "Wh...who...who is it?" softly in-between gasps. There was a faint reply from beyond the door "Uhh, Ditzy it's me...Doc...can I come in? I need to talk to you" He said the last few words slowly and carefully. I reluctantly opened the door and let the Doctor in. He walked in with his eyes slightly down. He looked at me a gasped "Oh! Ditzy! Are you alright?!" He said looking at my red eyes and wet cheeks. "ye...yeah...fine..." I said eventually. The Doctor walked me over to my bed and moved away the soaking wet pillow to reveal a dry, yellow sheet. He sat me down and he sat next to me. He began the conversation. "Ditzy, about earlier today..." He said looking at me. I turned my ears down in embarrassment and looked away squeezing my eyes shut. He carried on talking "...The reason why I acted like I did was well...I didn't expect you to be so..." He trailed off, searching for the right word to say. He carried on "...but...No, no, no that's not the right word" I gave a small and apologetic "sorry" and a little laugh after. He smiled, put his hoof around my shoulder. The comfort soon flooded back to me. I felt warm to be in his arms. He carried on "If only you would have stayed longer. I would have told you..." He paused for quite a while looking at my pulling my head to get my attention and meet his sight. He said in a slow voice "I feel the same way..." There was a silence. We then suddenly embraced and felt the warmth of each other’s arms. I felt his heart pounding against my chest. He pulled away and looked at me with big soft eyes. "I love you Doc" I said in a soft and caring voice. "I love you too Ditzy" He replied in a caring voice. We embraced again, this time for longer. We stayed on my yellow bed for a long time. Talking, hugging and laughing. We both looked at the clock - 10pm. "Wow, it's getting late Ditzy, how about we get some shut-eye" He said while pulling back the covers on my bed. He winked cheekily at me. "Ok Doc" I said sliding into bed with him. "Night" "Night" We closed our eyes and drifted off into sleep. Today was a good day.
